Chapter Text
Harry died, in more ways than one, when Sirius fell through the veil. He had hunted down Bellatrix in the Atrium, only to be left broken and empty when the fight was all but over, and both Voldemort and Bellatrix apparated away.
Only Sirius died in the aftermath. And while Harry had thwarted Voldemort once again, stopping him from hearing the prophecy…it had cost him everything.
“Harry, please…”
“No.”
“I just need you to listen—”
“Leave me alone.”
After Harry had exploded in Dumbledore’s office, the man had thankfully left him alone. However, the same could not be said for Remus or his friends. They increasingly tried to get him to speak, to eat, to do anything other than lay in his bed in Gryffindor Tower. Truthfully, Harry was surprised the Headmaster had allowed him to stay at Hogwarts for the summer. He supposed, with the increased threat from Voldemort now out in the open, and the lack of concern from his blood relatives, and with Harry’s deep depression after losing Sirius, the man did not want Harry to come to any harm.
The others were allowed to stay temporarily at Hogwarts too, if only because it became clear Harry was not looking after himself.
“You have to eat, Harry.” Remus sighed, settling down on Harry’s bed despite the fact that he did not want him there, “You haven’t eaten in days…I can’t keep spelling food into you, it’s not healthy.”
“Then don’t. I don’t care.”
Another sigh.
“Sirius wouldn’t have wanted—”
Crack.
Something exploded on Harry’s left. His magic was running wild again. Whenever Harry wanted to get angry, he found himself having little energy to do so. Whenever someone even so much as mentioned Sirius’s name, or what had happened, Harry’s magic reacted. Often, violently.
Remus quickly left after that, but not before spelling his stomach full of a nutrient potion.
As Harry drifted off into sleep, he could only think of how stupid he was to fall for such an obvious trap. How, if he had just listened to his doubts, Hermione, even, Sirius might still be alive….
“He needs to see a doctor. A— therapist. Something. He needs to talk to someone about what happened. He needs—” Hermione pleaded.
“Hermione. Leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk. No one can force him to talk to someone he doesn’t want to—” Ron shouted angrily.
“Then what about us? Are we just supposed to let him waste away in his room? It’s been weeks! He needs to talk about it—”
“Maybe a mind healer would work best.” Remus said softly.
Harry scoffed. They thought he couldn’t hear them, up in the tower. His magic lashing out had caused the entire Gryffindor dorm to be in disarray. It also had the unwanted effect of heightening his senses around the room itself—and apparently, down the stairs too. He could hear every word they said.
“A mind healer? I’ve heard of those—are they any good?” Hermione asked solemnly.
“Well,” Remus said, “I know they work with all kinds of disorders, including depression. They do talk therapy too if that’s what you think would be best—but they also use magic to soothe a person’s mind. We should ask Dumbledore, though. I’m not certain if he would allow it—"
“Why the hell not?” Ron shouted again, before Remus calmed him down.
“He doesn’t want too many people to know about what happened in the ministry, nor the prophecy. I’m afraid if we had a mind healer, they would have to be sworn to secrecy…”
“Oh, this is terrible. What are we supposed to do?”
At this point, Harry shut their voices out. His magic retreated once more, and he willed himself back into sleep.
Because sleeping was the only solution. Sleeping, he could be in peace. He wasn’t wrecked by guilt or emotion. Sirius was still alive, and Harry had never endangered his friends.
Yes, sleeping, Harry could pretend that everything was fine.
But everything was not fine. In those few moments between sleep and wake, Harry cried. He remembered everything, of course; everything was entirely his fault.
And when Harry found the mirror in his trunk one night after his restlessness—Sirius’s gift—he threw it against the wall when he realized… he could have prevented the entire incident from happening.
The mirror shattered into a thousand pieces… and him along with it.