Chapter 1: Bg info
Chapter Text
Hihihi heres some bg info before anything happens
- This is set in a college/modern au, everyone besides Kyouka and Kenji are 21, they are both 16 and in highschool
-Kyouka is Atsushis little sister(adopted)
-Ranpo and Yosano are siblings, both adopted by Fukuzawa
-Fukuzawa and M*ri are the college presidents, they'll only be mentioned briefly
-The agency, mafia, AOD/Rats, etc etc are student council groups that have a rivalry but are pretty chill with each other
-Some of them live on campus, others dont, will make a dorm list next chapter
-They don't have their abilities in this(Rashomon is a snake, Arahabaki is a doberman pinscher, DemonSnow and whatever Kouyous demon thing is named are cats, Beast Beneath the Moonlight is also a cat)(Also might make Crime&Punishment two rats bc i want Fyodor to have pet rats)
-There will be some ships in this btw, mainly SKK, Ranpoe and whatever tf Fyodor/Nikolai/Sigma is called, but its not super relevant it'll just be mentioned from time to time, maybe make SKK a side plot bc angst is yummy
-Gonna try to keep everyone in character somewhat but also keep shit silly goofy so yk if mfs are ooc sorry
-shit grammar and spelling bc i cant read( possibly dyslexic gang rise up😎) and also thats how me and my friends type in our gc
Anyways thats all for now might add some shit later dorm layout next chapter
Chapter 2: Dorm layouts bbg
Summary:
cock dick ballin
Notes:
probably forgot some characters imma be so fr💀
Chapter Text
Lmk if i forgot any bitches
(also these aint ships it just who lives with who)
-Kunikida and Dazai
-Yosano and Ranpo
-Astushi lives in a off campus apartment with Kyouka
-Kenji lives on a farm with his parents
-Chuuya and Tachihara
-Ryuu and Gin
-Kouyou lives off campus in a house
-Poe lives off campus in a fucking mansion
-Tanizaki and Naomi live with their parents off campus(NO INC*ST SHIT WITH THEM BTW IM PRETENDING IT DOESN'T EXIST TYTY)
-Fyodor and Nikolai, and also Sigma 99% of the time bc he doesn't give a shit(He has an apartment off campus)
-Higuchi has an apartment off campus
-Jouno, Tecchou, and Teruko live off campus together in a apartment
Chapter Text
AGENCY RAHHHH
(6:07pm)
Bandage whore: @everyone guys i have a quetsion
Father figure: idk what it is but no
Bandage whore: I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO ASK?
Father figure: no
Wannabe mc: what is it dazai
Bandage whore: ty astushi
Bandage whore: so guys i was thinking what if i amde a gc with like us and the mafia group
Bandage whore: but it can also be a thing where anyone can add whoever they want
Wannabe mc: thatd be cool :)
Dr mommy: go for it
Dr mommy: just no fighting please im not in the mood
Bandage whore: BET TY I'LL MAKE IT 2NIGHY
Father figure: leave me out of it
Bandage whore: no
Bandage whore: 🥰
Fathere figure: im going to bed fuck you
Father figure: have a good night everyone besides Dazai
Bandage whore: BRO ITS LIKE 6PM
Bandage whore: PEEPAW SOUNDIN ASS
coolest bitch here: he has to sleep before his peepaw joint pain becomes too much :((
Bandage whore: LMAO
Wannabe mc: yall r so fuckin mean wth
Bandage whore: no we arent
Coolest bitch here: its kunikidas fault
MAFIOSOSSSS
(6:20pm)
Traitor: heyyyyy
Traitor: @everyone
Asthma: go away
manwhore hatrack: fuck you kys
Traitor: you guys are so sweet🥺🥺🥺
Traitor: anyways im adding you all to a gc with the agency
Traitor: just fyi
Asthma: no.
Better akutagawa: do it
Asthma: NO SHUT UP
Better akutagawa: DO ITT
Traitor: Gin ur my favorite fr
Better akutagawa: ❤
Traitor: anyways byebyeeee see uou mfs in the gc
Manwhore hatrack: DIE
Chapter Text
Dazai created 'Dazai's Server'
Dazai changed server name to "Hom(o)ies"
Dazai added @ChuuyaNaka @Kunikida @RyuuAku and others
(7:09pm)
Dazai: heyyyy
ChuuyaNaka: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE
Dazai: hey bbg how r uu
ChuuyaNaka: Ill kill you
Dazai: thats hot
ChuuyaNaka: .
@ChuuyaNaka left
@Dazai added @ChuuyaNaka
@ChuuyaNaka left
@Dazai added @ChuuyaNaka
@ChuuyaNaka left
@Dazai added @ChuuyaNaka
Dr Yosano: CAN YOU TWO FUCKING QUIT OMG
Dazai: sorry best friend :((
ChuuyaNaka: blame Dazai he wont stop adding me
Dazai: you wont stop leaving
ChuuyaNaka: AND HOW BOUT I JUST FUCKING BLOCK YOU
ChuuyaNaka: TF YOU GONNA DO THEN??
Dazai: dont lie ud never do that
ChuuyaNaka: fuck uou
Dazai: i mean if you insist😳
ChuuyaNaka: STOP
ChuuyaNaka: I HATE YOU
Tachihara: wtf is this
ChuuyaNaka: check the mafiosos gc
Tachihara: OHHH
Tachihara: nicee
Tachihara: whos all here
ChuuyaNaka: idfk ask Dazai
Dazai: uhhh Kunikida, Astushi, Yosano, Ranpo, Junichiro, Naomi, Chuuya, Tachihara, Gin, Ryuu, Higuchi
Dazai: thats everyone on my list so far but yall can add others to
Tachihara: dont know half of thise ppl but okay ty
Dazai: yw
RyuuAku: i don't want to be here
Dazai: skill issue
GinAku: cope
RyuuAku: Gin dont join the traitor
GinAku: too late cry abt it
RyuuAku: ur sleeping outside tonight
GinAku: WTF
GinAku: @tachihara @ChuuyaNaka guys my brother is actually super mean and evil and cruel can i sleep over at ur place :(((
Tachihara: yea you need to get away from ur mean and scary brother hes so mean and stinky and ugly
RyuuAku: ILL SKIN YOU
GinAku: SEE GUYS MY BROTHER IS ACTUALLY MEAN AND CRAZY AND NEEDS TO BE PUT IN A PRISON
RyuuAku: FUCK YOU ALL GO DIE
Dazai: ur such a strong and brave soldier Gin keep fighting the cops will catch him someday😔
GinAku: 💔💔💔
Dazai: anyways i gtg mean and astushi r going to a cafe yall can fight or whatever idc
Dazai: also change ur names to just what u go bye please and ty since not everyone knows each other
GinAku: can i change mine to akutagawa since im the better one
RyuuAku: I HATE YOU
RyuuAku: and dont you dare itll get so confusing
GinAku: truetrye
GinAku: im still better than you
RyuuAku: i didn't ask
RanpoEdogawa: damn u mfs feisty
RyuuAku: who are uou
RanpoEdogawa: ranpo
RyuuAku: no fucking shit
GinAku: i think i have math with him
GinAku: are you that kid who called the teacher and idiot
GinAku: and you also always have candy
RanpoEdogawa: lmao yea thats me
GinAku: nicee
ChuuyaNaka: aint u the presidents son
RanpoEdogawa: yuppp thats my dad 😎
Tachihara: M*RI HAS A SON????
ChuuyaNaka: no you fucking moron fukuzawa does
ChuuyaNaka: i think he has a daughter to
RanpoEdogawa: yea thats @Dr Yosano
Tachihara: damn i didn't know he had kids
Dr Yosano: we are adopted
RanpoEdogawa: fatherless
Dr Yosano: YOU ARE TO BITCH
RanpoEdogawa: or am I
Dr Yosano: putting arsenic in your snacks
RanpoEdogawa: extra flavor
Notes:
they all changed their names after this bc im not typing out their users im fuckin lazy
Chapter 5: Chuuya spreading that gay agenda😒
Summary:
its bc hes a ginger😔
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(4:38pm)
Dazai: @Chuuya BRO WHERE ARE YOU
Chuuya: HUH
Chuuya: BITCH WHERE ARE YOU??
Dazai: IN CLASS???
Chuuya: ME TOO???
Dazai: C H U U Y A.
Dazai: WE HAVE TECH TOGETHER
Dazai: YOU ARE NOT IN TECH
Chuuya: wait
Chuuya: OH
Chuuya: I DID NOT TYPE MY SCHEDULE RIGJT UM FUCK
Dazai: DUMBASS HOE
Chuuya: STFU
Chuuya: where is tech
Kunikida: next to the downstairs mens restroom
Kunikida: same hallway that you go down to get to the cafeteria
Chuuya: ty
Dazai: GET UR ASS OVER HERE
Chuuya: I AM STFU
Dazai: DUMBASS
Chuuya: FUCK YOU
Dazai: later im in class rn
Chuuya: what
Dazai: what
Yosano: ew gay ppl
Dazai: ur literally a lesbian
Yosano: no i like cock
Dazai: stop lying thats toxic
Chuuya: pussy lover smh
Chuuya: cant relate
Dazai: we get it ur gay chuuya you dont have to shove it down our throats😑
Yosano: yea stop trying to spread that gay agenda😒
Chuuya: UR LITERALLY A LESBIAN AND DAZAI UR LITERALLY BI
Dazai: Yosano quick hide hes trying to push his queerness onto us😨😨
Yosano: we are being attacked😭
Chuuya: LITERALLY DIE
Chuuya>Dazai
(4:47)
Chuuya: where r u sitting
Dazai: omg y-you wanna sit next t-to m-m-me!??😳😳😳🥺🥺😭😭❤❤👉👈
Chuuya- nope not anymore
Dazai: NOOO
Dazai: im in the back left corner
Dazai: im staring right at you
Dazai: OTHER LEFT YOU STUPID SLUG
Dazai: hiii
(5:06pm)
Dazai: hey bbg
Chuuya: wtf
Dazai:😏
Chuuya: why r u dming me im literally right next to you
Dazai: why not
Chuuya: ur so weird
Dazai: says the ginger
Chuuya: LITERALLY WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING
Dazai: it has to do with everything
Chuuya: I'll beat the shit out of you rn
Dazai: kinky
Chuuya: literally kys
Dazai: only if youll do it with me bbg😘
Chuuya: STOP
Chapter 6: emo twink theater kid
Summary:
guys i dont think you understand how much i love poe he has like barely any screen time but hes so silly
also pushing my trans masc chuuya and fem nonbinary Gin headcanons bc nobody can stop me💪
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(10:42pm)
Ranpo: @Dazai hey you said we can add whoever we want rigjt
Ranpo: @Dazai
Chuuya: he said yea
Ranpo: ofc you two are together😒
Chuuya: BRUH STFU WE ARE STUCK IN TRAFFIC AND HIS PHONE IS DEAD
Ranpo: oooh be prepared to get back at like 2am
Chuuya: why that specific time
Ranpo: i dunno thats just what came to mind
Chuuya: okay well now Dazai is panicked and is saying "god damnit" repeatedly
Ranpo:🤷♂️
Chuuya: tf
Chuuya: whatever
Ranpo: anyway im gonna add my bf
Yosano: another queer to the mixture
Yosano: he's the one that you always go to the library with right
Ranpo: yea Ed
Yosano: I like him he's nice :)
Ranpo: he is!
@RanpoEdogawa added @E.A.Poe
@RanpoEdogawa changed @E.A.Poe's nickname
Ranpo: Hi Ed :]]]
Poe: hello ranpo dear
Yosano: hey Poe
Poe: oh hello ms yosano :)
Poe: how are you?
Yosano: im good :)
Ryuu: are you that kid who walks around with a raccoon
Poe: oh yes that is me, have we met before?
Ryuu: your raccoon bit my sibling
Poe: oh
Gin: stfu ryuu
Gin: its okay new person it didn't hurt
Ryuu: I hope it gave you rabies
Gin: CAN YOU BE NICE FOR ONCE PLEASE YOU COULD ATLEAST TRY TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION
Ryuu: i dont care for first impressions.
Astushi: okay emo
Ryuu: HOW IS THAT EMO???
Gin: everything you do is emo
Ryuu: you are literally more emo than me
Higuchi: you only wear black and listen to edgy music
Higuchi: Gin looks like a normal person off campus
Gin: you constantly look like you just came out of a My Chemical Romance edit
Astushi: LMAOWHDHHA
Ryuu: blocked
Gin: thats very transphobic of you
Ryuu: DONT YOU EVEN
Gin: #cancleRyuuAkutagawa #transphobe
Ryuu: I fucking hate you
Poe>Ranpo
(10:57pm)
Poe: your friends fight a lot
Ranpo: its all fun and games dw
Poe: oh okay :)
Poe: would you like to come with me to the cafe tomorrow? I need to get some writing done and I figured you might want to come as well
Ranpo: yea ofc :]
Ranpo: see u tomorrow I'll wait outside for u
Poe: alrighty
Poe: night dear
Ranpo: night ilyyy
Poe: I love you too :)
Hom(o)ies
(2:26am)
Dazai: ANW IM JUSTUNF FUCJMG GETTOMG HOMEE AT 2 AMN ASAHHHHHHH
Dazai: WEVERE BEEN INBV TRAFC FORR HOURSS IM SO FTIRD
Dazai: i wnadvfa knss
Ryuu: pardon
Chuuya: "Naw Im just now getting home at 2 am ahhhhh" "We've been in traffic for hours im so tired" "I wanna kms"
Ryuu: oh
Dazai: kunjiikdea lokcjed me eout anow im bstgck withi thiss ugkit ass dogg
Dazai: hiss roomncqter his chil thotfh
Chuuya: "Kunikida locked me out and now I'm stuck with this ugly ass dog" "His roommate is chill though"
Poe: are they high?
Chuuya: no just tired
Ryuu: im convinced he's constantly high
Chuuya: prolly is
Chuuya: also whos that
Ryuu: Ranpos boyfriend
Ryuu: I think Dazai knows him
Chuuya: Dazai said "scrawny dude with funky creature on his shoulders" is this description correct
Poe: yes pretty much
Chuuya: wtf is the creature then
Poe: Karl :)
Chuuya: huh??
Dazai: karrlrlv
Chuuya: ok then
Ryuu: i think thats his raccoon
Poe: he is my best and most trusted companion
Ryuu: little odd but okay
Poe: :(
Chuuya: stfu you have a whole ass snake in your dorm
Ryuu: Leave Rashomon out of this
Chuuya: smh atleast raccoons have feelings
Poe: :)
Ryuu: Rashomon has feelings
Chuuya: its a snake
Ryuu: and??
Chuuya: youre insufferable
Ranpo: shut the fuck up its 2am
Chuuya: suck my dick
Ryuu: you don't have one
Chuuya: THAT WAS JUST UNCALLED FOR BUT OKAY
Kouyou: youre mad bc hes right
Chuuya: stfu kouyou why are you even awake
Kouyou: eating out your mom
Chuuya: kys
Ryuu: wow rare kouyou appearance
Kouyou: dont get used to it I don't have time for you all
Kouyou: Chuuya tell Dazai and Tachihara I said hello
Chuuya: k
Kouyou: .
Kouyou: dont you "k" me
Chuuya: *k*
Kouyou: ...
Astushi: OOOOOO
Gin: OOOOOO
Ranpo: OOOOOOO
Chuuya: fight me bitch
Kouyou: I can send a screenshot of one of your drunk rants to me rn
Chuuya: -
Chuuya: so im gonna just go to sleep for tonight i have had a very long day fuck all of you
Gin: Kouyou in her girlboss arc
Kouyou: im always in a girlboss arc
Ranpo: yall gonna shut up now or
Gin: no
Chapter 7: Ranpo got that autism swag
Summary:
inspo for this is was a convo two of my friends were having after one got diagnosed with autism
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(11:56am)
Ranpo: she in aw of my tism
Dazai: she tism when I aw
Ranpo: when she tisms i aw
Dazai: will you be the aw to my tism👉👈
Ranpo: yes bbg🥺
Poe: is this your way of telling everyone your autism diagnosis
Ranpo: yeah
Dazai: tbh/yippie creature
Ranpo: AHDJAGR
Dazai: say yippie rn
Ranpo: yippie
Dazai: ty
Poe: you have very strange friends ranpo dear
Ranpo: they r just silly
MAFIOSOSSSS
(1:43pm)
Better Akutagawa: hey guys
Better akutagawa: i have a teensy wee little problem
bandaid e-boy: what is it
Better akutagawa: some like um none of you guys have seen a 4 foot pitch black snake have you
bandaid e-boy: .
bandaid e-boy: why do you ask
Asthma: GIN?????
Better akutagawa: NO REASON EVERYTHING IS FINE IM JUST WONDERING
Asthma: IM COMING HOME RN
Better akutagawa: UM DONT DO THAT IM CLEANING
manwhore hatrack: you better pray on your hands and knees that snake shows up before he gets there
Hom(o)ies
(1:56)
Kunikida: why in gods name did I just see Ryuu run down the halls at full speed
Kunikida: what did one of you do
Astushi: im innocent
Higuchi: Gin lost his pet snake
Kunikida: HIS PET WHAT????
Astushi: so is there just some random snake slithering around the building
Chuuya: if i see it im fuckin killin it
Dazai: dw i wont let him
Dazai: I'll jsut put the snake on the top shelf
Chuuya: get hit by a car
Dazai: i wanna but Kunikida wont let me :((
Ranpo: WHO THE FUCK IS SCREAMING RN
Dazai: OOP
Dazai: Rip Gin you will be missed
Tachihara: skill issue honestly
Hom(o)ies
(2:32)
Gin: GUYS ITS OKAY I FOUND RASHOMON
Dazai: OMG UR ALIVE
Gin: yea but i have to wash the dishes for 2 months
Dazai: loser
Gin: stop projecting
Gin: anyways she had managed to escape her tank and was underneath Ryuu's bed
Chuuya: naw imagine you get out of bed to take a piss at 2am and a snake bites you
Ryuu: she doesn't bite
Chuuya: sure she doesn't
Astushi: DO ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE CREATIVE WRITING
Higuchi: I do
Kunikida: I have it
Poe: I do
Astushi: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME FOR THAT TEST ON FRIDAY PLEASE
Kunikida: okay, meet me at the cafe
Astushi: THANK YOU SM
Kunikida: no problem
Tachihara: tf u mean test on Friday
Higuchi: if youd show up for once youd know that
Tachihara: stfu this is why ryuu doesn't like you
Gin: NAW YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THERE
Chuuya: LMAOOO
Ryuu: what
Chapter 8: The damn rats are in the walls
Summary:
Fyodor is so bbg we dont talk abt his acts of terrorism
Notes:
i should stop rapidly updating this in one day but im having fun
also this is based off something me and my bestie kept doing in summer school
also shout out to fyodor for having anemia he just like me ong💪💪💪
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(4:28am)
@Dazai added @FyodorDov @Nikolaiiii and @Sigma
@Dazai changed @FyodorDovs nickname
@Dazai changed @Nikolaiiiis nickname
Dazai: heyyyy fedyaaa
Fyodor: oh fuck no
Dazai: oh fuck yes
Fyodor: I hope you have a painful death and then rot in hell
Dazai: awww pookie bear thats so sweet🥺
Fyodor: what the fuck did you just call me
Nikolai: Dazai how dare you thats my popeyes biscuit with no drink😡😡😡
Fyodor: what.
Dazai: no he's my junior whopper with onion rings😡😡😡
Nikolai: grr bark woof grr arf😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬😠😠😠
Fyodor: I fucking hate you both so much
Sigma: Nikolai you've been here for 1 minute and everyone already knows you are clinically insane
Nikolai: sigma balls
Sigma: you cant just say that every time you dont have a comeback
Nikolai: sigma balls down ur throat
Dazai: stop flirting😒
Nikolai: youre just upset i have TWO bitches and you cant even get one
Fyodor: yea hows that chuuya thing going huh
Dazai: IM BEING GANGED UP ON WHAT THE FUCK
Fyodor: cry me a river bitch boy
Dazai: anything for you baba grill😏😏😏
Fyodor: Sigma how do I leave servers
Sigma: figure it out
Fyodor: get out of my dorm rn
Nikolai: NOOO
Nikolai: >:((
Fyodor: both of you get out
Fyodor: fucking leeches
Nikolai: HOW AM I A LEECH???
Fyodor: I'm sorry who does the cooking, cleaning and pays 78% of the rent???
Nikolai: -
Nikolai: sigma balls
Fyodor: out.
Nikolai: dazai my silly little double whopper with no cheese can i stay at your place *bats eyelashes*
Dazai: ofc my little McDonalds sprite with a large fry *giggles*
Ryuu: what in gods name did i just fucking wake up to
Dazai: HAHDJAGDJFQGGRFIS
Sigma: Its Dazais fault he added nikolai to a server with other people
Ryuu: who the fuck are they
Dazai: people I met in I.S.S in hs a few years ago
Ryuu: oh
Dazai: Fyodor and I had a week long sentence together, Nikolai is his bbg and Sigma is the emotional support amnesiac
Fyodor: do not call Nikolai my "bbg" ever again
Ryuu: I just scrolled up and I
Ryuu: you freaks need serious mental help
Sigma: not even therapy can save them
Nikolai: 😋
Fyodor: die
Nikolai: I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING
Fyodor: idc
Dazai: stfu fyodor before i push you into a chair
Fyodor: fuck is that gonna do???
Dazai: you wont be able to stand up with out passing out
Dazai: you and your weak ass blood
Nikolai: HAHFKAGJDHAHJDIQYWIWND
Fyodor: I will boil you alive like a fucking lobster and feed you to my rats
Fyodor: and for the record I don't pass out every time I stand up
Sigma: you literally almost did today
Fyodor: banned from my dorm
Sigma: banned from my casino
Fyodor: banned from your memories
Sigma: banned from your life
Nikolai: dayumn that memories card was a low blow💀
Dazai: just remember silly
Sigma: thank you for this great and helpful advice Dazai
Fyodor: wow dazai you just changed his life
Dazai: im such a hero💪
Astushi: tf is goin on here
Astushi: and why this late at night
Dazai: i dont sleep
Astushi: well ik that but what abt the other people
Dazai: Nikolai never sleeps, and Fedya doesn't get sleep bc of Nikolai, and Sigma
Dazai: Idk abt Sigma I always assumed he got a lot of sleep
Sigma: thanks?
Dazai: yw
Dazai: anyways Astushi why are you awake
Astushi: Beast keeps trying to eat my hair whenever i sleep and it wakes me up
Fyodor: my pet rats do the same
Astushi: wait i recognize your name
Fyodor: ?
Astushi: did you get put in ISS during highschool plotting to erase the existence of the school
Astushi: and almost succeeding
Fyodor: yeah that was me
Sigma: look what you did to our reputation
Fyodor: what do you expect me to feel shame?
Sigma: ...
Sigma: no tbh
Fyodor: exactly
Fyodor: Im suprised thats what I'm known for
Fyodor: I thought my reputation would be the fact that I gaslit Professor Ace into quitting
Astushi: THAT WAS YOU????
Fyodor: smiling emoji
Astushi: did you just type out a emoji
Sigma: don't point it out that only encourages him
Fyodor: unamused emoji
Chapter 9: Kunikidas villian orgin story
Summary:
I really just made this to share my hc that Poe plays the violin I don't think Poe has any connection to Fyodor in canon but yk
this takes place the same morning as the last chapter btw
IF ANYONE SAW THIS CJAPTER NAMELESS NO YOU DIDN'T UR CRAZY GO TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL THAT NEVER HAPPENED I DONT FORGET TO NAME THINGS I WOULD NEVER
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(8:50am)
Poe: oh hello new people
Poe: I believe I have orchestra with one of you
Fyodor: maybe what time do you have it
Poe: 4pm
Fyodor: oh yea thats mine
Poe: thought so
Fyodor: what do you play
Poe: Violin in second chair :)
Fyodor: ohhh I know who you are
Fyodor: nice playing its very pretty
Poe: thank you :))
Dazai: holy shit fyodor not being a asshole real
Fyodor: im only a asshole to you
Dazai: homophobe😒
Fyodor: Ill call you a slur
Yosano: stfu both of you
Fyodor: why
Yosano: tf you mean why
Dazai: y
Hom(o)ies
(12:03pm)
Nikolai: just got told I look like a neopronoun
Astushi: wtf does that mean
Nikolai: idk but i agree with it
Dazai: you look like a hazbin hotel oc
Nikolai: AGHFHAGD WHAT THE FUCK
Dazai: IM RIGHT
Nikolai: I'LL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF
Dazai: 😏
Nikolai: 😏
Astushi: STOP
Astushi: VILE BOTH OF YOU
Dazai: silence furry you dont have a right to an opinion
Astushi: WHAT THE FUCK
Astushi: IM NOT A FURRY AND EVEN IF I WAS THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING
Nikolai: oooo he's getting defensive
Astushi: SHUT UP I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU
Nikolai: i like bullied you in hs
Astushi: what
Nikolai: ahem anyways
Dazai: dayumn astushi how you gonna get bullied by a mf who looks like your emo cousin
Astushi: WHAT
Nikolai: AHDHGWGRHAG
Nikolai: thats sigma not me
Dazai: you both have the white hair
Astushi: that doesn't make them my cousins
Dazai: yes it does
Astushi: kay why es
Dazai: omw to the bridge
Astushi: STOP
Dazai: 😋
Hom(o)ies
(3:42pm)
Dazai: kinda wanna just say "i love you all" at 2am one night and then watch everything burn
Dazai: whoopsies wrong chat
Kunikida: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Kunikida: IS OUR SUFFERING AMUSING TO YOU???
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Ranpo: "YOU BURNT MY HOUSE TO THE GROUND"
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Ranpo: "MY FAMILYS DEAD WHAT AM I GONNA DO???"
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Yosano: did you two just recite a tiktok audio while Kunikida has a breakdown
Ranpo: yea what abt it
Astushi: you are horrible people
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Kunikida: send that shrug emoji one more time fucker I dare you
Kunikida: I'll break down your door right now
Astushi: dazai dont do it
Dazai: 🤷♂️
Kunikida: thats it
Ranpo: naw i can hear dazais maniac laughter through the walls💀
Astushi: im so glad i dont live over there
Yosano: im filling out a noise complaint
Ranpo: ATSATAHDGAG WTF WAS THAT THUD
Ranpo: @Dazai @Kunikida BRO YOU GOOD???
Dazai: I fell :(
Kunikida: deserved
Nikolai: one of fyodors ugly stinky just rats bit me :((
Fyodor: dont talk about punishment like that
Ranpo: who tf names a rat punishment
Nikolai: fyodor
Dazai: damn not even gonna ask if im okay wow i see how it is💔
Ranpo: I would hear intense screaming from Kunikida if you weren't
Kunikida: shut your mouth
Ranpo: your fault you decided to be the dad friend
Kunikida: no im not
Astushi: you collect sad traumatized orphans and make them slightly less fatherless
Ranpo: he collects them like pokemon
Astushi: am i pokemon
Dazai: yes
Chapter 10: Nikolai is a silly little goofster
Summary:
In my AOD hyperfixation arc i love my funky gay russian terrorist, his psychotic adhd Ukrainian clown boyfriend and the emotional support amnesiac bossbitch
also thanks for the support on this i made it for the shits n giggles i didn't think itd get attention but thanks darlings<3
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(2:11am)
Nikolai: dostoy is asleep ive been waiting weeks for this opportunity
Dazai: please dont bomb the building
Nikolai: wasn't playing on it but thanks for the idea
Nikolai: anyways i saw fyodor baby talking his rats like some 40 yr old cat lady
Nikolai: just wanted to let everyone know that
Dazai: naw he gonna kill you if he sees this💀
Nikolai: worth it
Chuuya: don't even ask him for a double suicide dazai
Dazai: DAMNIT
Dazai: FUCK YOU
Chuuya: YEA UH HUH I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA ASK
Dazai: LET ME LIVE OUT MY DREAMS CHUUYA
Chuuya: NO???
Nikolai: i thought your dream was to kay why es with a beautiful lady
Nikolai: are you saying im a beautiful lady
Dazai: yes bbg😘
Nikolai:🥺
Chuuya: yk nvm you can go do that double sewer slide
Dazai: DAMN
Chuuya: and you mfs call me gay wtf is that
Dazai: HEY ATLEAST WE'RE JOKING
Nikolai: YEA YOU A HOMOSEXUAL/SRS WE HOMOSEXUALS/J
Chuuya: AND HOW DO YOU KNOW IM NOT JOKING
Dazai: you asked to make out with me while drunk
Nikolai: 👁👁
Chuuya: SHUT THE FUCK UP I WAS DRUNK IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dazai: YOU WANTED TO GO WITH ME TO A PRIDE PARADE
Chuuya: SHUT UP
Chuuya: YOU INVITED ME
Dazai: STRAIGHT ALLYS GO TO PRIDE PARADES
Nikolai: dazai stop talking we've all seen the bisexual pride flag you have in your room
Dazai: what if i just have it bc i like the colors
Chuuya: you dont even like pink or purple
Dazai: well im out of responses
Nikolai: so you admit ur gay
Dazai: never
Nikolai: gonna pull up those texts abt a certain someone you sent in fedyas dms in a hot minute
Dazai: I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASS SO QUICKLY
Nikolai: HEHEHEHOO I HAVE THE SCREENSHOTS ON HAND HEHEHEHOO
Dazai: ILL SKIN YOU
Chuuya: wait what
Chuuya: who was the certain someone
Nikolai: no one
Dazai: dw abt it
Chuuya: ?????
Dazai>Nikolai
(2:27)
Dazai: IM GONNA KILL YOU
Nikolai: IM SORRY
Dazai: NO TF UR NOT
Dazai: IK UR GIGGLING AND KICKING UR FEET RN
Nikolai: LMAO YEA I AM
Dazai: DIE
Chapter 11: maxwell
Summary:
apologies for last chapter being unifinished i had everything typed out but when i was deleting the extra spaces ig it deleted part of the words or some shit and i didn't notice mb!! i edited it but i cant remember half of what i typed out before but it makes more sense now instead of just "dazai" being at the bottom again so sorry for that im still getting used to writing on here!!!
anyways sorry if this is and the last few chapters have been unfunny or boring im brain fried atm
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(3:47pm)
Tachihara: NAW GUYS CHUUYAS GONNA GET KICKED OUT OF HERE
Dazai: HUH???
Chuuya: STFU IM NOT ITS FINE
Tachihara: BRO AHDHAHHRAS
Higuchi: WHAT DID HE DO??
Tachihara: BRO TRIED TO FIGHT SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF CLASSCAGDHHAD
Dazai: CHUUYA??
Chuuya: LISTEN IT WAS ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES FROM HS AND HE WAS TRYING TO START SHIT OKAY
Chuuya: I ACTED ON IMPULSE
Tachihara: DUDE
Chuuya: SHUT UP I DONT WANNA TALK ABT IT
Chuuya: IM NOT GONNA GET KICKED OUT ITS FINE
Fyodor: lmao i saw that it was funny
Dazai: you see everything
Fyodor: i do
Dazai>Chuuya
(4:02pm)
Dazai: you didn't break your weak baby fist landing that punch did you
Chuuya: is this your shitty bastard way of asking if im okay
Dazai: 🐌
Chuuya: im fine asshole
Dazai: good bc im outside your window
Chuuya: WTF I TOLD YOU STOP DOING THAT
Dazai: open the window slug its hot out here
Chuuya: if you weren't wrapped in bandages and wearing a trenchcoat maybe it wouldn't be so hot
Dazai: you're one to talk with all those layers you have
Chuuya: im inside your not
Dazai: exactly so let me in whore
Chuuya: fine
Hom(o)ies
(7:09pm)
Astushi: whos playing the maxwell cat theme
Ranpo: weebls stock market
Fyodor: god damnit
Fyodor: @Nikolai TURN THAT SHIT OFF
Sigma: its useless i dont think they are all there in the head rn
Sigma: they are just staring blankly at a wall
Sigma: its a little disturbing
Ranpo: honestly mood
Astushi: no
Astushi: oh my god ranpo stop
Astushi: STOP ITS SO OUT OF SYNCH
Ranpo: :)
Sigma: im leaving
Fyodor: dont you dare leave that creature alone they will burn the the building down
Sigma: nope i have to go to the casino
Sigma: the boss needs me
Astushi: aren't you the boss
Sigma: uh
Sigma: the other boss
Astushi: yeah???
Sigma: yeah
Chuuya: TURN THAT SHIT OFF BOTH OF YOU
Chuuya: ILL BOMB YOUR ROOMS
Dazai: dw guys hes just being a sore loser rn
Chuuya: I'll kill you
Dazai: youd miss me
Chuuya: says who???
Dazai: Gasp Chibi how rude of you
Sigma: not the gasp
Dazai: he hit me :(
Fyodor: good tell him to do it again
Dazai: ayo🤨
Fyodor: .
Sigma: you walked into that one
Fyodor: quiet
Dazai: little sussy of you fedya
Fyodor: what
Astushi: nah wtf💀
Chapter 12: sigma plays genshit impact😨
Summary:
pov me when i project onto sigma(genshit players how we feelin abt the confirmed eula rerun)
also Junichiro appearance bc ive been putting it off💀
kyoka and kenji will be here eventually, so will the hunting dogs i just need a better grasp on Jounos and Tecchous character
also thinking abt some Oda angst bc why not😋
Chapter Text
RATS WE'RE RATS WE'RE THE RATSSS
(1:13am)
@FyodorDos added @Dazai
King Rat: are you happy now
Dazai: yes
Jester Rat: OMG HEY DAZAI
Jester Rat: quick fedya give him a rat name
King Rat: he isn't a offical rat he doesn't get one
Queen Rat: is there a like a initiation process now
King Rat: yes
Dazai: is that sigma
Queen Rat: they gave me the queen role because of my heels
Dazai: makes sense
Dazai: what can i do to become a offical rat
Jester Rat: eat a whole block of cheese and then stick all your toes and fingers in a mouse trap
Dazai: oh that's
Dazai: thats cute
Dazai: um
King Rat: and then you have to eat rat poison
Queen Rat: dont listen to them dazai dont do it
Dazai: can the rat poison kill me
Queen Rat: NO STOP
King Rat: if youre worthy of being a rat then you'll survive
Jester Rat: just don't die silly its that easy
Dazai: just like how sigma should just start remembering things
King Rat: exactly like its not that complicated Sigma
Queen Rat: why
Queen Rat: what did I do
Jester Rat: get your hair cut like that
Queen Rat: WHATS WRONG WITH MY HAIR???
Jester Rat: .
Jester Rat: you poor poor fool
Queen Rat: WHAT???
Dazai: leave him alone you have your hair styled like a genshin impact character
Dazai: go blonde I dare you
Jester Rat: HAJDHAGDHHA
King Rat: tf is genshin impact
Jester Rat: dw abt it
Queen Rat: thats how my gambling addiction started
King Rat: is that the anime looking game i wake up to you playing at 4am every night
Dazai: NAW
Queen Rat: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Jester Rat: LMAO GENSHITTER
Queen Rat: ITS A FUN GAME OKAY
Dazai: YOU HAVE A WHOLE CASINO AND YOU STILL PLAY GAMBLING GAMES
Queen Rat: I PLAY IT FOR THE STORY
Jester Rat: thats what they all say😒
Queen Rat: LEAVE ME ALONE
Dazai: ITS OKAY SIGMABALLS I PLAY IT TO I MAIN WANDERER -chuuya nakahara
Dazai: he took my phone
Jester Rat: not you two being together
Dazai: WHAT AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SPEND TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND??
King Rat: you two are boderline roomates at this point
King: its either youre at his dorm or he's at yours
Dazai: SO?? WE JUST HOMIES ITS JUST HOMIES SPENDING TIME WITH THE HOMIES
King Rat: 😐
Jester Rat: 😐
Queen Rat: 😐
Dazai: dont look at me like that
King Rat: just kiss already this is getting sad to watch
Queen Rat: fr
Dazai: kay why es
Hom(o)ies
(10:17am)
Astushi: ANYONE WANNA MEET UP AT THE CAFE WITH ME AND KYOUKA AT NOON
Dazai: ME
Kunikida: I'll come
Junichiro: sure!
Dazai: WOAH JUNICHIRO APPEARANCE REAL?? NOT CLICKBAIT???
Junichiro: shut ive been busy with school and family things
Dazai: 🤓
Junichiro: WELL SORRY FOR NOT WANTING TO FAIL IG
Astushi: Dazai if you come along youre paying for your own tab
Dazai: im suddenly busy for the entire day wow thats crazy so sorry astushi maybe next time
Kunikida: god damn leech
Junichiro: can I bring Naomi?
Astushi: yea :D
Junichiro: sweet!
Astushi: see you guys at noon
Astushi: dazai is a freeloader - Kyouka
Dazai: DAMN OKAY
Chuuya: THATS WHAT IM SAYING
Dazai: I want a divorce💔
Chuuya: finally
Dazai: im taking full custody of the kids
Chuuya: good they ugly like you anyway
Dazai: WOW
Dazai: HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT OUR SONS
Tachihara: this shit getting juicy
Gin: its a whole telenovela
Chuuya: THEY WERE NEVER YOUR SONS TO BEGIN WITH
Tachihara: GASP
Gin: SHOCK
Dazai: DAVID HOW COULD YOU
Chuuya: DAVID??? WHOS DAVID
Dazai: I MEANT ROBERTO
Chuuya: YOU WHORE THIS IS ADRIAN
Dazai: NO BB IT WAS A MISTAKE MY PHONES AUTOCORRECT IS FRAMING ME
Chuuya: I CANT EVEN LOOK AT YOU
Dazai: SWEET SUGAR HONEY BUNNY BOO BOO BEAR IT WAS A MISTAKE I SWEAR TAKE ME BACK
Chuuya: YOU WERE HAVING AN AFAIR WITH MY BROTHER HOW COULD YOU
Dazai: WELL YOU HAD AN AFAIR WITH MY COUSIN
Chuuya: BECAUSE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY MOTHER
Dazai: BECAUSE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY FATHER
Tachihara: should we stop them
Gin: nonono im invested
Chuuya: BECAUSE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY BOSS
Dazai: MY LITTLE BURGER KING DRIVE THROUGH I PROMISE YOURE THE ONLY MAN IVE EVER LOVED
Chuuya: PINKY PROMISE
Dazai: I SWEAR ON MY LIFE
Chuuya: DAMN SHAWTY THATS CRAZY BECAUSE I NEVER LOVED YOU
Gin: DRAMATIC GASP
Tachihara: THE AUDIENCE SCREAMS
Chuuya: IM IN LOVE WITH
Dazai: WHO IS THIS MAN TELL ME
Chuuya: WITH
Dazai: WHO DARE
Chuuya: IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR TWIN BROTHER
Gin: AND THE CROWD GOES WILD
Dazai: I'LL KILL HIM
Chuuya: YOU CAN'T HE'S ALREADY FLED THE COUNTRY TO NEW JERSEY
Gin: dramatic cut as the stage goes black while dramatic music and thunder play
Tachihara: the curtain closes as the crowd whispers amongst themselves
Dazai: then we make out behind the curtain
Chuuya: me ane your evil twin brother yeah
Dazai: you cant he fled to new Jersey so youre only option is me
Chuuya: im suddenly straight
Dazai: 💔
Gin: L bozo no hoes
Chapter 13: Dazai needing therapy: a documentary
Summary:
rewatched season 2 and cried so im making it everyone elses problem(SORRY ABT THE LACK OF UPDATES FOR A HOT MINUTE BEEN SUPER BUSY TAKE FATHER FIGURE KUNIKIDA AS COMPENSATION)
next chapter is gonna be the real shit btw have fun bbgs😋
Chapter Text
Dazai>Kunikida
(3:00pm)
Kunikida: hey idiot where were and are you
Kunikida: you didn't look good this morning and you weren't in class today
Kunikida: Dazai?
(3:45pm)
Kunikida: Hello?
Kunikida: Osamu?
(4:00pm)
Kunikida: Dazai if this is a prank its not funny
Kunikida: you better have a damn good excuse for this
Kunikida: I have a class to attend but I'll be back
(5:15pm)
Kunikida: Hello?
missed call at 5:16pm that lasted for 30 seconds
Kunikida: Please just be alright
Chuuya>Kunikida
(5:20pm)
Kunikida: Excuse me do you have a moment
Chuuya: huh
Chuuya: oh aint you one of the agency pricks
Kunikida: yes i am doppo Kunikida
Kunikida: dazai's roomate
Chuuya: yea ik who you are now
Chuuya: tf you need from me???
Kunikida: I was wondering if you had seen Dazai today
Kunikida: He's usually with you if I'm not mistaken
Chuuya: oh
Chuuya: I've seen him today
Chuuya: is he not at yours dorm?
Kunikida: no he is not
Chuuya: ah fuck
Chuuya: I think I know where he is dw abt him
Chuuya: Ill text you when i find him
Kunikida: thank you I've been try to message him for over two hours today
Kunikida: he hasn't shown up to any classes and this morning he looked a bit ill
Kunikida: I wonder if he is sick
Chuuya: nope todays just a hard day for him
Chuuya: theyr never gonna admit it though
Kunikida: oh
Chuuya: ill leave explaining to him but if he doesn't bring it up dont ask him about it
Chuuya: they probably wont wanna talk about it
Kunikida: okay
Chuuya: anyway imma go hunt his ass down ill lyk if hes dead or not
Kunikida: thank you
Chuuya: nah i was gonna do it anyway
(8:13pm)
Chuuya: found em theyr at my place rn
Kunikida: are they okay
Chuuya: not particularly but he will be
Chuuya: gonna keep him at my place until hes in the self destructive clear zone
Kunikida: alright, tell him that the door is unlocked and there are left overs if he decides to come home
Kunikida: I can guess that he probably wont which is fine but just so he knows
Chuuya: aight
MAFIOSOSSSS
(8:22pm)
Bandaid e-boy: this gc and the big one wit the agency have been oddly quiet today am i missing something
Better akutagawa: oh my god
Bandaid e-boy: WHAT???
Better akutagawa: I
Asthma: check our dms you moron.
Better akutagawa: ty ryuu i was not about to explain that
Bandaid e-boy: oh
Better akutagawa: yeah
Better akutagawa: dont feel bad it doesn't get brought up a whole lot
Better akutagawa: like ever
Better akutagawa: the agency mfs are probably just as confused they just haven't said anything
Bandaid e-boy: should one of us check on him???
Asthma: chuuya is probably already doing so
Better akutagawa: yea he always does
Bandaid e-boy: why did i even ask
Kunikida>Dazai
(11:07pm)
Dazai: heyyyy
Kunikida: YOU STUPID WASTE OF GOD DAMN BANDAGES
Kunikida: I THOUGHT YOU DIED
Dazai: OH I DID NOT THINK YOU WERE AWAKE
Dazai: um yea sorry
Kunikida: I
Kunikida: seeing you say that feels wrong
Dazai: OH COME ON
Dazai: but fair
Kunikida: you feeling okay?
Dazai: yeah
Kunikida: you sure?
Dazai: yeppp
Kunikida: if you insist
Dazai: surprised you're not interrogating me about it
Dazai: thats a first and I run off a lot
Kunikida: you're forbidden lover boy told me not to ask unless you brought it up first
Dazai: aww i will never stop taunting him about this
Kunikida: this is why people don't like you dazai
Dazai: WHAT
Dazai: PEOPLE LOVE ME PARDON YOU
Kunikida: I once saw a teacher have a melt down when she found out you were in her class
Dazai: YEA WELL THAT WAS ONE TEACHER
Kunikida: freshmen are scared of you
Dazai: i dont even have a comeback to that
Kunikida: wow today really must be a rough day you don't even have a proper come back AND you even apologized
Dazai: stfu
Kunikida: since you brought it up first what did happen anyway?
Kunikida: if you don't mind sharing
Dazai: oh
Dazai: its the "anniversary" of someones death
Dazai: that someone was very important to me
Dazai: I don't like calling it a anniversary
Kunikida: oh
Kunikida: I understand
Kunikida: I will inform your teachers and president Fukuzawa of this so your absences will be excused
Kunikida: Take another day off or two if you need it
Dazai: its fine you dont have to
Kunikida: I've added it into my schedule to email them first thing in the morning
Dazai: well there is nothing to talk you out of your schedule so whatever then
Dazai: since your telling them im probably just gonna sleep tomorrow then
Kunikida: just be careful, don't sleep too much in the day that you can't get any at night
Kunikida: and make sure to eat atleast one full meal
Dazai: okay dad
Kunikida: if calling me that brings you amusement right now then go ahead
Kunikida: have you eaten atleast one meal today
Dazai: stupid dog is ordering pizza
Kunikida: good
Kunikida: I need to get sleep have a good night dazai call me if there is any emergency
Dazai: okayyyyy goodnighttttttttt
Kunikida: get some rest soon
Chapter 14: Dazai needing therapy: the live action film
Summary:
The way I cried when watching THE episode for the first time and screamed at my cat at 5am yelling "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU MORI I HATE YOU YOU FUCKING BASTARD HE LOVED HIM AND YOU LET HIM DIE YOU KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN AND YOU LET HIM DIE THEY LOVED EACH OTHER HE LOVED THAT MAN LIKE A BROTHER AND YOU LET HIM DIE" is so pussy slay girlboss
Chapter Text
Oda S.> Dazai
(2 years ago)
Dazai: hey odasaku
Dazai: I made some new friends today
Dazai: they have freinemie relationship with the mafia group
Dazai: people call them the agency
Dazai: its a group of future detectives who are gonna have a whole business together once everyone graduates
Dazai: im gonna be a detective with them
Dazai: I hope that suffices for my promise
(1 year ago)
Dazai: hey odasaku
Dazai: I talked to them last week
Dazai: I even convinced them to let me rejoin the gc
Dazai: Gin and Tachihara still like me, Akutagawa is pretty bitter and Chuuya is really mad but I think he's getting over it
Dazai: I kinda missed him tbh
Dazai: and Gin bc they're cool as hell
Dazai: I also made a new friend named Astushi not too long ago
Dazai: remember how you told me to save some orphans?
Dazai: even if you weren't being serious about that part, i took it seriously
Dazai: I think he looks up to me like a brother
Dazai: its so weird, is this how you felt dealing with me all the time
Dazai: I told him about you
Dazai: I told him that you were the reason i became part of the agency group
Dazai: he asked if you were a friend
Dazai: im not sure why but that question hurt and was so strangely nice to hear at the same time
Dazai: Im glad i was your friend
Dazai: I kinda hope theres an afterlife so I could tell you everything
Dazai: thats pretty corny huh?
(11:12pm)
Dazai: hey odasaku
Dazai: I remembered the name of the book series you liked today
Dazai: I even found a copy at the library
Dazai: gonna try to find the other two online
Dazai: Kunikida got worried about me today
Dazai: I felt bad about it, not sure if he believes that but eh i dont care
Dazai: im at chuuyas now
Dazai: he always says hi on this day
Dazai: even after he kinda hated me hed still text me
Dazai: hey says he still hates my guts for ghosting everyone
Dazai: but he says he understood why i did it
Dazai: i told him a lot about you
Dazai: I hadnt even realized you two didn't see eachother much
Dazai: he said you sounded cool
Dazai: also said and i qoute "anyone who understands your head is automatically a weirdo"
Dazai: and then i called him out because he understands what goes through my head 85% of the time and he denied everything
Dazai: even though he knew id be at the cemetary just because he had a gut feeling
Dazai: or how he is the only person on this planet who actually can read my emotions even if i don't think im showing any signs
Dazai: its actually scary and rather annoying but oh well
Dazai: I'll admit it can be helpful and nice on occasion
Dazai: he said something else to
Dazai: he said that hed bet his most expensive wine that youd be proud
Dazai: was very weird hearing that dog say something like that
(1:02am)
Dazai: it made me wonder if you would be though
Chapter 15: har har har-harhar har har harharhuhar
Summary:
I feel so fucking old after seeing the fnaf movie trailer like wtf wdym its been 9 years since the first game
also thinking abt making another chatfic thats just dark era mafia days(Its gonna be chuuya and dazai being fucking idiots 99% of the time with some older brother figure Oda sprinkled in) just for funsies
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(1:08am)
Nikolai: thinking abt the fnaf movie trailer
Dazai: WHAT
Tachihara: AINT NO WAY THEY ACTUALLY MAKING A MOVIE??
Nikolai: YEA LMAO
Tachihara: TF
Dazai: im going whos coming with me
Nikolai: im already forcing sigma and fyodor go with me<3<3<3
Tachihara: aw what a cute little movie date watching children get fucking murder and their corpses get shoved into robot suits
Nikolai: ikr!!
Tachihara: its scary bc i cant tell if ur being serious or not
Dazai: who knows
Nikolai: 😋
Nikolai: im gonna start playing man behind the man on loop to see how long it takes for dostoy to come in here and break my speaker
Dazai: do it
Tachihara: wtf is man behind the man
Tachihara: WHAT TYE FUCK
Dazai: AHDGWHG
Tachihara: DAMN YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLAST THAT SHIT OUR DORMS AREN'T EVEN NEXT TO EACHOTHER AND I CAN HEAR IT
Ryuu: wahdr ther fuck iss tahtr nsoise
Tachihara: STOP YOU WOKE UP RYUU
Gin: WHAT IN THE FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS IS THAT SHIT
Tachihara: YOU WOKE BOTH OF THEM UP
Astushi: STOP THIS MADNESS IM TRYING TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER
Dazai: how r the barbie movies
Ranpo: fucking horrible in the best way possible
Astushi: kinda unironically like them
Gin: omg it stopped
Fyodor: apologies for the disturbance everyone the clown is being dealt with accordingly
Nikolai: he took my speaker away :(
Astushi: good you crazy bastard
Nikolai: HE JUST THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW
Nikolai: well congrats to whoever lives below us
Gin: Calling dibs on this shit before ryuu can
Gin: mine now
Nikolai: now what if i just break into your dorm and steal it back
Gin: Ill get ryuus snake to bite you
Nikolai: Ill turn tyat snake into a pretzel and deep fry it
Nikolai: then give it to an unsuspecting child
Gin: what in the actual fuck
Gin: im going to bed you bitches crazy
Astushi: and suddenly the terrorists rumours seem more believable
Nikolai: i cannot confirm or deny anything
Chapter 16: (NOT AN UPDATE) pronoyns and sexualitys n shit!!!
Summary:
was gonna do this for pride month but i was a few days late sorry :((
also sorey for lack of updates ive been busy!! ill make another real chapter today with tecchou and jouno!! might make two!!
also aslong are you aren't hurting yourself or others youre all valid darlings and if youre trying to figure yourself out, thats okay, you have all the time in the world and at the end of the day, youre still you, with or without the label<3
- omni arospec transmasc fellow
ALSO IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THESE MEAN LMK I LOVE INFORMING PEOPLE ABT THIS STUFF !!!!
Chapter Text
Probably forgot some mfs but thats okay👍
also these r just hcs dont come at me bc they aint canon or if they dont align with ur own hc!!!
Anyways format:
char name: sexuality, gender, pronouns(who im putting them witj if anyone)
Dazai: unlabeled, unlabeled, doesn't rlly care but mainly sticks with he/they( pining chuuya )
Astushi: pan + acespec, demiboy, he/they(might put him with ryuu sskk is starting to grow on me!!)
Kunikida: pan, cismale, he/him
Yosano: lesbian, cisfemale, she/they
Ranpo: gay + aroace spec, demiboy, he/they( wit Poe)
Tanizaki: bi, ftm, he/him
Naomi: bi, cisfemale, she/her
Chuuya: gay, ftm, he/it( pining dazai)
Ryuu: unlabeled, cismale, he/they/it (migjt put him wit astushi idk yet)
Gin: abro + ace, nonbinary, they/she (putting them wit Tachihara sorry Higuchigin enjoyers!!)
Tachihara: bi, cismale, he/they/it (putting him wit Gin sorry tachizaki enjoyers!!)
Higuchi: bicurious, cisfemale, she/her
Poe: gay + ace, ftm, any( wit ranpo)
Kouyou: lesbian, mtf, she/her
Tecchou: pan + arospec, agender, he/they/it (wit jouno)
Jouno: uranic, pangender, any (wit tecchou)
Fyodor: unlabeled, unlabeled, doesn't care( wit Nikolai and Sigma)
Nikolai: pan, genderfluid, any and all( wit Fyodor and Sigma)
Sigma: omni, nonbinary, he/they/xe( wit Fyodor and nikolai)
Chapter 17: Tachiharas side hoes😒
Summary:
TECCHOU AND JOUNO RAAAHHH
Chapter Text
BARK BARK GRR BARK
(5:15pm)
Backstabber/pos: hey you guys wanna join another gc wit some of my other friends
Feral child: OOO ME ME ME MEEMEMEME ME
Backstabber/pos: sorry no toddlers allowed
Feral child: I'll fucking rip your eyes out
Backstabber/pos: WOAH LANGUAGE THERE KIDDO
Feral child: Im in your walls
TTS user: how many people are in this group chat?
Backstabber/pos: uh a lot
Backstabber/pos: not everyone speaks tho
Soy coffee: I'll join.
Backstabber/pos: k jouno you gonna join them
TTS user: sure
Backstabber/pos: bettttt
Feral child: LET ME JOINBGHSHGDH
Backstabber/pos: NO IM GATEKEEPING
Feral child: ILL CALL YOU A SLUR
TTS user: Teruko
Feral child: >:(
Hom(o)ies
(5:21pm)
@TachiharaM added @TecchouSuehiro and one other
@TachiharaM changed @TecchouSuehiro and one other's nicknames
Tachihara: guys meet my side hoes tecchou and jouno
Dazai: NAW IS JOUNO THAT BLIND KID WHO HUNTED ME DOWN ACROSS THE FUCKING CAMPUS A FEW YEARS AGO
Jouno: Yea that was me
Jouno: Hello Osamu Dazai
Dazai: STOP FUCKING STALKING ME
Jouno: no
Kunikida: oh are those two the hunting dogs
Kunikida: those kids who try to keep others in line
Tecchou: Yes.
Tachihara: you dont have to be so formal wit ur typing tecc
Tecchou: I like how it looks.
Tachihara: okay then pop off ig
Gin: ohhh hii Tachihara told me abt u two!!!
Jouno: hello gin akutagawa
Gin: thats a little creepy but okay hi!
Jouno: (:
Tachihara: jouno stop your gonba scare them
Jouno: no
Gin: srry if thid is rude but arent you blind? how r u typing?
Jouno: text to speech and I've memorized the keys
Gin: ohhh
Tachihara: hes cool like that B))
Tecchou: I agree.
Jouno: nobody asked Tecchou
Tecchou: I did.
Dazai: the formal typing is scary its worse than kunikidas
Yosano: reminds me of fukuzawas
Jouno: Tecchou is scary he eats foods together that don't go together because they look similar
Tecchou: I like soy sauce coffee.
Jouno: die die die die die
Yosano: these two remind me of chuuya and dazai
Tachihara: lmao yea but these to can actually admit they like eachother
Dazai: THIS SLANDER IS UNCALLED FOR
Yosano: ITS SO VERY CALLED FOR
Dazai: LIES
Jouno: keep the dazai slander up I like it
Dazai: I HATE YOU
Tecchou: Hey.
Dazai: actually I should thank you youre the reason im best friends with fedya<3333
Jouno: what have I done
Fyodor: so youre the one who caught dazai and put him in iss with me
Fyodor: noted
Jouno: I know where you live at this current moment, your full name, your home in Japan, your home in Russia, your average heart rate, and your usual walking pattern
Dazai: that
Dazai: thats cute
Dazai: so um anyways how did you guys meet Tachihara
Fyodor: honestly Nikolai has told me much worse
Tecchou: Tachihara joined second year of highschool.
Gin: oohhh cool
Poe: hello new people :] !
Tecchou: Hello.
Jouno: whos that
Tachihara: one of my friends friend
Tachihara: one of the students from america
Jouno: Oh Edgar Allan Poe, tall lad with what I can guess is a raccoon from the chirping noises and the "What kind of cat is that?" questions i hear all the time when I go into the cafe
Poe: oh yes that is me !
Poe: Karl is indeed a raccoon
Jouno: thought so
Tecchou: Are you allowed to have a raccoon on campus?
Ranpo: I convinced one of the head masters to let him keep karl
Poe: yes thank you again dear!!<3
Ranpo: B)
Tecchou: I like the name Karl.
Poe: me too :D
Chapter 18: Ranpo exposing hoes
Summary:
sorry for the slower updates depression is rlly fucking bad for me rn but ill try to get something out atleast once a week
anyways heres part 1 of ranpo exposing people💪
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(1:42pm)
Ranpo: feel like causing problems on purpose
Ranpo: I wanna expose people
Yosano: can I be spared
Ranpo: lmao
Yosano: ranpo
Ranpo: hehe
Yosano: im gonna shove a scalpel down your throat
Ranpo: homophobia
Yosano: literally a lesbian cant use that card on me
Ranpo: homophobic !!!
Dazai: you cant expose me bc i have nothing to hide💪
Ranpo: bullshit
Nikolai: lets play two truths and a lie but if someone guesses the lie first try ranpo gets to expose 1 thing abt them!!
Yosano: ranpos just gonna guess it instantly
Ranpo: to make it fair i wont guess ill only expose after 1 try
Yosano: that works
Nikolai: yippiee
Nikolai: @Fyodor sigmas at the casino so you have to play
Fyodor: what
Dazai: cmon fedya let ranpo expose you (:
Fyodor: no im okay thank you
Nikolai: nooo
Nikolai: pleaseee
Nikolai: pleaseeeee
Fyodor: fine
Dazai: Favouritism
Fyodor: damn right it is
Dazai: im gonna call you a slur
Fyodor: do it pussy you wont
Astushi: no slurs
Dazai: its my server
Astushi: he said no slurs- Kyouka
Dazai: fucker
Nikolai: can we play already
Ranpo: yea stfu i wanna expose people
Dazai: fine fine @everyone play ranpo and nikolais game or ill skin you
Dazai: and dont ask what the game is just scroll up a bit
Gin: I'll play
Dazai: can you force ur brother since ik hes gonna say no
Gin: ofc
Dazai: ur the best gin<3
Ryuu: stop teaming up with him
Gin: nuh uh
Ryuu: i have no time for stupid games
Gin: ill cry
Ryuu: you cant say that ever time you want something
Gin: ill tell higuchi ur interested
Ryuu: fuck you
Ryuu: fine I'll play ONE round
Gin: tyyy ryuu<33
Chuuya: I'll play just bc i wanna see dazai get exposed
Dazai: rude
Tachihara: im playing B)
Astushi: I'll do it
Kunikida: thisll be interesting so why not
Dazai: wow wasn't expecting that from Kunikida but bet
Ranpo: @Poe wanna play
Poe: sure !
Yosano: Nikolai go first since you came up with the idea
Nikolai: okay!!
Nikolai: I like bird watching, I have claustrophobia, and I love ice cream
Fyodor: last one is the lie you hate icecream
Nikolai: ding ding!
Chuuya: who tf hates icecream
Nikolai: its too cold
Nikolai: I like to put it in the microwave though and drink it! but i dont think that counts as icecream
Chuuya: what the actual fuck
Dazai: this ur man fyodor???
Fyodor: yes what about it
Ranpo: exposing time!
Nikolai: oohh im excited!
Yosano: youre a strange one
Nikolai: im curious to see what he says!
Ranpo: you almost got suspended in high school for biting a kid and gas lighting her into thinking she had rabies
Ranpo: and also throwing a spoiled carton of milk at her
Nikolai: hehehe thats correct
Astushi: w h y ???
Nikolai: I didn't like her!
Gin: THAT KID WAS HIGUCHI WTF
Tachihara: HAHDSHEYQJHAHA BASED
Gin: TACHIHARA SHUT THE FUCK UP
Tachihara: yes mx
Dazai: 🤨
Chuuya: 🤨
Gin: ahdhaghsfa
Tachihara: STOP STFU
Nikolai: Gin its your turn!
Gin: OH
Gin: OKAY UH
Gin: me and ryuu are twins, im scared of spiders, and ive never kissed anyone
Tachihara: i know this one so imma stay quiet
Dazai: fucking simp smh
Chuuya: frfr
Tachihara: IM NOT A SIMP FOR NOT WANTING A KNIFE IN MY THROAT
Astushi: umm your not scared of spiders? you seem like the type to not be scared of the stuff like that
Gin: yup i like spiders
Chuuya: I thought it was the first one i didn't know yall were twins
Gin: yup ryuu is the older one
Tachihara: ranpo expose their bitchass
Gin: oh no
Ranpo: you have a crush on someone in this server!
Tachihara: HUH???
Gin: yeah i aint even gonna fight
Ranpo: not saying who it though!!
Higuchi: i know who it is
Dazai: same
Chuuya: ik
Ryuu: i had my suspicions
Tachihara: WTF
Gin: anyways ryuu ur turn
Tachihara: NO NO NO
Ryuu: fine
Ryuu: Gin isn't allowed to say anything
Gin: 👍
Ryuu: i love snakes, i listen to vocaloid, i never got a drivers license
Chuuya: last one youve picked dazai up multiple times
Ryuu: wrong
Chuuya: what
Ryuu: I never got a legitimate license but Gin taught me to drive and lets me use her car sometimes
Astushi: why not just get a license if you can drive?
Ryuu: I don't like driving instructors
Astushi: fair enough ig
Kunikida: so which one was the lie
Ranpo: snake one
Kunikida: doesn't he have a pet snake
Ryuu: I hate snakes
Gin: i got rashomon to scare him and also for myself because i wanted a snake
Gin: but he got attached
Ryuu: shes cute
Gin: he walks around with her on his shoulders or in his coat or his pockets
Gin: he passed out on the couch with her in his lap like a fucking cat
Ryuu: she thinks im comfortable
Chapter 19: Ranpo exposing hoes pt2 + lesbian rizz
Summary:
anyone know wtf happened and why the website was done for a bit??? everytime i got motivation to work on something it was down😭
also i hung out with my friend a bit recently and actually have inspo and motivation to write things for once!! i am busy though tryna relearn how to talk to people before i go back to school so slow updates will continue for a bit but ykALSO OVER 500 READS??? 60 KUDOS??? THANK YALL SM LOVE YOU DARLINGS I DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD GET SO MUCH ATTENTION AJDHJWGR<3333
also real plot forming??? relationship growth??? skk development maybe??? tachigin content???😎😎😎
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(2:19pm)
Astushi: so since I guessed wrong Ranpo doesn't get to expose them?
Nikolai: nope!
Ranpo: youre secrets are safe for now fucker but I'll be waiting
Ryuu: is that a threat?
Nikolai: Ryuu its your turn to pick whos next!
Ryuu: Jinko
Nikolai: who
Astushi: thats not my name asshole
Ryuu: jinko
Astushi: bitch
Astushi: I play volleyball, I've jumped off a moving boat, and I didn't know how to write until I was 15
Tachihara: aint no way you jumped off a boat
Kunikida: he did I was there
Tachihara: BITCH WHAT
Dazai: hes built different
Ranpo: Astushi youre spared
Ryuu: DAMNIT
Astushi: ANSHDGAHGDFECHAV SUCK IT
Dazai: mid keyboard smash
Ranpo: do better
Chuuya: 5.8
Astushi: kys
Astushi: Poe your turn
Poe: oh okay!
Poe: ummm
Ranpo: its okay dont over think it
Dazai: ewww
Chuuya: gays(derogatory)
Yosano: fruit loops😒
Astushi: fruit roll up
Kunikida: skittle squad
Dazai: NAW EVEN KUNIKIDA AHDHAHGEHDGAHDBZIZDXASFIRG
Ranpo: STFU LET MY MAN SPEAK
Dazai: "my" man? thats a little homosexual of you🤨
Yosano: hes part of the alphabet mafia😰😭😰😰😭😭
Nikolai: LET THE EMO TWINK SPEAK BEFORE I LEAK YOUR GRADES FROM LAST YEARS FINAL
Dazai: yessirr
Poe: thank you mr nikolai !!
Nikolai: yw pookie bear
Poe: ;-;
Fyodor: stop calling random people pookie bear please I'll beg
Nikolai: 💔🖤🥀🥀⛈☔⛓⛓
Ranpo: ITS POES TURN.
Poe: I was almost a trained military sniper, Ive crashed a rental car, and Ive never been scratched by a cat
Dazai: poe bestie youre supposed to make it hard
Poe: is it that obvious -_-""
Astushi: the idea of military poe is scary
Yosano: hes too sweet that our answer is the first one
Poe: wrong !!
Poe: did I do good ??
Poe: :D
Dazai: BITCH WHAT
Kunikida: ranpo is this true
Ranpo: YEA BUT WHAT
Poe: I even had ranpo confused >:DD
Poe: does this mean I won??
Ranpo: shows over topic switched you were almost a what
Nikolai: awww i wanted to see everyone get ratted out
Nikolai: shows over folks our winner is E. A. Poe !!!
Nikolai: can I get a round of applause?
Poe: \(^ ^)/
Chuuya: bitch this isnt a game show
Nikolai: I wasn't talking to you the audience can clap for poe
Fyodor: what did we talk about that
Nikolai: i wanna see people have a crisis
Kunikida: pardon
Dazai: dw abt it theyre just being weird
Chuuya: man I wanted to see dazai get exposed
Ranpo: oh i can do that for free no game needed
Dazai: HEY
Dazai: HEY
Dazai: HEY
Ranpo: Ive seen him crying in the bathroom while looking at pictures of you two together during idk hs probably
Dazai: BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
Chuuya: o
Astushi: is this the part where we all scatter and not say anything for 2 days
Ryuu: yup run
Dazai: KMS
Ranpo: LMAOOO
Kouyou: this shit getting juicy
Dazai: KOUYOU GO AWAY
Yosano: shes always lurking
Kouyou: I know everything that goes on here
Tachihara: forgot you were here tbh
Gin: be nice to her shes better than you
Tachihara: ur just gay
Gin: everyone is for kouyou
Gin: respectfully and platonically, she is ahdhahgrfgajrtrfgh
Chuuya: STOP STOP STOP IM GONNA KMS SHES LIKE MY SISTER
Yosano: ONG GIN BUT IM NOT BEING RESPECTFUL OR PLATONIC
Kouyou: why thank you two thats very sweet <3
Chuuya: shes being condescending rn she knows shes pretty
Yosano: good condescending women r just😍🛐🛐🛐
Chuuya: KMS
Kouyou: I like her
Ranpo: THE LESBIANISM RIZZ
Gin: LESBIAN RIZZZZ
Tachihara: NO BC THE LESBIANISM RIZZ IS REAL EVEN HIGUCHI FUCKING ALL😳😳😳 WHENEVER KOUYOUS IN THE SAME ROOM
Higuchi: SHES HOT
Higuchi: respectfully and platonically
Kouyou: this is very entertaining to me
Tachihara: the lesbianism rizz is stronger than the akutagawa rizz
Gin: AGDHAGSHSHAH
Tachihara: ur carrying the akutagawa rizz btw
Gin: 💪💪💪
Dazai: PLEASE HES SO OBLIVIOUS
Chuuya: IT HURTS
Tachihara: HUH WHO IS
Dazai: WHOOPS WRONG GC
Chuuya: AHDHAGGDHA
Ranpo: oh wow dazai and chuuya not avoiding eachother after something 💅 happens between
Dazai: we got distracted over yk
Chuuya: those🙄
Gin: STOP UR BOTH THE WORST
Kouyou: no bc ive been stalking both gcs and its painful to see
Gin: dazai and chuuya are so much worse
Kouyou: but everyones used to it that its expected
Gin: true
(2:09am)
Dazai: SO WAIT WHAT WAS POE'S LIE
Fyodor: probably not the cat one he's like a disney princess
Nikolai: hes a fucking maniac in disguise i can sniff it
Dazai: nahhh I wouldn't say that i think he is just capable of fucking a mf up
Fyodor: capable of being violent but chooses not to
Dazai: yea
Nikolai: sigma says thats how he has to be everytime hes in a room with me
Dazai: LMAOAHSHSGAHHSGA
Sigma: BC UR FUCKING CRAZY
Nikolai: U LOVE ME
Sigma: UR STILL FUCKING CRAZY
Dazai: why can't i have a romance like this
Fyodor: i wonder why
Dazai: kys
Notes:
POE THING ISN'T CANON IM JUST CONVINCED HE HAS SOME KINDA COMBAT RELATED SECRET YOU CANT TELL ME HE CANT SECRETLY ABSOLUTELY KICK ASS IK THAT BITCH IS SECRETLY FUCKING CRAZY IN SOME WAY LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF THE "why dont you stop being so fuckin nice and show everyone how crazy you are" AUDIO
Chapter 20: iron (deficiency) man
Summary:
My anemia is so fucking bad rn and i keep making it worse bc i never take my fucking iron pills(I FORGET/3) so im projecting onto my bbg fyodor bcs hes the only character ik who also be diseased like me frfr
also in my fyolai arc any recs are much appreciated(preferably little to no smut or smut thats irrelevant)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(7:09pm)
Fyodor: you ever just mistake a human being for a fucking blanket
Dazai: did you put Nikolai in a washing machine
Fyodor: wh
Fyodor: no
Fyodor: it does that on its own
Chuuya: yummy it/its pronouns
Nikolai: shits scrumptious frfr
Nikolai: AND FEDYA IM SORRY
Fyodor: A BLANKET
Fyodor: YOU THOUGHT I WAS A BLANKET
Nikolai: I DIDN'T REALIZS YOU WERENIN THERE
Sigma: would anyone like context
Dazai: PLEASE
Sigma: fyodor was wrapped up in a blanket on the floor for "reasons" and Nikolai grabbed him thinking he was just a blanket and then he fucking SHRIEKED and now he's locked himself in his room bc hes bitter
Dazai: "reasons"
Fyodor: shut your fucking mouth
Sigma: youre mad because kolai can pick you up like a fucking cat
Nikolai: its a common occurrence
Fyodor: no the hell its not
Nikolai: maybe if youd take your fucking pills it wouldn't be
Nikolai: 😋
Fyodor: hey i don't need need them for my condition
Sigma: and I get called the amnesiac smh
Dazai: tells us your full name then
Nikolai: AHDBANAHDAHSGDRQ
Sigma: .
Fyodor: well damn thats just cruel
Sigma: Directing this conversation back to fyodors "condition" and his "reasons"
Fyodor: take it back what dazai said was deserved
Dazai: so fedya what were those reasons as to why you were in a ball on the floor
Fyodor: i was cold
Dazai: its like 90
Fyodor: and
Chuuya: why the floor
Fyodor: i fell
Fyodor: I didn't care enough to move so i just slept there
Fyodor: until someone fucking disrupted me
Nikolai: YOU CANT BE BITTER FOREVER
Fyodor: OH BUT I CAN
Nikolai: YOU LOVE ME TOO MUCH
Fyodor: YOURE EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THAT CLAIM?
Nikolai: "kolya"
Fyodor: "fedya" "dostoy" "dos-kun"
Nikolai: "angel"
Fyodor: okay we are moving on
Chuuya: the impulse to say the British slang for cigarettes
Dazai: DAMN SINCE WHEN WAS FYODOR A ROMANTIC
Fyodor: I am not
Chuuya: ngl i thought nikolai said pookie bear unironically
Sigma: it did once on accident
Nikolai: HAHDHAGHDGA IT WAS A IMPULSE
Fyodor: I was not aware of this gogol what the hell
Nikolai: IMPULSE
Dazai: when you whisper in yo girls ear "Pookie bunny booboo bear😏"
Chuuya: STOP AHDHAHDFVCWR
Sigma: i hate that emoji so much
Fyodor: smirk emoji
Sigma: NO
Nikolai: flushed emoji
Dazai: wink emoji
Sigma: OUT
Yosano: love watching the two sane gays struggle to manage their beyond insanity boyfriends
Sigma: dear god help me i cant anymore
Chuuya: sigma wanna get drinks
Sigma: PLEASE ILL PAY
Dazai: WAIT WHAT
Nikolai: AHDHAGDHAGAVABRBA
Fyodor: wow
Nikolai: another for my collection
Chuuya: ITS NOT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKS
Dazai: i meann like a poly thing with my bbgs kinda,,,
Chuuya: divorced
Dazai: guys im single now
Nikolai: 😏
Fyodor: you people have no loyalty
Dazai: and you do be fr rn
Fyodor: im loyal to people i like(not you)
Dazai: you wound me /3
Chuuya: fyodor being the most based person here
Dazai: literally a terrorist
Chuuya: half the shit you do should be considered an act of terrorism
Dazai: name one thing
Chuuya: you being on the roof rn
Dazai: FUCK I THOUGHT I WAS HIDDEN WELL
Kouyou: youre loud as hell
Fyodor: do they just go onto people's roofs?
Kouyou: if chuuyas here yes
Yosano: 🍉🍊🍇🍒🍓🍋
Dazai: how do you now im not visiting kouyou
Kouyou: 😑
Dazai: yea thats fair
Dazai: chuuyaaaa unlock your windowww
Chuuya: no go climb through the kitchen
Kouyou: he better fucking not im cooking
Chuuya: then stay out there and have a heat stroke
Kouyou: he says while unlocking his window
Dazai: breaking and enatyeirfbagejfgg
Sigma: did they drop their phone
Chuuya: AHEHAHDHHAGQHD
Chuuya: hes just staring at the window in shock
Chuuya: and now he is angrily storming out of my room
Yosano: wait i didn't know you lived witj kouyou
Chuuya: yea ive lived with her since hs i just got a dorm on campus bc Tachihara didn't want a random roommate
Yosano: ohhh
Dazai: Chuuya is one of those upper class people who can afford a dorm AND a house/j
Fyodor: aw man i was hoping his phone broke from the fall
Dazai: ignoring fedyas comment
Dazai: rich men🙄
Chuuya: cope about it peasant
Yosano: someones mad chuuya aint their sugar daddy
Dazai: I don't need a sugar daddy
Dazai: I have Kunikida
Dazai: and his credit card info
Fyodor: @Kunikida
Dazai: YOU FUCKING WHORE
Fyodor: Im awfully tired good night everyone
Dazai: NO NO NO GET BACK HERE
Fyodor: nope goodnight
Nikolai: this bitch just shut his phone down with the most evil fucking smirk
Kunikida: why was I pinged
Dazai: dw about it
Chuuya: scroll up
Dazai: dont listen to chuuya hes one of the mafioso kids remember he cant be trusted
Kunikida: Dazai I would like to have a conversation when you get home
Nikolai: OOOOO
Sigma: opening a GoFundMe for funeral funding
Nikolai: fedya giggling like a child rn
Sigma: you are too
Nikolai: YOU ARE TOO MF
Dazai: I FEEL BETRAYED, HURT, WOUNDED, BACK STABBED, OFFENDED, AND ABANDONED
Chuuya: L
Nikolai: skill issue honestly
Kunikida: Oh I'll give you a reason to feel hurt and wounded don't worry
Sigma: DAMN
Chapter 21: Soukuko helping everyones rizz but their own LLL
Summary:
THE DOMMY MOMMY BOY THING IS SOMETHING MY FRIENDS KEEP CALLING ME IN OUR GC BC IM DOWN BAD FOR KAFKA(hsr) AND GIN AND ITS FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC HOW DARE THEY//3
Chapter Text
Chuu chuu🥺>Tachihara
(9:07pm)
Chuu chuu🥺: SOOOOOO
Chuu chuu🥺: HOWZ IT GOING ((:
Tachihara: STFU
Chuu chuu🥺: Thats not how you say "thank you for making me less of a oblivious fool and giving me rizz mr nakahara🥺"
@ChuuyaNaka can no longer send messages to this user
Kys>ChuuyaNaka
(9:09pm)
ChuuyaNaka: IT BLOCKED ME ABDHAVGEHGA
Kys: AINT NO WAY
ChuuyaNaka: UPDATES FROM GIN
Kys: RIZZAI TACTICS ARE WORKING AND BLONDIE IS KEEPING EMO ASTHMA ATTACK DISTRACTED
ChuuyaNaka: YEAHHHHHH
Kys: we're so fucking cool💪💪💪
ChuuyaNaka: rizzmasters right here💪
Kys: omg wait that gives me an idea
Kys: *a photo of their dms with Chuuya's nickname changed to rizzmaster#1*
ChuuyaNaka: YEAAA FUCKRR
ChuuyaNaka: *a photo of their dms with Dazai's nickname changed to rizzmaster#2*
rizzmaster#2: 💪
Hom(o)ies
(12:06am)
Tachihara: GUYS I PULLED
Gin: bullshit otherway around
Tachihara: nuh uh
Chuuya: You did NOT pull
Dazai: gin did that shit stfu
Chuuya: AND WERES MY THANKYOU
Tachihara: up ur ass
Dazai: i can find it for u chuuya
Tachihara: 😨
Chuuya: 😨
Dazai: 😏
Gin: um moving on😁
Dazai: does lesser akutagawa know yet
Gin: lmfao no
Tachihara: will i die when they find out
Chuuya: probably
Chuuya: he already fucking hates you lmao💀
Tachihara: WHAT
Astushi: what r we talking abt
Chuuya: me and dazai(rizzmasters) helped get tachi and gin together bc it was getting painful to watch
Chuuya: so now we are discussing tachis death
Dazai: 💪
Astushi: ohhh
Astushi: happy for u gin and Tachihara :D
Gin: tankyhou jinko
Tachihara: thanks dude😎
Dazai: gins dyslexic typing is so yummy
Chuuya: ong
Gin: im not dyslexic i just typ to ftas
Tachihara: skill issue
Gin: .
Tachihara: mb
Dazai: bottom ass
Chuuya: dommy mommy boy/neg
Gin: LMAAIDUAOIAOADGSHAG
Tachihara: EXCUSE ME
Dazai: could never be me
Astushi: me when i lie
Chuuya: real
Dazai: IM NOT LYING
Astushi: you dont even need ranpo to see through that fucking lie
Chuuya: REAL
RATS WE'RE RATS WE'RE THE RATS
(2:09am)
Jester Rat: the urge to light fireworks in my mouth
King Rat: absolutely not
Jester Rat: PLEASE
King Rat: no
Cat😐: we can do that together pookie bear🥺
Jester Rat: really snookie pie🥺🥺🥺
King Rat: stop
Cat😐: homophobic
Jester Rat: youre no longer my blueberry muffin cake /3
King Rat: I'm completely content with that
Queen Rat: do you guys ever yk
Queen Rat: fucking sleep?
King Rat: no
Cat😐: sleep is for pussies
Queen Rat: thats perfect for you youre name is cat (:
Queen Rat: so sleep (:
Cat😐: no
Hom(o)ies
(2:16am)
Sigma: @Chuuya
Sigma: @Chuuya
Dazai: WHAT THE FCIK
Nikolai: LMAOAGEHAGDHGAOWHAO
Fyodor: I love sigma <3
Dazai: TRAITOR
Dazai: SIGGYPOO I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
Nikolai: SIGGYPOO LMAO IM STEALING THAT
Sigma: 😨
Sigma: @Chuuya @Kunikida
Dazai: STOP
Kunikida: who is pinging me at this ungodly hour
Sigma: make your troubled teenage son roomate sleep please
Sigma: Ill pray on my hands and knees
Fyodor: smirk emoji
Sigma: NO NO NO
Dazai: NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS SIGMABALLS /3
Kunikida: I'll take your phone
Dazai: im a grown man you cant do that
Kunikida: .
Tachihara: 🍿
Chuuya:🍿
Gin:🍿
Dazai: fucking traitors 3
Chuuya: fucking loser <3
Chapter 22: TOMATO ERASURE IN LGBT💪💪🥶🥶❗❗
Summary:
Got dumped on Saturday but we poppin pussies anyway bc the relationship was extremely toxic and was becoming detrimental for my mental health😍
the dazai and fyodor bots on c.ai are more supportive and caring than they ever were anyway <3 /hj
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(7:09pm)
Jouno: shadow wizard money gang
Tachihara: WE LOVE CASTING SPELLS
Jouno: shut up straggot you dont get to cast spells😒
Tachihara: WTF
Tachihara: its not straight if theyre nonbinary
Jouno: oh mb
Jouno: you get your spell privileges back
Tachihara: YEAHHHH💪💪💪
Tecchou: can I have my spell privileges back
Tecchou: pretty please
Jouno: no
Tecchou: =(
Tachihara: oh thank god he finally stopped the punctuation thing
Jouno: i did that shit i got them to stop
Jouno: fuck i dont know were the arm emoji is pretend its there
Tecchou: just got slapped in the back of the head by some tall lady and then when i turned around she screamed and went "oh never mind sorry"
Tecchou: ?????
Jouno: good
Tachihara: LMAO DAMN
Yosano: OH THAT WAS YOU
Yosano: apologies for that
Tecchou: its fine???
Ranpo: my plan worked
Yosano: YOU FUCKER.
Ranpo: hoes mad bc im better and smarter like that🥶
Dazai: me and the decay of bbgs watching that shit from the water fountain🍿
Fyodor: Ive seen someone get slapped on campus every day for two weeks now
Sigma: dazai and chuuya dont count
Fyodor: man
Dazai: 😒
Ryuu: @Tachihara count your fucking days michizo
Dazai: AGSHAHGDHA OOOO
Chuuya: HIGUCHI YOU FUCKING FAILURE
Higuchi: IM SORRY
Tachihara: EAT SHIT I PULLED YOUR SIBLING💪💪💪
Ryuu: that is not what happened but thats not the point
Dazai: its giving that one "I FUCKED YOUR DAD SHITLIPS" audio💀
Chuuya: AHDGAGXRtacdF
Dazai: EW REDO THAT
Chuuya: no suck my cock
Dazai: there aint nothing there🤨
Chuuya: KYS
Dazai: i mean ill suck anyway if u insist bbg😏😏😏
Yosano: NAW
Ranpo: AINT NO WAY💀
Chuuya: IM
Chuuya: DAMN
Chuuya: cant even be mad i was NOT expecting that one
Ranpo: dazai is the most he/they bisexual ive ever seen without being a he/they bisexual
Yosano: hes not???
Dazai: thats what i question ever day
Ryuu: me too
Dazai: didn't ask
Ryuu: okay
Chuuya: LEAVE THAT LITTLE GUY ALONE
Dazai: MAKE ME
Chuuya: BET FUCKER
Ranpo: theres something homosexual happening i can smell it
Poe: what does that even mean -_-""
Ranpo: shshsh just wait my beloved oblivious fool
Poe: 'beloved' :DD
Yosano: bro smelling himself when he smells the homosexuality occurring
Astushi: Fr like whens it my turn
Gin: ik a guy
Ryuu: DONT EVEN START
Gin: HAHDHAGHSHAGAH
Gin: LET ME GET YOU SOME BITCHES PLEASE
Ryuu: I DON'T NEED "bitches" GIN
Astushi: you need bitches more than anyone in this server
Ranpo: "bitches" thats a rlly weird way of spelling Astushi nakajima
Yosano: STOPPIT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS
Astushi: HUH
Ranpo: also yosano needs bitches more than anyone in this server just sayin
Poe: she cried while singing mistki once while i was there
Poe: I believe she was drunk
Poe: °-°""
Yosano: Poe i love you youre my favorite but shut up rn
Poe: okay!!
Astushi: ITS OKAY YOSANO I HAVE TO
Yosano: I LOVE YOU ASTUSHI
Astushi: I LOVE YOU TOO AKIKO <333
Yosano: <333
Ranpo: WTF ABT ME
Yosano: kys/j
Astushi: we love you to ranpo
Ranpo: damn right💪
Poe: i also love ranpo :D
Ranpo: :]
Poe: :]
Astushi: OKAY WE GET IT WE'RE ALL SINGLE AND PATHETIC YOU DONT HAVE TO RUB IT IN
Yosano: FR PLEASE WHY CANT I HAVE THAT
Gin: hey i mean ik a woman
Ryuu: STOP
Ryuu: actually no wait continue
Gin: YEAHHH
Yosano: im LISTENING
Ranpo: The smell of homosexuality only grows stronger
Gin: yosano add me back rq ill get u some info
Yosano: literally love you best akutagawa right here
Tachihara: we all love gin here
Higuchi: we do!!
Astushi: ongg
Astushi: kyouka agrees
Ryuu: literally what the fuck
Gin: me when im better🥶🥶🥶
Ryuu: dming you a slur
Gin: TRANSPHOBIA
Ryuu: and what if it is???/j
Gin: I KNEW IT
Ranpo: ryuu in his relatable arc frfr/j
Astushi: hate the tomatoes in LGBT 😒
Yosano: YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING VILE AHDHAHDG
Poe: burning my trans history book as we speak/j
Yosano: NAWW YOU GOT POE TO TURN ON HIS OWN
Yosano: CONVERTS❗❗
Ranpo: TOMATO ERASURE IN LGBT💪💪💪🥶🥶🥶
Astushi: hate them vegetable wannabes😒
Ryuu: theyll never be a REAL vegetable🙄
Gin: I CANT AJSLANALMAOA
Chapter 23: I JSUT SHOVED A NUKE UP MY PUSSAYE😈❗❗
Summary:
children😨(that includes Kajii)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
BETTER❗❗STRONGER💪💪
(1:09am)
Barbie: JUST SHOVED A NUKE UP MY PUSSAYE
Bibble: RAAHHHHHH
BOMBS🤤: RAHHHH
Texan😨: Q? Elise? mr kajii? ":D
Stabby: ignore them Kenji
Barbie: did u get tye link yet
Stabby: yes
Stabby: sending it to me now
Texan😨: whats going on?
Bibble: breaking and entering💪
Barbie: stalking💪
Stabby: both of u stfu kenji we r getting into dazais forbidden server
Texan😨: oh yay!!
Stabby: [Stabby invites you to "Hom(o)ies" !]
BOMBS🤤: ILL JOIN INA MIN
Hom(o)ies
(1:12am)
@Elise and 3 others just joined!
Elise: RAHHH WERE THEM FRUITY PEBBLES AT
Q: SHOW US THE TRAGGOTS
Elise: WE HATE GAY PEOPLE THIS IS A HOMOPHOBIC RAID
Kenji: doesn't that mean you hate yourself?
Q: LAMEHAJDOHAGAJFHAGAHRH
Elise: stfu farmer boy nobody asked you
Kyouka: within 50 meters of your location and approaching rapidly
Kenji: <3
Kyouka: <3
Elise: ew🙄
Q: banned from our roblox terrorist group
Kenji: i thought we said we werent a terrorist group :(
Q: sike i lied🥶🥶
Dazai: WHAT IN GODS NAME
Elise: EW A EMO FAG😨❗❗
Dazai: EW M*RI'S NUT SPAWN😨❗❗
Q: NAWW SBVAHFBAGGDHDAHDGh
Q: YOU KILLED HER
Dazai: your next neo pronoun tiktok audio lookin ass bitch
Q: STUOPPBABDHAGDH
Q: terro/ist/ism
Fyodor: stealing those for me and nikolai to share
Dazai: can i have them to pookie bear🥺
Fyodor: no kys
Q: I love this person no clue who they are but they r a real one frfr
Q: what r these bitches pronouns idk anyone here
Q: mine r they/it/any neos
Dazai: u already know mine
Q: any but mainly he/they right
Dazai: yaurr
Fyodor: any i dont give a damn though most call me he/him
Dazai: can I call you bi/tch
Fyodor: I
Fyodor: sure
Dazai: ME WHEN IM FUCKING WINNING IN LIFE💪💪
Elise: my pronouns are U/S/A RAHHHH❗❗
Kenji: MY PRONOUNS ARE U/S/A RAAAAAH❗❗❗
Dazai: oh my god you guys got kenji
Q: kyoukas fault
Kenji: hi mr dazai :D
Dazai: heyyy😎
Kyouka: hello dazai
Dazai: youre the one who broke these bitches in didn't you
Kyouka: elise said shed get mori to buy me and kenji robux and minecoins
Dazai: i forgot you were ipad children
Kenji: whats that mean
Q: Ill snap your back in half with a ipad
Elise: his boyfriend already did
Q: HEHAHDHAGEHGRGAHFJBSQKRKPQP
Dazai: Fyodor how morally acceptable is it to tell a child to kys
Fyodor: since when has morality ever stopped you
Dazai: true !!
Dazai: elise kys😍
Elise: telling m*ri😍😍😍
Dazai: the way a bottle of arsenic sounds so delicious rn
Kenji: mr dazai no D:
Dazai: chugging this harder than i chug ur moms cock
Fyodor: you are a horrible influence on children
Dazai: you probably worse
Fyodor: idk the q one already likes me
Q: bros based frfr
Dazai: HES LIKE MY EVIL TWIN
Q: naw hes better
Elise: i like him more
Dazai: NEITHER OF YOU HAVE EVEN MET HIM
Fyodor: stop being such a sore loser dazai
Fyodor: admit that im just better like that
Dazai: okay god complex mf😒
Fyodor: not a complex if its the truth
Dazai: i seriously dont understand how you have bitches
Q: they have bitches to??? he really is better than dazai!!!
Elise: FR
Fyodor: HA
Dazai: KMS
Q: hope you succeed this time
Kenji: Q thats mean
Q: stfu
Q: I mean sorry kenji I'll be nicer
Q: 😁
Kyouka: thats what i thought
Dazai: damn aint no way
@Kajii just slid in!
Dazai: NO
Dazai: NO
Kajii: JUST SHOVED A NUKE UP MY PUSSY
Elise: RAHHHH
Kajii: RAHHHH
Q: HI KAJII
Kajii: HELLO Q
Kyouka: hi kajii
Kajii: HELLO MS KYOUKA
Dazai: the way the noose in my closet looks so cute rn
Kajii: luv u 2 bbg
Kajii: @Tachihara @Gin @Higuchi BBGS I GOT IN
Tachihara: OMG MY SHAWTY BAE
Kajii: IM UR SHAWTY BAE??? 💖💖💖
Tachihara: YES BB💖💖💖
Tachihara: WHAS UP HOIME💪💪💪 -GIN RAHH
Kajii: AYYEEE❗❗❗
Elise: YOU CAN FUCKING THANK ME YOU UGLY FAG
Kajii: CHECK DMS U DEFORMED BARBIE DOLL
Elise: MB 🤝
Kyouka: SUSHI IS AWAKE
Kyouka: SCATTER
Elise: GO GO GO
Kenji: i wanna say hi to mr Astushi :(
Dazai: LLLLL
Q: KENJI STOP BEING NICE AND FUCKING GO
Kenji: :(
Astushi: wtf
Astushi: WTF
Astushi: KYOUKA??? KENJI???
Astushi: HER FUCKING MINECRAFT FRIENDS???
Elise: we met on roblox actually😒
Q: STFU BEFORE I LOCK YOU IN THE DREAM HOUSE
Elise: ILL LEAK UR IP ON TWITTER AND SAY ITS A BTS HATERS
Q: 🤐
Kyouka: pussy
Dazai: naw id be terrified to
Kyouka: pussy
Fyodor: im agreeing with dazai on that one tbh
Kyouka: thats a rational fear fyodor
Dazai: THIS IS RACISM
Kyouka: we are the same race
Dazai: fyodor isnt
Fyodor: русский
Q: is that french
Fyodor: Im
Dazai: Q PELASE
Elise: THATS RUSSIAN YOU STUPID HOE
Q: KENJI ELISE IS SAYING MEAN THINGS TO ME :(((
Kenji: srry but elise is right ngl
Elise: HAHRGAGDHAG
Q: IM GONNA FUCKING RIP YOUR SKIN OFF LIKE A BANANA
Kyouka: and I'll tell m*ri you know his credit card info
Q: 🤐
Fyodor: who is this m*ri and why the name censorship?
Q: OH BOY
Elise: NO ONE TELL IT
Kyouka: u dont wanna know
Fyodor: do you mean president mori? at our college?
Elise: CENSOR HIS NAME BEFORE I VOMIT
Q: RARE ELISE BEING BASED AND VALID MOMENT
Dazai: pookie bear that is a story for another day
Fyodor: ???
Fyodor: okay
Ranpo: I SHOVED A NUKE UP MY PUSSY
Elise: RAHHHHHH
Q: RAGGHHH
Kajii: RAHHHH
Dazai: OMG MY SHAWTY BOO BOO BAE
Ranpo: 🥰🥰🥰
Dazai: why r u up
Ranpo: my chaos censors were going haywire i felt something stirring in the gc
Ranpo: kyouka is getting scolded rn btw
Dazai: i guessed that
Q: honestly skill issue
Elise: ratio couldnt be me
Kenji: be nice to kyouka :(
Kenji: also hi mr ranpo!!
Ranpo: hey lil man🤝
Q: what r ur pronouns
Q: @Tachihara @Gin @Kajii you guys too !!!
Ranpo: he and they💪
Q: thxs silly
Ranpo: yw urs r they/it
Q: oh em gee
Ranpo: did that shit wit out scrolling💪💪💪
Q: new favorite just dropped srry fyodor
Fyodor: thumbs up emoji
Kajii: MINE ARE HE/IT/EX I THOUGHT I TOLD U THAT
Q: U DID I JUST WANTED OTHERS TO KNWO
Kajii: OHHH TY HOMIE
Q: 🤝
Kajii: GIN AND TACHIS R THEY/SHE AND HE/THEY/IT
Q: TYYYY
Elise: mine r she/her
Kenji: mine r any and kyoukas are she/it :D
Dazai: omg kenji u never told me that
Kenji: sorry mr dazai!!
Dazai: its cool proud of u broski💪💪
Kenji: :D
Notes:
CANNOT TELL ME THAT KAJII ISNT THE ONE PM MEMBER THAT ELISE AND Q ACTUALLY LIKE HAVING AS A BABYSITTER IK THEM BITCHES PLOT SOME DIABOLICAL SCHEMES TOGETHER
Chapter 24: when the fuck is it my turn🥰
Summary:
shout out to it being canon that fyodor prefers to talk to pretty people(his longest conversations have been with men)(kinda gay ngl) pretty sure this is stated somewhere in the guide to dead apple book idk tho didn't read it yet but im gonna trust the random tumblr user who has a whole thing of useless fyodor information that has nothing to do wit tge story
not gonna elaborate on what the title is referring to in this chapter just know its a slash hj
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(1:59pm)
Tachihara: guys question whats the hottest thing someones done for you
Fyodor: made a game of russian roulette out of valentine's day chocolate
Tachihara: i
Tachihara: h u h ?
Fyodor: 9 chocolate pieces in total 1 was poisoned
Fyodor: best part he forgot which one was the poison one so it really was a gamble
Dazai: couple goals🥰🥰💖💖👨❤️💋👨👨❤️💋👨😍😍🤗🤗😁😁
Fyodor: not a couple if theres 3 people tho that was before sigma
Fyodor: also shut up dazai you lonely fuck go get some bitches please
Sigma: forget you to were together before i joined tbh
Fyodor: how?
Sigma: he wanted to kill you💀
Sigma: *wants mb thats still a ongoing thing
Fyodor: your point?
Tachihara: we are moving on from the scary terrorist people and their weird romance russian roulette
Fyodor: you asked i answered
Tachihara: kys anyways dazai hbu
Dazai: hm
Dazai: back me into a wall with a broken wine glass up to my neck
Tachihara: damn i wonder who that was
Tachihara: also get help all of you mainly dazai and fyodor
Dazai: never
Fyodor: help is pointless im content with being deeply concerning and threatening( A/N remember its super hot and cool and strong of you to ask for help when u need it pookies/p/gen)
Tachihara: im scared to ask sigmaballs hbu
Sigma: uhhhh
Sigma: hm
Fyodor: seriously
Sigma: idk said my name in a russian/ukranian accent outta nowhere
Fyodor: lmao i remember that you looked so fucking confused
Sigma: THEY DID IT SO RANDOMLY AND THEN TRIED TO GAS LIGHT ME INTO THINKING IT DIDN'T HAPPEN
Nikolai: it didn't happen fym
Sigma: kms😍
Dazai: CAN I JOIN LET ME JOIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Sigma: no👍
Dazai: :(
Dazai: OH MY GOD WAIT NO THIS TOPIC HAS REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING WAIT OMG
Dazai: DOSTOY
Fyodor: hm
Dazai: do you remember shibusawa💀
Sigma: who
Fyodor: nyet
Dazai: BULLSHIT IK YOU DID NOT FORGET HIS ASS
Fyodor: извините нет английского
(sorry no english)
Dazai: DONT USE RUSSIAN TO ESCAPE THIS
Fyodor: улыбающийся смайлик
(smiling emoji)
Dazai: NONO BC LIKE I YOU WONT MCFUCKING BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND OUT
Fyodor: what
Dazai: bro fucking bullied the shit out of Astushi💀
Fyodor: o h !
Dazai: and this made me realize that not only do you have a thing for men with white hair
Dazai: but you also have a thing for men that have in some way bullied or negatively impacted Astushi
Fyodor: I
Fyodor: okay not commenting on the first thing but the second one is a coincidence i swear
Sigma: its not him having a thing for people whove bullied Astushi its him having a thing for just bullies
Sigma: in general
Dazai: more like wanted criminals but yk
Tachihara: this makes me scared of sigma a lil bit
Sigma: SEE WHAT YOUVE DONE TO MY REPUTATION FYODOR?
Sigma: AND YOU TOO KOLYA
Fyodor: you problem + skill issue + who asked
Nikolai: HAHDDGAHDHA
Sigma: gonna plummet to my death and you will never hear from me again🥰
Fyodor: hot ngl
[Fyodor deleted a message]
Sigma: ex
Sigma: excuse me
Fyodor: that was a joke i swear i forgot the /j and panicked
Fyodor: i am not attracted to you falling off a building
Tachihara: wouldn't be a shock after the things ive learned abt you 2nite😁
Fyodor: i will be the reason for one of your closest companions death and the downfall of an entire friend group.
Tachihara: BITCH WHAT IN DA HELL😨
Fyodor: heart eyes emoji
Dazai: l take skill issye
Fyodor: kading kading 3 3
Dazai: c a r d.
[Tachihara has muted Hom(o)ies]
Dazai: HAHDHAHFGAH
Sigma: LOOK WHAT YOU DID
Fyodor: im not sorry
Sigma: i hate you sm
Fyodor: love you too кукла
Sigma: ahdgsgrrffh
Dazai: stfu faggotrons
Sigma: bros mad bc hes inlove witj his best friend of 7 years and still has not pulled
Chuuya: nuh uh
Dazai: its just a bromance aint nothing wrong with having a bromance for the homie
Fyodor: Hom(o)ies
Dazai: kys
Ryuu: guys im out of monster :(
Higuchi: what about the two 20 packs i got for you?
Higuchi: two weeks ago?
Ryuu: theyr gone :(
Gin: YOU DRANK 7 TODAY
Gin: ITS 2:27
Ryuu: AND?
Kyouka: Come to our apartment and I'll give you half of Astushis stash
Kyouka: hes at class rn hurry
Ryuu: i dont want jinkos crusty monster
Ryuu: but what flavors are there
Ryuu: out of curiosity
Gin: omfg
Kyouka: green, red/green, pink tho that one says juice, white and red
Kyouka: also ones with butterflies on them
Ranpo: HEY DONT TOUCH THE BUTTERFLY ONES THOSE R YOSANOS
Ranpo: AND THE RED ONES R MINE
Ryuu: ..
Ryuu: how many of the green and white ones does he have
Kyouka: too many
Ryuu: I'll erm be there in 15
Gin: the fact they already have their adress🤨
Kyouka: he comes over a lot for dinner at 3 am
Ryuu: FALSE
Dazai: HOMOS😨
Elise: new emo fag just dropped
Kouyou: elise watch your language
Elise: im gay i get to say it
Kouyou: youre so lucky i dont have the heart to tell mori
Dazai: damn even kouyou stopped lurking
Gin: OMFG I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON
Ryuu: ITS NOT THAT HE JUST BUYS ME PORKBUNS A LOT
Ryuu: OR HE'LL CALL ME OVER IF THERES A BUG HES TOO SCARED TO KILL AND HE DOESN'T WANNA WAKE KYOUKA
Astushi: FUCK YALL SCREAMING FOR ME AND KUNIKIDA ARE DOING A PRESENTATION
Dazai: sorry Astushi
Dazai: Kunikida can khs
Kunikida: fuck you
Dazai: if you insist papi😍
Kunikida: 😰
Hom(o)ies
(9:47pm)
Astushi: GUYS
Astushi: GUYS ALL OF MY WHITE AND GREEN MONSTERS R GONE
Astushi: GUYS WAKE UP THIS IS SERIOUS
Kajii: ME RYUU AND GIN GETTIN FUCKIN LIT 2NITE AHHDHAGEHAGSHAGGQ
Astushi: W H A T
Tachihara: WTF ABT ME
Kajii: ILL SAVE U SUM
Tachihara: TY PAPI
Tachihara: CAN U SAVE TECCHOU ONE TO
Kajii: ANYTHING FOR THE HOMIES HOMIE🤝
Tachihara: 🤝
Dazai: WHY DOES MICHI GWT TO SAY PAPI BYR I CANT
Kunikida: bc no one likes you
Dazai: 🥺
Astushi: GIYS
Gin: SOREY JINKO WASNT MY IDEA PLZ FORGIVE ME
Kajii: I HAD NO PART IN TBIS I WAS HUST INVITED
Astushi: WTF HAPPENED
Q: kyouka a real one fr
Astushi: WHAT
Kyouka: you drink too many anyway
Ranpo: ARE ME AND YOSANOS SAFS
Kyouka: yes.
Ranpo: THANKK YOU LYSM IZUMI !!!
Kyouka: :)
Ranpo: <333
Astushi: KYOUKA
Kyouka: you drink to many plys i think he likes you more now
Q: SHE A REAL WINGMAN FRFR
Astushi: AHFBSGGFFFEGDF
Astushi: NOT BUYING YOU ANYMORE MINECRAFT MODS
Elise: i got u coverd snowy
Kyouka: ty
Astushi: AHDHAGGRFRRTSG >:(((
Gin: real footage of jinko not having the heart to be actually mad at kyouka
Chapter 25: USA SLANDER RAHHH🦅🦅🦅
Summary:
I HATE AMERICANS(im texan)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(8:32pm)
Astushi: i wanna jump down a flight of stairs on a pogo stick
Ranpo: 100¥ and you do it
Astushi: Get ur boyfriend to buy me a pogo stick
Ranpo: dazai has one !!
Astushi: tf why
Dazai: HE IS NOT USING MY STICK TO JUMP DOWN THE STAIRS WHAT IF HE BREAKS IT :((
Kunikida: the safety of your pogo stick doesn't matter Astushis health is more important
Kunikida: Astushi please say you dont actually want to do that
Astushi: 100¥ is 100¥ Kunikida.
Kyouka: do it pussy you wont
Astushi: @Poe MR EDGAR :(((
Astushi: I HAVE AN URGENT REQUEST FOR YOU :((
Poe: pretty sure ranpo is using my credit card info to buy it tbh
Ranpo: ed i would NEVER use such valuable information like that :(
Ranpo: anyways Astushi expect a package on tmwr yw
Poe: -_-
Ranpo: you could get a new credit card any time stfu
Yosano: not the sugar daddy
Ranpo: i mean/j
Poe: NO.
Ranpo: I MEANNNN/J
Poe: I AM NOT
Dazai: thats Kunikida smh get it right
Kunikida: excuse me??
Dazai: pay off my cafe tab
Kunikida: no kys
Dazai: :(
Dazai: ranpo can we trade :((
Ranpo: no you fucking loser <33
Poe: im not a pokemon >:(
Astushi: hes like a pokemon trainer bc of karl
Poe: karl is not a pokemon either >:(
Dazai: galar version of that one fucking weasel raccoon thing
Ranpo: GALARIAN ZIGZAGOON YOU FAKE ASS FAN
Ranpo: btw he does in fact have a lvl 100 obstagoon named karl on one of his pokemon shield saves
Kyouka: ew shield/hj
Poe: no one asked you
Yosano: thats such a simple and basic comback but bc its from poe its rlly threatening
Ranpo: he can be a menace on occasion
Fyodor: i saw him trip a person down the stairs !!
Fyodor: first time i ever saw him actually
Poe: WE DONT SPEAK OF FHAT
Poe: how did you even see that incident i swore no one was around
Astushi: ARE THEY OKAY WTF???
Poe: theyre fine !!
Dazai: he sees everything that happens in this campus dont even question it
Astushi: my friend lucy who knows poe said to be scared of him
Poe: tell her i hope she gets hit by a bus again <3
Yosano: AGAIN?? WHO THE FUCK WAS THE DRIVER THE FIRST TIME?? YOU???
Poe: will not confirm or deny anything (• × •)
Yosano: get it ig
Ranpo: if u want more menace things poe has done add Lucy to the server im unfortunately for legal reasons not allowed to say anything 3
Kyouka: i like lucy shes nice
Kenji: she gives me free snacks sometimes when i go to her cafe :D
Elise: certified hood lesbian we love her
Yosano: everyone loves lucy frfr
Astushi: i cant tell if she hates me or loves me but shes cool we love her <3
Dazai: shes one of them usaers on our campus rigjt
Dazai: them tractor fuckers
Dazai: red white and blue ballers
Astushi: dazai💀
Elise: MY PRONOUNS ARE U/S/A RAHHH
Poe: A REAL AMERICANS PRONOUNS ARE RED/WHITE/BLUE AND FREE/DOM 🦅🦅🦅🦅
Astushi: STOP THIS MADNESS
Poe: in America we uber to the hospital bc its cheaper than the ambulance💪💪💪
Yosano: PLEASE TELL ME UR JOKING
Poe: ( ' - - )
Yosano: AINT NO WAY💀💀💀
Poe: LAND OF THE FREE🦅🦅🦅🦅
Poe: for only cis straight rich white men but LAND OF THE FREE🦅🦅🦅
[Lucy M. just slid in! Hope you brought pizza]
Poe: LUCY MAUD MONTGOMERY !!!!
Lucy M.: I HEARD THERE WAS AMERICAN SLANDER HAPPENING
Astushi: she was threatening me with burning hot coffee to add her
Poe: USA RAHHHH
Dazai: CHANGE UR NAME BEFORE I RED WHITE AND BLUE UR FUCKING FACE 🤬🤬🤬🤬❗❗❗❗
Lucy M.: RED WHITE AND BLUE MY BALLS BITCH🤬🤬🤬❗❗❗
[Lucy M. changed their nickname]
Lucy: FREE HEALTHCARE
Poe: how terrifying😰
Dazai: only worse thing than the red white and blue ballers is the brits
Dazai: was gonna say the french but france isnt real so(and also bc chuuya speaks french and i am currently in his dorm with no intention of dying <3)
Poe: just like the state Idaho
Lucy: BITCH IM FROM THERE
Poe: YOURE NOT REAL
Lucy: YOURE BRITISH PARENTS AREN'T REAL THEN
Poe: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Lucy: TEA AND CRUMPTER😰
Dazai: 😰
Poe: NO DIE DIE DIE DIE
Poe: ROT IN THE PITS OF HELL
Lucy: KYS
Poe: NUH UH
Lucy: GET BITCHES
Poe: I HAVE ONE UNLIKE YOU
Poe: MITSKI RELATER !!
Poe: "NOBODY NOBODY NO-BODY NOBODY NOOO BODY NOBODY NOOO BODY"
Lucy: KAY WHY ES😻
Poe: I HATE AMERICANS, BRITISH, AND SINGLE PEOPLE
Dazai: mistki relaters💀
Fyodor: just like you !!
Dazai: burn💖💖💖
Notes:
IDAHO AND THE FRENCH AREN'T REAL JUST LIKE WOMEN, BIRDS AND AIRPLANE PASSENGERS THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING ❗❗❗🗣🗣🗣
(this is all based off of conversations ive had with my friends)(we were all just screaming idaho isn't real)(bc it isnt)(idahoes are fake)(delulu if you will)
Chapter 26: fyodors army expansion
Summary:
HOW WE FEELING ABT THE NEW EP POOKIES IM FEELING DEPRESSED💖💖💖
RYUU WAS STARTING TO GROW ON ME I WAS GONNA ADD HIM TO MY LIST OF FICTIONAL CHILDREN BUT FUKOOCHIE WENT "nyuh uh😼" AND NOW MY BESTIE IS DOWN ONE HUSBAND /3 (he was married to ryuu its canon actually)
anyways how socially acceptable is it to have 114 images saved of one character aha asking for a friend aha totally😻
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(4:41pm)
Ryuu: the way i almost got my head cut off today
Astushi: i cried
Ryuu: ik
Kyouka: what
Ryuu: 😼
Astushi: ENOUGH WITH THE CAT EMOJIS
Ryuu: nuh uh
Ryuu: im doing it for u jinko
Ryuu: cuz ur a furry
Astushi: IM NOT
Ryuu: cat boy
Lucy: i call him tiger kitty
Ryuu: cat
Ryuu: el gato
Q: is that french
Ryuu: how do you get russian, french AND spanish mixed up
Q: is it
Ryuu: no.
Q: 😾
Astushi: STIP
Ryuu: idk what stip is sorry
Astushi: I hope you die💖
Q: gonna get my friends goofy vampire lookin ahh friend to bite him
Fyodor: BRAM????
Q: is that his name
Nikolai: the way you immediately thought it was bram bc of the vampire thing
Fyodor: he looks like one
Ryuu: what kinda vampire is named bram
Fyodor: hes not actually a vampire
Fyodor: maybe
Fyodor: im actually not sure
Astushi: thats not terrifying at all
Nikolai: hes silly dont worry abt him
Nikolai: hes like
Nikolai: about to get kicked out
Nikolai: for never doing work or showing up to class
Nikolai: bc everytime he gets annoyed at something(which is most things) he just sleeps bc he thinks things will go away
Dazai: me too bro
Nikolai: he slept for 29 hours straight once
Fyodor: you thought he was dead
Nikolai: i dragged him by the foot off his bed and he didn't wake up
Nikolai: not very alive of him
Astushi: is bro okay😰
Fyodor: no
Nikolai: yes
Astushi: um chile anyways so um
Q: mr fyodor i got ur blackmail on dazai can you ban him from the rat gc rq
Fyodor: on it
Fyodor: dming you the code to your robux giftcard aswell
Astushi: wtf
Q: ty new favorite grown up❗❗❗
Fyodor: sunglasses emoji
Astushi: so your expanding your rat army to childrwn now
Kyouka: he has kenji and q giving him blackmail in exchange for robux
Astushi: Q is not suprising but KENJI????
Ryuu: i thought he was the nice one
Kyouka: he doesn't understand the concept of blackmail he thinks hes basically giving away fun facts in exhange for robux
Ryuu: what is the blackmail on dazai anyway
Q: comrade do i get to share the classified information of our trade
Fyodor: yes permission granted soldier
Q: check the mafia(no dazai or chuuya allowed) gc
Gin: OOOOOOO
Ryuu: OOOOOOOO
Elise: OOOOO
Q: FR !!!
Kouyou: laughs hotly in knowing along
Dazai: AYE AYE AYE AYE
Dazai: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SITUAYETIONNNN
Fyodor: SCATTER !!!
Q: GO GO GO GO
Astushi: WHAT IS IT
Astushi: RYUUNOSUKE TELL ME TELLMEENMEEM
Ryuu: TEN STEPS AHEAD SCREENSHOTS ARE LOADING AS WE SPEAK
Gin: first name use🤨
Gin: FULL first name use🤨
Ryuu: literally NO ONE FUCKING ASKED YOU YOU FUCKING UGLY MISTAKE I WISH YOU LEFT ME AT THE ORPHANAGE SO I WOULDVE DIED FROM LUNG CANCER
Elise: GAH DAYUMN😰
Q: HAGEHAGDHAGHSHAA YEAAAA GET IT MR AKU
Gin: YOU WANNA GO BITCH?
Ryuu: ILL HURL YOUR BITCHASS OFF THE ROOF
Gin: GOOD LUCK GETTING UP THERE WITH THEM ASTHMA ATTACKS
Gin: BRO GONNA NEED TO BE SENT TO THE HOSPITAL FOR LUNG FAILURE AFTER THE FIRST FEW STEPS
Ryuu: dming the lizards all of your secrets
Gin: DONT EVEN
Ryuu: <3333
Chibi>Dazai
(5:03pm)
Dazai: DUDE
Chibi: IK IK IK
Dazai: DO YOU THINK???
Chibi: MAYBE????
Dazai: WHAT IF ITS THE FACT WE USED TO STEAL WINE AND DRINK AT 15
Chibi: HOPEFULLY???
Dazai: KOUYOU SAYS SHE KNEW
Dazai: SHE KNEW ABT THE WINE
Chibi: YEA BUT SHE ALSO KNOWS ABT YEAH
Dazai: YEAH
Dazai: BUT HOW WOULD'VE Q FOUND OUT ABT THAT
Dazai: ITS NOT TOO HARD TO FIND OUT ABT THE WINE THING
Dazai: BUT THE OTHER THING
Dazai: I THOUGHT WE HAD THEM TRICKED???
Chibi: SURELY WE DID RIGJT
Chibi: CUZ EVEN UR FUCKING RUSSIAN EVIL TWIN FEEL FOR IT
Dazai: EXACTLY
Chibi: SO ARE WE FINE OR ???
Dazai: I GUESS???
Dazai: also r we just brushing over the fact that i got BANNED FROM FEDYAS GC AND THEY HAVE A MAFIOSO SERVER WITHOUT US???
Chibi: DISCRIMINATION AT ITS PEAK ISTG
Dazai: ONG
Dazai: anyways wanna come over kunikida made some banger curry and we have a lot left
Chibi: mmmm sure
Dazai: doors unlocked ❗❗
Chibi: be there in 5 im helping tachi wit somethin❗❗
Notes:
IM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT SOONER BUT I WENT TO MY FRIENDS AND GOT HIT WITH A HUGE WAVE OF FATIGUE AFTERWAYS SORRY BBGS !!!!
Chapter 27: Live laugh love Bram💖
Summary:
sorry if yall thought were getting the secret reveal instantly nope gotta add some spice build anticipation😎😎😎
anways BRAM💖💖💖💖💖 and nikolai thigh appreciation
and some nice lil fyolai/polydecay content
unfunny chapter probably but skk development next chapt so its fine
Notes:
mb this has been sitting in my tabs for like a week i forgot to finisj it💀
Chapter Text
Decay of bbgs
(1:09am)
Teeth.: gigys
Teeth.: i feele offr mybred
Teeth.: tgyts hekep plme
Criminalcore♡: BRAM????
Criminalcore♡: BRAMMY IS THAT UOU???
Addict😍: OH MY GOD HES ALIVE
Greaseyassmf: not for long i think hes dying
Addict😍: bram you okay?
Teeth.: myt hairr :*(
Teeth.: ittss alllbred now
Addict😍: ???
Greaseyassmf: did
Greaseyassmd: did he
Addict😍: do we need to call an ambulance???
Teeth.: nooo
Teeth.: too sleepry
Teeth.: sleeddsep on groundf
Teeth.: headd ehurt toto mucb fir sleepe :*(
Criminalcore♡: atleast theyll look hot with another scar
Addict😍: KOLYA
Criminalcore♡: WHAT
Greaseyassmf: they are a manwhore weve already established this
Greaseyassmf: bram is hot tho
Greaseyassmf: his hair dear god
Addict😍: ngl valid
Addict😍: also what is your thing with white haired people????
Criminalcore♡: hes so HRRRGFFGGFTHRFFT
Criminalcore♡: can you blame him???
Criminalcore♡: white haired mfs are h9t
Criminalcore♡: besides old people
Greaseyassmf: white hair is just pretty
Criminalcore♡: :D
Greaseyassmf: sigmas aswell
Greaseyassmf: the white and lavender combination is very pretty aswell
Addict😍: h
Criminalcore♡: i should braid your hair again sigma remember the pretty swirl it made !!
Addict😍: you can tomorrow
Criminalcore♡: y not now :((
Addict😍: its
Addict😍: 1:29am
Greaseyassmf: they do not understand the concept of time and lateness/earlyness you should know this sigma
Addict😍: i keep hoping
Criminalcore♡: please please please please please
Criminalcore♡: im boredddd :(((
Addict😍: you are literally right next to fyodor
Criminalcore♡: yea and hes like in a ball under like 6 blankets
Greaseyassmf: im cozy
Criminalcore♡: suffocate
Greaseyassmf: between what
Greaseyassmf: (:
Addict😍: FOUL
Greaseyassmf: youd say the same stfu
Addict😍: yeah
Criminalcore♡: got the best thighs on this campus💪
Addict😍: guys are we just gonna gloss over the bram thing
Greaseyassmf: thighs are more important/j
Addict😍: okay pennywisefucker
Greaseyassmf: SILENCE
Criminalcore♡: HAHDHAFHFHGAHA
Addict😍: okay actually @Teeth. are you okay
Teeth.: hhrgrggrjgwgwuriowpr
Criminalcore♡: brammy you alive
Teeth.: i nerrd too wasddh my hiar it hass blodd innut
Greaseyassmf: did you fall off your bed and cut yourself on accident
Teeth.: yesah
Greaseyassmf: good god
Addict😍: you need medical attention or something??
Teeth.: nko
Greaseyassmf: i think this happens a lot
Teeth.: yeeds
Teeth.: ikm jyst gonnana gonack to sleep thisd id ankoying
Criminalcore♡: aw mann
Addict😍: have a good night bram
Teeth.: :}
Criminalcore♡: now im all alone :(
Addict😍: literally right next to fyodor and im right here
Criminalcore♡: he keeps phasing in and out of awakeness
Addict😍: when was the last it slept?
Criminalcore♡: good question
Addict😍: ah
Criminalcore♡: whatever shall i do now that i no longer have any dear companions to share thoust company with???
Criminalcore♡: bats eyelashes
Addict😍: for gods sake
Criminalcore♡: weeps cutely
Criminalcore♡: whatever shall i do with this overwhelming loneliness
Addict😍: yes yes ik im grabbing my keys
Criminalcore♡: thy loneliness has been saved by thoust knight in shining armour(heels)
Addict😍: uh huh
Criminalcore♡: bitches in heels>>>
Addict😍: heels are great if you can walk in them
Criminalcore♡: im too springy for heels
Addict😍: springy?
Criminalcore♡: i run and jump and skip alot
Criminalcore♡: springy
Addict😍: ah
Greaseyassmf: hacks into the pookies discord acc cutely
Criminalcore♡: LITERALLY WHY ARE YOU HERE
Greaseyassmf: cutely wiggles toes
Criminalcore♡: YOURE IN EVERY CHAPTER YOU HAVE TOO MUCH SCREEN TIME AND PAGE TIME AND CHAPTER TIME LITERALLY GO AWAY
Addict😍: bitch what
Addict😍: 😃
Greaseyassmf: blueberry muffin cakes are u not happy 2 see me 😥😥😥😢😢😢😰😰😰🙁🙁🥺🥺🥺
Criminalcore♡: no my wittle kitten i didnt mean it like that🥺🥺🥺🥺
Teeth.: you talk like ayas friends what the fuck
Criminalcore♡: BRAM !!!
Greaseyassmf: who js that
Teeth.: fyodor what the fuck
Addict😍: i think thats dazai
Teeth.: who
Greaseyassmf: DAMN
Criminalcore♡: ilysm bram
Teeth.: thanks
Addict😍: it truly has such a way with words
Teeth.: yea
Greaseyassmf: i cant tell if this mf is a totally bitch or just doesn't care
Criminalcore♡: hes the friend we told u abt that is like abt to get kicked out fir sleeping constantly
Greaseyassmf: ohhhh
Criminalcore♡: eepy man
Greaseyassmf: i like sleeping to!!
Decay of bbgs 2:09am
@DostoyAlt just slid in!
DostoyAlt: whore
Greaseyassmf: :(
Chapter 28: HRRRRFG
Chapter Text
AAAAGAHH I KEEP TRYING TO A POST A NEW CHAPTER BUT AO3 KEEPS DOING THIS GLITCH WHERE IT DELETES HALF MY SHIT HRRRRFG ANYWAYS
SO SORRY FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE POOKIES MY MENTAL HEALTH GOT A WEE BIT SILLY(dissociative disorders are so fun😍) BUT I'M WORKING ON IT AND IM STARTING TO GET BETTER SO HOPEFULLY MORE UPDATES NOW?? ANYWAYS LOVE YALL BBGS TAKE CARE OF URSELF<33
Chapter 29: IDK IF THIS CHAPTER WILL EVEN LOAD KMS
Summary:
gonna kms if this doesn't work anyways secret reveal + fyodor in his gas lighting era
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(2:08am)
Dazai: the a in dissociative disorder stands for ate cuz i ate that shit up
Atsushi(SHUT UP IK I HAVE BEEN SPELLING HIS NAME WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME): mr dazai what
Dazai: i should die soon
Astushi: what😰
Dazai: giggles
Kunikida: please go to sleep
Kunikida: please
Kunikida: i cant stand your music any longer
Dazai: shes just like you and mee
Dazai: but shes homeless(😧) shes homeless(😱)
Dazai: and now she stands there singing for money
Kunikida: osamu please
Dazai: la da dee la da dao la da dee la da dao la da dee la da dao
Astushi: kKunikida im scared
Kunikida: hes been going crazy trying to figure out whatever that secret bullshit is
Astushi: ohhh
Dazai: Astushi
Astushi: yea😰
Dazai: when i die
Astushi: mr dazai its not that serious
Dazai: no cuz when i die
Dazai: um
Dazai: idk
Dazai: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOY ONIW
Astushi: 😰
Kyouka: sushi your gay boytoy malewife twink boyfriend is rading the fridge again
Astushi: MY WHAT
Dazai: MALE WIFE AKUTAGAWA
Ryuu: EXCUSE ME???
Ryuu: kyouka you worthless fuck what the hell
Dazai: chuuyas my gay boytoy malewife twink
Dazai: not my bf tho
Astushi: we know hes not your bf
Ryuu: everyone knows you aren't dating
Dazai: 😰
Dazai: SINCE WHEN YALL SWITCHING TEAMS LIKE THAT
Dazai>Chibi
(2:21am)
Chibi: WHAT THE FUCK😰😰😰😰
Dazai: THEY OUT HERE SWITCHING TEAMS BRO WHAT HAS FYODOR TOLD THEM😭😭😭
Hom(o)ies
(2:22am)
Atsushi: hes ur husband??
Ryuu: we all know dazai you dont need to keep shouting about it
Chuuya: WHAT
Dazai: OAUR NAUR
Chuuya: HOW THE FUXK DID Q MANAGE TO FIGURE THAT OUT😭
Dazai: ISK BRO I THOUGHT WE DID WELL???
Atsushi: what
Ryuu: ????
Dazai: wait
Chuuya: games over we admit it
Dazai: no chuuya shut up
Astushi: .
Ryuu: we were joking
Chuuya: oh
Dazai: OUH
Dazai: OUH💀
Chuuya: um
Astushi: ????
Ryuu: WE WERE JOKING
Ryuu: WE'RE YOU NOT???
Dazai: SHES JUST LIKE YOU AND MEEE
Dazai: BUT SHES HOMELESS
Dazai: SHES HOMELESS
Dazai: AND NOW SHES STANDING ON STREET SINGING FOR MONEY
Dazai: LA DA DEE LA DA DAO LA DA DEE
Fyodor: knew something was up
Fyodor: checkmate osamu nakahara<3
Dazai: YOU DID NOT PLAY ME LIKE THAT
Chuuya: WHAT IS GOIN ON
Atsushi: OSAMU NAKAHARA?????
Ryuu: ?????????
Kunikida: DAZAI OSAMU I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO EXPLAIN
Dazai: NAUR NAUR NAUR
Fyodor: there was no secret
Fyodor: i just wanted to see whatever bullshit youd accidentally reveal if i told you there was
Fyodor: so i told everyone to act like there was one
Dazai: GIYS WHAT IF I SHOOT MYSELD
Fyodor: thats crazy
Chuuya: PLEASE WHAT IS HAPPENING
Ryuu: NAKAHARA???
Chuuya: WHATT
Dazai: WHAT?
Chuuya: STOP DAZAI YOU AREN'T HELPING
Ryuu: WHAT THE FUCK
Atsushi: MARRIAGE😰
Dazai: I GOT HOESSS
Dazai: IN DIFFERENT AREA CODESSS
Chuuya: WE ARE NOT MARRIED
Dazai: yet
Chuuya: WE ARE ENGAGED WERE WAITING FOR THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR
Chuuya: AKA AFTER WE GRADUATE
Chuuya: literally fucking jump off a building
Atsushi: WELL
Atsushi: THIS IS NEWS
Ryuu: Im in shock what the fuck is happening
Kyouka: me and kenji watching in utter confusion while on a call with elise and q and aya
Kunikida: what are you children doing up?
Kyouka: learning about Dazai's secret marriage apparently
Kyouka: *nakahara sorry apparently
Chuuya: do not call him nakahara stop that
Dazai: 💔
Kunikida: dazai kitchen table now we need to talk
Dazai: 😧
Atsushi: NAUR WE NEED TO MEET UP AND TALK HANG ON
Kyouka: i think we are all too tired to process this and tomorrow we arw gonna wake up and be like : HOLY SHIT DAZAI IS MARRIED TO CHUUYA??
Chuuya: WE AREN'T MARRIED YET
Chapter 30: 🤯
Summary:
30 chapters🤯
ty for all the support pookies :333 might make a discord server for silly goofs :33 lots of screaming abt bsd and other interests if anyones interestes :333
hrrrfg i fucking missed a singular line that made the interaction between Q and Elise jot mistake im gonna kms(fixed it now)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(5:09pm)
Nikolai: sighhhhhh
Sigma: tf
Nikolai: its so boringggg
Nikolai: my pookie and the pookies pookie are busy talking abt marriage or sum
Nikolai: im lonellyyyyyyyy
Nikolai: fedya is in class bc he chose all the later in the day classessss
Sigma: must suck to suck
Nikolai: sigma :((
Sigma: no im in class dont ask
Nikolai: :((
Kyouka: tf classes are so late for you all
Sigma: college💖
Sigma: we get to pick and choose are schedules to an extent
Kyouka: ooo
Kenji: kyouka we should pick the same classes when we are older :DD
Kyouka: sure
Q: everything is too quiet without gayzai
Elise: stfu emo tiktok audio melanie Martinez stan looking bitch
Q: BRO
Elise: you said it was too quiet im tryna start drama
Q: NOT LIKE THAT TF😰
Kenji: elise >:(
Elise: mb um hmm better drama
Q: gossip
Elise: i saw m*ri talking with the president with ms yosano
Elise: sum abt moving colleges and wanting yosano to go wit
Kenji: :0
Kenji: ms yosano :((
Kyouka: she won't actually do it dw
Q: elise get better drama
Elise: ungrateful fuck
Elise: hmmmm
Elise: idk guys besides the marriage reveal there is no tea :(
Kyouka: ryuu took Astushi on a date
Kyouka: they had a sleep over to
Kyouka: i saw them sleeping on the couch together
Q: WAIT WHAT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN
Kyouka: last week
Kenji: i saw mr Astushi said not to tell anyone
Kyouka: he just has some internalized homophobia he has to get over itll be fine
Q: i thought aku out of all ppl would have the internalized homophobia
Elise: aku is just emotionally constipated
Q: honestly skill issue would not be caught dead like that
Elise: u had a breakdown yesterday
Elise: bc you dropped sum food
Q: M*ri is your dad🤯
Q: you have to see him today when he gets back to take us home🤯
Q: you live with him🤯
Elise: LITERALLY WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING
Q: felt like reminding u
Elise: do a pinata cosplay in ur closet😋
Elise: fall down the stairs😋
Q: WAS THAT AN OMORI REFERENCE???
Elise: girl stfu
Elise: autistic ass bitch
Q: stfu visco girl Elizabeth afton looking hoe
Elise: rawr xd cry baby my chemical romance tiktok vent audio looking ass bitch kys
Q: Gonna tell mr Kunikida😍
Elise: he dont like you anyway😒
Q: gonna tell bram to cuz ik ur a pussy ass bitch
Elise: HES SCARY
Q: HWP COULD YOU SAY THAT ABT AYAS DAD LIKE THAT
Kenji: i love mr bram :D
Q: SEE EVEN KENJI LIKES HIM
Kyouka: hes nice
Elise: he looks like a twink grandpa
Q: thats hirostu
Elise: DONT DISRESPECT HIM LIKE THAT
Kyouka: guys i got text from sushi scatter and get ur screenshots ready
Elise: 🏃♀️
Q: 🏃♂️
Atsushi: wth were yall talking abt i have like 50 notifs
Elise: nothing😁
Kenji: mr Atsushi how was ur date with mr Akutagawa a few weeks
Dazai: 😧
Atsushi: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK😭
Kunikida: ATSUSHI WE JUST GOT BACK FROM THE CAFE DO WE NEED TO GO BACK TO HAVE ANOTHER TALK????
Dazai: thats WILDDD
Atsushi: NO😭
Kyouka: he needs a talk about internalized homophobia
Atsushi: IZUMI WHAT THE FUCK
Kyouka: 🏃♀️
Dazai: crazy
(@Dazai changed their nickname)
(better)Nakahara: giggles
Chuuya: 😐
Kunikida: absolutely not
Chuuya: foraging divorce papers as we speak
(better)Nakahara: WOWWW ITS BC ITS GAY ISN'T IT
Chuuya: yes
Chuuya: change it before it gets confusing and the aku twins start fighting over their last name
(better)Nakahara: augh fine
(@Dazai changed their nickname)
Dazai: 😪
Chuuya: kys
Kouyou: So you two let the word out?
Chuuya: yea
Dazai: yaur bc chibi is a dumbass💔
Chuuya: YOU WERE FOOLED TO???
Dazai: NOT FOOLED ENOUGH TO SAY IT
Ranpo: giggles in knowing along
Kunikida: well that was a given
Kunikida: who else knew
Dazai: errmm
Dazai: Kouyou ranpo poe(probably bc ranpo cant stfu) and president fukuzawa
Dazai: we agreed that we each told on person before telling everyone officially he chose kouyou i chose fukuzawa
Atsushi: whatd the president say
Dazai: he was happy for me💪💪💪
Kunikida: of course he was
Notes:
I need to update my dark era chatfic hrrrggrgr
Chapter 31: Im not depressed sucrose. Could a depressed person do this? I wanna pogo stick off a building
Summary:
yall ever get so depressed that ur only options in ur head are to do a DIY Beast Dazai cosplay into the afterlife, write the most depressing hurt no comfort dazai angst or project ur need love and emotional support in a chatfic
Tw IDK THE HUNTING DOGS GETTING HIGH OFF OF EDIBLES😭
ALSO SSKK BC AUGH THEIR MY COMFORT RN😭😭
Notes:
GUYS IT WAS JUST MY POOKIES BIRTHDAY SAY HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TO MR BRAIN ROTS FRIEND RN BC THEY ARE RLLY COOL AND SILLY AND NICE AND THEY DESERVE IT AND YEA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333 <3333 <333
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(10:19pm)
Dazai: if i wanna pogo stick off the roof
Dazai: does that make me mentally ill
Chuuya: i have list of reasons as to why ur mentally ill
Kunikida: he has a whole extra file under his medical records, thats all im saying
Chuuya: thats fucking CRAZYY
Dazai: BITCH TF I DONT
Atsushi: its a big file to😰
Dazai: WHAT THE HELL😭
Ranpo: sniff sniff
Dazai: AUGH OH😰😰😰
Dazai: 😅😅😅😄😅😅😅😄😅😅
Ranpo: im not even sniffing im snorting some bad gut feelings one of yall better prepare
Chuuya: uh uh wtf did yall do this time
Ranpo: like the bad vibes are stronger than crack and i am INHALINGGGG that shit
Dazai: I didn't do anything i pinky promise with my pinky toe😪😪😪
Ranpo: hmmmm
Ranpo: gayzai passed the vibe check ur not reaking of disaster crack cocaine
Chuuya: thank fucking god
Q: girl just file those divorce papers in advance
Chuuya: AHDGAG
Dazai: BITCH WTF DID I DO
Q: UR ALWAYS UP TO SUM SHIT
Dazai: SUCK MY ZAIBALLS YOU WHORE
Kunikida: Osamu that is a child.
Dazai: and??? they can suck my zaiballs
Q: moricore😍😍😍🥰🤩🤩🤩😘🥰😍😘🤩
Dazai: STOPPPPP
Atsushi: dazai can i call u rq
Dazai: o
Dazai: O???
Dazai: YEAAA????
Ranpo: getting absolutely zooted off of the disaster cocaine vibes
Atsushi: stfu ranpo
Ranpo: snorting that shit HARRDDDD
Dazai :D>Sushii!!
(10:23pm)
*[on going call]*
(10:41pm)
*[call ended 18:25]*
Dazai :D: glll with the emo sushiiii
Sushii!!: ty for the advice mr dazai!!
Dazai :D: 😎
Jinko>Ryuu Aku
(10:41pm)
Jinko: hey
Jinko: hey
Jinko: hey
Ryuu Aku: what?
Jinko: hey
Jinko: hey
Ryuu Aku: what?
Jinko: oop mb i spammed too much
Ryuu Aku: what do you want?
Jinko: i have a question
Ryuu Aku: get on with it im tired
Jinko: i got 2 tickets for a haunted house that opens tmwr night but Kyo is sick so i wanted to see if u were interested
Jinko: :p
Ryuu Aku: a haunted house...?
Jinko: ya
Jinko: its fine if u dont want to idc
Ryuu Aku: no
Ryuu Aku: be at my dorm by 7 tomorrow
Jinko: o
Jinko: is that a yesss???
Ryuu Aku: yes
Jinko: :o
Ryuu Aku: save it and text me the details so I know what to wear already
Jinko: [TICKETFORRYUU.jpg]
Ryuu Aku: ok
Jinko: see u tmwr then !!
Ryuu Aku: goodnight Atsushi
Jinko: night Ryu :]]
Niisan>Gin Aku
(10:56pm)
Niisan: [Screenshot5031wqcda.png]
Gin Aku: WOAH
Gin Aku: BITCHES????
Niisan: shut it
Gin Aku: happy for u ryuu<3
Niisan: me too ngl
Gin Aku: omg r u finally getting over ur denial
Niisan: a little
Gin Aku: progress is progress
Niisan: mhm
Niisan: anyhow goodnight Gin
Gin Aku: night niisan if i dont see u tmwr text me how it goes
Niisan: i will
Gin Aku: ♡
Niisan: ♡
Hom(o)ies
(11:02pm)
Dazai: AUGHHHH
Dazai: MY BOY HAS GROWN UP//3
Dazai: HES GETTING BITCHESSS//3
Chuuya: Akutagawa is NOT the bitch
Dazai: u right u right
Dazai: wait wiat wait mr megamind was sushi getting bitches what u wwre snorting
Ranpo: uh uh
Dazai: tf were u snorting then
Ranpo: nothing i jsyb like keeping yall on ur toes🤣🤣🤣
Dazai: gonna turn u into a jouno kinnie(blind and gay)
Jouno: shut your stupid rotten tomato I'll bet on loosing dogs i know their loosing and I'll pay for my place by the ring no stop shut up shut up stop hey hey stop it
Dazai: WHAT
Dazai: MISTKI😨
Jouno: fuck
Jouno: god i fucking hate this phone
Tachihara: PFGRDTTA DGABDHAGHDNDDGFAHRHFRCAGUYIWRHJRF
Jouno: it is not that funny
Tachihara: om so hifh
Jouno: wtf
Tecchou: how did yoy mess up that gad
Tecchou: bag
Tecchou: bad
Jouno: 🙂
Tecchou: no bb im sorry comevfak
Tecchou: comevck
Tecchou: come
Dazai: c-cu-c-cc
Chuuya: SHUT YOUR MOUTH OMFG😭
Jouno: what the fuck is that
Dazai: in my ableist arc harassing the blind
Jouno: I will cut your duck off
Jouno: duck
Jouno: duck
Jouno: what the free do you mean thats not supported no stop stop typing stop stop it
Chuuya: GET A NEW TTS APP PLEASE😭😭😭
Tecchou: what the free
Tecchou: freedom
Tecchou: dom
Tecchou: domination
Jouno: stop that right now
Tachihara: me when the the i fhjkff
Chuuya: are they high what the fuck😭
Tachihara: i foynd gunmies in kajiis room and stole then
Dazai: NAAAAWWW💀💀💀
Notes:
lil reminder that bad moments are just moments and if u want a free therapist friend who knows WAYYYY too much on psychology my discord is Oz.zie_, add me on there if u just need someone to talk to abt literally anything
Chapter 32: um
Summary:
i should stop ghosting yall mb guys(im gonna get depressed for a week and forget this exist again)
ahm anyways
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(12:24am)
Q: i wan go back to my gacha phase
Q: those wer better times man
Elise: now ur in ms and depressed
Q: yea😔
Kunikida: why are you children awake its 12am
Elise: hes fighting with the neighbors again😒
Kunikida: who????
Elise: 😐
Elise: ur ass is a fucking future detective use ur fucking braincells you fucking idiot
Q: dont say the b word :(
Elise: r u dyslexic
Q: yea
Kunikida: wow.
Kunikida: kids these days
Elise: stfu dinosaur go side part ur hair
Chuuya: who the FUCK is fighting at 12am i can hear them shits across the street
Q: thats ur brother sir
Chuuya: oh
Kunikida: you have a brother????
Chuuya: um
Chuuya: 😁
Chuuya: gn guys!
Q: uh oh anaemic ef slur nmbr 2 is coming out
Kunikida: fyodor is with chuuyas brother...?
Elise: naur thats randou hes anaemic ef slur 2
Chuuya: why is m*ri fighting with verlaine and rimbaud wtf
Elise: THEY DO THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME ITS ALWAYS SUM
Q: THESE BITCHES R SO LOUD SOMEONE GONNA CALL THE COPS
Elise: is that dazai on kouyous roof
Dazai: no
Chuuya: oh my GOD
Chuuya: GET BACK ON THE COUCH DO NOT KILL YOURSELF ON KOUYOUS PROPERTY
Dazai: everyone is so mean 2 me
Q: that rlly sucks for u i hope it gets worse
Dazai: ur mom wouldve aborted you if it wasn't illegal
Q: ur mom aborted herself after seeing you
Dazai: OKAY BYE GUYS IM GONNA SLAM MYSELF SO HARD INTO THE PAVEMENT IT LEAVES A DENT
Chuuya: DO N O T START SAYING THAT SHIY UNTIL YOU GET OFF THE FUCKING ROOF
Chuuya: I DONT GET HOW YOU GET UP THERE
Dazai: magic
Elise: he hops the fence and steals that one grey hair boys ladder
Chuuya: SHIRAISE????
Dazai: HEYYYYYYY
Elise: idk his name silver hair twink
Q: what r u doing in another mans yard dazai🤨
Dazai: WIAH WOAH WOAH
Ranpo: thats kinda gay....
Dazai: ud know alot abt that
Ranpo: I do actually ik how to have a healthy homoromantic non codependent relationship
Chuuya: whats that supposed to mean
Ranpo: you know damn well what it means
Dazai: stfu if its not toxic its not fun🙄
Dazai: theres no flavor
Kunikida: how the fuck did you two make it to engagement
Dazai: idek
Chuuya: Alcoholism and getting traumatized together
Dazai: yea!!!
Chuuya: heavy emphasis on Alcoholism
Dazai: if u didn't drink so much alcohol when you were basically 2 maybe you wouldn't be bug sized
Chuuya: YOU DRINK MORE THAN I DO???
Dazai: ahm
Chuuya: BITCH???
Dazai: ilyyyyy
Chuuya: cool
Q: 😬😬😬😬
Dazai: im pining my goodbye note on the frige with a clifford tge big red dog magnet
Chuuya: do NOT use clifford wtf!!!
Chuuya: use the cat one
Elise: mr dazai is it true you proposed with a ring pop
Dazai: no
Chuuya: yes
Dazai: nuh uh :(
Elise: ur a fucking loser
Dazai: :((
Nikolai: hey guys what happens if someone eats a brick of rat poison
Dazai: @Fyodor D. it was nice knowing u🥺
Nikolai: NO SHUT UP
Fyodor: excuse me
Nikolai: NO GUYS BE QUIET
Fyodor: nikolai????
Nikolai: GO BACK TO SLEEP MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER
Fyodor: WHAT????
Dazai: shawty aint gonna wake up again😬
Nikolai: NO FEDYA PLEASE IT WAS A SLASH JOSH I DIDN'T PUT RAT POISON IN UR SMOOTHIE
Fyodor: yea ik i gave it to Ivan
Nikolai: ily😍😍😍
Fyodor: yes yes im aware
Q: watching dazai and chuuya compete with fyodor and nikolai for who has the worse relationship
Elise: why dont you harass sigma for once instead
Nikolai: i do!!!
Fyodor: they harass everyone
Nikolai: ^_^
Chuuya: you are never seeing them pearly gates
Dazai: fyodor is arguably worse
Chuuya: nikolai tries to kill the man???
Chuuya: these r just straight up murder attempts
Kunikida: and you guys dont try to kill eachother???
Chuuya: nobody was fucking talking to you
Elise: every power couple has tried to kill eachother atleast once
Nikolai: sigma hasn't tried to kill me
Nikolai: !!!
Q: yet
Nikolai: yea :3
Chapter 33: I LOVE STORMBRINGER
Summary:
i read stormbringer and im so obsessed yall don't understand chuuya angst, skk hurt/comfort, the flags, adam, verlaine, rimbaud, rimlaine its all rotting in my brain
Next few chapters wont make much sense if u haven't read it bc im adding Adam and the fagguettes(Verlaine and Rimbaud) to this😍
i should stop adding new ppl when i dont even include half the characters in here but also fuck you its MY chatfic i get to be as inconsistent as i want
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(5:28pm)
Dazai: GUYS
Dazai: I SAW CHUUYA TALKING TO AN EUROPEAN
Dazai: THE WEDDING IS CANCELED IM PUTTING HIM DOWN SOMEONE COME WITH ME TO THE VET CLINIC
Atsushi: woah
Atsushi: thats GROSS
Dazai: LITERALLY IM SO SAD
Nikolai: i hate europeans i hope they get nuked all of tyem
Atsushi: aren't you um...
Nikolai: shhhhhh
Dazai: rUSSIA IS IN ERUOPE???
Nikolai: IM UKRAINIAN😭
Dazai: oh
Dazai: THATS IN EORUPPE
Dazai: EWWWW
Nikolai: IM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Atsushi: are we moving on from dazai not knowing russia is in Europe
Atsushi: atleast partially
Dazai: aint no one know where tf russia is
Atsushi: ITS LIKE TYE BIGGEST COUNTRY???
Dazai: um
Atsushi: THE BIG ASS CHUNK IN THE MIDDLE OF EUROPE AND ASIA WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT WAS
Dazai: england
Atsushi: DUDE😭
Lucy: youre ass is NOT graduating what the actual fuck😭😭😭
Dazai: shut up American go away
Lucy: you go away PERMANENTLY
Lucy: like kys rn
Lucy: like PLEASE
Atsushi: lucy be nice :(
Lucy: mb gangatron
>Dazai: I SAW CHUUYA TALKING TO AN EUROPEAN
Chuuya: DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP
Dazai: its like hes still here after being put down😔
Chuuya: YOUVE MET ADAM BEFORE HES NOT THAT BAD
Gin: ew a brit
Akutagawa: wtf chuuya
Chuuya: DUDE I DIDN'T EVEN SAY HE WAS BRITISH
Gin: HIS NAME IS ADAM WTF???
Akutagawa: Europeans and their white ppl names istg...
Gin: a d a m
Chuuya: MAN SHUT UP😭
Akutagawa: we thought you were better chuuya...
Atsushi: his name reminds me of that one duck video
Akutagawa: adams first day out for a swim
Gin: adam..!
Akutagawa: ADAM !!!!!!
Atsushi: AHDJAGDIAGD
Hom(o)ies
(5:57pm)
@AdamF. just slid in!
Dazai: AAAJEDOHSGSJHSH SCATTER
AdamF.: ?
Dazai: GUYS THERES AN AUTISTIC EUROPEAN IN THE SERVER GO GO GO
Chuuya: SHUT THE FUCK UP DUDE
Chuuya: adam ignore him
@Dazai changed @AdamF.' s nickname
Adam: hello?
Atsushi: hi!!!
Adam: hi!
Gin: hi we totally werent talking abt you
Adam: oh?
Chuuya: you all suck leave the guy alone he JUST got here
Dazai: and he can go back🙄
Adam: I will send a glitter bomb drone to your front door tmwr and your gonna have to show up to class looking like you came out of the dream house
Q: new favorite autistic adult occiured😍
Dazai: but i have a super romantic and cutesy tootsie date with my hot gf tmwr😕😕😕
Chuuya: what the actual fuck
Adam: oh um good for you
Adam: you can attend it covered in glitter
Chuuya: youre coming with me to get my car from the shop that is NOT a date
Kyouka: im come here to cry abt a European and i see a European here i cant do this anymore
Adam: europe is worse in person trust
Atsushi: why were you gonna cry abt a european
Kyouka: oh yea
Kyouka: i just found out my literature teacher is not only french but CHUUYAS BROTHER
Chuuya: STOP
Gin: MR VERLAINE????
Chuuya: STOP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Kyouka: YES
Dazai: i forgot hes a fucking teacher now
Adam: he is???
Adam: honestly thought he died
Chuuya: god i hate you ALL shut UP
Gin: whats wrong wit mr verlaine
Chuuya: stop calling him that😭
Kyouka: i called him paul once and he just stared for a second and then said "Izumi??" rlly confused and walked off
Dazai: AGDJSGDHA
Dazai: i think i have his discord
Chuuya: do NOT
Dazai: im NOT im too lazy to find it rn
Gin: he was rlly chill tbh
Adam: thats a way to put him....
Gin: you two got beef????
Chuuya: its um weird
Kyouka: i saw him crying once in his classroom 15 minutes before class
Kyouka: like ugly sobbing
Kyouka: and the second the bell rang he just stopped like instantly
Gin: widowed husband vibes from him tbh
Chuuya: 😬😬😬
Gin: OH💀
Chuuya: okay well his husband isn't dead he was just missing for a bit and they like almost got divorced but its fine
Dazai: couple goals😍
Chuuya: its my turn to ghost you stfu
Dazai: :(
Notes:
shameless tumblr plug GO https://www.tumblr.com/rab1darachn1d?source=share
(rab1darachn1d if link doesn't work)
Chapter 34: its still valentines day stfu
Summary:
this was supposed to be made on valentine's day but i got the ifea today so its valentine's day now kys if u disagree
anyways skk special
Notes:
tempted to start projecting my loneliness into a skk collection with like hurt/comfort and like comfort and like them being disgusting(happy to be in eachothers company) and allat
Chapter Text
Slug>Dazai
(4:07am)
Dazai: GMMMM GORHUS
Dazai: gornud
Dazai: gayass
Dazai: i hate you
Slug: dude wtf
Slug: go to bed
Dazai: dohb youn know wht dsta it is
Slug: ik you need sleep
Dazai: yorye so unrnomantic
Slug: since when were you the romantic one???
Dazai: IM VERYTV BROMATIKNC
Slug: mkay osamu
Dazai: gghrhegehekahdsjdkadhowiqjxjhaldke
Slug: nap time for the overgrown piss baby manfish
Dazai: chuyta doendt lover me
Dazai: im s eo sad
Dazai: imm ginnna DIE
Slug: omfg go to sleep
Dazai: :(((
Slug: sleep
Slug: now
Dazai: chuuua swantts me too slepv onnb a weindow letde???
Dazai: yorue so crelu
Slug: what
Slug: oh god fucking damnit
Dazai: itrs cold
Slug: yes im aware im getting up rn
Slug: maybe text me 15 minutes before you randomly show up????
Dazai: but thene itt wont bee a supriseer
Slug: everything you do is a damn suprise you fucking nutbag
Dazai: this si s a SPECAIL Csupriss
Slug: yeah???
Dazai: B)
Slug: im so tempted to just leave you out there
Dazai: but ib raoyght wine :(
Dazai: andbd um
Dazai: smomtjingg idk
Dazai: fancfu rich pll chocokaye
Slug: what???
Dazai: idfjfk i stile it withough payujngft attentgfn
Slug: you
Slug: omfg
Slug: yk wine aint allowed in the dorms
Dazai: thsts ehy imbgeijg sneaky
Slug: right
Slug: i GUESS I'll let you in
Slug: since you graced me with these elegant, extravagant, precious gifts
Dazai: ill jumpgf rn
Slug: hope you make a splat when you hit the ground
Hom(o)ies
(10:30am)
Kunikida: @Dazai WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU
Atsushi: wuh oh
Ranpo: probably being gay
Ranpo: its valentine's day you lonely fuck
Kunikida: im aware of the date ranpo thank you
Kunikida: i never even heard him leave
Gin: @Tachihara
Gin: send the photo
Tachihara: GAKDGAHD NO ILL GET KILLED IN MY FUCKING SLEEP
Gin: PLEASE
Ranpo: share share share share
Tachihara: is it worth it
Atsushi: what is it???
Kunikida: swear if he snuck off to your dorms again
Gin: MICHI PLEASEEEEE
Tachihara: AUFH
Tachihara: [A photo of Dazai passed out ontop of Chuuya with only the back of his head visible, laying against Chuuya's chest. There's a empty knocked over bottle of wine on the ground with a empty heart candy box]
Tachihara: bye forever
Gin: GAJDGAHDHSH TYYYYY
@RanpoEdogawa took a screenshot
@RanpoEdogawa took a screenshot
@RanpoEdogawa took a screenshot
@KouyouOzaki took a screenshot
@RyuuAku took a screenshot
@Kyouka. took a screenshot
@DrYosano took a screenshot
Atsushi: GAKDHAHDJS GUYS
@FyodorD. took a screenshot
@Nikolaiii took a screenshot
@Sigma? took a screenshot
Kunikida: idiots all of you
@DoppoKunikida took a screenshot
Atsushi: MR KUNIKIDA
Kunikida: blackmail is important atsushi
Yosano: this is going in the gossip girlies gc
Kouyou: isnt chuuya in there?
Yosano: yea
Yosano: omg wait ryuu you still want the gossip girlies gc link????
Ryuu: .
Ryuu: yea
Gin: GAKDGAHS RYUU???
Ryuu: stfu focus on youre date loser leave me be
Gin: @AtsushiNakajima PLEASE take my loser lamo boo tamato tamato tamato thumbs down brother somewhere hes gonna sulk all day
Atsushi: uh uh uh uh uh
Ryuu: kill yourself
Atsushi: wtf :(
Chuuya: TACHIHARA MICHIZOU
Gin: BAJDGJAHSHEGAJABAHAHAHHEHAH
Tachihara: i just wanna say
Tachihara: i never liked any of you
Tachihara: hope yall get hit by a truck 2 days before exams
Chuuya: Tachihara when i catch you.
Chuuya: When I fucking catch you Tachihara.
@Dazai took a screenshot
Chuuya: .
Dazai: um
Dazai: my finger slipped
Yosano: f
Yosano: a
Ranpo: g
Tachihara: s
Chuuya: TACHIHARA WHEN I FUCKING GET YOU
Dazai: ooooo gay ppl do gay things ooooooo
Atsushi: its SO weird seeing you be like
Atsushi: normal abt it....
Ryuu: hes never normal abt anything?
Atsushi: okay like somewhat normal
Dazai: i dont know what ur talking abt😒
Yosano: the lack of denial is so weird like what happened to "whaaaaat no no no we r just friends actually i hate him go die"
Kunikida: i still get that whole tangent any time i call him asking if hes over there
Chuuya: omfg
Chapter 35: i found fishe :)))) i found fishe :))))))
Summary:
yall i dont even like hazbin hotel that muxh(its not bad but its not like amazing i watched it for the nostalgia) but why are all the songs in my head its almost 12am i dont wanna be thinking LOOKS LIJE YOU COULFF YSE SOME HELP FROM THE BIGG BOSS IF HEEL ITSELF SOMETJIBG SOMETHIBG DADDYS REVIEWS ON YELP 5 STAR FLAWLESS GREATER THAN GREAT AND WITH THE PUNCH OF A PENTAGRAM WACK POW BOOM AL A KA ZAM USUALLY CHARGE EXTRA FOR THE SACRIFICAL LAMB BUT YOU GET THE FAMILY RATE THANKS DAD WHO NEEDS A BUS BOY NOW THAT YOUVE GOT THE CHEFFF WOA AOW SOME FRENCH SHIT MORW FRENCH SHIT ALI CARTE ILL RIG THE GAME FOR YOU BECAUSE IM THE REFF😈😈😈 CHAMPAGNE MOUNTAINS CAVIAR FOUNTAINS THATS JUST THE STARRRRRTTT ans then me and lucifer make out trust
Notes:
every couple chapters i gotta dump the audio brainrot
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(9:05am)
Chuuya: ADAM
Chuuya: ADAAM
Chuuya: @AdamF.
Chuuya: @AdamF.
Adam: CHUUYA I CANT TALK I HAVE TO TURN MY PHONE ON AIRPLANE MODE
Chuuya: COME BACK
Chuuya: DONT GO BACK TO SHITGLAND COME BACK
Adam: I WILL IN 6 MONTHS
Chuuya: BROOOOOO
Chuuya: I HOPE YOU EXPLODE
Nikolai: i found fishe :))))))
Nikolai: i found fishe :)))))
Fyodor: nah nvm
Nikolai: yess yess splendid soft rotund specimen
Adam: bye
Chuuya: dude shut the fuck up shut the actual fuck up
Chuuya: no be fucking quiet
Chuuya: bc all i hear from dazai anymore js
Chuuya: THE DOG WHAT DOING
Chuuya: THE CAT IS D
Chuuya: THE CAT IS R
Fyodor: the cat is rd
Nikolai: The cat just j
Nikolai: 😹😹😹😹
Chuuya: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Dazai: something devilish has been brewing inside me for year on end and will only escape through the means of physical violence
Dazai: *dies of cringe*
Fyodor: I SAID WATCH YO TONE
Sigma: what the actual FUCK
Sigma: is wrong with you
Nikolai: I HOPE YOU EXPLIDE I FOUND FISHE IFWO R WOUFSJ NAG NCNM
Nikolai: oooo you got it twisted jm not ther obe who berre a bee attidtude
Nikolai: mayber you missed ditt but im tbat hashatge bitch and i will di nothing less thab what i oleqse woo im thee backmbone if the vees
Sigma: is that fucking hazbin hotel
Nikolai: velvette is my girlie
Dazai: i thought i was ur girlie😕😕😕
Nikolai: ur not the carmine to my camilla
Chuuya: what?????
Dazai: you wouldn't get it😔😔😔
Dazai: you dont watch super underground medias like me and nikolai do
Dazai: THOUGH HES CLEARLY TRYING TO BE THE ALASTOR TO MY LUCIFER😡😡😡😡
Chuuya: nah.....
Kunikida: Thats your man????
Chuuya: thats YOUR Man
Kunikida: No i don't want your man
Kunikida: idk why you want your man
Dazai: if hell is forver then heavn must be a lie /3
Dazai: if angels can do whatever and remain in the sky😔
Chuuya: god you are a fucking LOSER
Chuuya: no stfu
Chuuya: stop
Nikolai: loser....
Nikolai: like....
Nikolai: loser, baby
Nikolai: 😧
Dazai: IM A LOSAAAA HONEYYY A SCHMOOOZAA AND A DUMMYYY BUT ATLEAST I KNOW IM NOTTA ALONE YOURE A LOSAA JUST LI ME
Kunikida: i like that song
Sigma: you watched it???
Kunikida: against my will
Dazai: giggle
Dazai: im bored
Dazai: who wanna hang out
Kunikida: you have to leave for class in 30 minutes
Dazai: no it got canceled
Kunikida: why
Dazai: idfk
Dazai: ask fyodor
Fyodor: what the fuck
Fyodor: leave me alone
Sigma: you can't keep giving professors meltdowns just bc you dont wanna go to class
Fyodor: youre not my mom
Sigma: see now if i say anything to that youre gonna be like "Wow really? You REALLY bring up my mother in this situation? After you knew what happened? Really sigma?" and then I'll be in the wrong
Fyodor: Wow really? You REALLY bring up my mother in this situation? After you knew what happened? Really sigma?
Sigma: bye
Dazai: fedya mommy issues arc????
Fyodor: cant have mommy issues if you dont have a mom
Nikolai: resisting
Nikolai: resisting the urges
Fyodor: nikolai.
Nikolai: BYE YEBETSKRGAORGAPRBROIAJDKPASKDHANHAAHHAAHHAHAYDKA
Kunikida: YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE
Dazai: you don't have a mom but i can be ur
Kunikida: SHUT UP
Chuuya: BRO
Dazai: IM SORRY
Fyodor: im gonna kms
Chapter 36: peel vaseline and arthurs neighborhood or some shit idk
Summary:
save me tragic french yaoi save me save me tragic french yaoi
Notes:
i couldn't bring myself to make arthur dead IK its not fair bc oda is dead but i couldn't im sorry i love them too much plus odas death is an important plot thing for the little story this thing has < /3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Mr vaseline>Dazai
(4 years ago)
Dazai: hey so is ur brother like mad
Dazai: like has he brought me uppppp
Dazai: pls respond :(
Mr vaseline: who the fuck are you
Mr vaseline: nevermind I remember
Mr vaseline: leave me alone
Dazai: this is why rimbaud left you😚
(4:09am)
Dazai: @Dazai invited you to Hom(o)ies
[JOIN SERVER]
Mr vaseline: what?
Dazai: O SHIT UR AWAKE
Dazai: OOPS
Mr vaseline: im going to block you
Dazai: NO PLS JOIN
Dazai: RIMBAUD IS TGERE
Dazai: AND CHUUYA
Mr vaseline: so?
Mr vaseline: I see Arthur every day
Mr vaseline: and well chuuya can speak to me if he wishes
Dazai: damn
Dazai: someones had character development
Mr vaseline: gee thanks
Dazai: pls join itd be funny
Dazai: for the bit
Dazai: two of ur studenst r there
Mr vaseline: who?
Dazai: Gin and Kyouka
Mr vaseline: you know its illegal to contact students outside of school with personal contact information
Dazai: cool it Shakespeare wtf
Mr vaseline: I'm a literature teacher what do you expect?
Dazai: PLEASE JUST JOIN THE SERVER PLEASE
Mr vaseline: will you shut up and let me work if i do
Dazai: yes
Hom(o)ies
(4:21am)
Rimbaud: go to bed dear gods
Chuuya: NO BC IK IN LIKE 10 SECONDS HES GONNA BE HERE AND THEN ILL HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CAVE DAZAIS FUCKING NOSE IN
@No.12 just slid in
Rimbaud: oh god
Chuuya: mOTEHR ETAIRCAKFBLSHRJAGDOASKSHRIRJPWHEOAHS
No.12: what a warm welcome
Rimbaud: all 3 of you to bed now.
Chuuya: OH DONT WORRY ILL MAKE SURE DAZAI GETS TO SLEEP
Dazai: thats hot
Chuuya: what
Dazai: huh
Yosano: who the hell???
Dazai: AKIKOOOOO
Yosano: osamu!!!!
Chuuya: bro we r kinda in the middle of smth
Dazai: stfu my bestie is here
Dazai: how r ur med classesssss
Yosano: miserable as always bc no one knows what theyr doing🙏🙏🙏
No.12: dont let him distract you go get his ass
Chuuya: youre so right best thing youve ever said
Rimbaud: stop that both of you
Yosano: who tf r these guys
Dazai: sad europeans
Yosano: why is one named 12
Dazai: thats chuuyas brother
No.12: oh um
No.12: shit how do i change it
@No.12 changed their name!
Verlaine: there
Yosano: are you french
Verlaine: ...yes?
Yosano: ew
Dazai: literally!!!!
Verlaine: what???
Rimbaud: ignore them
Yosano: sheltered Victorian child vibes from mr 12 tbh
Dazai: real asf he is!!!!
Chuuya: he spends most of his time being miserable in his office hes extremely sheltered
Chuuya: hasn't seen the light of day in YEARS
Yosano: reddit user type shit
Verlaine: this is slander
Chuuya: bet your ass it is
Rimbaud: what happened to going to sleep
Dazai: what if i threw icecubes at you
Rimbaud: oh!!!
Rimbaud: no thank you
Yosano: no he has a point why tf r u all awake
Yosano: dazai dont answer we all know ur an insomniac
Chuuya: dazai being an idiot
Verlaine: work
Rimbaud: waiting for him^ to stop working before i pry his laptop away
Verlaine: this is important
Rimbaud: its 4am
Verlaine: sleep can wait
Rimbaud: my god paul
Yosano: the gaydar is pinging
Dazai: t(oxic)ragic french yaoi
Chuuya: hey theyr getting past the toxic part kinda
Yosano: codependent homosexuality just runs in the veins huh?
Verlaine: guess so
Notes:
ik we just had a ssk special but plot twist ur getting another but this time its angsty and will have actual writing!!!!! also gonna update the dark era chat fic maybe??? also gonba try and write a ssk prompt thingy??? feel free to make requests here if i do it
Chapter 37: guys i think hes mentally eel
Summary:
Tw insomnia bc i feel like projecting😊 yall wont believe this but its dazai
Chapter Text
Hom(o)ies
(8:24am)
Tecchou: im so midersbalr
Tecchou: :(((((
Tecchou: SIGHHHHHGGH
Tecchou: caht i love my gf
Tecchou: hes so tpetrty
Tecchou: my MNA
Tachihara: bro you good?????
Jouno: hes sick
Ranpo: clearly
Ranpo: gay disease
Tachihara: r u with him rn
Tecchou: yes he is<3<3<3
Tecchou: I LOVE MY BFFHSKFAKDHSF
Ranpo: same😻
Tecchou: hey
Tecchou: bqck up
Tecchou: ill literally break ur fingers off
Ranpo: BRO CHILL I LOVE MY BF NOT URS
Tecchou: oh
Ranpo: GOD I HATE AUTISTIC PPL
Yosano: looking at ur autism diagnosis papers in the brigjt pink frame with stickers on it
Ranpo: the docrors r worng trust
Tecchou: preach
Jouno: get ur ass back in bed right now suehiro istg
Tecchou: my home eq class :(((
Jouno: UR GONNA INFECT EVERYONE WITH UR NASTY FAG DISEASE GO BACK TO BED RIGHT NOW
Tecchou: :(
Jouno: Tachihara can you go to the pharmacy and get his meds ill dm you the number🙏🙏🙏
Tachihara: gotchu brotha
Yosano: what does he have???
Jouno: strep
Jouno: his ass cant talk so hes talking using google translate after forgetting I cant fucking read like 2 times
Tecchou: i forgftyot
Jouno: i literally dont have eyes how do you forget that
Tachihara: did u get a new tts app
Jouno: i got a new phone💀
Tachihara: OKAY I SEE YOU RICH ASS DAMN
Ranpo: not as rich as
Ranpo: as
Ranpo: as
Yosano: as kouyou yall😻
Tachihara: YOU HAVE A TBING FOR KOUYOU????
Yosano: doesn't everyone????
Ryuu: pick your next words fucking carefully Michizo
Gin: ♡
Tachihara: um.
Tachihara: i dont like redheads😰
Tachihara: or um
Tachihara: pink heads!!
Tachihara: 😓😓😓
Ryuu: simp ass loser imagine
Ryuu: pussy
Ryuu: id never
Gin: REAL
Tachihara: GUYS IM LITERALLY SINGLE I FUCKING HATE EMOS
Gin: be so fr
Tachihara: um im in a car rn cant talk😒
Tachihara: guys my s/o wNts me to text and drive??? and die????
Gin: yea i do actually
Gin: 😒
Gin: PUT YO PHONE UP AND GET TECCHOUS MEDICINE STUPID ASS
Tachihara: YES SIRR
Yosano: omg wait gin
Yosano: @No.12 @Randou?
Gin: MR VERLAIHE
Kyouka: woah
Yosano: hes prolly alseep rn since them dumbshits were up til like 5
Gin: why is he here???
Yosano: dazai.
Gin: makes sense!!!!!
Adam: idk how to feel abt this...
Kyouka: i like mr verlaine
Kouyou: and youre unique for that dear😊
Ranpo: DAMN
Adam: pop off ms kouyou!!!
Dazai: gusyt
Dazai: we r r SO gackbv
Dazai: im sorr tirerf
Dazai: kmss
Yosano: do you need some sleep meds?
Dazai: NO
Dazai: im an biggb strongg indivukkval
Kouyou: wheres chuuya?
Dazai: stranflung me
Dazai: im DGING
Dazai: i mn being suffoccatd bt the slyf slimmne
Ranpo: hes sleeping on dazai chat
Kouyou: yea we got that part
Dazai: NO
Dazai: hess tryjb to KILL Mme
Yosano: jfc bed time
Dazai: nhu uh
Yosano: you at your dorm or chuuyas
Dazai: minebs
Yosano: gotchu
Mother🙏>DrYosano
(9:01am)
DrYosano: PLEASE make the twink get sleep
Mother🙏: hes being stubborn
DrYosano: omfg
Mother🙏: im very concerned he hasn't sleep in nearly 3 days but this just happens sonetimes ig
Mother🙏: he'll be fine it's just worrying
DrYosano: do you think he'd ever consider trying to go to a psychiatrist???
Mother🙏: I think Chuuya is trying to convince him
DrYosano: thank jesus omg
Chapter 38: oh boy
Summary:
author didn't kill himself🤯
Chapter Text
good golly gee wilickers its been a hot fucking minute WOWWWW and im still getting comments on this fic thats crazy so this shit is ultra mega abandoned and id lowkey delete it but i met some cool ass mfs bc of this thing so i GUESSSS ill let it live😒 anyways heres some plot lines that never got explored or elaborated on if anyone wants to pick it up or make shit off of it or wtvr
-Odasaku was a hs teacher who usually was incharge of watching the kids in detention and was a older brother figure towards the mafia group
^ Dazai distanced himself from the mafia group in hopes that he could better himself bc he felt guilty that he could never prove to Oda that he could stay out of trouble and be a good person
^ Ended up caving and started trying to talk to them again after a few months but it was awkard and painful so he came off as really dodgey, everyone eventually just accepted it and stopped caring that much and thought of him as like a stray cat that randomly says hi and were all at best cool and at worst okay with him
-Dazai and Kunikida met in community service after dazai got arrested for shop lifting and kunikida got arrested for aggravated assault
^ kunikida has a whole dramatic rebellious teenage backstory and was frequently in and out of jeuvi for street fights
-Fyodor figures out he has a dissociative disorder(I was projecting)
-Dazai gets put in a hospital and rediscovers his horrific medical trauma era(i was gonna make him tf crash out)
-Fyodor and Dazai actually met in a psych ward together but both pretend their first meeting was in in school suspension
-Ryuu gets super sick and has a break down because he thinks hes gonna die and admits how badly his lungs are fucked up
^ insert whole "wait im ... scared to die now??? i want to live??? what the freak????" thing and then i make sskk kiss
-Jouno goes missing and causes the biggest collective hunting dogs breakdown
^ Tachihara gets in a fight with a cop and ends up being blinded while trying to look for him
and probably other shit idk i didn't really have a cohesive story with this shit but i had a lot of plot points so yk do with that what you wish
NOW THE WAY BETTER AND MORE INTERESTING PART WHICH IS MEEEEE ::3c
random shit abt yours truly THE author of all time mr brainrot himself ::3c
My name is Ozzie and i also go by kafka and sunday(if yk the game that i took both of those from ur so goated🙏)
i was in like 8th grade when i started this shit💀
i lost my bsd hyperfixation because of Boothill from honkai star rail and that sent me down a bloody path of pain and misery(cries)(tragic backstory)(woe is me)
I play genshin impact, honkai star rail, punishing gray raven, project sekai and cookie run kingdom(THE HUZZ LOVE ME ONGGG)
I fucking love chainsaw man and jujustu kaisen
^ irl denji and gojo btw trust theyr litterally me fr
i discovered i have a really severe dissociative disorder in the middle of writing this fic and it was the reason updates slowed down
i have a fyodor only pinboard that almost has 1k pins
almost everything in this fic was me projecting bc i lowkey used it as a way to turn everything fucked up in my life into a joke
everytime i disappeared and came back i had the urge to put one of those "sorry for the late update i tried kill myself :/" notes at the bottom
"sorry for the late update I'm stuck in an abusive relationship and it was weighing on my mind so horribly i started forgetting details about my life anyways heres your yaoi chatfic" - me at some point probably
sorry its ao3 all the authors gotta trauma dump atleast a little
i wanted to include akutagawa more specifically with his lung disease but i was going through the "im not chronically ill im just overreacting" pipeline and so i litterally just avoided him which then led to my Gin obsession bc yk if u cant have one sibling gotta have the other
I FUCKING LOVE SPIDERS I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE SPIDERS MY FAVORITE IS THE INDIAN ORNAMENTAL TREE TARANTULA I LOVE SPIDJEGEJAGDFISG
my favorite bsd characters were Fyodor , Dazai , Lucy , both aku siblings and Verlaine
My favorite ship is actually not ssk or fyolai or sskk despite the fic its actually rimlaine
i also love tachigin and atsulucy(i like sskk to im a multishipper pls don't touch me inappropriatly🙁)
i had a bsd oc named Inko who was a rich as fuck psychologist and he had like 80 different variations depending on which group i was hyperfixated on and i litterally remember nothing about him besides the fact that he had a theme with spikeball-chain maces
I play guitar(electric and acoustic) , and marimba/xylophone and i used to play flute but had to quit bc im witterawy akutagawa and cant breathe
my favorite genshin characters are Dottore Baizhu Arlecchino Furina and Capitano and my mains are Xiao and DPS BAIZHU😈 and soon Arlecchino
my favorite hsr characters are Boothill Kafka Blade and litterally everyone from PEAKacony besides Firefly(shes okay ig) and im a die hard boothill and superbreak Kafka main AND SOON THE HERTA🗣️🗣️🗣️ also argenti but hes kinda benched
my favorite jjk characters are Geto , Sukuna , Toji , Megumi , Choso and Shoko but also like i lowk love every character so
my favorite pgr character is Wanashi , Roland , Qu and Lamia but lowkey nobody plays that game so
my favorite crk characters are Espresso , Red Velvet , Shadow Milk and Black Pearl
my favorite pjsk characters are Rui and Shizuku(THE VOCALOIDS ARE NOT PJSK CHARACTERS AGRJGDGDGHHHGGFGGDRRFRRSGDG)
my favorite vocaloids are luka and oliver ::3
my favorite music artist is rebzyyx(top 0.1 rebzyyx listener btw)
ive cyberbullied a p3do / serial sa'er and the last thing i called him was V Diddy bc his name starts with V
i have a severe caffeine addiction and it was one point my hyperfixation so i know way too much about coffee and i have all the average caffeine mgs for all energy drink brands available at gas stations were i live
i share a birthday with fischl from genshin
okayge bye forever im never looking at this again now you know what this fic couldve been and random shit about the author🤑
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