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The past three months had been some of the best of Keith’s life. And he was pretty damn sure he was in love with Lance McClain. Having high hopes usually wasn’t part of his routine. However, Lance acted pretty romantic with him and despite his better judgement, he was pretty sure Lance felt the same way. Which is why one seemingly normal Thursday afternoon came as a shock to him.
“I wish you were a girl,” he murmured.
Keith stiffened. “What?” Because there was no way he’d just read three months of his life wrong. There was no way Lance staying over and cuddling him and holding hands with him and going on not-date-date’s wasn’t real for him. There was no way that Lance had been straight this entire time.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Just… if you were a girl, I’d totally be into you,” he said, smiling awkwardly.
A fucking idiot. That’s what Keith was. He pulled out his phone and pretended to read something, the feeling of Lance’s head on his lap a bit sickening. Maybe that was just the feeling of rejection getting to him. “Hey, something has come up. I gotta go,” he lied.
Lance frowned and sat up. “Oh, okay. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I just need to take care of something,” he said dismissively. He felt Lance’s absence in more ways than one.
“Do you want me to stay here and wait for you?”
“No, no. That’s fine. It’ll be a while. You can just go home.”
Lance looked a little lost. He normally would stay if Keith had to run errands or something throughout the day, considering he spent most days at Keith’s place for a while now. “Okay,” he said hesitantly. “Text me, alright?”
Keith said nothing as he gathered up his coat and stepped out. Fuck. Fuck. He was so stupid. So incredibly stupid. This probably explained why Hunk had started acting so weird around him. He shot him a quick text as he walked to his car.
Keith
I didn’t know he was straight.
Hunk
Keith… I think there’s more to it than that.
Keith
Whatever. It doesn’t matter. It’s done, it’s over. I just… wish someone would have told me.
Why didn’t you?
Hunk
I think it’s more complicated than him being straight, okay? He wasn’t trying to use you or anything. Please, just talk to him.
Keith
I appreciate the advice, Hunk.
Hunk
Keith…
I’m serious. Please hear him out. I don’t want this to ruin what you guys have.
Keith
It’s too late for that. I was really stupid to think he felt the same way.
Hunk
Just talk to him about it. I promise that will clear everything up.
He ignored the message. That was not something he would be doing. It was clear now what the situation was. He’d been the idiot who’d fallen in love with the straight guy who got kicks out of leading on guys who were into him. Keith had sworn he’d never be that idiot. He cursed and got into his car.
-----
The drive served him no good being alone with his thoughts. By the time he reached his destination, tears began falling. He walked up to the door and knocked, sniffling. The door swung open and Shiro frowned, tugging him inside immediately.
“What happened? What’s going on?”
He buried his face in his hands. “I’m so stupid, Shiro,” he croaked.
Shiro put his hands on Keith’s arms soothingly. “Hey, hey, talk to me. What happened?”
He cried pathetically. “Lance.”
“Lance? Is he okay? What-?”
“He’s not… into me like that. He’s straight,” he sniffled, wiping his face.
Shiro’s grip tightened and his eyes went wide. “What?”
“He said… he said he wished I was a girl.” It was too much so he buried his face in Shiro’s chest as he cried. Idiot. He was such an idiot for thinking…
“What? I’m confused,” he said, holding his little brother tightly. “You guys have been so close. You spend like all your time together; you’ve been on dates!”
“He never called them dates, Shiro,” he mumbled. “I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. What do I do?” That was the question, wasn’t it? Keith couldn’t keep things going how they were. It would kill him. He was just going to have to do what he always did. Push someone who meant so much to him away. Because, god, he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t stand there and hold Lance’s hand and watch him smile like Keith was the best thing in the world anymore.
“Keith… I’m so sorry,” his brother whispered. “I think you should talk to him. I know that’s easier said than done, believe me… but communication is important. I know you don’t want to lose him.”
“I can’t,” he argued fervently. “How am I supposed to sit there and tell Lance how delusional I’ve been? That I’m in love with him while he never saw me as anything more than a friend? How could he do all those things with me and not mean them, Shiro? How?”
“Maybe there’s more to it. I don’t know for sure. But I know he didn’t mean to hurt you. Lance is a good kid.”
“I know,” he said, crying harder. “That’s what makes it worse. He’s going to feel bad if I tell him, Shiro. And things are going to be awkward and then we won’t be friends anymore and… and I will lose him. Forever.”
“That’s not gonna happen,” Shiro vowed. “I promise.”
-----
Call it pride, call it cowardice, but Keith had been avoiding Lance for nearly a week now. It was clear that Lance was trying hard to get them to hang out again but Keith was always conveniently busy. And then he walked into Altea Coffee and it was too late to walk back out.
“Keith!”
Lance ran up to him, expression somewhere between concern and relief.
“Oh, hey. I didn’t know you would be here…”
“Can we please talk? It’ll just take a minute,” he begged.
Keith nodded and let himself be dragged to a booth. It was bound to happen eventually, he supposed. The only question was if he should tell the truth or not. Lance anxiously bounced his leg under the table.
“Please, just let me get this out of my system first,” Lance said. When Keith nodded, he exhaled shakily. “I know you’ve been avoiding me; I can tell. And I think it has something to do with what I said Thursday. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and I can’t sleep at night just thinking about… about me and you and the past few months and I don’t want things to change. Please tell me what I can do to fix this.”
Keith could tell he was on the verge of tears from the sheen in his eyes to the shake in his voice. And damn it, if he wasn’t still weak for Lance. “There’s nothing… Lance, it’s not something that can be fixed, okay? It was just a mistake and I was being an idiot. Can we just go back to how things were before these few months?”
Lance grabbed his hand desperately. “I don’t understand. Help me understand. I thought things were going well, I… I’ve never been close to anyone the way I have you.”
He took his hand back, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “That’s the problem. The way you act with me. It’s not the way you act with Hunk or Allura or Pidge or Shiro. It’s not your fault, Lance, okay? It’s mine. I was being stupid.”
“I don’t understand,” he repeated. “What do you mean by that?”
He sighed heavily, running a hand across his face. “I have feelings for you, Lance. Romantic ones. And being that close to you… I can’t take it. I can’t do it; it hurts too much. I’m sorry.”
“What?” Lance stared, openmouthed. “You have feelings for me?”
Keith looked down at the table, willing back tears. “Yes.”
“But- I mean, I had no idea. I just thought- I don’t know what I thought,” he said quietly.
“I know,” Keith agreed. “I gotta go.”
Coffee forgotten, Keith walked away, not seeing Lance’s desperate gaze still fixed on him.
-----
Two weeks later they’d barely spoken aside from group outings. Keith was fine with that. That’s what he told himself. He spent more time at Shiro’s than ever, lying in his old bedroom and thinking about what could have been. Which was entirely useless, of course, but that didn’t stop Keith. He couldn’t wrap his head around being pathetically in love with a straight boy. Not just any straight boy. Lance McClain. His best friend.
Hunk
Hey…
Keith
Hey. What’s up?
Hunk
Lance finally told me what happened. How are you doing?
Keith
Shouldn’t you be asking Lance that? He’s your best friend
Hunk
Yeah, but you’re my friend too
Keith
Oh
I’m… as okay as I can be I guess
I understand that he doesn’t want to talk to me
Hunk
What are you talking about?
Keith
Well
He hasn’t texted me since
So y’know
Hunk
That’s not it at all
Look I don’t he’d want me telling you all his business but he thought you didn’t want to talk to him. He was trying to give you space
Keith
Oh
-----
Pounding sounded at the door and Keith groaned. Shiro and Adam were out getting groceries so he would have to answer it. Surely, they weren’t expecting company. He pulled himself off the couch and walked slowly to the door as the pounding started up again. Did they have no manners? He unlocked it and pulled it open.
“Lance?”
The rain was pouring down hard on Lance as he shivered, face stretched into a pitiful frown.
“Please, I need to talk to you. Hunk- Hunk said- “
Keith tugged him inside without a second thought. “We can talk in a minute; you have to get out of those wet clothes.” Lance sniffled. “Come on, I have some in my old room. How did you know I was here?”
He looked up at Keith, eyes red. “I asked Pidge when I couldn’t find you at your place.”
Keith frowned, realizing the water on his face was more than just rain. “Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?”
“It can wait,” he said, sniffling.
“Okay,” he said worriedly, grabbing some clothes out of his old dresser. He handed them to Lance. “Here, go change in the bathroom.”
Lance went in without another word and Keith bit his lip anxiously. For Lance to come running to Keith like that, soaked in the rain… it must be important. Had someone in his family died? Was Lance dying? No, that’s stupid. He took a deep breath to calm himself as he sat on his bed. Lance finally came out and… he looked tragically good in Keith’s clothes. He cursed himself for thinking of that and stood.
“You feel better?” Lance’s lip quivered. Keith tugged him into his arms, holding him tightly. “Talk to me, Lance.”
“I’m so sorry,” he cried. “I’ve been so stupid and I hurt you in the process and I was wrong, Keith. I was wrong.”
Keith pulled back. “That’s what this is about? Lance… it’s okay.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. He grabbed Keith’s hand. “You’re not understanding.”
“I’m confused,” he said slowly. “What’s brought this on?”
“I’ve been thinking these past two weeks so much and I’ve been talking to Hunk and I even got advice from Shiro. I was wrong. About you. About how I felt, I mean.”
“What are you saying, Lance?” There was no way Lance was trying to suggest he felt the same way as Keith. Because he’d made it abundantly clear that was not the case. That if only Keith were a girl…
“I have feelings for you too. And I know that might be hard to believe after what I said but I realized… I thought I could only fall in love with you if you were a girl. But I already felt that way then. I didn’t understand it because you’re a boy and I wasn’t into boys, at least I thought I wasn’t. I didn’t understand why I wanted to hold your hand and eat pizza on your couch and wait for you in your apartment and cuddle with you and why it made me feel the way it did. But I get it now. And I want to keep doing those things with you, Keith.”
“What?”
“I love you,” he said boldly. “And I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be mine. But if I’m too late… I understand.”
“May I kiss you?”
Lance’s eyes widened. “Um, yes, please do- “
Keith surged forward, cradling Lance’s face as he kissed him softly. This was what he’d wanted for so long. All the what if’s didn’t compare to this. Didn’t compare to the feeling of Lance’s hand in his hair and his mouth on Keith’s. Eventually, Keith pulled back, a smile wide across his face.
“I love you too.”
Lance flushed, his pretty brown eyes darting around Keith’s face. “I kind of guessed that when you asked to kiss me.”
“I love you and I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be mine.”
Lance placed his arms around Keith’s neck, linking them together as Keith’s hands steadily gripped his hips. He smiled widely. “I think that can be arranged.”
Keith pressed their foreheads together and he stared into Lance—his boyfriend’s—eyes. Maybe he wasn’t an idiot then. Not for falling in love with Lance, anyway. No, that was definitely one of the best things he could’ve done. This meant more now; them being so close. This meant what he’d always wanted it to mean. And he couldn’t be happier about it.