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“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you’ll find, you get what you need.”
The music quiets as Ted slips the headphones off his ears and steps out into the baggage claim of the Heathrow airport. He looks down beside him to see the eager expression of his son staring back at him.
“Ready, Henry?” He says, looking out at the sea of faces around them.
“Aye-Aye, Captain!” Henry salutes with his free hand, already pulling Ted off into the crowd of people. Ted weaves through the people keeping a firm grip on Henry’s hand so he doesn’t get lost.
Finding their baggage is a chore and a half, hundreds of people crammed around the baggage carousel, and Henry vibrating with excitement. But finally, they grab their bags off the carousel, well, Ted does.
Ted rolls their bags while Henry roams around, looking for their ride. Ted can pinpoint the exact moment Henry spots Beard, because his entire body tenses. With a shriek of joy, Henry takes a flying leap at Beard. Ted goes to reach for him, but misses as Henry takes off.
“Uncle Beard!” It’s Beard’s only warning before he’s tackled by 4 feet of pure excitement.
“Henry!” Beard scoops Henry up, twirling him around as Henry giggles. Ted, still laden by their bags, makes his way over to the two of them smiling widely. Propping Henry on one hip, Beard pulls Ted into a hug. Ted tucks his face against Beard’s neck, savouring being with his friend again. Henry starts chattering, as Ted sighs and closes his eyes.
“How do you still have so much energy, bud?” Ted murmurs.
“I slept on the plane!” Henry pats Beard’s shoulder, who lets him down. “C’mon Dad, you promised that we would go see the soccer club today.”
“Youth is wasted on the young,” Ted raises his head, stepping away from Beard. “I’m up.”
“Alright, come on you two, there’s a car waiting for us outside.” Beard takes Henry’s suitcase from Ted. Beard holds out his free hand to Henry, who grabs it, before leading them off into the parking lot.
They hop into the back of a gray car, Henry between them in the backseat. While Beard talks to the driver quietly, Ted wraps an arm around Henry, pulling him close so that he’s leaning against Ted’s side. He goes easily, curling into Ted’s side. Ted hums, leaning down to kiss Henry on the top of his head.
“Love you, bud.”
“Love you too, Dad.” Ted yawns, leaning against the car door. He’s having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He makes eye contact with Beard over top of Henry’s head, trying to convey that he’s probably going to pass the heck out as soon as they start driving.
Beard winks, something that means either don’t worry, I’ve got the kiddo or I’m going to give him so much caffeine the kid never sleeps again. Ted is tired enough that he is willing to risk it as he nods and, as predicted, falls asleep shortly thereafter.
“What’s this soccer team called again, Uncle Beard?” Henry says, staring out the window around Ted at the city.
“The Richmond Greyhounds.” Beard keeps his voice low so as not to disturb Ted. “You know, Henry, they call it football here, not soccer.” Beard says as they’re pulling
“Why?
“Cause you use your feet, silly.” Beard rolls his eyes, smiling at Henry.
“Oh!” Henry slaps his forehead in a silly me gesture. “Of course.”
“You sure you’re not tired, kiddo? You can take a nap if you need. Your dad certainly is.” Beard is interrupted by soft snoring coming from Ted.
“No! I’m ok.” Henry blinks at the window before turning to Beard. “Do you want to pull a prank on Dad?”
“Are we going to have any permanent damage on our hands?”
Henry purses his lips. “I don’t think so?” He dives into his backpack, coming back with a sticker book and some washable markers. He cocks his head, looking at Beard.
Beard waggles his eyebrows and Henry giggles. “If your dad asks, this was all your idea.” Henry nods aggressively. “What’s first?” With extreme seriousness, Henry goes through his sticker pad to pick out his sparkliest dinosaur sticker and with supreme gentleness, he sticks it on the center of Ted’s forehead.
Beard offers him a high five, then grabs a washable marker and starts doodling on the arm still slung over Henry’s shoulders. He flips over Ted’s hand, drawing stars and planets across his palm. Henry sticks more stickers on Ted’s sweater.
Ted is in quite the state by the time Henry and Beard are done with him, just in time for them to pull into the Nelson Road parking lot.
Beard shakes Ted awake who scrubs at his eyes, blinking sleepily at Beard and Henry.
“There already?” Ted’s voice is rough. “Ugh, I think that nap might’ve done more harm than good.”
Henry is doing an admirable job of keeping a lid on his laughter, but the driver, when he comes to open the door, does not.
“I think you’ve got something on you there,” He points to Ted’s forehead, his words tinged in mirth. Ted touches his forehead, finally noticing the dinosaur stickers stuck all over him. Ted sighs, turning to the grinning face of his 7 year old.
“You got me, monkey. Good job.” Over top of Henry’s head, he narrows his eyes at Beard in a way that he hopes says I know you had something to do with this and I will have my revenge.
Beard just shrugs and hops out of the car. “Follow me on the grand tour, mes amis.” Beard strolls ahead of them, and Henry rushes to catch up, grabbing his hand.
“Can we see the football field, Uncle Beard?”
“Actually they call it a pitch here.”
“Why.”
After the tour, they still have a little bit of time before training and Henry, with all the energy of a hyperactive Jack Russell, suggests they play hide and seek.
Before Ted or Beard can say much of anything, Henry is walking off down the corridor, yelling back over his shoulder that Beard and Ted are it.
They look at each other.
“We give him 30 seconds then it’s over for the squirt.” Beard narrows his eyes in the direction that Henry disappeared to. Beard is practically vibrating with competitive spirit.
After the allotted 30 seconds, Beard takes off at a dead sprint down the hallway and Ted goes in the same direction at a slightly more sedate pace. He’s already lost track of Beard, so Ted turns the corner of a hallway perhaps just a little too quickly.
“Woah,” Ted skids to a stop as he turns the corner, running directly into someone. Ted, off balance already, flails as he falls on his ass.
“Are you all right?” Ted blinks up at the other man, struck by the absolute mane of hair on his head.
“I like your hair.” Ted goes bright red, as he stares wide-eyed. The other man furrows his brow and Ted’s brain kind of stalls.
“Are you quite sure you didn’t hit your head?”
“No, Uh, I’m as good as a horse on a blueberry farm.” Ted sees the other man take a moment to process that.
The other man sticks out his hand and Ted takes it, shaking his hand firmly. The other man has nice hands, Ted notices idly, they're big. Then, Ted notices the colourful doodling all over his hand and forearm, and silently vows even more revenge on Beard. The other man just seems bemused by the whole thing.
“I’m Trent, it’s good to meet you—?” Ted jolts a little, dropping the other man’s hand.
“Ah, Ted.”
“It’s good to meet you, Ted .”
“It’s good to meet you too, Trent. Sorry for the tackle.”
“Ted!” Beard skids around the corner, narrowly missing them. He clocks Trent, then continues speaking. “Stop consorting with the enemy, we’re losing at hide and seek!” Then he’s off, racing down the corridor.
“Sorry again there, but ah, duty calls, it seems.” Ted climbs to his feet with a groan before starting to trot off down the corridor. “Bye Trent!” Ted waves over his shoulder as he hurries to follow Beard down the corridor.
Henry strolls through the corridors of Nelson road, with very little concern for staying hidden from his wayward guardians. He gets a couple of weird looks from some people in blue and red uniforms, but he just smiles and waves like his Dad taught him and they seem to shrug it off. He ducks into a room that he’s pretty sure is where they started playing hide and seek, but when he looks around, he realizes that he is wrong, instead of the office filled with sports memorabilia and chairs, he’s in some sort of change room in the same sort of colours he saw on the uniforms outside.
It is empty of people, and it’s about at this point that Henry decides he should actually try the hiding part of the Hide and Seek. He pokes around, finding a relatively clear cupboard big enough for him to fit in.
He’s settled down, snickering to himself about how his dad and uncle were never going to find him here when people who are decidedly not his dad or uncle walk into the room.
They’re sort of dragging the shortest man by the arm, saying something loud and aggressive to him. And it’s enough that Henry can tell what’s going on.
Henry bursts out of the cupboard, much to the shock of everyone else in the room.
“Stop it.” Henry takes a breath, just like his Dad taught him. “Stop bullying him.”
“Why is there a fucking child in our dressing room?” The grumpy looking one says
Henry bites his lip, going to stand next to the shortest man, glaring at the three men in front of him. He swallows his nervousness, trying to take deep breaths like his dad taught him.
Ted shoulders open the door to the locker room, spotting Henry standing with his back to the door and, as Ted fully walks into the room, 4 fully grown men all staring at him like a unicorn had appeared in the middle of a highschool band room.
“Henry, buddy, this isn’t how you play hide and seek.”
“Dad.” Henry turns and runs up to Ted, a clear look of upset on his little face. “They were bullying him.” He points to the knot of soccer and soccer adjacent people hovering nearby, looking rather confused at the presence of the kid and a random man in their changing room.
He looks down at his son, then back up at the footballers and sighs. It’s really not his place to be lecturing these kids, but if he doesn’t Henry is going to be upset.
“Is that true, boys?” Ted tries for his best neutral tone but he’s almost certain a little bit of disappointment creeps in. They look truly taken aback. Ted strolls further into the room, passively putting himself between the smaller man and the footballers. Ted hears Henry walk somewhere behind him.
“Now, I may not be your coach, but I have coached a fair few sports teams in my life, and I always try to create a culture of respect amongst my team members, because at the end of the day, all we can hope for is to have people around us that care for and support us. So bullying people? Tearing them down?” Ted eyes them each slowly. Two of them have mulish looks on their faces, but one, the slighter one, can’t quite meet him in the eyes. “That’s unacceptable.” He pauses, trying his best to stare into each of their souls, one by one. “But here's the thing about humans, see.” Ted shrugs. “They can always change.” Ted feels something melancholy settle in his chest at the thought.
Ted turns his back on the soccer players, walking over to Henry. He looks at the other man.
“I’m Ted.” Ted offers him his hand.
“Uh—” The man starts. “Oh—” The man shakes his hand tentatively. “Nathan—Nate.”
“And this is my son, Henry.” Ted hovers a hand over Henry’s head. Henry, still upset, waves at Nate as he glares at the soccer players in the room.
“Nice to meet you.” Nate pauses, suddenly realizing exactly where they were. “Uh, what were you—”
“Ted?” Beard strolls into the room. “Oh, you found Henry. Good, I need to start training soon.” Beard looks around the room, taking in the whole scene while a storm cloud practically brews over his head.
“Tartt, McAdoo, Hughes. Out on the field for practice. Now.”
The three of them walk out of the room, still casting small confused glances at Henry, mostly. Beard sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. He walks over to Henry, still hovering by Nate.
Ted and Beard make eye contact over Henry’s head. Beard’s what exactly happened? clear in the line of his eyebrows, while Ted’s makes an expression that he hopes conveys tell you later.
“You alright, Nate?” Beard gives Nate a once-over. “I thought you said they’d stopped?”
“It’s all right Coach.”
Beard makes both a noise and a face that very much conveys that it isn’t. “Head out to the field, I'll be there in a moment.” He says with a moue of disagreement.
Nate nods, walking out of the locker room door with his head hanging slightly.
Henry’s entire face screws up as his fists ball up, his face going red. Henry shoves his face into Ted's stomach, wrapping his arms tightly around Ted’s waist.
“You need a break, Honey?” Ted murmurs to Henry, who shakes his head. “Still want to go out and watch practice?” Henry nods. “Ok, let me or Beard know if you need a break, all right?”
“‘Kay Dad.” Henry takes a deep breath trying to match Ted’s breathing. Fierce affection for his son bursts in Ted's chest and he bites his tongue, bouncing on his toes slightly.
“I’m proud of you for standing up for Nate.” Henry hums, his face still planted in Ted’s stomach. Ted looks up at Beard, taking a deep breath in. He nods towards the door. “Go ahead,” he whispers to Beard, “we’ll be out in a minute.”
Beard nods, putting a hand on Ted’s shoulder before leaving.
Ted stands and breathes with his son for a long moment and Ted waits for Henry to pull away. When he finally does, there’s a wet patch on Ted’s shirt but Henry looks better.
“Ready to go, sport?”
Henry nods, and they walk out onto the pitch.
They watch practice for an hour before Henry starts to get squirrely, which to be fair, is longer than Ted expects him to last. So Ted digs a pack of cards out of his backpack and they play a couple rousing games of count-down crazy eights before Henry feels like watching again. Beard even finds Henry a ball to kick around and convinces some of the reserves to run around with him until Henry is panting and sweaty.
When Henry comes back from running around, he flops down over Ted’s lap and immediately passes out.
Ted desperately tries to keep his eyes open, but it gets harder and harder to focus on the players as the sun shines down on the field.
He jerks awake to something snapping next to his ears.
“Coach.”
“I’m up.” Ted looks around him and up at Beard. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he yawns. “How long was I out?”
“Practice is over.” Ted groans.
“The squirt isn’t going to sleep tonight, isn’t he.” Ted says, flatly.
“Probably not.” Ted looks down at Henry, still sprawled across his lap and drooling on Ted’s sweatpants. He looks up at Beard. “I know you had something to do with this, by the way.” He gestures to the dinosaur stickers and marker drawings.
“I plead the fifth.”
“Well while you’re pleading, you can carry Henry home for me.”
Beard chuckles. “Deal.”
Beard rouses Henry enough to get him up into his arms, where he promptly falls asleep on Beard’s shoulder. Ted rises to his feet with a loud dad noise.
“You’re getting old.” Beard teases, walking towards the locker room. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the team.”
The team stares in confusion at Beard when he enters the locker room carrying a child.
“Got something to tell us, Coach?” One of the players from before, the one with the brown hair pushed back with a headband, says snottily.
“No, Tartt. This is my nephew Henry and that is Ted.” He nods in Ted’s direction. “We went to college together. Be nice.”
One of the players, a bouncy one with long black hair, smiles at Beard.
“Congratulations on the nephew, Coach.”
“Thank you Dani.” The three players from earlier all eye Henry sleeping peacefully in Beard’s arms, while the rest of the players wear expressions ranging from confusion to bemusement. “Dismissed.”
The players start to scatter, a couple of them coming up to Ted and introducing themselves. Ted turns to Beard as the last one, a nice young man named Sam, leaves.
Ted smiles at Beard, grabbing their suitcases from his office. “Ok, All ready.”
“No folksy anecdote?”
“Too tired.” Ted pretends to go to sleep on Beard’s other shoulder.
“Ok, ok.” Beard pokes Ted in the side. “Let’s go home.”
They get home quickly, and Ted only almost walks into an oncoming car twice, so he’s going to call that a success.
Ted feels like he’s moving through corn syrup as they walk into Beard’s apartment, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting him. It’s like he’s remaining upright by sheer power of will. Beard locks the door behind them and walks up to Ted.
“Go take a shower, I’ll get Henry to bed.” Beard nods towards a hallway off the main living room.
Ted gives him a look of intense gratitude before wandering down the hallway, poking his head into the rooms until he finds the bathroom.
Walking into the room, he’s hit with a rush of familiarity as he sees Beard’s stuff spread across the countertop.
He fiddles with the shower, hoping that he’s got the temperatures figured out properly before he steps under the stream of water.
It feels euphoric to wash the sweat and grime off his skin, like he’s shedding all the bad and leaving only him. Whatever of him is left, anyways. For a few blissful seconds, Ted feels unburdened, solid. Then, it passes.
Shaking his head, Ted grabs the bottle of body wash and starts scrubbing. The quiet routine of cleaning himself passes quickly, and before long he’s stepping out of the shower and into his pyjamas.
Ted follows the sound of voices through the apartment to find Beard and Henry in the spare bathroom. They’re both in their pyjamas and Henry is up on the counter, brushing his teeth. There’s music playing softly from Beard’s phone. Ted hangs back, watching the two of them.
“—this song is off the Graceland album, released in 1986. It’s about a man on a journey with his son. Fitting, huh?” Henry nods, mouth still full of toothpaste and toothbrush. Beard checks the timer on his phone. “Almost done, Hen. Then you can pick a song for me.”
The phone pings, interrupting the music. Henry spits out the toothpaste, rinsing his mouth quickly and making grabby hands at Beard’s phone.
Beard hands it to him with a laugh, busying himself with putting toothpaste on his toothbrush while Henry scrolls through music on Beard’s phone.
Henry puts on an upbeat pop song as Beard starts brushing. “One of the singers in this song did a concert on fortnight, one of my friends told me about it.” Henry says very seriously and Ted must make some noise of amusement because Beard looks over and winks at him.
2 minutes of diligent toothbrushing later for Beard and singing along to the music for Henry and Beard spits, rinsing out his mouth. Henry hops off the counter and leans into Beard’s side as they listen to the rest of the song.
“Ok Hen, did you want me or your dad to read to you before bed.”
Henry wobbles his head back and forth, thinking. “Both?”
“Spoiled boy.” Beard says fondly, kissing the top of his head as he walks out of the bathroom, Henry trailing after him, giving Ted a happy smile when he notices him. “Sound good?” Beard says, more to Ted than to Henry.
“Sounds great.”
They curl around Henry on the bed like commas on either side of a clause. Beard pulls out the first of the Magic Treehouse books from the bedside table and starts reading. Ted lets the words wash over him, fuzzing in and out between sleep and wakefulness, only really coming back to consciousness when Beard hands him the book to read the next chapter. He doesn’t really remember what happens in the book, but by that point, Henry is already dropping off into sleep, so he’s sure they can re-start this chapter tomorrow night.
They both kiss Henry on the forehead before quietly making their way out of the room.
“Shoot.” Ted sways on his feet. “I wanted to buy you a beer to thank you for having us, but I don’t think I’d even make it out the door without falling asleep.”
“There’s always tomorrow.”
“Hmm.” Ted breathes out with a soft sigh. “Well, point me in the direction of the couch and I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Ted.” Beard gives him an unimpressed look. “You can take the bed.”
“I can’t.”
“Ok, alternate proposition. Sleepover?”
Ted chuckles. It’s a proposition that dates back to college, when Ted had told Beard that he missed out on the classic highschool sleepover experience (he left out the reasons why exactly, but he thinks that Beard might’ve guessed some of it at least). Beard had, like many things in his life, decided it was his personal mission to throw Ted the best sleepover possible.
So, they got snacks, blankets, movies, popcorn, the whole nine yards. Ted and Beard fell asleep watching Legally Blonde, curled up like puppies around one another.
“Works for me.”
“Come on then,” Beard leads them into the second bedroom where he flops onto the bed. Ted climbs in after him, curling up on the far side of the bed. Beard climbs under the covers, fishing a remote for the small wall-mounted TV out of the bedside table. He cues up Legally Blonde and Ted barely gets through the opening scene before he is out like a light.
Ted wakes up late, later than he’d expected to. There’s no Beard in bed with him and neither are Henry’s bony elbows stabbing him in the back. Ted turns over, stretches his arms over his head and sits up. There’s a note written in bright marker on the bedside table next to him.
Ted,
I took Henry to work with me so you’ve got the day to yourself. There’s French toast in the fridge.
Beard
Ted blinks, his mind going blank. He can’t remember the last time he had a day to himself.
He grabs his phone, checking his texts and emails, midway through he puts his phone down on his chest, staring up at the ceiling for an interminable amount of time, which actually ends up being 30 seconds.
For a lack of anything better to do, Ted gets up and eats french toast cold out of the fridge. He sits down on the couch, fiddling with the chess pieces on the coffee table chessboard.
He gets up and looks at the books on Beard’s shelves. They’re an eclectic mix, with soccer books concentrated on the middle shelves and various fiction books on the lower and upper shelves. There are also some strange, completely black, cloth-bound, unlabelled books on the top shelf that Ted isn’t going to touch with a ten-foot pole.
Ted wanders around the apartment for a while, still not quite sure what to do with himself.
Eventually, he goes back to Beard’s room and gets dressed and with a helpless shrug, looking around the room he decides to go for a walk.
It’s an uncharacteristically beautiful day outside. Ted just wanders around the old brick buildings until he reaches a large park. Kids run around, playing soccer and just generally having a raucous time.
Walking through the sun-drenched park, Ted spots a familiar man standing near the swings of the small playground. “Hiya Trent!” Ted waves.
Trent narrows his eyes at Ted, like he’s not quite sure who Ted is, but then awareness seems to light up his eyes. “Ted.” Trent smiles, small and secret. “It’s good to meet you when you’re not running me down.”
“Sorry bout that.” Ted ducks his head. “My son wanted to play hide and seek. Beard and I just got a little too…”
“Excited?”
“Yeah, that works.”
“So what brings you to London then?”
“A vacation. Henry and I needed to get away for a bit.”
Trent hums, looking at a small girl on the swings.
“Is she yours?”
Trent starts, looking back at Ted. He casts a considering look over Ted.
“She is.” Trent looks around at the park. “Where’s yours?”
“He’s with Beard for the day. Now I’ve got to entertain myself somehow.”
Trent cocks his head. “There are some lovely museums, food, music…?” Trent seems to trail off like he’s not sure if his suggestions will be wanted. “What kind of things do you like to do?”
Ted goes to answer, but finds he’s not quite sure what to say. So many of his interests were tied up with Henry or Michelle, so he’s just not…sure.
“I’m looking for something…different.”
Trent looks at him, consideringly, his hair falling over his face artfully.
“You could go have afternoon tea,” at that, Ted grimaces. “Or you could go to the flower market, There are loads of museums, there’s one I…” Trent narrows his eyes looking at Ted intensely. “A museum that I love.”
There’s a moment of quiet, only broken by the sound of children playing in the park nearby.
“And, worst comes to worst, you could always have a wank” Ted cocks his head, uncomprehending. Trent blinks. “Jack off, Ted.”
Ted goes red, looking around at the people milling around the park—none of them in earshot thank god—then back at the very attractive man who just told him to go masturbate.
“I’ll Uh—” Ted clears his throat. “Take it under advisement.”
“Cool.” Trent shuffles, looking a little pink around the ears. He takes a notebook and scribbles out a few words into it. He rips out the page and hands it to Ted.
“Ok, well. I’m gonna go,” Ted looks around, pointing at the way he thinks leads back to Beard’s apartment. “Good to see you again.”
“Yeah, good to see you too.” Trent nods. “I think Isobel is calling for me.” Trent turns and walks off towards the rest of the playground.
Ted looks up to the sky, internally screaming. He’s embarrassed, yes, but Trent has a point. When was the last time he did something for himself? And Ted needs to get his mind out of the gutter, because he flushes again at the thought.
He looks down at the piece of paper in his hand, at the precise block capital and thinks that maybe it’s time for him to take a leap of faith.
“Uncle Beard! Look at my cartwheel!”
The players are off having lunch, and Beard and Henry are, or rather, were doing passing drills, until Henry abandoned the football to run around doing cartwheels. And Beard is sitting in the middle of the field, watching him.
He holds up his clipboard, a giant 10/10 written in black sharpie. Henry spots it, grins and runs off to do another cartwheel.
Henry runs back up to him, panting and grinning.
“You should try and do one.”
Beard gets that impending doom feeling that lets him know that this is probably a bad idea, but he is going to do it anyways, because by god is he going to be the fun uncle.
So he takes off his jacket, takes his keys out of his pocket, and starts his cartwheel.
And then the players walk out onto the field to see him absolutely eating shit doing a cartwheel. Henry runs over in concern, but once he sees that Beard is fine, he starts cackling, diving for Beards clipboard and scratching out the 10/10 and replacing it with a 0/10.
When Henry shows it to him, he laughs.
“I deserved that.” Beard groans as he stands up. “Come help me find my keys, Hen.”
“Kay.” Henry trots over, taking a cursory glance around him as he goes. “Found them.” He points to a patch of grass next to Beard.
Beard gathers up the rest of his stuff off the field, glancing up at the players gathered by the entrance to the field.
“Start your warm up.” Beard yells, making Henry jump. Beard drops to his knees, looking at Henry. “Ok buddy, I have an important job for you.” Beard hands him a whistle. “Whenever I do this,” Beard shows Henry a thumbs up. “I need you to blow the whistle. Got it?”
“Got it!”
“Okay.”
Henry takes a huge breath in and blows the whistle. Every single player on that field looks at them in chorus.
“Good job buddy.” Beard kisses him on the forehead, his hands on either side of Henry’s face. Then, he stands gesturing for the players to circle up.
“Defense with me, offense with Coach Bayard. Let’s go.”
The museum is in an old brick building, plain from the outside. It has turned into a gorgeous day, sunny and warm. As he walks down the road, nodding and smiling at the people around him, colour catches his gaze out of the corner of his eye.
The window is filled with posters, but one in the middle stops him dead.
It is essential to be seen
It’s a no-nonsense font on a bright background, surrounded by other brightly coloured posters. Truth be told, Ted can’t quite understand why it hits him so hard.
There’s a hard knot in his chest as he walks into the museum. The walls are clean and white, covered in photos and paintings. He looks closer.
Ted stares at the pictures, at the people. They’re so real and so There. It’s a riot of colour and people, all being exactly who they are, exactly as they are meant to be.
Ted feels a tear trickle down his cheek, then another, until it’s a veritable flood. He’s sobbing in the middle of the quiet gallery, and he doesn’t know why.
“Hey,” Ted feels something touch his shoulder, he jumps, quickly rubbing the tears off his cheeks.
“Hiya.” Ted sniffs, turning to look at the person beside him, their brows furrowed in concern. “Just uh—”
“Are you ok?”
“Uh—” Ted wipes the rest of his tears, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah.” He clears his throat. “I’m good.” He smiles weakly.
“Ok.” They say in a voice that makes sure Ted knows that they don’t believe him. “Is this… your first time visiting the museum?”
“Yeah, how could you tell? Was it the accent?” Ted balls his hands, sticking them deep in his pockets.
“You just looked—”
“Silly?”
“Overwhelmed.” They snort. “You looked overwhelmed.” They push short blue hair behind their ears. “It’s ok.” Ted cocks his head, unsure what they were trying to say. “To be overwhelmed.”
Ted smiles hesitantly, shaking his head ever so slightly. “Could you tell me about the museum?”
They look at him quietly for a moment. “Okay.”
Ted feels…odd. He feels odd for the rest of the day, really. He almost sleepwalks through the walk back to Beard’s apartment, stopping only briefly to look around for a convenient pub to take Beard to once he can stay up later than 7:30 PM.
He lets himself into Beard’s apartment, closing the door behind himself with a careful twist of the knob. The apartment is still dark and quiet, Beard and Henry aren’t back yet.
Ted brings a hand up, pressing his knuckles to his sternum. His chest tightens, like a too-firm hug. Ted pulls out his phone, googling tight chest causes, and comes away with the suspicion that he’s having a heart attack. (The fact that anxiety is also near the top of the list he looked at is something that he doesn’t want to dwell on too long.)
Ted looks around for something to distract himself with, spying a slim, brightly coloured book on one of the lower shelves of the bookcase. He walks over and grabs it, returning to the couch with a quick couple of steps. Ted cracks open the book, almost soothed by the texture of paper under his fingertips.
He gets through about two pages before the buzzing in his brain gets impossible to ignore. He puts down the book, getting to pace the apartment.
He opens the kitchen cupboard, staring blankly at the assorted baking ingredients.
Cookies.
He could make cookies.
Set into motion by finally having something to focus on, he puts his music on shuffle and loses himself to the rhythm of doing something with his own two hands.
Henry bursts back into the kitchen just as Ted is pulling out the first batch of cookies, Beard trailing along behind him holding coffee.
“Cool.” Henry says, launching himself onto one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter. “Can I have one Dad?”
“Were you good for your uncle?” Henry nods, his entire body wiggling at the motion. Ted looks to Beard who nods before wordlessly sliding a paper mug of coffee across the counter. Ted grabs a spatula out of the drawer, scooping one of the still warm cookies onto a plate. “It’s hot, so don’t eat it too fast or you’ll burn your tongue.”
“Ok Dad,” Henry says, already halfway through the cookie. Ted takes a sip of the coffee, sweet and milky just the way he likes it. He closes his eyes, tipping his head back, tired again. It seems like he can’t ever escape it.
“How was your day at the football club?” Ted asks, but Henry has zeroed in on Ted's phone, still playing music softly.
“Dad, turn up the music?”
“Do I hear a please in there somewhere?”
“Dad, please turn up the music?”
Like the obliging father he is, Ted turns up the music. Bass guitar thrums through the room.
“Pressure pushing down on me, pushing down on you no man ask for.”
Beard tips his head at Ted as Henry shoves the last of his cookie in his face. He hops off of the stool, tugging on Beard’s sleeve.
“Can we play video games?”
They while away the afternoon with a Mario Kart tournament that Henry soundly beats both Ted and Beard in.
Eventually, Ted sneaks away to make dinner, and they eat, sprawled out on the floor around the coffee table.
Beard pulls out a pack of cards from under the coffee table and starts to idly shuffle them. Henry watches Beard intently.
“Can you teach me?”
Love is stored in the small moments.
Ted feels his chest cave in watching his best friend teach his son to shuffle cards, filled with emotions he does not understand and does not know how to process. He just kind of sits there quietly.
Beard looks over at him, frowning slightly more than normal. He cocks his head, eyes full of concern. He breathes through the tightness in his chest, as he smiles a small smile at Beard.
Later, Ted wrangles Henry into bed while Beard does something in the kitchen.
“Can Dani come play Mario Kart with us next time?”
“Sure Buddy,” Ted kisses Henry’s forehead, “now you get to bed, alright?”
“Fine.” Henry snuggles down into the bed, eyes already falling closed. “Love you Dad.”
“Love you too, Honey.” Utter fondness fills his chest as he looks at his son, then quietly leaves the room. Ted closes the door with a quiet click behind him before he goes to find Beard.
Beard hands him a beer as he walks into the kitchen and flops face first onto the counter. The counter is cool under his cheek, and Ted is tired enough that he thinks he might just fall asleep right there.
Beard starts humming as he walks towards Ted, something that Ted definitely recognizes but can’t place immediately.
“What is that?” Ted peers up at Beard as he lies on the counter.
Beard rolls his eyes like the answer should be obvious, and hums louder.
Finally, he recognizes the tune.
“Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.” Ted sings along softly to Beard’s humming.
“Mmm, I get high—” Beard pokes him in the shoulder and Ted laughs. “With a little help from my friends.”
Ted lifts his head, joining Beard for the last line of the chorus.
“Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.” Ted closes his eyes, grinning. “I love that song.”
“I know.” Beard shrugs, poking Ted in the shoulder again. “Come on, to the couch” Beard ushers him out of the kitchen, just pushing him along when he protests that he still hasn’t cleaned up the kitchen.
Ted sits cross-legged on the couch facing Beard.
“So,” In a strange turn of events, Beard is the one to break the silence first. “Do you want to talk?”
Ted traces a circle on the couch, watching as the colour changes.
“Michelle left me.” Ted reaches to fiddle with his wedding band, aborting the motion when he remembers that it’s not there anymore. Ted clenches his hands painfully, nails digging into his palms. Beard hands him a rubix cube, which he takes and starts fidget with.
Beard sits quietly with him like he has all the time in the world. Even if Beard doesn’t, even if he knows Beard has to get up early tomorrow.
“We were both trying but…” Ted sighs. “It doesn’t matter.” Ted frowns down at the rubix cube, gritting his teeth when he can’t remember the pattern to solve it. “It doesn’t matter.” Ted bites his tongue, tasting the faint tang of blood. “We both needed some space. So.” Ted shrugs, looking up at Beard. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Beard.” His voice starts to get louder and he can feel his breathing quicken. “I don’t know what’s best for Henry, I don’t know what’s best for Michelle.” He can feel tears prickle in his eyes. “I’m fucking terrified that this is going to destroy Henry—that I’m going to destroy Henry.”
Beard cocks his head.
“Fuck.” Ted says. “I’m sorry, I don”t—.” Ted looks up at the ceiling tapping his knuckles against the rubix cube. Ted smiles, even as he tries to keep the tears from falling. “What do I do?” His voice is thick, stressed with the suppressed tears. “How do I keep going?”
“I don’t know, Ted. I’m sorry.” Beard’s voice is hushed. He takes off this baseball cap, running a hand through his hair. There’s something heartbreaking about the distance between them. All Ted wants, suddenly, viscerally is a hug.
The couch creaks as Beard stands, coming to sit right down beside Ted, putting an arm around his shoulders. “That really sucks.” Beard quietly turns Ted’s face towards him, resting his forehead against Ted’s.
Ted stops breathing for a moment.
“Do you want to talk more about it or do you want a distraction?”
“Distraction.” Ted closes his eyes as Beard stands. Ted hears him puttering around the room, wandering in and out on occasion.
Footsteps approach him, and Ted opens his eyes. Beard is holding his laptop, balancing a whole variety of different snacks and things on it. Beard gestures with his head for Ted to sit on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. When he moves, Beard sits next to him, setting the laptop on the coffee table. Beard plugs in a set of headphones and hands one of the earbuds to him. On screen is a dear in a blue-toned forest.
“Really?”
“Girls night.” Beard shrugs and says with a smile. He presses play and grabs a bottle of nail polish off the coffee table. He holds out his hand, waiting patiently for Ted to let him have Ted’s hand.
Ted breathes quietly, putting his hand in Beard’s.
“I only have black or electric blue.” Beard carefully paints on a base coat. “Do you have a preference?” The acrid smell of the nail polish fills the air between them.
“No.” Ted watches the deer get mauled on screen by a blurred figure before it cuts to someone holding a cactus. He slumps, grabbing his beer with his unoccupied hand. Beard’s hands are warm and dependable as he deftly applies the polish. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” Beard grabs his other hand. “No falling asleep though, you still have to paint mine.”
“Deal.”
“Okay Buddy,” Ted flips pancakes onto a plate. “What do you want to do today?” Beard had left early that morning for a game, so Henry and Ted are left to their own devices.
“I dunno.” Henry says, pausing briefly from stuffing pancakes in his face to give his completely unhelpful answer.
“Anything you want buddy, we could go to a museum, see a play or something, I think there’s an aquarium around here somewhere?”
“Well what do you want to do dad?”
“I want to do what you want to do, buddy.” Ted smiles at his son, who pouts aggressively.
“That’s not an answer dad.” Henry shakes his head, shoving another bite of pancake into his maw. Ted scrambles for an answer, trying desperately to pick something he thinks Henry would like.
Ted puts another plate of pancakes onto the table, pouring the last of the batter into the pan.
“The natural history museum sounds fun, we could go look at the dinosaurs.”
Henry hums, chewing his pancakes. “Do they have a T-rex?”
“I think so.”
“Okay!” Henry is already off the stool and into his room to grab his backpack
They take the bus there, only making it there by the grace of god and google maps. Henry, the absolute champ, is the one to drag Ted off the bus at the right stop, where they both have to recover by eating ice cream from a tourist trap on the side of the road.
Ted tries his best to keep them from getting sticky, but if there’s anything Henry is extremely accomplished in, it is getting sticky. They walk into the museum, and Ted is still trying to get rid of the last traces of ice cream on Henry’s hands when Henry stops, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes are wide and excited.
“Dad, dad, dad. Look!” He points up at the ceiling, at the giant whale skeleton that hangs there. “What is it?”
“It’s a blue whale skeleton.”
“Oh we learned about them in class! Their hearts are the size of a cow!”
“I didn’t know that! That’s really cool.” They both look up at the whale skeleton for a moment longer.
Henry takes his hand, leading him into one of the exhibits. They look at the dinosaurs and the birds and the mammals, and Henry marvels over the dioramas. Quietly, Ted thinks that the volcano section is the coolest, but Henry quickly moves on to the Rock and Gem section where he stares into the sparkling minerals for a good 20 minutes before declaring that he’s going to become a geologist.
Ted buys him the stuffed dinosaur Henry was staring at, but didn’t ask Ted about and gets Beard postcards with anatomical images on them.
They pick up takeout on the bus ride home which Henry proceeds to try and balance on his head while Ted looks on in resignation.
Miraculously, he doesn’t spill anything, and Beard looks quite impressed at this when Henry informs him of it.
After they eat, Henry leans into Ted. “Dad, can I call mom?”
“Sure, Buddy.”
Ted picks up the phone, dialling the number he knows off by heart with soul-deep apprehension. Michelle picks up on the first ring.
“Hey Michelle.” Ted clears his throat, swallowing down the nervous tension in his body.
“Ted.” Michelle sounds stressed.
“Henry wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeah, of course.” Her voice softens.
“Here, Hen.” Ted hands Henry his phone, who takes it and starts pacing around the room like a tiny little businessperson.
Ted stares off at the wall as the world fuzzes over. He can see his hands, he knows his body exists, and is real, and is present, but despite that he can feel a distinct sense of vertigo, like he’s up high above his body and he can’t feel it anymore. He’s not really sure how much time passes before Henry is poking him in the shoulder, and handing him back the phone.
“Mom wants to talk to you.” He says, his brows furrowed.
“Thank you, buddy.” Ted reaches up to ruffle his hair. “Why don’t you go help Beard in the kitchen.”
Ted takes a deep breath, raising the phone to his ear.
“Hiya Michelle!” Even Ted can tell that he’s being overly chipper.
“Ted.” He’s not an idiot, he can tell how tired she sounds when she talks to him. When did she start to sound like that? “Henry said that you guys went to the Natural History museum today?”
“Yeah, yeah.” His smile is bitter and brittle. “We took photos of the dodo for you. I—we thought you could show your kids.”
“You don’t have to—” Michelle sighs. “Thank you, Ted. I just wanted to ask how Henry was doing with...” She trails off, leaving the question half asked. There’s no need, they both know how that sentence ends.
“I think he’s doing…fine. I think he’s enjoying England. He loves getting to spend time with Beard again.”
Michelle laughs softly. “Tell Beard I say hi.”
“Can do, Caillou.”
There is a long silence. Sometimes, Ted thinks it’s the anticipation of something that makes it worse.
“Are you ok, Ted?” Ted can hear music and laughter from the kitchen. The kitchen seems warm. There’s a stain on the doorframe, somehow. “Ted?”
“I’m fine.” Henry is sitting on the counter, licking a spoon while Beard sings along to Fleetwood Mac. “Sorry Michelle, I have to go.”
“Alright. Goodbye Ted.”
“Bye.” Ted hangs up, hurrying to the front door and letting himself outside. The cold air is a shock, and he doubles over, his stomach aching. It’s confusing, the mix of emotions, anger, anxiety—and relief. There’s no reason for him to feel relief. The other emotions, he understands. But relief?
The door opens behind him.
“Uncle Beard sent me to get you for dinner.” Ted bolts upright, spinning around to face his son. Henry stares at him, his eyes dark and serious.
“Sounds good.” Ted smiles and follows him inside.
“Did you guys want to come with me to work today?”
“Can we, Dad?” Henry looks up at him wide-eyed and grinning.
Ted has to laugh at his son’s eagerness to visit Beard’s workplace. “You were never this excited about coming with me to work.”
“That’s because your work is boring, Dad.”
Ted looks at Beard, bewildered. “We do the same thing.”
Beard shrugs, somehow conveying with absolute nonchalance I must just be better, then.
“Hey, Henry. Why don’t you get your stuff for today.” Ted calls, and as soon as he’s turned his back, Ted flips off Beard.
Beard sticks his tongue turning into the kitchen and grabbing something.
“Made you lunch.” Beard tosses a paper bag at Ted.
“Aren't you just the best.”
“Mmm, there’s gotta be some reason you keep me around.”
Ted narrows his eyes, he widens his stance and he tackles Beard, trapping his head under one arm loosely so he can rub his knuckles through Beard’s hair. Ted knows full well that Beard could break him if he so chose, so it’s only Beard’s good nature that lets Ted get the upper hand.
“This is a self depreciation free zone, Beard. None of that.”
“Fine.” Beard rolls his eyes and pokes Ted in the side. Ted releases Beard just in time for Henry to come back into the room.
“You ready to go, Henry?”
“Yup!”
They get out of the door with only a minor fuss, spilling out onto the street and disrupting a family of birds pecking at the ground.
Beard spends the walk trying to download soccer—sorry, football—strategies into Ted and Henry’s brain. Ted’s not quite sure how much went over Henry’s head, but if he doesn’t understand he’s doing a pretty good job of pretending like he does, so Ted lets it be. Ted, on the other hand, does not understand it, and is making no secret of that. He’s pretty sure that by the 5th time Beard (and Henry) explain the offside room, both of them are fed up with him.
Luckily, they’re at the club, so it doesn’t overly matter.
“I’ve got to go talk to the boss. Go ahead and say hi to everyone, Hen.” Beard says, walking off down the corridor.
Henry shrieks, taking Ted’s hand and pulling him down the hallway to the locker room.
Ted leans on the wall near the door, content to watch Henry flit around the room talking to the players as they trickle in. It seems he’s especially taken to Nate, hovering around him more often than not.
“Your son doesn’t like me much.” Ted suppresses the urge to jump, turning to look at Jamie.
“No, I reckon he doesn’t.” Jamie has his fists balled in the bottom of his shirt and the collar pulled up over his chin. “Does that upset you?”
“—no.” Jamie leans back on the wall. “Don’t matter what he thinks though, he’s a kid.”
“His opinions matter to me.”
Jamie is silent, looking at Ted.
“Jaime, you seem like a good kid, but I’ve seen a lot of teams crumble and fall because one team member couldn’t remember that they were a team.” Ted shrugs. “You’re already an amazing soccer player.” Ted looks at Henry being picked up and tossed around by Dani. “But imagine how awesome it would be if you could all work together.”
Jamie snorts, wandering over to his locker.
Henry continues to do his rounds around the room, pointedly avoiding Jamie’s general area. Henry is distracted by someone saying something to him when he runs into someone Ted hasn’t met before.
Henry stares up at the imposing figure in front of him. The man’s thick eyebrows furrow for a moment before Henry starts grinning up at him.
“Roy!” He shrieks, “can we play chuck the chicken for warm-up today?”
Like an oncoming storm, Ted can sense the swear word about to be directed at his son, and pointedly moves to where Roy can see him, raising an eyebrow.
“I’ll think about it.” He says, staring Ted down. Henry continues to chatter at Roy, but it seems that no more swear words will be directed at his kid so Ted lets himself look over the rest of the room.
Ted grunts as someone knocks his shoulder, turning to see Beard standing next to him. Ted hums, turning back to the room at large.
“Got you a present.” Ted feels something slap against his chest. He grabs it, looking at the book in his hands. It’s a soccer strategy book.
“Is this your way of asking me to stay?”
Beard’s silence speaks volumes.
“Oh you miss me.” Ted leans on Beard’s shoulder, with the biggest dopiest grin on his face. “Beard, I’m flattered.” The jokey quality of his voice falls away a little bit. “I’ll think about it. I’m still…” He waves his hands around. “You know.”
“Ok.” Ted feels Beard sigh against his shoulder. “You know I’ve got you, whatever you decide.”
“Love you too.”
“Ok,” Beard says too loudly as he claps his hands. “Time to start training. Everyone out on the field yesterday.”
Henry is the first one to lead the charge out of the locker room, followed by the rest of the team.
Ted takes a seat on the lowest tier of the stands, he leans on the metal railing, putting on his headphones.
Music washes over him, the familiar lyrics soothing. He watches the team gather around Beard, Henry right in the middle of everything. Ted sighs, dropping his chin onto the cool metal and closing his eyes.
The next thing he remembers is someone touching his shoulder. Ted blinks at the soccer field, feeling out of time and place. He looks around, realizing first: that Trent is standing next to him and second: that he was probably the one to tap him on the shoulder.
“I think Pavlov's dogged myself to always fall asleep here.”
Trent laughs, and his face lights up. He looks like sunshine, and Ted can’t help but marvel a little.
“Quite the feat.” Trent pokes at the bench next to Ted. “May I sit?”
Ted nods at the seat next to him. “Be my guest.” Ted looks around at the completely empty stands around him. “Are you supposed to be here, or did you sneak in?”
Trent sits, slumping backwards in the chair, his loose posture at odds with the blazer and tie he’s wearing. “I’m supposed to be meeting the coach to write an article, but he seems to be otherwise occupied.” Trent nods at the field, where the entire team seems to be embroiled in some sort of children’s game. Trent squints, looking closer at the group of players. “Is that a child?”
“Mm, my son.” Henry is being hoisted up into the air by Sam, the group around them screaming as they seem to win whatever game they were playing. “They’ll be done soon, I think they finished practise already, they’re just humouring Henry.”
Trent laughs, starting to scribble in his notebook.
Ted can practically feel the death glare Beard is levelling at Trent but Trent seems oblivious, still writing something in his notebook.
“I think your duty calls,” Ted knocks his arm lightly and Trent looks down the field at Beard, shivering as he sees Beard’s glare.
“I don’t know if I'm going to survive.”
“You’ll be fine. Beard is a big Teddy bear.”
“Maybe to you.” Trent raises an eyebrow.
“Only one way to find out.” Ted says idly as he sees Beard start to make his way down the field towards them.
Trent watches Beard for a moment. “Why do I feel like I’m being chased by the terminator.”
“Because you are.” Ted wiggles his eyebrows. “If you want to run, you’d better do it now.”
Trent laughs softly, tapping his notebook with the end of his pen. “Did you check out the museum?”
“I did.”
“And?” Trent looks nervous. It’s the first time Ted’s seen it on the other man. Ted gets the impression that this is something important to him.
“You sure know how to make a guy question everything he knows about himself.” Ted laughs like it’s a joke, but it’s a weirdly honest reaction. “I liked it.”
Trent sighs in what seems almost like relief. “I know what you mean.”
They make eye contact and then they are rudely interrupted by Beard slipping under the barrier and between Ted and Trent.
“What have I told you about fraternizing with the enemy, Ted.”
“That I should do it more often?” Ted grins. Beard rolls his eyes.
“Henry is in the locker room waiting for you. Sam is watching him.” Ted can sense a dismissal when he needs to.
“Should we wait up?”
“No, go ahead.”
“Got it.” Ted grabs his backpack, slipping down onto the field. “Bye Beard.” He says then pointedly turns to Trent. “Bye Trent.”
Ted trots back into the locker room to find Henry slumped on Sam’s side, practically asleep. The rest of the team has mostly gone aside from a few stragglers.
“Oh! Hello Ted.”
“Hiya Sam. Thanks for watching Henry.
“It was no problem.” Sam smiles.
“Well thank you anyways. You didn’t have to do that.” Ted wanders over, arranging Henry so that he can pick him up and hauling Henry up onto his hip. Henry’s only protests are a sleepy mumble. “I better get him home. You have a good day, alright?”
“You too.” Sam nods, turning back to his locker.
Ted wanders out of the locker room, grabbing Henry’s knapsack from Beard’s office. He takes his time looking at the pictures and colours of the space. He doesn’t even want to think about working here, he can’t, not without feeling sick to his stomach.
One of Henry’s knees is digging into his stomach, so he stops, adjusting where Henry sprawls against him.
Someone steps out in front of Ted from where they were leaning against the wall. It’s one of the football players, undoubtedly, but it takes Ted a moment to place him.
“Colin, was it?”
“Can I give you a ride home?” Colin—presumably, although he hasn’t answered Ted’s initial question—says, his arms crossed in front of himself.
“Are you going to drive us out into the woods and murder us?”
“No?” It sounds like a question, but Ted is pretty sure that’s a reaction to his question and not because Colin was actually going to murder them.
“Alright, sure.” Clearly this young man wants to talk to him, and who is Ted to deny him that.
Colin perks up, leading them out to the car park to a lime green lamborghini.
Ted stares at the car, then at Colin, then back at the car. “Do you have a car seat?”
“Yup!” Colin chirps, pulling open the trunk and grabbing a car seat. “My niece sometimes comes to visit, so I’ve got it for her.”
Together, they get the car seat installed properly and plop Henry into it, where he remains asleep. Loud music starts to blare through the speakers as Colin turns the car on.
Pretty much as soon as Colin starts driving, Ted tries to, as subtly as he can, grab the oh shit handle as they very, very nearly miss a mailbox.
“Did you want to talk to me about something, Colin?” Ted says as they take a corner a little too fast and Ted goes sliding across the seat.
“Uh.” Colin changes lanes without shoulder checking. “Yeah.”
They mercifully pull into the parking lot near Beard’s flat a few minutes later, and Ted is a little bit glad Henry wasn’t awake for the drive here.
“I wanted to talk to you about Nate.”
“Hmm.” Ted checks to make sure Henry is still asleep. “What about?”
“I wanted to apologize.” Colin drums his hands on the steering wheel. “And I’m not sure how. Like—” Colin throws his hands into the air. “Do I buy him something? What kinds of things would he even need? Toilet paper? Everyone needs toilet paper, right?”
It’s the genuine emotion in those series of absolutely ridiculous statements that makes Ted soften towards the other man.
Ted chuckles. “Come on, help me get Henry inside, then I’ll help you.”
“Alright.” Colin looks so relieved that he doesn’t even comment when Ted hands him Henry’s backpack to carry inside.
“Do you cook?” Ted turns to Colin once they’ve deposited Henry on the couch to wake up on his own.
“—no.” Colin makes a face and Ted grimaces.
“Then this will be an interesting endeavor.” Ted peeks into the fridge. “Scramble it is.” Ted pulls out a few random vegetables from the fridge that he knows Henry will eat. “Do you not eat any of those?” Ted points to the vegetables on the counter.
Colin takes a look at them, and when he shakes his head no, Ted hands him a cutting board and a knife. “Can you cut those up into small pieces for me?”
“Alright?”
Ted takes half of the vegetables and starts roughly chopping everything. Colin watches him for a moment before he starts on his own pile of vegetables.
“Don’t buy him anything.” Ted says, and Colin looks at him with wide brown eyes. “You just need to give him an honest apology, tell him how you’re going to do better, then actually do it.”
“You make it sound so easy, boyo.”
“It’s not.” Ted laughs.
“What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me?” Colin looks down at his vegetables.
“You have to accept that as a possibility, and still do it anyways.”
Colin seems to mull over that for a while. So once he’s done chopping his vegetables, Ted sets him up to actually make the scramble. To fill the silence, Ted puts on some music (Jimmy Buffett, for the vibes.)
They’re interrupted a little while later by Beard’s return.
“Hughes? What are you doing in my apartment?”
Colin looks wide-eyed at Ted.
“He gave me a ride home.” Ted pokes his head around the corner. “Henry passed out after you ran him around all day and I invited him in for dinner to say thank you.”
Beard mutters something that sounds almost like you and your strays.
“Hiya Coach,” Colin looks sheepish, standing by the stove, stirring the scrambled eggs. “I can leave, I just wanted to talk to Ted.”
“You’re stealing my team from me.”
“I would never.” Ted gasps, putting the back of his hand to his forehead. “If anyone is stealing the team Henry is.”
“Am NOT.” Henry pops up from the other side of the couch, seemingly having recovered from his sports-based exhaustion.
“Uh, Dinner is ready?” Colin manages to cut through the chaos of everyone else, holding out the pan of scrambled eggs.
“Perfect.” Ted walks over to him, grabbing the pan and splitting it up onto 4 plates. “Come eat, everyone.”
They make for a very strange family dinner that night, but soon enough the plates are cleared and Colin is bidding everyone goodnight, even Henry who had begrudgingly come to like him after eavesdropping on his and Ted’s conversation.
It’s Beards turn to get Henry to bed, and Ted is left kind of hovering in the living room. He hadn’t had time to think all day, and now he is left to his thoughts. Never a good thing.
Antsy, he starts to pace around.
Beard re-enters, shutting the door to Henry’s room with a soft click. He eyes Ted pacing, but Ted can’t seem to stop.
“I’m going to do something impulsive.” Ted declares to the room at large.
“Okay,” Beard raises his eyebrows slightly. “Do you need company?”
“No I—” Ted jitters. “I think I need to do this alone.”
“Be safe. Call if you need to.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, Ted. Call me if you need to. Please.” Beard’s open worry makes the buzzing under Ted’s skin worse.
“Okay."
The music is loud. It’s all around him. He can feel it in every inch of his body, in his teeth, in his bones. It’s not anything he normally listens to, loud and electronic. Perfect for dancing along to, although Ted’s not sure he wants to brave the swarms of people on the dance floor at the moment.
Bright lights flash in multicoloured spectacle, illuminating the sheer amount of people in the space. Ted blinks, backing himself closer to the bar until the solid wood is against his back. Ted feels his face flush at the heat in the club, the smell of sweat and human bodies pressed together overwhelming.
It’s terrifying, but Ted loves it. It feels like flying.
A man who looks about his age walks up to him.
“Buy you a drink?” Ted can barely hear him above the music and he has to lean close into Ted’s admittedly already pretty small personal bubble. Ted gets a nose full of cologne and below it, sweat. “What can I get you?”
Ted eyes him, looking into his warm brown eyes. He feels like he’s on the precipice of something. He takes a breath, smiling widely. “Something fun.”
The other man eyes him up and down, his eyes crinkling around the corners as he smiles. He turns to the bartender. “An Old Fashioned for him and a Whiskey Sour for me.” When the bartender nods, he says a quick Cheers before turning back to Ted.
“Is that your way of calling me old?” There’s a sly grin on Ted’s face.
“I like the classics.” The man shrugs, putting a hand on Ted’s forearm, his touch light. Ted feels his heart beat quickly in his chest, for once not because of the panicked feeling of anxiety eating away at his soul and body.
And then, all at once, Ted is falling. It feels like the floor has dropped out from below him, and he’s cast adrift. His breath is stolen away as if the wind has taken it from his lungs. The other man keeps speaking, but Ted can’t hear it anymore
“I—I’m sorry. I need to—You’re lovely but I need to—”
Ted shoves his way through the crowd as he tries to breathe, blindly forging ahead through the noise and the pressure and the smell.
He’s only aware that he’s managed to make it outside when he feels the cool air on his face.
Ted closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself practically doubling over in the cold night air. He sucks in a breath, scrunching up his face. He digs his fingers into his ribs, just trying to breathe. There’s something clogging his throat and his chest, and he’s suffocating and his grave will be this dirty alleyway.
A fine mist of rain falls over him, and soon he’s shivering, all of a sudden bitterly cold. He doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t want to look around and see where he is, because if he does, then he has to acknowledge—
“Ted?”
Ted manages to pry his eyes open, staring at the person in front of him with wide, owlish eyes. It’s Trent, clearly dressed for a night out. The only thing that Ted can really clearly focus on is the shoes though, leopard print.
Ted starts to feel sick as he realizes that he’s probably just ruined Trent’s night with his stupid whatever. He curls even further into himself, practically falling into a crouch on the cement.
“Ted.”
His chest aches.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Ted shakes his head, trying to hum through the feeling in his chest. “Okay,” Trent swallows thickly. “Okay. Uh—” Trent kneels on the ground. And Ted has to close his eyes again, unable to stomach the fact that Trent is ruining his night for him. “Can you try and breathe for me?”
“I can’t.” Ted gasps.
“You can, Ted.” Trent leans towards him. Ted tries to breathe, but he just can’t and he feels tears drip down his cheeks. “You—You bake, right Ted?”
Ted swallows, nodding slightly.
“What’s your favourite thing to bake?” Ted frowns in confusion.
“Uh—” Ted takes a quick breath through his nose. “Carrot cake, Henry’s favourite.”
“That’s Izzie’s favourite too. What recipe do you use?”
Ted struggles through the panic, trying to mentally run through his recipe and remember its origins. “Ma’s family recipe.”
“My family doesn’t have family recipes, I just google one.” Ted hums, looking properly up at Trent. “What does your mother’s carrot cake taste like, can you describe it?”
“Spiced like uh—uh, cinnamon and ginger. And,” Ted takes a more substantial breath. “Nutty. Ma always adds walnuts, but Henry he—he doesn’t like them so I leave them out. He doesn’t like most stuff in carrot cake, says you can't add too many mix-ins, cause it starts to taste like granola.”
“Great, Ted.” Trent takes a deep breath. “I might have to steal that recipe from you.”
“Ma’d be disappointed in me if I didn’t give it to you.” Ted takes his first full breath in what seems like forever. “Hullo, Trent.”
“There you are.” Trent sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly. “How do you feel?”
Ted feels exhausted all of a sudden, and he sways. “Fine.”
“Why don’t I help you home, then you can sleep off how fine you are.”
“No—” Ted closes his eyes. “I don’t want Henry to know.”
Trent looks like he wants to argue, his whole body tense, his lips pursed.
“Okay.” Trent sighs, “you need a bit of time before you head home?”
Ted nods.
“I know a coffee shop not far from here that’s open late. Does that sound good?”
Ted nods again, a little ways beyond words at the moment, but after a few seconds he gets to his feet on shaky legs.
They slip into the dimly lit coffee shop, and Trent guides them to a table near the window. The shop itself is cozy, full of plants and comfortable chairs. There are a few other tired people sitting around drinking coffee, working or staring off into space. Ted sits, turning to look out the window and watch beleaguered people wander by.
“Ted, did you want anything?” Trent seems to be hovering awkwardly, stuck between needing to stay close and giving Ted some space.
“No sir, I’m quite alright.” Ted waves a hand, gesturing towards the counter and the barista beyond it. “You go ahead.”
Fat drops of rain hit the window as a gust of wind blows the rain sideways. Ted watches the raindrops slide down in rivulets, digging his nails into the soft cushion of the chair. He shakes his head, pulling out his phone. He’s got a text from Beard, a picture of Henry sleeping, curled around a stuffed greyhound with the AFC Richmond logo on its chest. Ted likes the photo, and he sees the typing icon pop up on his phone before disappearing.
“Here, Ted.” Trent places a mug in front of him. The steam rising out of the mug is fragrant and sweet, and Ted takes a deep breath of it.
“You didn’t have to—” Trent pushes the mug closer to Ted, raising an eyebrow. Normally, Ted probably wouldn’t accept this without at least exacting a promise that he’ll get the coffee next time, but he’s so tired that he just takes a sip of the drink. It’s good and warm, and Ted presses the mug against his cheek.
Trent sits, taking a sip of his drink. He watches Ted carefully and Ted tries to muster up some emotion about the scrutiny, but he doesn’t think he can.
“Thank you.” Ted says, because if anything, Ted was raised to be polite. He tips his mug towards Trent, taking another sip.
“My pleasure.” Trent says, turning slightly to watch a soaked man scramble across the street in the downpour. It’s silent aside from the chatter from the other patrons. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“About you having a panic attack outside of a gay bar, Ted.” Trent seems to clock some emotion on his face. “Sorry, that was—Sorry. Bad habit.”
Ted nods his head in acknowledgement of the apology, sitting quietly as he tries to muster a thought. “I don’t know. It was fun and then…” Ted sighs. “It wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry Ted.” Trent says. “Figuring yourself out is never easy, no matter what age you are.”
“Maybe it’s not important.” Trent jumps as if he was shocked and Ted shrugs, staring down into his nearly empty mug. “I was with a woman for years, I haven’t…” Ted doesn’t know how to continue that sentence. “And it’ll be different for Henry, I…”
“Ted, I know how difficult this can be, but—” Ted can see the conflict flash across Trent’s face as he stares into his mug before he carefully looks up at Ted across the table. “Doesn’t Henry deserve a father that is allowed to be himself?”
Trent walks him home and Ted is nearly silent the entire way, barely registering the chills wracking his body.
“Thanks, Trent.” Ted lingers on the doorsill, scrambling for something to say. “I should—” Ted points at the front door. He wants nothing more than to curl up and hide in a dark corner to lick his wounds. While he likes Trent, and on a different day would happily spend hours with him, Ted is barely keeping himself present.
“Yeah—yeah of course.” Trent shakes his head, fussing with his jacket. “If you need—” Trent cuts himself off, pulling out a business card from his pocket and thrusting it at Ted. “If you want—” Trent takes a breath. “Here’s my number, if you want to talk.”
Ted takes the business card, tucking it carefully in his pants pocket. “Thanks, and hey,” Ted knocks his knuckles against the door frame. “If you ever want to talk…” Ted shrugs.
“Thanks,” Trent seems to waffle a little bit, debating something. “I—” He steps forward, touching Ted lightly on the arm. “Goodnight Ted.”
Ted doesn’t remember anything between Trent leaving and Henry leaping on his chest to wake him up.
Ted coughs as weight lands on his chest.
“Dad! Uncle Beard says you need to get up.”
“I’m up.” Ted sits upright, nearly dumping Henry onto the ground, only saved by Ted grabbing him at the last moment. Henry giggles, going limp and flopping around in Ted’s arms.
“Can I go to work with Uncle Beard today?”
“You don’t want to go do something in London with me?”
Henry shrugs and Ted feels his heart sink. “Dani and Sam promised they’d teach me how to do headers.”
“Well, just make sure you watch out for your noggin.” Ted knocks gently on Henry’s forehead. “Can’t let those brain cells get fried this early.” Henry copies him, tapping on Ted’s forehead too.
“What about your brain cells dad?”
“I’m sorry to say that I lost them a long time ago.” Ted pretends to faint with all the drama his musical-loving heart can muster. “It’s too late for me now.” He grabs Henry’s shoulders. “Avenge me, Henry.” He gives Henry a light shake. “Avenge me!” Henry shrieks with laughter, and Beard runs into the room, a frying pan in his hand.
Henry looks over at Beard and giggles some more while Ted plays dead on the couch.
“Hen, have you brushed your teeth yet?”
Henry looks off to the side before he scrunches up his face. “No.”
Beard makes a shooing motion with his hands, and Henry grumbles as he hops off of Ted’s chest and wanders into the bathroom.
“What a miraculous recovery.” Ted says as he sits up.
Beard looks at him knowingly. “You were out late last night.” Ted bites his tongue, hard. His thoughts run amok, like unruly hamsters. What does Beard think he was doing? Is what he thinks Ted was doing better than what he actually did? Would Beard even really judge him?
He wouldn’t, is the thing. There is nothing Ted could do that would make Beard judge him. Or he supposes, nothing that he could do that would make Beard abandon him. There’s still probably going to be a little judging based on the high Trent Crimm content of the story.
But he’s still terrified of telling him.
“Ted?” Beard says, more impassive than usual.
“I—” Ted starts to say, but is interrupted by Henry making his noisy re-entrance into the room. “I’ll tell you later.”
Beard gives him a threatening look that means you better.
“Give me 10 minutes, then we can go.”
Ted grabs a change of clothes from his bag and heads into the bathroom. He puts his phone on shuffle before numbly, he gets in the shower.
Forehead against the shower tile, Ted tries to keep his breathing steady. He focuses on the lyrics, trying to find some way to ground himself.
Keeping to the Rosewood, doing what you're supposed to. I'm happy to pretend that we've gotten through it. Saying "wasn't it good while it was good?"
“I’m fine. I’m good.” His voice echoes in the small room. “It doesn’t matter.” He says it like some kind of fucked-up self affirmation.
He cleans himself quickly, trying to ignore the soft voice in his head—the one that sounds suspiciously like Trent—telling him that it does matter.
He gets out of the shower, not bothering to brush his hair back. He steps out into the living room.
“Ok, I’m ready. Let’s go.”
“Dad, do you ever think about staying here?” Henry says quietly as they’re walking into the clubhouse. Beard split off from them a little while earlier to go talk to the bus driver or something.
“Not really.” It’s a lie. “We both have lives back at home, plus, wouldn’t you miss your Mom?” Ted prays to whatever's out there that Henry drops the conversation.
“I guess.” Henry frowns, pausing to think for a second. “But she could come visit, or she could come live here too!”
“It’s just not possible, buddy.”
“But Dad, you seem happier here.” Henry’s shoulders slump and Ted feels that like a knife to the chest. “And I like being able to see Uncle Beard.”
Ted swallows heavily, trying to bite down the bile rising in his throat.
“I know, I like being able to see him too.”
“So then why can’t you stay?” Henry frowns, his voice getting louder, clearly frustrated. “You’re sad at home. I can tell!” The knife in his chest twists, and Ted feels like he’s bleeding out on the clubhouse floor. He never meant for Henry to notice.
“Henry, No.” His tone is sharp, sharper than he intended. Anger and fear twisting his voice. “My decision is final. I don’t want to talk to you about this anymore.”
“That’s not fair.” Henry says, his back ram-rod straight, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m going to go see Uncle Beard.”
“Henry, wait.” But Henry has already escaped into the warren of the club house. “Fuck. Fuck.” Ted bangs his head against the wall. “Fuck.”
“You fucked that up, mate.” Ted starts, looking over at the entrance to the field. Peeking around the corner is Jamie, for the first time since Ted’s met him, not sporting a look of disdain on his face.
“Thank you,” Ted says acerbically, trying to find some way to calm himself down. “Appreciate it.” He digs his fingers into the rough bricks behind him, feeling it scratch and dig under his nails. The gritty feeling of it is not good but it’s better than focusing on the self-loathing swirling around himself.
“Stop that.” Ted opens his eyes, looking at Jamie.
“What?”
“You’re gonna hurt yourself.”
Ted blinks at him, still uncomprehending as Jamie strides towards him.
“Your hands, give me—” Jamie grabs Ted’s hands from where they’re digging into the brick. Ted lets him, his hands lying palm-up and limp in Jamies’. “You’re not gonna make things better by doing that.”
“I know.” Ted feels old and tired. “I know.” Ted can feel his hands shake in Jamies’. “I need to go apologize.”
Jamie looks at him, his lips pursed. “Why?”
“Because it’s important.” Ted frowns, looking at Jaime. He seems to have a look of genuine confusion on his face.
“Yeah, but they’re just words.”
“It's an acknowledgement that I did something wrong, and a promise to do better in the future. Of course they’re just words, they don’t mean much without actions. But sometimes people need and deserve to hear them. Especially kids.”
Jamie hums in a semi-sort of acceptance of Ted’s words. “So what was that all about then? I only caught the last little bit.”
“I was being stupid. I was just—“ Ted reclaims one of his hands to try and rub away the headache he can feel behind his eyes. “Afraid.”
Ted feels himself be pulled forward and lands with a dull thud against Jamie’s chest. Jamie wraps his arms tightly around Ted. Ted’s not sure whether or not he wants to lean into it or not, but in the end, Ted wraps his arms around Jamie too.
“I’m sure it will all work out. This too shall pass, right?” Jamie says with all the bravado of a 22-year-old. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you, after all I’m always right, aint I?”
“Thanks, Jamie.” Ted laughs, a quiet and genuine laugh.
“Yeah well—” Jamie takes a sudden step back, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly. “We’re playing a game tomorrow. You should bring Henry.”
Ted wanders around in search of Henry, getting increasingly more panicked with every place he checks. Michelle is going to be madder than a hornet when she finds out Ted lost their son.
Ted is on the verge of tears when he finds one of the other coaches, and when he asks them where Beard is, directs him back to the first place he checked, a ouroboros of moving parts.
Ted is breathing heavily when he finally finds Beard, who notably does not have Henry with him.
“Coach Bayard said you were looking for me?”
“Beard.” Ted can barely breathe, he’s staying upright through sheer will.
“Ted?”
“I think Henry hates me.”
“What?”
“We had an argument. I need to find him.” All Ted can hear is loud ringing in his ears.
“Ted, Henry’s fine. He’s with Roy.” Ted looks up suddenly, nearly smashing Beard’s nose with his head. He’s dizzy for some reason, so he stumbles trying to get to the door. Oh God, Ted's not even sure what room he’s in. “Ted.” Beard sounds stressed, which more than anything clues Ted in to the fact that something is wrong. “Ted, sit down.” Beard hisses.
It feels like a relief to do what he says.
“Good. Ok.” Beard crouches down in front of him, taking Ted’s hands in his. Ted likes how Beard’s nail polish is still shiny and pristine. (His is chipped and scuffed, and yeah, that sounds about right.) “You with me?”
Ted nods.
“Henry is safe, he is okay. He’s hanging out with Roy. But before you go see him,” Beard squeezes his hands. “I want to make sure you’re ok.”
It takes one long, heartbreaking moment for Ted to answer.
“No.” Ted says. “I don’t think I am.” Quiet tears stream down Ted’s face.
“Ted…” Beard says softly, almost under his breath.
“I just needed to find Henry.” Ted sputters through the tears.
“You could have called me, Ted.”
“Fuck.” Laughter breaks through Ted’s sobbing. “I forgot about my phone.”
“Oh Ted.” Beard starts laughing too, until they’re collapsing onto each other. “Come on.” Beard says, once they stop laughing/sobbing. “Let’s go get cleaned up, then we can find Henry.”
Henry has his arms crossed and is glaring at Ted as he and Beard walk into Beard’s office. Roy takes one look at how bedraggled Ted looks and hightails it out of there saying something about how he wasn’t paid enough for this shit.
Ted sits criss-cross in the middle of the floor, looking at Henry. Beard hops up on his desk. Ted closes his eyes, trying to figure out what exactly he should say.
“I’m sorry, Henry.” Ted looks at Henry. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. That wasn’t a respectful way to talk to you, and you don’t deserve that. I let my feelings about something else interfere with our discussion. I’m going to try not to do that in the future.” Henry’s face softens as he walks over to Ted, throwing his arms around Ted’s neck.
“I just want you to be happy, Dad.”
“I know, honey.” Ted wraps his arms around Henry too, pulling him into his lap to cuddle him properly. “I want to be happy too.”
“I love you, Dad.” Henry whispers into his shoulder before squirming out of Ted’s grip. Henry bounces around, running to give Beard a quick hug too. “I love you too, Uncle Beard.” Henry waits at the door to the office. “Can I go? Dani and I were going to go pet Earl.” When Ted nods, Henry is already running out the door.
“Take Sam with you.” Beard calls after him
Ted looks at him in confusion.
“Sam and Roy are the only ones that passed my Henry-wrangling seminar.”
Ted is shrugging on his jacket when he notices the business card in his pocket. He had forgotten it in the midst of everything else that had been happening today. He looks at it, running his fingers over the embossed card. Ted taps the card against his forefinger, chewing on his lower lip.
He’s alone in Beard’s office, there’s no one around to watch him or judge. Ted pulls out his phone and dials the number on the card.
The phone connects with a click after a couple of endless rings.
“Who is this?” Trent’s voice is brusque and perfunctory.
“It’s, uh, Ted.”
“Oh, Ted.” Trents voice seems to instantly soften. “Sorry, I’ve been fielding lots of calls recently.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt—”
“You’re not interrupting anything, Ted. Is there something you wanted to talk about?” For once, Ted is at a loss for words.
“I’m going to be completely honest with you Trent, I had approximately no plans when I decided to call you.” Ted says, a little embarrassed. But Trent laughs a little, and seems fairly charmed by his ineptitude, so Ted isn’t that worried.
“Do you want to… figure it out together?”
Ted flushes, his ears turning pink.
“I… would like that.”
The stadium is full of sound and people, and Henry is screaming right along with them as Richmond charges up the field forwards. They’re down a goal with 2 minutes left in the half when Sam manages to squeak in a goal.
Henry holds his breath as Dani gets taken out by one of the people on the other team. The penalty kick goes to Jamie
In literally the last second possible, Jamie scores a beautiful goal in the corner, just sliding past the goalkeeper.
Henry starts screaming directly into Ted’s ear.
Ted blinks, not really believing it. From what he had heard from Beard, the team wasn’t doing…great. But there was something there, watching them now, something amazing.
“Did you see that, Dad?” Henry says, vibrating in excitement. “Can we go congratulate them?”
“I think they’re going to be busy right now…”
Ted’s phone buzzes with a text from Beard.
The team humbly requests Henry’s presence downstairs
“I stand corrected—” Ted looks down at Henry. “Let’s go.”
Ted grabs Henry’s hand as they make their way through the stands and down into the locker room.
When they get there, Ted releases Henry into the whirlwind of the players in the locker room before he goes to find Beard.
He’s leaning on the desk, and Ted comes to join him, looking out onto the locker room.
“Congrats,” Ted bumps his shoulder against Beard’s. “Why aren’t you celebrating?”
Beard shrugs. “There’s still a lot of football left to go.”
“Well, you just gotta take it bird by bird, right?”
“Hm.” Screaming from the players draws Ted’s attention as he sees Henry being put up on Roy’s shoulders to look out over everyone. Joy practically radiates out of him.
“The job is still yours if you want it.”
“Ask me again in a few days.”
Ted and Beard let them celebrate for an hour or so, before they round up Henry. As they walk home, Henry swinging on their hands between Ted and Beard, Ted notices a figure awkwardly crouched behind them.
“Is Jaime following us?” Ted says in a quiet tone to Beard.
“Has been since we left the clubhouse.”
“What do you think he wants?”
“Probably the joy of our company.”
“Or a taste of our sparkling wit.”
Henry just rolls his eyes and turns around. “If you’re going to come home with us, you might as well walk up here.”
Jamie slinks up to walk with them, staying carefully to Ted’s side of the sidewalk.
The walk is short, and soon they’re at Beard’s apartment, Jamie in tow. Henry narrows his eyes, glaring at Jamie as they all walk into Beard’s apartment.
“Chill out, Henry. I’ve come to make a peace offering.” Jamie hands Henry a piece of paper, neatly folded in two. Henry looks at the piece of paper with deep suspicion, like he’s holding a stink bomb that's just about to go off. Jamie ruffles his hair, walking past him into the kitchen.
“Can we have soup for dinner?”
Ted and Beard make eye contact overtop of Henry’s head wearing twin looks of bewilderment.
“I guess we’re having soup.” Ted shrugs, walking into the kitchen after Jamie.
It’s an ultimately uneventful meal, shocking given the parties involved. Henry nearly falls asleep in his soup, and it’s at this point that Ted sends Beard to put him to bed, feeling (probably rightfully) that Jamie and Beard left alone would end up at best with a fistfight and at worst in the building being burnt down.
Jamie clears the plates, and they leave them on the counter to deal with tomorrow, everyone too tired to bother with it today.
Jamie, perhaps sensing that he had reached the end of his welcome, starts heading towards the door with a wave at Beard. Ted follows him, opening the door for him. Jamie pauses, standing on the stoop. He turns back to look at Ted, an odd look in his eye.
“You remind me of me mum.” Jamie says. “I wasn't the eh, easiest, child to have, but even at my worst, she never gave up on me, never stopped caring. But she just got sad, sometimes? I dunno. “ Jamie stops squinting like he’s trying to think of what he wants to say next. “You’re a good bloke, Ted and Henry’s a good kid. Don’t try to be anything you’re not.”
Ted frowns, about to say something.
“Bye.” Jamie waves over his shoulder as he trots off into the night and Ted is left wondering into the night sky what he could possibly have meant.
Ted taps the table, staring at his phone, open to Michelle’s contact, and he wonders.
He’s always been easy, affable. He’s a people pleaser at heart, has been since he was a kid.
Until Da died. And then it was like he was screaming into a void and no one would help him. He fought and clawed his way back to being good, and at times it felt like a losing battle. Like he deserved this.
And Ma was seemingly fine. While Ted self destructed, she was there above it all, happy and loving. And Ted didn’t know what to do with that, and if he thinks about it, she probably didn’t know what to do with him either.
So he overcorrected. He tried to be perfect, to be the best, to treat everyone with kindness. He buried the parts of himself he didn’t like, buried the parts that didn’t fit properly.
And now? What is he? Does this mean he’s something different, something new? Or is he just himself with a little bit added on?
Beard starts singing along to something he doesn’t recognize in the kitchen.
Pacing every inch of this room, looking for one spot without memories of you, but the blisters turn to callus if I'll just keep walking
This is something he needs to do, not for her, not for Henry, but for him. He picks up the phone, his thumb hovering over the call button. His hands shake, but his breathing is steady and even. He’s alright. He presses the button, raising his phone to his ear as it rings. He hears a click as she picks up.
“Hey Michelle, I think I need to talk to you about something.”