Chapter Text
October 5th 11:43 PM
Calling Kurt Hummel
*Ring*
*Ring*
*Ring*
You’ve reached the voicemail of Kurt Hummel , please leave your message at the tone.
*Beep*
*Click*
October 5th 11:57 PM
Calling Kurt Hummel
*Ring*
You’ve reached the voicemail of Kurt Hummel --
*Click*
October 6th 12:01 AM
Calling Kurt Hummel
You’ve reached--
*Click*
October 6th
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(12:17 AM) Please call me back, Kurt, I really really need to talk to you.
October 6th
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Eli Christensen
(2:36 PM) Hey, jysk, you can crash at my house anytime you need, Blaine.
(2:43 PM) I never thought I would enjoy having a loud roommate ;)
October 10th
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:23 AM) Did you get my flowers?
October 12th
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(10:02 PM) Kurt, I know there is no excuse. I’m so sorry, please just…tell me I haven’t ruined us forever. I need to know that we can at least still be friends…at some point.
October 15th 2:49 AM
Calling Kurt Hummel
*Ring*
*Ring*
You’ve reached the voicemail of Kurt Hummel, please leave your message at the tone
*Beep*
“Kurt… I know you hate me, I hate me too, I just…I’m so alone. I need to tell you something…something big. And I don’t - I don’t want it to sound like I’m trying to get you back. I’m not, I swear. I just really need someone and you’re…I don’t know who else to talk to. Please, call me back.”
October 15th
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
(10:39 AM) Why don’t you call your new boyfriend?
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(10:42 AM) I haven’t talked to him since that night. And I don’t plan to. This is personal, Kurt. Can I call you?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
(10:58 AM) I can’t hear your voice right now.
(11:00 AM) Tell me through text or don’t tell me at all.
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(11:13 AM) I understand where you’re coming from, Kurt. But this is really serious, texts won’t work.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
(11:15 AM) Then tell someone else.
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(11:16 AM) Kurt, please.
(11:18 AM) Kurt, no one else will talk to me.
(11:19 AM) I need your help.
(11:22 AM) I’m really scared, Kurt, I don’t know what to do.
(11:25 AM) I’m sorry I fucked up our relationship, but I don’t have anyone else, Kurt. I don’t have anywhere to go.
(5:36 PM) I’m sorry for bothering you. I’ll figure it out on my own.
October 17th
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Eli Christensen
(2:35 AM) I saw a guy at Scandals who had an ass that looked just like yours. I almost took him home before realizing he would never be as good a lay as you. You wanna come over?
October 20th
To: Blaine Anderson:
From: Eli Christensen
(9:42 PM) Multimedia Message
Aww, look, it’s crying because it misses your mouth.
October 21st
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Eli Christensen
(7:21 PM) This hard to get ruse would be cute if I hadn’t already had my dick in your ass, Blainers. What do I gotta do to slide back in there?
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(7:32 PM) Do you know how to stop a person from…messaging you inappropriate things?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(7:34 PM) dude did rachel get kurt drunk again?
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(7:35 PM) What? No! The messages aren’t from Kurt.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(7:36 PM) oh
(7:38 PM) then who are they from?
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(7:56 PM) A guy I slept with once. He wants to see me again.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(7:59 PM) dude that’s great!!! why do you want him to stop?
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:04 PM) I promised Kurt I wasn’t going to see him again, but he’s very persistent.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(8:05 PM) why does it matter to kurt if you see this guy, you’re not dating anymore
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:13 PM) I slept with him while I was still with Kurt.
(8:17 PM) Sam?
(8:24 PM) Look, I know it was a shitty thing to do.
(8:25 PM) I just…needed someone and he was there.
(8:26 PM) Please don’t hate me, I’ve already lost Kurt because of this mistake. I can’t handle your judgment too.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(8:26 PM) dude no!
(8:27 PM) i don’t hate you man
(8:30 PM) i was just shocked i just can’t imagine you doing something like that.
(8:32 PM) you love kurt
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:33 PM) Well, I did it. Turns out I’m a terrible human being who hurts the ones I love.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(8:36 PM) that’s not true blaine you’re a good person
To: Sam Evans
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:42 PM) Yeah, sure.
October 25th
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Lima Community Credit Union
(12:45 PM) WARNING: Your account balance has dropped below $100
To: Cooper Anderson
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:13 PM) Can I borrow some money?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Cooper Anderson
(1:26 PM) Why are you asking me and not Mom and Dad?
To: Cooper Anderson
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:27 PM) Because I know they won’t give it to me, but I really really need it, Coop. Please?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Cooper Anderson
(1:31 PM) Blaine, I’m barely scraping by as it is. I don’t have any money to spare, Squirt.
To: Cooper Anderson
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:32 PM) Please, Coop, just a hundred dollars. I’ll pay you back as soon as I can, okay?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Cooper Anderson
(1:35 PM) Look, if you need some backup, I’ll call Mom and talk up whatever it is you need the money for and then she’ll convince Dad it’s worth it and he’ll give you the money. Whallah, you’re good.
To: Cooper Anderson
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:36 PM) No!
(1:36 PM) Don’t call Mom and Dad.
(1:37 PM) I’ll figure something out on my own.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Cooper Anderson
(1:38 PM) Atta boy! Go be self sufficient.
October 26th
To: Eli Christensen
From: Blaine Anderson
(10:27 AM) Is that offer of crashing at your place whenever I need still on the table?
*Text canceled*
October 26th 10:54 PM
Calling Sebastian Smythe
*Ring*
*Ring*
“Hey, Killer. Long time, no hear.”
“Sebastian…can I crash at your place for a bit?”
Chapter Text
“So, maybe I’m wrong, but don’t you have a boyfriend with a family who loves you and would love to play host to such a sweet boy for however long you need?” Sebastian said, sliding gracefully into the booth across from Blaine. “So why call up an old acquaintance that lives an hour away instead of burrowing into whatever second hand couch resides at the Hummels’?”
Blaine frowned down at his near empty mug of hot cocoa, fingers tapping nervously on the chipping fake granite table. “Kurt and I broke up,” he admitted softly.
Sebastian was silent for a minute. “Well, it’s the elf’s loss if he let you get away from him.”
Blaine picked at his cuticles and sniffled before looking up at Sebastian. “Your parents won't mind, will they?” He asked nervously before continuing quickly, “I promise I’ll figure something out soon and be out of your hair. I’ll even buy my own food and help clean to pay for the room. I don't want to be any sort of has--”
Sebastian cut him off with a gentle hand over Blaine’s anxiously twitching ones. “My parents won't mind at all, B, so relax.” He leaned forward and bopped Blaine on the nose with a playful finger. “You can stay as long as you like, eat whatever you like, and treat my house like your house…though my house is probably better if I recall a few key encounters with your stepfather correctly. I’m guessing he's why you want to avoid your home right now?”
“I…I’m not allowed home. He kicked me out.”
Sebastian’s eyes flashed with anger. “Where the hell is your mom?”
Blaine shrugged, “I don’t know…and I don’t want to talk about it,” he paused, “I mean… I’ll tell you later, I’m just really tired right now.”
“I…yeah, okay, it's been a rough night for you, we should just get you some food and then get you home to bed, okay? What did you order?”
Blaine bit his lip, “Just the cocoa, I…don’t have a lot of money left.”
“You look thin as a rake, it seems like the old man was starving you for weeks before he kicked you out.” Sebastian flipped open the menu, eyes flickering over the food trying to decide what would be the most filling for Blaine.
Blaine shook his head. “I’ve just been trying to pay for the hotel for as long as I could, my food budget was basically what I could spare for a sandwich at school.”
Sebastian dropped the menu, “What do you mean hotel ?”
“I…I used my savings to pay for a hotel, but I only have like twenty bucks left.”
“Jesus Christ, Blaine. How long ago did he kick you out?”
Blaine hesitated. “Uh…like a month or so?”
Blaine flinched when Sebastian cursed under his breath. “Fuck, Killer.” He looked like he was fighting back another string of choice words but he kept them in and resolutely opened the menu again. “You’re ordering like three appetizers, an entree, and dessert,” he informed him, scanning the menu, “on me, and don’t even think about trying to pay the tip.”
Blaine didn’t sleep well that night at Sebastian’s. He really hadn’t been for a good while, so it was no surprise that his mind kept worrying Sebastian’s parents would get sick of the random kid their son had brought home to crash in their guest room.
He’d never even met them prior to the awkward handshakes in the living room when Sebastian ushered him in, and thanks to a desperate pleading glance to Sebastian when they’d asked, they didn’t know he was, in fact, homeless. Instead, they thought his parents were just out of the country and Blaine had felt uncomfortable in his house all alone. He would eventually have to tell them the truth, his story could really only work for so long before they either A) would expect his parents to come home or B) would want to talk to them. Either way, some day in the near future Sebastian’s parents would learn he’d been disowned and he honestly didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, or even what reaction he wanted.
After hours of tossing and turning, Blaine finally sat up and pulled out his laptop. He’d been looking for jobs at the hotel, but had no luck so far. As much as he wanted a job soon so he could repay the Smythes for their hospitality, (he didn’t care what Sebastian said, he would find a way to pay them back), he was no longer in dire need of a job purely so he could eat and keep a roof over his head.
Two hours and five job applications later, Blaine eased his way out of the bedroom in search of a glass of water. He was chugging down his third glass in the soft light of the ice machine when suddenly the overhead light turned on and he jumped, spilling the last of his water down his chest.
“S-sorry,” he apologized, spinning around to see Sebastian’s mother standing in the doorway, “I d-didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Oh no, dear,” she said with a soft, genuine smile, “I’m the one who should be sorry, I just never expected to see someone else awake at this time of night. Sebastian has a mini fridge in his room, so he never has a need to come down to the kitchen for a drink, and well, William’s snoring is the reason I’m awake, so of course I didn’t expect him.”
Blaine nodded jerkily. “Of course. I was just…thirsty.” He raised the glass, mentally kicking himself. Obviously she knew he was thirsty.
“You wouldn’t happen to be hungry too, would you?” she asked, moving past him and to the fridge. He shuffled out of her way.
“Uh, no, thank you. I’m fine.” He moved towards the sink to rinse his glass but her voice stopped him.
“Are you sure? I’ve got about half a cheesecake here and I might just be tempted to eat the whole thing by myself if no one helps me.”
Blaine paused with his back towards her. It was really in his best interest to get to know Sebastian’s parents better, simply because he would be staying with them for an indeterminate amount of time and because that time would probably be more pleasant if they actually liked him.
He turned back around with his showman smile and said, “sure, I would love to help you eat it. But if Sebastian asks who finished it, neither of us were down here, right?”
She laughed and nodded, “of course not, and he knows how William gets when he takes his ambien, neither of them have to be the wiser.”
“Would you like some milk with it?” he motioned to the empty glass in his hand.
“That would be lovely, Blaine. You pour the milk, I’ll grab the forks.”
Blaine set about his job, snagging an extra glass from the cupboard and filling them both with milk before settling down across from Mrs. Smythe at the breakfast bar.
They were silent for a few minutes as they ate and Blaine found he actually really liked that. It was comfortable and amicable and there was something relaxing that came from knowing the other person wasn’t talking simply because they had nothing to say, and not because they were trying to pretend you didn’t exist.
Blaine was halfway through his second slice when she finally spoke.
“It seems like you are accustomed to the ritual of the 2 AM cheesecake binge,” she said with a teasing grin.
“Cheesecake is my boyfriend’s favorite dessert, so this is a common scene his stepmother stumbles across at his house.” Blaine’s face fell as he realized what he had said. “Well… it was. He’s my ex now, so…not anymore.”
She offered him a sad look. “I know it’s hard to hit that point where you were in so long it’s like you don’t know what your life was like without him. That’s how I was with Sebastian’s father.”
Blaine looked up in surprise, “William isn’t Sebastian’s biological dad?”
Mrs. Smythe smiled. “No, I married him when Sebastian was four. But the little tyke liked him so much that when he was old enough, he decided to change his name to William’s last name. I hadn’t even done that yet since I didn’t want Sebastian to have a different name than me, but it was kind of nice to finally be able to fully let go of Alexander. But despite not being his father by blood, William is in every other sense of the word. I don’t think Sebastian even remembers his birth father anymore, not really.”
Blaine nodded, tears pricking at his eyes. “I don’t remember my birth dad either,” he said softly, “but I’m not close with my stepfather either, so I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. My mom always said he wasn’t that great of a man, but frankly I just think she picks bad husbands.” He choked when he realized he’d shoved his own foot in his mouth again. “I mean…”
“It’s okay, Blaine,” she said, placing a gentle hand over his, “you don’t have to like your stepfather or your birth father. It is not a requirement to love your family if they haven’t earned it, okay?”
Blaine nodded, the tears almost spilling over. “I’m sorry, this was so nice, I didn’t mean to ruin it. It’s just been a rough month, losing Kurt, getting kicked ou–” He snapped his mouth shut but he could tell from the suddenly fiery look in her eyes that he didn’t have to finish that sentence for her to know his secret.
“Blaine,” she said slowly, “your parents aren’t traveling, are they?”
He shook his head miserably.
“Oh sweetie,” she whispered, coming over to his side of the bar and pulling him into her arms and he broke, finally letting out the entire month of anguish that he’d been too focused on simply surviving to actually let himself feel. She hugged him while he cried into her chest, clinging to her as he sobbed. “Don’t worry about anything, sweet boy,” she murmured, “you can stay here as long as you need to.”
He slowly gasped his way back into a normal breathing pattern, even as tears continued to stream down his face. “I’m…I’m looking for a job,” he hiccuped, “I won’t be able to work much with school, but I can pay rent, and help with–”
“No no,” she said sternly, holding him out just far enough so she could lock eyes with him. “We have a strict no working during the school year rule in this house. You will focus on your studies and on graduating, you don’t need that extra stress right now.”
“But–”
“No buts. My house, my rules. I don’t have many of them, because you and Sebastian are practically adults at this point, but that is one of them. You deserve to have a safe place where you can focus on spending your last few months as a high schooler acting like one and not trying to grow up too soon. No job, Blaine, I mean it. We have more than enough money in this house as it is.”
Blaine wilted under her stern stare. “Can I at least get a chore list so I feel like I’m earning my keep?”
She smiled, a soft tearful one. “Of course, Sebastian will be glad to add you to the chore board, just don’t let him try and shove all of his jobs off on you. I’ve already spoiled him too much as it is.”
Blaine nodded. “Thank you for…for understanding, Mrs. Smythe.”
“Oh, Blaine. At this point you better start calling me Marie.”
“Yes, Marie,” he said with a small sniffle.
“Now, we’re going to finish this cheesecake, and then you’re going to get a nice long night of rest, okay?”
Notes:
See you on Monday with chapter 3!
Chapter Text
Blaine jolted awake the next morning to find Sebastian lounging on the king-sized bed next to him scrolling through his phone. He was dressed in his Dalton uniform, excluding the blazer which was draped over the desk chair a few feet away.
Blaine rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock; it was nearly noon.
“It’s Saturday,” he mumbled, “why are you in your uniform?”
“I have Warbler practice in an hour,” he said, not looking up from his phone, Blaine could hear the tell-tale sounds of candy crush emanating from the speaker. “Hunter requires us to be in our uniform, even for weekend practices. I thought you might like to come.”
“I’m pretty sure that would be considered spying,” he pushed himself up, rolling his neck as he stretched.
“Or just visiting your friends. You know the rest of the guys miss you, right? They’d be really excited if you came. Though Hunter might try to steal you away from New Directions if he hears you sing at all.”
Blaine stood and made his way over to his backpack, shaking out his last clean polo and sliding it on. “Who is Hunter anyway?”
“New head Warbler. Transferred from some uptight military school. He’s got a killer voice and fantastic dancing abilities even if he is a bratty little dictator sometimes. We might even make it to Nationals with him this year.”
Blaine scoffed, “you’ll have to beat us first, and we are the defending national champions, so…”
Sebastian grinned, finally setting his phone aside. “There’s that cocky little minx I know.”
Blaine rolled his eyes and walked into the en suite to brush his teeth. He was almost done fixing his bed head when Sebastian came in, adjusting the lapels on his blazer in Blaine’s mirror.
“I’m serious though, you should come with. You need friends right now–”
“I have friends,” he bit out, suddenly defensive.
“Then why are you living with me and not one of them?”
Blaine opened his mouth to say something, but then he realized he didn’t really have an answer. At first he’d just been biding his time, hoping his stepfather would let him back in at some point. When it became obvious that wasn’t going to happen, everyone had basically found out about his and Kurt’s breakup and the reason behind it. Sam was the only one who hadn’t started to cut him off but he…well his parents were mostly back on their feet, but barely. He couldn’t add any more pressure when they already had three kids of their own to feed.
“Nick, Jeff, and Trent would be ecstatic to see you, Blaine. Just come by for a little while, okay?”
Blaine nodded. “Sure, I’ll come say hi.”
Walking back through the halls of Dalton was a surprisingly painful experience. Dalton had once been his home, the place he met the love of his life, a safe space away from all the bullying of public school and the shit show that was his home life.
He hadn’t been back since the whole Michael Jackson debacle the year prior and his heart ached for the stained glass and ornate wall panels. Sebastian seemed to sense his mood and kept quiet on the walk to the Warbler commons, allowing Blaine to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t, however, protect him from the chaos of excitement he was thrown into the second they stepped into Warbler practice.
Blaine was immediately enveloped in a group hug that was led by Trent, but quickly all of the remaining Warblers from his sophomore year were in on it, while everyone else looked on in confusion as to who he even was.
“We don’t want to suffocate him, do we?” Sebastian asked when it had been a good few minutes and Blaine was still lost in the mass of navy and red. When that didn’t work he started picking people out of the group with a sharp tug to the collar of their blazer until he had reached the final four. Blaine, Trent, Nick, and Jeff. Admittedly the closest of their year, he allowed them a few more minutes to cling to each other before pulling them away as well and slinging his arm around Blaine’s shoulder.
“Yes, yes,” he said in a loud and sarcastic voice, “Blaine Warbler has returned in all of his glory. Even if he refuses to sing even one song with us, it is good for him to know that he will forever be a missing link in our choir.”
Blaine rolled his eyes and pushed Sebastian away. “What I think Sebastian meant to say is that I don’t plan to stay long, I just wanted to drop in and say hi before I skedaddle on back to my team.”
Nick, Jeff, and Trent shared a look. Nick and Jeff came to a rest on either side of him, taking one arm each and Trent causally closed the door to the common room.
“Um…” Blaine started.
“Don’t think you’re getting off that easy, Blainers,” Nick said as he and Jeff started marching him to the center of the room.
“You yourself should know the rules,” Jeff said with a teasing shake of his head.
“No Warbler may exit the practice room...” Trent started.
“Without singing at least one song,” they all finished together.
“But I’m not…”
“Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, Killer,” Sebastian said with a grin.
One song however turned into two songs and then into three until finally Hunter managed to call enough of the boys to order to get started with the real practice. As everyone else warmed up for their dance rehearsal, Hunter approached Blaine.
“Well, I guess I now understand all of the hype over you, Blaine Anderson,” he said and Blaine smiled, face flushed from exertion and pride. “If you ever wanted to come back, there would definitely be a place for you on the team again.”
Blaine laughed as he sipped at his water bottle, “Uh, thanks. Huh, my uh…my family is going through some stuff right now and funds are limited, so…” he looked down with a sad smile, “even if I wanted to come back, I just can’t afford to. Thanks though. I know as we get closer to competition season you probably won’t want a New Directions mole hanging out, but if you wouldn’t mind it would be fun to come back every once in a while. Maybe help with your warmup and dash before the actual rehearsal starts.”
Hunter nodded, “I think that would be alright, Blaine. I’ll tell Sebastian to bring you around more.” He patted Blaine on the shoulder and returned to his team to start practice.
Blaine said goodbye to his friends with quick hugs, talking to Sebastian last, telling him he was going to get coffee from a shop down the street and then maybe walk back home. He’d let Sebastian know if he didn’t and wanted a ride once he was finished with practice. Sebastian subtly slipped him a twenty and Blaine flushed.
“I don’t need this, Seb. I have enough money for coffee.”
“I know, but you should get yourself some lunch too. You only started eating like a normal person again last night. You’re still far too thin and if you’re going to be any sort of competition at Regionals you need to be at a healthy weight within two months, okay?”
Blaine sighed but conceded, “Alright, alright. I’m making your family dinner tonight though. Text your parents and let them know not to cook anything. It’s the least I can do to say thank you.”
“Sounds like a plan, go get ‘em, Killer.”
Blaine waved his final goodbye to the group, noticing Hunter watching him with a considering expression on his face as he headed out of the school.
Not more than five minutes after he had left Dalton’s grounds Blaine’s phone rang through with a call from Sam.
“Why were you at Dalton?” Sam asked as soon as Blaine answered.
Blaine paused mid-step. “Um…are you watching me or the Warblers?”
“The Warblers, obviously. Ryder said he saw you singing with them.”
“Yeah, I went to say hi and they roped me into a few warm-up songs. They are still my friends, you know.” Blaine pushed the door open to the coffee shop and stepped into line to wait.
“He said you walked in with Sebastian.”
“How does Ryder even know any of the Warblers by name?”
“He doesn’t, he described him as tall, posh, and weasley. Sure sounded like Sebastian to me.”
Blaine rolled his eyes. “That’s a very rude description of him, Sam. Sebastian isn’t a bad guy.”
“The last time I saw him he nearly blinded you!” Sam shouted in exasperation.
Blaine’s right eye twinged with the memory. “He’s since apologized for that. And if I remember correctly, you all accepted an apology from the rest of the Warblers on my behalf while I was still in the hospital. If it weren’t for Sebastian reaching out I might have never gotten to actually forgive them for myself.”
“Blaine,” Sam sighed.
“Hold on a sec.” Blaine stepped up fully to the counter. “A medium drip and a cinnamon roll, please.” He handed the barista the twenty Sebastian had given him and accepted his change, stepping off to the side to wait for his drink. “Now, what offensive thing were you about to say?”
Sam made an indignant noise but didn’t actually deny it. “A little while ago you messaged me about someone sending you inappropriate texts.”
Blaine tensed. “I recall this situation and I know where you’re going with this. No, those texts were not from Sebastian.”
“It just… it seems suspicious you know. You cheat on Kurt and then suddenly you’re all buddy-buddy with Sebastian? Artie saw you two leaving the Waffle House together last night, Blaine!”
Blaine sat down heavily with his coffee. “There’s been a lot of shit going down lately, Sam. Sebastian is just helping me through it, okay? And if you’re really my best friend, you’ll believe me on that.”
“Even if I do, the rest of the team is going to be furious without an explanation. I know this breakup with Kurt is hard, but you can turn to us–”
Blaine scoffed, angry tears pricking at his eyes. “Have you noticed that Finn doesn’t speak to me unless it’s to criticize my performance? Artie rolled over my foot during practice yesterday and I swear it was not an accident. Even Tina and Brittany will barely look at me. And for some reason all of the newbies have decided to side against me as well despite barely even knowing Kurt. You are the only one who doesn’t seem to be actively hating my guts, so yeah. When shit got hard, I turned to the Warblers because at Mckinley I’ve been outcast because I made a fucking mistake and everyone else has decided they need to try and hate me more than I hate myself.” Blaine choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Let them be furious at me, but I need Sebastian’s help right now, okay? They don’t need to know why, let them assume I’m fucking him, let them assume he’s who I cheated on Kurt with. I honestly don’t care anymore. Because if this is the thing they’re going to take note of after the shitstorm that my life has been for the past month, they don’t deserve to know why.”
Sam was silent for a moment. “Do I deserve to know why?”
Blaine thought, and sighed. “I can’t tell you over the phone. It’s too…it’s too serious. I need to tell you in person.”
“Do you wanna come over? We can talk and play some Mario Kart?”
Blaine huffed out a soft laugh. “I would love to, but I don’t have a car and I’m currently stuck in Westerville. Sebastian is kind of my ride, right now.”
“Okay,” Sam said, “what if I came to you?”
“That…yeah. That would work. I’ll text you the address to Sebastian’s house, ‘kay?”
“Sounds great. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Blaine finished up his coffee and took his cinnamon roll to eat as he walked the mile back to the Smythe residence. He texted Sebastian letting him know he’d gone ahead and walked and sent Sam the address as he went.
When he entered the house, Marie was sitting in the living room floor working on a puzzle on the coffee table.
“Hello, dear,” she said with a smile, “did you have fun at practice with Sebastian?”
“Yeah,” he replied, returning her grin, “it was great to see the guys, it's been a while. Um… I was curious though, would you mind if I had a friend over? We just needed to talk about some stuff…”
“Of course not, sweetheart. Do you want the living room?”
“Oh no, no, we can just talk in the guest room, it’s fine. I was gonna make some tea though, would you like some?”
“That would be lovely, Blaine. The kettle is just under the stove.”
Blaine didn’t really need tea after his coffee but the repetitive process of brewing it calmed him enough for the oncoming conversation that by the time he was setting a mug down in front of Marie and the doorbell rang, he felt about halfway to almost ready to talk.
He opened the door for Sam and ushered him inside. After a quick introduction to Marie they both took their tea and went upstairs to Blaine’s room. Sam lounged on the bed as he drank and studied the decorations. “Is this Sebastian’s room?” he asked, “Seems kind of bland to me.”
Blaine took a deep breath to bite the bullet with. “No…um, this, this is, well, the guest room, technically, but… now it’s my room. Sebastian’s is down the hall.”
Sam froze mid-sip and Blaine was relieved that he hadn’t done a spit take. “Your…what?”
Blaine slowly eased himself onto the mattress beside Sam. “My stepfather kicked me out. For the time being I am going to live with Sebastian and his family until I can work out a better situation. I might end up staying here through graduation, however. Everything is kind of up in the air right now.”
“Wh-why?” Sam sputtered.
“Why…?”
“Why did he kick you out? I mean… why now?”
Blaine twisted his hands in his lap. “Mom left on a bit of a sabbatical a few months back and after a while we both kind of realized she just…might not be coming back. Of course the fighting between us without her around escalated. Everything I did was apparently a personal attack to him - Glee practice, student council, college applications, pining over Kurt because he was so far away. You name it, we probably ended up in a screaming match over it. And I guess, with the realization that he’d basically already lost his wife, he had no real need to keep her son around, so he threw me out.
“At first I hoped he might change his mind, decide he was too harsh on me or maybe he could try and fix things with mom. But he never called and I never wanted to risk going back.”
Sam was silent. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well…frankly I was ashamed. There’s something very… I don’t know how to describe the feeling of being disowned by the only father you’ve ever known. I really didn’t want to tell anyone about it in the hope that it would just fix itself, and when it didn’t…I ended up here.”
“But, you could have moved in with me. We’re best friends, Blaine!”
“Sam, I love your family, you know I do. But you live in a one-bedroom apartment with two younger siblings and your parents can still barely afford to feed you all. You do not need the pressure of another teenage boy to clothe and feed. The Smythes are clearly not hurting for money. I certainly don’t like mooching off anyone, but I’d rather mooch off of a family with plenty to go around.”
Sam slouched on the bed, clearly still unhappy with the situation but conceding. “I still don’t understand why it had to be Sebastian. Surely one of the other Warblers would have been just as rich and glad to take you in. But you chose the one who threw a rock salt slushie at you?”
Blaine shrugged, “I don’t really know either. When I realized I had no option at McKinley, Sebastian was the first one to come to mind and I just kind of went with it before I could second guess myself. I’m really glad I did though, his…well, his mom is pretty great. I haven’t spoken to his dad much yet, but Marie is enough of a reason for me to want to stick around right now. Some of the other Warbler parents are…well think of beauty pageant moms and that's really how most of them act.”
There was a short knock on the door and then it cracked open and Sebastian peeked his head inside. “Oh,” he said, “when mom said you had a gentleman caller I was worried I might walk in on a heavy petting session. Good to see it’s just the straight one with the mouth.” Sebastian invited himself in and joined them on the bed.
“Straight one with the mouth? That’s really the best insult you have for me?”
Sebastian shrugged. “I’m too tired after practice to be truly witty. Come again tomorrow and I’ll have something better.”
“Well, with that kind of an invitation, how could I ever refuse,” Sam said with an eye roll.
“Are you just always going to invite yourself into my bed?” Blaine asked with a cock of his head.
“Only on the days that end in a Y. I’m hoping one of these times you’ll invite me yourself and it will be for more fun things than lady chats.”
Blaine’s bright smile faltered and his gaze shuttered and Sebastian was unsure as to whether to retract his statement or just let it go.
“So,” Sam said when he felt the awkward tension in the air, “what video games do you have, Sebastian?”
Chapter Text
Returning to McKinley on Monday after a weekend spent at Sebastian’s house was like a slap to the face from reality. With Sebastian’s doting parents and multiple Warblers dropping by to see him and offer support, he felt like he finally had a community at his back after his breakup with Kurt and subsequent homelessness. Walking through the doors of his actual high school and seeing the teammates he’d performed with for over a year sending him cold glares over their shoulders had the bright smile falling from his face. He ducked his head and tried to pretend they weren’t there, which lasted until Glee practice.
The day of practice, everyone was continuing to flat out ignore him as they had all week, but this time with a foreboding sense that there was more to come. He contemplated skipping, he even considered calling Sebastian and saying they should both ditch practice, just for today. But he knew avoiding it would only make things worse, and all he could hope was that Sam would really have his back through it all.
He sat in the back of the classroom like he always did and read through the new messages in the renewed Warbler group chat he’d been added back into. He couldn’t help but smile as Thad bickered with Jeff about the merits of singing Britney at sectionals and shook his head with bemusement at Wes being sucked back into this despite having graduated two years ago. He’d almost forgotten his worries about coming to Glee when the door slammed shut and class was called to order in typical Mr. Schue fashion as he dramatically wrote the week’s lesson on the board.
Blaine tensed when he saw what was written. “Loyalty”, the board read, in big block letters, and all eyes turned to him.
“It has been brought to my attention that recently some members have taken it upon themselves to spy on the other teams we will compete against at Sectionals. As wrong as that is, it did inform us that one of our own has been spending quite a bit of time with one of the other teams.”
Blaine could feel his heart pounding in his chest even as Sam put a reassuring hand on his back. He shrugged it off.
“I think we all need to be reminded that we are a team. While camaraderie between show choirs can certainly be a good thing, this close to competition we should really be focusing on our own team.”
Blaine’s blood boiled. “A team?” He scoffed, “is that really what we are? Or does that only apply when it's being used to scold me for something? Where was this idea of loyalty when Finn pushed me to the back of the group for Gangnam Style and gave my solo to Sam? Or when Artie intentionally ran me off the stage during rehearsals last week? Or when Britney kicked me in the face during dance rehearsals and laughed? No one has been treating me like a member of the team for weeks or caring if I’m even around, but suddenly I’m the one tearing this team apart because I want to spend time with people who are actually my friends?”
“Blaine,” Mr. Schuester said in an annoyingly gentle voice, “we all know you’ve been off your game for a while now, you can’t expect us to treat you like our top performer when you’re not acting like it.”
“Yeah, I know I know I've been off my game, but have any of you cared to ask why? If we were a team you would help me get through my rough patch rather than toss me to the side because I’m not being as perfect as I should be.”
“Dude, we know why you’ve been out of it,” Finn said.
“Yeah, you cheated on Kurt and he dumped you,” Kitty finished for him. “Not sure you’re the one who deserves the help out of the hole you dug yourself.”
“I…” Blaine looked to Sam but he looked just as unsure of what to say as Blaine felt.
“And now you’re hanging out with Sebastian,” Finn continued, “you can’t expect us to not put two and two together. Whether you trust your new boyfriend or not, you know what happened with Rachel and Jesse.”
“Sebastian’s not my boyfriend,” Blaine snapped.
“Fuck buddy then,” Kitty snarked, “for all we know you could be spending your nights at Dalton having grand gay orgies with all of the Warblers, or you could be sitting around and innocently discussing why Jason Robert Brown changed musical theatre, who knows. Either way it is sketchy as fuck, and you need to stop.”
Mr. Schuester cleared his throat. “While I don’t agree with Kitty’s colorful language, she’s not wrong. It is just bad form for you to be spending this much time with the Warblers right now, Blaine. We can’t control your life, but for the betterment of the team, we are kindly asking you to put your friendship with those boys on hold until sectionals are over. Then it won’t matter anymore.”
Blaine was already shaking his head before Mr. Shue finished, “I can’t do that. I…I just can’t. The Warblers are a part of my life, they always have been. I can pledge my loyalty to this group, but not at the cost of them.”
He honestly wasn’t sure whether they thought he’d walk out the door or denounce the Warblers, but everyone was silent like they hadn’t expected that response. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes as he fought them down valiantly. “I can’t believe this. I…I knew it would happen but hoped I was wrong. I’ve been a loyal member of this team for more than a year, and a friend to most of you for longer than that. Things have been pretty shitty for a while now, since before Kurt and I broke up, but of course you don’t care enough to ask until you actually think it may threaten your precious Glee club.”
“Blaine,” Finn said, “you know you can always talk to us.”
“But I can’t!” Blaine shouted, “because no one believes that I can have issues. I just have to go around fixing everyone else. I have to send Kurt to New York because he’s miserable here even though it breaks my heart to lose him. I spend an entire week trying to get Britney’s spirit back, I see when Marley is hurting, or when Sam is getting too caught up in his own head. But I don’t know how to ask for help, and is it so wrong to wish that maybe one of you would see that I need some support instead of beating me down even more and just expecting me to either take it or bounce back like I always do? But of course, none of you cared until you thought I was going to sabotage the team. If you want me out just say it and I’ll leave, but stop bullshitting around it.”
“We are not kicking you out, Blaine,” Mr. Schue assured him, “let’s go sit down with Mrs. Pillsbury and have a talk about why you feel so alone in this group-”
“I feel alone in this group because I am. I have never been Blaine Anderson: a valued member of this team. I've always been Blaine Warbler: Kurt’s boyfriend. While Kurt was here, that was fine, but without him it makes me question my decision to ever transfer here.”
Sam grabbed his arm at that. “You can’t be talking about going back to Dalton.”
Blaine shook his head. “You know I can’t afford it even if I wanted to. But I had a place there, and when I’m hanging out with them I feel like I fit in a way I haven’t felt since Kurt graduated.”
The room was silent and Blaine took a deep breath. “I’ll let you guys talk and vote without me here. Sam, if you would please call me with the decision later. Just know, I refuse to stop spending time with Sebastian and the other Warblers.”
Blaine slung his bag over his shoulder and allowed Sam to pull him into a tight hug before he left the room. He made it down the steps of the school before he realized he didn’t know where he was supposed to go now. Like a freight train the emotions he’d fought to keep under control crashed into him and he found himself stumbling to sit on the bottom step as sobs tore from his throat, leaving it as raw as his heart felt.
It wasn’t more than a few minutes before his phone started to ring and he scrubbed at his face to try and regain his composure before picking up.
“Blaine?” Sebastian’s worried voice sounded from the end of the line.
“Yeah,” Blaine breathed, “I’m here.”
“Sam said you ran out of Glee practice,” he said softly, and Blaine could hear the chatter of voices in the background.
“He called you?”
“Texted, wanted me to make sure you were okay. Are you?”
Blaine swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I don’t know.”
He heard a quiet rustle on Sebastian’s end, like he was nodding to himself. “Okay…okay. I’m gonna come get you.”
“No, Seb, you have practice.”
“I don’t care, you need me right now.”
Blaine bit his lip, worried about hurting Sebastian’s feelings, but knowing he should be honest. “I’m…I’m not sure that I do.”
Sebastian was silent.
“Seb, I’m so very very grateful for everything you’re doing but…I don’t want you thinking I want more from you than what you’ve already given. Or that I’m willing to give you something in exchange for your help.”
“Blaine-”
“Don’t, just - let me say this. We’ve never really been friends in the past, Seb. And while I hope that friendship is in our future, yours isn’t a shoulder I really want to cry on at the moment. I don’t want you thinking I’m weak and needy and you can come in and be a knight in shining armor. I need a roof so I don’t freeze to death, and food so I don’t starve, and I’m willing to pay for that, but only in money. I need that to be clear. You ditching Warbler practice to come get me will not change that.”
Sebastian was quiet and Blaine waited with bated breath for his response.
Finally, he spoke. “I know I’ve come on strong in the past, because…well, you’re hot. But I’m really trying not to freak you out. When I flirt, it's basically a reflex at this point, one that I almost immediately kick myself for because I know you certainly don’t need to be worrying about your new roommate trying to get in your pants. I swear, I don’t expect anything from you, now or in the future. But let me come get you. You basically just had every friend you were convinced you might still have at Mckinley turn on you in some kind of sick intervention. Whether you need me or not, what you don’t need is to be stuck in Lima until my dad gets off work in two hours. Please?”
Blaine sighed, “Yeah, yeah I’ll um…” he looked around the parking lot, deserted save for the Glee club members' cars, and maybe some of the Cheerios’, “meet me at the Lima Bean?”
“Yeah, of course, be there ASAP.”
Blaine hung up and rubbed the back of his neck. His phone vibrated in his hand and he opened the text from Sam.
October 30th
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sam Evans
(3:08 PM) i’m sorry bro
(3:09 PM) in the end i only got tina and unique on your side
Notes:
We officially have only two more chapters left of the story that had previously been posted on AO3. Starting in Chapter 7 we'll be in completely new territory and the only people that will have read them will be my beta and my partner. That's also the point where the chapters will get longer because that's the point where I just started writing without thinking about wrapping a chapter up, so sometimes they just go and go and go and go.
See you Monday!
Chapter Text
Blaine was completely silent on the drive home, and Sebastian idly chatted to fill the space, hoping to distract Blaine from whatever thoughts were whirring through his mind. When they made it back to the Smythe residence Blaine simply went up to his room with the quietest of thank yous to Sebastian for picking him up. Sebastian watched him go up the stairs in silence before quietly following behind and ducking into his own room.
Sebastian expected to hear crying through the wall their rooms shared, but the eerie silence was worse. He stood no less than a dozen times, ready to barge into the room and ask Blaine where that last bit of hope had gone. But each time he sat back down, reminding himself not to put his nose into Blaine’s business.
When dinner came around and Blaine shuffled downstairs to the table with the dullest smile of gratitude towards William and Marie for cooking, the worry in Sebastian’s gut tightened. Even as he and his parents chatted about their days, Blaine’s silent presence to his left was deafening. At his lowest (or what Sebastian had previously thought was his lowest), Blaine was unnervingly polite to everyone. For him to be so low he couldn’t even muster that had Sebastian’s mind racing through everything that could have happened in between them hanging up and him pulling into the Lima Bean.
“So boys, tomorrow’s Halloween and I have yet to hear about any misguided adventures being planned for your last October as high schoolers,” William teased.
“Yes, yes,” Marie agreed, “Blaine, does your club have any Halloween performances planned, or are you free for the night?”
Blaine looked up like a deer caught in the headlights. “I uh-” he cleared his throat, “no. They hadn’t planned anything for tomorrow. And I haven’t been invited to any parties, so…” his eyes darted around like he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to say. “If you want to go out, I can hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters for you,” he finally pushed out, like the final pleading vestige of an overly polite boy who just wanted everyone to stop looking at him.
“Nonsense,” Marie said, “I thought Hunter was throwing a party tomorrow night, surely he’d love for you to come.”
Blaine’s face twitched with the most pained smile Sebastian had ever seen. “Really, I think I would prefer to just stay in.”
Marie looked like she was about to protest again so Sebastian jumped in, “Honestly, I think I’d rather skip the party too. You guys haven’t gone out on Halloween in years, Blaine and I will hold down the fort and maybe I can convince him to come out and watch some Halloweentown with me at some point,” he flashed a grin at Blaine and Blaine gave him a grateful nod and returned to pushing his food around on his plate.
Marie looked torn, but William seemed excited by the idea of going to a Halloween party with his wife. “That sounds like a great plan, you know Lisa and Craig always throw that massive party in that huge haunted mansion in Columbus, but we’ve never gone.”
“I guess it would be fun, but we could always just leave a bowl of candy out if we wanted to go, the boys don’t have to skip their own parties so we can go.”
“Honey, I think if Blaine and Sebastian want to stay home, then they should,” he shot an encouraging look to Blaine.
“I really would like to stay home, Marie,” Blaine said softly. Sebastian didn’t know whether it was the use of her first name, or the fact that Blaine called their house home, but she dropped the conversation and let them move on.
Walking back up to their rooms later, Sebastian gripped Blaine’s elbow gently before he could scurry back into the blanket cocoon Sebastian could see on his bed. “Hey, I heard what you said earlier about us not really being friends, but I just want you to know you can come talk to me. Or, if you don’t feel up to talking, we can just sit in silence in the same room, just so you don’t have to be completely alone. Okay?”
Blaine nodded stiffly before shuffling into his room and shutting his door behind him. Sebastian got back to work on his French paper in his room and waited. Ten minutes later there was a soft knock on his door and Blaine peaked his head in with a comforter wrapped around his shoulders and his laptop in his arms.
Sebastian motioned for him to come in and Blaine carefully settled himself on the floor at the foot of Sebastian’s bed and started typing away on his laptop. The silence lasted for an hour or so until Sebastian noticed Blaine was watching youtube videos on low volume instead of working on homework anymore. Sebastian rolled until he was propped on his elbows at the edge of the bed, watching over Blaine’s shoulder.
“Are these New Directions performances?” He asked quietly and Blaine shrugged with a small sniffle. It appeared to be just that, though more so a compilation video of Blaine within the group’s performances. Solos, or even just moments of him doing the choreography, sometimes practices, sometimes competitions, but always he had the brightest smile on his face as he performed. Sebastian didn’t know if he’d ever seen Blaine smile like that in person. The video finished and flipped to another one, this one was a Warbler’s competition, from before Sebastian’s time. It began with a duet between Blaine and Kurt before transitioning into another solo for Blaine.
Blaine’s breathing had become shuddery and ragged and Sebastian glanced over to see tears streaming down his face. He was about to say something snide about Kurt, an instinct based on his own dislike as well as hoping to quell some of Blaine’s own pain. But then Blaine switched again, to a video before Kurt had entered his life. A performance from his freshman year with the Warblers, a cast on his arm but that never-ceasing smile on his face. The unsteady breaths turned into full-on sobs and Blaine curled in on himself, almost crushing the laptop to his chest in the process.
Sebastian carefully pulled it away from him and set it on the ground before sliding off his own bed to sit on the floor beside Blaine. Blaine didn’t turn to him, but he didn’t pull away from the way their sides pressed together, shoulder to knee, and all Sebastian could hope was that his presence might help ground Blaine.
It took a good while, but eventually Blaine’s sobs quieted into hiccups and he spoke. “I almost died when I was fourteen,” he said softly, “beaten half to death in a school parking lot after taking my friend Levi to a dance. Then I went to Dalton and found the Warblers. I hadn’t really performed before, aside from regular school choir, but I found…I found joy and purpose in that room. It was the only thing I knew to do when everything else was falling apart. Just keep singing, just keep dancing and somehow I would be okay.” He took a deep breath to fight the renewed tears in his eyes. “They kicked me out today. Sam fought for me, but they thought I was a mole for the Warblers.”
“They’re idiots,” Sebastian said immediately, “they can’t possibly win without you.”
Blaine was silent again, apparently talked out from his confession. He had his arms wrapped around himself, eyes staring blankly off into Sebastian’s closet.
“Do you - do you want a hug?” Sebastian offered.
Blaine shook his head. “I want to not feel empty,” Blaine said, and Sebastian had no clue how to help him with that.
Chapter 6
Notes:
Trigger Warning for this chapter: allusions to sexual assault.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sebastian didn’t recall how long he sat with Blaine after that, or when exactly he convinced Blaine to get on the bed and try to get some sleep. But apparently he had done exactly that, as the next morning he woke up on the yoga mat on his bedroom floor with Blaine snoozing soundly on the mattress above him. One look at the clock told him Blaine needed to be up thirty minutes ago if he wanted to have time to get ready and catch a ride with William down to Lima.
Sebastian slowly stood and crept out of the bedroom, listening carefully for any sound of Blaine stirring. He shut the door quietly behind him and jogged down the stairs to the kitchen. As usual for five-thirty in the morning, William was the only person awake, cooking breakfast for himself and Blaine as he hummed quietly.
“Hey, Bud,” he said with a bright smile when he saw Sebastian, “what are you doing up so early?”
“I uh, I wanted to tell you that I think Blaine should stay home today. He had a pretty rough day yesterday at school, and I think he could use the break.”
William’s brow furrowed, “Why isn’t Blaine telling me this?”
“Because he’s still asleep, and I know that if I wake him he’ll force himself to go and that will have detrimental consequences to his mental health at the moment. “
William nodded, “Okay, I trust you. But do you think it’s best for him to be stuck in the house all alone instead? Your mother is volunteering at the children’s hospital today so she won’t be around.”
Sebastian bit his lip. “I was kind of hoping I could stay home with him? I mean, it’s Halloween, most of my classes are just going to be partying anyways, and we don’t even have Warbler practice today.”
“You left Warbler practice early yesterday,” William said with a disapproving frown.
“I know, I know, but Blaine needed me.”
“Because of his rough day at school.”
“Yes.”
“Which you still haven’t explained exactly. How it was rough? Is he being bullied?”
Sebastian thought about it, “not technically. He and his boyfriend broke up recently and even though he hasn’t told me why yet the Glee club seems to believe it's his fault and have all turned on him. Yesterday they kicked him out of the club because they found out he was spending time with me and the other Warblers.”
“They’d turn on him when he’s just been disowned by his family?” William hissed.
“I don’t think he’s told them about that. Blaine isn’t exactly one to go looking for help or pity. I’m pretty sure he’d rather they just not know.”
“Does he have anyone at that school he can talk to?”
Sebastian shrugged, “he has Sam, and I guess Sam got a couple of the girls on Blaine’s side so he might have them as well…but other than that, not really.”
William had a thoughtful expression on his face. “Okay. Stay home with him today, I’ll let your mom know the situation. However, If he wakes up and wants to go to school, you drive him down, alright? You can let him sleep through his alarm, but you can’t make any more of his decisions. Just stay in Lima if you do drive so he has a backup plan.”
Sebastian nodded. “Of course. Thanks, Dad. I promise, he really does need the break.”
“Yeah, yeah, I trust you. Just take care of him. I think we’ve all gotten a little too attached to that boy already.”
Sebastian smiled, “he is pretty great,” and he turned on his heel and made his way back upstairs. Blaine was still passed out, but Sebastian knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again on his makeshift bed on the floor. He’d been too exhausted the night before to care, but now he had enough semblance of mind to regret the decision to not at least get an air mattress.
Instead, Sebastian sat at his desk and pulled up Facebook. He knew it was wrong, but he needed to know which of Blaine’s prior teammates he should hate and which he could be okay towards. Luckily, the members of the New Directions facebook group were open to the public and he could quickly scroll through them. All he wanted was to put names to faces. Artie was the kid in the wheelchair, he’d been a part of the team from the beginning and, according to Sam, had been one of the harshest on Blaine since the breakup. Brittany was another one that had been there since the beginning and while Sebastian had always thought her sweet, if quite stupid, she was also against Blaine. It made him wonder how close she and Kurt had been for their breakup to cause this reaction from her.
The two Sam mentioned that had sided with Blaine and seemed to actually be against the Glee club’s treatment towards him (not just siding with him because he was talented) were Tina and Unique. Sebastian remembered Tina from his previous encounters with the club, and he could have sworn that Unique had been with Vocal Adrenaline the year before, but honestly, the New Directions had such a habit of gaining and losing members he really wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone else in the group were alumni or newbies that he didn’t know anything about but now knew to keep them away from Blaine should they encounter each other.
Sebastian knew he had no reason to look at Kurt’s page - Kurt was in New York and probably had no clue how the Glee club was treating Blaine in the wake of their breakup. He still found himself clicking on his page. Kurt’s security was low, or maybe it was just because they had so many friends in common, but Sebastian had access to everything he posted and the ability to like and comment if he wished.
Kurt didn’t post a lot, the most recent post was about seeing Once on Broadway with Rachel and how much he cried. Rachel commented It is one of the best musicals since Wicked and I wish Facebook just had an underline option so I could underline best like four times.
Prior to that, he had a few pictures of himself with his new coworkers at Vogue or snapshots of life in Manhattan over the past few months. His most recent profile picture was of him and Finn at a café, and considering the date of the change was just under a month ago, he had a feeling Kurt had changed it shortly after the breakup. Sure enough, a quick check to Kurt’s previous profile pic had one of him and Blaine at prom the year before. Blaine was blushing as his hair curled wildly about his head and Kurt pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.
To Kurt’s credit, there was no Kurt Hummel changed his relationship status to single post despite the fact that that was what his relationship status said. He must have deleted it so others couldn’t comment on his and Blaine’s breakup, and there appeared to be no variation of a subtweet about it either. As much as Sebastian wanted to hate Kurt, he certainly wasn’t looking for a pity party about whatever it was Blaine had done, at least not publicly.
Sebastian was just about to close his laptop and go downstairs in search of his own breakfast when he heard it. On the bed behind him, Blaine shifted in his sleep, whimpering softly. Sebastian turned as Blaine started to twist more fretfully, spread across the width of the bed; he was shaking from head to toe.
“No,” he mumbled, voice quiet and cracking, “I don’t want…no. I…Kurt.”
Sebastian’s ears focused in on the soft sounds Blaine was making, the fearful and almost pained whines escaping the back of his throat as he fought against some unknown force in his dream.
“I-I can’t, please,” he cried, “Kurt…Kurt…he’ll, no, please stop.”
Sebastian saw red, anger clawing its way up his throat and sitting heavy behind gritted teeth. He forced himself to relax and cautiously approach Blaine, calling out to him gently before pressing a soft hand to his shoulder to force him awake. Blaine bolted upright on a sharp cry and turned wide and fearful eyes on Sebastian. He breathed harshly for a minute before he scrambled out of the bed.
“I need to shower,” he said quickly, and was gone before Sebastian could react.
Sebastian decided then and there, he would hate Kurt Hummel for the rest of his life.
Notes:
I do want to make a note at the end of this chapter. Sebastian has a preconceived hatred for Kurt that causes him to come to an incorrect conclusion about Blaine's nightmares. This will affect how he acts toward the topic of Kurt for most of the story. But Kurt hasn't done anything wrong, aside from growing distant from Blaine. I love Kurt and while Sebastian does not for most of this fic, I will always write him in a sympathetic way.
See you on Friday with Chapter 7!
Chapter 7
Notes:
Hey guys, I just got switched to a new schedule at work which has me leaving much earlier in the mornings, so updates will have to be posted after I get home from work in the afternoon instead of before work like I had been doing.
I hope you enjoy the update and I will see you on Friday with Chapter 8!
Chapter Text
When Blaine returned, he stood awkwardly in Sebastian’s doorway in jeans and a t-shirt. He didn’t seem to know what to say as he fidgeted and tugged at the hem of his shirt.
“I overslept,” he finally said, “and…I think I missed your dad. I’m not sure how I’m going to get to school.”
“I thought we could both play hooky today, told him to go on out so you could rest more. If you really want to go I can take you, but - ”
Blaine shook his head, “No…I would like to stay home. You don’t have to skip too though, I’ll be alright.”
Sebastian barely suppressed a scoff. “Nah, I think I’ll have more fun here with you.”
Blaine nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Sebastian…why was I in your bed?”
Sebastian felt sick to his stomach at the fear he could see in Blaine’s eyes. “You were too exhausted last night after…” Sebastian trailed off, not sure what to call Blaine’s emotional breakdown that wouldn’t embarrass him or sound insensitive. “I didn’t want to force you back to your room. Plus I wanted to keep an eye on you. Don’t worry, though, I slept on the floor,” he motioned to the yoga mat and the pillow he’d left there.
“Oh…” Blaine breathed, body relaxing with relief, “I - thank you. Umm... for future reference, you don’t have to kill your back for me. Just like…give me my space on the bed and I should be fine. Not that I plan to spend many nights in your bed.”
Sebastian nodded. “Noted.”
Blaine nodded too and awkwardly bowed out of his room. Sebastian assumed he’d just returned to his own room but thirty minutes later Blaine returned with two plates of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon.
“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” He asked, settling himself back on Sebastian’s bed.
Sebastian shook his head, “No, not yet. I keep meaning to but get distracted.”
“Well then come on, eat up,” he said, patting the bed beside him where he’d set the second plate.
Sebastian grinned and joined Blaine on the bed, sitting cross legged next to him. They ate in mostly comfortable silence but there was a tension lingering in the air. Sebastian was sure Blaine had something to say but was either second guessing himself or building up to it. Finally when Blaine finished and set his plate to the side, he spoke.
“I’m sorry for how harsh I was yesterday. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings - of course I want us to be friends but the last time I took charity like this from someone…well, they wanted more in return.” Blaine’s eyes were glued to his hands where he was toying with the frayed ends of his jeans. “They wanted more, and I gave it to them, and because of that I lost Kurt.” He looked up at Sebastian from under his eyelashes.
Sebastian’s brow was furrowed. “I…think I understand what you’re saying but you might need to be more clear.”
Blaine nodded, “everyone thinks it was you. When I told Kurt, you were the first person he thought of. Finn thinks we’re dating now so he assumes it was you, and Kitty...well Kitty thinks we’re at least doing something. And I guess, remembering what - what happened with Eli and how much it hurt Kurt that I was with someone else, and knowing that everyone thought that someone else was you, I panicked. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I wasn’t willing to sell…that. And I know I came off harsher than I meant to and I’m sorry for that.”
Sebastian was quiet for a minute, his mind whirring through this new information about Blaine’s infidelity and his earlier discovery of what Kurt had done to him. He didn’t know how much one might have led to the other, but he had a feeling they were connected and Blaine wasn’t telling him the whole story.
“Can I ask why?” He finally asked. “You and Kurt were the golden couple, and I can’t imagine you-”
“Cheating on him?” Blaine finished with a strained smile. “We liked to look perfect, partly to prove to my parents that us, a gay couple, were more functional than they were. And to pretend we didn’t suffer from our teammates’ ability to live the most dramatic lives possible. For the most part, it was true, but we had our issues.
When Kurt went to New York it was hard, but we managed at first. Then he started drifting away from me, ignoring my calls, missing our skype dates, rarely texting me back. When everything fell apart, he wouldn’t answer me and I didn’t know what else to do. Eli was there and he offered safety and I just took it.”
Sebastian chewed on the inside of his cheek. “What do you mean ‘when everything fell apart’? Do you mean when your step dad kicked you out?”
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. “I tried calling him, so many times. I didn’t know where to go, what to do, and then Eli was there and offered me a place to stay and…I guess maybe part of me was angry at Kurt for not picking up when I needed him most. Or something like that. I don’t exactly recall what was going through my head that night, everything was so jumbled. I regretted it the next morning, so I bought a flight to New York to tell Kurt. I didn’t make it past telling him about Eli before I realized I had so royally fucked everything that he might not even care if I told him I was essentially homeless. So I didn’t. I went home and hoped David would change his mind and tried to figure out what to do on my own. When that didn’t work, well you know the rest.”
Sebastian could feel the anger boiling inside of him. That Kurt could make Blaine feel like his pain wouldn’t even matter to him in the wake of his mistake. A mistake Kurt could have prevented by just being there for his boyfriend in the first place. Sebastian wanted to scream, he wanted to call Kurt and make sure he knew exactly who was the bad boyfriend in this situation, which one deserved to be shamed and exiled from his friends. But he could also hear that Blaine was still painfully in love with Kurt and anything horrible Sebastian might say about him would only cause more pain for Blaine and push him further away. So he bit his lip and silently seethed.
Blaine spoke again, softly, “I just wanted to thank you again. Not just for letting me into your house, but for letting me get these things off of my chest. I’ve been carrying them around, not sure who I could trust with them, so thank you for listening.”
And Sebastian melted as Blaine looked so earnest. He was still hurting, and he would be for a while and Sebastian didn’t know how to fix him. But at least he could do something for Blaine, just as long as he could continue to bite his tongue about his hatred for Kurt.
“So,” Sebastian started, “I guess I have a question for you then.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow at him.
“Do you want to be cheered up or to mope about everything that’s gone down for a bit?”
Blaine hesitated, “Why?”
“Because obviously that affects which movie we’re going to go see today,” Sebastian said with a shrug. “I need to know whether you want to laugh or cry.”
The corner of Blaine’s mouth twitched. “What if I want to do both?”
Sebastian contemplated that, “I think it would take a very specific movie to do that, and I’m not sure if any of the movies in theaters right now would have the desired effect.”
“Well then clearly we must do a double feature,” Blaine said, matter of factly. “First we cry and then we laugh. What’s playing?”
Sebastian smiled and pulled out his phone to google the movie times. Blaine leaned in closer to look over his shoulder and Sebastian could feel the warmth of his body not even an inch away from him.
“Ohh,” Blaine said, “Silver Linings Playbook is definitely the crying movie.”
“What?” Sebastian said.
“Silver Linings Playbook, you know, the new Jennifer Lawrence movie.”
Sebastian scoffed, “no, not Jennifer Lawrence, I hate her.”
Blaine shoved his shoulder. “No one hates Jennifer Lawrence, Sebastian, except for the snobbiest of snobs.”
“I accept my title proudly, she’s overrated.”
Blaine rolled his eyes. “None of the other movies look like the right kind of crying though, everything else is all war movies. I don’t want to cry about the masses being killed, I want to cry because my own life sucks.”
Sebastian sighed, “I guess it does have Bradley Cooper in it, so I can put up with it if that’s what you want.”
“It is,” Blaine confirmed, “but I also can’t believe you like Bradley Cooper and not Jennifer Lawrence.”
“I’m gay, Blaine, of course I like Bradley Cooper.”
“Gross,” Blaine grimaced. “What do we want to do for a happy movie? Something animated? Wreck-it-Ralph and Rise of the Guardians both look cute.”
“I’m partial to Dreamworks because Prince of Egypt exists, but Pixar is alright.”
“Same,” Blaine agreed.
“Okay, so Silver Linings Playbook at…11:15? Then break for lunch and do Rise of the Guardians at 3:50?” Sebastian asked.
“Alright,” Blaine agreed, “which pair of tickets should I buy?”
Sebastian glared at him, “do not even think about it, Anderson, it’s my treat.”
“But - I still have some money.”
“And you should save it for an emergency.”
“Sebastian-”
“Too late, I already bought them.”
Blaine glared at him, Sebastian ignored it.
“So I’m going to go shower, can you entertain yourself for an hour while I get ready?”
Blaine balked, “an entire hour, my god you’re worse than Kurt.”
Sebastian flinched but suppressed it quickly. “Well, Hummel has a lot more experience with picking out outfits than I do since he does it everyday, whereas half of my closet is navy and red. So unless you want it to be obvious this school boy is skipping school, I will need some time to stare at my clothes, try everything on, hate it, and then return to my usual lazy day clothes of jeans and a t-shirt.”
Blaine looked contemplatively at Sebastian’s closet. “I could help, you know.”
Sebastian raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I don’t own any sweater vests.”
“And I wouldn’t put you in one because it doesn’t fit your aesthetic,” Blaine retorted. “Go shower and I’ll throw together a few options, okay?”
Sebastian looked apprehensive. “I really don’t have much…nice clothing. It’s all sort of tuxes or slob status.”
“I have noticed you live in sweats, but even sweats can be ‘nice clothing’ when styled correctly. Go, let me work.”
Sebastian was still wary but turned and did as he was told. He knew even though Blaine’s clothes seemed to be limited to what he had thrown into a duffle bag after being kicked out, he still dressed nicely and Sebastian’s closet was…lacking even compared to that. He had no clue what Blaine would think to put him in or what miracles he would attempt to pull off.
He was anxious when he stepped back into his room after his shower, his sleep pants slung low on his hips, an attempt to make Blaine feel more comfortable than if he had just returned in his towel as he usually would have.
But Blaine wasn’t in his room. Instead, three outfits were laid across his bed. The first, very simple dark gray sweats that tapered at the ankles and cinched tight, paired with a nice navy but nondescript Dalton T-shirt with just a small D above his right pec, paired with some blue converse that were not Sebastian’s. The second seemed to have Sebastian’s red Doc Martens as the statement piece of the outfit while keeping to a similar simplistic style as the first: dark but well-worn straight leg jeans and a black polo shirt (also not Sebastian’s) with a lacrosse hoodie. Finally was the most daring: his gray uniform slacks with a forest green button up that he had forgotten he owned and a black skinny tie. Black converse and a leather jacket topped it off and Sebastian was unsure but intrigued enough that he tried it on first. Aside from the tie he actually liked it, and was fretting over whether it would insult Blaine if he ditched it but left the rest of the outfit when there was a knock on the door.
“Yeah,” he said, still fussing with the tie as Blaine entered, looking very Blaine-like in his mustard yellow skinny jeans combined with a black polo and purple bowtie.
Blaine raised an eyebrow when he saw the outfit. “That’s certainly not the one I expected you to pick,” he said with a soft smile.
Sebastian grimaced slightly at him through the mirror, “I think the tie is weird.”
Blaine laughed, “Well you’re wearing it wrong,” he said and turned Sebastian firmly by the shoulders. He loosened the tie around Sebastian’s neck to his liking and spun him back towards the mirror. “There,” he said, “the perfect rich boy with an attitude outfit.”
“You think I have an attitude?” Sebastian asked, locking eyes with him through the mirror.
Blaine raised an eyebrow at him. “You think you don’t?”
Sebastian just laughed.
“Rise of the guardians was supposed to be our happy movie!” Blaine said in exasperation as they exited the theater. “How on earth did it make us cry more than Silver Linings?”
“Hey, don’t include me in that sentence, I didn’t cry during either of them,” Sebastian said, shivering against the cold. He’d given Blaine his leather jacket when they first saw flurries after leaving lunch.
“Bullshit, Seb. I heard those sniffles, don’t lie to me,” Blaine said as they reached the car.
“I’m coming down with a cold, I’ll have you know,” Sebastian argued, clicking the black button on the passenger side door to unlock the car and let Blaine in. Blaine shook his head at him and climbed in as Sebastian hurried around to the driver’s side and pressed the ignition button, flipping the heat on full blast.
“You don’t have to open my door Sebastian,” Blaine said, his brow furrowed slightly.
“Oh,” Sebastian shrugged, “if I unlock it from my side it only unlocks the driver’s door, but if I unlock from yours it unlocks them all, so it really just makes sense to be chivalrous.”
Blaine pressed his lips into a thin line. “You do know this wasn’t a date, right?”
Sebastian scoffed, “of course, Killer. You just needed a fun day, no ulterior motives here.” His smile was forced.
Blaine nodded, “okay. Should we just head back to your place then?”
“Yeah, of course.”
The drive home was awkward, the conversation stitled and the rhythmic banter they’d fallen into over the course of the day was gone. Luckily the theater wasn’t too far from the Smythe residence. Blaine was out the door the second the car stopped, but he lingered near the car so he and Sebastian could walk up the steps together.
William and Marie were in the sitting room when they entered and their conversation halted the second they walked through the door. Blaine froze next to Sebastian, an anxious chill creeping up his spine.
“Hi, boys!” Marie said. “Have a fun day playing hooky?”
Sebastian could feel the tension rolling off of Blaine so he brushed a comforting hand across his back as he moved in front of him and further into the living room. “Yeah, we just went to the movies and had a chill day.”
“That’s great,” Marie said. Her smile was slightly strained and Blaine’s heart raced because he didn’t know why. A million scenarios flitted through his head, most of which ended in him being back on the street. However, Marie simply stood as William went to grab their coats from the closet. “We were just about to head out for the party, but we wanted to make sure you two got home safely before we did. We booked a hotel in Columbus so we don’t have to drive back tonight, but we’ll be back tomorrow. There’s cash on the fridge so you can order takeout if you don’t want to cook.”
Sebastian shook his head, and took his mother’s coat from William, helping her put it on. “Mom, you didn’t have to leave cash, I have enough money on my card to feed us both.”
“I know, I know, I just-” she ducked her head and didn’t finish her sentence. Some of the cold fear in Blaine started to warm. She didn’t want Blaine feeling like he was using all of Sebastian’s money, she wanted him to know he would be provided for too.
“We also wanted to make sure you had enough to feed any friends that might come by while we’re gone,” William interjected with a knowing grin. “Just don’t break anything, and if you make a big enough mess, maybe try to tidy a bit so Lydia doesn’t have too hard of a job tomorrow.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “All the Warblers are over destroying the Clarington residence tonight, the most we’d probably have over is Sam.”
Blaine perked up at that. “I should call him, I don’t know if anyone is having a party but he’s been pretty - well, he’s not super keen on hanging out with our usual group right now.”
Marie’s smile turned more genuine. “See, you needed the cash so you have enough money to feed Sam as well.”
“And Sam’s a football player, so he definitely needs at least a full pizza to himself for an appetizer,” Blaine said, giving Sebastian a teasing smirk.
“Oh thank god, I certainly don’t want to spend money feeding him then,” Sebastian said, giving Blaine a playful shove towards the stairs. “Go call him and see what he wants to eat, I’m starving, so we should order soon.”
“You ate like an entire tub of popcorn on your own less than an hour ago,” Blaine responded, standing on the bottom step with a hand on his hip.
“And I’m a lacrosse player, so that was my appetizer.”
Blaine rolled his eyes but started up the stairs, pulling out his phone as he went. Sebastian waited until he heard a door shut upstairs before he turned back to his parents who were lingering by the door.
“What secret parent meeting were you having before we showed up?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.
Marie smiled softly at her son. “Nothing you need to worry about,” she said, raising a hand to cup Sebastian’s cheek.
“Was it about Blaine?” He asked, his voice hushed.
William placed a hand on Marie’s shoulder.
“It was,” she said carefully, “but it’s nothing bad. And it’s something we’d need to discuss with him first, but we don’t want to distract him from the holiday right now.” Sebastian’s brow furrowed and she gently ran her thumb across his forehead to smooth it out. “Don’t worry about it, Blaine’s not going anywhere without you any time soon.” She stepped away from him as William opened the door. “Take care of him, don’t party too hard, we’ll see you tomorrow, after you get home from school.”
Sebstian hung his head in exasperation, he had been hoping he could maybe get away with another absence because of the holiday, but, alas. “I love you,” he told them as they left before he turned to go up the stairs after Blaine.
He knocked on Blaine’s door before entering. “Tell Sam he should pack some clothes so he can spend the night. Then I don’t have to wake up early enough to get Mr. Early Bird to school.”
Chapter 8
Notes:
Tw: underage drinking, vague insinuations about sexual assault
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
An hour later, Sam arrived with a sleeping bag tucked under his arm and a backpack full of video games.
“We do have another guest room,” Sebastian said from his place on the couch, “also air mattresses and like five couches. I don’t know why you brought a sleeping bag like we’re five.”
“And yet you still slept on a yoga mat last night,” Blaine reminded him as he took Sam’s bag and started looking through the games.
“There were extenuating circumstances that led to that decision.” Sam gave Sebastian a confused look. “Like exhaustion,” Sebastian clarified, “blowing up an air mattress was too much work.”
“Don’t you have your own bed?” Sam asked. "I mean, I've yet to see it and you seem to spend a lot of time in Blaine's room-"
“We should play Smash Bros,” Blaine interrupted, holding the bag out to Sam so he could set up his PlayStation.
The doorbell rang again. “Dibs on Kirby,” Sebastian called as he stood to get it, pulling the cash from his mother out of his back pocket.
“If you main Kirby it means you suck, Smythe,” Sam shouted after him.
“Or it means I’m not hung up on the ethics of being a fabulous player who always hogs the strongest character,” he retorted. “Keep the change,” he said to the delivery man, exchanging the cash for a large stack of pizza boxes.
“Jesus Christ, how many people are coming over?” Sam said as Sebastian set the pile down on the coffee table.
“Don’t act like you won’t eat half of those yourself, Sam.” Blaine flipped the lid on the top box while handing Sebastian a controller. “We should get plates.”
“The box is a plate, why would we dirty dishes?” Sebastian scoffed, grabbing a piece.
Blaine’s mouth opened and closed multiple times like he couldn’t think of a response to that but was appalled at Sebastian’s answer.
Sam laughed. “Have you never seen this boy cut up his salad so he doesn’t make a mess?”
“Blaine,” Sebastian said with half amusement and half horror, “no. You do not do that. Is that some sort of Hummel training you have yet to outgrow?”
Blaine squawked in offense but Sam covered his mouth with his hand before he could say anything. “Absolutely not. Kurt’s dad is a man’s man and the only parental figure he’s had since he was eight. Kurt can put both Finn and I to shame with his eating habits. This weird food thing Blaine has is all him.”
Blaine pulled Sam’s hand away from his mouth and gave him a dark glare. “I just don’t like messes, okay?”
Sebastian gave him a steady gaze. “Were you really going to just grab plates or should I expect you to bring out a fork and knife too?”
Blaine folded his arms over his chest.
“Blaine?” Sebastian pressed.
“I’d only grab them for myself,” Blaine finally admitted.
“I told you maining Kirby means you suck,” Sam said with a triumphant grin after winning his sixth round in a row.
“In my defense,” Sebastian said through a mouthful of pizza, “I don’t own any video games.” He swallowed, “so clearly I don’t have hours to practice. But also, I beat Blaine every time.”
Blaine shrugged as he cut another piece from his own slice of pizza. “I’m secretly really bad at video games though.”
“It’s like the number one reason he’s the best wingman in the world,” Sam confirmed, “because everyone assumes he’s really good, so when I crush him every time, I look amazing.”
Sebastian pressed his mouth into a line to avoid laughing at that. “Are…are video games really the best way you can win a woman’s affections, Sam?”
Sam grinned as he turned back to the TV. “That and my dance moves.”
Sebastian looked at Blaine with a raised eyebrow. Blaine stifled a giggle but shrugged. “I mean, he’s not wrong.” He gave Sam a fond look, a soft blush creeping up to his cheeks.
Sebastian’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “I’m a far better dancer than him and my video game skills are at least comparable. And yet I have never warranted that kind of look from you, Anderson.”
Sam turned back to them and Blaine’s flush deepened. “What kind of look?”
Sebastian opened his mouth but Blaine elbowed him sharply in the side. “Nothing,” Sebastian grunted, shooting Blaine an annoyed look.
Sam’s brow furrowed in suspicion but luckily his phone began to ring at that exact moment and distracted him.
“What’s up?” he answered, standing and going to the other side of the room.
Sebastian rubbed his ribs with a grimace. “God, Killer, your elbows are sharp. And it’s not like you’re being all that subtle about your crush.”
Blaine glared at him. “Luckily Sam is oblivious enough he hasn’t noticed it yet, but I don’t need you pointing it out to him.”
Blaine shoved him again with his shoulder and Sebastian grumbled slightly under his breath, but he certainly didn’t mind that Blaine didn’t sit fully upright afterwards and stayed, leaning gently into his side.
“I’m just saying,” he said softly, “pining for someone who isn’t interested isn’t fun.”
Blaine looked up at Sebastian with his head cocked slightly.
“Especially when they’re straight,” Sebastian added.
Blaine sighed. “I…Kurt was my best friend y’know, long before we started dating. It’s… amazing being in love with your best friend.” Sebastian swallowed and looked away from Blaine, heart lodging itself in his throat. “And right now, well, Sam is my best friend, so I think my heart just remembers how it happened last time and is hoping for a similar outcome.” Blaine looked over at Sam who was still standing in the corner on the phone, brow knitted as he listened to the person on the other line. He looked up when he felt Blaine’s eyes on him and offered him a bright smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know it’s futile, so I’m certainly not putting much stock into the feeling. But I’m not going to deny it’s there.”
Sebastian reached across his body to grip Blaine’s bicep where it pressed into him, squeezing it tight. His mouth worked around words he couldn’t quite form and eventually, he just gave up and let himself lean more heavily into Blaine’s side. “I get it,” he offered quietly.
Sam looked up from his conversation on the phone with an inquisitive look and both Blaine and Sebastian raised their eyebrows expectantly. “Do you mind if Tina and Unique join us?” Sam asked.
Blaine’s expression changed quickly from confusion to joy. “Yes!” he said brightly, before he remembered it was Sebastian’s house and he looked to him for confirmation.
Sebastian shrugged. “Why not? It’s a holiday after all.” Blaine’s responding grin could light up the moon and Sebastian had to look away even as he broke into a smile himself. It was a night for timely phone calls though it seemed, and Sebastian’s phone rang. He leaned forward to grab it from the coffee table, suppressing a frown when Blaine sat upright again to give him space.
“I’m not coming to Hunter’s party,” he said in lieu of a greeting when he answered.
“Good, because it sucks,” was Nick’s response.
“He’s a military brat with a house to himself, how can it suck?”
“Because it’s a sneaky excuse for rehearsal!” He heard Jeff shout from the other end of the line.
“Jesus, Jeff, he’s on speaker you don’t need to scream,” Nick said, and Sebastian could hear the grimace in his voice.
“And why are you not buckled?” Trent cut in sharply. “Do not make me pull this car over Sterling. Duval, control your drunk boyfriend, I swear to god.”
Blaine’s face scrunched in confusion, hearing many loud voices from the end of the line but not a word of what they were saying.
“I, ugh, god, fine. Trent, you take the phone and talk to Sebastian while I get Jeff settled down.”
“I wanna dance,” Jeff whined, and Sebastian heard the tell-tale shuffling of the phone switching hands.
“What on earth is happening in that car?” He inquired.
Trent sighed deeply. “Jeff pregamed too hard because he assumed Hunter was having an actual Halloween party. Instead Hunter was just trying to get us all to rehearse. We all bailed, and now I am driving in the direction of your house hoping I don’t have to end my night in my dorm with a Jeff that just wants to blast Kesha and dance until he pukes or passes out.”
“I won’t puke!” Jeff shouted.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Babe,” Nick chided.
“I - one second,” Sebastian pulled the phone away from his ear, covering the mouth piece with his hand. “Apparently the Warbler party sucks and Nick, Jeff, and Trent are hoping they can come here.”
Blaine beamed. “I would love for them to come.”
“Jeff is very drunk, and Nick sounds like he’s been drinking too,” he warned.
Blaine raised his eyebrow conspiratorially. “Do they have enough to share?”
Sebastian huffed out a shocked laugh before raising the phone back to his ear.
“Blaine and Sam-”
“Blaine!” Jeff shouted in excitement, “Blaine! I love you!”
“I love you too!” Blaine shouted back though he couldn’t quite hear who said it.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Blaine and Sam are already here and a couple of the New Directions girls are on their way. Do you have some alcohol to share with the class?”
“Oh yeah,” Trent said, “we’ve got like half a bottle of vodka and three bottles of wine, plus I think some whiskey and maybe even some tequila unless Jeff already finished it.”
“We have tequila!” Jeff crowed.
“We definitely have enough,” Trent confirmed.
Sebastian gave Blaine a look that screamed “are you sure?” and Blaine nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, yeah, come on over then. The door’s open and you know the drill.”
“Got it, see you soon, Seb.”
“So, this is turning into a real party now,” Sam said, nodding in approval.
“Should we order more pizza?” Blaine asked. They had two and a half pizzas left but five people on the way.
“We have chips and other snacks we can pull out,” Sebastian said, “and if they’re hungry enough we can make them order when they get here.”
Trent had been completely serious about already being on their way to Sebastian’s place, because they barged through the door less than ten minutes later with copious amounts of alcohol. Nick was scolding Jeff for grabbing a handful of candy from the bowl on the porch when they entered.
“It said take one, Nicky,” Jeff whined.
“Yes, it said take one, not twenty. And they were also for the children, not for us,” Nick said, though he was making no move to actually take the candy away from Jeff.
“But I needed enough to share,” Jeff informed him very seriously.
“You’re going to share Sebastian’s own candy with him?” Nick asked him.
“No,” Jeff said. “I’m sharing it with Blaine. And his girlfriends. And you don’t get any.”
Nick sighed, clearly giving up on the conversation and instead following Trent into the kitchen. “Leave the last of the tequila for me!” He called after him.
Jeff turned towards the living room with a sloppy grin on his face. “I brought candy,” he said very excitedly to Blaine who just grinned and shook his head.
“I can see that,” he said, “do you want to put it down so you don’t drop it?”
Jeff bit his lip, nodding. “Yes,” he said, but he didn’t move from his spot.
“Do you need help with that, Jeff?” Sebastian asked.
Jeff blinked at him for a second. “Yes,” he finally said.
Sebastian stood and took the candy from Jeff and started to turn to put it on the coffee table, but Jeff grabbed his arm. “I told Nick it wasn’t for you,” Jeff whispered in his ear, “but you can have some.”
Sebastian laughed, “Thank you, Jeff,” he said. “Can you go sit down so you don’t fall over?”
“Yup,” Jeff nodded vigorously, “I can do that.”
He moved past Sebastian, stumbling slightly as he went, and collapsed on the couch next to Blaine in the spot Sebastian had vacated. Sebastian rolled his eyes as he set the candy down and sat in the armchair behind him. Blaine was grinning at Jeff who had already flipped himself over and planted his head in Blaine’s lap. But Blaine frowned suddenly when he noticed that Sebastian hadn’t returned to the couch and he gave him a quizzical look.
“Do you want a drink, Killer?” Sebastian asked, already halfway standing. “Especially since you’re now a bit trapped?”
“Oh,” Blaine said, “yeah, that would be great.”
“Evans,” Sebastian said, kicking Sam’s leg where he was sitting on the floor, now playing a solo game of Mario Kart. “You want anything?”
Sam glanced up at him. “Um… I’ll wait until the girls get here to make sure they won’t need a DD back to Lima tonight.”
Sebastian shrugged and left for the kitchen where Nick and Trent were still hiding. However, rummaging through his cupboards was a more accurate description of what they were doing.
“Where’s the wine?” He asked, and Trent popped his head out from the pantry.
“In the fridge, but it was already chilled before we left, so it should still be pretty cold.”
Sebastian nodded and went to retrieve it and a couple of wine glasses for him and Blaine. As he was digging through the drawers for the wine opener, Nick came up behind him and threw an arm over his shoulder.
“Jeff is never allowed to have tequila again,” he said solemnly, leaning into Sebastian’s side. “It has turned him into a literal child, and I don’t know what to do with him.”
Sebastian scoffed, “he seems very content where he is right now,” he said. Nick raised an eyebrow at him. “He has commandeered the best seat in the house.”
Nick nodded knowingly. “I mean, you weren’t using it when we came in. You gotta stake your claim on such prime real estate as Blaine’s lap.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure Jeff gets first dibs because he’s drunk off his ass and acting like a toddler. He is literally the least threatening human in the world right now.”
Nick grabbed Sebastian’s chin with the hand not draped across his shoulders and forced him to look him dead in the eye. “Blaine doesn’t find you threatening,” he said as sincerely as he could even though his eyes were fogged from the alcohol.
“Shouldn’t he?” Sebastian asked.
“Maybe,” Nick said with a smirk, “but he doesn’t.”
Sebastian pulled his face away with a shake of his head. “Something’s wrong with him,” he said softly as he felt Trent come up on his other side. He was hyper aware of Blaine’s laugh coming from the living room. “And I mean, something more than the obvious. He hasn’t told me about it but he has these nightmares…” He paused, his hand clenching around the edge of the open drawer in front of him. “Whether he finds me threatening or not, one wrong move and he could.”
Nick squeezed his shoulder. “The fact that you’ve noticed this at all means he trusts you, Seb.”
He nodded, grabbing the wine opener at last and shrugging his way out from under Nick’s arm. “And that makes me even more dangerous,” he said, the sound of Blaine pleading with Kurt, begging him to stop, echoing in his head.
Nick opened his mouth to speak again but Trent shook his head at him. “We should go give Sam some competition so he’s not just playing the NPCs,” Trent said, grabbing Nick by the elbow and steering him towards the living room.
Sebastian took a few minutes to calm his racing mind while opening the wine. He poured two glasses but then also grabbed the almost empty bottle of whiskey from the counter and swallowed the rest of it down. Nick had apparently lured Jeff away from the couch so he could take the fourth controller and join the race. Blaine’s face brightened even more than it already was when he entered the room and Sebastian’s anxious heart calmed as he went to reclaim his spot on the couch next to him. He handed Blaine the wine glass and Blaine took a grateful sip.
“You weren’t kidding when you said Jeff was very drunk,” Blaine said with a laugh, watching as Jeff jerked his controller to the side and almost toppled into Nick’s lap.
“Honestly, Jeff pretends he’s a heavyweight with how much alcohol he attempts to consume, but his tolerance is possibly the lowest I’ve ever seen.”
Blaine smiled, “He’s very similar to me when I’m drunk, uncaring about the social norms when it comes to physical intimacy.” Blaine chuckled, taking a large sip of his wine.
Sebastian paused for a second, pursing his lips. “Well then, you should probably drink up. You could use all the physical affection you can get.”
Blaine nodded, raising his glass, “L’Chaim!”
“L’Chaim!” Jeff parroted from his spot on the floor, raising a pizza slice in the air since Nick had apparently cut him off for the night. A smart move given the way he fell backward and nearly smacked his head off the coffee table.
Sebastian shook his head in fond exasperation. When he looked back to Blaine he could see the way his eyes were trained on the back of Sam’s head while Sam intently watched the screen, unperturbed by Jeff’s outburst.
“Is drinking too much going to encourage you to make some dumb decisions in relation to Mr. Trouty Mouth over there?”
“He hates that nickname,” Blaine said, shooting Sebastian a playful warning look.
“That wasn’t a no,” Sebastian chided.
“Maybe you’ll just have to stay sober enough to stop me then, Mr. Smythe,” Blaine said with a teasing waggle of his brows. He downed the rest of his wine and Sebastian had to force his gaze to not linger on the drop at the corner of Blaine’s lips.
Blaine stood up suddenly. “I need more wine,” he said and left the room.
Nick gave Sebastian a knowing look over his shoulder and Sebastian scowled at him.
Sebastian stood and carefully walked over behind Sam, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “You’ve seen Blaine drunk before, right?”
“Yeah, of course I have,” Sam said, fingers moving over the controller with ease.
“So you know how he gets, right?”
Sam paused for a second and glanced up at him. “If you’re going to try anything…” he started.
“No, of course I’m not!” Sebastian hissed, “I just wanted to make sure everyone was prepared for an overly clingy Blaine and wasn’t going to be surprised. He deserves to drink his brains out tonight and I just didn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression.” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Sam.
Sam nodded knowingly, “I’ll pull him off you if he gets to be too much, bro.”
Sebastian gaped for a second as Sam returned his full attention back to his game. Trent had pulled ahead in his moment of distraction but it didn’t look like Sam would let that stand for too long. He straightened himself up just as the doorbell rang and he heard an excited squeal from Blaine in the kitchen.
Blaine came rushing back in with one of the bottles of wine in his hand and a bag of pickle flavored potato chips tucked under his arm. Sebastian beat him to the door, if only barely, and pulled it open so Blaine didn’t have to put anything down. His spine straightened as he pulled himself to his full height, stepping squarely in front of Blaine. Unique and Tina were there, and that was fine of course, but they’d brought a third along and Sebastian wasn’t so sure about her.
“I wanted to apologize to Blaine,” she said quickly, “I promise I’m not here to spy or upset him. I just…I hated what was being said at the party and I realized how horrible everyone was being to him and I…I figured if there was an ‘I support Blaine party’ that’s the one I wanted to be at.”
Sebastian looked at Tina and Unique. “Marley’s new,” Tina said, “and a little skittish in the spotlight.”
“But she’s definitely genuine,” Unique finished for her.
Blaine peaked around Sebastian’s arm, the hand still holding his empty wine glass brushing the small of his back to calm him. “It’s okay,” he said gently, “I’d like to talk to Marley.”
Marley smiled brightly at him and Sebastian gestured with his head for the three girls to enter the house. He took the wine bottle and chips from Blaine to allow him to walk over to the stairs with Marley for some more privacy. Unique and Tina took up residence on the couch and Trent absentmindedly handed Sebastian his controller as he was drawn toward the girls by their mere presence. While most of the group found the all boys Dalton Academy to be a heavenly place, Trent’s interests swung more firmly towards the opposite gender and he was vastly lacking in a dating pool as a result.
Sebastian settled himself on the floor where he could hear Blaine behind him, talking oh-so-quietly to Marley. He strained his ears to hear what was being said as he worked the controller in his hands, but he could barely make anything out besides a reassuring tone. He tried to lose himself in the game, but it was only two races later when Blaine settled himself on the floor beside Sebastian. He reached across to grab the bottle of wine, filling his own glass and then offering a sip to Sebastian.
Sebastian avoided his gaze as he took the proffered drink, pretending to be very focused on his driving and like he wasn’t hyper aware of exactly how close Blaine was sitting. Their sides were pressed flush from shoulder to hip, and the way Blaine had his knee propped up, his leg was half on top of Sebastian’s. Every point of contact felt electric and Sebastian knew all too well that while the alcohol hadn’t hit him quite yet, he really needed to be careful if he wanted to keep himself under control.
Blaine propped his elbow on his knee, pressing his leg more firmly into Sebastian’s thigh. He watched the game, casually sipping his wine. “Are you really playing as Bowser?” he questioned, side-eying Sebastian.
“That’s just who Trent was playing as, I didn’t get to choose when he decided to go flirt,” he said the last part loud enough for Trent and all three girls who were now deep in conversation to hear.
“Bowser is Thicc Boy Solidarity!” Trent shouted back, “you just like your twink Link because he looks like you.”
“Excuse you, you know I’m a giraffe, not a twink. Pretty sure your twink status is revoked if you’re over six feet.”
Jeff pouted, “But I thought I was a twink.”
“You’re only 5’ 11”, honey, you can still be a twink,” Nick assured him.
“Hell yeah! Blaine and I have twink privilege!”
Blaine shook his head, “nope, I’m something else because I’m Asian. I’m not sure what, but there’s gotta be a term for it.”
“That seems racist,” Jeff said with a frown.
“Well you’d better take that up with my Filipino grandmother. When I came out to her she told me I couldn’t be gay because I could speak Tagalog. I’m not sure how those two correlate, but she had dementia so I’m not sure she understood either.”
Sam laughed. “When my grandma found out about my job as a stripper she was so concerned it was going to make me gay and I was like…Granny, I have hot rich women throwing money at me all day, I’m pretty sure that’s gonna do the opposite of making me gay.”
Marley was staring at Sam in shock. “You worked as a stripper?” She said, probably louder than she intended.
“Jealous, I want that job,” Trent mumbled under his breath. Unique was just shaking her head like she really wasn’t surprised with how crazy everything at Mckinley always was.
“I was poor and hot, and you’ve seen my grades, what else was I supposed to do?”
“But - you’re underage!” Marley argued.
“It was Kentucky, you think they care? Pretty sure they didn’t even look at my fake ID.”
Jeff was looking Sam up and down with drunken curiosity. “Can we see you dance?”
“He’s straight, Jeff,” Nick reminded him.
“I don’t want him to do anything to me, I just want to look.”
Sebastian could see the flush rising up Blaine’s neck and wasn’t sure if it was from the wine or arousal but either way he had a feeling it was a bad idea for Sam to dance while Blaine’s inhibitions were lowered.
“Sure you can watch him dance,” Sebastian said loudly, “at Sectionals. Where his clothes have to stay on.”
Jeff deflated into Nick who looked a little disappointed as well.
Blaine blinked, startled out of his intrigue. He took a large swig of his drink, likely hoping it would distract him from the thoughts he shouldn’t be having about his best friend.
“I saw vodka in the kitchen,” he said a little too quickly, “we should do shots!”
“Body shots?” Jeff asked excitedly.
“No!” Nick hissed in his ear, “You’re just asking for alcohol poisoning if you drink anymore.”
“I’m down,” Sam said, standing and turning off the PlayStation. “Do you guys need a ride back home tonight or-?” He looked at the trio of girls.
“Unique doesn’t drink during performance season,” Unique said, “it’s not good for the vocal chords. I’ll be driving us home.”
“Cool,” Sam said, shooting her a thumbs up. “So that means…” he did a quick headcount, waving off Jeff’s excited look, “seven shots? Do we have actual shot glasses?”
“In the cupboard above the liquor bar,” Sebastian said. He had no intention of moving since Blaine was on his fourth glass of wine and had decided to just sling both his legs across Sebastian’s so he would have an easier time facing the rest of the room.
“Nick, you sober enough to help, buddy?” Sam asked, and Nick looked down to the puddle of Jeff in his lap.
“Technically…yes.”
“No!” Jeff shouted in protest.
“But my boyfriend says otherwise.”
“Tina?” Sam questioned, seeing the way Trent had his hand resting on Unique’s thigh as they talked quietly to themselves.
“Yeah, I’ll help,” she said, holding out a hand for Sam to help her up. Marley slid onto the floor and scooted over to Jeff and Nick. Jeff’s face broke into a wide grin when he saw her and he unceremoniously grabbed her hand and set it on top of his head. Marley giggled but started running her fingers through his soft, golden locks.
“How long have you guys known Blaine?” Sebastian could hear her ask as he turned his attention back to the Warbler in question. Blaine was already looking at him, head cocked slightly to the side. Sebastian raised a single eyebrow at him.
“Does this bother you?” Blaine asked, eyes genuinely curious.
“Jeff getting all the attention because he’s acting like a golden retriever puppy? Not particularly. I don’t always need to be the center of attention, Anderson.”
Blaine rolled his eyes. “Not them, this .” He bounced his legs on top of Sebastian’s to make his question more clear.
“Do you have a problem with this, Killer?” Sebastian asked, setting his elbow on Blaine’s knee and resting his chin on his fist as he looked at him. His cheeks seemed to be permanently stained pink by the alcohol at that point and Sebastian could feel the excess body heat radiating off of him.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Blaine stated.
“Typically one asks for consent before they make their move, not after. Or at least that’s the responsible thing to do,” Sebastian retorted.
Blaine tensed and started to pull his legs back. Instinctually Sebastian dropped his arm across his legs to stop him and hold him where he was. As soon as his brain registered what he was doing he pulled his arm away and leaned back on his hands, trying to hide the panic that was racing through his chest. Blaine took a deep steadying breath and closed his eyes but didn’t attempt to move his legs again.
“I have no preference, Blaine,” Sebastian said, finally, “If you’re comfortable you’re welcome to stay just as you are.”
Blaine studied his face closely. Sebastian could see the way his eyes were slightly out of focus but still watching Sebastian intently, searching for something in his face. Sebastian didn’t know what Blaine was looking for but finally it looked like Blaine had found it and he relaxed back, letting his tense legs rest casually across Sebastian’s again.
“Shots!” Sam shouted as he and Tina came back into the room carrying a tray with far more than seven shots on it. “I brought two for everyone, and then there’s like three extra for whoever is feeling more adventurous.”
Sam carefully offered the glasses for each person to grab their desired amount; he intentionally held the tray as far away from Jeff as he could while Nick and Marley grabbed their two. Finally he reached Blaine and Sebastian and still there were nine shots on the tray.
“Apparently no one wishes to party with me tonight, will you two do me the honors of getting absolutely shitfaced with me?”
“Are three shots really gonna get us shitfaced?” Sebastian asked.
“They will if I go back and fill some of these up with the rest of the tequila after we’re done.”
Sebastian started to protest, remembering his need to keep control of himself around Blaine, and also the fact that they had school in the morning. But Blaine slung an arm around the back of his neck and leaned in conspiratorially.
“Fuck, yeah,” Blaine said and Sam cheered, grabbing his first shot as Blaine did the same. Sebastian hesitated but then Blaine looked at him with such excitement, and Sebastian could deny that face nothing.
“What the hell,” he mumbled as he grabbed his own.
Apparently Sam was running a long con, because fifteen minutes after the shots when everyone was suitably tipsy and ready to agree to anything, he pulled out The Blair Witch Project and popped it into the DVD player.
“We should move to where we can see the TV,” Blaine said, blinking slowly as he stretched his back and seemed prepared to make a dangerous rolling maneuver to get off of Sebastian’s lap.
Sebastian stopped him with a firm but gentle arm around his waist. “Or we could just sit here and watch the horror in everyone else’s faces instead of the actual movie.”
Blaine frowned.
Sebastian sighed.
“Or we could move,” Sebastian conceded.
Blaine smiled and once again tried to roll out of Sebastian’s lap.
“Stop that,” Sebastian scolded, “you’re gonna hurt yourself, Killer. Just lift your legs up.” Sebastian kept an arm on Blaine’s shoulder to keep him upright. Blaine followed his instruction and then he semi-gracefully slid himself out from under Blaine and stood up with only a slight wobble. After he’d fully caught his own bearings he held a hand out to Blaine who gratefully accepted the help up off the floor. His wobble was a lot less slight, and Sebastian rested a steadying hand on the small of his back as he stabilized.
“Couch?” Blaine asked and then looked over to see it commandeered by Jeff, Nick, and Marley while Unique and Trent sat on the floor in front of it. “Or…chair?”
“Yeah,” Sebastian said, “you take the chair, I’ll sit in front of you.” Blaine caught Sebastian by the elbow and pouted at him. “What?” Sebastian asked.
Blaine didn’t seem to be in a very verbal mood and just pushed Sebastian towards the armchair until he had sat down and then Blaine promptly sat on his lap. Sebastian instantly wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist as the chair rocked gently from the force, and Blaine just hummed in a questioning tone as if to ask “is this okay?”
Sebastian mouthed wordlessly for a second before finally just nodding in response. Blaine smiled and settled back into Sebastian’s chest, letting his head rest on the back of the chair just beside Sebastian’s.
Sebastian could feel Blaine’s gentle breathing against his ear. And he desperately hoped that his pants were tight enough that Blaine couldn’t feel the way he was responding to that. Or that Blaine was too drunk to even notice. For more than a year since Sebastian met Blaine he had dreamed of being able to be this close to him, and in a cruel twist of fate he knew he had to do everything in his power to stop himself from actually living out his dreams and likely becoming one of Blaine’s nightmares.
Notes:
This is one of my favorite chapters of this story. It was the chapter that I was hung up on for nearly four years before I finally figured out how to write it. When I started this story I'd never had the overly affectionate and sappy drunken messes kind of friend group and I had no idea what I was doing when it came to this scene. And then I lucked into a group like that and suddenly this chapter just flowed, and while there are chapters later on that I love even more of this, this is a particularly special chapter to me, so I hope you enjoy it.
See you on Monday with chapter 9!
Chapter Text
After the movie, everyone got very excited by the idea of a sleepover (or just the idea of not having to sleep alone that night), and suddenly the evening went from just Sam sleeping over to everyone spending the night. Unique and Trent helped Sebastian pull out a couple of air mattresses and set them up in the living room. They then quickly commandeered one of them to themselves, indicating that was becoming a thing. And then Nick and Jeff pushed the other mattress flush with the couch which Marley had already fallen asleep on so that Jeff could hold her hand while they slept, apparently. Sam simply rolled his sleeping bag out in the space between the two mattresses and promptly fell asleep.
“We can get the last air mattress and set it up in the floor in the guest room for you, Tina,” Sebastian said.
“She can just sleep on the bed,” Blaine said, taking Sebastian’s arm and wrapping it around his own shoulders while he hugged himself tightly to Sebastian’s side.
Sebastian shrugged, “or I suppose you can share the guest bed with Blaine,” he said but Blaine shook his head firmly.
“Can I sleep in your bed, Seb?” he asked softly.
Sebastian’s heart thudded in anxious excitement.
“I’m sure Tina doesn’t want to sleep in a room by herself after the movie,” he tried.
“I’m honestly not that freaked out, I’ll be fine alone,” she said with a bright smile. “Blaine on the other hand looks like he can use all the comfort he can get,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eye.
“Well, okay then, let’s just grab your pajamas out of that room, Killer, and then we can let Tina go to sleep.”
Once in Sebastian’s room alone together, Sebastian guided Blaine towards the bathroom so he could change in private and Sebastian himself ducked into his closet to change as quickly as he could given that his limbs still felt sluggish and awkward.
Blaine was already curled up in the bed when Sebastian finished, and Sebastian looked at the yoga mat he’d slept on the night before. He wondered if it would be safer for him to use it again, but Blaine rolled over, eyes hooded with sleep and the sweetest, most trusting smile on his face - and Sebastian knew it wasn’t even an option.
He gently slipped under the covers and Blaine immediately wrapped himself around Sebastian like a sloth. Sebastian let himself bury his nose in Blaine’s hair as he held him tightly. He’d blame this moment of weakness on the alcohol in the morning, but for now he just let himself drink in the raspberry and vanilla tinged with just a hint of sweat as he drifted off.
Sebastian dreamt that night. It wasn’t an unusual dream for him. It involved Blaine. In very minimal clothing. But it was more relaxed than it usually was. He didn’t feel so rushed to take Blaine, to get his hands on him and devour him as quickly as he could before he woke up and it went away. Instead he was perfectly content to just watch him, occasionally drifting a gentle hand along his side or swiping a thumb across his mouth. Blaine didn’t feel the same as he usually did in Sebastian’s dreams. Normally he felt desperate and overcome with desire but now he was just calm, smiling that same trusting smile as he just let Sebastian touch him and look at him. No fear, no pain, no guilt, all of which were not uncommon when Sebastian’s dreams took a turn into nightmareland.
Sebastian knew he’d seen this look on Blaine’s face before. Sometime other than last night. He’d seen it during show choir performances, and in pictures on facebook. It was the same way Sebastian had seen Blaine look at Kurt.
Sebastian jolted awake, head pounding and stomach churning. His hands immediately searched for Blaine’s warmth in the bed but his eyes snapped open when he couldn’t find him.
Instead of Blaine he found a note on the pillow next to him.
Seb,
Sam got me up this morning so we could make it to school on time. The girls had already left earlier in the morning but Nick, Jeff, and Trent should all be downstairs. They promised they’d wake you up to make sure you didn’t miss school again. I’ll see you when I get home tonight.
Blaine
P.S. There’s aspirin and water on your desk for your hangover. I don’t know if I want you to be in as much pain as I am for solidarity or if I would rather you not feel this shitty.
Sebastian scrubbed a hand across his face and worked on building the courage to stand up and face the world. He didn’t get much time to prepare before Nick opened the door and came in, already dressed in his uniform and ready for school.
“Did you go get your clothes and come back?” Sebastian questioned.
Nick looked down at himself, “Oh, no, we all put an emergency pair of clothes in Trent’s car last night since we didn’t know where the night would take us. Sadly the girls did not have that foresight so they had to leave pretty early to go home and change.”
“I bet Trent was sad about that,” Sebastian mumbled. “Can you--” he gestured at the pills and water on the desk.
“On one condition,” Nick said as he picked them up.
Sebastian glowered at him.
“Sam wanted me to check with you - did you and Blaine…?”
“God, no,” Sebastian said and Nick handed him the water. “Pretty sure we were both too wasted to even get it up, even if we wanted to,” Sebastian said after he swallowed the pills.
Nick rolled his eyes. “Sure, that’s the reason you didn’t fuck. Definitely not the genuine human decency you’ve gained in the past year.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Pretty sure I exerted a herculean amount of self control last night in keeping myself from, well, doing something very very stupid. And here I thought I needed to stay sober to keep Blaine off of Sam, not to keep me off of Blaine.”
Nick laughed, a loud startling laugh. “Yeah, because you were definitely the one that was all over Blaine. Clearly he had no interest in being close to you, whatsoever.”
“He’s cuddly with everyone when he’s drunk,” Sebastian protested.
Nick shook his head. “That was not cuddly with everyone, Seb, that was cuddly with you and only you.”
“Whatever,” Sebastian said, finally hauling himself up and out of bed. “I need to shower and try and feel like a human again.”
“Yeah,” Nick said, “that and you probably need a chance to jerk off to the sweet memory of Blaine on your lap.”
Sebastian flipped him off as he went into his bathroom.
Blaine didn’t know what was the worst part of the day after Halloween: The pounding in his head from the hangover, the silent rage from the New Directions about Blaine stealing not one, but four of their members for a Warbler-inclusive party, or the churning anxiety in his stomach as he remembered how it felt to be wrapped in Sebastian’s arms the night before.
As he settled himself in the library to wait for Sam to finish with Glee practice, he had no plans to actually study and instead carefully curled himself into one of the soft plush chairs for a nap. He didn’t know how long he’d actually been asleep before he felt a hand gently shaking his shoulder.
He squinted against the light in the library as he opened his eyes to see Mrs. Pillsbury standing in front of him with Sebastian’s father standing behind her. “Mr. Smythe?” he said in confusion before sitting bolt upright. “Is Sebastian okay?” He asked, anxiety gripping his chest.
“He’s perfectly fine, Blaine,” William said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I know we didn’t discuss whether I’d be picking you up today, but I figured I’d stop by and offer anyways. Mrs. Pillsbury was kind enough to help me locate you since you weren’t answering your phone.”
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I was just going to nap until Sam was done with Glee-”
“It’s okay, Blaine,” William repeated, “do you want to stick around until Sam is out?”
“No, no, I can come with you,” Blaine said, sitting up to collect his things. “I’ll just let Sam know I got a ride home, he doesn’t need to drive all the way to Westerville again.”
Blaine saw Emma cock her head at that but she didn’t voice her confusion out loud. He was almost certain Mr. Shuester would be hearing about this but he didn’t particularly know if he should care anymore.
William and Blaine walked in silence towards the school entrance as Blaine texted Sam to say that he got a ride.
The silence continued after they got in the car until they entered the freeway and William could set his cruise control.
“Marie and I had something we wanted to discuss with you, Blaine.” William said; his voice was gentle but it didn’t stop Blaine’s heart from racing.
“Oh,” Blaine said slowly, “is…should we wait till we’re home?”
“Marie thought you might feel better if just you and I discussed it. And we want to make it clear that this is just an idea we had, you don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to.”
Blaine nodded, pressing his sweaty hands in between his thighs. “Oh...okay.”
William took a longer look at Blaine before nodding to himself and beginning. “Sebastian has told us some of what’s been going on at your school. How your Glee club kicked you out for spending so much time with Sebastian and the other Warblers, and how your friend group has dwindled significantly since your relationship with your ex ended.”
Blaine gulped nervously, “it’s not been easy,” he agreed softly.
“We know you’ve developed a much stronger support system with the Warblers than you have at your current school, and that singing is very important to you. The drive to and from Lima is very long and at your age you should really be getting more sleep than you currently can given the circumstances. So Marie and I were wondering if you would be interested in transferring back to Dalton for the remainder of your senior year.”
Blaine took in a sharp breath, eyes wide as he stared out through the windshield. “Dalton is so expensive,” he said quietly.
“I know,” William assured him, “and I know that you don’t feel too comfortable accepting the help from us that you already have. But I have also spoken with the financial aid department at Dalton about potential scholarships they could award you to cover the majority of the costs of your schooling. Marie and I would only be picking up the remainder. The school is very intrigued by the idea of having their star performer back in the hopes that between you, Sebastian, and Hunter’s leadership they’d really have a shot at the title this year.”
Blaine’s tongue darted out to wet his lips before he spoke. “I’m afraid that would just prove The New Directions right, that I really am a traitor.”
William’s chest felt tight but he suppressed the sad sigh he felt bubbling in his throat. “You belong on a stage, Blaine. If they won’t let you perform with them, why do they get a say in whether you get to perform with someone else?”
Blaine balled his hands together as he took a deep, steadying breath. “What did Sebastian say about this idea?”
“We haven’t told him yet. We wanted you to have the opportunity to think it over yourself without his opinion influencing you. You can tell him whenever you like, we’ll leave it up to you.”
Blaine nodded, “I think I need some time to think about it.”
“Of course,” William said, “the offer is on the table for as long as you want. You can decide to stay for now and if you change your mind later it’ll still be there. We just want what’s best for you, but we can’t make the decision of what that is for you. And neither can Sebastian.”
“You think he’d want me to transfer?” Blaine asked.
“I definitely think he would. He’s become very protective of you, and knowing that he can keep a closer eye on you would definitely be something he would like. But that could also be a reason you might need the space of staying at Mckinley. All Marie and I want is to make sure that you know what all your options are.”
“I’ll think about it,” Blaine said again, his gaze far away as he stared out his window at the passing cars.
“That’s all I’m asking,” William said with a gentle smile. “Now, Sebastian requested we pick up Chinese on our way home, but I’m actually feeling Indian food. So should we make two stops or tell Sebastian the food retrievers get final say?”
Blaine called Sam as soon as he was home.
“I need advice,” he said quickly as soon as the phone picked up.
“Yes, you should still wait to have sex with Sebastian,” Sam said without preamble.
“I - what?” Blaine stuttered. “That’s not - no - I’m not going to sleep with Sebastian, why would you think that?”
Sam scoffed. “Bro, I saw you last night, I know you want to but I still think you should wait.”
Blaine shook his head, “that…I’m not talking about that, and think I’m just going to ignore it for now.”
“Like, I’m chill with you dating him, he’s definitely become much less of an asshole, but I think you need to make him wait for it to confirm he’s not just trying to get in your pants.”
Blaine blinked slowly, “yeah, no, not what I called about. William and Marie asked me if I wanted to transfer to Dalton.”
Sam was silent on the other end of the line.
“I…I don’t think I will,” Blaine said carefully. “But I guess I just…I wanted to see what you thought.”
“You know - you know the team will be pissed if you do.”
Blaine nodded to himself, “but they’ve also made it clear they don’t want me performing with them so…why do they get a say?”
“What did Sebastian have to say about this?”
“I haven’t told him yet. I was honestly considering having you two debate it out for me so I can better understand the pros and cons from both sides.”
“Mckinley has…” Sam trailed off like he knew it didn’t have many pros anymore.
“Mckinley has you,” Blaine said softly, “which is why I wanted to know what you think.”
“I just…I feel like I’m barely gonna get to see you anymore since you’re not in Glee club and if you’re at an entirely different school…” Sam sighed, “you’re my best bro, Blaine. It’ll suck for you to leave.”
Blaine frowned, “yeah…okay, yeah,” he took a deep breath. “I’ll…I don’t think I’m going to, but I’ll let you know if that changes.”
“Blaine,” Sam started.
Blaine cut him off, “I have some homework I need to finish since I did literally nothing yesterday. I’ll talk to you later.”
Blaine hung up before Sam could say anything else and sat heavily on the bed. He stared at the wall, his hands stroking along the edges of his phone. He didn’t want to hurt Sam. And the sound in his voice sounded far too similar to the hurt in Kurt’s the night he’d flown to New York. He couldn’t transfer and leave Sam…sure he had the whole Glee club still, even if most of them were being pretty aloof due to Sam’s loyalty to Blaine. But if Blaine left and then Sam continued to spend time with him and the Warblers…what if they kicked him out too, and then Sam was ostracized there all alone without Blaine to back him up?
Blaine felt the dip in the bed of Sebastian sitting down next to him before he heard him speak. “Killer?”
Blaine blinked, trying to force the world to come back into focus.
“You alright?” Sebastian asked softly, his hands twitching in the air between them like he wanted to touch him but wasn’t sure if he should.
Blaine leaned his head against Sebastian’s shoulder, and Sebastian immediately wrapped his arms around him and held him close.
“Your parents offered to help me transfer to Dalton,” he said after a minute.
Sebastian’s hands froze in their gentle stroking along Blaine’s back. “Do you think you would?” He asked, a slight quaver to his voice.
Blaine shook his head. “I can’t leave Sam…and the team would just take it as confirmation that I was a traitor. It’s better for me to just stay.”
Sebastian swallowed hard and nodded slowly with his chin resting on top of Blaine’s head. He said nothing.
“You think I should go,” Blaine said. It wasn’t a question.
“I think you should do what you want to do,” Sebastian said.
“I should stay,” Blaine repeated, but it was starting to sound like he was trying to convince himself as much as Sebastian.
“If that’s what you want.”
Notes:
Thank you for reading! See you on Friday with Chapter 10.
Chapter 10
Notes:
Shh, I'm impatient and very excited to share this chapter so you're getting it a little early.
We're getting into the Grease plotline, so here comes the first on-screen Kurt appearance of the fic!
Tw: implied past sexual assault
Chapter Text
Blaine was eerily quiet for the next week, often lost in his head and staring into space. Sebastian had to call his name multiple times before he would hear it, as Blaine wandered about like a zombie.
This lasted until Blaine came home from school one day and dropped a flier on Sebastian’s desk.
Mckinley High School Presents Grease! Auditions are November 12th after school in the auditorium.
“I’m gonna try out for Danny,” Blaine said in a rush. “It’s not an official Glee thing, anyone can audition, they can’t stop me.”
Sebastian nodded. “I’d say they’re idiots if they don’t cast you as Danny but - they’re not exactly making the smartest decisions right now.”
“They have no one else. Artie is directing so he can’t play him, and Sam doesn’t have the acting skills necessary to carry a lead role. They have no one else, they’ll have to cast me.”
“You deserve the role, but I just don’t want you getting your hopes up if they find a way to keep you off that stage. You’ve already seen how spiteful they can be.”
“Then help me prep, help me blow them away so they can’t even begin to think of casting someone else.”
Sebastian thought about it, “you know, I always love a reason to show the New Directions they can fuck right off.”
Blaine grinned.
Blaine practiced with Sebastian, Sam, and the other Warblers for the rest of the weekend. Running through his song again and again and again until it was perfect. He ran lines with Marley so they could do a chemistry test for Danny and Sandy (she was basically a shoe-in for the role and his best bet for convincing Artie and Finn that he deserved this).
By the time Monday rolled around Blaine was positive he was going to get the role. The Glee club had managed to wrangle up one other option for the role in the form of Puck’s younger brother, but he was just as volatile as Noah and there was no way they would risk putting the fate of the show in his hands. It was a done deal as far as Blaine was concerned.
Until he saw the cast list the next morning and saw that he was listed next to Teen Angel and someone named Ryder Lynn was listed by Danny. He cornered Artie in the choir room.
“You let a sophomore have the lead? He’s not even in Glee club! Can he sing? Can he dance?”
“You’re also not in Glee club,” Artie reminded him.
Blaine sneered, “not by my own choice. And that doesn’t change the fact that I am a tried and true performer who you know can handle the role. Do you really think this kid can be the lead with zero prior experience?”
“Finn and I thought-”
“Oh Finn thought, obviously he’s an unbiased source, being a footballer himself who was shoehorned into the lead singer of the club. Especially since his brother is my ex.”
“Your and Kurt’s relationship has nothing to do with this, Blaine.”
Blaine clenched his hands into fists at his side and Artie rolled backwards a couple inches, unease creeping into his eyes. “Bullshit. This has nothing to do with Kurt and I? Everything that you and everyone else in this fucking school thinks about me has to do with me and Kurt.”
“Blaine-”
“No! You know it’s true. When Kurt was here I had a place and purpose, because I was Kurt’s boyfriend but without him, who even am I? Blaine Warbler? The traitor who abandoned his old team and will clearly abandon you? But no ! You abandoned me , because I mean nothing without Kurt.”
Blaine didn’t even realize that he was crying until he felt a tear drip off his chin. He turned on his heel and fled the school, barely able to see where he was going until he stumbled down the front steps and ran straight into a firm chest.
“Hey, Killer, what’s-”
Blaine looked up blearily, vaguely remembering Sebastian mentioning an early exit that morning and saying he’d pick Blaine up so they could celebrate his casting.
Sebastian’s jaw tensed as he took in the tears streaming down Blaine’s face, and he started up the steps. Sebastian hissed, “I’m going to kill-” but Blaine grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him back down the stairs to bury his face in Sebastian’s chest.
Sebastian’s arms were stiff at his side as he fought off the rage in his chest that still pulled him towards the school and whoever had caused Blaine to run out in tears. Slowly, he unlocked his tight fists and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s shaking shoulders.
After a while Blaine calmed enough to pull away from him.
“I didn’t get Danny,” he said, voice cracking.
“They’re absolute idiots,” Sebastian said, the anger reigniting in his chest.
“I got Teen Angel, though.”
Sebastian narrowed his eyes. “But that’s only one scene.”
Blaine shrugged. “It’s a chance to perform.”
You’d have more than that at Dalton, Sebastian thought, but bit his tongue. That wasn’t a decision he could force Blaine to make, no matter how much happier he thought it would make him.
“Well,” Sebastian said gently, “Nick’s older brother restocked him on alcohol last week, would you like to imbibe and drink your sorrows away?”
Blaine quirked an eyebrow at Sebastian. “Isn’t Nick the RA for his dorm?”
“Yes, which is why there is no one checking under his bed for booze.” Sebastian slung an arm across Blaine’s shoulders as he started leading him to the car. “So I propose a beautiful night of distraction. You, me, a bottle of whiskey, and as many Mad Max movies as I can get you to watch before you pass out.”
“Fine,” Blaine sighed, “but you’re not allowed to call Mel Gibson daddy at all tonight or I’m leaving you to drink alone.”
“Buzzkill,” Sebastian grumbled.
Rehearsals were awful. Finn and Artie had only criticism for his performance, Tina was the only person who actually liked him involved in his scene, and Brittany seemed hellbent on ensuring he was grievously injured by opening night.
Mercedes and Mike didn’t seem to know how to act around him. They didn’t pick on him the same way the other members did, but they also didn’t know how to defend him. Kurt was clearly still the victim in their breakup, even if the treatment Blaine was receiving didn’t seem to fit the crime.
More than once Blaine was tempted to drop out of the musical and leave them to find a replacement last minute. But sheer spite kept him going; he wasn’t going to let them break him. Performing was his life blood, and he’d be damned if he let them take even this small speck of joy from him.
So he iced bruises, took hot baths and powered through.
When Finn was forced to recast Unique as Rizzo, he was the first to find and comfort her. He was also the first to find Tina and console her when Santana appeared to step into the role instead of her.
Santana was…well, far nicer to him than he expected.
“I’ve cheated on and been used to cheat on so many people,” she told him, “if I judged you I’d be more than a bitch, I’d be a hypocrite.”
“You never cheated on Brittany,” he said, knowing they were as close to soulmates as he and Kurt were.
“Yes, but I’ve cheated with Brittany. She should know better. But Kurt always has been her favorite unicorn.”
Sebastian reminded Blaine of how Santana had been the one to confront Sebastian alone after the rock salt slushie incident. Everyone else had done it as a group, but Santana had ventured into the mouth of the beast by herself for him.
Brittany started to let up on him after Santana showed up. Whether that was because she was distracted or because Santana had spoken to her, he wasn’t sure, but he was grateful for the aid.
The night of the performance Blaine was all jitters. He’d spent the night at Sam’s so they could get up early for the last rehearsal, and the disruption to his routine of falling asleep with Sebastian really threw him.
His nerves definitely weren’t helped when he ran into Kurt backstage with no prior warning. He tried to say something but ran away with little more than a squeak. He knew Tina saw him fleeing, but she didn’t follow him.
Blaine was pacing the hallway, running through his song in his head despite knowing the lyrics to Beauty School Dropout since he was three. Sebastian watched from just around the corner for a minute before approaching and stilling him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“You’re gonna be amazing, Killer,” he said with an encouraging smile.
Blaine nodded, though his eyes were still wide and his gaze far off. “Kurt’s here,” Blaine blurted out.
Sebastian’s hand tightened for a minute but he carefully relaxed it. “You’re still going to be amazing.”
Blaine didn’t respond and Sebastian could see the controlled rise and fall of his chest and the way he was counting his breaths in his head.
“Nick, Jeff, and Trent are all here,” Sebastian tried instead.
A flicker of joy crossed over Blaine’s face before the panic returned. “That’s great,” he said, “you guys can sit with Unique. She needs friends right now.”
The corner of Sebastian’s mouth lifted into a sad smile, but his eyes quickly hardened when he caught a glimpse of Kurt down the hallway with Rachel on his arm. Blaine noticed the change and started to turn but Sebastian stopped him quickly. “I’ll save a seat for you too, on the aisle. No need for you to watch from the back of the stage for the whole show. Once your song is over, you should come sit with us.”
Kurt had noticed the two of them and was watching them with a steady, hard gaze.
“Blaine!” Tina shouted from the stage door to their right, “it’s time for the show circle, c’mon!”
Blaine nodded again, body buzzing with jitters. “I’ll-I’ll see you. After…I’m not sure if I can come sit with you, but I’ll try.”
Sebastian pulled him into a strong hug, glaring at Kurt while he did so. He rubbed Blaine’s back as he felt him melt into the embrace. “Knock ‘em dead, Killer.”
Blaine stepped out of the hug with a grateful smile and followed Tina backstage.
Sebastian walked right past Kurt as he entered the auditorium, making a herculean effort to not look at him again and only caving at the last second to lock eyes with him, cold stare meeting cold stare.
“What’s Sebastian doing here?” He heard Rachel ask but he just continued, finding his friends sitting near the middle of the auditorium.
“Everyone we like is in the show, right?” Nick asked. “So we don’t need to save any seats?”
“Unique actually got cut, so we should save one for her.”
“What the fuck?” Trent said. “But she’s an amazing Rizzo, what are they thinking?”
“Oh, you know, just the normal McKinley High motto of, ‘fend for yourself and don’t make too much of a splash, you poor queer,’” Sebastian snarked. He could feel the glare Kurt gave the back of his head as he walked by and heard the offended gasp from Rachel. “Speaking of, I’m saving a seat for Blaine in case he wants to come watch with us after his scene.” He took off his jacket (one that Blaine had picked out for the occasion) and draped it over the aisle seat, then took his own seat next to it, leaving the spot between him and Trent for Unique.
She walked by a few moments later, looking like she was trying to decide where to sit and looking very uncomfortable in her masculine clothing. “Unique!” He called after her, noticing the way Kurt’s head turned at the sound of his voice. He and Rachel had sat only a couple of rows in front of them. “We’ve got a spot for you.”
Unique smiled gratefully and joined them. “I’m so glad you guys came,” she said, “everyone in the Glee club is in the show except me, and I don’t really have any other friends.”
“Why on earth would they cut you?” Nick asked.
Unique frowned. “My parents think it’s too dangerous for me to be…well, Unique, at school. So for now I’m just Wade.”
“It’s still bullshit,” Sebastian muttered. “They shouldn’t force you to hide to avoid the bullies, they should kick the bullies out for being bigots. Or at least make some move to protect you that doesn’t involve silencing someone as amazing as Unique Adams.”
Unique grinned. “Thanks, Seb.” She hugged him and he couldn’t help but smile as the lights began to dim in the theater.
For as much of a mess as McKinley always seemed to be, they were extremely talented and it was clear why they were always such a draw at competitions. Their rag-tag, underdog aesthetic worked to endear them to the audience. During Greased Lightning some of the boys took to the audience dancing in the aisles. Sam made a point of doing a very aggressive body roll right next to Sebastian while giving him a teasing wink. Sebastian just shook his head, fighting hard to keep a smile off his face and only breaking when Sam turned away to go back to the stage. Kurt was still turned, giving him a perplexed look and Sebastian raised an eyebrow, causing him to quickly turn back to the stage.
The house lights came up shortly after Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee and Sebastian turned to Unique. “Is Beauty School Dropout really in act two?”
Unique nodded, “Yeah, but it comes pretty quickly after intermission.”
Sebastian sighed. “I’m gonna go get a snack then; you guys want anything?”
“Snickers?” Jeff asked as Nick and Trent shook their heads.
“Unique?” Sebastian asked.
“Umm. A water and some twizzlers maybe? I’m gonna go backstage and say hi to everyone real quick.”
Sebastian nodded and headed out to the concession stand. Standing at the back of the line, he pulled out his phone to text Blaine but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind him. He turned to see Kurt and slowly pocketed his phone.
“Hummel,” he said with a strained smile.
“Why are you here?” Kurt asked with eyes that were wary and dark.
“Supporting my friends,” Sebastian said with a shrug and Kurt scoffed.
“You really expect me to believe that’s all you are?”
“I mean, I know Sam likes to flirt a lot for a straight guy, but he is still straight.”
Kurt glared at him. “You know I’m not talking about Sam.”
“Then who are you talking about, Kurt?” Sebastian’s crooked smile was sardonic as his voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Next!” The student running the stand shouted, and Sebastian turned back.
“Umm, two waters and a juice box, a snickers, a pack of twizzlers, and one of those extra large rice krispie treats.” Sebastian paid and gathered the food in his arms, starting back towards the theater but Kurt was quick with his purchase and caught up to him before he could reach the doors.
“I know you and Blaine are dating, “ he said, and Sebastian rolled his eyes as he turned.
“Oh you know, do you?”
“It’s obvious, and you need to stop. I know you only want one thing from him and Blaine deserves more than that.”
“You’re right,” Sebastian said with a steely gaze, “he does deserve more than that. So why aren’t you giving it to him?”
Kurt gaped.
“You see, Blaine and I aren’t dating, and we’re not sleeping together. Blaine’s legs are sealed pretty firmly shut for me, and that’s a fact I respect. Unlike some people,” he leveled Kurt with a dark glare. “So let me ask you something, Hummel. Why are you here?”
Kurt looked away. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“If you’re here to hurt my best friend, it’s my business. Because I’m the one who gets to sweep up the pieces when you break him again.”
“I won’t-”
“You will,” Sebastian said, and turned away to stalk back to his seat.
Unique was already there when he arrived and she saw Kurt hurrying back to his seat after Sebastian sat down. “Kurt’s not that bad of a guy,” she said as he handed her the twizzlers and water. He also passed the snickers to Jeff and sat the juice box in his lap for Blaine.
“Tell that to Blaine’s nightmares,” he grumbled, sinking low in his seat as he broke the rice krispie treat in half. He wrapped one of the pieces up for Blaine and nibbled angrily on his own.
The lights dimmed and the show began again. Unique was right, it wasn’t long before Blaine was on stage, singing his heart out as Teen Angel.
He sounded incredible.
He looked incredible.
He was incredible.
Sebastian’s grin was huge, almost matching Blaine’s own as he performed. Blaine really was made to be in front of an audience and he thrived on the energy of the room. Despite everything, being on stage was always going to be the thing that made him the happiest. His voice cracked slightly near the end of the song and Sebastian could see that Blaine had spotted Kurt in the audience, but he recovered quickly. His smile, however, had transitioned from the pure joy of before to a slightly more strained showman smile.
Sebastian was on his feet without even thinking about it, screaming and applauding for Blaine the second his final notes rang out across the audience. Unique, Nick, Jeff, and Trent all quickly joined him, cheering obnoxiously for him and a few other audience members stood as well. Eventually he settled back into his seat and once again Kurt was staring at him with knitted eyebrows.
Blaine snuck down the aisle to join them not long after, though he had thrown a jacket over his pure white outfit so he didn’t stand out so much.
“You were amazing,” Sebastian whispered, handing him the juice box and rice krispie treat.
Blaine smiled bashfully and accepted them. “I think your standing ovation made that pretty clear,” he teased. His eyes darted to the side and caught on Kurt just ahead of them. His smile faltered again and Sebastian carefully wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in tight to his side.
Blaine seemed to relax through the rest of the show, letting himself enjoy the performances of his friends even though Sebastian knew it hurt to watch Ryder in the role of Danny. Blaine still stole the show.
“I need to talk to Kurt,” Blaine said, his eyes following Kurt and Rachel down the aisle of the auditorium. Sebastian stiffened at his side, hand flexing against Blaine’s lower back as he fought the urge to bawl it into a fist.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Sebastian said, trying to keep his teeth from gritting together.
“It’s the first time I’ve seen him since New Y–”
“Since he dumped you days after you got kicked out of your house?”
“Seb,” Blaine said softly, eyes peering up at him with soft patience, “you know he doesn’t know about that.”
“Yeah, because he was a shit boyfriend.”
“Sebastian–”
“Killer, you know talking to him will only hurt you.”
Blaine’s eyes hardened slightly, “maybe so, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.” Blaine pulled away from Sebastian’s arms. “I’m not made of porcelain, Seb, I can take care of myself.”
“Blai–”
“I need to talk to him, so I’m going to. I’ll catch a ride back with Trent if you don’t want to wait for me.” Blaine didn’t wait for a response, just turned quickly and hurried out of the theater.
“Blaine!” He heard his name being called and turned to see Burt and Carole standing off to the side. “You were amazing!” Carole said, a bright smile on her face. Burt’s smile was a little more strained but it still felt - genuine. He didn’t hate Blaine, but it was still awkward.
“Oh thank you,” Blaine said, breath catching in his throat as Carole pulled him into a tight hug. “I…I was just looking for Kurt, is he still-”
“I think he just went to the bathroom to give Rachel and Finn some privacy to talk,” Burt said. “I’m sure he’d…like to see you.” Burt gave him a pat on the shoulder with a knowing nod towards the hallway Kurt had likely headed toward.
“Thank you,” Blaine said with a grateful smile as he turned in the direction Burt had indicated. He caught Sebastian’s eye as he exited the auditorium and quickly looked away, not wanting whatever expression Sebastian had to influence his courage.
Kurt wasn’t hard to find, as he was lingering in front of a case of Cheerios awards in the hallway, but that didn’t stop Blaine’s heart from quickly lurching into his throat. New York had been good to Kurt, the line of his jaw had become more pronounced and the designer scarf he’d likely managed to thrift or get from his new Vogue job did an amazing job at highlighting it. The soft curve of his coiffed hair with the few blonde highlights just made him look so much older than barely nineteen, and Blaine’s palms began to sweat.
Kurt turned, and his face tightened as soon as his eyes landed on Blaine.
Blaine’s words caught in his throat and he didn’t know what to say but managed to squeak out the quietest of “hey”s.
They stood in the tensest of silences before Blaine finally forced out, “I need to talk to you.”
Kurt shook his head immediately, like it was an instinctual response. “I don’t think I can.”
Blaine swallowed thickly, “I…I know. I understand - but I never told you about that night.”
Kurt turned abruptly and started walking away. “I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Kurt, please,” Blaine said, voice tinged with desperation as he followed after him.
Kurt rounded on his heel, “What are you gonna tell me? That it wasn’t serious? That you only made out? That you didn’t care about him?”
“I didn’t care–” Blaine tried weakly.
“Then why is he here? You didn’t expect me to show so you thought it would be fine to bring him to see this?” Kurt’s eyes were hot with angry tears.
“It wasn’t Sebastian!” Blaine said sharply, “he and I have never done anything like that.”
“You expect me to believe that when you’re constantly with him? Finn and I talk, I know you chose him over the Glee club.”
“I didn’t choose him over the club, I just couldn’t distance myself from him like they wanted. I would have chosen to stay if they would have let me.”
“While you’re sleeping with the enemy!”
“I’m not sleeping with Sebastian!” Blaine shouted. His heart was pounding in his chest. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He didn’t want to talk about Sebastian, he didn’t even want to talk about Eli. He just wanted to tell Kurt…he just wanted him to understand what was happening. But admitting he was living with Sebastian wouldn’t help anything. Kurt’s mind was set.
“Relationships are about trust, Blaine,” Kurt said, “and I don’t trust you anymore.”
And suddenly it clicked. Kurt couldn’t trust Blaine…but Blaine couldn’t trust Kurt. He had no idea if laying it all out would help Kurt trust him. He didn’t know if Kurt would even care about the ‘why’ behind it anymore. The only way to convince Kurt he was trustworthy would be to cut off Sebastian. And that just wasn’t a possibility. Even without the logistical concerns, Blaine needed someone who could be there for him, and Kurt wasn’t that anymore.
“Rachel was right…this isn’t home anymore. I don’t know why I came back here.” Kurt's eyes narrowed in a glare over Blaine’s shoulder and he turned again; and this time Blaine let him go.
The tears started silently streaming down his face, and Blaine knew there was no point in trying to stop them. He knew he was there before Sebastian’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and he carefully turned him into his arms, enveloping him in a gentle but firm hug. Blaine clutched desperately at his back as his brain tried to process what he was feeling. He’d been staying at McKinley, desperately trying to prove that he still belonged, that he could somehow get Kurt back but now he realized - it wasn’t healthy. This pressure of trying to prove himself to others wasn’t worth it. He needed stability and safety as he learned who the hell he was outside of his relationship with Kurt. He needed space.
“I’m going to transfer to Dalton,” he whispered into Sebastian’s chest, “this isn’t home anymore.”
Chapter Text
“So…” Sebastian started, standing in Blaine’s doorway the next morning. “Mom and dad are heading to Dalton to finish up the paperwork today and they had a question. Would you like to live in a dorm? Because…if so, we could get one together. I just - I couldn’t handle living with any of the Warblers, or living with a stranger, so I opted out. But if you want to live on campus, I’d be down to share a room.”
Blaine cocked his head to the side. “Have you ever shared a room with someone before, Mr. Only Child?”
Sebastian sighed, “I did it at summer camp when I was a kid and I didn’t enjoy it. But you smell a lot nicer than Spencer Reynolds and I don’t constantly want to punch you in the face.”
“Ah yes, of course, you only occasionally want to punch me in the face, I see.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes, “I occasionally want to punch everyone I interact with in the face, just be glad that you are fairly low on the list when it comes to people I’d actually punch.”
“But I am on the list?”
“...I plead the fifth.”
Blaine laughed, bright and joyful, and Sebastian grinned in return. “Seriously, though. The main pro of living in the dorms is the ease of getting up for early morning practice, be it for the Warblers or lacrosse. Also ease of access to Nick and his glorious supply of adult drinks. It’s just never been worth the risk of getting a really awful roommate. You would definitely not qualify as an awful roommate, and seeing as either way we’re living together, it could be fun to finally get the dorm experience of attending a private school.”
Blaine fiddled with his shirt sleeve. “Doesn’t it cost more to live in the dorms?” He asked.
Sebastian laughed, “technically it costs more to not live in the dorms. There’s a fee for opting out of the student housing without a valid reason. Pretty sure they’d waive it for you since you’re starting mid semester. But also…you don’t own a lot so you could move in tomorrow and probably be all set.”
“What’s your valid reason for not living in the dorms?” Blaine asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Sebastian asked and Blaine raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m way too sexy, they were nervous about all of my roommates being too distracted from their studies by trying to fuck my brains out.”
Blaine let out a startled laugh. “And what makes you think you could now convince them it’s a good idea for us to share a room.”
“The fact that we’re best friends, obviously,” Sebastian said matter of factly, “we’d clearly strive to protect our friendship over giving into the sexual tension. Plus, we already live together. If it was gonna be a problem, it already would be.”
Blaine nodded with a perplexed smile. “When you put it that way, there’s clearly no reason for us not to live in the dorms together…except that you do own a lot of stuff that would need to be moved.”
“Which is obviously why I already called in the cavalry. The boys are headed over right now - they don’t know that they’re being roped into helping me pack, but they also don’t know you’re transferring. So I‘m hoping the latter will lessen the blow of the former. I also might have called Sam and the girls as well about turning this into a bonafide ‘Blaine is Transferring!’ Party later in the evening once most of the packing is done.”
Blaine’s smile faltered a little bit. He had told Sam, and he let Sam tell the girls. But he hadn’t bothered himself with worrying about how anyone else would find out. He emptied out his locker the previous night and texted Sam before someone else could break the news to him (he was pretty sure he saw Becky spying on him and Sebastian from around the corner). Sam’s texts had been…supportive but in a very subdued and Un-Sam-Like way.
Blaine still wasn’t sure how pissed Sam was that he had decided to transfer without even consulting him - but he also thought Sam probably understood why it needed to happen. That didn’t mean he would be any happier about it.
Sebastian cautiously approached the bed and sat down next to Blaine. Blaine immediately curled himself into Sebastian’s side and let the strong embrace soothe the ache in his heart.
“He didn’t sound upset,” Sebastian offered. “In fact he seemed quite excited to get an invite to come see you again.”
Blaine tried to smile but he still had a stomach full of guilt about leaving Sam alone to pick up the pieces of the Glee club in the wake of his transfer.
“I think he just misses you, but as long as we make sure he knows he’s always welcome here, or in our dorm, he’ll be fine. He knows this was the best choice for you.”
Blaine nodded against Sebastian’s shoulder. He took a few deep breaths, letting the scent of Sebastian’s aftershave wash over him for a few seconds before pulling away.
“We should make sure we catch your parents before they leave, or this packing party tonight could all be for nothing.”
The Warblers’ raucous joy over the news of Blaine’s transfer certainly did help quell his anxiety and guilt over the whole situation. They barely even batted an eye when Sebastian hustled them all upstairs to help him pack. He didn’t have to take that much with him to school, he just really wanted to give Blaine a chance to be fawned over by the boys while not having to be the center of attention for a bit.
They were done loading everything into Sebastian’s car that they couldn’t go without for a few days within an hour. Blaine’s McKinley friends showed up soon after and he was swept up into a whirlwind of games and heartfelt conversations.
Sam pulled Sebastian aside and into his bedroom once Blaine was thoroughly distracted.
“What happened?” Sam asked him, as soon as he shut the door behind them. “He seemed…he seemed good yesterday before the performance. Anxious but fine. Why is he transferring?”
“He hasn’t been fine for a while now,” Sebastian said, sitting on the edge of his bed, “and you know that. But… Kurt was there. And they got into a fight. And I think it was the last straw for him.”
Sam frowned. “But…Kurt seemed excited to see him. Well, maybe more anxious. But-”
“But he’s Kurt, which means all he is capable of doing is making Blaine feel worse,” Sebastian snapped.
Sam looked at him, startled. “Bro, I know you don’t like him, but he and Blaine were together for two years. They had their ups and downs but their relationship wasn’t all bad.”
Sebastian grit his teeth.
“Just because you’re jealous of him-”
“I am not jealous!” Sebastian said, a little louder than he intended. “I’m not,” he repeated more quietly, “I just hate the effect he has on Blaine. Blaine doesn’t even feel safe enough to tell him about living with me.”
“Well, yeah,” Sam scoffed, like Sebastian was being ridiculous. “Because it’s you.”
“What does that mean?”
Sam stared at him, nonplussed. “I’m not an idiot. I see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. One day or another you two are going to bone, and Kurt knows that too. Especially now that he’s out of the way. It’s only a matter of time.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. He knew Sam was right. At least about what Kurt thought.
“I don’t plan on-” Sebastian knew he couldn’t lie to Sam. He didn’t plan on it, but he wanted to. He wanted Blaine, and for the first time, Sebastian actually thought he might be able to have him. But that couldn’t be his focus. Blaine wasn’t ready for that, and wouldn’t be for a while. But Sebastian would wait. He’d always wait for him.
“I’m not going to hurt him,” he finally said. It was the only thing he could promise. And he desperately hoped he could keep that promise.
They returned to the party, and Blaine’s eyes locked on Sebastian as soon as he reentered the room. He had a smile on his face but his brow creased with worry as he made his way over to him. Sam quickly darted away to join a game of Cards Against Humanity that was starting in the living room, leaving Blaine and Sebastian to talk.
“Where’d you two slip off to?” Blaine asked, eyes anxiously following Sam’s retreating back.
“I’m pretty sure I just got the dad talk,” Sebastian joked. “Sam was describing all the ways he would mutilate my body if I tried anything untoward with you now that we’re sharing a room.”
Blaine laughed and shook his head. “He absolutely did not.”
“Cross my heart,” Sebastian said, throwing an arm around Blaine’s shoulder to lead him over to the group. “Which means we definitely can’t tell him about, well, y’know.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow at him. “Unless I blacked out and forgot something…”
“No, no,” Sebastian waved a hand, “he just can’t know how irresistible you find me.”
Blaine shoved him away with a laugh but Sebastian just caught him around his waist and pulled him back in with his chin resting on Blaine’s shoulder.
“I’ll keep fighting off your advances, Blainey. But he can never learn about them. The things he described,” Sebastian shuddered, “I can’t even say them.”
“Hardy har har, you wish,” Blaine said, even as he settled into Sebastian’s grasp, his head tipping so they were pressed cheek to cheek.
Sam gave Sebastian a knowing smirk when they settled into the group, fully in each other’s personal space as always. Blaine’s legs in Sebastian’s lap, Sebastian’s arms wrapped tight around his waist. He knew what it looked like, not just to Sam, but to everyone.
And maybe they weren’t crazy. Maybe he’d get lucky. Maybe Sebastian could get the happy ending.
Chapter 12
Notes:
Trigger warnings for this chapter: underage drinking, allusions to sexual assault, depiction of a panic attack, and discussions of suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental health issues
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
To everyone else, Blaine seemed to adjust to Dalton like a fish to water. Back in his old pond that he’d missed so much, he appeared to be thriving. He didn’t even have to audition for the Warblers, Hunter just stopped by his and Sebastian’s dorm to confirm he would be at practice that evening.
At practice Hunter asked Blaine if there were any songs he’d be interested in singing for a solo and if he and Sebastian could come up with a duet that fit them. A romantic one preferably.
Blaine spluttered out a nervous explanation that they weren’t together, but Hunter held up a hand.
“I don’t care whether you’re dating or not, it’s not my business. What I do know is that you two have the most star power and chemistry the judges will eat up. Playing romance will help us win, so that’s what you’ll do.”
It was clear Hunter would not be swayed, so Blaine nodded a little shakily and ignored Sebastian’s proffered hand. When they got up to begin rehearsing the solo Sebastian already had picked out, Sebastian swept a comforting hand along Blaine’s lower back, but left it at that.
The Warblers were well into the choreography stage of Live While We’re Young and Blaine was overwhelmed. The Warblers of his era had mostly just doo-wopped behind him, and though The New Directions had always done more choreography, they’d never been on the level of the Warblers since Sebastian joined. And Blaine felt a little out of his depth.
At the end of practice, Blaine was dripping with sweat and breathing heavily. Hunter approached him with a wide smile.
“You’re doing great, Anderson. And if you feel like you’re falling behind, let me know, I’ve got some tips that can help.” Hunter winked at him in a way Blaine neither understood nor liked.
Back in their dorm, Blaine collapsed on the bed and draped his arm over his eyes. Sebastian stared at him fondly for a minute before slipping onto Blaine’s bed behind him and leaning against the headboard. As soon as he’d settled Blaine scooted back so his head could rest in Sebastian’s lap. Sebastian let his fingers absentmindedly stroke up and down Blaine’s back.
“How’re you feeling, Killer?” Sebastian asked after letting Blaine simply bask in the affection for a while.
Blaine shrugged. “Tired,” he said and then paused for a while. “Anxious. Guilty. Overwhelmed.”
Sebastian nodded. “Anything I can do to help?”
“This is helping,” Blaine said. He’d gotten so used to Sebastian’s affection, he sometimes forgot to wonder how Mr. “I met the love of my life at Scandals and dumped him twenty minutes later” was so okay with giving Blaine this much and not asking for something in return.
Eventually Blaine had recharged enough energy to get up and try to start on his mountain of homework. Transferring in the middle of a semester was almost enough to send him back to McKinley with his tail tucked between his legs. But then he looked up from his desk to see Sebastian lounging on Blaine’s bed still, a copy of Pride and Prejudice in his hands.
Sebastian looked up after a time, feeling Blaine’s eyes on him. He smirked and turned his attention back to the book. “Careful with those bedroom eyes, Anderson,” he said, “you know what Sam will do to me if I cave to your desires.”
Blaine rolled his eyes. “When was the last time you got laid, Seb?” Blaine asked.
Sebastian slowly lowered his book and slipped a Lima Bean coffee sleeve into his spot as he put it aside. “Why?” he asked.
“You’ve been spending every waking moment that you’re not in school or at practice with me. And I know you, Bas. All this flirting with no reward has got to be driving you crazy.”
Sebastian’s brow furrowed. “What brought this on?”
“I just don’t want you stewing in sexual frustration because of me.” Blaine wouldn’t meet his eye.
Sebastian stood up and carefully crossed the small space to crouch in front of Blaine. He nudged his chin up with a gentle hand. “Has my flirting been making you uncomfortable?” He asked. Blaine tried to look away but Sebastian kept a firm grip on his chin to hold him in place. “I know it made you nervous in the beginning and I only started again because you seemed okay with it. But I can knock it off if that’s not the case.”
“It’s not that,” Blaine said, finally letting himself look into Sebastian’s eyes. “I just don’t want you missing out because I’m taking up all your time.”
“What, missing out on bad decisions and boys whose names I can’t remember? Maybe you’re saving me.”
Blaine gave him a withering stare. “You should go out sometime. Go to Scandals, have some fun.”
“I really don’t–”
“So you prefer being stuck with me all day?”
“I certainly don’t mind it.”
“But you need adventure, Sebastian. You’re going to get bored–”
“I'm not bored of you, Blaine.”
“I just… I just don’t want you to resent me.” Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but Blaine covered his mouth with his hand. “I can’t - I can’t fulfill all your needs the way you’ve been fulfilling mine. And you shouldn’t have to suffer just because I’m a mess right now.”
Sebastian sighed and removed Blaine’s hand. None of this mattered to him, but he could tell Blaine was dead set on it. “On one condition,” he said.
Blaine nodded cautiously.
“You come with me.”
Blaine started to protest.
“You could also use some fun. Maybe a night of dancing could do you some good?”
“But–”
“Humor me, okay? If you hate it, we can come back home.”
Blaine hmmphed in protest.
Sebastian sighed. “Fine, if you hate it, I’ll call you a taxi, and I’ll stay. Happy?”
Blaine accepted the counteroffer. “I don’t think I can focus on homework anymore tonight,” Blaine said.
“Wanna watch a movie?” Sebastian said, happy to distract Blaine.
“As long as it’s not Mad Max ,” Blaine warned.
“But I thought you were trying to get me to focus on myself,” Sebastian teased.
Blaine groaned. “Fine, just not the first one.”
“ The Road Warrior is the superior option anyways, Anderson.”
They did decide that heading to Scandals on a school night was a little ambitious, so Blaine let Sebastian push it off until the weekend. But by the time the weekend came, Sebastian was almost ready to call it off.
Even as Blaine settled in at Dalton and quickly got back into the rhythm of the Warbler’s rehearsal schedule, Sebastian watched him apply eye brightener and concealer to the dark circles under his eyes every morning.
Because Blaine was barely sleeping. Every night he woke up in a cold sweat with a hoarse shout within a couple hours of falling asleep. It didn’t matter if Sebastian held him while he fell asleep and returned to his own bed afterwards, or if Sebastian decided to remain in bed with him. Sebastian would always wake up to Blaine’s whimpers and cries, or his hands clutching desperately to Sebastian’s sleep shirt.
Sebastian tried everything he could think of to help Blaine sleep through the night. Soothing music, white noise, bedtime podcasters with relaxing voices. Yoga, meditation, melatonin. Nothing worked.
By Thursday he had pushed their beds together so that they would always be within arms reach, but didn’t have to be completely encompassing each other while they slept.
But Blaine seemed to operate just the same as he had been before the switch to Dalton and Sebastian had to wonder…how long had it been since Blaine got a full night’s sleep?
He tried to bring up canceling their Scandals night, but the mere mention of it caused Blaine to give him the saddest and most pleading look that he immediately dropped it.
When they entered the bar, Blaine’s eyes were a little too wide and a little too glassy, so Sebastian threw his arm across his shoulders and pulled him tight to his side.
“Bas,” Blaine complained, but didn’t actually try to pull away, “you’re never going to find someone if you’re this close to me all night.”
“Who says I want to find someone? Maybe I just want to dance the night away with my best friend.”
Blaine gave him an exaggerated pout and Sebastian sighed, releasing him. “Yeah, yeah, I see you’re still on the ‘get Sebastian laid’ train, but at least let me get a drink first.”
Blaine obliged and they both took a seat at the bar as Sebastian waved over the bartender. Sebastian ordered for both of them and handed his card over to hold the tab. Sebastian finished his drink quickly and ordered a second while Blaine was still nursing his beer.
“Trying to stay sober tonight, Killer?” He asked.
“Don’t want to lose too much control. This - it’s not like drinking with the Warblers. I know I can get as drunk as I like with them and Sam and the girls, because they’ll never…well, think I’m looking for something more than human contact.”
“I’ll keep an eye out for you, Blaine, you know I will.”
“But I don’t want you to have to, I want you to have fun and not worry about me for a single night.”
“I don’t mi–”
“I know,” Blaine snapped, “I know you don’t mind. But I mind. You’re eighteen, Sebastian. You need to be a teenager. It shouldn't be your job to take care of my mental health.”
Sebastian swallowed down the last of his drink, looking to the ceiling. “How do I make you understand you’re not a burden, Anderson?”
“By going out on that dance floor and having fun, and by fucking some hot piece of ass in the bathroom, okay?”
Sebastian sighed and looked toward the dance floor. “Are you going to come with me?”
Blaine looked down at his mostly full beer. “Yeah, once I finish here, but go scout out the hotties first. I’ll be your wingman when I’m ready.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes, getting up from the bar. “I don’t need a wingman, Killer. You should know that!” He shouted as he walked backwards to the small smattering of people dancing.
Blaine smiled at him, but stayed where he was.
“Smythe’s not giving you too much trouble, I hope.” Blaine turned in surprise to see Dave Karofsky sitting a few stools down. Blaine didn’t know how to react to seeing him. He’d never visited Karofsky in the hospital because he’d only had bad experiences with the older boy. But now he was sitting there with his own beer, giving Blaine a small smile and a sympathetic nod of his head.
“I - what?” Blaine asked.
“Sebastian. I know he’s not as big of an ass as he used to be, but you let me know if you need help handling him.”
Blaine let out a startled laugh. Was Karofsky offering to protect him? From Sebastian? Blaine looked out to see Sebastian watching him from the dance floor, his brow knit even as he moved to the music. Blaine waved him off and turned back to Karofsky, sliding down a seat so he could hear him better.
“He’s fine, but thanks for the offer,” Blaine said, letting himself return the smile.
Karofsky nodded. “Hummel know you’re here with him?” He asked casually.
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck. “Um…no, actually. But we broke up, so…”
“It’s not his business anymore, I understand.”
Blaine nodded. “How’re you doing?”
“Well…I’m alive, so that's something.”
Blaine smiled and laughed. Blaine knew Sebastian probably would have blanched at the comment, but he understood the feeling. “Same here,” he said.
“Glad to see it,” Karofsky replied and then glanced out at the dance floor. “Smythe has not taken his eyes off you since he went out there.”
Blaine looked out to confirm, and sure enough Sebastian was watching him closely even as another boy was clearly trying to get his attention by grinding up behind him.
“He’s protective,” Blaine said. “I don’t think he realizes it’s you.”
“Oh, so he wouldn’t feel threatened by me, then?”
“No, it’s not that. He’d just know I wasn’t being incessantly hit on.”
Karofsky nodded and turned around to face the dance floor, taking his hat off and giving Sebastian a wave with it. His eyes went wide for a moment before he looked back to Blaine who just gave him a thumbs up. Sebastian nodded and finally let his attention be dragged to the boy dancing with him.
Blaine spent a while talking with Karofsky, even ordering a second and a third beer on Sebastian’s tab before Sebastian came back over in search of another drink.
“Karofsky,” he said with a nod.
“He’s cute,” Blaine said, his eyes lingering on the boy still on the dance floor, staring longingly at Sebastian.
Sebastian shrugged. “He’s fine.” He kicked back two shots quickly, and looked at Blaine. “But you,” he said, “promised to dance with me.”
“I’m talking with Karofsky,” Blaine protested.
“And he’ll still be here after you dance, but a promise is a promise, Killer.”
Sebastian took his hand and started walking backwards with a shimmy to his hips that was torn between being sexy and silly. Blaine laughed as he allowed himself to be pulled to the dance floor. “Watch my drink?” He called back to Karofsky who nodded with a bemused smile on his face.
Blaine was a lightweight, and he knew that. His tolerance had grown from spending so much time with Nick and his illicit stash, but not that much. And three beers had left him loose and relaxed as he followed Sebastian’s rhythm. He noticed the boy Sebastian had been dancing with earlier had given up and was dancing with a much older man. So Blaine let himself go and dance with Sebastian and just have fun.
The ease with which they moved was almost symbiotic as Sebastian pulled Blaine’s arms around his neck and let his own hands sling low across Blaine’s lower back. Blaine could feel the pulse of the music throughout his entire body as he mimicked the gentle swaying and twisting of Sebastian’s body with his own.
Sebastian’s breath was hot in his ear and Blaine felt his hands slip lower, his fingertips grazing the pockets on the back of Blaine’s jeans. Blaine squeezed himself tighter to Sebastian’s body, letting his head rest in the crook of Sebastian’s neck. He could see the muscles flexing as he breathed raggedly in the small space. He had an urge to kiss the vein he could see starting to pop under Sebastian’s skin, to run his tongue over it, maybe bite down and hear what kind of noise Sebastian would make if he did.
He vaguely realized that Sebastian’s knee had ended up between his own legs, but the pressure of it felt too good for him to care. He shuffled just a bit until Sebastian’s hands finally relaxed and rested gently on his ass. He nosed at the dip of Sebastian’s collar bone and listened to the way Sebastian’s breath stuttered.
This was a bad idea. Blaine knew that the tension between them was holding on by a thread. It was ready to snap at any moment and change everything about their relationship. It could be beautiful. It could be awful. No matter what, it was dangerous.
But Sebastian’s arms felt like safety. And Blaine did not want to leave.
He lost track of the number of songs they danced to, most of the lyrics a blur in his brain. At some point, Sebastian edged his hand under Blaine’s chin and pulled his face up to look him in the eye. Sebastian’s pupils were blown, his forehead drenched with sweat and he was looking very curiously at Blaine. Blaine’s eyes darted down to Sebastian’s lips, the music and the thigh between his legs leaving his head swimming, empty, and full of desire. The alcohol removed just enough of his inhibitions for Blaine to squash the looming thought that this moment could destroy him if it went wrong.
It was Sebastian. He’d never let it go wrong.
Sebastian started to lean in and Blaine almost closed the gap, his mouth open and panting and wanting. But then his eyes caught on a different face on the edge of the crowd, watching him closely. His blood ran cold as fear spiked through his veins. Sebastian immediately noticed the change and started to apologize but Blaine just grabbed his hand and dragged him back over to the bar.
“Blaine,” Sebastian said once they had reached Karofsky who looked just as startled by Blaine’s panicked appearance.
“We have to leave,” Blaine said, terrified to look back and see where Eli was.
“What’s wrong?” Sebastian said, trying to cup Blaine’s face.
“We just need to leave, please,” Blaine begged.
Sebastian wanted to protest and figure out what had gone wrong, but he simply nodded. “Karofsky,” he said, turning to the other boy and leveling him with a hard stare, “take Blaine outside. Call Sam and ask him to come get us, I’ll pay the tab and be right there.”
“I–” Karofsky started.
“I’ll pay your tab too. Go.”
Karofsky obliged and ushered Blaine outside. Blaine was in panicked tears by the time they exited and just handed Karofsky his phone, unlocked, so he could call Sam. Sebastian was back at Blaine’s side as fast as he could be and wrapped him in a tight embrace, letting Blaine hide his face as they walked to the gas station down the road to wait for Sam.
“What happened back there?” Karofsky asked quietly.
“I don’t know,” Sebastian said. His own heart was beating rapidly, terrified that he was the one who had set Blaine off. But he’d seen how peaceful Blaine looked until he saw something (or someone?) behind Sebastian’s back. Sebastian carefully turned until he was facing back towards Scandals, Blaine still tucked safely in his arms. He saw a few people milling around the parking lot, but they were all too far away for Sebastian to recognize or even make out faces to begin with.
Sam was there in ten minutes, even though he lived twenty minutes away. They offered to drive Karofsky home but he said the night was still young and headed back to Scandals. Sebastian thanked him for his help and Karofsky shook his hand firmly.
“Just take care of Anderson, okay?” He said.
Sebastian nodded and slid into the backseat with Blaine. They wound up at Marley’s house because Sam didn’t have the gas to take them all the way home and refused to let Sebastian fill his tank. Again.
Marley had the kindest mom of any of The New Directions, next to Kurt and Finn, Sam said.
Sebastian had to admit he wasn’t lying when Mrs. Rose gladly accepted a clearly inebriated Sebastian and a nearly catatonic Blaine into her house without question, and let the three of them down into Marley’s basement bedroom.
Marley was immediately all over Blaine, ordering Sebastian and Sam around like they hadn’t dealt with enough of Blaine’s panic attacks to know what to do. But they let her, as Blaine clung to her side.
Blaine refused to talk about what had happened and only managed to say, “it’s not your fault, Seb,” before he shut down completely. Marley offered to drive them back in the morning, since she was already heading that way to see Nick and Jeff. Sebastian could tell she also wanted to keep a close eye on Blaine throughout the night. So they slept, and Marley soothed Blaine’s nightmares while Sebastian lay awake, wishing he knew how he could help.
Notes:
Hello, I have officially caught up to where my beta is at in her editing, and as she is very busy and I want to give her plenty of time, I will be switching to a weekly update schedule (posting updates on Fridays) for the remainder of the fic. Next chapter will be posted on 9/15. See you then!
Chapter 13
Notes:
Hello! This chapter is very late today because I had a very long shift at work, but it's here now!
I added a note to the end of the last chapter about this, but in case you missed it, here it is again. I have caught up to where my beta is at in her editing and as she is a very busy person who is helping me edit out of the goodness of her heart, I'm switching to once-a-week updates for the rest of the fic so she has plenty of time. So new chapters will now be posted every Friday.
TWs for this chapter: Discussions of PTSD, eating disorders, and other mental health disorders, therapy, child abandonment, and depictions of disassociation.
Without further ado, it's time for Sectionals.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“He needs therapy,” Nick said the next day, when Blaine had gone off to practice his solo in the Warbler Commons and Marley had headed back to Lima. He, Jeff, Sebastian, and Trent were all sitting on the floor of Blaine and Sebastian’s dorm. They could see the beds shoved together, and now they knew it wasn’t for any fun reasons.
“I’m worried suggesting that will make him think…that I can’t handle this. That he’s too much.” Sebastian said; he had Blaine’s pillow held close to his chest and no one had commented on it.
“He’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want this to be your problem, Bas,” Jeff reminded, placing a gentle hand on his knee. “And the best way for that to become possible is for him to get professional help.”
Sebastian still looked unsure.
“Here, let me check with my therapist, okay?” Trent said. “She works with all sorts of mood disorders, PTSD included.”
“He doesn’t have PTSD,” Sebastian said absentmindedly. Everyone gave him a look. “Okay, he probably has PTSD.”
“She’s very patient and kind, she’s very accepting of everyone, really.”
“Great, she’s not homophobic, it doesn’t mean Blaine will open up to her,” Sebastian said sharply. “He barely opens up to me half the time.”
“Maybe that’s because he doesn’t want you to worry. With her - it’s her job. It might be easier, Bas.”
Sebastian laid down on the floor, stretching like a cat before hugging Blaine’s pillow back to his chest. He didn’t know how to feel about Blaine needing more than him. Logically it made sense, but his heart still ached to know that he couldn’t fix this for Blaine.
“I’ll talk to him about it,” he said finally.
Trent, Nick, and Jeff all exchanged proud smiles before they dogpiled on top of Sebastian in a group hug. Sebastian squawked but it turned into a laugh halfway through.
Actually getting Blaine signed up for therapy was harder than it seemed. He technically had insurance, but it was through his mom whom he still couldn’t contact. The Smythes were willing to foot the bill but Blaine was nervous about taking more money from them. Eventually they found an LGBT charity that was willing to pay most of the cost, and Sebastian covered the rest.
But then he needed a parent’s signature to start since he was seventeen until February.
Luckily, with Sebastian’s father being a lawyer, he immediately had paperwork drawn up to transfer guardianship of Blaine to the Smythes, but after the papers were served to Blaine’s mother and stepfather, it was a waiting game.
Blaine started seeing Dalton’s guidance counselor while they waited. She wasn’t exactly what he needed, but she helped. And Blaine started sleeping again. He’d wake up some nights, but most of them he managed to sleep all the way through and eventually, Sebastian was able to separate their beds again.
William called Blaine two days before Sectionals. He’d received the signed paperwork back from his mother. The Smythes were officially his guardians - he could start therapy.
Blaine held it together on the phone, but crumpled the moment he hung up. He’d been trying to contact his mother for months. Nearly a full year at this point, long before his stepfather had kicked him out. And she hadn’t even called him to ask what this transfer of guardianship was about.
Sebastian returned soon after and held him tight as he mourned the loss of his mother. He then helped Blaine call and schedule his first appointment.
Blaine threw himself into Sectionals rehearsals with a ferocity no one had seen before. He needed the distraction, he needed to not think about his mom. He needed to prove he was still worth something, even if she’d thrown him away so easily.
Sebastian rehearsed alongside him - anytime Blaine was practicing, so was he. They worked themselves ragged until the day before the competition when Hunter forced them to take a break and go on vocal rest until they were on stage, ready to perform.
Blaine and Sebastian were in the corner together, drinking Throat Coat with honey while everyone else had a last minute rehearsal without them. Sebastian was teasing him as they used Sebastian’s phone to type to each other. Blaine felt the familiar buzz in his head from Scandals, but knew it had nothing to do with alcohol. Sebastian was leaning over him, his hand resting on the wall above Blaine’s head as he tapped out another message. The only thing Blaine could smell was Sebastian and it was making him dizzy. He just wanted to turn his brain off and bask in the serenity he was feeling in this moment.
But then his phone started to ring in his pocket.
Blaine’s heart stopped when he looked at the caller ID. “I… I need to take this,” he said softly, and ducked out from under Sebastian’s arm. He didn’t meet his eyes as he hurried from the room, hoping he could hide the panic he was feeling enough that Sebastian wouldn’t follow him.
He ducked under a ladder backstage to give himself something to hold onto and took a deep breath, staring at Kurt’s name on his phone screen for a moment more before finally accepting the call.
“H-hello?” he stuttered out, grimacing at the way the greeting caught in his throat.
“Hey, can you hear me? It’s kinda loud out here” Kurt asked, and Blaine could hear the sound of New York’s night life in the background, sirens and horns and the general buzz of Brooklyn on Thanksgiving.
“Yeah, yeah, I can hear you.”
“Have - have either of you performed yet? You or…everyone else?”
Blaine’s heart thudded. He knew Finn would have told Kurt about his transfer but hearing him acknowledge it sent a cold chill of guilt down his spine. A stronger person would have told Kurt himself, but Blaine didn’t have it in him.
“Um, no, not yet. The Warblers are going on in a few and New Directions are after us…” He didn’t know why Kurt had called but he also didn’t know when would be his next chance to talk to him and he needed to tell him…something. That his transfer didn’t mean he didn’t want Kurt back, or that he was dating Sebastian, or even that he’d turned his back on his McKinley friends. “Look, Kurt, I just want you to know that no matter–”
“Just let me talk for a second,” Kurt cut him off and Blaine’s mouth snapped shut. “Look, you’ve said you’re sorry a million times and…I believe you.” Kurt’s breathing was shaky even though his voice was steady. “And I’m trying to forgive you, but I’m just not there yet. But it’s Thanksgiving and it's Sectionals…I miss you like crazy.”
Tears pooled in Blaine’s eyes.
“And I can’t stand not talking to you even though I’m mad at you, ‘cause you’re still my best friend.”
“You’re mine too,” Blaine rushed out. It wasn’t a lie, but…it also wasn’t the full truth. Blaine knew Kurt would always mean the world to him, and he would always think of Kurt as one of his dearest friends, whether or not they fixed their relationship in the future. But there was a slight tinge of guilt at the back of his throat, feeling like he was betraying Sebastian by not acknowledging the depth of their friendship after everything he’d done for Blaine. “I-I…I need you to know, Sebastian and have a duet together. Hunter, he thought our chemistry was one of our best chances for a win after…well, after I transferred. But - it’s just for show, I promise. If…if Finn or someone else tells you about it, I want you to know it’s not real.”
Kurt was silent for a long moment.
“At Christmas…” Kurt took a deep breath, “we need to have a mature heart to heart, we can talk more about it then…and maybe if it’s cold enough we can go ice skating and get hot chocolate – anywhere but The Lima Bean, because when I was working there I saw a mouse.”
Blaine laughed, a slightly hysterical burst of sound. “We’re gonna see each other at Christmas?” He asked, throat clogged with tears.
“Yeah,” Kurt said and then seemed stumped as to what to say. “I - I would say don’t let the Warblers win but…”
“I am a Warbler,” Blaine finished for him.
“Yeah so…don’t let Sebastian hog the spotlight, and break a leg. Happy Thanksgiving.”
Blaine took a deep breath. “Happy Thanksgiving,” he said and he knew deep in his gut he should leave it there but, god, he didn’t want to. “Kurt, I love you so much.”
The silence on the other end felt like it dragged on forever, but it was only seconds before Kurt’s own thick voice responded. “I love you, too.”
Blaine hung up and wiped his wet eyes on the sleeve of his blazer.
“Who was that?” Sebastian asked from the shadows.
Blaine didn’t jump. His body was attuned to Sebastian’s presence, knowing he’d have followed him - always so protective even if Blaine’s conscious mind hadn’t acknowledged he was there. “Oh it was…it was just Burt. He wanted to wish me luck, since he didn’t know if he’d be welcome in the Warbler green room.” The lie came smoothly, as easily as telling Sebastian he definitely hadn’t spent all afternoon in his bed staring at photos of Kurt on his phone while he was at lacrosse practice. Anything to keep Sebastian from worrying too much about him. And bringing up Kurt always made Sebastian worry, no matter the context.
Sebastian’s gaze was suspicious, his eyes narrowed and Blaine knew he didn’t believe him, but he also knew Sebastian wouldn’t push him on it. He rarely voiced his opinion on Kurt even though Blaine could always see his distaste clearly in the clench of his jaw and the aggravated twitch of his nose.
“Of course…wouldn’t want Mr. Hummel thinking anything untoward was happening between us.” Sebastian’s gaze flashed with the barest hint of tears and Blaine’s heart clenched. He knew Sebastian could never give him the kind of romance Kurt could. That so much of his attraction was purely sexual and that Blaine simply needed more than that. But sometimes when he looked at him like that, the irresponsible voice in the back of his head whispered that maybe Sebastian could love him exactly like he needed.
“Don’t worry, Seb. We would never want Sam to think there was a reason why we couldn’t be roommates anymore, now would we? Just covering our bases so everyone knows what damn good actors we are.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes and slung his arm around Blaine’s shoulder. “Well don’t spread it too far, we still want the judges to believe it, don’t we?”
Blaine’s first song had been entirely his choice. My Dark Side had been resonating with him for a long time. He knew a more fun and upbeat song was what the Warblers had always been known for, but he would leave that role to Sebastian. One thing he’d learned from Kurt was that putting his heart on the line resonated with the audience. It was part of what endeared everyone to The New Directions so much. The fanfare and choreography took a backseat to raw emotion and the ragtag team’s love for performing.
He wasn’t expecting it to hit so much closer to home after his mother had handed him off to the Smythes, people she didn’t even know.
He started at center stage alone, the other Warblers providing backup vocals from the wings. The song terrified him to sing in front of strangers, in front of the New Directions. It had taken him until the last week of prep, after only rehearsing with Sebastian, to finally tell Hunter that this was the song he wanted to sing. But he knew that another song would feel false. Any of the breakup songs he’d thought about, they all blamed Kurt. And he couldn’t do that. But this one, this one acknowledged his faults alongside his need for someone to see them and not hate him for it.
He was starting to realize Sebastian was doing that. But he didn’t know what to think of the other boy’s unrelenting friendship. Even as they’d grown more comfortable and Sebastian had started slipping in small flirtations again, he never actually pressured Blaine for anything more. That night at Scandals had been something they’d built together. In the heat of the moment. And they hadn’t spoken of it since.
The other Warblers came out during the first chorus and danced around him. Blaine’s steps were very simple. Hunter wanted him to connect with the audience and make them feel what Blaine was trying to express. His eyes flickered over to where the New Directions sat. He couldn’t see most of their faces in the dark, but Finn sat at the front of the group with a frown on his face.
Blaine looked away, his eyes seeking out Sebastian in the group around him. He was close, his choreography designed to keep him near Blaine. The romance wasn’t supposed to start until the next song, but Blaine needed the support. Sebastian grinned at him, a tender twinkle in his eye. It restored his resolution as he took to the front of the stage for the last few lines and everyone else stepped into formation behind him.
Sebastian joined him as the song shifted, more upbeat and happy. It was a breakup song, technically, but it made Blaine’s heart soar when he sang it.
Sebastian:
I was reminiscing just the other day
While having coffee all alone, and Lord, it took me away
Back to a first glance feeling on New York time
Back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme
Took off faster than a green light, go
Yeah, you skip the conversation when you already know
I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made
And that was the first day
Blaine stepped close, grabbing his hand as they harmonized together.
Both:
And darling, it was good
Never looking down
And right there where we stood
Was holy ground
Sebastian spun Blaine quickly and let him go as they started to walk around the edges of the boys, never breaking eye contact.
Blaine:
Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress
We had this big wide city all to ourselves
We blocked the noise with the sound of 'I need you'
And for the first time I had something to lose
And I guess we fell apart in the usual way
And the story's got dust on every page
But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now
And I see your face in every crowd
They ducked through the lines of red blazers, playing a teasing game of hide and seek as the other Warblers danced around them.
Both:
'Cause darling, it was good
Never looking down
And right there where we stood
Was holy ground
Sebastian caught Blaine around the middle and sang directly into his ear, his chest hugged close to Blaine’s back.
Sebastian:
Tonight I'm gonna dance
For all that we've been through
But I don't wanna dance
If I'm not dancing with you
Blaine turned carefully in Sebastian’s grasp, slinging his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders. They’d rehearsed this so many times, and yet it always set the butterflies alight in Blaine’s stomach. He was regularly this close to Sebastian. Looking into each others’ eyes, Sebastian’s mouth was close enough that Blaine felt like he could just shift onto his toes and close the gap. It would never stop reminding him of that night at Scandals, when he’d almost done just that before everything went wrong.
Blaine:
Tonight I'm gonna dance
Like you were in this room
But I don't wanna dance
If I'm not dancing with you
The warmth of Sebastian’s hands on his back and his breath on Blaine’s face always made him dizzy. But it ended too soon and Sebastian was ducking out of his arms, grabbing his hand and dancing to the front of the stage for the final chorus.
Both:
It was good
Never looking down
And right there where we stood
Was holy ground
Tonight I'm gonna dance
For all that we've been through
But I don't wanna dance
If I'm not dancing with you
Tonight I'm gonna dance
Like you were in this room
But I don't wanna dance
If I'm not dancing with you
Blaine was barely aware throughout Sebastian’s solo, Live While We’re Young . His body moved on autopilot through the choreography, even as he felt the bright smile on his own face. He knew it was just acting on Sebastian’s part, and it should just be acting for him too. But he’d never gotten to act the romantic role with another guy…except Kurt. It was always girls where the distinction was easy to make. No matter how romantic the scene, he was alway kissing Rachel Berry or some other young ingénue at the end.
He didn’t even actually get to kiss Sebastian, and yet he was breathless for reasons other than the rigorous choreography he was performing. Sebastian made eye contact with him multiple times throughout the song, with a grin to match Blaine’s own. Bright and genuine, not the sly teasing smirk he usually gave whenever he jokingly flirted with Blaine. And Blaine’s heart fluttered every time.
Sebastian pulled him to the front of the group to hold his hand while they bowed before exiting the stage, but he didn’t let go once they were in the wings, or back in the green room, or when they quietly snuck into seats to watch The New Directions perform.
Blaine tried to convince himself it was all part of the act, but Hunter had never instructed them to keep it up this long. But if it wasn’t an act…Blaine shut that thought down immediately. His own feelings aside, Sebastian didn’t do romance. He fucked guys in the Scandals bathroom and made lewd comments to anyone he thought might be a willing partner. He was Blaine’s best friend - but he’d never be more than that.
Sebastian held his hand all the time. This was no different. So why did Blaine feel like electricity was sparking up his arm from every point at which Sebastian touched him.
He turned his attention to the stage and tried his best to focus.
Gangnam style was an odd choice, and Blaine had always known that. But Tina was having the time of her life being a Kpop star, even for just one song, and he couldn’t begrudge her that. She’d always been pushed to the sidelines. She deserved to shine.
He knew Ryder was supposed to do the big dance with Brittany, so when Jake took center stage instead he knew he’d be hearing all about the backstage drama that had caused that switch later.
He knew Marley had been nervous for her first competition performance, but he and Sam helped her rehearse the choreography until she could do it in her sleep. Muscle memory was all she needed to make it through, no chance to second guess herself. He was prepared to give them a standing ovation for every song and tightened his grip on Sebastian’s hand in preparation to pull him up to.
Marley went down. It took a few seconds for Blaine to see it through the confetti but the second it registered in his brain he was on his feet. Sebastian held tight to his hand and grabbed his arm with his free hand, not realizing what was happening until the rest of The New Directions started to crowd around her and then Blaine was off like a shot with Sebastian on his heels, Nick, Jeff, and Trent all close behind.
Blaine ignored the producer backstage who tried to stop the Warblers from entering into their opponents green room, ducking under her arm as Sebastian and the others argued their way through. Jake had carried Marley in and was still cradling her where he sat on the floor. Blaine dropped to his knees beside her and felt her clammy forehead and the erratic pulse in her wrist.
“Seb!” He shouted, “I have a juice box in my bag, go get it!”
Sebastian nodded curtly and turned to leave.
“She needs air,” he breathed to Unique who was standing beside him. Immediately Unique started shouting at everyone to back up and give Marley space until it was just Blaine and Jake at her side. “What did she eat today?” He looked to Jake for the answer but Ryder spoke up behind him.
“Nothing, she’s been skipping lunch. I don’t think she’s eating at home, I don’t even know the last time I saw her eat something other than celery.”
Blaine nodded and turned to Nick and Jeff. “We need something high in protein but gentle on her stomach. Crackers and peanut butter if possible. Can you check the vending machines, maybe ask some of the other performers what snacks they have?”
Jeff’s eyes were wide and it didn’t look like he fully registered what Blaine said but Nick grabbed his arm and pulled him from the room just as Sebastian returned with Blaine’s backpack. He fished out the juice box and helped Jake sit Marley up. Her eyes were glassy and droopy but she was mostly conscious again and didn’t fight Blaine when he pressed the bendy straw to her lips.
“Why are you suddenly in charge, Blaine?” Kitty sniped and Blaine’s hand shot out to grab Sebastian’s arm immediately, to settle him before he could fight back on Blaine’s behalf, but it didn’t stop Trent.
“Because despite you being her teammates, none of you have noticed she’s been starving herself!” He hissed. “I’ve barely seen her and I’ve known something was wrong, but I wasn’t around enough to pinpoint the issue. You are with her all day every day, at school, at practice, how did none of you realize what was happening?!”
“Not like their track record for recognizing teammates in crisis is superb,” Sebastian muttered under his breath.
“Says the boy whose cruel words led directly to Karofksy’s suicide attempt,” Finn snapped.
“Oh I really don’t think you want to start the blame game, Hudson,” Sebastian said, voice dark. “How about when you called your own brother a fag? Oh wait, no, you called a pillow faggy, I’m sorry, that’s so much better. What about when you outed Santana? Do I even need to mention the way you’ve treated Blaine? You think you’re such an angel?”
“Sebastian, Trent,” Blaine hissed, “you’re not helping.”
Sebastian glowered at Finn but clenched his jaw shut and allowed Unique to pull him away from the center of the room, even though he desperately just wanted to haul Blaine out of there.
Nick and Jeff returned with arms full of Keebler peanut butter cracker packs, protein bars, and fruit snacks and dumped them beside Marley. Blaine gave himself a moment to breathe while he opened one of the cracker packs and started feeding it to Marley. Jeff crouched beside Marley and picked up her hand, anxiously playing with her fingers as she started to eat. Nick stood back, keeping a cautious eye on the rest of the group with clear hostility emanating from most of them.
“None of you are good in a crisis,” Blaine said, “most of you haven’t experienced a real one yet, so you don’t know how to deal with it. You can’t be arguing about what to do when shit hits the fan. You just have to take care of it the best you can in the moment and fix what went wrong later. The more you argue, the longer it takes for things to get better.”
“I’m sorry,” Marley said softly, “I didn’t mean to ruin this for everyone.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Blaine assured her, “you just need to eat and rest, everything will be okay.”
“But we didn’t finish our set. What if they disqualify us?”
“Don’t think about that,” Blaine murmured. “None of that matters right now.”
“We’d have probably kicked your ass anyway,” Jeff teased. His eyes were still a little unfocused, but he was putting on a show of his normal laid back self.
“That duet did kind of seal our fate,” she said, twisting her hand to hold Jeff’s properly. “You two were amazing,” she whispered to Blaine who spared a glance back at Sebastian. Unique had a firm grip on his arm, keeping him where he was.
“They’re about to announce the winners,” Mr Schue said from the doorway, “y’all should get out there.”
“I’ll stay with Marley,” Jake said.
“Me too,” Blaine said.
“Blaine,” Sebastian started.
“It’s fine,” Blaine assured him, “you go get that trophy for us, Seb.” Blaine gave him a confident smile but Nick and Jeff shook their heads.
“You and Sebastian are our lead soloists,” Nick said, “if we win, it’s because of you. You two get out on stage, Jeff and I can stay with Marley and we’ll let you know if anything changes, though it’s unlikely it will.”
“He’s right, Blaine,” Marley said. “I’ll be fine, you deserve to be there for the announcement. You worked too hard to not be on stage right now.”
Blaine’s brow was pulled tight as he studied Marley’s face.
“C’mon, Killer,” Sebastian said, resting his hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “It’ll kill the romance angle Hunter was going for if we’re not out there together.”
Blaine pressed a pack of fruit snacks into Marley’s hand but allowed Sebastian to help him to his feet. “I’ll be back as soon as the judging is over. Please eat as many of those as you can while I’m gone.”
Marley nodded while Nick happily took Blaine’s spot next to her and tore open the packet.
The rest of the New Directions filed out after Blaine, Sebastian, and Trent as they went to rejoin the other Warblers. Sam pulled Blaine into a big bear hug before they separated.
“I’ll make sure to keep a closer eye on her,” he whispered, “I don’t want you worrying about it. Take care of yourself. I’ve got Marley.”
Blaine smiled and went to take his place next to Sebastian at the front of the other Warblers. He reached out his hand for Sebastian’s, needing something to ground him in reality as the announcer took the stage.
He knew with Marley going down like that before they could finish their set, The New Directions were lucky to not be disqualified. Luckily, the one song was technically all they needed, and with all members on the stage during it, it counted. His heart still felt heavy with guilt when they only came in third place, wondering if he’d have been able to help Marley if he’d been at McKinley. Had his transfer divided Sam’s attention between the two schools and two sets of friends so much that he didn’t notice she was hurting?
And with them coming in third, he knew Dalton had won. The other school was fine, but they weren’t the defending national champions. They were never a real threat to the Warblers. All the air still left his lungs when the first place trophy was handed to him and Sebastian. He hugged all the other Warblers in a daze, clinging to Sebastian’s hand like a lifeline, even as he hugged Tina and Unique while they congratulated him.
Sebastian passed the trophy off to Hunter and pulled Blaine off the stage and led him out of the auditorium and to a deserted hallway of the school they were performing in. Blaine vaguely registered that they were not heading back to the green room like he’d promised Marley, but then Sebastian was leaning against a wall and pulling Blaine into his chest in a tight and all-encompassing embrace. Blaine melted into the hug and slowly started to register that Sebastian was counting his breaths out loud.
“In… 2, 3, 4… out… 2, 3, 4…”
Blaine followed the guidance without thinking about it, even if he didn’t fully understand why Sebastian was counting. Eventually the fog started to lift and his breathing was strong and steady as Sebastian’s hands stroked up and down his back in a soothing pattern. When Sebastian was satisfied he let his grip relax and Blaine pulled back just enough to look up at him.
“There you are,” Sebastian said with a soft smile. “Welcome back, Killer.”
Blaine quirked an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t go anywhere.”
“Not physically, but you were dissociating again. It started the second you saw Marley go down, and when you no longer had her to focus on you just drifted off entirely.”
Blaine just blinked at him. “I… I didn’t realize.” Had he had that same slightly vacant look that Jeff had? Was Nick gonna be able to help Jeff back from that precipice?
“It’s okay,” Sebastian reassured him, “everything just got to be a bit much there, you needed a break.”
Blaine extricated himself from Sebastian’s arms entirely but took his hand again. “Thank you,” he said softly. “We should get back to Marley, though.”
Sebastian nodded and let Blaine pull him back towards the hustle and the bustle of the auditorium. They quickly located Jeff and Nick on the outskirts of the Warblers and their families. Blaine walked quickly towards them.
“You’re not with Marley anymore,” he stated, trying to keep the worry from his voice but his grip tightened on Sebastian’s hand as his anxiety spiked.
“Her mom took her home to rest,” Nick said, “she said Marley can call you later tonight after she has dinner.”
Blaine’s face fell. “I told her I’d be right back,” he said softly.
“It’s okay,” Jeff told him, “Trent said you weren’t looking too well so Bas took you to get some air. She understands.”
Sebastian squeezed his hand, tugging him closer to his side so he could wrap an arm around his waist instead. Blaine instinctively leaned into him. Sebastian pressed his face into the top of Blaine’s hair. “It’s okay, Killer. Mom and Dad wanted to take us out for a victory dinner anyways. You can talk to Marley afterwards, okay?”
Blaine nodded. “Yeah…yeah, she needs some time to rest.”
“There’s our boys!” Marie shouted and Blaine turned to see her and William making their way through the sea of navy and red piping. Marie pulled Blaine into a crushing hug the second she was within arms reach. “We’re so proud of you two. You were incredible!”
Blaine blushed. He didn’t remember the last time his mom had actually made it out to one of his performances. The closest he always had was…
“Blaine!” Carole shouted, and as soon as he was released from Marie’s grip, Carole Hudson had her arms around him. “You were amazing as always!” Blaine melted into the hug, even as the shock of her and Burt seeking him out settled over him.
“You did good, son,” Burt said.
Carole released him and Blaine shook Burt’s hand firmly. “Thank you, sir.” Blaine said with a sheepish smile.
“You were good too, Smythe,” Burt said, glancing down at the arm Sebastian still had around Blaine’s waist before giving him a warm smile. “Kurt always said you were talented, glad I finally got to see it for myself.”
Sebastian scoffed slightly. “I’m sure talented was surrounded by a number of much less nice words, Mr. Hummel, but thank you.”
Blaine smacked Sebastian’s stomach lightly and frowned at him.
“What?” Sebastian said. “You know Kurt and I are natural rivals, I’m just stating facts.”
Blaine rolled his eyes and turned back to Marie and William. “Burt, Carole,” he said, “these are Sebastian’s parents. Marie and William Smythe.”
Burt and William shook hands while Carole and Marie hugged. “So good to see Blaine has other parental figures in his life still,” Marie said and Blaine stiffened.
“Well, good ones at least,” Burt confirmed. “Your stepdad’s not been giving you too much trouble since the transfer, has he? Dorm life treating you better?”
Marie and William shared a look but Blaine nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah, things are great at Dalton. It’s been good.”
“We’re Kurt’s parents, by the way,” Carole said. “And Finn’s. The New Directions’ acting director.”
“Speaking of Kurt. Did he get a hold of you? He said he was gonna call and wish you luck.” Burt looked to Blaine who blanched. Sebastian stilled beside him but remained silent.
“Yeah,” Blaine breathed, “he did. It was – It was good to hear from him.”
“I’m glad,” Burt said. “You know you’re still family, Blaine. You always will be.”
Blaine nodded, tears pricking his eyes.
“We were about to take the boys out to a celebratory dinner,” William cut in. “Would you and Carole like to join us?”
“We’d love to, but we promised Finn a dinner of his own, so we’ll have to pass,” Burt said, “but thank you for the offer.”
Blaine looked up at Sebastian and saw his face schooled carefully, but his jaw was tense and his hand arm had fallen lax around Blaine’s waist.
“I - I think I left my phone backstage,” Blaine said. “Seb, can you help me go look for it?” Blaine didn’t wait for a response to pull him away from the adults and back to the green room to collect his bag and phone.
“You’re angry,” he said cautiously as he fiddled with the zipper on his bag.
Sebastian sighed. “Not angry, just frustrated.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said softly.
“Why do you always lie about Kurt? Every time something happens that involves him or even just you thinking about him you hide it from me.”
“I know you don’t like him.”
“I don’t like him because he hurts you, everytime he comes up in conversation I feel like I have to prepare for a week of you just staring off into nowhere or crying yourself to sleep. And you actually talking to him? That’s just a recipe for disaster and yet you keep letting him hurt you.”
Blaine clenched his eyes shut. “It only hurts because I messed up. And giving him distance helps him but not being able to talk to him drives me insane.”
“And if you were actually talking to him? Would you be able to tell him anything that’s going on with you? Why you transferred? The fact that you’re living with me? Would you tell him about your nightmares?”
Blaine flinched and the spite in Sebastian’s chest grew.
“See? If you can’t even trust his parents with what happened with your stepdad, how can you expect to trust him again?”
“That’s different,” Blaine insisted. “Carole…her and Burt have been better parents to me than my own for a long time, and the fact that I didn’t trust them enough to call them when I needed help, it would crush them.”
Sebastian gave him an incredulous look. “You realize you’re further reinforcing my point, right?”
Blaine huffed and slung his backpack over his shoulder.
“You’re putting their feelings ahead of your own, just like you do with Kurt’s. Hell, you do it with me too, as we can clearly see by the fact that you lied to me about Kurt calling. You lie and you hide to protect everyone else, because you can’t trust any of us to just want what’s best for you. And if you can’t trust Kurt for that, how do you expect me to trust him not to hurt you again?”
Blaine gaped at him like a fish out of water. “I-I…”
“Blaine,” Sebastian sighed, “I’m just worried about you. And when you won’t even trust me with the feelings, thoughts, and actions that you think make you a bad person, I have a very hard time believing it’s safe for you to talk to Kurt, because he seems completely unaware of that little habit.”
“I’m trying,” Blaine huffed. “It’s just…it’s difficult. My family was never big on that and it’s a really hard habit to break, but I’m trying, okay?”
“I’ll make you a deal,” Sebastian said, “even if you can’t be honest with anyone else, be honest with me, okay? I’m not gonna drop you because you’re not perfect. I know you’re not. I’ve seen the dark side, even if you haven’t wanted me to, and I’m still here. Can you trust me to stay?” Sebastian approached him and wound his arms around Blaine’s waist. Just like during their performance.
Blaine blinked back tears but he nodded weakly, resting his forehead on Sebastian’s chest. “I - I can’t guarantee it won’t ever happen. But even if the reflex kicks in, I’ll try to backtrack and tell you the truth.”
“That’s all I’m asking, Killer,” Sebastian said.
Blaine wasn’t sure, but it felt like Sebastian kissed his head when he buried his face in Blaine’s hair this time.
Notes:
See you next week!
Chapter 14
Notes:
TW for this chapter: Discussions of cancer, allusions to sexual assault, depictions of panic attacks and disassociation.
Chapter Text
The Warblers were taking a break after Sectionals, only meeting on the weekends to test out different song ideas. Blaine started trying to keep his hair free from gel whenever he and Sebastian were in their dorm room alone. He’d shower as soon as he was done with classes and wait for Sebastian to get back from Lacrosse practice.
Usually they’d watch a movie, cuddled up on one of their beds with the laptop resting in between them. Sebastian would play with Blaine’s curls and bury his face in them, sneaking gentle kisses to his scalp that he didn’t think Blaine could feel.
Blaine knew it was just part of Sebastian’s usual flirting. It definitely didn’t mean anything other than Sebastian trying to gently woo him into his bed for reasons other than friendly affection. He would have almost been tempted to give in, just to see what it would actually be like.
But Kurt was talking to him again. Texting him almost every other day, calling him on the weekend. Blaine would usually take a walk around the Smythe’s neighborhood to take the call. He knew he shouldn’t be hiding it from Sebastian. He had promised he would tell him the truth. But Sebastian never asked…so Blaine never told him.
His new therapist disapproved, but Blaine didn’t know how to explain to her the reaction Sebastian had when he mentioned Kurt. The hurt and anger warring on his face, all wrapped up in deepening worry lines.
But Blaine and Kurt, they talked about everything. Practice for the Warblers. McKinley drama that they were both on the outskirts of but still got near daily updates from Sam and Finn. Kurt didn’t even seem to mind how often Blaine talked about Sebastian. It was hard to not mention him since he spent most of his waking moments around him.
He didn’t mention why he spent so much time at Sebastian’s house, even on the weekend. Kurt knew his relationship with his stepfather had never been good. It was easy for him to assume Blaine was just taking the safety he could find there, the same way he’d always done around the Hudmel household.
It had been a few weeks since he and Kurt had started talking when Blaine got a call from Burt asking if he could take him out to lunch.
“Is something wrong with Kurt?” He asked, his heart leaping into his throat. He was in his dorm room, Sebastian was in the shower. They’d decided to stay on campus this weekend because Marie and William were out of town for a conference.
“No, no, Kurt’s fine. I’m sure you talked to him as recently as I have. I just haven’t gotten to talk to you much since he left, especially after the transfer. I miss you, kid.” Burt reassured him, but Blaine could sense an edge to his voice, like catching up with his son’s ex wasn’t the only reason for this phone call.
“O-okay,” Blaine said. “I’m in Westerville this weekend…but I could ask Seb to drive me down?”
“That would be great. Maybe we can meet at that little diner we took Kurt to for his last birthday?”
“Yeah,” Blaine breathed, “I should definitely be able to make that work. Um…is it just gonna be us or…”
“I thought it’d be nice to catch up just ourselves if Sebastian doesn’t mind entertaining himself for a while.”
“Yeah, of course. I’m sure he’ll just go bother Sam for a bit, or check in on Marley. He should be fine on his own.”
“That’s perfect. Let me know whenever you can head this way and I’ll meet you there.”
Blaine hung up the phone and squeezed it to his chest, breathing shakily. He felt like he should text Kurt, but he also didn’t want to worry him about it. He was sure it was fine. Burt really did just want to check up on him. It wasn’t a big deal.
He didn’t even notice when Sebastian exited the bathroom, or when he sat down next to him. Sebastian carefully wrapped Blaine up in his arms, only in his Dalton sweats. Blaine pressed his palms to Sebastian’s chest, grounding himself with the skin to skin contact. Blaine followed Sebastian’s breathing with his own until his chest stopped feeling so impossibly tight.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sebastian assured him.
“I wish you didn’t have to take care of me like this.”
Sebastian kissed the top of his head. “I don’t mind, Blaine. I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”
Blaine nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Sebastian asked. It was an offer he made almost daily. Blaine was getting better at telling him what had set him off, as long as he could pinpoint it. Sometimes Blaine didn’t even know what had happened.
“Burt called me,” he said and felt Sebastian’s arms stiffen and then forcibly relax around him. “He wants to take me out to lunch. He didn’t say why, tried to play it off as just wanting to catch up. But I know something is up…I just don’t know how worried I should be.”
“Is he coming here?”
“He asked if we could come to him. Do you…do you mind if I meet him alone? You could go explore Lima for a bit.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with? In case it’s…a less than friendly meeting.” Sebastian rubbed Blaine’s back as he spoke.
“Burt wouldn’t do that. He might have bad news, but it would never be mean-spirited. You’ve met him now, you should know that.”
Sebastian bit back the retort about how he’d also met Burt’s two sons, and he didn’t particularly like either of them.
Blaine took a shower to clear his head before they left. He looked in the mirror at his freshly wet curls and debated leaving them free. The way Sebastian played with them was always so soothing, but Blaine rarely set foot in public without his gel, and he knew that he needed the familiarity and routine of doing his hair. He’d wash it out when they got home afterward.
Sebastian even let Blaine dress him for the day, knowing that the process of picking out clothes was stabilizing for Blaine and let him feel like he had control, even if it was just over how Sebastian looked.
Sebastian insisted on walking Blaine in to meet up with Burt. Despite Blaine’s assurances, Sebastian needed to see Burt for himself so he could gauge his intentions.
Burt hugged Blaine and gave Sebastian a firm handshake, thanking him for being willing to make the drive.
“It wasn’t a problem,” he said, “I am basically Blaine’s chauffeur, though I wish he would tip me better.” He gave Blaine a sly grin and a wink that made him flush.
“Bas,” he scolded.
Sebastian rolled his eyes, though he sized up Burt’s reaction to the flirtation. He just seemed amused. “I’ll leave you to it then. You know the drill, call me, beep me, yada yada.” He pulled Blaine in for a tight hug and Blaine melted into it as usual.
Sebastian watched through the window as Burt and Blaine made their way to a booth before finally pulling out of the parking lot.
“Sebastian is certainly something,” Burt said when he and Blaine were sitting and looking at the menus. “How long have you two been together?”
Blaine sputtered into his glass of water and had to turn into his arm to cough. “We’re not,” he finally choked out. “The performance at Sectionals was all for the judges.”
“I wasn’t just talking about Sectionals,” Burt said with a raised eyebrow. “That boy looks like he’d fight his way through hell and high water to keep you safe. Felt like I was being regarded by a wolf, looking for any reason he might need to attack.”
“He’s just protective,” Blaine tried to assure him even as his stomach lurched. No one else ever tried to pry for details about their relationship. Sam had a couple of times in the very beginning, but Blaine shut it down so hard he hadn’t brought it up again. He’d never had anyone else acknowledge the way Sebastian looked at him. The looks that Blaine told himself were just in his head. “He’s my best friend.”
Burt nodded as he looked back to his menu, though he didn’t look convinced. Kurt and Blaine had been “just best friends” once.
“I guess I should just come out and say why I asked you here,” Burt started as soon as the waitress had taken their order. “If you were still at McKinley I would have just come to the school and picked you up so you wouldn’t have time to panic, but I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
Blaine tried to ignore the thrumming of his heart. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I have prostate cancer.”
Blaine’s world whited out for a moment. He registered Burt telling him it was in an early stage, a near 100% recovery rate. But he couldn’t speak or respond. He dug his thumb into the palm of his opposite hand and tried very hard to count his breaths the way Sebastian always did for him. He really wished Sebastian was there.
“Kurt?” he choked out eventually.
“He doesn’t know yet. I’m planning on flying to New York next week to tell him.”
Everything felt so loud around him. The clinking of silverware on ceramic. The ding of the register. The sizzle of the grill. He just wanted to scream at everyone to shut up. Burt Hummel had cancer. Burt Hummel could die. The first father figure he’d ever had that didn’t hate him could die. Kurt’s dad could die.
“Next week is Christmas,” he whispered.
Burt reached across the table to grip Blaine’s arm, the pressure firm and reassuring. He waited until Blaine made eye contact with him to continue. “I know it is. It’s awful timing, but he needs to know and I need to tell him in person. But I was thinking - I know you two have had your issues, and that you’re not together anymore. But Kurt has been yapping my ear off about how you two are talking again. And I thought, maybe you could come with me? Help me give him something to be happy about.”
Blaine choked down a sob as he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, of course I’ll come.”
“I’ll even help you ask your stepdad for permission if you like,” Burt said with a warm smile.
Blaine almost laughed at the thought. “He won’t care,” he said, and then he knew this was the moment. It was the perfect opportunity to finally tell Burt. “I’m…I’m actually not living with him anymore. He - he kicked me out a while back. I’m living with Sebastian’s family in Westerville right now. They’re actually my legal guardians.”
Blaine watched the series of emotions flipping across Burt’s face. Surprise, confusion, guilt, all tinged with anger. “I am so sorry, son,” he said, “I had no idea.”
“It’s…it’s okay,” Blaine said, “most people don’t know. Mostly just the Warblers and Sam. I haven’t even told Kurt yet. It happened just before we broke up and it just never felt like the right time.”
Burt processed all that: how long it had been, how the timeline of him getting kicked out of The New Directions and transferring to Dalton fit in with this new information. He whistled slowly. “No wonder Smythe acts like a guard dog,” Burt said.
Blaine laughed; it was wet and weak, but it was genuine. “Yeah…he - he has a lot of reasons to be as protective as he is. Most people don’t know the extent of what he’s done for me since October.”
“I’m sorry this happened, and that you didn’t feel like you could come to Carole and I about it. But I’m glad you had him.”
Blaine nodded. “I’m – I’m adjusting. It’s been rough but I’ve been getting better…I think. Marie and William are amazing. And Sebastian is…well, you’ve seen how Sebastian is. I know I maybe shouldn’t lean on him as much as I do, but he says he doesn’t mind. And I think I’m actually starting to believe him. They even got me into therapy.”
The conversation slowed when their food arrived, but it was comfortable. They chatted about Glee, about how Marley was doing since Sectionals, about how Finn and everyone else were dealing with the loss. Sebastian showed back up shortly before their desert came out, and when Burt spotted him in his car in the parking lot he waved him in.
Sebastian slid into the booth beside Blaine, immediately stealing his fork to steal a bit of his cheesecake as he wound his other arm around Blaine’s waist. He raised an eyebrow at Burt, that could have been read as “you summoned?” but they both knew it was more of a challenge for him to comment on the affection.
“Blaine told me about what you did for him,” Burt said, and Sebastian cocked his head to the side, perplexed. “Thank you, for being willing to take him in when he needed you. I don’t know if I saw that coming from you, but I know even Kurt couldn’t begrudge you for all you’ve done.”
Sebastian just blinked at him and turned to look at Blaine who smiled sheepishly. “I thought it was time he knew,” Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m ready to tell Kurt, but…” he gestured aimlessly, “I’m glad Burt knows now.”
Sebastian smiled crookedly at him, and it wasn’t the devious grin Blaine expected him to use in front of Burt. It was genuine and proud. Sebastian tugged him closer and kissed the top of his head. “Good job, Killer, I’m proud of you.”
Blaine preened under the praise and Burt shook his head in bemusement. He didn’t know how after the time it took for Blaine to realize Kurt was in love with him, he was still just as oblivious when it came to Sebastian.
The pair decided to go for a walk in the park before embarking back to Westerville. It was chilly, but the snow was fresh and sparkling. Sebastian didn’t take Blaine’s hand as they walked. He’d tried before when they were out in isolated but still public places. Physical affection came so easily to both of them when they were together, but this was the kind of place where Blaine seized up with anxiety.
The diner had pride flags hanging in the window. Glee competitions were filled with other queer teenagers, and a decent amount of queer adults. Dalton was a haven of acceptance. But it was still small town Ohio in Lima and Blaine had experienced what the bigots in this town would do if they caught two boys holding hands when there was no one around to witness.
“So…” Sebastian said a little way into their walk, “what did you and Burt talk about?”
Blaine took a deep breath. “He has cancer,” he said.
Sebastian’s steps faltered. “What, really? And he wanted you to know?”
Blaine nodded. “He says it’s going to be fine. His recovery odds are really high. But it’s still scary.”
“No shit,” Sebastian said.
Blaine paused in his walking and picked at his cuticles. “He, uh, he also told me…he wants to take me to New York with him next week. So he can break the news to Kurt.”
Sebastian froze, his gaze going cold. “Absolutely not,” he said.
Blaine sighed, like he knew this was exactly how Sebastian would react. “It’s not your decision, Sebastian.”
“So he wants Kurt to be able to take out all his fear and anxiety on you? I don’t think so. You can’t actually be considering this.”
Blaine looked away and took a long, slightly shaky breath. “I’m not considering it. I already told him I’d go. Kurt…he needs me. To help him through this.”
“That is not your job, Blaine,” Sebastian hissed, reaching out to grip Blaine’s bicep. Blaine shrugged him off.
“His mom died of cancer when he was little. This isn’t going to be easy for him. I want to help in whatever way I can, and Burt thinks he’ll be excited to see me.”
Sebastian scoffed. “You talk to him once on Thanksgiving and the old man thinks everything is fixed.”
Blaine looked down, swallowing hard.
Sebastian immediately clocked the guilt on his face. “You haven’t talked to him since Thanksgiving, right?”
Blaine bit his lip. “We’ve been texting a little bit. He’s called a couple of times, it’s not that big of a deal. But…things are getting better.”
Blaine couldn’t look Sebastian in the eye, but he made a valiant effort. The soft gape of Sebastian’s mouth, and his brow creased with betrayal was all Blaine could take in before he looked down again.
“You promised me,” Sebastian said, his voice shaking. Blaine couldn’t tell if it was with anger or hurt. “You promised me that you’d tell me these things.”
“You never asked,” Blaine tried, but his voice was weak.
“That doesn’t matter!”
Blaine flinched.
Sebastian lowered his voice. “It might not be lying, but you were still hiding it from me.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaine whispered. “I just…I knew you’d be unhappy about it.”
“You’re right, I am unhappy about it. But I’m more upset that you broke your promise to be honest with me.”
“I know,” Blaine said, his head hanging.
Sebastian took a few calming breaths. He scrubbed his hand over his face and fought down the looming panic. Blaine. Alone. In New York. With Kurt. Without him .
“Lying aside,” he said, “I’m still not comfortable with you going to New York.”
Blaine finally looked back up at him, Sebastian’s eyes were wet.
“And I’m asking you…please don’t go.”
Blaine shook his head. “I can’t do that.”
The drive home was silent and cold. Blaine curled himself up in the passenger seat so Sebastian didn’t even have a chance to try and hold his hand. Sebastian carefully sent a text when he stopped at a light before getting on the highway.
They entered their dorm building in silence, Sebastian’s hands in his pockets and Blaine’s arms wrapped tight around himself. Sebastian’s chest was tight with anxiety that he didn’t know how to deal with. He’d helped Blaine through this so many times, but he didn’t know how it felt from the other side.
Sebastian unlocked the door for Blaine but didn’t follow him. “I’m…I’m gonna go talk to Nick, if that’s alright,” he said. Fear flashed in Blaine’s eyes. “I’m not - I’ll be back, okay? I just need some space, and I think you do too. I promise, I’m not running away from this, Blaine. I need you to know that.”
Blaine nodded, but Sebastian could tell he didn’t fully believe him. He wanted to tug him into a crushing hug and hold him until he believed it. But all he could do was prove it by coming back.
Blaine closed the door and Sebastian immediately headed down the hall to Nick’s room. He didn’t know what happened, but suddenly he was sitting on Nick’s bed with him and Jeff hovering over him, talking him through the same breathing exercises he’d taught them to help Blaine.
He blinked at them in confusion. He’d never blacked out before, not even from drinking too much. He looked around the room as the fog lifted slightly. Someone was missing.
“Where’s Marley?” He asked. It felt too quiet compared to the roaring in his ears. He couldn’t hear Nick’s response but he could see him say something about Blaine so he nodded.
Nick and Jeff exchanged a look before they were both sitting beside him, hugging him tight. Nick was counting softly into his ear. Eventually Sebastian felt present enough to actually follow their instructions. The tightness in his chest receded. Mostly. There was still a twinge in his heart, but it was less pronounced. He shifted in their grasp and both boys let up enough for him to take an extra deep breath.
“God, Bas,” Jeff muttered, “you really scared us. Looked like a zombie when you knocked on the door.”
“Sorry,” Sebastian said, though his voice was a little rough. He blinked in confusion and touched his face. It was wet with tears. He stared at the dampness he’d collected onto his hand. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried.
“Don’t be sorry, man,” Nick said, “just tell us who we need to kill.”
Sebastian laughed bitterly. “I don’t think you’d actually be interested in killing Kurt, but thanks for the offer.”
Nick and Jeff exchanged a glance. “You know…you can’t just kill Blaine’s ex so he’ll date you, right?” Jeff raised an eyebrow.
“That’s not why!” Sebastian said, exasperated.
And so he explained. As best as he could. He didn’t want to reveal what he believed Blaine’s nightmares were about. But he did tell them about how Kurt had abandoned Blaine. How he’d thrown him away like he was trash. Allowed his friends to treat Blaine the same. How they’d been talking again and Blaine was hiding it from him. About Burt and his cancer and him inviting Blaine to New York. About the fight they’d had because Sebastian didn’t want him to go.
“It’s not safe,” Sebastian said. “I don’t…I don’t trust Kurt. But he’s set on going and I can’t-”
“Protect him?” Nick asked.
Sebastian nodded, feeling tears prick his eyes again. He wiped frustratedly at them. “He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get how bad Kurt is for him. He can’t see past the perfect image he has of him.”
Nick pursed his lips, fighting back a smile. “Have you ever thought maybe Blaine thinks the same thing of you? That you can’t see past Kurt’s faults. You only see the worst in him.”
Sebastian huffed. He knew they wouldn’t understand. Without the context of Blaine’s nightmares, they would never know the monster that only Sebastian could see in Kurt Hummel.
“Okay,” Nick said, “let’s try this instead. Why don’t you tell Blaine why you don’t want him to go to New York. That you’re scared for him, anxious about not being able to protect him while he’s there? Even if it doesn’t change things, at least Blaine will know. So he can do what he can to help you feel better about the situation.”
Sebastian let out a frustrated growl and collapsed back on the bed. Forgetting how small it was he slammed his head into the wall behind it. “Fuck,” he hissed, leaning forward to cradle the back of his head.
“Fucking hell, Bas,” Jeff said. “You dented the fucking wall.”
Sebastian groaned in response.
Nick sighed. “I'll get you an ice pack.”
Sebastian managed an hour in Nick’s room before the nervous energy in him forced him to his feet.
“I”m gonna go check on Blaine,” he said.
Jeff tried to grab his arm, but Sebastain stepped out of the way. “Marley’s with him, he’s fine.”
“I know…but I can’t wait any longer. He needs to know I’m not abandoning him over this.”
Nick and Jeff shared a concerned look. “He’ll know that when you come back later. You still need space,” Nick said.
Sebastian shook his head. “The longer I’m gone, the more he’s gonna spiral.”
“Marley is with him,” Jeff insisted, “and she has experience with spiraling, she’s got this.”
“I need to see him,” Sebastian said, breathing heavily, feeling the panic building in his chest. His thoughts were spiraling again. He’d abandoned Blaine when he needed him, after he told him he’d always be there for him. He was as much a liar as Blaine was. He was just as bad as Kurt.
Jeff took his hand and tugged him back to the bed. Sebastian tried to resist, but his whole body was shaking. “You don’t need to see him like this, okay? You’re starting to panic again.”
“I know, because I can’t see him,” Sebastian said with a quavering voice. “I don’t know if he's okay, I don’t know if he’s run off somewhere. I don’t know…” if he hates me, Sebastian thought.
“Okay, okay,” Nick said, “I’ll compromise with you. Let me call Marley and ask her for an update.”
Sebastian nodded, though he still just wanted to run down the hall to his room. If he could only get his legs to cooperate.
Nick dialed and put the phone on speaker. It rang a couple of times before she picked up. “Hey,” she breathed.
“Hey,” Nick said, a smile tugging at his lips, “you’re on speaker phone, by the way. How’s Blaine?”
Marley paused for a moment. “He’s…he’s a little out of it. Numb, he says. But mostly alright. We’re watching a Mad Max movie. The second one I think.”
Sebastian bit his fist to stop himself from reacting audibly to that.
They could hear Marley suddenly cover the speaker on her phone and muffled conversation between her and Blaine. “Do you mind if I put you on speaker?” She said when she came back. “Blaine wants to talk to you.”
“Of course,” Nick said.
The phone beeped and then they heard it changing hands. “Is Seb there?” He asked, his voice soft and timid. Sebastian nearly jumped to his feet but Jeff pulled him back down.
“He is,” Nick said, “he’s…not in a state to talk right now.” Sebastian grit his teeth but he knew it was true. He didn’t know what he would say if he was handed the phone.
“Is he alright?” Blaine asked, his voice tinged with worry.
“He’s fine,” Nick assured him. “He’s just still a little too wound up. Worried about you.”
“Oh,” Blaine said quietly, “is he going to come back soon?”
“He’ll be back in a little bit. We’re trying to get his head on straight before we let him go. Jeff is currently keeping him restrained so he doesn’t run back down the hallway.”
Blaine laughed. It was short, but Sebastian thought it was genuine. “I’m pretty sure Seb could get away if that were true.”
“Eh,” Nick said, “he’s not fighting that hard. Pretty sure he knows it’s for his own good.” Sebastian flipped him off. “And yours,” Nick said, returning the gesture.
Blaine was quiet for a minute. When he spoke again his voice was wobbly, like he was holding back tears. “Tell him,” he took a deep breath, “tell him to take his time. I’m okay.”
Blaine handed the phone back to Marley. It beeped again as she removed it from speaker.
“Yeah, like I said, he’s mostly alright,” Marley said. They heard the sound of her shutting a door behind her, either in the bathroom or the hallway. “How is Sebastian really? Blaine said it was a hell of a fight.”
Nick looked to Sebastian and offered him the phone. “Well,” Sebastian said taking the phone, “I’ve officially had my first panic attack and cried for the first time since I was a child. So I’m just peachy.”
Marley laughed softly. “You two are ridiculous. It took me thirty minutes to convince Blaine you weren’t going to leave him. Like he can’t tell you’re in love with him.”
Sebastian bit his lip. “Well, he’s not supposed to know that, so I’m glad he’s still oblivious.”
“You just need to tell him, Seb,” Marley scolded. “It’d go a long way to clearing up a lot of the confusion he has over his own feelings.”
Sebastian shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that, Marley. He’s still in love with Kurt…now more than ever with them talking again. It would just confuse him more and leave us both heartbroken.”
Marley tsked. “Do you ever wish he didn’t have to choose?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Not how the world works,” he said.
Marley was quiet for a while. “Okay then, can you tell me why Blaine chose to watch a Mad Max movie of all things to calm himself down. He was fumbling with the case when I got here, holding that thing like a lifeline. ”
Sebastian bit his lip. Blaine didn’t like the Mad Max movies. He thought they were campy, but not in the queer way he enjoyed. He didn’t love the violence. But… “because it’s my favorite movie.”
Sebastian texted Blaine around eight PM and asked if he wanted Sebastian to come back to the room tonight, or if it would be better for them to both sleep it off and talk in the morning.
Blaine’s reply came slowly and Sebastian agonized over his phone while Nick and Jeff played Super Mario Strikers on a GameCube emulator on Jeff’s laptop.
Finally Blaine responded.
December 15th
To: Sebastian Smythe
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:33 PM) I don’t want to fight again tonight.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sebastian Smythe
(8:34 PM) I don’t either.
(8:37 PM) We don’t have to talk about it tonight. We can talk in the morning.
(8:40 PM) Whether I come back to the room or not.
To: Sebastian Smythe
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:50 PM) I want to see you.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sebastian Smythe
(8:50 PM) Yes.
To: Sebastian Smythe
From: Blaine Anderson
(8:50 PM) Only if that’s okay with you.
To: Blaine Anerson
From: Sebastian Smythe
(8:51 PM) Yes.
(8:51 PM) I’ll be right there.
Sebastian paused outside of their room, panting. He knew he didn’t have to sprint. Jeff and Nick weren’t going to stop him this time. But he still just needed to be there. Now .
He knocked on the door to announce his presence before he walked in. Marley was snoozing on Sebastian’s bed. Blaine was sitting at his desk and looked surprised at how quickly Sebastian had gotten there.
“I - you sent that text less than a minute ago,” he said.
“I know,” Sebastian said, still a little out of breath.
They just stared at each other for a few moments before Sebastian carefully opened his arms in invitation. Blaine was up and flinging himself into them with such force that Sebastian stumbled backwards.
“Sorry,” Blaine mumbled into Sebastian’s shirt, but his grip around Sebastian’s waist did not loosen.
“It’s okay, it’s totally okay,” Sebastian said, peppering the top of Blaine’s head with kisses, his own arms wrapped around Blaine’s shoulders just as tightly.
They stood there for a few minutes, just holding each other. Finally they managed to pull apart just enough to make their way over to Blaine’s bed and sit on it. Sebastian sat against the headboard and pulled Blaine as close to him as he could, using an arm to haul Blaine’s legs over his lap so they were perpendicular and he could cradle Blaine against his chest. He wanted as much contact with him as he could possibly get.
“You came back,” Blaine whispered into the fabric of his shirt.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Sebastian said, pressing a kiss to his temple. It was toeing the line between platonic and romantic and he knew it, but he couldn’t give a shit. “I’ll always come back, Blaine,” he promised. “I don’t care how big a fight we have, what you do, what I do, it’ll never be enough to make me leave you forever.”
“Careful, Smythe,” Blaine said with a soft laugh, “you’re making me think you do romance.”
Sebastian’s heart clenched. His mouth went dry. His pulse thrummed in his ears. Blaine looked up at him, his eyes honey-sweet. Their mouths were inches apart and it took restraining every muscle in his body to stop him from closing the gap.
“Wouldn’t that be a silly thought,” he said. It didn’t have his usual bite of sarcasm behind it, and his heart broke a little to say it.
Eventually they slid down the bed together and fell asleep, Blaine halfway on top of Sebastian, his face nuzzled into the crook of Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian felt Blaine shift when Marley woke up early in the morning. They spoke softly about her heading back to Nick’s room, and she teased Blaine about drooling on Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian pretended to be asleep, pretty sure he couldn’t handle whatever teasing words Marley would have had for him.
“She’s been spending too much time with Nick and Jeff,” he said when she was gone. Blaine didn’t jump, just looked up at Sebastian with a dopey grin on his face. “They’ve ruined the sweet and timid girl, made her sassy.”
“I’m sure we’ve all played a part in that.” Blaine was propped on his elbow beside Sebastian, looking down at him with an expression so fond it made his heart ache.
Sebastian lifted a cautious hand to sweep a wayward curl out of Blaine’s face. It immediately fell back down when Sebastian let his hand trace along Blaine’s jaw. Blaine’s eyes slipped shut and he let out a “hmmm” appreciatively at the contact. Sebastian wanted to linger in that moment but he knew he couldn’t. He sat up cautiously and Blaine blinked at him.
“We still need to talk,” Sebastian said and Blaine frowned.
“I’m going to New York,” Blaine said. He didn’t sit, remained where he was looking up at Sebastian from under his lashes. It could be coquettish, but his voice was firm.
“I know,” Sebastian nodded. He flipped his hand palm up in an invitation. Blaine sat up, his eyes wary, but he took the proffered hand in his own.
Sebastian spent a long, tense moment staring at their conjoined hands as he ran his thumb over Blaine’s knuckles.
“It scares me,” he said, so softly Blaine had to strain to hear it. “Knowing that you’ll be there, with him, at your most vulnerable. And I won’t be able to…to protect you.” he trailed off.
“Kurt won’t hurt me,” Blaine assured him.
“ I can’t trust that. I don’t trust him. I won’t trust him,” his grip tightened and Blaine winced a little. “No matter how often you tell me that, I can’t trust Kurt. Not with you.”
Sebastian looked up and his gaze was so earnest, so nervous. Blaine reached up to cup his face gently and Sebastian turned into the touch.
“But I do trust you,” Sebastian said. “I trust that you’re - you’re healing. And you know yourself well enough to say you can handle this. So I won’t try to stop you. But, I need to make a request.”
Blaine nodded. “Of course, Seb,” he said, “anything.”
“Don’t hide it from me. However this meeting goes - good, bad, awful, amazing - I don’t care. Just don’t lie to me. Call me as soon as you can and just talk to me about it. About him. I know…I know you think it upsets me, and, honestly, it does. It does upset me. But only because I’m so scared he’ll hurt you again. And maybe you won’t be able to recover from it this time.”
Blaine agreed. He seemed hesitant, still confused as to the strength of Sebastian’s distrust of Kurt. But he would do anything to prove to Sebastian that it would be okay.
When the day came, Sebastian drove Blaine to the airport. Burt offered to come pick him up, but Sebastian insisted. It would only be a few days, but Sebastian and Blaine hadn’t spent more than 24 hours without each other since Blaine had moved in. It wasn’t going to be easy for either of them.
Sebastian parked the car and took the shuttle into the airport with Blaine. They found Burt and Carole on a bench by the check-in.
Carole pulled Blaine into a tight hug. “Thank you for going with him,” Carole said, “it makes me feel so much better knowing he won’t be alone there. That both of them will have you there.” Her eyes were shining when she finally released him and Blaine was pulled into a hug by Burt as well.
Carole turned to Sebastian. He barely saw it coming before her arms were around him too, squeezing him tight. This hug was shorter, but still heartfelt. “Thank you for bringing him. I know he means a lot to you, so spending Christmas without him won’t be easy. But thank you for helping him do this.”
Sebastian nodded, a little taken aback.
Blaine turned to Sebastian finally and took a deep breath. Sebastian opened his arms and Blaine quickly wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s waist, burying his face in the soft sweater he was wearing. Sebastian buried his face in Blaine’s hair, ignoring the tack of the gel on his face as he peppered the top of Blaine’s head with kisses.
Burt and Carole exchanged a look.
“Don’t forget to call,” Sebastian muttered into Blaine’s hair. “As soon as you can, as often as you can, as often as you like.”
“You still need to enjoy the holiday,” Blaine said.
“And I will. By getting to hear your voice as often as I can.”
Blaine finally started to pull away and looked up at Sebastian. Sebastian cupped his face gently in both hands. “Remember our deal, okay? No hiding, no lying. Good or bad, tell me everything.”
Blaine nodded, sighing softly as Sebastian’s thumb stroked gently across his cheek. Sebastian kissed him on the forehead and finally stepped away.
Sebastian held it together on the shuttle with Carole back to the parking lot. She talked to him casually, telling him stories about Blaine he’d never heard. Stories of him at the Hudmel house. Stories of Christmases past when Blaine had slept under the tree in the living room. Blaine was a polite boy who would never break Burt’s trust by sneaking into Kurt’s bedroom once he thought everyone was asleep. And they had definitely never heard him sneaking back out at 4 AM.
Sebastian smiled at the stories. And then they parted ways and he was alone.
Without Blaine.
Sebastian pulled over three times. Crying and screaming and slamming his fists on the steering wheel until his whole body ached from the force of it.
Blaine was Kurt’s.
And he would never be Sebastian’s.
Chapter 15
Notes:
I'm speed-posting this before I have to leave for work.
TWs for this chapter: Panic attacks, discussions of anxiety, panic attacks, and infidelity, allusions to sexual assault, and canon-compliant gay bashing (Sadie Hawkins).
Chapter Text
Blaine was a bundle of nerves on the plane. He pulled out his phone to call Sebastian and put it back again nearly a dozen times before Burt gently placed his hand over Blaine’s shaking ones.
“What if he doesn’t want me there?” He blurted out.
Burt smiled sadly. “He misses you,” he said, “and I know my son. You’re still the most important person in his life, myself excluded. You’re his best friend. He’ll be grateful for the support.”
“We only just started talking again,” he said quietly, “it’s been a month. We…phone calls are easier. I don’t - I don’t have to see his face and remember - remember the pain on it when I told him about Eli.” Blaine’s voice shook over the name, the sound of it igniting a panic in his chest he had to work hard to tamp down. “What if he still looks at me like that?”
Burt looked thoughtful.
“I cheated on him, Burt. Why are you trusting me to be here for this? Not Finn or Mercedes or hell, even Coach Beiste would probably be a more welcome face than mine.”
“How did you look at Sebastian?”
Blaine blinked at him. “What?”
“After he nearly blinded you. How did you look at Sebastian? How did you handle someone who was a friend, a good friend, hurting you like that? How did you forgive him enough to turn to him when you didn’t know where else to go?”
“I just…I needed someone,” Blaine said softly, “and he was the one who came.”
“And that’s how Kurt will feel. He’s going to need someone. And you’ll be the one who came. The one who will be there for him, even when there is no reason to expect you to be.”
Blaine waited in a coffee shop near the skating rink. He was waiting for Burt to text him that Kurt was on his way. He called Sebastian, itching to hear his voice.
“Hey, Killer,” he said as soon as he picked up. His voice sounded hoarse. Blaine could hear Nick and Jeff shouting hellos at him as Sebastian quickly excused himself to a quieter area. “How’s it going?” Sebastian’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asked, his fingers fiddling with the edges of his coffee sleeve.
“Yeah, yeah,” Sebastian said, “I think I’m coming down with a cold, that’s all.”
Blaine frowned. “You were fine when you dropped me off…”
“I’m fine, B,” Sebastian insisted, “I’ll ask Mom to make me some tea when I get back inside.”
“If you’re not feeling well, you shouldn’t be out in the cold, Seb,” Blaine scolded.
“It’s fine, the snow’s nice. It looks like a painting out here. I wish you could see it.”
I wish you were here.
Blaine knew both of them were thinking it.
Sebastian cleared his throat again. “How’s it going there? Have you…have you seen Kurt yet?” Blaine could hear the tremendous effort Sebastian was making to say Kurt’s name in a neutral tone.
“Not yet,” Blaine said, “Burt is with him right now. He’ll be heading my way soon for the cheering-up part of the night.” Blaine’s phone dinged and he pulled it away from his ear quickly to look at it. “Actually…” Blaine grimaced, “he’s heading this way now. I gotta go.”
He could hear Sebastian swallow loudly. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, voice tight, “go be a knight in shining armor.”
“More like a knight on ice skates,” Blaine laughed.
“Even better. It’ll give you a faster getaway if he’s upset.”
Blaine smiled sadly. “I’ll call you later,” he said and hung up.
Blaine tried not to kick himself too hard for asking Kurt if he was happy to see him. His anxiety had spiked so high upon seeing Kurt. He needed reassurance and forgot that this wasn’t Sebastian or Sam, who knew Blaine just needed to hear that what his brain was telling him wasn’t true. That he was just catastrophizing again and they didn’t hate him.
He didn’t know if he could trust it when Kurt said he was.
He could feel the way his smile stretched just a little too wide, and knew Kurt could see it was forced. He always could. He knew Blaine better than anyone.
Well.
He had known Blaine better than anyone.
They skated, and they sang, and Blaine relaxed. The familiarity of it came back to him, soothed his frayed nerves. The way his and Kurt’s voices intertwined and flowed together. It was easy. It always had been.
He hadn’t meant to almost kiss him.
He’d just wanted to be closer to Kurt. But when he moved, instinct took over and all he could see was Kurt’s cheeks, flushed pink from the chill. His lips, slightly parted and breathing out a gentle fog that Blaine wanted to swallow. To kiss him and warm him to his toes.
He quickly jerked away and skated off, acting like nothing had happened.
He just hoped Kurt didn’t see the panic in his eyes.
“So…” Kurt started once they’d returned their skates and bought some hot chocolate to warm themselves up.
Blaine looked at him with a crooked smile.
“What did Sebastian think about you coming here?”
Blaine’s smile faltered. His pulse raced as Kurt looked at him with such trepidation. His eyes searched Blaine’s face for the truth.
Blaine took a deep breath. The truth. He could do that. “He…he wasn’t happy about it. But we talked it out and now he’s fine. He knew it was important for me to be here. That you’re important.”
“But he still hates my guts?” Kurt asked, but there was an almost teasing lilt to it.
Blaine pursed his lips. “Do you still hate his?”
Kurt shrugged. “At this point he’s just destined to be my arch nemesis. But I can accept that he’s…important. To you. So I’ll try not to be too harsh when he’s brought up.”
Blaine rolled his eyes. “You two and your melodramatics,” he said, but he was laughing. “I’m always going to have to corral you away from each other, aren’t I?”
“Only if you want him to continue to have two eyes,” Kurt said with a sly smile.
Walking into Kurt’s apartment for the first time since they’d broken up hit Blaine harder than he had expected. He almost stumbled with it, dropping his bag just inside the door as he braced himself against it. He tried to take calming breaths, counted things he could see, things he could hear, feel, smell, taste.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked, looking at him with a furrow in his brow.
“I…I need to…” he gestured aimlessly towards the hallway.
“Do you need to make a call?” Burt asked gently and Blaine nodded quickly.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said and turned and walked quickly back down the stairs until he felt he was suitably far from the apartment and sat heavily on a landing.
He fumbled with his phone and pressed two on his speed dial.
It took three rings for Sebastian to pick up. It almost went to voicemail.
“Hey,” he said, his voice slightly slurred and croaky.
“You were sleeping,” Blaine said, feeling awful.
“No, no,” Sebastian said and Blaine could hear the rustle of his bedding as he sat up. “Just dozing, you’re good.”
Blaine took in a shuddering breath.
“Are you alright?” Sebastian asked. “Did he…”
“No, no, it’s not Kurt,” Blaine said quickly. “It’s just…his apartment. I haven’t been inside since…”
“Shit,” Sebastian muttered under his breath, “I didn’t even think of how triggering that could be.”
“It’s fine,” Blaine insisted, “I didn’t either, and that’s not your job. I just wanted to hear your voice. And maybe have you do that thing where you count my breaths for me. My chest is really tight and I can’t…”
“Of course,” Sebastian said, “always.”
Sebastian talked him through his breathing exercises and asked him how everything else had gone with Kurt, before he started having a panic attack in his doorway. He laughed at Kurt calling him his nemesis, and agreed that a cat fight between the two of them was likely to end with grave injuries.
Eventually Blaine felt like he could go back, but he stayed on the phone with Sebastian until he reached Kurt’s door again. He said his goodbyes and took a deep breath before entering.
It was easier this time. He was still counting his breaths in his head, but he was able to keep them steady. Kurt was sitting at the table with two mugs in front of him.
“Dad went to bed,” he said softly and slid one of the mugs towards the chair across from him. Blaine sat and took a sip. Warm milk with caramel and a little bit of cinnamon.
“You didn’t have to wait up for me,” Blaine said.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ve never…I’ve never seen that look on your face before. You looked so startled and scared and your eyes went hazy. I tried to follow you, but Dad stopped me. Said you knew what to do.”
Blaine ran his thumb over the handle of the mug. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to explain.
“You called Sebastian, didn’t you?”
Blaine nodded weakly. “He helps,” he said quietly. “When I…when I have an attack. He talks me down from them. Grounds me.”
Kurt stared into his milk for a long time.
Blaine sipped anxiously at his own. He counted again. Things he could see, things he could hear, things he could feel and so on. Kurt watched him. Watched his eyes dart around the room as he did so. The way he pressed his palms into the grain of the table, ran his fingers across the rough texture of his jeans.
“How long have you been having panic attacks?” He finally asked when Blaine looked calmer again.
Blaine shrugged. “Technically since Sadie Hawkins. But those were always incidental, set off by something obvious and they didn’t happen very often. But…they’ve gotten worse since October. More frequent, more difficult to handle, triggered by things I don’t expect.”
“Like coming here.”
“Like coming here,” Blaine confirmed. “That's why I’m in therapy. I had…I had a really bad one a week or so before Sectionals, it scared Sebastian.”
Kurt nodded slowly.
“I’m not looking for sympathy,” Blaine said quickly. “This isn’t like…to guilt you or something. I’ve just been trying to get better about lying to people and telling them everything is okay when it’s not.” He looked at Kurt and held his gaze. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
Kurt nodded. “So if I ask you a question, will you answer it truthfully?”
Blaine’s grip on his mug tightened. “I’ll certainly try.”
“Are you and Sebastian together?” Blaine started to deny it but Kurt continued. “Dad said you two are close…like physically close. Always touching in some way. That he’s protective and a little territorial when it comes to you.That you look at him…” Kurt blinked away tears, “you look at him like his presence fixes all your worries.”
Blaine closed his eyes for a moment and thought through how to respond. How to balance being truthful with assuaging Kurt’s fears.
“Sebastian is…he’s my best friend. He’s my defender. My rock in the stormy sea. The person who grounds me when I feel like I’m about to drift away, and helps free me when I feel buried under my fears and anxiety.
“He’s done so much for me these past few months. He researched the hell out of panic attacks and dissociation and learned every technique under the sun to help me. He taught other people those same skills, just in case he wasn’t around. Nick and Jeff, Sam and Tina.
“But…you know him. He doesn’t do romance. And that’s what I need from a relationship. So no. We’re not together. Romantically, sexually, none of it.”
It was the truth. Even if Blaine’s heart screamed that there was more, he wanted more, he wanted to be with Sebastian. But he couldn’t be.
Kurt nodded. But he didn’t look entirely convinced.
Blaine slept on the couch. He stared at the ceiling for hours, listening to the sounds of Burt’s CPAP machine coming from Rachael’s room. He felt cold. And lonely. He wished Sebastian was there to hold him while he fell asleep. He wished he could ask Kurt to hold him.
He caved around three AM and pulled Sebastian’s Dalton lacrosse sweater out of his bag. He curled up on his side with it clutched close to his chest, pulling it to his nose so he could breathe in his scent.
Eventually he slept.
Kurt heard Blaine when he woke up bright and early Christmas morning. He was whimpering in his sleep, twisting under the blankets on the couch. The navy and red sweater had fallen to the floor beside him.
Kurt approached cautiously and picked it up. He read the words and ignored the pang in his heart that it caused. He carefully slid the sweater back into Blaine’s arms. He latched on it in his sleep and held it close, breathing in deeply.
He calmed.
Kurt left him to go start on Christmas breakfast, ignoring the jealousy twisting in his chest. He knew what Blaine had said. But he also knew Blaine well enough to recognize the look in his eye. He was in love with Sebastian. And sooner or later, he was going to cave, and accept whatever relationship he could get from him.
Kurt just hoped Sebastian had changed. Burt Hummel was not easily fooled and he saw no reason to believe Sebastian would hurt Blaine intentionally.
But Kurt still didn’t trust him.
Blaine woke up a few hours later when his phone started to ring. Kurt recognized the song as a newer Taylor Swift song, something from Red , but he couldn’t quite place it. It felt familiar.
“Merry Christmas to you too, Bas,” Kurt heard him say with a yawn.
Blaine looked up and caught Kurt’s eye. Kurt smiled at him, and pretended he wasn’t listening in.
“They didn’t have to do that,” Blaine said with a guilty smile, “they’ve already payed for so much–”
Kurt could tell Sebastian had cut him off.
Blaine sighed. “Alright, alright. Tell your parents thank you. I’m excited to mess around with it when I get home. Also, I’m pretty sure Coop sent something to the house too, not sure if I’ll beat it home or not.”
After a moment he nodded in response to whatever Sebastian had said.
“Yeah, I hope it’s not too big. I know he still feels guilty about… well, y’know.” Blaine glanced cautiously at Kurt as he poured more pancake batter into his pan. Kurt’s heart clenched. Blaine was hiding something from him.
“No, you’re not going to risk an assault charge under the guise of a Christmas gift to Cooper, we’ve talked about this.” A smirk crossed his face at the reply. “You only evaded the last one because I didn’t want to press charges.”
Kurt frowned at Blaine just casually joking with Sebastian over the slushie incident. Blaine still got occasional migraines because of that. He’d just assumed that it was something they avoided talking about, not something Sebastian could comment on so blithely and Blaine would just roll his eyes at him.
“Yes, he deserves it. No, I will not condone violence against him, no matter how awful he is.” His expression shifted to something more neutral. “It’s going good.”
Ah , thought Kurt, an interrogation about me .
“I’m not lying,” Blaine said almost petulantly. “It is. We uh,” Blaine looked back over at Kurt, “we talked after I’d calmed down… No, I told him… Yes, he took it well… I told you I’ve already been talking about you a lot. He wasn’t surprised you’re who I called.” He huffed. “I think so… It’s complicated, Seb… No.”
Blaine grimaced at what had to be Sebastian scolding him loudly, Kurt could only hear a muffled voice from where he stood.
“It’s not the right time, Seb. I told you that before I even came here…You’ve made your opinion on that clear.” Blaine sighed deeply.
“I just don’t… I don’t want to worry him,” Blaine said that last part so quietly Kurt had to strain his ears to hear it.
“Well Kurt is making breakfast right now, Burt’s still asleep. But I’ll probably help Kurt and then we’ll open gifts and Kurt will pretend he’s going to watch basketball with us before caving and pulling out a magazine.”
His expression was relaxed again.
“Burt and I already have a bet going… No, you cannot join the betting pool… He’ll last longer than that, I assure you… Because I’m pretty sure he’s been listening to every word I’ve said.”
Kurt flushed and gave Blaine a sheepish smile.
“Burt and I will adjust our bets accordingly… No, you still can’t join.”
Blaine laughed loudly and shook his head. “Get back to your own holiday celebrations. I’m sure your mom could use some help in the kitchen since I’m not there… Sure you do.” He let out a short laugh.
“Then prove it. And have Marie send me video evidence… Goodbye, Sebastian,” Blaine said a little more forcefully.
Blaine hung up. He stood and stretched, setting the Dalton sweater aside. Kurt looked away from the thin strip of skin that was revealed when Blaine lifted his arms over his head.
“He sure was chatty this morning,” Kurt said casually.
“He’s chatty every morning,” Blaine said, approaching the kitchen to lean against the doorway. “Though normally I can’t just hang up on him.”
“That must be exhausting,” Kurt said, flipping a pancake.
“Says the person living with Rachel Berry,” Blaine chuckled.
“Touche’.” Kurt paused. “How’s Cooper? You said he felt bad about something?”
Blaine’s eyebrows pulled down and he frowned. “Yeah…yeah. He’s good. He just…” Kurt could see Blaine chewing on the inside of his cheek. He was coming up with a lie. “He just feels bad since he was supposed to come to sectionals and then he didn’t.” Blaine shrugged.
Kurt stared at the bubbling of his pancakes. Blaine had said he was trying to get better about lying to people. But with how truthful he’d been the night before, this had to be something worse. And Kurt wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
“Want me to crack some eggs?” Blaine asked. Kurt smiled fondly. Of course Blaine remembered the classic Hudmel Christmas breakfast and the very precise order Kurt liked to cook it in.
“That would be great,” Kurt said.
They lapsed into silence while they finished cooking, moving around each other with the ease of having cooked together on a regular basis. Blaine set the table while Kurt finished making his special homemade white chocolate and peppermint hot chocolate and Burt emerged from Rachel’s curtains, following the scent of the bacon crisping in the oven.
“Merry Christmas, boys,” he said, smiling softly at the picture of domesticity they made.
“Merry Christmas,” they chorused back at him.
Burt examined Blaine. He was smiling and humming to himself while he arranged the food in the center of the table, but he had dark circles around his eyes.
“You sleep well, Kid?” he asked.
Blaine paused and looked up at him.
“Y-yeah,” Blaine said, shaking his head. “I mean, as well as expected,” he laughed slightly, but his eyes creased with anxiety. He retrieved the bacon and transferred it onto a plate and then set it on the table. “I’m gonna use the restroom real quick,” he said, excusing himself. He snagged his bag as he went and took it with him.
Kurt sat three mugs down on the table, topped with whipped cream and peppermint flakes. He lowered himself into the chair next to Burt and they both stared at the bathroom door.
“He was having a nightmare this morning,” Kurt said quietly.
“I heard him tossing and turning most of the night,” Burt agreed.
“He’s…he’s not doing well.”
Burt shook his head. “He’s had a rough few months. I also think he’s become a little dependent on Sebastian. It’s probably not easy for him, not having him here.”
“I heard them talking earlier. It sounds like he spends a lot of time at Sebastian’s house?” Kurt ended it like a question, asking for Burt’s opinion.
Burt smiled sadly. “Yeah…I suppose he does.”
Kurt looked at his father and noticed the way he was twisting his wedding ring nervously around his finger. “You know something,” Kurt said. A statement, not a question.
Burt looked to his son. “It’s not my place to tell, Kurt.”
“But he’s told you?”
“Yes, he’s told me. And he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“But why? If it’s something serious, why is he hiding it from me?”
Burt shrugged but didn’t get to respond because Blaine opened the bathroom door and came out with a bright smile.
The dark circles were gone.
Blaine slipped out to the fire escape after the game was over. He felt Kurt’s eyes following him as he shrugged on his coat and climbed out the window.
He called Sebastian.
“He–”
“Where are you applying for college?” Blaine asked.
“And hello to you too, Anderson,” Sebastian said with a laugh.
“Sorry,” Blaine apologized.
“What’s got you thinking about college?”
Blaine leaned against the bars behind him. “Burt was asking me about it…I told him I applied to NYADA.”
Sebastian paused and Blaine could imagine him pursing his lips and trying to not make a snarky comment about Blaine attending Kurt’s school. Finally, he said, “it’s definitely an option.”
“What about you, where have you applied?”
“Oh, you know, the usual. NYU, NorthWestern, NorthEastern, Berkeley.”
“Not NYADA?”
“I’m not sure I even want to pursue the arts after high school, Killer. I’ve mostly been choosing places that have a wide berth of options, both theatrical and otherwise.”
Blaine nodded. He hadn’t been thinking about the reality of college until Burt had asked him. NYADA felt like the right choice because it would take him closer to Kurt. But…what if it took him away from Sebastian?
Sebastian’s voice sounded tinny, like it was coming from very far away. He couldn’t hear what he was saying, or at least he couldn’t comprehend it. All he could hear was his pulse in his ears.
The window opened and he felt a hand grip his shoulder. He blearily looked over to see Kurt, half on the fire escape with him. Blaine’s eyes couldn’t focus on him. He could see he was talking to him, but just like Sebastian, his voice sounded like it was underwater. Kurt squeezed himself fully onto the fire escape with him and wrapped his left arm around Blaine tightly.
He pressed his right hand to Blaine’s chest, firm and steady. Slowly he could hear both of them, counting, somehow in sync. He followed their guidance and felt Kurt’s hand move with the rise and fall of his chest. He looked around in a daze. Sebastian continued counting, but Kurt had stopped.
“Can you tell me five things you see, Blaine?”
Blaine looked at him. “Your eyes,” he said. He looked around, “the bricks of the building, a vase of flowers in a window across the street, the snow on top of the lamp post,” he looked back to Kurt, “your cheeks, flushed from the cold.”
Kurt nodded, “Good, good, four things you can hear?”
“Sebastian,” he said immediately and then listened for more. “Sirens, Christmas music, your dad coughing.”
“Three things you can feel?”
“Your hands, the cold of the metal beneath us,” he reached out, “the wool of your sweater.”
“Two things you can smell?”
“The cold of fresh snow, the peppermint on your breath.”
“One thing you can taste?”
Blaine licked his lips slowly, “The cherry chapstick I stole from Sebastian.”
Kurt smiled. “Good, that’s great. You did amazing.”
Blaine took a deep shuddering breath.
“You back with me, Killer?” Sebastian asked from the phone he still held tightly to his ear.
Blaine nodded and then remembered he couldn’t see. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”
“We can finish that conversation when you’re home, okay? You don’t need to be thinking about it right now.”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Sebastian said sternly.
“I told you I’d be okay, but that’s the second time you’ve had to do that for me over the phone.” Blaine wiped at the tears he felt slip down his cheeks. It smeared the concealer under his eyes.
“Hey now,” Sebastian said, “I know it wasn’t just me.”
Blaine looked to Kurt.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, “I’m supposed to be here to support you, not making you worry about me.”
“It’s okay, honey,” Kurt said, “you can’t control it.”
“I know,” Blaine said, defeated, “I just wish you didn’t have to see me like this.”
Kurt pursed his lips and looked off into the distance. “Can I talk to Sebastian?” he asked, gesturing to the phone.
“I…” Blaine said.
“What’s happening, Blaine?” Sebastian asked.
“Kurt wants to talk to you,” he said softly, his voice shaking with renewed anxiety.
Sebastian was silent for a long moment, Blaine could hear him taking deep, steadying breaths. He could almost feel them on his ear, the way he could when Sebastian held Blaine a little tighter than he needed. Like the contact was as much for his benefit as for Blaine’s. Finally, he responded; “yeah, yeah, put him on.”
Blaine handed the phone to Kurt.
“Hummel,” Blaine could hear Sebastian say once the phone was in Kurt’s hand. He leaned close, pressing himself into Kurt’s side so he could listen.
“Smythe,” Kurt said, but his usual disdain was gone, there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. They both lapsed into silence for an uncomfortable minute.
“You’re the one who wanted to talk, Hummel,” Sebastian said, annoyance creeping into his voice.
“Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to…thank you, I guess.”
Sebastian’s tone had gone slightly more acidic when he responded. “Thank me for what ?”
Blaine squirmed uncomfortably under Kurt’s arm.
“Helping Blaine,” Kurt kept his tone neutral, not letting Sebastian’s hostility rile him up. “He told me how frequent his panic attacks have gotten, and how much you help with them. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of him.”
Sebastian seemed to be at a loss for words. Finally, “I didn’t do it for you,” he said, but the bite was receding.
“I know,” Kurt said, “but I’m still glad to know he has you, even if I still don’t like you.”
“The feeling is mutual,” Sebastian said.
“And I know he’s only here for a couple of more days, but I wanted you to know I also have experience with panic attacks. Maybe not Blaine’s, but I know how to help with them.”
“Trying to steal my job, Hummel?”
“No, just making sure you know that you don’t have to do it all over the phone. I can help.”
Blaine could picture Sebastian chewing on the inside of his lip, not sure how to respond to the person he considered his arch nemesis offering to help with the task of caring for Blaine’s mental health. He also knew Sebastian didn’t like thinking that he couldn’t always help Blaine as much as he needed, that sometimes Blaine would need other people. He’d been getting better since Blaine started therapy, but this was Kurt. He definitely wouldn’t be happy about it.
“Fine,” Sebastian said, “but this doesn’t make us friends, Hummel.”
“Of course not,” Kurt said, though he was smiling, “but we have a common desire to help Blaine. So when it comes to that, we can agree to put our differences aside, right?”
“Just for this week,” Sebastian said, “I make no promises for the future.”
“Fair enough,” Kurt said, “I’ll let you finish talking to Blaine.” Kurt handed the phone back to him with a warm smile. “I’ll let you two talk in private,” he whispered to Blaine and slipped back inside the apartment.
“I’m pretty sure that’s the longest conversation you two have ever had,” Blaine said.
“I still don’t trust him,” Sebastian said.
Blaine sighed. “I know.”
But maybe this is the first step, he thought.
The rest of Christmas break was a blur, running around New York with Kurt and Burt. Kurt steered them away from the places he’d taken Blaine last time they’d been there. The water fountain in Central Park, the karaoke bar.
Blaine’s panic attacks weren’t as frequent as he expected. The only big one he had was when he walked past someone in a shop who wore the same cologne Eli wore. He’d frozen mid-step, his heart pounding as his brain spiraled through whether to turn and see if it was him or run in the opposite direction in case it was.
Kurt was at his side in a heartbeat, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him over to the dressing rooms. He led Blaine inside one and sat him down, locking the door.
“Where’s your phone, honey?” he asked.
Blaine fumbled to pull it out of his pocket and handed it to Kurt. He’d never changed his passcode and Kurt still knew it by heart. Shortly, the phone was pressed back into his hand, and Kurt lifted it to his ear.
Sebastian’s voice was there immediately, talking softly, but firmly. Together, he and Kurt led him through his breathing; Kurt made him count down again. See, hear, feel, smell, taste. All the while Kurt held his hand and rubbed soothing circles over his back. It took three times before he felt the weight fully leave his chest.
“Where are you?” Sebastian asked once Blaine was calm.
“Department store,” Kurt said.
Sebastian hummed. “That’s a new one,” he said.
“It’s not the store,” Blaine said, “it’s…I don’t know. I’m not sure I understand what set it off.” He could still remember the force with which the smell had hit him. The way his whole body locked up and he felt the ghost of hands over his chest, his hips, unwelcome breath in his ear…He couldn’t talk about that in front of Kurt. Not that.
“How are you feeling?” Kurt asked. “Should we head home?”
Blaine nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Can we watch Moulin Rouge?” He asked.
“Of course,” Kurt said. “Thank you, Sebastian,” Kurt said a little louder so Sebastian could hear him over the phone. “I’ll give you a moment to settle, but I’ll be right outside.”
The door shut quietly behind Kurt and Blaine reached over to relock it. He let his head fall heavily against the side of the dressing room.
“Why do these have to make me so exhausted?” he complained.
Sebastian laughed. “You know why, Blaine. Your panic attacks spike your heart rate so high it’s like you just ran a 5K.”
“I know, but Kurt was having fun. He was picking out all these clothes for me to try on. He loves getting to use me like a little dress-up doll. And then…”
“Do you really not know what happened or did you just not want to talk to Kurt about it?”
Blaine shrugged, even though Sebastian couldn’t see him.
“It’s…I know what it was, I just don’t understand why it triggered one. It’s like the night at Scandals, I know what caused it but not why .”
“You know,” Sebastian said, “you’ve never told me what happened that night. I know you said I didn’t cause it but…we almost–”
“It wasn’t that,” Blaine said quickly. He thought they had an unspoken rule to not talk about what had almost happened at Scandals.
“Are we never going to talk about it?” Sebastian asked, and Blaine could hear a soft quaver in his voice.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Bas,” he said. “We were drunk, nothing actually happened.”
“But–”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Sebastian.”
Sebastian sighed loudly. “Fine,” he said, a frustrated edge to his voice, “it’s not like it meant anything.”
“Exactly,” Blaine said, “you’re my best friend, and I don’t want to do anything to compromise that.”
“I gotta go, Killer,” Sebastian said, “Nick wants help shopping for the New Year's party.”
He hung up before Blaine could even say goodbye. He didn’t know why, but Sebastian had sounded…hurt. He shook his head and stood, smoothing out his clothes and dabbing a finger over the concealer under his eyes in an attempt to fix it. He tried smiling at himself in the mirror, but even he couldn’t convince himself it looked real.
Chapter 16
Notes:
Hi, sorry this is a little late today. I had a lot to do before work this morning and then I completely forgot it was Friday until like five minutes ago. But I remembered before it was officially Saturday, so here you go. Next week I will be on vacation, but I'll still post the chapter, I'm just not sure what time of day I'll manage to get it up. So don't fret if I'm late next week too.
TWs for this chapter: Allusions to sexual assault, miscommunication, and underage drinking.
Chapter Text
The flight home was easier, but still rough; Blaine’s heart felt very strange as they took off. Like part of it was being left behind while the other half was waiting for him in Ohio.
He and Sebastian hadn’t truly talked since their…fight? Blaine wasn’t sure if it fully counted, but the tension he felt every time he called Sebastian afterward definitely indicated it was something . Sebastian always picked up and allowed Blaine to talk about his day with Kurt, but he offered little in the way of conversation.
Blaine had one more difficult panic attack before leaving, and he told Kurt not to call Sebastian. He’d been replaying the conversation in the dressing room, hearing again and again, the pained frustration in Sebastian’s voice. He couldn’t understand what to make of it, and not being able to understand something about Sebastian was strange. It left him off kilter and out of balance, and the way Sebastian kept cutting their conversations short with excuse after excuse didn’t help his growing anxiety.
Kurt had helped him alone, and he’d managed pretty well without Sebastian’s aid. But it took much longer than it had before and Blaine refused to talk about the cause. He’d just plastered on a bright smile afterward and told Kurt he’d cook dinner that night.
Blaine tucked the confused feelings aside to deal with later. Or never.
And Kurt let him hide it.
Blaine almost dropped his luggage when he saw Sebastian waiting for him near the baggage claim. He ran straight to him and let go of his carry-on as soon as Sebastian’s arms were around him.
He nearly sobbed into his chest from the relief of having him back, of being near him again, of being wrapped in those arms that would always feel like safety.
“Hey, Killer,” Sebastian said, kissing the top of his head, “miss me?”
“So much,” Blaine said, squeezing tighter.
“Oop, I see your bag,’ Sebastian pushed him away gently so he could rescue his luggage from the carousel. He offered Blaine his hand, pulling the luggage behind. “You can tell me all about New York on the drive home.”
“You’ve already heard about most of it,” Blaine said with a nervous laugh. Sebastian was chipper, a stark difference from his muted personality on the phone over the past few days. Blaine waved at Burt and Carole quickly before Sebastian led him out to the parking lot shuttle.
“Yeah, but your stories are never as enjoyable when I can’t see the silly little faces you make while telling them.”
Blaine rolled his eyes and relaxed into the ease of talking to Sebastian. Maybe he’d just been imagining the tension. He had a tendency to catastrophize after all - Sebastian probably had just been really busy after Christmas.
“God, I think I’m turning you into such a sap, Bas,” Blaine said.
“Maybe you’re just unearthing it?” Sebastian said.
“Really?” Blaine laughed, “I feel like it would have been more difficult to dig it out than to impress upon you.”
Sebastian shrugged. “You can impress whatever you want upon me, Anderson.”
“There we go, there’s the Sebastian Smythe I know.”
Sebastian grinned at him, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Blaine tried to pretend he was imagining it.
“Fuck, I’m jet lagged,” Blaine said as he dropped his bags in his room back at the Smythe’s house. He immediately collapsed onto the bed with a heavy sigh.
Sebastian slid onto the bed behind him and urged Blaine to roll over for cuddles. Blaine happily obliged, twining his legs with Sebastian’s and wrapping an arm across his stomach while he rested his head on his chest. Blaine listened to Sebastian’s heartbeat, strong and steady, and let it relax him.
“I’ve missed this,” Blaine said softly.
“Are you telling me Hummel wasn’t cuddling you all week?” Sebastian snarked.
Blaine sighed. “Only when he could tell I was anxious or at risk of spiraling. Mostly we just got to exist around each other. Which was nice, but I am feeling a little touch starved as a result.”
“Same here.” Sebastian smoothed his hand over Blaine’s back. “It’s been very strange moving through life without a koala hanging off of me.”
“Hey,” Blaine said, poking Sebastian in the ribs, “you like me hanging off of you.”
Sebastian squirmed and grabbed Blaine’s hand to stop him. “Oh and what part of me do you like hanging off of?”
“Sebastian Smythe, are you going to make sex jokes, in my bed, when I’m too exhausted to rebut you?”
“Oh, now you’re thinking of my butt, Anderson?”
Blaine smacked his chest. “You’re insufferable,” he groaned.
Sebastian grinned and linked his hand with Blaine’s, quickly sliding out from under him and using the leverage on Blaine’s arm to push him flat to the bed.
“Insufferable?” He asked, hovering over Blaine. “You’re calling your best friend insufferable?”
Blaine blinked up at him, mouth agape from the sudden manhandling. Sebastian had never done that before. It was always gentle presses of his hand, guiding Blaine into the correct position for cuddling or for Sebastian to help him with a panic attack.
“Blaine?” Sebastian said, brow furrowed.
Blaine’s eyes darted down to Sebastian’s lips, their faces were inches apart and Blaine felt incredibly warm under Sebastian’s gaze. Sebastian noticed the movement, his eyes following Blaine’s. Sebastian started to move, so slowly and gently, his head inclining to the side as he closed the small gap between them.
“Don’t,” Blaine breathed just before their lips touched. Sebastian froze and backed off just enough so he could look into Blaine’s eyes. “We can’t,” Blaine said, so softly. The room felt like it was thrumming with something Blaine couldn’t understand - a palpable longing surrounding both of them and pushing them closer and closer together. But the anxiety in Blaine’s chest, as always of late, was stronger.
Blaine used the hand Sebastian didn’t have pinned to the bed to press against his chest. Slowly, Sebastian moved off of him, ceasing all contact as he collapsed beside Blaine and threw his arm over his eyes.
Blaine sat up, breathing heavily, and swung his feet off the bed. He pressed his hands firmly into the mattress on either side of him to ground himself.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
See, hear, feel, smell, taste.
After his heart rate was under control, Blaine turned back to Sebastian. He was still in the same position, though his arm was tighter across his face as if Sebastian was trying to smother himself with it.
“Seb,” Blaine said, reaching out for his free hand. Sebastian jerked at the touch but didn’t pull away. “What was that?”
Sebastian shrugged, not removing his arm from his face. “Nothing,” he said, voice thick, sounding almost like a petulant child.
“It’s clearly not nothing.”
Sebastian was silent.
“Come on, Bas, we gotta talk about it.”
Sebastian groaned. “It was nothing,” he repeated. “I just…I missed you and I got a little carried away.”
“That didn’t feel like getting carried away. Scandals was us getting carried away. That felt like a choice, Bas.”
“Oh now you want to talk about Scandals,” Sebastian said, flinging his arm off his face and off to the side. It was a bit overdramatic, but it was utterly Sebastian.
Blaine sighed. “I didn’t want to talk about Scandals, but this almost feels like you trying to force my hand on it.”
“I’m not trying to force you into anything!” Sebastian cried. His eyes finally locked on Blaine and he was shocked to see that they were bright and red-rimmed. Is that why he’d been hiding his face?
“Look,” Blaine said, trying to ignore the panic in his chest about the tears gathering in Sebastian’s eyes, “we flirt, we tease, but you know we can’t actually do anything. I’m not…I’m not a casual sex kind of person, even with my best friend.” Sebastian opened his mouth to speak and Blaine cut him off. “And friends with benefits is still casual.”
Blaine watched as Sebastian turned his eyes to the ceiling. He could see the muscle on Sebastian’s jaw twitching as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. He also noticed a lone tear escape the corner of Sebastian’s eye and run gently down his cheek. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Sebastian actually cry.
Blaine’s brain couldn’t make sense of it and went with the only option he felt he could entertain. “I get that you need a release. This sexual frustration is clearly getting to you and I understand that. But I can’t help with that. No matter how close we get, it’s not something I’m comfortable with.”
“I don't…” Sebastian worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Blaine could see him calculating something in his head, weighing the pros and cons of his next sentence. “If Kurt wasn’t back in the picture…would you feel differently?” He wouldn’t meet Blaine’s eye.
“I…” Blaine gaped at him, “I…no. This isn’t about Kurt!”
“Are you sure?” Sebastian asked. “Because before Sectionals it seemed like maybe you were interested in something more than just friends. And then you started talking to him and…”
“I need romance, Sebastian! And you know that. I need more than the physical, I need to be in love. Sleeping with someone who didn’t love me–” Blaine’s breath hitched, “-is something I haven't recovered from yet. And it’s not something I ever want to do again.”
Sebastian’s whole body was wrung tight, like he was fighting against every instinct inside of him to not… yell? Run away? Blaine wasn’t sure what he was stopping.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, his breath stuttering out of his chest, “I told you months ago when you moved in that you didn’t have to worry about me trying to get in your pants. And I’m sorry I broke that promise. I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I don’t want to pressure you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
That last line felt like a lie, but Blaine didn’t know if he wanted to truly know what Sebastian had been thinking.
Blaine tried to pretend that things were back to normal after the second near-kiss, but Sebastian was different. He was more subdued, and didn't reach out for Blaine as often as normal. The casual arms draped across his shoulders were few and far between. Sebastian rarely invited himself into Blaine’s bed like he had been so prone to do. Blaine initiated almost all physical touch between them, and when he did it was the only time he saw Sebastian actually smile.
On the night before New Year’s Eve, and after three whole days of Sebastian actually sleeping in his own bedroom, Blaine caved. He closed the door to his bedroom softly and shuffled down the hall to Sebastian’s room. He listened for any sign that he shouldn’t enter before he pushed open the door. Sebastian wasn’t asleep. He was lying on his bed, one arm propping his head up, with his laptop on a pillow next to him. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days played on the screen.
Blaine closed his eyes and fought down the pain in his chest. Maybe watching movies in bed was their thing. Maybe watching romcoms and debating how long the couples would stay together after the credits rolled was their thing. That didn’t mean they always had to do it together.
Blaine shuffled closer to the bed and leaned one knee on it. Sebastian startled and looked over to him. That was strange. Just like Blaine was always attuned to his presence, Sebastian was usually always aware when Blaine entered a room.
“Hey, Killer,” Sebastian said, “nightmare?”
Blaine shook his head. “No…I just missed you.”
“You saw me at dinner.”
Blaine knew that Sebastian knew that wasn’t what he meant. But he didn’t open his arms to him the way he normally did, and Blaine faltered in his plan. Maybe Sebastian didn’t want him there. It was the first time in months that Blaine had ever thought that Sebastian might actually not want Blaine around. Sure, sometimes after they had a fight he needed to not be around Blaine for a bit. But it was rarely what he wanted .
Blaine took a deep breath. “Can I join you?” he said, nodding to the screen.
“Of course,” Sebastian said, and it certainly sounded like he meant it. Sebastian slid into a sitting position and moved the laptop to his lap. Blaine joined him on the bed but left a few inches in between them. Sebastian did not close the gap.
They watched in silence and Blaine tried really hard to pay attention to the movie, but more often than not he found himself watching Sebastian instead.
“You’re thinking very loudly,” Sebastian finally said.
“Are you mad at me?” Blaine asked.
Sebastian rolled his head to the side to look at Blaine with a fond exasperation in his eyes. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“You won’t touch me,” Blaine said, his arms crossed over his own chest, his hands rubbing his arms.
“I’ve been touching you all day,” Sebastian said, but Blaine could see in his eyes that he knew that wasn’t entirely true. It was obvious from the distinct lack of physical contact between them at that moment.
“Only when I touch you first,” Blaine argued. He tried not to say it, knew it sounded needy and petulant, but… “Do you not want to touch me?”
“Of course I want to touch you, Killer,” Sebastian said, setting a soothing hand on Blaine’s shoulder to try and prove his point.
Blaine shrugged it off.
Sebastian sighed. “I just - I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You never make me uncomfortable,” Blaine said.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him. “I certainly made you uncomfortable a few days ago.”
“But you apologized and I forgave you,” Blaine said like it fixed everything.
“It’s not that easy, Blaine.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared, okay?” Sebastian said a little too loudly, making Blaine jump. “I’m scared I’ll do it again. I’m scared I’ll hurt you. I’m scared that you might be scared of me and you’re hiding it. I’m scared that if you aren’t scared of me I’ll fuck up and you will be. I’m scared of becoming something you regret, of being someone you have nightmares about. I’m scared of losing you.”
Blaine’s expression softened. His frustration and fear slipped away. He reached out for Sebastian’s hand.
“Do you remember what you said to me after our fight about Kurt? How no matter what happened, you’d always come back? Well, I promise that too.”
“You can’t just do that, Blaine,” Sebastian said. “I don’t want you coming back if I do something that hurts you. I want you to take care of yourself. Even if that means I can’t be in your life anymore.”
“People hurt each other all the time, Seb. It’s just part of existence. That doesn’t mean you have to cut off everyone that has ever hurt you. You can work together to learn and to grow and to heal the hurt. We’ve already done that so many times, why would this be any different?”
Sebastian couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell Blaine that he knew what his nightmares were about. And that the second Blaine told him to stop everything in his body revolted, terrified he had almost become one of those monsters. Or worse, that he had and Blaine wouldn’t tell him. He’d forgiven Kurt after all.
Sebastian had avoided sleeping in Blaine’s room for fear that instead of hearing Kurt’s name whimpered in Blaine’s sleep as he begged him to stop, he would hear his own.
“Can I make you a deal?” Blaine asked.
Sebastian nodded slightly, though his hand shook with trepidation in Blaine’s grasp.
“You can touch me, however, and whenever you like, non-sexually, of course. And I will tell you the second something makes me uncomfortable, okay? I won’t hide it for your sake, I’ll be completely upfront. Hell, maybe we can come up with some sort of nonverbal signal in case we’re in public or I’m struggling to talk.”
“I don’t–”
“Do you trust me?” Blaine asked. “Because I trust you to listen when I tell you to stop. So can you trust me?”
Sebastian swallowed thickly. “Yeah…yeah,” he whispered.
“Good,” Blaine said and promptly pulled Sebastian’s arm over his shoulders. He shuffled until they were pressed together completely and rested his head on Sebastian’s chest. They put in What Happens in Vegas after the first movie ended and Blaine drifted off near the end. Sebastian carefully closed the laptop and set it on his bedside table. He slipped out from under Blaine to turn off the lights before shuffling them both under the covers.
Blaine didn’t have a nightmare that night.
New Year’s Eve at the Duval’s was always overwhelming. Blaine hadn’t been to the last one, but he remembered what they were like before he transferred to McKinley. Nick’s parents always went on a cruise for New Year’s and left him at home. Which meant he had a mini-mansion all to himself to throw the biggest party of the year. It wasn’t just Warblers, it felt like every person who attended Dalton or Crawford Country Day was there, in addition to Blaine’s gaggle of New Directions friends, which had grown for the holidays to include Mercedes, Santana, Mike, and Brittany.
Blaine expected Marley to stick close to him, just as overwhelmed by the amount of people as he was. Instead, she was always on Nick or Jeff’s arm, following one or both of them around wherever they went. Blaine was glad she was gaining confidence the more time she spent with them. She’d really started to shine.
Sam was in the middle of a Smash Bros battle with Mike and a few other Dalton Boys. Mercedes sat nearby, shaking her head every time Sam pointed at her before a new fight and shouted, “This is for you!”
Unique and Trent had disappeared somewhere a while ago, and Blaine had a feeling he didn’t want to go looking for them.
Blaine, however, didn’t know what to do with himself in a group this large. Sebastian had been dragged away to play beer pong somewhere with Tina, but Blaine had declined the offer to join. Santana seemed set on getting him shit-faced and periodically wandered over with a drink for him. Blaine would sip it until she was gone before he passed it off to someone walking by.
When he was drunk he got sloppy. When he was drunk he forgot the promises he made to himself. When he was drunk, all he wanted to do was kiss Sebastian. So Blaine would remain sober. No matter how hard Santana tried.
It’d been a full 45 minutes since Sebastian had left him and Blaine was getting antsy. He was nervous about leaving his post against the wall and making it hard for Sebastian to find him, but he also didn’t know how much longer it would take for him to come back. So he handed off the last of Santana’s latest drink to a sophomore he saw walking by, and set off on his search.
The most likely place for beer pong was outside. Despite the cold, it was the only place with enough space free from bodies to play. But while he found Thad and Beatbox out there sharing a joint with one of the Crawford girls, there was no sign of a game of pong.
So he ventured to the basement and found a karaoke stage set up with various Warblers hogging the mic from anyone else. But still no Sebastian.
He paused in the kitchen for a second too long and Santana found him, pulling him in for a round of shots with her and Brittany before he could escape. Three shots later and two shotgunned beers, he was stumbling out of there knowing he really needed to find Sebastian now. It may be dangerous for Blaine to be near him while he was drunk, but it was terrifying to be without him.
He climbed the steps to the second floor, hoping that even if he couldn’t find Sebastian he could find a room to hide in and call Sebastian to come find him.
He tried the first door to find it locked, and the second was the same. He didn’t have a chance to test the third door before he heard voices from behind it. He’d recognize the cadence of Sebastian’s voice anywhere, but his voice was hushed and anxious. He pressed his ear to the door to listen.
“I’m not telling him, Nick,” Sebastian said, “it wouldn’t change anything.”
“Didn’t you just tell me the only reason he doesn’t want to be with you is because he doesn’t think you love him?” Nick responded.
“And that he doesn’t love me!”
Nick laughed. “We all know that’s not true.”
Blaine flushed.
“He’s made it clear–”
“Only because he doesn’t have the full picture–”
“That won’t change anything. This isn’t a romcom, there’s not going to be an ‘oh’ moment. He’s too hung up on Kurt for it to even be a possibility.”
Nick groaned. “God, you’re both such stupid hormonal bastards.”
“Thanks,” Sebastian sneered, “I’ll add that to my Grindr profile.”
“Can you at least do one thing for me?”
Sebastian sighed. “I make no guarantees.”
“Just kiss him. It’s New Year’s, it’s a tradition. Just kiss him at midnight.”
“I can’t .”
“Why not?”
Someone came crashing up the stairs on their way to the bathroom and Blaine jumped, his palm coming down hard on the door. He froze, not sure what to do. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be hearing this conversation. He barely even understood what they were saying, like there was some big piece of information he was missing. But he could hear them approaching the door and he backed away like maybe they wouldn’t know he’d overheard anything.
Nick was the one that opened the door and his face showed his immediate panic. “Blaine!” he cried, and Blaine knew that it was a warning to Sebastian.
Sebastian’s face was carefully neutral as he appeared in the doorway. “Hey, Killer,” he said.
Blaine just gaped. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t understand what was going on. “Santana got me drunk,” he finally said.
Sebastian took in his panicked expression and the way he was blinking far too much like he could clear the haze from his eyes that way. Then he was at Blaine’s side, putting an arm around Blaine’s waist. “Do you want to leave?” He asked and Blaine leaned into the embrace.
“No, no,” Blaine assured him, “I just… I needed you.” Blaine was looking up at Sebastian from under his eyelashes. He watched the way the worry ebbed away from Sebastian and a deep fondness grew in its place. Sebastian’s eyes crinkled and Blaine wanted him to never stop looking at him like that.
“Well,” Nick said, clapping and startling both of them, “you two know the rules. Everyone needs a kiss at midnight, if you don’t get one, you’re doomed to a very sad and sexless year on this planet. So, if you two refuse to kiss each other because you’re ‘best friends and it would make it awkward’,” Nick said with air quotes, “then you need to start scouting for someone else to kiss. You have thirty minutes.” And then he left.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “His fucking superstitions. I’m pretty sure I didn’t kiss anyone at midnight last year and my body count still doubled.”
Blaine laughed, “At least until October,” he said.
“Eh,” Sebastian shrugged, “that was intentional.” Sebastian started leading him down the stairs.
“Oh, so you planned for me to get kicked out of my house and move in with you?” Blaine said. He hugged himself tight to Sebastian’s side, feeling wobbly on his own feet.
“Of course, I was in need of a project,” Sebastian teased.
“And your project was to pick up the clingiest teenager in all of Lima?”
“You’re not clingy,” he said as they came off the last step.
“I am literally clinging to you right now.”
“That’s because Shaqueera got you drunk and being drunk around people you don’t know well triggers you.”
“It doesn’t trigger me.”
Sebastian gave him a disbelieving look.
“It doesn’t! It just makes me anxious. If it triggered me I’d be having a panic attack. Instead, I’m just…well, clingy.” Sebastian led them over to the couch which blessedly had one spot open. Sebastian sat and pulled Blaine onto his lap, letting him sit sideways with his legs over the armrest.
“And you know I don’t mind clingy Blaine. The day you stop latching onto me like a sloth is the day I have to start seeking out physical affection from other people. And other people are exhausting. Take Nick for example,” he said the last part loud enough for Nick to hear him as he walked by with Jeff and Marley under both of his arms. They both flipped Sebastian off for him.
Blaine laughed, leaning his forehead against Sebastian’s temple. He basked in the way he felt encompassed in Sebastian. Everywhere he touched him felt like warmth was radiating out until it settled in his stomach.
“Maybe he’s right,” Blaine whispered.
He could feel Sebastian raising an eyebrow at him.
“Maybe we should just kiss.”
Sebastian went still underneath him. The arm wrapped around him that was rubbing soothing circles into his hip, the hand on his knee that periodically adjusted to keep Blaine steady, the firm press of Sebastian’s head back against his. It all stopped.
“Just hear me out–”
“Blaine,” Sebastian warned.
“It’s New Year’s–”
“We talked about this.”
“But it’s tradition–”
“No.”
“Sebastian–”
“No.”
“But–”
Sebastian finally turned his head to look Blaine in the eye. “Three days ago we talked about how this wasn’t going to be a thing between us. How you didn’t want anything like this to happen. Just because you’re drunk–”
“I’m not drunk–”
“How many drinks have you had?”
“I– two beers, a couple shots, I don’t…Santana kept handing me drinks but I gave most of them away. I just sipped–”
“And you can’t handle your alcohol. You do things you wouldn’t normally do when you’re drunk, I’m not letting you make a mistake like this–”
“But what if it would get it out of our system?”
Sebastian took a deep breath but Blaine cut him off.
“It keeps almost happening, Bas. It wasn’t just Scandals and it wasn’t just the other day. There’s a tension between us and there always has been and maybe if we just fucking kiss it will go away.”
Or it’ll break my heart , Sebastian thought.
“It’s New Year’s, Bas. It’s tradition. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
But it would. It would mean so much. And then it would be taken away again.
“Please, Bas.”
Sebastian licked his lips and he thought about it. He knew it wouldn’t get it out of his system. He knew it would only make him want more. But Blaine looked so hopeful. Like it would heal some inner turmoil in him. And Sebastian hated to see him hurting.
He started to nod. “Okay,” he said, even as the anxiety in his chest tightened, “okay.”
The countdown started not long after and Sebastian raised his palm to Blaine’s cheek. He cupped his face gently as everyone else shouted the numbers out around him. He couldn’t speak, he felt like he might cry if he did. But Blaine looked at him so softly, and he was lost in his eyes.
When the clock hit midnight, Sebastian pulled Blaine closer to him and pressed their mouths together. It was supposed to be a quick peck and then they’d pull away. But the second their lips met, Blaine’s arm around Sebastian’s neck pulled their bodies tighter together. He deepened the kiss and clung to Sebastian, like he needed to kiss him as much as he needed air.
And Sebastian was lost to it. His fingers curled tightly into Blaine’s hair, his other arm wrapped around his back, his nails digging into Blaine’s shirt. He forgot to breathe, he forgot to think, he forgot everything. The cheering crescendoed and died and they were still locked together. Sebastian parted his lips at the insistent press of Blaine’s tongue and shivered with the feeling of it intertwining with his. He wanted this moment to last forever. He wanted to keep doing this forever.
And then Santana said, “wanky,” far too closely to them and they jumped apart. Blaine’s eyes were hazy as he looked up to where she stood behind the couch. “Who knew getting Blainers drunk turned him into such a slut.” Blaine flushed and ducked his head.
“Fuck off, Santana,” Sebastian said, pulling Blaine tighter into him, letting him hide his face in Sebastian’s chest.
“I just came to say you’re welcome, Smythe,” she said, grinning mischievously, “lord knows you two need to fuck all of this,” she gestured at the whole of them, “out. I just wanted to help.”
Sebastian felt Blaine’s grip on his waist tighten, his breath coming in shakily.
“Why don’t you go fuck your girlfriend instead of meddling with us. I’m sure there’s a room upstairs for you.”
“Testy, testy, Sebastian,” she said. “I see you would much rather continue what you were doing, so I will go fuck Brittany, thank you very much.”
Blaine’s breathing was quick when she left and Sebastian pulled him tighter into his chest. He knew this was a bad idea, he shouldn’t have let Blaine talk him into it. “We should go home,” he said, stroking the back of Blaine’s neck gently.
Blaine nodded and allowed Sebastian to ease him off his lap and lead him out to the car. “But you–” Blaine started when Sebastian slid into the driver’s seat.
“Made Thad drink everything during our game of beer pong. I knew I needed to drive tonight.”
Blaine let his head fall back against the seat. He pushed the visor covering the sunroof to the side so he could stare up at the night sky as Sebastian drove. Sebastian twined their hands together and squeezed tight.
“I didn’t like being called a slut,” Blaine said when they were almost home, “it wasn’t the kiss.”
Sebastian nodded. “So does that mean it’s out of your system now?”
Blaine continued to stare at the sky.
He didn’t answer.
Chapter 17
Notes:
Hello! I'm posting this a day early because I have had a very busy week and tomorrow is just as busy so I do not want to forget to post.
TWs for this chapter: All those allusions to sexual assault? Oh yeah, they're full discussions of sexual assault now. Also featuring panic attacks as per usual, and discussions of homophobia, hate crimes, and a death as a result of a hate crime. I think that's it but this chapter is probably to most intense of the whole fic, so read with caution.
Chapter Text
Blaine wasn’t getting better. In some ways he was; his therapist got him to open up about a lot of things he hadn’t told anyone.
About his mom, how she’d left his father when he was three and moved back in with her ex. How excited he’d been to have an older brother, but how not excited Cooper was about it. The strain he always felt trying to be good enough, to live up to Cooper and the unreachable expectations his step-father had for him. How on the day he came out to them, he knew he’d never even come close.
He talked about Sadie Hawkins, about waking up in the hospital two weeks later to learn that his best friend hadn’t been so lucky. How he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to smile after that. And even now he wondered if any of his smiles were real .
And he talked about Kurt. A lot.
There was so much baggage in their relationship. Three years of Blaine lying and pretending everything was okay when he had never been okay. Being Kurt’s mentor, acting like he had everything put together. Transferring schools for him even though walking the halls of a public school again made him want to crawl out of his own skin.
About trying so hard to be everything Kurt could want in a boyfriend and always falling short of his own expectations. How often he wondered what he was going to mess up next, and if that would be the thing that made Kurt leave him. About believing that one day Kurt would wake up and realize how worthless he was. And then he’d be alone again.
Because of her, it became easier to be open with Kurt. He was able to discuss these fears with him. Talk about how hard it was to believe that anyone actually wanted him around. He believed people liked him because he was talented, or because he was laid back. But inside he was sure that the second he showed them who he really was, everyone would just walk away.
But then there was Sebastian, who had seen the worst of him. He’d found Blaine at his lowest. And he was still there. It gave him hope that maybe he could find the kind of people who would stay. And he hoped Kurt would be one of those people.
But despite the leaps and bounds he was making in regards to his self-worth, his relationship with Kurt, and even with coming to terms with his disownment, the nightmares never stopped.
He knew he was getting quieter about it, that he didn’t wake up screaming most nights, because Sebastian usually slept through them. He’d wake, drenched in a cold sweat, fighting off some unseen attacker. And then he’d sit up, focus on his breathing, his counting, and he’d calm himself down.
He didn’t crawl into Sebastian’s bed like he wanted to.
He knew that within the next year, they were both heading off to college. Likely not the same one. Maybe not even in the same city. And so he needed to learn how to handle these things himself. He wouldn’t be able to rely on Sebastian forever.
Sebastian knew Blaine was still struggling. He saw the dark circles under his eyes before he hid them from everyone else. He noticed Blaine freezing in the hallways when they got too crowded and he started feeling trapped. The way certain boys seemed to startle him whenever he saw them out of the corner of his eye. How others would walk by him and Blaine’s whole body would lock up, his eyes going distant.
And Sebastian wasn’t the only one who noticed. All of the Warblers, even Hunter, had grown accustomed to putting a gentle hand on Blaine’s back and guiding him to somewhere quiet. If Blaine could pull himself together, they’d walk him to his destination to make sure he got there safely. If he couldn’t, they called Sebastian.
Sebastian had an infinite number of hall passes and tardy notes from the school counselor to excuse him when needed to go to Blaine. Most of his teachers didn’t even ask anymore.
What Sebastian couldn’t stand though, was how much Blaine was talking to Kurt. Almost any time he caught a glimpse of Blaine’s phone he had his text chain with Kurt open. More often than not he’d come back from lacrosse practice or a study group and find Blaine on the phone with him.
He knew that if Blaine would just stop talking to him, he would get better. It wouldn’t be a quick thing, but he would actually make progress. Kurt was only holding him back from healing and he didn’t know how to get Blaine to see that.
Kurt wasn’t oblivious to the amount of texts he received from Blaine in the wee hours of the morning. He didn’t miss how often Blaine’s voice would crack when Kurt picked up the phone. Sebastian was always gone somewhere when he called, and Kurt could tell that Blaine just needed to not be alone.
Blaine told him stories he’d never mentioned before. Late one night when Blaine called him while wandering the hallways at Dalton, not wanting to wake Sebastian up, he told him about Levi for the first time. Kurt had heard the story of Sadie Hawkins. He knew that it was the reason Blaine transferred to Dalton. The reason his parents had money after Westerville High settled in the lawsuit that came after the dance.
Kurt had felt the scars on Blaine’s arm from where the bone had snapped. He’d walked with Blaine through airport security as he handed them a letter to explain the metal in his arm. He knew how the cold made his arm ache and how good he was at doing one-handed planks and pushups because sometimes it simply hurt too much to put his weight on his bad arm. He’d felt the subtle dips in the back of his head, the bubble of scar tissue. He’d heard Blaine joke about how he’d never be able to be bald.
But Blaine had never told him about the coma. He’d never told him about the sleep paralysis that started afterward, where he woke up feeling like he was still trapped in that hospital bed.
He never told him about Levi.
Kurt knew he’d gone to the dance with his best friend. But he thought they just didn’t talk. That the trauma of what they’d been through was too much for their young minds to handle being near each other. He didn’t know that Levi had been buried before Blaine even woke up.
Blaine wept when he told Kurt about his first visit to the grave. About leaving a small rainbow flag on it along with the corsage Blaine had worn to the dance. The wilted white petals were still stained with blood. And Blaine didn’t know which one of theirs it was.
Kurt didn’t know how he had missed this side of Blaine. How easily he’d accepted Blaine’s well-practiced smiles as being real. He’d never realized how good of an actor Blaine really was.
Kurt’s spring break came far too slowly. The time in between Christmas and the third week of March dragged. He was enjoying his classes, of course, but texting Blaine had quickly become not enough. The more they talked, the more Blaine told him, the more he just wanted to be there, to hold him.
So as soon as he’d finished dropping off his luggage at his house and running a couple of errands for Rachel’s spring break bash, he immediately rushed off to Dalton to find Blaine.
Kurt drifted through the halls of Dalton Academy, heart twinging as he passed the grand staircase he and Blaine first met on as he headed down the hall to the Warbler common room. He ducked his head in, surprised to find it mostly vacant except for Jeff and Nick who were a bit too preoccupied to notice Kurt’s arrival.
Kurt allowed them a moment more of making out before speaking. “I thought you were an RA, Nicholas,” he said loudly, “doesn’t that mean you have your own dorm room you could be doing this in?”
The boys jumped apart and Jeff nearly fell out of his chair from the start Kurt gave him.
Nick rolled his eyes when he saw Kurt leaning casually against the door. “I thought you were Hunter for a second. And he knows we’re supposed to be practicing for Nationals in here, which is why he allotted us time to ourselves.”
“But we know we’ll never rehearse enough to convince him to give us the lead duet he’s already penned Blaine and Sebastian in for,” Jeff said, “so really it’s just a nice…change of scenery for us.”
Kurt scoffed. “Of course, of course, those dorm rooms can get so stale.”
“They really can,” Jeff agreed solemnly. “Plus, Unique and Trent are in a bit of a fight, so he’s being pouty. And he’s less likely to come looking for us in here, and will instead go bother Blaine and Sebastian in their room for a change.”
Kurt stiffened but tried to hide it. “Oh…I didn’t know Blaine and Sebastian were rooming together.”
“I mean, they were already living–” Jeff started but Nick elbowed him sharply. “I mean,” he started again, “they were practically living together before, so it just made sense.”
“Right,” Kurt said, trying not to let his jealousy show on his face. “And where might this dorm room be? I came to surprise Blaine but Sam was being stingy with his ‘best friend knowledge’.”
Nick laughed. “Being stingy or genuinely forgetting which room is Blaine’s and which ones belong to us is more likely. But they’re in room 305. Not sure if Blaine will be back from his study session, but you can probably surprise him by the door if you like.”
Kurt nodded. “Thank you so much for your help, boys. You may return to your ‘practicing’” he said with a teasing smile as he wandered off in the direction of the dorm building.
He knocked gently when he arrived, just in case Blaine was inside. He heard water turn off inside and someone trip over their own feet in a rush to the door.
“I fucking knew you left your key again, Ki–” Sebastian’s sentence cut off when he saw Kurt standing at his door. Kurt blanched upon seeing him, naked but for a towel around his waist that he was holding up with a fist, water still dripping from his hair and down his chest.
If he were anyone else, Kurt might have been tempted to let his eyes linger, but Sebastian’s personality was repellent enough to stop him from doing that.
Sebastian’s annoyed smile immediately turned chilly as he stared down his nose at Kurt. “Hummel,” he said, voice acidic, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”
Well, at least Sebastian’s opinion of Kurt still matched Kurt’s opinion of him, even with their agreement to put their feud aside for the sake of Blaine’s mental health. It didn’t quite apply when he wasn’t around.
“I came to surprise Blaine,” Kurt said. “It’s my first school break from NYADA.”
“He’s not here,” Sebastian said and started to shut the door in Kurt’s face. Kurt stuck out a Doc Martin-clad foot to stop the door.
“I can see that,” Kurt said, as pleasantly as he could, “but he should be back soon since he lives here. And in the meantime, maybe you and I can catch up since I haven’t seen you in far too short a time.”
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Sure,” he said, “I guess we should.”
Sebastian bowed out of the way as Kurt entered the room. Both men stood, silently assessing the other in a stare-off for nearly a minute before Kurt finally said. “Maybe you should get dressed.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Ordering me around in my own house, Hummel? I see how it is.” But he obliged, heading over to the shared walk-in closet and pulling out a t-shirt and Dalton-emblazoned sweatpants.
Kurt kept his back turned as Sebastian left the door wide open, but took the opportunity to examine the contents on top of the nightstand. Blaine, it appeared, had a framed photo of the Warbler’s second-place win at Regionals when both he and Kurt had been on the team together. He also had a stack of polaroids that Kurt picked up and started sifting through. Most of them were of Blaine with friends from both Mckinley and Dalton, but the bottom third of the stack consisted of candid photos of Sebastian. Most of them were from around the dorm room, Sebastian eating, studying, gaming. In most of them, Sebastian was glaring good-naturedly at the camera, clearly knowing Blaine was trying to be sneaky.
“If you’re looking for the photos of you, they’re in the drawer,” Sebastian said, reentering the main room, scrubbing the towel over his hair. “He keeps them out of my view most of the time.”
Kurt turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “Why does he have to hide photos of me from you?”
“Oh, he doesn’t have to,” Sebastian said, as he plopped down on his bed. “He just does it because he thinks seeing photos of you makes me uncomfortable. You know how he is when it comes to confrontation…or at least you should.”
“Does it?” Kurt questioned, “make you uncomfortable, that is?”
“Your existence angers me, Hummel. But Blaine having photos of you does not.”
“Aww, and here I was thinking we were getting along so much better nowadays,” Kurt said with a wry smile.
“I accept your presence in Blaine’s life, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“That’s surprising, Smythe. I definitely pegged you for the jealous boyfriend.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Not his boyfriend,” he said, “or do you not trust Blaine to tell you if his relationship status changes?”
“I guess I just can’t figure out what you’re getting out of this, then. I thought for sure you only cared about Blaine because you were so desperate to get in his pants. So either you’re playing the long con or you really have become a decent human.” Kurt sat casually on Blaine’s bed. “The way I’ve heard you walking Blaine through his panic attacks would imply the latter…but I don’t know if I can fully believe it.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” Sebastian scoffed.
“Why do you keep treating me like a villain? Do you not realize how hypocritical that is coming from you of all people?”
“Oh don’t think the high and mighty act is going to work on me, Kurt .” Sebastian spat his first name with clear disgust. “I hear Blaine’s nightmares. I know the things he dreams about you, the way he begs for you to stop, that he can’t, that he doesn’t want to. I may not have proof, but I know what you are.” They were both standing and in each other’s faces. Sebastian found all the helplessness he felt over not being able to fight off this demon for Blaine turning into a deep, seething anger. And that anger had finally found its target. “I accepted your help when he was in New York because I felt helpless, but he’s not there anymore and we. Don’t. Need. You.”
“Why on earth would you think his nightmares are about me?” Kurt said.
“Because he says your name! All the time! He wakes up screaming it every few nights. It used to be every night. For weeks I slept in the bed with him so he didn’t have to wake up alone with the memories of you .” Sebastian’s face was red, his eyes filled with rage.
Kurt reeled back, his anger coming to a halt as confusion took over. He knew Blaine wasn’t okay but he’d never once mentioned that he was the one haunting his dreams. Blaine had been nothing if not open about every aspect of their relationship that wasn’t exactly healthy, but none of that should have triggered the kind of night terrors Sebastian was describing.
The door opened and Blaine stepped in on the phone with someone else. “I don’t know why you’re calling me to find out where Trent is, he’s your boyfriend.”
The response on the other end was inaudible but Kurt quickly turned away to wipe his eyes with shaking hands.
Blaine looked up and almost dropped the phone. “U-Unique,” he stuttered, “I’ll call you back in a bit.” And he hung up abruptly, nearly flinging himself across the room at Kurt.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, a bright smile on his face until he paused and took in Kurt’s wide eyes bright with tears. “Wha–what’s wrong?” he asked, his own hand coming up to brush away a falling tear from Kurt’s cheek. “Is Burt okay?”
Kurt’s bottom lip wobbled as he tried to speak, but he caught the moment Blaine’s eyes landed on Sebastian behind him, still breathing heavily from his outburst.
“What happened?” Blaine said again, eyes bouncing between the two of them, not sure what to make of the situation.
“Sebastian told me about your nightmares,” Kurt said softly. Blaine’s eyes widened and he looked to Sebastian with a stricken look on his face. “I think we need to talk about them,” Kurt said. He looked behind Blaine to Sebastian, locking eyes with him. “Privately.”
Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest and glared Kurt down. “Absolutely not,” he said darkly.
Blaine looked between the two of them, his jaw flexing and his brow creased. His eyes landed on Kurt and the confused and concerned look on his face, then on Sebastian, still seething, his hands clenching over the way Blaine still had a comforting hand on Kurt’s face.
“Can you give us the room, Seb?” Blaine asked finally.
“No,” Sebastian grit out, his eyes narrowed until they were almost slits.
“I need to talk to Kurt,” Blaine said.
“And I don’t trust him.”
“But I do,” Blaine said firmly. Kurt watched them have a silent argument with just their eyes before Blaine jerked his head to the door and, finally, Sebastian left with a huff.
Blaine took a deep breath once he was gone. “I hate fighting with him,” he said softly, and let himself sink onto his bed.
“You hate fighting with anyone, Honey,” Kurt said, sitting down beside him but giving Blaine space.
“Yeah, but with him, our fights are usually just because he’s being too protective. It’s hard to fight with him when I know he means well.”
They sat in silence for a moment before Kurt finally spoke.
“Please,” he started, “tell me about your nightmares, Blaine. I need to know.”
Blaine scrubbed a hand over his face. “I haven’t even told Sebastian about them,” he said. “He only knows that I have them.”
“And what you say in your sleep.”
Blaine blinked at him. “I…I didn’t know I was sleep-talking. He’s never told me.”
“I heard a few of them in New York. Asking for something, or someone, to stop.”
Blaine tensed beside him, his gaze shuttering. “It’s not important,” he said quickly.
Kurt reached a gentle hand up to Blaine’s face and cupped his cheek. He looked closely at him before rubbing his thumb just under Blaine’s eye, coming away with concealer on his thumb. “Are you even sleeping?”
“Most nights,” Blaine said, “...mostly. It's not always easy.”
“Have you been having these dreams since October? Like your panic attacks?”
Blaine chewed on his bottom lip before finally nodding.
“And it’s no coincidence that both of those things started around the same time we broke up?”
Blaine blinked away tears. “I can’t, Kurt,” he whispered. “You don’t want to know.”
“But I do, Blaine. I want to know what has been hurting you so badly. I need to understand.”
Blaine shook his head. “But you don’t, you don’t want to hear about him ,” Blaine spat the word like just saying it made him want to throw up.
Kurt took a deep breath. He’d come to understand that the person Blaine cheated on him with was not Sebastian. And he certainly didn’t want to hear about who it actually was, but if it was what was haunting Blaine…maybe he needed to know.
Kurt took both of Blaine’s hands in his and looked him in the eye. “Tell me,” he said.
Blaine studied him for a few minutes before he finally nodded.
“In…in early October, my step-dad threw me out,” he started. Kurt gasped, but Blaine ignored it, staring at their hands instead. “I know I should have gone to your house, but I just…I couldn’t get hold of you. And I was so scared that without you there…Burt and Carole wouldn’t want me around.
“So instead, I went to Waffle House. And I waited. For him to call and tell me he was sorry. For you to call. For something to happen that would help me understand what was going on.
“And there…I met Eli. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. It turns out I went to Westerville Junior High with his younger brother. We used to play World of Warcraft at their house. He worked at Waffle House and when he saw me there, he stopped to chat.
“When he got me talking about everything, I told him what had happened. He told me that he’d gotten in plenty of those fights with his parents since coming out. He offered me a place to crash until things blew over.
“But his place was a studio apartment, only one bed, no couch. It felt wrong, immediately, but I was just so tired. I’d been up since five for Glee practice, and I’d been crying so much. I just…I stayed. And he held me. Told me it was going to be okay. And I just needed the comfort so badly.
“But then, his hands started drifting lower. Soothing circles over my stomach moved to my hips to my crotch and I just…I let him. He was offering a safe place, and affection alongside it. And I just let it happen.”
The soothing pattern Kurt had been tracing along the back of Blaine’s hands had stopped. Kurt’s eyes were wide and distant, his jaw tight. Blaine had seen this look before. The look that said that Kurt was plotting someone’s death in his head. Blaine just didn’t know who he wanted to kill.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Blaine said quickly, “I knew it would only upset you. All of this, the mess I’ve become, it’s all my fault because I couldn’t tell him no.”
Kurt drew in a shuddering breath. “Did he ask you?” Kurt said, trying to control his breathing, but the tension in his chest was pulling tighter and tighter.
Blaine looked up at him, his eyes drawn in confusion. “What?”
“Did he ask you if it was okay to touch you?” He said more firmly.
Blaine simply blinked at him. “N-no. But…I let him. I didn’t tell him to stop.”
“But you didn’t tell him it was okay. That you wanted it. That you were even comfortable with it.” Kurt spat the words.
“Kurt, I don’t understand,” Blaine said. Something was twisting in Blaine’s gut, telling him he’d said too much. In the back of his head he knew what was happening, but the rest of his mind started slamming doors and locking them up tight. Plastering signs that said “don’t look, this doesn’t matter, everything is fine”
“That’s not sex, Blaine,” Kurt said, his eyes boring into Blaine. “And it’s certainly not cheating.”
Blaine gaped at him. His panicked mind was screaming at him to leave. To shut Kurt up. Not let him say what he knew he was going to say. He couldn’t let him speak it into existence, put that word in his mind, he couldn’t handle–
“That was rape, Blaine.”
Blaine jerked his hands from Kurt’s and pushed himself away.
“No it wasn’t,” he said quickly. “No it wasn’t. I didn’t tell him no.” People who are raped fight back. People who are raped beg for it to stop. People who are raped don’t just lay there and let it happen. People who are raped speak up .
“But you didn’t tell him yes either.”
“I let it happen!” Blaine cried. The chains keeping the doors in his mind shut started rattling and falling away. The doors began creaking open and Blaine couldn’t seem to shut them again. He pressed a hand to his chest, gasping for breath.
“He took advantage of you!” Kurt insisted, a little too loudly and Blaine flinched, cowering away from him. Kurt reached out to apologize, but suddenly Sebastian was there, hauling Kurt away from him and shoving him up against the wall.
“What the fuck did you do?” He hissed, his arm across Kurt’s throat.
“I can’t…I can’t think…I need space. I need - I need to get out of here.” Blaine rushed to the door, fumbling with the handle for a second before he got it open and left the room. Kurt pushed hard against Sebastian in an attempt to follow him, but Sebastian slammed him against the wall again.
“We can’t leave him alone like that!” Kurt shouted at him.
“You think I’m going to let you go after him when you’re the one who caused this?” Sebastian’s face was inches from Kurt, his eyes dark.
“Blaine was raped, Sebastian,” Kurt said firmly.
Sebastian’s vengeful glare remained locked on Kurt. “You think I don’t know that?” He spat.
Kurt’s jaw dropped. “You knew?” he hissed.
“I told you, Hummel, I know what you are.”
Kurt felt like he’d been doused in ice water as he began to understand. “You think it’s me,” he breathed.
“Are you going to tell me it’s not? Like I haven’t heard him every night?”
“I don’t know why he says my name, I really don’t. Maybe he’s begging for me to help, believing that I could have done something to stop it. And honestly, I could have, and I’m going to have to live with that. But it wasn’t me, Sebastian, I swear.”
Sebastian’s grip loosened slightly, his brow creasing.
“We need to talk about this, okay? But Blaine can’t be alone right now. I know you won’t let me go after him, and you can’t go after him if we’re going to talk this out. But he needs someone . Can you call Sam?”
Sebastian flexed his jaw. “He’s too far away,” he said. “I’ll call Nick, he’ll handle it.” He didn’t move though, his arm still pressed to Kurt’s collarbone. Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. “If you even try–”
“I won’t,” Kurt said harshly, “but you have to trust me at least that much, okay? I just want Blaine to be safe.”
Sebastian took a deep breath and finally stepped away, retrieving his phone. Kurt slumped against the wall, fisting his hands against his eyes. He slid slowly down, fighting hard to steady his breathing even though all he wanted to do was run or scream or hit something .
Sebastian was off the phone quickly and turned back to Kurt. “Okay,” he said, “talk.”
Kurt nodded and hugged his knees to his chest, tensing all his muscles to stop from shaking. “The night Blaine was kicked out, when he couldn’t get hold of me, someone else offered him a place to stay. And that person took advantage of him.” Kurt raised his eyes to Sebastian. “He never cheated on me. He just didn’t tell them to stop and he thinks that alone makes it consensual.”
Sebastian folded his arms across his chest, staring down his nose at Kurt. “He certainly says no in his dreams a lot.”
“I know,” Kurt said, “I heard it in New York. I just never thought…I don’t know what I thought. I don’t think I wanted to know. I think I just hoped he’d work it out on his own. He always does.”
Sebastian scoffed. “No, he doesn’t. He bottles it up and hides it until it breaks him to get out. Did you know he spent a month in a hotel before he told anyone that he’d been disowned? You think it’s surprising that he kept this hidden for this long? That it took five months for it to finally get out? He would have kept this to himself forever if he could have, if you hadn’t pushed him to tell you.”
Kurt took in a shaking breath, curling in on himself as a soft sob cracked past his lips. “I’m sorry. I know. I know that now. I didn’t before, but I know how much he hides, how little I actually know him. But I want to, I want to see this side of him that he’s kept from me, I don’t want him to feel like he has to hide. I want to be a safe space he can turn to, a place he doesn’t have to perform. Somewhere where he can just be .”
Sebastian’s shoulders sagged. “You’re making it really hard to hate you right now, Hummel.”
Kurt smiled wryly. “Does that mean you believe me?”
Sebastian nodded slightly. “You’re lucky I didn’t break your fucking nose, Hummel. God, I was so close,” Sebastian said.
“It might have been good,” Kurt said, “then I could hit back and this rage in my chest could go away.”
“Blaine wouldn’t like us getting in a fistfight, even if it would be therapeutic.”
Kurt inclined his head, thinking.
“He works at the Waffle House in Lima,” he said.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him.
“Eli,” he said so darkly, Sebastian didn’t even have to clarify further.
Sebastian nodded in contemplation. “Do you think he’d be working?”
Chapter 18
Notes:
My work schedule is so sporadic nowadays that days of the week don't matter to me, so I only just realized it's Friday, and it's time for another chapter!
TWs for this chapter: physical violence, discussions of sexual assault, underage drinking, and general drama.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The drive was silent. The anger simmering between them felt dangerous, even if they were heading toward the person who deserved it, they both knew talking was a bad idea when it was practically instinct to fight each other.
Kurt researched as Sebastian drove. He searched through Blaine’s friends who had graduated from Westerville High, hoping that would be a good place to start. As he looked, he opened each of their pages to find anyone named Eli with the same last name.
“Got him,” he said finally, as Sebastian was taking the exit onto Lima’s main street. “Eli Christensen.”
“Photos?” Sebastian asked.
“Yeah, lots. He should be easy to pick out.”
Sebastian nodded. “Good.”
Kurt gasped and Sebastian spared him a glance. “What?”
“He’s…he’s 27. When Blaine said older brother I thought he’d be 19, 20 at most. He’s, fuck, he’s so old.”
Sebastian’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he breathed heavily through his nose. “How useful do you think you’d be at hiding a body?”
“I do know how to get blood out of just about anything…might have to call Puck for advice on the other parts though.”
As they pulled into the Waffle House parking lot Kurt reached out to Sebastian before he could actually exit the car.
“What?” Sebastian snapped.
“We need a game plan, we can’t just run in there without us at least being on the same page about what we’re doing,” Kurt said.
“I’m going to kill him, that’s the game plan, Hummel.”
“And leave Blaine to struggle through life without you?” Kurt asked.
Sebastian worked his jaw back and forth, glaring at Kurt. “What’s your plan?” Sebastian hissed.
“Your dad’s a lawyer, right?”
Sebastian nodded.
“We threaten him with legal action, name drop your dad, some of his lawyer buddies, maybe even a private investigator. Scare the shit out of him so he’ll know to never, ever, contact Blaine again.”
Sebastian shook his head. “You think we could get Blaine to press charges? After he’s convinced himself it was okay?”
“Either way it’s statutory rape, whether Blaine says it's consensual or not. And that doesn’t change the fact that Eli doesn’t know that Blaine won’t press charges. We don’t have to do it, we just have to scare him.”
Sebastian’s hands flexed on the steering wheel sporadically. Kurt could see him fighting against this non-violent approach even though he knew Kurt was right. This was the better option.
“Fine,” he bit out, “can we go now?”
Kurt nodded and they both exited the car, Kurt handing the phone to share photos of their target. Sebastian held the door open for Kurt even though he was glaring murderously through the entryway, eyes scanning for Eli.
Kurt tried to approach the hostess but before he could Sebastian said, “there,” and took off across the restaurant. Kurt hurried quickly after him, not sure if he was there to help anymore or just to stop Sebastian from doing something stupid.
“Eli Christensen?” Sebastian asked, his tone clipped and cold.
Eli looked up from the computer, putting in an order.
“Can I help you…?”
“Yes,” Kurt said, jumping in, “I’m Blaine Anderson’s boyfriend.”
Sebastian flinched at that but didn’t say anything.
Eli smirked. “You sure about that? ‘Cause he and I had a great time a few months ago.”
Sebastian started to raise his arm but Kurt caught his wrist and held it tightly. If looks could kill, Kurt and Eli would both be dead.
“Yes,” Kurt said, “I’m aware, that’s why we’re here.”
“Ooooh, has Blaine been getting around? He two-timing you guys?”
“You sick bastard,” Sebastian said, his voice quavering. Kurt couldn’t tell if it was from emotion or from straining against Kurt’s grasp. “You raped him,” Sebastian growled, and his voice was not quiet. A few of the nearby tables fell quiet and started turning in their direction.
Eli paled a little bit but tried to laugh it off. “Hey, maybe it was sleazy to sleep with him when I knew he was taken, but he wanted it, I assure you.”
Kurt couldn’t stop it, Sebastian yanked far too hard and far too quickly. His hand shot out and hit Eli squarely in the face. Eli cried out and there were shocked gasps from around them.
“Sebastian,” Kurt hissed, but Sebastian was ignoring him. He grabbed Eli by the collar and shoved him into the wall.
“He was seventeen,” Sebastian said, “he was scared and alone and you - a man a decade older than him - who knew how young he was, took advantage of him.”
Kurt pressed a hand to Sebastian’s back, his eyes darting to the other employees hurrying to the back. “Seb,” he warned.
“So here’s what is going to happen,” Sebastian said. “My father, who is also Blaine’s legal guardian,” Kurt’s eyes widened, “is a state’s attorney, and he knows dozens of the best private investigators in Ohio and across the entire country. You will be tailed for the rest of your life. If you even look at another underage boy, I will personally drag your ass to court. You will not contact Blaine, you will not hurt anyone else, do you understand me?”
Eli nodded weakly, his eyes glassy.
“Sebastian, we need to go,” Kurt said, tugging on the back of his shirt. A large, burly man who Kurt assumed was the manager was approaching them quickly.
Sebastian allowed Kurt to tug him back slightly, but not before he punched Eli again. Kurt heard a crack and watched as blood started to drip from Eli’s nose.
“This will be your only warning, Christensen,” he said darkly and finally allowed Kurt to pull him hurriedly from the restaurant. They sped away before anyone could catch up to them, and, hopefully, before anyone caught Sebastian’s license plate.
Sebastian immediately went to the minifridge when he and Kurt returned to the dorm room. He snagged an ice pack for his knuckles and sat heavily on the bed. Kurt joined him.
“Give me your hand,” Kurt said.
“It’s fine,” Sebastian snapped.
“I just want to make sure you didn’t break anything,” Kurt replied, grabbing Sebastian’s hand.
“And how would you know?” He winced as Kurt gently flexed Sebastian’s fingers one at a time.
“My stepmother is a nurse,” Kurt said, “and Finn has some occasional anger management issues that cause him to punch walls.”
The bathroom door opened slowly and Blaine stepped out in an overlarge Dalton sweater and boxers, his hair curling in gentle, soft locks across his forehead. Kurt and Sebastian both stilled, Sebastian’s hand still held loosely in Kurt’s grip.
“Hey,” Kurt breathed at the same time as Sebastian said, “Hey, Killer.”
Blaine’s brow furrowed as he looked at their linked hands and trailed over to the ice pack on Sebastian’s lap.
“What…did you punch Kurt?” Blaine asked, though his eyes continued to search Kurt’s face and found no sign of injury. “Or…”
“We went to Lima,” Kurt said, “to the Waffle House.”
Blaine’s jaw fell slack. “I can’t…I can’t believe you!” he hissed. “After I told you he didn’t–”
“He’s twenty-seven, Blaine,” Sebastian cut him off, “consensual or not, it’s still statutory rape at least. The asshole deserved worse.”
“That’s not for you to decide, Sebastian!” Blaine cried. His arms hugged himself tightly. “I told you I needed space, and you took that space to go beat him up?”
“Blaine,” Kurt said softly, standing and approaching him carefully.
“I should have expected this from him,” Blaine said, zeroing in on Kurt, “but you? You know violence isn’t the answer.”
“If it means he can’t do to anyone else what he did to you? Yeah, it is.” Kurt reached out to him but Blaine jerked away.
“God, I thought I could come back and do this, but you two and your fucking toxic masculinity, defending my honor or whatever you think you’re doing. I just…I can’t. ”
“Blaine,” Kurt pleaded.
“No,” Blaine said as he walked over to the closet and stripped out of the sweatshirt, tossing it on the ground and grabbing a smaller one off a hanger, slipping it over his head. “I’m spending the night with Nick.” He threw on a pair of sweatpants and grabbed his backpack and phone. “You two,” he sighed in frustration, “do whatever you want, I just can’t handle either of you at the moment.” He left as abruptly as before and Kurt just stood there gaping after him.
Sebastian whistled lowly. “Well, I don’t know what else I expected of him, but it certainly wasn’t that.”
Kurt looked at him bewildered. “He’s…he’s never spoken to me like that before.”
“Good,” Sebastian said, “that means he’s finally learned to not just kowtow to whatever you want.”
“I’ve never seen him so angry,” Kurt said, “especially not at me.”
“He’ll come around…hopefully,” Sebastian’s eyes lingered on the door for a moment before he shook his head. “He should be cooled down by tomorrow, it’s fine. It’s not our first fight.”
“And if he doesn’t?” Kurt asked.
“I try not to dwell on the what if’s. That’s what causes one to start catastrophizing and I’ve learned it’s an unhealthy habit to get into. So instead…you got the fake ID I gave you? Because I could use a fucking drink right now, and since he went to Nick’s, my usual dealer is off the table. Scandals, Hummel?”
“I can’t handle Scandals right now,” Kurt said, “let alone another drive to Lima. But I can do you one better. Rachel was throwing a party that I was supposed to be…well, providing the libations for. And said libations are still in my trunk.”
Sebastian grinned. “You are not to repeat this to anyone, ever, and you should scrub it from your memory by tomorrow. But I think I might have just fallen in love with you, Kurt Hummel.”
Sipping on the second set of margaritas they’d managed with limes from the cafeteria, Sebastian and Kurt were sitting side by side on Sebastian’s bed. Kurt was well on his way to tipsy and Sebastian was definitely buzzed.
“Is your dad really Blaine’s legal guardian?” Kurt asked. “Or was that just something you said to scare Eli?”
“Nope,” Sebastian said, popping the P loudly, “he is indeed. Well, both my parents are. Since November, actually. He moved in with us in late October when he got desperate and he needed an adult to sign him up for therapy, so, legal transfer of guardianship.”
“Does that make you brothers now?”
Sebastian gagged. “God no. We flirt way too much, that’d be so gross. It wasn’t an adoption, and it was literally for three months. Blaine’s eighteen now, so I guess technically, they’re not anymore. But they’re still going to baby him like they are.”
“So I don’t have to call him Blaine Smythe then?” Kurt said with a teasing smile.
“That’d be a terrible name for him. Doesn’t flow at all.” Sebastian took a long drink, finishing off his cup and quickly replacing it with the whiskey bottle on the bedside table. “Did you mean it, though? When you called him your boyfriend?”
Kurt’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally said, “you know why I’ve always hated you, Sebastian Smythe?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You’re changing the subject but I’ll bite. Do tell, Hummel, I’m so excited to hear.”
“Because you remind me of myself,” Kurt said, his head lolling to the side, almost landing on Sebastian’s shoulder.
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. “What? Just you but more sleazy?”
Kurt scoffed. “No. Me but better. Hotter, more adventurous. I thought you were a much better fit for Blaine. My perfect foil. Showing all the places I was lacking.”
Sebastian took a large swig. He coughed dryly and shook his head as he lowered the bottle. “Did you just call me hot, Kurt Hummel?”
Kurt laughed and threw his head back, almost falling off the bed in the process. The sound was bright and lilting and Sebastian knew he had to be drunker than he felt because he wanted to hear that sound again. Kurt’s hand came down on Sebastian’s thigh to steady himself. “Don’t act like that’s a crazy thought, Sebastian. In another world, where I wasn’t so terrified of you stealing Blaine from me, we maybe could have been friends. I’d have loved someone who could give as much snark back as I gave them. Santana is a good match, but she has a tendency to go for the throat, pulling out insecurities I’d forgotten about. But you, you always use things I’ve reclaimed, things that rile me up, but don’t actually hurt.”
Kurt’s hand was warm on his thigh and his mouth went dry from the contact. His eyes were trained steadily on Sebastian, even through the haze of the alcohol. Sebastian wasn’t sure he’d ever looked at Kurt’s eyes. They looked like kaleidoscopes.
He jerked his head away, looking off to the side when he spoke again. “Do you know why I hated you?”
Kurt’s smile was crooked as he gestured for Sebastian to continue.
“The moment I saw Blaine, I fell a little in love.”
Kurt laughed softly, nodding.
“But you had him. And you two were so…happy. And perfect. And I never stood a chance.”
It was Kurt’s turn to roll his eyes. “That’s bullshit and we both know it.”
Sebastian gawked at him. “You haven’t had to listen to drunk Blaine talk about you. The poor boy fully believes you’re soulmates.”
“And you apparently haven’t seen the way Blaine looks at you, especially when he thinks you’re not looking. The longing is so palpable it’s almost sickening.” Kurt said, bumping his shoulder against Sebastian’s.
“And how often have you been in the same room as us since you dumped him?”
“I don’t have to be. Marley and Tina take enough videos and pictures of you two together it’s hard to miss. I’m definitely not stupid for believing you two were dating even if it’s not ‘Facebook official’” he said, removing his hand for just a moment to make quotation marks before returning it to its place on Sebastian’s thigh, the tips of his fingers grazing Sebastian’s inseam. Sebastian swallowed the gasp that almost escaped his mouth. “I just assumed Blaine didn’t want to rub it in my face.”
“Well, you’re still crazy if you think he’d actually choose me over you,” Sebastian said. “Maybe…maybe before Thanksgiving. Maybe I could have had a slight chance. But the second you started talking to him again, it was over for me. I wasted my chance with chivalry and respecting his boundaries,” he scoffed.
“He’s changed since you two started–” Kurt gestured aimlessly like he couldn’t name what they had started, “-you know. He’s…happier. Which seems wild with everything he’s been through, but he’s genuinely happier. It’s not fake anymore. He’s angry when he’s angry and sad when he’s sad, but that means that when he’s happy, he’s actually happy, and not just pretending for everyone else. Even with him hiding his disownment and what happened with Eli, he’s still been more genuine with me than he’s ever been.”
Sebastian shook his head and lifted the whiskey to his lips again. Kurt shifted onto his knees next to Sebastian and pushed Sebastian’s hand down, pulling the bottle away from him. He sat it back on the bedside table and studied him for a minute. Sebastian wanted to squirm under his gaze but he held fast. He would not let Kurt Hummel make him squirm in his own room, on his own fucking bed.
Kurt lifted a tentative hand to Sebastian’s cheek, gently cupping his face. Sebastian shivered and leaned into the touch before he could stop himself.
“You’re good for him, Sebastian Smythe. In fact, you might be better for him than I am. And…I think I’m okay with that now.”
Sebastian breathed in sharply. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered, not able to speak it into existence at full volume. “He’ll never choose me over you.”
Sebastian felt a tear slip down his cheek, unbidden. Kurt caught it with the pad of his thumb, stroking Sebastian’s cheek gently, even after it was gone.
His gaze drifted down to Kurt’s lips, his head swimming with how close Kurt was and how gently he was holding him. Kurt’s gaze followed the same path on Sebastian’s face and he shifted up on his knees and leaned in slowly. Sebastian knew he shouldn’t. But he just needed to know. He needed to understand why Blaine chose Kurt after everything. Why Kurt was so much better than him. Sebastian closed the gap between them, one hand coming up to cup the back of Kurt’s head and the other gripping the back of his thigh to tug him fully on top of Sebastian.
Kurt gasped as he fell into the kiss. It was tentative, soft, and exploratory. Neither interested in taking control, just flowing together. Sebastian’s tongue darted out, pressing softly to Kurt’s lips in a request that Kurt gladly accepted, parting his lips as his free arm wrapped around Sebastian’s back, pulling their chests tight together.
The minutes bled together, neither one interested in separating. Sebastian could feel his body responding to the weight of Kurt on his lap and the way his fingertips dug into his back. His mind had gone pleasantly blank, nothing existed in the world except for this room and the boy on top of him.
The pounding on the door ripped them apart, both of them panting as Kurt scrambled off of Sebastian and across the room, a hand pressed to his chest to still his rapidly beating heart.
Sebastian quickly wiped his arm across his mouth and checked his hair in the mirror before looking through the peephole. He thunked his forehead against the door with a soft groan before opening it.
“Took you long enough, you never sleep that he–” Jeff’s sentence cut off when he saw Kurt standing in the corner, arms wrapped around himself. His gaze flicked up and down Kurt’s disheveled appearance and guilty face before he looked back to Sebastian and his kiss-bitten lips.
“Don’t,” Sebastian said when Jeff opened his mouth. “Just don’t.”
Jeff’s eyes darted back and forth between them, his gaze steely. “Blaine needs his laptop,” he finally said.
Sebastian nodded and stepped back to let Jeff in. Kurt hastily collected the laptop and cord and brought it over to him.
Sebastian took the laptop before Jeff could grab it. “Don’t tell Blaine,” he said.
Kurt’s head snapped to him. “Sebastian…”
“We’ve been drinking. Emotions are high. It didn’t mean anything.” He was staring at Jeff as he said this so he didn’t have to look at Kurt as his head ducked in shame.
Jeff looked between them, but he nodded slowly. “I won’t,” he said but there was a clear edge of “but you better tell him.” Sebastian ignored it and handed the laptop over to him.
Sebastian leaned heavily against the door after Jeff left. His mind was racing, all the thoughts he should have had during the kiss flooding his mind.
Kurt touched his shoulder gently but Sebastian jerked away. “Don’t, Kurt,” he hissed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey to try and rinse the taste of Kurt, of shame, out of his mouth.
“We have to tell Blaine,” Kurt said, his voice wavering as he attempted to be firm.
Sebastian shook his head. “No, we don’t. Knowing will only hurt him.”
“We can’t just lie to him!”
“His best friend and his ex make out behind his back? How would that make you feel? Would you ever forgive him?” Angry tears sprung to Sebastian’s eyes. “You might have gotten used to life without him, but I can’t lose him, do you understand?”
Kurt just gaped at him. “We were drunk,” he whispered, “he’ll understand.”
“I’m not willing to take that chance.”
Notes:
Wow. With two chapters to go, we're finally getting into the actual polyamory. Amazing.
Chapter 19
Notes:
Whooo, we're almost there. Sorry for the delay on this chapter, sometimes life just gets in the way. I'm still finishing up the final scene in the last chapter so it might not be out next week, but here's hoping. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.
TWs for this chapter: discussions of sexual assault and underage drinking, depictions of panic attacks
Chapter Text
Kurt did not drive home that night like he wanted. He knew it wasn’t safe and he could not handle the thought of kissing Sebastian Smythe being the last thing he did with his life. Even if he was beginning to not hate the Warbler as much as he once did, he had a reputation to uphold.
Instead, he sank into the sheets of Blaine’s twin bed and pretended he wouldn’t cry himself to sleep. He did. But at least Sebastian didn’t acknowledge it.
His head was pounding when he woke up to Sebastian letting Nick in to grab Blaine’s textbooks. Nick just laughed when he saw Kurt jerk the pillow over his head to hide from the light in the hallway.
“Jeff said you two were trashed but I thought he was bullshitting me,” Nick cackled. Kurt groaned from under the pillow and flipped him off. (Or at least he tried. He wasn’t sure if he was pointing in the correct direction.)
“Now, now, Kurt, don’t be like that. I’m sure Blaine will appreciate that his two favorite people are finally getting along.” Kurt gagged at the thought, guilt squirming in his stomach.
“Fuck off, Nick,” Sebastian grumbled, “Kurt needs his beauty sleep. Blaine’s still pissed at us about last night and Kurt’s gotta be in tiptop shape so his beauty can woo him back into our favor.”
Kurt’s stomach did a funny little flip that he didn’t want to examine too closely at that moment.
“Eh, he’s not that pissed,” Nick said, “he just felt bad about bothering you with the hangover he expected you had.”
“If only you were so considerate,” Sebastian snapped. Kurt heard some rustling as Nick started grabbing Blaine’s textbooks. “He doesn’t need his calculus book,” Sebastian said, “he finished his homework for it already. And don’t forget his copy of Macbeth. He’s been slogging through it, but he’s gotta finish it by Monday.”
“Anything else I need to grab, Blaine’s personal assistant?”
“The door, on your way out,” Sebastian griped as he headed for the bathroom.
Kurt heard one door shut and the shower turn on.
Nick carefully approached the bed. “How you doing, Kurty? Tried to outdrink Bas, did ya?”
Kurt rolled over, clumsily extricating himself from the cocoon he’d made in Blaine’s blankets. “Is he really not pissed anymore?”
“Nah, I think he only managed about an hour and a half of true anger before we got him drunk enough to admit how hot he found it that you two ran off together for him. He is genuinely happy that you’re not at each others’ throats anymore.”
Kurt wanted that knowledge to comfort him but his heart was still in his throat when he thought of the night before. “Did Jeff tell you much about when he came by?”
Nick shrugged. “Just that you two had broken out the alcohol and were talking without screaming. Should he have told me anything else?”
Kurt shook his head quickly. “No, no, of course not. Night’s just…kind of fuzzy. Curious if he told you something I’d forgotten.”
“Cool,” Nick nodded awkwardly, “well, I should get Blaine his stuff. You rest up, call if you need a hangover cure, and keep up the good work with not killing Sebastian, okay?”
“I make no promises,” Kurt said.
Nick left and Kurt forced himself to remain sitting. He scooted over to Blaine’s bedside table and opened it to search for painkillers. Inside he found the pictures of himself that Sebastian had talked about. He knew he shouldn’t, for his own heart, but he found himself flipping through them anyways.
By the time Sebastian came back from his shower, Kurt was fully spiraling. He clutched the photos to his chest as he rocked back and forth, tears streaming down his cheeks, barely able to catch his breath.
Sebastian paused in the doorway. His instincts were at war. This was Kurt, and despite their talking last night, amongst other things, he was still technically his enemy. But he’d walked in on Blaine in this state too many times to not have the muscle memory of exactly how to help.
He gave in and crossed the room to Kurt in quick strides, crouching in front of him.
“Kurt,” he said gently, and then more firmly when Kurt didn’t react. Kurt looked at him through red-rimmed eyes, still gasping for breath. “Can I touch you?” he asked carefully. Kurt looked like a deer caught in the headlights for what felt like a full minute before he finally nodded.
Sebastian immediately moved to the bed beside him. He carefully extricated the crumpled pictures from Kurt’s arms, placing a firm hand on his back. “You have two options, okay? You can shift yourself against the headboard, or I can help you slide to the floor, which would you prefer?”
“Floor,” Kurt croaked. Sebastian carefully helped guide Kurt down and resumed his spot beside him.
“Okay, knees to your chest,” he said, his hand urging Kurt’s legs up into the correct position, “and head to your knees.” He gently pressed on the back of Kurt’s head until he obliged. He rubbed his back gently as he started counting his breaths out loud, hoping Kurt would follow along. After a few minutes and Kurt’s breath still coming in shuddering gasps Sebastian asked, “Is it okay if I hold you?”
Kurt nodded against his legs and Sebastian carefully wrapped his arms around Kurt’s shaking body. “You’re having a panic attack,” he whispered in Kurt’s ear as he squeezed him tight. “It’ll pass, but I need you to breathe with me, okay? Just try to keep rhythm with my breaths as best you can.”
Sebastian took long exaggerated breaths and Kurt hiccuped and gasped his way through the next few minutes before, finally, he was able to match Sebastian’s breathing. Eventually, he stopped shaking and Sebastian pulled away but left a firm hand on Kurt’s back.
Kurt’s face was blotchy when he finally looked up and met Sebastian’s eyes. “You’re good at that,” he said, his voice raw.
“You knew that,” Sebastian said.
“I know you’re good with Blaine, but I didn’t expect…thank you,” Kurt said, “thank you for helping me. I…I usually deal with those alone but I haven’t had one since moving to New York. Well…I’ve had one in New York.” Kurt remembered the night Blaine confessed to him about Eli, how he’d snuck off to the bathroom to hide his breakdown. From Blaine, from Finn, certainly from Rachel. Tears pricked his eyes again and he quickly shut down that memory.
“I wouldn’t have blamed you for just leaving me to it,” Kurt said, avoiding Sebastian’s gaze. He was starting to understand why Blaine trusted Sebastian so thoroughly. He was good in a crisis, even when he didn’t need to be.
Sebastian just shrugged, finally removing his hand from Kurt’s back. “Do you want to talk about it or…”
Kurt looked to the pictures on the bedside table, crumpled and disrupted from their neat pile. “I think I was just…coming to terms with it.”
“With what?” Sebastian said, brow furrowed.
“With losing Blaine.” His voice cracked on his name and he cleared his throat to prevent another crying fit.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m serious, Sebastian,” Kurt said. “I’m - I’m too caught up in myself most of the time, I don’t question why he does what he does, I’m not great at noticing when he’s struggling and he’s not great at telling me. And I’m in New York, while he’s still here. I can’t be what he needs. You can. You see him. You understand him.”
“You were only bad for him because you didn’t know. Now that you do, you’ll be better. And he’s better too. You can’t just give up on him.”
“I’m not giving up on him,” Kurt said. “I’m just…” Kurt trailed off. He didn’t know how to finish the sentence. I’m just….setting him free? Removing myself from the table? Giving him to you? Like Blaine was a gift to be given.
“Blaine loves you,” he finally said, “and you love him. And you’re good for him.”
“I already told you, he’ll never choose me.” Sebastian pushed himself away from Kurt and stood. “Don’t you think I’ve dreamed of it? The day he decides I’m the person he could spend his life with? But neither of us can make that decision for him. You can’t just say I’m better and shove him my way. It’s his choice and his choice will always be you, Kurt.”
“But what if it’s not?” Kurt stood too, not willing to let Sebastian talk down to him.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m not rehashing this with you. We already talked about it last night and then you had to go and be kind about it and make me feel like - like it matters. Like I have a single chance in the world at what you two have. And you’re gonna just, what? Throw it away? On a whim? Because you feel guilty?”
“Of course it matters,” Kurt said, reaching towards Sebastian like he could soothe him. Sebastian stepped away from him.
“No, it doesn’t. Here’s the way this is going to go, Kurt, okay? You are going to stop with this nonsense, you are going to make up with Blaine. Neither of us will tell him about last night. He’ll move to New York. I’ll follow him there, forever pining, but still supportive. And then I will stand there at your wedding, loving him, and hating you, but fucking smiling because he deserves the world, and you are his world.”
With a sad shake of his head, Kurt said, “for all your talk of helping Blaine learn how to put himself first, you’re really just going to sideline yourself?”
“Isn’t that exactly what you were just trying to do?”
Kurt could tell they were reaching an impasse. Sebastian refused to believe he was worth it, and Kurt didn’t know how to convince him he was.
“I’ll make you a deal,” Kurt said, and Sebastian looked at him warily. “Neither of us try to remove ourselves from the running. At our own pace…we work up to confessing our feelings, new or renewed, to Blaine. And once he’s fully aware of both of his options, we let him make the decision.”
“And what about the kiss?” Sebastian asked.
“I don’t like the idea of hiding it from him…”
“But…”
“But I understand why it scares you. However, we can’t control Jeff.”
Sebastian hung his head.
“And if Jeff tells Nick, we definitely can’t control him or where else that information will propagate,” Kurt said. “We have to tell him.”
Sebastian looked like he was fighting back tears again, his brow furrowed in frustration. He breathed deeply in and out through his nose before he said, “together?”
“Of course. But let’s wait until tonight. Make sure he’s cooled down and neither of us are too hungover to think properly, okay?”
Sebastian agreed.
After leaving Sebastian and Blaine's dorm, Kurt ventured to Nick’s room to find Blaine. He was still there, sitting on the floor next to Nick’s bed with Macbeth in his hand as he stared at a wall instead of reading it.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said when Nick let him in and then promptly left to go meet up with Jeff and Marley. “I…I still think he deserved it, but I know that you don’t need Sebastian or me fighting your battles for you, so I’m sorry.”
Blaine just sighed. “I forgive you,” Blaine said, “and Sebastian. Just please…don’t go after Eli again?”
Kurt laughed, “I can’t make that promise for Sebstian, but I will certainly try.” And then winced, pressing a hand to his forehead.
“You okay?” Blaine asked
“Yeah-yeah, Sebastian and I just got a little drunker than advisable last night so…”
Blaine smiled and Kurt could feel the joy resonate from him. Sebastian and Kurt were getting along. They’d spent most of the day before together, and the whole night, and Kurt wasn’t talking about killing him.
The smile made guilt twist in Kurt’s stomach. If only Blaine knew how well they had gotten along.
“Sounds like you need a good, fatty breakfast to perk you back up. Wanna go to that place with the amazing breakfast burritos we used to always get when we were in the Warblers together?”
Kurt nodded, returning Blaine’s smile. “Only if you drive though, I’m still nervous I’m gonna hurl.”
“Okay, so I know the basics of what’s happened since October, but I know I’m not on the same level as Sebastian, care to break it down for me?”
They’d settled into their old seats, and the waitress had already recognized them and confirmed their regular orders, despite it being years since they’d been there.
Blaine took a deep breath and began. Kicked out by his stepdad. Spent the night at Eli’s. Flew to New York. Stayed in a hotel until he ran out of money. Moved in with Sebastian. Got kicked out of The New Directions. Performed in Grease. Left McKinley. Joined the Warblers. The Smythes gained custody of him. Won at Sectionals. Started therapy. And then Kurt knew the gist from there.
“You really haven’t talked to your mom?” Kurt asked.
Blaine fidgeted with his napkin. “No. I’d stopped trying until she was the one to sign the guardianship paperwork. Then I was calling her constantly. I finally called Cooper and told him what was happening. But he couldn’t get a hold of her either. And eventually…she changed her number. Neither of us could even get through to the voicemail anymore.”
Kurt reached across the table to hold his hand. “I am so sorry that happened to you,” Kurt said. Having lost his own mother at such a young age and then gaining Carole later in life… he just couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be thrown away like that. “How did Cooper react to finding out it was his father that kicked you out?”
Blaine laughed. “Oh, he was pissed. He almost bought a plane ticket to come out here and kick his ass himself. Sebastian literally took the phone from my hand as they both started planning it. Seb offered to buy the ticket. It took me almost an hour to talk them both down because they kept working each other back up.”
“Well, I for one wish you had let them and filmed his face when it happened. But after last night, I know you never would.”
Blaine smiled softly. “I don’t like violence,” he said, “and you know that. I box to let the aggression out, but…after Sadie Hawkins, seeing anyone hurt like that just, it’s like I can feel it in my own body. I hate it.
But, also, Coop being Coop, he did write a scathing letter to his father and allowed Sebastian to hand deliver it. And Nick definitely got that on film.”
“Yes!” Kurt exclaimed, squeezing Blaine’s hand tightly. He watched Blaine closely for a minute before broaching the next subject. “Sebastian’s changed,” he said casually.
Blaine grinned, though his gaze drifted away. “Yeah,” he said and it almost had a dreamy quality.
“He’s definitely not the boy who slushies people anymore. Dad described him as a guard dog, and I can certainly see that.”
“I’ve put him through a lot,” Blaine said sardonically, “I never expected to lean on him as much as I do. It was - I was really just panicking. I was out of money, I didn’t know what to do. I almost called Eli again because I was so desperate. But then I was just scrolling through my phone trying to find anyone to call and…I don’t know. Maybe I thought he owed me. Maybe I thought I didn’t care what he thought about me. Maybe I thought he’d say no and I was self sabotaging. Or maybe I knew, somehow, some way, that he was who I needed.”
“I’m sorry I cut you off,” Kurt said. “I realized it when he told me about you moving in. You tried to tell me, to ask for help, and I just ignored you.”
“You were hurting, I’d - well, I’ve never held it against you. You couldn’t know what was going on, and I’d hurt you really bad at the start of it all.”
Kurt took a deep breath. “Blaine…I know you don’t want to believe it, but–”
“Don’t,” Blaine cut him off. “I’m - I’m trying to process it still. I…I don’t know what I think or believe. I only know one thing - that he terrifies me. He’s at the center of all of this,” he gestured to himself, to his sunken, sleep deprived eyes. “I know that I feel like throwing up whenever I see a Waffle House. I know that Sebastian’s flirting set me off so bad in the beginning because I always thought of him , and what I’d given him in exchange for his kindness. I know that when I sleep all I can see is his apartment and I can feel him wrapped around me. I know that seeing him at Scandals triggered the worst panic attack I have ever had, and smelling his cologne in New York of all places managed to make me spiral.
But I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t know if it means you’re right. If consciously I’ve been telling myself one thing - it was a bad hookup, a mistake, the worst thing about it was losing you. But subconsciously…has my body been screaming at me, trying to make me understand what happened? The nightmares and the panic attacks and the depression, does all of that point towards your perspective? Does that make it rape? And if it does…how do I talk about that? How do I tell people that I was raped, months ago, and I just…didn’t realize it? What will they think?”
Blaine’s breathing was coming in sharp gasps by the end of it, his own thoughts spiraling out of his control.
“Hey, hey,” Kurt said, quickly switching sides of the booth and wrapping his arms around Blaine as he gratefully leaned into him. “You don’t have to tell anyone anything. It’s none of their business what you’ve gone through. You should tell your therapist, and I know Sebastian would want to hear more about how this is affecting you, but no one has to know. Only those you chose to tell, even if that is no one else.”
Blaine nodded. “Sorry,” he said, “I…I was thinking about it last night. And it was exhausting trying to hide it from Nick and Jeff. They can’t read me as well as Sebastian but they still know and they kept asking me if they could do anything and I just needed to think, to breathe. ”
“It’s okay, Blaine,” Kurt whispered. He kissed the top of Blaine’s head, for the first time noticing how loosely styled it was, only the slightest hint of product to keep his curls nicely in place but still fully visible. “This is new,” he commented, gently ruffling Blaine’s hair.
Blaine glanced up and let out a self-conscious laugh. “Yeah - Seb likes to play with my hair, and it feels nice. So I’ve been experimenting with ways to make that easier.”
Kurt paused, trying to figure out what to make of that. Blaine’s gel was like armor, the way he meticulously sculpted his hair every morning said that as long as it was perfect, everything else would be too. Kurt had noticed that after transferring from Dalton, Blaine had started using more and more gel. Until his curls were completely hidden under it all, not a sign of an unruly wave of hair to be found. He wondered about the change in Blaine that made him give up that control for a little bit of comfort instead. How Sebastian had helped break down Blaine’s walls so he felt safe enough to do that.
Kurt wanted to get to know this new Blaine. It felt like meeting him again, after years apart instead of just five months. And Kurt wanted nothing more than to see how this Blaine would grow. With Sebastian by his side.
He swallowed down the tears. And listened to Blaine as he started talking about their plans for Nationals.
Kurt didn’t make it. Not to the designated “tell Blaine” time. Blaine had come to Lima to spend time with Kurt and they were sitting in Kurt’s old bedroom. And Blaine…Blaine was talking about Sebastian. It was clear he didn’t mean to have the whole conversation revolve around him. He was just filling Kurt in on all the details of his life he’d missed since October. And since he lived with Sebastian, and went to school with Sebastian, and spent almost all of his waking moments with Sebastian…
They were going to tell him that night when Kurt drove him back to Dalton. Together he and Sebastian were going to sit him down, and tell him about their kiss.
But sitting on the bed across from Blaine excitedly chattering away about preparing for his NYADA audition and the song that Sebastian helped him pick and Sebastian rehearsing with him and Sebastian Sebastian Sebastian. It just broke him, the guilty stab every time Blaine mentioned his best friend, the person who meant the world to him.
“I kissed Sebastian,” he blurted out, cutting Blaine off mid-sentence.
Blaine froze, looking at him in confusion. “What?” He said, stunned.
“Last night when we got drunk together. We - we had a bit of a heart-to-heart and I just…I kissed him.” Kurt looked down at his lap, his hands twisting together.
Blaine’s eyes darted around the room like he was having a hard time processing what Kurt had said.
“We’re both so sorry about it. It didn’t…we didn’t mean to. It just happened.”
Blaine’s eyes were distant as he stared past Kurt’s head. “Did…did he kiss you back?”
Kurt nodded, the anxiety in his chest cinching so tight he could barely breathe.
Blaine blinked like he was trying to pull himself back together but couldn’t quite manage it. “Was it…” he cleared his throat, “was it payback? For what I did?”
Kurt’s head shot up. “No!” he cried, “of course not.”
Blaine looked like he didn’t fully believe him.
“We - we were just talking. And he…he told me he loved you, and he just looked so sad. Like he was fully resigned to…well, to losing you to me. And I couldn’t stand to see him like that and it just…drunk me decided kissing him was the best way I could comfort him in the moment. And it was stupid and we immediately regretted it and I am so sorry.”
Blaine looked more present even as his brain was still trying to process what was happening.
“I need…I think I need to go…somewhere.” He stood up slowly and gathered his things.
“Blaine,” Kurt tried, but Blaine just held up a hand to stop him.
“I’m not - I’m just confused, okay? I need to clear my head.”
“Of course,” Kurt said.
He watched Blaine slowly regain his bearings before he finally nodded his head, and left.
Kurt didn’t know where he had gone, but he texted Sebastian a warning and an apology and hoped he hadn’t just ruined everything.
Sam drove Blaine back to Dalton that night after a lengthy conversation about Kurt and Sebastian and Blaine's feelings for both of them and where to go from there. He still didn’t know what to do.
Sam came with him to the room just in case Blaine panicked or he and Sebastian fought and he needed a quick getaway. But when he entered, Sebastian was sitting on the foot of his bed, hair a mess from tugging at it, and his eyes red.
“I’m so sorry,” he blurted out as soon as he saw Blaine, even as he registered Sam behind him in guard dog mode. “I didn’t…I just needed to understand. I wanted to know what it was about him. And I was drunk, and it was so stupid. I’m so sorry, Blaine.”
Blaine could see the panic in his eyes, the quickness of his breathing. He nodded once and turned back to Sam, thanking him for the drive but assuring him he’d be fine. When he shut the door behind him he sank slowly to the floor in front of it, exhausted.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, looking up at Sebastian, searching for something that would make all of the confusion in his brain make sense.
Sebastian took a deep, steadying breath. “I knew it would hurt you,” he said, his jaw trembling. “I knew it even as I did it. And I couldn’t…I thought I’d lose you if you found out. I begged Kurt not to tell you, and I’m so sorry for that, but I just…” he broke off with a soft sob. “I don’t want to lose you, Blaine. You’re the most important person in my life. But I - I understand if this isn’t something you can forgive.”
Blaine looked at him, though his mind was a million miles away.
“Did you mean it?” Blaine finally asked.
Sebastian looked at him, his brow furrowed in confusion.
“When you told Kurt you’re in love with me…did you mean that?”
Sebastian took a shaky breath. “I don’t - I can’t tell if you want me to say yes or no.”
“I want you to tell me the truth.”
Sebastian pressed his mouth into a thin line before nodding. “Yeah, yeah I did.” He paused, but he felt like that wasn’t enough. “I love you, Blaine,” he said, his eyes bright with tears, “I’m in love with you and I have been…for a very long time.”
Blaine nodded slowly. Sebastian knew he wouldn’t say it back but his heart still broke at his silence as he buried his face in his hands and tried to stop the fresh onslaught of tears he could feel coming.
“I can go crash somewhere else. Give you some space,” Sebastian said when he thought he had himself under control.
Blaine shook his head. “I still need to think. But you can stay here if you want. Just…don’t talk, okay?” Blaine picked himself off the floor and sat down at his desk, pulling his laptop from his bag.
Sebastian took a shower and hoped Blaine couldn’t hear his choked-off sobs over the water.
Blaine left the room to wander the halls and call Marley. He didn’t know why, but every instinct in his body was telling him that she could help.
“How did you pick between Jake and Ryder?” He asked as soon as she picked up.
“Umm…” she said, and it took her a minute to respond further, “I didn’t, actually.”
Blaine’s brow was creased. “What do you mean? When I transferred you were stuck in a love triangle between those two. They both wanted you, how did you pick?”
Marley laughed. “I didn’t pick either, Blaine,” she said. “Did you not notice I haven’t talked about them in a long time? I decided that neither of them were right for me.”
Blaine groaned, fisting his free hand in his hair. “That’s not helpful.”
“What’s this about, Blaine?” she asked.
He sighed heavily. “Sebastian is in love with me.” Marley laughed for a good minute. “It’s true!” Blaine protested, “or at least he says it is.”
“Oh it obviously is,” she said, still giggling. “That boy has been pining after you for as long as I’ve known him.”
“No, he’s wanted in my pants for as long as you’ve known him. This…this love thing is new.”
“It absolutely is not. From day one I have watched that boy be so in love with you it hurt my heart to watch, just because you couldn’t see it for some reason doesn’t make it not true.”
“Sebastian doesn’t do romance!”
“Then what has he been doing since October? He’s admitted it to just about everyone but asked us not to tell you. He was so worried it would just confuse you, especially after you and Kurt started fixing things.”
Blaine slid down the wall, hugging his knees into his chest. “But - what do I do about that? I have Kurt and I…I guess I have Sebastian. How do I choose?”
“Why do you have to?” She asked.
Blaine scoffed, “Because that’s the way of the world, Marley. I get Sebastian or I get Kurt and I get to leave the other one heartbroken and hope it doesn’t break me too.”
“I mean, sure that’s definitely one way to do things. But there are other options, Blaine.”
“Like what?”
“Well…I didn’t just choose to be single when I decided to drop Jake and Ryder. I had another option.”
Blaine knit his brows together. “I don’t understand.”
“You see, I happened to meet two other, lovely boys around that same time. Two boys who loved each other very much. But for some reason…also really like me.”
Blaine’s brow creased in confusion. He turned his head slowly to look down the hallway at Nick’s door. Everything clicked into place so quickly. How often she was just inexplicably with them, alone with them, in Nick’s room, in Jeff’s room, even without the other one around. How they always trusted her to be able to help in a crisis, knew so much about her, even more than Blaine had learned. “You’re dating Nick and Jeff,” he breathed.
“It’s not that uncommon,” she said. “Sometimes…sometimes you’re just not built to love only one person. Sometimes you accidentally fall in love with multiple people. And with communication and trust…maybe they can both be okay with that. Hell, maybe they’ll be excited about it. Maybe they’ll fall in love with each other too.”
Blaine stayed up late into the night on his laptop in the bathroom, researching. Sebastian didn’t get much sleep either, straining his ears to hear Blaine crying in there but all he could hear was a lot of typing and clicking.
Blaine left early to meet up with Nick, Jeff, and Marley for breakfast. They had a long discussion, walking him through the basics of polyamory as they had come to learn about it. Terminology and tips and resources. Blaine felt very overwhelmed.
But as he saw the three of them interact, he wondered how he could have missed it. They way Jeff always had an arm around Marley even as he held Nick’s hand. How Nick casually handed Marley his buttermilk biscuit as she handed him her sausages, without ever having to look at her. They just flowed, clicked, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Afterwards he called his therapist and asked if she had any availability for an emergency session. No, he wasn’t in any danger. No, he wasn’t going to hurt himself. He just had something time sensitive he needed to discuss.
She freed up a spot for him at five, and then he had far too long to kill in between.
He paced around the Warblers Commons until Thad and David came in to rehearse. Then he paced around the library until the librarian told him he was making everyone anxious. And finally he paced around his and Sebastian’s room.
He didn’t know where Sebastian was, likely lacrosse practice, or just…out. Away from Blaine. Giving him space, taking it for himself. He wasn’t sure.
He came back around two and startled Blaine out of his pacing.
“Hey,” Blaine breathed.
“Hey,” Sebastian said.
They stared at each other for what felt like ten minutes but was likely only a couple.
“I have an appointment at five…would you mind driving me?”
“Of course,” Sebastian said quickly, “always.”
Blaine paused. “Wanna watch a movie?”
The relief that washed over Sebastian was palpable. He let Blaine choose, though Blaine seemed to just wander over to their small stack of movies and choose one without even looking. He handed it to Sebastian who popped it into his laptop and sat on the bed.
Blaine immediately curled himself into Sebastian’s side and Sebastian froze, not expecting the contact. Blaine waited for him to recover and relax into it, his hand finding its natural position on Blaine’s head as Blaine leaned heavily into his chest.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Blaine said softly. “We promised each other. No matter what, we’ll always come back."
Chapter 20
Notes:
Um... hi. I'm so sorry for how long it took to get this final chapter out. The only real excuse I have is writer's block and anxiety about making sure I finished this right, but I'm quite happy with how it turned out. So thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy the end of A Place To Call Home. It's a long chapter, and you know how this fic has been tagged as explicit this whole time? Well today, it earns that tag. Enjoy the smut!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
March 14th
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(12:53 PM) Would you mind coming to Dalton tonight? I need to talk to you.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
(12:54 PM) Of course, I can. Just tell me when.
To: Kurt Hummel
From: Blaine Anderson
(1:02 PM) 6:00. Bring takeout?
(1:04 PM) Enough for three?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
(1:04) Definitely.
(1:13) Does Sebastian have any food allergies?
To: Sebastian Smythe
From: Blaine Anderson
(4:23) PM) Skip dinner in the mess hall? Kurt’s bringing takeout.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sebastian Smythe
(4:24 PM) Yeah, I can do that.
To: Sebastian Smythe
From: Blaine Anderson
(4:30 PM) Don’t show up until 6, though. Okay?
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Sebastian Smythe
(4:35 PM) Yeah, of course, Killer.
Sebastian was already sitting in the hallway outside his and Blaine’s room when Kurt showed up at 5:30, Indian food in tow. Kurt sat carefully next to him.
“Is he in there?” he asked quietly.
Sebastian nodded. “He’s been moving around a lot. Pretty sure I heard him dragging the furniture around.”
Kurt frowned. “Do you know…anything? Did he tell you what this is about?”
“Just told me to skip dinner and that you were bringing food. You?”
Kurt shook his head. “Nothing.”
They sat in silence for ten minutes, just listening to Blaine humming as he worked inside the room.
“I’m sorry for telling him without you,” Kurt said.
Sebastian shrugged. “It’s okay.”
Kurt studied him. Sebastian was very subdued. Quiet and staring off into the distance even though the wall was only six feet from his face. Kurt could see some slight creasing under his eyes. Concealer, likely hiding dark bruises from not sleeping or crying or both.
“You’re staring,” Sebastian said, though he didn’t look at Kurt.
“Did you two talk - after?” He asked.
Sebastian nodded. “Sure did.” He took a deep breath. “And I told him that I loved him.”
“What did he say?”
Sebastian rolled his head to look at Kurt, face devoid of emotion. “He said he needed to think.”
“Ouch,” Kurt said. “I’m sorry.”
Sebastian resumed his blank staring at the wall. “But last night, he told me I wasn’t going to lose him.”
“Do you believe him?” Kurt asked.
Sebastian shrugged again. The sad slump of Sebastian’s shoulders left Kurt unsure if he would even have the heart to fight with him right now. It felt strange to be near him and not have to worry about any barbs thrown his way. It felt wrong.
Luckily, it was only another couple of minutes before the clock struck six and they knocked on the door together. Blaine opened instantly, flushed, but with a bright, nervous smile.
When they entered they could see the furniture Blaine had been pushing around. Both beds were shoved together to make room for the desks which had been pulled away from the wall and now made up one large table. There were three folding chairs that looked like Blaine stole from the dining hall around the desks. Blaine had found a nice tablecloth and dinnerware as well as two candles set in the middle, which he had burning softly and casting shadows around the low light of the room. It looked like a romantic dinner.
“Shall we eat?” Blaine asked.
And they did, Kurt and Sebastian continuously sharing perplexed glances as Blaine chatted about anything and everything, accepting their hmms and hahs that they added to the conversation. When they finished Blaine said jokingly, “I guess you’re both wondering why I asked you here today.”
Kurt and Sebastian nodded, far too confused to understand.
And so Blaine began. “I spent the last few days doing a lot of thinking, and honestly, I’m glad I had the deadline of Kurt having to leave in four days or it might have taken me longer. To convince myself that this was…the reasonable solution. The best solution. It’s…taboo so I would have danced around it for a long time, but if I want us to make it work we need some time to kickstart everything before Kurt leaves, and if I waited too long everything could just fall apart and that would make it worse because that means I would lose both of you and it would be my fault because I’m the one that suggested it and-”
“Blaine,” they both said, trying to calm his rising anxiety as he got closer to hyperventilating.
“You haven’t even told us what you’ve decided,” Kurt told him, and Blaine’s eyes went wide.
“Omygod, I just completely jumped past that I’m so-”
“Blaine,” Sebastian said again, “it’s fine, just breathe and talk us through it.”
Blaine nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m terrified of hurting both of you. And…I’m more terrified of hurting myself.”
Sebastian smiled. It hurt, but he was proud Blaine was considering himself through all of this.
“When - when I thought Sebastian just wanted to have sex with me, it was easy to choose Kurt. I don’t know how I didn’t realize sooner that you too would offer me that. Love and affection, safety and caring, sex and after-sex cuddles. Aside from that last part, you’ve already been offering me all of that these past few months, and I was just too caught up in myself-”
Sebastian grunted in disapproval.
“Sorry - learning how to be okay. How to love myself. How to ask for what I want. I didn’t even realize you had feelings towards me. Or feelings I was developing towards you.
“But Kurt…” He reached over and took Kurt’s hand, “Kurt is my everything. I love him more than I know what to do with. And I know that’s not healthy, but even as I learn to put myself first I still feel so, so strongly about you. I don’t know how I could ever lose you, especially now that I have you back. Being without you was horrible, and I never want to experience it again. You’re my first love, and I want to keep loving you until the day I die.”
Sebastian started to nod, “I understand, I never even thought–”
“I’m not done,” Blaine chided softly, looking to Sebastian to take his hand too. “You are my best friend. You are my rock. And I’ve known for months that I love you, but I…I couldn’t see that you felt the same way. I love you both, and it will be tough, it will be weird. I don't know who we can tell, I know most people won’t accept it, but - I think you guys like each other too. Or at least…you’re starting to. And even if you don’t want to date each other now, or ever…I would like to be with both of you.”
Sebastian gaped at him in shock.
Kurt looked much the same.
“I’ve been researching,” Blaine said quickly, “and I have links I can send you. Of other people who do this. And - I talked to Nick and Jeff…and Marley. They’ve been together since before Christmas.”
“All three of them?” Kurt asked.
“Yeah, yeah. They helped break it down for me. They told me about how it’s not just cultivating one relationship, it’s more like four. There’d be my relationship with Kurt. My relationship with Sebastian. Your relationship with each other, whatever that may be. And then all three of us together. They talked about a need for balance, for making sure all the relationships are on equal footing and just as important as the others. For strong communication and trust…I’ve done so much talking these past two days, can one of you please say something?”
Kurt looked to Sebastian, and they held a private conversation with their eyes.
“I’m not sure Sebastian and I can cultivate a healthy relationship in four days,” Kurt said finally. “I think - there’s still a lot of tension between us. Unresolved issues. We’d need more time.”
Blaine nodded, “of course, of course. I don’t want either of you to just jump into something you’re unsure about.”
Sebastian watched as Blaine’s breathing started to accelerate and his lower lip trembled, though he bit it to hide it. “But,” Sebastian said, “though we’re unsure about each other - we are sure about you. I love you, Blaine. And Kurt does too. And I for one would love to be with you. And if we can do that in a way that won’t mean you having to mourn the loss of Hummel here, I’m not opposed to trying.”
Kurt smiled at him. “Yeah,” he said, “I’ve been terrified of hurting you by pulling you away from Sebastian. I see how good he is for you, how he brings out an entirely different side of you. And I want to see more of that. And maybe I’d also enjoy seeing more of Sebastian, the way you see him. Even if that has to wait for now.”
Blaine’s smile lit up the room. “Really?” He asked; they could both feel the way Blaine’s body had started to vibrate, like all the joy and excitement in him couldn’t be contained.
Kurt shook his head with a laugh and leaned closer to Blaine. He cupped his cheek gently and looked into his eyes. “You are my first love, Blaine Anderson, and I know that we’re meant to be together for the rest of our lives. But I’m not opposed to the idea that maybe you’re not the only one, that maybe there are other people out there that you or I could love just as deeply. I just never realized we could have both.”
Kurt looked to Sebastian who rolled his eyes and mouthed sappy at him. Kurt grinned and then Sebastian jerked his head to the side, and Kurt closed the distance between him and Blaine. Blaine whimpered into the kiss, his grip on Sebastian’s hand tightening as he lost himself in Kurt. His Kurt. Maybe one day, their Kurt. He gripped the back of Kurt’s head tightly and held him close even after they broke away.
“I love you so much,” Blaine said and a few tears tracked gently down his face. He lifted his head to look at Sebastian, nervous about what he would see. But Sebastian was smiling softly at them. He hadn’t seen Blaine cry happy tears in…well, ever. And he never wanted that to stop.
“My turn?” he asked teasingly and used his grip on Blaine’s hand to pull him in closer. Blaine gasped and Sebastian swallowed it with a kiss. Blaine’s whole body thrummed with the rightness of the moment. Kissing Sebastian while sober sent a jolt of electricity down his spine that he hadn’t felt fully since his first kiss with Kurt. He felt like he was going to float away but the grounding points of Kurt and Sebastian held him tightly and safely on earth.
Blaine was gasping for breath when Sebastian broke away.
“Oh, yeah,” Sebastian mumbled against his lips. “I love you, can’t wait to spend my life with you, all that other sappy shit Kurt said.”
Blaine laughed loudly. “I love you too,” Blaine said, kissing him again gently. He tugged Kurt closer, adoring the way they both slotted perfectly in beside him, like they were always meant to fit there.
Blaine woke up the next morning in the middle of the two twin beds, tangled in more arms and legs than normal. Kurt was on his left, his face buried in Blaine’s neck as he breathed gently in his sleep. Sebastian was awake on his right. He was on his side, head propped on one hand, leg hooked over Blaine’s, tangling in with Kurt’s as well. He was watching them both closely, his hand running a soft and exploratory pattern over Blaine’s chest, occasionally following up the line of Kurt’s arm wrapped around Blaine’s stomach.
Blaine had known sex was off the table, with Sebastian and Kurt still unsure of what they wanted out of their relationship with each other. He hadn’t cared though as they all curled up on the beds he’d squeezed together, sharing soft kisses with him until finally they had started to drift off, one by one.
Blaine turned his head towards Sebastian. He didn’t even have to ask as Sebastian caught his mouth in a deep kiss. Blaine’s head was still spinning from the fact that he got to do this. He was allowed to kiss Sebastian. He no longer had to fight against his impulses for the sake of their friendship, of his relationship with Kurt, of his own heart so set on the idea that Sebastian couldn’t love him.
Sebastian’s hand came up to cup Blaine’s jaw, pulling him in closer. Blaine’s arm was trapped underneath Kurt and his fingers dug into Kurt’s back as he gasped into Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian gave him a breather, taking the chance to nose along Blaine’s jaw, dropping soft kisses as he went. His breathing was just as harsh as Blaine’s, loud in his ear and sending shivers up and down his spine, leaving his fingers and toes tingling.
Kurt’s arm on his stomach tightened as he hugged himself closer to Blaine’s side. Slowly, Blaine registered that Kurt had started mouthing gently at his throat, suckling occasionally on a single spot before moving on. His mouth reached Sebastian’s hand on Blaine’s jaw and finally, his eyes opened, sleep-bleary but pupils already blown wide.
Blaine bit back a moan when Sebastian gently bit his ear lobe, tugging it between his teeth. Kurt backed down his throat, now sucking with purpose. Blaine’s head was swimming, he could feel Kurt leaving a trail of hickeys down his neck as Sebastian kissed him again.
Above him, they shared a look, a suggestion, a question, an agreement. They both pulled away at the same time, leaving Blaine torn as to whose mouth to chase, his body shuddering. Kurt kissed him gently and Blaine chased him for more. Sebastian turned his head back to him and kissed him just as softly before pressing his hand firmly to Blaine’s chest to hold him down as he sat up.
“Good morning,” he said teasingly.
“Good morning,” Kurt chirped in response. “Isn’t it, Blaine?” he said, looking down at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Such a lovely morning.”
Baine groaned and covered his face with his arm. These two would be the death of him.
They ate breakfast together in the cafeteria; Sebastian handed Kurt a Dalton sweater so he would blend in better. Blaine tried to cover the hickies in the bathroom but Sebastian came up behind him and started adding his own marks to the collection and Blaine melted under his mouth.
“Hey, Smythe, stop trying to rile our boyfriend up,” Kurt called, “I’m hungry.”
Sebastian grinned at Blaine deviously in the mirror and then tugged him out of the bathroom. Kurt laughed when he saw the new bruises on Blaine’s throat.
“We’re going to have to be careful with those if we’re both giving them. Your mouth is clearly bigger than mine.”
“And who do you think is going to be comparing the size of the hickies to tell that Blaine has two boyfriends, Hummel?”
Nick and Jeff spotted the marks immediately upon sitting at the table. “Well that conversation sure went well,” Nick said, reaching out to turn Blaine’s head so he could get a better look.
Blaine batted his hands away. Kurt and Sebastian both smiled smugly.
When Kurt headed back to Lima that afternoon with a long, lingering kiss, Blaine almost expected Sebastian to shove him up against the door right then and there. Instead, he beckoned him over to the bed with a movie already set up on his laptop. Blaine sighed happily as he laid down with his head in Sebastian’s lap.
Sebastian ran his hand through Blaine’s hair, occasionally letting it drift down to his throat to press against the darkened skin. Blaine shivered each time, eventually not being able to hold back the soft moans as he clutched desperately at Sebastian’s leg.
“Not tonight,” Sebastian said when Blaine had started edging closer and closer to the bulge he could see growing in Sebastian’s pants.
Blaine looked up at him in surprise.
“I want to take my time,” he said with a gentle smile. “I want to explore, learn as much about your body as I can. I want hours with you, just us. I don’t want to rush it, knowing that we’re meeting Kurt later.”
Blaine’s mouth ran dry as he imagined it, the way Sebastian would lake him apart slowly, gently, like he was a precious gem to be examined. He nodded silently and turned his attention back to the movie.
Sebastian’s hand remained resting on his neck.
Of course, Sebastian wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Blaine as soon as possible, but he also wanted Blaine to spend as much time with Kurt before he had to leave for New York. And Sebastian also wanted time with Kurt himself, just a trial run to make sure they could actually be friends and talk about things other than Blaine.
He still wasn’t quite sure how he’d feel about dating Kurt, but they had a few more months before that became something he had to seriously consider. For now, he just had someone to text his bitchy thoughts to that would full-heartedly match the energy. And he appreciated that.
But when Sunday came and Kurt left for the airport, Sebastian wasted no time. Almost the second Kurt had left, Sebastian crowded Blaine up against his bedroom door, his hand cupping Blaine’s jaw as Blaine looked up at him, mouth open in a silent gasp and his pupils already dilating.
“Is this okay?” Sebastian said, his breath tickling Blaine’s ear.
Blaine swallowed hard. “Yeah, yeah, it’s definitely okay.”
Blaine’s hands had come to rest on Sebastian’s hips, and he pulled Sebastian closer to him as their lips crashed together. It was a desperate kiss, months and months of mutual pining finally coming to a head. Sebastian wrapped his free arm around Blaine’s waist, holding him as tight to his body as he could, like they could merge into a single being if he just waited long enough.
Sebastian’s knee slotted in between Blaine’s leg and he could already feel Blaine growing hard against it. He didn’t rock, just left a constant pressure there, a tease of what was to come.
Blaine pulled away to catch his breath and Sebastian took the opportunity to kiss down his neck, suckling softly. The marks he and Kurt had left that first day had mostly faded. Sebastian knew that Blaine had more hidden under his shirt than Kurt had left when Blaine spent the night yesterday. Kurt had taken pictures, and Blaine had recommended sharing them.
Blaine’s hands came up to fist in his hair and pulled his mouth tighter against his throat. Sebastian happily obliged, nipping at the skin and sucking until Blaine had a nice, large bruise in the crook of his neck.
“Bed?” Blaine asked, his voice rough.
Sebastian nodded, pulling Blaine along with him and sealing their mouths together again. The back of his knees hit the bed and he sat hard, pulling Blaine onto his lap. Blaine greedily took control, keeping one hand in Sebastian’s hair as he sucked Sebastian’s lower lip into his mouth. Blaine’s other hand found its way in between them, tugging up on Sebastian’s shirt.
“You’re certainly excited, Killer,” Sebastian said, obliging him by shedding his shirt. He moaned softly when Blaine turned his attention to Sebastian’s throat, happily leaving a mark just as large in the same place Sebastian had marked him.
“You’ve been teasing me for months,” Blaine groaned, his hips twitching in sporadic bursts. “Always flirting, making me want you so much.” Blaine pulled back to look into Sebastian’s eyes. “And this week you have been only ramping it up. I’m done waiting, I want you, Sebastian Smythe, I want all of you, right now.”
Sebastian grinned up at him. “I love you,” he said.
Blaine’s own smile was blinding. “I love you too,” he replied, kissing Sebastian sweetly. “Now, can you please fuck me?”
Sebastian gripped Blaine’s ass and squeezed, rocking his own erection up into Blaine. “Are you sure you’re not too sore? You were just with Kurt–”
“We didn’t,” Blaine whimpered, “we just made out, jerked each other off.”
Sebastian stilled and Blaine whined. “But, your first time since–”
“I wanted it to be you,” Blaine said, his breath hitching. “Kurt understood. As much as I trust and love him, you make me feel so undeniably safe. In case…in case something goes wrong. I wanted it to be you.”
Sebastian gently cupped Blaine’s jaw and looked deeply into his eyes. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
Blaine took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “But I want to try.”
Sebastian nodded. “If you ever feel uncomfortable–”
“I’ll tell you to stop.”
Sebastian still looked concerned. “Tap me twice,” he said, “wherever you can reach, if you can’t talk, okay? And I’ll check in to see how you’re doing, so use three taps to say you’re okay, got it?”
Tears glistened in Blaine’s eyes. “I love you,” he repeated in awe, pulling Sebastian back into a deep kiss. A single tear slipped from his eye and slid down his cheek to his mouth, mixing with the kiss so they could both taste it.
Sebastian was serious when he said he wanted to take his time. He held Blaine firmly on his lap, stopping his desperate rutting as he continued to move their mouths gently together. Blaine’s soft whines and sighs were intoxicating, he felt like he could do this for hours, just kissing him stupid until both of their mouths were permanently bruised.
Blaine was not patient with his teasing at all. He fought hard against the grip Sebastian had on his waist, his hands scrabbling for purchase across Sebastian’s back, leaving red hot lines in their wake that chipped ever so slowly against Sebastian’s own self-control. He pushed Blaine back just enough to get his shirt unbuttoned
“Fuck, please,” Blaine gasped. His pupils had almost entirely consumed his irises, leaving only the smallest ring of honey gold at the edge. The second Sebastian had released his hips he resumed his desperate search for friction, panting hotly in Sebastian’s ear. Sebastian’s hands returned to his hips. “No, no, please, Seb, please, I just need–” but Sebastian didn’t still him this time. Instead, he guided Blaine’s thrusting, matching it with the rolling of his own hips. Blaine broke off with a moan, burying his face in Sebastian’s neck.
“Fuck,” Sebastian hissed as their cocks rutted together through their jeans. Too constricted to be nearly enough friction, but it left him quivering nonetheless. He used his grip to quickly flip them onto the bed, leaving Blaine sprawling on his back. His shirt fell open around him, revealing his chest littered with bruises that left Sebastian’s mouth watering as he looked over Kurt’s handiwork. Blaine’s hand went to the fly of his jeans immediately, popping the button. He sighed at the relief as he started to reach inside, but Sebastian quickly caught his wrist and pushed it away as he draped himself over Blaine’s chest.
“Seb, please, I’m so fucking hard, I just need something .” Blaine looked at him with wide, pleading eyes, his chest heaving.
“Shh, shh, shh,” Sebastian whispered, nosing gently under Blaine’s jaw, “just let me take care of you.” He kissed the shell of Blaine’s ear ever so gently and slowly began to settle his weight fully onto Blaine. Blaine’s breath stuttered underneath him and he paused, lifting his head to catch Blaine’s eye. “How are you feeling? Is this all still okay?”
Blaine nodded, his eyes hazy. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, and Sebastian felt two of Blaine’s fingers tap his side three times. “Feels nice,” he whispered, settling further into the mattress.
Sebastian kissed him softly, and relaxed the rest of his body onto him. He could feel Blaine’s breathing underneath him, the controlled and steady rise and fall moving Sebastian ever so gently. He settled his head in the crook of Blaine’s neck and breathed with him, giving Blaine a minute until the agitated twitching of his hips slowed down.
Sebastian pulled away slowly, watching as Blaine took in deep breaths of air, his lungs grateful for the chance to fully expand again. Blaine’s eyes rolled slightly back into his head and he shifted against the mattress, an unintentional release of energy as his body was suddenly capable of movement again.
Sebastian carefully pulled down the zipper of Blaine’s pants and pushed them and his underwear down just enough that he could pull his cock out. Even as the rest of Blaine’s body had gone pliant from the deep pressure therapy of Sebastian on top of him, his cock was still achingly hard, the head glistening with precum. Sebastian lowered himself to swirl his tongue experimentally around the head of Blaine’s cock. Blaine groaned incoherently, a shaking hand coming up to fist in the top of Sebastian’s hair.
Sebastian peered up at him and found Blaine looking back, his eyes heavy, but laser-focused. He sucked the head gently into his mouth and Blaine whined, his fingers tightening, but not pushing or pulling, simply grounding himself.
Sebastian closed his eyes and took his time, experimenting as he learned what got the best reactions from Blaine. He never stopped letting out those sweet, breathy moans, but when Sebastian would point his tongue and trace along the thick vein on the underside of Blaine’s cock, he would let out a choked gasp and seemed unable to fully breathe until Sebastian stopped. When Sebastian focused his teasing on Blaine’s slit, his tongue collecting every gush of precum released, Blaine would twist in the sheets, his moans stepping up an octave as he desperately tried to get Sebastian to give him more.
And when Sebastian took Blaine’s balls in his hand, he thrust up so quickly into Sebastian’s mouth that even with his well-trained gag reflex, Sebastian nearly choked as he slipped into his throat.
“Sorry, sorry,” Blaine said, releasing Sebastian’s head to fist both of his hands in his own hair. Sebastian hummed around Blaine as he sank back down until his nose was pressed to the light dusting of hair at the base of Blaine’s cock.
Blaine’s body went rigid as he tried to fight back the urge to thrust madly into the soft, wet heat of Sebastian’s throat. “Seb, Seb,” he whimpered, “I’m gonna, I’m gonna come, fuck, Seb.”
Sebastian sucked harder, bobbing his head gently up and down. Blaine twisted desperately in the sheets. “Fuck, Seb, stop.” Sebastian pulled off immediately, his hands resting on Blaine’s thighs as he held himself off.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, though Blaine reached for his wrist and tapped it three times as he caught his breath.
“I don’t want to come yet,” he finally said, “I want you inside me.”
Sebastian grinned. “Oh, did you think this would be the only orgasm you would get?” he teased. His hand reached to grip Blaine’s cock, using the residual slick of his spit to smooth the glide as he began stroking him again. Sebastian shifted up so he could hover just above Blaine’s head. “We’ve got hours , Killer. I’d say I could probably get at least three orgasms out of you by the end of the night.”
Blaine shuddered, his hands coming up to grip Sebastian’s biceps.
“Don’t worry, Killer, you’ll get to come with me inside of you. Of course you will. But before we get to that, I want you to be nice and relaxed while I open you up, okay?”
Blaine whimpered and nodded, his abs flexing so hard he was having trouble remaining flat on the bed.
“And, as part of relaxing you,” Sebastian said, “I want you to come down my throat while I finger you. Can you do that?”
“God,” Blaine breathed, his hips twitching, “yeah, yeah.”
“Good,” Sebastian said. He pushed himself up over Blaine, kissing him deeply. He fumbled with the bedside drawer blindly until he found the lube and he sat back on his heels. He tucked it into the waist of his jeans as he went back to work on Blaine’s cock, using his body heat to warm the contents.
His mouth back in place, sucking fervently on the head of Blaine’s cock, Sebastian reached up with one hand to hold Blaine’s where it lay beside him. Blaine’s other hand was twisted in his hair, his eyes squeezed shut as he shuddered and gasped under Sebastian’s ministrations.
“Look at me,” Sebastian said, pulling away just long enough to get Blaine’s attention. He wanted to see Blaine’s face, wanted to watch him fall apart. Blaine blinked slowly, hazily down at him, his chest heaving as Sebastian retrieved the bottle of lube and coated his fingers. He probed at Blaine’s entrance, fascinated by the way his thighs tightened around Sebastian’s shoulders as he carefully pressed against him until the ring of muscle gave way and let him inside.
“God,” Blaine breathed, his grip on Sebastian’s free hand tightening almost painfully as his hips flexed, pushing himself further into Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian hummed appreciatively as he fully pushed his finger into Blaine, working it slowly in and out before carefully crooking it up and– “Fuck, Seb, I’m–” Blaine’s whole body went rigid with the jolt of pleasure and Sebastian groaned as Blaine came in his mouth, his own hips thrusting against the mattress of their own volition. It took a herculean effort to still them so he didn’t come before he was in Blaine.
Sebastian pulled off, breathing carefully in through his nose and out through his mouth as he sat back on his heels, removing his finger from Blaine. Blaine was limp, his eyelids heavy, but he still huffed out an annoyed groan at the loss.
Sebastian shuffled up and leaned over Blaine, nosing gently along his jaw. “What’s the matter, baby?” he teased, whispering in his ear, and he relished in the shiver that ran down Blaine’s spine.
“I feel empty,” he said, blinking sadly at Sebastian.
Sebastian grinned. “You only had one finger in you,” he pointed out.
“And now I have none,” Blaine complained and Sebastian startled out a laugh at the petulant look on Blaine’s face.
“Aww, I didn’t know you were so needy to be filled, I thought you’d need a break so I didn’t overstimulate you.”
Blaine frowned and bit his lip, his eyes dancing away from Sebastian’s.
Sebastian cocked his head to the side and let one hand drift slowly down Blaine’s chest, back to his cock. “Unless,” he said, letting his fingers dance along the length of Blaine’s spent cock, “you would like me to overstimulate you.”
Blaine let out a shaky breath as his hips canted up, trying to get more from Sebastian’s teasing fingers. “M-maybe a… maybe a little?” he said.
“As you wish.” Sebastian kissed him hard as he wrapped his fingers around Blaine’s length, his own spit lingering there helping to ease the glide and he pumped slowly. Blaine let out a high-pitched whine laced with pain and Sebastian eased up, but Blaine was already reaching out to his hand and tapping it three times before he started guiding his hand back into motion.
“God, I love you,” Sebastian whispered, his whole body thrumming with need.
“I love you too,” Blaine gasped, squeezing his eyes shut as his body was racked with shudders. His cock was still mostly soft, but beginning to harden again as some of the pain filtered away to be replaced by pleasure alone.
“I can’t wait to be inside you,” Sebastian groaned.
“Then don’t wait,” Blaine said. “I need you, Seb. Please, please fuck me.”
Sebastian bit gently at Blaine’s bottom lip and tugged as he pulled away. “As you wish,” he whispered, slipping back down Blaine’s body. He kept one hand on Blaine’s cock, keeping up a slow, teasing rhythm as he lubed up his fingers again and pressed back inside. He quickly moved from one to two as Blaine writhed underneath him, his moans loud and clear.
“Now, Seb, please,” Blaine begged, working himself back on Sebastian’s fingers, giving him hardly any time after slipping the third inside.
“Are you sure?” Seb asked, letting Blaine’s cock, now hard and leaking, fall back against his stomach. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” Blaine assured, twining his fingers with Sebastian’s, “just go slow, okay?”
Sebastian nodded and stood up from the bed for just long enough to finally kick off his pants, groaning at the release of pressure from his cock. He climbed over Blaine to retrieve a pillow and a condom. Blaine lifted his hips without being asked and Sebastian slipped the pillow underneath before sitting back to put on the condom but Blaine batted his hands away.
Blaine’s eyes were locked on Sebstian’s cock, his mouth open as drank in the sight, his hand reaching forward almost of its own volition. He pushed himself up with one hand until he could touch, his fingers closing gently over the soft but rigid flesh.
“You’re beautiful,” Blaine whispered as he stroked him experimentally. Sebastian gasped, his hips working up into Blaine’s hand in small thrusts. Blaine pulled his hand away for just a second to lick the palm of his hand and Sebastian groaned at the sight as Blaine began stroking him with more intent this time.
“Blaine,” Sebastian hissed, gritting his teeth as he fought back the desire to just let Blaine finish him, “if you don’t stop, I’m not going to be able to fuck you.”
Blaine’s eyes lifted to his, his brows pulling together in a small frown. Sebastian could see the war, the desire to learn all the ways he could make Sebastian fall apart versus his desperate need to be filled as soon as possible.
Sebastian stilled him with a hand on his wrist, pulling Blaine’s hand away even as he let out a sad whine. He tucked Blaine’s hand to his side and lifted his chin with a single finger. “You’ll have all the time in the world to explore later,” Sebastian said, his lips nearly brushing Blaine’s. “We’ll have months, years, hopefully decades for you to learn all the ways to play me as well as you play the piano,” Blaine’s mouth twitched into a small smile, “but for now…” he pressed a hand to Blaine’s chest and pushed him back down on the bed.
Sebastian kissed him softly, glancing away for the smallest second to get the condom started before he slid it the rest of the way down while kissing along the column of Blaine’s throat. He slid between Blaine’s legs as he lubed himself up and guided his cock to rest just at Blaine’s entrance. Blaine’s hands were on his shoulders when Sebastian looked up, the question clear in his eyes. Blaine tapped three times, and Sebastian sank in.
Blaine’s grip tightened as he took slow, measured breaths, his forehead creased against the stretch of Sebastian filling him up. Sebastian took his time, inching in and then backing out before going a little deeper, each time he slipped back Blaine gasped like his soul was leaving his body, arching off the bed as he scrabbled for purchase on Sebastian’s back before he calmed when Sebastian slipped back in.
Sebastian paused once he was fully seated inside, breathing hard against the crook of Blaine’s neck as he peppered him with open-mouthed kisses. Blaine was too blissed out to sleep, relishing in just how full he felt, with no interest in moving anytime soon. Sebastian wanted to stay like that forever, but he’d been on edge for so long, he couldn’t stop his hips from twitching, rutting into Blaine like a dog in heat.
Blaine groaned underneath him, his nails digging half-moons into the skin of Sebastian’s back. One hand slid up into Sebastian’s hair to hold him close, shivering as Sebastian latched onto the skin of his shoulder. Sebastian's years of sexual experience flew out the window, he lost all finesse as he thrust desperately into Blaine, his knees slipping against the sweat-soaked sheets.
He’d take him apart later, he’d fuck him so slow Blaine would forget time existed, he’d fuck him so fast he’d forget his own name. But for now? Now he could think of nothing other than being as close to Blaine as physically possible, until he couldn’t even tell where he ended and Blaine began.
And when they came, he didn’t know who came first, their orgasms so intermingled they felt like one and the same until they both slumped, sated and spent.
Epilogue
“I’m fucking exhausted,” Sebastian said, falling heavily on the couch in Blaine’s living room, ignoring the dangerously teetering piles of boxes that bounced when he did so.
“You’re not allowed to be exhausted,” Kurt said, standing up from a box of jackets he was hanging up in the hall closet because Blaine’s closet was too small to hold them all, “we still haven’t gotten the kitchen unpacked. How are we going to eat dinner?”
“By going to my place, two blocks from here, that is fully set up because I thought to hire movers?”
“You know Sam and I don’t have the money for movers,” Blaine said, poking his head out of the bathroom door. “Also, just because your place is unpacked doesn’t mean you have any food yet, Bas.” Blaine returned to unpacking his toiletries, but Sebastian knew he was still listening.
“Then we go to Kurt’s,” Sebastian said with a wave of his hand.
“No, we can’t,” Kurt said, turning to him with his hands on his hips, “I gave Rachel and Finn the apartment for the night and said I’d crash here, especially since Sam is over at Mercedes’.”
Sebastian groaned, “Fine. Then we’ll order takeout. It’s not like anyone has the energy to cook tonight anyways.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “I supposed that’s acceptable, but you still need to unpack the dishes so we have something to eat on.” He walked to the couch and held out a hand to Sebastian who simply glared at him. Kurt raised a single eyebrow and Sebastian let out a longsuffering sigh before taking the hand and allowing himself to be pulled up from the couch.
Kurt marched him over to the kitchen, standing behind him with his arms firmly on Sebastian’s biceps as he steered him to the boxes on the table labeled “plates” and “cutlery”. “Get to work,” Kurt said, smacking his ass as he walked away to return to his job of dealing with Blaine’s clothes.
“Hey!” Sebastian said. “That’s not yours to touch, Hummel.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kurt said pressing a hand to his mouth in mock sympathy, “I thought what was Blaine’s was mine.”
Sebastian pursed his lips. “Take me on a date first, geez,” he grumbled as he turned to the boxes and began cutting them open with his key.
Blaine finished in the bathroom and came up behind Sebastian, winding his arms around his waist and pressing his forehead into Sebastian’s spine. “Using a knife would be easier,” he said and Sebastian sank back into him.
“The knives are in the box,” Sebastian pointed out.
Blaine smiled and pulled a pocket knife out of his jeans, handing it to Sebastian as he went to retrieve the bags of cleaning supplies they’d bought earlier on their lunch run. “You unpack, I’ll wash the dishes, it’ll go faster that way.”
“But we washed them before we put them in the box,” Sebastian said, even as he started unwrapping plates and handing them over to Blaine.
Blaine didn’t respond, but Kurt shot him a disbelieving look. Sebastian stuck his tongue out at him. “You wanna order the food while we do all the hard labor?” Sebastian asked.
Kurt rolled his eyes but pulled out his phone and started looking into what places were open nearby. Sebastian never expected the domesticity of this, he’d been concerned the proximity would crack the friendship he and Kurt had built, and maybe it still would. But at the moment he felt truly at home, even in an apartment filled with what had to be so many housing code violations.
Notes:
Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed this story, it means a lot to me. This fic has been in progress for nearly seven years and to finally go "it's done" feels insane. I of course want to thank my incredible beta, itallstartedwithharry for working with me to make this story as good as it could be.
I have, at this point, two small fics set in this universe in the works, so hopefully you will see those sometime soon, but if not, thank you for coming on this journey with me!
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Leydhawk on Chapter 1 Wed 05 Jun 2024 01:28AM UTC
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Last Edited Sun 13 Aug 2023 12:29PM UTC
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Daisyishedwig on Chapter 15 Fri 29 Sep 2023 08:00PM UTC
Last Edited Fri 29 Sep 2023 11:34PM UTC
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