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Kaveh did not remember falling asleep that morning, but he remembered curling up against Haitham, drowsy in Haitham’s bed, full of his scent and completely tired out. He remembered leaving bite marks all over Haitham’s back, and in places where it would not show, he bit harder, encouraged by the low, heady moans Haitham released from the sensations of being bitten.
Now, he buried his head into the pillows, wondering how those pillows came back to the bed when he vaguely recollected they had kicked every single one down onto the floor (along with three books) and he flung a arm out, hoping to catch an armful of Haitham but instead, his hand flopped down hard on the bed.
Haitham’s side of the bed was empty.
Kaveh rolled over, laying on his stomach for a while, sniffing at the sheets and pillows. His arms and hands were still covered in random strips of medicated plasters, and there was still a heaviness set in his head - the aftermath of not sleeping for many nights. But that adrenalin still peaked in him, and his spirit felt strangely light despite the physical weariness.
The door creaked.
Haitham walked in, wearing nothing save for his usual thin blanket over his shoulders - and those shoulders were bitten and red; his hair was mussed, and there was still a slight sleepiness in his eyes. In his hands, two cups of hot coffee which he set down on the cabinet next to his bed.
Kaveh reached out, not for coffee, but to caress Haitham’s hip, stroking fingers down the jut of bone. Oh, he was exhausted but the sight of Haitham, naked, marked all over, a blossom trail of bites down his chest - Kaveh swallowed down a hasty need to leap up, and push Haitham down onto the bed. His erection was already hard-pressed against the bed and he felt embarrassed for a moment, and thus laid on his stomach instead of rolling over.
Haitham’s hand caught Kaveh’s trailing fingers instead, and he came back to the bed, sliding a knee on the mattress first, and another, his thighs widening slightly and quite appealing to Kaveh’s line of sight.
“You’re not getting up then?” Haitham asked, tilting his head, settling himself on the bed, and leaned back against the bedrest, the blanket slipping off his shoulders. Kaveh let out a loud hissing sound that culminated into a groan as he flopped over, dragging the sheet that was covering his lower half.
“I don’t think it’s possible,” He muttered, face completely red and he stretched his arms, throwing them over Haitham’s legs, twisted his torso so he could look at Haitham directly. “You’re not getting up either.”
“I just sat down.”
Haitham’s tone was not reluctant however. His hand, warmed by the coffee mugs, lingered on Kaveh’s head, before moving to stroke fingers through those tousled blond locks. Why did he do that, Haitham had no idea but it just felt it was right to do.
His mind wandered back to a summer’s time in the furthest corners of the House of Daena, when the library was at its quietest hours, and when many students had already left the mid-year break, when it was just him and Senior Kaveh working on their one, and only collaboration. Kaveh who had fallen asleep - a much needed sleep, the quill sliding from his lax fingers and he nearly drooled on the desk they sat at. Haitham quietly still scribing translations adjacent to him was suddenly caught by the soft motes of light that shone on Kaveh’s untamed blond lengths. He had wondered how soft that hair might feel if he touched it.
Haitham reveled in his reverie for a moment before Kaveh’s warm breath nuzzled him.
“Mmm…Haitham,” Kaveh sidled closer, pushing his face against Haitham’s waist, mumbling his name like a song. He opened his mouth, tongued the muscles there, and bit down gently, not that hard to leave another mark yet, “I want to touch you.”
“You’re so loud.”
His remark was good-naturedly delivered and his fingers shifted to trace the side of Kaveh’s open mouth The glorious starfall last night, and Kaveh’s earnest attempts at loving him throughout, Haitham wondered and wondered again whether he should say something. The nibbling at his waist distracted him from a proper plan, sending his thoughts non-linear, tingling his spine to a point he felt extremely unraveled.
Haitham banished the plan from his mind and sank back further into his pillows. Did Kaveh’s mouth ever feel so good? Some part of his memory hazed back to him - of foolery on the grass, amongst the flowers, half in the shadows, legs tangled in moonlight, their year-mates drunk far away under some pavilion while Kaveh kissed him everywhere under the stars.
Kaveh bit down again, his tongue moving to lap at Haitham’s thigh, hands moving to spread those legs apart.
“Slow down,” Haitham breathed in but he relaxed, allowing Kaveh to move in between his legs, shedding the blanket from his shoulders and leaning back, settling against the pillows.
“No…” Kaveh muttered, his breath hissing out. Turning, flipping, he found himself on his knees, his weight dipping the bed and he moved closer, arms caging Haitham’s waist, and Haitham’s legs parted wider to make room for him.
He lowered his head, kissed and licked that strip of skin next to Haitham’s belly button. Haitham, flushed, reserved, impassive - spread so eagerly for him.
“Again?” Haitham murmured. His left foot tilted, toes stroking down Kaveh’s calf, pausing as if he was having a plan in mind.
“What am I supposed to do when I’m in your bed?” Kaveh protested, slipping hands under Haitham’s butt. His fingers moved, finding access to soft flesh, skin still moist from last night’s. Haitham closed his eyes at the touch, his chest heaving barely.
“I want to,” Kaveh insisted, sliding his fingers against Haitham’s damp skin, rather enjoying the soft, staccato of moans coming from him. He trailed wet rings, and pressed two fingers in, occasionally taking quick looks upwards, the low, gasping sounds above him encouraging him to press even more fingers in.
Three fingers and he pushed down again, the rim puckering around those fingers he left still inside, and he felt Haitham almost freeze in that sensation around him.
His mind whirled as his eyes squeezed close, the tightness inside his hole making his cock harden against his belly, and he could barely breathe. His memory took a jolt once more, the rough, insistent tough between his legs making him remember more than pleasant sensations back on that hard dormitory bed - him below Kaveh, Kaveh kissing his throat with greedy lips, Kaveh pulled his legs up, spreading him, fucking him hard not because he wanted to, but because Haitham begged for it.
“Senior Kaveh.”
“More.”
“Please.” His voice was small, choked - Kaveh smelled good - all honey, all wine, and he made delicious soft sounds into Haitham’s ears.
“Senior Kaveh…” Haitham had cried like a refrain over and over, as he was pressed wide open, filled in so deep, Kaveh’s mouth a welcome heat on his body. He forgot the thinness of that mattress, and how his hands fisted and nearly tore the thin sheets of that bed. He vaguely remembered that moment Kaveh sank completely inside him, and he felt somehow he liked it and wanted more.
“Senior… Kave…” Haitham gasped, hearing half a salutation spill from his mouth in the present, and his hips rolled from the memory of it all, body twitching from the slide, push-pull of fingers inside him. Kaveh had sat up, back on his heels, and bent just enough to keep his fingers inside Haitham’s, and kiss Haitham’s trembling knee.
Kaveh’s face heated, hearing that - and encouraged in a strange way, he dipped his fingers back in, half-penetrating, finding that spot to stroke. Haitham’s mouth was semi-open, little bird-like moans slipping from him as Kaveh pumped his fingers slowly.
He did not say a single word again, but Haitham’s eyes were wide, open, staring at Kaveh, hazed with a rush of raw desire. His thoughts fled back to something else - how even could this be a kind of reconciliation? Surely, perhaps they were supposed to talk, discuss terms, mete out some form of agreement or shake hands - to enter a relationship again? Kaveh obviously did not bother with such plans. He seemed more eager to connect in other ways, appease the emotions he knew best.
Haitham froze again at another sensation coursing through him, and being so aware of Kaveh’s heated kisses on his knees that he sat up, head lolled back, eyes half-lidded.
His sudden movement made Kaveh pause.
“Haitham?”
“Go on.”
Haitham let out a sigh as Kaveh released him from his fingers. Then, there was a creak, and the bed dipped again as Kaveh moved upwards, mouth slowly kissing a stretched trail up Haitham’s chest, up his throat, kissing his jaw and his lips.
Kaveh kissed like an animal that was desperate for warmth, and he was rough, eager, overly-ardent.
Haitham heard whispering in his ear, somewhat between asking him what he wanted, and what they were - he moaned at the loss of fullness between his legs, and clutched at Kaveh’s arms.
“Do you want me again?” Kaveh said quietly, pressing himself along the length of Haitham’s body, his fingers tracing trembling skin, and his fingers found Haitham’s hand, locking their fingers together, moist, hot palms against each other.
Kaveh’s question was asked one more time, and he was answered with a curl of Haitham’s legs around Kaveh’s back, dragging him close. His face fell side-ways on Haitham’s chest, and he felt Haitham’s heartbeat jump beneath his cheek.
Had Kaveh still remembered, he would never get an answer - certainly not in such a circumstance, certainly not when Haitham’s legs hitched around his hips, his heels digging into Kaveh’s lower back. When words failed Haitham, his body responded in kind.
“Kaveh.”
He gripped against Kaveh’s hand, locking their fingers tightly together.
“Kaveh.”
“Don’t…” Kaveh gritted teeth, as Haitham’s hips bucked up, pushing against him, rubbing their cocks together - he could feel Haitham - wet, leaking, wanting; that spread of his thighs, eager and asking.
Kaveh groaned, holding back something that he was not sure even of.
Last night was frantic, wild - love made because both of them were delirious with discovery, and there was just that connection that pulled them together - something gravitational but he was sure it would have fled this morning yet Haitham came back to bed and opened up to him once more.
Kaveh leaned up, locking gazes, pulling up their hands together. Feelings roiled within him - he could not piece together words to explain how much he thought they should just start over again; even if Haitham was indeed, the most annoying, most stubborn man ever, with his terrible spending habits and bad taste in everything aesthetic - those Kaveh coaxed himself, were just superficial flaws, skin-deep. He felt a shyness somehow overcome him - maybe he wanted further assurance than just being locked tight against Haitham’s trembling, aroused body. But he did not know what else to ask or what to ask.
He felt Haitham tense under him.
“Fingers,” Haitham said, parting his thighs. There was stickiness that made his skin warm and his head was no longer proceeding logically. Even if that one word was not the answer to the amorphous questions in Kaveh’s mind.
Kaveh reciprocated, crooking a finger back in, his other hand sliding under Haitham’s ass.
“There.” He saw Haitham move his lips, did not hear Haitham whisper, and Haitham shuddered as his legs widened more as Kaveh removed his finger.
Haitham made a sound in his throat - almost like a fierce whine at being denied pleasure.
“Haitham.”
“Kaveh.”
They called each other, almost like a kind of challenge.
“I…” Kaveh started, his hands gripping Haitham’s hips, hearing his voice gone harsher, “I want you.”
“You have me,” Haitham replied, not offering an elaboration but the offering he made was to sink even further back into his bed, his hand reaching down between his own legs, spreading himself, sliding his finger in, his breath catching, his eyes focused on Kaveh’s face.
If this was how emotions were to be reconciled, Haitham thought in genuine persuasion to himself - so let it be.
With his other hand, he pulled Kaveh down by the back of his neck, his fingers winding into soft, sweat-damp locks of blond and kissed him. Their mouths met, slopping over each other, teeth knocking, rippling with pleasure, their tongues slipping every occasion into each other’s mouths.
Kaveh growled against Haitham’s lips, muttering again.
“Haitham, I need…”
A pause.
Haitham held his breath as he watched Kaveh slowly. And his mouth open, just bare a whisper, but with strong desire.
“...to be inside me.” A response both appropriate, logically and emotionally from Haitham, maybe at the same time but it was enough assurance for Kaveh. He was just a little startled at the initiative - that they would take it further in this moment of lucidity, that they were both aware things will not be completely alright later even after today.
But it was one step.
He held his cock, pressed himself against Haitham - the entry easy enough for Haitham was soft and wet after all that they had done last night. The tightness still left him breathless, and he felt every small movement as Haitham moved instead, working himself upwards as Kaveh bucked down.
“...feel so good.” Haitham’s words were empathic, whispered between moans of Kaveh’s name, and slips of utterances that tried to convey emotion, a praise of some sort - an eidetic memory of that past few times that they had slept together; that he remembered Kaveh would blush from the praise of being “too good”.
He tensed right up against Haitham, hearing that gasped approval, and Kaveh distracted himself, biting at Haitham’s nipples, leaving even more marks like a territorial beast.
Haitham had gasped suddenly, clutched at Kaveh’s back with his legs entwined.
The kisses laid on his chest now seemed almost apologetic for what was to come. Haitham had moaned from the heat of it, and the thrusting between his legs that grew frantic and deep.
Haitham believed he was not good at words, or even saying what’s to say in such situations, in bed, or with another. Everything forbid, he had never even been in bed with another, except Kaveh. Haitham did not know what to say but the sounds that he heard himself cry seemed to work well enough.
Maybe it was enough just to say Kaveh’s name.
And that Haitham did.
Kaveh fucked him harder, with each call of his name, and kissed him over and over like a thirsty madman. He lifted his back, arching against Kaveh’s sweaty body, words fleeing him and only that he knew he offered his body for more kisses - and he came hard, with spent moans, clinging to Kaveh’s neck as if he was going to break apart.
Kaveh kissed him hard, not on his mouth first, but Haitham’s neck, sucked a bruise into the skin before he found Haitham’s mouth. In this tiny moment of vulnerability, there was such sweetness from Haitham - like a rare fruit that was offered only once and each time he ate it, the taste was never the same.
Haitham had looked at him, eyes of teal and gold suddenly fragile as if emotion finally broke through them. He was so bad at this. They both were.
Like broken mirrors of each other.
He was so bad at this. They were both bad at this, Kaveh admitted in his half-addled mind - not that even Kaveh knew, for all the romance in his bones, what to say in such moments.
I love you, Haitham?
- Didn’t feel right.
Haitham, I want you.
- But he was allowed in.
Haitham.
Maybe just that. Haitham was enough.
Kaveh sank himself further in, his cock still not sated, and he pulled Haitham’s legs even further apart. His hands were sticky with Haitham’s wetness, from the spill of white across Haitham’s belly.
Haitham’s legs tangled behind his back, his chest rising and falling in slow pants, his hands, nails digging tightly into Kaveh’s back. He let out a moan as Kaveh plunged in deep again, feeling his own cock twitch back into semi-hardness, his balls pulling tight and threatening to spill one more time.
The late morning sun basked against his bare ass now, and Kaveh felt his entire back heat up in its glow. The same light slanted against Haitham’s flushed face, glinting along his damp, tear-stained lashes.
Still within, Kaveh leaned forward, releasing a hand from Haitham’s ankle, and moved to cup Haitham’s cheek - only to have Haitham suddenly turning against Kaveh’s palm, nuzzling and kissing, panting slowly from that fullness.
Caught in that moment, Kaveh pulled Haitham up, feeling his entire body sink boneless against his, dragging their lips together in one kiss before he spilled himself, rocking against Haitham’s warmth, feeling their skin stick against each other.
Neither of them moved for a while, Haitham slack, sitting on top of Kaveh, and Kaveh still, his arms looped around Haitham, his cock twitching inside. Reluctantly, he finally released, pulled out, the drip of come down Haitham’s skin almost enticing to look at.
Haitham’s arms were still draped around Kaveh’s neck now that they both fell against the damp sheets, loose-limbed, toes stroking - slowly catching their breaths.
“Haitham?”
No response.
Maybe Haitham was not ready to talk. But Kaveh learnt previously that he always seemed to choose the worst timing to discuss anything - certainly not when it was a better time to bask in the afterglow of this. But Kaveh wanted to ask, before Haitham’s emotions became unreadable again.
He wanted to ask what they were. Or what they should be. But, Kaveh thought he would be fine if they were just existing together - placing a term on it would just feel complicated. Well, he could just sleep, or ask to shower together at least, clean up so they do not feel disgusted by their laziness to just lie here for the second half of the morning.
“The coffee is cold.”
Haitham spoke. Typical Haitham.
But he still laid here, on his back, as if he was taking the whole century to catch his breath or he wanted to just sleep like that, spread and still damp between his legs.
“The coffee is cold.” Kaveh repeated lamely as well, emphasizing a little on ‘is’
“We can drink it later,” Haitham surmised, his reply a surprise and he turned on his side, sliding his leg over Kaveh’s hip.
Kaveh’s heart lurched, a staccato in motion. He rested his hand on Haitham’s hip.
“Are you going to sleep?”
“Yes. You should sleep too.”
“Haitham?”
His reply was a kiss, and a press of fingers on Kaveh's pouting lips.
“You’re too noisy.”
And when Haitham removed his fingers, it was replaced by his lips - with a kiss that silenced Kaveh’s questions, and calmed the tumult in his heart. Moments like these that Kaveh eventually realized he should treasure because they seldom appear and only after the most awkward of exchanges, would Haitham offer his emotions and that Kaveh would receive them like the most cherished of gifts.