Chapter Text
Izuku was stuck in a void, a dark plane of existence in which flashes of his life are shown to him, memories of his mother, the happy times he spent playing in the rain jumping up and down in puddles pretending to be a hero preparing his jump up into the sky.
Memories of Kachan and Izuku playing in the park without a care in the world, getting muddy and dirty and giggling as there parents scolded them for their new clothes getting stained with brown muck, their summer sleep overs that Izuku used to look forward to so much where they would go to festivals with their parents and watch all might documentaries until they passed out.
His memories of Kuro, of the day they met at six years old, both so small, by that age Izukus hope was all ready squashed but Kuris eyes were still filled with innocent happiness they would train together for hours on end until their bodies begged for them to stop, star gazing without Rome and the other superior officers knowledge, kuro spilling all his knowledge about the constellations and planets.
And of course his most recent memories, a mix of Hitoshi and Shoto on the shopping trip where his friends spent their time to find him some clothes for him, the time Shoto asked to meet in the park and they chatted about what Shoto should do for the internship, all those hours of training Hitoshi until he was no longer like a baby just learning to walk and was instead like a powerful lion.
He watched his happy memories play out in front of him, they all flashed before him at the same time, but he was still able to pick one memory from the next, he was able to decipher which memory was good and which was bad, and the sad fact is most of Izukus life was bad.
Izuku usually tries to avoid thinking about how his life has been nothing but misery he chooses to protect himself by living in a constant state of denial but seeing his memory being replayed before his eyes made him realize just how bad his life has been, Izuku only seemed to have a hand full of pleasant memories compared to the sea of painful, horrific memories.
Izuku floats in this endless void for god knows how long, unaware of where he is what’s happening and why he’s there before he felt a shake in the environment, like a minor earthquake, then a bright light opened up and began sucking Izuku towards it, Izuku tried to get away but when there’s no ground nor anything to grab on there’s not really any hope.
Just as he was about to be completely sucked through the blinding white gateway five warm hands grabbed his wrist, not strong enough to pull him away from the light, they just placed their hands on Izukus wrist.
Izuku was confused, until he noticed who these hands belonged to, the slim and pasty hands of Shoto, the excessive amour of silver rings on Hitoshis hands, the rough and slightly scarred hands of Kachan, the dark majestic skin of Kuro’s hands, and of course, the small and pudgy hands of his mother.
They were There for the purpose of showing him he’s not alone, because he isn’t, not anymore.
Just as quickly as they came the comforting hands left and Izuku was pulled through the hole.
๑『〜〜〜〜〜』๑
Izuku didn’t awake peacefully, he was greeted back to consciousness to a surge of electricity pulsating through his entire body.
Once the electricity stoped Izuku tried to observe the room he was in, Izukus eyes were fogged with pain induced tears limiting his vision substantially, but what he but what he could see was that he was in the padded room again, but this time it seemed there was a small desk, a mattress on the floor, and some draws, Izuku shuddered at the potential indications of the new ‘bedroom like’ furniture.
Izuku was laid out on a metal table with no shirt on displaying the new row of stitches spreading across his shoulder, his bare chest was also decorated in deep purple brown and black bruises, they covered almost every inch of his skin starting from his collarbone down to the waistband to his thin and scratchy trousers.
As Izukus eyes scanned across the room he realized he was not alone, standing ominously next to the metal table there were two figures, Izuku didn’t need all of his vision to know who they were.
The taller stockier of the two scary men, obviously Rome, gestured towards the smaller leaner man, doctor Rumiko, to get out of the room, Doctor Rumkio grumbled but did as he was told and shuffled out of the room, Doctor Rumkio usually doesn’t answer to anyone, he doesn’t even do what the people higher then Rome tell him to do, so the fact he obeys Rome like a dog is confusing, but that’s a thought for another day.
The door to the room slammed shut and a click of the lock could be heard, and now Rome and Izuku were alone, the tears in Izukus eyes had dissipated leaving him with a crystal clear image of Romes furious face, Izuku was no stranger to Romes anger, but this was different, Romes had his fists balled as if ready to strike, they shook with controlled rage, his pupils were dilated, his eyebrows scrunched and his lips scowled.
Rome was not just simply mad, what ever Izuku had done had released a scolding hot fire of fury, it shook Izuku to his core, made him feel like he was sent back to being 4 being beaten half to death by Rome for asking how his mother was, Izuku tried to steel his face and reveal none of his paralyzing fear, but he couldn’t, his lips quivered as while he held back the urge to cry, Izuku never cries, but something about being at the mercy of Rome brings out those floods of salty tears.
“You’ve disappointed me” Rome stated, each syllable coated with venom, Romes tone revealed no emotion, yet at the same time had so much malice hidden deep under his facade of fake indifference, he always does this, fakes calmness, pretends he’s not bothered by anything, but Izuku can see through his act, he can tell by the way Romes eye twitches and he clenched his fist harder.
“I trusted you distort, i really thought you were capable enough to partake in this mission” Rome leaned down over Izuku until his face was a mere 10cm away, Izuku was completely swallowed by Romes dark shadow
“What was your mission distort? Rome spat, small droplets spraying onto Izukus face.
“To protect class 1-A and the rest of UA while providing information on the leave of villains” izuku replayed trying his best to hide the quiver in his voice.
“And you did so, but you got gravely injured in the process, and almost got yourself captured by a Nomu, you have made too many mistakes, private distort, you have failed your mission” ?Rome raised back to his full height out and grabbed Izukus face harshly squeezing his cheeks so his quivering lips pointed out.
Izuku did everything he could to force back his tears but Romes intimating aura was like a magnet for fear, a tear rolled down Izukus cheek, then two then it was all down hill and a fountain of salty tears fell out of Izukus eyes onto the cold metal beneath him.
Izuku has not cried in front of Rome in years, since he was ten to be exact, so the tears only added fuel to the fire, Rome let go of Izukus face by smashing his head back into the steel table.
“this mission has changed you, your weaker now, you cry more, you smile, you feel fear, your not the same sharpened tool I created, but it’s okay, I’ll fix it” Rome said with a scary grin before turning to leave, Izuku thought that he was finally being left alone and maybe he would just be kept off school for a prolonged period of time, but as Romes hand made contact with the door and unlocked it again, he turned his head around to look at izuku over his shoulder and spoke again.
“Oh and by the way, this is your new room since your off the mission” and with that he was gone.
When the door was locked again the metal cuffs holding Izuku down to table released and Izuku was free to get up, but he didn’t, he just laid there in shock.
He was off the mission, he was going back to the hellish lifestyle of the military, train everyday for hours on end, only eat small but high in protein meals, speak when spoken too don’t show emotion, if your asked to do something do so without question, he was going back to that.
Izuku had just barley managed to reLean how to be happy but now his new found happiness was going to be sucked away from him and he was going to be a mindless puppet for the military again, Izuku did so much work to make sure he could stay on this mission, staying up countless nights researching the league, taking down their hide outs and giving information to both the military and police, he made sure his classmates were safe mentality and physically, he did more then necessary to ensure his classmates were happy.
He did everything, why was it never good enough? Why is he never good enough?
There was a time we’re Izuku would say he is no longer a child, but that’s not true, Izuku is a child, he’s a small terrified and emotional child stuck in a body and mind of a man, Izuku makes mistakes like a child, he demands comfort in the presence of his friends, he has always been reaching out for comfort, that small child trapped in his heart has always been stretching out his hand through the bars of his cell, waiting for someone to grab it and help him, five times that hand has been held, five times the hand was ripped away at Izukus own fault, kuro, Shoto, Hitoshi, Shota, hizashi.
It’s Izukus fault he’s back in this situation.
It’s not all bad though, he’s returned to the military with something he didn’t have when he went away for this mission.
Hope.
He got himself back into this situation and he is going to get himself out.
He doesn’t need anybody’s help, Izuku is a god damn war hero but he’s always been waiting around like a damsel in distress waiting for his hero.
It took Izuku eleven years to realize he is his own hero.
Izuku is getting out, even if that means further staining his hands with blood.