Chapter Text
Prologue
March 8th, 2370
5 days since the Cardassian Treaty and formation of the Demilitarised Zone
It was all for nothing. In the end. Every sacrifice amounted to the sum total of fuck all.
Chakotay sat in Quark's bar on deep space nine, nursing his drink. His eighth whiskey that afternoon; assuming it had already gone midday, of course. He wasn't taking notice of the time, or the dwindling movements of other patrons. His focus was completely on his own misery. On everything he had lost over the last few years.
The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood on end.
A feminine shadow crept up beside him, signalled the bar keeper and ordered her drink. If it hadn't been a familiarly complex order, her voice was a dead giveaway. Those rich husky tones which he hadn't heard in far too long.
He glanced to his side, his vision blurring a little at the movement. Auburn hair pulled back neatly into a tidy bun. Makeup perfect. Uniform pristine. She was every bit as wonderful as he remembered.
"Hello there stranger," she deadpanned, noticing his attention.
It had been a long while since he'd last seen his wife. And whilst she had changed in some of the best ways: sharper, more fearless, gracefully beautiful; He barely recognised himself anymore.
They had become estranged. He didn't like to think about why. It was his own fault.
He took his time before replying. His sluggish mind struggling to comprehend her presence. " Kathryn, " he exhaled her name on his lips; savoured it for the sweet salvation he knew it was. "What are you doing here?"
There was a heavy pause, laden with the depth of every emotion which ran between them. "I came to bring you home, Chakotay."
Chapter 1
Five years earlier; July 7th 2365
The Engagement
"Marry me," he breathed against her neck, their bodies sliding exuberantly against one another, seeking another climax for all those they had sacrificed over their last four months apart.
Kathryn wrapped her arms and legs even tighter around his body. "Only if you promise to never stop fucking me."
"I promise," he gritted back, already fighting the urge to spill his load.
A moan escaped her lips; he could tell she was teetering on the edge.
"Oh God, yes," she sighed between staggered breaths, becoming consumed in rippling waves of pleasure. "I'll marry you Chakotay."
He grinned in response but she hardly seemed to notice. A final wave crashed down around her, as she came in a colourful burst. Her walls tightened and shuddered around his shaft, taking him with her.
Once he was completely spent, he collapsed beside her on the mattress, taking a moment to catch his breath. Kathryn rolled onto her side, and snuggled up into the crook of his arm, one hand moving to splay across his stomach.
"I've missed fucking you," she confessed.
He chuckled lightly. "I missed you too."
It had been a long four months, and although not the longest time they had spent apart, these in particular had dragged. Chakotay was quickly coming to the conclusion that they would eventually need to align their schedules and request a joint assignment. He wasn't sure he could bear to be apart from her again.
The only issue would be finding a ship with enough room for them both.
They had both moved up the ranks in the two years since they’d met. Chakotay was now a lieutenant commander; second officer aboard the Gage, a galaxy class vessel. Kathryn however, had been promoted to full commander towards the end of her last assignment aboard the Billings. It wouldn't be long before she was given a ship of her own.
Chakotay wasn't sure what that would mean for them. Although she would now technically outrank him aboard a larger vessel, they could each report directly to the captain to avoid being in the same chain of command. If Kathryn took on a captaincy in the future however, there would be no avoiding the conflict.
An uncertain shadow was cast on the path ahead of them.
"When do you think we should get married?" She asked once they'd recovered themselves.
He was so lost in thought that it took a moment to remember his proposal. He tightened his grip on her forearm, and smiled up at the ceiling. "How's your diary fixed for tomorrow?"
Kathryn twisted a little in his arms, looking up at him with a dramatically forlorn expression. "I actually have plans for tomorrow. Rain check?"
"Plans?" He growled with feigned irritation, raising his head up a little. "Cancel them."
"I can't," she looked falsely apologetic, "I have a wedding to attend."
He intentionally narrowed his eyes. "Whose wedding?"
"Ours," she smiled, instantly giving up the game. This wasn't his first proposal, and the wedding had been long enough in the diary.
Nine months earlier they'd taken a twilight hike in the Andes, to watch the sunrise from the mountains. They'd been edging around marriage for a while by that point, so it wasn't much of a surprise when Chakotay had gone down on one knee, and presented her with the ring he'd been carrying in his pocket for the entire vacation.
It had been an easy decision to agree to marry Chakotay. Although their relationship had been a hard fight following the tragedy of losing Justin, once she'd allowed for love again, it had flowed freely and without conscious effort.
Remembering the sweet declarations he'd made, and all those he had made since in anticipation of their marriage, she looped an arm around his shoulder and pulled herself up for a deep kiss.
When their lips finally parted, they remained close, his nose gently rubbing against hers. "I love you so much Kathryn. I can't wait to be your husband tomorrow."
"I can't wait to be your wife, either."
****
Later that day they arrived at the Janeway family home in Bloomington, Indiana to a flurry of activity. The transport dropped them off at the end of the gravel driveway just as one hover truck arrived to unload and another prepared to leave. The computers aboard all three vessels synchronised to avoid a near collision before continuing on their way.
As they stepped out of the vehicle and approached the house, Mollie appeared in the doorway barking and quickly ran towards Kathryn. The dog gained such speed that she almost knocked the slender woman over.
"Hey girl," the young commander greeted, dropping to a squat to embrace the animal, "I missed you so much."
Whilst Kathryn's face was buried in the fur of her dog, Phoebe appeared at the entranceway, her arms folded. "I hope you're going to greet your sister with the same enthusiasm."
Kathryn glanced up, "You'll need to wait your turn," she grinned.
Carefully placing their bags down on the porch, Chakotay offered an open arm. "Would a hug from a soon to be brother-in-law compensate?"
Phoebe's posture relaxed, "It would more than compensate," she agreed, easily stepping into his arms and embracing him. "It's good to see you again, Chakotay," she said as they pulled apart.
Chakotay and Phoebe had become steady friends since Kathryn had first brought him home. Allied in their mission to care for Kathryn, joined by a shared quirky humour.
"What sort of time do you call this?" A stern voice from the doorway interrupted the moment.
Kathryn stood up and straightened her posture, she could tell from her mother's tone that she wasn't teasing. "It's barely midday…" she began with her excuses, shooting Chakotay an annoyed look as they would have been earlier if it hadn't been for their morning distractions.
"You were supposed to be back three days ago Kathryn." Gretchen said pointedly.
"The Billings was waylaid due to a plasma storm, it's hardly my fault."
"I'm sure you had more influence than you're letting on," she eyed her daughter carefully, "Thankfully Chakotay has been here to help with the preparations."
Kathryn risked a sideways look in her fiance's direction to see him tugging at his ear, as he tried to keep a low profile. "Well, I'm here now Mom, so put me to work."
Gretchen scowled for only a moment longer, before deciding to let it go. "Let's get you settled in first." She said, then, shrugging herself free of her poor mood, reached out to take her eldest daughter in her arms. "Welcome home Kathryn."
The four of them stepped into the house. Gretchen instructed Phoebe to get the coffee on, and then turned to appraise the young couple. "I've made up the snug for you, Chakotay," she gestured down the hall, then turning to her daughter, "And you're in your usual room."
"The snug?" Kathryn looked momentarily perplexed, "I think we're a little past separate rooms."
"Maybe so, but it's tradition. The bride shouldn't see the groom the night before the wedding."
Rolling her eyes, Kathryn grabbed one of the bags and made for the stairs. "Superstition rather than tradition," she dismissed the idea, "Come on, Chakotay."
When he didn't immediately follow, she turned back with a questioning look.
"Actually, separate rooms was my idea," he said quietly.
Gretchen took her cue and quickly made herself scarce.
Confused, Kathryn lowered the bag back to the floor. "What's going on?"
"Tomorrow's a big day, especially for you," he was careful with his words, reluctant to dampen the mood, but needing to explain himself. "You were preparing to do this once before me. Emotions are going to be running high; some space to reflect might be good for you."
Her posture softened in an instant. "I don't need space to know that I want to marry you."
"I know," he assured her, "But you might want it to make peace with that part of your life, before you begin this next chapter with me."
She wasn't convinced, but Chakotay had a look about him which she knew would be difficult to budge. "Are there rules against midnight visitors?"
He smiled indulgently, "If you need me during the night, I'll be nearby," he simply promised.
Weighing up the proposal, she grudgingly agreed, offering him a peck on the lips as they parted ways to unpack.
-
After a stop in the kitchen for coffee, Kathryn was sent to the barn to begin setting out the wedding favours. If it had been her initial choice, a small Starfleet ceremony would have been sufficient, however her mother wanted to throw a big celebration.
The following day nearly two hundred people would be gathered at the old farm to celebrate her marriage to Chakotay. She wasn't entirely sure how she knew that many people, but between former shipmates, friends of her parents and extended family, the guest list had grown rather extensively.
Despite her early protestations, she was now eagerly anticipating the day, which was made much less stressful because Gretchen had been willing to organise so much of the wedding. Kathryn's only worry was how little of Chakotay's family would be in attendance. Other than some close friends, cousins and his sister, the four-day trip was too much to ask the elders from his homeworld to travel.
Instead, they had made plans to visit Trebus after their honeymoon on Risa.
Chakotay's parents had been keen to throw a second ceremony on their homeworld, but their son had politely declined, insisting that it wasn't necessary. Kathryn had felt bad turning them down, but ultimately it was her fiancé's decision, so she adhered to his preference.
The sound of footsteps and clinking glasses drew Kathryn's attention behind her, to the double barn doors. A tall lanky man entered, carrying two cardboard boxes which towered above his head, disguising his identity.
Recognising the large nimble fingers gripping the box, and the familiar gait of a man on a mission, she smiled to herself as she went to greet her visitor.
"Mark, this is a wonderful surprise," she noted, stepping towards him.
Her old friend placed the box on a table at the side, and turned to greet her. They exchanged an easy hug. "I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow," she said as they pulled apart.
Mark gestured towards the containers, "My mother asked me to drop off the glasses we used for my brother's wedding last summer." He took a breath and appraised the woman before him. "You're looking well Kathryn, it's lovely to see you."
"And you," she patted him lightly on the shoulder, and then turned to examine the contents of the box.
"How are you feeling about the wedding tomorrow?" he asked openly.
Coming from anyone else she would have assumed they were referring to wedding jitters. Knowing Mark, his question ran much deeper.
"I'm okay," she promised, and when he didn't immediately accept and move on from her answer, she found herself reflecting and digging a little deeper. "It's going to be difficult walking down the aisle without my father, and to a man who wouldn't be part of my life if it hadn't been for the death of another…" she grew quiet, "Somehow though, Chakotay makes everything whole again."
Mark reached out, grasping her hand gently within both of his, giving her fingers a squeeze. "I'm really happy that you found someone to love again."
She smiled appreciatively, and they shared a tender look. Years of friendship and affection ran between them, but there had also been one night, several years ago, before she'd met Chakotay. A date which had ended with her in Mark's bed. It had been too soon after losing Justin, and maybe Mark was never going to be the right man. Since that night though, there had been a light tension to their relationship which hadn't faded.
At the sound of scuffing boots, they both turned in the direction of the open doorway to see Chakotay enter, their hands quickly falling away from one another. She noted her fiance's surprise and then slight unease at seeing Mark, which he masked with a friendly smile before crossing over to greet her friend.
The two exchanged pleasantries, talking politely for a short time before Mark made his excuse to leave.
Once he'd gone, Chakotay joined Kathryn with laying out the place settings, working in silent tandem for a short while.
"Are you bothered that Mark will be at the wedding tomorrow?" she asked.
He looked over across a table from her, "No. I would have said so already if I did. Why do you ask?"
Kathryn fiddled with a cloth napkin. "You looked uneasy a moment ago, when you first saw him."
Quite unexpectedly, Chakotay grinned to himself and avoided eye contact for a moment. When his eyes eventually flickered back to hers, he looked embarrassed. "I was remembering our misunderstanding two years ago when I first met him in the park…" he explained.
"Oh," she said simply, remembering how Justin had been a secret she'd withheld in their early relationship, leading Chakotay to believe for a short time that she'd been engaged to Mark. She hadn't thought about that in a while.
"It seems silly now," he confessed. "I don't think I've ever felt more jealous or hurt; and it wasn't even real."
Kathryn stepped over towards him, looping an arm around his neck as he placed his hand on either side of her waist. "It's not silly," she refused to dismiss his feelings, "I have to admit I get a little jealous every time I see some young ensign checking out your butt."
"Just a little jealous?" he teased.
Tapping him playfully on the chest she swooped in to press a kiss to lips. "One day, I'm going to be insatiably, uncontrollably jealous, and I'll expect the same gracious forgiveness as I afforded you," she breathed against his mouth.
The playful tease was transforming into something else. Something more intense. Chakotay pressed his forehead to hers to steady them both. "Then you'll know how I feel every moment we're apart," he replied, their bodies moving in a gentle sway. "I even get envious of your nightdress when I'm away from you."
She let out a laugh, which stopped short as he continued.
"The way it grazes your ass, and brushes your breasts as you move. How it must cling to you when you move your fingers between your legs to pleasure yourself."
A blush filled her cheeks with colour at the thought. He lowered his head to her neck, grazing his teeth across her tender flesh.
"I hate the way the water in the bathtub gets to touch every inch of your skin," he continued his gentle seduction.
She could feel his erection growing against her thigh.
"I want to be the cloth of your panties rubbing against your clit," he was intentionally moving himself against her now, a hand sliding up her side to cup and caress her breast.
A soft moan escaped her lips, but was quickly stifled by his kiss. It was clear this wasn't the first time he'd had these thoughts, but the first time he'd given voice to them. They were both incredibly aroused, and she could feel the wetness pooling in her panties as she wrapped a leg around the back of his, and began work to find some friction.
Their lips found one another for a deep and consuming kiss. The heat between them escalating uncontrollably.
"I think we need to start requesting joint assignments," she murmured.
Suddenly she felt herself being lifted, and carried across the barn. Chakotay's arms, strong and solid around her. "Are you sure you'll still want me if you have me every night? You might get bored; we might become complacent."
"I'll have you every night and every morning after, and never tire of you," she promised.
He placed her gently on a sturdy table at the side of the barn, out of sight from the entranceway. He kissed her again, this time his tongue sweeping sensually into her mouth, and mingling with her own.
"I would fuck you so thoroughly you wouldn't be able to walk straight on the bridge the next day," he forwarned her.
"Shut up and fuck me now," she demanded, reaching for his belt buckle.
A loud crash and bang from the entrance startled them both, and Chakotay instantly drew away. Although they were out of immediate sight of the doorway, it wouldn't take much for them to be discovered in a compromising position. Chakotay took a deliberate step back to investigate the intrusion.
It was a service droid. Entering the barn with a stack of chairs. Its electronic motor hummed as it unloaded the chairs and began positioning them by the tables.
Recovering from her shock, Kathryn turned her attention back to her husband-to-be, only to find him fighting back laughter. It was infectious, and she joined him with a relieved chuckle.
The presence of the droid was a reminder that this wasn't the place to be fooling around. Anyone could walk in. "That could have been much worse," she noted as they both sobered. "Perhaps we should find somewhere a little more private?"
Chakotay smiled, but made no move to take up her offer. "Maybe we should wait until after the wedding," he countered, quite unexpectedly.
She shot him a confused look. Only moments ago he'd been the one seducing her, preparing to take her on the side table. His breathing was still heavy, and his arousal clear; she couldn't understand his sudden hesitation.
"We didn't wait much last night, or this morning for that matter," she needlessly reminded him.
He grinned at the memories. "I thought my efforts this morning might sate you for a while at least."
"I don't think it's worked," she grinned sheepishly, deliberately running her tongue slowly across her lower lip.
"Spirits, you drive me so crazy, Kathryn," he breathed out, running a hand through his hair. Clearly torn between his immediate desire and a thought he was struggling to articulate; she waited patiently for him to explain. "I want you badly, always, everywhere… but I also want tomorrow to be special for us. If we wait, allow things to build up, tomorrow will be explosive and unforgettable."
Catching on, she smiled indulgently at his suggestion to abstain for a short time, until after the wedding. It sounded like an interesting challenge. "I'm game if you are," she stood from the table and closed the short distance between them, her hips swaying deliberately at the movement as she came in close, resting both palms against his chest. "Although I can't promise not to tempt you."
He let out a shuddery breath, "Somehow I get the sense you're going to make these next twenty four hours feel like the last months flew by."
Kathryn grinned suggestively.
He let out an exasperated huff, disappointed at his own weakness. "Dammit Kathryn," he rasped, much to her delight. Taking an intentional step away from her he turned towards the door. "I'm going to take a walk," he told her, "I don't think I can be alone with you until after the ceremony tomorrow."
Kathryn smiled to herself, delighted that even after two years together, they still had that effect on one another.
-
Later that evening, Kathryn found herself on the back porch, gazing up at the stars with a mug of coffee wrapped tightly in her hands.
Hearing footsteps on the decking, she looked around to see her mother had interrupted her solitude.
"Phoebe's gone to bed," Gretchen announced, "Chakotay looks shattered, but I think he's waiting up to say goodnight."
Kathryn barely repressed a smile at the thought of how little sleep they'd had the night before. Memories of his head between her legs and expert tongue flicking against her folds were still fresh in her mind.
"I'll come in, in a little while," she assured, barely shifting her position.
Gretchen came alongside, holding onto the same railing.
Neither said anything for a little while, although they were both thinking the same thing.
"You were always your father's daughter," Gretchen said at last. "From the moment you were born, you were his. His charisma and intellect. Ambition and determination. Every good part of him echoed through you, and he loved you all the more for it."
Kathryn swallowed hard at the tough cards she'd been dealt that day more than three years ago, but listened patiently for her mother to continue.
"I know you'll be thinking of him tomorrow, because he won't be there," Gretchen guessed correctly. "But I want to know that in many ways he'll be there, within you. Everything you inherited from him, every moment you shared together, all the lessons you taught one another. He lives on through you."
When Kathryn finally dared a look in her mother's direction, she saw tears in the older woman's eyes. The same tears she felt rolling down her own cheeks.
Without a moment's hesitation, she reached out and enveloped her mother in a hug. "Oh Mom," she said simply, through a sob.
They held tightly onto each other. Exchanging love and imparting strength.
When they eventually slipped back into the house, Chakotay was waiting for them. He got up from the armchair as they came by the lounge. Gretchen bid them both a quick goodnight, before disappearing upstairs.
"I guess I'll see you in the morning," Kathryn said, with a glance towards the staircase.
Chakotay smiled softly. “You will,” he promised.
Sensing that he wanted to say something else, she hung back and waited. He looked inexplicably hesitant.
“I know you’re disappointed that my parents won’t be there tomorrow,” he said simply.
“I understand, Chakotay. It’s too far to travel…”
“Perhaps.” He pursed his lips, not wanting to dwell on the reasoning right now. The truth was that there were problems on the border colonies and his father was worried about leaving the community for so long. Whilst his mother was keen to attend, she was reluctant to leave his father for the trip.
“My mother is upset that she won’t be here though, so she sent my sister with a gift…” Chakotay reached into his pocket and revealed a small silver brooch in his palm. A circular piece with a turquoise gem at its centre and lines etched outwards. It looked like a pattern of the sun. “Sekaya gave this to me yesterday, to pass on to you. It’s a piece of jewellery my mother inherited from her grandmother, who likely was given it by her own. She wants you to have it; and if you’d like to wear it tomorrow, for it to be your something old.”
Overwhelmed at the thoughtfulness and meaning behind the gesture, Kathryn reached out and carefully took the brooch from his palm, tracing the pattern delicately with her fingers. Her eyes flickered up and met his, and at her grateful smile, he let out a breath he’d clearly been holding in anticipation of her reaction.
“It would be an honour to wear this,” she declared.
“This is my mother’s way of welcoming you into our family; to say that you’ll always have a home with them.” He told her, so that she would have no doubts when they said their vows the following day. “My parents may have struggled to accept the way of life I’ve chosen, but they wholeheartedly support my choice of a wife. You will be a daughter to them.”
Kathryn reached out and placed a hand tenderly on his chest. “They haven’t even met me yet,” she reminded him, quirking up an eyebrow.
“They’ve spoken to you over sub-space more than enough to make a sound judgement,” he needlessly assured her. “I guarantee they’re only going to fall more in love with you when they get a chance to meet you face-to-face.”
She swallowed hard, absorbing his every word. “Thank you,” she barely whispered.
“Thank you for agreeing to marry me,” he smiled, remembering his more formal proposal nine months earlier in the Andes. “Sharing our families is only the start tomorrow. I’m looking forward to sharing my life with you, every day after.”
Kathryn took a step towards him, tears glistening in her eyes. “Do I tell you enough, how much I love and adore you?”
The corners of his eyes crinkled with a smile, “You do,” he assured her, “For reference though, I can never tire of hearing it.”
She kissed him. Sweetly and tenderly. With no other motive than to express every feeling which was currently rising to the surface.
Eventually, like all good moments, it had to come to an end. As she slowly drew away from him with a lingering hand on his chest.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she promised.
“Don’t be late,” he quipped.