Work Text:
you are decidedly not in love with john egbert, you think, as you kiss him for the thirteenth time today.
the first time john kissed you was the summer between your junior and senior year.
he’d gotten his license two months prior and you two had driven down to the lake (without his father’s knowledge or watchful eye looming over the two of you) and chosen a bench to sit at.
“i feel free,” he had said, a smile gracing his face. “it’s a good reprieve from it all. i wish i’d gotten my license earlier.”
you didn't know how to respond, so you stood up and walked down to stand by the water.
when you got back to his car, you both stood by the door of the driver's seat and he looked at you for a little bit too long. you lost track of your train of thought and found his lips on yours.
you got home after dark.
you spent all of senior year studying. john was trying for a good computer science university. you just wanted to do something you enjoyed. you both applied to similar schools and he kissed you every time you finished an essay or assignment, and you did the same for him.
you and john ended up going to two different colleges, in two different states. worlds apart, or at least you would think, but contrary to your bouts of catastrophization he messages you near daily. you would find it annoying if you weren’t already used to the more physical manifestation of this.
when winter break comes you visit family for hanukkah and he does similarly for christmas. you also, then, by extension, visit each other, and you wake up in his bed the morning of your flight back.
you kiss him awake, and he smiles at you, and all is good in the world.
neither of you say that you love the other, because you don’t. you have no visions of a happy marriage or dramatic proposal dancing around your mind. you don’t need to go on any dates, or make any large romantic gestures. neither of you want that from the other.
your flight takes off, and you see a message from him wishing you safety sneak by just as you enable airplane mode.
summer comes again, and you don’t have to sneak to the lake this time, since john’s had his license a year now.
he steps out of the car and you follow suit. it’s sunny, and the time on your phone screen reads 7:12, and you both trek down the path to the bench where you shared your first kiss in silence.
“my programming teacher is practically geriatric,” john says, sitting down. “i’m finally getting actually ok at code though. remind me to send you some of the websites i made. i think i’ll try and make a video game soon? i’m thinking, like, a point and click adventure game, about ghosts on a space ship.”
“sounds like among us,” you say, and he hits you on the shoulder.
“well, tell me about dave’s big college adventure.”
“it’s chill. visual arts students are fuckin wild, dude. i got some good photos though and as annoying as the other film majors are… i’m actually kind of really enjoying myself.”
“good, good.” john looks out towards the lake.
you feel worlds apart from him, and you’re too afraid to reach out. you’ve never been the first to reach out, and it’s going to bite you in the ass soon.
“i missed you,” he admits after the sun has fallen low enough that the sky is almost black, and your world clicks back into place, and you mash the two of your lips together.
you are not in love with john in the american family values way, nor are you in love with him in any romantic sense. you don’t know what it really is, and you don’t know if you care to figure it out. john egbert is your closest and dearest friend, and you just really like kissing him. maybe that’s ok for now.