Chapter Text
It was the steady and unfamiliar breathing that fully roused Natalia. She had been half-awake for a while; caught between a dream she couldn’t remember and a world too bright to deal with. With her return to consciousness came a pounding headache and the taste of metal. Her body felt stiff, unused to moving, like she’d been in this unfamiliar bed for far too long. The bed was softer than the ones she was used to and completely covered in soft cotton. At least she wasn't naked under the duvet, a gown covered her to below her knees. It was soft the same way the bed linens were, from the richness of the fabric rather than wear.
That breath. It was too close for comfort. Cracking an eye open, she surveyed the room. No one in here with her except for the unknown sleeper. The window showed a blue sky, and the only door in the room was closed. No surveillance camera in sight. It should be safe to look around. Turning her head slowly, she looked at the sleeper who turned out to be a dirty-blond man. Mid-forties with wide shoulders and a stocky build. His jaw and chin were covered by stubble and his dark clothes looked slept in. Had been here a while then. Kind of sloppy of him to fall asleep if he was supposed to be her guard. He was close enough to her that she would be able to reach him with a kick if she wasn’t so damn stiff.
The room was as weird as the man. All white and easy to clean, obviously a hospital room, but everything was off. The machine monitoring Natalia’s vitals was as white as the rest of the room, and the screen looked too flat. Same with the television hanging on the wall. Unless the bulk of it was hidden in the wall. None of it looked like it belonged in any hospital she’d ever been to. Hell, the place didn’t even smell like a hospital.
And why was she in a hospital in the first place? Apart from the pounding headache, she felt fine. Searching her memories didn’t bring up anything other than the vague recollection of someone grasping her and and what? Doing something to her that made her head feel like it’d split open.
That had to be it. A head injury would also explain why her memories were all muddled up. Didn’t explain why she was in this strange hospital instead of the hospital ward back home. Had she been caught while on a mission? There was no indicator of where she was or even what country she was in. Maybe it would be better if she tried to escape rather than risk having someone discover that she was awake. The monitor she was hooked up to wasn’t a problem; she could turn it off before disengaging the electrodes. If she could get a proper look out of the window, she could figure out a way to escape. A safer bet than opening the door to a more alert guard.
As if summoned by Natalia’s thoughts, there was a light knock on the door before it opened and another unknown blond man stuck his head in. His face cracked open in a smile when he saw her looking at him.
“Nat,” he said, opening the door fully and stepping inside. “You’re awake.” Stepping inside revealed how big he was. Taller and wider at the shoulders than her guard, but moving like a gymnast, too light on his feet for someone with his bulk. Dangerous, in other words. Especially in her current weakened condition.
Maybe it was the headache, maybe it was the unfamiliar surroundings. Whatever the reason, she only realized at the last second that he was speaking American English and shifted gears. “I’m fine. Just a headache.” She touched a hand to her forehead, tamping down the urge to bolt from the bed and flee. She should have escaped when she’d had the chance. Worse than that, she’d let herself be surrounded. Sloppy and unforgivable. She could only hope it wouldn’t turn out to be fatal.
Her guard stirred, woken by the intruder, then half-tripped over himself to get to her side. Natalia braced for a blow that never came. Instead, he took her hand in his, calloused fingers cradling hers as if she would break apart any second. “’Tasha,” he breathed, then failed to say anything more.
He and the newcomer both knew her name. And for a reason she was yet to figure out they were both happy to see her awake. “It’s okay,” she assured him. “I’m unbreakable.” She shot him a crooked smile since her being in a hospital obviously contradicted that statement.
He let out a breath that could be a laugh, so she’d picked the right thing to say. He reached out and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. “Not as unbreakable as you used to be.”
The newcomer gestured at someone in the door, and she turned her head, letting out a deep breath of relief, that she wished she could take it back the second it escaped her. The sight of him shouldn’t be the relief it was. Or at least it wasn’t to most people, but to Natalia, it always would be. No matter the situation she was in. Right now, he was a familiar face among strangers, and more than that, it was the Winter Soldier, her Soldier. But it wouldn’t do to show familiarity in these strange surroundings, so she nodded at him, doing her best not to smile.
He nodded back, a crooked smile that was gone too soon from his lovely face. “Good to see you back on your feet again, Widow. So to speak.”
The use of her title stung, though she knew he couldn’t risk showing favoritism. Didn’t matter, it was wonderful to see him. Even if he looked as tired as she felt, the usually faint lines carved deep into his features. Had he worried about her? A small thrill went through her at the thought.
She wanted to reach for him, have his comforting hands on her, but that was impossible with the present company. Instead, Natalia tore her gaze away and refocused her attention on the strangers. The taller of the two stuffed something in his pocket and looked guilty when he noticed her looking at him.
“Just letting everyone know you’re awake. Vision had to drag Wanda out of here yesterday. She wouldn’t leave your side.” He grinned as if she was supposed to know who he was talking about.
She smiled back. “How sweet of her.” Who on earth named their kid Vision? It had to be a nickname.
The guard let go of her hand and turned to the table behind him to fill a glass with water. He then handed it to her with a, “You need to drink something.”
Not wanting to start anything before she got an idea of who he was, Natalia took the glass and drank from it. When she had finished it, she handed it back to him. “Happy?”
“Not until you’re back on your feet and out of here.”
“That makes two of us,” she said, and it was the first honest thing out of her mouth since she woke up.
He snorted like she’d told him a joke and pulled the chair closer to her before dropping onto it.
Who did he think Natalia was to him? He acted protective, but not possessive. Didn’t seem like a romantic partner kind of protection. More like a sibling. And the callouses she’d felt on his hands were puzzling. If he was left-handed, that would explain the ones on the fingers of his left hand, but he’d poured and handed her the glass with his right hand.
Too many unknown elements in the equation for it to make sense.
“What happened?” the maybe-guard asked.
“I don’t know. Everything is fuzzy.” And that was the truth, too. She’d better not make a habit of being so honest with a man she didn’t even know the name of.
“Tony said you were fighting with someone when you dropped like a stone. Scared the shit out of him.”
There was pain in his smile, like he was trying his best to make light out of a situation that had scared him, too. That kind of loyalty didn’t pop up overnight. It took work, a lot of work to gain someone’s trust like that. And she couldn’t remember having ever met him before in her life.
Natalia reached out and grasped his forearm, squeezing it. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you what happened, but I can’t remember any of that.”
He put his free hand over hers and squeezed back. “Focus on getting better for now.”
“I will, I promise.”
It struck her that the Russian accent the Soldier had worked so hard on erasing was completely gone and speaking English came more naturally to her than usual. This unsettled Natalia as much as waking up in this strange place had. She had heard of Black Widows having their memories manipulated when they went undercover. It was something she’d always discounted even when faced with the fact that the Soldier didn’t know his own name. It didn't seem so farfetched now.
Was that what had happened? She had been deep undercover, and something had shattered the conditioning. Leaving her without memories of the time she had spent with these strangers.
It begged the question of whether the Winter Soldier was here as her partner or her handler. And of how long she’d been undercover.
The taller of the two strangers interrupted her thoughts with an, “Uh, oh. I hope you’re up for visitors.”
She wasn’t. She really wasn’t. Especially since she didn’t know how long she could get away with not knowing anyone’s name. Instead of saying so, Natalia grimaced like she was sorry for what she was about to say and said, “I’m not sure.”
A frown briefly creased his brow, then he straightened. “I’ll go talk with them.”
“Thank you,” she called after him, but he waved her off before heading out.
One down, one to go.
She turned to the maybe-guard. “Could you find a doctor and see if you could get me something for the headache?”
He jumped to it as fast as the first one. Which meant she wouldn’t have much time to question the Soldier.
The door stood open so she couldn’t risk speaking to the Soldier. Luckily, they had a shorthand they’d used whenever around other people. Natalia curled up her fingers in a loose fist and then covered it with her other hand. A question that, depending on the context, could either mean, ‘Is it safe?’ Or, ‘Are we safe?’
He didn’t respond, just looked at her with mild confusion on his face.
She returned the look, then looked down pointedly at her hands and repeated the gesture.
The confusion was full-fledged when she looked at him again and a frown accompanied it. He took a few steps her way. “Of course, we’re safe. Why wouldn’t we be safe here?” the Winter Soldier said.
Natalia made a face but stopped herself from swearing at him. The door was standing wide open. Anyone in the hall outside might hear them. “Why do you think?” she hissed under her breath, knowing his enhanced hearing meant he’d hear it when others wouldn’t. Her exasperated gesture took in the entire room before ending at the open door.
“Don’t you recognize this place?” He stepped closer still.
How was she supposed to answer that? Any confirmation that she didn’t know where the fuck she was could land her in trouble. Especially when she didn’t know why he was so shocked at her questions. The Soldier was supposed to reassure her, dammit, not make her even more uneasy.
“But you recognize me?”
She nearly rolled her eyes at him. “Of course, I do.”
He looked at her like he expected her to continue.
“Winter Soldier,” Natalia mouthed at him, not daring to speak the title aloud in this strange place.
“What about S—the others?” He’d censored himself. Didn’t want to reveal their names to her?
She didn’t answer that one either and apparently, that was as good as an admission.
“Fuck.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth, stubble scratching against the leather of his gloves.
Why didn’t he understand they didn’t have time for his vagueness? The others could return any second and he was only making her more confused not less. They didn’t have time for this. To make things worse, the machine behind her beeped every time her heart thudded in her chest, sounding out her elevated heart rate for everyone to hear. It was only a matter of time before a nurse would come to check on her.
“What year do you think this is?” The Soldier looked like he was ready to bolt.
Natalia’s mouth was dry despite the water she’d drunk so recently. This was bad. Very bad. “I don’t know.” It came out as a whisper. Her body buzzed as if it was filled with static. As if she was a snow globe that someone had shaken so hard that the falling snow had turned into a blizzard, making it impossible to see the object within.
“Fuck.” He said for the second time. Apparently noticing her reaction, he stepped closer, grasping the railing of her bed with both hands. “You’re safe. This isn’t the Red Room, no one’s gonna punish you or anything for a wrong answer, but Christ, Romanoff…” He trailed off.
She couldn’t deal with this. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she pulled the maddening machine closer and switched it off before pulling the electrodes off her. It hurt, but she welcomed the distraction the pain offered. Without turning to face the Soldier, she asked, “How long was I working undercover?”
“That isn’t—You escaped the Red Room decades ago.”
Decades.
Her hands didn’t look noticeably different from what Natalia remembered except for a long-healed scar she didn’t remember getting. The one she used to have on her palm was barely visible unless you knew what to look for. It had still been red the last time she’d looked at it. The last time she remembered looking at it.
She turned too fast and ran smack into the Soldier’s wide chest. Might as well have run into a wall. She didn’t know if he was there to stop her from running or to comfort her. She didn’t care. Bunching her hands into fists in his shirt, she buried her head against his chest, breathing his smell in to comfort herself. It didn’t work. It felt familiar and foreign at the same time. What Natalia had taken for bulk added by his clothes was bulkier muscles than she was used to, and a thin layer of fat. A far cry from her lean Soldier.
Before she could turn away again, he wrapped his arms around her, warm and comforting and wrong at the same time. To further twist the knife in her heart, he nearly broke what little hold she had on herself when he murmured into her hair, “I’m sorry.”
He was sorry? What about her? She had lost decades, apparently. “What year is this?” she asked, not knowing if she wanted to hear the answer.
The sigh the Winter Soldier let out washed over her like a warm flood. “2017.”
Half a century. She had lost half a century. This time Natalia did swear. It came out in Russian, and she didn’t care who overheard her.