Chapter Text
Saturday, 2:56
You Stepped In Shit
Marlene: WHATS UR FAVOURITE IDEA🤨
Marlene: MINE IS BEING CREATIVE🙋🏼♀️
Marlene: HOW DO U GET THE IDEA???Q?Q?
Marlene: I JUST TRY TO THINK CREATIVELY🤷🏼♀️
Marlene: BAHHAGDGEJHV
Marlene: DOES ANYONE REMEMBER DONT HUG ME IM SCARED
Marlene: HOLY SHIT
Marlene: IM WATCHING IT RN
Marlene: AND WTAF
Regulus: STOP WHAT!?!??!😭
Regulus: MY BROTHER AND I WOULD WATCH THEIR VIDEOS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO SLEEP
Mary: thats acc so disturbing
Mary: are yall okay??
Regulus: BAHAHAHBWFEJKEJ
Regulus: That’s a funny question, Macdonald.
James: i watched their most popular video once when i was little and got nightmares xx
James: my mum banned me from watching it again💔💔💔💔💔💔
Remus: @dorcas remember when someone played it in assembly and got suspended??
Dorcas: YESSSS😭
Dorcas: a little kid ran out crying
Remus: HELP WASNT THAT CHRIS
Dorcas: CHRIS😭😭
Dorcas: THAT BOY HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU ISTG
Remus: HE WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE
Dorcas: OML
Dorcas: @regulus i remember a red head of ours telling us that you guys could not stop watching don’t hug me i’m scared after you ran away
Dorcas: and that you almost had a falling out when she told you to stop
Regulus: We were homesick🥺🥺
Dorcas: bitch
Dorcas: you better be joking
*Remus changed Dorcas’ name to Maddy Perez*
James: omg im in love with maddy perez x
Maddy Perez: you watch euphoria!!
James: LOl
James: no but i basically know the whole plot from mary xx
Mary: yk it😘
Fabian: why tf is everyone awake rn??
Regulus: Why are you awake Fabian???🤨🤨🤨
James: yeah FABIAN🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 xx
Maddy Perez: smh FABIAN🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Mary: fr what are you doing FABIAN🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
Remus: go back to sleep FABIAN😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴
Marlene: its all a dream FABIAN🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥🫥
Fabian: ur all sleep deprived wtaf
Fabian: night xx
Marlene: bye FABIAN
*Regulus changed Fabian’s name to FABIAN*
Mary: do you think hes right???
Mary: that we don’t get enough sleep
Marlene: i think he was just trying to gaslight us xx
Mary: omg yeahhhh
Mary: cant believe i didnt see through him😣😣
Remus: i want chocolate
Mary: get some
Remus: i'm all out ://////
James: make some x
Remus: bicth i’m not willy wonka
*Regulus changed Remus’ name to Willy Wokna*
Regulus: You are now
Willy Wokna: it’s not even spelt right:(((((((
Regulus: Don’t be so fussy Lupin
Regulus: You get what you get and you don’t get upset
Maddy Perez: erm🤓☝️
Maddy Perez: technically regulus is willy wonka
Regulus: SHUT YOUR MOUTH DORCAS
Willy Wokna: ffs
Willy Wokna: this doesn’t get me chocolate
James: i got some chocolaye😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 xxx
Marlene: *not clickbait*
Mary: i’ll bring u chocolate remy poo
Regulus: Remus rn:
Regulus:
Willy Wokna: what is this shit😭
Maddy Perez: regulus arcturus why is this in your camera roll😭
Regulus: Saw it, liked it, wanted it, got it
Marlene: purrrrr
* Emmeline changed Regulus’ name to Mummy*
Mummy: What😭
Willy Wokna: EMMELINE UR AWAKE
Emmeline: not my fault ur interrupting my beauty sleep
* Willy Wokna changed Emmeline’s name to Beauting Sleep*
Beauting Sleep: yk what
Beauting Sleep: i have no complaints
James: IM GONNA BE A HATER xxx
Mary: is the world ending???
Beauting Sleep: i fear it is macdonald…
Marlene: mummy pick me up im scared
James: I HATE PEOPLE WHO SING IN ITALICS XX
James: LIKE WHY?!?!? X
Willy Wokna: THANK. YOU.
Willy Wokna: IT MAKES MY EARS HURT
James: AND IT NEEVR SOUNDS GOOD?? X
Mummy: Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me oh, oh
James: AHHHHHHH STOP
James: YOURE GOING TO GET IT SUCK IN MY HEAD
Mummy: I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
Mary: why do yk all the lyrics regulus🤨
Mummy: Big bro and I made a dance routine to it when it was popular🥺
Mary: “big bro”😭😭
Beauting Sleep: it was popular in 2019 meaning you guys would’ve been like
Beauting Sleep: 19 and 20
Mary: BHDEJHQDJUHWJH
Willy Wokna: OMFGGGGGGG WHATT😭😭😭
James: I THOUGHT I WAS BAD AT THAT AGE….
Willy Wokna: you were…
James: :(( xx
Mary: whenever i take naps in the daytime i get sleep paralysis
Mary: and sometimes they come true
Mummy: Excuse me??
Maddy Perez: babe i don’t think that’s normal…
Beauting Sleep: wait so ur like a fortune teller?
Mary: omg i think i am
Beauting Sleep: hot
James: imagine how useful this could be x
Willy Wokna: we could be like the bully from back to the future and become rich and famous!!
James: OMFG YEAHHHH XX
Mummy: Uh
Mummy: You hoes are already rich asf
Mummy: I say us poor ones get in first
Maddy Perez: regulus you have your millionaire uncle’s inheritance
Mummy: Tomato, tomato
Marlene: omg mary can you tell me if i find gurt
Willy Wokna: as if you’re special enough to be in her sleep paralysisesess
Mary: ur wrong
Mary: she’s my sleep paralysis demon😟😟😟😟😟😟😟
Marlene: DUCKING CUNT
Mummy: 🦆
Beauting Sleep: if marlene’s her demon then im her sleep paralysis angel
Mary: not so wrong abt that one
Beauting Sleep: dreaming abt me macdonald?
Mary: hmmmm idk
Mary: maybe you’ll have to sleep with me so i can lyk when i wake up
Beauting Sleep: maybe ill just have to🦶
Beauting Sleep: fuck wrong emoji
Mummy: BHAHAHSHDGJD THATS SO EMBARRASSING
Beauting Sleep: SHUT IT
Maddy Perez: i’m sorry wtf is “gurt”
Marlene: gurt is my pet fish
Maddy Perez: … you lost your pet fish??
Marlene: uhhhh yeah
Maddy Perez: how…
Willy Wokna: i keep telling her to give up the search
Willy Wokna: it’s been two years
Maddy Perez: TWO UEARS?!??!
Marlene: SHT UP REMUS IK YOU ATE HIM
Willy Wokna: UHHHH NOO??
Willy Wokna: IM LITERALLY PESCATARIAN??
Marlene: THATS NOT WHAT PESCATARIAN IS DUMBASS
Maddy Perez: i don’t think fish live over two years
Marlene: gurt would
Maddy Perez: uhhhh ok
Maddy Perez: ill help look for him
Marlene: really?
Maddy Perez: of course
Beauting Sleep: gayyyyyyyyyy
Maddy Perez: you can’t talk miss “🦶”
Beauting Sleep: not even embarrassed
Beauting Sleep: adds to the plot
Marlene: the plot of “emmeline’s queer embarrassments”??
Beauting Sleep: NOT EMBARRASSED
Marlene: thats what they all say
Beauting Sleep: ill fucking embarrass you cunt
Marlene: impossible
Beauting Sleep: @Maddy Perez did you know marlene picks her nose in her sleep
Marlene: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT
Marlene: I HAVENT DONE THAT SINCE I WAS TEN
Beauting Sleep: lies
Beauting Sleep: you did it on the last tour with remu
Marlene: I DID NOT
Beauting Sleep: yh you did babe
Hot and Hotter (remus is ugly)
REM: she didn’t
Emmm: nah she didn’t
Emmm: her mum just told me she did it when it was little
REM: “it”😭😭
Emmm: damn straight
You Stepped In Shit
Marlene: lying mf
Willy Wokna: all this and i still don’t have my chocolate
Mary: look in the top cupboard to the very left
Willy Wokna: why??
Mary: jusr do babe
Willy Wokna: okay….
Marlene: theres a bomb isn’t there??
Willy Wokna: OMG THERES CHOCOLATE
Willy Wokna: AND NOT HERSHEYS
Mary: i will not stand for the hersheys hate
Mummy: I absolutely will
Beauting Sleep: stfu
Mary: you like hersheys??
Beauting Sleep: no
Willy Wokna: ok chocolate all eaten
Willy Wokna: i’m going to sleep
James: all of it?? x
James: you left none for me:((
Willy Wokna: there’s another bar🙄
James: YAYAY Xx
James: gn remus
Mary: im copying rmeus
Mary: holy fuck am i tired
Saturday, 12:34
Moony & Padfoot
Padfoot: I HAVE IT
Padfoot: DRUMROLL PLEASE
Moony: have what?
Padfoot: DRUMROLL PLEASE???
Moony: uhmm..
Padfoot: DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!!!
Moony: 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁
Padfoot: BATHSHEBA!
Moony: excuse me??
Padfoot: you don’t like it?
Padfoot: how abt elvendork??
Padfoot: its unisex!!
Moony: i’m so confused
Padfoot: cat names??
Moony: what the fuck😭
Moony: could’ve started with that
Padfoot: do you like them??
Moony: i’m not naming my cat elvendork
Padfoot: bathsheba it is!!
Moony: uh. no
Padfoot: bathsheba elvendork (moony’s lastname)
Moony: i don’t have a say in this do i?
Padfoot: no
Moony: i’ll get the tag made
Moony: i just told her her new name
Padfoot: how does she feel??
Padfoot: appreciated??
Moony:
Moony: more like she wants to hit you
Padfoot: she’ll get used to it xx
Padfoot: you can call her sheba for short
Moony: oh thank god
Moony: i’ve only said the word twice and i’m about to fall asleep bc it took so much effort
Padfoot: normalise bathsheba
Moony: let’s not
Padfoot: ugh🙄
Padfoot: such a hater
Padfoot: remus lupin would like it
Moony: uhmm
Moony: sure
Padfoot: HATER
Moony: no…
Remus Lupin & Regulus Black
Regulus: Ew, stop
Remus: ??
Regulus: You’re talking to my brother
Remus: uhhhh yeah??
Regulus: It’s gross
Regulus: He’s being gross
Remus: stop being a hater regulus smh
Regulus: EWWWWWWWW
Regulus: You sound like him
Regulus: Get out of my sight
Remus: you messaged me….
Regulus: I did, didn’t I?
Regulus: Well, the point still stands
Remus: uhm okay
Regulus: WAIT COME BACK
Remus: i’m back?
Regulus: You know his name
Remus: i do
Regulus: So, are you going to tell him?
Remus: not yet
Regulus: Mmmm
Remus: i know you don’t like it but i just don’t think i’m ready yet
Regulus: When will you be?
Remus: i’m not sure
Remus: just give me a few weeks
Regulus: Okay
Remus: thank you
Regulus: Not good enough
Regulus: I want chocolate
Remus: I don’t have any left
Regulus: Don’t lie to me, Romulus
Remus: i’ll send you my address
Regulus: Better
Remus: you better not share it around though
Regulus: Of course not ;)
Remus: now who sounds like sirius
Moony & Padfoot
Padfoot: my brother having more than one friend is so weird to me
Padfoot: hes only had the one since he was five
Moony: that’s kinda sad
Padfoot: ikr?? i kinda felt bad but he seemed fine
Padfoot: well hes also friends with my friends now
Padfoot: but thats not the same
Padfoot: i cant comprehend him willingly talking to someone outside of our group
Moony: they grow up so fast
Padfoot: i still remember when he used to climb into my bed bc he was scared of the dark
Padfoot: feels like yesterday…
Moony: …
Padfoot: ….
Moony: it was yesterday wasn’t it?
Padfoot: yes😭😭
Padfoot: hed kill me if he found out i told someone
Moony: my lips are sealed
Padfoot: i always knew i could trust you moony
Moony: ;)
Padfoot: oh my!!
Padfoot: what a flirtatious young man!!
Padfoot: i might fall in love if you keep this up🤭
Moony: that’s my aim;))
Padfoot: im giggling and kicking my feet rn
Padfoot: fuck remus lupin
Padfoot: im fangirling over moony now
Moony: i’m honoured
Padfoot: you should be
Moony: i’ll also dm remus lupin and let him know
Padfoot: NO MOONY PLS
Padfoot: I TAKE IT BACK
Moony: hmmm
Moony: i’ll let it slide this time
Padfoot: i swear to never sin again🙏
Padfoot: im amazing at that
Moony: boasting is a sin
Padfoot: fuck
Moony: would the lord approve of that language??
Padfoot: this sucks
Moony: complaining is a sin
Padfoot: STOP
Padfoot: HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS
Moony: i googled “list of sins”
Padfoot: oh😭
Padfoot: what else is on the list??
Moony: it has 124 sins…
Padfoot: ew i cant read that much
Padfoot: i mean i like reading
Padfoot: but 124 sins??
Moony: favourite book??
Padfoot: wuthering heights.
Moony: wait
Moony: do you hear that?
Padfoot: hear what??
Moony: oh! It’s just our wedding bells
Padfoot: MOOONY
Padfoot: YOURE SO CORNY ITS CUTE
Moony: i try my best
Moony: but wuthering heights?? i was not expecting that
Padfoot: what were you expecting??
Padfoot: coleen hoover?
Moony: ew no
Moony: maybe like idk
Moony: tsoa or smth
Padfoot: I WAS REREADING TSOA YESTERDAY
Moony: why would you willingly re-read that??
Padfoot: i felt like crying
Padfoot: i couldn’t even read a line without sobbing though
Moony: what a shame
Moony: hey padfoot?
Padfoot: uh yeah??
Moony: i am made of memories
Padfoot: STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTIOSTOPSTPOSPOSPOSPS
Moony: wow
Moony: wasn’t expecting taht
Padfoot: i have tears running down my face rn
Moony: salt streams out your eyes and into your ears??
Padfoot: exactly taylor swift
Padfoot: except more into my mouth
Padfoot: they taste rlly nice
Moony: uhm
Padfoot: everyone does it moony
Moony: never said i didn’t
Padfoot: :))
Moony: :)
Monday, 14:44
Into the Gay-Verse
Burning Red: i think i’m pregnant
Saviour: lily??
Saviour: pls elaborate
Burning Red: idk i just feel pregnant
Emo Boy: Is this like… a thing??
Saviour: can’t say i’ve ever thought i was pregnant
Remy the Rat: your lesbian?
Emo Boy: You’re*
Emo Boy: And please Lily, you’re scaring the shit out of me
Burning Red: idk ive just been craving super weird shit
Burning Red: and i feel funny
Black Sheep: craving what??
Burning Red: like… mainly water??
Saviour: YOU CUNT
Emo Boy: For fuck’s sake
Emo Boy: I already had a baby product site up and ready
Black Sheep: STOP BAHAHHAVYHGDJHWSH
Black Sheep: I LOVE YOU LILABETH
Burning Red: thank you thank you
Burning Red: ik im amazing
Remy the Rat: that wasnt very funny
Saviour: tf yes it was??
Remy the Rat: well we actually thought she was pregnant
Remy the Rat: i dont think you should joke about that stuff
Black Sheep: peter chill it was a harmless joke
Remy the Rat: yeah whatever
*Dorcas Meadowes made a new chat
*Dorcas Meadowes added Sirius Black
*Dorcas Meadowes added Lily Evans
*Dorcas Meadowes added Regulus Black
*Dorcas Meadowes named the chat “cunts”
Cunts
Dorcas: okay so what the fuck is up with him??
Sirius: no fr he hasnt messaged me in agesss
Regulus: I’ve tried talking to him but he’s been blunt
Lily: sorry yall ive been so busy i need to catch up😭
Dorcas: it’s not really much lils dw
Dorcas: just peter being weird
Dorcas: has anyone said anything recently that could have led to it??
Sirius: nope
Regulus: No
Dorcas: i haven’t
Sirius: maybe its the lack of??
Regulus: I’ve spoken to him though
Regulus: He was just giving me two word maximum
Lily: maybe we should ask him if everything’s ok
Dorcas: Tried that
Sirius: tf could it be then
Lily: normally hed laugh at a joke like that
Sirius: for real
Sirius: also loved the joke lily babes
Sirius: 10/10
Lily: ugh thank you
Sirius: 💋