To Be Worthy (He Deserved Better)

by the_mmad_ness

Summary:

After over twenty years of being in a secret relationship with Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall decides she’s tired of living a partial truth. She does not know, however, that right after quarreling with the headmaster and leaving for her home distant from Hogwarts, she’ll find not a quiet place to think and calm down, but a baby, lying on her doorstep and waiting to be taken care of.

>From the He Deserved Better universe.

Notes:

Hello there! Welcome! This story has been fighting to come out for months now. I must confess I’m not quite used to writing, but I wanted to take on the challenge nonetheless, so enjoy the ride!

The main focus of this fanfic is MMAD&Severus Snape. “MMAD” meaning Albus Dumbledore/Minerva McGonagall. They are married in this story. If you are not comfortable with this pairing I recommend you stop reading. In my head, they’d make a great couple~

Happy readings!

Chapter 1: Accountability

 

1960.

 

“I cannot believe you are bringing this argument to me yet again.”

“Oh! So am I supposed to stay silent? Is that it?” Minerva put both hands on Albus Dumbledore’s desk and leaned forward. Her eyes were fixed on his. He remained impassive. His expressionless face made her furious. “Am I really just a pretty trophy to you?”

“Minerva—”

“I am not a— a thing that you can show off. We’re supposed to support and complement each other— this is ridiculous!”

“I did not think it relevant.” He replied, calmly, “You were there, you were allowed to be part of this dinner, just like the rest of us. It’s better to be cautious and you know that very well—“

“Caution” she interrupted “is very different from what happened tonight.” His eyes narrowed, yet his voice remained calm and clear when he spoke again.

“You were a guest.” He reminded her, “Surely you must know by now that the people I’m acquainted with are known be too quick to judge. It was just for one night, I could never have predicted—“

“Predicted!” She straightened and clapped her hands together over her chest while simultaneously letting out a clearly sarcastic, chilling, airy laugh. Magic irradiated from her, buzzing through the air.

Albus didn’t want to admit it, not aloud nor to himself, but a slight shiver went up his spine. He looked right into Minerva’s eyes, which were now ignited with cold fury.

“Why is it that everything has to be calculated?” The woman hissed. Her hands still clasped together, her posture being sly and her gaze rather dangerous. “Even I have to be predicted, examined, as if I were another one of your… projects! It rather seems I’m too dimwitted to comprehend that I’m but another one of your pawns; just another tiny little piece of this grand puzzle that you can easily manipulate, and that you very much enjoy watching over.”

Albus did not dare to speak. He stared up at her, still sitting at his desk.

“Perhaps you enjoy watching me with a tad more affection than the other pawns” Minerva paused and looked straight into his eyes again. “but I’m still just that. A pawn.” Though a deep anger was still burning inside her, a small tear showed around the corner of one of her eyes. A knot formed in Albus’s throat. This was not what he expected when he figured an argument was coming his way.

“Minerva…” the headmaster stood up, not quite knowing what he should say next, but willing to try regardless. She, however, backed away almost immediately. Her guard seemed to crumble. She let out an angry sniff.

“And to think…” Minerva unclasped her hands and slowly wrapped them around her thin frame, hugging herself. “to think I rather believed we could raise a family together.”

She whispered that last word shakily, in a uncharacteristically quiet voice. Albus shuddered. He was used to her screaming, her demanding voice, her thundering fury, her blazing anger. Seeing her crumble disturbed him.

“Are you really fit to be there for anyone else, other than yourself?” She continued. He offered no reply. Albus felt her pain, he saw it clearly through her glassy green eyes. Minerva sniffed again “I’m not sure if I want to keep being part of this… this charade.” She almost choked while delivering that last sentence, and with that she turned on her heels and stormed out, blasting his office’s door open without a word. Tears were burning in her eyes now, and she let them flow as soon as she was out of his office.

The headmaster remained standing, looking at the room with a mixture of hurt and bitterness. It was dark and cold inside; it had been snowing heavily throughout the day.

He let out a deep sigh.

Albus mentally kicked himself for being outright cold towards Minerva whilst being in other people’s presence, and for letting his meticulous plans always guide him, rather than his present feelings. How could he not? How could he not show caution and muster up restraint when his wife’s job and reputation were at stake? Of course he wanted a family, he wanted her to be happy, but the time was not right… they had to wait.

He let out another sigh and looked at Fawkes. The bird glared at him, gave a brief and musical yet disapproving cry and disappeared with a flaming “pop”. Albus huffed. When it came to their rows, his phoenix always chose one side or the other. More often than not Minerva was his clear favorite, which usually annoyed him, but this time around, Albus was privately glad that he had chosen to accompany her instead of him.

 

—

 

 

 

Minerva thought about packing at least some of her possessions before leaving; however, once her tears had dried anger was building way too intensely within her once more, and she did not want to risk catching even the slightest glimpse of her husband. She did not fancy explaining the origin of “mysterious” injuries on the headmaster to Poppy yet again.

It was far more than clear: distance was needed between the pair of them. She scribbled a short “do not follow me, I’ll be back in a few days” on a small piece of parchment and left it in his chambers, in a place where she knew he would see it. Then, after one last glance and a soft pat to Fawkes, who had accompanied her all the way down from Albus’s office, to their private quarters and then out into the grounds, she immediately left the castle and headed for her own Hogsmeade cottage. It wasn’t as far away from Hogwarts as she would have liked at the moment, but it would have to do. After all, even when she and Albus had been more than mere colleagues for over twenty years, Minerva still pretended to live alone, as a spinster in a little cottage near the school.

There had been a time when Minerva thought she could have beared anything as long as she was by Albus Dumbledore’s side; the man who cared for her, who loved her, and who supposedly always knew best. Now however, after twenty years into their marriage, she was starting to feel deprived of her own free will, and that did not sit too well with her.

Minerva McGonagall was not particularly submissive, she was a quite formidable and independent woman, with admirable resilience and strength; yet love had knocked on her door one day, just like it usually did to almost every human being at least once in their lives, and she had given in. She had let this man sweep her off her feet and put her perfectly reasonable world upside down. And, in all honesty, she could not say she disliked the sudden change in her routine. She loved him, after all.

Albus wasn’t really a bad husband. He was an incredible man; a very decent, heartwarming, lovely man; yet he was flawed. Minerva knew him at his darkest moments, and she believed after all these years she finally understood how twisted his mind and his plans could be.

“I cannot keep living like this.” She muttered to herself while striding through the thick snow, pondering introspectively into her own life.

Minerva kept walking for a few minutes, getting progressively near her and Albus’s second home. Once her cottage was within sight she noticed something… rather peculiar.

There was a small bundle laying at the foot of her doorstep.

She frowned.

“What in the heavens!” Minerva exclaimed when she got closer to the front door and had a clearer view of what the bundle actually was. A baby, not older than a month, was there, outside, in the cold, wrapped in some thin and ragged blankets, sleeping within the confinements of a basket. Minerva quickly picked the bundle up and entered the cottage, casting a warming charm once inside. She glanced down at the basket and pressed a thin, long hand gently against the infant’s cheek. He was freezing.

“Who would— How— Why?!” She exclaimed aloud while carefully placing the child out of the basket and on her sofa. She proceeded to gently unwrap him and transfigure his dirty ragged blankets into fluffy warm ones, so he could be more comfortable. The baby cooed softly and barely opened his eyes.

Minerva stared at him blankly.

After a few moments of wondering and staring while waiting for the baby to warm up, she looked around, searching for something that would indicate the baby’s origins. She finally found a tiny letter crumpled inside the basket. She unfolded it while sitting back next to the baby and began to read.

 

Minerva,

 

You are my last resort… I have tried so hard to keep my son with me, but it’s impossible. Please, I beg you, take care of my boy. I have no idea what to do, my husband is a danger to him, and considering my current state I realize that I am a danger to him too. I can’t keep him. I can’t drag him down with me, to live in pain, and in misery. Please, Minerva, for all that’s holy to you, I know you can give him a proper life, you are a good woman… He’ll be safe with you… Please do it for me, for our old forsaken friendship. I beg you.

His name is Severus.

 

-Eileen.

 

Minerva let out a shaky sigh as she lowered the letter, and once again looked down at the creature next to her. She slowly picked him up. The baby was snoring softly now.

She couldn’t bring herself to say or do anything, she just held him and stared down at him while feelings of confusion, worry and a tingle that rather resembled fear flooded her. After a while, the baby quite unexpectedly clung to her and smiled in his sleep, oblivious to what had just happened to him, and apparently comfortable with the ability of being able to snuggle to the warm and comforting body that held him.

Minerva’s eyes suddenly filled with tears as she watched him. She held him even closer to her and looked out of one of her cottage’s windows. Snow was starting to fall again, and the wind seemed to whistle even stronger than earlier.

What was she to do now?

 

 

Chapter 2: The Baby

Summary:

Albus and Minerva discuss the new found baby Severus.

Notes:

Hi there! Here is part two of this story. I really know what I want to do with it, at least to an extent, but I still don’t have many chapters ready to publish, so I’m working on it! Thank you so much for your reviews, I’m very happy to know that some people out there like this potential family dynamic as much as I do. Happy readings!

 

It had been three whole days since Albus had seen Minerva, and he was starting to get worried.

The headmaster had thought about her note, about giving her space, but leaving things unsaid bothered him. Surely she must know how much she means to him; he didn’t intend for this to unravel in the way it did. Albus was, as he constantly reminded himself, trying to protect her, trying to avoid as much pain as possible. Minerva had to understand this, it was crucial for the success of their relationship.

After waiting for her to return all throughout the third day, he decided that three days were enough. Albus waited for darkness to fall to visit her cottage, and once he got there he knocked twice and waited patiently outside, trying to portray a calmness that he did not really feel.

When the door swung open however, his external calm demeanor vanished, his eyes widened. A disheveled Minerva, with dark circles under her eyes and holding a crying bundle in her arms looked back at him in mild surprise. She hastily brought the stunned wizard inside the cottage and closed the door behind him.

“Wh-where did you get a baby?!” Albus blurted out in disbelief.

“I— he appeared here… at my doorstep…” Minerva replied rather breathlessly while rocking the baby as gently as she could. The child’s deafening wailing caused one of her eyes to twitch in an involuntary manner. Her square spectacles were slightly askew. “I’ve changed his underthings, I have fed him… I can’t see why he won’t stop crying for a bloody minute!”

“Has he slept at all?” Albus asked while looking apprehensively at the bundle in his wife’s arms.

“Come to think of it, not much in these last few hours, no” Minerva replied. She looked down at the baby and frowned. Albus approached even more and conjured a small stuffed phoenix out of thin air. The baby immediately directed his gaze to it, wide eyed. Tears still streamed down his thin little face, yet now a tinge of curiosity shone in his black eyes.

Albus lowered the stuffed phoenix in the baby’s direction, so it hovered right above his tear stained face. The infant’s eyes looked dazed. The wailing decreased and eventually stopped after a short while, allowing Minerva to detach him from her arms and lowering him down on a small crib that she had transfigured for the baby three days prior. Albus placed the soft stuffed animal next to him, and the child’s tiny hands closed around the plushie instantly. 

The couple stared at the infant in amazement. The headmaster’s trick had worked perfectly. A few moments after being lowered into his crib, the baby comfortably snuggled against his warm blankets, along with his new found stuffed animal, and fell into a blissful slumber. Minerva goggled at the small child incredulously.

“I never thought of him needing something like that” she hissed, almost reproachfully. Albus smiled placidly and looked at his wife. She was still looking down at the now quiet baby.

“Yes, well…” she looked up at the sound of his voice “I suppose I’m just rather good at, well, handling children. It’s something that you have wanted me to be prepared for for around ten years now?” He chuckled. Minerva’s gaze hardened slightly. Albus noticed and sighed. “Alas… I suppose you know why I am here?”

“I expected you to come eventually, yes” she responded briskly, yet still in a whisper as to not wake the baby. The woman swiftly made her way towards the kitchen, and Albus followed behind her.

“I must say Minerva, I am terribly sorry—“

“I do not want to hear this apology yet again, Albus.” She replied, less quietly now, since they had put some distance between themselves and the tiny cot. “I know your reasons; believe me, I try as hard as I can to respect them, but you must realize we cannot keep living like this. Not from now on, anyway.” Albus raised his eyebrows.

“Not from now on? Are you telling me—“

“No. It’s not what you think.” Minerva’s arm closed instinctively, almost convulsively, against her own waist. Albus knew this gesture very well; he sighed. He tried to come closer to her, but she held up her free hand, keeping him at bay. Minerva then dared to look up beyond his half moon spectacles and into his light blue eyes, which gazed back at her worryingly.

“This baby…” he whispered. Her eyes did not leave his, she did not dare to move a muscle, “For how long will you be taking care of him?” Minerva sighed and cleared her throat.

“Eileen Prince has asked me to care for him for the time being. She… she can’t protect him any more.” This last sentence was delivered in a lame sort of way, her shoulders sagged slightly, her arms unwrapped her thin frame. “There’s nothing I can do, Albus. She was a very dear friend of mine, as you well know…”

“And naturally you have accepted to care for the boy.” Albus replied, somewhat coldly, “Without consulting me?”

“Are you under the impression that I have a say in the matter?” Minerva snapped in an instant. “She was… she was my friend, Albus. A dear old friend in horrible circumstances. That muggle husband of hers is a menace… I’m sure Eileen and her baby were not safe around him. What did you expect me to do?”

“There certainly are other options. the Ministry—“

“Are you mad?!” She cut across him in exasperation. “It’s more than likely that he would end up being raised by some muggle family, or perhaps not even that, but an orphanage.”

“Surely there’s another wa—“

“You know how it all works for Merlin’s sake! This baby does not come from money, he might as well be a squib, no one will care for him! If the Ministry finds him and his family, the most convenient solution for everyone involved will be to send him off to some muggle asylum. We, as heads of a magical school, will have to wait until he’s nearly eleven to tell him who he really is.”

“If he truly possesses magical abilities, that is.” Albus pointed out. Minerva glared at him.

“Oh he very much does. He poured milk on the floor on his own account yesterday! He’s such a clever wee thing”

Minerva made her way further into the kitchen so their voices would not get carried away. They entered the dining room.

“Albus. She asked me for it.” She stopped dead quite suddenly. So did the headmaster. “There’s no extended family.. not other soul that can… help.”

Her voice had surprisingly been ridden of any trace of passion for the discussion, it all died away as stale air caught in her throat. The room they were now in brought her deeper into a dream; a longing that she thought she was nearing at last, after years and years of ceaseless effort.

A wooden square table stood, slightly near an enchanted big window on the right wall. Four slightly dusty dark wooden chairs flanked it perfectly. An almost abandoned fireplace could be distinguished a bit far behind it, and a black, dusty piano stood in the opposite corner. Small tears appeared in her eyes as she remembered the time when Albus and herself had arranged said room, many years prior, with a specific purpose.

“She knows I can do it.” Minerva whispered after a very long pause, once her voice had returned to her. She wheeled around to face her husband. He had approached her rather slowly without her hearing him. His body was closer than she expected “She chose me. It’s almost as if… as if she knew…” her voice trailed away once again.

They both stared at each other in silence, in close proximity, while listening to the wild wind that roared in the distance. Minerva sniffed and looked away from his almost pitying eyes.

“Do you truly want to keep him?” Albus asked in a calm voice, still staring down at her. She didn’t think before answering.

“Yes.” Her tone was rather final. He nodded once. “Naturally I do.” Minerva lowered herself into one of the main table’s chairs and looked around, still in awe of the room and the old memories that it brought to her. Even though she had been staying in that cottage for days, Minerva had been unconsciously avoiding entering this particular place.

Albus also sat next to her. Two more empty chairs faced them, lining up around the square table. He tentatively stretched his hand and closed it around hers.

She did not pull away.

“I shall think about it.” He said after a while, squeezing her hand. Minerva nodded slowly, looking down at their intertwined hands.

“Thank you.” He kissed her hand.

Severus suddenly bursted out crying again. Despite Minerva’s tiredness, she felt glad to have something to do after their discussion. She was about to get up when Albus stood and raised a hand. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Not to worry, dear. I’ve got him.”

Minerva closed her eyes when the man leaned down to kiss her temple and watched with a small smile as he strolled away in the living room’s direction. Her smile widened when she heard him muttering soothing nonsensical words to the baby from afar, and after a few moments she decide to get up as well and go to them. They were going to share a baby, she thought as she made her way through the kitchen and back to their living room. She knew Albus would have to give in, and she could not have been happier about it.

“He’s a strong lad…!” Albus squeaked, as the baby pulled his graying beard to him with one tiny fist.

Minerva chuckled.

Chapter 3: Adapting

Now they were parents. Parents of a rather small little boy. It seemed like a dream, yet it had become their new bizarre and eventful reality.

Minerva had taken up the challenge of both being a professor and a parent, whilst disguising that particular and recently acquired label as that of a resourceful aunt, who had been entrusted to care for her brother’s son in a time of need. She and Albus had agreed to keep and portray Severus as a McGonagall nephew, at least for the time being, to avoid unwanted questions related particularly to Minerva’s private life, given that Severus would most definitely be seen with her between lessons. She was, after all, supposed to be unwed and childless.

Naturally, Albus Dumbledore was part of this unexpected journey as well. In the days following the child’s sudden appearance, Albus had spent quite a lot of his time pondering and pacing alone in his study, until he finally came to an undeniable conclusion: this must happen, regardless of his approval.

He was starting to see the appeal of the situation; the idea of keeping this boy as a temporary responsibility would help exercise—and hopefully satisfy—the need for them to propitiate parental guidance onto a young and dependable child. This, in his opinion, had potential to be quite beneficial for both of them.

Besides, Albus could not see a way of refusing without hurting his and Minerva’s relationship. The man privately recognized that he had been neglecting his marriage in recent months. His job as headmaster and his own meticulous nature required his upmost attention, and that sometimes made him… forget his wife’s wants and needs. He had come to the conclusion that this child could be a great way of fixing some of their relationship’s inner and most tender issues. It wouldn’t take a long time for them to give the baby back to his parents, he was sure of it; and once that happened he was certain he could win Minerva back to his loyal side, and bring reality back into both of their lives.

And thus, Albus had officially agreed to keep Severus, much to Minerva’s delight. Every single person in the castle was oblivious to this recent arrangement of course, except for the matron, Madam Pomfrey, who had known about Albus and Minerva’s relationship ever since they had started seeing rather a lot of each other in secret whilst her and Minerva shared a flat, over twenty five years ago.

The couple had asked Poppy for a check up on the first day the baby had arrived at the school, and even though she was rather surprised, she had obliged.

“News travel fast! Too fast!” She had exclaimed as they all came into the hospital wing. “I hear he is a McGonagall, Minerva, but I thought you had lost your—“

“Yes, yes I did.” Minerva had cut across her words almost at once. The mediwitch’s cheeks had turned slightly pink “He is not my son, Poppy, but I— I mean, we” she shot a quick look at Albus, who gave a small bow in their direction “will be taking care of him… indefinitely. His name is Severus.” Poppy eyed the boy curiously. “He is Eileen’s.” Minerva sighed.

As the women continued talking, the baby—who had been placed between them—had resorted to stare, wide eyed, at his new stuffed phoenix, which had suddenly been enchanted by Albus so it would twirl and dance in front of him. Albus stood a bit far behind, making silly voices almost imperceptibly, so it seemed the sound came out of the stuffed animal’s mouth instead of his own. This little spectacle kept Severus entertained while Poppy took her time to examine him. Minerva smiled, oblivious to the involuntary action, when the baby gave in to Albus’ tricks at last and let out a small giggle. Albus’ eyes twinkled appreciatively.

“Well… I don’t see anything wrong with him.” Poppy concluded after a few minutes. “He’s a bit too skinny for my liking, but other than that, he is all right.” Minerva nodded.

“Thank you, Poppy.“ The mediwitch nodded and slowly pulled Minerva aside. Albus simultaneously stopped the wandless magic that kept the stuffed phoenix dancing and took both the toy and the baby in his arms. Severus’ smile vanished.

“Minerva…” Poppy whispered, while Albus knowingly took Severus for a tour around the infirmary. “Are you absolutely sure about this? You know how much I worry about you… Albus has always been quite sure, you know, about not having—“

“We have discussed the matter thoroughly before bringing him here. I made sure Albus was good with it, given that it is a rather serious task.” Poppy eyed the two figures behind Minerva dubiously. “Honestly, Poppy, we are more than all right. Besides, this child needs us, it’s perfect timing.” Both Albus and Severus were looking out of one of the infirmary’s windows. Severus’ tiny eyelids became heavy. He let out a gigantic yawn.

“All right then, if you say so…” Poppy sighed. “He is such a sweet little thing…” Minerva turned around to look at the tall man and the baby as well. “I am so sorry for Eileen. Not being able to keep him… goodness! Imagine that! I’m sure you will do a great job with him, though.” Minerva gave a short nod, still looking at the small baby in Albus’ arms, who was now fast asleep.

“I truly hope so.” She whispered.

 

-

 

June had come faster than anyone had expected. Four months had passed since that faithful day when Eileen Prince’s son had been dropped off at professor McGonagall’s doorstep, and both woman and baby had been adapting to each other ever since.

Severus had unexpectedly morphed into a more round and pink faced baby. Ever since his first check up, Albus had taken up on the custom of feeding him in a responsible, yet indulgent manner. The baby had already tried all the types of pureed fruit known to mankind, and he was also quite fond of cereals.

“He is such a sweetheart!”

“Awww!”

“Oh my goodness— look at those cheeks!”

Minerva always heard both the students’ and the staff’s remarks as she carried the baby around for meals and in between classes. It felt off putting, in a way, to receive this kind of attention daily. The baby was an unexpected people magnet, and Albus usually enjoyed discussing this and other peculiar and new features that came with raising a young child once the day was over and the three of them got to reunite in the late hours of the night.

“We should have a little holiday, just the three of us.” The man had whispered to Minerva’s ear one night, a few days before the end of term, while Severus slept. “It’d be fun… and educational.”

“Hmm… yes, I quite agree.” she had replied.

Before any of them noticed, all trunks were packed, the classrooms were sealed and the train’s engine was roaring once again in the distance, packed with students eager for an exciting summer vacation.

“What do you say about the beach, my dear?” The headmaster murmured, as he waved goodbye to his almost gone students. Minerva stood next to him, at a considerably lower height, with her arms crossed while looking at the blob that was the train, which got farther and farther away from the Hogsmeade station.

“Severus could use some sun.” She said with a nod. A broad smile illuminated Albus’ face. Once the scarlet engine had disappeared in its entirety, he leaned forward and wrapped an arm around her waist. Her deep green eyes surprisingly sparkled back at him.

“How about tomorrow?” He said before leaning down and kissing Minerva’s nose. The woman smiled openly.

“Tomorrow it is.”

Notes:

Hi there! Thank you so much again for reading this simple story, and for leaving reviews! I’ll make sure to sit down and reply to all of you as soon as possible, but thank you! It means a lot!

Also, just as a small note, Minerva’s age is closer to Albus’ in this story. She’s in her early 50s, more or less (which, do bear in mind, is still quite young for a witch!)

Chapter 4: The Beach

Summary:

Albus, Minerva and Severus spend a lovely day at the beach.

Notes:

Hi there! Thank you so much again for reading and leaving reviews, it truly means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Happy readings~

“What do you think, laddie?” Minerva asked the baby in her arms. Severus did not look up, he kept his big dark eyes fixed on the small waves breaking and crashing a bit far ahead.

“I’m sure he’ll like it a tad more once we’re closer.” Albus murmured while finishing to set up their set of chairs and umbrellas behind them. They had settled for a distant bay, in the northwest of Scotland. It was a pretty hidden spot, with only two or three more families enjoying of that particularly bright summer’s day.

“He is so mesmerized by the waves.” Minerva whispered tenderly, glancing back at Albus with a wide grin on her face. He chuckled and finally walked towards them, tucking his wand—which he had been using in a scarce, yet effective manner—in one of the side pockets of his colorful shorts. Severus didn’t seem to notice a soft hand brushing his black hair lightly, or the sudden ruffling of his hair by a bigger yet still gentle hand, or a delicate placement of a big sun hat on his head. He decidedly kept his eyes fixed on the water, looking at the small white sparkles that glinted on the light blue surface that never seemed to stay still. His eyes followed the movement of the waves, too; he watched them stretch on the sand until they could not go further, and then watched them withdraw to the massive body of blue, just for a few seconds, until they decidedly stretched again.

Severus let out a big “Aah!” When a magnificent wave crashed on the sand, and then slowly started a clumsy clapping with his tiny hands when it rolled back onto the ocean. His excitement made Albus and Minerva break up from a kiss, which they had been obliviously sharing for far too long while the baby was distracted.

“Y-yes, I rather think it is time for us test these marvelous waves that you’re so excited about, my dear boy!” Albus said cheerfully, while pulling away from Minerva. The woman chuckled and slowly released Severus from the baby sling that was tied to her chest. The child looked slightly indignant when he was handed to Albus; it seemed he was content with watching the waves from afar, from a considerable height and distance, but now that he was getting closer to the real thing he was starting to get wary.

“Now, now… it’s not too bad.” Albus said softly while sitting Severus next to him, right in front of the edge of the ocean. Severus looked up at him, his enormous eyes filled with concern.

The moment the man looked into those worried young eyes, something twitched and twisted inside of him.

The entire survival of this creature sitting by his side depended solely on him and Minerva, there was no one else who would care if something happened to him. Nobody but the two of them, and the realization hit him without warning.

Worry and fear filled his entire being. Seconds passed, and the two of them, man and child, looked at each other. Blue met the black in concern, and Albus’ mind started racing, leaving behind the waves, the sand and the sea to be transported into a near and plausible, yet currently imaginary future. What would happen if that ideal and reasonable scenery that he had predicted and purposefully crafted for him and Minerva came to be? Would the two of them survive a reality, in an approximate of six months, when they no longer had to care for this child? This baby that they slowly had learnt to protect, and even love?

What would happen if—even if he resorted not to act on the plan—the parents wanted Severus back, regardless of their objections? What would they do then?

The tide started to reach the spot where they were sitting. Even though its reach was minimum, Severus broke eye contact and slightly retreated from the waves, trying to crawl away. Albus gently lifted him up and put him on his lap, so he would be safe from getting fully wet. This seemed to do the trick for Severus, who now enjoyed watching the water rise and fall around Albus’ legs and feet. 

“Oh Severus, really!” Minerva suddenly exclaimed behind them, bringing Albus back to reality. The baby was looking at his distorted reflection in the water, while slowly clapping and giggling again. Albus was glad to see that he had kept his hands around Severus’ tiny body the whole time; he apparently had not realized what he had been doing.

“He truly enjoys watching the tide, but he won’t go in the wa— Is that a new swimsuit?” Albus asked, flabbergasted, as he looked up at his wife. She smiled appreciatively and kneeled  down to carry Severus into her own arms. The baby did not object to this; it seemed he preferred to be carried by Minerva rather than Albus, at any rate.

“It is indeed. I made a few… modifications to the older one while you were taking care of this wee bairn.” She lightly kissed one of the baby’s cheeks. Severus gave a small smile, which quickly faded when he spotted the water again, far down from where he was, around Minerva’s feet. She chuckled.

Albus gaped at her. She wore a very green one piece swimsuit and wide and pale sun hat, which created a great contrast with her very dark hair. Even though she looked rather modest, the man was dumbstruck. Minerva privately appreciated this particular reaction, however, she decided to ignore his speechless demeanor and focused on Severus’ stubbornness with the water instead. Even though he was very small, the baby’s character was very present, and his expressions where characteristic, direct and hilarious.

“We’re going in.” She stated calmly, as if nothing had happened. Albus snapped back into reality. “Are you coming?” She asked, glancing down at the man, who was still sitting on wet sand.

“I’ll be there in a minute, you go on.” He replied.

Albus watched them get in the water with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. His thoughts and his internal monologue ignited once more.

He had to admit this idea had seemed quite simple in the beginning, when he did not know anything about the baby. Severus was just another child, part of someone else’s offspring, like all the rest of children that he himself supervised in his own school.

Except… Severus was not just any other child. He had slept between him and Minerva, in cold and chilly nights when he needed comfort and warmth. He had spent countless hours with them, in their private chambers, in Minerva’s own classroom, learning from them, listening to their every word, loving them. This child only knew them. In his eyes, they were his protectors, his parents.

A knot formed in Albus’ throat while he watched Minerva play with Severus, barely reaching knee deep water in the outskirts of the sea. It seemed the baby was getting accustomed to the sensation, he didn’t seem too scared anymore.

Albus watched as his boy’s tiny hands splashed water all around. He could hear Minerva’s laugh, too. His heart twitched a little.

He trusts us with his life,  he thought.

The man’s eyes suddenly dampened.

Severus was not his boy after all, was he?

“Albus!” Minerva exclaimed from afar. Once again the sun caressed his face, the seagulls screeched around him, and he could feel the water around his legs. He was, once more, brought back into reality. “I’m sure you’ll regret it if you miss this!”

Albus blinked multiple times, quickly, urgently; then he cleared his throat and got up, resorting to leave his thoughts for another time. As he approached the two of them, his only family, he decided that this situation needed a definite solution… and he was certain he was the one who needed to find one, before it was too late.

 

 

—

 

 

“Are you certain it won’t take long?” Minerva asked absently, the following fortnight, while writing the first years’ acceptance letters for the upcoming school term. A moving picture of Severus wearing his inflatable armbands at the beach now stood proudly at her office’s desk. She glanced up at Albus and Severus from her square spectacles.

“It’s a little expedition that I’ve been meaning to take with Severus, just the two of us.” The man stated proudly and smiled, in what he expected to be a reassuring way. In reality, his heart was about to pop out of his chest. “It won’t be long, I promise.”

Severus, who was in Albus’ arms, was looking up at him, almost as if he knew… almost as if he had a reason to be concerned.

“Go on then, have fun.” Minerva conceded, still sitting on her desk, with her eyes back on the pile of work that lay in front of her. “Just don’t come back too late, alright? I might retire to our quarters earlier today. I thought I could make us a nice supper, just for the three of us.”

“Of course, my dear.” Albus nodded, his heart now pounding in his throat. “That sounds wonderful.”

 

 

Chapter 5: The Expedition

Summary:

Albus takes Severus on a little expedition.

Notes:

[Warning: there’s depictions of physical abuse later in this chapter.]

“And how about… this one?” Albus asked the baby, who was sitting on a fluffy light blue rug on the floor, surrounded by countless stuffed animals. The baby stared at him blankly, his eyes paused on the stuffed whale that the man was holding for at least two seconds before they focused on a fly that sped behind it.

Albus sighed. A hand combed his auburn, yet already white streaked, hair back from his tired face.

“Severus, it’s been an hour…”

“Hello again! Is there anything else I can help you with?”

The man turned his head around to see a kind faced elderly woman approaching the end of the particular aisle where him and Severus sat, hiding from the rest of the overjoyed muggle children and parents purchasing toys and stuffed animals. Albus dropped the stuffed whale, grabbed the last toy that he had yet to show Severus from behind his back and stood up.

Severus, who had watched the fly’s flight with high curiosity until it disappeared behind the lady, was suddenly struck by the appearance of a new stuffed animal in Albus’ hands. His dark eyes followed the long and purple toy with a newfound spark shining in them, a spark that rather resembled Albus’ characteristic twinkle.

“Ah, no madam, you are so very kind.” Albus replied. “But I believe it might be best if—“

“Waah!!” Severus squeaked quite suddenly. Albus jumped and wheeled around in an instant to see the baby extending his arms towards him, waving them frantically, shaking with excitement.

The store clerk chuckled.

“It seems you’ve found your toy after all!” She said.

Albus kneeled before Severus and placed the plushie in front of him. The long and purple octopus was twice the size of the baby. Its elongated limbs and its gigantic fluffly head mesmerized Severus, who hugged it instantly.

“I suppose we have indeed found it…!” Albus said in complete disbelief. He had fully expected to walk out of that store without making a purchase, but Severus’ face told him everything he needed to know: their search was over.

Once they had got out of store, with Severus’ octopus plushie tucked securely in a bag, Albus and the baby apparated back into the Leaky Cauldron.

“Now then…” Albus said, while making his way through the pub and then through the hidden entrance to Diagon Alley without being noticed. “We have had tea, we saw all those magnificent animals back at that muggle zoo and you’ve got your new octopus…”

Severus eyes were focused on his surroundings, he didn’t look at Albus once. Regardless, the man continued talking, more to himself than to the baby.

“We could go now, but what about getting some ice creams? Minerva would never take you to Florean’s parlour, she would say something along the lines of ‘babies are not meant to have that much sugar, Albus’, wouldn’t she?” He chuckled. Severus looked up at this and smiled slightly.

That twisted feeling made his way into his heart again when he looked at the child in his arms. He forced himself to look away. Severus still kept looking at him.

“All right, just one ice cream then, and we’re off.” The wizard said with a strange finality in his voice while making his way to Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour.

Albus shared his vanilla and cherry ice cream covered in chocolate sprinkles with Severus in silence, giving him tiny scoops with a spoon. Thankfully only Florean was inside the shop at the time; the man watched the Hogwarts headmaster and the tiny baby eat with curiosity.

“I never expected to see you with a baby, Albus!” Florean said amicably as he strode towards them. Albus looked up at him.

“Oh no— he’s not— I’m just taking care of him for today... He’s professor McGonagall’s nephew.” Albus smiled. Florean raised his eyebrows.

“I see…” The man looked at Severus and smiled, too. The baby’s face was covered in ice cream, despite Albus’ best attempts at keeping him spotless. “He seems to be comfortable enough with you, doesn’t he?

Albus sighed while feeding Severus another tiny scoop of ice cream. “He is rather fond of me, yes…” Florean was too busy chuckling and admiring the baby’s ungraceful eating to notice the glint of despair that passed through Albus’ features.

“It’s nice of you to take care of him while Minerva works… She must trust you a lot, I’m sure.” Florean said finally, smiling at Albus. The headmaster returned the kind smile, a bit stiffly, but nodded nonetheless.

“She does… Sometimes rather too much, I’d say, but we know each other quite well, after all…”

—

 

 

Albus now walked through shadows with Severus hanging securely from the baby sling tied to his chest. His long and thin hands were closed around the bag that contained Severus’ octopus plushie, some of the baby’s clothes, his stuffed phoenix, one of his many fluffy blankets and a moving picture of a smiling dark haired woman wearing square glasses.

Severus’ eyes brightened when Albus pulled the picture out for a moment. His tiny heart was content to see her, even if it was just a picture and not the real Minerva.

“I knew you’d like it…” Albus said, while also looking at it. “You’ll need it… to remember her by…”

He sniffed.

“I am so sorry, Severus…”

A small tear trickled down the man’s cheek. He quickly wiped it away, put the framed moving picture back inside the bag and kept walking. Severus looked up at him. The baby did not quite understand what was happening, but he sensed Albus’ despair, and it troubled him.

A few moments later they reached a dirty river and several streets of identical looking houses were finally visible. Some invisible wild cats growled in the distance and Albus, in an unconscious impulse, put a protective hand over Severus’ chest. The baby remained quiet while looking at the misty town for a few seconds; but before he could fully take in his surroundings, they were on the move again.

Albus and the baby passed streets of equally dreadful and old looking houses in silence. The man did not dare to utter a word, given that he was afraid of being noticed or overheard. Severus, on the other hand, was starting to get frustrated; he fuzzed and started moving uncomfortably in his sling. His tiny eyes filled with tears, too.

“Oh… my boy… please don’t make this more difficult…” Albus whispered while gently releasing him from the sling and pointing ahead. “You see that house? Over there? That is what we’ve been looking f—“

“SHUT IT! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, WOMAN!” The door that Albus was pointing at swung open with a bang. The wizard jumped at the sudden sound and casted a disillusionment charm on both him and Severus in an instant.

Luckily the man at the door was too occupied kicking a dark haired woman out his living room to notice the second it took Albus to act. Whimpers and screams cut through the air as the man pulled the woman out by the hair.

He was a tall and sturdy man, with dark brown hair and a distinctive long and hooked nose. He looked healthier and rather stronger than the woman, who was considerably thinner and frail looking, though also tall.

“No— Tobias— no!!” She cried. Tobias released her hair as soon as she was past the door frame and pushed her hard towards the street. She hit the ground with a sickening thud. “T-This is my house t-too—“

“I said, GET OUT!” His thunderous scream made Severus whimper in Albus’ arms. The soft yet heartbreaking sound was enough to make Albus stop paying attention to the couple’s violent quarrel. He heard their voices in the distance, accompanied by the woman’s sobs, but his eyes were now focused on the child.

This couple’s child.

He turned Severus’ away from the scene and pressed his tiny head to his chest. His long arms wrapped gently around his tiny, shaking body.

Albus glanced back and watched as Tobias slapped Eileen with intense force. His light blue eyes narrowed and his whole body shook, yet he forced himself to turn around. Had he not been carrying Severus, he might have acted very differently.

How could he leave this baby here? How could he leave the child that he loved so, that Minerva loved so, to grow up in this house, by the rules of this man, and under nonexistent protection?

“Tobias!” Albus heard Eileen cry. The headmaster glanced back despite his best efforts, though he still sheltered Severus’ view with his chest. Tobias shut the door with incredible force and locked it behind him. The woman stood up, somewhat clumsily, and walked in a lopsided manner towards the entrance while pressing one of her hands to her side. She appeared to be hurt.

Severus let out another—this time rather loud—whimper, and Eileen instinctively wheeled around to look at the exact spot where Albus and the baby stood, just mere meters away from the front door.

Albus’ heart was caught in his throat. Even when he knew they could not be seen by the woman, he was certain she had sensed them. He didn’t have to think twice; he gripped the baby tightly once more and apparated back into Hogsmeade. Strong and chilly wind hit them instantly. The mist and the identical gray buildings had vanished.

 

 

—

 

 

Severus lay asleep, cradled in Albus’ arms, when the man opened the entrance to his and Minerva’s private and secret quarters a few minutes later. He found her sitting by the living room fire, in her plaid nightgown, looking ghostly white. Her eyes glinted and brimmed with fury at the sight before her.

“Albus… Dumbledore…” She whispered in a shaky low voice as she stood up, leaving the book that she had been pretending to read for the last three hours on a broad velvety couch next to her own. “How dare you.”

Albus let her snatch the child from his arms. He didn’t move.

“Have you any idea of the time?!” She made her way to Severus’ cot and gently placed him amongst his pillows. The baby remained impassive. “I had no idea! No idea whatsoever of where the two of you could have been! What on earth were you thinking?!”

“Minerva…”

She defiantly turned around to face him, but stopped dead in her tracks when she realized Albus’ eyes were shining with tears. His entire body shook.

“A—“

“Minerva we cannot give him back… we cannot… we cannot…” He dropped the bag full of Severus’ things and walked towards her. The octopus plushie and Minerva’s moving picture got out of the bag and scattered on the floor. She watched him approach in complete bafflement.

She stared at his glassy light blue eyes with worry. Albus placed both of her hands into his and squeezed them.

“Albus, what on earth are you on about?“

“Please promise me…” He squeezed her hands again, his eyes never leaving hers. “Please, Minerva, please promise me you will listen to my say first. Then you can do whatever you like to me.”

“What—“

“Just promise me.” He pleaded, tears now rolling down his cheeks. His voice was a mere whisper, and it scared Minerva. Concern got the better of her.

“Alright, alright, I do.”  She said, a bit impatiently. “Now, what the bloody hell happened?!” She looked at him with a mixture of exasperation and urgent worry. He gently kissed her hands before releasing them and sighed.

“I…”

He sighed even more heavily.

“I tried to give Severus back to his biological family.”

 

 

Notes:

Hi there! Thank you so much again for leaving reviews, I’m very glad to know that you’re liking my little story so far! This is definitely still a work in progress, but it makes me very happy to see it get more and more extensive with time, specially since the idea has been sitting in my notes for so long!

Chapter 6: A Miscalculation

Summary:

Minerva reacts to recent events.

Notes:

Hi there! It’s good to be back! I must confess it took me a while to figure out what to do next, hence the delay on the posting of this chapter. I’m honestly a tad worried about how I’ll write what I have planned for later, but I’ll figure it out. For now, enjoy!

“I tried to give Severus back to his biological family.”

Minerva stared blankly at the man before her. The headmaster’s telling of recent events had concluded minutes ago, yet she still had not uttered a single word.

“You see then… I tried to do what I thought was best for him…” Weeks of worry and deception and despair were finally exposed, concern shone in Albus’ glassy eyes.  “I… I thought I was doing the right thing… for us…” He cleared his throat. Minerva looked at him in disbelief.

“How dare you.” She hissed. Albus raised his eyebrows and then his hands in what he hoped was a sign of peace.

“Like I said,” he replied, “it’s more complex that one would imagine—“

“No.” She cut across him. “The facts stand thus: you wanted to give him back and tried to do so without my knowledge.” Her hands closed into fists, color drained from her face. “Eileen entrusted him to me, Albus. He is my responsibility.”

“Y-yes, I know that.” The man replied urgently. He took a step forward, she took a step backwards. “Minerva, you must understand the seriousness of this situation. This boy—“

“Our son.”  She said coldly.

“But he isn’t really ours, is he?” She opened her mouth furiously, but he cut across her. “No, please listen. Taking him in was a grave mistake, far graver than I imagined. We’re… we’re too attached.“

“For heaven’s sake, Albus, what did you expect?! Did you think he’d grow up and be off to Merlin-knows-where after Hogwarts, after years of being under our care, and that we’d feel nothing for the boy at all?!”

“I… I didn’t think there’d be years…” He replied quietly.

Minerva opened her mouth, but shut it again pretty quickly, her retort drowning in her throat.

Silence filled the room again. Only the crackling of the fireplace behind them could be heard. Her nostrils flared. Confusion and concern were long gone, replaced by fury at the brink of explosion. She inhaled sharply.

“Do enlighten me.” She took a step forward, he took a step backwards. “You agreed to take a child into your life. Our lives. A child, Albus, and a very young one at that. Not a little animal, not a random wee creature that you found in a forest, a child. And you didn’t expect him to stay with us for long?!”

Albus realized, when he looked into her eyes, how wrong he had been to have expressed these concerns so bluntly, so openly. Sheer and utter emotions had overridden his clarity and, while he had learnt to express himself more freely to his wife than to anyone else throughout the years, he knew he was about to pay dearly for it. This was clearly not the time for understanding and compassion.

“You have been pretending,” she continued “all these months, you have been pretending that you cared for him? That you wanted him here with us? Is this a game to you?!”

“No, Minerva, I have changed my mind, truly.” He tried to reach out for her hands again.  Minerva scoffed and backed away. “It’s true, I believed this was a mere temporary affair. I thought it would all wear off with time, feelings included, but after what I’ve seen today… you must believe me when I say things have changed—“

“I-I can’t believe this.” Minerva threw her hands in the air, turned around and walked away, deeper into their quarters.

“What are you doing?!” Albus asked, alarmed.

“He is too much of a responsibility to you, so that’s that. You have been liberated from any obligations regarding Severus.” She came back to face him, now with the baby asleep in her arms. She wandlessly conjured Severus’ things, which landed with a soft thud by her feet.

Albus paled. He, evidently panicking, pulled out his wand, wrenched Severus’ things away from her side and caught them in his arms. His heart sank, his eyes were quite wide.

“Minerva, you cannot leave.”

“Oh, the bloody hell I can’t!” Minerva snapped at last, pulling out her wand and pointing it directly at him, while holding Severus with her other arm. How dared he point his wand at her and Severus. How dared he dictate what can and can’t be done.

“Minerva…”

“Do not make me do this.” Her voice was a low, shaky whisper. She had had enough.

Albus made a sudden movement, in an attempt to disarm her. Minerva reacted almost instantly and blocked him. She was about to fire curses at him; he saw it in her eyes, when Severus suddenly woke up with a heart splitting cry.

The reminder of his presence in the room made both of them freeze. Wands were held up at the ready in mid air, pointing at each other.

Seconds after Minerva processed what she was doing, she immediately lowered her wand and focused her attention on Severus, though not before shooting an acidic glare in the headmaster’s direction. Albus, realizing what he had done, instinctively dropped Severus’ things, looking horrified. He vanished his wand in an instant and tried to approach her.

“Minerva, I—“

“Get out of the way, Albus.” She said sharply, walking past him. She wandlessly charmed the baby’s things, so they would follow her out of their chambers.

“Minerva!” He yelled after her.

There was no reaction, no reply. She walked away without giving the slightest glance back. He could hear her heels clicking away into the night as he slumped into his armchair by the dying fire. Both of his hands ran through his hair as tears started burning in his eyes once again.

 

 

—

 

 

Two weeks later, a tawny owl flew through Minerva’s classroom window and dropped a letter neatly at her feet. This was the same owl that had been making surprise appearances all day, and which had now successfully delivered her a total of five sealed letters and three different floral decorations in the span of eight hours.

The seventh years in her classroom whistled and cheered avidly with every appearance of the owl. Who was professor McGonagall’s admirer, they wondered, and why was she getting so many letters today?

Minerva quieted the crowd down and tossed the letter aside with the rest. She might have been younger than the current professors and heads of houses at the school, which relatively put her at a disadvantage regarding the students’ perception of her capabilities—and there was also the matter of her attractiveness seen through the eyes of adolescents, of course—, yet it was clear that Minerva was not someone to cross, no matter the circumstances. Her stiff expression and strict attitude kept the students at bay, which allowed her to carry on with her lecture. Once she concluded with the day’s material, however, and instructed the due homework to her class, her thoughts drifted back to the letters, and to the imminent identity of the insistent writer behind them.

“My dearest Minerva,” she began to read whilst the last of her students—who kept giving questioning and curious glances in her direction—emptied her classroom. “I ask again for your forgiveness, I did not mean— ” She stopped reading at once and tossed the letter aside; his way of apologizing was getting old.

Minerva considered the rest of the letters for a moment before opening the second one. She rolled her eyes at the desperate yet neatly written words on the new parchment.

“… Everything I do is to protect you, my love. My actions were not without good reason…”

“… Minerva, had I known then what I know now, I would have made sure that Severus was better protected…”

“… I am but a dangerous man, you know me more than anyone who walks this earth…”

“… I cannot fathom the idea of losing you… I would never hurt you, neither of you…”

“… He will not have the same fate as Eleanor, Minerva. That I can certainly promise…”

Minerva suddenly stopped reading the fourth letter at the sight of that particular name. Her eyes filled with tears. She dropped it and skipped to the fifth and final one. The envelope contained a tiny tear stained note written in shaky purple ink.

“Please, Minerva. I need you to trust me.”

 

 

 

—

 

 

“Thank you again for watching him for me, Poppy. This year’s seventh years definitely are a handful.”

“Not to worry dear, the infirmary wasn’t that busy this afternoon; and either way, it’s no bother. Severus is the sweetest little thing.” The mediwitch said as she admired the baby sitting on her lap.

Severus, being the surprisingly playful baby that he was, was very entertained by the pretty colored sparks that came out of Minerva’s wand, who sat in front of them. She smiled at him.

It was quite lucky, Minerva thought, that the baby did not object to occasionally being taken care of by Poppy whilst she took care of her teaching duties. This had previously been done by Albus, who could trust in the comfort and privacy of his office to care for the baby and keep their secret intact. The headmaster adored having him around for his afternoon tea, given that it meant indulging both himself and Severus to sugary treats with no supervision.

Minerva felt a twinge of pain in her heart at the memory. The thought of Albus alone at this time, missing these precious moments, saddened her; yet she forced herself to remember that he and he alone had brought this upon himself.

“Just look at those cheeks. He is so handsome!” Poppy continued, pinching the baby’s face playfully and snapping Minerva out of her thoughts. Severus giggled. He was surprisingly well behaved when he was around the matron.

“Indeed he is.” Minerva smiled.

After a little while of the two women chatting whilst also making the baby laugh and keeping him mildly entertained, Minerva finally stood up to gather Severus’ things.

“We should get going. It is almost dinner time.” She said. “I can’t thank you enough, Poppy, truly.”

“Oh, Minerva.” Poppy stood up as well. “You know how much I appreciate both of you. The three of you, in fact. There really is nothing to be thankful for.” The mediwitch handed Severus over to her friend. “This is a really unfortunate situation that you are in… if only Albus would, I don’t know, apologize…”

“Oh, he has.” Minerva replied stonily. Poppy’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “He sent me five letters via owl today while I was teaching. Five, Poppy. And tons of flowers, too. The dafty man.” She scoffed.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” the mediwitch confessed. “It’ll take more than two weeks of remorseful looks and apologetic letters to get you back, although I do admire his dedication.”

“It’s the least he can do.” Minerva sighed while looking down at Severus, who had suddenly become drowsy at the touch of his mother.

 

 

Notes:

Thank you so much again for all your reviews! It makes me very happy to know that a little story that I’m writing for myself has the ability to bring entertainment and even joy to other people. It means a lot!

Chapter 7: In Search of Forgiveness

Summary:

Albus once again attempts to make a point regarding his poor decisions.

Notes:

Hi there! Thank you so much again for every comment and every note regarding this story. It’s greatly appreciated! Happy readings~

No matter how hard he tried, Albus had not managed to get Minerva’s attention, nor her forgiveness.

The headmaster had tried everything. Letters, flowers, songs through Fawkes… he had even dared to send Fillius over to check on her, and to possibly spy on Severus—had he grown a lot in two months? Did he still have his stuffed animals? Or had Minerva disposed of them?—which had ultimately resulted in a rather nasty reprimand from the tiny man himself, who ended up siding with professor McGonagall after learning only the surface details of what had transpired between her and Dumbledore.

Yet another day arrived and the headmaster only knew that Minerva and Severus were doing “just fine”, or so Poppy told him, after he had asked her repeatedly for any news at all.

It was a chilly Sunday morning and breakfast was over. There was the distinct sound of shuffling of feet and an eruption of increased chatter as both students and staff slowly started emptying the Great Hall.

Albus, as he lay sagging in his grand golden chair, looked to his right and saw Minerva standing up from the teacher’s table as well. There was no sign of Severus this morning, just as it hadn’t been for the past sixty miserable days of his life, no matter how hard he tried to catch the slightest glimpse of his boy.

Even if it had only been a little over two months since his and Minerva’s fight—he still regretted the fact that it nearly ended in a duel—the lack of their presence in Albus’ life was too great for him to bear.

He had gotten used to the little changes in his routine, to the small little giggles that welcomed him after a long working day; to the sight of toys and stuffed animals scattered around his own quarters and study; and specially to the quiet early breakfasts, when most of the castle lay still and a sole and trustworthy house-elf brought comforting food of their choosing for Minerva, the baby and himself. Then, every morning without fail, Albus would proceed to attend the main breakfast and pretend to eat with the rest of the staff, when in reality his stomach was already full and his heart was obliviously blissful.

The headmaster had not realized how much he valued these little details, and specially introducing Severus to new experiences, until he had lost the chance to do so.

“Minerva, may I have a word?” He asked in her direction, as another hopeful attempt, whilst simultaneously rising from his chair. Albus’ voice was surprisingly composed, yet his hands were trembling.

Minerva turned around stiffly, considered him for a minute, gave a sharp nod in his direction and started to walk away. Albus followed her closely, and when he tried to lead her to a more private location—a door that seemed to offer the privacy of an empty classroom—she stopped dead in her tracks and gave him a stony look. She figured the hallway they were in was deserted enough.

“Minerva—“

“What is it?” She cut across him at once. The innocent and pitiful look on Albus’ face infuriated her. “I’m not following you anywhere anymore, Albus.”

His face fell slightly. He sighed.

“As you wish.”

She crossed her arms and looked up at him expectantly. Albus considered his words in a careful manner before proceeding.

“I want to see him.” He demanded after a long minute of silence. Minerva jumped at his words almost at once.

“Out of the question.” She replied sharply.

“You cannot keep him from me. Severus is mine as much as he is yours.”

“Oh, is he now!” She scowled. Her sudden raised tone surprised him. “I thought he ‘wasn’t really ours’! ”

Albus sighed yet again.

“He is my son.” She raised her eyebrows. “You can say all you want, Minerva, but I do love him. I love him just as if he were my own flesh and blood… These last few months have taught me how far my love can go.“ His statement came out rather seriously, yet Minerva could not contain a snort.

“I would have expected this admirable fatherly love to be the conqueror of all of your concerns then, and most of all your damned plans!” She spat, rather afronted. “Or isn’t love the most powerful force in the world to you, headmaster?” She asked, with a small and rather ironic grin on her face.

“I… I was scared, Minerva. Love is powerful, of course it is, but it is also rather dangerous. It makes us act rather than think, and you love this baby too much, I know you do. You must believe me when I say I do too.” She scoffed. “This is not a laughing matter to me.”

His eyes pleaded for forgiveness. She looked at them directly and felt her whole body tremble. She kept her expressionless façade, yet her heart gave an involuntary twitch at the pathetic sight of him. This was the man she loved, after all. Even if he was a fool.

“I am still scared for him.” Albus continued, trying to fit as many words in the conversation as he could, before she decided to walk away from him again. “We are at great risk, I don’t know how else I can convey it to you. I do not speak only of feelings; the moment people start noticing Severus as a permanent resident of the castle our cover will be blown. I thought…” His voice trailed away for a moment. “I thought he’d be safer with his parents. His real parents. I believed they would take him from us eventually, that this would not last. Alas… I was mistaken.”

She contemplated him for a moment. Her face still looked terribly serious.

“You never should have tried to give him back.” She said simply after a while, trying to detach herself from the terrible sensation that was caused by the pain in his eyes. “What did you think was going to happen? Did it ever cross your mind that I would perhaps not be on board with your decision, Albus?”

The man stared down at her for a moment, trying very hard not to say the obvious reason why he was so worried about the entire ordeal.

Her patience ran thin at his prolonged silence.

“We cannot give him back. I know that now.” Albus replied after a while. She rolled her eyes, evidently annoyed at the dejecting nature of the man before her. “My dear, you must believe me when I say I am willing to do anything in my power to keep him s—“ He stopped. They teared their eyes off of each other at the same time. Suddenly voices could be heard coming from the end of the corridor.

Minerva frowned at the sight of Albus gesturing to a door on their left. He opened it for her and she had no choice but to get in, before a hoard of fourth years approaching noticed them and rumors about them began circulating around the school as per usual.

Both Albus and Minerva thought they were entering an empty classroom, but in reality it was no more than a storage room, and not the main one used daily by the caretaker, but a rather small cupboard that seemed to have gone untouched for years.

Minerva tried to stay as far from Albus as physically possible, yet his body was still too close to hers, closer than she would have liked whilst having such a serious conversation.

“Minerva…” He began again, but she cut across him.

“You must understand that I am truly hurt by what you have done, Albus.” His eyes lacked their usual twinkle, he gave her a pained look. “Whatever your reasoning was at that moment does not justify the appalling nature of your actions. He is my son too.”

Silence. He looked at her for a long time, contemplating his remaining options for this argument.

“I…”

He gathered up all his courage and finally said what he was most afraid to say, and what he had tried to convey to her before, through one of his letters.

“I truly did not want to see you go through loss again. Hence why a… a premature goodbye… seemed to be the best and only solution.”

He said the words as softly and as gently as he could. It was the truth, after all; but he was using it for his convenience and he knew it.

Minerva was ready to keep rejecting his attempts at making ammends, to keep making it very clear that she was not willing to forgive him any time soon, but these words froze her. He knew he had struck her where it hurt.

It was the only way.

“Don’t.” She whispered, her voice suddenly trembling. “It’s not the same—“ he reached for her. Minerva tried to back away, but she physically couldn’t. He looked down at her with pitying eyes, which she definitely noticed, and which all of the sudden made her feel rather small.

“What happened was not anyone’s fault, my beloved. Our daughter’s death was an accident, but we cannot replace—“

“You think that I would… that I would dare to replace her?!”

“No.” He cut across her rather quickly. He did not exactly intend for her to feel guilty about it all again. “No. Eleanor can never be replaced, I know that. Severus just happened to need a home and you rose to the occasion, like the valiant and loving mother that you are. It… it needed to happen, one way or another.”

The compassion in which he spoke and the soothing tone of his voice helped melting the remains of the fighting spark within her away. Her watery eyes broke his heart. He pulled her into his arms and Minerva, for the very first time in weeks, did not object to his touch.

“I do not want us to lose him, too. That is what I am most afraid of…” Albus whispered. “If this is real… if he is to stay with us forever, we have to make sure that he is safe, that you both are, always.”

He wasn’t looking at her, his nose was buried in the crook of her neck, his eyes burned with guilt.

“Look at me.” Minerva breathed after a while, as she slowly started detaching herself from him.

He allowed her to leave his arms and looked down. Her gaze could be just as piercing and as powerful as his.

Albus shivered.

“You shouldn’t have gone behind my back, Albus.” She repeated, though now gently. “We could have talked about this.”

Minerva stood on her tiptoes and brushed a gentle hand against his cheek to wipe a trickling of tears away. He nodded slowly.

“… Forgive me.” He pleaded.

She made him bow down and kissed his cheek. Albus closed his eyes and cherished her affections.

He wrapped his arms around her once more and they both stayed silent. Minerva patted his back and kept her head on his chest, purposefully evading looking at him.

“I don’t know if I can.” She whispered earnestly after a while.

Albus only closed his eyes and held her close to his heart a bit longer.

When she backed away from him a few minutes later, and made an attempt to open the cupboard door, he finally nodded and opened it wandlessly for her.

“I understand…” he whispered quietly. She nodded.

Albus considered, as he watched her walk away, that he at least appreciated her honesty.

 

—

 

 

 

“Have I not been clear enough?!” The man snapped, throwing an empty glass to a wall on his left, which shattered on impact. “He is MINE!”

The woman before him flinched and cowered in her seat. Both of her hands were pressed forcefully against her head, her eyes were looking down at her ragged dress.

She started sobbing at the sound of glass breaking. He looked at her and approached her seat quickly, his wide chest heaved, his yellowish teeth were bared.

“You foolish woman.” His raspy voice whispered in her ear. The man grabbed her by the wrists and forced her to sit straight. Her eyes were very wide and very red. “What’s it gonna be, eh? Are you going to spit it out or not?” His alcoholic breath hit her fully in the face. She cowered and closed her eyes shut.

“I-I j-just told you I don’t— I don’t know where he—“

“You KNOW!” He screamed in her face. She whimpered. “You know where he is, you sneakily gave him away, but to whom?!”

He released her wrists and grabbed her head instead. His big and chunky hands pressed on her skull and forced her to look at him in the eyes. The man looked extremely deranged, his brown eyes were popping.

“Who is it?” His voice was slimy and menacing.  “If you don’t tell me now…” He did not finish the sentence. The woman gulped.

She knew what he was capable of. She could not bear it anymore. He would kill her if she didn’t speak now, she was sure of it.

“I-I gave him to a professor.” She gasped, shutting her eyes tightly. “An old friend.”

“A professor, eh?” She nodded, still with her eyes shut, now covering her face with her hands, ashamed of being so weak, ashamed of giving in.

The man loosened his grip on her right away. He straightened up and stood menacingly before her.

“And the name?” He asked.

“Minerva.” Eileen could not believe what she was saying, but she couldn’t stop now. “Minerva McGonagall.”

 

 

Chapter 8: The Letter

Summary:

Minerva receives an unexpected message.

Notes:

Hi there! I have finally managed to bring you another chapter of this story. Thank you so much again for everything! Happy readings ^^

His larger hands brushed tenderly against hers. His long fingers entwined with her own in slow motion. He stirred her hands to his lips, pressed a fleeting kiss on each one, and then pressed them to his chest.

“Do you feel my heart, Minerva?” He had asked in a whisper.

She remembered looking up at two sparkling light blue eyes which bored into her own, shining with immense adoration.

“Can you feel what you do to me?”

His magic, a massive and energetic force, crackled and vibrated, emanating from him and enveloping her completely. A wave of strong frisson ignited at her chest and spread through her arms, ending with a tingling sensation in the back of her hands, which were still pressed against his chest and could feel the heavy thumping of his heart, hammering incessantly.

“My heart, Minerva…” He repeated.

She looked up again, just in time to watch him bow down and place a soft kiss to one of her cheeks. The red coloring her face deepened.

“You are my heart.”

Smash!

Glass tinkled and shattered against her office floor. Minerva woke up with a start. The ghost of a kiss burned on her cheek.

Her glasses were askew, some third year essays she had been marking had somehow ended up spread by her feet and her inkwell lay shattered on the floor. She figured easily enough that that had caused the commotion which awoke her, yet she suspected the sudden hammering of her heart was caused by… something else.

Minerva stood up. With a swish of her wand she repaired the flask, vanished the ink and reorganized her mostly unmarked essays. She was appalled at her sudden ability to fall asleep wherever she sat, and with such ease, too.

She huffed to herself and was about to restart her marking when she heard them.

Bagpipes.

The distorted sound exploded from a distant room. Once the bagpipes started playing, the senseless racket would not cease unless Minerva herself faced and scolded the performer.

The professor couldn’t help but laugh at the irregular sound that filled her office; it was thoroughly hideous yet hilarious and, most of all, rather impressive. Her bagpipes were well hidden, or so she had thought, in her private quarters. Who would have thought that her baby could be so creative, so skilled?

A smile blossomed on her face as she rose from her desk, her students’ essays vanishing in an instant as she stood. She made her way towards her own private rooms and, naturally, the door was already open, as if inviting her inside, daring her to look.

She chuckled, her face flushing slightly, her eyes sparkling with mirth at the scene before her.

“I really thought you wouldn’t reach them if I placed them on the top shelf, dear. How silly of me!” Minerva said with traces of subtle laughter as she entered her quarters.

The professor found her dark haired nine month old giggling to himself while being accompanied by the sound of badly played bagpipes, which lay right next to him on the floor. His octopus plushie was there too, dancing on its own as if to accompany the giggles and the awful tune. She smiled broadly at him. A hint of pride glinted in her eyes.

Finding Severus here was anything but a surprise, of course. What appeared to be singular occurrence had recently turned into a bit of habit for the baby, who would, exclusively in between naps, look for her bagpipes and play with them. The result of this affair created an incredibly disturbing amount of noise and turned into a considerable distraction from her work, yet Minerva was not one bit sorry to find him being sneaky yet again. It was nobody’s surprise that the professor enjoyed seeing the baby’s magic develop and manifest before her eyes. She loved Severus openly. He was her bundle of pride and joy.

“How about I take a break from those essays, mmm? I thought you would rather prefer sleeping after lunch, but now that you’re awake…” She crouched down and picked him up from the floor, kissing one of his rosy cheeks in turn. The baby’s laugh was enough to melt her heart. “I see. Playing it is then!”

And playing they did, and she sang to him, too. Once half an hour had passed Minerva finished the baby’s energies off by reading The Tales of Beedle the Bard, whispering the stories to him as his tiny form lay tenderly cuddled beside her.

When Severus had finally dozed off again, Minerva decided to ring for a cup of tea. She watched her baby sleep as she sipped from her favorite emerald mug; taking in every ephemeral feature of the scene before her, trying to burn into her memory the way his tender face rested, ever so angelic, and the exact hue of the smallest tinge of pink that colored his now surprisingly chubby cheeks.

He was growing up before her eyes… and ever so fast, too. She knew Severus would not stay like this forever, it was expected, it was the natural way of things; yet the thought of losing this version of her baby forever sent a shiver down her spine.

Her heart twitched involuntarily as she once again found herself contemplating her decisions in these rare moments of quiet solace. She was his mother, he was her son, their bond was sealed, she knew it; she felt it deeply edged into the depths of her heart, and that both satisfied her immensely and, quite frankly, scared her to death.

She sipped from her mug again and turned her back on the sleeping form, shaking her head slightly as if to shake off the sudden flood of feelings that was approaching her.

She walked through the passage that connected her study to her rooms as her thoughts were dangerously drifting back to everything that had transpired since Albus had tried to give the baby back to his biological family. She saw flashes of their latest rows; she remembered the snapping of her temper, his sunken, miserable face; his pleading, tear filled twinkling eyes… and how truthfully sorry he seemed to be…

The burning sensation suddenly returned to Minerva’s cheeks. She remembered her dream, which was not but a memory of long ago, of one of the many confessions of the headmaster’s undying love for her.

Someone rapped at her office door. She jumped. The emerald mug trembled in her hands, almost slipping from her slender fingers. She placed it hurriedly on her desk and strode to the door.

The tiny form of professor Flitwick appeared behind it, smiling. Her eyes flashed at the sight of him.

“Minerva! Hello—“

“I trust, Filius, that you are not here under the headmaster’s orders again ?” Her tone was suddenly rather sharp. It was hard to believe she had been shamelessly blushing at a memory mere seconds ago.

“Not at all, not at all!” The tiny professor squeaked, gulping hard. “Do forgive me, Minerva… I didn’t mean to— I mean— you know how persistent Albus can get…”

Her frown relaxed at his answer. She nodded curtly.

“Of course… quite.” She agreed, opening the door for him. Flitwick, however, did not step inside.

“Oh no not to worry, I know you’re rather busy! With the baby and everything… gods, I don’t know how you manage! Besides, classes resume in about ten minutes, so I better run.” He rummaged inside his pockets and gathered a letter. “Here.” He handed it to her. “Some old owl interrupted my class earlier today. It dropped this right on my desk, but it has clearly made a mistake, it’s got your name on it, see here?” He pointed at her full name and classroom address written in black ink.

Minerva looked at it and frowned slightly. She had not seen that handwriting in almost eight months. All of the sudden her throat went rather dry.

“It obviously got lost and delivered it to me instead. You know how the old owls are; no doubt it mistook my classroom with yours, but no matter.” He smiled again. She tried to smile too, though her blood had turned stone cold.

“I see…”

Minerva thanked him in what she hoped was a completely normal and composed manner, and once he was gone she tore the envelope open and started to read.

 

Dear Minerva,

 

I owe you a great debt.

I know you have been taking great care of my son, just like I asked you to, and I cannot ever thank you enough for what you have done for him… and for me.

I write to you to ask for another great favor. I would like, if possible, to see him again.

I promise it will be a quick goodbye, the quickest you can think of. You see… I truly miss him, I love him as much as you do now, I am sure, and now that he is older I think I might be able to say goodbye to him… properly.

Forever.

I understand if you would prefer to cut ties with me completely after this brief meeting, and I think it’s for the best, too. But please, before we do so, please allow me to see Severus again.

Just one last time… I promise.

 

—Eileen.

She couldn’t breathe, her hands clutched to the parchment and crumpled it slightly. Her eyes moved left to right in a blur, scanning the letter in eager desperation.

Once she had finished she let out a small strangled gasp, yet her shoulders relaxed slightly and her brows unknitted.

She was right. She knew she was, she couldn’t believe it, yet it was true. Eileen wasn’t asking to have him back, like she feared. Like Albus had said she would. Eileen was asking to see her baby again, to check on him, to see him for…

She looked down again. Reassuring herself, making sure that  she was correct.

To see him for one last time.

A sweet thrill of what seemed like victory spread through Minerva. Her face broke into a smile. Albus was wrong, Severus’ parents didn’t want him back at all. Why would they? Eileen only intended to say goodbye, and that, she thought, was far more realistic, more reasonable.

Why would she ask for him back, if she had been the one letting him go in the first place? Unless her living conditions had improved, and she was ready to try again… to reconnect with her own child…

No.

Minerva closed her eyes for a bit and shook her head.

Not to worry, she reassured herself again, gripping the parchment with force. That was, thankfully, not the case.

 

 

Chapter 9: The Last Visit

Summary:

Minerva meets with Eileen for the very last time.

Notes:

… This might be my longest chapter yet. Happy readings!

Her heart felt as heavy as her face, which was swollen with visible bruises left as traces of Tobias’ sporadic bursts of rage.

Eileen rolled over her sunken old mattress, loud squeaking noises accompanying her every move, and got out of bed. The walk to the loo was miserable, her knees shook under her weight, her right hand could not stop clutching her side, and the thought of a potential broken rib crossed her mind.

Her hands clutched the sink as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. One of her eyes was extremely bloodshot and she noticed her hair looked duller and thinner than usual, her skin was more yellow, too.

Eileen let go of the cold stony surface and took a deep, shuddering breath. One of her hands moved to the pocket of her long, ragged, thin coat and pulled out her wand; the forbidden stick that would finally be allowed in Tobias’ presence, if only just for that one day.

She mustered all the remaining will that she possessed in her body, knowing quite well that this was the only way of getting through the day, and started putting what little she knew of healing magic into action. Her wand slashed dully through the air as thoughts of Minerva and Severus tortured her mind.

“Just one last time…” She reminded herself.

 

—

 

 

It was a clear yet somewhat chilly Sunday afternoon. Minerva’s spirits were soaring high as she made her way through the castle, Severus hung securely from the sling tied to her chest and a quite powerful disillusionment charm was casted over the pair of them, concealing both woman and child from view of any potential prying eyes.

Minerva considered telling Poppy about her secret meeting and what it entailed, but eventually decided against it, merely informing her friend that both her and Severus would be out for the evening.

When the news of her departure was shared, the professor made sure not to let any particular emotions show, lest she gave away how she felt about the entire affair. Minerva trusted the mediwitch with her own life, Poppy was surely the closest friend she had; however, she did not want to jeopardize her last meeting with Eileen. This news could not reach Albus’ ears, it was crucial for Minerva to get through the day without any sudden interventions, even if that meant keeping most of the details of her afternoon activities well hidden from everybody else around her.

Minerva took a deep breath, mentally reassuring herself that what she was doing was for a greater good, and strode in a steady pace towards the gates, away from the castle grounds, away from her home.

She apparated with Severus, arms pressed tight against his tiny form, and when her eyes could see clearly again she confirmed that they had both left the security of the school.

They materialized in Cokeworth with a gentle “pop”, near a dark and murky river which was situated a few meters away from rows of equally dreadful and old looking houses.

As Minerva walked ahead, with one careful hand pressed on Severus’ tiny chest and glancing on occasion at the handwritten address that Eileen had provided, she felt her determination waver. A deep, cold sensation started to settle in her chest, close to her heart.

She took in her surroundings as they passed each narrow street, discarding empty looking houses as her feet mindlessly carried her onwards. It occurred to her that this was the place where Severus would have spent the entirety of his childhood, had it not been for her. And, of course, for Albus.

The thought chilled Minerva to her bones. Everywhere she looked seemed sallow, empty. The entire town lacked warmth somehow, even if the sun was beginning to set beyond the horizon, tinging the sky with a deep orange color, and even when most broken street lamps around her lit up one by one, dimly illuminating her way forward.

It took Minerva a few more minutes to find the Snapes’ house in Spinner’s End. Her hands, she noticed, were slightly clammy as she knocked on the main door. She took a deep breath, both of her hands now gently poised on Severus’ tiny form.

The baby looked up at his mother, dark eyes full of deep curiosity. She ruffled his hair and smiled at him. “It will all be over soon, my love. You’ll see.” She whispered, pinching one of his rosy cheeks affectionately.

—

 

 

 

“Poppy.” Albus got hold of the blonde woman right after supper, catching up to her and Filius as students and staff filed out of the Great Hall. The mediwitch came to a halt, stopping her conversation with the tiny professor in a rather abrupt manner and turned around to face the tall man before her.

“Headmaster?” Albus noted the monotony in her voice. Ever since him and Minerva had been through this odd and temporary phase of separation, Poppy had taken up on wearing a frown whenever he approached her.

Even if Albus was displeased with her reaction to his presence, he privately appreciated the matron’s loyalty to his wife.

“Poppy, I do apologize for bothering you, but I was wondering—“

“No, Albus.” She cut across him “I do not know where Minerva and Severus went, if that is what you are asking.” Albus remained open mouthed as she interrupted him. He closed it and frowned.

“Severus? Why would Minerva take Severus out with her?”

Poppy could have kicked herself for accidentally revealing this piece of information. She tried to distract him from this train of thought.

“She might be in her quarters for all we know. Have you checked?”

“I have, just before supper, and I have asked many others before you. No one, dead or alive, has seen her since earlier this afternoon.”

“I do recall seeing her earlier today.” Intervened professor Flitwick, butting into the conversation much to Poppy’s dismay. “I believe it was before she left. She asked me to keep an eye on her Gryffindor cubs while she was away.”

“Away?” Albus felt a slight panic rise in his chest. He clasped his hands together behind his back, trying to keep it at bay. “So she did go out.” He looked at Poppy questioningly “Where did she go? And why would she take the baby with her? Why not leave him with you, as she usually does?”

“I just told you… I don’t know.” The mediwitch sighed. “But yes… she did mention she’d be going out for the evening.”

Poppy considered Albus’ worried demeanor and reflected on her own words for a moment. It had been many hours since she had seen Minerva or the baby, and she was evidently not back yet, nor had she told her —or anyone else for that matter— where they were going.

Why?

“She… she didn’t tell you anything else?” Albus’ throat had gone dry. Poppy shook her head, and there he saw it, reflecting in her eyes: she was telling the truth.

Albus’ panic rose even higher, spreading eerily quick to the rest of his body. His hands, still clasped together, now trembled behind his back. He bit his tongue. Where was she? Where was Severus? Why weren’t they back yet?

“It must have been that letter she received.” Said Filius simply, shrugging. “She’s definitely been acting less like herself… ever since I brought it to her office, two days ago.”

“What letter?” Albus asked.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

The dark door squeaked and swung open, revealing a very thin, yet bruiseless Eileen Prince. Her dark hair was tied in a low ponytail, and even though her face looked mostly healthy, there were dark circles under her dim eyes, and new wrinkles surrounding them.

“Minerva… I am glad to see you here. Welcome.” The very thin woman uttered, making way for the taller woman to step inside.

Minerva nodded and accepted her invitation to come in. As the professor took off her cloak and pulled Severus out of his sling in an infinitely loving yet swift and steady motion, Eileen’s eyes stayed a bit too long on the baby, who remained quiet but alert.

Minerva hung her cloak behind her on a perch, per Eileen’s request. “I must say I was surprised by your letter, but not displeased.” She said, turning around to face Eileen and settling Severus in her arms. The child clung to her chest, one small hand closed naturally around the fabric of her dark collar.

“Right.” Eileen whispered. Minerva noticed a glint of pain cross her eyes as she registered Severus’ impulses. His need to cling to this woman, his actual mother, who Eileen herself had handed him to, made her heart contract slightly.

She cleared her throat, snapping out of these thoughts.

“Shall we go inside?” Eileen asked.

Minerva nodded again as she was directed to a small, dark and rather enclosed sitting room. A steep and narrow staircase could be seen just behind a worn down greenish sofa, which faced a sole dark brown armchair next to the smallest fireplace that Minerva had ever seen. Eileen sat on the armchair and the professor followed suit, taking a sit on the couch before her.

Minerva could have sworn she heard a creaking behind her. She suspected it came from the small staircase, but she also had to admit that the house creaked with every given step or move, even from the winds that blew outside. She decidedly ignored the sound and focused her attention on her former close friend, who fidgeted with her hands and purposefully avoided looking at the questioning green eyes that stared at her.

Eileen, on the other hand, felt a sudden and profound urge to run, to escape. She could feel the solidity of her wand pressed against the side of her right leg, securely and conveniently placed in the right pocket of her long gray cardigan, ready for her to use at any moment, whenever Minerva least expected it.

She had no idea if Tobias had followed her instructions, if he had actually left her to deal with the situation alone, but she truly hoped that was the case. It was better this way, she thought. Even if pain would be inflicted in the process.

Eileen had come to the conclusion that she deserved to have her baby back, regardless of what her letter to Minerva said. She was worthy of his affections, even more so than Minerva. She was his birth mother. It was her right.

“I… find it pertinent for this to be our last encounter.” Minerva said after a while, figuring she would have to speak first if she wanted to receive any sort of verbal responses from the woman before her. This was why she was here, after all. “If we would like Severus to have a normal upbringing, that is.” She continued. Why did Eileen seem so unsettled?

Eileen nodded, but did not venture to say anything else.

They sat in silence for a while. Minerva caressed Severus’ dark hair as the baby glanced from his mother to Eileen and back to his mother, unsure of what was happening.

“… Would you like to hold him?” Minerva asked, breaking the long silence.

Air caught in Eileen’s throat, she couldn’t do more than nod. Even if she knew what she had to do, even if she knew she was stalling, she couldn’t help herself. The question, and what it meant, had rendered her speechless.

She knew how absurd this would have sounded, had she voiced any of her thoughts aloud, but in truth Eileen did not expect Severus to look this round, this rosy cheeked, this healthy. She had not provided him with this type of care, and she probably never could.

It was all her… it was all because of Minerva.

The realization that this beautiful black haired baby that had her eyes was not really hers, and never truly would, struck her deep, without warning.

“Now, now, be nice…” Minerva whispered, slowly detaching the baby from her chest to hand him over. Severus fuzzed slightly and didn’t quite seem to want to leave his mother’s warm embrace. Eileen’s hands must have been too cold for him, and she realized this just after she touched him for the first time in eight months.

Her eyes welled up, she sniffed, and Minerva… Minerva understood. Her pain, this kind of sadness… she could read Eileen like an open book; this was no ordinary feeling.

Being a mother wasn’t something that Minerva  expected to come so naturally to her, at least not at first. Now, after all the loss that her and Albus had gone through, and after these months of taking dear care of Severus, the professor knew what it truly meant to have an extension of yourself, one that you would do anything to protect, to keep safe, just like Eileen had decided to do when Severus was her own.

Eileen let Severus sit on her own lap and the baby stayed there, though quite apprehensively. His dark eyes never leaving Minerva’s.

Every thought and every worry that Eileen had about how that evening would transpire vanished from her mind at that moment. She looked at the baby, then looked at Minerva, who kept her attention fixed on Severus, eyes tenderly gazing at her baby, and she realized that they did not need to talk about it anymore, there was nothing left to discuss.

Even now, even when Severus was really close to her, within her reach; even when she wanted with every fiber of her being to keep him there, near her, forever, Eileen knew that she couldn’t. She couldn’t destroy their bond, she couldn’t bring this baby back to her, not even when Tobias demanded it, not even when she wanted it more than anything else in the whole wide world.

Minerva was his mother. Eileen’s baby adored this woman more than anybody else on this earth, that was certain, and knowing that love would never run out for Severus as long as Minerva lived brought Eileen an unexpected and incredible amount of peace.

A small smile escaped her as she detached her eyes from Severus. She slowly looked up, meaning to face Minerva and thank her for what she had done for her son, when a sudden movement in the shadows took her by surprise.

Her dark eyes grew wide, there was no time at all to issue a warning, to react. Eileen could hardly register the brutality of the blow to Minerva’s head or the sickening sound that assaulted her ears as Tobias’ struck the professor with a pipe. Eileen screamed, holding onto Severus as the pipe clinked and hit the floor.

Minerva fell to her side and rolled off the couch, landing on the floor. A powerful ringing noise that barely drowned Severus’ sudden wailing registered in her consciousness before succumbing to a complete and sudden darkness.

A small amount of blood pooled under her head.

“Well, that wasn’t that hard, was it? Good thing that you distracted her with the brat and all that.”

Tobias flashed a unpleasant yellow smile at Eileen, who was still sitting in her armchair, stunned to her core, her arms tightly wrapped around the wailing child.

“… She doesn’t look like much of a witch to me.”

The man walked around the couch and positioned himself next to Minerva’s limp body. He knelt to have a closer look and brushed strands of dark hair away from her slightly bloody face. Thick yellowish fingers touched her pale skin.

“Pity… she’s a pretty bird.” He muttered. A bright stain of blood glinted on her left temple. “I might’ve my way with her I reckon, before we get rid o’ the body that is.” He grinned again.

Eileen remained rooted in her seat. A deep, hot anger suddenly rising inside her chest at the sight of Minerva. Tears prickled her eyes while Severus cried, his tiny hands gripping the thin arms that kept him trapped.

It all happened too fast. Tobias gave his back to her, meaning to carry Minerva into his arms, and Eileen acted unconsciously, driven by shock and disgust and anger and hatred, all the emotions that had been building up inside of her while she was kept in this house, tied to him.

Before she knew what she was doing there was a flash of green light. Tobias was blasted into a wall, his body crashing against it with a loud bang and sliding slowly to the floor, where he was to move no more.

It was his fault, Eileen thought, for allowing her magic for just one day.

The thin woman panted, her arm still extended and pointing at Tobias, her vision blurred by tears of rage and shock. She whirled around, meaning to check on Severus, who she had essentially thrown to her armchair before attacking, but before she could do more than turn a deafening explosion cut through the air.

The door to her house had been blown to pieces.

She paled when she saw the man that appeared behind it. Magic crackled through the air, she felt her entire body shake with an unmistakable feeling of fear at the powerful sight before her.

There was no time. There was so much she wanted to do, so much she wanted to say, but there was no time at all; her only option was but to run. It was either that or death, she saw it in the eyes of the furious man approaching her.

Eileen glanced at Severus for one last fraction of a second, tears blurring her last memory of him, and revolved on the spot, dodging curses directed to her head.

And thus the woman apparated. Leaving behind Spinner’s End, Cokeworth and Severus Snape for good.

 

Notes:

And there you have it! I truly hope you are having as much fun reading as I am writing this!

Also, just as a side note—that might be slightly useless now—I understand that it might feel a tad odd for Eileen to stay with Tobias, and for Tobias to want Eileen to be by his side, but sometimes that is how abusive and emotionally dependent relationships work. I believe when it comes to this story, Tobias enjoys having control over Eileen, making her do things his way, having her suffer because of his direct actions. It brings him joy, in a quite twisted way. Did he really want Severus back? Of course not, but he knew Eileen did, and putting her into this ordeal would cause her (and others) pain, a pain inflicted and controlled by him. This is also reflected by his reaction to seeing Minerva unconscious on the floor. He most likely doesn’t desire Minerva at all, but he knows she is Eileen’s old friend. Would this hurt Eileen? Yes. Therefore, teasing this idea brings him pleasure, regardless of the actual outcome.

Eileen, on the other hand, cannot be self sufficient. She is dependent on Tobias, bearing his abuse in exchange for a companionship, a partnership if you will, even if it is essential worthless (one must remember that sometimes things that seem obvious to us are not usually as easily seen by other people.) Eileen knows that Tobias is not good for her or, at least, to a certain extent; but she loves him in her own way, and hopes she might be able to change him one day.

There is also a small and constant hope in Eileen’s mind for herself and for Severus. For them all to be able to function together. She gave her baby away in a moment of clarity, knowing deep down that he’d be safer if he were away from them, but at this stage… she has realized that Minerva really was worthy of her baby, more so than her. And that, in the end, is all that matters.

Thank you again for reading!

Chapter 10: Our Wrongs

Summary:

Mistakes have been made… now it is the time to fix them.

Minerva was awake.

She felt the most delicate of caresses on her cheek. A soft kiss had been placed upon it quite gently, almost shyly, and it sent shivers down her spine.

She kept her eyes closed. As she started to miss the small gesture of affection, Minerva felt her hand being lifted and slowly wrapped around a very familiar warmth, one that she had missed for many months, yet one that she would never, ever forget.

Her slender fingers squeezed his as she willed herself to open her eyes and see the person before her, no matter how much the light assaulted her, or how much effort the mere action took.

The sight of a broken man met her green and weary eyes, and it almost broke her, too. Minerva inhaled sharply as a sudden surge of pain attacked the left side of her head and made her jerk involuntarily, making her feeble hospital bed tremble in turn.

Albus jumped, tearing his teary eyes off her hands, and looked up on instinct.

Their eyes met.

It was almost as if time itself had stopped on its own accord. Minerva’s pain waned almost magically as she found a different kind of suffering in his eyes, which reflected on the way that Albus looked at her. His entire old self seemed gone, replaced by the image of a man who had been at the brink of losing what mattered in his life the most.

All of the sudden the warmth that surrounded her hands left her as he moved close to her, closer than he had been in a long time. Both of his hands cupped her face, and Minerva did not protest.

“You’re awake.” His voice was shaky. His light blue eyes admired her as if for the first time, taking in every detail of her face as large thumbs caressed her cheeks, gently wiping sudden stray tears away. “You are awake!” The reaction that came after this exclamation sounded like a laugh, yet what started as such transformed into erupting sobs. The unconscious and delicate smile that had spread across Minerva’s face when he approached faded as he gasped for breath and let himself go, sobbing bitterly against her chest. Tears escaped her own eyes as she watched his big shoulders shudder, uncontrolled by him, being powered by an immense, deep suffering rooted on what could have been.

Minerva had never seen him so vulnerable, so utterly broken, and it scared her.

She willed herself to comfort him, feeling his pain and bringing into the moment a bit of her own to join him in grief. The grief of what could have been, had Albus not reached both her and Severus in time. The mere idea of fatal tragedy that had almost sprung to life paralyzed her more than words could tell.

“I missed you so…” Albus whispered against her chest. Her hospital gown was wet there, from both his tears and her own.

Minerva sniffed.

After a short pause, in which she could only caress his hair, she took his face in her hands and pulled his head up quite gently, so he would look at her.

“W-where is Severus?” She asked tentatively as she wiped tears off his cheeks with her own thumbs, just like he had done with hers moments ago.

Albus pulled himself away from her embrace and gazed at her with such weariness, but with such loyalty and love too, that it broke her heart to remember how long they had been apart from each other, and how much damage this entire ordeal had inflicted to their relationship.

“He is safe.” Albus gulped, regaining his ability to speak as he conjured a handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes. “Poppy is with him.” Tears did not seem to stop flowing, despite his best attempts at stopping them.

“How… how did you know where to find me?” Minerva asked weakly, trying to put herself in a more comfortable sitting position, and still feeling a sharp and agonizing pain on her left temple. Albus, quite knowingly, disposed of his handkerchief and approached again, helping her move to a more comfortable position with such gentle care that it made Minerva’s vision blurred once again. He kissed her hand when she had settled and then sat next to her once again on the hospital bed.

“Filius told me about the letter you received. He saw it was sent from Spinner’s End… and I immediately knew what you tried to do.” He responded.

Memories of what had transpired flooded Minerva’s mind’s eye and she realized she wanted to know more about her baby, she wanted to see him, hold him; but he was safe, and the scene before her, she knew, was more pressing. Every other thought left her as she met those light blue eyes again, so hurt and defeated, puffed up and red.

She nodded.

“Al—“

“Oh, Minerva.” He cut her off at once, his eyes shining, his voice pleading, “I would never have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you, or to Severus—“

“I was incredibly foolish…” She cut him off, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I am terribly sorry… I… I should have never trusted that woman…”

“You were trying to protect him, to protect our family, to protect us all—“

“And look where it got us!” Her accent grew thicker, her cheeks redder, the pain on her temple stronger. “I cannot believe I put him in so much danger… I did that… it was my decision…” She covered her face with her hands, angry tears never leaving her. “I am the reason we almost lost him f-for good…”

Now, in retrospect, Minerva felt outraged at her own mindlessness. How could she have trusted Eileen so easily, and by doing so repeating Albus’ same mistake that had almost costed them their marriage? To put Severus at such risk, just to prove a point, to try and put an end to a cycle of their lives, as if life were that simple—

Her train of thought was stopped by Albus’ hands regaining contact with hers. He slowly removed them from her face, kissed each one, and squeezed them gently.

“Alas…” He whispered, holding Minerva in his arms as she dissolved again, allowing herself to cry on him, both dwelling once again on what could have been, on their own wrongs. “We have both failed, my love. Yet, it is fair to say, not without reason...”

She sniffed and looked up at him, her lips quivering, her gaze giving away what she wanted to ask of him.

He smiled sadly.

“I only ask that you forgive me, too.” He whispered.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

1968

 

Lightning illuminated what seemed to be an endless hallway that led to their chamber’s main quarters. Severus almost tripped on his way out of his own room. He could not help it, he trembled and seemed to shrink a little bit more with each new atrocious lightning strike, which kept making him jump sporadically as he strode onwards.

A tremendous sound exploded. A massive lightning. He almost felt it reverberate in his tiny chest, it must have struck somewhere quite nearby. His automatic reaction then was to bury his head in his gigantic and fluffy octopus plushie, and pray to the Celtic gods for a miracle.

“Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop—“ He stumbled into the correct room, the one he was looking for, by complete accident. And then he saw them.

Minerva slept on her side, quite gracefully, with a single pillow under her sensible braided black hair, and was neatly covered by a small tartan blanket. She could have almost been awake, had her glasses not been perched askew on the bridge of her nose. She had fallen asleep while wearing them.

Albus, on the other hand, laid flat on his back, with several fluffy pillows around his head and a sleeping cap sprinkled with stars covering half of his face. His mouth, Severus noted, was half open and he snore loudly. He had one arm wrapped around Minerva, while the other hung from his side of the bed.

The commotion that had been caused by Severus’ entrance combined with the roaring lightning roused Minerva at once. Naturally, she was a light sleeper.

“Severus dear? Is that you?” She straightened her glasses at once and freed herself from Albus’ arm. The headmaster gave a new loud snore in response.

Minerva didn’t have to ask what was wrong, she saw it in his eyes. Severus, still hugging his octopus plushie very tightly, looked at her with pleading eyes.

“C-can I sleep here?” He asked tentatively. Lightning struck yet again and he jumped on the spot.

Minerva didn’t need asking twice, she scooted to her side, making space on the bed, and opened her arms widely to him. Severus jumped in at once and hugged her with such force that it made Minerva’s heart twitch a little. She caressed his hair and placed a small kiss on the top of his head.

“… Huh?” They heard Albus say.

“Dad!” Severus squeaked. Minerva chuckled.

Albus had, much to their surprise, been awaken by their voices and movement. He peered at Severus with half open eyes, noticed tears, and immediately moved over as well, making room in the middle of the bed for him.

“C’mere, laddie.” He mumbled, opening his arms to him as well and getting rid of all the unnecessary pillows. Severus gently left his mother’s embrace, recovered his octopus who lay sprawled next to her, and proceeded to lie down in the new spot made for him. As he descended into the comforts of his father’s pillows, he tugged on her hand in turn, asking her silently to her leave her sitting position and join them.

The sudden lightning that hit afterwards was the strongest of them yet, illuminating the entire room. Severus shook a little, but he found that he did not feel as scared when arms were wrapped around him and hands caressed his hair. Nothing, not even Mr. Octopus’ fluffy tentacles, could ever come close to the comfort that he felt then, surrounded both physically and spiritually by love.

“…Can you tell me a story?” The child asked after a while.

“Would you like to hear one that you have never heard of, or one that you already know?” Albus whispered, his tired eyes twinkling knowingly.

“The one about us will do.” Severus replied, smiling almost cheekily. “I want to hear it again… about how mum found me, and how I got Mr. Octopus, and how we went on trips together, and how dad fought the world to rescue us.”

“He hardly fought the world!” Minerva chuckled.

“He fought the world, mum. He saved us!” He protested. “Plus, he fights the world everyday anyway, you say it yourself.” Albus eyes were no longer tired, he winked at Minerva and she rolled her eyes.

“Alright, alright…” Minerva said. Hugging both Severus and, upon Severus’ request, holding Mr. Octopus’ and Albus’ “hands”.

And thus, she started telling the tale once more. Not the real and intense story of their early years as a family of course, but a lighter and fantastic version inspired by very true events. As the journey of Baby Severus transpired and as the lightning sounds carried farther and farther away from the comforts of the castle, the eyelids of the real Severus grew heavier and heavier, until they closed at last.

There had not been a day after their last visit to Spinner’s End where Albus and Minerva did not worry about Severus. They worried about his future, his wellbeing, his happiness; but had they been able to peer into alternative universes, in which they did not step into his life at all, they would know how lucky he was to have them now, and how his life had, in truth, been saved.

“One of these days he won’t need us to get through thunderstorms anymore…” Minerva whispered, looking at Severus sleep.

“And that is when we’ll know we have done a good job.” Albus mumbled quite placidly. He blew a kiss in her direction and got ready for bed once again, snuggling quite comfortably next to Mr. Octopus.

 

 

 

The End.

 

Notes:

Hello! I hope this finds you all well! I did not think this story would end, not this quick and not like this, but it did! It came so naturally to an even end and I am, surprisingly, quite happy about it. This sets the stage for future stories that I might tell later, and gives a good beginning to my He Deserved Better universe. Thank you so much for reading! I truly hope you enjoyed this little piece of my heart ♥️ it has meant a lot to be able to share this with you. So thank you!

Also, stay tuned for more stories like this one! Baby Severus currently lives in my head, and I don’t think he’ll be going anywhere anytime soon~

Take care!

Notes:

>This story is based on multiple posts and reblogs on Tumblr discussing the “He Deserved Better” universe, with both @professorss19 and @snapeaddict. HDB constitutes of an alternative universe where Severus Snape escapes his canon fate and ends up in complete different circumstances, which are surrounded by hurt, comfort and, most importantly, love.

>Thank you so much for reading! I’m taking this lightly; please don’t take it too seriously, it’s just senseless fun :)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of He Deserved Better