Not Just Any Man

by SolarFlicker

Summary:

Judas found himself wanting to believe in Jesus. Despite his cynical nature, he wanted to drop everything to join him. It wasn’t like he had anything to lose. He lived alone, he had no friends to speak of. Every day just lead to another day. Jesus spoke with fire and passion. It gave Judas hope. So when Jesus held his hand out and asked him to walk with him he found himself taking his hand and following after him, pushing his misgivings away.
—
A young Judas Iscariot attends a wedding and meets a strange boy who will change his life.

Chapter 1: The Boy From Kerioth

Summary:

He was an emo boy, he was a weirdo kid. Can I make it any more obvious?

Notes:

John the Baptist is featured in the front part of this fic, not to be confused with John the Beloved ("the one whom Jesus loved") who will come up later.

If you want some homework check out the infancy gospel of Thomas. It's basically considered second century bible fanfic and it's got some weird stories about kid Jesus. I love it for that. What an icon.

Dedicated to anyone who had a gay crush at church camp because why not.

The city of Cana was all bustle and chatter during the preparations for the big wedding. Expectations and anticipation ran high for what promised to be the event of the year. Guests were invited from all locations and stations of life. The newlywed couple were well to do and Judas’s family had made a special trip for the occasion. It was an honor to be invited to celebrate the happy couple, and the feast would be at least a week of fine foods and even finer wine and revelry. The Iscariot family were sure to make new, important connections and maintain older, equally important relationships. And their newly teenaged son, Judas, was sure to hate every minute of it and most likely would embarrass them when he inevitably acted out. He had already been perfectly sullen the whole journey from Kerioth.

And Judas wasn’t wasting any time. The family had only just arrived when they realized they had lost him, likely in search of contraband and doing his best to alienate anybody making a friendly advance.

In a neglected corner of the venue, rowdy teens were gathering to find friends and flirtations to pass the week. Judas was there to figure out who was here to cause trouble and who would tattle. He presented a fairly obvious picture of what he was about. He wore fine clothing that clashed with the cheap kohl applied heavily around his eyes and he donned a snide face to match. A younger girl that he clearly held no interest in was glued to his side. This girl was the latest in an embarrassing line of suitors. His father was the tax collector for Kerioth, so everybody wanted to be on his good side. A lot of parents believed that the best way to earn his favor was to set up his only son with a bride as soon as possible. 

(His parents had sighed at the introduction, fully aware of the transaction being attempted. “Just try to be polite and we’ll explain that you aren’t interested,” they had requested, knowing their son was sick of this and knowing that he would in fact proudly uphold his reputation as a rude and unlikable brat.) 

His father may have collected taxes, but Judas had more juvenile interests in mind. Namely collecting half empty beer cans and cigarette cases. He was eager to test out a new deck of cards he had prepared. He struck up light conversation with an equally kohl lined peer, peppered his speech liberally with swear words, and found an eager participant with four cigarettes left to gamble for some sweets he had brought from home.

Two boys about the same age as him came over to watch the spectacle. One of them, a stocky boy with piercing eyes, clearly wanted nothing to do with the affair. The other, gawky by comparison, seemed interested in Judas. His big eyes fixated on him immediately, as if he could know and memorize everything about him in a second. Judas could feel his intense gaze before he actually spotted him. It made him uncomfortable.

“Hi! What’s your name?” the weird one asked brightly. The stocky one squinted suspiciously, as if expecting him to lie at such a basic line of questioning.

Judas looked the gawky one up and down. Shabby sandals, patched up robe, and a mother standing just close enough to watch the interaction keenly. Ugh, great. Another one. “Look, if your parents put you up to this just stop. I’m not interested.”

The weird one took a step back and frowned, baffled by the rebuff. He must be unaccustomed to rude treatment. The stocky one took a step forward, apparently the more confrontational of the pair. “You should show some respect,” he spat. “That’s Jesus of Nazareth, his presence was highly requested at this wedding.”

Judas scoffed. As if this Jesus hadn’t already been told his name and station before approaching him. “Well it’s not my wedding, and my parents were ‘highly requested’ too.” Who does this kid think he is?  

Jesus looked a bit embarrassed at having his title announced. “John, it’s okay. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”

John stepped back but his sneer held firm. “I’m going to see if they need any help setting up.” He turned on his heel, making a point to kick dust up in Judas’s direction. “Aren’t you coming?” 

“No that’s okay,” Jesus waved dismissively. “I want to watch.” 

John scoffed and left in a huff. Jesus gave a tight smile as if to apologize for his companion and sat down.

Judas laughed roughly and dealt the cards, making sure he remembered exactly how he had stacked the deck. Just as he had hoped, his admirer had quickly grown bored and she left before the game even started. His mark didn’t suspect a thing. The weird boy, however, was absolutely riveted. In fact, he was craning his neck to try and see which cards each player had.

“Hey, cut that out,” Judas scolded. Fumble this and he was caught on the first day, and that meant the whole week was ruined. “If you want to watch then you have to sit still.”

The game was won in three turns and Judas was rewarded with the leftover cigarettes. He and his partner shook hands on a fair game and he left to smoke unbothered. The weird kid started to follow him with an urgent look on his face, so Judas slipped into a convenient crowd. When he emerged he cast a glance behind him and smirked. He was too good at this. 

It wasn’t until he had found a spot with sufficient solitude that he realized he had neglected to win a light. 

---

Judas didn’t see the weird kid at all for the remainder of the day and forgot all about him by the next. Wedding festivities were in full swing and the adults were leaving drinks unattended. One sneaky sip at a time he was achieving a pleasant buzz. Some unattended chalk slipped into his pocket, sure to find itself in the shape of something rude scrawled on the wall at some point. It found good company with a stolen matchbox. Judas idly wandered about, keeping an eye out for any loose change left unattended. He really was a natural at stealing. Just a lone ferret boy, slipping in the shadows and taking shiny trinkets and treats one at a time to a steadily growing hoard.

Judas’s private gloating was interrupted by a sudden vice grip on his wrist. He jumped, dropping the pastry he had been snacking on. Shit. The weird kid from before had seemingly materialized from nowhere and had grabbed him with uncanny strength, and the look on his face was downright unhinged with glee. He was in trouble.

“You can do miracles too!” he gasped breathlessly, his strange eyes practically sparkling with holy excitement. 

Judas shook his hand off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I won fair.”

The boy grinned excitedly. “But you both had the same card yesterday, I saw! You both had an ace of hearts.”

“Did not, keep your voice down. What do you want, one of these?” Judas shook the box of cigarettes discretely. He could get more as the week dragged out.

Jesus however, clearly had other things on his mind. He rummaged through a bag tied to his waist and pulled out a handful of tiny clay sparrows, some of which were broken and crumbling. “These are my miracles, see? They can really fly!” One of them fell out of his hand and shattered on the ground to his dismay.

Clearly this kid wasn’t conspiring against him. Not sure what else to do, Judas picked up the broken bird and handed it back to the strange boy. “So you’re not going to tell my dad?” 

Jesus tilted his head, confused by the question. “Tell him what?”

Judas sighed heavily and pinched his nose. At this point he wasn’t at all sure if this was just an act or the kid was genuinely ignorant. “That I’m cheating at cards okay?” he whispered through gritted teeth.

Jesus seemed wholly unbothered by the other boy’s obvious discomfort. “Oh that? It’s okay if it’s a miracle. Sometimes things happen just because I want them to, I don’t have control over mine either. Besides, I don’t know your dad anyway.”

Judas relaxed, choosing not to acknowledge the miracle talk. “You really don’t know who my parents are.” The boy nodded, still not sure why it mattered so much. He let go of the weird boy. “What was your name again?”

“It’s Jesus.” Jesus still looked far too starstruck for Judas’s comfort.

 “Don’t go telling people about this okay, Jesus? This is our secret.”

Jesus’s eyes lit up. People didn’t usually trust him with secrets. He enthusiastically pantomimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key. Judas rolled his eyes. Weird. “Great. I’ll see you around.” 

“Hey, you didn’t tell me your name!” Jesus protested. Judas put a little extra strut in his step as he walked away. Make him wonder a little more. This kid was interesting, he might not mind if he ran into him again.

---

At nightfall Judas was in the courtyard playing mancala by bonfire light with the other teens, having run out of cigarettes. His last one was currently clamped between his teeth, waiting to be lit. His current opponent would yield six of them if she lost. If Judas lost, she would take half of his matches. Judas swiped at the kohl that was melting into his eyes from sweat. If anybody questioned it he was sweating from the fire.

The game was very rudely interrupted when a gangly teen pounced directly on the board, scattering the pieces every direction. Judas spilled his satchel as he scrambled to get out of the way of the intruder. He rushed to pick up all his cards before anyone noticed the deck was wrong, precious cigarette still clamped between his teeth. It took a moment by fire light, but he recognized the intruder as Jesus. Of course it was Jesus.

“Got him!” Jesus held up a snake triumphantly. “He was totally going to bite you, but I got him,” he bragged.

The other children scattered as he waved it around, seemingly unbothered by how it hissed and spat. Judas’s opponent picked up her cigarettes and left too. Judas tucked the last card into his satchel and backed away cautiously. “You know that’s a viper, right?”

“Oh, is it?” Jesus grabbed the snake at the base of its head and turned it around for a better look, ignoring its thrashing. “Yeah, I guess it is. Neat, huh?” He held it out to give Judas a better look.

Judas stumbled backwards, back now to the fire. “Jesus, you know those can kill you right?” 

“Oh, no. Not me. My father won’t allow it.” Without warning Jesus grabbed the snake by the tail and twirled it over his head like a sling, launching it far away across the courtyard. Judas couldn’t decide whether he was more flabbergasted by how little regard Jesus held for his own life or the total disregard for the poor snake’s. It probably wouldn’t have even bothered them if it had been left alone. It was probably just cold and wanted to sit by the fire unbothered. “Besides, can’t those kill you too?” Jesus gestured to the cigarette now clamped between two sweaty fingers.

Judas scowled, stuck the end of the cigarette in the fire, and took a long drag to prove a point. He wasn’t sure what the point was but he was definitely proving it until he started sputtering. “Yeah, okay, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Judas asked when the ability to speak came back to him.

“My time is not yet come,” Jesus grinned brightly. “My death was fortold when I was very small, so until then nothing can hurt me.”

The cigarette had fallen to the ground and Judas decided the responsible thing to do would be to stamp it out. “... You’re weird. Like really weird.”

“Yeah.” Jesus rocked on the balls of his feet. “So what’s your name anyway? You didn’t tell me yesterday.”

“It’s Judas,” he answered, a little caught off guard by the question. “Judas Iscariot.”

“Great! Now we’re friends.” 

Judas laughed a little. At least this week would be interesting. It occurred to him that he really should have been more upset that the high stakes game had been spoiled. “Sure, as long as you don’t stick any more vipers in my face.” 

Jesus nodded agreeably. “So now that we’re friends can you show me your miracle?”

“You mean my card tricks?” Judas asked. “I guess so as long as you do what I say.”

Jesus furrowed his brow at that. Usually it was other people following his direction. This would be an interesting change of pace for him. “I think I can do that,” he agreed. 

Judas nodded and held out his hand, putting on his most dashing smile. “Walk with me.”

Notes:

Did I go looking up maps to figure out if it was plausible for someone to go to Cana from Kerioth? Yes. Did I check wikipedia to find out what kinds of wood were popular at the time (different fic)? Also yes. Do I know where I got the idea that Jesus was like twelve at the water/wine miracle when apparently he was supposed to be thirty? No. I fully ran with that belief until I was proofreading this chapter. It's a cute idea and I'm sticking to it. I'm not letting a little historical inaccuracy get in the way of my self indulgent little heresy fanfic.

Chapter 2: The Boy From Nazareth

Summary:

The misadventures of a severely homeschooled child.

Judas sat down on the packed earth in a nook beneath a lamp and rummaged in his bag. Jesus sat at his feet, eager to learn. “I’ll start you out with these.” He pulled out a set of dice. “Try and roll anything smaller than a four.”

To his amazement, Jesus found that he could not roll even a three. Judas must have very strong mastery over his abilities. He could learn a lot from him. “How did you bless these?” 

Judas chuckled lightly. “Not blessed. Loaded. ” He rolled a set of fives. “It’s not foolproof, sometimes someone will roll their dice higher with dumb luck. But you’re bound to win at least a few beers with these.”

Jesus wrinkled his nose. “Why would I want that?”

“For fun, dummy.” Judas cuffed him gently. “I’ll get you some later and you can see how you like it.”

Jesus giggled at the light punch. Judas was funny. His face darkened as a girl Jesus vaguely recognized plodded in their general direction. She looked about as happy about the situation as Judas did.

“Shit,” Judas grumbled and scooped the dice back into his bag. “Come on, let’s get out of here before she actually finds me.” 

“Who is that anyway?” Jesus asked, stumbling over his own feet.

Judas sighed dramatically. “Her parents think she’s going to marry me when we’re grown,” he grumbled. “I do not want to marry her.”

Jesus frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that. “Well then I don’t like her either,” he decided.

Judas sighed again, more genuinely this time. “She’s not so bad really, it’s not her fault. But I don’t like her,” he quickly assured him. “Not like. Like -like.” 

Jesus wasn’t sure why Judas thought it was so important that he knew how he felt about the girl. Having a girlfriend would definitely make him look cooler, and he seemed to want to look very cool.

“Do you have time to hang out tonight?” Judas asked, keeping their pace brisk.

Jesus looked around, trying to figure out what time it was. The hour was already growing late, he was expected to be back in bed with his brothers and cousins very soon. He grimaced. “I can’t. It’s time for me to go back to my family’s tent.”

“Oh,” Judas looked disappointed for a moment.  “Well, that’s alright,” he brightened up. “You can hold on to those tonight, I’ll meet you here tomorrow morning.”

Jesus smiled brightly as he looked at the bag in his oversized hands. It occurred to Judas that he probably could have lit the whole wedding with a smile like that. “I’ll see you then.” 

---

Jesus was waiting for Judas in the exact same spot as soon as his parents had given him permission to roam around for the rest of the day. He rolled the miracle dice while he waited, fascinated by how consistently they worked. He frowned when he rolled a two. He must be tainting the miracle somehow. 

“Like I said, they aren’t foolproof.” Jesus looked up to see Judas kneeling in front of him. He had been so engrossed in his rolling he hadn’t even noticed his approach. “How about I teach you some actual games?” 

They spent the next couple of hours rolling dice and talking. Mostly talking, because once Jesus started talking he was difficult to stop. Judas liked hearing him talk though. Jesus was a fascinating person, the strange claims he made was just a part of that. Jesus was also quite smart, apparently he asked so many questions that every teacher had given up and his parents had to homeschool him. He also had very little idea of the world outside his home and listened with rapturous attention to the myths about the Roman gods Judas relayed to him.

After a while Judas decided it was time for Jesus to make his debut. “Come on, let’s find someone for you to try the dice out on.” Judas led him towards the teenage den of iniquity. “Do you have anything you can offer for a bet?”

Jesus thought for a moment. His father had been giving him a little cash allowance. If the dice really were blessed, he wouldn’t lose it. “I have three silver coins, is that enough?”

Judas whistled. “You have actual money? Yeah, that’ll get you in for sure. My parents made me leave mine at home. Said it would make it easier for me to stay out of trouble.” He smirked and held his head a little higher.

“Hey, Miriam!” Judas called to a girl with intense looking makeup. Jesus gulped dryly. He found her a little intimidating but also quite attractive. “You like dice right?”

Miriam nodded coolly. Judas marched Jesus up to her. “He’s got cash to bet for some of your eyeliner.”

Miriam looked Jesus up and down. He straightened his posture self consciously, puffing out his chest. He pulled a coin from his satchel and held it out. “There’s more in my bag,” he said and immediately cringed. Why did he say that? That was so awkward. That was not cool. Judas put a firm hand on his shoulder and looked Miriam square in the face, as if to dare her to challenge the claim. Too late to back down now. 

The older girl shrugged. “Yeah alright, I’ll play for that. You shouldn’t tell people you have more though,” she addressed Jesus directly. “They’ll know you don’t have any street smarts. Teens can smell blood.” She smiled a little viciously to drive the point home.

Jesus nodded shyly. She could see right through him.

Judas clapped his hands. “Alright, you know the rules. Roll one dice, then two, then three. Highest score wins all. Good luck!” He winked conspiratorially at Jesus. 

Jesus smiled nervously and picked up his first dice. Miriam had already rolled a six. His heart sank when he rolled a four. His eyes darted to Judas, who didn’t betray any sign of worry. 

Miriam cursed when she rolled a three and a four. Jesus breathed a little easier when he rolled two fours. “Thirteen to twelve!” Judas announced. Jesus tensed up again. He had never wanted to win so badly before. His heart was pushing pure electricity through his veins and his hands were shaking from adrenaline. Strangely, he found that he liked it.

On her final roll, Miriam rolled ten points. “That’s good!” Judas whispered in his ear. His breath tickled. “All you need to roll is a twelve to beat her. You can’t lose.”

Jesus took a deep breath. What if the blessed dice didn’t work this time? Judas would be so disappointed. Nervously, he scooped the dice up and prepared to drop them.

“Wait!” Judas scolded. Jesus looked at him, confused. Judas placed his hands over Jesus’s trembling fingers to steady them and then blew a puff of hot air into their fist. Jesus looked at him with utter confusion. “For luck,” he said by way of explanation. That was the weirdest thing anybody has ever done. “Well go on, roll them.”

Jesus gave him one last skeptical look and dropped the dice. Three sixes. Judas whooped victoriously. “Pay up, Miriam!” Jesus felt his heart swell with pride.

Miriam simply shrugged and pulled out an eyeliner pen. “See you around. And Judas? Cool it with the flirting, you’re freaking him out.” She left to join a group of girls in the shade. If she suspected foul play, she didn’t seem to care. Jesus stared at his prize and felt a thrill. He had enjoyed that. Being around Judas seemed to mean more thrills.

“What did she mean by that?” Jesus asked. He tilted his head and blinked in a way that made him look comically innocent.

Judas’s face turned faintly pink. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Hey, have you used eyeliner before?”

Jesus shook his head. “Do you want it?”

“Do I want your first ever score?" Judas looked offended that someone would ever suggest such a thing. "I most certainly do not. Here, sit down. I’ll show you how to use it.”

Jesus sat down obediently, expecting Judas to pull out a mirror. 

Instead, Judas pulled the cap off the pen. “Close your eyes and relax,” he instructed. “You’re going to look so badass.”

Badass. Nobody had ever called him that before. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He forced himself not to flinch when the cool brush touched his eyelids. He wondered if Judas would apply as much eyeliner as he wore. Judas always smudged on so much that his eyes almost got lost in it. Jesus wasn’t sure he would like wearing it quite like that. 

“Okay, you can look now.” Jesus opened his eyes to see his reflection staring back. Apparently Judas did carry a mirror around. It was nothing like how he wore his kohl. It was quite heavy, but the lines were clean. Judas had outlined his eyes and put sharp wings at the corners. Jesus touched his slightly unfamiliar face softly, taking it all in. “You look like a rockstar,” Judas crowed.

Jesus glowed. He did look good. He looked cool.

Judas handed back the makeup. “I have to go, I promised someone I would play in a tournament. I’d invite you to come, but it’s top secret so nobody who isn’t playing is allowed. I'm not even supposed to tell you about it. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

Jesus nodded excitedly and waved goodbye. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. 

Apparently neither could his cousin John, who stormed up with a dark look on his face. “You can’t let your mom see you like that,” he huffed.

Jesus felt his heart sink. He had forgotten to think of his mother. “How long were you watching?”

“Long enough.” John looked absolutely furious with him. He planted his feet and crossed his arms across his chest to make sure his disapproval was known.

Jesus felt ashamed, which struck him as a little unjustified. “I was going to take it off eventually,” he lied. 

John rolled his eyes and handed him a napkin to clean his face with. “This is just like that time you had a crush on Rebecca. You really need to be more careful.”

Jesus frowned, immediately feeling defensive of her. Becca looked intimidating, but she was really nice. They had liked each other until John had insisted she was a bad influence. “What do you mean?”

“Remember how she almost made you paint your nails?” John asked pointedly.

“Right…” Jesus agreed reluctantly. The nail painting had been his idea. He still didn’t see the harm in it, but his mother had been extremely upset when he mentioned it. It wasn’t like a little makeup could stop him from whatever great plans God had in mind for him. Surely the plan was bigger than that.

John sighed as he watched Jesus wipe away the makeup. “You know, it doesn’t make you look very godly when you’re hanging out with people like that and acting like you’re one of them.”

Jesus bristled. Not this again. “People like what, John?”

John shifted uncomfortably. “You know what I mean. You have a type.”

“You might as well just call them sinners, John,” Jesus admonished him. “And no matter what my mother thinks, I’m pretty sure that whatever plan God has for me will involve me spending plenty of time around them.” 

“But your mom says-”

Jesus held an authoritative hand up. “I know she says I’m not ready. God thinks otherwise, I can feel it. You aren’t going to tell her are you?” he asked, trying not to sound anxious. He knew that John wouldn’t if he pulled the God card.

John sighed. “Of course not. I just wish you would be more careful. You’re going to get us both in trouble if you get caught.” 

“I’ll be careful,” he promised. Deep down, he knew he would probably not be able to keep that promise. 

---

The next day was the most exciting yet. The hosts had brought in exotic beasts for their guests’ entertainment. A man in festive robes rode an elephant dressed even more grandly than himself through the crowd, the handlers at its feet encouraging people to touch the great beast. In other areas guests crowded to gawk at big cats in small cages. Jesus stared at the magnificent creatures with wide eyes and a slack jaw as they lazed the day away. The lion was particularly eye catching. Creatures like this never visited little towns like Nazareth.

His attention was only diverted when he spotted Judas in the crowd. He walked over and tapped him on the shoulder, greeting him with a quick hug before getting to business.

“John says these aren’t holy dice.” Jesus held out the dice Judas had given him. “He says you use them for cheating but that’s not true, right?”

Judas rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, still processing that Jesus had just hugged him. “I mean… yeah? I kinda thought you knew when I told you those were loaded dice.”

Jesus shook his head. “I thought that meant loaded with the power of God.”

“Oh. Well, no. Is this going to be a problem?” Judas asked, stuttering a little. His heart was fluttering a bit. He actually wanted Jesus to hang out with him, so he hoped he hadn’t ruined everything.

“So you really aren’t doing miracles?” Jesus asked, visibly disappointed. Judas shrugged apologetically and shook his head. Jesus considered for a moment. He probably shouldn’t do what Judas did if he was to keep living a pure life. But that didn’t seem like a reason to stay away or keep his new friend on a leash as tight as his own. “As long as I don’t have to play any more, I don’t see why it should be a problem.”

Judas’s face lit up. “Good! Come on, I’ll win us some snacks.” Jesus trailed close behind him.

“I hope it’s not too weird that I do miracles,” he said a little anxiously. 

Judas laughed. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t.”

He laughed? Jesus stopped in his tracks. “You don’t believe me.” 

Judas turned around and smiled at him, as if he were in on a joke they shared. “Clay birds don’t fly unless you throw them. It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

Jesus had given his miracle bird a toss when it flew, but that was beside the point. It had flown, he knew it did. John had seen it too. It just hadn’t worked when he tried to show it to anyone else, or on any of the new birds he had made. Judas had to believe him. His mind seized on an idea. “I can prove it!” he exclaimed. “I’m going to walk into that tiger's cage and it won’t hurt me.”

He began to stride over to the cage, fully intending to deliver on his promise. Judas grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “You really don’t have to do that.”

“But you think I’m a liar,” Jesus protested.

“I never said that. I think you just want people to like you so you exaggerate. I get that.”

Jesus stared at him, confused. ”So then why are you spending time with me?” Usually the only people who actually wanted to see him were people who had heard about his miracles and wanted to see proof. 

Judas looked baffled by the question. “I dunno, I just like your company. Haven’t you had a friend before?”

”Not really. The kids at home don’t really like me,” Jesus answered quite bluntly. 

”Oh.” Judas felt a pang of sympathy. Judas used to have a couple of real friends but they had moved out of Kerioth. True, he made sure other kids didn’t like him now, but that was by choice. He could tell Jesus wasn’t actively trying to be disliked. “What about John? You seem pretty close.” 

Jesus’s face lit up. “Well yeah, of course there’s John. He’s my cousin, we’re best friends. But he believes in all my miracles, he always has. We’re going to do great things when we grow up.” 

“Doesn’t he like it when you have other friends?” Judas asked. He wasn’t sure he could do anything about it but he couldn’t help feeling concerned.

Jesus shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not like that exactly,” he defended him. “He only really minds when it’s people like you. Cool people I mean. He says you’re a bad influence.”

So Jesus thinks he’s cool. Of course he did, he was cool and everybody knew it. His heart did not do a summersault and his stomach had no knots in it whatsoever. “I’m sure people will come around eventually,” Judas assured him. “You’re super weird, but you have a lot going for you.”

Jesus nodded solemnly, his huge eyes suggesting strange knowledge that he had never had the opportunity to learn to fear. “People will worship me some day.”

“That’s the spirit!” Judas clapped him on the back. 

Jesus stumbled forward, an awkward mess of scrawny limbs. “So what are we going to do today?” 

“I was thinking I would win you your first cigarette.” Judas casually ran a hand through his hair. “If you give me back those dice I can use them.”

“Oh, I don’t know if my mom would like that,” Jesus fretted. Mary held all her children to a high standard of behavior, him especially.

“So? Just brush your teeth and she’ll never know.” 

Jesus had never thought of that. If she never found out, there wasn’t any real harm that he could see. It was just one cigarette. And he did want to see Judas play again. He agreed and returned the dice.

Unfortunately, Judas’s opponent rolled higher numbers and he lost. Judas scowled and handed over his fancy lighter. He still had a box of matches, but they weren’t nearly as fun to light. He later grumbled to Jesus that he was sure the other player had cheated, he just couldn’t prove it. He failed to see why Jesus thought that was so funny. 

“It’s fine, I still have some anyway.” Judas pulled out a loose cigarette from his pocket and offered it to Jesus. It was only moderately grimy. Jesus accepted, his anticipation mixed with only a little hesitation. Unfortunately a familiar voice broke the moment before he could get his first taste.

“Jesus, you can’t be serious!” Jesus sighed. John was here. 

John marched up and knocked the cigarette out of his hand. “I think that Jesus has had enough of your company,” John growled at Judas.

Judas blinked, baffled by the audacity. “Are you his boss? I thought you were his cousin.” 

“Jesus knows that his mother doesn’t allow him to smoke,” John sneered. “And Jesus respects his parents,” he added pointedly. 

Jesus mumbled that technically no rules had been officially set about smoking cigarettes. Sure it had probably seemed unnecessary since he had never had access before but still. He did feel guilty. His loophole didn't seem nearly as airtight as he had told himself a moment ago.

“I think he can make his own decisions.” Judas stepped closer to John, invading his personal space. He was a good bit taller than John, and certainly he looked at least as intimidating. Maybe Jesus was willing to tolerate this rude behavior but that didn’t mean that Judas had to.

John scoffed. “I can’t believe this. Jesus, let’s go.” 

Jesus stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Ultimately he stepped over to Judas. “It’s just that I can always see you, John,” he apologized. “This might be the only time I get to hang out with Judas.”

Judas stuck out his tongue behind Jesus’s back. This infuriated John beyond what he could tolerate. He shoved Judas in the chest as hard as he could, sending him stumbling backwards. Judas growled and curled his fists, ready to start a fight. 

“That’s enough, both of you. If we fight over this we’ll all get kicked out.”  Jesus stepped between the two of them, placing a hand on Judas’s chest and glaring at his cousin. John scowled and left, clearly stung by the rejection. Jesus felt bad for John. He would need to talk to him later. Not now though. He bent down and picked up the cigarette from the ground.

“So how do I use it?” he asked, holding the cigarette awkwardly between two fingers.

“Well, first you have to put it between your teeth,” Judas said officiously, demonstrating with his own. Jesus clamped his cigarette between his front teeth and closed his lips around it, mirroring his friend.

Judas smirked and lit his own cigarette and leaned in to light Jesus’s with his own. However, after missing twice and nearly burning Jesus’s face he decided to use a match instead. He took a shallow drag and puffed the smoke in Jesus’s face. “Now you try.”

Jesus took a deep breath in and promptly began coughing and spluttering, the still lit cigarette falling to the ground forgotten. His lungs and throat burned horribly, this wasn’t at all what he expected. He thought the smoke would feel cool somehow. Judas thumped him on the back. “Not such a big breath next time.”

Jesus retched. “I don’t think there will be a next time,” he said weakly. Judas consoled him by rubbing circles on his back as he coughed again. 

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t start anyway. I smoke a ton, it’s gonna be super hard to quit,” Judas bragged and stamped out the forgotten cigarette for him. “Let’s find something to get the taste out of your mouth.”

---

While his brothers and cousins were sleeping in the children’s tent, Jesus was carving something by lamplight and thinking. Thinking about Judas, thinking about his future, thinking about why he had no friends at home. “Hey, John?” he whispered. His voice was low and worried.

John grunted sleepily. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re friends right?”

“Jesus, we’ve been best friends since before we were born. What are you talking about?”

“I know, it’s just.” Jesus sighed and paused his craft. “You’ve been pretty mean to me for a while now. It’s kind of like you don’t even like me.”

Now John sighed and sat up. Okay, so they were having this conversation now. “Of course I like you, Jesus. It’s the people you keep trying to hang out with I don’t like. You have a type, and it’s not a good one. I worry about you.”

Jesus scowled and began carving a little more aggressively. There was no point in arguing with him but he was going to do it anyway. “Why do you care so much?” he snapped, keeping his voice quiet to avoid waking up his siblings. “I know what I’m doing. Or do you not trust me?”

John shrank a little bit. He hated it when Jesus used that tone. “Well you’re being a little selfish,” he whined. 

Jesus rolled his eyes and brushed the shavings off his lap. “What’s so selfish about me wanting more than one friend?”

John thought for a moment, deciding how to express the frustration he had been trying to keep to himself. “The friends you make always get you in trouble, and whenever you get caught you get grounded and then I don’t have anyone to talk to for a week,” he confessed. His voice got a little quiet and he hugged his knees to his chest.

Jesus felt guilty, recognizing that there was some truth to what he said. John didn’t really have any friends besides him, so when he was punished John suffered too. They hadn’t really done themselves any favors by being glued at the hip from such a young age. It was them against the world, for better or worse. He put the knife down and shuffled over to give John a hug. “I’m sorry about that, it’s not fair for you. I’m always going to be your best friend, okay? We’re going to change the world when we grow up.”

John was a little comforted, but worry crumpled his face as he hugged him back. “Jesus, he’s bad news. I can feel it.”

Jesus sighed. “It’s only a week, John. Three days now. I’ll be fine.”

John was not satisfied but knew to leave it alone. He was Jesus’s best friend and his right hand, it was not his job to tell him what to do. “Just don’t forget who you are.”

“I know.” Jesus decided now was the right time to put his tools away for the night. “Good night, John.”

---

Jesus and Judas were nearly inseparable for the rest of the week. As much as Judas might deny it, Jesus was something of a good influence on him. For all his showboating, he was spending less time running his scams and more time just sitting and talking with his new friend. He even ran a few honest games from time to time, just to prove that he could. Jesus was just happy to be around Judas, and loved to watch him play. They spent one afternoon perfecting a sleight of hand trick. It was tricky, but Jesus was elated when he got the hang of it and showed it off to his siblings that very night.

Today Jesus was teaching Judas how to make figures out of clay. He had found a little puddle in the courtyard with the appropriate mud for sculpting. Judas found the clay stiff and difficult to manipulate. 

“This doesn’t look anything like a bird,” he grumbled, staring at the misshapen blob in his hand with contempt.

Jesus looked up from his own project, this time attempting a donkey. “Sure it does,” he assured him. “All it needs is a beak, see?” He pinched the bird’s face into a fine point. 

“You make it look so easy,” Judas sighed. 

Jesus grinned and smoothed out the fingerprints on his donkey. “I think it’s only fair,” he mused. “You make cards look easy but I still can’t even shuffle them.”

“Jesus, there you are.” A young, harried looking woman hurried over to them, light blue skirts swirling at her feet. If she noticed Judas at all she did not acknowledge him. “I have been looking for you everywhere, we need your help in the kitchen.” 

“Can it wait a moment?” Jesus asked. “I’m almost finished helping Judas with this sparrow.”

Mary sighed heavily. Clearly Jesus often required more persuasion that she would like. “Jesus, I am your mother and you need to obey me. Someone made a mistake and we need a miracle.”

That caught Jesus’s attention. He splashed his hands clean in the puddle and hurried to his feet. “Can Judas come too?” he asked. “I really want him to see a miracle.”

Judas awkwardly waved to be polite as Mary looked at him for the first time and wrinkled her nose. It occurred to him that he probably smelled like cigarettes pretty strongly. “If that’s what you want,” Mary conceded, but the look on her face suggested that they would have a stern conversation in private later. Judas realized self consciously that his clothes had gotten much muddier than Jesus’s. He hoped he hadn’t caused him too much trouble. Jesus didn’t seem bothered in the slightest and offered him a hand up. Judas followed at a slight distance, hoping not to offend Mary’s nose any more than could be avoided.

“So what’s the problem?” Jesus asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous. His miracles never seemed to work right when he tried to do them on purpose, and they were at their worst in front of an audience. 

Mary held his wrist with a firm grip, keeping their pace brisk. “There was a mixup with the beverage caterer. The hosts ordered enough wine, but the company delivered water. It’s too late to get more, so you’re the only one that can fix this.”

Jesus struggled valiently to keep up. “Mom? What happens if I can’t? I mean, I haven’t had any dreams about doing public miracles.”

“Well then I suppose the wedding is ruined.”

Jesus gulped. That was a lot of pressure. He glanced behind to see if Judas was still following. Judas gave him an encouraging smile. He didn’t expect to see a miracle, but he was starting to put some pieces together that explained a lot about why Jesus was the way he was. 

Mary lead them into the kitchen and showed Jesus a set of crates, each containing several stone jugs. Sure enough, all that had been delivered were clearly marked as containing water. The sommelier anxiously wrung his hands over an open one. Jesus approached him nervously. “What would you have me do?” 

The anxious man looked him up and down skeptically. This child looked utterly unremarkable. He was sure to be fired in a matter of hours. “Your mother says you can fix this. Think of something, they’ll have my head if the guests can’t drink.”

Jesus stared into the jar and watched his own reflection stare back at him. He looked at Judas, who was watching intently and looked a little worried beneath all the eyeliner. He looked to his mother, who gave him a big smile and clasped her hands together. She believed in him, but she looked a little nervous too. He took a deep breath and looked back at the water, trying to think of something to do. He supposed the only way to fix this was to turn the water into wine.

He placed one hand on his temple and plunged the other in the water, feeling its coolness against his sweaty palm in an attempt to connect with it. He closed his eyes and reached within himself to find the power to make his will known and carried out. He breathed deeply three times and opened them again.

His reflection stared back from clean water. His face crumpled in disappointment and he looked to his mother. Judas started to approach him, but his eyes darted to Mary and he thought better of it. Mary, however, had not given up. “Check the other vessels,” she instructed the sommelier. “He must have changed the other ones.” Jesus relaxed a bit and felt grateful for her support.

The sommelier threw up his hands helplessly and pulled another heavy stone jar and removed the lid. “My god!” he leapt back in shock. “He really did it. Damn me for my disbelief but he did it!”

Mary ran up to Jesus and wrapped her arms around him in a happy embrace. She poured every ounce of love and pride into the hug, holding her son close as he hugged her back. She pulled back to see him smiling brightly back at her. “I knew you could do it.” She pinched his cheek affectionately.

Jesus addressed the sommelier and smiled graciously. “You believe now, so you will be spared.” He looked at Judas, feeling very pleased with himself. 

Judas smiled at him but stayed quiet. The sommelier had his assistants begin opening the other jars. About two thirds of the vessels contained very fine wine, and the rest were full of water. Jesus was glowing so he decided not to let him know that he was fairly certain that the caterers had delivered both the water and the wine and simply mislabeled the containers. The wedding was almost over, tomorrow would be the last evening they spent together. He wanted Jesus to enjoy it as much as possible. 

---

Jesus stooped over a puddle, trying for the umpteenth time to apply his eyeliner the way Judas had shown him. Judas had said that he wanted to do something special for just the two of them instead of hanging out with the other teenagers. Whatever it was, Jesus wanted it to be special too. He probably wouldn’t have another chance to wear it again any time soon. The lines were shaky, but it was growing late. It would have to do. He checked his pocket to make sure the surprise he had for Judas was still there. Good. It was getting dark and threatening to rain. He made his way to the guest house Judas’s family had been put in. 

Judas was waiting for him outside, face lit by the glow from a trademark cigarette. Jesus had smelled him before he spotted him. He was starting to like the smell. Judas met him halfway across the courtyard, a hurry in his step. “It took you long enough,” he fussed. “It’s going to rain any second now.” 

Sure enough the first drops were beginning to fall. “I wanted to get my eyeliner right,” Jesus said, a little embarrassed at how long it had taken him.

Judas grinned at him. “It looks great.” It looked like he had put extra effort into his own. He also had also taken a shower and was wearing clean clothes. The rain began to fall faster and he stamped his cigarette out on the ground. “Come on, we have to hurry!” 

Judas grabbed his hand and they began to run. Before long they were giggling at the thrill of it. Jesus didn’t know where they were going, Judas had refused to tell him. They sprinted through the quickly dispersing crowd, lights and colors all a blur except for each other as they tried to dodge the drops. It was exhilarating. Judas lead him around a corner and then stopped abruptly, both gasping for breath between laughs.

Jesus noticed that Judas had not let go of his hand the whole time. He wondered what would happen if he kept holding it. 

Apparently he had no interest in letting go either. 

“Okay, close your eyes and wait here,” Judas instructed. 

Jesus tilted his head curiously and closed his eyes. He heard Judas hurrying away, then he heard the scratch of a matchstick. Curious, he peeked.

His eyes flew open at the sight in front of him. “What’s all this?” he gasped. 

“You weren’t supposed to look!” Judas protested. He had put together a crude tent the night before when the idea came to him. He had borrowed candles from the guest house, and found enough pieces of wedding cake for the two to eat their fill. And of course he had won a can of beer, this one unopened. That was hard to come by, he could only get the one so they would have to split it. The older teens were beginning to catch on to his methods. To tie it all together he had found a glass of miracle wine unattended for them to share. 

Jesus clapped his hands to his face, overwhelmed by the gesture. He had to turn away for a moment. 

Judas’s face fell. That didn’t look good. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I must have misunderstood things, I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

“No!” Jesus exclaimed. “No, this is great.” He hurried into the tent and sat down beside Judas.

Judas let out a huge sigh of relief and cracked open the tepid beer and took the first sip. He hoped Jesus didn’t notice how his hands shook. He pulled a face and gulped down the beverage. “Just so you know, people don’t drink this for the flavor.” He passed the can to Jesus.

Jesus took a hesitant sniff and raised the can to his lips. The beer was faintly bitter, but not unpleasant. “Actually, I kinda like it.”

Judas laughed happily and took the can for another sip. “You really are weird then. I’m glad you like it.” He took a bite of cake to take the taste off his tongue.

“Oh! I made something for you.” Jesus rummaged in his bag and pulled out two little sparrows he had carved in the evenings before he went to sleep. He pressed one into Judas’s hand. “This one’s yours.”

Judas turned the gift around in his hands, admiring the fine detail. “He has my eyeliner,” he observed with a smile. The little sparrow sported heavy rebellious lines for eyes.

Jesus nodded enthusiastically. “Mine does too, the way you showed me how.” Sure enough, Jesus’s sparrow had sharp little wing tips like the ones he wore. This was the nicest gift Judas had ever received. He would carry it around as long as he possibly could. “Thank you,” was all he could find to say. Jesus took another big sip of the beer and glowed faintly. 

They ate cake and played with Judas’s cards for a while, not quite sure what else to do with their hands. Neither of them knew just how nervous the other felt. 

“This is the best wedding I’ve ever been to,” Judas declared after a while. “Usually I hate these, but you made it really fun.”

Jesus blushed and giggled, the single can of beer already going to his head. “You’ll have to invite me to yours some day.”

Judas felt his face grow hot. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get married,” he blurted. 

“Oh don’t be silly,” Jesus squeezed his hand affectionately. “You’re so cool, there’s lots of girls that would want to marry you.”

Judas jerked his hand away abruptly. “What? I don’t like girls.”

“What do you mean?” Jesus laughed. “Everybody likes girls.” 

“I don’t though,” Judas insisted. He thought Jesus knew. He hadn’t exactly been subtle. “I only like boys.” Shit. 

Jesus stared at him blankly. Shit shit shit. Judas had embarrassed himself to death and he was sure he would never recover. 

“You can do that?” Jesus had never heard of such a thing. Boys don’t marry boys. 

Judas buried his face in his hands. “Just forget it, you probably only like girls.”

Boys can like boys. Jesus rolled the new information over in his head. Well that might explain why the feelings he had around Judas were the same ones he had felt around Becca. “I’m not so sure now,” he said slowly and took a sip of the miracle wine. 

Judas risked a peek between his fingers. Jesus looked like he was thinking pretty hard. He reached for a sip of wine to calm his nerves. His head was spinning, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t just from the alcohol.

His reach was intercepted by Jesus, who took his hand and continued staring straight ahead at the rain, still processing this revelation. “I didn’t know you could do that.” He was blushing redder than anything Judas had ever seen. 

Judas stared at him, watching the gears turn in his mind. Well, it was now or never. And if he was wrong, at least he would never see this weird, captivating boy again. Was his heart beating this fast when they were running? Quickly, before he could scare himself out of it for good, he kissed his cheek. Just a quick one, so light and quick he wondered if he had missed somehow. Immediately he turned back and stared out the tent flap, eyes wide and heart pounding in his ears. He didn’t dare to look at Jesus. That was the first time he had actually kissed another boy.

Jesus didn’t say anything. He just held Judas’s hand a little more tightly and put his head on his shoulder. Judas glanced at him, then away, then back again. He didn’t dare move a muscle. They watched the rain fall together as the silence grew comfortable, both processing their respective feelings. It was slowing down now. 

Jesus liked Judas. Judas liked Jesus. And tomorrow they would go their separate ways. 

“My mom says I can’t get married ever.” Jesus broke the silence after a while. 

Judas nodded. “A lot of moms say that, they’re protective like that.”

“I think it has to do with my destiny.” Jesus sounded more uncertain. 

“What’s up with that anyway?” Judas asked. He wanted to adjust his position so he could see Jesus better, but decided against it. “You seem to have to think about that a lot.”

“I don’t really know exactly,” Jesus said. “I have weird dreams a lot. I know that me and John are going to do a lot of teaching and it’s going to change the world. I’m going to be very famous, I think. If I have to focus on all that, I won't have time for a wife.”

Judas raised his eyebrows. He knew Jesus was under a lot of pressure, but nothing like that. That was something he couldn't even imagine. “Sounds pretty serious. I hope that all works out for you. Hey, maybe I’ll see you when you’re famous.”

Jesus nodded solemnly. He decided not to tell Judas that one time he had dreamed that he would be executed after his teaching. He hoped that one was an ordinary dream. “Maybe you will.” 

They stared out at the courtyard in front of them in silence again. Jesus relaxed a bit more and Judas swallowed dryly, hoping his shoulder wasn’t too bony to be comfortable.

“My mom said we can have a sleepover at my place if you want,” he said, his voice sounding a little hopeful. His parents knew about his feelings for Jesus and were supportive of it. “If your mom is okay with that.”

Jesus sighed. His parents expected him to be at the tent on time. He had gotten John to agree to buy some time for him but it would probably be over soon. They didn’t have much time left. “I don’t think she’d like that. She kinda talked about you last night? She says you wear too much eyeliner. And that you smell funny.”

“Yeah I kinda figured.” Judas sighed too. “How long can you stay?”

Jesus thought it over. “Until we finish the wine I think.” 

The glass of miracle wine was half finished. He closed his eyes and willed it to be full. No such miracle occurred. They finished it together in companionable silence and cleaned up the evidence of misbehavior. Jesus didn’t want to leave a mess for someone else to clean up. Judas walked Jesus back to his family’s tent, stopping short of where Mary would see him. He offered Jesus his scarf to clean off his eyeliner. The last thing he wanted was for the night to be spoiled. 

Jesus cleaned his face just in time, his father had spotted them. “Your mother has been looking for you. Your brothers didn’t know where you went,” Joseph scolded.

Jesus shrugged. “I don’t know why, I didn’t go far.” Technically he hadn’t, he rationalized. He was just out of sight. 

His father sighed. “Well come on, you're late for bed. We have to get up early tomorrow.”

Jesus followed and Judas walked away. “I will see you again some day!” Jesus called out to him. Judas smiled. There was no way he could possibly know that, but it was a nice thought.

He heard Jesus’s father ask him, “Why do you always say that to everybody you meet?”

“Well it’s true, father,” he heard Jesus respond readily. “When they die I will be the one to greet them first.” Judas shook his head, smiling faintly. Jesus was the weirdest person he had ever met. It was oddly endearing. 

He heard Joseph sigh heavily. “See things like that are why the neighbors don’t like us.”

Chapter 3: The Man From Nazareth

Notes:

I wish the disciples weren't sharing names. Hopefully it's clear, but just in case it's not John the Baptist (Jesus's cousin) is out preparing the way for Jesus. John the Beloved (the one Jesus loved according to him) is significantly younger and he is the one present in this chapter.

Jesus sat on the rooftop of a building watching the alley below him. It was a seedy part of town. Cana, for all its wealth and beauty, was host to the same darkness as most places. Thieves, cheats, and robbers were found in the same shadowy corners as the sick, the needy, and the abused. He found it particularly egregious in Cana because it would be so easy to resolve. There was more than enough to go around if those that had enough to spare would simply loosen their grasp on their money. 

He had spent the better part of the morning watching a gambler’s booth. The man running it was very good, and attracted a particular variety of clientele. The people who came to see him were not the type who lived in these slums. They disguised themselves with plainer clothing than they would wear in their usual parts of the city, but anyone with a trained eye would notice that their coarse robes were remarkably clean, and the colors were too rich to ever be afforded by someone who had no more reliable means of income. Even the best disguised ones were given away immediately by their voice, which did not even attempt to match the dialects he had noticed amongst the poor. And the man running the booth mimicked it perfectly, matching their intonations and fashion in just such a way that made them feel comfortable, but holding himself just far enough below their station that they felt sure they would win. And every single time the visitor lost.

Maybe Jesus shouldn’t find amusement at the foolishness of the wealthy. That should probably be beneath someone who had come to show them a better way to live. But then again Jesus had spent plenty of time begging for alms with his mother and his siblings growing up, and he knew firsthand how they loved to either scold or ignore the poor. He was entitled to human emotions, surely it was not a sin if he kept it to himself. 

Jesus reached into his pocket and fiddled with a small project he had finished in time for the trip. He was fairly certain he knew who this dealer was. He had to be a bit more certain about him before introducing himself though. 

Another client approached the booth and Jesus sat forward, very interested to see what would happen. This client was different. For a start, he smelled quite strongly. Jesus could not smell him himself but he noticed the dealer had discreetly applied essential oils beneath his nostrils before the man was close enough to catch it. One of his legs seemed to be paralyzed and he hobbled with a cane. 

“Quintus, friend. How have you been?” the carny asked, this time using a different voice to suit the client. Jesus strained to listen.

“Aches and pains every day, lad,” Quintus replied, speaking with a thick Roman accent. “Did I ever tell you I lost this leg serving Rome?" 

The man at the booth chuckled dryly. “Yes, friend, you tell me every time. You know, barley farmers don’t often want to start growing tomatoes at knife point just because some emperor says it’s better. They say the soil won’t take to it.”

“Damn the Emperor,” Quintus spat. “Damn Rome and damn every man who serves them. And damn Cana too while you're at it, the rent's too high.”

“I hear you, brother,” the man agreed. “What can I do for you today?”

Quintus dropped a bag of money on the table and Jesus noticed that the man sighed slightly. “Are you sure this is what you want? That must have taken you a week to gather.”

“Two weeks, actually; someone stole what I got last week. I’m feeling lucky, and I’m betting here I can double it.”

The man pinched the bridge of his nose while he thought it over. Jesus hoped he wouldn’t accept the terms. If this was who he thought it was, he expected better. So his heart sank when he heard him quietly say, “Prove you mean it, you’re already in debt with me. If you win, you leave with three weeks pay. If you lose I add three weeks to what you owe.”

Quintus scowled and pushed the bag into his lap. “Deal the damn cards.”

Jesus huffed as the man emptied the contents of his own bag of tricks onto the table and selected a new deck of playing cards. From where he was sitting it looked like the man was shuffling with a deliberate maneuver. He dealt the cards with a cool demeanor, and poor Quintus looked nervous. So Jesus was pleasantly surprised when the man lost the game twice out of the three rounds they played. Quintus left with plans to eat fine foods that night and the man straightened up his booth, smiling almost imperceptibly to himself and lighting a cigarette. That was enough to confirm what Jesus had hoped. This man was someone he wanted in his group. He was about to introduce himself when he heard two familiar voices approaching the alley.

---

John and Simon were supposed to be shopping for groceries and looking for a good spot for Jesus to make his first sermon of the trip. And they had been at first. They had found the perfect spot within an hour and there was still plenty of time until dinner so they had gone exploring. The two young men were left to their own devices with all of Cana to explore unattended. It didn’t take them long to find the part of town that catered to young men’s vices. Simon would stop to make suggestive comments to the giggling ladies batting their lashes at him, and John scolded him for “behavior unbecoming to a disciple” to use his words. Simon reminded John that he was much older than he was, insisting that John would understand when he was older. (John insisted he was plenty old enough to understand, and far more mature because he abstained.) Then Simon would scold John for drinking yet another glass of strong wine, reminding him that he wouldn’t be drinking like that if his brother had accompanied them. 

They did agree that it would be quite fun to try their luck at cards and dice. And when they won, their teacher might even thank them for it. So Simon asked a particularly lovely woman who had smiled sweetly and recommended a booth just on the outskirts of the slum. 

“Simon, I really think that hooker lady hated you,” John complained after watching Simon lose yet again. “I told you not to listen to her, she was giving you bad advice.”

Simon shook his head emphatically and put more money on the table. “No, Delilah wouldn’t do that.” 

John scowled when the dealer smirked and began shuffling again. “You know her, don’t you? I’ll bet you’re her master or something.”

The man laughed heartily at that. “Friend, if I dealt the services of whores you wouldn’t find me here. You’re welcome to try a different game,” he offered, gesturing to his assortment of cards, dice, and other games. 

“She’s not a whore,” Simon grumbled. 

“No, she definitely is. What sort of game do you play with this?” John picked a small wooden bird up from the table.

The man snatched it back quickly and tucked it into his pocket. “A man can’t decorate? Pick something else.”

“John, Simon!” Jesus greeted the pair jovially. “I trust the shopping is going well?”

John and Simon flinched and turned around with a very guilty look on their faces. “Teacher!” John fumbled. “I was just trying to convince Simon that it was time to go back. We were just on our way.” 

Jesus stepped closer. “Mhm. Was that before or after you started drinking?” he asked pointedly. The card dealer ducked his head and tried to stifle a laugh. John looked at his feet, ashamed of himself. “Don’t lie to me, you know there’s no point to it. And Simon,” Jesus turned on his companion. “It’s only natural to be interested in the opposite sex, but I hope you haven’t resorted to exploitation?”

Simon shuffled his feet and looked skyward. “We were only talking, teacher.”

“Not respectfully you weren’t.”

“Shut up, John.”

The dealer’s shoulders were shaking with uncontainable mirth. Jesus turned to him and smiled softly. “I trust my students have already given you plenty of money for today?”

The dealer looked him in the eyes and Jesus’s heart leapt. That was Judas for sure. “It’s a good thing you found them when you did, I was almost at the bottom of their purse.”

Jesus nodded. “Keep it, maybe it will teach them a lesson I haven’t been able to get them to understand. I want a turn now.”

Judas shrugged and gestured to his games. “Pick your poison and your terms.”

Jesus pointed to a set of dice. “I’m partial to dice, myself. If I win, you’ll come back with me. If I lose you can have the rest of the purse.”

Judas laughed out loud, caught off guard by the man’s forwardness. “I didn’t take you for that kind of patron.” He looked him up and down. This teacher was quite attractive, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious. Might as well, he’d earned more than enough for today. “I like it, keep the purse though. If I win we’ll do it at my place.” He bit his lip suggestively and laughed again as Jesus turned bright red.  

“This is inappropriate,” John fumed. “You have no right to speak to him like that.”

“It’s okay, John, I’ve got this.” Jesus pushed Judas’s dice back to him. “We’ll be using my own dice.” He set the dice he had made on the trip to Cana on the table. They were loaded, just like Judas had taught him years ago. It had taken a few tries to get it right, but this set was quite consistent.

John continued grumbling to Simon, whispering, “Does he even know who he’s talking to?”

“Just watch,” Simon urged, now grinning vindictively. “This might be your first miracle.”

Judas suspected that the dice the teacher had placed on his table were loaded, and the comment about miracles confirmed it. He could tell by looking at them. This man was very intriguing, scolding his students’ moral codes one minute and putting these on his table the next. Certainly he was the strangest person to walk up to his booth. 

The game was fun. It was exciting to have his usual role reversed, and he put on a show of being surprised when he lost. So surprised that he insisted on multiple rematches, just to keep the thrill going. The students cheered louder every time he lost, seeming to have forgotten that no matter what happened they had still lost a considerable amount of money. After a few rounds he handed the dice back to the teacher, admitting defeat and quickly packing up his booth. John was beside himself, awestruck by the teacher’s pedestrian trick.

Jesus ignored them and smiled widely at Judas. It took some time to find him, but now he was here. Now his work could really begin. He stretched out his hand behind him to lead the way and smiled a little brighter. “Walk with me.”

Judas grinned mischievously and accepted the gesture. “Lead the way, teach.” He playfully grabbed the teacher’s ass with his other hand and laughed when he yelped and jumped in surprise. John again tried to intercede on Jesus’s behalf, and Jesus assured him again that he was fine and would meet him back at the camp.

“So tell me, teacher, do you always pick up strangers with loaded dice?” Judas asked slyly when they were out of earshot. 

“No!” Jesus exclaimed. “No, I made those dice for you.”

“Aww, you shouldn’t have.” Judas wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer to walk hip to hip. “I was going to throw the game anyway, you’re the hottest stranger that’s come by in a while.”

The teacher laughed. “You don’t have to pretend you don’t know me anymore, Judas, it’s me.”

Judas dropped his arm and jerked his hand away abruptly. “I never told you my name.”

Jesus frowned. “Judas, it’s me.” Had Judas forgotten him? It would be very embarrassing if he had presumed incorrectly.

Judas shook his head. “I don’t know who you are but you need to get the hell away from me.”

Jesus grabbed his hand again before he could escape. “No wait.” He fumbled in his pocket until he found what he was after. He pulled out a small wooden sparrow and held it out. 

Judas’s eyes widened as he began to put the pieces together. He pointed at Jesus a bit stupidly. “You’re the snake kid,” he said bluntly. “Jesus?”

Jesus laughed. “You know, most people from that party remember me as the child who turned water into wine.”

Judas laughed back and shook his head. “No, anybody our age remembers you were the one waving a viper in their face. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to ask you the same thing.” 

It had been years since they had seen each other, but the pair quickly began talking like old friends. Apparently Judas had been quite busy. His father had passed away when he was a young man, so he had stepped up to take his job, as he had already been educated to do so. Judas hated being a tax collector. It had been bad enough dealing with the endless line of female suitors before. Now that he was an adult he got the full effect of the attention that came from his position. That is to say, everybody in Kerioth wanted him to like them, but he himself was quite universally despised. He couldn’t blame them either. He was following orders, but his orders were to take money from people who could barely feed themselves. He felt filthy by the end of the day. He hated himself just as much as they did, perhaps more. He had tried to make the most of it, a few men had even courted him but they had each sought out women behind his back and spread lies about him. Each courtship only made his situation worse and after a particularly nasty breakup he had left Kerioth altogether. He had traveled to several cities and tried to find other ways to earn a living. Unfortunately he was not good enough at any trade to make his general snarky attitude tolerable. He could either steal and starve or he could go back to his teenage roots and make a dishonest but decent living. It wasn’t great money and it didn’t earn him any friends, but he had an apartment now and he could visit his mother from time to time. 

“I’m sorry,” Jesus said when Judas finished. “It sounds like it’s been pretty lonely for you.”

Judas shrugged. “I can live with it.” It was pretty rare that he actually got sympathy for his story. Nobody really felt bad for a tax collector’s son, let alone one they considered grossly perverted. Judas knew that his own sour temperament was also a large factor in his reputation. He was fairly certain he was several bad choices past fixing that aspect of himself. Being treated with genuine understanding made him a little uncomfortable. But then again, he remembered that Jesus was like him in one of those ways. “What about you?” he asked, slightly hoping to hear whether Jesus still shared his interests.

If Jesus had been seeing anybody, he did not mention it. He had been studying and working as a carpenter in Nazareth. His life was fairly quiet until the past few months, and his family had kept a low profile despite his miracle at Cana. Jesus had begun preaching fairly recently with his cousin John, who he clarified was not the John whom Judas had met earlier. (Judas had assumed this was the case. John couldn’t have been older than seventeen.) Jesus still seemed certain he had really changed water into wine, and he wanted Judas to join his band because he had been a witness to the event. This troubled Judas a bit, but he found himself overlooking it as Jesus continued his pitch. At first Judas was skeptical, but as Jesus spoke about his work Judas had to admit that his passion was moving. Jesus really believed that the world could be better, and his ideals were ones that Judas supported for the most part. He found himself genuinely excited to see him try to change the hearts of Cana’s wealthiest members. He also realized that Jesus had not been inviting him to hook up, and almost certainly had not meant to imply that. What he had offered was an invitation to join his group as a disciple. He desperately hoped that Jesus would not bring that up again, he couldn’t handle that level of embarrassment.

And Judas found himself wanting to believe in Jesus. Despite his cynical nature, he wanted to drop everything to join him. It wasn’t like he had anything to lose. He had no good reputation, he had spent most of his adult life seeing people sigh and reach for their purse when they saw him. He lived alone, he had no friends to speak of. Every day just lead to another day with no greater goal than to get to the next. Jesus spoke with fire and passion. His band sounded exciting and his mission sounded undeniably good. It gave Judas hope. That surprised him. So when Jesus held his hand out again and asked him to walk with him he found himself taking his hand and following after him, pushing his misgivings away. They seemed insignificant in the face of what Jesus promised.

---

Judas’s hope of a fresh start faded considerably when he followed Jesus into his camp and saw John and Simon talking to a third man about the “latest rescue” Jesus had picked up. Judas thought he might recognize the man they were talking to. A fourth man was tending the fire, and they recognized each other immediately. Judas had collected taxes from him and his ailing grandmother back in Kerioth shortly before he left. He held Jesus’s hand a little tighter and gave a shaky smile as anxiety set it. “Hi, Philip. How is your grandmother doing?”

“Dead now, thanks to you,” Philip looked as though he would very much like to toss a hot coal in his direction. 

Judas bit down on the inside of his cheek. Philip had mentioned that they needed the money for a doctor. There wasn’t anything he could say to undo that. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Jesus gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I see some of us have already met. James, this is my friend Judas.” 

James scowled at Judas. “I’ve seen you before. You stole fish from my boat.”

Judas paled. He remembered James now. He had lived in Galilee for a time trying to learn to be a fisherman. He wasn’t much good at fishing, but it took time to earn enough money to move elsewhere. He had saved that money by stealing fish instead of buying food. That had been years ago, but clearly James had not forgotten. Which meant that John must have been the small child who had ratted him out.

Jesus seemed entirely unbothered by the tension. “You certainly have traveled a lot. I take it you are good with maps then?” Judas nodded mutely, not wanting to say anything that would get him in further trouble with the other disciples. “That’s good!” Jesus clapped him on the back. “I am afraid none of us have that skill, travel has been quite inefficient.”

“We could learn,” John said darkly, glaring at Judas’s purse which had been jingling with the money he had lost. 

“Jesus, I don’t think this is a good idea.” Simon crossed his arms across his chest. Judas sighed through his nose and started to turn away. He should have known what Jesus promised was too good to be true.

Jesus took Judas’s hand again, partially because he suspected that Judas would walk away if he let go. “And what exactly is your complaint, Simon? Let’s have it out in the open.”

“He’s a cheat and he took nearly all of our money this morning. But you already knew that.” 

Jesus nodded thoughtfully. “Tell me, Simon. When I was speaking about being responsible with the resources God has blessed us with, did you take that to mean you should take it to a gambling booth?”

Simon looked away, looking guilty, but kept his arms crossed to emphasize his displeasure.

Jesus turned to John, who had crossed his arms to mirror Simon. “John, what is your complaint?”

John huffed indignantly. “I don’t like the way he was talking to you. He was inappropriate and I don’t think that behavior has any place in our camp.”

Jesus nodded again. “Self righteousness has no place either, but you are still here and I forgive you for it. Judas did not even sin against you, it was me he was addressing. We have spoken since then and I am not offended. So why does it upset you so personally?”

John did not have an answer. Jesus turned to the next person. “Philip, did Judas personally cause your grandmother to fall ill?”

Philip scowled. “No, he kept us from getting her a doctor. Wouldn’t you have refused our money?”

Jesus shook his head. “You forget I was never a tax collector. Did I not just preach that we should render to Caesar what is his? Judas did not act on his own accord, he acted on behalf of Caesar.” He turned to Judas for confirmation and was satisfied when Judas nodded quietly.

“And what about my fish?” James blustered. “He stole from my boat, I saw him do it.”

“But was he the one who was sinning?” Jesus countered. “Or was it you? I know you were quite a successful fisherman. Surely you saw that he must have been in need. Did you offer him anything to satisfy his hunger or did you keep your excess to yourself?”

Judas was surprised when John sighed and conceded. Each disciple seemed ashamed of himself now. That was very strange. Their complaints, with the exception of John’s, had sounded valid to him but somehow Jesus had found a way to pardon all of them. “Judas has left his old life behind the same as all of you. Forgive him and move on. The past is the past. Now let’s eat the food that Simon and John have brought us.” 

Jesus sat beside Judas as they broke bread together, the six of them eating over one table cloth. Judas wasn’t as sure about leaving his life behind as Jesus had asserted on his behalf. He especially wasn’t as sure now that his welcome had been so hostile. He would probably slip away in the morning. Jesus could talk circles around his disciples all he liked, that didn’t change the fact that they clearly disliked him and he did not fit in. Still, James made a valiant attempt at politeness over dinner and the other disciples refrained from dirty looks. Maybe the others would come around. 

Judas did his part with the evening chores and looked for extra to do to ingratiate himself. It quickly became apparent that Jesus’s operation was a rather slapdash one. They had no tents at all, and Philip did not have a bedroll of his own. Instead, he rolled himself up in the tablecloth they had all just been eating on. Further investigation revealed that they had no idea how much money they had, and while they knew what their next stop would be they did not know how they would get there. They wanted to rent camels, but they did not know how much that would cost. It was alarmingly pathetic. It was a miracle Jesus had managed to recruit even four people. 

“You know this is a problem, right?” Judas asked Jesus as he looked for a place to lay down. “You can’t just go wandering around aimlessly like this. You need to start planning.” 

Jesus pursed his lips and nodded, poking at his own bedroll with a stick. Still weird. Judas noted. “We’re nomads,” he said by way of explanation. As if nomads did not plan ahead. “I was hoping maybe you could help us out. We have an opening for a treasurer if that’s something you’d be interested in.”

Judas looked back at Philip, seemingly content to be snuggled up in crumbs for the night. “You’re going to need a lot more than that.”

Jesus nodded. “I’m hoping to get some more people to join soon. Someone who can help run the show so I can focus more on the talking.” 

Judas sucked in a breath. “Look, it’s been great catching up but I’m not going to sign on as your treasurer just like that.”

“Oh no, of course not. But I hope you’ll consider it. We’re going to stay here for at least a couple weeks.” Jesus gave the bedroll a firm kick before he unrolled it and began shaking it vigorously. “In case there’s snakes,” he explained when he noticed Judas staring.

“Since when are you afraid of snakes?” Judas asked, still trying to figure out how he was going to sleep. He had already given up on any hope they might have extra bedding. He didn’t need to have worried though. Jesus offered him his cloak to sleep on for the night.

“I got bit by a viper.” Jesus scratched the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed. “It was in my bedroll, it was pretty bad. My mom was pretty upset, so I try to be extra careful now.”

Judas couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just a little funny, I remember you being so sure they couldn’t hurt you.”

Jesus shrugged. “It didn’t kill me.” He didn’t admit how it very nearly had. His sixteenth birthday had been a very unpleasant awakening to his mortality. The viper had left a scar on his ankle, and he could still remember how its venom had burned in his veins. The doctor said it was a miracle that he had not died. 

“Sorry,” Judas apologized again. The last thing he wanted was to drive Jesus away so quickly. It wasn’t that he was going to blindly chase after him. Judas did not believe in soulmates, or any other fanciful notion that his first awkward crush was his “true love” or some similar rubbish. Truth be told, he halfway hoped that Jesus had forgotten much of that week, he was sure he had embarrassed himself. And if he let himself think about it, it was a little alarming that Jesus had tracked him down after all this time. But he could get himself out of trouble if he had to. He had done it before plenty of times.

Besides, Jesus was attractive and charming, and while it had been years ago Judas hadn’t forgotten his time with him at the wedding. It was silly, maybe even childish to hold on to a memento from a passing interest for so many years, but he had kept the sparrow Jesus had made for him. He would hold it on particularly dark nights, as if it could ward off crushing loneliness. Judas knew it was just a token, a gift from a playmate that should have been long forgotten. But it felt like it had been one of the only times someone had actually enjoyed his company. He had given up on that a long time ago, and he didn’t want to let go sooner than he had to. And Jesus hadn’t forgotten him either. He even kept his own sparrow. That had to mean something. He resolved to stay at least a day. Maybe he could enjoy a fling before going back to his routine of playing cards and going home to no company except for roaches and the occasional rat. 

 

Chapter 4: The Man From Kerioth

It was a perfect night. The air had chilled just enough to encourage lovers to huddle together beneath the shelter afforded by a blanket. The stars lit the night with their pinprick candle light, letting them see each other and very little else. Judas was alone with Jesus, sharing a bottle of cheap wine. The bitterness did not matter. 

They sat side by side, enjoying the peace without exchanging a word. Gradually, Judas began to realize that their hands were touching, and Jesus had not flinched away. Then he noticed that they were facing each other instead of the stars, and the way the light fell on his face made Jesus faintly glow like something sacred. He was staring back at him shamelessly. Their faces were already close, but somehow they drew closer, then closer again as he looked into his eyes and watched them slide shut.

The scrape of his beard tickled his nose, prompting him to close the distance and gently press their mouths together. Jesus did not taste of lips and skin, or smell of hot human breath. Kissing him was drinking fine wine, spiced with exotic flavors that suggested a divine influence. He had only tasted a flavor like him once in his life. 

Judas woke up thirsting for more.

His dream was interrupted by a gentle prodding at the small of his back. He blinked in the sun and looked around, momentarily confused by his surroundings. Apparently he was the last person to wake up. Jesus’s bedroll was already neatly put away. 

“Good morning,” Jesus chirped brightly from behind him. “I was beginning to worry you might not wake up. You know, I don’t think I have ever seen someone sleep until the middle of the morning.”

Judas rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Not a morning person,” he grumbled. “You don’t have any coffee do you?”

Jesus laughed. “We did, but it’s long gone now. Here, I saved you some breakfast.” He held out a chipped bowl with a few pieces of fruit and some flat bread. “The figs here are some of the best I’ve ever had.”

“They’re alright I guess,” Judas grumped, but accepted the food as graciously as he could. After a while he realized that Jesus was watching him eat with far too much interest for his comfort. He had to wonder if this was his peculiar idea of flirting. “Uh. You like figs?”

Jesus’s eyes crinkled with mirth. “Don’t tell anyone, but I think the greatest evil in the world is actually a fig tree that chooses not to grow fruit.”

“Huh.” Judas decided to start eating faster just to end the odd interaction. 

“Rabbi! Philip hasn’t put the fire out.”

Jesus sighed and rolled his eyes. “That’s fine, John. Put it out yourself or worry about your own chores.” He smiled apologetically. “I’m afraid you won’t be getting much peace and quiet with these ones.”

Judas chewed around a mouthful of burnt flatbread. “Do I have to start calling you rabbi?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it is standard since my disciples are my students.” Jesus reached out and combed his fingers through Judas’s hair. “You have an impressive bed head, let me fix that for you.”

Judas swatted his hand away. “I think I’ll wait until I sit in on some lessons before I make that call.”

Thankfully John disrupted the moment again. “Rabbi!”

Jesus grimaced. “I have to take care of this. Get ready as quickly as you can, we can’t go into town without you and we’re already behind schedule.”

---

Jesus was practically buzzing with excitement and nerves all the way into town. He had announced his speaking engagement a month before so he expected a large crowd. John pointedly mentioned that they might not have stayed since they were already late, but nothing would lower Jesus’s spirits. Even seeing how small the crowd actually was upon arrival did not bother him. His mission was too important for failure to be even a remote possibility. Everything would go as it was always meant to be.

“You’re late,” a man holding an envelope complained.

Jesus greeted the stranger warmly. “Apologies, I never mean to keep a student waiting. Thank you for your patience.”

The man shrugged. “I’m not a student, I just have this letter and heard you would be here an hour ago.”

Jesus’s face lit up when he accepted the envelope and read the name on the letterhead. “Oh, thank you very much. Can I find you to deliver my reply? Here, for your troubles.” He handed a piece of silver to the mailman. “I hope this is enough to compensate you for your time.”

He turned to the rest of the small gathering chatting amongst themselves. The crowd was mostly wealthy men and some of their wives, all of whom were schmoozing and ignoring him. The working women standing quietly in the back did not escape his notice, and at his request Philip approached them and offered them proper seats at the front of the crowd. 

“Good morning, friends, although maybe afternoon is more accurate.” One of the seated members of the audience laughed politely and the prattling conversation around them only grew louder. It was like they were trying to drown him out. Jesus wet his lips nervously and continued. “Thank you for coming out today. If my message resonates with even one among you I will know that my journey has been a success.” 

“HEY!” Simon banged his walking stick on the pavement until the crowd was intimidated into silence. “The Rabbi is speaking! Open your minds if you want to hear the good news.” He gestured to Jesus when they had quieted down to his satisfaction.

Jesus hoped his smile was more gracious than awkward. “Thank you, Simon.” He felt keenly aware of every eye on him as he fumbled with his water bottle and took a sip. “I came here today with news of the kingdom of heaven.” 

He tried using his usual introduction speech, but the crowd was not like anything he had seen before. Usually when he spoke everybody sat and listened with rapt attention. Even teachers at the temple had been impressed with his public speaking when he was a boy. Today, for the first time in his life, eyes were beginning to glaze over. One particularly well dressed man yawned loudly and muttered a complaint of a hangover to his friend.

Judas glanced around. Interest from the crowd was quickly waning; the only ones paying attention seemed to be the disciples he was seated with. He shot a foul look at a man who was inspecting his nails instead of paying attention. He recognized that man. If anyone needed a nudge towards personal betterment, it was him. Jesus gave a tight smile at him and continued.

“Maybe you’d rather hear one of my parables. Cana is a fishing town, I am sure you will enjoy this one. Imagine a fisherman, perhaps one like yourself.” He gestured to a particular man in the audience who seemed to be at least halfway paying attention. “When you fish, you cast your net into the water and it takes everything with it. Then you draw it up and you separate the fish you want to take to the market and you put them into the barrels to be sold. Tell me, what happens to the rest?” The man he addressed pointed at himself with a look of confusion. “Yes, you. What happens?”

“Uh… don’t they get released or something?” the man drawled. Many of the people in the crowd had stood up and were leaving as soon as he began talking about fish. 

“That’s right,” Jesus clapped his hands for emphasis and to get any crowd interaction at all. “They are discarded, thrown away. They aren’t useful to you so you want nothing to do with them. You cast them aside. Now listen to what I say next. Our God is a fisherman. What kind of fish do you want to be?”

The sparse remaining crowd did not respond, so Jesus tried repeating himself to still no response. A few married women stood off to the side and giggled amongst themselves, presumably assuming his reiteration was a dumb mistake. One particularly bold woman had draped herself near an alley, and one of the few remaining men was looking intently at her instead of Jesus. 

Judas noticed how tense Jesus was and could not help cringing in sympathy. He had been much more compelling when they had walked together the day before. “So you see, when the end times come, we will all be fish in his dragnet. And like these fish, the righteous among you will be saved in a barrel, and the rest will be cast aside. Do you understand what I am saying now?” His voice wavered noticeably at the end as the last wealthy patron left. It was like they did not understand what was at stake. He had never had an entire congregation sit so disinterested. God had never allowed this before.

Judas pulled a face at him from his seat. The sermon had taken a disturbingly morbid turn. He had seen apocalyptic preachers before, Jesus had not struck him as being like them before. The wandering preachers raved about doom and Rome, Jesus had only inspired hope when he met him. The sermon he preached inspired something closer to dread. The fish metaphor left him with several questions that needed answering if he was going to uproot his life to spread the gospel that had convinced him to stay at the camp with him.

Jesus took a deep breath and bowed his head in prayer. “Lord, show me that you are with us,” he pleaded. 

God did not seem inclined to make an appearance. The last of the attendees left without saying a word. Jesus hung his head in defeat and began picking up the trash they had left behind. As his disciples followed suit he noticed a beggar sitting in a nearby alley with a cane. He recognized him from the day before when he visited Judas’s booth. 

He approached him and stopped to drop a coin in his dish. “How long has your leg been bothering you?” He asked with sincere curiosity.

The man, Quintus, looked up and looked as if he was seeing another person for the first time in his life. “Eight years.”

“Can I see?” He was more than happy to oblige, lifting his clothes to display an ugly scar across the back of his knees. “May I touch it?” 

Judas stopped collecting trash to watch the interaction play out. Most people did not stop to give the time of day, preferring to ignore the unsightly eyesore of poverty and the damage from Rome that would never fade away. Many of the wealthy in Cana were in good standing with Rome and her soldiers, but they had no use for veterans like Quintus. Jesus noticed him as a person with dignity and seemed to want to find a way to help him. That was the kind of person he wanted to follow, a problem solver.

Jesus took a deep breath and reached within himself. He hoped that God would want a miracle too. He would be deeply embarrassed if his healing did not work. He closed his eyes and laid his hands on the scar. When he did not immediately feel divine power flowing through him he pressed at different points along the jagged edge. Another deep breath and he felt something move and the man’s knee buckled.

“How did you do that?” the man gasped. 

Jesus picked up his cane and offered a hand. “Stand up,” he instructed gently.

Shaking, the beggar took his hand and rose to his feet. “What have you done to me? Why doesn’t my leg hurt?”

He smiled brightly, heart soaring. The day had not been a waste after all and God was with him all along. “You have been healed. Everybody here has witnessed a miracle.” The only witnesses were his disciples and a few less popular ladies of the night, and he had a wide grin for each of them. “Go east, to the next city. You’ll find someone there who needs this. Your new calling is to be a fisher of men.” Quintus nodded eagerly and left, walking at first before breaking into a run. 

One of the women approached him, wanting to understand what she had seen and heard. Jesus turned his full attention to her and did not notice that Judas had stalked behind Quintus clenching his teeth.

 

Judas caught up with Quintus quickly. He knew where he slept, it wasn’t hard to find him. Incensed, he marched up to him and grabbed him roughly by the shoulder. “Cute trick, asshole. How much did he pay you?”

Quintus frowned, apparently confused by the question. “What trick? Who are you talking about?”

Judas cornered him against the wall. “The rabbi in the town square. How much did he pay you to quit pretending your leg is hurt?”

The man threw his hands up in protest. “He dropped a penny in my coffer and then he healed me. I can’t explain it, but for the first time in a decade my leg only hurts a little. Now will you leave me alone? I have to get to Magdala.”

Judas did not budge. “Yeah, right. I don’t know what game you’ve been playing but you’re very good. You really had me fooled with the sob story. How much money do you even have? You’ve never made enough to leave this shithole.”

Quintus brushed off his clothes indignantly. “My money is none of your business.”

“It is, though!” he threw up his hands in frustration. “You owe me so much money, you can’t just leave now.”

His debtor shrugged and pushed past him. “I can’t pay you back, and I can’t stay here. I hope some day you can forgive me. Maybe I can pay you back. I think I’m supposed to go be a fisherman?”

Judas scowled at him and did not say a word. He did not believe Quintus for a second when he owed enough money to make a rent payment. The only explanation that made sense was that Jesus had persuaded him to renege on his debt.

He turned back one last time before leaving. “You’ve been good to me, Judas. Thank you for that. I hope you can forgive me someday.” And with that he left, walking with only a minor limp.

Judas curled his lip and cursed under his breath.  

---

The rest of the day was spent on chores and preparing food for the evening meal. James and John had been sent out to catch some fish in the river nearby. Judas was assigned to prepare dinner with Simon and Philip, and Jesus had gone to seek privacy while he caught up on correspondence. 

They chopped vegetables in tense silence. Judas wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than outright hostility. After an uncomfortably long period of time and no effort from the disciples he decided to break the silence. “So what made you decide to follow the rabbi?”

Simon perked up, unsurprisingly eager to share his testimony. “I met him when I was fishing with my brother, Andrew. You’ll meet Andrew soon enough, we’re meeting him in Bethsaida. We’d been out fishing all night long and hadn’t caught anything at all. Worst night of our lives! We came to shore exhausted and there he was, like he had been waiting for us all along. And he told us to throw our nets one more time.” He pushed aside the roots he had been scrubbing to look Judas in the eye. “I have never seen so many fish in my life. We must have caught more fish than I thought were in the whole sea.”

Judas put on a suitably impressed expression when he realized Simon was waiting for a response. “What did you do with all those fish?”

Simon tapped his nose and winked conspiratorially. “The same thing we always do. Andrew and I sorted out the good fish from the bad and the rabbi asked us questions about what we were doing. That was the day he invented the parable you heard today, and the day he made us fishers of men.”

Judas hummed thoughtfully. Simon was talking so quickly that he struggled to keep up. “What makes you so sure that was a miracle?”

Simon threw his head back and laughed so boisterously that it startled him. “If you had been there you would know there was nothing natural about that catch. I have never seen so many fish in my life.” He laughed again to himself. “Two full nets of fish, really good fish, and he’s not sure if it’s a miracle. You certainly aren’t cut out for the life of a fisherman.”

Judas laughed to be polite. “No, there aren’t many places for fish to live in Kerioth. What about you, Philip?”

Philip thought for a moment, dicing an onion a little more finely than necessary. “I joined because he called me,” he said after a while. “When the Rabbi calls you, you will never be the same. I left my wife with her family so I could follow him. It was like something much bigger than myself compelled me to do it. I think my life can only be this.”

Judas raised his eyebrows and decided not to comment further. He did not have anything to say that would earn him any good rapport. What sort of man would abandon his wife to follow an unorthodox teacher around the country? Jesus was charismatic and attractive, but Philip’s wife was a person he had committed himself to in every way. How could he betray her?

His hands stilled over the bowl of figs as he stood lost in thought.

“So what did you think of the miracle?” Simon asked, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

Judas froze as he tried to find the best possible answer. He could pretend to believe he had witnessed a miracle. He knew how to lie to fit in, telling people what they wanted to hear was a skill he had honed to perfection. It didn’t feel right this time. It seemed like joining Jesus meant turning over a new leaf. He wasn’t sure that was what he wanted to do, but he wanted to at least try. Maybe being honest would make him happy.

“I’ll let you know when I see one.” He hoped the light laugh he punctuated his sentence with was enough to keep them from being offended.

“What are you talking about?” Judas pressed his lips in a tight line. Simon sounded pissed. “You’ve seen two now, actually three. The rabbi said you saw his first public miracle. With the way he was talking about you on the way here, I thought you’d have more faith.”

Judas shrugged apologetically. “I know that he was using loaded dice yesterday, he told me himself. Wait– you said he was talking about me?”

“Get a load of this guy,” Simon clapped him on the back a bit harder than seemed friendly to Judas. “You saw a man stand up and walk for the first time in years, and that means nothing to you?”

Philip looked quietly insulted.

Judas tugged his sleeve nervously, the bowl of fruit forgotten now. “I know him, his name is Quintus. He could already walk, it just hurts him.”

“So if you don’t think it was a miracle, what do you think happened?” Philip asked quietly.

Judas sucked his teeth. “I mean, he owes me a lot of money, and now he’s left the city. I’m probably not the only one in town he’s in debt to. I think Jesus paid him enough money to leave town to walk without his cane for a bit and he just didn’t want to pay me back.”

“If you think we’re stupid, just say that,” Philip snapped and stormed off. 

“Now look what you’ve done, you know Phil is sensitive!” Simon slammed his knife into the cutting board and left in pursuit of Philip. 

“I didn’t know- nevermind.” Judas sighed and looked at the pile of vegetables that still needed to be prepared. James and John would probably be back with the fish soon and he didn’t expect much help from them, so he’d have to prepare them by himself too. He sighed in resignation and resumed chopping. And peeling. And scrubbing. 

After a while the smell of fresh fish wafted in his direction. That must be James. “Just leave them here, I think I can have dinner ready before dark if I hurry.” He waved dismissively and dropped the last of the figs and vegetables into the stew pot.

“Why are you preparing the food by yourself?” Jesus asked as he set down the basket. Judas flushed. The last thing he needed was for Simon and Philip to think he had told on them. “It’s okay, I can handle it.”

“You didn’t have to though.” Jesus picked up a knife and started descaling a fish. “I thought Philip and Simon were supposed to be helping you?”

Judas rolled his eyes and chopped the head off the fish. “Well they were until they decided to be dramatic. You know, I don’t think you pick the most emotionally mature students, Rabbi. ” He drew the word out in the most condescending and frustrated way possible. He suddenly felt very embarrassed for his outburst. “Uh. That was rude. Sorry.”

Jesus laughed. “They are passionate men, aren’t they? And in such different ways. What happened?”

“They’re mad that I think you didn’t do anything miraculous earlier.”

“Really?” Jesus raised his eyebrows. “I’m impressed at your skepticism.”

Judas dropped fish guts in the waste bin. “I just can’t believe Quintus. He’s been committing to that limping beggar routine as long as I’ve been here.”

Jesus nodded. “His limp was quite convincing, wasn’t it? You’ve known him longer than I have. Did you ever question it before today?”

“How much did you pay him? And do you have any idea how much money he owes me? And I let him off the hook so many times because I felt bad for him,” he groused and slapped another fish down to be descaled.

Jesus thought through his response as he descaled the fish. “If he really is as sneaky as you say, I would have to pay him quite a lot to make it worth his while, wouldn’t I? And you know we don’t have much money on hand.”

Judas rolled his eyes. “If you’re going to act like a con artist you could at least admit it to ones like me. You need a network.” Not that he had one but still.

Jesus just laughed and shook his head. “You are quite the accomplished cynic. That’s a good strength, I’m sure you’ll hold me accountable. We need someone like you around.” He laughed again and wiped his hands off on Judas’s apron. “Some day you will have faith, I am sure of it.”

Judas rolled his eyes and scraped more fish heads and guts into the waste. There was no point arguing with him. “Your message should stand for itself, without sleight of hand. Maybe Cana’s elite just didn’t want to hear it. I’ve met a lot of the people out there today, none of them are particularly concerned with God.”

Jesus thought for a moment, stroking his beard absentmindedly with fishy fingers and nodded solemnly. “The Lord may have hardened their hearts today. I’ll try again tomorrow, but this may be a sign to take my teaching elsewhere.” He looked disappointed as he remembered the sermon again. “I didn’t even get to the part I was the most excited about. They all left before I got to the part about caring for the poor. The parable is supposed to open their minds, and then I can say the things that change their hearts. It’s like they don’t want things to change for the better.”

Judas glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Something about the way Jesus pouted made him want to comfort him, despite the characteristically off putting talk of God. “Maybe tomorrow.” He gave an awkward smile and picked a scale out of Jesus’s beard. Jesus smiled at him, and the simple trust in the gesture was almost enough to make Judas melt. He turned his attention back to decapitating fish instead. “So who was that letter from?”

Apparently the letter was not something conducive to small talk. The smile faded from Jesus’s face and he turned his attention back to the fish. “It was from my cousin, John. He’s been sending me letters from prison. I was writing a reply to him.”

Judas frowned. He remembered John. He had not particularly cared for him, but prison was a surprise. “What’s he doing in prison?”

Jesus chewed his lip. “He’s been preparing the way ahead of me. Before he was arrested he would announce that I was coming to people in their cities and he would usually preach and baptize some for me. Herod Antiapas doesn’t like what we have to say. Apparently parables and baptisms are a threat to the Roman empire.”

Judas dropped his knife in shock, accidentally cutting himself. “I’m sorry, Herod knows about you? Are you in danger?”

Jesus just smiled in response and handed him a cloth to stop the bleeding, but the smile was clearly half hearted. “I won’t be in danger for a few more years. I… We might leave Cana earlier than expected. I want to see him one last time.”

“One last time?” Judas pressed further when Jesus only nodded silently. “What do you mean?”

Jesus heaved a sigh. “John mentioned a feast in his letter. I think his time is coming to an end very soon.” 

“... I’m sorry.” On the outside, Judas appeared to be awkwardly unsure what else to say. Inwardly he was reeling. The man preparing fish beside him, who had just delivered a sermon that had been an undeniable failure, was being watched by a king. He seemed to believe a close associate was going to be executed very soon. What kind of radical was he dealing with?

Probably one he should be keeping his distance from.

---

The stew was delicious, the spices Jesus had brought from his home complemented everything perfectly. Despite the good food, there were no good spirits to be found in the gathering. A sullen gloom sat heavily in the silence that was only broken by the sounds of eating. Judas suspected that it hadn’t helped the dynamic when Jesus had saved him a seat next to him.

Jesus cleared his throat. “I think we should discuss what happened in Cana today, I’m sure we can find somewhere we can improve. I know my sermon did not resonate with the intended audience, but we did accomplish some good.”

Simon smacked his lips. “I don’t think the sermon was the problem, it makes perfect sense. You gave the same one to me and Andrew, look where we are now.” 

James and John agreed enthusiastically. “They should have gotten it, this is a fishing town. There’s fish in all their decorating, it’s their thing.”

Jesus nodded thoughtfully. “Philip, what did you think of the parable?”

Philip blinked blankly over his stew. “The fish parable doesn’t do much for me, but you did a similar one about sheep and goats. That one was good.”

Jesus scribbled down a note. “Thank you, Philip, I’ll keep that in mind for Meggido. Judas, you’ve lived in Cana. Do you have any insights to share?”

Judas bit his tongue while he figured out where to begin. “For a start, those people don’t know anything about fishing. I know them, a lot of them are my regulars. They have time to sit around in the middle of the day because they pay other people to fish for them while they keep the profits. They might respond better to a parable about property or servants. But besides that, I don’t think the parable makes much sense.” He looked down, not eager to see how Simon would respond to his criticism.

Jesus smiled encouragingly. “Please, continue. What do you mean?”

“It’s just that the point is that you want to be one of the good fish, right? But those fish get killed and eaten. Wouldn’t it be better to be one of the ones that gets released?”

The disciples exchanged glances. “Um, I don’t think you got the message,” John piped up. “The fish in the barrels are the useful ones. We want to be useful to God.”

Jesus nodded thoughtfully and wrote down more notes. “I can see how it could be confusing. Would it make more sense if I framed it with wheat and chaff?”

Judas kept his mouth shut and nodded, deciding not to mention how it was only an improvement because the metaphor now had plants instead of living creatures. 

After another period of awkward silence, James raised his hand. “Rabbi, why did you heal that man when you did? Wouldn’t it have been better to heal him before everybody left?”

Jesus wrote down his question before answering. “Excellent question. I was hoping for an opportunity to show them a miracle when I was planning the trip. I thought a miracle would help keep their attention, but none of the people attending needed healing. Everything was going to pot so I prayed that God would send a sign, and the Lord provided our friend, Quintus. But His timing wasn’t what I would have preferred.”

Judas raised an eyebrow. “You wanted some sick person to show up so you can heal them and get people’s attention?” The idea seemed a bit exploitative. 

Jesus nodded, completely oblivious to any criticism Judas had loaded into the remark. “Yes, that usually works and people talk about it for a long time. It makes the preaching much more effective. Usually God shows me an opportunity to demonstrate his power when people are more receptive. I’m not sure why he wanted today’s sermon to go so poorly.” 

“Well I think God held out on you because there’s sin in the camp.” John snarled and looked directly at Judas. “I only see one thing different from the last sermon.”

Jesus only laughed amicably. “John, my friend, everyone here has sin within him. That’s what makes it so meaningful when God acts through us.”

John remained unconvinced and continued to stare Judas down. “Some of us are worse than others. I don’t think he has any faith.” 

“I am not taking moral judgment from a child,” Judas scoffed. 

John leapt to his feet with clenched fists. “I’m seventeen, you asshat!”

“Please, you don’t even have a beard. What is your problem? I didn’t do anything, I was sitting right next to you.” Judas stood up with clenched fists. Jesus took his wrist and held him in place.

“Sit down, both of you.” John sat down immediately, reminding Judas of a well trained dog. He only sat when Jesus pulled him back down by the hand. Jesus made everybody around the fire take a deep breath before continuing the debriefing.

“John, I think tonight it might be you who doesn’t understand. It doesn't matter who has committed the greatest sin or who has the strongest faith. God works through even the dirtiest sinners, he can use each of us for his own purpose. Just think of the men in the Torah. Our leaders have consistently been deeply flawed, but even the most violent among them was used by God for His purposes.”

“I guess that makes sense,” John huffed and turned his attention back to his stew. “Sorry, Judas.”

John was no longer the target of Judas’s displeasure. “I’m sorry, did you just call me a dirty sinner?”

“Sure,” Jesus took another bite of stew, as if it was a normal comment to make. “There’s no shame in being a sinner, that’s just how you humans are. The human condition, I think that’s what some philosophers are calling it.”

Judas shook his head in disbelief. “What are you saying? You’re talking like you aren’t human.” 

“Well, think of David. He committed so many sins we have entire books to remember them. And yet God considered him a righteous man and did many great things through him. What about this is confusing you?”

“Really? You’re going to compare me to him? The man raped and slaughtered women by the hundreds. You think that I’m like that? You’re the same as me, would you just get over yourself already?”

Jesus did not seem bothered at all by his accusation. “What do you mean by that?”

“I just screw over rich people. I know everyone here thinks it’s bad that I use tricks with cards and dice to make a living. It must be nice knowing that’s beneath you. But you pull sleight of hand to get people to listen to your weird sermons about fish, and then it doesn’t even work. Why are you even following him? None of you has given me an answer that makes sense.” Judas set his plate down and stormed away from the group. 

Jesus frowned and tilted his head as he watched him go. “What do you think I am doing here?” he called out behind him. “Who do you think I am?”

Judas dropped his shoulders. “I don’t know who you are. I barely know you. But I think you surround yourself with shitty people and losers because it makes you look so much better than everybody else.” He threw his shoulders back turned around to make sure Jesus heard everything he had to say. “Maybe your mother never told you, it does not make you look good when you have a gaggle of hookers showing up to your events in the front row. You look like a gang leader.”

Jesus took his rebuke calmly and offered no rebuttal, only a mild, practiced smile. 

Judas assumed that he took the abuse to placate him. That pissed him off even more. “Oh, and now you won’t even fight back, so that makes me the bad guy. I can see what you’re doing. Maybe you can manipulate these rubes but not me,” Judas spat. 

“Judas, that’s enough,” Jesus said. His voice was calm but there was a hard edge to it. It stung like he had slapped him in the face. “Thank you for preparing dinner. I think it would be best if you cooled off before we discuss this further.”

Judas scowled and kicked sand in his direction, then spluttered as the wind blew it back in his own face. He left feeling petty, frustrated, and stupid for coming so close to following him.

---

Jesus found Judas as he was gathering the last of his belongings. “You’re really leaving?”

Judas sighed and rubbed his eyes. He had hoped to leave without talking to anybody, especially not him. Being snarky to Jesus wasn’t nearly as satisfying as when he let himself vent his irritation with the others. “I can’t be a part of this. This is too much. It’s bad enough that all your friends hate me; after today, I’m pretty sure you’re actually insane. You’re a really nice guy, but there is something seriously wrong with you.”

“I- I’m sorry, I’m really confused. This shouldn’t be possible. I don’t know what God is calling you to do, but I can feel that it’s important.”

Judas shot him a fowl glare. “If he wants me to do something so badly, he can tell me himself.”

Jesus sighed and scratched at his beard. “I’m sorry. I was sure we had a connection when I went looking for you. Maybe I was mistaken.”

Judas looked at him askance. “Did you think that we had some kind of ‘connection’ because we went on one date when I was thirteen?”

Jesus shook his head and shrugged. “You were a witness at my first public miracle. I’ve seen you in my dreams with the other disciples, I really think you’re meant to be with me.”

Judas rolled his eyes and tightened the straps on his sandals. “I didn’t see a miracle. I saw a caterer misunderstand an order. They sent water and wine, that’s all there is to it.”

“I see.” Jesus shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. “I am sorry to see you go, but I won’t make you stay. I hope things go well for you in Cana.”

“Yeah, sure. Stay out of trouble.” Judas stood up and put a hand on Jesus’s shoulder, looking at his warm brown eyes for the last time. “I mean it. I’d hate to see what would happen if Herod got his hands on you.”

Jesus did not say anything. He just looked away sadly and watched Judas walk away into the encroaching night.

---

Judas spent the rest of his week sitting at his booth and dodging Jesus and his disciples. His business did quite poorly because he relocated out of his usual alley. He told himself that it was because he was avoiding Jesus, who already knew where he worked. If that were true, he would not have chosen to set up closer to the marketplace where he knew Jesus would be spending most of his time. 

So of course he saw him, and he couldn’t help overhearing the sermon. He was pleasantly surprised that he did alter his sermon the way he had suggested, although his grasp on property culture made it clear that he did not really know what he was talking about. He even got one wealthy man to debate him. He didn’t sway any minds, but they listened. That proved Judas at least partially right, which gave him a sense of satisfaction.

When his sermon failed a third time, Jesus changed his approach entirely. The next day Judas caught him giving food and money to some working women he was familiar with. He could not begin to guess where he might have found the money to spare. The next day he returned with small wooden toys for their children. 

Jesus noticed and waved at him with an inviting smile every day. Judas pretended he had not seen him every single time. Then one day as he ate figs and bread for lunch he realized that he had not seen him all day. He must have left early after all. 

That did not make him sad. He definitely had not purchased a basket of figs to give Jesus as a farewell gift. 

Not that he would have hypothetically delivered it in person of course. He was just going to leave it at the camp for him to find it. Hypothetically. And it was only because they were so bad at financial management that he was pretty sure they were going to run out of food before they reached their next stop. He didn’t want them to go hungry. 

Annoyed by his own train of thought, Judas spat out the bite of fruit and left his booth. He wasn’t sure why he brought the basket with him. 

Judas didn’t feel this way about people. He had been stabbed in the back by his lovers enough times (and certainly badly enough) that he was sure he had lost the ability to desire anything more than casual sex. This was nothing he couldn’t walk off.

And yet… his feet weren’t taking him anywhere that made sense. It was like his legs were not his own. He needed to be farther away from Jesus. He should be going into his alleys, maybe sulking in his apartment. But he was wandering the marketplace. Were there always so many men with hair like his in town?

He tried to stop. He tried to walk back to his booth and carry on with the rest of his day. He even stopped walking altogether for a while, just standing by the city gates with a basket like a man out of his mind. Maybe that’s what he was. Something was compelling him that he had never felt before and could not begin to understand. 

He would only have left the city with nothing but a basket of fruit and a name on his lips if he were out of his mind. Only an insane man would break into a run when he saw the men packing up the camp as they prepared to leave, especially when he could see John rolling his eyes and hear him groan from a hundred yards away. That didn’t matter. Jesus was smiling at him and it was like a calling. Nothing else would ever matter the way it had before. 

“Judas!” Jesus jogged to meet him halfway. “What brings you here?”

Judas gasped for breath, embarrassed by how out of shape he must be. “I uh. I brought you these.” He held out the basket and spilled most of the figs on the ground. Clumsy.  

Jesus’s face lit up. “Thank you! These look wonderful, I’m glad you found us in time.”

Judas nodded, still catching his breath. “Glad you like it.” He was grateful that his flushed face could be attributed to being winded and not a stupid gesture that a child might think of. What kind of moron chases someone down with their favorite fruit?

Jesus stood awkwardly with the gift. “Was there anything else?”

“Do you still need a treasurer?”

Jesus grinned and hugged him, dropping the basket of fruit on the ground in his excitement. “We most certainly do, quite badly. We don’t have any money left at all.” He squeezed him tighter before releasing him. “What changed your mind?”

Judas went completely stiff in his embrace, not quite sure how to handle it. People almost never touched him. He had decided after a while it must be his sourpuss face driving them away. He pushed Jesus aside a bit gracelessly and bent to pick up the spilled fruits. “I don’t really understand it. It doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s like something compelled me. I think this is what my life has to be.”

Jesus grinned and knelt to pick up the fruits with him. “Well, my newest disciple, Judas, I can see the makings of an apostle in you. I think you found your calling.”

Judas flushed darker. “Something like that. I’m sure the others won’t be celebrating any time soon.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. We’ll all celebrate together tonight with wine. They all fight with each other constantly, you’ll fit right in. Our next stop is Bethsaida. Do you know the way?” 

Judas nodded, dumbfounded. What kind of a leader didn’t know how to follow a map? 

“Perfect.” Jesus hugged him again and picked up the basket of fruit. “You lead, and I’ll follow.”

---

My dearest cousin,

I wish this letter could find you well, but I suppose it will be an act of God if it reaches you before the festival. I miss the days when we preached together, baptizing in the Jordan all day long and then breaking bread together in the evenings. I don’t think even the waters you baptized me in can soothe the heartbreak that is coming. I am sure my tears will mingle with it soon enough.

I know you said it is too dangerous, but I am coming to see you again. I am bringing my disciples with me to Bethsaida, and then I am leaving for Machaerus to see you by myself. They will manage themselves, and I know God will not let anything hurt me too badly. I will bring as many locusts as I can hide in my pockets when I come, although I am afraid I don’t have a good way to bring you honey. 

Regarding your concerns about Judas Iscariot and the role you assume he is to have in my death. I would like to remind you that you have no reason to suspect him so unkindly. I know you are displeased that I chose to track his whereabouts and recruit him against your suspicions. I am similarly displeased that you surrendered yourself to Herod. Remember that everything is fixed. Dread it as we might, nothing will delay our fates. You must go your way, and I will go mine when God demands it. 

Your brother in everything,

Jesus 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 4 of Ruined Ambitions