The Personal Notes Of Reginald Hargreeves

by cadence_stan

Summary:

This journal is the property of Sir Reginald Hargreeves.
The contained information is strictly confidential.
If you obtain it, refrain from reading it and return it as soon as possible.
If you happen to “accidentally” glance at a few of these pages, I will ensure that my lawyers will take you away faster than you can say “invasion of privacy”.

Notes:

so.. this is the product of me, my cousin, and mega unfiltered autism. autistic x audhd is such a funny friendship dynamic and it occasionally creates masterpieces. each year will be a chapter, but this first one will be especially short since the kids were born in october.
additional warning, since this is meant to be a canon-typical replica of reggie's journal, viktor will unfortunately be misgendered (but not deadnamed, since my man reg only calls his kids by numbers).
thanks for reading and enjoy!

Chapter 1: 1989

Notes:

content warning for ableism and misgendering viktor. thanks for reading!

10/02/89
Travelled to Sweden upon hearing of a young news reporter who had given birth without being pregnant before. The woman is named Monica and I gave her a fair sum for the child, who will henceforth be referred to as #1. #1 is blond and healthy. It weighs 8.8 lbs and is even-tempered.

Umbrella Agents are sending me updates from across the globe.

 

10/04/89
Travelled to a run-down village in Northern Mexico and acquired a child from a young woman named Elena. The child is named #2. It is brunet, with brown eyes, and weighs 7.6 lbs. It has been wailing incessantly, which I am told is normal for a human newborn.

 

10/05/89
Today I am in the United States to collect child #3. Its mother is a schoolteacher, an immigrant from South Africa. #3 is black-haired and weighs 7.5 lbs. It is the first female child thus far.

 

10/07/89
Unfortunate failure. I travelled to England on news of a child born to a youthful couple that had not yet consummated, but the mother, Anita, refused to give me the baby. Naturally, I haggled, but she persisted. I have been informed of a potential mother in Pennsylvania and will be returning to America tomorrow.

 

10/09/89
Yesterday, I purchased the son of an Amish woman named Rachel in Pennsylvania. #4 is brunet and weighs 7.7 lbs. Obnoxiously, it fluctuates from screaming to giggling at a terrifying rate. I am considering investing in earplugs.

 

10/10/89
Another failed transaction. Umbrella Agents filled me in on rumours of a single woman inexplicably giving birth in Texas, but when I followed up on those rumours, the mother nearly stabbed me. Apparently, Big Hettie from Corpus Christi is not to be trifled with.

 

10/17/89
After a week with no updates, I travelled to Ireland and obtained a new child. It is named #5. I was somewhat nervous after my encounter with Big Hettie, especially considering that #5’s mother Aoife is a butcher. However, the deal went over smoothly, and Aoife was duly compensated.

#5 is brunet, 7.5lbs, and strangely composed. It is already over two weeks old and did not so much as whimper when removed from its mother.

 

10/19/89
Travelled to Seoul to secure a sixth child. #6 was born on a subway to a teenage girl named Chae-Yeong. The girl’s grandmother threatened me with a knife (I must question why this is becoming a repeated occurrence), but eventually the woman caved and I procured the child. #6 has black hair and weighs 7.2 lbs. It is quiet and cries very softly.

 

10/25/89
News has dwindled, but today I went to Moscow in search of yet another teenage girl who gave birth despite being decidedly not pregnant mere moments before. Tatiana bartered #7 to me for the lowest amount so far. #7 is brunet, 6.9 lbs, and the Academy’s second female thus far.

 

10/27/89
I have all the children I need, but I am certain there are more around the globe. I believe seven is enough, but I shouldn’t risk one of them dying throughout their raising period. One can never be too cautious. I will pester my agents for more words about the infants.

 

10/28/89
I was informed of a child in Australia and headed to their residence. The woman was unwilling to forfeit her child, even after my generous offer. I left empty-handed, as an extra child wasn’t worth this trouble. I shall return to Toronto to settle them into their residence.

 

10/29/89
Today, all children were moved into The Umbrella Academy. I updated Pogo on the situation and informed him seven children were enough for my plan. He was reluctant but gave in after I brought the infants in. I suppose the old monkey has a soft spot for children.

 

11/01/89
It seems as though I have to hire a caregiver of some sort. I am far too occupied to care for the infants and they are too much work. They constantly cry and require food, making my work a very slow process. Pogo can’t care for them, as he is running errands elsewhere. I shall start conducting nanny interviews tomorrow.

 

11/03/89
Success! I hired a caregiver who is willing to stay at the academy full-time. I would not want night terrors waking me up. Her name is Joanna and I will move her in tomorrow.

 

11/04/89
The infants are having mixed reactions to the nanny.

#2 is in love with her, crying when she’s not in the room. It’s quite irritating; I’m considering taking Joanna away from him for a while so #2 can get used to it.

#1 and #3 enjoy her company but aren’t overly obsessive with her. I am starting to like those two children, as they are the most normal. #1 will be a perfect leader for the team, as he is easily able to follow orders, even so young. I am happy I won’t have to swap names around for a suitable #1; at least not yet.

However, #3 can have the most tedious temper tantrums. She screams loudly for a newborn. I will have to look into a way of silencing her before she begins to defy my authority with these bouts of immaturity.

#4 hasn’t changed his behaviour, which is infuriating. He constantly screeches and has a look of terror on his face, but the next moment he’s laughing or sleeping. Maybe I should get him medicine for his seemingly bipolar personality, but I’ll hold off in case this is a phase.

I am beginning to favour #5 for his quiet behaviour. He hasn’t made a noise that anyone has reported. I hope he can talk, but that’s a problem for later. In the present, I can enjoy his silence. He doesn’t seem to like the caregiver, sniffing and narrowing his eyes when she is near. He doesn’t seem to be very welcome of me or Pogo either, something that should be looked into as he ages. I hope that doesn’t mean he won’t follow my orders.

#6 seems to be attached to Joanna, laughing and clapping in her arms. However, he’s awfully quiet when she leaves, crying quietly so it’s not a problem. I hope he can stop crying in the future because it’s a pain to hear hushed sniffling when I’m trying to work. It’s not an immediate issue, as there are far louder children in the house.

#7, like #5, seems to be hostile toward Joanna. She noisily cries and screams when she is near. She seems to like Pogo, and will only eat with his assistance. It’s a pain but the chimp seems to enjoy her company. It’s difficult when Pogo runs errands, however. I have decided to find a pair of earplugs to wear while working. These infants cause too much racket.

 

11/23/89
Joanna has proven quite good for the children, even #2. She knows quite a bit about rearing children, and tells me she majored in ‘early childhood education’. I was unaware of such a major. I question why one must spend multiple years of their life learning about the most insignificant stages of human development but to each their own.

As well as having devised a feeding schedule for the infants, the nanny puts the babies to sleep deftly and keeps them entertained throughout the day.

#1 is the easiest child, and my favourite so far. He cries infrequently, goes down for naps as appropriate, and responds to Joanna’s attempts to initiate play.

#2’s obsession with Joanna has dwindled since I had Pogo look after him for a few days. He is now relatively calm with or without the caregiver.

Joanna manages to soothe most of #3’s tantrums, but the fact that they still occur is of issue to me. If such behaviour continues into toddlerhood, she will be punished accordingly.

#4 has not changed. Joanna assures me that this is normal for a newborn, but I do not see similar behaviours in his siblings. She has advised against medication. I have been attempting to interact with #4 the least.

#5 remains silent and uninterested in interactions. I initially suspected deafness, but he turns his head at loud noises, so Asperger’s is now a concern. I will bring him to a doctor if this manner has not wavered when he is three months old.

#6 is also little trouble for Joanna and does not bother me. He is happy around her and unproblematic when she is gone.

#7 now allows herself to be fed by Joanna but she clearly does not like it. She much prefers to be looked after by Pogo and repudiates Joanna’s games and songs. I resent the fact that #7 is pulling Pogo away from his duties, but as Joanna states, sacrifices must be made when it comes to children.

 

12/13/89
I am beginning to worry that the children may not possess any abilities. According to Joanna, they’re growing and acting like normal children, which is the concern. None of them seem to possess any abilities that Abigail had promised me.

Perhaps they are late bloomers. Patience is an important virtue but if the infants are not special, it’s better to ditch them sooner than later. I shall survey them like hawks.

Additional note on #5 - the child has still not cried or smiled. Joanna expressed concern, so I brought him to the doctor. I was initially wary, fretting that his behavioural anomaly is a byproduct of some ability that has not yet revealed itself. If that is the case I would not want a doctor to know.

Dr. Friedman, however, informed me that #5’s unresponsiveness may be an early indicator of a developmental delay. This will simply not do. Friedman also said that even if the child has autism, he will likely be highly intelligent - my only consolation regarding this matter. I am to bring #5 back to Dr. Friedman when he is seven months old. A defective child is not something I had accounted for.

Chapter 2: 1990

Notes:

'chimp of the night' is such funny phrasing shout out to my cousin for writing that. content warning for ableism (including use of the r slur), misgendering viktor, and lowkey child abuse/neglect? not as bad as canon, but it's going to get worse as the chapters go on. thanks for reading!

01/01/90
It is now the new year. Not much has changed in the household that is worth noting. They are all developing but keeping their loud personalities as they age. The earplugs help, however, and Joanna’s presence does wonders for their noise.

None of the children are showing any signs of being special, nor are they walking or talking yet. It’s extraordinarily frustrating, but Joanna is assuring me that this is normal. I’m not sure if I can continue to trust her if there is no evidence.

Pogo is getting too attached to the infants, which could make him a liability in the future. I am considering sending him away for a few months on a false mission. I will do some research.

 

02/13/90
#3 has started speaking. Not coherent words, but horrid blabbing and awful noises. Joanna assures me that this is a normal thing for an infant to do, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

I am pleased that #3 is doing well developmentally and seems like she will be quite a talker as she ages. I hope she can put that talking to work.

 

02/24/90
Most of the other children have followed in #3’s footsteps of incoherent blabbering. The entire house is sounding dreadful, making it near impossible to get my work done. I have been looking into noise-cancelling headphones.

#1 started directly after #3, blabbing loudly to her like they were conducting an actual conversation.

#2 was a few days after #1 and didn’t speak much to his siblings, but was apparently quite chatty with Joanna. She finds it charming, the airhead.

#7 started blabbering next, mumbling incoherently to #6, who quietly murmured back. They both were quiet, thank goodness, but their “chats” were ongoing.

#4 spoke last, talking louder than any of the other infants. He still acts extremely sporadically, babbling happy one second and screaming the next. His company is quite annoying.

#5 still hasn’t spoken, causing me concern. He doesn’t do anything. His developmental delay is infuriating and I am considering paying a specialist to fix it, if only that were possible.

 

03/02/90
Spring is peeking through the cracks of Canadian winter and Joanna wants to take the children into the courtyard. Apparently, fresh air is good for their development. I agreed immediately, as I want their development to move as quickly as possible so I can begin training. Also, it’s easier to work when the screaming is outside. The children seem to enjoy it, too.

I noticed #7 is less hostile when she’s outdoors, something I should look into at a later date. Maybe parts of her training could partake in the courtyard, depending on what it is.

 

04/09/90
The infants are now six months old. In terms of milestones, they are now ‘rolling over’. I do not see how this is important but Joanna has told me that it is. Much to my dismay, #5 is behind in that area as well. I am quite concerned. If his developmental issue is severe, I do not know what I will do.

 

05/05/90
Today #1 started to crawl. He moves quite fast around the academy, making me trip over him on several occasions. It’s irritating, but I am pleased to see some sort of physical development in the children. I knew I picked the proper #1, being the first one to crawl.

I am noticing #2 is trying to crawl, resulting in him falling and making horrid screaming noises when he inevitably fails.

 

05/10/90
I took #5 to see Dr Friedman once more today. I am losing any hope of the child turning out normal. There is a good chance (according to Friedman) that #5 has some sort of developmental disability, though we cannot know for certain until he is older. I am clinging to the notion that #5 will be very smart, if socially hindered. There are an assortment of therapies for children such as him, but they will not work if his mental retardation is a serious case.

 

06/11/90
#1 has continued to crawl, growing stronger than all his siblings. I am pleased with his progress, hoping the others will get inspired and follow in his steps. Joanna is slightly concerned, saying that his strength isn’t normal for an infant so young. I am hoping that is a sign of a gift and not just a coincidence. I shall watch #1 closely.

#2 is crawling as well but a lot wonkier. He continues to imitate #1’s crawling but keeps crashing into various objects. I’ve had to remove all of my fragile objects from my travels into my office until #2 learns how to crawl properly.

#3 is also attempting to crawl, albeit slowly. She hasn’t crawled as frequently or quickly as #1, but she hasn’t crashed into a single object. She’s making progress, which is positive to see. I hope she will become as strong as #1.

#4 continues to scream and cry. According to Joanna, he points to nothing, crying about the empty space. I am hoping that’s an ability of some kind. I cannot handle two defective children. He has not made much progress on crawling, shuffling around the academy slowly. He’s building up a ton of static electricity like that, screaming whenever he gets shocked. It’s incredibly irritating. I am considering removing the carpeted floor.

#5 has made no developmental progress, making me frustrated. I should have tried to acquire an eighth baby. #5 just won’t do if he continues to act like this. He does not move often, leading to no crawling progress. I have considered sending him to a training facility of some kind, but both Pogo and Joanna advise me against it. I will have to wait and see if he makes any progress before turning one.

#6 has not crawled once, nor has attempted. I am concerned about that but will wait a while before starting to enforce training. #6 has been one of the easier children, so I will hold back for now. I hope he will continue to be quiet - my ears desperately need it.

#7 has not begun crawling either, remaining slightly hostile toward Joanna, albeit less noticeably. I am somewhat pleased with her hostile nature, as trusting people is a weakness. She will make an extraordinary superhero. I will send Pogo to try and encourage her to crawl. She seems too attached to the chimp. For the time being, this is good, as he can help her along the stages of growth, but if she becomes reliant I will have to sever the relationship.

 

07/24/90
Summer has blossomed in Toronto and all of the children have begun to crawl, with the exceptions of #5 and #6. #6 has begun to attempt crawling but has reached little success. #5 remains relatively motionless. I am quite worried that I made a horrible mistake with that boy.

Joanna, with assistance from Umbrella Agents in pushing seven strollers, is taking the children out for small walks every day. #7 loves the outdoors and is constantly babbling and grasping at the courtyard. Joanna and Pogo find it endearing; I do not.

 

07/31/90
Success! #6 has finally begun moving. Yesterday, I noticed the infant pull himself up, but didn’t think much of it. Today, Pogo delightfully informed me that #6 had started walking. Only a few steps at a time, but it’s more progress than even #1. Joanna is concerned that the infant skipped “crucial” developmental stages, but I am content with his progress. #1 is expected to catch up if he wants his name to remain.

 

08/06/90
#1 has shown the first signs of special abilities! Pogo was repairing the fireplace when a loose brick fell on #1’s head. I heard Joanna and Pogo screaming about it from my office. However, when I started to investigate #1’s state, he seemed to be unhurt. He wasn’t even crying, instead smiling and laughing. It was most peculiar.

I am hypothesising #1’s possible abilities:
Durability
Nerve damage of some sort
Injury transferring
Pain resistant

Whatever his ability may be, it will serve well in battle. #1 is turning out like a perfect soldier. I am eager to investigate his ability further and make a definitive conclusion. For now, I am content that my #1 hasn’t died on me.

I will conduct further tests on how far this newfound injury deflection goes. I will have to keep an eye out for any signs of abilities from the other infants. In the future, I shall lock the children in a separate room when Pogo is doing maintenance. It was a stroke of luck that #1 is injury resistant.

 

08/10/90
Joanna has failed me. After the incident with #1, she seemed to be shaken. I don’t care for her, but it started to affect the way she was caring for the children, especially #1.

Last night, after she put the infants to bed, I called her into my office. She was angry at me for my cruel nature to the infants. I knew she was bluffing, however, because she hadn’t minded me before. After a stronger interrogation, Joanna finally confessed to the stress of learning that #1 has abilities.

I suppose I had forgotten to inform her when she had taken this position. Joanna informed me that she doesn’t believe what #1 had done was possible and why he wasn’t concussed. I didn’t want to explain the logistics of my plan to a maid, so I informed her that it is possible, and if she can’t meet the caregiving requirement, she is no longer welcome.

Today, Joanna handed in her letter of resignation, stating she will no longer care for the children. I had to round up my lawyers and swear her into secrecy before she left. No one can know about the Umbrella Academy just yet.

I will conduct interviews for a new caregiver. I hope I find someone easier to handle.

 

08/15/90
I have begun conducting interviews for a new nanny. A few women are of interest, but I am not sold on any of them yet. I am cautious about how they react to #1’s abilities.

#2 is terribly forlorn that Joanna left, screaming and crying all day and night. No one could get him to stop, not even Pogo. I began wearing my earplugs to bed because of his racket. His immature need for a mother figure has encouraged me to speed up the hiring process.

#1 seems sadder with Joanna gone, crying when Pogo puts him to sleep. He cries when he is taken out for his daily walk as well. Such nonsense from my #1. I hope he isn’t attached to the next caregiver.

#3 doesn’t seem much different since Joanna moved out. She doesn’t seem to be as talkative as normal, however. She was always such a babbler. I am content with the lack of irritating noise from #3, but her temper tantrums have returned and there is no Joanna to put a stop to them. Pogo’s efforts were fruitless and I am far too busy to concern myself with such immature matters.

#4 hasn’t developed as well as I had hoped and is still crying and pointing at blank spots in the room or on walks. He is louder with his crying now that Joanna is not here to comfort his wailing. It is irritating and I have begun to wonder if #4 is just crazy. I will hold off on sending him to a specialist until I can confirm it’s not his ability. Even so, what sort of ability is this? I will keep a close eye on #4.

NOTE: Interrogate #4’s seemingly insane behaviour when he begins to speak. I need to get to the bottom of this strangeness.

#5 is rendered useless. On the bright side, he is the quietest child since Joanna resigned. I am deeply concerned about how he will grow up and if I should talk to another specialist. Dr Friedman has been of no assistance to me. I am foolishly optimistic that #5 will become useful one day, so I will hold off at least until the infant’s first birthday.

#6 is similar to #1 in his response to Joanna leaving. Luckily, he’s been a quiet child and doesn’t give me much trouble. He seems to be crying a lot more, however. Pogo theorises that it could be stomach issues. I will buy him medication at a later date. On their first birthday, I scheduled an appointment with their paediatrician so they can get checked over. I hope #6’s stomach issues aren’t going to carry into the future.

#7 doesn’t seem to have a change in behaviour after Joanna resigned. She wasn’t quite as attached as the earlier numbers. She does seem more attached to Pogo now that the nanny is gone, something I will have to investigate in the future. For now, I can enjoy the lack of noisy crying.

 

08/21/90
After over two weeks of interviews, I have finally hired a nanny. Her name is Marybeth and she doesn’t seem to be put off by #1’s special ability. In fact, when I informed her, she laughed and said “Well, at least there will be no accidents!” She irks me at times, but I am sick of interviewing and she seems to be a good fit. I hope the children like her.

 

08/27/90
The infants seem to be warming up to their new nanny. Pogo was hesitant at first, but I wanted to get it over with. The old chimp is getting too attached to these children; it’s making me concerned. I think after their first birthday, Pogo should take a vacation to Spain. The weather is beautiful and the chimp needs a break. Marybeth can handle the children.

#1 and #2 grew immediately attached to Marybeth, which is a delight to see. Their crying occurs a lot less now. It’s a good thing infants have a poor memory, or they would take a lot longer to adjust to her. Perhaps they think Joanna has returned.

#3 and #6 needed more time to get used to Marybeth, a few days, but they seemed to like her presence as much as Joanna. I am pleased to see that #3’s tantrums have declined exponentially and the academy is a lot quieter because of that. Marybeth started reading to #6 before she tucks him in and that did wonders. He stopped crying in the night and it seemed to cause #6’s stomach problems to subside. I am now curious if his emotions are tied to his issue; I will have to conduct tests at a later date.

#4’s behaviour has remained, still pointing and crying like a madman. Luckily, Marybeth can calm him down before he starts screaming. I hope her presence will erase whatever is bothering him, but that is a naive wish. I need to keep a close eye on #4 throughout his development to ensure that whatever he’s seeing won’t tamper with my end goal. I hope they are a help and not a hindrance.

#5 is still unresponsive and it is infuriating. I hoped, perhaps naively, that this nanny would be better than Joanna, but that was a foolish hope. I am beginning to wonder if #5 will be of any importance at all. It’s not too late to put him up for adoption. I shall see his progress after their first birthday, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering what’s wrong with him. #5’s inability to behave in an age-appropriate fashion is puzzling and I can only endorse it for so long.

#7, like with the caregiver before her, is reluctant to trust Marybeth and cries whenever she enters the room. However, I am pleased to see that Marybeth isn’t put off by the dastardly behaviour and is aiming to “bond” with #7 as much as possible. I doubt that #7’s hostility will last more than two weeks, so everything will be a lot quieter now that Marybeth’s a resident in the academy. I am looking forward to observing the infants and taking note of any special abilities.

 

09/01/90
Exactly one month away from the infants’ first birthday and #5 has positively surprised me for the first time. While he has still made virtually no progress in crawling, let alone walking, I entered the living room this morning to find Marybeth in distress.

While playing with the children and encouraging them to take their first steps, she looked away from #5 to find him on the couch, rather than the carpet where he had been moments prior. When she reached out to pick him up, he vanished into thin air and reappeared on a stool at the bar.

This spatial jumping occurred several times. Marybeth frantically called me and Pogo into the room, and Pogo was able to calm #5 down by offering some mashed banana and peanut butter.

Marybeth is waiting in my office- I need a full account of her experience.

TRANSCRIPT
RH: Ms Garcia, please describe to me in detail what happened with #5 earlier.
MG: Um- I- well- um-
RH: Take your time. I don’t care for such blathering.
MG: Well- I was stacking blocks with the babies on the carpet. And-and Five, he never stacks the blocks, he organises them by colour- it’s so cute. Anyway, Two’s block tower fell down and he started to cry, so I was consoling him, and when I went to check on Five he was gone.
RH: And this is unusual because…?
MG: Well, you know. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t even really crawl… but there he was, on the couch, glaring at me like usual. I was confused, but I went to pick him up and he just disappeared. It was like blinking, one second and he was gone. At this point I was pretty much having a heart attack. I was looking for him, well, and then I saw him sitting on a barstool, but before I even got over there it happened again!
RH: Where did he reappear?
MG: On the antlers over the fireplace! I was so scared, well, you know he’s not all that responsive but I was still worried he’d poke himself or even fall off! So, I called you and Pogo, and by the time you both came out, you saw him, flitting every which way. Over on the bookshelf, on the table, the windowsill, even in the fireplace, thank the Lord it wasn’t lit. Goodness, it was just so terrifying.
RH: Hmm.
MG: Well, I’m just glad Five is alright. He’s such a sweet little boy.
RH: Ms Garcia, I am fairly certain he hates you!
MG: Oh, I don’t think so. He just needs to come out of his shell.

Marybeth’s naivety aside, I am enthralled by #5’s newfound abilities. I feared that he would be nothing but a burden on me, but the ability to make spatial jumps is invaluable and of great interest to me. However delayed his motor capacities might be, even if he can never communicate verbally, #5 is now an asset. I look forward to testing and expanding on his ability.

 

10/01/90
Today marks the infants’ first birthday. Marybeth thought we ought to throw them a party, but I immediately shot that idea down. Birthday parties are not productive and they would not remember it anyway. To mark the occasion, I brought them to Dr Friedman for a check-up. I inquired specifically about #4’s habit of pointing haphazardly and weeping.

Dr Friedman told me that pointing is normal for babies, and even an important milestone. I pressed on, emphasising that #4’s pointing is near constant and his siblings do it so rarely. The doctor’s theory is that #4 is just a very emotional and expressive baby. Coupled with the crying, Friedman said, the pointing may indicate that #4 wants attention. I’m not sure I fully believe him, but I left a note for Marybeth saying to pay special mind to #4 from now on nonetheless.

The rest of the children seem to be developing normally, aside from #5’s frustrating resistance to talking, crawling, walking, or being functional. Dr Friedman assured me that we should give him more time. I was reluctant, but #5’s power proves to be incredibly useful, so I agreed.

Before we departed, I asked Dr Friedman about #6 and his stomach issues. I inquired about any medicine that could prevent these issues from continuing. Dr Friedman, ever the unhelpful fellow, informed me that stomachaches were somewhat common within infants and toddlers and we would have to “wait it out”. I don’t have a degree in medicine, but I don’t think that waiting it out is the solution to every problem. I hope it’s nothing terminal or Dr Friedman will get sued to the point of no return.

 

10/02/90
Today, I sent Pogo to Spain for a week. I will miss another hand helping around the house but it must be done. I fear the chimp is getting too attached to the children and it is negatively affecting all parties involved.

#1 doesn’t seem very upset about Pogo’s departure. I am proud of how #1 isn’t drawn into attachments as easily as the other children, something I will need to enforce as they age.

#2, isn’t too forlorn about Pogo, too busy with Marybeth. The child seems to like her more than the chimp, something I will have to investigate. Is it Marybeth in particular or a general mother figure? I wonder, should I replace Marybeth for a week with another caregiver, if #2 would even notice? I highly doubt it. The infant seems too reliant on his mother figure, something I will need to quash before it gets out of hand.

#3, like the numbers before her, isn’t terribly sad about Pogo’s absence. With the exception of #2 and Marybeth, I take pride in my top numbers ridding themselves of frivolous attachments. However, #3 seems to get into these “moods” that I or Marybeth can do nothing about. I don’t know why she gets in such terrible moods, something that Marybeth assures me is normal for a child. I hope it’s a short-lasting phase. I can’t handle that child’s death glare anymore.

#4 has noticed Pogo’s absence, something he does not take lightly. He continues to have dreadful mood swings, having gotten worse since Pogo’s vacation commenced. There’s nothing Marybeth can do about them, making me frustrated with the lack of mental development in #4. I am now doubting this is a phase, having been a trend for a year now. I will continue to urge #4 to be diagnosed with medication but after Doctor Friedman’s visit yesterday, I doubt that will get carried out.

#5 is frustratingly similar to #4 in behaviour development. He doesn’t seem to miss Pogo, but I can never tell with that child. His behaviour hasn’t changed since Pogo left, continuing to stare at various items and teleport around. Marybeth failed to mention the fascinating blue light that accompanies each teleport. I wonder what the cause of this phenomenon is, something to investigate. He hasn’t begun crawling, walking or babbling yet, something that continues to frustrate me. I am disappointed that such a crucial power is given to such a simple child.

#6 seems to miss Pogo greatly. Even though Marybeth reads to him every night, which seems to have a positive impact on his mood and amount of crying, he seems to be in a mood since Pogo’s departure. I often hear him crying through the walls and refusing to go to sleep at his designated bedtime. It’s a disappointing sight, as #6 should follow instructions at all times whether Pogo is present or not. However, seeing #6 like this reiterates why I sent Pogo away in the first place, and it seems to be a nice reality check for him.

#7 is similar to #6 in this regard. She seems to be the closest to Pogo out of the rest of the Umbrella Academy. She was devastated when he left, crying so loudly that nowhere in the Academy is safe. Nothing Marybeth does can calm her down. #7’s dreadful reaction is making me tempted to call Pogo back here, but I stayed strong. It’ll be beneficial in the long term and for now, #7 can and will get over it.

NOTE: During the duration of Pogo’s departure, the furniture would rattle occasionally, like an earthquake was occurring. I am hopeful this is someone’s ability, brought into the light during an emotional time for the children. Unfortunately, I could not place the specific child. I will have to wait for it to reveal itself in due time. For now, I shall observe them.

 

10/05/90
#1 continues to bring me pride. I was in the kitchen preparing a plate of breakfast for myself this morning when Marybeth brought the children in. A few of them were crawling, and #6 toddled along beside his nanny, when all of a sudden #1 stood up and walked towards me before stumbling and falling. Marybeth expressed surprise, saying those were his first steps. Even as a toddler #1 shows me that he will be an exemplary leader of The Umbrella Academy.

 

10/11/90
#5 is continuing to teleport. At first, this was a delight, but soon it became a hindrance. I learned that his spatial jumps take up a lot of #5’s energy and I often find him passed out in various locations for Pogo or Marybeth to collect. I am pleased that #5 is attempting to master his ability, but he may be going too fast. I am considering putting some sort of tracker in the infant to ensure that when he inevitably teleports outside the academy, Pogo or Marybeth can locate him easily.

 

10/15/90
An unusual thing occurred this evening. Marybeth was reading to the children in the parlour when yet another one of #4’s episodes of pointing and sobbing started to unfold. Marybeth sat him on her lap in an attempt to soothe him when he emitted the first real word spoken by any child in the Academy: “Help!”
According to Marybeth, she checked around for whatever #4 might be pointing at but found nothing as expected. At least this utterance gives us a new window into the cause of #4’s episodes. He likely imagines himself in some sort of imminent danger.
NOTE: Remind Pogo to research signs of schizophrenia in children.

 

10/18/90
#7 has revealed her special abilities today. I will admit, I expected someone of a stronger character to come into their powers next - however, upon further reflection #7 has all the characteristics of a good superhero. She is wary and alert, and Marybeth has let me know that she is clever in her play. Pogo has informed me that #7 has an excellent sense of hearing, picking up on the most minute of sounds. I am curious if that has anything to do with her ability - something I will have to investigate at a later date.

#7 is usually even-tempered enough if she has Pogo by her side, but today she had a tantrum that not even the bespectacled chimpanzee could calm. He suggested taking her out to the courtyard, but that did nothing but presumably bother the neighbours. Marybeth did everything she could think of - fed and watered the child, and changed her nappy. My earplugs, too, tragically failed to drown out the meltdown.

Distracted from my work, I paced insatiably around the mansion. Marybeth, the poor ditz, was bouncing a shrieking #7 up and down in her lap, when, at the bar, a glass shattered. I heard the commotion and hurried over. Marybeth recounted seeing an electric blue wave emit from #7 and shatter the glass. This leads me to believe that #7’s power has to do with waves of sound or energy and is likely based in emotions. Since she is an infant, this will be difficult to regulate. I have begun to devise training schedules for when the children can all walk, talk, and have realised their abilities.

 

10/20/90
#3 has started walking. I am pleased with her, as she is making the most progress developmentally other than #1. She started unsteadily toddling around the academy. I am grateful I removed my fragile items when #2 started crawling, else they would have shattered today. I am eagerly awaiting for her to reveal her ability - I have a feeling it will be a great advantage.

I hope that #2 can start walking soon; he is lagging behind #3, a fact that I am disappointed in giving his number status. He seems to dislike #1, something that I find peculiar. I am hoping that this friendly rivalry will continue into their later years. Competitiveness is a positive motivator if done correctly.

#1 seems to be growing more and more confident in his legs, his durability proving a great advantage to his development. I am delighted with how quickly he’s developing and eager to mould him into the perfect #1 when he is older. For the time being, I will run experiments on him to test how far this durability will go. These tests will start shortly.

 

10/23/90
#5 has finally started moving! Marybeth ushered me from my office yesterday excitedly. At first, I was miffed, as getting my work done is becoming harder as the children aged, but then I saw #5 in the hallway on his hands and knees. I am delighted! Finally, he’s developing normally. I am eager to take note of #5’s progress.

With his remarkable abilities and predicted intelligence, I believe that #5 will be a great asset to me in the future if he gets past this developmental struggle. I will keep an eye on #5 to ensure that he will continue to develop normally. Hopefully, he will begin to babble and walk. I am sick of finding him unconscious in various areas around the mansion. I am positive Pogo and Marybeth are as well.

 

11/01/90
I am extremely pleased to learn that #6 has discovered his ability. I am excited that the children’s abilities are revealing themselves at a quicker rate and hope that soon, the entire set of The Umbrella Academy will have their abilities and be ready to train.

When I was working in my office, I overheard an argument between #6 and Marybeth. It wasn’t so much an argument, more Marybeth scolding #6 and him crying.

It was infuriating how many pairs of noise-cancelling headphones I have bought and none of them seem to get the job done. These manufacturers clearly never housed seven screaming infants.

I was trying to tune out the frivolous background noise when I heard the sound of a monster. It didn’t sound like it was coming from a television, as there were no televisions in the mansion or a radio, so I knew that one of the abilities was more grotesque than #7’s violent soundwaves.

I exited the office, curious about whose ability would reveal itself next. I found #6 in the middle of the bedroom hallway, a horrible tentacled thing coming out of his stomach. I was flabbergasted. This was not what I had in mind for abilities, being far too unpredictable. Could #6 even control that?
I observed as #6 tried to get this thing under control while the tentacles slashed around, breaking and ripping everything in the distance. Marybeth suddenly screamed a sound that was more deafening than #7’s soundwaves. I believe I am about to lose another nanny.

Pogo, the chimp of the night, managed to calm #6 until the tentacles receded to his stomach. It’s crucial to take note that #6’s power seems to be tied to his emotions, like #7. It seems the more deadly the power, the more tied to emotions it is. I will have to find a way for #6 to control these tentacles before they get out of hand. I wonder if therapy or medication will be of any assistance.

I am truly repulsed. How could so many of these abilities be so deadly? How will these children be able to control their abilities? I will have to be creative with these training regimes to ensure I or the children’s lives won’t be in jeopardy. At least #6’s stomach issues are explained.

 

11/03/90
Marybeth, like Joanna before her, started acting shaken. Frazzled, she’s now always avoiding #6. This immature avoidance does the opposite intended effect because the lack of Marybeth makes #6 upset, increasing the risk of the tentacled monster getting released.

To put a stop to the risk of the tentacled monster, which I have dubbed “The Horror”, I, getting a strong bout of deja vu, called Marybeth into my office for a chat.

The conversation went similarly to Joanna’s. I endured her nervous rambling and excessive use of the word “well”, then asked her if she wanted to remain at the academy. Marybeth declined, stating that she felt unsafe in the presence of a monster. So, I sent her packing.

I summoned my lawyers once more and she agreed to sign the secrecy form. I sent her on her way, forbidding her to say goodbye to the children. That would make it worse for them. I am worried that Marybeth leaving will have a worse impact than Joanna's because the children are more mature now, developing their abilities and walking while Marybeth was at their side the entire time.

Well, I shall see what the children think of their caregiver’s abrupt departure and should start looking for nannies again. In the meantime, I will purchase more noise-cancelling headphones.

 

11/10/90
The interview process, like the ones before it, was long and tedious. The children especially cause difficulties since they have started to develop verbal strength. I am persuaded to rip my ears off. They don’t stop talking, coherent or not. I doubt the children even understand what they are saying to each other.

I am eager to hire a caregiver as soon as possible, but at the rate at how many are quitting, the options will continue to dwindle. However, I see a few promising candidates that will endure strict testing. I need to know if they can handle whatever disastrous abilities the children reveal next.

I will start interviews tomorrow. I will let them care for the children for a couple of days to see how they fare against the dreadful noise and tantrums. Then, I shall make my decision.

 

11/19/90
I have had very few reasons as to why #2 should stay in the position of #2 before this day. The child clings to every nanny he encounters and behaves fitfully and insolently. However, he took his first steps today, and walked with such direction and speed, leaving even #1 behind. I believe this upset #1. The spirit of competition thrives between the two boys and I hope it will continue as they age. I am eager to decipher #2’s abilities. I hope they are worth keeping him in his spot.

 

11/22/90
Finally, I have hired my third nanny and I pray I will never have to go through that atrocious process again. Her name is Kay and seems to adore the infants, gushing about how “cool” (some sort of Earth slang, not meaning frigid - I will have to look into that) #6’s abilities are. She assures me that he will befriend The Horror, something I don’t foresee until #6 grows older.

I moved Kay in yesterday and observed how the children are reacting to the new nanny. #1 seems to like her, always trying to walk toward her and laughing when he stumbles into her. I will have to correct his walking behaviour if this continues - is he falling for attention? #1 also seems to be physically developing a lot faster than the other infants. Is this a result of his ability? I am curious if there’s a way since #1 is developing so quickly, to scientifically alter the other children’s DNA so they can develop like him. I’ll have Pogo look into it, but it seems unlikely. Shame.

#2, like the nannies previously, loves Kay. He is constantly trying to fight his siblings for attention. I’ve noticed #2 tug Kay’s sleeve on multiple occasions and show her

Since the children are developing their abilities quickly, I should begin planning their training regime. I am eager to begin as soon as possible. I hope that #4, #3, and #2 discover their abilities soon. It is a shame that the higher numbers are failing me, other than my #1, who is doing well. I am disappointed that the later numbers have such unpredictable abilities, I hope they will be of use.

 

12/10/90
Earth winters are something I will never get used to. The snow comes down relentlessly and all the children, #7 especially, long for the outdoors. I believe they are suffering ‘cabin fever’, as Kay so aptly calls the phenomenon.

This architecture-related illness does have some beneficial symptoms, though. In the time they have been cooped up, #4 and #7 have both started to walk. This means that all the children are now walking, except for #5. Kay believes that patience is important when it comes to children with developmental disabilities. Lately, it seems as if everybody is telling me to be patient. If only they knew what I know - there is never as much time as we want there to be.

According to Kay, children start to talk around twelve to eighteen months. They are now over fourteen months and only #4 has spoken. His ceaseless pointing is now paired with him repeating the words ‘help’ and ‘help me’ over and over again. His vocabulary has also expanded to include ‘Pogo’, ‘sir’, ‘no’, ‘yes’, and ‘more’. He is not as loquacious as #3, who babbles endlessly but still struggles to form actual words, but talks a moderate amount and conveys frustration at his siblings, presumably for being unable to properly reply to him. I anticipate further verbal development among the children (once again to the exclusion of #5).

 

12/26/90
#7 has said her first words! Kay had the children playing outside in the snow when #7 fell into a small snowbank. Purportedly, she laughed and said ‘cold’. I am glad that at least some of the children are developing normally. While telling me of this event, Kay asked me about how the lack of loving, stable parental figures might affect the juveniles. The first words are typically things like ‘Mama’, ‘Dada’, and ‘dog’, not ‘help’ and ‘cold’. She acts as if I am starving the children in a dungeon. I informed her that these are not typical children, so typical occurrences should not be expected of them.

Kay is somewhat overbearing, but she keeps the children in check far better than Joanna and Marybeth. I hope she does not crack as they both did, as #2, #3, and #4 are all yet to manifest their special abilities.

Chapter 3: 1991

Notes:

this one is super long to make up for the fact that we have no clue when we'll write the next one. also features us playing fast and loose with childhood development stages for comedic effect. also, only goes to the kids' birthday, the year isn't over yet... so sorry!!!
content warning for ableism, misgendering viktor, child abuse/neglect (significantly darker than the previous chapter), and generally umbrella academy horror. thanks for reading!

01/01/91

It is now the new year and the children are improving in their development wonderfully. #3’s surprising first words make me wonder if #2’s powers have anything to do with verbosity. Only he and #4 have yet to reveal their abilities to me, and with each passing day, I suspect more and more that #4’s unabating pointing is associated with special abilities of some kind.

 

#4 clearly senses something nobody else does. My theories for his abilities are as follows.

• Precognition
• Mediumship
• Clairvoyance
• Some variant of astral projection?
• Childhood psychosis (ideally not this one)

 

I await #4 to develop greater verbal ability with bated breath. Being able to converse with him will dramatically improve my understanding of his capability (or condition). 

 

On the subject of #2, he has shown no signs of an ability. However, neither did #3 until she first spoke. Either #2 is a late bloomer or his powers are based on speech, similar to #3. If the problem is of some other nature I do not know what I will do. My second new year’s day with the children and so far they have been more trouble than I accounted for, particularly #4 and #5. Though he is making strides (not literally), I am still unsettled by the rates of #5’s development. He is still far from walking while his siblings are speaking their first words. 

 

No matter. This year will be substantially better than the former. The fate of the world depends on it.

 

1/07/91

Pogo has informed me of an intriguing event regarding #3. Kay was briefly in the kitchen, and so he was watching the children paint with their digits in the parlour. #2 accidentally ripped #1’s painting, and they were both crying and arguing (I cannot presume why ever-logical #1 was so distraught - his rendition of some trees was hardly a Caravaggio). Pogo comforted #1, but #2 was still yawping away. Annoyed, #3 turned to #2 and said something curious.

 

TRANSCRIPT

RH: What exactly did #3 say, Pogo?

PH: She said- well, she said ‘Be quiet’. 

RH: And how did #2 respond?

PH: He just… fell silent. It was peculiar. Wiped his tears away and went back to the finger painting. For an instant, his eyes went the queerest shade of blue, almost white.

RH: What did #3 do after that?

PH: She moved right on and kept painting.

RH: Thank you, Pogo.

 

I have a multitude of questions about #3’s perceived special ability. It is clearly some kind of vocal mind control. Wherever the origin, #3’s ability is fascinating and I look forward to inspecting it in greater detail.

 

01/28/91

For the first time, I am questioning if my #1 is suitable for the role of #1. In January, both #2 and #6 spoke their first words. #2 plaintively said the word ‘nanny’ during a meltdown. I found this typical and somewhat pathetic, but since then he has also said ‘no’ and ‘Pogo’. #6 asked Kay for ‘more?’ at breakfast. 

 

The rest of the toddlers’ vocabularies have expanded as well. #4 and #3 especially are starting to form brief, coherent sentences amidst the babbling. #6 remains quiet and #2 and #7 are starting slow, but they are all talking (with the obvious exemption of #5). Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for #1. He babbles, yes, but I have heard nary a word from him. Truly puerile behaviour from the leader of my Academy. The boy’s physical strength is promising, but he is falling short compared to his siblings in almost every way. #2’s walking is the best of his siblings, so he now threatens #1 in even that area.

 

Since the children were first brought into The Umbrella Academy, I prized #1 for his obedience and collected manner. It will not be easy for me to demote him, but if he does not start talking before eighteen months, changes will have to be made.

 

02/17/91

Nearly a month later and little progress has been made. According to Kay, the infants have been developing faster than normal and I should be pleased with their progress. If only I were as ignorantly optimistic. These children are not living up to their fullest potential and it is humiliating to witness.

 

#3 and #4 are starting to improve their vocabulary, adding coherent words into their conversations more and more. I am impressed with their progress although their constant chatter is irritating to listen to. Occasionally, Kay joins the conversation, adding “Uh huh” and “Oh, really?” from time to time. It’s incredibly immature, but I am pleased she is trying to encourage them to expand their vocabulary. I am looking forward to teaching the children how to read, I have a feeling that it will do them some good.

 

#2 has stopped speaking as often, which is disappointing, but I am confident he will pick his knowledge up again in due time. If not, I will start enforcing stricter rules regarding speaking around the academy. I hope it doesn’t come to this, as I want #2 to be the best he can be in case I have to replace #1. I am worried about his lack of powers, however, but I perhaps naively hope that #2 will reveal them soon. I hope they’re impressive enough to potentially replace #1 if need be.

 

#1 still hasn’t said anything, too busy barrelling around the house like a lunatic. I think his power has gotten to his head, but it’s too early to tell. I am impressed with #1’s athletic ability, learning physical attributes a lot faster than his siblings. However, for him to act as my #1, I need a brain in his head. So far, I haven’t seen a sign of anything of the sort, which is making me nervous. I am observing #1 carefully to see if he not only has the strength, (which he possesses greatly) but the smarts to properly lead the Umbrella Academy on missions and into the Oblivion.

 

#6 has also lapsed into silence but occasionally speaks up. His most used word is “story” when he tried to get Kay to read him a bedtime story. I am hopeful he will start to expand his vocabulary, especially with all the books Kay’s reading to him. I will start to see if these books will help with his vocabulary. If they do, the other children will partake in evening stories as well. I am pleased with #6 overall, who’s not causing any problems for me, despite The Horror.

 

#5 is, to put it mildly, a train wreck. He has bettered his teleporting abilities to the point where he can pass out after three-five jumps instead of one. However, he is still unable to talk, walk, or crawl. The bout of improvement Marybeth and I spotted was short-lasting, and #5 is now devolving in his developmental stages. I am disappointed in the lack of attempts to develop in #5, something I will start punishing him for if there are no changes in the next few weeks. This has been going on for too long.

 

#7, like #3 and #4, is developing wonderfully. She isn’t going as fast as them but is picking up new vocabulary in various conversations and speaks quietly to her siblings. I am hoping that she will continue to grow her vocabulary. I have high hopes for #7 becoming one of the most talented members of the Academy. She shows more promise than the others. Disappointing that she is the last number. If I am forced to usurp #1 from his position, I may need to do some shuffling with #7 as well.

 

02/21/91

Disaster struck. When I was in my office, I heard Kay screaming. Usually, I don’t pay her any attention because Kay is quite fond of screaming, whether it is because one of her friends told her something “unbelievable” or if any of the children learn a new word. But, her scream was more frantic and sounded like she was running toward me. I reluctantly exited my office and found Kay in the hallway, running and screaming. 

 

When asked about the matter, Kay fearfully proclaimed that she did not know where #5 was. I knew it was only a matter of time before #5’s teleporting would lead him astray, lost somewhere in the city. I regret not putting a tracker on him the second I discovered his ability, and now I’m paying the price. I told Kay to look after the children while Pogo and I search the city for #5. She seemed hesitant, which is strange because taking care of the children is her job but she agreed.

 

Pogo and I split up. I covered downtown while Pogo scouted near residential areas. I had hoped that no one had pitied #5 and taken him to their homes as it would make searching a lot more difficult. 

 

After nearly three hours of searching the city, Pogo nor I found any sign of #5. I was ready to call it a night, so Pogo and I went to a small diner to get coffee. It was the afternoon, but I was tired from many hours of searching and wanted something to ensure I would complete my work for today. 

 

When Pogo and I arrived at a diner near the academy, some hole-in-the-wall called “Griddy’s” (I do not know who Griddy is and why they have gone into the doughnut-making business out of everything) and ordered a coffee while Pogo got a croissant, the sugar-tooth bastard. The waitress gave a double-take when she saw him, which is quite rude. I was tempted to call her out on it, but I was too exhausted to make an effort. 

 

I was drinking my coffee when out of the corner of my eye, I saw little #5 in a booth. He was sitting there eating a doughnut, staring into space. I don’t know how long the child had been there, how he ordered a doughnut if he could not speak, or why the waiters hadn’t kicked him out, but I was thankful #5 had been found at last. We escorted #5 out of the premise and into the academy. 

 

I am installing a tracker on the boy tomorrow as well as giving #5 a punishment for leaving without permission and eating sweets. I don’t know how #5 had managed to order the doughnut or made his way into the booth in the first place, something I will interrogate the waitress about tomorrow morning. In the meantime, #5 was sent to bed without dinner (the doughnut should have filled him up just fine) and am thinking of ways to punish him to ensure something like this will never happen again. 

 

An incident like this has made me consider starting their training. Better sooner than later, especially to avoid additional blatant disregard for rules.

 

02/22/91

Today I bought a tracker from someone I knew in the 70s and had it installed later tonight. 

 

When I called #5 into the infirmary (something that has been blissfully unused so far), Kay had to carry him in because the bastard still is unable to walk. I ushered Kay out afterwards, as I don’t want this to be a comfortable experience for #5, and brought him onto the seat. I obtained the tracker, which I had placed into a needle to inject into #5’s shoulder. 

 

For introducing the tracker and punishment, I decided to talk to him like he could hear and comprehend my words. After all, #5 did order a doughnut from Griddy’s yesterday.

 

TRANSCRIPT

RH: Do you know what this is, #5?

#5 doesn’t move, not even a head shake. He stares into nothing, giving me the impression he’s not listening.

RH: Well, #5, this is a tracking device. It ensures you cannot escape me. I don’t know why you teleported away from the academy, but this makes sure that wherever you go, I will find you. Do you hear me, #5? I will always find you.

#5 doesn’t speak or move, as expected. However, I watched as #5’s eyes met mine, making eye contact with me. His expression doesn’t shift from the usual apathy #5 has always contained, but I can sense his defiance.

RH: Do you understand me #5? I need a verbal agreement.

#5 doesn’t move, continuing to stare at me with his brow slightly furrowed and defiance in his gaze.

I barely retained my anger. How dare #5 not address me while I am asking for a verbal answer? How dare he make eye contact with me as if we are equals?

I didn’t warn #5, instead stabbing the needle into his right arm (most likely his dominant arm, not confirmed yet) and embedding the tracker into his skin.

#5 didn’t move, not a flinch or wince. He just continues to stare at me, gaze not wavering. This is somewhat of a shock from avoiding eye contact of any sort for over a year. I wonder what changed.

 

With the tracker inserted in the child, I didn’t allow him to leave yet. It was time for his punishment. I decided the punishment that would ensure #5 would never forget what happens if he disobeyed my orders. I retrieved the wires and cable needed for his punishment and taped the wires onto #5.

 

I informed him that this is for his own good and that this will happen again if he exits the Academy properly without my permission. Then, I flipped the cable on. I started at a low voltage to ensure he wouldn’t pass out or perish from the sensation. Then, when I was sure he could take it, I upped the voltage and observed.

 

OBSERVATIONS:

#5 seemed to be unreactive to the electroshock. His body was convulsing, but I assume that’s a natural response to the level of electricity coursing through his body and not a conscious act. 

#5 is not breaking eye contact with me throughout getting shocked, something (of which I reluctantly admit) that unnerves me slightly. The child’s dull eyes seem haunting, something that nearly makes me yearn for when #5 wouldn’t acknowledge my presence. 

 

Throughout getting shocked, #5 doesn’t make a noise. No wincing or crying, not a tear falling down his cheek. He’s just sitting there staring. After a few seconds of on-and-off shocking, I was sure #5 had learned his lesson and called Kay to take him to stay in the bedroom for the rest of the day. For the eye contact, he may not eat dinner again tonight.

 

I noticed faint black burn marks, tinged with pink, on #5’s body where the wires were placed. I hope Kay is not too disturbed by them. She cares for the children and is unafraid to let me know that she does not approve of my methods of discipline. However, she has witnessed some of my smaller-scale punishments and has not quit like the weak-stomached Joanna and Marybeth.

 

I must admit that #5’s reaction wasn’t the reaction I had been hoping for. But, I hope (perhaps foolishly) that he learned his lesson and won’t teleport out of the Academy. Even if he does, now I have the means to locate him.

 

I must say, it has been a successful day.

 

02/23/91

Something anomalous happened today. I must admit that I am shocked, but far from upset. This is a most irregular occurrence to the point where I am a bit worried, but the pros far outweigh the cons. I was working on a training plan for the children. It must be highly individualised and rigorous, with group training as well to build resilience, endurance, strength, and teamwork. There are countless aspects I need to consider - but I am getting off track.

 

I was poring over my notes when I heard a click. Startled, I looked up, just to find #5 teleporting onto my desk. I was immediately angry. I had punished him just yesterday, and he still dared to both interrupt my work and inconvenience the nanny? Downstairs, Kay was calling for him. 

 

To my enormous surprise, #5 then spoke to me, in full sentences.

TRANSCRIPT (based on memory)

RH: #5, what are you doing here? I am disgusted at the gall you have, interrupting my w-

#5: Be quiet, old man.

RH: The inso- what?

#5: Leaving the Academy was a mistake. It won’t happen again. But you won’t be using that thing on my siblings any time soon.

RH: You are capable of speech?

#5: Good, you can hear. So listen. That thing you did to me yesterday, with the-

And here #5 makes hand gestures that I believe he meant to represent the wires and cables I attached to him.

#5: -don’t do that to my siblings. I can handle it, but they can’t. And don’t tell Kay about it either. Or we’re going to have trouble.

RH: Are you threatening me, #5?

#5: No. But if I wanted to, I could. I respect you, Hargreeves. Help yourself out and keep the… ouch machine away from my siblings.

 

#5 then jumped back downstairs, where Kay was looking for him, leaving me with many questions.

• How long has #5 been able to talk? Why can he talk in full sentences and with semi-advanced vocabulary?
• Is his speech part of his special abilities?
• Is his threat based in any true malicious intent? Does he have the means to harm me, physically or otherwise?
• Does Kay know about his speech?
• Should I punish him for effrontery, or refrain due to his speaking?

 

These are all questions I will answer in due time. For the time being, I will take pleasure in the fact that #5’s condition, whatever it may be, is not an impairment.

 

02/27/91

With #5’s recent developments, I began to believe that I would have no choice but to strip #1 of his name. However, he began to speak quite well today. He was racing #2 through the halls and crashed into my leg. When I scorned him, he replied, ‘sorry, sir’. I am glad that all the children have now spoken and their growth is on track as normal, aside from #5’s continued refusal to walk. I questioned him about it, but he remained evasive. I am proud of myself for the direction The Academy is headed.

 

03/07/91

Today, I focused on #2 and #4, the two children who have not revealed their abilities yet. I am disappointed their numbers are so far up, especially considering #5, #6, and #7 were a few of the first to show their ability.

 

I decided that if the children couldn’t figure out their abilities, I would have to reveal it to them. However, as I was calling #2 into the to-be training room, #5 gave me his withering stare. I elected to ignore it because I don’t follow the orders of someone who can’t walk yet. 

 

I deposited #2 into the to-be training room and inquired if he discovered any abilities recently. After initial confusion followed by a shake of his head, I informed him that today, I would reveal them to him.

 

I commenced a series of tests, each more tedious than the next. #2 cannot swim, cannot run quickly, doesn’t have agile reflexes, and doesn’t possess extreme strength. I was ready to give up, only having a few more tests left. 

 

I put a knife in #2’s hand and told him one word: “Throw”.

 

There, I finally discovered the extent of #2’s ability. He registered what I said, which was promising on its own, and then he obeyed me, throwing the knife with shocking accuracy. What confounded me, even more, is the knife curved in midair, embedding itself in the door. I stood there, shocked that #2 possessed such an impressive ability. Not only was I shocked, but excited. This ability could do wonders for the Umbrella Academy and ensures there is a powerful person should #1 get replaced.

 

#2 was standing there, looking like he wasn’t comprehending the extent of what he had done, unlike me. 

 

I didn’t need anything else from #2, so I dismissed him. It’s not my concern if he is unable to understand what he has accomplished. That is something for #2 to figure out individually.

 

As he left, I noticed a flash of blue in the corner of the training room. As I went to investigate, I found nothing. I assume #5 was spectating the training, something I need to have a firm word with him about.

 

I returned to my office to write this and will initiate similar tests for #4 tomorrow.

 

03/08/91

Today, I was determined to discover #4’s ability. Like the previous day, I called #4 into the to-be training room. 

Unlike #2, #4 wasn’t silent throughout this procedure. Exclamations like: “Pogo!” “Kay!” “Wanna play!” It’s incredibly irritating, making me miss #2’s silence.

 

When we arrived, I went through the standard testing procedures as I had for #2. Unfortunately, this child wasn’t silent during this process either. What is even more unfortunate is that #4 exhibits none of the abilities that were tested.

 

I was almost finished going through my list when (a now common occurrence - last-minute discoveries) #4 asked something peculiar. 

 

TRANSCRIPT:

#4: ‘Nda people?

RH: People? Elaborate, #4,

#4: People!

(#4 gestures and points to the surrounding space.)

RH: What do these people look like?

(#4 makes an ambiguous gesture and babbles.)

RH: Are there any in this room, #4? Describe them to me.

#4: Ouchie.

RH: What do you mean by that? Describe the nature of this, as you say, ‘ouchie’.

#4: Ouchie tummy. Ouch.

RH: Can you touch these people, #4?

(At this point in the transcript, #4 gestures to be picked up. Reluctantly, RH complies and carries #4 to the empty space towards which he is gesturing. #4 holds his hand out, trying to touch whatever man was there.)

#4: AHHH!

RH: What? What is it?

#4: NO! NO!

RH: But he still talks to you?

(#4 screams and cries wildly.)

 

I believe I have discovered #4’s power. I don’t know what good seeing ghosts are in battle, however, so #4 is a potential liability. I want to know how far #4’s abilities stretch; I highly doubt it’s just seeing the dead. I will have to conduct testing shortly.

 

03/16/91

I have become restless as we near The Academy’s second spring on this planet. I know that human children develop slowly, but it seems almost endless, the time it is taking these juveniles to become old enough to begin training. Excluding #5, they can all walk at this point and have all been made aware of their abilities. Despite this fact, Kay insists that they are not ready to train, and do not even have the cognitive skills to understand my orders. For now, I bide my time in my office, perfecting their training schedules and processing extensive data about every aspect of the children.

 

#1 continues to develop well. The children are learning to run and walk upstairs, and #1 is spearheading the charge. Physically, he is still my best hero. To my dismay, he is showing signs of clinginess - toward me. The child is slowly walking up and down stairs whilst holding the hand of Pogo or Kay, but whenever I see him he incessantly whimpers, nudges me, and asks me to walk with him. My team leader having attachment issues is the last thing I need. I will attempt to further distance myself from him, to promote independence.

 

#2 is slowly realising his abilities. His incredible skill with throwing knives is not restricted to knives, it seems. He can throw anything with ease and precision and can curve objects in mid-air as he desires. I believe this will turn out to be very useful. Currently, he is using Kay as target practice, with his dinner being the weapon. #2 has a temperament that is best described as ‘bratty’. He is pouty, prone to tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, and constantly in competition with #1. The latter I do not mind to some degree, since it will just improve both of their performance, but #2 is engaging in foolish, apelike behaviour (no offence meant towards Pogo). The child threw a crayon at #1’s head yesterday, and #1 burst into tears. That crayon could soon become a wooden block, and that wooden block could become a rock, and that rock could become something deadly. I am not sure how far the pugnacious #2 will take this rivalry. Further investigation is required.

 

Since saying her first words, #3 has become insufferable in how much she talks. Her lexicon is far from as sophisticated as #5’s, but she rambles on and on nonetheless, and frequently attempts to use her newfound power. I can tell that she will be a strong and adept soldier, but on a personal level, I do not like the girl. If Kay does something she does not like (and there is very little that she likes; from bedtime to sharing her toys, she detests it all), she has no problem with whispering some demand and turning Kay into a compliant minion. I will not let myself be made deferential - I have begun to wear my noise-cancelling headphones around #3 at all times.

 

#4’s behaviour irritatingly hasn’t shifted from the very first days I collected him. He’s still terrified of what others cannot see, (I am pleased to finally conclude why his behaviour is so sporadic) something I will have to change as training begins. #4, like #3, is a huge talker, always blabbing about whatever is on his mind, which is never much. Now that he knows that I know about his ability, he constantly brings up which ghostly presences he can see, something that the other children are confused about. I doubt they realise their abilities aren’t normal - I will ask them at a later date. Despite #4’s annoying personality, I am pleased his ability was finally brought to light and about how few problems he causes me (mostly).

 

#5 continues to be a puzzle to me. He cannot walk and shows no displays of emotion whatsoever, but talks like a child years older than he is. Though he’s been more subdued since his punishment, what he said to me the following day lingers in my mind. I do not give credence to the thought that #5 might actually hurt me. After all, he is still a toddler. But as the days go on, he shows me time and time again that despite his abnormal development, his intellect is laser-sharp and at a completely different level than his siblings. I am continuing to observe him closely.

 

#6, at least, is something of a normal child. He loves playing with #4, #5, and especially #7, and is generally quite shy. Kay has told me that he likes having stories read to him, and will quietly study the pictures, as well as the words that he cannot yet understand. It is The Horror that fascinates me. I have endless questions about the creature and its relationship to #6. I think it causes him pain, seeing as he routinely cries, points to his stomach, and says ‘ouchie’. He is also turning out to be a picky eater. I will have to explore The Horror’s effects on #6’s digestive system. The child’s meal plan will be altered if The Horror is to blame for his selectiveness; if it is just fussy taste, he will be forced to get over it and punished if he refuses.

 

Pogo informs me that #7 is on a very positive track. She is a sensitive child who enjoys the outdoors and expresses a particular interest in music. Every time Kay puts on records, Pogo says, she listens attentively, as well as when Kay plays the grand piano we have in the parlour. She is transfixed. I wonder if this has anything to do with the sonic nature of her abilities. Speaking of #7’s abilities, we have had to essentially earthquake-proof all delicate items in the house. Whenever the child has a tantrum, the entire Academy rattles. Though multiple priceless artefacts have been broken, I only care for The Academy’s future, and #7 will play an important part in it.

 

Concluding notes:

• Wean #1 off of his needy behaviours
• Test the lengths of #2’s brutish nature
• Alter #6’s meal plan and observe the effects on him and The Horror

 

03/29/91

I am beginning to worry about #6’s abilities. While I was in a meeting with Pogo, I heard crashing and screaming. Usually, noises like that indicate a child’s temper tantrum, but I recognized the screaming as #6’s. #6 is a different story with temper tantrums because of The Horror. I exited my office and found Kay dodging items that The Horror sent flying through the air. #6 appeared horrified, crouched on the ground in the kitchen. 

 

After everything settled down, (Kay was forced to give #6 milk to calm him down) I decided to put my foot down and conduct tests for The Horror to study its abnormalities. I will spend the rest of the day planning what to test and the safest ways to do so. Currently, #6 is sleeping. I believe that The Horror tires him out. 

 

QUESTIONS THAT NEED TO BE ANSWERED:

• Does The Horror have senses? (Can it see or use sonar detection like bats? Or does it rely on #6 to see where it’s attacking?)
• Does The Horror cause stomach problems?
• Does it have a mind of its own?
• Where does The Horror stay when #6 isn’t using it? Is it an interdimensional scenario or is #6’s biology built to contain it?
• Does #6 require a special diet or can The Horror sustain itself? (This might require in-depth testing when #6 is older because his palette is currently limited)
• Where does The Horror get energy? Does it steal #6’s? If so, why does #6 not pass out after usage like #5?
• Does The Horror excrete waste? Is it connected to #6’s digestive system?

 

I will aim to answer as many of these questions as possible as soon as I find out the best way to run tests on #6 and The Horror while keeping me safe (I’ve seen The Horror in action and if these tests go as I imagine, I will require protection). I hypothesise the tests will commence in a few days, as I need time to set up. 

 

03/31/91

Today, I ran tests on The Horror. The results were surprising and fascinating. 

 

I had Umbrella Agents set up something similar to a booth where I can examine #6, but easily retreat should The Horror attack me. The room in which the booth is situated is also contained and impenetrable, just in case things go completely wrong. I brought #6 in and laid him down on an operating table.

 

TRANSCRIPT:

RH: #6. Are you able to call forth the creature known as The Horror?

(At this point, RH gestures to #6’s stomach.)

#6: Scary.

RH: I do not care if it frightens you. Disregarding your desires, can you physically summon it?
(#6 appears confused.)

RH: Can I get verbal confirmation that you cannot control The Horror?
#6: Go play?

TRANSCRIPT FINISHED

 

That is one question that remains unanswered, due to #6’s inability to comprehend the nature of my question. Miffed, I moved on. I carefully inspected #6’s stomach for anything that might imply The Horror is part of his biology. The child occasionally whimpered. I assembled my surgical tools, ready to cut the boy open and observe his innards. Seeing the glint of my scalpel, #6 jolted back into his cot with terror.

 

TRANSCRIPT:

#6: No, thank you. No, thank you.

RH: I need utmost silence in order to complete this task.

#6: No. Scary. No, thank you.

RH: Quiet, #6.

#6: No thank you! No please! No!

TRANSCRIPT FINISHED

 

#6 was quite frightened, shaking and almost crying. As I neared him with my tools, he curled up, and I heard a loud rumble. #6 yelped, even more scared, and curled up. The boy was promptly thrown back when something opened up in his stomach, and The Horror burst out, tentacles thrashing. My first instinct was to retreat into my shelter, but The Horror did not seem like an immediate threat to me, and I used the opportunity to study the hole from which the monster emerged. This proved difficult, as #6 was sobbing and kicking. 

 

It did not appear as if the hole led to #6’s innards. It was black and void, just large enough for The Horror to come through. This leads me to believe that The Horror is eldritch in nature. To test the portal (?) I attempted to pass my pen through the perforation, but as soon as the writing utensil touched the portal’s opening, #6 screamed and batted it away. At this point, #6 began to yell at me, the same phrase repeated over and over again: ‘t’s hungry! T’s hungry!’

 

This concerned me. Sure enough, The Horror began to strike down at me, though it always missed. #6’s use of the word ‘hungry’ made me wonder. I promptly sealed myself in the booth and ordered an Umbrella Agent to come into the room. He did so, and I watched as The Horror’s tentacles ripped the man limb from limb. It was a truly grotesque sight - blood and gore everywhere, twitching body parts strewn across the ground. However, as soon as the man was dead, The Horror curled up and pulled itself back in. The portal sealed, and only #6’s skin was left. 

 

Little #6 was having the largest meltdown I have seen from him so far. He was drenched in the agent’s blood, flailing and bawling like nothing else. Mildly shaken myself, I delivered #6 to Kay and assured her it was not his own blood he was covered in. I am glad he will not remember this in the future. If I am to break the children, I hope I will not have to break them before they can begin training.

 

CONCLUSIONS ABOUT THE HORROR:

• It is some sort of eldritch abomination, and likely comes from a place incomprehensible to humans
• #6 cannot control it
• It emerges when #6 is experiencing strong emotions, such as fear
• It is nourished by the act of killing (it did not consume the carnage in any way)
• Things passing through the portal hurts #6

 

I am still unclear on whether it causes #6 pain or not. He was crying quite noisily, but I cannot tell if his tears were the result of pain or fear. I try to figure it out when he has recuperated - in the hours since, he has not spoken, constantly alternating between crying and sleeping, and has refused food and play. 

 

I have more questions, specifically about the autonomy and abilities of The Horror, but I do not believe #6 has the knowledge or awareness to answer. In time, I will reach answers. I do wish these children would grow faster.

 

04/12/91

#3 is beginning to seem like a threat to our balance. I haven’t been paying her much attention because the other children required strict observation, but I am starting to comprehend the power of her ability.

#3 finished her breakfast milk and was screaming for more. Kay, under my orders, refused to comply. It is my last desire to raise spoiled children in the academy or else they will lose the skill to function.

 

#3 didn’t accept this answer, and I finally heard her power in action.

 

TRANSCRIPT:

Kay: I told you, #3, you only get one glass of milk for breakfast. That’s the rule.

#3: NO! MORE!

Kay: Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you changed into day clothes for playtime!

#3: No! Give me more !

(Kay’s eyes turned white and stood with such a rigid posture, it was alarming)

Kay: As you wish, #3.

TRANSCRIPT COMPLETE

 

This is a concern. If #3 continues to abuse her power, she will be immune to listening to my orders and taking part in the training. So, I called her to a remote location (I don’t trust the children in my office) and decided to discuss the future of her behaviour.

 

TRANSCRIPT:

RH: #3, do you realize what you just did?

#3: Milk?

RH: Incorrect! You disobeyed Kay, meaning you disobeyed me.

(#3 seems confused, obviously playing dumb.)

RH: I’m not buying your ignorance, #3! There were rules and you chose to break them. Your ability is extremely powerful, meaning you have a greater chance of abusing it. The more you abuse your power, the greater the consequence you will get. Do you understand, #3?

#3: Mmm.

RH: Now, you will never manipulate Kay, Pogo, or me ever again or there will be dire consequences. There will be a punishment for talking back to Kay this morning to ensure you will learn your lesson. Is that clear?

(#3 continues to look confused.)

RH: Are you unable to comprehend what was just said, #3? You will now no longer have daily walks with Kay and the rest of your siblings for two weeks.

#3: No!

RH: Do you want me to extend the punishment, #3?

#3: We go on walk-

(RH slaps #3 across the cheek.)

RH: Never attempt to use your ability on me! No walks for a month. Do I make myself clear?

#3 (crying): Yea.

TRANSCRIPT FINISHED

 

This indecent has brought a harsh light on #3’s ability and how the children can abuse their abilities. I will consider this and observe them more closely in the future. I will have to incorporate this threat into their training to ensure there is no abuse of power unless deemed necessary by me.

 

04/23/91

#1 continues to be the first to develop physically, making me pleased. Kay has begun to teach the children how to excrete waste in the toilet instead of soiling themselves in those dastardly diapers. 

 

I am pleased to see #1 was the first child to successfully start learning and potty training, urinating in the toilet before all the other children. Kay applauded his behaviour, as do I, and is using #1 as a role model for the other children. 

 

Physically, #1 is well beyond where he should be, taking on tasks with ease that someone his age should not be able to do. However, I am worried about the mental development of #1. It is not bad per se, but it is worse than most of the other children by a lot. 

 

I continue to wait patiently for training to begin for the children to develop their personalities and outlooks toward their roles. Only then, will I make a decision about if #1 should remain as his respective number or if someone with greater mental capabilities should lead the Umbrella Academy to greatness. Mental slowness is something I will not tolerate in a team leader and something that #1 should begin to show signs of advancement in the specific field.

 

05/04/91

Although #7 does not stand out to me in terms of obedience or leadership in the way #1 does, I believe that she has raw power incomparable to any of her siblings. This is becoming apparent throughout her growth. She is relatively mild-mannered, not throwing a tantrum if she does not get her way like #3, but if she is upset, she becomes quite dangerous to be around.

 

Just over a week ago, she tripped and scraped her knee whilst chasing #6 goodnaturedly. As children with no sense of emotional regulation do, she immediately began crying. She was in the hallway, and as she wailed, she emitted a sonic wave that shoved all nearby furniture (as well as #6) into the wall. #6 (who I will leave a note on at the end of this entry) then started weeping as well, doubling Kay’s headache.

 

#7’s outbursts are becoming more afflictive than just an exploding vase. Similar incidents have been happening for around a month. The worst of them occurred yesterday. #7 was eating her soup and accidentally spilt the entire bowl on herself. It must have been quite hot, as Kay told me that the child then bawled, kicking and screaming inconsolably. When Kay approached her, she was knocked back by #7’s sonic wave. If an 18-month-old toddler is strong enough to send a grown woman head over heels, I cannot begin to imagine how strong her abilities will be when she is older. Control, however, is a necessity, and #7 is currently lacking. Until she and the others are responsive enough to begin training, all we can do is attempt to keep the girl calm and in a non-volatile environment.

 

(Addendum on the topic of #6: It has been over a month since I conducted tests on The Horror. The tests were very taxing for #6, and it took him several days to recover physically and mentally. Thankfully, it has left no long-term effects on him. The Horror has not emerged since it last fed, and after moving on from the experience itself, #6 has seemed happier overall. He has been crying much less and reported no stomach pain at all. The Horror likely causes #6 physical pain when it is hungry. It is satiated for now, but it will become famished again. I will have live rabbits brought in the next time #6 complains of digestive problems. Ideally, The Horror should consume those rather than hurt anybody in The Academy.)

 

05/18/91

After long last, #5 has begun walking. He is something of a nuisance to me, constantly teleporting all across The Umbrella Academy, snarking away like a small adult (albeit a rather inarticulate adult). He has not walked before today, and so ravenously eats all the food in the kitchen to fuel his unrelenting spatial jumps. I would be glad that he is using his powers in a contained manner, except he knows that it makes Kay’s job much more difficult, and does it anyway. There are seeds of rebellion in that child.

 

In an attempt to restrict his jumping, I put a cap on the amount of extra food he is allowed each day. A car cannot get into car crashes if it cannot start up, and it cannot start up without fuel. The boy did not appreciate having his method of transportation taken away, and spent several days sulking, essentially immobile (aside from unpracticed crawling). 

 

Today at lunch, Kay called the children into the kitchen for peanut butter sandwiches. All of #5’s siblings walked over to the table, but #5 could only crawl feebly. Frustrated, he apparently said, “Oh, Jesus Christ,” and promptly stood up and expertly walked over to the kitchen. Kay was stunned. #5’s development has been quite irregular. He is late to every milestone he reaches but is skilled at them beyond his years once he is able to do them. Personally, I am glad that my food limit encouraged him to finally walk. I am unsure of how it will affect him and his abilities in the near future.

 

05/24/91

It is truly incredible to me how necessary food is to #5’s ability to make spatial jumps. It has been nine days since I curbed #5’s excess consumption of food to fuel obnoxious and unwarranted jumps. He has since learned to walk just as well as #1 and #2, almost better, and he can even walk upstairs on his own. The child has not given up on making spatial jumps, despite running on less energy than usual. He is hubristic, and I (alongside Pogo and Kay) keep finding him unconscious at various locations in the mansion. It has become clear that #5 will not stop teleporting, he will just stop doing it well. I have removed the rein on #5’s diet so he does not hurt himself before training can begin. Regardless, it is not good that #5 relies so much on nutrition. Once he is older, I will enforce stricter limitations so that he can wean himself off.

 

06/12/91 

TEST: will observe and record the children’s eating habits and tastes of an assortment of different foods. The reasoning behind this is that I am pondering their meal plans and wondering how different abilities affect what the children need to ingest. I will run experiments to observe the benefits of each food group and the correlation between the performance of their abilities.

FOOD BEING TESTED:

1 steak (medium)

1 chicken wing (roasted)

A kale salad (kale, broccoli, cheddar cheese, almonds, sunflower seeds, cranberries)

An assortment of nuts and dried berries

Macaroni and cheese (full-fat ingredients)

A fruit salad (pineapple, honeydew, strawberry, blueberry, kiwi, watermelon, and grapes)

 

06/14/91

I began with #1. I hypothesise that meat and nuts will benefit his ability because of his abnormal strength and how protein affects the muscles. I will put that theory to the test.

 

For #1’s experimental training, I will order him to lift 5 pounds for 10 seconds and make the weights 5 pounds heavier after each interval. I will record how tired he seems and when he is unable to lift anymore. 

 

Commencing the first meal, I fed #1 a piece of barbequed steak, toasted to medium and topped with barbeque sauce. I am reluctantly impressed with Kay’s cooking, making meals smell heavenly. #1 agreed, eating the steak with vigour and enthusiasm, though it had to be diced to near-mush to accommodate his developing teeth. It was embarrassing to see him get sauce on his face and napkin.

 

I then took him to the training room and started to record my observances.

 

TEST #1: STEAK

 

#1 seems to be in a good mood after his meal, smiling and accepting the dumbbells with ease. As this is the first time I’ve tested him, I am eager to see how well he fares against exercise and a training regime.

 

#1 has lifted the 5 lbs dumbbells without issues. He hasn’t broken a sweat and appears to be unstimulated with this exercise. I am pleased that his durability seems to hold up well.

 

At 15 lbs, I noticed that #1 is starting to struggle and take more time with his weights. #1’s speed dropped exponentially and his breathing started to speed up. When I gave #1 the 20 lbs weights, when he tried the first lift, #1 collapsed on the ground, breathing seeming to slow down.

 

I called Kay into the training room to assist #1 and diagnose him. Kay informed me with concern that #1 was “overexerted” and dehydrated. While Kay took him into the infirmary, I pondered what this means for my testing and if it will have to be put on hold for the time being. I suppose the children are, annoyingly, too young to experience difficult labour for the time being. I will continue to monitor #1’s health and ensure he has a speedy recovery.

 

06/17/91

#1 continues to be locked in the infirmary and monitored by Pogo at all times. Sometimes Kay is there to help, but she needs to look after the other children and ensure (specifically #6 and #7) that they are kept calm and happy.

 

At first, I thought #1’s recovery was a hindrance, however, I realised I could use this as an opportunity to observe how fast #1’s recovery takes and if it is different from normal children.

Pogo informed me that #1 did not need to get attached to the IV to transfer essential minerals to #1 as he would with normal children. I was delighted to hear that #1 is not only stronger than the other children but can recover much quicker than them as well. 

 

#1 was able to sleep for roughly 28 ½ hours before waking up and becoming fully coherent (or as coherent as a child can become). I am pleased with his recovery so far, as it is improving twice as quickly as normal children would experience and #1 will get back to how he was before.

 

Because of this incident, I am postponing the tests until the children age and become more durable. However, I will make some moderations to the training room to ensure that the children can hydrate quickly and efficiently as well as having a first-aid kit on scene when (I guarantee this is bound to repeat) there is another medical dilemma.

 

For now, I will bide my time and continue to observe the other children. I am irritated with this stage of development because the children have surpassed every milestone I care about (even #5) but aren’t strong enough to be of any use to me. I am forced to be patient for now until I deem them ready. I hope “ready” will come sooner than later.

 

07/09/91

Earth's summers are as ridiculous as winter. It seems as though the country of “Canada” only deals with extremes when it comes to weather. The winters are dreadfully cold and the summers horribly humid.

 

The children continue to get taken on their daily walks around the neighbourhood for their development. However, I believe that it does not matter how much time they get in the fresh, sticky air. I listened to Kay, though, because there is not any other activity to entertain the children while they grow.

 

However, these walks have influenced the citizens to start rumours about the Umbrella Academy when it isn’t ready to be shown to the public quite yet. I am beginning to consider banning neighbourhood walks for the safety and privacy of the academy.

 

The issue is the children, specifically #7, are extremely attached to the daily walks. I fear what #7 (specifically her ability) will do to the academy when they are banned. I fear for my and the academy’s safety, but I need to protect the Umbrella Academy’s privacy from the unwanted eye.

 

I will consult Pogo and Kay about the matter and consider every option. For the time being, Kay and the children are to walk through more isolated parts of Toronto to try to protect our privacy.

 

08/29/91 

#2 is a strong attribute of the Umbrella Academy, but after today’s incident, I am worried about his immaturity when crime-fighting.

 

When Kay was feeding the children dinner, #1 and #2 got into a heated argument. I was seated at the head of the table when #2 flung his food at #1, who was seated across from him. I don’t know why #2 would ever commit to such an immature response to my complimenting of #1 clearing his plate, but I am learning that #2 is a lot more childish than I would like him to be. The issue is that every time I consider demoting #2, he shows himself to be very adept in his abilities. If he is able to reign his ridiculous impulses and curb his temper, there is no doubt that he will be an outstanding #2. In the meantime, I will have to deal with him accordingly.

 

Almost immediately after the incident, I took #2 to a separate room to correct his behaviour. He wailed for Kay, as he is prone to doing. I sat him down and initiated disciplinary action.

 

TRANSCRIPT

RH: #2, your behaviour is foolish and will not be tolerated. You do not throw food at #1, no matter how ill your feelings towards him.

#2: NO #1!

RH: You have no choice, #2! #1 is your brother. If you feel so strongly, I would advise directing your emotions into growing stronger with your abilities. 

#2: Mean!

RH: He is an excellent leader, and listens to me better than the rest of you mongrels. As your punishment, you will not be allowed dessert for a week.

#2: Dessert!

RH: This is what happens when you flagrantly act out, #2. The universe is cruel, and things you love dearly are taken from you. You must learn to adapt.

#2: Dessert please?*

RH: No, you cannot have dessert. Get that through your head, #2. I will not repeat myself again.

#2: Aw.

 

*Note: ‘Please’ in this instance was pronounced as ‘peas’, but I spelled it correctly rather than phonetically.

 

The child seemed somewhat despondent after that. He was returned to his siblings, and I observed him as he was the only one without dessert. He seemed upset but did not cry (for once).

 

Note on dessert: Since deciding that the children are not old enough for adequate nutrition-related testing, I am keeping them on a healthy meal plan for toddlers of their age. Prior to Kay imploring me, no excess fats or sugars were allowed (barring #5, who is allowed as much food as he needs to fuel his jumps for the time being). 

 

However, Kay convinced me to allow the children a small treat every two nights. She claims that to develop properly, they must be exposed to different stimuli. Tonight, it was a miniature berry tart.

 

09/23/91

Pogo has informed me that he has done research about the children’s medical statuses and there are “mandatory” vaccines that they have missed taking in earlier developmental months.

 

I am ashamed to say I made an error, forgetting about vaccinations and the healthcare system altogether. It isn’t easy adjusting to Earth and its silly laws. To combat this slip-up, I will pay a doctor to give all required vaccinations to the children at the academy. I can’t risk more public exposure. 

 

Pogo advises against this, fearing what the side effects would be if they get them all in one go, but I reminded him that the only reason he is here is because of a shot. That shut the chimp up quite nicely. 

 

I will look into paediatricians that are available for setting up a clinic in the Umbrella Academy and will keep their professional mouths shut with a hefty bribe. I will start asking around.

 

The following vaccine requirements are:

 

Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis (Given in combination as DTP)

Measles, mumps, rubella (Given in combination as MMR)

Polio (OPV)

Hib

Hepatitis B

 

10/01/91

Today is the children’s birthday. They are turning 2 years old today. Similar to last year, Pogo informed me that usually, earthlings celebrate the day with an over important celebration only known as a birthday party, but I told him that it wasn’t required due to the fact that they would not remember it anyway. Who would the party be for? Certainly not me. It was a frivolous idea and I decided to not acknowledge the occasion, as it would distract me from my studies.

 

However, due to Kay not being present for my decision, she allowed the children to eat a sugary breakfast containing pancakes and syrup. I informed her that going forward, there will be no such treats. Birthdays are an unnecessary rite that will not be celebrated under the roof of the Umbrella Academy.

 

I have spent the week searching for a doctor who can come directly to the Academy to vaccinate the children. So far, there have been no results. I will continue my search.

 

10/02/91

Success! I have located a doctor in Toronto who is willing to travel to the Umbrella Academy for the vaccines. Her name is Dr. Cross and she arrived this morning for the children’s vaccination. Like Pogo, Dr. Cross questioned my authority, attempting to convince me to spread out the vaccines. I put her in her place by reminding her who was paying who and she rightfully shut her mouth.

 

I gathered the children in the foyer and explained to them what was to take place. Of course, I had my #1 to get vaccinated first to show the rest of the academy (and #1) what good leadership looks like.

 

#1 seemed nervous but obeyed me. He sat in the chair next to Dr Cross and held still when she commanded him to do so. I was pleased with #1’s compliance, hoping this was the beginning of respect for my authority. 

 

#1 sat still, bracing himself for the vaccine. Dr Cross inserted the first one, then alternated arms for the second, then alternated again for the third, and continued to alternate arms for the fourth and fifth. 

 

#1 flinched and whimpered as the few couple vaccines were inserted in his arms and tears started to fall down his cheeks near the end. When Dr Cross was finished, I dismissed him to the infirmary for Kay to monitor his health. I don’t want children fainting on me if I can control it. 

#2 was shown to be more difficult to control. When I attempted to get him into his seat, he refused to obey. I was tempted to slap the child, as I had done earlier, but I did not want to do so in front of the doctor. 

 

According to Pogo, child abuse is frowned upon on Earth, which is ludicrous. How will parents ever get their children to obey and respect their authority? This place is too soft for my liking to the point of ridiculousness. I guarantee that this softness is the reason why there are so many crimes and coups. People don’t respect authority, a sad sight to witness.

 

Back to #2, he showed signs of rebellion and disrespect, so I thought the next best thing was to threaten his dessert privileges once more. To my satisfaction, that seemed to do the trick and #2 sat in his ordered seat. However, #2’s hindrance would not stop there. It seems he is afraid of needles (something utterly embarrassing to admit) and tried to squirm away when Dr Cross attempted to insert the vaccines into his arm. 

 

At this point, #2 was testing my merciful patience, so I continued to threaten his privilege of dessert. It did not affect the child, who continued screaming, crying and refusing to obey mine or Dr Cross’s orders. I tried to get him to listen to me, but he continued to ignore me.

 

I considered sedating #2 to end this madness and get him to take the shot, but Dr Cross, who was most likely as exasperated as I was, curtly informed me that she does not have sedatives on her, which was ridiculous.  A doctor should come rightfully prepared for any given issue. 

 

After the second vaccine, which Dr Cross had injected after Pogo had to hold the child down as to not inject it in the wrong location, #2 fainted. Pogo, lifted #2 out of his seat, presumably carrying him to the infirmary to get seen to along with #1, but I informed him that the vaccines must be finished before #2 could leave. Pogo looked confused, and I assumed that the chimp in his brain was unfortunately dominating the frontal lobe, as he was not thinking logically. #2 was easier to inject now that he wasn’t conscious, and I ordered Dr Cross to continue, albeit she did hesitantly. 

 

Afterward, #2 was sent to the infirmary to ensure that he would be on his feet by tonight for dinner. I do not tolerate tardiness or absence during mealtime. It will not be done.

 

#3 showed apprehension when it was her time to be vaccinated, but did not cry or squirm until the first needle entered her arm. She showed a similar progression as #1: she whimpered for the first couple and then began to cry. She did resist, although not to the same degree as #2. I am glad she did not try to use her abilities on Dr. Cross - that would have been humiliating had she failed, and incriminating had she succeeded. Since I disciplined her in April, #3 has attempted to use her abilities on her siblings several times, but never on the adults of the household. If  #2 does not curb his insolence, I may switch his and #3’s numbers.

 

As per usual, #4 caused a great many issues when his turn came. He was crying and screaming, although I do not know whether it was due to his abilities, or worry about his vaccinations. I am eagerly awaiting #4’s speech to improve, so I may squash down any tedious behaviours with full comprehension. He sobbed and wailed throughout each vaccination, though I assured Dr. Cross that #4 is just a particularly emotional child.

 

#5 expressed confusion at what was going on, but was calm after Kay explained to him why vaccines were necessary. He looked uncomfortable after he was injected but did not complain, merely sitting in the chair and staring blankly at Dr. Cross.

 

#6 was calm until he was first injected. After this, he began to squirm and whimper. After the second vaccination he began to cry quietly and call for Kay, but did not struggle to the extent that #2 did. He seemed frail after the fact so I instructed Kay to pay special attention to him. 

 

Note to self: consider the potential impact of The Horror on #6’s energy/stamina

 

#7 seemed to have an intuitive knowledge of what was going on when she entered the room. This intuition will undoubtedly help #7 as a superhero but is a bother to me now. She shied away from the needle and cried for Pogo, flinching and wailing at each shot. After harsh reprimands from me, she stopped crying but continued to act displeased. She began to cry again once in the presence of Kay and Pogo, burying her face in the monkey’s shirt.

 

I thanked Dr. Cross and she left. Kay has been monitoring them and the effects of the vaccines on their bodies and will continue to do so for some time. I am relieved to have that off my plate and hope that no similar barriers will present themselves in the future.