Work Text:
Something’s missing.
Eddie stirs his coffee, and it’s sweet, he’s added sugar and milk. It's just how he likes it. But it needs something, and he's not sure what. He takes another sip, and it scalds his tongue.
It's a dreary morning, rain sprinkling over the trailer park in little fits and starts. Eddie sits on the stairs with Wayne, who takes his coffee black, and stirs his own, not taking another sip.
"Anything new at the factory?"
"Nope," says Wayne, short as he always is. "Same old."
"Yeah," he says, and sighs into the rapidly cooling mug. "Nothing interesting ever happens in this goddamn town."
"I ain't complaining," says Wayne. "Ain't you ever heard somebody say, 'may you live in interesting times?'"
"Uh, no?"
"It's a curse," Wayne explains.
"Sounds kinda like a blessing." Eddie would love it if something would happen in Hawkins. Anything. Literally anything at all. It's like he's baking in his own thoughts sometimes, just spending his time waiting.
"The interesting times ain't ever as fun as you think." Wayne sips from his cup.
"Huh." To Wayne, maybe. He had fought in the war, and seen all kinds of shit. To him, Eddie guesses this kind of boredom is a relief, but it just makes Eddie itchy.
Finally, having sat long enough, it's time to start his day. He grabs his bag and walks past the trailer and sees Ms. Stella, one of his neighbors, and her dog, a great dane puppy who has more enthusiasm than brains. He waves, and she gives him a tight smile as always, distant like everyone is in town. Not unfriendly, but not willing to get too close, either. Eddie walks up to her, as he often does, to pet her dog.
“What’s his name?” he asks.
“He doesn’t like strangers,” she says, clearly lying to try and get away from Eddie, because the dog is wagging its tail, straining at the leash to get to him. Eddie crouches, allowing the dog access.
"Woah, who’s a good boy?” The dog jumps on him, knocking him over. “Okay, a big boy!"
"Steve’s got it, don't you big boy?"
He jolts, falling backward and landing on his ass. When he comes back to, the dog is licking his cheek. He just got the craziest deja vu.
“Gets bigger every time I see him,” Eddie says weakly, distracted by this feeling of not right in his stomach. He waves goodbye to her and her dog, and she doesn’t wave back, and he makes the rest of the short walk home. He opens the trailer door quietly so as not to wake Wayne, sleeping after his long overnight shift, and tears open a pack of noodles to put on the stove. Then he sits down to plan out his next campaign, and stops thinking about how his neighbor will barely smile at him, and he doesn’t even know the dog's name, and instead he thinks about dragons and orcs and warlocks.
Slowly, that spike of anxiety fades away, like it was never there at all.
_________
Eddie sits on the hood of his van outside the Family Video, smoking before he goes in to rent a movie. Some action flick Gareth wants to watch this afternoon. Eddie looks through the glass at the people meandering inside.
That Buckley girl from high school who played… What, trumpet? In band? She walks out donning a stupid looking sailors outfit, and one of her shoes is untied but she seems determined to soldier on.
A group of people chatter from the other end of the parking lot. He turns. A group of men in suits and ties, and in the middle is… Steve Harrington. He hasn’t heard a peep about him in awhile, weirdly enough, his name used to float through the school hallways daily.
He can only hear snippets of the conversation, something about Harrington's parents' business. Isn't his mom some big time lawyer or something? These must be her goons, then.
Eddie watches as Harrington waves goodbye to them, and then continues through the parking lot. As he walks away from the group, his shoulders relax, and his asshole smile drops into something more neutral.
Harrington spots Buckley across the lot and waves at her, face lighting up. She gives him a derisive look, and keeps walking, tripping a little on her shoelace every few steps. Harrington's smile falters, and he makes his way through the doors and walks inside.
Eddie flicks ash off the end of his cigarette.
He has a recurring fantasy. It’s just one of those things he would always think about when he was bored in class and irritated by the prep assholes bothering him all day. When he would see Steve Harrington and his stupid muscled self in the locker room and would hate how much everybody loved him, those fucking sheep acting like the sun shined out of his ass, because what was so great about being a dickhead rich boy? Eddie mostly knew him by reputation, but he knew shit when he saw it. Anyone who hung around Tommy Hagan was the same type of person. Sheep.
And Eddie back then, in his ragged shoes and the hair he was still trying to grow out, and these feelings around other boys that he didn’t have a name for but that he knew was dangerous and real… what he hated most was that when he was in the locker room, and he saw Steve Harrington walk by, he was one of those sheep too.
Eddie finishes off the cig, the butt burning down to his fingers, and he shakes off the burn. Throws it to the ground and crushes it, and locks the van.
So he has this dream. Ever since high school.
Corroded Coffin would be world famous, and they’d be on tour, and after a concert Steve Harrington would come up to him all breathless and starry eyed and ask if he was Eddie Munson, the Eddie Munson. The famous guitarist.
“Remember me? It’s Steve, from high school,” he would say, face all hopeful that Eddie would remember him.
“Yeah,” Eddie would say.
Harrington would do that thing he did with girls, he would get in Eddie’s space and give him that obnoxious million-dollar smile. “Do you want to come home with me?” he would ask confidently, and his friends would be there too, watching. They'd all know Eddie was gonna say yes, because no one says no to King Steve, right?
Eddie would laugh in his face. “No fucking way,” he would say, and Harrington's confidence would crumble.
"Why not?" he would ask. Guy would be completely crushed, totally confused, because no one’s ever said no to pretty boy Steve! He’s too good for everyone, his presence is so valuable that people would probably pay to be with him. Eddie's just a loser, right?
Eddie would shrug. "Because I'm Eddie fucking Munson.” World famous star, best guitar player in the world. "And you're just… Steve," he would say, like the name was nothing at all. You peaked in high school, none of your little friends actually liked you, and now you’re nobody. Sound about right?
Harrington would be humiliated in front of all his friends, and Eddie would be vindicated, and then he would walk away, and he would find somebody better to spend the night with. In your face, imaginary Steve Harrington. In. Your. Face.
Harrington probably doesn’t even know who he is, in real life. He’s sold him an eighth before but that’s it, and that was years ago. Besides, it’s not like that would ever happen. The band barely even plays anymore. He’s the last one standing. Whatever, fuck ‘em. Eddie doesn't need anybody else to get famous, he's good at guitar on his own.
He opens the door of the Family Video and the little bell rings. Cold air whooshes from the air conditioned room, and he hadn’t realized how hot it was out there in his layers until just now, stepping into the change.
“Welcome to Family Video,” says Keith, not even looking up from his magazine. Probably hiding porn in there.
Eddie makes his way to the action section, and, okay, fuck how small this place is, because Harrington is directly blocking his path. Eddie stands waiting for a second, and then he gets annoyed.
"So do you own the right to this entire store, or can us plebeians use it too?"
Harrington turns, like he hadn't even noticed Eddie standing there. “Oh! Eddie, uh… hi.”
Eddie purses his lips.
Harrington steps back. “I wasn’t trying to block your way, I swear.”
I swear on Dustin’s moth--
“No problem,” Eddie says, shaking off that strange feeling again, his mouth like cotton. He reaches over and grabs the movie he wants, pushes past Harrington because he needs to get out of here. He’s already back at the van when he realizes he hadn’t paid.
Whatever. Keith probably hadn’t even looked up from the magazine the entire time he was there. No biggie, Eddie’s just having an off day.
Eddie reaches to turn the key and his hands are shaking.
_________
He kicks his feet against Gareth's legs just to irritate him. The television blares in the trailer, filling the awkward space that’s formed between them.
"You coming to Hellfire?" tries Eddie.
"Depends on my work schedule" Gareth shrugs.
Lately it's been a lot of that. It used to be a resounding 'hell yes,' every time, but now games are months apart and half the party isn't there, either at work or working on college applications.
"God, right, the man's got you down huh? That stupid job, I can't believe you haven't quit yet," he commiserates.
“It’s not bad," says Gareth, shifting uncomfortably.
“Your boss is that Morris guy right? He's got that whole macho man thing going on, like he thinks he's better than every--"
"He's helping me ask for a raise next week."
"Probably so he can stick you with more work though."
Gareth sighs, and gets up to pause the movie.
"Why do you always do that?" asks Gareth, turning around to look directly at Eddie for probably the first time this afternoon.
"What?"
"Talk like I should hate my job. I like my job, man."
"Because… for one, you never even have time anymore, it sucks up all of your--"
"I’m not just skipping Hellfire because of my job," says Gareth. “Look, I just wanna watch some TV on my day off and chill out, not play games for fifteen hours without breaks. I don't wanna make it my whole life.”
Whole life? Was that some kind of dig? “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Look around, Eddie, we've all got girlfriends and jobs and… shit, I'm trying to actually make something of myself, y'know? Like, make good money and stuff."
"You never used to care about that stuff." Sellout, Eddie's brain is chanting, but he doesn't want to say it.
"Yeah, well, I'm not obsessed with a fantasy world anymore, I've got a real life to care about."
"Oh, and I don't?" He won't meet Eddie's eyes. Fine. He can read between the lines. "So what are you saying then?" They're not friends anymore? He's gonna leave Eddie behind too?
"Maybe it's time to grow up," he says softly. "Let's just… finish the movie."
He puts it back on, and Eddie sits, and wishes he lived in more interesting times.
_________
The next meeting of Hellfire, it's Eddie, Jeff, Lucas and Dustin. Mike's gone to some volunteer thing, and Gareth is gone to work.
Dustin is kind of fucking up the game, having brought outside food and showed up 20 minutes late.
"You brought cheesy fries? Eddie, make him share," whines Lucas.
"No way! These are mine!"
"Where'd you get those?" asks Eddie. They're from the drive thru, and Dustin can't drive.
"Been hanging out with Steve," says Dustin casually.
"Harrington? Why were you talking to him?"
"It's weird, I don't know. He just came up and started talking to me. He said he would drive me to get food, and then he dropped me here after."
“Don’t take rides from strangers, Dustin,” Eddie warns. “Even I know that. He might be up to something.”
“Seriously? What kind of prank involves free food?”
“I don’t know,” says Eddie. But something’s off here, big time.
Or not, and he's making something where there's nothing. He needs to get his mind off things. He clears his throat.
"You wake up to a low, roaring sound in the distance, and when you open your eyes you find yourselves in a dark dungeon…"
_________
He's alone, on the bench, watching the people go by from the edge of the park. A woman walks through the park, her bright red hair bouncing as she goes. He blinks, and she's gone.
Wait, what?
"Hey," says a voice from his other side, and he turns.
Steve Harrington comes over to sit by him. Eddie whips his head back to look for that woman, and she's… there again, walking by, like nothing had happened. Trick of the light, maybe. Yeah, that’s it.
“What could you possibly want?” he asks sarcastically, tapping his fingers against the bench. He already knows what Harrington wants, it’s the only thing people ever come and sit by him on a random bench for. He’ll give it to him, but he’s going to upcharge.
Harrington smiles. “Nothing, I was just sitting down. How’s it going?”
Okay, weirdly friendly. He’s smiling at Eddie fondly, his hands in his pockets.
“...Good,” Eddie says, side eyeing him.
“Really?”
Eddie turns to face him, to ask what the game is here, but he’s got this… searching look on his face. Like he really wants the answer. Eddie isn’t sure what to say.
“Yes?” he tries, and Harrington nods.
“Good. Good,” he says seriously. “I know this is abrupt, you're gonna think I'm crazy for asking this, but, um. Do you want to come over and hang out? I have some tapes we could listen to, if you want. It's stuff you'd like.”
His gut instinct is that this is some kind of weird game. Harrington's little friends are going to come out from behind a building any moment.
And maybe what he does next is because of Harrington and his stupid face, or because Dustin apparently hangs out with Harrington now as if they're friends or something and Gareth hasn't so much as called him in weeks or and maybe it's this splitting goddamn headache that he's got coming on.
Eddie laughs in his face.
He means to say something, but he can’t even form words, because as soon as he starts laughing he can’t stop. The whole concept is too hilarious. Steve Harrington wants to hang out? And he actually thinks Eddie is going to say yes?
Finally he manages to form words.
"No way, man," he says. "Not in a million years."
He looks up, wiping tears from his eyes, and expects Harrington to look irritated, pride wounded that somehow, someone out there dares to dislike his majesty. That maybe Eddie wouldn’t cream himself just to spend the afternoon with Hawkin’s most eligible bachelor, and he doesn’t want nor need whatever Harrington is selling.
He doesn't though. He’s just sitting there, and he looks fucking devastated.
“Sorry,” Harrington mumbles. "I'll just… go," he says as he awkwardly gets to his feet and walks off.
"Yeah, get out of here unless you’re buying something," he says, his voice less certain than he would have liked.
He blinks and all of a sudden everyone is gone, except Harrington. Blinks again, and they’re back.
What the hell is happening to him?
_________
Eddie’s been selling to Chrissie Cunningham for awhile now. She's a pretty consistent buyer, so they see a lot of each other. He shuffles his feet against the floor at the door of the gym. She couldn't wait long enough for him to meet her somewhere else, huh? Had to be right after the game?
He turns around and runs right into Steve Harrington.
“Uh, hey,” Harrington says awkwardly. “What are you doing here? You don't like sports.”
“Assumptions, assumptions. I’m here for a friend. Chrissie.” Steve's eyes pinch at the corners. Oh, is he jealous? It makes sense, she's popular, probably his type. Eddie smirks. He could get a rise out of Harrington over this. Not that she's anything but his customer, but Harrington doesn't know that. “She and I have been spending a lot of time together.”
“Cool,” Harrington swallows, "Awesome. Uh, great. Yeah."
"So what's got you attending a high school basketball game? Here to relive the glory years?"
“I’m here for Lucas.” He points to the stands, where Lucas is talking to the coach.
He knows Lucas? Eddie guesses that makes sense. Lucas does basketball, but he’s not really part of that group, doesn't even like most of the guys. It sours his gut, though, that he's friends with both Dustin and Lucas. They're supposed to be Eddie's friends, not…. Ugh, whatever.
"Cool. Well, I see Chrissie, so… yeah."
He claps Harrington on the back and walks into the throng of people trying to escape the gym now that the game is over.
Lucas and Dustin, both Harrington's friends. What's next, Gareth? Sometimes Eddie feels like he's standing still on a busy road, everyone driving but him because there's nowhere to go. His friends are supposed to get him, but they're fucking… moving on, and he can feel it, alright, he's not an idiot. They're all outcasts in their own ways, but none of them quite like him. Not anymore.
Even in the middle of this crowd of screaming, cheering high schoolers, he's all alone, pushing against them, trying to get back in while they make their way out. It stinks like sweat and bitterness in here that they never seem to scrub out of the walls, the floor, the fucking air. He finally graduated high school last year, but in a lot of ways it feels like he's never quite escaped this place.
He finds Chrissie, sells her an eighth, and goes home.
_________
He asks Lucas later if he knows Steve Harrington.
“No,” he says. “I just knew he used to date Mike’s sister, and they broke up because she wanted to go to college in another state. Mike said he was a total douche."
So what the hell was he doing at the kids basketball game? Was he lying, or what? Maybe for once, something interesting is happening in this town. Or maybe Eddie just wants that to be true.
_________
"What’re you doing?” mumbles Eddie from the bed.
“Go back to sleep. I’m going to make things right."
He jolts awake, a taste of something missing on the tip of his tongue, and then it's gone again.
_________
It’s stupid, Eddie shouldn’t approach a big party like this with a ten foot pole, especially at Harringtons. It’s a good place to get beat up. But he needs to sell.
Someone finishes shotgunning a beer and wipes his face, his friends slapping him on the back.
“That was badass!”
“Dude, they told me you were a badass."
"Henderson told me you were a badass. Insisted on the matter, in fact."
He shakes his head. What is happening to him?
"You're here!"
Steve waves to them, and the two run toward him, throwing themselves at him like excited puppies.
"Hey, guys, miss me much?"
"Not at all. Didn't even notice you were gone," says Eddie, placing kisses over his face. Robin has encircled his waist with her arms, refusing to let go.
There’s something pressing against his skull from the inside.
”Do you ever wonder what we’d be like if it never happened? Who we would be?” Eddie asks.
“No. What’s the point? You can’t change the--”
“--Pass me another one of those!” calls one of the guys, and they throw him another beer.
Eddie can’t even look at alcohol, his head is spinning like he’s seven drinks in, and he hasn’t even had one. The lights are too bright in here, and something is wrong, something is missing.
He steps outside for some air, to the pool.
Someone approaches behind him silently, and Eddie jumps when a hand touches his shoulder.
It’s Harrington, in his stupid varsity jacket. He shrugs it off and offers it to Eddie.
He wants to tell him he doesn’t want his jacket, but he’s at his house, and he still feels a little bad about last week. He hesitates, and nods, allowing Harrington to drape it over his shoulders that, now that he’s thinking about it, are trembling with the cool air.
“You ran out of there fast,” Harrington says. “Everything okay?”
“Are you stalking me or something?” he snaps.
“I was already out here.” He points to the other side of the pool, where there’s a book and a can of coke laid out on a chair.
“Oh,” says Eddie. Right. His house. “Wait, why aren’t you in there?”
There's no one out here but the two of them, the party continues on inside, the sound distant and muffled from out here, like they're in a whole other world than the rest.
“Not my thing,” Harrington shrugs.
Why the hell are you throwing a party if it's not your thing? he wants to ask.
“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone if you want. I was just making sure you weren’t too drunk and about to drown in the pool, or something. I'm, uh, trying not to have anyone die in this pool. Like, really hard, I even took a lifeguard class, I know that sounds stupid but I did it,” he smiles again. “So if you need me, I'm right there."
Eddie shifts uncomfortably, feeling suddenly guilty. It seems like he might have jumped to a few conclusions, because Harrington is being really nice, and it’s becoming more and more clear that he might not have a motive for any of it. Maybe he’s just a nice guy. Maybe Eddie just keeps running into him because it's a small town, and there's only like five places to go at any given time, and nothing ever happens here.
“Sorry. For being so… I’m just having a weird couple weeks,” Eddie admits. Harrington laughs. “What’s so funny?”
“I am too.”
Eddie leans closer, itching to know what’s going on, and he expects Harrington to move away to counter the movement in discomfort, to give space, but he doesn’t.
“Really? What’s up with you?
Harrington is silent for so long that he’s almost sure he’s not gonna answer, and then he speaks.
“Have you seen the Breakfast Club?”
“Uh, what?” He blinks at the non sequitur.
“Its stupid. My best friend made me watch it with her, it's-- there’s this group of kids in detention.” He toys with the edge of his shirt, not meeting Eddie's eye. He looks out over the pool, and the light reflects off the water into his face, making it seem to shift and move. “They’re all really different but they’re kind of, like, soulmates? Like perfect for each other. But they can't be together, because they're in different social groups. Stupid high school stuff, you know?"
"Yeah," says Eddie, but he doesn't know. He hasn't seen the movie. Frankly, he’s not sure what Harrington is getting at here.
"And at the end of the day they go home, and the movie just ends, and you never know if they ever talked to each other again or if they knew that would ruin everything,” his breath hitches and he stops talking for a long moment. “Like, after that they sat there in class right next to each other and pretended like it never happened, and it's like they're missing each other even though you’re right here.”
Eddie blinks. “So it's kind of a shit movie, or…?”
“Forget it. Uh, have fun. Don’t drown, okay? I’ll be over here if you need me.”
Harrington stands abruptly, and goes to sit on his pool chair again, leaving Eddie to kick his feet in the water. Feels like he’s swimming, but only from the shore.
He goes inside and tries to call Gareth to get a ride, since he's not sure if he should be driving with his head so foggy, but Gareth doesn't pick up.
_________
Nancy nods excitedly, poring over the papers Katherine has presented. "This could be proof, we could have something here for the papers."
It's a document saying that the mayor planned to spend taxes on personal projects, and if they find proof that he has gone through with it, then that's a story.
"Possibly!"
“After work, we could go and check it out, see if there’s more to it."
“You could, yeah,” she says hesitantly.
Nancy frowns. “You don’t want to--? But there could be a story here."
A real story, not the kind of shit they've been putting her on, covering things like the new Claire's at the mall, and the high school basketball game results.
“Well, if you find anything let me know!” she smiles. “Could make it on page 6, we need something to fill that spot.”
She closes the door. Nancy smiles tightly.
Nancy likes her internship. It’s fine, she’s settled, but she’s not sure she’s ever going to move beyond ‘work friends’ with any of these people. They’re supposed to be reporters, to want to tell the hard hitting stories, but more and more she gets the feeling that she’s not much like them at all. She came here because she thought she might find her people, but she just hasn’t clicked. No one wants to roll up their sleeves and go for it, it's like it's just a job to them and not…
Okay, so to be fair, it is a job. And that's fine. Just… not for her.
She’s going to get there, she is, it’s just… she can’t help but feel that something’s missing.
Nancy grabs the paper from Katherines desk across from hers, littered with photos of her family and friends, cards from the other office workers wishing her happy birthday.
She sits back down at her own desk, the one in the corner, and the stacks of papers she needs to get through before the day ends. The phone rings.
“Hawkins Gazette, this is Nancy Wheeler speaking.”
“Hey, have you talked to Steve Harrington lately?”
She stops. “Who is this?”
“Eddie Munson.”
She thinks she might remember an Eddie Munson. He was the kid who repeated senior year several times, wasn't he, and he wore that jacket that she thought looked stupid. Why is he calling her line?
“Do you have something relevant to talk about, or are you calling just to ask personal questions?” she asks stiffly. “And… where did you get this number? It’s for business only.”
“Your brother? I-- sorry, I was at Harrington's place last night and he seemed weird, and he was talking about you, so… this was a bad idea, wasn’t it? It was. Just… Is something going on with him?”
She sighs. Steve was always sort of fragile, in his own way, and she does wish him the best despite their messy breakup. If there’s more going on she does want to know, and if there’s one thing she’s learned from her attempts at reporting, it’s that to get information you sometimes have to give a little.
“I haven't talked to him since senior year.”
“Can I ask why?”
“We were just…” too different. He wanted a family, she wanted a career, he couldn’t seem to get his anger and insecurity in check and she couldn’t be who he wanted her to be, the list goes on. “On different paths.”
“Oh. Sorry to waste your time.”
“He did call me, a few weeks ago. He was being weird.”
“Weird how?”
Weird like he talked like they were friends. Like he asked if she wanted to hang out, and seemed genuinely upset when she said it wasn't a good idea. He was just… odd.
“I don’t know. Why, is something going on?”
"It’s just been--”
”--awhile since I’ve gone out, and I think you’d really like it, and Nance you have got to get a life outside of work!” Eddie says passionately.
“I thought you were interested in my work,” says Nancy, mock-offended.
“Yeah, but you were there for like twelve hours today doing that story on the water pollution stuff, and you’ve gotta have fun once in a while,” Robin whines. “Just come hang out. The club is supposed to be really nice, and it's free to get in and there's a band I like playing tonight!”
“I don’t know, I’ve got a lot to do. I need to go take samples at the river tonight. I’m sorry,” Nancy says, and she does mean it. She’s not much for clubs, but she did want to spend some time with them. It’s just… this is important.
“Okay. Let’s do it," says Steve.
“What?”
“Drive us to the river, let’s go take samples.”
“But… the band--”
“Screw ‘em, we just want to hang out together. Club, river, same thing right?”
They’re all looking at her, waiting for her to give the okay, and giving up their night out to go wade in a muddy river with her for her news story. It's not exactly fun, but she's not going to say that. They know that.
Sometimes, Nancy really loves her friends.
“...Yeah. Okay. I’ll pull the car around.”
"--Weird."
"I have to go," she says, ears ringing. She hangs up before he can respond, because she needs to get her bearings back.
Katherine passes by, and frowns in concern.
“Honey, you alright?”
“Yes, why?” she asks.
“Your nose is bleeding.”
She reaches up and touches it, and her hand comes away red.
_________
Eddie runs into Gareth at the video store.
"Hey," he says awkwardly.
“Uh, hey.”
There's this gap between them, the space of two shelves.
"So you didn't show up to D&D. Again," he says.
"Yeah. Like I said. Responsibilities."
“And you didn't pick up my call. What if I was in trouble, huh?"
"What am I, your parent?"
"No, I just want you to--”
”--Want you to actually open up to me when you’re having these problems,” he murmurs. “Seriously, we’re a team now, aren’t we? Maybe it sucks, but we gotta stick together.”
"--be a friend."
"I am!"
"You never come hang out anymore." He's silent, no response. “I see how it is. Eddie the Banished, even from my own friend group."
"Don’t start. It's not your friend group, it’s not like you own anyone. And I think half of that 'outcast' shit isn't because of ‘the man,’ and all that shit you say, it's you. I mean… you don't wash your sheets, you're in your twenties still dealing with no plans to stop and you’ve got--”
”--the job, Nance, I got it!” he bursts through the door grinning huge and exhilarated. “They said I can start next week.”
“--no job, and all you ever do is talk about the old days and bitch about how elitist people are for trying to succeed. I want friends who are happy for me when I'm gonna get a fucking raise, man, but you never think about anyone but yourself. It's like you're trying to drag us all down with you. You--”
"--Should know this, Eddie," says Nancy.
"Hey, I didn't know how to do laundry 'til a few months ago," Robin shrugs.
"That doesn't mean it's normal, it just means you two are insane!" says Steve. "Most people learn this stuff when they're… what, five? Six? I was doing all my own laundry by then, dude."
"You're doing that thing again where you say something really sad like it's not really sad," says Robin, mouth full of chips.
"Seconded. We're gonna unpack that-- after we get this bleach out of my jeans. You laundry prodigies gonna teach us losers how to do it?"
"Ugh. Okay, let's do it. Hey, pass the joint."
"What would I do without you?"
“--can’t keep doing this, I mean look at us--”
”--We are not heroes.”
"--Eddie, we aren't… we aren't kids anymore, I can't keep doing the same childish shit we used to do."
He feels this sudden ache across his body, and Gareth frowns.
“Are you having an allergic reaction or something? What is that?”
He points at Eddie, and Eddie looks down at himself. Strange scars litter his body, all over, peeking out from his shirt and down his arms. They look… faded, like they’ve long healed over.
“You’re seeing this too?” he asks, breath quickening, and just like that, the scars disappear. “You saw that?”
Someone else can see it. He's not going crazy?
"Saw what?" asks Gareth, blinking like he doesn't know what Eddie is talking about.
“You… just…” He looks down at his skin, clean and unblemished. "Fuck. What is fucking happening to me?"
For once, it doesn’t feel like a fight. He feels like he’s growing into his life instead of away from it. High school rivalries, his anger at his shit father, the world… it all feels so small now, after everything. He can see it all for what it was, not some insurmountable pain, but just one part of living. And it’s not all of it. There’s other parts, too, that make it all worth it. To fight every day.
He scratches Steve's hair, and Steve snuffles in his sleep, moving closer.
If he’d told himself a few years ago that he would be hanging out with Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler he would have laughed. Stuffy, stuck up prep, and the King of high school? Hell, even Robin would have been deemed too conformist for him. Like they were these convenient boxes he had on a shelf, not… people. He’s not sure when that changed exactly, in his head. Maybe it was when he faced himself for once, half-bled out in the Upside Down, and thought about what the fuck he was doing with his life.
"Eddie? Talk to me.”
”Ugh, you’re crowding me.”
“Don’t do that whole routine.
“You only act like this when you’re scared, you dick,” says Steve, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Like, you make everybody pissed and then you go hide in your room and sulk. Talk to me.”
Steve’s hit the target. Yeah, he’s… he’s scared.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, just don’t shut me out, alright?”
“My pain is bad today,” he admits. “And I’m fucking… I don’t know. What if it never stops hurting, you know?”
“I know,” says Steve quietly, placing Eddie’s coffee in front of him. It’s how he likes it, with milk and too much sugar, and just a hint of vanilla extract. Steve taught him that, said it gave it something extra. It teeters on the table's edge and he holds it by the sides, in the mug Robin gave him last year. He sips it, and it’s warm.
He sits beside him, and they drink coffee, and they both know.
"Sorry, what did you say?" asks Eddie.
"I've been talking for like a full minute. Are you high right now? It's 10 AM, dude."
"No, just…"
"Whatever. I was just saying that I think… I can't keep doing this whole thing with you," Gareth says. "Call me when you've got it together, okay?"
_________
Fuck him. One day Eddie will be famous on his own. He doesn't need anyone, he's a one man show.
Eddie storms out the door, and into the heat of the summer air. On his way out, who's there but fucking Harrington, in the parking lot again, who waves at him again like he knows him, like they're friends, and it pisses Eddie off.
"Hey Ed--"
"Get away from me," he snaps, and walks past. Harrington follows him, trotting to catch up.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Clearly it's something, you only get like this when--" he stops. "It's something," he finishes lamely.
Eddie whirls on him. "It's none of your business okay? I am sick of seeing you. I see you everywhere. I want to get out of this fucking place! There's so many memories of nothing here, nothing that matters ever happens, and maybe you want to be buddy-buddy with me but I don't need that."
Some part of him still believes he's gonna be a famous guitarist, he's gonna leave Hawkins and go somewhere that matters, with people that matter, and who understand him. Anywhere but here. But he's trapped here, and Harrington just keeps bothering him, like the specter of high school looming over his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was bothering you."
"Of course you didn't," he laughs. "Look. Harrington. You seem nice enough, okay, but don't… talk to me. It's weird." On different paths, Nancy wheeler had said.
"Okay. Yeah, sorry." he says.
Eddie nods, and walks away.
_________
That night, Eddie dreams again.
"I don't want to get up. Hurts."
His back spasms again, the muscles freaking out from the inflammation, like his body's in this semi-permanent state of panic.
"I'm sorry."
It's been like this for months, even with physical therapy, he wakes up some days with so much pain he can't even get out of bed. Eddie feels like shit half the time. He's not sure if it's because it's only been a few months since he was nearly shredded to pieces by demobats, or if it's going to be like this from here on out.
"It just sucks," he says, crying about it to Steve for the billionth time and he huddles in on himself in pain. "I wish it would stop, I'd do anything to make it stop," he sobs.
"Me too," says Steve, running fingers through Eddie's hair thoughtfully.
_________
Two weeks later, there's a knock on the door. Too early for visitors.
Eddie peeks through the blinds, and it's Harrington. Damn it. He's got to put a stop to this. He swings the door open, ready to tear into him.
"Didn't I tell you to--"
Harrington holds up a hand. "I wanted to apologize. I'm not gonna bother you again, I just wanted to leave things in a better place between us before I go."
"Go? Go where?" he asks.
"My mom pulled some strings and I'm gonna start a position in New York. I'm moving," he says.
"Hopefully not on my account," he says, and he's joking but Harrington's face does something strange at that.
"No, no, it's just business. And this place, I mean, I thought about what you were saying about it. Too many memories, you know? I just wanted to say goodbye to my friends, and you're the last one. I know this doesn't magically fix everything, but--"
"You can't fix this. Not unless you can go back in time and make it so none of it ever happened," he says sarcastically.
“I wanted to say--”
”--Hi, while I’m here.” He sits on Nancy’s work desk kicking his legs, pushing aside the piles of paper and the clutter of notes and baubles and cards Robin and Steve had brought her over the past year. Nancy jumps a foot in the air and whirls on him with a paperweight. She stops when she sees who it is, and slumps into her chair.
She sighs. “Sorry. I still get so damn jumpy.”
“I know the feeling.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Dropping off your lunch. You left it at the apartment.”
“Another one of those days,” she says, smiling tiredly up at him. She’s lost weight, the sallow circles under her eyes darker than ever, and between the late nights at work and the sleeplessness they all carry ever since the most recent near-death experience, it’s been… rough.
“--Goodbye, before I go. I know we don’t know each other very well but I’m gonna miss this place. A lot. I'm probably not coming back, so--"
"--you're coming back from this, goddamnit," says Steve, and Eddie can hardly hear him over the ringing in his ears as they pull into the hospital lot and as he's taken from the backseat he catches sight of the ruin of his body--
"--This is goodbye."
"--bye," says Steve, leaning in for a kiss--
What was that? He grabs onto the memory, and this time it stays, and he concentrates, because this thing at the top of his head needs to come out--
The Upside Down, his brain supplies, and then it’s like a dam breaks, and The kids. The bats, the lake, the jagged edge of a bottle, tearing ripping shredding and Steve carries him home and--
His head throbs.
Robin and Nancy and the apartment and Steve, he’s holding him to his chest, they’re cooking and sleeping and kissing and he loves him, he-- Jesus, Steve--
Eddie gasps.
"Oh fuck. Steve. Steve. It’s you."
"...Yeah?"
His soft brown eyes are full of confusion, and poorly disguised hurt, it's that look he gets when he's trying really hard not to cry, and how had he not seen it before, that’s how his baby looks when he’s trying to hold it together and failing hard.
Right, he had been in the middle of fucking apologizing for bothering Eddie so much, and then he was going to move out of Hawkins forever. Holy shit.
Eddie steps forward into Steve's space, and Steve steps back, his eyes only flickering in nervous confusion between Eddie and the car. It breaks Eddie's heart. Steve never felt like he needed to run from him, until…
"Baby," he says. "Tell me you remember me."
"What? Of course I do,” he laughs nervously. "Are you okay?"
"Do you remember what happened?" He's pretty sure he does, it explains all of Steve's behavior. "Why didn't you tell me it was you? Our memories, what the fuck happened?”
"You remember?" he asks, eyes widening as he realizes what Eddie is really saying. "You weren't supposed to. Shit," he says, stepping back again. "Something must have gone wrong."
"Hey. Hey, look at me." He had missed him so much, and hadn't even known what he was missing, he just wants to pounce on Steve and keep him close, but he can't right now because if something is wrong, if they're in danger again, he needs answers. "What happened? Why are we here?"
Steve’s quiet for a moment.
"Don’t be mad, but… I did something," says Steve.
"Steve," says Eddie seriously, "What exactly did you do?"
_________
They never got over what happened. None of them did.
He sees it in all their faces. Nancy’s exhausted all the time, and she doesn’t know Steve knows it but she sleeps with a gun under her pillow.
Steve overheard a conversation, in the government facility where El had been held.
Robin comes and sleeps with him and Eddie more often than not, nightmares of underground bunkers only compounding her need to be close to Steve at all times, to see him.
"--Jump timelines."
"But the math doesn't add up, look, its--"
"Not perfect, but with some--"
And Eddie… Eddie hasn't left the house in weeks, his pain comes and goes but the depression is never ending.
"It's dangerous," said the first scientist, frowning. "Do you want to refine it first, before trials? I have my doubts it'll even work, frankly."
"Come on. This could change everything."
Steve is a solutions guy.
And Steve overheard a conversation. And Steve went back there, and he took something.
Steve sits up on the edge of the bed, and hears Eddie stir. He puts the device on his wrist, and he presses the button.
He blinks and he's… well, he definitely changed something, because he's not in the trailer anymore, he's standing in a payphone booth, holding the phone in his hand. Someone's shouting through the line, but he can't make it out. He holds it to his ear.
"Hello?"
"--Have you been listening to a word I'm saying?"
It's dad. Shit, he hasn't talked to him in… what, two years now, ever since the whole 'disowning' thing, when he moved in with Eddie.
"Uh… yes?" He tries.
His father sighs. "Get to the firm in twenty minutes, it'll be a quick meeting. They need you to sign some paperwork and look over a few things. Don't embarrass me."
Why would he need to go to his parents' firm? They had said in no uncertain terms that they don't want to see him again.
But if the machine worked, maybe things were different here.
"I work for you," he says, as it dawns on him.
"That's what I wanna hear. Bye, Steven."
No one calls him Steven.
The line clicks, and he places the phone back on the receiver, his heart racing. He did it. He really did it.
He looks down at himself, the suit and tie that are more expensive than he could afford at Family Video. He touches his neck, the bumpy scarring gone, smooth as anything.
His dad said to meet at the firm in twenty, but he can't just yet. He's got to check on the others, first, make sure they made it here too. It's all pointless if they didn't.
Off instinct, he makes his way to the trailer park, back home, and when he reaches Eddie's door he knocks frantically.
Wayne swings it open, shotgun in hand.
"The hell you want?" he asks, in that deep drawling voice he uses when he wants to sound threatening.
"To see you guys," he says, but it comes out as more of a question. "Are you… good?"
"You sellin' something?"
"Wayne, it's me," says Steve, a sinking dread coming over him, because Wayne is just looking at him, he's talking to him in that voice, like he doesn't know him.
"I know you. You're that Harrington kid." He sighs.
Steve looks past him, and he can see Eddie in the kitchen area, wearing just pajama pants, hair in a messy bun. He looks… content.
"Son, get off my porch before I make ya, alright?"
When Wayne calls him son, he usually says it like a real dad might. Not like this.
He closes the door.
Okay.
Steve should have known this would happen. None of the crazy, traumatizing shit ever happened, so… none of them are gonna remember him as their friend. He probably doesn't even know Eddie and Wayne, here.
He doesn't live with them. He has… no idea where he lives.
It's then that the full weight of what he's done hits him.
All of them are here, but they won't want anything to do with Steve. Why would they? Nothing ever forced them together, he's just someone they went to school with, here.
So he's alone here. Nobody he knows will know him back.
No biggie. He can take it back, right now, because this whole 'timeline jump' thing was clearly a mistake. Push the button and--
--Eddie had looked relaxed, happier than he's seen him in forever. In this timeline, he was out of bed, smiling. Cooking. He hasn't had the energy for cooking in so long.
Steve can't take that away from him.
So what now?
Steve checks his watch, and numbly begins walking toward his parents' firm. He's got a meeting to go to. He's already late.
_________
The guys at the firm are, predictably, dicks. He doesn't have friends at work, really. He talks to some of them, but he kinda gets the feeling they only wanna talk because his dad is their boss.
And this law stuff doesn't make any goddamn sense, either. Everyone must think he's an idiot. How did he let his dad talk him into law school anyway? He didn't ever want to be a lawyer.
Well. Not since he had moved out anyway.
So, Steve has gathered that he has no friends, no girlfriend, and certainly not a boyfriend.
He lives in an apartment by himself. It's sparse, with some sports stuff and a few decorations that all seem like things his parents gave him. Work papers are scattered over the table, like maybe he spends his nights just sitting up reading it.
Steve is… happy with that. It will make it easier to navigate, if he doesn't have anyone to remember what he's supposed to be like.
_________
After work every day, he wanders around the places he used to go, where he knows his friends like to hang out. He's not gonna interfere with them, he just wants to see them. Make sure they're okay, and maybe find a way to be friends somehow.
Steve seeks them out, one by one, but Eddie wants nothing to do with him here. Obviously. He's not going to interfere, he can't, like, force them to be friends. But he wants to see them, even if it's just in passing. He says hi to Dustin at the video store, and he sees Robin at the grocery store.
Maybe one of these days, he'll run into some of them-- Max, maybe-- and pretend he's meeting them for the first time. Maybe by some coincidence the timing will work out, and they'll end up friends again.
Every day, he looks at it on his wrist. He could go back, he thinks.
Dustin had made a flippant joke about dying, and it hadn't made the light in his eyes go out, because this Dustin had never witnessed death. He just ate his fries and stole some of Steve's, like a normal, happy kid.
He never presses the button.
The more he sees them, the harder it gets.
_________
"I would’ve explained everything to you, but you would just think I was messing with you. And I was worried it would mess something up if you knew."
Steve explains it against Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world. He's been treating his baby like trash, and Steve's been all alone and miserable. Just like Eddie always tells him not to do, he had made the sacrifice play.
The most disturbing part is that he might have never found out. He could have lived his whole life and never remembered, and he and Steve would have grown old separately.
Would Steve have really left Hawkins and let them all go, started fresh somewhere? Steve has a hard time letting things go, Eddie knows that. But he has a harder time letting people be there for him. Eddie was so close to losing the best thing in his life for good and he would have never known.
It could still happen, in fact. He can already feel his grip on the memories slipping, like they want to fade back away.
"We're reversing this thing," Eddie says firmly.
"No! How did you get that out of what I said?!"
"Because this isn't our life."
"It could be," says Steve frantically. "I mean we're here, aren't we, we could--"
"If this is another timeline, then there's probably versions of us that are supposed to be here! You said that thing is unsafe, and untested, well...I've been seeing these weird changes, things that are bleeding through, like we aren't supposed to be here."
"We could fix that, I'll--"
"Steve," he cuts him off. "Did you ever stop to think maybe I don't wanna live this life? It's not the same here. It's not like home."
"Yeah, obviously it's different, you're actually happy here. I thought you would want this."
"You thought I wasn't happy?" he asks softly, and he feels his heart break all over again when Steve only shrugs.
"We all went through some shit," says Steve. "I just wanted to fix it."
"You're fixing it just by being there. If none of it happened, we would all be different people." He can see that now, from his behavior these past few weeks. He had never had to learn how wrong he was about people, and categories, and he had never gotten over all the resentment that had made him such a dick just to keep feeling safe.
He had never learned how to stop running all the time and to stay and fight for something. To have things worth fighting for.
"I can feel myself forgetting it again. It's happened a few times, I get flashes of memories, but every time I start to remember, I… it's only for a few minutes, and then I forget," says Eddie, nervous as the feeling gets stronger.
"Okay," says Steve calmy, though it's anything but, "Don't worry. I won't leave town, okay? If you remember again, I wanna be there so you aren’t confused."
He goes cold. Steve's not gonna remind him. He's not gonna remember.
"Steve, please," he begs. "I can't lose you."
"Don't worry about me. I'll be around."
"That's--"
"This is what I want."
He's lying. Nobody wants this. If he asked any of their friends, there's no way they would want to be put in another timeline to forget the past several years of their lives, and they definitely wouldn't want Steve to have to suffer through being the only person on Earth to remember, because he for some reason sees that as a worthwhile price. Eddie wants to take him by his self-sacrificing shoulders and shake him right now, but there's no changing Steve's mind once he's got it set on something.
"I’ll go to the lab and see if they can fix whatever is going on that’s making you remember sometimes, okay? And you won’t have to worry about that anymore. Hey, maybe one of these days you'll take me up on my offer to hang out," he says with a little shrug, eyes darting up to meet Eddie's, and then away. "Then we could, like, see each other again even if you don’t… y’know."
It's all wrong. All of this. It's not what he wanted at all. He doesn't want Steve to be alone, he doesn't want to be the guy he used to be, who was so fucking judgemental and domineering over his friends. He doesn't want a normal life if it means that.
He doesn't want to forget.
"Can you stop looking at me like that?" asks Steve. "I don't want the last time we talk to be like this."
"Sorry. It won't," Eddie soothes. "Come here," he says, taking Steve's wrists gently. He leans in to kiss him softly, savoring the taste of Steve’s chapstick.
Eddie leans back. "I'm sorry," he whispers.
Steve breathes against his lips. "For what?"
Eddie reaches up Steves wrist and presses the button.
Steve pulls away, presses the button several times in quick succession, frantic, as their surroundings begin to blur and fade away.
"No, no, no, it's not working, why isn't it--" he whirls on Eddie. "Why would you do that?"
"I'm not fucking letting you do this, that's why."
"You could have had a normal life,” he screams. “Everyone could have, like it never happened!”
“It already happened, Steve." None of them can take it back.
“You-- it could have for awhile at least, I mean maybe I could have figured out how to fix it, and-- You were so much happier there! Why would you give all of this up for me?"
"Because you're Steve," he says softly. "And I'm Eddie. We're a package deal."
Just like that, they're back in their shared bed in the trailer, Steve sitting at the edge of the bed, like they hadn't gone anywhere at all.
And then the phone starts ringing.
_________
The group gathers at Dustin's, and though they sit at Ms. Henderson's doily-covered table, surrounded by floral print wallpaper and the gentle scent of lavender candles, the tone of this meeting is quite serious.
"So, I take it you guys remember what happened."
"I remember waking up with no memory of who I am, and then coming back and realizing I had a whole different life, if that's what you mean," says Max faux-sweetly. "So what the fuck happened?"
Steve shrugs. Eddie sighs, and begins to explain.
"Steve decided everybody would be happier if we lived in a world where the Upside Down didn't exist," he explains. "So he took it upon himself to make that happen."
"You guys were-- are having a hard time, and so was I, and we all know it. When's the last time half of you had a full night's sleep? Or a whole day where you don't think about the horrible stuff we've seen? So yeah, I tried to make it where it never happened, and we could all be the better versions of ourselves and just forget about it. I really don't see how I'm the bad guy here."
There's a beat.
"Well that's stupid," says Dustin.
"Dustin."
"What? I don't wanna be Dustin from a world where we aren't friends. That world sucked! I got bullied like ten times more in that world!"
"For real, Steve, fuck you. You can't make decisions for all of us like that."
"But everyone is having--"
"A hard time, yeah, you've said so like ten times. But we were having a hard time together," says Robin. "I bet you're gonna get this lecture all over again from Nancy once she gets off work. If she's not on her way right now."
"Not to mention I'm pretty sure the whole thing was falling apart," says Max. "I kept seeing things, it clearly wasn't made to last."
"I just wanted to fix it," Steve says sullenly.
"Dude, last time I woke up from a dream where I was watching Eddie die, who did I call?"
"I don't know," sniffles Steve. "Who?"
"You. And you came over right away. With snacks, at four in the morning. So, like, you're kind of already fixing it. Y'know?"
Steve shrugs, but he's got a little smile on his face. "Thanks, Dustin."
"Don't ever do something dumb like that ever again or I will kill you," says Max, punching his shoulder.
"Message received."
_________
Eddie lies awake, watching Steve's chest rise and fall, and he thinks.
Would they have ever found each other again? Would he have ever known how his life could be if he just--
No use wondering. They could have been different people, but they aren't, and if it means he gets to wake up next to Steve every day that's fine by him.
Steve rolls over, eyes open.
"Whatcha thinking about?"
"How happy I am," he says, grinning. "And about how nice you look. Whew. Getting me going."
"Really," says Steve. "Here I thought you wanted to be a rockstar, get all the roadies. Satisfied with little old me?"
Steve's joking, but Eddie half wants to make it serious. I thought I knew what was important, he wants to say, but everything important happens right here.
"My life's already crazy enough. I wouldn't wanna get more famous."
"Oh yeah, I forgot your stint on the local news, hotshot. Glad that's over."
Eddie leans over to kiss his forehead. "Interesting times," he mutters. "I guess I'm blessed, huh."
His scars ache from the rain. Steve says his do too.
These are things they live with now, like the bone-deep tiredness that makes him stay in bed some days, or the hypervigilant urge that makes Steve rush to their friends houses to check up on them when they aren't answering the phone.
But he wouldn't trade the people they've become for anything.
Eddie takes his hand and they go to sit in the kitchen to wait for Nancy and Robin to get back from the drive-through so they can all have breakfast.
They bicker over who's gonna put the coffee on, and don't get done arguing before Robin comes inside with the bags of food.
The lamp by the table bathes them all in yellow light, and they fill the space with noise. Rain falls outside, gentle and slow. Steve hands him his coffee, with cream and sugar and vanilla extract, just a hint.
He sips it, and it's perfect.