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It had been a long time since Kohga felt this lonesome. He was well aware of the fact that, if he wanted, he could take… comfort in any other loyal member of the Yiga Clan. They would jump from cliffs into a roaring sea if he told them to. So of course, a night spent in his bed, or even just a day spent at his side would be considered an honor. And yet, when the thought crossed his mind, it disappeared just as quickly as it had occurred. Kohga knew it would be a fruitless endeavor. If anything, keeping another by his side would only deepen his loneliness- only remind him of who it was he missed so much in the first place.
The situation was… pathetic, really. Sooga, Kohga’s right hand man, most trusted confidant, and closest friend, was off on a mission. These days, it was rare for Sooga to leave Kohga’s line of sight for more than a few hours. But an urgent problem had arisen that required his expertise. What was meant to be a simple excursion against a Gerudo outpost had gone horribly awry, so Sooga left to join the fray, hoping to bring a swift end to the failed mission without costing the Yiga any more lives.
He had been gone for three days now. And in those three days, Kohga’s heart began to ache for his right hand man. To hear the soothing rumble of his husky voice, to have someone to ramble at, knowing full well the other would hold his every word like a precious secret. To have someone to share his seemingly endless workload with. Hell, Kohga even began having dreams centered around Sooga. While the occasional fantasy about the Blademaster would manifest while he slept, these dreams… were different from that. They were so mundane, it would normally be boring. Yet every time Kohga awoke from these dreams, he found his heartache only worsened. To add insult to injury, Sooga should have been back by now. Kohga, as uncharacteristic as it was, found himself worrying.
So there he sat, staring down the countless papers that were stacked atop his desk, unable to do anything but think about his right hand man. It was absolute torture. Kohga was starting to wonder how much longer he could take it.
“Master Kohga!!!” Another member of the Yiga Clan suddenly burst through the door, snapping Kohga from his thoughts. He recognized the voice as that of Aligha. They were one of the younger Yiga, having only earned their mask a year or two ago. Kohga knew them well, better than most other members of the Yiga Clan. He certainly knew them well enough to know that it wasn’t like them to come barging into his office without knocking. Something urgent must have happened. “They’re back!!”
They didn’t need to say anything more than that. He was out of his seat faster than you can say ‘banana’. But instead of allowing Kohga to run off and reunite with his right hand man, Aligha grabbed him by the arm before he had a chance to cross through the threshold of the doorway. He stopped, of course, and was just about to give them an earful… But they spoke first.
“I’m terribly sorry, Master Kohga…” Their voice softened in a way that made Kohga fear for the worst. “Of the fifteen that were originally sent out… Only four came back. They’re all in the clinic, including Commander Sooga…”
Kohga felt his heart drop. Out of fifteen, only four came back. Out of fifteen, eleven died. And Sooga- he was injured. Badly. He always refused to go to the clinic, choosing to dress his own wounds instead. For him to even be there, his injuries must have really taken a toll on him.
Aligha was still holding Kohga’s arm, though their grip loosened. “The nurse said they’ll all be okay, they just need time to heal. Especially Commander Sooga. I don’t mean to worry you, but from what I saw, he got the worst of it…”
Kohga let out a shaken sigh. A sigh of relief that Sooga was still alive. A sigh of sorrow, for those who had been injured, and especially for those who had been killed. A sigh… simply to exhale, for while Aligha delivered the news, Kohga had been holding his breath with nervous anticipation.
"...Right, okay." He finally breathed. "Okay. I'll go down to the clinic, check on Soogie, make sure everyone is alright. Then I'll have to… talk to the rest of the Clan. Honor everyone we lost…" Kohga was rambling. Aligha was well aware that was something he did with Sooga. Speaking his thoughts out loud helped him keep them organized, especially when the person he was speaking to had a memory as sharp as his blades. Except now, instead of talking with his usual passion and energy, Kohga sounded… nervous. Scared, even.
"Would you like me to accompany you, Master Kohga?" Aligha asked, sensing his overwhelming stress.
"That…. Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks, short stack," Kohga chuckled softly to himself at the nickname, and Aligha let out an exasperated sigh. The two of them were still worried, of course, but Kohga's light teasing alleviated some of the weight off their shoulders. Enough to make the walk from Kohga's office to the clinic somewhat tolerable, despite the silence that lingered between them.
When they finally arrived at the clinic, the nurse was already at the door waiting for them. "Ah, Master Kohga," she bowed briefly. "I know you wish to see Commander Sooga and the others, but… with all due respect, I must ask that you please keep your voice down. My patients need their rest if they are to get better anytime soon."
"Oh- uh, of course," he nodded. Usually he didn't take kindly to being told what to do by anyone other than Sooga, but this was a special case.
In a single fluid motion, the nurse simultaneously stepped to the side and pulled back the curtain separating the medical bay from the hall. Before entering, Kohga steeled himself. The injured Yiga would need someone to look to for support, someone to alleviate their worries. If Kohga seemed even the slightest bit off, it would surely make their mental states worse. He had to keep up the act that things were fine- that this whole incident would blow over, and things would soon be back to normal.
So when Kohga finally stepped foot inside, he was relieved to find they were asleep, all four of them. Resting, just as the nurse prescribed….. Except, Sooga hadn’t been counted amongst those four, since he wasn’t originally a part of the mission. And he was very much awake, despite his current state. The Blademaster was covered in bandages, by now bloodied and in need of replacing. And despite the dividers that blocked each patient’s view of the person next to them, Sooga still had his mask on. Kohga could only tell he was awake by the way he slightly shifted toward him.
“Master…. Kohga.” His voice was strained, as though it hurt just to speak.
And that was all it took. Kohga’s composure broke. He abandoned all thoughts of pretending things would be normal, rushing to Sooga’s bedside. He stopped just short of throwing himself into Sooga’s bandaged chest, remembering both their current relationship, and that the other was still hurting. But by Calamity Ganon, did he desperately want to.
“Soogie! What-...” Once again, Kohga stopped himself short. He wanted to ask what exactly happened, what led to so much death and hurt. But making Sooga recount the situation so soon, while still trying to heal from his physical injuries, seemed like a bad approach. “Nevermind… How are you feeling?” Kohga carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.
“I….” Sooga thought over his words, as he always did. Or perhaps he was hesitating. It was hard to tell. “I have been worse,” He finally concluded.
“Well- yeah. But you could be a lot better.”
“Master Kohga, you need not worry about me-”
“Need not worry, my ass!! I-”
A sharp and sudden “Shh!” came from just outside the curtain, presumably from the nurse.
“Right, my bad.” Kohga turned back to his right hand, his voice now much softer. “But… Sooga, it’s kinda late to be telling me not to worry. I’ve been worrying since you didn’t come back after the first day!”
Sooga was always hard to read. Unlike Kohga, he didn’t express himself much through body language. Over the years, Kohga had learned to discern some of his moods by the tone of his voice. But when Sooga went quiet… well, it was damn near impossible to tell what he was thinking.
“Then…. I offer you my sincerest apologies, Master Kohga. I did not mean to worry you.”
There was silence for a moment. Silence from Sooga, while he awaited the other’s response. And silence from Kohga, as he tried to wrap his head around why Sooga would be apologizing, of all things. He hadn’t even done anything wrong! Thankfully, after a moment, Kohga managed to find his words. Words that didn’t involve him screaming at the top of his lungs out of frustration (as he normally would be doing by this point).
“....Alright. Sure, I'll accept your apology under one condition: you gotta let me help you. No questions asked!”
Sooga pondered Kohga’s “offer” for a moment. Not that there was much to ponder. Sooga would quite literally rather die than deny Kohga. “...Very well,” he finally responded.
"Good! Now, first things first, these-" Kohga gestured at the used bandages. "-have gotta go."
Sooga gave a curt nod before trying to sit up. He grunted as he slowly brought himself to an upright position. It was clearly a painful transition, so Kohga moved to assist him, allowing the Blademaster to lean against his side rather than push himself up. Soon, he was sitting upright, leaning against the back of the bed.
"Thank you, Master K-"
"Nope! Nope, I am not accepting any thanks, or any more apologies!"
"Understood…"
Satisfied with that answer, Kohga moved on. He grabbed the roll of bandages sitting on the bedside table, placing them closer to himself before he reached for the old bandages Sooga wore. Just before he touched the Blademaster, he stopped.
"Let me know if anything hurts, alright?"
Sooga hummed, giving a small nod. But even so, Kohga found himself growing nervous. Nervous, because he didn't want to cause any more pain for his right hand, and nervous because-... well, that wasn't something he wanted to think about right now.
"...Y'know Soogie, you really keep this place running," Kohga began talking as he unwrapped the bandages, mainly as a means of distracting himself. "I mean, yeah, sure. I'm the leader. The best damn leader there ever was, but… I don't think I'd be able to be the best leader without you."
As more bandages fell away, the injuries Sooga had sustained revealed themselves. A deep slash across his chest. Scrapes, cuts, and blotchy purple and green bruises were littered across his normally dark brown skin. But the worst of it was revealed when Kohga undid the bandages on Sooga’s arm. From the tips of his fingers, all the way up to his shoulder, a dark and jagged scar reached across his skin. It wasn’t like any scar Kohga had seen before. It was dark purple, almost to the point of being black, and the patterning of the injury reminded him of lightning.
Sensing his Master’s unease, Sooga spoke before he had a chance to start rapid firing questions. “Nurse Yarrow told me it is something called a Lichtenberg scar, though… it is not really a scar. It will fade within a few days time.”
Under the mask, Kohga’s mouth was agape with shock. For the second time within the past hour, it took conscious effort for Kohga to gather his words. “But-... what about the pain? Does it still hurt??”
“...It does, yes. And I imagine it will for quite some time.”
“Sooga, what-.... What happened??”
The Yiga leader reached out to take the Blademaster’s hand in his own, but stopped. Sooga said it still hurt, and it wasn’t hard to imagine how touching the scar might make the pain worse. But it didn’t matter. The gap between their hands closed, and despite how much it must have hurt, Sooga had been the one to take Kohga’s hesitant hand. Kohga’s eyes widened at the gesture, but of course, the Blademaster couldn’t see that.
“Our estimations were off,” Sooga began. His hand was so cold. “We expected perhaps a dozen or so Gerudo soldiers, nothing more. There were… much more than that. They had Hylian soldiers as well.”
“But that doesn’t explain this!” Kohga gently placed his other hand over Sooga’s.
“The Gerudo Chief was there. I fought her for some time, but…” Sooga sighed, looking down at his lightning scarred arm. “I was not strong enough to defeat her.”
Kohga’s first reaction was rage. Boiling, bubbling rage that threatened to spill over with angry shouts and acts of violence against the nearest inanimate object. His breathing became ragged, his blood ran hot, he wanted to punch the lights out of that Gerudo bitch–
Another cold hand brought him back from his moment of blind rage. The hands of both the Yiga leader and the Blademaster were now sandwiched between each other. His eyes met the single, unblinking, unwavering eye of Sooga’s mask. Kohga couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled his hands away from Sooga’s, reaching to undo the straps of his own mask.
“Master Kohga-”
“Sooga, I need you!” He suddenly blurted out, cutting off whatever his right hand was about to say. “And I don’t think you understand. Sure, you do a lot of work around here, probably more than I do,” Kohga’s eyes began to glaze over with tears. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. You-... You’re like the light of my life. The banana to my peel, the sand to my desert… y’know? I wouldn’t be the great Master Kohga without you.”
The tears were falling now, and Kohga couldn’t bring himself to look at Sooga’s cracked mask. “So when you come back from a mission, electrocuted and- and beaten half to death, what am I supposed to do!? And what if next time, you don’t-... what if you don’t come back?”
Silence hung in the air, broken only by Kohga’s quiet hiccups as he cried. Normally he would have regretted taking off his mask, but… it did feel nice to finally tell Sooga how he felt, even if it was only a fraction of his true feelings.
“I… I did not mean to worry you, Master Kohga.”
“I know you didn’t. Just be more careful for me…please?”
Kohga finally found the strength to look back up at his right hand, only to find that during the time he had been rambling, Sooga had…
He had taken his mask off.
A once deep cut that healed over years ago was now a faded scar over his eye, though the eye itself was still a hazy white. His other eye was the color of black coffee. Save for that one mark, Sooga’s skin was a smooth hickory brown. And with his mask off, his long hair had free reign to drape around his face and over his shoulders.
Kohga’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of his right hand man. His impossibly gentle eyes clashed with a stern expression as he once again took Kohga’s hand in his own, gaze unwavering.
“Master Kohga, I swear I will do my best to remain unharmed from here on out. I… did not think it would upset you so.”
The sincerity of his voice, the hand holding his own, caused Kohga to break down once more. Fresh tears spilled across his cheeks. “I think… upset is a bit of an understatement,” he sniffled.
Sooga seemed to consider the situation for a moment. His serious demeanor melted away into concern for his Master. “...I apologize if this is… too much.”
Before Kohga had a chance to ask what Sooga was talking about, a cold hand came to rest on his cheek. Despite the rough calluses that were traced along the Blademaster’s palm, it was…. Comfortable. Soothing. Especially when Sooga rubbed his thumb across Kohga’s cheek, wiping away his tears. The Yiga leader closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into the touch despite the small part of his mind that still worried about being so intimate with his right hand man.
His eyes only opened once he had calmed down. “...I thought I told you I don’t want any more apologies.” Despite his mild scolding, Kohga gave the Blademaster a soft smile.
“You did, yes. I would apologize for disobeying orders, but…” Sooga chuckled softly, and Kohga finally got to see his smile. His relaxed, casual smile that radiated comfort and warmth. For half his life, it was a sight Kohga feared he would never get to see. He couldn’t help but smile back fully.
“Alright, alright. Let's finish getting you patched up.”
Sooga nodded, and the two fell into comfortable silence for a while as Kohga got to work. After applying bandages on the other’s arm, Kohga looked up, if only to see his beautiful face again. Only to realize that the Blademaster had already been looking at him. Back in his usual habits, Kohga found himself blurting out words he would immediately regret saying.
“See something you like, big guy?”
Only, unlike usual, it was much harder for Kohga to play it off as a joke. His face turned a dark shade of red. A shade of red Sooga could see now. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.
“I mean- uh. Of course you do! I’m the great Master Kohga, after all! But that’s not to say you’ve got, like- a thing for me! Or anything!” Kohga was digging himself into a hole, but he couldn’t stop anxiously rambling. “But it’s alright if you do, because who wouldn’t? But I’m assuming you’re don’t because, y’know-”
“Master Kohga.”
The Blademaster’s deep, soothing voice cut right through his spiraling tangent. “Uh… Yeah?”
“How would you feel if I was attracted to you?”
Stunned silence took hold of Kohga once again, and this time, Sooga could see his surprised expression clear as day.
“Well-... Most of the clan thinks I’m hot stuff, so what’s one more? I, uh…. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”
Sooga’s expression went sour. “That is exactly the issue. I am your right hand, not just one more member of the Yiga Clan. I should be better than this. And yet, you have caught me ogling you like some-... degenerate.” It quickly became obvious to Kohga that Sooga wasn’t mad at him. No- Sooga was mad at himself. That, and he had essentially just confessed his attraction to the leader of the Yiga Clan. Something like that took a lot of courage, even for someone like Sooga.
Kohga was at a crossroad here. He very well could let things go back to normal, back to how they had always been. He could tell Sooga to pretend this conversation ever happened, and he would…. Or, Kohga could confess. Really confess. It was obvious the Blademaster had feelings for him, something Kohga doubted for years now. And telling Sooga those feelings were reciprocated may help ease his mind about the situation. After all, he would feel bad leaving Sooga’s confession hanging out to dry while keeping his own feelings safely tucked away… But it would change things between them. Forever.
“Sooga… Let me ask you this: do you think I’d let just anyone be my right hand man? Do you think I’d let just anyone carry me to bed when I get too drunk, or rescue me when I get in over my head?”
“Of course not.”
“Exactly! You’ve been by my side for…” Kohga did some counting on his fingers. “What, twenty years now? And you’d think after twenty years, we’d be sick of each other. But we’re not! I’d even go so far as to say we’ve gotten closer. But… not as close as I would’ve liked.”
Sooga’s eyes widened, though he said nothing, allowing Kohga to continue.
“I-... I’ve always had a thing for you, Sooga. And sure, sometimes somebody else would catch my eye for a minute. But you were always the one I really wanted. I was just worried that if I told you, it would… y’know, ruin this. Ruin what we’ve been for the past two decades.”
“I would never leave your side, Master Kohga.” Sooga took the other’s hand once again, holding it tight. “Even if I did not feel this way about you, I would not abandon you.” His gaze was so direct, so determined, it was impossible for Kohga’s mind to give him any more doubt.
“...I know, Soogie…. I know.”
They remained like that for a while, their fingers intertwined in comfortable silence, Eventually, Kohga finished bandaging Sooga’s wounds, and they spoke a few quiet words during that time. As much as he hated to, once he was finished, Kohga had to take his leave. He was still the leader of the Yiga Clan, after all. He had to address the tragedy of losing so many of their people, as well as catch up on the work he had been neglecting since Sooga left. But he could at least take solace in knowing he wasn’t alone. Or rather- in knowing he had never been alone to begin with.
The Yiga Clan would mourn those they lost. Sooga would always have the scars he sustained from battle, and even if the Lichtenberg scar would soon fade, he would be carrying the pain it brought for months to come. But they wouldn’t mourn alone, and Sooga wouldn’t recover alone.
It is true that some scars don’t heal.
But most do.