The Perfect Sandwich

by mobbuu

Summary:

Feeling inspired, Fei Luo embarks on a mission to make the perfect sandwich to contribute to the booming sandwich industry.

Fei Luo's hands were covered in flour. So was his rolling pin, table, floor, and, somehow, even ceiling. He was not going to be bothered by that, though. He had servants for a reason, and besides, baking came with its messes.

That's right, the King of Hell's new hobby was baking. Although he wasn't necessarily all that good at it, he enjoyed the many possibilities that came with it.

Currently, he was stuck in the middle of his most ambitious project: baking a loaf of bread. He was having a lot of trouble getting his dough to form the way he wanted it to. His dough was as hard as clay, and he had no idea why.

He scrunched his brows in frustration. Where had he gone wrong? He was sure he followed the recipe one of his ghost guards retrieved for him from the mortal realm. Perhaps this recipe was just faulty. He made a mental note to yell at that ghost guard later.

"What's cooking?"

Dong Jun suddenly made himself known and invaded Fei Luo's space, pushing him aside to investigate the mess. He slowly picked up the sorry excuse for bread dough and scrutinized it with a judgemental gaze.

Fei Luo barely had time to be surprised when Dong Jun showed up. He was accustomed to Dong Jun coming and going as he pleased within the Underworld. He pretty much lived with Fei Luo at this point.

"Um…bread." Fei Luo said in a small voice, twiddling his thumbs.

Dong Jun cast a glance at him and burst out laughing. "No need to be so shy. You've truly created something special here!"

"Stop touching it!" Fei Luo swiftly snatched his dough back from Dong Jun. Although he hated to admit it, he knew Dong Jun was right. The dough could hardly be called dough anymore. He had to restart.

"You know, I heard the sandwich industry is booming lately."

Fei Luo put his dough back onto the table and wearily eyed Dong Jun. "Sandwich industry??"

Dong Jun flicked open his folding fan and began to fan himself, all while explaining the concept of sandwiches.

"Oh, Fei Luo, you don't know?? It's the latest trending food among mortals. It is essentially a choice of meat and vegetables put between two pieces of bread."

"Huh…never heard of it." Fei Luo blinked stupidly. He had just now been distracted by Dong Jun's looks and was only half-paying attention to what he was saying.

"There's a real opportunity here," Dong Jun continued, casting a glance at the ruined bread dough on the table, "If you were to create a proper loaf and use it to make sandwiches, you could make a true profit."

Fei Luo snapped out of his daze and squinted in contemplation and confusion. "But what do I need that for? I have enough money as it is."

Dong Jun snapped his fan closed and sighed. "You truly haven't learned anything, have you? The art of baking is, of course, to share your creations with others. I think you would be sad if you were left with a pile of sandwiches and nothing to do with them."

‘I think I would just eat them..’ Fei Luo thought but did not dare to share his thoughts out loud.

But somehow, Dong Jun seemed to guess what he was thinking because he added, "Just think about all the beauties out there who crave a sandwich but are unable to get their hands on one… how sad, how sad."

Now those words caused a light to turn on in his head.

Fei Luo finally understood what Dong Jun was going on about, and he had to admit, it was a genius plan. They do say that food is the way to one's heart, after all.

"You're right! To be even more genuine, I'll go out to get the ingredients myself this time." Fei Luo started towards the door and grabbed his bamboo hat along the way. Before leaving, he turned to Dong Jun and called, "Just you wait. I'm going to create the perfect sandwich."

"Don't let me stop you!" Dong Jun waved goodbye to him. He was looking forward to going back to sleep.

 

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Fei Luo's first task was to get the ingredients for his sandwich. How, you ask? The obvious choice was to, of course, become a farmer and harvest it himself. The problem was that it takes forever to grow crops (although he might have been able to coerce Dong Jun to help if he asked but that's beside the point), so he decided that it would be easier to simply help an already existing farmer.

And so, Fei Luo found himself in front of an old man and his farm.

Fei Luo's eye twitched as he looked at the old, run-down man in front of him. ‘So ugly..’ he thought. Fei Luo usually would not be caught dead hanging around someone who looked like this, as he was the exact opposite of Fei Luo's beauty standards. Still, he did not have much of a choice here.

The old farmer gave Fei Luo a hard stare, seemingly scrutinizing his whole existence. "Well? Spit it out, boy, I don't have all day!"

Fei Luo stood there frozen for a second. It probably would have been wise to come prepared with an excuse, but he never expected the farmer to be so….outspoken. Now it was too late to turn back, so, in a panic, Fei Luo quickly began to run over what he could possibly say in his mind.

‘I want to be a farmer.’ Now that just was not true. If it were his choice, Fei Luo would just snap his fingers and get the ingredients for his sandwich instantly.

‘I would like to steal your crops, as well as all of your profits.’ He quickly shook his head and dismissed this idea. Way too egotistical.

"If you're going to be silent, you can march your little ass off my farm this instant!"

Fei Luo almost jumped from the shout and finally caved under the pressure, saying the first thing that came to his mind. "I-, can I touch your crops?"

"You want to do WHAT to my crops, boy?!"

He frantically shook his hands, "I meant pick them! Harvest them…help you to harvest them,"

Fei Luo really did not want to exist right now. He seriously should have sent down some servants to do this for him.

"So, you're saying you want a job. Hmm.." The farmer put his hand on his chin in a gesture of obvious contemplation. "Do you have any work experience?"

‘I am the king of an entire realm.’

"Oh, I help around here and there," Fei Luo laughed nervously and waved it off.

The old farmer was silent for a few breaths before finally making his choice, "Alright, but don't expect the pay to be good."

And so, Fei Luo was instantly put to work, and he had to say, he had underestimated that old farmer. Although he was fast, he had never been expected to do so much work before. Usually, if he did not want to work, he would just toss it over to his servants, and they would take care of it instead.

But that was absolutely not possible here. Not with that old man around.

"Move faster!! The vegetables at the end will be dead by the time you get to them!" The farmer called out to him, having already harvested two rows of crops while Fei Luo was halfway through his first.

Fei Luo wished death upon him and his entire family. He contemplated changing that man's fate in the Life Registry once he returned to the Underworld.

He quickly decided that all this work was not worth it. He could get what he wanted in a far more efficient way and save himself some time. If that old man wanted agility, he would show him agility.

After shoving what he had already harvested into his sleeve, he swiftly booked it across the farmland. It was as if he had teleported! He grabbed hold of the man's harvesting basket and stole it from his hands. Fei Luo indignantly stuck his tongue out at the old farmer before dashing away with the basket of vegetables.

There were some shouts behind him from the farmer, but Fei Luo was way faster than him, so the farmer was soon left in the dust.

 

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Fei Luo returned to the Underworld in his human form, basket in hand. After he fished out what he had stashed away in his sleeve and added them to the primary collection, he took a look at what he had gathered. He was pleased to see that he had conveniently snatched ingredients that may go well in this so-called sandwich: lettuce, cucumber, and onions.

He made his way to his palace, promptly ignoring his ghost guards along the way. Fei Luo had a mission to fulfill and was not about to be swept up in any more unwanted work. He sincerely hoped that Dong Jun had not messed with anything important while he was gone.

Upon returning to his kitchen, Fei Luo got to work on his second attempt at a bread loaf. Upon re-examining the recipe he used, he realized that he had accidentally forgotten the yeast. That was a little embarrassing, but he would not be bested by the same recipe twice.

Some time later, he took his finished loaf out of the oven. It was brown, not the light golden that the recipe promised.

Dong Jun, who had been in the room observing for some time, decided to speak up at that moment, "Oh dear, did you leave that in for too long?"

Fei Luo looked over at him and felt a sense of shame. Dong Jun had already seen him mess up making bread once before. If a beauty like Dong Jun thought him incapable of making a sandwich, how could he cater to all the other beauties in the world?

Dong Jun then came over and patted him on the shoulder. "Now, now, I'm sure it's not that bad."

A shiver went down Fei Luo's spine from the touch. He hesitantly looked over at Dong Jun and asked, "You really think so?"

"Sure, sure. All it needs now are the ingredients to make it a true sandwich."

Encouraged, Fei Luo began to quickly assemble his sandwich.

He sliced his bread into unequal slices. Although the outside was browner than it probably should have been, the inside was soft and fluffy. Fei Luo then grabbed pieces of meat the servants had prepared while he was out and piled them onto a single slice.

It was then time to worry about the vegetables he had stolen. Truth be told, he did not do a lot of cooking, so he was not quite sure how to go about using them. He figured that just slicing them and piling them on would be fine.

After he put on the top layer of bread, it was complete.

Fei Luo lifted the sandwich up and announced: "It is complete!! The perfect sandwich!"

"Wonderful. I'll be taking that now." Dong Jun suddenly plucked the sandwich out of Fei Luo's hands and immediately started eating it.

Fei Luo stood there in complete shock. He cried out, "Hey, that's my sandwich! I thought you said I should make sandwiches to contribute to the growing sandwich industry!"

Dong Jun barked out the kind of laugh that stopped Fei Luo's heart. "Oh, Fei Luo, you really thought that there was a sandwich industry? I merely wanted a sandwich."

Fei Luo was mortified. There was no booming sandwich industry after all. At the very least, he was able to make one beauty happy with his perfect sandwich.