Chapter Text
Sex was something neither of them had ever really considered for themselves. It was what the servants laughed about when the nights grew long, and it was what Kouen boasted about on the mornings when he woke up with tousled hair and conspicuous purple bruises lining his neck. It was pleasure and it was hurting; it was guilt and it was delight. A fallen prince, the palace had decided long ago, had no need for heirs, and so Hakuryuu had had no opportunities to partake in the mysteries of sex. Just look at him, they would all whisper with eyes drowning in pity for the scarred boy. The Crybaby Prince. His children would be weak anyhow, and submissive, and mild-mannered. None of the qualities of a true king.
Hakuryuu would smile pleasantly. It wasn’t like he disagreed. And their flawed reasoning aside, Hakuryuu had little desire for children. He was eighteen now, teetering on the precipice of manhood, yet he felt fairly comfortable having never been intimate with a woman. Certainly it was an activity he hoped to experience someday, but that someday could be as far off in the future as it wished to be. On his list of priorities as a prince and as a person, it sat quite low.
And then there was Judar. Ensnared by the ever-vigilant Al-Thamen, he too had never had the chance to explore whatever wonders physical intimacy had to offer. On the few occasions that Al-Thamen turned their watchful eyes away from him, Judar had taken a liking to exploring what his own body had to offer. Unlike Hakuryuu, the young magi had a fire raging in the depths of his stomach. He was hungry, but not for anyone in particular. Anyone at all would be fine, really. Man, woman, or otherwise – Judar wasn’t picky. He just wanted to dull the ache of desire that had made itself at home in his body and his thoughts as of late.
Though the subject had a nasty habit of worming its way into their heads at the most inconvenient of times, they had never talked about it with each other. There was no need. They were friends – no, something less than friends, but more than acquaintances. The topic never arose, or it hadn’t, until Judar decided to outstay his welcome in Hakuryuu’s bedroom.
It was the dead of the night, and Judar and Hakuryuu were the only two souls awake in this wing of the Imperial Palace. They had been sitting on the floor of Hakuryuu’s small chamber for the past few hours, catching each other up on what they had been doing while they had been apart. Judar, as usual, found a way to dominate the conversation, but Hakuryuu didn’t mind. He was tired, and his stump of an arm ached, and he was trying to ignore the strange flicker of concern in Judar’s eyes whenever the magi glanced at his wooden prosthetic.
“So that’s what I’ve been up to,” Judar finished with a yawn. Hakuryuu blinked away his embarrassment at the fact that he had completely spaced out during the latter half of Judar’s tale.
“Sounds interesting.” He managed a grin. In truth, he himself had been swallowing back a yawn almost the entire time. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed soon, so.” With his good hand, Hakuryuu motioned to the door.
Judar heaved a long-suffering sigh and dismissed him with a wave. “Listen, Hakuryuu, it’s so laaate,” he whined, lips stretching into another wide yawn. “I’m too tired to waste my magoi on getting back to my room.”
Hakuryuu raised an eyebrow. “Ever heard of walking?” he said. Judar shot him a glare that would have burned holes in a lesser man.
“Let me sleep in your room tonight,” the magi pleaded, sticking his bottom lip out in a feeble attempt to appear more sympathetic. Hakuryuu couldn’t bite back his laughter.
“You might have fooled Sinbad,” he said; see, he had been listening, at least to the first portion of Judar’s story, he swore! “But you can’t fool me. I know you too well.”
Judar huffed. “Then you should know that I always get my way.”
And that was that. Hakuryuu didn’t have the energy to continue arguing. He stepped behind a screen to pull on some nightclothes and blew out his lantern before falling face-first into the soft arms of his bed.
It didn’t take long for Judar to join him, flopping directly onto the prince’s back and jolting him out of the grey darkness of almost-slumber.
“Y’know, it’s funny,” Judar said, stretching across an indignant Hakuryuu like a cat. “Suddenly I’m not tired at all.”
“Well, I am,” Hakuryuu snapped. He buried his face in his pillow and kicked his leg upwards, hitting Judar square in the chest. The magi yelped and flinched away.
“Come on, Hakuryuu,” Judar laughed. “Going to sleep already? Don’t be boring.”
Hakuryuu froze. He knew that tone of voice. That was the tone of voice Judar used when he wanted something for which he knew he shouldn’t be asking. It was the tone of voice he used when he was trying to goad Hakuryuu into doing something reckless, something bad. Propping himself up, Hakuryuu squinted at Judar in the moonlight.
“You want something,” Hakuryuu stated. “What is it?”
Even in the relative darkness of his room Hakuryuu could tell Judar was smiling. And it wasn’t a nice smile. He wasn’t sure if Judar was even capable of nice smiles.
“You ever think about sex?” Judar asked innocently, or as innocently as someone like Judar could manage. He twirled a stray lock of black hair around his finger.
“No. Yes. Maybe, I—“ Hakuryuu sputtered. He didn’t know what he had expected, but it surely wasn’t this. He hoped in vain that the room was dark enough to conceal the red spreading across his cheeks. “I have more important things to think about, like the fact that I have an important event to be at tomorrow, and you’re keeping me up.”
“That didn’t answer my question.” Judar’s voice was all fire now, his expression turned serious in the blink of an eye.
But Hakuryuu didn’t have an answer. Or, at least, he didn’t have the kind of answer that Judar wanted to hear. Because, sure, he thought about sex. But he mostly thought about it in the context of heirs. Of which he would have none. And that answer wasn’t exciting enough to quell the curiosity brimming in Judar’s eyes. So he shrugged and replied, “Sure. Doesn’t everyone?”
“Probably,” Judar admitted. He leaned in close, too close, so that his long, thin nose just barely brushed against Hakuryuu’s own. “Y’know, I’ve never done it either.”
Taken aback, Hakuryuu swallowed but made no move to distance himself from the overzealous magi. “Either? How do you know I haven’t?” he asked.
Now it was Judar’s turn to shrug. “Wild guess? …No, that’s a lie. Someone like you wouldn’t have done it yet.”
Hakuryuu chose to ignore what appeared to be an insult. “And you?” he challenged, defiance leaking into his tone once again. “You’re twenty or…something. Surely you have plenty of experience in that…area of expertise.”
For a moment Hakuryuu could not discern what kind of look passed over Judar’s features. He had known the magi for nearly his entire life, but never once had Judar worn this kind of expression. But, as he studied his face with eyes now more adjusted to the gloom, he wondered if it could possibly be embarrassment.
“Well, that doesn’t matter anyway,” Judar told him, flipping his braid over his shoulder.
“Yes, it does.”
“It doesn’t!” Judar protested. “That’s besides the point. And either way, don’t you think it would be best to practice first? You know, you’re already eighteen and you haven’t done it yet and I’m…I’m older than you, dammit, so…!”
If Hakuryuu hadn’t been so wrapped up in his smugness over seeing Judar embarrassed for the first time, he might have blanched at the foolish suggestion. But as it was, he laughed it off.
“You can’t be serious!” Hakuryuu laughed. “Go on, Judar. Get back to your own bed. Joke’s over now.”
“Yeah, about that.” Judar’s brow was furrowed in thought. He stared intently at a spot on Hakuryuu’s bed, rubbing the back of his head. “Wasn’t a joke.”
“That’s almost worse,” Hakuryuu muttered quietly enough that he felt fairly certain that Judar couldn’t hear. A serious Judar was…unnerving, to say the least. But what was more unnerving was the fact that, in the back of his mind, some part of Hakuryuu was actually considering taking the boy up on this offer.
He mulled it over. To some extent, he trusted Judar. They had known each other for a long time. Even if he had done some unforgiveable things, Hakuryuu had to admit that a great deal of it wasn’t the direct fault of the magi, but of the influence of Al-Thamen tainting his mind. And it wasn’t like they were in love, or anything that would complicate matters. No strings attached was a phrase that came to mind.
The only con he could come up with was that it might be awkward, what with the lack of a strong emotional bond and all. And what do you say to a friend after you share something as deep as that with each other? Would they be able to meet each other’s eyes? Would anything change between them?
Hakuryuu rubbed his eyes. The tiredness had dulled, replaced by confusion and the smallest spark of excitement. He was spurred on by his curiosity, and he figured Judar was much the same.
“I’m interested too,” Hakuryuu said after the long pause. Judar had been silent all the while, still staring at that same spot on the bed, but his eyes met Hakuryuu’s when he heard him speak. “So maybe it would be okay to practice, so that when I meet my empress I’ll be prepared.”
“Any king of mine needs to be experienced, after all,” Judar added with a smirk, and Hakuryuu disregarded the tiny bubble of warmth that rose in his stomach at the word mine.
What he noticed first was the softness of Judar’s touch. Judar was a man of sharp edges and hard lines, but when he cupped Hakuryuu’s chin and guided him in for a kiss, his hands felt tender, even warm.
The second thing he noticed was how unsure Judar seemed to be. It looked foreign on him, this hesitancy. His hands were here, and then there, and their lips met clumsily and with none of the grace Judar usually possessed. It was painfully clear that neither of them had a clue what they were doing.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Hakuryuu said, pulling away to wipe his mouth on his sleeve.
“Ha!” Judar scoffed. “You think I’ll give up that easily?”
Hakuryuu glared. This felt awkward. He wondered if Judar had picked up on it as well. Something just wasn’t clicking. It was neither of their faults, but it felt strange nonetheless. Maybe for this to work, one of the members had to have more experience than the other so they wouldn’t just be fumbling around in the dark.
But before he could dwell on it much further, Judar was kissing him again, and this time with more passion than before. Had kisses been part of the deal? Hakuryuu didn’t think so. But perhaps Judar was just a bit more educated on this subject. Perhaps kisses were an invaluable part of the whole process and oh, what was he doing with his tongue—
“Do you want me to stop?”
Hakuryuu blinked up at Judar and shook his head. “What?”
“You were making a weird face. Like this.” Judar scrunched up his nose in a mocking imitation of Hakuryuu’s expression. “Thought you didn’t like it.”
“I liked it just fine.” He still hadn’t gotten over how odd it felt to judge whether or not a kiss was good; after all, he didn’t have much of a basis of comparison. But Judar tasted sweet, like peaches, and he seemed enthusiastic enough. This time Hakuryuu leaned forward to initiate the kiss. Judar reciprocated, gently parting Hakuryuu’s lips with his tongue and picking up where he left off. Hakuryuu hadn’t expected it to be so wet. It reminded him of the time Judar had dared him to eat a slug, and he’d gotten it halfway down his throat before someone had rushed in to stop him.
Okay, so this wasn’t that disgusting. Judar was a great deal more pleasant than a slug. In fact, now that he was getting used to the sensation, it was starting to feel good. Really good. And when Judar wrapped his arms around Hakuryuu’s neck and cradled his head, it started to feel even better.
After a few moments of the same, Judar caught Hakuryuu’s bottom lip between his teeth, dragging a soft sound out of the prince. They pulled apart, noses touching again, and Judar regarded him with a blend of mischief and desire. That combination made Hakuryuu’s stomach turn. Under Judar’s gaze, he felt naked, regardless of the fact that he was still fully clothed. No one had ever looked at him with such intense longing before. He couldn’t decide whether he was immensely uncomfortable, or secretly in love with the feeling of being wanted. Even if the one doing the wanting was Judar.
“What,” Judar said, and Hakuryuu realized that he had been returning Judar’s stare. He bowed his head so that Judar couldn’t see the grin forming on his face. Stupid. He felt stupid for grinning. For even giving in to Judar’s whims in the first place.
“It’s nothing. Just…this is all new to me.”
Judar bit his own lip, and Hakuryuu felt the warm bubble floating in his stomach grow warmer. “You’re so…so…” the magi stuttered. He offered up a sheepish smile. “Agh, it’s no use. Suddenly I can’t remember what I was going to say.”
He leaned in to kiss Hakuryuu once more with a certain violence, a ferocity that hadn’t been present before. Now that Hakuryuu knew what to expect it was easier to fall into sync with Judar, and he twisted his hands into the magi’s clothing, trying to pull him impossibly closer.
It was when Judar moved away from Hakuryuu’s mouth and began to plant kisses down his neck that Hakuryuu first felt the hot coil of arousal stir inside of him. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it was something he considered private. To experience it with another person seemed an alien concept. How did people do this on a regular basis? Surrender their bodies and put themselves completely at the mercy of another? He couldn’t deny that it was nice to have Judar here for their first time. At least he wasn’t a stranger, unlike many of Kouen’s partners.
When Judar paused to peel off his clothing, Hakuryuu wondered if he should look away. But it wasn’t like it mattered anyhow and, besides, Judar had always been completely shameless. He kept his eyes pointed straight ahead and said nothing while Judar undressed, pushing back the anxiety that rose in his throat when he realized that he would soon be exposed as well.
“Are you really comfortable with this?” he asked as Judar carelessly tossed his clothes to the floor.
“Am I supposed to be uncomfortable?” Judar retorted. “I mean, with a good-looking guy like me, what’s there to be ashamed of?” As if to prove his point, Judar poked at the abdominal muscles he had been working so hard on.
“Shut up; you know I didn’t mean your looks. I meant the whole situation. You’re not scared or something?”
Judar reclined with his arms behind his head, seemingly unconcerned with his current state of nudity. “Or something,” he told Hakuryuu. “But no, why should I be? I can’t think of anyone better to practice with than my precious little king.”
There it was a third time, that ever-expanding warmth in his stomach. It was different from his arousal, which was still present but beginning to fade. Hakuryuu couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was that was causing that feeling, but he didn’t want it to stop. He wanted it to continue to expand until it filled every corner of his body, even if it consumed him entirely.
“That’s fair,” he said, his throat suddenly dry. Now that Judar was unclothed, the mood had shifted. Hakuryuu instinctively knew that once he laid hands on the magi’s bare skin, he wouldn’t be able to turn back.
“So,” Judar yawned, pushing himself back up into a sitting position, “are we gonna do this or what?”
Sucking in a deep breath, Hakuryuu laid his good hand on Judar’s bare stomach, which contracted under his touch. “What should I do?” he asked. He wasn’t confident that Judar knew any better than he did, but it wouldn’t hurt to turn to him for guidance.
“Whatever you want?” Judar offered, raising an eyebrow. “Just like when you do it yourself, I guess.”
Heat rose in Hakuryuu’s cheeks. “I’ve never done that,” he admitted. His jaw clenched when Judar snorted in disbelief.
“Really? Not even once?”
Hakuryuu shook his head. Shockingly, Judar’s tone seemed more surprised than patronizing. “Huh,” said the magi, scratching at the bridge of his nose. “So I guess I am more experienced.”
“It’s not a competition.”
“Says who?!”
Hakuryuu refrained from rolling his eyes. They were both stalling out of reluctance; at this rate they’d be lucky if one of them made a move by the time the sun peeked through the windows of Hakuryuu’s room.
“Whatever,” Hakuryuu said after a beat, letting Judar win their faux squabble. Despite his fear, he was eager for something to happen, even if that something was a mutual decision to call it off. Impatience crackled in his ribcage. Judar was no longer gazing at him with desire in his eyes, and he wanted to fix that.
“Anyway,” the prince continued, “maybe you can show me.” He had intended for it to come off as seductive, but his voice cracked and he hiccuped over his words. Judar hid a laugh behind his hand.
“Yeah, yeah,” he chirped, dragging Hakuryuu in for a kiss. They fell together perfectly now, with only minimal fumbling. Hakuryuu felt Judar’s smile as their mouths moved together. It was a good feeling. He could get used to this.
Wait, what? What in the world was he thinking? Disturbed by that thought, Hakuryuu accidentally bit down too hard when his teeth grazed against Judar’s lip. Judar touched a slender finger to his mouth and blinked at the blood that came away with it. To the surprise of them both, the magi suddenly found himself incredibly aroused.
Hakuryuu nodded. “Good to know,” he commented, and Judar stuck his tongue out like a child, a thin trail of blood dripping down his chin.
When Hakuryuu kissed him again, he tasted iron.
It only took a few more minutes after that for Judar to become fully erect, and although the magi had no sense of humiliation whatsoever, Hakuryuu saw it as unfair that he remained clothed while Judar lay there as naked as the day he was born. He cast his clothes aside with little ceremony and sat opposite Judar with his scars bared. If Judar had seen the extent of his scarring before, Hakuryuu couldn’t remember. But he knew, somehow, that Judar would be the last person in the world to judge him for them.
“Ah,” Judar inhaled, scanning the length of Hakuryuu’s body. He opened his mouth as though he had more to say, but shut it and swallowed down the words. The look he gave Hakuryuu was not one of judgment or pity, but of something Hakuryuu could not name. Before he could analyze it further it was gone, and desire once again flickered in the magi’s eyes.
Judar handled him with even greater care now, one hand tracing the outline of his burns while the other smoothed the hair out of his face. Hakuryuu wondered what his cousins would say if they saw their Lord Priest like this, so tender and passionate and so unlike his usual cruel and arrogant self.
When one of Judar’s hands strayed too far downward, Hakuryuu emitted a quiet groan. Not only was he more turned on than he had ever been in his life, but that other, softer warmth had returned and was pulsing through his veins with an unprecedented intensity. He wrapped his arms around Judar and ran a thumb over the smooth skin of his back, thankful that the magi didn’t seem to mind the rougher texture of his wooden arm.
“Hakuryuu,” Judar whispered. His name had passed between Judar’s lips countless times, but never had it sounded so much like a prayer. Hakuryuu’s skin prickled. “Hakuryuu. Hakuryuu. Let me touch you.”
All Hakuryuu could offer in response was a nod. He was afraid that if he spoke he would say all the strange and fevered things the night had planted in his mind, so he didn’t speak at all.
Judar curled his fingers around Hakuryuu’s length, and he gasped involuntarily, taken aback by how good it felt to feel friction where no friction had been before. It was becoming clearer now why his older cousin spoke so highly of physical intimacy. This was nice. More than nice. Sublime. No, less than sublime, but certainly close. Certainly close.
As Judar increased the speed of his hand, Hakuryuu had to lean forward and dig his teeth into his shoulder to keep himself from crying out. Judar winced but continued at the same pace, thrilled at the reaction he was getting.
“Does it feel good, Hakuryuu?” he breathed, excitement apparent in his voice. Hakuryuu’s fingernails dug deeper into Judar’s back at the sound of his own name. For a second Judar released his grip to reposition himself and Hakuryuu wondered if he was going to die right there and then if that feeling didn’t return. But Judar had merely paused so that he could take them both at the same time, which felt, impossibly, even more exhilarating.
Tension gathered in Hakuryuu’s stomach. He felt as though he were on the edge of something; he wasn’t sure what, but he wanted to jump over it nonetheless. And Judar’s breathing had become more labored too, his eyelids squeezed shut. The magi let out an indulgent moan and managed to thrust his hips upward once before he was coming into his hand and across Hakuryuu’s stomach. A curse slipped out of him.
Curious about the wet sensation, Hakuryuu pulled back just enough to catch a glimpse of some silvery liquid smeared over his skin. He was about to question it when he came too, very suddenly and without warning. He was unable to hold back the cry that shook through his body, but Judar pressed his free hand to his mouth to stifle it.
“You’re so loud,” Judar complained loudly. Hakuryuu pushed his hand away. He wanted to scowl but everything felt so distant, like the air itself had grown heavy, and his head was spinning with elation.
“Ugh,” Hakuryuu replied. He rested his chin on Judar’s shoulder, much to the magi’s chagrin. “Let me rest for a little bit.”
“Nah. We’re done now. That’s all.” But he didn’t sound done. Beneath his playful, teasing tone, he sounded regretful, like there was a great deal of unsaid things stuck to the roof of his mouth and he couldn’t quite force them out into the open. And he made no move to push Hakuryuu away, opting instead to gently lower the both of them back onto the pillows at the head of the bed. As soon as his body was horizontal Hakuryuu was asleep, still floating on the wings of ecstasy while Judar remained awake, staring at the door.