Chapter Text
Fuck Travis Martinez.
Charlotte Matthews is an observer.
No one bats an eye anymore when she stays quiet throughout whole conversations. She participates most of the time, but it’s intriguing to her to spend her time perceiving everyone around her. She enjoys the thrill of noticing things that some people don’t, to take note of interactions, to see the people around her, what they do and with who.
It started when she was a kid, being scolded for opening her tiny mouth around her parents one too many times teaches you to keep quiet and just people watch.
Lottie’s always aware of everyone, but she has a favorite : Natalie Scatorccio .
The girl with bleached hair, scrawny clothes and a crooked grin. Ever since she waltzed in the school with her ‘I don’t care about anything’ attitude and black eyeliner, Lottie couldn’t pull her eyes away from her.
There’s a downside to being like this, of course. It gets inside your head when you see things you don’t want to, things you wish you could forget about, you see things that aren’t even there, in Lottie’s case. Or maybe worse, maybe you notice how a certain blonde seems to be all over someone who isn’t you.
Hence why ‘Fuck Travis Martinez’ has been echoing in her mind all day.
That's a lie actually. It’s been circling her mind since she saw him and Nat making out against the school wall after practice a couple of weeks ago.
Lottie doesn’t even know Travis, not really. Her family and his have been business partners for years so she has the faintest memory of her parents pushing her to go play with him outside when they were kids, but even then he was always too annoying, loud and well, gross .
And he seems like a shitty boyfriend too, if that’s what he is to Natalie. But not in the same way as Jeff, who’s just your typical high-school horny jock. But in a ‘I’m completely going to take you down the worst path with me’ way.
Lottie has noticed how Natalie’s been showing up late to practice, skipping school all together or ditching team parties. And Nat is not a saint, Lottie knows. None of them are. No matter how hard Laura Lee tries to convince them of it, she knows Nat’s always done whatever she wants consequences be damned, but it’s gotten so much worse in the last weeks.
It shouldn’t bother Lottie that much, but Natalie had just started casually hanging out with her and the team, just started talking to Lottie when they passed each other in the hallways, just started running and hugging Lottie after scoring during practice, just started picking Lottie constantly to do drills with.
So yeah, fuck Travis Martinez.
It’s not like her and Natalie are best friends, Lottie doesn't even know if she can call them proper friends. Lottie has always gravitated towards Natalie at any given chance. She took it upon herself to make it more than just shamelessly staring at her, the two of them would be teaming up at beer pong and sharing joints at parties, exchanging looks during the pre game speeches and scheming pranks on the team together.
She cares so much about Natalie, that much is clear. Natalie has always been the one thing that mystifies Lottie the most.
In theory, they have nothing in common, soft-spoken Lottie grew up filthy rich with absent parents, while the brash, smart-mouthed Natalie has nightmarish parents that plague her every day.
Thing is, Lottie knows better, sees it, she feels it too. Natalie and Lottie are the same sides of different coins. Or maybe different sides of the same coin. Against all odds, they’re made from the same thing, cut from the same cloth.
Both have this liquid darkness boiling inside of them, Lottie’s is tamed by the white and blue pills she takes every morning and Natalie’s by clumsy rolled joints and cheap alcohol. Lottie wishes she could throw all of it away and let herself and Natalie unravel together, however that would look like.
It makes no sense, really, everyone on the team thinks as much. But Lottie cannot for the life of her stay away from Natalie. The blonde calls for her at night, in her sleep, beckons her until Lottie wakes up sweating and with burning cheeks and sometimes heat between her legs.
It also helps (read makes it worse ) that Natalie is smoking hot and Lottie a helpless lesbian, as Van says every time they catch Lottie staring at Natalie. It doesn't even bother her anymore, she’s way past denying the crush she has on Natalie. It’s a part of her, carved beneath her skin, Natalie unawarely consumes her every thought.
-
It’s a couple of minutes before practice starts, when the girls are stretching outside, that Lottie goes back to the locker room for another hair tie after hers snapped while trying to tame her fury of thick hair. Lottie had been looking around waiting for Natalie to show up since she got to the field, she might also need to splash some water on her face and pull it together before her teammates call her out for being distracted.
She’s closing her locker when the door bursts open and Natalie walks through, she only bats an eye at Lottie but it's enough for her to notice that her expression seems sharper today, harder, angrier.
Natalie shoves her stuff inside her own locker and Lottie stands still, staring at her.
Her gaze must burn, because Natalie snaps her locker shut with a bang that makes both of them flinch before turning to look at her.
“What is it?” She snaps at Lottie.
Lottie doesn't say anything, she's too busy noticing how Natalie’s eyes seem to glisten with fire.
“Are you okay?” Lottie whispers softly. Natalie stiffens and pushes past her.
“Yeah, Lottie, I’m fucking great !”
The locker room door falls shut again and stays like that for a couple minutes before Lottie finally goes back outside.
Throughout practice Lottie keeps trying to catch Natalie’s eye unsuccessfully. It seems like everyone got the memo not to push Natalie’s buttons today, they all silently agree that she seems annoyed enough.
They don't notice that it’s something more than annoyance, they never see her the same way Lottie does. It’s a blessing and a curse.
Natalie doesn’t bother to change after practice, she's gone the minute the coach blows the whistle. Lottie can only watch her sprint out of the field and into someone’s car.
They drive off and Lottie convinces herself that she'll try to talk to Natalie tomorrow. She knows that this push and pull relationship they have isn't enough, she wants much more, for now she’ll just keep trying, tomorrow and the days after.
-
On the next day, as it turns out, Lottie doesn’t see Natalie at all. She eyes the empty seat during her pre calc class, the only one she shares with Natalie. Lottie rolls her eyes internally at the suspicion that her and Travis ditched together again.
It isn't until lunch that the suspicion is proven wrong at the sight of Travis casually sitting on one of the tables with his friends and throwing his head back in laughter, Natalie nowhere in sight.
Lottie frowns and makes her way to her friends.
“Have you guys seen Nat?” She asks as she sits down on a table with the rest of the team.
A chorus of no’s and shrugs follow before everyone falls in the discussion of which flavor of slushie is the best one. Lottie sighs and plays with her food.
Natalie doesn’t show up to class on Thursday or Friday either. She skips practice again and Lottie really wishes she knew where Nat lives to show up there.
Despite her absence, Travis carries on normally and Lottie glares daggers at him without him noticing every time she sees him.
Once Lottie is home she contemplates calling Natalie. The only issue is that she doesn't have the blonde’s number. She could call around, maybe even call the school and ask for it. No , that would be too Misty Quigley even for her.
Plus, Van would never let her hear the end of it if they found out. Lottie can practically hear their voice in her head saying ‘You’re a gay disaster, Lottie!’
And Lottie can’t exactly disagree. Van is always annoyingly right.
The phone rings and it's not Natalie, of course.
it's Jackie, inviting her to a party at her house tonight, something about celebrating the semester or whatever. The way Jackie speaks makes it clear that it’s more of an order, she's not taking no for an answer. Lottie would agree anyway, anything is better than staying alone at her empty house on a Friday night.
Lottie wonders if Nat is going too, but then again she probably won't, the girl hasn’t been to school in days, why would she show up?
She dials the Van right after, asking if they’re going. Five minutes later she hangs up the phone with the confirmation and a ride from Van and Taissa to the party.
It's only four now, so Lottie showers, does her hair, her makeup and picks an outfit. She settles for a plaid white skirt that she knows is a little too short and a navy blue top doesn't exactly show too much cleavage but does wonders for her figure. She grabs a cardigan too, just in case Shauna gets too drunk again and ruins another one of her shirts by spilling her drink.
By the time she’s done, there’s a honk coming from the front of her house. Lottie descends the stairs in a rush before stepping outside and jumping in the car.
“Damn Lot, you look good!” Van says with a smile on their face.
“Hitting on another woman in front of me, Palmer?” Tai gasps and shoots Van a fake offended look.
“I would never! ” Van replies with a grin, full teeth out, and laces their hand with Taissa’s as they start driving.
Lottie thinks the two of them are disgustingly cute, it’s almost sickening if it didn't make her yearn so badly. They’re also kindly driving her, so she’s stuck third wheeling.
“I just think that maybe Lottie dressed up to impress someone tonight,” Van continues. “Maybe a certain blonde?”
Van grins at Lottie, who rolls her eyes and flicks Van’s forehead.
“Like she’d ever notice even if I was, she’s too busy with Travis.” Lottie stresses out. Even his name feels icky on her tongue. “And beside, no one’s seen her in almost a week, I doubt she's going to this thing”
“I mean, Nat’s always at every party in this town, so, who knows.” Tai replies with a hopeful tone. Van nods along.
“And I swear, Lot, I keep catching Natalie staring at you sometimes.” Van adds.
“Yeah, right.”
Lottie just shrugs and settles back on her seat, letting the air from her open windows blow against her face as they drive. The car radio is playing something that Van and Tai are singing along to. They’re not good singers at all but Lottie smiles nonetheless. They may be nauseating at times but they’re Lottie's best friends.
It takes them ten minutes to pull up in Jackie Taylor's driveway.
Lottie sees various students inside and spilling outside of the packed house. Weed is smoked. Alcohol is abused. Games are played. Couples make out. The typical Wiskayok high school party.
They walk inside and the couple immediately goes to the backyard to look for the keg, leaving Lottie alone. Jackie and Shauna hug her tightly when they see her and demand, once again, that Lottie takes a shot of something with them. Lottie complies and takes two more just for the hell of it but draws the line when Shauna offers her a sip of her drink. She's not wild at parties, but Lottie Matthews knows how to have fun and Malibu and milk is not fun.
She walks around for a bit, dances too. Mari finds her somehow and drags Lottie to the kitchen to give her a taste of a special drink she made, which after the very first sip Lottie finds out is just vodka and some cheap energy drink. It goes down her throat like battery acid, but she’s tipsy enough already that she doesn’t really care.
Lottie sits on the marble counter while Mari goes on an emotional rant about how Danny Mears broke up with her and is now supposedly hooking up with his own cousin. Lottie half listens, nodding her head along and muttering affirming words so that Mari keeps talking, at least it’ll be something to do and she can stay near where the drinks are. She kind of wants to find Tai and Van, but the last time she went looking for them at a party Lottie couldn’t look them in the eye for a week.
Mari apparently started crying at some point and says something about going to the bathroom to fix her makeup. Lottie nods along and shoots her a sympathetic smile with a pat on her back before taking another sip of her drink.
Lottie lets her eyes wander around the crowd, bobbing her head mindlessly along to whatever song is playing. She stops and has to squint to make out the figure of Travis, shoving his tongue down a brunette's mouth on Jackie's leather couch.
What the fuck?
Travis Martinez is apparently cheating on Natalie Scatorccio, who's admittedly the hottest, coolest and most intriguing person at their school, in Lottie’s totally biased opinion. She wants to go over and beat the ever living shit out of him, but as she gets up from the counter to do so her legs feel a little wobbly and it takes a couple of seconds for her eyes to adjust.
She sees clearly again just in time to watch in horror as one of the boys from Jeff's team, who had been oogling at her legs all night, starts to make his way to her. Lottie pretends she doesn't notice and slips out the backdoor hoping he won’t follow.
Her head is spinning with questions by the time she leans against a wall outside and reaches for the cigarette pack she keeps on herself at all times.
Was that really Travis? Could she have seen it wrong? No, it was definitely him mauling another girl. Does Natalie know? Is that why she hasn't been to school? Did they break up? Were they even together to begin with?
She lights the cigarette and lets the burn on her lungs and fuzz on her head calm her down a little. It helps, but not even an exorcism could erase Natalie from her mind. Lottie leans against the wall and closes her eyes, letting smoke flow out of her mouth.
That small moment of almost peace lasts for about one minute before a voice has her shooting her eyes open and almost dropping the cigarette.
“Can I have one?” The voice asks and she knows who it is before she even looks.
“Nat.” Lottie breathes out.
“The one and only.”
Lottie lets her eyes wander around Natalie. She is, of course, wearing her leather jacket, with a short black dress underneath and her combat boots. The drinks that were previously flowing so nicely suddenly made Lottie's stomach twist and turn.
Natalie also has her usual black smudged eyeliner on, and her eyes are red, clearly not from crying.
“So, can I?” Natalie asks with a little head tilt, stepping closer to Lottie.
“What?”
Natalie points to the cigarette on Lottie’s finger.
“Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.” Lottie fumbles with her words before shoving her hand close to Natalie’s.
She realizes a moment too late that Natalie probably wanted a cigarette of her own, not to share.
But rather than saying anything, Natalie tries to actually murder Lottie.
She doesn’t steal the cigarette from Lottie's fingers, instead Natalie ducks her head down a little and closes her mouth around it. Her lips brush against Lottie’s fingers and she blushes all the way down her toes.
Natalie pulls away and leans against the wall next to her, tilting her head up and exhaling the smoke.
Lottie stands frozen in place.
“Uh,” Lottie clears her throat. “Didn’t think you’d be here today.”
“Me neither, but you know me, free booze is just so tempting.” Natalie replies with that damn grin of hers.
I know you, but not enough. I want to know you completely. Lottie thinks, but thankfully she doesn't say that outloud.
Instead, she says something way worse.
“I saw Travis inside.”
Natalie tenses and Lottie immediately wants to take her words back.
“I mean, uh, I saw him with another girl and I thought you two were together so I just wanted to let you know-”
“We’re not.” Natalie cuts her off, her expression more rigid.
“You’re not?” Lottie asks with a raised brow. “You guys were all over each other like a week ago.”
Okay, maybe Lottie should just stop talking. Forever . She hasn’t seen Natalie in a week and now she’s saying too much of the wrong thing.
“Yeah, well, he was also all over some bitch named Serena at the same time, so.” Natalie says nonchalantly but Lottie sees right through her somehow. Sees that this is one of the particular things that do get to her.
She’s not sad, that would be such a simple emotion and nothing is ever simple when it comes to Natalie. She’s not jealous, Natalie doesn’t strike her as the possessive type. It’s not anger like she thought either, if Lottie had to name it, she’d say that Natalie seems bitter .
That voice that kept chanting ‘Fuck Travis Martinez’ in her head returns screaming.
Lottie has always felt too much, too intensely, her psychiatrist appointments were proof of that. Her body boils with anger and she sees red. She imagines herself a couple of minutes ago inside and wishes she had gone up to Travis and wiped the other girls spit from his face with a punch or three.
Desperate to comfort Natalie, to just do something that will keep the blonde here, she reaches forwards and gives her the cigarette, properly this time. It earns her a small smile from Natalie and Lottie burns inside again for different reasons.
“Is that why you haven’t been to school?” Lottie manages somehow to put a soft voice on despite the hot rage inside of her.
Lottie knows she should thread carefully, knows with every sentence that it might be the last one of the conversation, she knows Nat could snap at any moment. Surprisingly, the blow never comes.
“Kind of. He was trying to make me jealous I guess, flaunting that girl around like she’s a dog at those pageants or some shit.” Natalie murmurs, “I don’t really care, it’s not like we were in love or anything but he also said some shit that pissed me off. I figured a small vacation from that place wouldn’t be the worst thing.”
Natalie avoids her eyes, instead focusing on the ash falling down the grass. Lottie can’t stand it, could never stand Travis but at least he was making Natalie happy, at least that’s what she thought. But now he’s doing something else to her entirely and the urge to curb stomp him just keeps growing. Lottie wants to rip his teeth out with her bare hands for whatever it was that he said to her. She wants to hurt him in the same way he’s hurting Nat. Wants Nat to hurt him too.
“Maybe you should make him jealous then.” The words tumble out of Lottie’s mouth before she’s even thinking. “Give him a taste of his own medicine, you know?”
Nat turns her head to her, eyeing Lottie with curiosity. It urges her to go on.
“Like maybe you should date someone too. Make him see it. Realize what he’s missing.”
Lottie wants to say so much more, and she probably could, she drank enough to tell Natalie that she deserves more than this shitty world. That Travis never should have had her in the first place. That he’s not worthy of living in the same plane of existence of someone like Natalie. That Natalie should be with someone like Lottie.
But then she imagines Natalie laughing at her like she’s crazy, pulling away before disappearing again and Lottie’s mouth snaps shut.
“Not really looking to date anyone now, Lottie.”
Lottie should just let it go, she knows, but then Natalie is saying her name and it sounds so good coming out of her mouth like this that she can’t stop herself.
“I mean, you don’t really have to. You could, like, fake date someone.” Lottie says.
Natalie snickers, a loose grin crawling up her face as she looks at Lottie.
“Fake date? Like they do in those sappy movies?” Natalie chuckles at the idea and Lottie nods back and keeps talking.
She’s suggested something basically insane and Natalie hasn’t walked away yet, so, fuck it .
“Don’t laugh!” Lottie nudges Natalie’s shoulder before even thinking about it. “It’s a solid idea!”
Natalie keeps grinning and Lottie sees in her eyes the exact moment when Nat decides to entertain the idea.
“Okay, but how would that even work?” Natalie moves to stand in front of her. “I just go up to someone and ask ‘Hey, would you want to fake date me to make my ex jealous?’. Who would even agree to that?”
Later, Lottie will blame Van and Tai for making her think of Natalie before getting to the party and then leaving her alone. Later, she will blame Shauna and Jackie for making her take shots. Later, she will blame Mari for something she's yet to come up with and she’ll blame Jeff's friend too.
But for now, Lottie will open her mouth and ignore that she is to blame for being nothing other than an impulsive mess around this girl.
"I'll do it!"
The grin drops and Natalie looks at her dumbfounded. She blinks, once, twice.
“What?”
Lottie’s cheek burns and she hopes Natalie thinks it’s the alcohol's fault.
"Uh, I mean, it'll be funny, right? Fun , I mean. Pretending to date you will be fun. So you don't need to ask anyone else.” Lottie fumbles with her words desperately. “Plus, I gave the idea so it’s only fair.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Natalie asks but there’s no venom in her words. Lottie hears the way she’s tiptoeing the line of laughing this conversation off and actually going through with it.
“Well, I want to help you-“
“I’m not a charity case, Lottie” Natalie cuts her off. One step closer to the wrong side of the line.
“I know! That’s not what I meant, at all !” Lottie blabbers on, unable to stop her mouth from moving. “I just think Travis is an asshole and if there’s any chance that this might make him realize that, then I think we- you should do it.”
Van was right, Lottie is utterly helpless.
Natalie stands unblinkingly this time, trying to process what she had just been told. She runs her hands through her hair and avoids Lottie’s eyes. The taller girl is about to take everything back once again when Natalie finally looks up at her.
Lottie immediately recognizes the expression on her face, it’s the one she wears when she’s about to retort to Jackie or when they’re about to play a harmless prank on anyone from the team. Eyes boring into hers with mischief, that wicked, devilish grin that makes her look like a wolf. There’s something else behind her eyes too, a secret motive that Lottie has no idea what it is.
“Fuck it,” Natalie rasps out with a laugh, “I’m down.”
Lottie could burst out laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation is. Maybe she drank too much, passed out on the Taylor’s backyard and this whole thing is a fever dream.
It has to be.
Because if it’s not, then Lottie is royally fucked.
She thinks of Natalie all the damn time and yet did not think any of this interaction through. Suggesting to fake date her crush to make her ex jealous is already bad enough, what is she supposed to do now that Natalie agreed to do it?
“You… are?”
“What do I have to lose?” Natalie replies with a shrug, the smirk still on her lips.
Lottie, on the other hand, has a lot to lose.
Her already fragile sanity for starters, her dignity when Van finds out, and most importantly Natalie. She barely has Natalie as it is and if this whole thing goes to shit, which it inevitably will, she knows she won’t get as much as a glare from the blonde.
But then again, she might get something else entirely. She might get to hold Natalie, call her her girlfriend, maybe even fucking kiss her. It would be fake, of course, but it still would be more than she has now and the closest Lottie can get to her dreams.
“So, how are we doing this?” Natalie asks, seemingly unaware of the inner turmoil Lottie’s experiencing.
“Uh, we could hold hands at school and like, call each other babe or something.” Lottie mumbles, her whole body trembling, the previous confidence on this whole idea went away the minute Natalie agreed to it.
“That’s it? Lot, Jackie and Shauna are practically dry dumping each other at school every day and no one bats an eye. Holding hands isn’t going to cut it.”
“So you suggest that we, what, make out in front of the whole school?” Lottie asks, voice faltering.
“Scared to kiss a burnout, princess?” Natalie teases.
Scared to kiss you .
Lottie knows that she's already too far gone for a girl that has no idea, and she knows that the minute her lips touch Natalie, everything will change.
Lottie opens her mouth, closes it and opens again to spill words before her brain can even catch up to what she’s saying. Again.
“What? No , Nat! I just- are you sure? I mean, like we can but- I know I suggested this, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything like that-”
Laughter cuts her off. She looks incredulously at Natalie, who’s just standing there laughing at her.
“Why are you laughing at me?!”
“Sorry, you were rambling." Nat explains. "Lot, don’t worry, if anything this thing is going to be fun just like you said, relax.”
“You’re so annoying.” Lottie mumbles.
“That's no way to talk to your girlfriend, Charlotte!” Natalie feigns exasperation.
Girlfriend. The words flow out of Natalie’s mouth and engrave themselves directly inside Lottie’s mind.
“Is it too early to break up with you?” Lottie says, her mouth exceptionally dry. The implications are already getting to her.
Natalie rolls eyes with a smile playing on her lips.
“Yep!” Nat replies. “Oh, speaking of which, I do have one condition.”
“Yeah?”
“When we break up, you have to tell everyone that it's your fault. I don’t want Tai and Van to come chasing after me with pitchforks.”
“They probably would do much worse to you.” Lottie tells her with certainty.
Lottie grins at the image, the scene, and the smile on her face is mirrored by Natalie.
Natalie lets out a giddy laugh that makes Lottie feel warm inside and out. The tension she was feeling fades away and she joins in, giggling like a schoolgirl.
Lottie feels this sense of pride for making Natalie laugh, it’s stupid but she’ll remember the sound of her laughter when she lays in bed later. Little victories like this should be celebrated.
The moment dies down eventually and Natalie looks at her expectantly, a sly smile still on her lips.
Something possesses Lottie, adrenaline, Natalie, everything. She’s already knee deep in this, whatever this is, that she might as well go with whatever her brain comes up with. She grabs Natalie's hand and starts pulling her as they walk.
She doesn’t say anything or look back, her brain is too preoccupied with the feeling of Nat’s hand on hers. She steals a cup from someone as they walk past the kitchen and downs it, liquid courage is her best friend right now. Lottie only fully stops walking once they’re inside the house and near the living room.
“What exactly are we doing now?” Natalie asks, coming to a stop next to her.
“We are going to dance.” Lottie replies, surprising herself at how easy it comes out of her mouth.
Natalie raises her eyebrows.
“We can't just show up to school on monday and tell everyone that we’re dating, we need some build up.” Lottie isn’t sure if she’s making sense right now but it’s not like it matters. “Gotta make it believable, you know?”
“How much thought have you given this thing?” Natalie retorts.
“Shut up.” Lottie smiles shyly. “Van is always forcing me to watch these kinds of movies with them, I guess I learned a thing or two.”
Natalie seems as if she’s mauling something over and then hums, satisfied.
“Alright, then, lead the way.”
Lottie guides them to the middle of the dance floor.
The dance floor is actually just Jackie’s living room with about a dozen or so teenagers dancing to the music. Lottie can see Shauna dancing in front of Jackie, who has Jeff standing behind her like he’s her bodyguard. Lottie should probably make sure that they're in view for Travis but then a hand grabs her waist and her thoughts are drowned out by it.
She turns around and faces Natalie, looking down a bit to watch the blonde girl coming closer to her and moving her hand along the beat. Lottie grinds her teeth inside her mouth when Natalie places a hand on her waist and she knows she's drowning, fully succumbing to the electricity of Natalie’s burning touch on her body and the remaining alcohol sizzling under her skin.
Lottie joins in, mimicking Natalie’s slow, uncoordinated swaying and moving with her. And it's so fucking delicious— having Natalie’s hands around her waist, a deathly grip, grounding Lottie to the floor as if she’s going to disappear at any minute.
Which is stupid, considering the world could end around them and Lottie still wouldn't pull away. She would sway with Natalie in her arms as the room burned down. Would send soldiers to the floor without pulling away from her.
The flushed contact of Nat’s body, the hand on her waist, how effortlessly beautiful Natlie looks when dancing. Lottie can’t help herself, her arms find themselves resting on Natalie’s shoulders, pressing them against each other even further as they continue dancing .
The beat picks up and Natalie’s hands leave her body, untangling them. Lottie is ashamed at how quickly she misses the contact but then she looks at Nat and almost stops moving all together.
Lottie watches her intensely, mesmerized by the way Natalie looks so careless, her body moving to the tempo. Nat’s hands have a mind of their own, seeing as they wander around her own body up to the air, reaching for nothing. Seeing Natalie like this is like watching a once in a lifetime event, a comment crossing the sky, the northern lights shining over her.
She’s so free, so relaxed for once and Lottie can’t look away.
Natalie’s eyes flutter open, the dim lights in the room make them look so dark that Lottie could get lost in it. Natalie reaches for her, immediately pulling Lottie back to it and instead of facing her this time, Natalie moves Lottie until she’s behind her.
So, this is how Lottie dies, with Natalie’s back pressed against her front and bleached hair trickling her collarbone. It's an incredible way to go, really .
Natalie has been moving this whole time, she’s basically, and there’s really no other way to describe this, grinding on Lottie at this point. This realization makes Lottie burn red, because she hasn’t even been breathing properly since she felt the warmth of Nat’s body on her. She moves her arms, which had been as still as possible and places her hands on Natalie’s waist this time.
The skin under her fingertips is hot, soft and Lottie unconsciously digs her fingers on the flesh, pulling Natalie closer.
It’s a miscalculated move, which at this point is just on brand for Lottie, because the movement spurs Natalie to move too. They don’t stop moving to the music, but Natalie lets her head fall back on Lottie’s shoulder. She can feel Natalie’s breath on her neck, small puffs of air against her skin. If Lottie looks down, moves her head just a little bit, her lips would be so, so incredibly close to Natalie’s.
From the corner of her eye, Lottie sees the couch where Travis was mauling that girl, Serena, some time ago. He’s sitting alone there, his company probably went to the bathroom or something, Lottie doesn’t really care. He looks up and catches Lottie’s eyes, a confused expression falling on his face.
She squeezes Natalie’s waist lightly and the blonde opens her eyes, looking up at her.
Lottie looks down and she was right, they’re much too close with this angle. Natalie stares at her with such intensity that Lottie almost forgets what she was going to say. The taller girl moves her head a bit so that she would be heard.
“Travis is looking.” Lottie says in Natalie’s ear, her lips brushing the blonde’s ear just enough to send a shock down Lottie’s spine.
“Uh huh.” Natalie mutters.
Even with the darkness of the room Lottie can see it in her face that Nat’s not completely there, she’s in a daze, she looks almost delirious . Her eyes never leave Lottie’s, she doesn’t even bother to check if Travis is truly there.
Lottie swallows hard and stares back. She doesn’t understand what could have come over Nat to make her look at Lottie like that . Is she thinking about Travis?
To no surprise, Lottie speaks up again. Her mouth has a mind of its own at this point.
“This would probably be the perfect moment for us to kiss.”
Natalie nods against her, opening her mouth slightly.
“We probably shouldn’t waste it, then.” She rasps out and it’s a miracle that Lottie hears her over the loud music.
Lottie doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe. She’s pretty sure her hands are shaking on Natalie’s waist but she’s not going to check.
She finds herself thinking of Travis. It’s not the usual murderous this time, now she just doesn’t understand him.
If Natalie used to look at him the way she’s looking at her right now, like she wants to eat Lottie alive and consume her whole with blown pupils and lips parted, why would he ever want anyone else? Lottie would understand her French homework before she understood his reasoning.
She snaps back to reality when Natalie moves.
She doesn’t exactly pull away from the position they’re in, thank god , but she moves her head a bit away from Lottie’s shoulder. Lottie is all too aware of her body, of Natalie’s body. This is probably the closest they’ve ever been and Lottie’s mind reels from it. It feels so right, they fit so perfectly like this.
Nat licks her lips and Lottie’s eyes follow every single movement. She watches as her tongue traces the bottom lip, observes everything.
Are we really doing this?
The answer comes with Natalie closing her eyes and pressing forward, finally closing the overbearing gap.
The first touch is almost too much and yet not nearly enough. The first touch confirms Lottie’s suspicions that she will never get enough. That this has already changed everything for her.
Nat’s lips are warm and soft unlike the rest of her. Lottie is so overwhelmed that it takes her a few seconds before actually kissing back, not just pressing their lips together.
The angle is a little awkward but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters at this moment except Natalie.
Lottie has spent more time than she’d like to admit thinking about this, about kissing Natalie Scatorccio. But nothing could have prepared her for the reality of it.
Natalie kisses her like everything she does, determined, menacingly. The blonde exhales against her mouth and it makes Lottie feel feral. She’s never felt like this before, there’s never been this much desire. It’s nothing like the other girls she has kissed, nothing that she could ever describe, it’s the carnal feeling that Lottie saw shining in Nat's eyes earlier.
Her whole body burns and coils, Lottie’s hands fumble and grasp to touch as much as possible, traveling to Natalie’s back, to her waist and back to tangle themselves in blonde hair.
They pull away slightly, Lottie’s neck hurting from the position but she keeps Natalie close, and doesn't dare let go. Nat’s in front of her now, panting as heavily as she is, her bangs stuck to her forehead and her lips glistening and red.
They stare at each other for a moment, just layering their lips and tasting their shared breath. Natalie looks so good like this, she looks free again, but not like she was when dancing. This Natalie looks free in a sense where she looks like she’d been stripped down to her most human form, she looks vulnerable, unguarded and ravished .
Travis is nowhere in sight, Lottie notices, but when she looks back at Natalie there’s only one thought in her mind. There’s just this voice screaming that pulling away now would be sacrilegious. Lottie had a taste of the most addicting, sacred drug that is Natalie and she can’t stay away.
“Lottie…” Natalie’s voice is rough and laced. It’s the singing of a siren.
It pulls Lottie back in, she leans forward and Natalie welcomes her like she was expecting it. Natalie tugs her impossibly close and Lottie parts her lips to let out a gasp that’s quickly swallowed by Natalie’s tongue swiping against her lips and consuming her entirely. The feel of having Natalie like this makes something deep from within her throat come out before she can stop herself.
Natalie smirks against her lips and fuck , it’s so cocky and so like Natalie that makes her weak on the knees. Lottie trembles when Nat softly bites her bottom lip and she unashamedly whimpers .
Some drunk student bumps against them before muttering some slurred apology and the two of them jolt away. Natalie keeps staring at her and Lottie just stands there, eyes closed, not a clue in the world what to do. They don’t say anything for what feels like hours but couldn’t have been more than seconds. Lottie takes the time to indulge in the illusion, savoring the taste of vodka and the cigarette they shared earlier.
“Do you think he saw?” Lottie says, breathless.
“What?” Natalie says.
“Travis. Do you think he saw us?”
Natalie blinks, seemingly coming out of trance.
“Oh.” She breathes. “Yeah, probably.”
Natalie just keeps looking at her, not saying anything else and Lottie half wishes the ground would split open and swallow her.
“Cool. Great.” Lottie clears her throat. “Uh, I’m going to get a drink, do you want anything?”
“I’m okay, thanks.”
Lottie barely waits for Natalie to finish her words before she’s scrambling out of the dance floor and into the kitchen area. Her mind is running too fast for her to catch up, there is just so much going on that the whole night feels like a fever dream.
She kissed Natalie. Natalie kissed her back .
The conscious voice inside her head that had seemingly been shut up by the horny voice finally decides to show up and remind her that it was all fake.
It wasn’t real.
She was helping Natalie make her ex Jealous. They had to kiss, she basically suggested it herself. None of it meant anything besides what it was. A means to an end that would most likely break her a bit more.
“Fucking finally, Matthews! I knew you had to have at least some game!”
Van’s voice comes booming from somewhere and they slide next to Lottie, who’s now fully leaning against the counter with her head buried in her hands.
Lottie looks up and Van must see how absolutely panicked she looks, because the grin from their face morphs into concern.
“What 's wrong?” Van asks.
“I fucked up. Big time.”
Van scrunches their eyebrows in confusion.
“Why? You got the girl, Lot!”
Van goes back to beaming at her teasingly and they really don't get it. How could they? Not a single person in the world would ever guess just how stupid Lottie has been this whole night.
“I didn’t get shit, Van!” Lottie replies. “That's the issue.”
“What do you mean? You guys were basically fucking on the dance floor-”
Lottie takes a deep breath before vomiting her words out in a single breath.
“ Isuggestedtobeherfakegirlfriendandsheagreed. ”
A beat. Silence.
Another beat and Van explodes.
“You did what !?” They shout so loud that Lottie has to shush them with her hand.
“Be quiet!” Lottie pleads. “And please don't make me say it again.”
“You’re telling me that you suggested to fake date the girl you’re in love with?!” Van says, in a quieter but still appalled tone. “This isn’t a fucking movie, Lottie!”
“I'm not in love with her!” Lottie counters weakly.
Van just glares at her, eyes wide.
“That doesn't make this any better, dumbass! You still like her!”
“I know, fuck, what do I do now?”
Lottie sighs, going back to her original position with her hands on her face. If comical misery were to be a person, it would be her right now.
Van bursts out laughing after a few seconds and Lottie can’t even blame them. First Natalie and now Van. Great .
If it matters, Van did a good job holding it in for as far as they did, because Lottie knows for a fact that they had wanted to laugh the moment they heard what Lottie did.
“Yeah, yeah, very funny .” Lottie rolls her eyes. Van keeps laughing, their pale skin turning red and they’re clutching their stomach. “Okay, that’s enough, don’t you think?”
Van laughs even harder.
“Stop! This is serious!” Lottie slaps their arm so Van can stop but it’s to no avail. “Van, stop!” Lottie whines.
Van is shaking with laughter. Lottie keeps glaring at them until they finally begin to calm down, wiping tears from their eyes.
“Oh, Lottie, I don't even know how to help you at this point.”
“Fuck me.” Lottie mutters.
“I’m very much taken,” Van looks over Lottie’s shoulder and smirks back at her. “But I’m sure your girlfriend , who’s making her way over here right now, can help you with that.”
Lottie’s head snaps back to find Natalie walking her way through the small crowd. Lottie shoots Van a warning glare but the tips of ear are burning.
“Hey,” Natalie says. “Got lost on your way to the drink table?”
Lottie stands still and blushes like she didn’t have her tongue down Natalie’s throat five minutes ago. She doesn’t miss how Van covers their mouth with their hand to stifle a laugh.
“I- Uh…”
“This one’s on me.” Van says, finally taking pity on Lottie for the first time tonight. ”I needed her advice on something, but she’s all yours now.”
Van wiggles their eyebrows suggestively at Lottie before moving. If Lottie moves her foot to trip Van, who almost falls to the ground, who can blame her.
“So….” Natalie says, looking down at Lottie’s empty hands.
“Couldn’t find anything.” Lottie shrugs.
She doesn’t know what to say, and can't bear to look up at Natalie. Her mind scrambles to come up with the image of what look the blonde will have, what she’ll say.
“Lottie-“
“Oh my god!” A shrill shout comes from the living room and everyone seems to stop what they’re doing.
They turn to find Jackie, Shauna and Jeff standing in a circle. Shauna is hunched over and whatever she ate throughout the day splashed on the hardwood floor. Jackie is patting her back while Jeff looks like he’s seconds away from throwing up himself.
“Alright, the party's over!” Jackie addresses the crowd of horrified teenagers around them. “Everyone leave !”
Jackie and Jeff both swing Shauna’s arms around their shoulders and start to lead her upstairs or to the nearest bathroom. People begin to scatter, leaving cups and trash around the house. Lottie feels extreme pity for whoever has to clean this up tomorrow, even more so if it’s the owner of the house and her devoted best friend who will no doubt have killer hangovers in the morning.
“Well,” Lottie starts talking again, looking back at Natalie. “That was-“
“Extremely on brand?” Natalie smirks.
“Yeah.” Lottie says. “She never gets any wiser, I swear she wouldn’t throw up at every single party if she just stopped drinking that nasty mix of Malibu and milk.”
Natalie chuckles but it’s dry and nothing like the real thing. Now that Lottie knows what it sounds like, it’s impossible to not notice the difference.
“Sometimes people just keep going after the wrong thing until they finally learn.” Natalie says.
Lottie looks at her, trying to pull at the threads and solve the puzzles in Natalie’s head. It’s not easy, never will be, but Lottie would spend her entire life trying to if Nat let her.
Natalie looks down and shuffles in place and Lottie can’t stand this type of silence.
“Let me give you a ride.”
“I don’t think you should be driving tonight, Lot.” Natalie replies.
“Tai is driving me and Van back,” Lottie explains. “I’m sure she'd be more than happy to drop you off too.”
Natalie starts shaking her head before Lottie is even done speaking.
That’s one of the simple things about Natalie, she refuses to accept help. Vulnerability would burn her, and knowing what little she knows about Natalie’s life, Lottie doesn’t hold it against her. She does wish Natalie would accept help at least once in her life though.
“It’s alright, Lottie-”
“Please?” Lottie takes a step forward, staring into those watercolor eyes. “You’re not sober either, you shouldn’t be walking alone. Plus, it'll look good for us to leave together.”
She does her best to make herself look convincing, her eyes looking straight at Natalie and a pout on her face. It worked once before, after Natalie had cut her shin during a game and Lottie had to plead and beg for her to let her take care of it until Natalie relented. She wasn’t happy about it, but she stood still until Lottie finished patching her up.
“Fine, fine , put the puppy eyes away. Jesus.”
Natalie rolls her eyes at her. Lottie just grins at the acknowledgment of her tactic, her little fangs showing on the corners of her mouth.
Van and Tai choose that moment to appear behind them.
“You two ready to go?” Tai asks.
Lottie has no clue how they knew that Natalie is leaving with them, but she doesn’t question it. Lottie wouldn’t be surprised if these two planned on asking Natalie if she needed a ride beforehand, she’s just glad she asked first.
They nod and Tai takes Van’s hand before walking. Like instinct, Lottie takes Natalie’s hand for the second time that night and follows them to Taissa’s car.
Hand in hand, they trail behind the couple and make it outside almost where Taissa parked her car.
There’s a tug on Lottie’s hand when Natalie trips on the sidewalk and almost brings the two of them down.
“Are you okay?” Lottie worriedly asks, the grip on the blonde’s hand tightening.
“Yeah, all good.” Nat replies. “Just had a bit too much, I think.”
Lottie doesn’t know exactly what too much is, if it’s alcohol, pot or something else. Her eyes are still red and considering everything that went down at this party Lottie wonders if she herself is under the influence of a drug stronger than alcohol and the taste of Natalie’s lips. The other girl doesn’t let go of her hand until they’re sitting in the backseat so Lottie decides not to dwell on it.
The windows are still down and the cool air is welcomed against Lottie’s burning face. It doesn’t do much to help, she’s sure her face is stuck permanently with pink blotches, especially after Natalie leans her head against Lottie’s shoulder when they start driving. There are strands of blonde hair flying all over her face but Lottie doesn’t mind at all, it’s a gentle reminder that even if everything else is fake, Natalie is still there with her head on her shoulder and hair flying wildly.
The car ride is too quick for Lottie’s liking, they drop Nat off a block further from her house per her request. No one questions it. The blonde climbs out of her seat and goes around to the side Lottie is. She leans against the open window, head partially inside.
“Thanks for the ride, Tai.” Nat says. “Van.” They acknowledge each other with a nod.
Natalie ducks closer to Lottie and places a kiss on her cheek before walking away into the dark night.
“See you on Monday, princess!” Nat calls out.
“Bye.” Lottie whispers after Nat is long gone. It’s the only thing she can muster.
Tai and Van both have their heads turned and stare at her.
Lottie slumps back on her seat and lets out a sight. Fucking hell, she’s so phenomenally, spectacularly and utterly screwed .