We Both Don't Know What We Can Do

by Solarstorms

Summary:

Dazai and Fyodor were childhood friends, though neither of them have realized yet that fate has landed them both back in Yokohama.
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Idk how to write summaries but yeah fyozai childhood friends to rivals bc of organizations to secret relationship to eventual relationship reveal !!!!!

Updates irregularly but aiming for at least once a week

Notes:

omg it's almost summer so I'm starting a multi chapter fic !!!!!!!
End notes have my explanation for why I haven't been posting bc the curse of ao3 authors got to me 3

Chapter 1: Fractured Apart From The World

Summary:

More of a prologue but enjoy

"I've always been all alone. My parents lived with me, and there was never a shortage of people, but I'm always alone anyways.

I don't mind though, being alone is nice. I can swing as high as I want and nobody yells at me. I can run off into the forest and climb the trees.

As long as I'm at breakfast, lunch and dinner- and I come back in time for bedtime- it's all okay.

I've heard that I had to be with people as a baby, but I don't remember that, so it doesn't count as part of "always", at least to me. My first memories are all alone too. All of playing in the huge gardens at our house.

So you can't really blame me for not thinking they weren't gonna stay when they came. And I guess they didn't, well they didn't stay here. But neither did I. So I dunno if that counts. I was…eight at the time, I think."

"What happened next?" Atsushi asked, staring up at Dazai.

Dazai sighed, spinning around in their chair. "What, after they took me?"

"Yeah, where'd they take you anyways?" Atsushi questioned.

"Russia. I lived there for five years. And I never did separate from the person who stayed with me the whole time." Dazai chuckled, a glint in their eye that said that they knew something Atsushi didn't.

"Who was it??" Atsushi continued to push, she wasn't trying to be rude, he was genuinely curious.

"That's a secret for later." Dazai said, standing up and stretching. "As I, for one, have a new suicide method to try." They declared, walking out of the ADA's office with a smile, ignoring the yelling. They did go to the bridge, but instead of jumping, they just watched the sky. "I wonder if you remember those years as fondly as I do, Fyodor."

Notes:

Sorry for the short chapter, this was more like a prologue!!

So now time for the trauma lore omg 😋
I dont remember what was my last post but
I got out of a really bad relationship and didn't cope well
I moved!!!
I learned my uncle who I got along with really well had been abusing his wife
His wife came to live with us
His wife kept telling me I was acting like my uncle
So those both shook me up for a few months
My cousins parents got bad enough that two of them have come to live with us (neither of them do rn but yk) and so there was so much shit going on there w abuse and drugs and tge police being terrible
And I also learned I might have FND and that I'm a DID or OSDD system!!

Chapter 2: We're gathered here together just to play

Summary:

Dazai and Fyodors first meeting

Notes:

Shuji is Dazai's deadname, however I am still using Dazai most places, apart from where they are addressed.
I'm also still using they/them for Dazai and it/its for Fyodor even though they'd both be using she/her at this point.
Dazai is 8, Fyodor is 10.

Dazai hadn't been expecting anything today, honestly. After all, their days were generally all the same. They would be woken up and eventually drag themself out of bed and get breakfast. Then, they'd get on a comfy outfit and play outside, till they got called to have dinner with their parents. Dazai didn't like having dinner with their parents, cause it meant they had to wear a dress and do their hair and be girly.

But this routine was very much broken when they were taken upstairs and told to put on one of the nice dresses after breakfast- as well as their parents being here. Of course, they still whined about it, especially when one of the maids came and started doing their hair in braids. They didn't want braids! They liked their hair down, or in a ponytail.

Due to Dazai's incessant whining and overall making it hard for the maid, it took a few minutes longer than it would normally have to get them ready. As such, they had to deal with being scolded while following their parents to wherever they were going- Dazai hadn't been told yet.

"Shuji, you need to be polite, we can't have you looking like a rascal for this meeting." Dazai's mom said, which sparked Dazai's interest. A meeting? And they were coming? What sort? Dazai started pestering their parents with questions, which were mostly met with various versions of "Shuji, please be quiet" and "you'll see", which did not satisfy Dazai at ALL.

But they trudged along, frowning when they were sat outside the meeting room.

"I thought I got to go in?" Dazai asked, pouting slightly.

"Oh no, of course not, but you will have somebody to hang out with." Dazai's mom shook her head as she said this, though her words did excite Dazai quite a bit.

"Really?!" Dazai exclaimed, eyes lighting up. "Who? What's their name? Are they cool? Do they wanna play with me?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Dazai's mom suggested, gesturing to the other child who had just walked in.

It looked a bit older than Dazai, and was wearing a dress as well. It seemed less excited than Dazai, but the brunette didn't mind! After all, they had plenty of friends that seemed annoyed with them a lot. So Dazai ran over to the other kid, bouncing on their heels a bit.

"Hi! I'm Tsushima Shuji!" Dazai informed the older kid, looking up at it. "What's your name??"

"Fyodor Dostoevsky." The other kid- Fyodor!- had a thick accent, which only made Dazai more interested in it.

"You sound cool, wanna go outside?" Dazai asked, though since they took Fyodor's hand and started to drag it outside anyways, it wasn't really a question.

Dazai took Fyodor into the forest, eventually stopping in a small grove.

"Ta-da! This is my special faerie place!" They announced, spinning around.

"Ah, really?" Fyodor asked, though even if it knew faeries weren't real..It did look pretty fun to play with Dazai…

Dazai nodded. "Yeah!! Wanna play faeries with me??" They offered, and immediately seemed to spring into action when Fyodor nodded, finding some flower crowns and faerie wings that they kept in the grove and giving the purple ones to Fyodor.

"You can be the dark faeries queen, and I can be the light faeries queen, okay?" Dazai asked, helping Fyodor put on the faerie wings.

Fyodor let out a low "hmm" noise, before smiling. "What if, instead, we were both secret faeries, trying to assassinate the queens of the light and dark faeries?" It offered, smiling even wider.

Dazai's eyes lit up and they quickly nodded. "WOAH!!! YES!!!!" they said, clapping excitedly.

"Okay! So first we gotta make a plan." Fyodor said, starting to outline how they'd kill the queens, drawing a plan in the mud with a stick.

They played until it was starting to get dark, and Dazai informed Fyodor it was dinner time.

"...Shuji, I don't know the way back." Fyodor said, looking down at Dazai.

"Oh! Just follow me!" Dazai took Fyodor's hand, dragging it back to the house and waving to their parents.

"Ah, there you girls are. Did you have fun?" Dazai's mom asked.

Dazai nodded, smiling widely. "I wanna play with her every day!!" they said, bouncing on their heels again. Fyodor nodded along, more quiet than Dazai but still happy.

"Ah, that's wonderful." Fyodor's dad said, having seemed to have just appeared. "Tsushima-kun, me and your father have made some arrangements." He smiled, though it held no warmth.

Dazai blinked. The smile reminded them of how father would smile when they were in trouble.

"We've decided that you will be coming back to Russia with my family for your studies." Fyodors father stated, leaving no room for argument from Dazai.

"Oh." Dazai said simply. They did want to see Fyodor more but…going away?? To a whole new place? They'd seen Russia on the map, and it looked really far away…

Fyodor, on the other hand, looked excited. "Shuji, we can play again now!" It said, not really understanding why Dazai looked a bit sad.

This did serve to perk Dazai up a bit, and they offered a small smile.

"Shuji, we'll get your bags packed while you sleep, you leave in the morning." Dazai's dad stated, and Dazai nodded, saying goodnight to Fyodor and waving goodbye.

Notes:

COMMENTS ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS POOKIES <33