Chapter Text
Ali: SIIIIIIIIIMMMM
De Gea: What is it?
Ali: We got a clean sheet 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳💜💜💜💜💜💜
Kepa: MALDITO SI
SweeperKeeper: 🙎
Ali: What’s wrong, Manu?
Ederson: Yann Sommer conceded a pretty dumb goal yesterday
SweeperKeeper: 😡😡😡😡Don’t remind me, Ederson!!!
Ederson: TAKE THAT, Bayern
Ali: Ederson?
Ederson: yeah?
Ali: You have to play the team that drew vs. Bayern in the RO16
Ederson: WHYYYYYYYYYY😫
Kepa: I feel you bro, we play BVB 😫😫😫😫😫
De Gea: You guys are going to win anyways, BVB’s been terrible this season
SweeperKeeper: I guess their fortunes mirror Liverpool’s
Ali: WHYYYYYYYYYY😫
Ederson: I’ll go beat up Thibaut for you if it makes you feel better
Ali: No, we don’t need violence
Ali: But you can send him on vacation
Marc-Andre: DAVID DE GOL, BEWARE
SweeperKeeper: Of what? You can’t choose a first name, how the heck will you choose whether to advance or mess everything up?
Marc-Andre: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, STONE SKIER
SweeperKeeper: There’s a good reason I’m the No.1 keeper whether Germany plays
Marc-Andre: Where did that get us in the World Cup?
SweeperKeeper: I still think you put banana peels on my shoes
Marc-Andre: And I still think you can’t admit a mistake
Ederson: yikes Ali, we don’t fight like this and we’re even closer rivals than them
Ali: I know 😳
Hugo: Hey, settle down
SweeperKeeper: You couldn’t settle down during the finals, Hu-Goal
Hugo: SACREBLEU GET BACK HERE GERMAN
De Gea: What about me?
Marc-Andre: You couldn’t win s**t with your national team
De Gea: Neither could any of you
Hugo: I WON THE WORLD CUP!!!!
Sweeper-Keeper: Who even thinks of that when you’re swallowing goals for Spurs?
De Gea: By that virtue, I won the World Cup too
Hugo: YOU WERE NOWHERE NEAR THE SQUAD CABRONE
De Gea: Neither was Kepa when we won the World Cup
Kepa: 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Neither were you
Hugo: Btw I’m the latest to win in the modern era
Sweeper-Keeper: The modern era of five years ago?! Get your head out of your goalnet Hugo
Hugo: Get your head out of your ski wax
Ali: 😶 I personally know more peaceful Marcs
De Gea: Like who? Marc Brown? Or ARTHUR?
Ederson: Keep out of this, Ali
Ali: I’ll do one better and get out of this chatroom
Ederson: I’ll join you
(ALI and EDER have left the chat.)
Hugo: hey, where did the Brazlians go?
De Gea: They didn’t want to see us fight
Sweeper-Keeper: Eff them, we’ll take this fight to a different chatroom
Marc-Andre: At least we agree on one thing
Kepa: Maldito si
Hugo: On that note, I’ll leave before things get too—
Kepa: Get too what? Spursy?
(The chat has been vacated.)