The Sticking Place

by mxmollusca

Summary:

Stede swallowed a whine, clearly struggling to continue their improv. “Scales could be interesting—”

He was cut off by a sharp intake of breath as Ed spread his index and middle finger to slide along the underside of one of the largest cups, then massaged the pad of his thumb down into the center of it. “Crab claws could be cool,” he rumbled, feeling an aching warmth build in his pelvis.

Stede’s eyelids fluttered as his muscles contracted, composed facade slipping away. “Edward, would you still love me if I was a crab?”

“Oh, definitely,” Ed replied, voice cracking as he slid his other hand down beneath Stede. Another sucker quickly found his hand and they began their mutual exploration, Ed lightly dragging a thumbnail over the ridges of the cup before fluttering along the edge with his index finger. “You’re already a snippy bastard and it’s hot as fuck. Imagine the damage you could do with the added grip strength.”

***

Stede is cursed to grow tentacles whenever he gets wet, and Ed is a huge, horny nerd about it. The story answers the question: "What if a body that changes is fine, actually?"

Notes:

Now, with art from the incomparable @aha-my-villianous-thoughts!

This story is dedicated to the amazing emi-rose, who is as committed as I am to accurate cephalopod anatomy.

Eternal gratitude to epersonae, knotwerk, and oatmilktruther for their enthusiastic beta reading and fantastic editing skills.

This story is important to me for many reasons, the majority of which will make themselves clear by the end of the story. I have lots of feelings about bodies and our expectations of them. The Sticking Place addresses topics like internalized ableism, self-actualization, self-perception, and relational healing.

There are also sock puppets.

Content warning: There is what I would consider to be a non-consensual outing of Stede's fantastical physical form very early on in the story. It is unintentional and not malicious, but it still happens.

Chapter 1: Observation

Personal Diary of Stede Bonnet

June 10th, 1718

It’s been three days since the onset of my new affliction, and I am pleasantly surprised to find the crew relatively unfazed by the news! In fact, they seem to be more curious than horrified. If anything, it’s a source of amusement! While only Ed and Lucius have seen me in my full regalia, Lucius has already kindly shared numerous artistic renditions of my appendages with the crew. The number of jokes at my expense has increased "eightfold!"

That was one of Ed's!

Speaking of my dearest: I admit that I was initially terrified my condition might negatively impact our relationship, but Ed’s thrown himself at the task of documenting and understanding my new physiology with an enthusiasm that leaves me simultaneously grateful and impressed. What a shrewd scientific mind he possesses! He is relentlessly methodical and endlessly curious. Every day I count my blessings that I am able to share a life with him.

And a bed.

Or, rather… a tub.

* * *

E. Teach Journal Scientific findings

10 June, 1718

Shitting Christ, those wiggly bastards can fuck.

* * *

Personal Diary of Stede Bonnet

June 12th, 1718

We’ve spent the last two days caught in the doldrums with no end in sight. Serves me right for insisting we holiday further off the coast! At the time, it seemed wiser to stay out of crowded ports until we had a better understanding of my new limitations. Edward says it’s impossible to know how long we may be stuck without wind to carry us to our destination, and so we have to be mindful of our water usage. I admit, I greatly miss “tub time” and Ed’s rapt attention, but needs must! Good captains put their crew first and creature comforts second!

Besides, we still have plenty of regular, human appendages to explore.

* * *

E. Teach Scientific findings

13 June, 1718

Benefits of 2 legs

Hips are easier to grab and provide leverage

Back of his knees are ticklish and his nose does the scrunchy thing

Only one dick but it sure is a looker

Thighs thick as yards and optimized for bouncing

Those fucking calves

Arsecheeks

Also his crotch smells good

Benefits of 8 legs

Can’t keep track of them so everything’s a surprise

No need for coconut oil

Hickeys everywhere

Strong as fuck, can’t move a muscle unless he wants me to

When his skin changes color it looks like a painting

The noise he makes when I suck on the wriggly bit

* * *

Personal Diary of Stede Bonnet

June 14th, 1718

No change in the weather. Crew morale is low. I am a terrible captain and taking a southern holiday in the middle of summer was a stupid idea.

I really must apologize to the Swede. His rendition of Lady Macbeth, while amateur, certainly didn’t warrant the browbeating I gave him. I’m lucky to have such a savvy co-captain. Ed did damage control while I cooled off, and then found me after. It was so thoughtful of him to help me take my mind off the unpleasantness.

* * *

E. Teach Scientific findings

14 June, 1718

Dead calm has everyone fucking salty, so Stede thought it might help morale to put together a puppet theater to go with storytime. The man loves a fucking project, but I guess the puppet the Swede made wasn’t up to snuff. Stede called him a cream-faced loon and then when he started crying Stede got all huffy and stormed off to the cabin.

It was pretty cunty if you ask me. Lucky for me, I fucking love it when he's cunty. I did that thing to the back of his knees he likes and he felt better after that.

I'm a fantastic boyfriend.

* * *

Personal Diary of Stede Bonnet

June 15th, 1718

I hate everyone except for Ed.

Those were my favorite pants.

* * *

E. Teach Scientific findings

15 June, 1718

Symptoms

Lips all chapped

Crunchy hair

Burning up

No sweat

Thirsty

Vertigo

Cunty as fuck

At first I thought it was just the doldrums getting to him, but then he almost fell down the stairs from the quarterdeck. Kept insisting on “captaining,” said he wasn’t sick (bullshit) so I told him we needed to get him into the tub. Of course he started arguing about rationing. I was about ready to pick him up and carry him kicking and hollering but then Roach doused him with a bucket of seawater.

Turns out Stede doesn’t need to be dunked to pop his new legs out. Being a little soggy works just as well, if only for a bit. He perked up immediately, that is until he realized he’d torn right through his fucking breeches. It was the first time most of the crew had seen him in his full leggy glory. Black Pete dropped to the deck in a dead faint, and the Swede started crying again.

Fuck, I miss those fucking bendy legs, didn't know how much I could miss them until they went back to normal thirty seconds later. Poor guy, suddenly cock out on a hot deck with all eyes on him. He muttered something about the spirit of Sir Godfrey Thornrose and lighting the ship on fire before stomping below deck. I didn’t follow right away. I could tell he needed a moment, but when he gets all buggy-eyed and massive aggressive it takes a lot of fucking effort not to shove my tongue down his throat.