Chapter Text
There was always a lot of work for Padmè to complete when fall term rolled around. For starters, since Republic University is evidently incapable of keeping around a good graduate assistant for her Classical Studies course, she would have to go to the good work of training a capable assistant.
The last three quit once they realized the job had crappy pay, and less than favorable responsibilities like actually studying the coursework alongside the graduate students in Padmè’s class.
The next thing Padmè would have to do is meet the new tenured Humanities head, Ben Kenobi. His reputation at High Council University preceded him, and he was accepted in the position gratefully. She had spent her morning setting up canvas assignments, looking through the different assignments that she would choose to assign versus get rid of, and attempted to sort through her academic resources that currently sat piled nearly to the ceiling of her guest bedroom.
The books were still stacked in the corner, Padmè was still at a stand still on if she should require an authentic Old English unit that required reading all of Beowulf, and the headache that usually resided behind her eyes pounded. She gripped her cup in hand tightly, took a sip, and attempted to get her mind to slow down.
The start of term was always so stressful. She remembered why Sola made Padmè swear at last year’s Rosh Hashanah to take on a little lesson in her next year. The promise had been empty, her coursework continuing to grow as her head swam with new possibilities that would test the rigor of her honor’s students.
“I need to take a break.” She pressed the tips of her fingers into her temple, attempting to massage out the tension headache to no avail. The only thing that cured a headache like that was a two week vacation, preferably to Martha’s Vineyard or even better, Italy.
She smiled as she remembered that she would be leading an excursion for the honor’s humanities graduate students to Lake Como, Italy next spring. That would be her vacation. Until then, Padmè would just have to push through and ignore the headache while insisting to her sister that her vacation was soon. She would never specify how soon, just so that she wasn’t called a workaholic.
Her phone buzzed, and she wondered if her sister’s nose was itching.
Sola [11:23 pm]
Please tell me you aren’t still awake and working, Padmè.
Padmè [11:24 pm]
I’m snoring in my bed and dreaming of Old English readings.
Sola [11:24 pm]
Do you sleep?
Padmè [11:25 pm]
It really depends on the day.
Sola [11:25 pm]
Well, today is Sunday.
Is today going to be a day that you actually sleep? You wouldn’t have such tensed up shoulders if you slept, Padmè.
Padmè [11:27pm]
I take great offense to your rude comment about my shoulders.
I sleep.
Sola [11:28 pm]
Fine. So you sleep. Do you date?
Padmè [11:29 pm]
Goodnight, Sola.
Sola [11:30 pm}
They don’t pay you enough to be doing all of this, Padmè!
If it was up to Sola, Padmè would be sleeping all day, working too little, and getting nowhere in life. Since Padmè's dream of becoming a Senator was officially out of the picture, she settled into working towards becoming a tenured professor at a prestigious university.
She figured that wasn’t a bad goal to have at the age of 32.
Sure, her parents would poke and prod wondering if she would consider their friend’s sons who finished up their medical school career, but it didn’t bother Padmè very much. She was content in her apartment, with her cat, and her books.
She glanced over to see how the books had mostly overtaken the room, and sucked her lip into her mouth. She’d have to get another bookshelf made for her new batch. Maybe she’d get a longer ladder this time.
Her black cat weaved around her legs, and she swung her arm down to scratch behind her ears gently. Hera purred gently, and the smile that spread across her Padmè’s face made the long night feel not as long.
“You know that I sleep Hera.” The black cat glanced up, and she smiled down. “Mommy has a very good life.”
The cat didn’t respond, merely slinked off into the pile of books that covered her living room.
Padmè liked her busy life, indeed.
August 21st, 11:42 pm
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Graduate Assistant
Hello Professor Naberrie,
My name is Anakin Skywalker. I’ve been assigned the honor to become your new graduate assistant during your Classical Studies classes. If possible, I’d love to know some of the responsibilities and expectations of your teaching style. This is my first year in this position, as I’m beginning my Master’s degree in Liberal Studies. Looking forward to the year.
Anakin
-
August 22nd, 5:13 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Graduate Assistant
Good morning Mr. Skywalker,
I’m glad to see that the position is going to a student who is majoring in Liberal Studies. We will go over class work and syllabus on the first day of class today. Let’s meet at 7:30am in the classroom to cover all your questions.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
Padmè brushed the stray hair that was attempting to break free from her formal ponytail back behind her ear, and adjusted her pearl earrings thoughtfully. This was only her third year as a professor, and if she knew anything, it was that she was supposed to be on time.
She checked her watch, refilled Hera’s food bowl, and slipped on her everyday black heels before heading towards the Republic Campus.
The drive there was congested, per usual. They never had this freeway quite fixed to where there wouldn’t be unbearable traffic. She pressed her lips together as she searched for a spot nearby the building, juggled her briefcase alongside her cup of coffee, and walked into the building feeling confident about the new fall term.
She was thankful that Republic University wasn’t anywhere near the southern portion of the nation, or her pantsuit would be soaked through. She learned her lesson the time she interned in a southern state’s house. Sitting in a sweat soaked power suit made it difficult for representative’s to take her seriously as she attempted to keep her arms pressed against her sides while shaking hands nervously.
The classroom was in a new area of the university, courtesy to Professor Kenobi’s rearranging of posts, and she enjoyed the new view. She actually got to overlook the courtyard this year rather than stare at a brick wall while she graded papers.
This was going to be a good term, she decided. She opened her laptop, and attempted to get the last of her finishing touches of her extra credit syllabus posted onto Canvas when she heard soft knocking on her door and the knob clicking open.
A tall man with neat hair that appeared a reddish blond stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. Padmè rose from her seat quickly, realizing that this must be Professor Kenobi.
“Good morning Professor Naberrie.” Ben smiled good naturedly, extending his hand in her direction. She took it quickly, and shook it in her Senator fashion, smiling politely and nodding. “I see you’ve found the new classroom.”
“It’s wonderful, Professor Kenobi.” She withdrew her hand, and stepped back. “Please, call me Padmè.”
“I assume you’ve already published your syllabus?” There was a twinkle in the man’s eye, and she felt her face grow hot. “You’re the most reliable Professor this University has employed in a decade.”
“You’re too kind, Professor.”
“Please, call me Obi-Wan.” Her mind realized that must be his full name, and she nodded to acknowledge that she was going to call him by his first name. “Your graduate assistant seems to be late.”
“I suppose.” Truth be told, Padmè had half anticipated that the graduate assistant would have arrived a half hour ago, since it was now 8am. She had dealt with tardy undergraduate students, but she rarely saw graduate students run this far behind. She pressed her lips together as Obi-Wan chuckled.
“Anakin was a previous student of mine for the last two years of his undergraduate degree. Sometimes the lad takes detours when most unnecessary.” She nodded, and Obi-Wan clasped his hands together. “I will leave you to finish your work.”
“It was very nice meeting you, Obi-Wan.” Padmè smiled cordially, and Obi-Wan wished her the same, slipping out of the classroom. She considered whether to do more work before her 9am lecture, and decided that may be the best course of action since her graduate assistant seemed to be missing in action.
She finished determining her new grading rubric, including a new extra credit portion she had been slaving away to fashion, reorganized her desktop to include all the windows she would need for her lecture, checked her lipstick, and lined up her pens to be perpendicular.
It seemed that time was not a valued asset in Mr. Skywalker’s mind. Padmè was determined to sit in her chair to continue her re-read of Jane Eyre when the door to the classroom clicked open fifteen to nine.
“Professor Naberrie.” She flit her eyes up to see a young man holding various books to his chest, his hair wild. She pressed her lips together as her mind nipped that he was attractive, and gently scolded herself that she was supposed to be angry at this moment. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”
“I assume you’re Anakin.” Padmè rose graciously, and extended her hand. Anakin quickly thrust his hand out, and the books he had been previously balancing against his chest fell onto his feet. He yelped quietly, and Padmè watched him attempt to mask the pain. “Let me help you with that-”
“It’s my fault, I’m so sorry Professor-” Anakin scooped up the books as Padmè grabbed at the papers that went flying with fallen books quietly. “This is not how I wanted to start our term.”
“It’s alright.” She lied straight through her teeth as she watched Anakin’s chest rise and fall with each huff of breath he took. “Sometimes we fall behind.”
“My roommate set our kitchen on fire today.” She raised her eyebrows as she realized that Anakin was actually attempting to pass that off as truth. “It sounds fake. I know.”
“I’m not calling you a liar, Mr. Skywalker.”
“Please, call me Anakin.” She smiled and nodded as he glanced at the time. “I suppose I arrived too late to receive the full debrief of your syllabus.”
“We still have about seven minutes.” She knew that her smile was thin, but offered him the seat she had set at the desk behind her podium. Once they sat down, she tried to work out how to best explain all her expectations for the school year. She considered being snarky and starting with her expectation to be ontime and not give false reasons for tardiness, but bit her tongue as she watched Anakin attempt to get his hair in order.
His cheeks were flushed, and she noticed that his eyes were blue. She chose to instead focus on her own perfectly manicured nails.
“Have you ever incorporated a Classical Studies lecture into your degree?” Anakin nodded, and she found herself a tad impressed.
“I plan to take an advanced one next year to complete my Humanities background.”
“Then you’ll find that this class may be quite like your future one.” She smiled as she opened the folder that she had neatly put together while she pretended to sleep. “I took the liberty of putting together my syllabus and some of the readings I’d appreciate you to complete so that if I fall ill on a lecture day you can fill in.” Anakin nodded as she slid the folder over, and she watched the clock carefully. “Of course, we can meet another time when your roommate has not burned your kitchen to cover some of the more intense obligations of your position.”
He chuckled, and a very dumb, very stupid part of her mind leapt at the sound as he hung his head shyly.
“Thank you for your understanding, Professor Naberrie.” She smiled in return, and silently determined that her year wasn’t going to be as great as she once thought it was.
“Sola, my graduate assistant waltzed into my classroom over an hour late claiming that his roommate set his kitchen on fire.”
“Sounds like an accident prone kid.” Padmè rolled her eyes as she tossed her dinner salad, the jazz in the background of the video call crackling as Sola narrowly avoided a flying ballerina shoe. “Rina darling, shoe stays on your foot!” She chuckled as she thought of her little niece throwing her ballerina slippers across the house in protest of her dance lessons.
Sola swore that Rina would complete the Ballerina career Padmè abstained at eighteen in order to pursue the Senate. Padmè thought that Sola’s husband, Asher, would have a mental breakdown if Rina pursued the skill any further than children’s lessons.
“Rina might not want to be a ballerina.” Padmè said it innocently and received a fierce side eye that was reminiscent of their mother, and shook her head quietly. “Besides, she doesn’t have to go for three days a week Sola. She’s six.”
“Not everyone has the urge to become a tenured professor at the snootiest university on the east coast, Padmè. Some of us need our claim to fame in a different way.” She laughed to herself as Sola continued to whisper at her daughter to tie her laces correctly, and plated her wild cranberry and walnut salad. “Was he cute?”
“Sola.”
“I’m allowed to ask if he’s cute!” She asserted, and Padmè filled her wine glass generously. “Asher, I’m allowed to ask if Padmè thinks her fire prone graduate assistant is cute.” She heard Asher faintly agree, and sat at her kitchen table.
“He’s too young.” She deflected, and speared some spinach on her fork. “He’s only in his first year of his Master’s degree.”
“I don’t speak genius, translate that into an age I’ll understand.” She knew that Sola would know if she thought about it a little more, since she had a full Master’s degree herself, but determined the age in her head.
“Twenty four.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m thirty two, Sola.”
“Maybe he delayed his education a little bit.” She snorted at the assumption, and Sola groaned on the screen which was across from her plate. “Is it so bad to date a twenty four year old?”
“He’s young, Sola.”
“You should embrace becoming a cougar.” She waved her fork at her sister, and took a sip of her wine to avoid answering that insane question. “All I’m saying is, if he’s cute, look at him a little. You spend so much time with your nose in Prust.”
“I much prefer Bronte in my spare time.”
“Padmè.” She watched her sister prop her phone up on a bathroom counter presumably, as she yanked Rina’s thick dark hair into a tight ballet bun. “Why do you pain me so? Let yourself live a little.”
“I’m not corrupting a tardy, fire prone, twenty four year old Sola.” She set her glass down, and drew her brows together. “That’s final.”
“Ugh.” She covered her daughter's ears and leaned in. “You need to find a man who will kiss that attitude right out of you.”
“Don’t you have ballet class to attend?” Padmè raised her brow and watched Sola uncover Rina’s ears. Obviously her sister’s insistence had been heard by her niece, who was giggling wildly and making smooching faces. “Since you want your daughter to become the next Misty Copling, you better go.”
“I know you hate me, but I’m saying it only for your good!”
“Goodbye, I love you.” Sola kissed the screen, and the background of Hera reappeared at the call ended. Padmè sighed, and looked down at her where Hera was politely staring at her. “Mommy lives a good life.” Hera merely stared back, and Padmè pressed her lips together. “Don’t tell me Sola has convinced you, too.”
The cat stretched, and walked towards Padmès library room. She supposed that if she was ever going to ignore the attitude related allegations her sister consistently made, she better get back to work.
August 23rd, 9:43 pm
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Meeting
Good Evening Professor Naberrie,
Again, I offer my deepest apologies for my late arrival yesterday. Is there a time you’d prefer to meet to go over my greater responsibilities? I finished buying all the coursework, except for the extra credit section.
Anakin
-
August 24th, 5:20 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Meeting
Good morning Mr. Skywalker,
Seeing as mornings appeared to cause difficulties in your schedule, how about 1:00pm on the 25th. I will be taking a double lunch break and hope that it will not conflict with your studies. The extra credit section is also to be purchased, just so you know. My plans include a socratic circle of discussion, with you as the leader as I oversee.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
August 24th, 10:12 am
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Meeting
I appreciate the afternoon meeting. If it works for you as you are a morning person to meet early however, I’ll underline the importance to my roommate that she not to attempt an omelet anywhere in the near future. I will buy the extra credit materials as soon as possible.
Anakin
Anakin had sent her the location of a diner that she had never heard of, called Dex’s, just down the street. She considered dressing down for the meeting, then decided against it for the sake of staying professional since she was at the University in the morning. This was a work meeting, after all.
She gathered all the books that she was going to be covering, filled Hera’s water bowl, and tucked the strand of hair that always seemed to escape back into her senatorial bun. The drive to the diner was fairly easy and on the West campus, which made sense when she stepped out of her car to see an old fifties style diner.
She pressed her lips together and locked her doors just in case, then headed inside five minutes early.
The place was decorated like it was a blast from the past, complete with bright red bar stools, a light up sign that advertised home-made root beer floats, and a slow mixed fountain drink machine. She would have to remember this place for her nieces and nephews when Sola came to visit around November.
She checked around once to find if Anakin may be early, and sat herself down in a booth when his absence was confirmed. She spread her books out as neatly on her side as she could, and watched a man in a grease stained apron walk over, clearing his throat.
“What can I getcha darling?” She smiled politely while he readied his notebook, and glanced at the menu.
“Just coffee, one sugar please.”
“No food?” He raised his brow, and cleared his throat again as she shook her head.
“Tempting, but no thank you. I’m here for a work meeting.” Padmè was fairly sure if she indulged on any of these foods, she would have a stomach ache for weeks. Maybe Sola was right. She was picky. She noticed the name tag hailed him as Dex, and thanked him personally as he walked away.
She checked her watch once, then twice after ten minutes had passed. She thought that Anakin would be on time for this meeting. She had rearranged some of her student meetings to make this time slot work. The music in the diner was friendly enough, some kind of sock hop beat that encouraged some children in the back to dance.
She sipped on the coffee that she was given slowly, attempting to stave off the pang of hunger that she was suppressing.
“Professor Naberrie!” She turned to see a very dressed down graduate assistant, this time with a casual Republic University t-shirt and jeans. The thing she noticed first however, was the round glasses he donned today. She pressed her lips together and forced a polite smile as he sat across from her. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”
This seemed to be a pattern for Anakin, she was afraid.
“I’m hoping your roommate didn’t start another fire.” He laughed nervously, and pushed up his glasses as he set his notebook on the table.
“She did lose one of our cats, so I was put in charge of finding where he went.” Padmè’s interest peaked at the mention of pets, but she forced herself to push down her curiosity so she could hold him accountable for being tardy yet again. “R2 loves to hide underneath my roommate’s bed. I can’t believe that she didn’t look there first.”
“Shall we?” She motioned to the course work she laid out, and the easy smile on Anakin’s face dampened as he nodded. “This is some of the extra credit work on the Old English course this fall.”
“I noticed that on your canvas.” He acknowledged, and glanced over at the volumes apprehensively. “I’ve never seen a professor insist that their class read the entirety of Beowulf in its original Old English.”
“That was part of my doctoral work.” Padmè let herself become proud of the accomplishment, and cracked open the section on Beowulf. “It was my favorite part of my degree.”
“I’ve read through Beowulf twice.” Anakin said quietly. “Never in Old English.”
“It’s quite fascinating, really.” Padmè cracked open the book and showed some of the words. “This is my favorite version out on the markets. I prefer the Seamus Heaney version for our class's thesis paper since it is a bit easier to understand, but I thought my students needed a bit of a challenge.”
“You’re a difficult professor, Dr. Naberrie.” She snapped out of her explanation attitude to see Anakin’s blue eyes trained on her with an expression she couldn’t quite place. “I think it’ll be interesting to see your insights on Beowulf.”
“Oh.” She said quietly, and picked up her cup on instinct as she looked anywhere except Anakin. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” His eyes were still bearing into her mind as she attempted to regain her footing.
“Let’s discuss some of the fall responsibilities.” Padmè struggled to maintain eye contact with Anakin, feeling like his gaze was so intense she would immediately either run away or fold at the knees. Either reaction was one she intended to avoid at all costs.
She noticed that Dex seemed to recognize Anakin as he ordered pancakes, patting him on the back in a friendly manner that Padmè had only seen done between old friends. His smile made her chest hurt in a weird way that made her ask for another cup of coffee, this time without the sugar.
After about an hour, Padmè was ready to get out from underneath Anakin’s gaze, and had drank so many cups of coffee she thought that if she had one more her heart may stop from the amount of caffeine she consumed.
“Are you a morning person?” She paused packing up her books to see Anakin tilt his head a bit to the side.
“Excuse me?”
“You always send your emails around five.” He smiled at her. “If mornings work better for you, I’ll shift my sleep schedule to wake up early.”
“You don’t have to do that, Mr. Skywalker.”
“Anakin.” He smiled at her. “And I’m supposed to be your assistant. It appears that you’ve grown used to graduate assistants letting you do all the work, Professor.” She felt her face color, and closed her book.
“I enjoy my work.”
“I can tell.” He laughed a bit, and she made herself stand. “Thank you for meeting with me today.”
“The same to you.” She felt like her bladder was close to exploding if she stayed a second longer in this diner. “I’ll see you on Friday at nine.” The little round glasses Anakin wore stayed a consistent fixture in her mind as she rushed to the university, all the way until she arrived at her apartment.
Sola had poisoned her mind.
She dunked her head underneath the water in the bath just to make sure that the thoughts went away permanently.
Padmè [4:02 pm]
Did you call me earlier?
Sola [4:11 pm]
Just wondering if you think that graduate assistant is cute yet.
Padmè [4:23 pm]
Nevermind.
Padmè had grown used to getting her nails manicured every two weeks just so that she looked presentable, after another intern in her time down south had brought her underneath her wing in the ways of professional fashion.
She had gotten rid of the big hair that most women in that region wore, but kept the painted nails.
“Your nails are maroon.” She turned her head up to see where Anakin was tucked into the notes that her class had turned in.
“What?”
“You usually get whatever that white tip is.” She pressed her lips together as she watched him mark the page in the red marker she insisted he use. “I like the change towards maroon.”
She considered the comment for a moment, and forced herself to stop staring at him and his round glasses that he seemed to use only for reading.
“Thank you.” Her response was soft. If she noticed Anakin sneaking looks at her during the rest of their grading period, she wouldn’t mention it.
Her makeshift library by the middle of September was out of control, and she knew it. There were books scattered everywhere, from her bedroom to her dining room to her kitchen. Theoretically, they were all supposed to stay in her office, which doubled as a fully equipped library.
The walls had been stuffed to the brim with every book Padmè had gotten her hands on, until eventually they had taken over her entire apartment. She thought she had a pretty nice apartment, two bedrooms and two baths, but even she could acknowledge that she needed to get rid of some books.
“Obi-Wan?” The man turned, smiling with a cup of coffee in hand as she entered the break room.
“Good morning, Padmè.” She smiled at him, and made herself a cup of coffee quietly.
“Do you have a use for books?”
“Depends on what kind of books they are.” She smiled, the idea brewing in her head of how to get both the problem of overbearing sisters and overflowing books out of the way in one shot.
That night Obi-Wan and Padmè worked on thinning out her collection, the bearded man excitedly taking copies that she was glad to see go to someone who appreciated literature. She filled her night with some friendly laughter, traded jokes pertaining to Fahrenheit 451, and left behind two empty glasses of wine.
She proudly texted Sola that she wasn’t lonely, because she had just had a fellow professor over to examine her book collection and chat.
Sola just told her that wasn’t a real date.
The frown Padmè barely concealed the next day made her students laugh.
The weather dropped as fall truly set in, and Padmè traded her summer color palette for warm oranges and browns with turquoise jewelry.
“I haven’t seen turquoise like that since I lived in the Southwest.” Padmè watched Anakin smile in her direction, setting down his bag on the desk where he seemed to permanently reside after arriving about fifteen minutes late to any event he was required to attend.
“No fire from your roommate I hope.” Her distaste for his tardiness was starting to bleed through in her tone, and she quickly hid it with a polite smile that she only used for the most odious of Senators.
“No, just two angry cats who demanded to be fed.” She chose not to inquire about the pets once again, and adjusted her turquoise necklace. “New Mexico?” She realized he was referring to her jewelry.
“Yes, actually.”
“They have great turquoise down there.” A part of her wanted to ask him a question, any question that wasn’t related to work. She had kept it so strict that the small part of her mind that worried about very insignificant things was yelling that she was most likely being rude to someone who had just given her a compliment.
“Are you from there?” She asked politely, and Anakin just laughed.
“No, I’m from Nevada. I went through my first two years of college at the University of New Mexico.” She recalled that that University was in Albuquerque and nodded.
“Did you like your time in the desert?” Her curiosity took over her incessant need to be guarded, and she bit her tongue the second it left her mouth. Anakin smiled at her, and she looked away on purpose.
“Hardest part about living there is that I hate sand.”
“I see.” She cleared her throat, and turned towards her course work. “I can see your attraction to the east coast, then.”
“Republic University is worth it.” He said softly, and she noticed the way he paused before unpacking his work.
September 22nd, 3:00 pm
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] and 8 others
Subject: Humanities Department Trivia Night
Good Afternoon Professors and Assistants,
Our Annual Fall Trivia Night against the Business Department takes place next week at 7pm. Please let me know if you plan to attend in order to show departmental camaraderie, and so that there can be enough coffee and snacks for the group.
Thank you,
Obi-Wan
-
“I’m not even sure if I’m planning to go.” Padmè finished brushing her hair as she watched Sola continue to make Matzoh for her family. “Every year it’s the same departmental nonsense.”
“It’s supposed to be new this year, right?” Padmè shrugged, and Sola rolled her eyes a bit. “Padmè, get a life. I don’t understand why you are so scared of that delicious assistant of yours.” Padmè gasped a bit at the choice of words, and turned to where she had propped up her phone while sorting through her fall decor.
“Since when did you stop calling him cute and move onto the ever degrading adjective delicious.”
“When I found his LinkedIn and found that he was oh so yummy.”
“Sola!” Padmè stared astonished at the screen as her sister just smiled at her. “I have no words about the horrific invasion of privacy that you just committed.”
“The words are, thank you Dormè!” Padmè would have to remember to kill Dorme with her bare hands. “His eyes, Padmè. And oh my stars, that jaw.”
“I feel very uncomfortable talking about Mr. Skywalker in this manner as his supervisor.”
“I feel like he would be a fantastic kisser. His lips are so gorgeous.”
“Sola!” She hissed, and picked up her phone. “I’m done talking about my assistant! He’s very sweet and smart, but he’s too young. I’ve had enough of you trying to force inappropriate standards onto me!”
“And that is why you need to be locked in a closet like a middle school seven minutes in heaven game for over an hour, Padmè.” Her sister waved her wooden spoon in the air as Padmè blushed. “You need to be kissed. You need to be touched. You need whatever it is to get that massive tree branch out of your ass so that you actually live a little.”
“I live a perfectly nice life alone, Sola.”
“What’s so scary about the concept of a man wanting you, Padmè.” Sola leaned forward on the call, her expression challenging. “Are you scared that your graduate assistant might actually want to look at you? That he likes you?”
“I don’t know where you’re getting that idea from.” She brushed off the statements of her sister and turned around from the phone on purpose. “I’ve never put forth any idea that Mr. Skywalker has more intentions than a friendly work relationship. You’ve only assumed that.”
“Your nails have been maroon for the last month. I know you’ve been to that salon at least three times because Savannah told you that Senate women get their nails done twice a month.” Padmè was glad she wasn’t in view so that her bright red face wasn’t exposed to the very truthful statement of her sister. “I’m guessing that’s not a coincidence, miss french tip.”
“I’m done talking about this.”
“I’m sure you are, prude.” Padmè grimaced at the smirk of her sister, who continued to drop the Matzoh into her pot. “Want to prove me wrong? Go to trivia night in normal clothes and not a pencil skirt.”
Padmè set her RSVP as attending in a short email to Obi-Wan, who replied that he was grateful for her mind on their team.
She still couldn’t look at Anakin right the rest of the week. The word delicious echoed through her mind until she wanted to rip some of her hair out.
Padmè didn’t understand when she had become so unprofessional. There used to be plenty of Congressmen who thought she was pretty and practically threw themselves at her, regardless of their wives, back in her internship days. All she used to do was smile politely and decline as nicely as she could without crossing a line.
Now, this young man and his stupid little glasses were driving her insane. She couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t speak to him, and everytime she saw his name in the heading of an email inquiring about coursework her heart seized like she had just eaten three fool’s gold sandwiches.
She finished Wuthering Heights in a week due to all her time spent sitting in her office, avoiding those blue eye’s intense stares. It’s not like he was doing anything inherently bad, just looking at her. And yet, it felt like he could see right through her and hear the multitude of completely inappropriate adjectives her sister had used to describe him.
She dunked her head underneath the water in her nightly bubble bath for longer as an attempt to get rid of her sinful thoughts.
The whole day before trivia night, Padmè was nauseous. So nauseous, that Anakin asked her if she was feeling alright. Apparently, she even looked a little bit green.
“I just have a stomach bug, Mr. Skywalker.” She excused, looking at her papers on purpose as her stomach churned at the concern in his voice. “Nothing a little bit of honey and a good bubble bath can’t fix.”
“I’ve never heard of a bubble bath as a cure for sickness.” He chuckled, and Padmè pressed her lips together. “Professor Naberrie.” She forced herself to look up at the smirk on his face and willed the temperature of her body to go down by sheer force. “How long is it going to be until you call me Anakin?”
“Pardon?”
“You’ve called me Mr. Skywalker for the last two months even though I’ve told you that you should call me by my first name.” She blushed a bit, and averted her eyes.
“I didn’t notice, Anakin.” The name felt foreign on her tongue. It also felt dangerous to the very weak blockade she had against those very stupid, very dumb thoughts of hers. “I’ll make sure to call you by your first name from now on.”
“See you at trivia night.” She murmured as a response, watching Anakin exit her classroom. This was going to take more than mind power alone to avoid. She would have to pull out the rule book.
She searched all across the contracts she signed for a code of conduct, the actual laws of Republic University pertaining to work relationships, and the crosshairs between interdepartmental moral codes to find some kind of loophole that explained the absolute awful nature of a professor dating a graduate assistant.
That had to be illegal, she thought to herself. She was nearly a member of the Senate, and a lawyer. She could find this. She hung up on Sola when she asked what Padmè was cooking up as her next reason she couldn’t find Anakin sizzling, and ignored Dormè’s texts just so that she could find her reasoning before attending trivia night.
It had to be against the rules.
And it was, right here, in this obscure part of the Republic code of twenty years ago. Apparently it had been rescinded, but she was going to abide by that code. She couldn’t have anything happen with Anakin, because it was against her code of conduct.
Trivia night was always hosted at a cafe on campus which decorated the whole place just for the faculty. She felt a little out of place in her t-shirt and skinny jeans, an outfit that she would never dream of wearing into work, and fiddled with her ponytail.
Obi-Wan was wearing the dress shirt he almost always wore, the sleeves rolled up to his forearms and exactly one button undone as he held a drink easily in his hand. See, if she could just like Obi-Wan, then her life would be fine. It’s not against the rules to like Obi-Wan.
Two faculty members can date with no issues at all.
“I didn’t know Padmè Naberrie actually owned a pair of converse.” She turned to see Sabè from English Composition smiling at her, and she laughed a bit. “I’ve only ever seen you in pencil skirts and pantsuits.”
“I do wear jeans from time to time.” She said quietly, the music of the room nearly drowning her out. “How are you tonight, Sabè?”
“Great now that I know you’re not a robot.” Padmè laughed a bit as Sabè took a sip of her drink, the rest of the Humanities department filing in with time. “We needed your mind on the team tonight, otherwise I think we’d lose.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“I think the only other one that Obi-Wan really wanted on our team was your assistant, Anakin.” She pressed her lips together as Sabè looked around the room. “He’s always fifteen minutes late, but he’s got a killer mind.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Swept the floor with all the master’s students last weekend at the bar, that’s for sure.” She didn’t know that Anakin went to bars, or that he had a skill for trivia. She didn’t need to know that, she scolded. She shouldn’t be thinking about Anakin at all.
After some mingling between the faculty, they settled in their assigned table. Obi-Wan practically begged Rex, who ran trivia night, to wait just a couple more minutes. Anakin, as usual, was late.
“Is he ever on time?” Dormè snorted a bit, looking over Padmè. She realized that the table was expecting her to answer as Obi-Wan bought them more time.
“Well…” She pressed her lips together, and the table erupted into laughter. “No, I suppose not.”
“That must really drive you crazy, Senator.” The Ancient Studies Professor Cody, was more friendly than he was rowdy, and she took the nickname in stride after her department found out that she nearly won her Senatorial campaign. “I’ve never seen you late. Only fifteen minutes early.”
She let the table laugh a bit at her expense, then cleared her throat.
“Sometimes we have to overlook other aspects of someone’s character in order to see the good they bring.” The table nodded in joint agreement. “I do wish he’d be on time.”
“Our team is complete!” Obi-Wan looked more excited than anyone had seen him be at work, Anakin in stride beside him. The table cheered, and Padmè weakly smiled as a response as he slipped on those glasses. “Let’s begin, shall we?”
The trivia questions ranged from easy, all the way to hard. Sabè absolutely swept the board in pop culture questions, while Cody remembered all of the weird obscure facts of the Roman Empire.
“The Divergent books series is set in what post-apocalyptic city?” The table button was slammed by Obi-Wan, and they turned to where Padmè had her hand raised.
“Chicago.”
“Point for the Senator and her cabinet!” Padmè found herself blushing as they cheered for her, another point being drawn on the board. She answered the next few questions in stride, then watched impressed as Anakin did sweep the floor the next eight questions in a row.
“What author wrote his last novel in crayon?” The button was slammed again, and Anakin smiled wickedly.
“James Joyce!”
“Humanities is absolutely killing our Business department tonight!” The team cheered, and with more beer in her system Padmè joined in hesitantly, blaming it on liquid courage. “Let’s give a couple to our losing team, ok?”
The Business team dominated questions about the market, sure, but they ultimately were no match for the combined forces of Padmè, Anakin, Cody, and Sabè. The final score was seventy two to fifteen, a score which was a little pathetic in retrospect for the business professors.
The cafe was filled with shouts of celebration, Obi-Wan pumping his fist in the air and clapping Anakin on the back.
“Our most valuable players!” Cody grabbed both Padmè and Anakin’s arms, and raised them into the air. “Drinks are on us tonight!”
They moved eventually to a bar down the street after the cafe refused to smuggle more in, Padmè wrinkling her nose at the smell of sweat that hit her when she walked in. She couldn’t remember the last time she was at a bar, much less with friends. Maybe when she was completing her undergraduate work.
Cody and a couple of the other professors were doing shots, and she decided to get something fruity. Sabè had abandoned her long ago for dancing, and Padmè twirled her straw around absentmindedly as she considered whether to stay or call it a night.
“Do you always drink fruity cocktails, Professor?” She jumped a bit at Anakin’s voice, and watched him sit on the barstool beside her, nursing something dark colored. She might’ve said it was whiskey if she looked hard enough, but instead focused on her drink.
“I like a good red wine, typically.” She didn’t know why she was being so loose lipped, but figured it was probably because she had finally found her nail in the coffin why they could never happen. It was illegal by code of conduct, and wrong, and now she could conduct herself in a fashion that she did with all her male colleagues. Even those with glasses that made his eyes sparkle and a dimple when he smiled.
“Somehow, I expected that.” She laughed a bit as he took a long sip of his drink, and set it down on the bar. “I didn’t expect you to know so much about the government, however.”
“Oh.” She tilted her head from side to side. “It’s more of a hobby.”
“They call you the Senator.”
“It was a very intense hobby.” She insisted, and he chuckled. “It was good that I didn’t get elected into the Senate. I think it would’ve destroyed me.”
“Really?” She turned to look at him, the light buzz throughout her body making her more brave. “We need more people like you in the government. Confident, Intelligent. Capable.”
“You’re very good at flattery.”
“I think you lack the ability to see yourself for who you really are, Professor Naberrie.” She struggled keeping eye contact as those blue eyes seemed to sparkle, and instead looked at her maroon fingernails.
“Please don’t look at me like that.” She shook her head, and he laughed, ducking his head sheepishly.
“Why not?”
“Because it makes me feel uncomfortable.” She sipped at her drink carefully, and he nodded.
“Sorry, Professor.” She watched Anakin take another drink, and she tilted her head from side to side. “I applied for the graduate assistant job because it’s an honor to work underneath such a brilliant mind.”
“Anakin-”
“No, really.” He smiled at her. “Your reputation precedes you. You get things done effectively. That’s why you would’ve been great in our government. They hardly get anything done.”
“How old are you Anakin?” She found the question slipping out of her mouth quicker than she could repress it.
“Twenty four. I’m twenty five in March, though.”
“That’s what I thought.” She said softly, and held her drink tightly. “You still have a lot to learn.”
“Nothing a little guidance can’t help.” He smiled at her. “I’m an eager learner.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and didn’t quite know what to say. “If it’s about my lack of knowledge of the Senate, I’d hope you take me by your perfectly manicured hand.”
“Excuse me?” She laughed a little as Anakin hung his head again, the smirk heavy on his face. “Are you making fun of me?”
“No, I’d be much too frightened to tease an almost elected Senator.” Padmè lightly pushed at Anakin and they laughed together, the feeling light and fun.
“I should go home.” They had spent the last hour talking about what seemed to be everything and everything, from Anakin’s upbringing in Nevada to Padmè’s love for Classical literature. It felt like everything Anakin didn’t understand, he wanted her to explain. And he actually listened. “It’s late.”
“Did you drive yourself here?” Padmè struggled to recollect where exactly her car was, the alcohol mudding her memory.
“I’m not sure.” She confessed, and dug around in her purse to check for her keys.
“I can give you a ride home.” She turned to see Anakin’s sincere expression, and then returned back to rummaging around for her keys. “It’s no problem on my end.”
“You’ve already been bored for the last hour about my fascination with Prust, Anakin.”
“It was a great conversation. I’ve never enjoyed Prust so much in my life until you explained him to me.” She scoffed a bit, and shook her head. “I’ve been drinking Coke the whole night. It’s not safe for a woman like you to attempt to go home, alone.”
“I could always call a ride share.” She said softly.
“Those are dangerous in their own rights.” He insisted. “It’s not a problem.”
“Are you sure? If you stay a little longer you might catch Obi-Wan doing the macarena.” Anakin laughed as they turned to see the Humanities head dancing furiously.
“I think I’ll pass.” They started walking out, and Padmè felt like this was a very bad idea.
Anakin drove a car that went very fast, if Padmè’s perception wasn’t warped by the effects of her drinks. His playlist was an odd mix of oldies, indie music, and grunge, which made her laugh when Metallica was swapped for Carpenters halfway through the ride.
“Aren’t you a little too young to enjoy Carpenters?” She commented, and Anakin laughed.
“Good taste doesn’t have an age range, Professor.” Padmè found herself smiling. “Besides, I’m not that young.”
“You’re young, Anakin.” She watched the trees blur by as they raced down the freeway, the traffic absent due to the late hour. “You’re too young.”
“Twenty four is not young at all.” He sighed. “I’ve been paying taxes for six years now.”
“In contrast, I’m old enough to become a Senator.” She mulled, and Anakin was mysteriously silent. “You’re young.”
“Thirty isn’t old.”
“I suppose.” She watched as they pulled up to her high rise apartment, and she wondered if Hera had been howling for hours at this point. She liked to practically scream when Padmè wasn’t home. “Thank you for the ride.”
“Of course.” She watched Anakin get out of his door a little confused, until he walked over to her side. He opened the door for her, the smile on his face making her feel like this was a little more than just a gesture of respect. She got out of the car, and felt the wind brush all the stray hairs that fell out of her ponytail out of her face. “Do you have someone that will greet you?”
“At the door?” She turned as Anakin stood beside his car. “No, just my cat.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “Ok.”
“I’ll email you when I’m inside.” She assured, and he smiled. “Goodnight, Anakin.”
“Goodnight Professor.” She struggled with the feeling of his eyes on her until the elevator door closed completely.
September 30th, 3:52 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Home Safe
I’m inside safely. Thank you for being a wonderful conversationalist who put up with my ramblings about ancient texts.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
September 30th, 4:11 am
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Home Safe
It was my pleasure, Professor. I always enjoy learning from excellent scholars.
Anakin
Padmè put in her request for time off for Rosh Hashanah, and it was approved nearly immediately. Obi-Wan left a note saying that Padmè had over a hundred days of vacation time, and he was glad she was taking time off.
Padmè finished her re-read of the Great Gatsby after Anakin had given her a rare copy he found in a bookstore. She thanked him profusely, and he just shyly ducked his head.
It was easier to talk to Anakin now that she knew that was a rule that forbade their relationship. She could speak to him without guilt, and now actually had leverage against Sola’s insistence of Padame seeking a relationship.
“It’s against my code of conduct at the University.” Padmè said confidently, holding up a sweater once she checked the weather in Massachusetts, where Sola lived. “That’s the end of that.”
“Cmon, no secret relationship?” Sola looked ridiculous, her dark hair in a bun while she used a red light face mask that was supposedly banishing the wrinkles she gained with having three children. “Where’s the fun in your life?”
“You’ll just have to ask Mom and Dad to find another medical professional to add to my list.” She smiled to herself after folding her sweater and pushing it into her suitcase.
“You’re lucky that I love you.” Sola grumbled. Rina must’ve broken something in the background, because her sister stared yelling asking what that noise was. It brought Padmè joy to know she would be visiting her family soon.
“Anakin?” Padmè watched him look up from the notes he was currently looking over, and she clasped her hands over. “I have news.”
“Oh.” He slipped off those glasses that made her lungs freeze, and smiled. “I’m excited to hear.”
“I will be taking off October second through the sixth to visit family.”
“Rosh Hashanah.” He acknowledged, and she was surprised by his knowledge of her reasoning.
“How did you know I was Jewish?”
“The star of David necklace you wear with one of your pantsuits.” His voice was shy. “It’s Jewish New Year, right?” She smiled a bit, and nodded.
“My sister is hosting our celebration in Massachusetts, so I’m driving up there to see her family.”
“Sounds fun.” Anakin’s eyes sparkled, and she returned the warm smile he was giving her. “Happy New Year?” She laughed.
“Yes, Happy New Year.” Anakin’s smile was so warm, it made her feel like it was going to swallow all the good meaningful things she was going to say to him. “Um, I have my teaching syllabus. I think you’re more than well prepared to perform one of my lectures since it’s a review unit.”
“Of course.” He nodded, and pulled the folder she set on the desk towards him. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“You’re an above average assistant.” She said proudly, and she watched his cheeks turn rosy for a moment. “I’ll see you after my absence to go over what I wasn’t here for.”
“You’ll be missed.” She turned around before exiting the room to see Anakin’s head still buried in the books that she had given him.
“Do you have kids?” He quirked a brow up, and she colored at her extremely inappropriate question. He laughed.
“Definitely not.”
“Oh.”
“Why?” She pressed her lips together. “Do I look like I have kids?”
“No!” This time Anakin actually laughed aloud, and she closed her eyes in embarrassment. “I’m not sure what gift to bring my nieces and nephews. The last time I brought them a set of books they said that I was boring.”
“Ouch.” He winced a bit, and Padmè nodded in acknowledgement. “I assure you that you’re anything but boring. Kids are just harsh judges.” She laughed. “I’m not young enough to tell you with authority what kids like today, but anything with sugar will probably tide them over.”
“I see.” She didn’t know what answer she was going to receive from him, and then turned.
“The candy store on fifth street has really good chocolate and candy.” His voice was clear, and she turned to see him smirk at her. “I’d start there.”
“Thank you, Anakin.”
“Of course, Professor.”
Her sister’s house had a giant, twelve-foot skeleton in the yard when she pulled up. Somehow, that didn’t surprise her.
“Knock knock!” The screams of her nieces and nephews echoed through the huge front room, and she laughed as they hurtled into her arms. “Hello!”
“Auntie Padmè!” Their voices were in unison, and she kissed each little head enthusiastically.
“Now, are you three going to help Auntie unload her car? She probably brought us fifteen thousand new books.” The kids giggled as their mother walked over, hand on her hip. “How is my ghostly sister? I feel like I haven’t seen you in months.”
Padmè and Sola embraced, and she laughed.
“It’s only been since Passover.”
“That is months, Padmè.” Sola kissed her cheek. “You’re a workaholic and I love you.”
“I brought gifts.” She held up the bags from the absolutely huge candy store Anakin mentioned.
“Auntie Padmè brought you guys sugar!” The kids screamed and she laughed. “Is this the doing of a certain yummy graduate assistant?”
“Sola!”
“What? You never brought the kids fun stuff before.” Padmè rolled her eyes. “Let’s unpack.”
The days that Padmè was at her sister’s house were filled with lots of traditional Jewish food, watching Asher get dogpiled on by his kids, an impromptu recital from Rina, and lots and lots of party blowers.
Their parents made it down a day after Padmè arrived, and their family dinner was filled with so much laughter her sides hurt. She remembered why she loved being with her family so much, their conversations filled with current events, the latest and greatest at their father’s golf club, and ultimately, governmental drama.
Her father had held a spot in the House of Representatives in the state of Connecticut for so many years now, Padmè couldn’t count it. All she knew was that he was a faithful civil servant, and she wanted to be just like him.
“Padmè darling, how is your class?” She turned to see her mother mixing up her favorite salad, and smiled.
“It’s going very well. We’re almost into our unit on Beowulf.”
“Ick, yuck, gross.” Sola complained, and their mother swatted at her. “Your fascination with Beowulf needs to be studied.”
“It’s a wonderful epic!” Their father shouted from where he was playing space warriors with his grandchildren. Rina was supposed to be the young queen, and her siblings were her protectors. It made Padmè laugh when her nephew, Aaron, twirled around a painted green stick and called it his sword of light. “Padmè has always been a great teacher of Beowulf. Made me love it even more than I already did.”
“Are you reading it in Old English?” Padmè nodded, and sipped at her glass of wine. She looked at the apples they were going to dip in honey and smiled as she thought of all her past Rosh Hashanahs.
“For extra credit.”
“Wonderful.” Padmè watched her father save the candles from being destroyed, and laughed as the kids went off screaming that they were being attacked by an army of robots. “Any suitors?”
“Mom!”
“I’m just saying!” Sola was laughing somewhere in the background, and Padmè pressed her head into her hands. “You’re such a wonderful girl!”
“Mom.”
“She has a really gorgeous graduate assistant.”
“Sola!” This was going to be the end of her relationship with her family. She would actually hurt them.
“Look at those eyes, Mahm.” The next thing she knew, her mother had a picture of Anakin from his LinkedIn page in her hands.
“Stop it! That is an invasion of privacy and it’s so inappropriate I can’t even begin to fathom-”
“He’s gorgeous Padmè!” Her mother exclaimed, and she faintly heard her father demanding to see the picture. “Why can’t you go on just one date with him? Look at those lips, oh my gosh-”
“It violates my code of conduct as a Professor-”
“She’s scared that Anakin likes her and that he’s twenty four.” Sola maintained, and Padmè felt like her head was going to explode. “It’s ridiculous, really.”
“That’s a fine looking young man!” Her father had Sola’s phone held out as he squinted at the picture. “So what if he’s a little bit younger? You always liked the upper hand.”
“Dad, that’s awful.” She was dying of shame. “I can’t do this.”
“He’s beautiful! He’s smart, he’s accomplished…” Her mother dragged off as she continued to scroll. “I’m seeing an undergraduate degree in Liberal Studies, just like you had from Republic University. Oh, and a minor in communications!” She watched her mother turn those hopeful eyes on her. “Baby, he’s perfect.”
“This is severely inappropriate.”
“Sounds like he checks the boxes.” Asher said into his wine glass, and Sola snorted.
“I can’t even begin to explain to people who refuse to hear me that this-” She pointed to Anakin. “Will never happen. Not only is he too young, which would be taking severe advantage of my power as his supervisor and my age, it’s forbidden in the code of conduct of the Republic University itself. I’m not putting my entire career on the line. That’s final.”
“You’re so stubborn.” Sola nearly growled, and Padmè refused to let herself give into her family’s badgering.
“I have a great life.”
“No one said you have a bad life, baby.” She felt her mother begin to knead at her shoulders like she did when Padmè came back from ballet. “We just want someone to appreciate our brilliant Padmè just like we do.”
“I know.” She murmured into her wine flute quietly. “There are a lot of people who appreciate me for who I am.”
“Like Anakin.” Sola quipped, and Padmè chose to throw an apple slice at her head, which was narrowly avoided.
“I will not take advantage of my assistant.” Her tone was firm, and she felt her other brush her long dark hair onto her back. “Anakin is too young, he’s too stubborn, and most of all he’s my assistant. That’s all he’ll ever be, you hear me?”
“We hear you Senator.” Her father’s voice made her laugh, and she shook her head. “It would’ve destroyed you to become a senator, but you would’ve scared some sense into anyone you met.”
“I don’t know if I find Padmè particularly scary.” Sola leaned across the island and tapped Padmè’s nose. “She’s too scared of letting herself be anything but perfect.”
“That’s enough girls.” Padmè watched Sola wink and whisper a quick I love you.
She knew that Sola was right.
She just would do everything in her power not to admit it.
Chapter 2
Summary:
Padamè's resolve weakens severely after a Halloween party, a visit from her sister, and her cat's very upset stomach.
Notes:
man, my username really makes sense now. (i can't sleep, so somehow i cranked out another chapter in exactly seven hours.)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
By the time Padmè returned, she felt like her life had taken off on jet fuel. First, all the students decided to turn in multitudes of extra credit work, which was wonderful, but overwhelming at the same time.
Most of the work that was finished was automatically graded, but since Padmè loved to hear people’s voices, she included a number too many essays as well. She pushed her hands in her hair as she felt like every night for the past two weeks had been spent crouched over a desk, whether in her home, or at the University.
She had turned down Dormè’s dinner invitation more than once, and noticed that her normal light makeup failed to cover up the dark circles underneath her eyes.
Maybe she needed to buy new makeup. Just to cover up the dark circles.
Makeup was harder to purchase than she thought. She was utterly lost in the aisles, felt intimidated by the workers who seemed to know that she rarely did more than some mascara and a lengthy skincare routine, and dreaded the idea of color matching to her skin. The last time she had picked out makeup, Sola was with her.
Sola had just pointed at what she should purchase, and Padmè agreed. That was the extent of her makeup skills to date.
“Ma’am?” She turned, and the woman smiled politely. “Can I help you?”
“Oh, yes.” Padmè watched her walk into the aisle, and she turned towards the different tubes displayed. “I need a heavier concealer.”
“Do you know your color?”
“No.” Padmè smiled sympathetically, and the woman just nodded in response. “I’m so sorry.”
“Not a problem.” The woman picked out some colors that Padmè had thought may work, and motioned for her to stick out her arm. “We’re just going to do some test patches.”
“Thank you,” She searched for the name tag, and the blonde woman laughed.
“Satine.”
“That’s a beautiful name.” They smiled, and she watched as Satine swiped on some different products. “I have no idea how to do this.”
“It’s a little intimidating at first, I’ll give you that.” Padmè wouldn’t have even known where to begin. “But the easy part is putting it on.”
“I just need something to cover up my dark circles.”
“I can’t really tell they’re there.” She knew Satine was partially lying, because they were the first thing anyone noticed. “There we go. Shade six.”
“Thank you.” She grabbed the box with the number, and smiled.
“Here’s my card in case you need formal event makeup done.” Padmè took the ice blue card from her hand, and tucked it inside her wallet for later. She thought about the faculty holiday party at the end of the month, and it’s dress code. “Feel free to book online, too.”
“I think I’ll do that for my work party in December.” Padmè watched Satine smile at her and nodded a bit. “Thank you again.”
“See you then.”
The concealer definitely helped cover up the dark circles, especially when Padmè put on a little bit of blush to cover it up. Still, it didn’t lessen her workload, especially when she knew midterms were close approaching.
The break room was just a pitstop before she returned to her office to complete some more grading, when she noticed Anakin sitting near the window. He had on his glasses, and she thanked whatever was out there that he didn’t notice her and her messy ponytail pouring coffee.
There was a soft clinking noise as she attempted to get a mug out of the cabinet without him noticing, and those blue eyes were back on her.
“Professor Naberrie, I didn’t see you there.”
“I didn’t want to disturb you.” She called over her shoulder, and hoped that she didn’t look too haggard. “You were reading.”
“Just for leisure.” His voice was smooth, and she decided that it was probably time for her to turn around and talk to him. She didn’t know why she had been avoiding Anakin for two weeks now.
Maybe it was her workload.
Maybe it was Sola’s words coming back to haunt her.
“What’s your choice for today?”
He turned the cover towards her.
“Call of the Wild.”
“Good choice.” He smiled at her.
“It was in one of your previous syllabuses.” She colored a bit. She didn’t know why. “When you taught literature.”
“I don’t know how you found that.” Her voice was quiet as she hid part of her face, taking a sip of her coffee.
“I did my research before applying.” Anakin was sheepish, and she shifted her feet. “You were the best candidate.”
The best candidate rang in her mind until she realized that being alone in a room with Anakin probably wasn’t the best idea. Not while her mind was so jumbled.
“I’ll leave you to read.” She smiled, and walked out of the room while determining not to think about how nice that grey sweater looked with his eyes.
Her library was once again, out of control. She called Obi-Wan over to come sort through the next batch, and there were still piles covering her living room all the way to her guest bedroom. She stood with her hands on her hips as Hera slept on top of the stack that was dedicated to ethics, and sighed.
“This is a problem.” Hera showed no signs of stirring.
-
October 29th, 8:21 pm
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Faculty Halloween party
Hello Professor,
My roommate has decided she wanted to throw a get-together with some of our work friends, since they’re mostly conjoined, for Halloween. I should specify it’s going to be on Halloween night. Most people have decided to wear a costume of some sort, and there’s going to be plenty of food. If you can make it, I’d love to see you there.
Anakin
-
October 30th, 5:02 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Faculty Halloween party
Good Morning Anakin,
Thank you for the very kind invitation. I’m currently sorting through some books that have long been ignored, so I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to stay the whole time. If that affects the invitation, then I’ll have to kindly decline. I’m sorry.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
October 30th, 6:42 am
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Faculty Halloween party
It won’t affect the invitation at all. Come when it best suits you, in whatever you feel most comfortable. Professor Kenobi is choosing to wear a festive sweater vest instead of dressing up, to the best of my knowledge.
Anakin
-
This was going to become a problem, wasn’t it.
She pulled at her hair a little bit, just to ground herself as she decidedly ignored Sola attempting to bully her going in a costume that was definitely inappropriate, especially in the context of her assistant’s Halloween gathering.
She didn’t know how she got to be like this. She was never this nervous. She never worried about how she wore her hair, or if the dark circles showed underneath her eyes. She never cared if someone looked at her, or admired her, or even gossiped about her behind her back.
This was not Padmè Naberrie.
This was some foreign teenage girl spirit that she never got the pleasure of experiencing when she was in high school.
This was some kind of punishment for spending her days at the ballet studio until her feet bled, or her endless study hours and neglect of looking at the male species in college to focus her career, which was a good thing.
Whatever this was, it felt like torture. And she was ready to be finished with it.
“I know you’re screwed when you call me.” Dormè leaned against her door, smirking as Padmè rushed around in a towel. She had gotten absolutely none of her books sorted, but had shaved about every square inch of her body just to get rid of the sinking feeling in her stomach. It hadn’t worked, and now Padmè felt ridiculous and cold. “So you like him?”
“NO!” She shouted, and Dormè lifted up a single hand that was her polite way of asking her to shut up.
“I realize now that Sola is right. You’re scared.”
“I’m not-”
“I don’t want to hear whatever BS excuse you’ve come up with to ignore the fact that you obviously think your graduate assistant is cute, which he is, by the way.” Dormè held up one of Padmès previous Halloween costumes, and wrinkled her nose. “You were seriously an FBI agent.”
Padmè stopped to gape at her friend.
“I was agent Scully!”
“I love you, but you’re so rigid it disgusts me.”
“I am a doctor. I have my doctorate.” She stood up straight. “I passed the bar exam with flying colors, and I have my doctorate in the Humanities. I am to be respected.” Dormè coughed.
“No life.”
“Dormè!”
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. You’re thirty-two, you have over five degrees that you practically killed yourself over, you nearly became a member of the Senate, and you’ve not been on a date in over three years.” Padmè blushed. “You need to stop turning inwards, and branch out.”
“I’m not-”
“If it’s not for the absolutely scrumptious assistant, do it to meet someone. Anyone.” Dormè shoved at her some kind of white outfit that she didn’t recognize, and she frowned. “Get. Dressed.”
The outfit was a lot tighter than Padmè expected, and Dorme had settled on her having a ponytail as long as Padmè carried around the accompanying blaster.
She felt ridiculous.
The apartment building was nicer than most student housing, and it was on the other side of town. It confirmed that the other night, when Anakin gave her a ride, it was a big deal because she was a good twenty-five minutes away from him. The wind made her regret not just wearing jeans and the same Halloween sweatshirt she had worn for five years straight, and she glanced down at the text from Obi-Wan, which told her that the apartment was on floor five, at 8c.
The doorman nodded towards her, and she smiled, pressing the elevator button nervously. She had purposely delayed, so she was exactly one hour late to the event, just so her book excuse seemed plausible, and it made the controlling part of her brain throb. She never liked being late. She arrived at her floor.
The music was loud enough that Padmè could hear it from down the hall, and saw some various other doors decorated with Halloween paraphernalia. There was a scattered skeleton, a few candy corn decals, and the door to apartment 8c was already half open.
She pushed it open all the way, the music growing louder as she saw a lot of people for the apartment size.
She should go home.
“Padmè!” Obi-Wan waved at her from inside, wearing a Friday the 13th sweater. “You’ve made it!” It was officially too late to turn back. “Come in, come in!”
She shut the door behind her, squeezing past the people standing in the front entryway as her friend smiled happily.
“Your sweater is very nice.” She had to slightly raise her voice so that Obi-Wan could hear her over the music, and he smiled at her. “Have you ever watched the movie?”
“A long, long time ago.” He settled. “You’re a space warrior!” She looked down at the blaster and the silver banded costume and blushed. “I wouldn’t expect you to dress up.”
“It was under extreme force.” She said plainly, and he laughed.
“Anakin should be here somewhere. He was counting on your attendance.” Her heart seized as Obi-Wan looked around, and she recognized that Cody and Rex had taken advantage of their likeness in appearance and dressed as twins. They waved towards her, and she waved back sheepishly. “There’s his roommate, Ahsoka.”
She wasn’t sure how Obi-Wan knew Anakin to such a deep level as he waved the girl with twin French braids down. That was something she wasn’t quite sure she actually wanted to find out.
“Obi-Wan!” Ahsoka smiled and bumped his shoulder, making the man stumble forward a couple of steps. “Is this?”
“Dr. Padmè Naberrie.” She burst into a smile, and Padmè extended her hand to be polite, just to receive a strange look before she realized what it meant. Ahsoka shook Padmè’s hand firmly twice and then laughed aloud.
“Anakin has told me so much about you! I should apologize for setting our kitchen on fire and making him late that first day.”
“No need.” Padmè wasn’t quite sure what to make of Ahsoka, who seemed to be looking at her with a curious sort of expression. “All is forgiven.”
“Omelets are a hard skill to master.” She said wistfully, and looked around. “I should tell Anakin that the Senator has arrived. He always gets a kick out of that name.”
“Don’t embarrass him, Ahsoka.” Obi-Wan chastised.
“There he is.” She disappeared into the throng of people, and Padmè stood awkwardly. How long does one stay at these sorts of events? Thirty minutes? An hour? The last party she attended had been her father’s sixty-fifth birthday party.
Anakin appeared out of thin air, his hair styled differently and his glasses on. She pressed her lips together as he smiled, and Obi-Wan lay a friendly hand on his shoulder.
“Professor Naberrie.” She nodded towards him, and Ahsoka laughed as she poked her head into the little group. “Don’t start with me, snips.”
“You’re so formal.” She quipped, and disappeared right into the crowd once again.
“Don’t pay attention to her.” His voice was rushed, and Obi-Wan just smiled. “Professor Kenobi told me that he thought you weren’t able to attend until much later.”
“Oh.” She scrambled in her mind to think of a reason as to why she hadn’t arrived two hours later. “Most of my books have been sorted through.”
“Has Padmè given you any of her cast-offs? Her collection is very impressive.” Anakin shook his head, and Obi-Wan turned his attention towards her. “You ought to let him take as much as you can offer. He’s a voracious reader. Most of my unneeded volumes go straight to his doorstep.”
“You’re always welcome to sort through whatever I no longer need.” Obi-Wan chuckled as Anakin nodded, and politely excused himself. “I must admit, I’m puzzled about your costume.” Anakin looked confused, then realized what Padmè was referring to.
“I’m the ex-journalist Stephen Glass.”
“The New Republic scandal!” She snapped her fingers as she put it together. “I wouldn’t have realized that you knew what that was because of your age.”
“You think I’m a lot younger than I actually am, Professor.”
“I don’t believe twenty-five year olds existed during that time period, Anakin.” He hung his head like he did when he was attempting to hide his smile, and she laughed along with him. “You’re very well-read.”
“It fascinated me that someone could lie for that long and get away with it.” He shrugged. “Do inform me of the origins of your costume, Professor.” She looked down at the outfit and suddenly was embarrassed all over again.
“Oh.” She pressed her lips together and waved her blaster weakly. “A… space. Warrior.” His laughter made her feel more embarrassed than she was before, and she crossed her arms. “Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not laughing.” He lied, and she shook her head as he attempted to hide his expression. “I wouldn’t have thought you to be the type to dress up.”
“You don’t know very much about me, Anakin Skywalker.” He raised his brows, and she grinned a bit.
“I’d love to know more than your favorite pantsuit, Professor.”
“I’m sure those details would bore you.”
“I’m never bored around you.” His eyes took on that same intense stare, and she looked the other direction.
“Regardless of your pretty words, I won’t take up much of your time. Your friends are here.”
“I would like to consider you a friend, Professor.” She laughed, and looked up to see the sincerity in his eyes.
“Anakin, this is a party filled with people who are far more exciting than I am.” She looked around. “Surely you don’t feel like my company is the most entertaining of all these people.” He smiled at her, and she shook her head. “No. I will not let you stay here all night.”
“What if I enjoy talking to you?” She laughed, and he stepped forward. “Talk with me, Professor. You say that we’re not friends, but I want to become yours.”
“Anakin-”
“You’re the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met.” Her heart thumped and she promptly ignored the part of her brain that wanted to lean in and kiss him. She had to remember that they were colleagues. And colleagues are only friends, according to Republic University. She was not going to risk her career for a fleeting attraction. “Stay and talk with me, Professor. You fascinate me beyond what words can express.”
They ended up on his small balcony, facing the street below. Anakin stayed true to his word, staying attentive to everything she said.
They laughed a lot.
A little too much for Padmè’s liking.
“I raced as a child on dirt bikes.” She laughed as she pictured Anakin driving at high speeds in the middle of the Nevada desert. “It was my favorite thing in the world.”
“I can imagine.” She said softly, the wind settling into a gentle breeze. “I can’t say I’ve done anything half as interesting.”
“I beg to differ.”
“I founded the student political association when I was ten.” She laughed. “What child’s dream is it to be a Senator?”
“A very determined, intelligent child.” She flushed at his statement, and chose to watch the cars pass by.
“My real passion used to be ballet.” She wrung her hands together as she thought about it. “I dove headfirst into that until I had a career-ending injury. Then the Senate became my only focus.”
“What happened?”
“I danced in Swan Lake when I was eighteen, and the week after I learned I was to become a professional ballerina, I was informed that the arthritis in my knees and hips had progressed. If I danced any longer, I would continue to get stress fractures.” She pressed her lips together. “I danced on a few of them until I ended up breaking my ankle. It was early enough that I could still pursue a life of academia.”
“I see.” Anakin took off his glasses, and rubbed at his temples. “That must’ve been heartbreaking.”
“My original dream of being a senator took over my life.” She laughed. “It almost worked, too.”
“Would you have truly enjoyed being a senator, Professor?” She watched him slide his glasses back on, his expression a bit unreadable. “All those formalities, the pressures of the government? The rules that come along with it?”
“Truthfully?” She dropped her voice. “It would’ve eaten me from the inside out, lying to everyone I knew. I could never be happy while under that many pairs of eyes. I just don’t think I’m made for it.” They sat in silence, the wind picking up for a moment until she realized that this was crossing a line she should’ve never gotten close to. “This is terribly inappropriate.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m taking advantage of a situation that you shouldn’t have been placed in to begin with.” She shook her head. “I’m practically your employer. This is a position you shouldn’t have to endure.”
“Professor-”
“Anakin, I’m much older than you are.” She looked him in the eye. “This is a situation that I cannot place you in with a clear conscience.”
“I’m old enough to make decisions for myself.” Anakin’s voice grew stronger, and he drew together his eyebrows. “A part of me is beginning to wonder if you’re just scared of people knowing you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you take the time to talk to people more than a political formality?” She knew that he was asking the same question all her friends and family had been prodding her about for ages, and she didn’t like that she really wanted to answer him truthfully. Not brush him off and say that she had plenty of friends, or that she had taken time off when in reality she was working into the night. “Professor, take the time to talk to people. I desperately want to know who you are without all the formalities. I want to know what made you.”
“I can’t give into this.”
“You don’t have to give into anything. Give me a chance to know who you are.”
She stood, and crossed her arms.
“Thank you for inviting me tonight, Anakin. I’ll see you on Tuesday for my lecture.”
Padmè left the apartment despite the shouts from fellow Professors for her to stay, and refused to look back the whole way home.
-
November 5th, 4:32 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Illness
Good Morning Anakin,
I unfortunately woke up today with a low-grade fever, so I’m going to be calling in sick. I sent you on canvas my notes for today’s lecture. Thank you for picking up the slack.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
November 5th, 6:11 am
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Illness
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling under the weather. A wise woman once told me to take a bubble bath and eat a little bit of honey. It apparently helps with sickness. Hope to see you soon.
Anakin
-
November 7th, 11:32 am
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Checking in
Good Morning Padmè,
Anakin informed me that you’ve been sick the last few days with a fever. Just checking to see if there’s anything our department can do to help. Sabè volunteered to trade off making a few meals for you since you rarely fall ill. Do let us know.
Cordially,
Obi-Wan
-
November 9th, 7:22 pm
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Syllabus Question
Good evening Professor,
Professor Kenobi told me that you called in due to illness. Ahsoka (my roommate) makes a pretty good soup, if you feel so inclined to accept a meal. Students look to be doing well. Would you like me to grade some of the essays if you’re feeling under the weather as well?
Anakin
-
November 9th, 7:38 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Syllabus Question
I think I’m up to grading essays. Don’t feel as if Ahsoka needs to make soup for a woman she barely knows. Thank you for all your help.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
Sola [8:16 am]
My darling sister.
Your departmental head took the liberty to contact me due to the fact that you’ve called out ill for six days in a row.
What on earth happened.
Did you receive a death prognosis?
Should I instruct Asher to come down with the kids during our visit next week?
Padmè [8:20 am]
How did Obi-Wan get your phone number?
Sola [8:21 am]
I’m here thinking that my only sister, the one who has nearly killed herself over anything she’s ever wanted, is withering away in her apartment over some perceived failure, or worse, an actual failure.
Excuse me if I fear that you’re hurting when you abstain from attending your work, which seems to be the only thing you really care about, other than Hera.
Padmè [8:24 am]
First, I resent the idea that the only thing I care about is work.
Second, I’ve not always self-sacrificed to the point of unhealthy habits.
Third, I’m fine. Just sick.
Sola [8:26 am]
Stop lying to me like I’m one of your staff members. Unlike everyone else, I know that you’re not perfect.
I know that you’ve worked yourself half to death over anything you like.
I’m your sister, and I love you.
Fess up.
What.
Happened.
Her door was knocked on two hours later, and she unfortunately knew by the heaviness of the thuds exactly who it was.
“ Padmè Amidala Naberrie, if you don’t let me in !” Sola’s voice was muffled, and she dragged herself off the couch as Hera pranced towards the door to see who the intruder was. She swung the door back to see her sister with a suitcase in hand, and a scowl on her face. “You are freaking ridiculous.”
“Hello to you too, Sola.”
“I’ve had enough of this self-pitying, obnoxious behavior.” Sola pushed her way inside, and Padmè chose to just shut the door behind her. “Look at this!” She motioned to the absolute chaos of books behind her, and made angry noises that Padmè couldn’t quite translate. “This is a woman who has gone mad. You’re pathetic, you hear me?”
“Try to say something nice.”
“You’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, and you have eyes in your head enough that you like the hot graduate student, ok?” Sola let go of her suitcase, and scooped Hera up into her arms. Hera just purred, the little traitor. “He’s not sixteen, Padmè, he’s twenty-four. He’s only eight years younger than you. Did you know that Celine Dion and her husband had a twenty-six-year age gap? You’re not them. Get over yourself.”
“This has nothing to do with Anakin.”
“This has everything to do with Anakin.” Sola was hot on her tail as Padmè attempted to escape to her room, Hera still in her arms. “What happened between you two?”
“Nothing happened between us!” Padmè felt the tears welling in her eyes. “Absolutely nothing happened between us because it’s sick and it’s wrong!” Sola stopped as Padmè’s face began to heat up with the telltale signs of tears.
“Padmè.” Hera dropped to the ground after enough cuddles, and Sola came closer. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”
“Nothing is wrong.” Padmè wiped the tears away as quickly as they were produced, and pursed her lips. “Nothing is wrong because he’s perfect. And it’s wrong, and I’m sick and wrong for thinking about him like this.” Sola gathered her sister into her arms, and Padmè let herself cry for a moment.
She was still in the same pajamas she had worn for six days straight, her hair wasn’t brushed, her nails were chipped, and she felt pathetic. She was pathetic.
“You’re not horrible for liking someone who likes you,” Sola whispered. “You’re worth all the adoration in the world.”
“I’m awful, Sola. I took advantage of his innocent infatuation. He puts me on a pedestal, and I took advantage of that.”
“It’s not your job to determine how Anakin feels about you.”
“This is wrong.” She hissed, and wiped at her eyes. “What I did is wrong . What I’m doing is wrong . I cannot ruin his life by making him the student who dated his professor.”
“You’re not his professor, Padmè, he’s a graduate student.”
“But I’m his overseer. I’m practically his boss .”
“I think that you’re thinking too deeply about this.” Sola pulled her back, and brushed the hair out of Padmè’s face. “Is it wrong for two adults to think that the other is wonderful?”
“It is wrong for a boss to date her subordinate.”
“I’m not talking about that.” Sola gripped her shoulders. “Is it wrong for two adults to think that the other is wonderful?” She shook her head, and Sola smiled. “Let’s take it one step further. May I ask why you’re so scared of Anakin?”
“Sola-”
“Just answer the question.” Her voice was a little more forceful, the frustration seeping through. “Padmè, all your life, you’ve lived by the rules that you put onto yourself. No one asked you to become the youngest Senator in Massachusetts, or to complete both a law degree and doctoral work in the same year. Have you ever thought that for once, you should just let yourself have a little fun?”
She stared at her sister, whose eyes were bearing into her soul.
“I don’t make those rules.”
“Honey, on my two-hour flight, I looked up every rule that your stupid university had on file. Dating an assistant, while frowned upon, is not illegal. It was twenty years ago, but not in the modern day.” Blast Sola for having such good research skills. “I’m not going to force you to ask him out on a date. But so help me, if you don’t let your repressed little teenage girl at least daydream about him, I think I’m going to be forced to hurt you.”
They stared at each other, and collapsed into laughter after the statement hung in the air for a little while.
“You didn’t have to fly here.”
“Padmè Naberrie taking six days off in a row is an emergency.” She looked around at the mess of the apartment. “And so is this house, quite frankly. Why is your menorah not even up?”
“I haven’t had the time.” Once she looked around herself, the dishes and dirty clothes everywhere began to make her uncomfortable while in the previous days she hadn’t had enough energy to care about anything more than a surgical soap opera on Netflix.
“What have you been doing for six days?”
“Watching Grey's Anatomy.” She murmured, and Sola raised an eyebrow. “It was number one in the nation the day I called in sick. I’ve never watched it before.”
“You need help, Padmè.” Sola patted her sister’s shoulder, and exited the room. “Go change your nasty underwear, if you haven’t done that yet today.” Padmè threw a shoe at her just for good measure.
The next few days were spent cleaning her apartment from head to toe, Sola making meals for Padmè so that she wasn’t trying to cook for herself in her disaster of an apartment, and rearranging some of her library to fit in a couple more books that Padmè couldn’t quite fit in with her previous organization system.
They decorated for Hanukkah, put up some lights and tinsel, and Sola insisted that Padmè revamp her wardrobe since the last time she went to a department store was close to two years ago.
The mall was the same as usual, busy. Padmè absolutely despised shopping for anything. It was tiring; there were too many options, and she only liked a business look. Apparently, she dressed ten years out of fashion when she reached for the skinny jeans. The excuse that Padmè liked skinny jeans fell on deaf ears.
“I have a faculty formal that I’m attending at the beginning of December.” Padmè brushed her hands over the sequins of one cocktail dress, and frowned. “Should I get my dress now?” Sola nodded, and held out a dress that looked five sizes too big. “That’s an odd style.”
“It’s called being in style .” Sola pulled another dress off the rack that looked like it would reveal Padmè’s entire backside if she bent down. “Anakin would really love this one.”
“I thought we agreed not to mention him.” She said grumpily, and turned to another rack full of dresses. “Let’s just pick a dress, ok?”
They settled on a dress that had a color pattern Sola called ombrè, with a sunset sort of pattern that was completely backless. The option originally made Padmè a little uncomfortable, but she thought that if Sola thought it would look nice on her, she should trust her sister more often.
“Are you going back to work next week?” Sola ate her frozen yogurt at the island as Padmè finished washing the dishes from their meal. Hera sat on the couch, waiting for the sisters to join her. Greedy little thing just wanted more pets. “Or are you still scared of Anakin?”
“I’m intending to go back to work next week, yes.” Padmè pursed her lips together as Sola just stared at her. “I’m not scared of my assistant.”
“Except you are.”
“Sola.”
“I’m just reminding you to branch out.” She waved her spoon. “I told Rina that if she wanted to make friends at dance class, she would have to talk to some of the girls. It’s good to talk to people you don’t know. Let them give a new insight about you that all the self-reflecting in the world couldn’t reveal even if you tried your hardest.”
She thought about her sister’s words, and paused on her scrubbing.
“When did you get so wise?”
“Two natural births and a c-section.” Sola smiled at her. “Mothers wisdom, I call it.”
-
November 12th, 5:25 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Returning to Office
Good evening Anakin,
I will be present for Monday's lecture. Looking forward to catching up on how class went. ☺
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
November 12th, 5:27 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Finishing Leave of Absence
Good evening Obi-Wan,
I will be returning to office on Monday after my prolonged illness. Thank you for alerting my sister, she singlehandedly nursed me back to health. I didn’t remember putting her as my emergency contact. Your concern is deeply appreciated, and I’m grateful for your kindness.
Best,
Padmè
-
November 12th, 5:33 pm
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Finishing Leave of Absence
Hello Padmè,
So happy to hear you’ve returned to health. We look forward to seeing you in office on Monday, especially your assistant. Truthfully, he was the most worried about your health. Do take care. Tell your sister I said hello, we had a wonderful conversation.
Cordially,
Obi-Wan
-
The weather had gotten fierce enough that Sola made Padmè pull out her winter coat before she left to get to the airport on time. She hugged her sister as hard as she could, waved goodbye, and headed to the Republic Campus with her heater on blast.
Her classroom had a draft, and she placed her jacket behind her podium as she worked on starting up her computer for the day. She heard the familiar rap of knuckles on wood, and turned to see Obi-Wan poke his head in.
“Welcome back, Padmè. Your absence was deeply felt.”
“It’s good to be back.” She smiled at him, and Obi-Wan waved farewell as he clicked the door shut. A part of Padmè really wanted to listen to Sola, but the larger part of herself wanted to protect herself.
And protect Anakin. His career could be ruined forever, destroying his chance at getting a teaching position anywhere close to the Republic campus. She realized that she had never asked Anakin his plans for the future as she was too busy trying to look anywhere but his intense stare.
They were right. She was too inward-focused.
She stood staring at the screen without actually knowing what words were up there when she heard the door click open again, the time only being half to nine. Whatever student was coming in was extremely early for her lecture.
“Professor Naberrie.” She forcibly closed her mouth as she took in all of Anakin at once, between his dark sweater that hugged his chest and those glasses that she couldn’t quite get out of her mind. The dimple in his cheek appeared as he smiled, and his blue eyes shined as he laughed a couple of times. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”
“Anakin.” Her voice seemed like it was disembodied for the moment as she stared, and blinked a few times before the trance wore off and she realized she was crossing the line of what was appropriate for this situation. “It’s a rare day that you’re on time, forgive me for staring.”
His laughter was warm, and he walked over to his desk, setting down a thermos cup and his laptop.
“I’ve actually had to start my routine earlier in your absence.”
“Really?”
“Can’t tarnish your reputation for timeliness, can we?” She caught herself laughing, and forced it into a mere smile. The effect of Anakin still wasn’t lost on her, apparently. “Did the doctor ever tell you what your illness was?”
She paused as she was at a loss for words for the mysterious illness that took down someone for nearly ten days straight.
“Broken heart.” She stammered, and he just looked at her. “I’m kidding. It was a really horrible strain of the flu.”
“I see.” Anakin sat at the desk quietly, and opened his laptop. “Did a bubble bath take care of it in the end?” She remembered her absentminded words to him over a month ago, how he quipped it back to her like she had just said it moments ago. She felt like Anakin remembered everything she ever said to him, and it unnerved her.
“A little bit of honey also helped kick it.” He laughed under his breath, and she turned towards her computer. “Thank you for taking over my position, especially as we begin to enter our Old English unit.”
“It’s my honor.” She paused her scrolling, and found herself attempting to look at him in her peripheral vision, then mentally slapped herself. She needed to stop this kind of behavior immediately.
Mockingly, Sola’s words still echoed in her mind.
Padmè continued to bury herself deep into her work as the midterm season approached, planning how she wanted to change her tests this year into something that would be challenging for her students but also easy for those who used her study guide.
It was long known that some departments never changed their midterms. All the answers could be found on a quizlet some student five years ago had created, and most of the students who passed with flying colors just wrote all the answers out on the three note cards they were allowed to take with them.
She secretly let herself think about Anakin and those glasses of his every now and then, his shoulders when he wore a particularly nicely fitting sweater, and that dimple that showed up every time she was around him.
Padmè finished her re-read of Gone with the Wind in just under two weeks, and Anakin exclaimed that he had never heard of someone who could read so fast. She just chuckled and replied that her life revolved around words and their meanings, and he agreed.
She changed her nail color to blue, after Anakin mentioned that the color looked nice on her. He probably didn’t notice. Thanksgiving came and passed, she visited her parents and Anakin flew out to visit his family in Nevada.
He didn’t mention anything about the details when he returned, just that they met out on his uncle’s farm. She smiled and told him about how her nephew had lost a tooth while eating turkey, and failed to mention how she thought about how those glasses would look if she got up close the entire flight incessantly.
Her book collection somehow, in only two weeks, had grown out of control again. This was becoming an addiction, according to Dormè.
“How does one woman need to purge yet another round of books?” She took a bite out of the blueberry muffin Padmè brought her. “You have a serious problem. You should join a group of bookworms that have out-of-control book obsessions. Or you should buy a bigger house.”
Padmè reminded her that houses in this market were out of her price range, and Anakin chuckled.
“Say, Anakin likes books.” She swirled to see Sabè enter the room, an empty coffee cup in hand. “Why don’t you let him take a stab at it?” Padmè struggled to find a reason to refuse Anakin the chance, and then smiled.
“That sounds wonderful, if he’d be so inclined.” Anakin looked up, a flush on his face, and smiled.
“Sure.”
“I’ll email you my address, then.”
Padmè had never been so nervous in her life.
Maybe when she attended that Halloween party, but this rivaled it like no other. She threw her clothes haphazardly into her closet even though she knew that there would be no good reason for Anakin to enter her bedroom, cleaned out Hera’s litter box so it didn’t stink, and made sure every dish that could be seen through a glass panel was lined up perfectly straight.
She smelled her underarms just to be safe, lit a candle, and admired her hard work. It was perfect.
It would be fate that Hera would promptly decide to have explosive diarrhea all over her white shag carpet, wouldn’t it. Someone out there hated Padmè. She gagged as she picked up the cat, her black fur streaked with the evidence of her crimes, and the doorbell rang.
The doorbell rang .
She was going to have an aneurysm.
“One minute!” She gagged again once Hera let out round two of the great crime, yelling a bit when it got onto her pants. “Mommy’s got you Hera, please don’t poop on mommy-”
The next round got all over her white t-shirt as Hera yowled, and Padmè could cry with how much poop was on her hands and forearms and the ends of her hair.
This was torture . This was-
“ Oh my gosh .” Anakin’s face morphed into a picture of surprise when she opened the door covered in poop. “Did I come at a bad time?”
“My cat has explosive diarrhea and I don’t know why.” He stood there for a moment, in his cute glasses and cute graphic t-shirt of the republic logo and his nice fitting jeans, while she stood there smelling like the other side of a horse. Anakin burst into laughter, and Padmè wanted to cry. “Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m so sorry-” He barely got his laughter out of control, and she slumped in defeat. Everything had been perfect, and now she was covered in cat poop. This was great. This was really great. “I shouldn’t laugh.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I’m trying not to.” Anakin finally stood straight, and brought his hand to the ends of her hair. “You have some in your hair.”
“This is the worst day of my life .” She grumbled. “Come inside, if you dare.” Anakin stepped in, and took in the mess that unfolded before his very eyes. Hera’s accident, including a bit of pee that apparently the poor girl couldn’t keep in, marked the floor coming in, the shag carpet of the living room, and her owner.
“Oh, Professor.” He winced as he noticed the large stain on her couch cushion. There was a sharp yowl from the other room, and Padmè realized that it was in the direction of her bedroom . That’s where Hera decided to have explosive diarrhea next .
“ Not on mommy’s bed! ” Padmè rushed in just to see Hera have another accident on her comforter, and she stopped reaching out as she admitted defeat. Anakin cautiously entered, and Padmè sank onto the floor. She would put her head in her hands, but they were covered in feces, and not even she felt pathetic enough to do that quite yet.
“I think your cat needs to go to the vet.” Padmè stayed on the floor, unmoving. “C'mon Professor. Let’s get it out of your hair before we go.”
Anakin turned on her kitchen sink, and she followed him to wash her hands completely off first, scrubbing all the way up to her elbows as Anakin attempted to section out where exactly the diarrhea had landed.
She wanted to cry as he took the time to wash it out with the shampoo that she had brought along with her as she pathetically stared at the horror scene in the living room that was awaiting her and the loud yowls that consumed the other room.
“I should change.” She said weakly, looking at her ruined jeans and t-shirt. “This is so gross.” Anakin merely laughed, and she pressed her face into her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening right now.”
“I understand how it feels to love your pets more than life. Thankfully, R2 and 3PO haven’t had explosive diarrhea.” She laughed at the ridiculous names of his cats, and he laughed alongside her. “If they ever did however, I’d want someone to come with me to find out exactly why they don’t feel good.”
“You don’t have to do that, Anakin.” She looked up at him and his pretty blue eyes, and just shook her head in defeat. “It’s enough for you to see your Professor covered in cat poop, smelling her rancid stench after that, and on top of that, having to wash her hair .”
“Let me be your friend, Professor.” He leaned in. “You never let people care for you the way you care for them.”
She pressed her lips together, and the howl in the other room gave her a pretty good reason to give in.
They drove to the vet without any more diarrhea incidents, and Padmè fiddled with the hem of her athletic shorts as Hera was being examined. Anakin talked to some of the people at the desk for her, and she wondered how she always got into these kinds of situations.
“They said it could be an hour or two.” He sat next to her, and she thought that he smelled so good it was criminal. “Was Hera acting weird beforehand?”
“She was sleeping pretty much all day,” Padmé murmured. “She’s a relatively chatty cat when she wants to be, but this hasn’t happened before.”
“It’s probably just something about her diet.” Anakin assured, and Padmè hoped that was the case. A comfortable silence fell between the two of them, and she took that as a sign that she should start following Sola’s advice without completely crossing the line.
“What are you planning to do with your Master’s degree?” She watched Anakin shift a bit. The material of his t-shirt clung to his pecs, and she forced herself to avert her eyes.
“I’m hoping for something in the communication field.” He pondered that idea for a moment, and shrugged. “Maybe sales. I’m persuasive when I want to be.”
“I know.” She said softly, and he laughed at her unsaid comment. “So you never think about becoming a teacher?”
“Sometimes.” He mulled on that for a moment, then shook his head. “I think I’m more cut out for the action part of the field. Talking to clients, convincing them that they need to buy whatever my company is selling.” She laughed at his description, and his dimple appeared easily. “Some of us aren’t as talented teachers as you.”
“Anakin.”
“What?” He smiled. “You’re horrible at taking compliments.”
“Sometimes it makes it hard to do my job.” She watched the look in his eyes change, and she quickly looked off in the other direction.
“What do you mean by that?” “Nothing really.” She lied, and tried to focus on the poster of the insides of a typical dog. It wasn’t as interesting as she hoped it would be. “It was just an observation.”
“I see.” Anakin folded his hands, and she brushed her hair behind her ear as they waited in silence for a few more moments. “Would you like me to help clean up after Hera is taken care of?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Maybe I should rephrase my question.” He smirked at her. “I’m going to help you clean up your apartment once we find out that your cat is okay.”
“Oh.” She exhaled as his stare grew more intense. “...I suppose that’s ok.”
“What kind of wine do you drink?”
“Red.”
“Then we can drink red wine, and I’ll order Thai.” Anakin smiled to himself. “It’s settled.” She turned her head to look forward, confused about what exactly happened. “You’re used to having the upper hand, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“You like control.” He smiled at her, and she flushed.
“I do not!”
“You’re assertive, you’re confident.” He laughed a bit. “You like to be right.”
“I do not like-” She promptly shut her mouth as she realized what she was about to do, and Anakin’s laughter rang throughout the waiting room as she colored crimson. “You need to respect your elders.”
“You’re not that much older than me, Professor Naberrie.” She watched Anakin spread his legs a little bit as he sat back, and she pursed her lips. “Besides, I don’t mind you liking to be right and in control. I’ve always liked a woman who knows what she wants.”
“This conversation is entering inappropriate territory, Anakin.”
“I never was a big fan of the rules.”
Hera was fine, she had just eaten some of the flower petals from the bouquet the department had sent her during her illness. Apparently, it causes explosive diarrhea in felines. Hera took to nuzzling Anakin the entire way back to her apartment. Padmè chose not to mention that Hera usually liked to bite strange men, and this was highly unusual for her.
She struggled not to watch with an expression akin to awe as Anakin carried Hera in her crate inside happily, chatting easily about how his cats enjoyed playing with each other. R2 was apparently much rowdier than 3PO, and she finally put together the number combination of his university email.
“Why do you have sky guy as your university email?” Padmè ate another bite of her noodles as Anakin poured her a little more wine before they started on the monstrous task of cleaning up Hera’s mess from earlier.
“Sky guy?” He laughed a little bit. “It was the only thing I could think of at that moment.”
“It’s not a nickname?” He smirked, and she knew that there was some embarrassing story behind it that he was reluctant to share. “C'mon, tell me.”
“This is inappropriate territory, Professor Naberrie.”
“I’ll tell you one thing, whatever you want, if you’ll tell me why you’re called sky guy.” She leaned forward on her elbows, aware of how her hair became untucked from her ear. Anakin colored, and pushed his glasses up his nose.
“You won’t give me an excuse?”
“I won’t give you an excuse.”
“How can I guarantee you’re telling me the truth?” She rolled her eyes, and stuck out her pinkie to receive a half laugh. “A pinky promise?”
“I’ve never broken one before.” She smiled a bit, and sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth. He tracked the movement. “ Promise .” He linked pinkies with her, and grinned in response. “Why are you called sky guy?”
“My roommate Ahsoka and I have been friends since I was a teenager.” He smiled a little bit. “I picked up the habit of flying without a license in New Mexico since no one was really looking, and she used to get so mad when I’d narrowly avoided getting caught. Really, it’s a play on words of my last name.”
Padmè laughed a little bit.
“Skywalker.”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “She’s ridiculous.” Padmè wondered if Anakin ever had a relationship that surpassed friendship with Ahsoka, but suppressed the urge to ask. “It's your turn now, Professor.”
She gripped the stem of her wineglass as he stared at her for a long while.
“I’ll answer.”
“When are you going to let me call you Padmè?” She blushed at the gravel in his voice, and decided to look towards the contents of her class. “ Are you scared of me ?”
“That’s two questions.”
“And yet you’ve answered neither .” Anakin leaned forward, and she held her breath as the imagination of what he’d look like up close became a reality, the blue of his eyes burning hole into where they stared. “Which one do you care to answer?”
She found herself looking at his lips when the doorbell rang. The moment snapped, and Padmè cleared her throat as Anakin blinked a few times.
“The door.”
“Yeah.” She rushed to answer it, and saw through the peephole Dormè.
“I brought us junk food and a really bad romantic comedy.” Dormè held up a pizza and a grocery store bag, then noticed that there was jazz music playing. “Does Padmè Naberrie actually have a man over?”
“Dormè-”
“I’m so proud of you right now.” She grinned as Padmè blushed down to her very toes. “It smells really gross in there, by the way. I’m not sure what’s going on, but if it means you’re going to stop being so uptight please go back inside.”
“It’s just Anakin, Dormé.” Dormè raised her brows, then looked at the wine glass Padmè was still holding.
“ Just Anakin?”
“I offered him a glass of wine after Hera had explosive diarrhea.” She cleared her throat as her friend looked even more confused. “It’s not a big deal. He offered to clean up.”
“Yummy, yummy choice if I do say so myself,” Dormè murmured, and Padmè blushed as she shook her head. “I won’t interrupt.”
“It’s not an interruption, really-”
“Padmè, there is a scrumptious man in your apartment who has been ogling you since the first day of term. I’m leaving; goodbye.”
“Professor Dormè!” She shouted, and Dormè attempted to get away just to be yanked back. “What a great surprise!”
“Why are you trying to drag me back in ?”
“Get inside this apartment now .” She had successfully yanked Dormè inside, and she noticed that Anakin was now standing by the window on his phone. “Professor, you remember my assistant.”
“We have only worked together every day for the last three months, Padmè.” Dormè rolled her eyes. “Hey, Anakin.”
“Hello Professor.”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt, I thought that the book sorting had finished up.”
“It’s not an interruption at all!” Padmè chirped, and poured another glass of wine. “We were about to talk about midterms.” Anakin cleared his throat, and smiled.
“I’m officially off the clock, honey.” Dormè shook her head. “No more talk about work.” Padmè took another sip of wine, and Anakin laughed a bit. “She’s a little bit of a workaholic.”
“I gathered that.”
“Guess that’s why she wanted to be a senator, right? No days off?” Padmè rolled her eyes, and Dormè sighed. “I guess I’m getting roped into cleaning up that mess up now.”
The three of them decided the shag rug was no use, they got the stain off the couch by some miracle, and then they sorted through books until Dormè declared that her brain hurt, so that was her cue to go home.
Padmè bundled her comforter up to go straight into the washer when she heard the soft knock on her doorway. Anakin leaned against the post, his shirt untucked and his glasses mysteriously missing.
“You never answered my question.”
“Hm?”
“I thought you kept your pinky promises, Professor.” She paused, and watched him just stare at her as her cheeks colored.
“Do you only think of me and my boring answers, Anakin?”
“I’m sorry to say that when I’m around you, my mind is no longer my own.” He ducked his head, and she couldn’t find the words to respond. “My thoughts are consumed with you .”
The silence was thick, and she pressed her lips together as she struggled to decide which line to cross.
“Yes, Anakin, I am scared of you.” She decided. “I’m terribly afraid of the idea that I can’t seem to control myself around you.”
“Is that really such a bad thing?” His voice was deep and she refused to turn around if she wanted her resolve to last.
“I’ve been able to control my feelings my entire life, Anakin.” She shook her head a little bit. “I cannot allow myself to outright jeopardize your career, your future, for me. All your responsibilities, your connections, depend on your time at the University.” She pressed her lips together. “We live in a real world. My life has already unfolded, Anakin. I fear yours hasn’t even begun.”
The silence of the room felt thick, and she heard him inhale deeply.
“Maybe you’re right, Padmè.” She blinked a few times, and heard him shift. “But somehow, I can’t find it in me to care when I think of our possibilities.”
She pressed her lips together, and then closed her eyes.
“Goodnight, Anakin.” She heard the shifting of feet as they began to exit the room.
“Goodnight, Padmè.”
Notes:
my contacts are so dry, it's insane. worth staying up for this chapter though.
-
come chit chat with me! @shoobscantsleep on twt :)
Chapter 3
Summary:
Padmè has exhausted all the excuses she can think of just in time for the holiday season.
Notes:
i'm so bad at writing slowburn stories, it's borderline hilarious. i also suck at writing angst, so i'm sorry about that. just a warning that Padmè has some serious self esteem issues, and i'm a fairly introspective writer. it's the best form of angst i can think of :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Padmè was losing her resolve.
It was like after Hera’s great incident, all trepidation from Anakin had vanished. For instance, the way he only called her by her first name when only she could hear it, was driving her insane .
She didn’t know if he started moving closer to her during their grading periods either. Frankly, she thought that if Anakin was halfway across the world, she still couldn’t handle being that close to him. He drove her insane.
Starting with those glasses. It was like he could read minds, the way he paired them with sweaters and pushed back his hair.
And his hair. He was letting it grow longer now, to the point where it curled up right underneath his ears and made a part that she hadn’t seen since MTV. She was going to go insane.
She stared at herself in the mirror, with her dark circles underneath her eyes, and a pale expression and thought that she had made a mistake with telling Anakin that she doesn't trust herself around him. It made it worse. It definitely made it worse.
Now Anakin was arriving early to every class period just to sit with his nose in a book, barely hiding the fact that he was watching her. She pressed her lips together and tugged her cardigan tighter around herself, determining that what happened at that apartment was because of a bottle of wine and a traumatic event having to do with her beloved pet.
The way he spoke to her had nothing to do with her all but admitting that he made her do things that she couldn’t control. The way he leaned on her podium to point out something on her screen while she stood stone still in order to avoid doing something that could probably get her fired had to be ignored.
She was a hopeless, hopeless girl.
She watched Gone with the Wind during the week just to get her mind off Anakin’s outfit of choice today, which were tight-fitting slacks and a sweater that left very little to the imagination. She hoped her students didn’t notice her obvious clearing of the throat when he brushed hands with her under the guise of handing her notes that she had forgotten.
She paused the TV to go force herself to take a bath when Scarlett was rushed upstairs by Rhett. The water was warm on her face as she dunked herself under it to make sure that all those thoughts would never come to fruition.
-
December 1st, 11:38 am
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] and 12 others
Subject: Departmental Holiday Party
Good Morning Professors and Assistants,
Glad to see that everyone has turned in an RSVP for the university's holiday party on Saturday. A reminder goes out that the dress code remains business formal, and tuxedos are not required. As midterms finish up around here, I’d ask that everyone turns in the survey I sent out two days ago so I know how to best serve my team.
Cordially,
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi
-
“What’s your book today, Padmè?” She closed her eyes as Anakin leaned over her shoulder, and decided not to look back for the sake of her sanity. “Since you finished to Kill a Mockingbird a week ago.”
“Great Expectations.” She flipped to the cover so he could see her rebinding of the novel, and she felt his fingertips graze over the gold embossing she did by hand. She knew that he would probably be smirking by now, especially when she cleared her throat. “Anakin.”
“I like this pantsuit on you.” His voice was quiet, and she opened her eyes to see if the door was open. “It makes your eyes stand out.”
“This is deeply inappropriate.”
“Can’t a friend tell a friend that she’s beautiful?”
“Anakin, don’t.” She stood from her chair and felt her shoulder brush against his chest. “I cannot let you destroy your future.”
“Who said my future would be destroyed?”
“It would.” She insisted. “It would tarnish your reputation before you even got a chance to prove to them who you are. I will not let you do this.”
“I can’t remember if there has ever been a time that I’ve felt like this about anyone.” Anakin stepped closer to her, and she turned her to the side to avoid his gaze. “You consume my every thought, Padmè.”
“I cannot be what you want me to be, Anakin.” Her heart thumped and her throat grew tight. “I can’t allow myself to destroy such a promising future for the sake of a fleeting want. One day, you’ll be my age and see how awful it would be if I took advantage of this-” She shook her head. “Of you , Anakin. I cannot do this.”
The door was knocked on, and she quickly stepped away as it opened. Obi-Wan smiled at the two, and Padmè quickly returned it to not raise suspicion.
“Professor Naberrie, Anakin.” He greeted them, and both Padmè and Anakin greeted him back with a smile. “I was just checking to see how midterms were going.”
“They’re going wonderful.” Padmè smiled. “I was thoroughly impressed by some of my students' capabilities in translating Old English into modern-day text.”
“I should’ve expected that your class would excel. It’s only natural under such a teacher.” She smiled shyly, and he nodded towards Anakin. “Great work on your exams, Anakin.”
“Thank you, Professor.” The door clicked shut, and Padmè looked at her black heels as the silence grew stiff. “I see.”
“What?”
“You’ve developed a connection with Professor Kenobi.” Anakin’s voice was quiet, and she turned to see him walk back towards his bag. “I’m sorry for overstepping.”
“Anakin-”
“No, it’s alright.” He cleared his throat. “Maybe you’re right. I’m too young for you.” She struggled to find the words as he slipped his laptop into his bag. “I’ll see you at your next lesson, Professor.”
“Anakin, wait-” He was out the door before Padmè could get the words out to explain.
Padmè noticed that Anakin was late once again for the next lecture, and only spoke when he was spoken to. It made her stomach coil to the point where she again was appearing nearly green when she arrived at her Friday lecture. Anakin merely told her that she appeared ill, forsaking the suggestion of a bubble bath remedy.
Padmè lost her lunch in the women’s restroom right after that.
She didn’t know what she was going to do for this party, especially since she knew there was an aspect of seeing him there and not really knowing what to do. She was grateful, however, that she had booked Satine nearly three weeks ago so she didn’t have to think about her makeup.
The studio she walked into was filled with lots of lights and various chairs, the blonde woman standing at one in the back that was littered with materials.
“Padmè!” Satine smiled as she approached in her zip up hoodie that was suggested for easy changing, and Padmè greeted her softly. “Do you have a photo of your dress?”
“This is it.” She showed the photo that Sola had taken of her in the living room, and her second option. “I think I’m going to be wearing this black one instead. It’s a little too cold for a backless dress.”
“Very sexy.” Satine laughed as Padmè blushed, and zoomed in on the corset that was attached to the little collar portion that had some kind of sequins on it. “I think I have an idea of what we should do.”
Padmè by the time Satine was finished with her, looked fairly unrecognizable in the most recognizable way. The dark eyeshadow brought out her eyes, and Satine had found a silver band to place right in the middle of her forehead, which highlighted the braid down her back.
“Wow.” She breathed out. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen myself look like this before.”
“You’re stunning to begin with, so my job was pretty easy.” She smiled at the compliment, and felt herself staring at her complexation a little too long. “Who’s the man we’re trying to get?”
“What?”
“You’ve been lost in your thoughts the entire day.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and Satine smiled. “Usually there’s a dilemma involved in that kind of concentration.”
“It’s impossible.” She said quietly, and shook her head. “It was doomed to begin with.”
“Nothing is doomed when you want it bad enough.” Satine smiled at her. “Go get him.”
Padmè was silent the whole way home, the words burning in her mind.
The dress was a lot tighter than she expected it to be, and by the time she put on gloves, she already was feeling nauseous again.
Sola [4:42 pm]
I really feel like this is your revenge dress.
What happened?
Padmè [4:44 pm]
It’s too cold to wear a backless dress, Sola.
I chose this as a backup.
Sola [4:50 pm]
The days of boring pantsuit Padmè are gone. The sexiness has entered the picture.
Padmè [4:52 pm]
Don’t get too excited, I wore a pantsuit the other day at work.
The event was held at a hotel downtown, which was an easy enough reason for her to call a rideshare to get there. She really didn’t want to parallel park in the heels she was wearing. The hotel was very nice, and Padmè checked her coat in before heading into the ballroom where the event was held, exactly five minutes late.
Cocktail hour started at six, and Padmè easily picked out her favorite red so she didn’t have to suffer through the entire evening.
“I get more and more surprised by you everytime I see you dress up.” She turned to see Sabè in a mint green dress, sipping on what she assumed to be a rum and coke. “This get up is seriously delicious.”
“You’re turning into my sister.” Padmè murmured, thinking of her sister’s choice of words for Anakin. Her stomach rumbled threateningly, and she chose to wipe that from her memory.
She silently scolded herself for automatically looking around the room for Anakin and instead only finding Rex and Cody in similar suits. They really did look alike , she thought to herself.
“Your assistant isn’t here yet.” Sabè mentioned offhandedly, and she blinked back into the conversation she was automatically holding. “He’s been in a mood lately.”
“Has he?”
“Yeah.” She sighed, and sipped at her drink. “Can’t say I’m not looking forward to seeing all that in a suit, though.” Padmè cleared her throat, and took another sip of her drink in order not to respond.
The mingling between departments happened as usual. Some of the business professors elected to bring their wives, while the single professors prowled around looking for someone to talk to who would entertain a conversation about statistics.
“The market is going very well right now, really.” Padmè nodded politely as Stuart continued his tirade about the stock market, which she knew a lot about already since she invested a good chunk of her salary there. “Do you know how that works?”
She pursed her lips, and there was a smooth laugh.
“You’re asking the senator if she knows how the stock market works.” Cody came to the rescue, patting Stuart roughly on the back. “Buddy, she knows more about it than you do. She wasn't nearly a senator for nothing.”
“I wasn’t elected, Professor.” She smiled at him as she took another sip, Cody’s eyes sparkling as Stuart stumbled underneath his words and blushed crimson. “But yes, I do have some prior knowledge about the stock market that I could tap into.”
The acapella group of their school led a medley of holiday songs, and Padmè elected to get another drink in the meantime if she was planning to stay the entire night with this dress on.
“Padmè.” Obi-Wan joined her at the appetizer table, and she smiled graciously in his direction. Her stomach continued to churn. “Lovely to see you tonight.”
“And you as well, Obi-Wan.”
“I have a question to ask.” Her heart raced as Obi-Wan reached easily for a cup of shrimp cocktail, a sly smile on his face. “It’s not wrong of me to assume that your assistant may be interested in you?” Padmè nearly choked on the cracker she had eaten, and he chuckled. “My observations have merit, then.”
“We're friends, only.” She hurried to get out, and look around herself. “I understand that would be highly inappropriate, and I wouldn’t imagine-”
“I’m here to speak to you as a friend.” He leaned in, lowering his voice. “The only thing forbidden according to the University is relationships with students in your class.”
“Excuse me?”
“The humanities department agrees.” Obi-Wan smiled. “Just make sure to take romantic interactions off campus.”
“I would-” She stammered, and he leaned back to take another piece out of the cup-sized portion. “Professor Kenobi-”
“Happy Hanukkah, Padmè.”
Padmè stood there dumbfounded for the next few moments until a familiar voice drew her out of her thoughts.
“Professor Naberrie, right?” She turned to see Ahsoka in a plain slip dress, a scowl written all over her face. “I have a bone to pick with you.”
“Pardon?”
“You led Anakin on.” Padmè struggled with not looking around for Anakin right in this moment before Ahsoka leaned in. “You knew that he liked you, and you drew him in just to spit him right back out, and I don’t like that.”
“I did no such thing.” Her voice was defensive, and she furrowed her eyebrows. “In fact, I did the exact opposite. I told Anakin that it was impossible, what he wants from me.”
“He wants you , Professor.” Ahsoka spat, and the words made her lean back. “That’s all he ever talks about, that’s all he ever wanted. It was always you . If you were together with Kenobi, then you should’ve just said that. You’re pathetic .” Before she could fire back, Ahsoka was storming off in the direction of the only person she had been looking for all night.
Anakin was wearing an all black suit, save for a blue tie. His glasses reflected in the light. The anger inside of Padmè consumed her, and she left her wine glass on the table as she headed his direction.
“We need to talk, now .” Anakin followed her like a lost puppy as she stormed out of the room.
“This is ridiculous .” She looked off the balcony of this hotel, reminiscent of the balcony they sat on just a little over a month ago. “I just got yelled at for something I didn’t even do, Anakin.”
“I didn’t ask Ahsoka to do that.”
“But she did . And she accused me of leading you on.” She turned towards him. “I did nothing of the sort. I practically have eaten myself alive with the guilt of my feelings since the day you walked into my classroom late, and somehow that turned into me leading you on.” Anakin stood still as she tried to make sense of what she was trying to say. “All I’ve ever done is think about what this could do to you, Ani.” She didn’t know when she started shortening his name in her mind, but it slipped out easily. The look in his eyes made her stomach churn. “Don’t you understand that?”
“I don’t.” He said softly. “I’ve spent the last two months wondering if you’re suffering just as much as I am, just to think that perhaps all this time I’ve been dreaming of situations that never occurred. That your loyalties were already taken-”
“I have no intentions with Obi-Wan, Anakin!” She stopped short, realizing that she was shouting at this point. “I have no intentions with him. I’ve never had intentions with him.”
“My mistake, Professor.”
“When did I stop being Padmè to you?” She whispered. “When did you begin to believe the very worst about who I am?”
“I’m not sure who you are. You’re a woman of contradictions.” He insisted, drawing his brows together. “It’s not for lack of thought. I spend my nights thinking about you constantly , every little thing that you let slip out before your walls rise back up, or you insist that a line has been crossed. I notice everything about you. From the color of your nails to the way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention.” Padmè just stared at him as his face turned red with frustration. “I spent my time trying to make it as clear as I could that I want you . I want to know everything about you, and more. It’s not for lack of trying that I don’t know who Padmè is.”
She clenched her fists together as she closed her eyes. The sincerity and desperateness of his voice was going to be the death of her.
“You’re holding me to an unfair standard, Anakin. Your feelings for me-”
“So you acknowledge that you know my feelings?” Anakin maintained, and she pressed her lips together tightly. “You would even go so far as to merely hint , that you feel the same as I do?”
“Anakin-”
“You’re the only thing that seems to be stopping our future, Padmè. You say that there’s nothing between us when everyone can clearly see that there is. You dragged me out onto a balcony when I had every intention of letting you live the life you claim that you want, which is without me .”
“I cannot be held responsible for ruining your future.”
“I don’t see how my future could be ruined if I was with you.” She opened her eyes, her feelings intensifying. “You confuse me. One moment you want me, and the next it is forbidden.”
“It’s more complicated then you think it is.”
“Is it?” He stepped into her space, and Padmè shut her eyes once again as his cologne filled the air. “Or is it just you?” She shivered as he dragged his fingertips up the exposed skin of her arms. “Is it just you trying to convince yourself that you can control everything, even your feelings? That you can just get rid of them like a bad law or a badly written syllabus?”
“I can’t .” She whispered. “This path is too dangerous to follow.”
“It’s your responsibility to truly decide, Padmè.” His breath tickled her ear, and she found herself leaning into the grip he had on her arms. “You’re the last obstacle to overcome. Nothing is forbidden. You just refuse to acknowledge what you really want.”
The ghost of his fingertips burned as he walked back inside.
Padmè didn’t stay for the dancing portion and caught a ride with Dormè. She failed to mention the conversation on the balcony, and soaked in the tub until the water went cold.
She lit her menorah every night on video call with her sister, smiling as the kids screamed in the background. Her apartment was surprisingly clean for the most part, and she made herself go take a walk even if it was freezing cold just to make sure she was doing something more productive than watching the Hallmark channel.
Republic University was officially out for winter break, and Padmè was sorting through the last of her office materials that she wanted to take home with her when she heard a knock on the door. She looked up, and Anakin cleared his throat, a small wrapped gift in hand.
“Anakin.” She hadn’t spoken to him since the party since her lectures stopped, and she noticed that his hair was curling around his ears again. “I didn’t know you were still on campus.”
“I have a Hanukkah gift for you.” He extended it, and the tingling that resulted in the brushing of their fingers made her feel unstable. “I did a little bit of studying about it. It’s a beautiful holiday.”
“It is.” She responded gently, and looked at the delicately wrapped box. “You didn’t have to get me a gift.”
“It was my pleasure.” He insisted.
“I’ll make sure to give you a gift as well.” She said softly, and looked into his eyes. His glasses still caught her attention to the point that it made her feel like a schoolgirl. “Are you planning to visit family?”
“Just spending it with Ahsoka this year.” He smiled, and she nodded in return. “And you?”
“My family always spends the holidays with my parents in Connecticut.” She watched him fiddle with the hem of his sweater, ducking his head down. “I hope you’re doing well.”
“The same to you.” He replied, and she pressed her lips together. “Professor Kenobi offered me the opportunity to be a co-leader on the Lake Como trip with the honors students this spring.”
“That’s wonderful.” She smiled. “Did you accept?”
“I think I will.” He locked eyes with her, and she tried to keep her wits amongst her as she realized the implication. “I can always decline, if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Anakin, my intentions have always been that your future has no obstacles.” The smile on her face hurt as every breath hurt. “That means you should accept, regardless of any lingering feelings.”
“I see.” His face lacked a smile, and he nodded twice. “Happy Hanukkah, Professor Naberrie.”
“Happy holidays, Anakin.” She watched him walk away as her lungs burned.
Her parents house was decorated professionally, as usual, and the matching pajamas this year had little dreidels.
“Oh, Mom, this is ridiculous.” Sola winced as she turned hers around to see a monogram. “Who convinced you that this was ok?”
“It’s adorable, and you will love it.” Her mother insisted, and Sola just shook her head. “Padmè, darling, how is work?” Padmè looked up from her book, and a part of her wanted to be honest.
“Great.” She smiled. “Everyone finished with high nineties.”
“You’re such a good professor, baby.” She felt a kiss get pressed into her hair, and the pat of her father’s hand. “Hear that kiddos? Auntie Padmè’s students are getting nineties .” The grandchildren didn’t even turn. “They’ll understand one day how good that is.”
Padmè had tucked Anakin’s present away in her suitcase for when she was brave enough to open it, which she wasn’t quite yet. His words rang in her mind and she reminded herself that this was finished.
This was done.
She shouldn’t be thinking about this anymore.
“Auntie Padmè right over there.” She turned her head to see Asher leaning against the wall, a cup of coffee in hand as Aaron looked up at him eagerly. “Go ask her to read some of her book to you.” Aaron ran over, and she felt herself melt as his little blue eyes stared up at her.
“Auntie Padmè, will you read to me?”
“Of course I will.” She leaned down, and scooped her nephew up to sit on her lap. “I’m reading something difficult for a five year old to understand. Do you have something you want to read?” Aaron looked towards his dad, who already had a book in hand. “I think your dad has something in mind.”
Aaron was out cold by the time she got a fourth of the way through A Christmas Carol, and Padmè carded through his hair as he snored. Sola sat on the couch, scrolling through her social media as the fire crackled happily.
“How’s it going with your graduate assistant?” Padmè paused, then continued brushing her nephew’s hair out of his face.
“It’s not happening, Sola.” Sola set down her phone, her brows drawn together.
“I thought we solved this like a month ago.” Sola waved her hands a bit to emphasize her confusion, and Padmè pressed a soft kiss into her nephew’s temple. “You were going to branch out.”
“I did.”
“How?”
“By telling him that I was scared of how I couldn’t control myself around him.” She murmured. “And inviting him over to sort through my books, just to get covered in cat poop.”
“I think I missed a couple of chapters here.” Sola leaned forward. “You what?”
“And then he ordered Thai food, and we drank wine, and we talked for a long, long time.” She smiled a bit as she remembered the night. “And then I remembered who I was, Sola. And what I was doing. And what I was about to do to someone who deserves a lot more than me.”
“Padmè.” Sola’s eyes were soft as she reached her hand out. Padmè didn't take it. “Don’t say that.”
“He deserves more than someone who’s willing to abide by rules long rescinded just to avoid a relationship, Sola.” She pressed her lips together. “He deserves more than a woman like me.”
“You’re being self-destructive.” Her sister’s voice was soft, and Padmè found herself holding her nephew a little tighter. “I haven’t met him. I haven’t even really gotten to know much about him. But I know that you deserve someone who’s crazy about you. And he seems pretty crazy about you, Padmè.”
“He thought I wanted to be with Obi-Wan.” She whispered. “And I don’t know who Ahsoka really is to him, but she railed on me, Sola. She told me I was pathetic for what I was doing, and she’s right .”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“I’m pathetic .” She locked eyes with her sister. “This was never about if it was wrong on a technicality to date my assistant, this is about me. I’m not able to give him what he gives me to have a future that’s bright, Sola.”
“Stop it.” Sola shook her head. “You’re Padmè Amidala Naberrie. You were president of the student government association, and you were nearly a professional ballerina. You have over five degrees, two doctorates, and you were almost a senator.” She tucked her nose into the little boy's hair as her sister leaned more in her direction. “So you’re a little scared of being vulnerable. You’re a Naberrie , Padmè. I refused to pass gas in front of Asher for two years , and he was one of my best friends throughout my undergraduate degree.” She laughed a little bit, and Sola did too. “We’ve been married nearly ten years, he’s seen three humans come out of my body, and I’m still scared sometimes that he’s going to think I’m gross and overcomplicated and want someone else.”
“I don’t know how this connects to what I’m talking about.”
“Mom refused to take off her eyebrow makeup at night almost the entire first year of her marriage because she was scared that dad would think that teeny little bald spot on her eyebrow was weird.” She laughed more, and Sola followed her lead. “Dad said the first time he came over to Mom’s place, he refused to take off his shoes or get close to mom because he would literally die if she thought he smelled bad.”
“I know that feeling.” She thought of her dignity being destroyed when she had to answer the door with Hera’s utter shame all over her, how she insisted that she be a distance away before Anakin just laughed and crowded in close to her to prove that he didn’t care.
“My point is, you may be a lot of weird, debatably dangerous things, but there's never been a doubt that you’re worthy.” Sola shrugged. “So you ended up falling for someone eight years younger than you. What’s the big deal?” She was silent as she mulled on it, and her sister sighed a bit. “We only tease you so much because you set up all these impossible standards for yourself that you’re never going to reach.”
“I don’t do that.” Sola looked at her suspiciously from the corner of her eye, and Padmè stuck her tongue out.
“You definitely do.” She brushed through Aaron’s hair carefully as the words sunk into her skin. “All my life, I’ve watched you deny yourself things for the sake of control.” Sola sighed. “Some of them were good things, like not getting a tattoo of a heart on your hip, or refusing to drop out of your doctorate studies because you were tired.” She looked over at her. “But it’s gotten to the point that you control everything , just because you can. So much that you deny yourself the chance to be with someone who the last I heard, wanted to know you .” Sola rose from the chair, and Padmè watched her pull out a notebook.
It was littered with stickers all over the front, and she immediately recognized it as their shared sister diary.
“Where did you find that?”
“It’s kept there, my dear.” Sola pointed to their childhood bedrooms, and Padmè smiled as she flipped the pages open. “This is from many moons ago, to when you were but fourteen.”
“Sola.”
“According to your perfect boy list,” Sola laughed. “Long hair, glasses.” She wanted to leap up from the chair, but the sleeping child on her lap took priority. “Tall, d reamy eyes.”
“I did not say dreamy eyes.”
“I’m reading it bullet point by bullet point.” Sola raised up her hand, and Padmè laughed. “Listens to me talk, understands my ambitions, smart.” Her mind was visualizing his dimple while he read, the way he ducked his head when he laughed. “Likes reading. Kind.” Sola stopped reading as Padmè stared at her feet, and she laughed. “Sounds like your Hanukkah gift arrived in August.”
“I can’t.”
“When will you learn to stop denying yourself good things?” Sola kneeled on the floor with a soft grunt, and tilted her chin up. “Sometimes I feel as if not even you know who you really are. You never explore what you like other than reading.” She felt her older sister wipe away the tears before they dropped onto Aaron, and she tried her best not to sob. “I love you Padmè. I just want you to let yourself receive the rewards of the hard work you do, ok?”
She felt the weight of her nephew get scooped off of her as she tried her best not to cry, just to get the comforting weight of her sister’s arms around her neck.
“I don’t deserve this.” She whimpered, and Sola soothed her quietly.
“You deserve the world.” Sola whispered, and Padmè wrapped her arms around her sister’s waist as tight as she could. “I want you to believe that. It’s the only way you’ll grow.”
The week was filled with an obnoxious amount of presents, an annual family photo, and lots of cookies.
Padmè lay in her childhood bed, listening to her fan creak like she did when she was younger, and thought of Anakin’s present. She didn’t know why she refused to open it. If she really had made this decision, then she should have opened a present from a friend.
The wrapping paper was just as beautiful as she remembered as she withdrew it from her suitcase, the familiar churning feeling of her stomach overpowering her willpower. She should open this gift. She should open it.
Inside lay a golden embossed copy of Jane Eyre, with a bookmark already tucked neatly inside its covers. She opened the book with trembling fingers to see his handwriting on the first page.
The first book I ever saw in your hands.
She followed where the bookmark lay, and saw neat red underlines from her grading pen under a patch of dialogue.
“I have for the first time found what I can truly love - I have found you. You are my sympathy, my better self, my good angel - I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wrap my existence about you - and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.”
She found her hand covering her mouth as she took in the engraved letters of her name on the golden book, in ice blue. At the bottom of the page was a small number one, in red ink.
A perfect line describing my feelings about my Mr. Rochester (Professor Naberrie.) No disastrous wedding could keep me away from you.
“Baby, if you don’t marry him, I will.” Padmè blushed as her mother looked up from the underlined quote in awe.
“ Raisa !” Sola laughed as her father frowned.
“He’s quoting back my baby’s favorite book to her, Joshua!” She waved her hand to the book. “Asher, isn’t he perfect?” Asher took another sip of coffee.
“Sounds like a real winner.”
“You hear that? He’s a winner , Joshua.” Padmè just shook her head and took another bite of the cinnamon rolls Sola made, her mother fawning over it.
“Why haven’t we met this young man Padmè?” Her father crossed his arms and frowned. “I think we should get the right to meet the boy who compared you to Rochester.”
“Dad, he’s a full-grown man.” Sola reminded, and peeked over at the book once again. “I have to say, I don’t know how you haven’t folded over in half, Padmè.”
“It’s pretty romantic.” Asher agreed, and Sola kissed his cheek before handing the little plastic plates of cut-up rolls to the awaiting children. “He’s your graduate assistant?”
“It’s the reason that it’s not possible.”
“That’s not the real reason, and you know it, Padmè.” She stuck her tongue out in her sister's direction just to get the same face back.
“If it’s about him being your assigned graduate assistant, I don’t see why it’s not possible.” Asher shrugged. “A girl did that when I finished up school. They even got married before she graduated.” They all look in his direction.
“At which school? When you went to Harvard for your undergrad?” Her mother rose her brows into her bushy morning hair, and Asher shook his head.
“No, when I did my masters at Republic.” He looked around at all the wide eyes and frowned. “Was I supposed to say something earlier?”
“I love you and your thoughtless, Asher.” Sola kissed his cheek again, and Padmè buried her head in her hands.
-
December 28th, 2:02 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Gift
Hello Anakin,
Happy winter break. I opened your beautiful gift. It’s going straight on my custom bookshelf that Hera distracted you from the last time I was supposed to show you my book collection. Is there a good time to give you the gift I purchased? I’m back in town on New Years Eve, but if you’re spending time with Ahsoka, there’s no pressure at all.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
December 28th, 4:09 pm
Anakin Skywalker < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Gift
Hello Professor,
Anytime that day works fine for me.
Anakin
-
Padmè pulled on her sweater to make sure that it was even on both sides, and knocked on Anakin’s apartment door softly.
There was no blaring music from inside this time, just a soft thump down the hall from someone else’s stereo. She brushed some of her hair from her back onto her shoulder just to give her hands something to do when the door swung open just a crack to reveal Ahsoka staring warily at her.
“Dr. Naberrie.” She narrowed her eyes even further, and Padmè visibly gulped at her inspection. “What are you doing here.”
“I have a gift for Anakin.” She meekly held up the gold paper-wrapped gift, and Ahsoka just stared back unconvinced. “I promise that I don’t intend to stay very long, in fact, I can just give it to you so you can pass it on-”
“Ahsoka!” She heard the shout of the voice she knew so well at this point from inside the house. “Who is at the door?”
“No one!” She shouted, and extended her hand to presumably take the gift. “It’s fine!”
“Professor Naberrie was supposed to come-” She heard the footsteps stop, and Ahsoka was at this point looking back at him. “Get out of the door, snips.”
“You’re being watched.” Ahsoka hissed, and Padmè nodded her head in acknowledgment before she disappeared from the small crack of the door. The door shut momentarily, and she heard the chain slide out before it opened to reveal a sight that she would never be able to get out of her mind.
“Hello, Anakin.” She gulped as she tried to ignore the fact his hair was wet and he was wearing his glasses, in what appeared to be his pajamas. “If I’m intruding, please forgive me. I can leave-”
“It’s alright, Professor.” His eyes sparkled as he leaned against the doorway, the worn-out shirt hugging in places none of his others did. “Come in.” There was a Christmas tree in the corner with hardly any ornaments, and cat toys were spread throughout the room. “I’m sorry about the cat toys, I was just getting R2’s energy out.”
“I hardly noticed it.” She smiled, and he offered his hand towards the couch that she hadn’t gotten the chance to see the last time she was here. They had spent the entire time on the balcony instead. “Hera sleeps most of the day. Not even when she was a kitten did she have that much energy.”
“Yeah, R2’s energy seems to never end.” She sat on the edge of the couch, aware that Ahsoka was probably giving her the stink eye and she couldn’t see it yet. “Do you want coffee? Cocoa?”
“Coffee sounds nice, if you don’t mind.” She pressed the indents of her fingertips into the box as she took the time to actually take in the apartment without the throngs of people who stood in it. There was a TV cabinet filled with DVDs, an old gaming system that she couldn’t quite recognize, and a hefty pile of books that seemed to trail down the hall where she thought a bedroom might be. She watched Anakin turn on the coffee pot, and heard a hiss from down the hall.
He walked down the hall, and Padmè decided to look at her hands rather than eavesdrop.
“What would you prefer?” There were indistinct whispers that she knew must be Ahsoka, then some grumbling that was obviously Anakin. “Tell me. What do you want .” The silence made Padmè want to laugh as she knew that meant Ahsoka was obviously not telling him on purpose. “What, you want me to be more serious? What do you want , snips?” She heard Ahsoka say something indistinctly, and then scoff. “Just go back to your room.”
“You go back to your room!” She heard, and Anakin walked out of the hall. Padmè quickly turned back towards her hands so it wasn’t completely obvious that she was trying to figure out what was going on.
Anakin sat on the couch beside her, and handed her a cup.
“Do you have any sugar?” He chuckled.
“It already has one scoop of sugar, no milk.” He knew the way she drank her coffee. “You always drink it like this.”
“Thank you.” She whispered, and took the cup from his hands while averting her eyes. “Oh, here.” She handed him the gift gently, and Anakin looked at it momentarily. “I want you to open this.”
She watched him unwrap the paper gently until he uncovered the box.
“Is it fragile?” She nodded, and he opened the lid delicately. Inside was a little airplane ornament, and a red pen like she used to grade. He smiled at it. “Because you held up your end of the promise and told me why you’re called Skyguy.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“My brother-in-law’s hobby is glass making.” She explained. “Asher takes the sand from everywhere he visits so he can make something different. He was just in Santa Fe last month for a work trip.” Anakin held the ornament in his hands, and she smiled. “The sand is from there.”
He laughed quietly, then looked up at her.
“This is the nicest thing anyone has given me.” She shook her head.
“It’s just an ornament, Ani.”
“It’s beautiful.” He held it up, fascinated with how it twirled and the colors on the side of the plane. “Thank you.”
They looked at each other for a while, the comfortableness of the moment drowning everything else out.
Anakin invited her to stay to watch the ball drop in New York, and Padmè accepted since she had no excuse that could keep her away. Sola blew up her phone the moment she realized that she was in Anakin’s apartment until she had to turn it off completely just to avoid it buzzing repeatedly.
“I’m going to a party.” Ahsoka’s voice was begrudging as she walked out in a mini dress that sparkled, sliding on her shoes. “Are you going to lead him on again?”
“ Ahsoka .”
“I didn’t ask you , stupid.” She turned to Padmè. “Are you going to lead him on?”
“I’m not leading him on.” She said softly. “I promise.”
“She never led me on in the first place, Ahsoka.”
“I heard differently when you came home wallowing in your misery-”
“ Go to your party, snips !” Anakin covered his face as he flushed red, and Ahsoka rolled her eyes as she headed out the door. “Text me when you’re heading home so I know you’re safe.”
“Whatever you wish, master.” The door shut violently behind her, and Anakin just shook his head wearily.
“I’m sorry.” Padmè covered her first laugh successfully, then laughed openly. Anakin’s smile spread across his face quickly, and she couldn’t contain the feeling that it gave her to see him so happy. “Is pizza alright for tonight?”
She didn’t think she would stay for dinner, but he was already reaching for his phone.
“Your pick is great.” He nodded, and she pulled her hair back as she readjusted herself on his couch. The TV in the background was a great distraction, and she started picking at her thumb just to give herself something to do. “How is the planning for Lake Como going?”
“I haven’t started.” He said softly, and tucked his phone underneath his thigh easily as they sat on opposite sides of the couch. “I know you already have.” She blushed as he smiled at her, and she shook her head at the very true accusation. “I’m just a tag-along. This is really your time to shine.”
“Professor Kenobi gave me full reign of the itinerary, sure.” She considered it in her head, then chose to be truthful. “There’s so much architecture I want to see. I advocated for our accommodations to be at Villa Balbianello, but they said they’d only host a dinner.”
“See, you’ve already thought through this much further than I.” She laughed at the way he ducked his head. “I just thought about the pictures.”
“I think I’ll need to bring along my nice camera.” She admitted. “I want to bring back so many photos for my nieces and nephews. Rina is obsessed with the Renaissance. I could tell her so much about the buildings, the culture.”
“I’ve never been outside of the country.” He said softly, and she looked up to see him picking at the hem of his shirt.
“It’s beautiful.” His blue eyes locked onto hers, and she challenged herself to just hold his eye contact for a while. “There’s so many things that you’ll learn. The people, the history…” She eventually turned away to see the musical guest of the evening on the TV. “It’s something you’ll remember for the rest of your life.”
Anakin had remembered the kind of wine she liked, and the hours passed easily between soft conversations on opposite ends of the couch.
“What drew you to my class?” Padmè swirled the wine absentmindedly, her nerves dulled by good laughter and the warmth of the apartment. “Why did you apply for a position that two people had quit?”
“Because your class was fascinating.” Anakin pushed his hand through his hair as he kept his eyes on her. “And I knew that those people weren’t serious about their jobs.”
“My last two graduate assistants were subpar.” She murmured. “I couldn’t count on my first year one for the life of me, and my second year one decided that he didn’t have to do work after winter break.”
“I'll do anything you ask, Professor.” She pressed her lips together and crossed her outstretched legs at the knee, brushing Anakin’s legs in the process. She considered getting another slice of pizza, then decided against it at the full feeling in her stomach.
“I’m sure you will.” She said quietly. “Ani, why are you so infatuated with me?”
The only noise was the music from the TV, and she looked at a point on the ceiling so she didn’t have to make eye contact with him.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re handsome, you’re smart.” She swirled the liquid a little bit more. “You have good taste in clothes. You work hard. You like to read.” She finally turned her attention to Anakin, his gaze intense. She rested the glass on her thigh as she pushed one hand through her hair again out of habit. “Someone who’s not thirty-two with a control problem shouldn’t have your attention.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Which part, the control problem, or your attention?”
“My attention means nothing when I get the chance to know even a little more of who you are.” She turned the other direction out of habit. “You can’t even look at me.”
“I don’t trust myself around you, Anakin.” She said softly. “I can’t trust my judgment in your presence.”
“Is that a crime?” She blinked a few times, and watched one of Anakin’s cats, 3PO, push a cat toy across the room lazily.
“It’s not a crime.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “No. It just makes me uneasy.”
“Why?” She felt his eyes on her.
“Because I don’t like feeling vulnerable.” Her words were soft, and she gripped the sides of the glass a little tighter. “And I’ve never been unable to force myself to do something before.” Anakin shifted, and she swallowed deeply. “You’re right. I’m a woman of contradictions. One moment, you’re forbidden, and the next, you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I haven't quite decided what to make of my feelings.”
“Decide that I’m not forbidden.” His voice was steady, and she turned to look at his intense stare.
“It’s not as easy as it appears, Ani. My feelings for you are like a puzzle for which I have no answer.”
“You say that like your answer doesn’t lie in the ornament you gave me.” She heard faintly in the background the countdown and the stare between them growing stronger.
“7!”
“6!”
“5!”
“Do you really believe that I’m your Rochester, Ani?”
“3!”
“2!”
“Yes, Padmè.”
“Happy New Year!”
Padmè stared at Anakin, the cheering on the TV seeming eight miles away as she was lost in his stare.
“Everyone has found their partner to kiss as we enter the New Year!”
Auld Lang Syne played softly in the background, but Padmè didn’t notice. She was too busy paying attention to how his hair felt in between her fingers, and the feelings of his lips on hers.
Notes:
can y'all tell my favorite book is jane eyre? i suck at abstaining getting my couples together because i'm a sucker for a happy ending (not to say there isn't ups and downs inbetween...)
do leave any comments you can think of, they make my day :)come chit-chat with me! :) @shubiherself on all platforms
Chapter 4
Summary:
Excuses fizzled out into a reality Padmè had never dreamed could be so sweet.
Notes:
this type of writing is where i really excel, tooth-rotting fluff because i cannot bear a reality where they don't get to be happy. i listened to my love mine all mine on repeat, a LOT of Mac Demarco, and 40s-50s love songs because i just really feel like they encapsulate them. i love them with all my heart, if you can't tell.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Padmè didn’t know when she had gotten so weak.
She also didn’t know when she started falling for her graduate assistant.
She dragged her fingers through his hair quietly as he slept, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest after she successfully won at Monopoly three times in a row. Anakin had claimed that Padmè was just good at everything she touched, and she said it was because she had a few years under her belt battling her father, who looked over financial reports like they were the morning paper.
They hadn’t really addressed what they were supposed to be, other than stolen kisses and barely concealed smiles. She would clear her throat as she felt his fingers brush against her during one of her lectures, and he would smile into his cup of coffee when she walked into the break room.
She was fairly sure everyone knew what had happened.
Mostly because when she walked into work, Dormè took one look at her and audibly exclaimed “Oh thank heavens .”
His hair slipped between her fingers easily, the dead weight of his arms wrapped around her a comfort as the TV played in the background. She really should be grading papers, and sorting through extra credit work. Researching Italy.
Anakin shifted further into her, and she tucked her nose into his hair.
She was content to stay here for a while.
Just until she could really focus.
“I want the digs.” Padmè turned, and Dormè was standing in the door like a threat. “And so does Sabè.” Sabè poked her head in the little space that she could be seen, and waved.
“About what?” She looked down at her pantsuit. “My suit?”
“You know what we’re talking about.” Dormè entered the room on a warpath, and looked around. “Shut the door.” Padmè watched Sabè shut the door, and it was just the three of them alone in the room. “I’ve been nice. I’ve not tied you up to a stake and forced the information out of your mouth.”
“Pardon?” Pamdè laughed a bit at the two women.
“I want to know what happened to make boring, skittish, Padmè Naberrie-”
“ Ouch .” She exclaimed.
“Into this smiling, relaxed, doesn’t assign fifteen extra credit opportunities.” Dormè motioned to her up and down. “This is not the Padmè we know.”
“This is from those glasses.” Sabè was leaning against the counter, and Padmè coughed into her cup. “I’m not wrong then.”
“This is really crossing the line.”
“You have this glow about you.” Dormè walked around her. “I mean, you’re even wearing your curls. I think I saw you wear your hair like that when you first arrived at this university, just for you to only wear a blowout for three years after that.”
“Wasn’t that the last time you went on a date?” Sabè mentioned, and Padmè blushed. “Bingo, that was the last time she allowed a man to woo her.”
“You make me sound like a dictator.”
“You were.” Dormè said plainly. “And then this delicious, young graduate assistant comes into your life and she’s shining like the freaking sun at the end of days.”
“I can’t even blame her.” Sabè stirred her coffee lazily, and Padmè just laughed to herself. “How did he get you to cave? You were pulling out all the stops.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Oh, come on.” Dormè practically growled. “I’ve watched the way he looks at you. He looks at you like his whole world revolves around you.” She repressed the urge to smile. “I really want to know how he managed to pull this off.”
Padmè was silent for a moment, and considered the fact that if she told them, then people would know. A part of her felt like that was something she really wanted to do.
“He said I was his Rochester.” Dormè wrinkled her brows, and Sabè tilted her head. “And that no disastrous wedding could keep him away.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve read Bronte.” Dormè murmured, and turned to Sabè’s sparkling eyes. “Does that mean he’s supposed to be Jane?” Padmè nodded.
“He’s a keeper.” Sabè whispered. Padmè smiled. He kind of was.
Padmè leaned back as she felt hands intertwining with her hair.
“We’re on campus, Ani.”
“You look so beautiful.” His voice was soft, and she closed her eyes as she felt him kiss her cheek. “I can’t help myself.”
“You know the rules.” She found herself beginning to forget those rules as he twirled her hair around his fingers and kissed the side of her face gently. “Not at the school.”
“Why not?” She took all the strength she had to push him away with her pointer finger, just to see that dimple mocking her. “You’re wearing your hair curly today.”
“I know.” She replied, and forced herself to look back down at her papers. “And to answer your question, it’s because it’s very inappropriate for a member of the faculty to allow her graduate assistant to kiss her on school property.”
“But off property?” She considered it for a moment.
“That’s not inappropriate at all.” Anakin returned to his desk, and she looked back to see him gathering his things. “What are you doing?”
“Going off property.” He looked up at her with a grin on his face that made her laugh aloud.
“Ani, I’m not leaving until I finish grading these essays.” He set down his laptop, moving back towards her in the blink of an eye. His hand slipped underneath her chin as he guided her to look up at him. “No amount of playing with my hair or complimenting me will change that.”
“What if I put on my glasses?” She blushed, and she watched his smile grow even wider.
“How do you know about that?” She pushed him back, and he laughed out loud. “Just for that, I’m not leaving until I finish grading their notes as well. You’re so bad.”
“I have them right over there if it’ll change your mind.”
“You’re a horrible distraction, Anakin.”
She thought to herself that if she went out to dinner with Anakin, none of her work would get done. They spent yesterday playing a game of Twister, the night before that watching her favorite movie, and the entire past weekend exploring the city.
Yes, she’d have to stay here if she wanted to get anything done.
Her apartment was dark by the time she got back, but there was a plate of pasta underneath a cover sitting on the table. She packaged it up to slip into the fridge, and noticed he had left for her a slice of chocolate cake with a small heart drawn on the notecard underneath it. She couldn’t help but smile.
She checked the time on the microwave, and it informed her that it was well past midnight. Padmè let her hair down from her claw clip, and slipped off the suit jacket that she wore to keep warm as she passed Hera snoozing peacefully.
The TV was on in her bedroom, and Anakin was slumped in her bed fast asleep with a book laying on his chest. She smiled as she checked the cover.
“The Secret Garden, huh?” She brushed her fingers with featherlight touch over his nose, and removed the glasses he had threatened with her earlier. “The beginning will put you to sleep pretty fast.” Anakin didn’t stir, and Padme slipped off her shoes as she went to take a shower instead of soaking in a bath like she usually did.
She washed off the little makeup she had, changed into her night clothes, and slipped underneath the comforter easily as she saw that he had hardly changed positions. The TV played some re-run of a night life show, and she reached for the remote to turn it off completely.
“Padmè?” His voice was groggy, and she turned to see him blinking to gather his surroundings. “When did you get back?”
“Maybe twenty minutes ago.” He leaned over to tug her closer, and she settled into the pillow after turning off the TV. “Just go back to bed.”
“You worked late tonight.” His breath fanned out on her neck, and she closed her eyes as she enjoyed his warmth. “Did you always work late before me?” She thought about the weight of that statement as he pressed a sleepy kiss into her hair.
“Yes.” Anakin held her tighter.
“I’m glad you only do it once in a while now.” She smiled, and squeezed his hands.
“Me too, Ani.”
-
Sola [9:42 am]
How are you, Ms. Rochester? Doth James visit your humble abode often?
Padmè [10:53 am]
I should’ve never told you about him calling me Rochester.
You’ve turned into a monster, Sola.
Sola [11:01 am]
Please, oh please don’t keep me locked in your attic!
I’m only joking.
How are things with Anakin?
Good if you’re not awake at five in the morning?
Padmè [11:02 am]
I never knew I could take mornings off until as of late. They’ve been nice.
Sola [11:04 am]
Who are you spending such lazy mornings with?
My sister would never sleep in.
Padmè [11:06 am]
Hush.
Sola [11:08 am]
I want the chicken option at the wedding, by the way.
-
“I was thinking that we should take tours of some of the most historical villas.” Anakin rubbed her shoulders as she sat cross-legged on the floor. Hera sniffed at the cheese board they had made earlier. “So that the students can see more of the architecture.”
“Have you always smelled so good?” She turned, and he was focused on his task of getting the apparently very serious knots out of her shoulders.
“Did you hear a single thing I said, Anakin?”
“I’m sorry!” She laughed as his ever-familiar smile spread across his face. “You’re distracting me.”
“How.”
“Your skin is soft.” His excuse was weak, and she laughed at the ticklish spot he found on her neck as he dragged his pointer finger up. “And you smell amazing.”
“I think you’re trying to distract me now.” He leaned in, and she leaned back as she shook her head. “Look at you. You never let me plan, Ani.”
“Why do you have to plan?” He rubbed at her shoulders again, and she turned to face the book. “You could just talk with me.”
“If I talked with you all day, then Obi-Wan would think that I’m incapable of getting any work done.”
“I can always explain to him that you were preoccupied.” She blushed and shook her head.
“Of course you would.”
“You were distracted by good food.” He rubbed at one of the knots, and she shut her eyes. “And good conversation.”
“And my very unhelpful assistant.” She murmured.
“Who’s very good at giving massages.” She nodded, and leaned her head back.
“I have to plan, Anakin.” She exhaled, and abandoned the hope that she’d get any work done while he was in her presence. Her thoughts wandered to what they were, and what they meant to each other. Her stomach coiled, and she wondered if she was going to acknowledge what this type of attachment was to her.
“You’re thinking.” His voice was soft as she felt his hand wander into her hair, and she pressed her lips together as he continued his soft touches. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing.”
“You’re pensive.” She turned to look at him, and his blue stare was strong. “I know you, Padmè.”
“A little too well.” She brought her hand up to his, and squeezed. “I’m wondering what you get out of this.”
“What do you mean??”
“Out of us.” She said softly. He looked at her with a blank expression, and she tilted her head down. “I get most of the benefits.”
“I get more.” His voice was sincere, and she shook her head. “I get to listen to your thoughts. Hold your hand. Know who you are.”
“I find it hard to believe that you dreamed of this.” She turned towards her large windows, watching the traffic build up. “Sitting in an apartment with a workaholic and having to beg her to spend time with you.”
“I dreamed of you since the moment I saw you.” She pressed her lips together. “Since I read the description underneath your class, I wanted to know you.”
“Now that you know me, you still want me?” She blinked a few times.
“I’ll always want you.” She felt him squeeze her hand.
“Ok.” She wanted to believe it. "Ok."
January passed with stolen kisses, light touches, and fleeting smiles.
“Professor Naberrie, I need your help.” She giggled as Anakin nuzzled into her neck from behind. “I don’t understand the homework.”
“You’re hopeless .” She hissed, and they laughed together until the click of the door sparked fear in her heart.
“ Oops .” Cody’s deep voice sounded genuinely regretful, and Padmè shot away from Anakin, who was clearing his throat. “I can come back at another time.”
“Don’t leave!” Padmè adjusted her sweater although nothing was out of place, her face hot. “Mr. Skywalker just was asking me about some of my more-” She cleared her throat suddenly, and Cody looked like he was holding back laughter. “ Challenging coursework.”
“She make life hard for you?” Anakin smiled, and she blushed more.
“Very difficult, sir.”
“I can see.” Anakin sat back at the desk, and Padmè brushed her hair out of her face. “I just came to give you the next date for trivia night.”
“Oh.” She took the flier, and smiled. “Thank you, Professor.”
“Of course, Anakin, you’re welcome to come. Now that you two have,” Cody stifled a laugh. “ United forces , we can beat business ninety to nothing.” Padmè blushed as Cody saluted. “See you two then.” The door clicked shut, and Anakin and Padmè made eye contact.
They burst into laughter, and Padmè covered her face with her hands.
-
February 3rd, 8:02 pm
Dormè S. < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Friendly Reminder
Friendly Reminder that classrooms are to be used for educational purposes only. If there’s any canoodling on campus, then it’s to be reported directly to Professors Dormè and Sabè.
Thank you!
Professor Dormè
-
February 3rd, 8:54 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Reply: Friendly Reminder
I really dislike you.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
“You can’t look at me like that.” She squeezed their intertwined hands, and Anakin laughed. His breath appeared white in the cold, and she relished seeing his smile.
“Why not?”
“Because the Professors are already making jokes at my expense, and you’ll just make that worse.” Anakin gave her an innocent expression, and she laughed.
“Make jokes, how?”
“Sabè asked me the other day if cougars usually liked wearing pantsuits.” His laughter was contagious, and she found herself shaking her head as she attempted to get him to stop laughing at her. “That isn’t funny, Ani!”
“It’s a little bit funny.” Anakin had stopped them before they entered the cafe, and pulled her close. “I like that you’re a cougar.”
“You’re the only one who reaps the rewards of my misery.” She murmured, and he pressed his lips against hers once. She pushed him away with no real force after the third kiss. “No more of that.”
“I happen to like that.”
“I know you do.” She said softly.
“Do you not?” She chose not to answer, and his smirk sent a shiver down her spine. “Use your words, Professor.”
“You know my answer.” He brushed his lips against her cheek, and she huffed out a laugh. “ Anakin .”
“Are you guys going to head in?” She stepped as far away as she could from Anakin, meeting Dormè’s satisfied smile. “You know, I can leave you out here to continue.” Padmè chose instead to push past Dormè, the blush hot on her face, as her frankly annoying friend’s laughter echoed outside.
Anakin chose to sit by Obi-Wan again as Padmè refused to look anywhere in his direction, lest the snickers at the table get louder.
“The dynamic duo aren’t going to sit together?” Sabè drummed her fingers on the table, and she felt her face grow hot.
“Leave them alone, Sab.” Cody frowned, and the rest of the table chuckled at how Anakin ducked his head.
“They swept the table last time!” She threw up her hands, and Padmè stared firmly at her shoes.
“You’re gonna embarrass Padmè so much it’ll mess up her game.” Cody patted her back as he rose from the table. “Go get your girl a drink, Anakin. She’s practically shaking.” She watched Anakin rise from the table obediently, and she chose to look off in the distance.
“We’re not making fun of you Padmè.” Sabè said softly, and she felt like she was going to melt into a puddle of embarrassment. “We were all rooting for him.”
“It’s embarrassing.” She hissed, and Sabè wrinkled her brows. “It’s celebrating the fact that I crossed a line.”
“Oh, c’mon.” Dormè leaned in from the other direction, rolling her eyes. “We’re just happy for you. It’s like how the scarecrow got the pole out of his back in Wizard of Oz. Don’t take it too seriously.”
“I’m not.”
“We like that you’re getting kissed at every opportunity, Padmè.” She covered her face, and Sabè laughed. “It makes for a very different side of Padmè that I'd love to see for the rest of my life, personally.”
“Alright, leave Professor Naberrie alone.” Obi-Wan had a hint of a smile on his face, and he turned the other direction. “The game is going to begin.”
She looked up to see Anakin slip a cup of coffee across the table with a reserved smile on his face. She returned it, and kept eye contact with him while he slipped on his glasses.
You’re mean, She mouthed, and he winked.
Rex had pulled the literature questions out completely after the absolutely sad defeat of the business department last time, which resulted in the entire table booing as a response. Rex just waved his hand towards them, and proceeded with the new line of questioning.
“What word completes the following Santana lyric?” The table leaned closer as Rex held the card out. “This word is also the title of the song. ‘You got the kind of loving that can be so-” The button was slammed as soon as Padmè raised her hand. “Humanities?”
“Smooth!” She shouted out. Rex played the sound effect for correct, and the table cheered.
“Senator and her cabinet, ladies and gents!” She laughed as they smacked their hands on the table in a drum roll, knowing the next thing that was about to happen.
“ Yes, Madame President !” She shook her head as she watched Dormè take a long drag from her smuggled beer.
“Since when does the senator listen to Santana ?” She bit her lip as she remembered Anakin playing it for her and putting on a very good air guitar impression in his cat pajama pants. She had hooted and hollered for him as he jumped around in his socks until Ahsoka slammed on the connecting wall to the living room and shouted for him to stop being an idiot.
“You can thank my assistant.” She grinned as Dormè cat called towards Anakin, who flushed crimson.
“Next question is a little,” Rex leaned in. “ Challenging .” The table burst into laughter, and Padmè didn’t understand the reference until Cody started apologizing profusely. “Let’s see if the senator can answer this.”
“Was that-” She remembered earlier her awkward excuse about the coursework in Cody’s midst, and buried her head in her hands. “ Oh, my stars .”
“Deglutition is the scientific term for what common bodily function that humans do hundreds of times a day?” The table was quiet for a moment, and then they watched one of the business assistants slam their button at the same time as Obi-Wan. “Business, can you recover?”
“Skin shedding?” Rex played the incorrect sound effect, and the room groaned in disappointment.
“Humanities, double or nothing.”
“Swallowing.” Rex pumped his fist as they heard the effect confirming the validity of the answer, and they cheered.
“Correct!”
They ended up beating business again, and Rex just shook his head after Dormè was being so disruptive that the owners kicked them out. Padmè walked with her hands in her pocket as Anakin trailed behind her, and she smiled a bit as he caught up to her.
“I’m sorry they tease you.” His voice was soft, and she turned to look at him. He had ducked his head, the way he did when he was embarrassed. “I feel like I make your life harder.”
“Ani.” She looked at the group ahead and paused to take his hand. “I need to disrupt my life more often.” He searched her eyes, and she smiled. “A little teasing does that.”
“But-”
“I don’t care.” She shook her head and laughed. “I don’t care anymore.” She grabbed his jaw and pulled him down to kiss him. She heard wolf whistles and smiled as Anakin placed his hands on her waist. “Do you understand?”
“Yes, Professor.” His eyes sparkled, and she pushed away his face with a laugh quickly afterward.
-
Sola [10:32 pm]
The kids got your gift in the mail today and are ecstatic. I’m seriously impressed by how lifelike each figurine is. When did you figure out how to do that?
Padmè [10:33 pm]
Anakin helped me.
He’s been making them since he was a child.
Sola [10:35 pm]
Um, hello?
When do I get to meet him?
Padmè [10:42 pm]
I’m not sure.
I haven’t even decided exactly what we are.
Sola [10:45 pm]
Padmè, the man handmade figurines of my children, romanced you with your literal favorite book, and somehow has convinced you to not work.
He’s the one.
-
“My sister wants to meet you.” Padmè scrunched her hair into a towel as she flicked her gaze to the mirror, watching Anakin put his book on his chest to listen. She loved watching him read. “You don’t have to say yes.”
“Why would I say no?” Anakin turned his head to watch her continue scrunching the dampness out of her hair, and she shrugged. “Are you scared of this becoming real?”
She squirmed at the way Anakin could always read her. It excited her and frightened her all at the same time.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because it would be admitting that you’re wrong.” Anakin slid off the bed, and she watched him walk towards her. “And you don’t like doing that.”
“I don’t know if that's true.”
“You’d be admitting that you actually like me more than you’re letting on. More than just letting me kiss you in the safety of your apartment, or in front of your work friends.” She felt his hands wrap around her waist, and she locked eyes with him in the mirror. “Or am I wrong, Professor?”
“Are you sure you didn’t get a doctorate in psychology at some point in your life?” Anakin laughed, and she shook her head. “You unnerve me, Ani.”
“Only because I’m right.” She set the towel down on the counter and leaned her head back against his shoulder as she thought about it.
“It’s like you’re perfect.” She murmured, dragging her fingers up and down his forearms.
“I’m not perfect, Padmè.”
“Of course you’re not.” She looked up at him. “We just haven’t hit our first fight.”
“Would you be disappointed if I said that I don’t know what you mean?” She laughed as Anakin squeezed her.
“Everything goes really well until a couple’s first fight.” She said softly. “And their first trip.”
“And their first trip?”
“It makes or breaks a relationship, Ani.” She interlinked their hands, and sighed.
“I think we’ll be fine.” Anakin shrugged a bit. “Maybe our first trip should be visiting my family in Nevada.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You’ll have to take time off, you know. Probably we should spend three or four days there.”
“ I need to take time off?” She turned to face him, and he smirked at her. “What about your studies?”
“All my homework is turned in.” She tangled her hands in the length of his hair, and he smiled. “It’s not me who has trouble getting work done.” She scoffed and pushed him back as he laughed at her. “Padmè, come back!”
She stepped into the bedroom instead, and opened her computer.
“Just for that, I’m going to get my work done and not watch our movie tonight.” He flopped beside her, and she kept her eyes on the screen purposely. “Go make yourself dinner, Ani.” She felt his fingers drag up her arm and she pressed her lips together. “No amount of begging is going to change my mind this time.”
She caught him pressing his face into the pillows to let out a shout of frustration. The smile that crawled onto her face thankfully, was not caught by him.
Some of her students fell behind in her class, and Padmè felt directly responsible for it. It was she who had been checked out of the class. Maybe if she had been paying more attention, she would have caught the students' lack of understanding before they turned in their less-than-stellar assignments.
Her week was filled with many student meetings and grading sessions that she had to practically fight Anakin away from her so that she could recover what she had been slacking in.
“Valentine’s Day is coming up.” She turned her head from her computer to see that it was Sabè. She held up a protein pack from the vending machine, and Padmè smiled. “This is a lot of work I’ve seen you doing.”
“I fell behind.” The package slipped across in her direction, and she gratefully took it.
“Where’s the packed lunch I usually see with you?” She blushed, and turned towards her computer.
“Anakin had classes early this morning so he couldn’t make it for me.”
“I wish I had a boyfriend who packed lunches for me.” Sabè sat on the desk, and sighed. “What are you getting him for Valentine's Day?”
“I don’t think we’re doing anything.” She said softly, clicking into one student report to see where exactly they had gone wrong. There were too many mistakes to count, and she wrinkled her nose. “I don’t even know how to grade this without seeming mean.”
“You’re not doing anything?” Sabè raised her brows as Padmè tried to come up with a way to kindly deliver the news that they would have to completely redo this assignment for a passing grade. “Padmè, stop .” She registered the hand plastered over the screen, and looked up at Sabè. “You’re seriously not doing anything for Valentine's Day?”
“It’s just a commercial holiday, Sabè.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m sure Anakin sees it the same way.”
“Anakin treats you like you personally handcrafted his entire world , Padmè. The man is a serious romantic, and you’re not even going to write him a card?” When it was put that way, now Padmè felt bad. “Your girlfriend skills are seriously rusty.”
“I never celebrated Valentine's Day, not even in high school when I had a boyfriend for about three months.” She turned back to the screen. “We’ll probably eat dinner at my house and watch a movie. He always likes that.”
“Turn off the freaking computer.” Padmè nearly got her fingers crushed as Sabè slammed it shut.
“Sabè!”
“You are going to first, find the most attractive, out-of-the-ordinary outfit at the mall or online. Probably pantsuit related, because he can never think straight when you wear pantsuits.” Sabè leaned forward. “Second, you are going to write a sappy card about how much you love your boyfriend and his pretty blue eyes and the glasses he wears that drive you crazy.”
“I’m not-”
“Third!” She looked at the finger placed on her lips as the method to make her quiet. “You are going to treat Anakin in half the way he treats you, because he’s chased after you longer than anyone else has and he deserves that.”
“But-”
“And even if it’s a commercial holiday, you’re going to do it. Because good girlfriends surprise their boyfriends who pack them a lunch every day, kiss them in their office even when they weakly protest, and give them a hand-engraved copy of their favorite book to profess his undying devotion towards her. Get my drift?” Padmè just nodded. “Good. Because I would literally rip you apart limb from limb if you don’t just let yourself indulge in all the fun things you get to do once you have a boyfriend. I know you haven’t had one in probably your whole life, but this is what you do.”
“Ok.”
“You are very repressed, Padmè.” Sabè shook her head as she walked away from the desk where she sat shell-shocked. “Also, most people would kill to have their graduate assistants look and act and think like Anakin. Don’t take him for granted.”
“I don’t.” Sabè turned around and raised her brows.
“I hope you mean that.”
She listened to the door click shut, and buried her head in her hands.
Her apartment was warm, and Anakin laughed after pushing Padmè back.
“While I appreciate all this extra attention, I can’t help but feel as if this is atonement for something I don’t know about.” She sat back on her heels, and Anakin sat up a bit as he waited for her explanation.
“You’re too good for me.” Anakin sighed, and titled his head to the side. “You shower me in affection, you pack lunches for me when you know I’m going to work late, and all I do is insist that I’m not going to participate in a commercial holiday.”
“I'm very confused, Padmè.” Anakin pushed his hair back, and she couldn’t find the words to verbalize it. “What is this really about?”
“I wasn’t going to do anything for Valentine’s Day.” Anakin just looked at her. “Don’t you hate me?”
“No.” He shook his head, and then started to laugh. “In fact, I feel the exact opposite.” She covered her face, and she heard him laugh a little harder. “What is it, my love?”
“You’re perfect.” She groaned into her hands. “And I hate that I can’t do the same for you.”
“A wise woman once said that no one is perfect.” She felt Anakin grasp her shoulders to bring her closer, and she allowed him to drag her in his direction. “If you’d like me to enlighten you on some of the more embarrassing things I do, I can.”
“You’re so good.” She buried her face in his shoulder, and it annoyed her that he even smelled good. “I can’t measure up, Ani. The day I tried I got covered in cat poop .” He laughed and rubbed the small of her back, and she felt pathetic.
“If I tell you this, you cannot make fun of me.” She nodded, and he laughed. “I only came to Republic University because I saw that you were a professor.” She sat up at that, and saw his face flaming.
“ What ?”
“I can explain-”
“Please.”
“Obi-Wan is from Nevada.” He said softly. “And he’s known me since I was a child. He helped my family find a way to pay for my school, even if it was in New Mexico.” She watched him inhale. “He found a way to get me to the universities where he was teaching, even if it meant spending every night at my apartment with Ahsoka running testing drills because he made a promise to my mother. By the time he was tenured at Republic, I swore to him that I was done with school.”
She watched him chew a little on his lip, which he only did when he was nervous.
“I didn’t know you knew Obi-Wan that long.” She cradled his face in her hand, and he looked up at her in that soft way that made her stomach flip.
“I refused to go back to school.” He shook his head. “I didn’t have the test scores to get into Republic the first time I applied, and the only thing that motivated me was…” She started to smile as he blushed.
“You applied for me?”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“Ani.” She laughed a little and he pressed his forehead into her shoulder as she kissed the top of his head. “What do you mean, I was the only thing that motivated you?”
“He told me that if I didn’t want to do it for myself to do it to see someone he thought I’d really like.” He grumbled, and her heart beat quickly. “Passed me along the opening of the job position of your graduate assistant. I couldn’t get the job if I wasn’t enrolled.”
“You’re telling me,” She grabbed his face by his jaw to bring him to eye level, his blue eyes wide as he blushed. “The only reason you’re at Republic is because you wanted to know me.”
“That sounds really pathetic.” She just stared at him, and found herself smiling as his intense gaze bore into her. “Do you think I’m pathetic?”
“You’re such a romantic, Ani.” She leaned in, and kissed him lightly, only pulling back to press her forehead against his. “How did I not know that before?”
“You were too busy thinking I was obsessive and intense.” He murmured, and she laughed.
“You are obsessive and intense.”
“I’m sorry Professor.” She smiled as he kissed her again. “I’ll try to be better.”
“Of course you will, Anakin.” They laughed together, and she swung her arms around his neck.
Anakin was supposed to be coming over after classes, and with the help of a couple of online articles she thought she had this girlfriend thing down. She had cleaned up her books to stay exclusively in her library for the night, lit candles on the island and set out two fancy plates, ordered in from a fancy steak house, and wore one of his favorite pantsuits with two buttons undone.
She checked to make sure she wasn’t accidentally burning the steaks she was attempting to keep warm in her oven, then checked the time to see it was five-thirty. She had left work early since it was just an office day without lectures, and visited Satine to get her makeup done to match the pantsuit.
She checked the mirror to check her curls once again, and then adjusted her earrings. It all felt strangely reminiscent of her first day of this year, how she checked everything over three times and made sure that the cutlery was lined up perfectly.
Hera had been given special food to make sure that there were no upset stomachs that could possibly interrupt the night, and she had pulled out her record player from the back of her study closet to put on some Carpenters.
Padmè had never celebrated a Valentine’s Day before. Her boyfriend in high school had wanted to, so they exchanged cards. His card professed that he was in love with her, and she had signed hers with a from, Padmè . She had spent time making sure that her card said something a little more complex than her teenage self had the urge to say.
It was surprisingly easy to list the things she liked about Anakin.
She checked her hair again, and then took a quick picture to send off Sola to prove that she was being a good girlfriend. She received a response quickly.
Sola [5:13 pm]
Asher tonight is getting a wife in a facemask, and her mumu nightgown.
I think he’d be a little jealous to know that some guys get a full dinner, gifts, and a smoking girl.
I thought you didn’t celebrate commercial holidays.
He’s got you whupped.
Padmè [5:18 pm]
Does not.
Sola [5:19 pm]
Oh, does so.
You’re all dressed up and you cleaned for him and you’re wearing your natural curls.
I love what Anakin has done to you.
Padmè set her phone down as she noticed that the record needed to be flipped. She walked to the other room, the click of her heels sharp against the floor, until she heard the age-old sound of a key in her lock.
“Padmè?” She quickly flipped the side, putting the needle back onto it as gently as she could, and heard what was presumably Anakin’s backpack dropping onto the ground. “I’m back!”
She smoothed out her pantsuit, the maroon of her nails catching her eye for a moment as she headed toward the entryway.
“Hello, Mr. Skywalker.” Anakin leaned against the wall on his shoulder for a moment, looking at her from head to toe as she smiled. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“What did I deserve to earn this.” He covered his mouth, and she laughed as he just covered his eyes.
“I have dinner in the oven.” She came closer to him, and ran her fingers through his hair as he placed his hands on her waist. “And that cake you like from Dex’s.”
“Padmè.” She was quiet as he looked at her. “You didn’t have to do all of this to prove that you care for me.”
She smiled.
“You’re right.” She brushed a thumb over her cheek. “I did it because I wanted to.”
They spent the night talking about their favorite movies, and books as they laughed together. Anakin’s day was comprised of handing in papers he had written, which Padmè had proofread, and Padmè confessed that she had spent about an hour freaking out over which suit was his favorite since she couldn’t remember clearly most of her fall semester due to all the freaking out she was doing.
Anakin pulled some of her curls apart as they talked on her couch, her heels long abandoned after dinner and her suit jacket somewhere on a chair.
“Why did you push me away for so long?” Anakin was wearing the glasses she liked so much, and she inhaled deeply as she thought about it.
“It was deeply inappropriate.”
“Can’t be just that.” He said softly, and she readjusted herself. “You’re much different now.”
She thought over it for a moment, relishing the feeling of his hands in her hair.
“I’ve been a woman who’s denied herself things all her life.” She said softly, mostly to herself. “And here was this young, handsome, graduate assistant, running in an hour late to our meeting claiming that his kitchen was set on fire.” Anakin laughed, and she liked the way she could hear the vibrations in his chest. “And you were cocky, and you were kind, and you looked at me in a downright inappropriate way most of my class period.”
“Cocky?”
“Oh yes.” She turned to look at him. “You like rushing into things with passion, Anakin.”
“Do I?”
“I recollect just the other night you telling me how you enrolled in a master’s program to earn a job just to be in my presence.” He ducked his head, and she laughed. “Yes, Ani. You’re passionate, and you’re manically intense.” She pressed herself closer to his stomach, and smiled. “And you frighten me.”
“Why do I frighten you, Professor?”
“My whole life, I’ve been able to deny myself in order to be rational.” She thought about the self-denial she did constantly, for the sake of her career, and for the sake of relationships. For the sake of appearances. “And when I met you, it was like a switch flipped. Nothing was rational, nothing was controllable. You were the first uncontrollable thing in my life.”
She felt his hands scratch against her scalp, and she closed her eyes.
“I thought we had decided by the holidays that we weren’t going to be with each other. You had established that I was forbidden, and this path was too dangerous to follow.” She heard the tilt in his voice that implied he was smug and she smiled a bit.
“It is dangerous, Ani.” She admitted. “But only because I know that there’s nothing I could do in my power that would stop me from going back to you.” He paused for a moment, and she inhaled more of his smell. “Does that scare you?”
“No.” He murmured. “I feel the same way.” She smiled a bit, and let the music wash over the both of them.
“Even if you had turned to evil,” She whispered. “I would still know there was good left in you.” Anakin swiped his thumb over her face, and she kissed it with a featherlight touch. “Even if it broke my heart.”
“Good thing I’m not turning evil.” She laughed a bit as his hands came up to her. “I wouldn’t dare break your heart, Professor.”
Padmè bought plenty of books about Italy so she could plan their trip there after she got the official headcount. She highlighted and annotated, even when she got distracted by Anakin pretending to play the guitar in his socks, or him acting like silverware was a pair of drumsticks while he was cooking.
She snapped a photo of him fast asleep while halfway off the couch, and sent it over to Sola.
Sola [8:13 pm]
I want to meet him so bad. He’s turned you into someone I thought didn’t even exist.
The weather was still chilly enough that she had to bundle up in sweaters, but it was nice that she could steal Anakin’s whenever she wanted. She buried her nose in the extra length of the arms so she could be reminded of him during her work day as his schedule picked up for his actual studies.
Ahsoka was still wary of Padmè, but one night of them playing truth or drink won her over permanently. It ended with Padmè on the table with a bedsheet as a cape, singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of her lungs into a whisk, and Ahsoka acting as a one-woman instrumental piece.
They giggled about it each time she came over after that.
Padmè checked when she could get time off for the trip to Anakin’s family, and found her thoughts wandering to what his mom would be like. She was probably kind, to raise a man like Anakin. Now that she thought about it, Anakin scarcely mentioned his family.
He mentioned how he liked to race when he was younger, the wandering he did in the desert where the farm was, but not much else. She didn’t want to press him too much on it, just in case he wasn’t ready to divulge that kind of information about himself.
Anakin found a karaoke club that they could visit together, and Padmè had an idea.
“I have an idea.” She leaned forward on the island, and Anakin stole a kiss from her. “Not that kind of idea.”
“I just wanted to kiss you.” He smiled, and she found herself blushing.
“I have a friend that I think would work well with one of your friends.” Anakin furrowed his brows, and Padmè smiled as he thought about it for a moment. “Has Obi-Wan ever been on a blind date?”
The karaoke club had little rooms for individual parties, and Padmè easily rented one for the four of them. Anakin held her hand in his while chatting easily with Obi-Wan, who was wearing a sweater that Padmè had never seen before.
“She should be here any minute.” Padmè checked her phone as they sat in the room after ordering some drinks. “Traffic is horrible.”
“It’s perfectly alright.” Obi-Wan laced his fingers together as Anakin leaned back, his head on the small of Padmè’s back.
“She’s very fun,” Padmè promised, wondering if this was a bad idea. “And she’s a wonderful conversationalist.”
“I trust your judgment, Padmè.” He chuckled, and Anakin smiled at her nervousness as the catalog of songs scrolled on the electronic screen. “I would just like to warn you that I’m a less-than-impressive singer.”
“So am I.” Padmè laughed, and Anakin joined in easily.
“I like your rendition of Barenaked Ladies.” Padmè pushed his shoulder playfully, and Anakin just chuckled.
“That was for your ears only.” She murmured, and they heard the click of the door. Satine walked inside, her blonde hair curled. “Oh! Obi-Wan, this is my friend, Satine Kryze.”
“Pleasure.” She extended her hand, and Obi-Wan rose to take it easily. “I like your sweater.”
“Likewise.” Padmè and Anakin locked eyes, and they suppressed their laughter as they watched Obi-Wan and Satine give each other a look that had never been seen outside of a bedroom door. After three duets of Satine and Obi-Wan staring into each other’s eyes, Padmè leaned in.
“Is this what we looked like?” She laughed as they continued leaning in closer.
“If it is, no wonder they were so happy when we finally got together.” Padmè pushed him gently, and he pressed a kiss into her cheek. “You have very good matching-making skills, professor.” She pushed him away from her ear, shaking her head as she laughed. Spending time with Anakin would never get old, it seemed.
-
March 2nd, 9:34 am
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Time off Request
Good Morning, Professor and Mr. Skywalker,
Your request for four days off has been granted. I hope you enjoy your trip. Please send my regards to Ms. Kryze.
Cordially,
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi
-
“What are we doing for your birthday?” Anakin sat on Padmè bed, a book in hand while she sorted through what she wanted to wear on their first trip. A part of her wanted to worry about the outcome, but she figured that Anakin was right.
She should have faith in them.
“Who said we’re doing something for my birthday?” She turned to see Anakin still tucked in his book, and raised her brows. He looked over, and frowned. “Were we supposed to do something?”
“I thought you’d want something special.” She walked towards the bed, and sat beside him. “It’s your twenty-fifth birthday, after all.” Anakin huffed a laugh, and took hold of her chin gently.
“Padmè, everything after twenty-one was just a disappointment.” She rolled her eyes, and he laughed. “Did you do something for your twenty-fifth birthday?” She thought about it, digging back into her memories of eight years ago.
“I think I was doing homework.” Anakin laughed, and she found herself smiling. “I was boring. Don’t follow my lead.”
“You didn’t have someone to celebrate with?” She heard the hint of jealousy in his voice, and turned a teasing expression up to him.
“Oh yes.” Anakin let go of her chin, and she laughed at how his expression dropped. “He had glasses, and long, kind of blond hair…”
“So you have a type.”
“He followed me around everywhere I went.” She laughed as he looked more and more unhappy, just to press her hands against his chest. “Ani, I haven’t dated someone since high school.” He looked confused, and she leaned in to kiss him. “That was when I was sixteen, and it was for two months because I wanted him to stop talking to me.”
He laughed as she kissed him again, and he held her back.
“You really haven’t dated anyone else?”
“Why do you think all the professors teased me?” She rolled her eyes. “I think the last date I went on, I was twenty-nine for five more hours, and I wanted to make sure I went on at least one date before I entered my thirties.”
“What made me different.” His smirk was vicious, and she shook her head as she got off the bed. “Tell me, it’s my birthday!”
“In three days!” She shouted from the closet. “Maybe that should be your present.”
She heard the faint thump of Anakin falling into the pillows, the smile on her face burning as she pulled another shirt for her suitcase.
As Anakin slept peacefully, she drew out his gift as she padded out to her study to finish it. She drew out the red grading pen, then ran her fingers over the cover that was an outline of his glasses that lay below the title of Jane Eyre. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, and signed the inside.
“What necessity is there to dwell on the Past, when the Present is so much surer - the Future so much brighter?” - Happy birthday, my darling.
She flipped to chapter twenty-three and underlined carefully the section she wanted to annotate.
“I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you - especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you - you’d forget me.”
“That I never should, sir: you know.”
She numbered her annotation at the bottom, and smiled to herself after she finished her message.
To my precious Jane (Anakin.) I will forever be infatuated by you, and never forget the way you love me.
Her heart beat with the admission, wondering if it was too much. She thought of her feelings towards him and knew that if he was to tell her that he loved her, her only response would be that she loved him too.
Notes:
i would fall to my knees if someone gave me an annotated version of Jane Eyre like they do to each other. i just love writing them in love and happy for forever n ever. let me know y'alls thoughts! i'm a first time uploader so i'm always a little nervous posting my work, haha.
come chit chat with me! @shoobscantsleep on twt :)
Chapter 5
Summary:
Trips make or break relationships.
Notes:
another day, another 10,000 word chapter! tw: death, abuse, and serious trauma descriptions. It's a heavier chapter today, but well worth the read in my opinion.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Padmè let out her long-held breath the second they boarded the plane. It felt like they had to run most of the time through the airport after she realized that Anakin didn’t have TSA pre-check, and she wouldn’t let him wait in line by himself.
She felt his fingers intertwine with hers as she set her head back, and looked over to see him peering out of the window.
A part of her had worried nearly all of the morning that this trip would be the end of their relationship. They would have a fight, and she would be right, and that would be the end. She felt his thumb rub against her hand comfortingly, and a part of her felt like there was no reality where they could be apart.
The plane ride was relatively short due to Padmè falling asleep on Anakin’s shoulder, and she awoke to the feeling of his lips pressing against the side of her forehead.
“We’re landing.” She blinked the sleep out of her eyes blearily, and Anakin smiled. “You’re pretty even when you sleep.”
“Thank you.” She yawned, and opened her pocket mirror to ensure her mascara hadn’t flaked completely off during her slumber. They deplaned, Anakin’s hand still in hers as she slipped her sunglasses on. It was a lot brighter in Nevada, and relatively warm. “My suitcase is the one with the-”
“Blue ribbon,” He winked towards her, easily pulling the suitcase off the conveyor belt. “I remember.”
“Thank you.” She attempted to take it, and Anakin just shook his head. “I can take my own bags, Ani.”
“But you don’t have to.” He hauled his suitcase off the belt, and continued to hold her hand as he pulled their luggage ahead. “Let’s go get our rental car. It’s an hour out to the ranch.” She smiled to herself as she thought over his words, and squeezed his palm in hers. He returned it back, and smiled at her.
Anakin’s family was located an hour away from the nearest airport, and the landscape was dusty as she looked out of the window. He had mentioned so little other than how he liked to race, and she wanted to know so much about him.
The sun beat down on the car, and they listened to nineties grunge. Anakin laughed as Padmè put on her best Kurt Cobain impression during the eight Nirvana songs that played back to back, and she pulled some hair in front of her eyes to complete the look.
“Did you pack extra toothpaste?” She watched as they entered a small town, complete with a huge Walmart and a strip of fast-food chains that she had never heard of before. Anakin thought it over, and shook his head.
“We can stop at Walmart.” She watched him turn on his indicator, and they pulled into the massive parking lot. They walked in, and Padmè took in her surroundings. There was an array of different products that weren’t on the East Coast, and Anakin laughed as he pulled at a t-shirt with the Spam logo on it. “There’s always something weird in here.”
She laughed, and they continued towards the personal hygiene section. She pulled the enamel toothpaste out easily, and turned to see Anakin sniffing one of the body washes.
“What are you doing?” He looked over and raised his brows as she tried to read the label from a distance while squinting. “Are you sniffing body wash, Ani?”
“It smells like my mom.” He said simply, and offered it in her direction. “She only used a regional one when I was a kid.” She stepped forward as he offered the information, surprised that he had even brought it up. It smelled like a flower Padmè didn’t recognize, and she noted that his smile was mostly melancholy. “Haven’t smelled this in a while.”
“It smells nice.” He nodded, and slipped the bottle back onto the shelf.
“I think my stepdad made us dinner tonight.” She noticed the way his grip on her hand was tighter, the expression on his face mostly unreadable.
“That sounds really nice.” She leaned into his shoulder, and felt how tense his shoulders were. Whatever Anakin was unhappy about rested heavily on his spirit as they drove out of town towards the countryside, the sun beginning to sink in the sky. “What’s your stepfather’s name?” She asked lightly, her fingers resting on her knee as she tried to read the emotion Anakin was currently experiencing. She couldn’t tell if it was nervousness, anger, or sadness.
“Cliegg.” He inhaled, and smiled a little bit. “Nice guy. He married my mom after I went to college.”
“I see.” She nodded her head as she reached across the console to grab his hand. He took it easily, and she pressed her lips together. “Did you always live on this farm?”
“I lived for a while in a one-bedroom apartment with my mom.” He said softly. “I feel like that’s a story I should probably talk to you about later, though.”
“Oh.” She felt the nervousness coil deep in her stomach as his eyes grew clouded with an emotion she had never seen before, and she swallowed hard. “Ok.” The farm was made mostly out of what Padmè thought was clay bricks, and she helped Anakin unpack their bags from the trunk in silence. She dragged her fingers through his hair just in case it would be a comfort, and he pressed his forehead on his shoulder. “Ani, what’s wrong?” She kissed the side of his head, and waited for him to speak before they walked inside.
“It’s hard being back here.” He said softly, his voice conflicted. “I only come back when it’s necessary.” She dragged her fingers against his scalp as she listened, her brows pinched together.
“It’s hurting you.” She said softly as she held him, his hands heavy as he embraced her. “I want to know how to help you.”
“You already are.” His voice was even, and she pulled him back to look in his eyes. “Just your presence is soothing.” She smiled, and kissed his cheek softly. “Let’s go inside.” He nodded, and they entered the house hand in hand. The first thing she noticed was the southwestern decor littered around the house, and Anakin’s uneasy expression after calling out that they had arrived. She looked around for a moment, noticing that there were very few pictures other than one of a woman and a man. She figured that most likely wasn’t Anakin’s mother, since she had very little resemblance to him. “That’s my step-brother and his wife.” She turned to see Anakin had noticed her looking at the photos. “Owen and Beru.”
“They look sweet.” She smiled gently, and his was strained as she heard the calling back that he’d be right there. The smell wafting towards them as they walked further into the house implied that there was soup being prepared, and she saw a tall blonde young man exit what was presumably the kitchen.
“Anakin, welcome home.” She saw them both smile, and she let go of his hand quickly as the two hugged. She put together that this man must be Owen, and smiled politely as he turned his attention to her. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen Anakin bring anyone home.”
She laughed gently, and Anakin did as well.
“This is Padmè Naberrie.” She extended her hand, and he shook it firmly.
“You’re the senator!” She blushed, and Anakin just laughed for a moment. “ Almost , senator!” Owen chuckled. “My wife is from the east coast, she voted for you in your senatorial campaign before moving here.”
“I’m honored.” Padmè felt awkward for a moment, and Owen brushed his hair back.
“Beru?” She watched him turn around, and hold up a finger. “I think she’s helping my dad, I’ll be right back. Go ahead and sit on the couch.” They sat on the brown leather, and Padmè rubbed her hand over Anakin’s knee. It seemed like the more she did, the more relaxed Anakin’s shoulders got.
“Cliegg is handicapped,” Anakin said gently, and she turned to see him picking at his thumb distractedly. “He’s in a wheelchair due to losing his leg.”
“I’m so sorry.” She automatically responded, and he just shook his head.
“It was an accident,” His voice was steady. “He was protecting my mom.” She pressed her lips together as she waited for Anakin to continue. “She passed away a couple of years ago.”
“Ani.” She grabbed his hand, and he just shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ll tell you later about it.” He shrugged a bit, and turned to look around the room. It seemed like he was focused on the large fireplace with the desert cattle skull mounted, and she kept her attention on the different emotions he was experiencing. “Owen and Beru live here to help him during his everyday life. After the accident, he’s gotten sick a lot.”
She was quiet for a moment, not knowing how to respond, when she heard hands clap from the other room. They turned to see Owen leading in someone by the hand, and she stood to introduce herself.
“You’re Padmè.” The woman smiled, and Padmè shook her hand softly. “I’m Beru. Owen’s wife.”
“I hear you voted for me.” She laughed, and Padmè laughed alongside her as Anakin joined her side. “I’m sorry to say that I didn’t win.”
“I was moving out of state shortly after that,” Beru laughed, and turned towards Owen. “for our wedding, actually, so it’s alright. Who would’ve expected Anakin to land a senator?” They laughed together, and she caught the first real smile Anakin had the entire night. It made her stomach flip. “I have Cliegg at the table already, and dinner is waiting.”
“That’s great.” Padmè took Anakin’s hand again as they followed the couple into what was the formal dining room. She saw Cliegg sitting at the table, his wheelchair in view, as he smiled at them.
“This is Anakin’s girl, huh?” She smiled as he extended his hand up. She took it gently and shook it twice. “The senator.”
“ Padmè .” Anakin interjected, and she laughed as he pulled out her chair for her. “She probably doesn’t enjoy only being referred to by her career choice.”
“It’s alright.” She sat down, and squeezed Anakin’s thigh once as he smiled at her. “It doesn’t really matter since I’m a professor now.”
“Oh, we know,” Owen said, and Anakin blushed. “He told us all about the brilliant professor he was working for the last time he was here.”
“Don’t embarrass the kid, Owen.” She smiled as she watched Beru scoop some soup into Cliegg’s bowl. “Let the woman tell us a little bit about herself instead.”
She put together that Cliegg really was as nice as Anakin said, easily keeping up the conversation about nearly everything. He was a rancher, which Owen was set to take over due to his injury, and he knew quite a bit about the policies Padmè was attempting to pass through if she had been elected as a senator.
Owen and Beru had been married a little over three years, and they enjoyed working outside together. Beru asked how they got together, and Padmè just looked at Anakin.
“He wouldn’t leave me alone until he had stolen my heart.” She said simply, and he grinned at her.
That was the best way to sum their story up.
Padmè’s book of the month was dragging on longer than usual due to its size. She didn’t quite know why she had chosen War and Peace, but it made Anakin laugh each time she drew out the huge book to read casually.
The bedroom that they had been given was decorated with various southwestern trinkets that she had admired for a while as Anakin said he wanted to wash the plane smell off of him after she finished her shower. She heard the water stop, and she flipped the page as curiosity overtook her.
The dinner had mentioned nearly nothing about Anakin’s mother, and she began to fear that the story was far worse than she had imagined.
“Are you making any progress?” She watched Anakin pull on his nighttime shirt, and she checked the page number.
“Almost halfway.” She smiled as she slipped Anakin’s custom bookmark gift for her in her stopping point, and shut the book. “Are you feeling better?” She watched him pick up his glasses and slide them on as he pushed his wet hair out his eyes.
“Much.” He sat on the bed, and she felt the urge to curl up beside him just to feel his warmth. “I can feel you wanting to know.”
“Know what?” She pushed her curls out of her face, and he laughed.
“My deep, dark past.” She shook her head, and he rubbed his hand over her shoulder automatically. “I can’t keep it hidden very much longer.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, Ani.” Anakin inhaled, and exhaled for a while.
“We’ve been together for three months.” He tilted his head side to side, and she watched him consider that. “It’s time.” She lay her hand on his chest as he was silent for a while, the thump of his heart increasing.
“You shouldn’t be nervous with how I’ll react.” Her voice was soft and sincere as she heard the panicked heartbeat increase. “I’ll always want you and your deep, dark past.” She felt the rumble that was a chuckle and looked up at him. “I mean that.”
“Ok, Professor.” He licked his lips, and she waited. “I didn’t grow up on this farm.” She watched him lean further into her, and she interlinked their hands. “My mother had me when she was really young. I was her only child.” She drew her thumb over her his hand, and he looked at the foot of the bed like it was the only thing he could see in the room. “We lived in poverty for a long time, mostly this one-bedroom apartment. She did everything for me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have her with me. She sacrificed everything that she should’ve had for me .”
She watched Anakin furrow his brows, the battle of pain and anger in his voice prevalent.
“I only got to know Obi-Wan because, at one of her jobs, her overseer knew that she was a single mom and wanted to make sure that I was taken care of. When we were in between places, we’d stay with him, and he’d even let me sleep on the floor beside his bed when my mom had to work an extra shift. I protected her because she protected me.” He smiled for a minute. “I was really good at protecting her, Padmè. I should’ve stayed here.”
“Anakin.”
“She sent me off to New Mexico when I graduated high school because Obi-Wan had worked out a deal that if I worked somewhere in Albuquerque, he’d accept a post as an interim professor so he could watch over me, and I wouldn’t have to pay tuition. She forced me to go.” His eyes were dark, and she sat up. “Obi-Wan let it slip one night that he had made a promise to my mom to protect me and make sure I turned out alright. I didn’t even know that she had an abusive ex-boyfriend who used to hit her.” She watched his lip curl, and he shook his head. “I should’ve known to come back sooner. I should’ve known when I started having nightmares about it.” She grasped his hand and watched him blink, the tears brimming as he swallowed.
“It happened right after I graduated from college.” Her stomach coiled as she watched the first tear slip out, and watched his face turn red. “She had just gotten married to Cliegg. She was supposed to be safe. She made me move away to go start my masters because she didn’t want me to stay in Nevada for the rest of my life.”
“Ani.” She squeezed his hand, and he leaned against her for a moment as he drew in a watery breath.
“It was a break-in.” He blinked a few times. “The guy cut Cliegg when he was trying to stop him from taking her. He ended up losing his leg from infection. By the time I knew and flew out, she had been missing for over a week.” Her whole body felt numb as she watched the tears fall down his face. “I dropped out of my master's program so I could search. And I did until I found her.” She held him limply, the lump in her throat pressing sharply against her neck. “By the time I found her, she was half dead.” She couldn’t believe her ears when she heard those words and looked down to see a vacant look on Anakin’s face as he held her hand limply. “She died in my arms thinking I had saved her when I had done the exact opposite. I should’ve been here. I hate that I failed her.”
“You didn’t fail her.” She gathered him into her arms, and held him closely. “Don’t say that.”
“I should’ve been here , Padmè.” She watched the tears fall down his face as he stared at the wall with no emotion left in his eyes. “I should’ve protected her.” She held him and felt him melt into her as his cries filled the room.
“You saved her, Ani.” She whispered, his body shaking as he cried. “You saved her.”
Padmè lay awake as Anakin slept heavily in her arms, pondering over the information he had given her as she stroked his hair softly.
That meant that Sola was right. He had delayed his education. He had just delayed it because he was grieving his mother.
She pressed her lips into his blond hair as he slept, her heart heavy. He’s loyal to a fault , she thought, even if it means destroying himself . A part of her wondered if that same principle applied to her, and she quickly dismissed that thought. All it really meant was that Anakin and Padmè were the same, just in different ways.
If anything, she cared for him more than she did before.
Padmè put on an outfit of all black, and pulled her curls up into an updo that she remembered doing for the many governmental functions she attended in her youth as Anakin slept. The Walmart had some above-average flowers, and she woke Anakin with a kiss on his forehead like he had done to her the day before.
Her name had been Shmi, according to her gravestone. She lay the flowers beside them as she did the mental math. She would’ve been forty-five this year. Anakin sank to his knees beside her, and she rubbed his shoulder softly, his expression blank.
“This is Padmè.” She heard the reverence in his tone, and she stared at their shared last name with a pit in her stomach. “I wish you could’ve met her.”
His hand tangled with hers, and she felt the tears pricking at her eyes as the sun rose in the sky, the morning cool and slightly windy.
“Your son is remarkable.” It felt odd, talking to a gravestone instead of a person. She had imagined meeting a woman who had Anakin’s smile and his blond hair. Maybe they shared a dimple; maybe their laughs held the same tone. “He makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world. And he checks off everything on my dream boy list that I made when I was fourteen.” She imagined a world where Anakin still had his mother, and she could hear what her voice sounded like. “He’s been everything,” She turned to him. “That I’ve ever dreamed of. Thank you for raising such a beautiful man.”
Anakin held her hand tightly, staring at the gravestone as he dragged his fingers across the letters.
She sat there for most of the morning in silence as Anakin told her everything that she did that reminded him of his mother. Her heart thumped as she listened, hearing the even temperament of his voice, recalling his mother’s patience and sharp tongue.
The way she used to tell him stories about space and sun dragons when he had a rough day at school, running her fingers through his hair.
A part of her felt like she was intruding on a moment she shouldn’t have witnessed: Anakin at his mother’s gravesite, talking about everything that he loved about her. Another part of her felt like she would never forget his vulnerability in this moment, the softness of his voice, the slight smile as he retold the story of him breaking his leg for the first time, to the horror of his mother.
How Obi-Wan took him to an amusement park for the first time. When Obi-Wan and his mother taught him how to drive on a stick shift, the day he got to tell his mother that he got into college.
She squeezed his hand as he spoke, encouraging him to go on. His words in December rang in her mind, about how he wanted to know her. Her stomach coiled in on itself as he spoke, his blond hair blowing in the desert wind as she felt the sand scratching against her face.
She watched as he laughed, her heartbeat strong in her chest. I think I’m in love with you, her mind echoed. The nausea was outweighed by the excitement that took over her entire body, and she kissed him gently.
“Thank you for letting me know everything about you and more.” She murmured as she pulled back, his gaze intense on her. “I should’ve never pushed you away.” Anakin smiled softly, and she grabbed his hand.
“Thank you for letting me know who you are, Professor.” Her heart flipped, and she leaned in again to express her gratuity more.
Anakin brought her to try some of the diners around his hometown, each one more greasy than the next until Padmè felt like she might throw up. He laughed at her distaste for one of the fried foods.
“What was that? It tasted awful.” She threw it back in the basket, and Anakin just continued to laugh. “Ani, what was that? ”
“You cannot kill me-”
“Anakin!” She felt her stomach churning, and he ducked his head as he laughed, the panic setting in. “Tell me right now what I just ate!”
“Frog legs.” Padmè covered her mouth, and quickly excused herself to the ladies' restroom, Anakin’s laughter still audible even after she exited twenty minutes later. Sola thought it was fairly funny as well when she texted her about it that night, and Padmè was still unimpressed.
She gathered her hair onto the top of her head and checked if Anakin was still in the shower. The water ran in the other room, and she finished tying up her hair quickly, then walked over to her suitcase.
The gift was still unwrapped because Padmè never had wrapping paper in her apartment, and she slipped it underneath her side of the bed just in time for Anakin to open the bathroom door, steam wafting into the room.
“Hiding something?” He raised his brow at her kneeling position on the floor, and she struggled to find a real reason to be there.
“No.”
“Very convincing.” He smiled at her, and she got up from the floor, brushing the non-existent dust off her knees. “I won’t ask again.”
“Do you actually mean that?” She sat on the bed, and Anakin seemed to consider it. “Or is this like the time you relentlessly pursued me for months?”
“I got what I wanted, didn’t I?” She laughed as he climbed in beside her, and picked the remote off the nightstand. “Your pick tonight.”
“But it’s the eve of your birthday.” She turned. “Shouldn’t you pick?”
“You have much better taste in cinema than I do.” She thought about that, and snickered.
“I don’t really watch movies, Ani.” He smiled.
“I know.”
“Are you trying to tease me on purpose?” She crossed her arms, and he just stared at her. “I’m going to force you to watch Gilmore Girls.”
“It’s not forcing me if I like the jokes they make.” He happily turned on the TV, and she laughed at the smile on his face as he logged into his Netflix account.
The morning of Anakin’s birthday, they walked out to see that Beru had made spaceship pancakes with a complete buffet of toppings. She caught the tears in his eyes as Beru quickly explained all of the toppings.
“I hope it’s like how your mom did your birthday breakfast.” Her voice was tense, and she held up a notecard with gentle cursive. “I know I wasn’t here when she was, but I used her recipe, and I think I got the ratio right-” She stopped talking as Anakin hugged her tightly, and Padmè felt her heart stop.
“It’s perfect.” He murmured, and she made eye contact to where Cliegg wiped his eyes discreetly. “Thank you.”
Anakin told Padmè when they finished breakfast that his mom used to make him this only on his birthday because of money issues, and it became a tradition until Shmi passed. It made Beru’s gesture all the better, and she kissed his cheek happily.
Anakin’s activity of choice was driving out to the amusement park that he had mentioned Obi-Wan took him to when he was little, which was only about a half-hour drive west. The park was small in comparison to some that Padmè had visited herself, but the smile on his face was worth having to pay fifteen dollars for parking.
The joy on Anakin’s face soon became a permanent feature, and she stopped when she noticed he had stopped to talk to one of the workers. He jogged up to her, his grin wide.
“What is it?”
“I want a picture under this.” She looked to where he was pointing, and it was a small tan sign of the theme park’s name, Tatooine Town . “I have a really old polaroid of Obi-Wan and I under this. He took me here for my ninth birthday as my present.” She smiled as he pulled her along, and settled into his side as the worker got Anakin’s camera ready.
“Ok, smile on 1, 2, 3 !” They both smiled as the picture was taken, and Anakin reached for his phone, thanking her.
“I’m going to send this to him. See if he remembers it.” She watched the smile spread on his face as he sent it off, and she squeezed his hand. “C’mon, let’s go get you funnel cake.”
“As long as it’s actually funnel cake, Ani.” He pressed a kiss into her hair, the smile on her face burning as they continued. The theme park had three tall rides that they rode numerous times, each time where she screamed a little more than she intended to. Anakin was doubled over in laughter after they got off the last thrill seeker ride due to Padmè beginning to recite the Yiddish prayers her parents had taught her as a child in a panic before each big drop.
Anakin absolutely slaughtered her during their point-and-shoot electronic game, and outraced her in a flying simulator that he claimed he used to be at the top of the leaderboard in when he was a teenager. They shared a churro, Padmè spilling some of its whipped topping onto her arm, to which Anakin replied that he would have to clean himself since it was his birthday. She pushed his face back and called him disgusting, the blush hot on her face.
The carousel made her tailbone a little bit sore, but she got a lot of joy out of watching Anakin pretend to be a cowboy until he practically fell off, her laughter louder than the music as parents gave them dirty looks.
“You make me act like a teenager.” She murmured into his ear as they waited in line, his kisses making her cheeks tingle. “It’s dangerous.”
“I’m sorry, Professor.” He kissed her again, and she laughed. “I can’t help it when I have such beautiful company.”
There was a tiny ferris wheel that they rode twice, and Anakin won her a teddy bear at one of the games where you were required to throw a baseball at bottles. She held onto it tightly as they walked towards the gift shop to purchase a sweatshirt that Anakin had wanted since he was little. She laughed after he insisted they put it on to match, the smile on his face brighter than she had ever seen before.
She held the little photo strip they got from a photo booth tightly in her hand so she could slip it into her wallet once they were in the car. The first photo of them smiling together, the second of them making faces at each other, and the third of when Anakin had surprised her by kissing her. Her heart fluttered as she looked over to see him driving one-handed, singing along to Foo Fighters as they drove to their next destination, and she slipped it in the back so she could never lose it.
The place Anakin chose for dinner was a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that she suspected he probably visited when he was a child, based on its outdated decor and arcade games in the back. She made him order for her, as long as it wasn’t frog legs, and she smiled as he ordered them a pizza to share, and a slice of chocolate cake at the end.
Anakin asked her if she knew how to speak Hebrew, and she said that she still had a little bit of her reading skills left if she squinted, which made him laugh. She recited a few prayers she still remembered in Yiddish that her grandparents had taught her, and Anakin’s eyes sparkled as she told him the difference between all the sounds the Hebrew alphabet used.
“You’re so sexy.” He ducked his head as she laughed, holding his cup in hand. “I’ve never dated someone who spoke so many languages.”
“I only speak English fluently, Ani.” She blushed, and he caught her gaze. “The last time I could speak Hebrew clearly, I was eight.”
“That’s more than I’m able to understand.” He leaned forward, and grinned. “All I can understand is that my girlfriend is hot when she speaks Hebrew.”
“That’s enough, Anakin.” She felt like her face was going to explode, and she pushed his face back. “I was only sounding it out, anyway.”
“More than I’m able to do.” She watched the waiter bring out two slices of chocolate cake, and she smiled. “Wait, wait.” Anakin watched as she dug into her purse and drew out two candles. “Because you’re twenty-five.”
“You got candles.” She drew a small lighter, and he laughed as she lit the candles that she put in his slice. “You’re kidding.”
“You only turn twenty-five once.” She took out her phone, remembering Sola begging her to please sing happy birthday to him, and started to record. “Happy-” He cut her off by laughing, and covering his eyes with his hand as she sang to him, the smile on her face burning as she descended into laughter each time he shook his head. “And many more!”
Anakin blew out his candles, and the people around them clapped as he flushed red, Padmè sticking her fingers in her mouth to whistle the way her father taught her to do when someone hit a homerun, or when a ballerina did more than five turns in a row.
They slow danced to the little jukebox in the corner after finishing their cake, his eyes soft as she sang along to the old fifties melody. His hands were heavy on her waist, and hers were wrapped around his neck, and it seemed like the day was perfect.
She thought every day felt this way, when she was with Anakin.
She dug under their bed for the gift as Anakin covered his eyes, brushing her sheet of hair onto her back when it tried to get in her face.
“No peeking.” She said softly as she felt his fingers attempt to slide around her waist, the smile creeping onto her face as she grabbed hold of the book. “Are your eyes covered?”
“Yes, Professor.” She smiled to herself, and looked behind to ensure he was truthful. Sure enough, his hands were completely over his eyes, and she brought the gift to his lap.
“You can look now.” He opened his eyes, and squinted momentarily, his eyes widening in realization.
“Are those my glasses?” She bit her bottom lip as he looked at her, the smile spreading across his features. “How did you do that?”
“I know how to rebind books.” She said softly as he ran his fingers over the cover reverently. “So I had one of my graduate students who graduated with a minor in graphic design make your glasses before I embossed the cover.” He opened the book to where she had written, mouthing along as he read. She loved that he did that. It reminded her of when she was a kid, whispering the words after her father read her a difficult book so she could add more words to her vocabulary. Her heart thumped as he turned the page to her inscription, his eyes following as he read through the quote. She watched his face grow intense, and she pressed her lips together as the air seemed to be sucked out of the room. “Happy birthday, Ani.”
“You know that I love you.” His words were gentle, and she stared deeply into his eyes as she nodded. “I thought you’d be much too afraid to hear those words too quickly.” She swallowed, and grabbed his hands.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be consumed with fear the way I was before.” She smiled a bit as his gaze held strong, loving the maniac intensity of his emotions towards her. “I used to think I was unlovable before I met you.”
She felt Anakin’s gaze stay on her as she ducked her head like he did when he was shy.
“I’ve never met someone more loveable in my life, Professor.” Her hands shook, and she wanted to say it back. She wanted to tell him that she loved him so badly, her throat throbbed, and her head hurt.
“I truly, deeply love you.” Her voice shook.
“I know.” He smiled at her, his voice soft. “I know you do, Padmè.” The feeling of his lips on hers was like the feeling of home.
-
Padmè [8:23 am]
I’m in love with Ani, Sola.
Sola [8:46 am]
Oh Padmè.
I know.
-
Anakin took her on their last day in Nevada to where he and his mother used to live, and she gripped his hand tightly as he pointed out where he first learned how to ride a bike, and where Obi-Wan used to live before he moved.
A part of her wondered if she should thank Obi-Wan for essentially putting Anakin and her together, as they walked through the park where Anakin learned how to defend himself from bullies.
“After you quit school,” They sat in the grass that was artificially planted there, her hands running across the measly patches that survived the sun. “How did you know that you ever wanted to go back? Surely it wasn’t just because Obi-Wan said he had someone you may like.” Anakin adjusted his sunglasses, and she turned to watch the two kids wrestling. One raised their fist in victory, and it made her laugh a bit to herself.
“I didn’t.” He said simply. “I lived in Arizona with Ahsoka at that point. Obi-Wan kept nettling me that I should give it another shot. I said no.” He shrugged. “Eventually, he came to town with test prep and told me to at least try to get my scores up so I could at least qualify if I ever in the future wanted to. I had nothing to do, so I picked up fewer hours at the car dealership I was working at and did that for a couple of months.”
It sounded like Anakin to pick up skills just because he was bored. He, in the middle of the year, had developed the affinity to read Beowulf aloud like Shakespeare, which was both impressive and hilarious for their grading sessions together.
“How did you know that you’d like me?” She pressed her lips together. “If you had never seen me.”
“Obi-Wan made me look up the professor who had run for senator.” She blushed, and turned quickly to see Anakin’s sneaky smile.
“You said that you didn’t know me!”
“I didn’t know you, Professor.” He cleared his throat. “It didn't hurt that you aren’t hard on the eyes.” She pushed him gently, and he laughed. “And I like a woman in authority.”
“ Anakin !” She found themselves in a play fight, and they rolled around twice, just laughing before the wind was knocked out of her lungs. “I’m too old for this.”
“I agree, Professor Naberrie, you are old.” He murmured, his grin wide as she pushed his shoulder again.
“Not too old for you to still want to date me.” She huffed as she sat up, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “Maybe you just like older women who cross lines.”
“I think it’s just that I like you.” He chuckled, and she smiled at his easy affection towards her. She lay back on her hands, Anakin settling in beside her as they soaked up the sun.
“I want to bring you to my parent's home for Passover, if that’s alright.” She felt her heart race as she thought about the implications of bringing a man home for the first time in all her life.
“Of course.” Anakin agreed, and her nervousness fizzled out as he ran an easy hand over her shoulder. “I’d love to.”
“We can’t have leavened bread or anything leavened in the house.” She warned, and he just nodded. “And we have to go to a Seder at my sister’s house.”
“That’s fine.”
“I’m responsible for hiding the afikomen for my nieces and nephews, and they’re getting so smart that I can’t just tuck it up the back of my blouse anymore.” Anakin laughed, and she turned. “Is it too much? The traditions?”
“I love culture.” He said softly, kissing her cheek. “And I love you.” She felt like every time he did that, she melted into him, her head leaning to the side as he kissed her cheek again. “I think we can find a more creative place than the back of your shirt for the aikoman.”
“ Afikomen .”
“Sound it out.”
“Uh-” He kissed her, and she began to laugh, pulling back. “That’s not going to fly at Passover. Especially when my ninety-year-old Bubbe comes over.”
“Good thing I have an excellent Hebrew translator.” She laughed, and shook her head. “She looks good while doing it, too.”
“ Ani .” She didn’t quite know what she did to deserve Anakin Skywalker, and his love.
Beru had made a pot roast for their last dinner at the house, the conversation easy and bubbly as Anakin proclaimed his love for carrots probably surpassed Owen’s love of celery. She didn’t know what that exactly meant, but Owen almost snorted up half of his drink after Anakin was finished saying it, so it must be an inside joke.
“So when are you gonna marry her, Ani?” Cliegg asked, and Anakin coughed into his cup as Beru gasped in surprise.
“ Dad .” Owen’s voice had an undercurrent of amusement, and she caught Beru attempting to hide the smile on her face as Anakin rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s been only three months of them being together.”
“It’s worth asking.” Cliegg shrugged a bit, rolling his wheelchair out from the table, his prosthetic coming into view. “I want to make sure that I can walk my stepson down the aisle by then.” Padmè pressed her lips together at the sincerity of that statement, Anakin’s eyes shining.
“Maybe by the holidays.” She mentioned softly, and Anakin turned to look at her. “If he can survive my Bubbe this Passover.”
Beru excused herself to start the dishes, and Padmè joined her so that the men could talk about various subjects she had no knowledge of, like the planting schedule or the new tools on the market.
“You make him so happy.” Padmè stopped drying the dinner plate and turned to Beru, who was elbow-deep in the soapy water. The yellow of her dishwashing gloves contrasted with the blue of her dress, and Padmè felt her heart begin to pick up in speed. “I’ve never seen Anakin smile so much in one day.”
“He’s pretty easy to like.” Padmè ran the dish towel over the stray droplets on the plate, watching as they were wiped away like they never existed to begin with. “And he’s determined when he wants something.”
“He wanted you, that’s for sure.” Beru and Padmè laughed together, and she placed the clean plate on the little pile at the end of the counter. “Talked about you all through Thanksgiving, his ingenious professor who read a new book every two weeks.” She blushed as she laughed, Beru dropping another fork into the water to wash with her sponge. “I can see why he ended up in a downright mania over you.”
“You clearly haven’t seen me on my worst days.” She murmured, the warm feeling of Beru’s words making her mind swim. “I’m still surprised Anakin wanted me after some of the things I did to avoid my feelings for him.”
“I’m sure you did some less than impressive things, Padmè.” Beru placed the clean dish on the towel, and Padmè brought over her rag to dry it. “Anakin’s love burns like two suns, hot and oppressive, and all consuming. Sometimes he loves a little too hard, and attaches a little too much.” Padmè watched Beru turn to her. “It’s a little bit overwhelming when you first realize what his love is like.”
“Did you see him love someone else like that?” Beru pressed her lips together, and nodded.
“I think the last time he loved someone like that was his mama.” A shiver went down her spine, and she thought of how hard he cried in her arms just the other night. “The day she died, a part of him died too. I remember him clinging to her coffin. I had just gotten married to Owen and thought that if someone ever loved me like that, it might tear me apart.”
“I hope that doesn’t happen to him with me.” She said quietly. “I would never want him to feel like that.” Beru was silent, and she turned at the confirmation of Anakin’s love. “He loves me like that,” Padmè set her plate on the towel. “Doesn’t he.”
“I don’t think it’s a bad thing, loving someone with everything you have in you.” Beru smiled, and Padmè’s heart thumped. “He said that you called him dangerous. I think you knew what you had chasing after you from the day you met him.”
“I think so.” She laughed as the information sank into her stomach, and she furrowed her brows. “He’s not replacing his mother with me, right?” Beru peeled off her gloves, and wrapped a warm hand over her shoulder.
“I think Anakin sees a lot of the good his mother was in you. But nothing could replace Shmi Skywalker. Not even a woman as great as you.” Padmè nodded, and Beru laughed. “Now that I’ve properly scared you straight, I’ll tell you all the really embarrassing things Anakin said he did because he was trying to impress you.” Padmè laughed as Beru’s gentle voice retold Anakin’s view on the things she had no idea was even something he thought of twice.
“Ani?” Anakin set down his book on his chest, and she turned to look at him. “Promise me something.”
“Anything.” She brought her fingers to his hair, his gaze intense as she struggled to find the words.
“Promise me your life won’t stop if I’m not in it.” He furrowed his brows, and it was like a band wrapped around her chest and squeezed. “I can’t be responsible for your life falling apart. I can’t be the one who determines if your life thrives.”
“Padmè.” He grasped her hand, and she felt a tear run down her face.
“It would kill me to think your life depended on me.” She shook her head. “Your intellect, your wit, the things that you’ll end up being cannot be thrown to the wayside because of me.”
“My life wouldn’t end if you weren’t in it.” She exhaled, and he squeezed her hand. “But it would be a lie to say that I don’t want you there for everything, and the thought of not having you there pains me to my very core. The thought of not being in your presence is unbearable, Padmè.”
“I can’t be responsible for ruining your future, Ani.” She reiterated, the ghost of her words returning to haunt her from months before. “Not when yours is so bright.”
“And if I want you in my future regardless of your preconceived consequences?” She blinked a few times as his words dug into her heart. “Regardless of if it tears me apart.”
“I can’t-”
“Allow me to be yours, Padmè.” She felt her heart hurt. “Let me love you.”
“I love you too much to let you do that to yourself.” She whispered.
“Good thing it’s not your job to control the world.” She felt him sit up, and gather her into his arms. “It’s my choice to love you.”
She thought of her sister holding her close in front of the fireplace months before, whispering that she couldn’t take it if Padmè didn’t just let people love her.
“I feel like a pig in a pearl necklace, Sola.” She sobbed into her sister’s shoulder, the gentleness of the embrace overwhelming her. “I don’t deserve this kind of attention. I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”
“You think you’re so unloveable, Padmè.” Sola kissed the top of her hair, and she let out a long, shaky exhale. “But really, you’re just scared that someone who doesn’t share your last name loves you, and you can’t convince them out of it.”
Anakin held her as the tears rolled down her face, the comfort and warmth of his arms making her feel secure.
“I love you, Padmè.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into her shoulder, and she closed her eyes.
“I love you too.” She murmured. “And that scares me. How does that not scare you?”
“Because I’m used to not feeling scared of my own emotions.” Anakin’s words were quiet, and she leaned against him as he held her. “The concept of loving you has never been scary to me.” She closed her eyes as the silence in the room grew comfortable. “One day, it won’t be for you, either.”
-
Padmè [2:03 pm]
I’m bringing Anakin to Passover this year.
Do you think Bubbe will care that he’s not Jewish?
Sola [2:11 pm]
I think that Asher assumed I just died.
Padmè [2:12 pm]
What does that mean?
Sola [2:15 pm]
It means that my baby sister is finally letting herself be loved the way she deserves to be loved, and I screamed a little bit out loud.
Bubbe will live.
I know you two have only been together for like, three months, but I want to meet your future husband ASAP.
L’chaim!!!!
-
The entire plane ride back, Padmè had Anakin practice all the Hebrew pronunciations of the various traditions that would take place the next month, which failed significantly because each time she’d attempt to sound out the letters, she’d just get kissed.
The people across the aisle glared as they walked out, the smile on her face uncontrollable as he whispered badly sounded out words in Hebrew to her.
Anakin made Padmè’s favorite fish dish that night, and they danced for a while to Carpenters before deciding to read together.
“Does Ahsoka care that you’re over here so much?” Padmè drew various shapes on his chest as Lorelai Gilmore went on another rant to Luke in the background.
“I don’t know.” He considered it for a moment and then laughed. “I don’t really care.” She listened to his heartbeat, and thought of the last time she had spent so much time with a man before.
“I’ve never felt like this before.” She murmured, dragging her fingertip down in a cursive loop as she drew his name on his chest. “I’ve never let someone stay over at my apartment five days in a row or danced on my kitchen counter in my night clothes.”
“I feel so honored that I’ve seen you sing Vanilla Ice in your cat pajamas on your kitchen island.” She playfully tapped his chest as he smiled at her.
“I’ve spent my life expecting a lot of myself.” She saw the chip in her nail polish and thought of the days when she’d immediately get it fixed, just so that she would still be deemed presentable. “I never expected to find someone who didn’t care when I smelled like cat vomit or when I had a pimple in the middle of my back that I couldn’t reach and needed someone else to pop it,” Anakin laughed. “Or that I was thirty-two years old, and I admitted that I had never let a man see my birthmark on the back of my calf, and you said it was beautiful.”
“Because it was.”
“And I’ve never had this.” She rolled over, catching his eyes as he pulled on one of her curls gently. “I’ve never had someone who wanted to know who I was and loved me with the passion of two suns.”
“Of two suns?” He smirked at her, and she pressed her head into his chest as she felt him laugh. “Are you about to write me a sonnet describing my love, Professor Naberrie?” She laughed harder as she shook her head, feeling the vibrations against her cheek.
“You’re making me feel very embarrassed about trying to express my feelings, Ani.” Anakin’s hands massage her shoulders, his laugh warm as she laughed alongside him. “You said that you wanted to know me.”
“I do, very badly, Professor.” She smiled at his insistence, and he laughed more. “I want to know everything about you.”
“Then stop laughing at me!” His gaze was intense, and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Is this what you wanted Ani? A thirty-two-year-old failed senator who has a birthmark on the back of her calf?”
“I could’ve never imagined someone better.” His voice was sincere, and she felt herself blush underneath his stare. “The first time I ever saw you, I knew you were unlike anyone I’d ever met before.”
“Ani.” She pressed her lips together, and he smiled. “Now I can’t even say I love you.”
“What do you mean?” He laughed, and she let her forehead hit his chest.
“Everything you outshines those three little words. What good is I love you compared to that ?”
“What good is I love you compared to you telling my step-father that he’ll walk me down the aisle at our wedding.” His words were soft, and she felt her heart beat as he paused. “And here I wondered if it was too early to take you on a trip.”
She remembered worrying before going on this trip that she was going too fast. A part of her wondered if she’d regret going so fast in the future. Another part of her didn’t care at all, not when she had never met someone who was so suited for her in her entire life.
“Trips make or break relationships.” She tangled her hands in his hair as he held her, and she smiled. “I think you’re a keeper, Ani.”
“That’s high praise, Professor.” She turned to press her ear against his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. “You said for my birthday you’d tell me what made me different.” She smiled as she remembered them just five days earlier, the way she insisted that would be his birthday gift and had promptly forgotten about it in lieu of his copy of Jane Eyre.
“I’ve controlled who I am my whole life.” She considered her past. “I’m thirty-two, and I have never been in love. Other girls would describe the butterflies they felt, and I would think they were so silly. I didn’t understand why they were so foolish.” Anakin brushed his fingers across her cheek, and she considered it for a moment. “I’d go on a date, and by the fifteen-minute mark, I’d want to take off my pantyhose and finish my wine in peace. I didn’t want to talk with them, I didn’t want to give up my career, and I didn’t care.” She blinked a few times. “My life was perfectly fine.”
“Perfectly fine?”
“I liked working until late hours of the night and adding extra credit work, and throwing myself into everything without thinking of what it might do to me.” She thought of the mess of books, the dull thud of a headache that she hadn’t felt in the months she had spent with Anakin, the endless work. “My father told me that he thought if I would’ve won the senate race I would’ve burned out completely. It would’ve never been enough.”
She inhaled as she thought about the tears of her loss, as her father rubbed her back, ignoring the way her mascara stained her pure white pantsuit. “ This is a blessing, baby,” her father whispered. “ I couldn’t bear to see my Padmé burn herself out before she was forty.”
“So I turned to teaching. And I thought that if I couldn’t be a senator, I could be a tenured professor at one of the most prestigious universities in the nation.” She smiled. “And I over-scheduled myself and took no time off; I got my nails redone every two weeks on the dot and made sure I blew out my hair. And my first graduate student on the feedback form said I was worse than a dictator.” She sensed Anakin’s distaste, and she laughed. “The second one said he’d prefer working under the wicked witch herself.”
“They sound like they didn’t deserve the job anyway.”
“I probably was a horrible boss.” She laughed at Anakin’s silence. “I ordered them around, I made them read the coursework along with me, and I assigned them more work during an already hard graduate course. I know you love me, Ani, but most people would crack under that kind of pressure.” She turned to see his expression and smiled. “You’re extraordinarily talented at working under pressure.” His stare was comforting. “And then you were over an hour late to our first meeting.”
Anakin laughed, and she smiled at him.
“Not on purpose.”
“But you were.” She mused. “And I was supposed to be having a good year, Ani. You offered to change your sleep schedule to get up in the mornings like I did, and you knew how I liked my coffee by the third week of working with me, and you noticed that I changed my nails from a French tip to maroon.” Anakin’s smile was shy, and she pressed her ear back to his chest. “And I couldn’t get rid of the twenty-four-year-old who listened to Carpenters, and knew that the youngest age to become a senator was thirty, and understood what Rosh Hashanah was even though I didn’t tell him I was Jewish just because I wore the star of David with one of my suits.” She drew a heart on his chest and felt the warmth take over her body.
“And I couldn’t control myself around you, Ani. It has eaten at me every day since the day we met. I figure,” She turned her head to look at him and smiled. “If I was going to destroy my life anyway by denying myself everything until it ate me alive, why not at least be highly inappropriate and let my graduate assistant know me?” Anakin’s breaths were deep, and she kept eye contact with him. “I remember asking you not to look at me like that.”
“Why not?” He smiled at her, keeping his expression steady.
“It used to make me uncomfortable, knowing you wanted me.” She just stared into his eyes, the emotions swirling within her. “Now, it’s the only thing I ever want.”
“I can’t stop looking at you.” His voice was even and sure, and she watched his eyes licker to her lips. “Not when you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“You don’t know everything about me, Anakin Skywalker.” She laughed a bit, his eyes warm and soft.
“I want to.” She felt his arms squeeze her as she lay her head on his chest. “I want to spend the rest of my life knowing you, Professor Naberrie.”
Padmè heart thumped, and a shy part of her whispered,
Me too .
Notes:
i'm so excited to explore more of their relationship now that Padmè has let him in. Also, I'm sorry if my descriptions of Nevada much better suit Arizona, I've only ever been to New Mexico out of the southwestern states, so I'm not totally sure about the landscape. I'll try to correct it later if it becomes a serious issue!
Chapter 6
Summary:
They return from Nevada, and things cease to be perfect.
Notes:
shorter chapter tonight because my brain hurts and I'm currently fighting the urge of a million other ideas. the fact that people read my writing however, is wild and i love it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
March 12th, 4:32 pm
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] , [email protected] and 11 others
Subject: New Headmaster
Hello Faculty members,
Republic University seems to have undergone a change in headmasters, which was thoroughly unprecedented. Headmaster Valorum, after ten years, has abruptly resigned. Our new headmaster, Sheev Palpatine, requests all faculty’s attendance this Monday at 7:30 a.m. Thank you for your understanding.
Regards,
Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi
-
Padmè stirred the soup Anakin and she was supposed to have for dinner around mindlessly as she sent off a quick message to Dormè.
Dormè [5:21 pm]
He’s from the outside.
I’ve never heard of him before, but apparently, he was in the Senate.
Padmè [5:23 pm]
Yes, he’s originally from Connecticut, my home state.
I wasn’t aware that he had decided after he lost last year’s election to move into teaching.
Dormè [5:25 pm]
I may be reading your messages in an oddly aggressive way, but positive or negative view?
Padmè [5:27 pm]
Most of his policies I disagreed with. It’s why I decided to run for Senate in the first place.
“Padmè?” She set her phone down on the counter and watched Anakin slide his bag onto the ground as he entered the living room. “You’re making dinner.”
“I hope you enjoy broccoli.” Anakin wrinkled his nose, and then laughed.
“I like whatever you make.” He kissed her softly, and she found herself smiling as he walked to the other side of the counter. “I thought you’d be at the university longer tonight because of our trip.”
“I think I can grade a little bit tonight.” She pressed her lips together, thinking about the announcement. “There’s a new headmaster.”
“Headmaster?” She nodded, and watched the broccoli disappear as she stirred. “What happened to Valorum?”
“He resigned.” She heard Anakin fill a glass with water, and shook her head a little. “Senator Palpatine is taking his place.”
“I don’t know very much about the government, Senator.” She heard Anakin’s shy laugh, and she felt her brows knit together. “Did you get the chance to work with him in your career?”
“Yes.” She stopped stirring, and turned, leaning against the part of the counter that wasn’t the stove. “He’s originally from Connecticut.”
“So you really knew him.” She blinked a few times, and the expression on Anakin’s face changed. “Padmè, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She quickly said, crossing her arms. “I just thought some of his policies were absurd. It’s why I originally decided to run.”
“Were you in competition against him?” She pressed her lips together, and Anakin took that as an affirmative response.
“I lost against him when I ran.” She remembered the false handshake and the snaky smile like it was yesterday, the way she gritted her teeth. “I can’t sway your opinion on him based on prior encounters.”
“You won’t.” Anakin smiled at her softly, and she felt the tension in her shoulders throb as she thought about Palpatine. He was fairly manipulative, in her time working with him until she decided to run against him nearly four years ago. The way he drew people in through subtly glossed over lies and flattery worked on a younger Padmè, until she realized that Palpatine tended to use everything for his gain.
Not for the greater good.
Padmè felt the light graze of lips on her forehead as she stood there, thinking about the turn of events.
“I’m fine, Ani.”
“You have that look.” He kissed her again, and she felt his hands attempt to rub out the tension in her shoulders. “It’s incredibly sexy, but I know you only give it to people you disapprove of.”
“I don’t have a look.” She insisted, and Anakin just laughed into her neck as she closed her eyes.
“Mm, I especially like it when you turn that look on me.” He kissed her again, and she let her shoulders drop. “It’s a good thing I like powerful women who are willing to put me in my place, right?”
The thought picked at the back of her brain, and she pushed it off as she let Anakin distract her, once again.
“ Sheev Palpatine is your new headmaster?” Padmè didn’t know when she started hiding in her closet, but she was crouched down by her dress pants as Sola stared into the phone like it had called her a slur. “The senator who just lost very rightfully because he was heavily implied he’d enjoy being an emperor.”
“Yes.” She heard her sister shout for Asher, and she turned down the volume.
“ Asher! ” Sola walked through her home as Padmè’s knees burned from crouching, and she felt a little bit guilty for hiding from Anakin. A part of her didn’t know why she felt like she couldn’t tell Anakin about this. Maybe it was because she didn’t want to worry him. The bigger part of her knew that it was because she didn’t know how Anakin would react. She knew Anakin would follow her without question, and part of her wondered if maybe she was just being judgemental.
“That rat bastard Sheev Palpatine is Padme’s new headmaster.” She snapped out of her daze to see Sola basically shouting at her husband, who frowned.
“ Sheev Palpatine .”
“He’s the new headmaster.”
“Oh, he is a bastard.” Padmè laughed a bit as Asher leaned over the phone, his dark hair damp and hanging almost in front of his eyes. “Quick question: does he follow you everywhere you go now? Or just in recent years.”
“I didn’t even know that he entered teaching.” She was sure that her curls would most likely be frizzy if she didn’t diffuse them, but she was just thankful that Sola was awake at 6:30 in the morning so that she could talk with her one last time before walking into a meeting with the man who crushed her senate career underneath his thumb. “When Obi-Wan sent that email I got the idea that he didn’t know, either.”
“I hate him. I hate bastards who think that democracy should die.” She watched Asher take the phone presumably out of Sola’s hands, and he set it up on a surface in their shared bathroom as he stuck a toothbrush back into his mouth. “You know what he did right after your election? He shook hands with every member of our family, saying that it was too bad considering the Naberrie’s were such bloodhounds of the government. Our father, for over twenty years, has been sniffing out bad politicians, and he’s one of them.” Padmè couldn’t help but agree as Sola turned on the water to wash her face. “Plus, Bubbe hates him. And you know that Bubbe Esther only hates the most corrupt of men.”
She heard Hera scratch at the closed door of the closet and stood, her knees aching from the prolonged time she spent on the ground.
“What are you thinking about it?” Asher’s voice was muffled due to the toothbrush, and Padmè sighed. “You gotta tell Anakin before Palpatine gets to him, he's a convincing piece of trash.”
“I can’t.” She hissed, and Asher peered into the phone with a skeptical look on his face. “I can’t sway his belief based on my circumstances. He’s not even a faculty member.”
“Sheev Palpatine is a manipulative man.” Asher should know, since he worked as his clerk for a little while. “He manipulates everyone around him, and he’s a vindictive bastard.”
“I can’t assume that he’s going to do that here.”
“He’s a power-hungry monster , Padmè.” Sola’s face dripped with water, and the snarl on her face was enough to strike fear into anyone’s heart. “He’s going to try to get back at you, and he’s going to do it where it hurts most. He doesn’t like that you condemned him to the press, and he’s been following you ever since.”
The sharp tug in her stomach told her that Sola was right.
She just didn’t want to believe that it might be true.
Sabè looked like she had drunk a lukewarm cup of coffee with its milk curdled, and Padmè was wearing her senatorial pantsuit, complete with the exact pin she wore on her election night years ago. It was the signet of the Naberrie family, and she hoped that it would be clear that she didn’t forget who Palpatine was.
“I hate him.” Sabè murmured, and Padmè refused to give a sign that she agreed. “I hated his speech when I tuned into the news for the first time in a month. Dude gives me the creeps.”
“A lot of people liked Senator Palpatine,” Padmè responded, and Sabè sighed a bit.
“Something just doesn’t feel right.” The entire university’s faculty staff waited politely as a photo of the man with white hair was projected onto the screen.
“Good morning, Professors.” Padmé turned to see Obi-Wan, his beard neatly trimmed and in a suit. Padmè couldn’t even remember the last time he was in a suit, with his tie perfectly centered.
“Professor Kenobi.” Padmè nodded at him, and Obi-Wan sat in the seat beside her. “I wasn’t aware that the University could appoint a headmaster who hasn’t worked as a professor.”
“Neither was I.” His voice had a tone of distrust, and Padmè wondered if Obi-Wan knew more than he was letting on. “It took me by surprise to learn that the council had elected him as headmaster.” Padmè turned to see his jaw set and folded her hands in her lap. “I understand you spent some time under his guidance early on in your career.”
“Yes.” Padmè felt the anger simmer deep, and ground her teeth together. “Unfortunately, so.”
It was no surprise that after Palpatine gave a thoroughly positive induction speech, the faculty clapped for him louder than she had even heard before. His words were smooth, and his smile stayed constant as Padmè felt the color drain out of her features with every mention of his new ideas for the university.
It reminded her of a much younger her, visiting the senate with her father after she expressed her interest in running. The guidance and the smoothness of his words, the introduction of the senate progress, and how he had set up her internship in the southern part of the nation so she could gain more contacts.
She still remembered how Palpatine grasped her hands in his and said that she would be an excellent politician, if she spent less time fighting for the nation's greater good, and more time listening to what the politicians themselves wanted. She set her jaw as the meeting was adjourned and headed to her classroom on autopilot without the necessity to meet the newest headmaster she knew so well.
Anakin had a lot of conflicting classes lately, and she knew that he was under a certain amount of stress as he continued taking on more responsibilities, so she opened her laptop to start working on the next unit’s extra credit coursework.
The knock on the door made her eyes rise, and she pressed her lips together.
“Come in.” The knob turned, and there was a sharp click that she recognized as Louis Vuitton dress shoes.
“Professor Naberrie.” She stood, her lips automatically pressed together as his white hair and designer suit came into view. “So we meet again.”
“Headmaster Palpatine.” The political smile made its way onto her face as the spike of adrenaline coursed through her body. “How lovely to see you, once again.”
“I see you still wear your family’s political crest.” His eyes narrowed in on the pain, and a certain feeling of pride that it achieved its intended purpose made her smile inwardly. “A shame we had to leave off on such a sour note the last time we saw each other.”
“Oh, yes.” She nodded, thinking of the way she had turned around after he called after her wordlessly, pretending he no longer existed. “A shame, indeed.”
March introduced a lot of new rules, including the reintroduction of the rule that faculty members and their assistants are forbidden to have any relationship that is not platonic.
“Did you just see the memo?” Dormè shut the door to the break room, and Padmè held her cup of coffee in hand. “The memo, Padmè-”
Padmè took the piece of paper that was printed off out of Dormè’s hand and felt her body go cold.
In accordance with a rule created over twenty years ago, we’ve decided to keep the university as safe as possible from inappropriate workplace relationships to reinstate rule 34-b, originally drafted in 1987 to prevent faculty members from coercing their assistants into any relationship that may be a threat to the university itself.
“What are you going to do about Anakin?” Padmè’s hand shook, and she felt her grip tightening as the paper crinkled underneath her grip.
“We’re going to split up.” She said softly. “Immediately.”
“Padmè-”
“ Immediately , Dormè.” She whispered.
-
March 23rd, 2:01 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Urgent Meeting
Good Afternoon Mr. Skywalker,
When you’re available after your classes, please come see me in my office. There’s been an unprecedented change in my teaching style and I’d like to discuss it with you personally.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
“Since when am I Mr. Skywalker?” Anakin shut the door not even fifteen minutes later, and Padmè jumped a bit out of her skin. “What’s happened, Padmè?”
“Rule 34-b.” She held up the piece of paper she had crushed in her hand earlier, ducking her head as her throat felt like it was going to explode. “Ani, you have a class.” She murmured, watching him examine the piece of paper she held like a weapon. “Our meeting was not meant to be until after your classes-”
“I don’t believe this.” Anakin took long strides, his glasses slipping further down his nose as the anger washed off of him in waves. “I don’t care about my class, Padmè.” She watched him read through the paper, and then throw it across the room. “This is ridiculous.”
“I could be fired for this-” She whispered, and she felt him take her face in his hands as her heart ached. “I cannot allow you-”
“If it takes me dropping out of school, I don’t even care, Padmè.” Anakin held her tightly, the determination of his voice making her stop. “I want my future to be with you. I don’t care to get another degree. I want you .”
“But your future-”
“Is with you.” He maintained, and she blinked a few times as he furrowed his brows. “I don’t need anything else.”
“Anakin,” She found herself blinking back tears. “I can’t be the one who stops your future.”
“You are my future.” She looked into his eyes, and he smiled. “Don’t you understand?” She thought of Beru saying that Anakin’s love was like the force of two suns, and realized just how much truth the statement carried.
“I can’t let you quit your job.” She said softly. “Not for me. You have more important things to do than love me, Ani.”
“Then we can carry on in secret, if that’s what it takes.” The desperation in his voice was clear, and she felt her resolve crumbling. “We can leave at different times, and you can call me Mr. Skywalker, and no one would have to know.”
“Everyone would know, Ani.” She whispered. “They all saw it.” Anakin’s eyes searched hers as she considered the prospect. “I don’t know how we could convince them that nothing happened.”
“Please, Padmè.” She closed her eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers. “ Please .” She thought about it and pressed her lips together.
“Ok.” She whispered. “But no one can know.”
“No one will know.” He promised.
No one needed to know.
Anakin’s light brushes against her knuckles vanished during her lectures, the smiles that she caught him giving now blank stares as they worked together, the feeling in her heart overtaking her thought processes.
He was such a good actor, that she thought that he had actually stopped loving her.
“I can’t believe that you seriously let a rule stop you from being with the only man you’ve ever loved.” Sabè’s voice was harsh, and she tucked her hair behind her ear as the accusation burned. “You really cut it off? Just like that?”
“Yes.” The lie hurt as she spoke it quietly, thinking of Anakin’s distance as the way he immediately left the room after they finished their work. The way he hadn’t come to her apartment in over three days. She caught herself smelling a t-shirt he had left over, and then told herself that they agreed to keep it a secret.
And that meant that Anakin would actually have to attend his night classes and early mornings consistently. It meant that Padmè went back to packing her own lunch so that everyone thought she had actually left him.
“I cannot-” Sabè stared at her, and Padmè brushed the tear off her face stubbornly. “I don’t even believe you. I don’t think you actually did.” She sat as Sabè just looked at her, a spark in her eye as Padmè’s heart thumped. “Stay silent if you’re keeping it under wraps, Padmè.” Padmè sat quietly, and Sabé let out a long breath. “Your secret is safe with me.” She watched Sabé walk out of the room, feeling like an odd weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.
Padmè quietly tossed a cranberry and walnut salad for herself, her blown-out hair in a claw clip as it felt reminiscent of her nights before Anakin.
Grading and long nights. She would have to probably do her research for Italy if she wanted the trip to be as nice as she thought it should be. May was approaching quickly.
She heard Hera meow, and turned to see her pawing at Anakin’s sweatpants.
“I know.” She murmured. “I feel the same way.”
She felt like it had been forever since she saw Anakin. Since she felt his hands in her hair and his lips on hers, and heard that intoxicating laugh of his. Her apartment felt sterile without him, with all of her books beginning to overtake the living room as she started to fall back into old routines.
The way he looked right through her felt like it would kill her if she had to see it one more time. She scooped the rest of the salad out of her bowl onto a plate and thought about a glass of wine when she heard the telltale sign of a key being slipped into her lock.
The plate crashed on the floor, shattering, and she could barely hear anything other than the sound of her footsteps as she ran towards the door to unlock it herself.
She was sure that she was crying by the time she had launched herself into his arms, hearing the soft sound of her saying that she loved him somewhere outside of all the thoughts she had been fighting against for the last week.
She felt his lips brushing against hers as she took in all the senses of him, his hands in her hair, his voice in her ears, his gaze on her, the feeling of him pouring his heart out to her. The way he whispered about all the things he had missed, all the things he noticed while he pretended that he didn’t want her any longer, that she was nothing. He kissed the birthmark on the back of her calf, and she caught herself crying once again.
She gripped his shoulders and let herself not think for a moment as she relished in the fact that Anakin was here, and Anakin was with her.
And Anakin loved her.
He truly loved her.
“This is destroying me.” She stroked his bare shoulder as he held her tightly, and she nestled herself into him. “I have never been unable to suppress my feelings until I met you. I was so good at this.”
“I missed you.” He murmured, and she brought her hands to his hair as she enjoyed the way his curls felt in between her fingers once again. “I missed you so much.”
She thought of the shards of glass in the kitchen and couldn’t find it in herself to care as she lay with him, his hair between her fingers and his gaze on her once again. She thought of how she had put on her pantsuit that he loved so much and how he hadn’t looked at her twice.
“I wore your favorite outfit.” She whispered, thinking of how his gaze went through her and how she had immediately felt nauseous. “I changed my nails, and you didn’t say anything.”
“It’s been driving me crazy, Padmè.” She felt his lips on her shoulder, and she sucked her bottom lip in. “I want to say something to you, and when I can’t, it feels like I’m missing a part of myself.”
“This will tear us apart.” She murmured. “Ani.”
“No, Padmè.” He held onto her. “You can’t leave me.”
“Ani-”
“ No .” He said firmly, holding her close. “I’ve had enough of you trying to tell me what to do.” She felt him trace patterns in her back, and considered saying something else to no avail. “I’ve had enough of you trying to make yourself seem unloveable.”
She was going to get fired for the way she couldn’t control herself around Anakin.
“Ok.” She held onto his neck and stared blankly at the pillow as his words sunk into her. “Anakin?”
“Mm?”
“I wouldn’t believe a word Sheev Palpatine says to you.”
She pulled out another one of her senatorial pantsuits and thought carefully about her course of action. If she was going to combat Palpatine, she was going to approach it differently than she did in the Senate.
Starting by tackling the new changes around campus.
“You’re starting a discussion group?” Cody stood beside her, holding the letter that she had dropped on the desk of every humanities faculty member. “To rescind the new dress code?”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, and Cody smiled.
“Well, Senator, you have my approval.” Cody yanked on the tie that was now required and leaned in. “I’d also appreciate it if we could get struck down that stupid rule about emails being monitored.” She laughed a bit, and poured herself another cup of coffee. “It’s really giving me grief.”
“Doing things you shouldn’t, Professor?” Cody rolled his eyes as Rex passed, and Padmè set her cup down. “Also, you have my agreement, Padmè.” He tapped the letter in Cody’s hand, and she smiled politely. “I think we should probably get rid of Headmaster Palpatine before his reign of terror really begins.”
The small smile on her face wasn’t missed, and Padmé walked to her office after determining that she was ready.
“Headmaster Palpatine wants to meet me for a meal.” She turned to see Anakin standing at her office door and then closing it behind him.
“I see.” She pressed her lips together as she thought about all the things she could do with him now that he had closed the door and chastised herself that she would need to be as professional as possible if she was forcing Palpatine out through pure conduct. “Did you accept?”
“Yes.” He approached her desk, and she noticed that he had rolled his dress shirt arms up his forearms. She couldn’t think when he was around her. “Does that bother you?”
“No.” She let the answer leave her mouth before she thought about the true answer and then pressed her lips together. “I’ve known Headmaster Palpatine a long time, Mr. Skywalker.”
Anakin winced a bit at the way she used his formal title, and she wanted to make up for it by pulling him down to press a kiss to his lips. She repressed the urge to make true on that idea, and instead gripped her thigh.
“I know.” He shrugged. “I’m wondering why, out of all the master’s students, he chose me.”
“He chose you because four years ago, I condemned his senatorial campaign on the basis of his conduct.” Anakin’s brows knit together. “And he knows that you’re my graduate assistant. And he’s trying to use you to hurt me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“All is fair in love and war to Senator Palpatine.” She smiled blankly. “You better leave to make it to your classes, Mr. Skywalker.”
“I’ll see you later, Professor.” She closed her eyes as Anakin turned the doorknob and felt him hesitate before he walked out of the room. “Leave the door unlocked tonight. I’ll be dropping off some documents.”
Padmé couldn’t think straight for the rest of her workday.
-
Sola [11:22 am]
Anyway you’re getting rid of Palpatine?
Padmè [11:24 am]
I found a school bylaw that is very similar to government law that states that a two-third vote to overturn the headmaster by the entire faculty of the university is the only way to get rid of one by force.
Sola [11:26 am]
Oh Senator Naberrie, I love you and your intellect.
-
Palpatine was slimier than she remembered. Although his rules were outright, his methods were intertwined through numerous members of the board.
She pressed her hands on her temple as she thought about how she was going to rightfully get this accomplished. The last time she attempted to get him out of power, she had lost by exactly one percent.
To make things worse, she thought that if she had to watch her words for longer than five minutes with Anakin, her head might explode.
She left her door unlocked for him most nights, and his enthusiasm about the way she dressed was not left unsaid.
“He’s rancid.” Padmè tried not to spit out her wine as Dormè slammed her fist onto the table. She had arranged a night for the faculty professors to go to a local winery since Anakin had to finish an essay, and it was turning out to be a Palpatine hate campaign. “I swear that every time he comes to speak to me, it feels like death is just around the corner.”
“Dormè.” Obi-Wan looked less than impressed, though Padmè didn’t miss the glimmer in his eye as he spoke. “While I do think some of his new requirements are a bit on the overwhelming side, I would refrain from making an attack on his character.”
“Business professors already had three professors fired.” Cody looked at the wine with distaste and pushed it away from him. He always did prefer a beer, Padmè supposed. “All because of,” He cleared his throat. “ Unfounded Character Attacks .”
“He’s working through by-laws.” Sabè echoed Padmè’s findings, and she held the stem of her wineglass as the rest of the professors sat back in their chairs. “And I’m not sure how he managed to get that tenured one out of the engineering department fired, but he did.”
“It’s a dictatorship.” Rex sounded like he could personally hurt someone, and Padmè had to agree. “I don’t know where the board is.”
“The board is good for nothing,” Sabè complained, and Padmè took another sip out of her glass. “Now, we need how many to vote this idiot out?”
“ Character attacks , Professor.” Obi-Wan reiterated, and Sabè shut her mouth tightly. It felt like even if they were off campus, someone at any moment could go back and talk to Palpatine. They had seen people left and right get fired over things they didn’t know were viable offenses. “Two-thirds.”
They all looked towards Padmè, and she pressed her lips together tightly.
“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I’m not sure it can be done.”
“We can do our best, right?” Dormè leaned forward. “This type of leadership is no longer living up to the name that the university was named after.”
“I have to agree.” She thought about her response for a moment, then swallowed. “We can do our best.”
“Otherwise liberty dies.” Sabè murmured.
“To thunderous applause.” Padmè’s words hung in the air, and the professors stayed silent.
Padmè dug around her purse after the night ended, looking for her keys, when she heard the familiar sound of Obi-Wan clearing his throat.
“Padmè.”
“Obi-Wan, I thought you left for the night.” Obi-Wan sighed, and she stopped looking through her purse. “Did you have something to talk to me about?”
“I’ve known Anakin for a very, very long time. He’s like a brother to me.” She inhaled, and Obi-Wan looked like he was trying to figure out what to say. “I’m sure your recent vacation has introduced you to a myriad of facets about him that you were previously unaware of.” She nodded, and he shifted his feet. “I’m afraid Anakin’s perception of people in authority is easily skewed. He’s very passionate about the things that he believes, nearly to his detriment.”
“I see.”
“I’ve been made aware that Headmaster Palpatine has conducted numerous meetings with Anakin throughout the last few weeks, and it makes me uneasy to think that his opinion could be swayed by his unwavering belief in the good in others. It would be best to conduct our plans without his knowledge.”
“Keep it a secret?”
“Headmaster Palpatine is planting seeds of doubt among the staff about you, Padmè.” Obi-Wan frowned. “He’s been steadily suggesting that you participated in inappropriate conduct with Anakin, which the entirety of the humanities department vehemently denies .” Padmè’s heart jumped to her throat, and Obi-Wan looked concerned. “Anakin leans towards the habit of assuming before thinking things through. Trusting too easily. I believe the faster we get Headmaster Palpatine out, the sooner we can both explain to Anakin the importance of our hastiness.”
“I agree.” She nodded and felt her heart beat at the realization of the news that Palpatine was attempting to get her fired. “I think this is more than just punishing me, Obi-Wan.” She looked him in the eye and set her jaw. “My expose on the Senator was the rise in missing funds during his time in office. It’s worth looking into how the Republic uses their funds, too.”
Obi-Wan nodded, and Padmé realized she had more work cut out of her than she ever expected.
The books that she dragged out started to overtake her living room once again, her encounters with Anakin becoming shorter and filled with less and less conversation. She felt like she had less and less time to say how she felt about him; their time together spent just trying to catch up on missed feelings.
She shut her laptop, and dug her hands through her hair as she looked at the time. If she didn’t get the report that Palpatine started requiring from each faculty member for their classes done tonight, then it would lead to a strike on her teaching profile.
The new system of strikes was something that Padmè thought resembled a historical regime that only led to injustice. After two strikes, Professors were barred from giving lectures, and a third strike was academic probation for an extended period of time.
The key turned in the lock, and she turned her attention to where Anakin walked in the door, an unhappy expression on his face.
“Ani?” He walked over, dropping his face into her hair as she sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. “Your day went as well as mine, I’m assuming.”
“Headmaster Palpatine met with me today.” She froze, her heart beating as he sighed. “He wanted to congratulate me on my recent paper. Said that it was excellent.”
“You’re an excellent writer, Ani.” She murmured, and she felt his lips lazily press into her curls. The guilt at the pit of her stomach started to eat at her as she thought about telling Anakin about her plans to get rid of Palpatine. She pressed her lips together, feeling his hands wrap around her, and for once listened to the rational part of her mind.
If she was going to push out Palpatine, Anakin would have to stay in the dark. She had agreed to this.
However, as Anakin lay next to her, sleeping peacefully, Padmè felt like she was going to throw up.
Notes:
ugh i want to start writing an advent fic so bad, it's an issue. mayhaps you'll see another fic soon, but i definitely won't leave this unfinished. let me know what you hope to see over on twitter @shoobscantsleep :)
Chapter 7
Summary:
Padmè wonders if maybe the one who loves too hard, isn't the man who wears glasses that drive her crazy.
Notes:
content warning: depiction of an eating disorder and trauma. another 10k word update at 3am!!! hoping this fills y'alls appetites for a little bit as I maybe plan a sequel (or an holiday themed fic? you'll never know)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
She felt like her life had become a complete lie at this point, as she said one thing to Anakin while thinking another secretly. Obi-Wan gave her more covert warnings, and pointed out how the new update on university owned computers allowed the board to see into more than just emails, but also personal messages.
Padmè immediately logged out of her personal accounts.
In addition, her relationship with Anakin was feeling emptier than ever as it lurked in the shadows. Stolen moments at her apartment while Anakin looked straight through her at the school. The feeling of his hands on her waist burning as she attempted to work, or forcing herself to continue calling him Mr. Skywalker.
Another professor was fired for inappropriate conduct with a graduate assistant, and Dormè leaned in during the faculty meeting that was called to impress upon the importance of obeying the rules, lest there be consequences.
“He openly condemned the Headmaster the other day, and because he’s a law professor, it’s more dangerous for Palpatine. I think it would be good to contact him about a paper trail.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and nodded.
She dug her hands in her hair as she attempted to get her head on straight, to not feel like the nauseousness would overtake her. She repressed the urge to cry as she watched Anakin walk by without looking in her direction, and found herself sitting at the bottom of her shower as it felt all too familiar; this hopelessness as she fought a battle she didn’t know could actually succeed.
The law professor had suspected that Palpatine was in offense of money laundering, and agreed to join forces just to see the headmaster gone. Padmè felt like it was a win until she sat alone in her apartment, thinking of what she was putting at stake.
Palpatine had been meeting Anakin alone, taking him out for meals. She understood that he couldn’t exactly say no, but a part of her wanted to use the very real control she knew he had over him and demand that Anakin never speak to him. She knew that when he said he’d do anything for her, he meant it.
A part of her wondered if she should’ve gone with that approach from the very beginning, and she immediately chastised herself. Anakin needed to learn to decide things for himself instead of blindly following. She knew that.
She felt nauseous the entire lecture when Anakin refused to look at her.
The cold shock of Anakin pretending not to know her led to their actual time spent together in the privacy of her apartment feeling stilted for a moment when he first came in, the emotions spilling over of how it was whittling away at their relationship.
Padmè struggled with feeling like she wasn’t being lied to, and Anakin felt like he never got to see her outside of her apartment.
They couldn’t even meet for coffee, after a professor was sent to academic probation due to the supposed violation of the rule. Anakin wore a hoodie each time he entered her apartment building to make sure no one saw them together.
If Padmè could put her finger on what exactly was going on, she would call it vengeance. The work she did immediately after her failed senatorial pain had been fueled by embarrassment and righteous justice, seeking to inform the people of her state why exactly the man who was funneling their tax dollars had won another campaign.
There had never been a more satisfying ending then to see his career derail from the release of her article, which was backed by several news outlets, and Palpatine lose his next election. Sola was right. He was vindictive, and he was coming after her.
She pressed her palms into her eyes as she struggled not to cry when Anakin sent her a quick text saying that Palpatine wanted him for a late meeting, feeling like the spark she had in her life was beginning to disappear after three short months.
She swore she was supposed to have it for the rest of her life.
Padmè had never been in love. She had loved, sure, loved her sister and her brother-in-law. Loved her niece from the moment she was born, cradling the newborn in her arms, loved her nephew even when he dragged her along to the aisles of the grocery store she didn’t know even existed. Loved her mother for always somehow burning the challah bread, no matter how much she tried to make it perfect. Loved her father for still calling her baby even though she was in her early thirties.
Padmè had loved.
She had never been in love.
She had never loved someone so hard, that even his being near her made it hard to concentrate, the rush of her heartbeat hot in her ears and the places his hands had touched igniting the moment he entered the same room as her.
She had never loved someone so hard that she worried endlessly about his thoughts, the emptiness between their messages, the punctuation in his texts. She worried he had believed the poison Palpatine said, the accusations of Padmè lying during her campaign, or that she was being vindictive over a close loss.
She had never loved someone so hard that when she heard the key turn in the lock, she sprinted to her door and collapsed into his arms, repeating three keywords in a context that she had never heard herself speak before with such conviction, her hands gripping onto him like he was her lifeline.
No, Padmè had never been in love with someone like she was with Anakin Skywalker.
And it terrified her to think that maybe Anakin wasn’t the person who needed to be restrained, that maybe Anakin wasn’t the dangerous one in this.
Perhaps it was her, digging her hands in her hair as the lump in her throat threatened to slice her neck open, the nauseousness in her stomach that never seemed to cease, the band around her heart that tightened with each day she spent apart from him.
Maybe Padmè was the one who couldn’t live without Anakin.
She threw up violently each time she thought about it.
“Maybe you’re just sick.” Sola looked perturbed as Padmè noticed her dark circles had surpassed the point of being covered up with the full-coverage concealer Satine had recommended just a few months ago. Padmè realized she had never asked Obi-Wan how that was going, and couldn’t find a reason to care as she dragged her feet along the tile of her bathroom. “ Padmè , honey.”
She turned to where she had set up her phone, and noticed where she could see her clavicle all the more as she began to lose weight from skipping meals, and tossing and turning in her bed.
“What, Sola?”
“I need you to take care of yourself, or I’m going to have to find Anakin and tell him what’s going on here.” She knew that tone of voice from the years she did ballet. The times when she could begin to see the knobs of her spine after working at the dance studio for hours to get the role she wanted, and Sola gripping onto her forearms in the privacy of her car when she insisted she would drive Padmè home instead of Padmè drive herself.
I need you to take care of yourself, or I’m going to have to tell momma that you’re not eating.
The first thing to go when Padmè was all consumed by something was her appetite. She gulped as her sister’s mouth was a thin line, the worry barely hidden as she stared into the screen. \
“You don’t-”
“I don’t care what you say; nothing will convince me to do otherwise, Padmè.” Sola leaned forward, and she swore that her screen was glitching by the dampness of her sister’s eyes. “I cannot watch you waste away for the sake of democracy. I cannot watch my sister starve herself to death and deny herself things. I need you to take care of yourself, or I’m going to have to find Anakin and tell him that you’re walking down a very, very dangerous path, Padmè.”
“It’s not-”
“I’ve watched you devote yourself to many things in your life, Padmè.” Sola shook her head. “I’m not losing my little sister over a broken heart, over something that in the long run can be fixed now. He would do anything for you, and I’m going to let him. I’m going to be selfish on your behalf, and I’m gonna ask him to do whatever possible to stop this -” Sola’s voice broke, and she waved in Padmè’s direction. “I can’t do this , Padmè. I’m going to lose it if I see you like this again.”
“I’m fine.” Padmè’s voice was unconvincing, even she knew that, as she watched her sister try to keep it together.
“I can see the bones in your wrist , Padmè.” Sola’s voice was watery, and Padmè looked down to see the sharpness of her body. “I haven’t seen you look like this since you did Swan Lake. I know you don’t believe us, but that injury was a gift . Don’t do this to yourself, please .”
The tone of her sister’s voice stuck in her mind as she forced herself to eat dinner, Hera yowling obnoxiously from the other room. She couldn’t find it in herself to find out what the source of her pet’s anger was, and instead picked at her salad with very little interest.
Sabè set the fruit basket on Padmè’s desk, and she looked up to see her friend’s face filled with what could only be described as concern.
“I want you to eat all of this, ok?” She took in all the colorful fruits, and the cookies stuffed in the side. She recognized the little logo of her favorite candy, and then furrowed her brows as Sabè stood silently. “And I want you to open the door when I knock on it every other day with a meal that we’re going to eat together. Until you’re full.”
“I’m doing fine.”
“I agree.” Sabè was an excellent liar, the way her mouth said something so convincing, and her eyes betrayed her true intent. “I feel I haven’t seen you in so long, Padmè. I just want a meal with my friend.”
She looked in the mirror the next morning after stepping out of her shower; her skin stretched a little more tightly over her ribs, and her bones looking more pronounced. She decided on a sweater instead of a pantsuit since the waistband no longer fit properly, and made herself work until the nauseousness of missing Anakin subsided. The fruit rotted in her fridge, and she threw out the leftovers after she noticed it was moldy. She still wasn’t hungry.
She relished in the unexpected sound of the key turning in her lock, and leapt to her feet to meet him. She didn’t know when the last time they were truly together was, maybe a week ago after Palpatine had made Anakin in charge of two different groups.
She had kept her mouth shut tight and congratulated him, the sinking feeling in her chest refusing to leave.
“I missed you.” His voice was soft in her ear as she gripped onto him, feeling relief at how the ache in her chest vanished when he was in her arms. “I missed you so much.”
March had passed into April long ago, and they still hadn’t discussed the Passover trip. Padmè had been thinking of little but the absence of the warmth at her side in the mornings, or reading over the old lunch notes she had saved back when she took them for granted. Back when she thought commercial holidays were silly, and when she took the light touch of his fingers on her neck as a normalcy instead of a privilege.
“Padmè.” She turned her head as Anakin ran his fingers down her back, his fingers catching on the sharpness of her spine. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She whispered, feeling her heart grow two sizes as the blood rushed in her ears. Anakin ran his fingers through her hair, and she felt him kiss her shoulder as he held her from behind.
“It feels like a part of me has been ripped away suddenly, and I don’t know what to do.” She nodded, the tears pricking her eyes. “I have to ask you something seriously.”
“What?”
“If I asked you why your parents called your Swan Lake injury a blessing in disguise, would you tell me the truth?” She froze, hearing the timidness in his voice as he continued to brush his knuckles up and down her side. She had said it offhandedly months ago, after a night of Nepalese food and a short tour of her home office.
He had picked up her senior photo of her as the white swan in Swan Lake, her hands poised and her tutu freshly bought as she remembered the various lengths she took to make sure everything was perfect. She remembered how she had used a mix of three different gels and hairsprays to get her bun perfectly centered, how she had forced herself to finish hours of drills so her calves looked right in that pose.
“My father called it a blessing when the doctor told me it was a career-ending injury.” Padmè remembered the loud snap of her ankle that seemed to echo in slow motion, the scream she had let out before sitting numbly at the doctor’s office. The news coursing through her body and making her limbs feel like they were dead weight as she stared at the boot her ankle was in, the thing that took her entire life away from her.
Anakin brushed his knuckles up and down her arm in the silence. She thought about her answer carefully.
“I’m just not hungry lately, Ani.” She said softly. “It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m only asking because I love you, Padmè.” She heard him sigh, and the feeling of his nose pressing into her shoulder brought her both a sense of comfort and nervousness at the weight of the question. “I only want the best for you.”
It all felt so raw, thinking about her family. Sola gripping onto her forearms and basically screaming at her while she was a teenager that she didn’t get it. She didn’t get that the reason they sent her to the center was for her own good. She didn’t get that the reason Sola told her parents that she wasn’t eating, and that’s what led to her passing out momentarily and breaking her ankle as a result was because she loved her.
A part of her felt like it was yesterday, staring at her plate with disdain, the nauseousness stirring in her stomach as she felt the need to get rid of it. The fear coursing through her heart when she stepped into the facility room.
“Padmè, did you hear me?” She felt like the therapist’s voice echoed, the woman nice enough other than feeling like she was silently judging Padmè for flat-out refusing to eat that morning’s meal. If she came back from this therapy any heavier, her balance would be off, and her ankle’s recovery would be nothing. She wouldn’t suit the part.
Anakin ran his knuckles up and down her arm, and she felt like she was going to throw up again.
“My safe food was cranberry and walnut salads.” She whispered, the words feeling like bile in her throat. “I’m eating those.”
He was silent, pausing for a moment as she felt like she wanted the ground to swallow her up whole. She remembered staring at the plain white walls of the recovery center, making herself think about any food that wasn’t her salad. The way she felt nauseous every time they brought out protein for her. The way she wanted to throw everything up afterward. She remembered coming home and seeing all the calories on the food blacked out in messy sharpie, the missing scale in her room.
“I’m proud of you.” He seemed like he didn’t know what to say, and she still felt like she wanted to throw up.
“For what, Ani?” She laughed coldly. “It’s just a salad.”
They lay in silence for the rest of the night.
Padmè struggled with finding pants that fit her in her closet, and frowned as she settled on a belt she hadn’t worn for years. She decided not to think about it too harshly. Sabè sat with her for meals, and Padmè decided that she liked a chicken casserole that was evidently Sabè’s family recipe, eating three helpings before the nauseousness took over again as she thought about how Anakin was sitting with Palpatine right now for a meeting.
She leaned over the toilet, her stomach finally settling when it was all over with.
She decided to cancel lunch dates from now on to avoid her stomach being upset.
The law professor had joined forces with Dormè, Obi-Wan, and Padmè and decided to meet up at his home to start making a paper trail. His wife brought them all coffee from their nespresso, and Padmè sifted through what he had collected so far, attempting to recollect her knowledge of Virginia state law since she had passed the bar exam in Connecticut.
“See this?” The professor, Vance, pointed out a highlighted transaction in the Republic University purchases that Obi-Wan had obtained through a request to the board. “This is very unordinary for the University. We usually spend about twenty-five thousand on books, but this is an extra ten.”
“So where is it going?” Padmè murmured to herself, running her finger across another document that was abandoned across the table. She had at first thought about an offshore account, then determined that it had to be something else that couldn’t get Palpatine on a federal offense that easily.
Padmè struggled to find her keys in her purse, and set it on the table as Dormè thanked Vance for allowing them the time to look through all the research he had done.
“Hey, if he thinks he can get away with firing me, at least take him out in the process.” She started taking out the contents of her purse, and heard a soft chuckle.
“Still struggling with your keys, Padmè?”
“I don’t know where I picked up this habit.” She shook her head as Obi-Wan leaned in to search with her as she dropped her hands by her side. She felt the familiar headache of old beginning to throb behind her eyes, and opened her travel size of painkillers, popping three into her mouth before swallowing them quickly. “He’s meeting with Palpatine tonight.”
Obi-Wan stopped in his scanning of her belongings, and she pinched the bridge of her nose as the bile in her stomach swirled and crashed again and again, threatening to make her sick.
“I beg your pardon?’
“Anakin.” She swallowed hard, the floaters of her eyes swaying back and forth as she moved her eyes beneath their lips, hoping to ward off the ache before it got to a point where it would never subside. “Palpatine has put him in charge of two Master’s study groups. And he has bi-weekly meetings with him.”
“I see.” Obi-Wan sounded distinctly unhappy as she attempted to get her head on straight, the woozy feeling returning after standing for too long. She would have to remember to bring a snack the next time she was out if she hadn’t eaten lunch or dinner. “This is taking far longer than I anticipated, Padmè.” She leaned her hand on the dining room table as she took the strain off her knees, and Obi-Wan sighed. “I do wish we could tell Anakin.”
“I don’t want to make him believe something just because I asked him to.” She maintained, and her stomach curdled at the thought of the time they had spent apart, the incoming trip for Passover. “I-” She felt her knees buckle, and a swift pair of hands caught her before she collapsed onto the ground.
“ Padmè !” She heard Dormè’s footsteps fast approaching, and Obi-Wan grunted with the effort to keep her standing. “Are you ok?” She blinked a few times, attempting to straighten herself as all the strength seemed to be seeping out of her legs. It brought her back to the fading black of her eyes as she attempted a spin at eighteen, the snap of her ankle, and the shouts of her studio as she lay there, unable to do anything but scream.
“I’m fine.” She murmured, and Dormè pulled out a chair that she gratefully sat on. “I’m struggling with lightheadedness lately; that’s it.”
The looks on the people’s faces told her that they didn’t believe her, but she chose to stare at her nail beds instead of focusing on what they thought. She just had to push through this. She just did.
Anakin let himself into the apartment somewhere around midnight as Padmè sat in bed, staring at the wall in lieu of watching a show. She didn’t know when she started sitting in silence, waiting for the familiar sound of the key in the lock, but she did as Hera sat staring at her like she knew something Padmè didn’t.
Anakin stopped at the bedroom door, taking his glasses off to pinch his nose as she felt like all the life had been drained out of her and she had no reaction left to give him, no words left to say. It was April sixteenth. They would need to discuss going out for Passover.
Anakin had stopped even looking in her direction on campus, which was easy enough to do with his increasing schedule and the new addition of extra campus security. She felt like she was living in a dystopian future that Suzanne Collins had penned, with guards around every corner, the incessant demands for faculty to scan their badges before entering the building, before teaching, before sitting at their desks.
She had to actively hide the work she did before turning in her lesson reports to the board for approval, checking everything twice before she would send an email to make sure nothing sounded like insubordination. Rex had gotten flagged the other day for asking a student to make sure she was on time for his next trivia night, due to inappropriate contact with a student.
She walked around the campus with her head down, looking at her nails which were breaking off at the littlest contact, hoping that her legs would carry her to her next location. Smiled at Palpatine as she felt like she could spit venom in his eyes that would blind him from ever seeing those beautiful blue eyes that barely looked at her now, except for the in the secrecy of her own apartment.
“I miss you.” Anakin ran his fingers through her hair, and she heard him stop breathing momentarily. She turned to see that some of it was still in his hands after he finished, and his blue eyes looked like they were trying to hold back something she very much didn’t want to hear.
“ Don’t .” She shook her head, and promptly sat up, pulling the comforter up like she was a scared child as she watched him press his lips together. She knew her lip was trembling, and her voice was going to be shaky if she tried to continue her sentence, his blue eyes bearing into hers. “Come with me to Passover.”
“I already said I’d come, honey.” His voice was soft, and he looked like he couldn’t decide how to feel about the hair that was still grasped in his hands as his Adam's apple bobbed with a thick swallow. The sides of her throat seemed to contract as she thought about what this meant, the brittle nails and the muscle weakness, the way she was losing hair.
The ankle snapped echoed in her mind hauntingly, and she ripped off the comforter to run to the bathroom. Anakin held back her hair and ran his hands up and down her back slowly, only saying something softly when she paused to sob aloud, his voice soft and comforting but also fueling the urge to hide for the rest of her life.
She curled up in his lap, the tile cold as her legs pressed against it as she sobbed into his stomach as he held her, the words a chorus that was repeated over and over again as she felt like there was no end to the darkness of her own thoughts.
The world spun, and her knees burned as she leaned over to succumb to the deathly feeling that never went away as her throat burned from the stomach acid. Anakin held her as she cried once again, the familiar taste in her mouth feeling like an old friend that had long been away as the tears stained the republic logo that he wore months before on his first time in her apartment.
His first time over at her apartment, when her cat ruined any plans she had, and instead of being normal, Anakin laughed and washed her hair tenderly, and said that she smelled like a bed of roses as she gagged at the rancid stank of her clothes.
When he freely brushed his fingers over her hand as he passed his notes off, looked at her with no secret admiration in his eyes, and whispered that she needed to learn to take a compliment when she insisted it was deeply inappropriate to tell a professor that her hair looked beautiful.
When Anakin didn’t know that cranberries and walnuts on lettuce were a safe food, and the strange gap in her story after she finished being a ballerina. When Anakin didn’t have the experience of knowing exactly just how pathetic Padmè Naberrie was, bent over a toilet and knowing exactly what the taste in her mouth was like after hours of doing this as the sound of a teenage ankle snapping felt like it was going to make her clinically insane.
“You don’t deserve this !” She inhaled as the burning of her throat felt like it was going to consume all of her, and the look on his face at having her hair in his hands felt like it was burned into her mind for the rest of eternity. “You don’t-” She hiccuped and dry heaved as the tears continued to fall continually, her lungs burning and her stomach sore from the amount of heaving she did in the last hour. “You don’t-”
Anakin held her close to him, his hands tight as she continued to sob in his arms, the smell of his presence all-consuming and comforting.
“I love you.” He whispered. “I love you so much.”
“You don’t,” She dry heaved again, and she felt his hands come quickly to her hair as she shook her head, the tears burning. “You should leave for someone better, Ani.”
“ Padmè ,” She shook her head again, and Anakin let her hair fall back down on her back as she thumped her fists with no real force against his chest, trying to push herself away and hide. “Stop, honey, stop -”
“I’m ruined, Ani,” Her voice was warbly, and she knew that she would never be able to escape his grip even if she thrashed around. “You don’t love someone like me. You don’t want to be stuck with this .”
“Stop insulting what’s mine , Padmè.” She felt his hands come to her face with a blend of forcefulness and trepidation, his fingers pressing into her cheeks as he brought her face out of her shirt to look at him. His thumb had a callus that she remembered feeling for the first time at New Year's, brushing against her cheek as he kissed her like he had never wanted something more in the world.
Like he really wanted Padmè Naberrie, with all her scars and her insistence that she didn’t want the very thing she had been looking for all her life. Her habit of staying in contradictions to be safe, that she was one thing while condemning it at the same time.
“I’ve never wanted anything else like I want you.” His voice shook, and she watched him swallow thickly as she felt the tear fall down her face. “So when you say things like you’re unlovable , I wonder how you could ever think that’s true.” Her lip trembled as he stared at her insistently, a tear falling down his face as he just looked at her. “Every time you say that, I’m in agony. Every time I’m away from you, I feel like my whole body is on fire.”
She gripped onto his forearms as he talked, and he shut his mouth as he broke their stare.
“I love you.” She whispered, his thumb that perfect mixture of rough and smooth against the soft skin of her cheeks, the warmth of his fingertips pressing into her. “I’m sorry I’m not enough.”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Padmè.” His voice was harsh, and she closed her eyes as he shook his head. “Don’t lie to me about what you are.” Her head throbbed, and she could hear her breath like it was a million miles away, his thumbs still on her cheeks. “Look at me.” She locked eyes with him, and he inhaled. “I’m concerned about you. And I love you. And I want to help you.”
“I-”
“You can’t make me run away from you.” He pressed his forehead against hers, and she bit into her bottom lip. “I can’t lose you, Padmè. I can’t lose you to yourself.” She gripped his arms, feeling like the nausea was ready to return, until she heard the shaky breath that she remembered from the bedroom in Nevada. “I’ll do anything to help you. I can’t live without you .”
“I’m here.” She whispered, hearing the soft cries of the only man she has ever loved. “I’m here , Ani. I don’t want to be like this again.” She gripped onto him like he was her lifeline, feeling the pit in her stomach return. “I don’t want to, I don’t.”
“We can work on it together,” Anakin whispered. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you, I’ll-”
“I know you’d do anything for me, Ani.” She whispered. “I don’t doubt that.” She inhaled as she knew her eyes were probably swollen and bloodshot. “I feel like I’m out of control. And I don’t know how to fix that.” The silence felt odd, as the fan whirred in the background, and Hera meowed as she played with a toy in what Padmè assumed was her living room.
“I’m coming here for dinner every day from now on,” Anakin murmured. “I don’t care if you say no.” She nodded, and she felt his lips press against her forehead gently. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t.” She whispered, feeling his breath against her forehead as he pressed his nose into her hair. “I promise.”
-
April 19th, 5:37 am
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected]
Subject: Requesting Off Time
Good Morning Headmaster,
I am requesting the next week and a half off due to my family’s Passover celebration. Thank you for your understanding.
Best,
Dr. Naberrie
-
Sola gripped onto Padmè’s shoulders like she had never seen her sister in her life the second she stepped outside the airport doors.
“Sola, I’m fine.” Padmè laughed shakily as she felt the iron grip of her sister holding her close. “You’re going to miss your first impression of Anakin.”
“I don’t care.” She heard her sister’s stubborn voice, and laughed as she gripped even tighter. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Sola.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Sola held her back, and gripped onto her forearms with the strength of a Greek mythology titan, her eyes fierce but rimmed with what looked like tears. “I love you.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and Sola ran her hands up and down her sister’s arms. “You need challah bread, and you need wheat, and you need pasta-”
“We can’t have leaven in the house, Sola-”
“I don’t even care!” Padmè laughed as Sola looked behind her sister, her face lighting up. “I understand everything now.” Padmè turned to see Anakin, in his republic logo hoodie and navy baseball hat, with his glasses on. “My sister has really good taste, did you know that Anakin?”
Anakin ducked his head as he laughed, and Padmè felt herself going red as Sola just laughed.
“Don’t embarrass him.”
“It’s a compliment! Naberrie women are picky. Especially my younger sister, who has never brought a man home in her entire life.”
“ Sola !” She felt Anakin come to stand beside her as she smacked her sister with little force, her face hot at the very true statement.
“ What ?” Sola turned to open the trunk of her minivan and rolled her eyes. “You know I’m right.”
Sola had set up a bedroom for them and showed them around excitedly as she proved there was absolutely no leaven in her home so that Bubbe Esther would find no fault in their Seder location.
“Where are the kids?” Padmè sat at the island as Anakin joined her, placing her chin in her hands as she watched Sola whisk around the kitchen, preparing the Seder meal that was going to take place that night.
“They’re still at school.” She waved her hand, and Padmè took pleasure in the way Anakin comfortably rested his hand on the small of her back, a luxury she hadn’t been allowed for over a month now. She watched Sola slide a bowl of apples towards Padmè, with honey on the side. She raised her brows, and Padmè felt her ears go red. “As much as I really like you already, Anakin, those are only for her.”
“Oh, no problem at all.” Anakin smiled at her, and Padmè felt herself look at the apples with a bit of nervousness. “You’ve got this.” His words tickled as he spoke in her ear, the feeling odd in a setting that wasn’t the comfort of her apartment.
The bowl was finished by the time Sola had finished her story about Rina’s great ballet recital catastrophe, which involved a ripped leotard, no underwear, and a hyperactive six-year-old who greatly enjoyed doing the splits facing the crowd.
“I’m proud of you.” Sola’s breath was hushed as Padmè slipped the bowl into the sink, the smile on her face soft as her eyes shone. Padmè turned to look at Anakin, who ate the fruit loaf Sola had forced him to taste test happily. “It’s about control, right?”
She swallowed hard, and then leaned against the counter as she tried to think about it carefully.
“That’s what the doctor said last time.” She pressed her lips together, watching as her sister prepared matzah. “Palpatine is making it a police state.”
“Sounds like him.” Sola scowled a little bit, and then brushed her hands off on the towel she had devoted for cooking. “You’re stronger than you think, Padmè.” She smiled, and bumped shoulders with her lightly as Padmè attempted to breathe. “He’s good for you.”
“You don’t know him super well.” She laughed, and shook her head, and Sola just laughed.
“I’ve never seen you love someone, Padmè.” Padmè turned to watch Anakin with his nose in a book and smiled to herself. “And I want you to let yourself love him. Even if it means…” Sola sighed. “Letting him do what he wants to do.”
“I’ll try.” She murmured under her breath, as she thought about Sola’s implication and the plan she had with Obi-Wan that involved not telling Anakin. The dueling concepts made her head hurt, and she pursed her lips. “Anakin!” Anakin looked up at Sola’s voice, and she almost dreaded what her sister was going to ask. “I once heard that this ,” She motioned between Padmè and Anakin, “was never going to happen.”
Padmè smacked Sola’s shoulder as hard as she could as she heard Anakin laugh, and thought about dragging her sister off to another room.
“You’re done, you’re finished .” She hissed as Sola laughed, and turned to Anakin. “You will not be talking to her about this.”
“Yes Professor.” The howl of laughter that Sola let out made her want to bury herself in a hole to stay, and the smirk on Anakin’s face felt reminiscent of a time that she remembered not too long ago before their relationship became dependent on the shadows.
By the time the kids got home, Aaron was obsessed with riding Anakin’s back, claiming that it was fifteen billion times better than when his dad did it because his dad was short. Padmé covered her mouth as Asher stared in disbelief at his child starting to climb Anakin like a tree, Anakin barely restraining his laughter.
“I feel so insulted,” Asher said finally, after Aaron yelled at Anakin to giddy up, and Padmè laughed. “I just got replaced by your graduate assistant.”
“Auntie Padmè?” Padmè squatted down to get to Rina’s level as her dark hair fell in her face as she pointed towards Anakin. “Who is that?”
“That’s Anakin.” She smiled softly, and Rina stared at him for a while.
“That’s Auntie Padmè’s boyfriend. Remember when I told you about the really nice man who makes Auntie so happy?” Sola stood behind where Padmè crouched, and Rina nodded. “That’s him.”
“He’s pretty.” Rina’s eyes danced, and Sola laughed aloud for a long while as Padmè blushed.
“I agree.” She said softly, watching as Aaron screamed and giggled as Anakin held him up in the air. “He is pretty.”
Padmè helped Sola finish making the Seder dinner as Anakin and Asher bonded over playing space warriors with the kids, and it made Padmè’s heart feel warm as she dipped the parsley in to make it bitter.
“Why did you fight getting with him?” Sola laughed as Padmè blushed, hearing the warrior cry of the children who were fighting against the evil sword warrior, which was Anakin in a trash bag cape and some garden gloves. “ Gosh , I love him, and I’m married.”
“It’s complicated.” She shook her head, and started to arrange the seder plate as a way to avoid the question, and Sola just followed her. Her sister was so mean for making Padmè uncomfortable like this.
“I love that he teases you.” Sola began slicing another apple, and Padmé found her eyes wandering to Asher pretending to lightning strike Anakin in an effort to save the kids, and smiled to herself. “I love that he calls you Professor. I just,” Sola turned to her. “I love him for you. I love that he reads, and he plays with my kids.”
She watched the kids scream with laughter as Anakin picked them up easily, throwing them over his shoulder.
“I do, too.” Sola stopped and turned to Padmè. “What?”
“Nothing.” Sola pressed her lips together, and she saw her nose twitch like she always did before she was going to cry. “Just really happy for you.”
“Stop it.” Padmé held onto her sister, and felt the familiar burning of tears in her eyes. “You’re gonna make me cry.”
“Not crying.” Sola warbled, and Padmè laughed as she dropped her knife onto the cutting board in defeat. “I hate you for making me cry over your stupid young graduate assistant who worships the ground you walk on.”
“ Sola !” Padmé continued to laugh as she held her sister, thinking of the direct contrast from the last time she was here, crying about how it could never happen. She felt Anakin’s eyes on her while she did her hair in preparation for dinner, and blushed.
“You look so beautiful.” He smiled at her with a silly sort of expression, and she laughed as she shook her head, half of her hair curled. “I love seeing you get ready.”
“I’m not even doing anything special.” She murmured, setting the curling iron back onto the counter as Anakin held her from behind. She considered finishing her second bowl of apples in the corner, and then picked up one just to prove that she could. “Just curling my hair.”
“I miss seeing this.” He whispered into her neck, and she laughed at the sensation. “Been with you for almost five months and haven’t had enough of this.”
“Me curling my hair?”
“You.” He kissed her, and she laughed to herself.
“You’re so obsessive.”
“I think you like that about me.” He smiled as she kissed him, and she thought about how nice it would be to have this back home. Not hiding underneath hoodies and in the safety of closed doors. “I would do anything for you.”
“I know.” She shook her head. “Don’t you think that you should do a little less for me, and more for yourself?” Anakin seemed to consider it, and she pushed him away. “Brush your hair; Bubbe Esther notices all kinds of weird things.” Anakin picked up the brush and attempted to tame his hair, and she missed the length he got cut off right before they arrived, his curls now wrapping around his ears rather than hugging his neck. “Now, when you meet my parents, my dad might act kind of weird.”
“Weird?” Anakin was smirking, and she knew that he didn’t believe her, so she set her curling iron down as she tried her best to explain it.
“Yes, weird.” Padmè let out a breath as Anakin just smiled at her. “Stop acting so smug.”
“I’m not being smug.”
“You’re smirking at me right now.” Anakin dropped the smile from his face, though she saw it trying to break through.
“No I’m not.”
“You’re a child.” She shook her head as she laughed, and Anakin’s dimple was one of her favorite things to see at that moment as it disappeared back into her neck. “Stop being a vampire when I’m trying to tell you how to survive my family, Anakin.”
“Sorry, Professor.” His voice was muffled, and she laughed as he wrapped his neck around you. “I just want to know what you taste like.”
“Oh my -” She blushed crimson, and decided to duck out from him. “You’re horrible, and I’m not living with that in my mind for the rest of the evening.” Anakin’s reflection of him biting his lip with a smirk on her face made her hold up her hand. “I’m going to go curl my hair in Sola’s bathroom, and you’re going to remember the fact that I’m going to have dinner with my mother, father, and ninety-year-old Bubbe tonight. I don't want that to haunt me for the rest of the night.”
“You’re an awful liar, Professor.” Padmè unplugged her curling iron as Anakin laughed even as she walked out of the room decidedly.
By the time she finished doing her hair and her makeup, Sola had a bowl of almonds for her to eat, her eyebrows raised.
“Three meals a day and three snacks is what is required in the Friedman house.” Padmè took the almonds, and Sola blew her a kiss as she went to rejoin a hopefully less maddening Anakin. Anakin lay casually on the bed in a sweater and jeans. She stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him scroll on his phone until she cleared her throat.
“Professor.” He leaned up on his elbows, and she directly ignored how that was the same sweater he wore the day she returned from her ridiculous leave of absence and the way it clung to his chest. “You return.”
“Stop being mean .” She sat on the side of the bed, and thought of what she’d have to run him through before Seder really got started. “My father will ask you a lot of questions, probably at least one that is what your intentions are with his daughter because he heard it once in a TED talk and decided it was a good thing to do.” Anakin kissed her hand, and she promptly snatched it away. “Stop trying to distract me, Ani.”
“I can’t help myself.” His smile made her feel like she was going to spiral, and she closed her eyes on purpose. “I love it when you tell me what to do.” She immediately stood, and he laughed as she walked to the corner of the room.
“You’re going to stay right there, and I’m going to stay right here!” She knew she sounded flustered, which wasn’t hard to do since Anakin drove her within half an inch of insanity. Really, she could go as far to say that if she didn’t move when he did things like this, she would literally never get anything done. “No distractions, no kissing, and no saying awful phrases like the one you said earlier!” Anakin smirked at her.
“You didn’t think it was awful, Professor.”
“And no calling me professor!” Anakin just laughed, and she shook her head. “I’m trying to tell you something important here, and you’re being terribly inappropriate-”
“I haven’t heard that one in a while. I missed you saying that.”
“ Stop it! ” She covered her ears, and heard Anakin’s muffled laugh. “I’m trying to guide you on how to interact with my family-” Anakin got off the bed, and Padmè found herself backing up against the wall in an effort to get away from him, just to get the rude awakening that she was indeed, pressed into a corner. “Anakin-” Anakin laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, and she screamed as he backed up, lifting her over his shoulder easily. “ Anakin !”
“Sorry, Professor,” She screamed as he held her in his arms, the laughter escaping before she could act grumpy. “I think I’m fully capable of learning your family by myself.”
“Put me down!” He threw her onto the bed, and Padmè grunted as the wind was knocked out of her.
“Whatever you want, Professor.” She screamed again as she threw a pillow at him, the laughter filling the room.
Sola gave her the fiercest side eye she had ever experienced the second she walked into the kitchen.
“ Don’t .”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your eyes are saying something.”
“Your hair is sticking up completely on one side, Professor .” Padmè blushed, and she quietly patted her hair down, Asher snorting into his wine glass as he walked past. “I’m hoping Anakin will make an appearance?”
“He’s right over there.” She cleared her throat, and turned towards the stove, then turned once she felt eyes on her again. “ Sola .”
“ Ugh , I love what he does to you.” Sola’s smile was big and smug enough that Padmè decided to throw a balled-up napkin towards her. It didn’t wipe the smug look off her face. The doorbell rang, and Padmè was just touching up her lipstick when Anakin walked towards the kitchen, his hair brushed and those glasses that drove her insane on his face.
“ I hate you .” She hissed, and Anakin just smiled at her in a way that made him want to tackle him. Her parents were loud, as usual, and she walked forward to take the flowers from her mother, which was customary every year.
“Baby!” She embraced her father, and he looked her over for a moment. “Is my baby alright?” She knew that he probably noted the thinness of her frame, and she pressed her lips together and nodded.
“I have someone for you guys to meet.” She had them step inside, and then walked over to Anakin, lacing their fingers together. “This is…”
“Her delicious graduate assistant.” Sola’s smile was wicked, and Padmè’s jaw dropped as she heard Asher spit out his drink somewhere in the background. “The twenty-four-year-old himself, mom.”
“I’m actually twenty-five now, Dr. Naberrie.” The room stood in silence, and Padmè watched her mother bark out a laugh that was louder and more genuine than she had ever heard before. She smiled nervously as her mother opened her arms, and smiled.
“Why don’t you come give me a hug, Anakin? You broke my baby. You’re her Jane Eyre!” Padmè blushed, and Anakin laughed as he went to accept her offer awkwardly. “Joshua, he’s so tall !”
“No, Mom, Asher, and Dad are just short.” Sola asserted, and the laughter in the front room was enough to make Padmè feel like tonight was going to be far more embarrassing than she had ever imagined.
The beginning of their time together consisted of her mom making several side comments about how Anakin was perfect, her father trying her very best to quiz Anakin and stump him, which Anakin took with ease, and two glasses of wine to ease Padmè’s nerves.
“She was so nervous whenever she’d talk about you.”
“Dad!” Padmè hissed, her cheeks hot as she wanted to dive underwater and never resurface.
“I mean, her face would get all red, and she’d be drinking her wine in a shaking mess-”
“ Dad !” She shouted, and the whole table laughed as she covered her face. “Oh my gosh, just dig my grave.”
“Anakin will think it’s sweet you freaked out over him, I mean Anakin,” Her mother waved her wine glass to emphasize her point, “Padmè never worried about boys. She was all consumed about her dance, and then it was her degrees, and then it was her books, but never her boys.”
“Take the wine away from our mother, Sola, now, do it now .” Anakin was laughing, and she felt like she could swallow an entire bottle of wine whole if she was allowed. “I think this is where our relationship ends, Anakin!”
“I like knowing you wanted me.” He said softly, and she pressed her face into her hands and wondered mindlessly where Bubbe Esther was. Bubbe Esther always said increasingly horrible things that could get the spotlight off of her. Anything that would get the spotlight off of her was what she wanted at this moment.
“She wanted you so bad.” Padmè picked up her fork and flung it at her sister, and her mother shouted out.
“ Girls ! No throwing things at the table!” Padmè took her napkin and balled it up, and then threw it at her just for good measure. “Padmè Amidala, you’re thirty-two years old! Stop it right now !” She looked for whatever else she could throw at her sister before the doorbell rang, and she turned in realization.
“Bubbe Esther.” The table froze, and she watched her father clear his throat.
“Joshua, it’s your mother!” She watched her mother wave her hands in the direction of the door, telling him through pure gestures to go answer it. “Go!” Padmè stood, and brushed off her pants before racing to the mirror at the same time as Sola to fix their hair and makeup.
“Bubbe Esther is a little bit old school.” Asher cleared his throat in the background, and Padmè appreciated that he was taking the time to explain why they all had to fix their appearance. “And a little blunt for a ninety-year-old.”
“Momma, the girls are just around the corner.” They turned at once to see Bubbe’s dyed dark hair, and her diamond necklace that she wore everyday, even when Padmè was a child.
“Padmè, you look like a stick.” She smiled thinly, and Bubbe looked down her nose at her as she turned her face. “You look different. What changed.” Sola coughed, and Padmè blinked a few times. “Why did you let your cat scratch your neck, Padmè?”
“Hera doesn’t like her claws being clipped.” She put on her best smile and breathed a long breath as Bubbe moved onto Sola, commenting on her clothing choices and that she didn’t like her haircut. She hoped that Bubbe wouldn’t react too badly to Anakin, who stood silently beside Asher, and she walked over to introduce him. “Bubbe, this is Anakin. My…”
“Boyfriend.” He finished, extending his hand. “I’m very fond of your granddaughter, Mrs. Naberrie.”
“ Doctor Naberrie.” Bubbe corrected, and Anakin smiled and nodded in response. “You’re the first one Padmè has ever liked.” Padmè blushed, and Bubbe turned to her. “You’re marrying him?”
“ Oh .” She murmured, not knowing how to respond to that question as the air was sucked out of the room. She looked over at Anakin, and his eyes made her think of so many different things at once, that she didn’t know what to do. “I’d like to.”
“Good.” She inspected Anakin and then tapped his hand twice. “She’s picky. Be happy she chose you.” Bubbe moved onto Asher, and she found Anakin staring at her intently. She took his hand, and squeezed it tightly as she mouthed three words that meant more than she had ever known she could.
I love you.
The seder went well, including a successfully hidden afikomen that Aaron found after a full twenty minutes of searching, just for it to be in Anakin’s sleeve, which the kids thought was hilarious. Bubbe said some very offensive things at the table, which were mostly shrugged off due to her age, and Padmè couldn’t get rid of the warm feeling in her chest after Anakin wrapped his ankle around hers during dinner.
She looked over at Anakin, thinking of how many things she liked about him. The way he spoke eloquently, brushing off Bubbe’s awful comments to easily answer them in a way that she wouldn’t have been able to say herself. The way he brushed his hands with her underneath the table, the way she could feel those beautiful eyes on her the moment she looked in a different direction.
There was something about not hiding in the shadows that she relished, the feeling of his hands on hers. The feeling of him beside her, the smell of his body wash overtaking her senses, the feel of his hands on her lower back, rubbing small circles.
“She’s never been in love.” She caught the words to her father as she returned from the bathroom, pausing before Bubbe knew she was there. “She’s like I was as a young woman. Determined, stubborn. Before I met your father, I had no interest in dating.” Padmè leaned her head forward to see Bubbe lean in. “This is her one, Joshua.”
Padme’s heart stopped, and she thought about the impact of the statements that had been shared. The mention of Sola earlier, of letting Anakin do what he wants, even if she didn’t want to. The feeling of his hands in public, no lurking in the shadows, nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. The laughter of them together, the ease of the pit in her stomach when she was around him.
“You think she’s gonna marry him?”
“Padmè Amidala Naberrie is a lot of things, but lovesick is not one of them.” She smiled to herself as she heard that tone of voice that was used when Bubbe was practically calling things into existence. Like when she was a little girl and Bubbe told her that she was made to be a scholar instead of a ballerina, even if she was good at both. The statement that Padmè could have over three degrees that Padmè initially brushed off at her high school graduation, which came true when Padmè finished over five. “This is her one, Joshua. It’s her Raisia. It’s my Malcolm. She has found the one she’s willing to drop everything for if she had to. She wants him.”
Padmè thought of Anakin, and pressed her lips together as she thought of what her grandmother said, and pondered on the statement. Often, Padmè never considered her future. Her future was filled with books, and apartments, and watching her nieces and nephews grow as she cheered them on with all her accolades. And she liked that.
She had a great life, her and her books, her accomplishments, and her teaching.
But when she thought of her life now, with simple touches, and hidden smiles, and the feeling in her heart when that dimple came around…
“This is my wedding ring.” She stopped at the sound of her Bubbe’s voice, and looked around the corner to see her handing over the ring on her finger. “I want her to wear this one when she gets married to him.”
“Mom-”
“Asher already got Sola a beautiful wedding ring.” Bubbe closed her father’s hand, and her heart beat. “I want my Padmè in this.” Her breath caught in her throat as she remembered admiring her grandmother’s wedding ring her entire life, in Bubbe’s lap all the way to adulthood. “That’s the last of your girls, Joshua. They found them. I always wondered if Padmè had someone she was willing to want,” Padmè stopped as the weight of that statement fully set in. “He’s here in Sola’s home, in a pair of glasses.”
Padmè laughed to herself, then stopped before they could hear her. She heard footsteps receding, and let out a long breath, struggling to know how to pretend that she didn’t just witness that.
“Come say goodbye to Bubbe, Padmè!” She jolted out of her trance, and quickly made her way down the hall to make sure she gave her grandmother a long hug.
Bubbe Esther kissed each sister’s face, and she held onto her for a little longer.
“What’s the matter, Padmè?” She squeezed a little tighter. “You’re never so emotional.”
“I just love you, that’s all, Bubbe.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and Bubbe’s blue eyes searched hers for a moment. “I’m glad you liked Ani.”
“He’s perfect.” Her brows rose at the words she had never heard spoken before from Bubbe’s mouth, and she flashed a smile at her. “You chose well.”
Padmè after Bubbe left, walked down the hall in a haze, and took out her phone just to give herself something to distract her from the thoughts swirling around her brain.
Obi-Wan [6:56 pm]
We found the last piece of the puzzle for Palpatine.
Dormè [8:58 pm]
Call me as soon as you get this.
Cody [8:59 pm]
Did you see the latest email?
She felt like cold water had been splashed on her, the words of each text feeling like they had a different meaning. A different outcome that she couldn’t possibly foresee. The screams of her nieces and nephews in the background felt like the noises of her mind as she forced herself to open her work email cautiously, the familiar email address at the top of her app.
“Padmè?” She stood there frozen, his words echoing as she felt nauseous. “Talk to me, Padmè.” Anakin stepped into the dark hallway as she stared at her phone, her face blank and her thumb shaking. “ Padmè .”
“I can’t believe this.” She murmured, and Anakin side-stepped her in order to get in front of her, grasping onto her forearms as he tried to figure out. “I can’t-”
“Padmè, what happened .” She simply passed her phone to him, staring at the bare spot on her ring finger that her Bubbe had said would be eventually taken by her wedding ring tonight as Anakin’s face went through emotions faster than she could process them.
April 21st, 8:12 pm
Headmaster Sheev Palpatine < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] , [email protected] and 11 others
Subject: Dr. Padmè Naberrie, Termination Notice
Good Evening, Republic University Staff,
It has come to my attention that a member of our staff, the Humanities professor Dr. Padmè Naberrie, has been involved in an inappropriate relationship that directly violates 34-b of conduct with her graduate assistant for the last five or so months. In accordance with the rules that state specifically, a Professor, even one who has resided at the University for an extended amount of time, is to be terminated upon the breaking of this rule, I am sad to announce that Dr. Naberrie will no longer be a part of Republic University. Attached are the photos of said relationship. She will, unfortunately, also no longer be heading the Lake Como trip in Italy this coming May.
With a heavy heart,
Headmaster Sheev Palpatine
“Everything I worked for is gone.” She felt like she was underwater, the words muffled by her own mind and her body numb as Anakin continued to read, his brows pinched together in confusion and then forming into anger. “I guess we no longer have to operate in the shadows, Ani. You’re stuck with me now.”
Whatever Anakin said to her echoed in the back of her mind as she stood in one place, unresponsive. She remembered being in this same home months ago, sitting at the island, saying that she could never put her career on the line for this.
She looked up at Anakin, her body numb as she processed what all of this meant. Her Bubbe’s words floated across her mind, that she found the one she’d be willing to drop everything for if she had to. That Anakin was the one she wanted.
She stared at him, and swallowed hard.
“Padmè, talk to me.” She blinked as she felt his hands on her arms, and exhaled. “Honey, talk to me.” She felt her lips curve as her brows began to burn from holding them in a shocked expression unknowingly.
“Ani,” She pressed her lips together, and shook her head. “I once said to you that my feelings are like a puzzle for which I have no answers.” He stared at her, and she blinked a few times as she remembered her exact spot on the couch where she said that, five months ago, in an effort to deny herself one last time. “I have the answer.”
“What?” His voice was hoarse, and she took his hands in hers.
“I don’t care if I get fired, or if you’re eight years younger than me, or if you’re my assistant.” She looked up at him, his blue eyes shining with a deep concern she had never seen before. “I used to think I had a great life, until you walked into my classroom an hour late, dropping books on your shoes.” She laughed, and squeezed his hands. “It was always you , Ani, from the moment I met you.” She smiled, and felt the tear roll down her cheek as she looked at her graduate assistant. “You’re what I want. I choose, you.”
Notes:
friends, i'm currently crying in the club at this. this is definitely not my last chapter, but i relish in the fact that padmè finally is letting herself be happy. as @wearerobin90 said on chapter 2: "Padmè, let yourself be happy girl!"
come scream/chat about anidala with me on twt or give me requests since i'm an obsessive writer: @shoobscantsleep
Chapter 8
Summary:
The aftermath of Padmè's life collapsing, is one she couldn't possibly foresee.
Notes:
we're rounding the corner friends!! a halloween update was my goal (although it's not even close to halloween in this point of the fic) and i sure can deliever, even if it's an hour past midnight on nov 1st.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Padmè sat on her sister’s couch in silence as she felt Anakin brush his knuckles up and down her side. Sola was currently in the other room attempting to put the kids to bed, and she felt like her body hadn’t quite come back to earth after the full weight of the news had settled over her body.
Asher set down a book of Virginia law that he had just casually somewhere in Sola and his massive library, and then handed her the full wine glass that he had presumably poured for her while he was gone.
“I think you’ll need some food with this too, so we’re sneaking pizza into the house.”
“It’s Passover.” She murmured. “No leaven.”
“Padmè, you got illegally fired from a job through an invasion of privacy. I ordered you supreme, no anchovy.” She watched Anakin take the wine glass once she refused to move, and Asher sighed as he slipped on his own frames in the low light of the living room. “Ok, run me through exactly what happened again.”
Padmè couldn’t feel anything but the knuckles being dragged up and down her sides, as she stared blankly ahead, and then felt the couch dip as Anakin shifted his weight to pull her close into him.
“Can you hear us?” She blinked a few times, and saw Sola leaning in front of her, wondering when she appeared. “She was like this after her election and the boot. Give her a minute to process.” All of it was floating around aimlessly, the email, the photo of her and Anakin at the airport, the mass email.
“Padmè.” She blinked as she felt the familiar sensation of lips pressing to her forehead, and she turned to take a look at those blue eyes. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She whispered. “Just thinking.”
“Well, we need you to verbalize those thoughts, honey.” Sola kneeled on the ground, taking her hands in her own as she smiled in a way that Padmè remembered twice before. Once after her election, once right before she was forced into a treatment facility. The memories seemed to jolt her back into reality, and she inhaled. “I know you’re hurting. But I need you to talk.”
“Ok.”
“Run me through what happened, from the beginning.” Asher leaned forward, his laptop on his lap. “You have a very good possibility for you both to sue the University, Anakin.” She turned to see Anakin nod, and Asher turned back to his computer. “Tell me a little more about looking into emails.”
Padmè felt like she was word-vomiting everything, from her secret meeting with Obi-Wan to the thinly veiled threats Palpatine made through the rules that were tailored specifically towards her. Asher copied everything down as he went, nodding quietly as she noticed Anakin stopping and starting with his gentle touches, his brows pinching and his frown deepening.
She wanted to feel sick the moment that they had pizza, and instead forced herself to eat an entire piece. Anakin smiled at her, and mouthed, “I’m proud of you.” By the end of the night, Asher had over three pages of material he was going to call some of his friends about, and Sola was half drunk from the amount of wine she had consumed.
Anakin carried her down the hall, Padmè snoozing into his shoulder. She woke to Anakin sitting upright, reading a book as she checked the time. It was nearly six in the morning, and she had an odd feeling that he had never truly slept.
“Ani?” He closed his book, smiling at her wearily as she wiped at her eyes. “You aren’t sleeping.”
“Tough night.” His voice was soft, and she sat up as he set his book on the night table beside them. “You didn’t tell me you were meeting with Obi-Wan.” The fear in her heart woke her up fully, and she felt like this was exactly the situation she wanted to avoid.
“There’s nothing happening between us, Anakin.”
“I didn’t say that.” Anakin’s voice was soft, almost too calm for someone who learned their partner had been lying to them for over a month. “I just don’t understand why you felt like you couldn’t trust me.” She felt her stomach swirl with the telltale signs of sickness and then inhaled as she felt Anakin’s hand come to hers. “I don’t want to act like it doesn’t hurt, Padmè.”
“I’m not asking you to say it doesn’t.” Her tone was protective, and she shut her eyes as she caught herself falling into old habits of attempting to protect herself. “I should be careful about my tone.”
“That would be nice.” Anakin nodded, and she inhaled. “Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”
“Because I thought that with all the time you spent with Palpatine, you’d never believe me.” She thought of herself at a much younger age, spending time underneath his mentorship. “He was my mentor, before everything happened. And he planted seeds of doubt in my mind about my family, about my own father. I thought that…” She swallowed as she felt the shame overtake her.
“You thought I’d finally see how unlovable you were. That I’d see you as you view yourself.” Somehow, Anakin was always right when it came down to the punchline, seeing her excuses and reading it for what she thinly veiled.
“You assumed once before that I had a relationship with Obi-Wan.” She shook her head, thinking of them during the holidays, and Anakin laughed under his breath.
“Don’t throw that in my face.”
“It’s true, isn’t it?” She didn’t recognize the look in his eyes, the way his eyebrows pinched together, the birds chirping in the background.
“Yeah.” Anakin folded his hands together on his lap, and she crossed hers, feeling like it brought her a sense of comfort as he just looked at the pattern of the comforter they lay after. “I thought that because I never got the happy ending, Padmè. A world where a woman like you would ever be interested in someone like me just doesn’t happen.”
His words cut her deeply as she stared at him in abject horror, watching him shake his head.
“Ani-”
“I think I need some time to just think.” He lifted back the comforter, and she sat numb as she heard his feet hit the hardwood floor, his hair messy from what she presumed was tossing and turning. “I’ve always wanted you, Padmè.”
“I want you too, Anakin. I chose you.” She insisted, and he turned around.
“You chose not to tell me that someone was hurting you.” He pressed his lips together. “So no, you don’t always choose me. I want you to know that if you chose me, you’d let me fight for you, Padmè. You don’t have to be strong. You just need to let me love you.” The click of the door echoed, the birds mocking the way she felt in Anakin’s absence.
Sola knocked on her door, and Padmè startled as she felt the bed dip and hands that weren’t Anakin’s hold her shoulder.
“Hi.” Sola’s voice was soft, and Padmè stared at the wall. “He’s not leaving you.”
“I didn’t think he was.”
“Yes, you do.” Sola lay beside her as Padmè wanted to deny it, but felt like there was nothing left in her to do so. “He’s not gone. He’s not even out of my house. He’s sleeping in the living room with my son draped over him. Aaron said that Anakin convinced them to play sleeping dragon.” Padmè laughed a bit under her breath, although it was shaky. “He’s right, honey.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“I don’t care.” Sola grasped onto Padmè’s back and sighed. “When will you learn that you don’t always have to take care of it? You don’t have to do everything by yourself.” Padmè blinked a few times, and her sister inhaled deeply. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but as a fellow Naberrie who went to counseling for over a year with Asher and firmly believes it’s necessary for a healthy relationship, you’re going to need to find a way to trust him. He would do anything for you, and if you’re choosing him,” Padmè thought of her words the previous night. “That means you’re no longer a one-woman show who runs on sleep fumes and determination.”
“I can do this.”
“No, you can’t .” She felt like she wanted to say it again, then remembered the light laughter of Anakin when he said she liked to be right. “You’ve never known this, but relationships work both ways. You don’t carry all the burden. Sometimes, you let your partner take the load off. Asher picks up the toys; I make dinner. He does the laundry; I do our Hanukkah cards. We’re a team, Asher and I.”
“Anakin and I are a team.”
“It’s more like the professor and her assistant. I think, honey,” Sola lay her head on her sister’s shoulder. “Anakin wants you just to be his partner. He wants you to trust him.”
“I trust him.” She whispered into the crook of her elbow, thinking of how she danced on tabletops around him, and rode roller coasters even if she was afraid of heights. Crashed all her things onto the floor of her office so Anakin could kiss her on her desk, washed laundry with him, and laughed over her college sleep shirt that had five different holes.
“I can’t tell you what to believe, Padmè.” Sola’s hand ran down her hair quietly, and she pressed her lips together as the memories kept her chained to the bed. “I can tell you that he loves you. He wants to know you.”
“He knows me.”
“He knows only what you allow him to know.” She turned her head a bit at Sola’s words, and saw her sister looking at her with the expression she knew so well. “I’m going to bring you some food, and you’re going to eat it. Ok?” She nodded, and the bed dipped as Sola got out of the bed.
She ate her snack of some nuts with fruit as Sola hummed to herself quietly, folding laundry. Padmè felt like she didn’t know what to do at this point, as Anakin hadn’t come back into her room, and she hadn’t gone out to talk with him.
She forced herself out of bed by the time she heard the kids screaming outside her door, glancing at the time. It was nearly six o’clock pm, and she wondered to herself quietly how she ended up in bed for twelve hours without moving, just taking the time to eat the food Sola brought into her room, cry pathetically, and lay in silence.
The water was warm on her back, and she made sure to wash her hair, remembering the feeling of Anakin’s hands from when he did this with her. Sola’s words rang in her mind, and she stepped out of the shower feeling emptier than ever, the fire in her heart telling her that she shouldn’t have to give up who she was for Anakin.
The other part of her knew that, realistically, if she wanted Anakin, she would have to accept that this was no longer just her. It was the both of them building a life together that consisted of a mix of good reading, laughter, and teasing between the two of them.
She found herself wondering what their life would look like, if she would finally take the plunge to purchase a home, what it might look like. If their bedroom would be filled with windows with her apartment, if the cats would integrate nicely. Would they paint their children’s nursery together, in overalls like she had seen done in the movies?
Would she have a library like nearly all the members of her family, tall and with handcrafted ladders that rolled? His degrees could be displayed next to hers on the wall, their collective graduation caps framed in the library above a faux fireplace.
Anakin always stole her shampoo, so she’d probably have to buy a much larger size for the two of them to use frequently, and she always wanted to have monogrammed hand towels and robes just for the fun of it. Maybe their wedding could have a champagne tower, maybe the plate that they stepped on at their wedding could be engraved with their names.
She stopped scrunching her curls and caught the gaze of Anakin as he reentered the room, a small bowl in hand.
He walked into the bathroom, setting the bowl that she presumed was most likely a snack from Sola onto the counter, and she watched him wrap his hands around her waist and pull her close to him, the sharp inhale he let out making her heart freeze as she laced their fingers together in the hold.
“I love you.” His voice was quiet, and she closed her eyes as she leaned back into him, savoring the touch as he just held her there, reminiscent of their quiet mornings before Padmè needed to head to the university for morning meetings, or early grading times that now were no longer relevant. Padmè had never been fired from a job.
Padmè, in all her life, had never given things up for a person. Not even for herself.
“I love you too.” She heard the break of her voice as he held her, and closed her eyes at the press of his lips on her cheek. “I shouldn’t have lied to you, Ani.”
“I understand if you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you.” She shook her head and broke their grasp so she could turn to face him, look him in the eye so he understood what she was trying to say. “And I’ve been difficult, and I’ve…” She brought her hands up to his face like he always did to her, pressing her thumbs into the soft skin of his cheeks before reaching up to take off his glasses, placing them on the counter gently. The tear that ran down his cheek was wiped tenderly, and he leaned his head further into her hand as she reached to drag her fingers in his soft curls. “You don’t know who I am. And that’s because I’ve not let you know who I am.”
She brushed her thumb back and forth, savoring the way he felt in her hands, thinking of their future together if she chose him.
“I choose you.” She nodded as he mumbled, holding his face in the palm of her hand delicately.
“I choose you.” She repeated, smiling as he looked at her. “And I know that it’s only my actions that could prove that.”
“You act as if you staying in the bedroom all day hasn’t already.” She lay her head against his chest as she held him close, closing her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ani. I should’ve told you.” She whispered. “I should’ve trusted you.”
“You’ve spent your whole life trying to do it alone.” His voice reverberated in his chest, and she exhaled deeply. “You just have to get used to doing it with someone else. I’ll always believe you, no matter the circumstance.” She looked up to him, and he smiled. “I know how to make up my own mind, Padmè. I think I know how to read you now. Never listen to what you say the first time.”
She laughed shakily and leaned in to feel what home was like again.
Asher set down files on the kitchen table while Padmè was eating a unicorn-themed meal with Rina, and she looked up to see him smile.
“You’ve got a case.”
“What?”
“Embezzlement and fraud, senator.” Asher picked up his youngest daughter, setting her on his lap as he opened the folder. “Where’s Anakin?” She looked to see Anakin helping Aaron get something from the top shelf, and she smiled as she pointed. “Skyguy! You were right.”
He turned at the name, his dimple appearing as Padmè just looked at him, setting the child on the ground, her stomach flipping for a very different reason than nausea.
“All that time paid off.” She was confused, and Asher laughed as he tapped at the file.
“And he gave you all this information willingly?”
“Yeah.” Anakin slid into the chair next to her, folding his hands as she tried to understand.
“Anakin collected pay stubs from the meals and receipts Palpatine left around for…” Asher sorted through what looked to be photocopies, and Padmè felt the shock race through her body as she realized that Anakin’s hurt was for a very different reason than she thought. He had been working to protect her all this time, and she had kept secrets from him. Beru’s words burned like a mantra in her mind, that his love burned like two suns. “This is a good month's worth of paper.”
He smiled at her, and Padmè just stared at Anakin, wondering what she ever did to deserve him.
“How?” She murmured, and his dimple made her heart jump.
“He mentioned something about Naberrie’s being bloodhounds in all the wrong places.” Anakin chuckled and grabbed her hand. “And I recall a very wise woman saying that she wouldn’t believe a word Sheev Palpatine said.” She blushed as she remembered the night, and he winked. “I tend to listen when she tells me what to do.”
“Daddy,” Rina yanked on Asher’s finger, and Padmé blushed to her very toes. “What does Ani mean?”
“He likes Auntie Padmè’s advice,” Asher smirked at them, and Padmè hid her face in her hands as she thought over what Anakin had said in embarrassment. She heard the file being flipped open, and Asher cleared his throat as she heard the all too familiar chuckles of her sister. “Now, he’s embezzled about…” Asher cleared his throat. “Two million. He was smart to do it through the bylaws, but he slipped up right here.”
She looked through the cracks of her fingers as she peered at where Asher was pointing at a bank account number and turned to where Anakin was smiling.
“It’s in Connecticut.” Anakin grabbed his fingers around her hand, and she stared in disbelief at the contact name she had originally brought up in her first expose, a man who worked on the outside of the government after declaring it was morally corrupt.
“Dooku still falls for it.” She gazed at the papers. “We have a case for embezzlement and fraud.”
“You definitely are going to win it, too.” Asher cleared his throat. “Dust off your law license, Padmè. We’re going to court.”
She pressed her fingers into his back later that night, making sure to knead out the muscle like he did for her, thinking over the night they had full of laughter and easy conversation that contrasted so heavily with the previous day that was spent solely in bed. She let her nails drag, knowing he liked when she scratched his back and smiled as his grin stretched into view.
“You protected me.”
“Hm?” His voice was lazy and warm like the atmosphere of the bedroom, and she dragged her nails down his back softly again, the repetitive nature of the activity setting her heart at ease.
“You never were fooled.”
“I found it a little hard to believe the woman who danced in her cat pajamas to spice girls was complacent in an immoral government.” She laughed a bit, his chuckles filling the room and the empty space in her heart. “Especially when it’s the same woman who puts out bird feed in the mornings and gives my cats extra treats when she thinks I’m not looking.” She paused, and he just smiled at her.
“I thought you didn’t know I did that.”
“Ahsoka is a horrible secret keeper.” She put in the back of her mind that she would have to never trust Ahsoka again, and that thought was wiped from her mind the moment his laughter filled all her senses.
“I’m awful.” She murmured, and Anakin’s brows knit together. “No, I mean. You’re such a perfect partner, and here I thought you were going to turn against me.”
“Padmè.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” She lay on top of his back, pressing her cheek to his back, the heavy scent of his body wash making her feel fuzzy and pliant. “You’re perfect with kids, you like to read, you stick up for me when I don’t stick up for you-”
“You kept me in the dark because you wanted me to make my own decision.”
“That’s horrible.”
“In your psyche, Padmè, that’s very noble.” She laughed at his description, and his laughter reverberated against his back. “You were trying to protect me too.”
“In a bad, controlling sort of way.” She hugged him, thinking over all the things she did for a varying sense of control in the time she had met Anakin. “Ani?”
“Mm?”
“Do you really want this life?” She let her voice stay quiet, reminiscent of their many nights before. The night on a cold balcony watching the traffic creep by as her assistant, who was dressed as a niche series of events, stared at her. The days and afternoons spent in her apartment waving around a glass of wine. The privacy of her bathroom as she let her worst secret become known to someone who felt so perfect to her. Anakin sighed, and she continued.
“A life with a woman who wants to control everything around her, including how and when things should happen? What should be said and when, how someone should feel. How they best would cope with the news, how she would best react.” She thought over her examples, all the times she had questioned this before, nights spent gnawing on this reality as Anakin’s blonde hair was fanned on the pillow after a marathon of Gilmore Girls, his snores steadily filling the room.
The unsaid words, the wonderment of if Anakin truly wanted a partner who struggled to let herself enjoy the simple pleasures that most people took for granted, like eating a meal or finishing work early. A partner who would probably always struggle with wondering if the gorgeous young assistant who walked into her classroom over an hour late, juggling his books against his chest, filled with book references that nearly rivaled hers, wanted her.
Anakin would have a partner who at first refused to eat at his favorite diner, and had years of life where she refused to do anything outside of her routine for the sake of progress. She skipped out on parties, and work events, celebrating her birthday, and relishing in the small moments.
“All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you,” She felt her eyes water as Anakin sighed for a moment, waiting to recite the rest of the Jane Eyre quote. “And with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.”
Her lip trembled against his back as she gripped onto him, thinking of the five short months they had spent together, truly together, and wondering if she would ever be able to restrain herself again.
“Are you sure?” She felt him laugh, and she slid off his back as he rolled over, taking her into his arms as they looked into each other's eyes. “That’s the future you want?”
“Our future consists of books, and lots of cat hair on clothes,” She laughed, and he smiled at her. “And Jane Eyre quotes, and kitchen dance parties.” She watched him smile, his hand coming to bring her chin up to truly look into his eyes. “And my future consists of you , Professor, telling me about how what I did was deeply inappropriate or why this can’t happen.” She pressed her lips together, and he leaned down, his lips hovering over hers. “Does that scare you?”
She glanced down at his lips, and shook her head as she let herself finally do what Sola had told her to let herself do months ago, and daydream.
“No, Anakin.” She looked deep in his eyes. “It doesn’t.”
Sola at the airport whispered that she had changed her mind and that at the wedding she would like the beef option, to which Padmè blushed and said that it could be arranged. She held Anakin’s hand the entire way home as they watched a plane movie together, one headphone in each of their ears so they could experience the whole thing together.
Padmè wrote the dates on the containers that sat in her fridge so that they wouldn’t spoil, and when she came back from a lunch date with Satine she saw a mega sharpie on her kitchen island and all her boxes of cereal and snack food on top of it.
“Ani?” She dropped her keys into the bowl, and saw Anakin with his glasses nearly off the tip of his nose, an expression of surprise written all over his face as she took in all the messily blacked-out nutrition labels. Her heart filled, and she watched him cap the Sharpie as she just stared. “I can’t believe you.”
“I thought-” He stood, and she repressed her tears as he came near her, donning an expression so filled with worry that she wanted to cry even harder about it when he grasped her arms. “I read an article about how to help, and it said that sometimes blacking out the nutrition labels would be better, but if it’s not-” She wrapped her arms around him, and he melted into her as she couldn’t believe the lengths that Anakin would consistently go for her without asking.
“You looked up an article?”
“An accredited article by a dietician who specializes in-” She laughed, and he stopped, his hand coming to her hair as she nuzzled closer to him. “You’re laughing.”
“ Anakin .” She pressed a kiss into his sternum and propped her chin on his chest so that he could see her expression. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” His blue eyes shone, and she hugged him even harder.
She noticed as she brushed her teeth that the scale was mysteriously missing, and Anakin walked in with a bowl of almonds, narrowing his eyes on her toothbrush.
“You need a snack.”
“I’m brushing my teeth!” She laughed a bit, then spat out her spearmint toothpaste, taking one almond just experimentally. It tasted gross, and she spat it out in the trash. “That’s awful.”
“I’m so proud of you for trying, though.” She popped her toothbrush back into her mouth as Anakin smiled at her, the warm feeling in her heart never ceasing.
The court case was scheduled for July, which was still a full two months away, but it gave Padmè time to do things that she had never had time to do when she was teaching. She finally got around to reading more poetry, built another shelf for her library, assembled a new cat tower for Hera that Anakin had found online, which was shaped like a tiny apartment, and took the time to finally look through her closet.
She stared at the pantsuits, wondering if she should keep them, when Anakin walked into the room after a day spent at the University.
“Will you be sad if I get rid of them?” She turned, and held up the maroon pantsuit that she always wore with her Star of David necklace, a fact that Anakin had noticed in the first few months of knowing her.
“Maybe just a little sad if you get rid of that one.” Anakin held the pants in his hands, and she looked at it for a moment. “I couldn’t think straight any day you had this on and prayed that my answers were mostly coherent.”
“You couldn’t think straight?” She grinned, and Anakin ducked his head as she took the pants. “Keeping that one, then.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Sometimes you need more aggressive negotiations.” She winked at him, and the smile that always held a sort of boyish charm made her dream about him even after they fell asleep.
Padmè learned how to make a pot roast, how to braid challah bread the way her great-grandmother used to, and went out to lunch with friends a lot more often. Her book collection grew entirely out of control due to all the extra time she had around the apartment and her daily habit of walking around the city just to explore, after living there for three years and barely knowing what it looked like.
“You should open like,” Dormè waved her breadstick at the Italian restaurant, and Sabè laughed as she dipped it in the marinara sauce. “A bookstore.”
“A bookstore ?” Padmè twirled her pasta, and smiled to herself. “What makes you think I’d be good in a bookstore?”
“Hello?” Dormè leaned forward. “You’re a no-life who has a smoking boyfriend who also reads just as much as you do?” Padmè laughed at Dormè’s description. “What should it be called Sabè, the professor and her assistant?”
Sabè contained a choked-out laugh as Padmè flicked her straw trash at her friend across the table.
“Professor’s Assistant sounds like a really nice place to get a cup of coffee.” Padmè rolled her eyes, and took a bite of her pesto-covered spaghetti to ignore their remarks. “It doesn’t have to be called that, but you would be a spectacular bookstore owner.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You love books, you’re knowledgeable, and you have that sexy librarian look going for you already.” Padmè laughed at Dormè’s antics, and she grinned. “Plus, I don’t think you should go back to being a teacher. I like this look on you.”
“What look?” Padmè set down her fork, and saw her friends grinning at her.
“Happy Padmè. The sincerity of the words caught her off guard, and she smiled back at them. “But enough of us being nice to you. Let’s make fun of you for a while for falling for someone young.” She whipped her cloth napkin at Dormè, and the table laughed for a minute as the warmth in her stomach refused to go away.
She settled on the idea for a little bit as the piles in her apartment grew, the classics being overrun by little novels that she had never heard of, which showed up in thrift shops and garage sales. She put little stickers on them that Anakin made for her, which told her if she liked them or not, her reading them happily on her couch until Anakin would arrive back at her apartment from his day at the university, or when Obi-Wan wandered in the door with him so they could play a highly competitive game of guitar hero, courtesy of Anakin’s borrowed PlayStation.
She noticed that their laundry intermixed; eventually, Anakin’s things always lying around her apartment until finally, she cleared out some space in her closet for his things to permanently reside.
“Ani?” She stopped trying to get her curls to stay, turning around to see Anakin lounging on the bed with a little paperback she had found earlier and suggested she thought he might enjoy reading it too. “What do you think about me opening a bookstore?”
“Sounds like…” He rolled over, and smiled at her. “I’m gonna be enjoying some time in the aisles with you.”
“ Ani !” She shook her head, and he laughed. “I’m being serious.”
“So am I.” She just looked at him, and he winked at her. “I think you’d be wonderful at anything you do.” He lifted himself from their shared bed, and she crossed her legs at the ankle as she slid onto the counter. “What about you going back to teaching?”
She considered it and then shrugged.
“It’s..” She sighed. “Somehow not important to me anymore.” Anakin nodded, and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.
“I’d definitely buy a book from you, Professor Naberrie.”
“Oh, of course you would.”
One of her morning walks in mid-May brought her to a little storefront that looked like the roof had collapsed in on itself. She peered inside, taking in the level of debris and damage before she heard the bell to the shop next to it chime.
“May I help you?” Padmè turned to see the older woman staring at her, and she smiled.
“Is this for rent?”
“Oh, it’s for sale, dear.” The woman laughed a bit. “It’s a little more on the difficult side, if you understand what I mean.” Padmè peered in the window, taking in a little bit of the layout, and smiled to herself. “Would you like me to call the owner?”
“Yes,” She felt a flutter of hope in her heart. “I would.”
She shook the keys in front of Anakin’s eyes a week later, the smile on her face burning.
“What are those?”
“I bought the shop.”
“You bought a shop?” His brows raised, and she felt her excitement grow as she thought about it.
“It has a little bit of damage, but it’s nothing that my savings can’t fix, and it’s a split-level building, Ani. I could put all kinds of chairs next to the windows, there’s so many windows-”
“Slow down .” Anakin laughed, and pulled her in by her waist closer. “You’re a bookstore owner?”
“Well, it’s not a bookstore yet.” She pressed her lips together, suddenly feeling unsure that maybe she had been hasty. “I’m thinking of calling it Naberrie's Novels.” Anakin’s smile made her feel like she was being mocked, and she whimpered in defeat. “You hate it, you think I’m crazy-”
“I’m thinking about kissing you right now, actually.” She stopped, and he grabbed her chin, pulling her down as she lost herself in the feeling. “You’re the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met, Professor.” She sighed a bit, remembering who she was in the presence of: a man who took every opportunity to shower her in adoration even if she was being bossy, jittery, or outright stubborn. “Can I be your first customer?”
She smiled into their next kiss and threw her hands around his neck.
“Of course, Mr. Skywalker.” He laughed, and she ran her fingers through his curls as she thought about the future she was creating.
The building was shabbier than she thought when she first stepped inside of it, and she placed her hands on her hip as the sky appeared extra blue from the perspective of the hole in the ceiling. She pinched her brows together, and sighed as she considered how much this probably would cost in terms of her savings. She had a large savings that rarely was dipped into, and she thought that it would probably be better for her to learn some of the finer skills herself anyway.
So that’s exactly what she did, after she hired the contractors to patch up the roof for her.
Padmè watched plenty of videos on how to use all the different saws, materials, and tools until she successfully added in a hardwood floor where she was anticipating putting the check-out desk, resided the walls, and refurbished all the original wood to its previous condition. Anakin, since he successfully finished his first year of his master’s degree, helped her thrift and repurpose a lot of pieces he found in online auctions, sanding down the wood to stain it a new color and giving it new life.
She had to convince him that he shouldn’t drop out of school just yet, and to at least finish his masters. Anakin rolled his eyes and said his time was much better spent with her, which got a loud snort as a response. The weather grew warmer as May began to shift into June, her birthday fast approaching along with their six-month anniversary.
“What are we doing for our anniversary?” She looked up from the little paperback that was telling her how to make a stained glass window, and her attention caught on the little droplets of water sliding down his neck from his wet hair.
“I don’t know.” She paused in her place, then set it on his night table. They had spent the night at his place this time after Ahsoka threw an entire fit over not seeing Anakin for two weeks in a row, and she thought his sheets were a bit dusty from little use. “Do you want to get dinner at a nice restaurant? Obi-Wan took Satine to that Greek place named Coruscant for their dinner date the other day and said it was pretty good.”
“Don’t know if I feel like getting dressed up.” She laughed a bit due to Anakin’s new dilemma, which was really a horrible habit of wearing nothing but sweatpants and old t-shirts that Padmè sometimes stole for her own use. She couldn’t even remember the last time he wore jeans, and now that the weather was getting hotter, he switched over to shorts, which was an awful distraction, especially when he got to work with a table saw over at the bookstore.
If she thought Anakin with a sweater and glasses was distracting, him in shorts that should’ve stayed in the eighties and protective eye goggles needed to be illegal internationally.
“You’ll miss your provocative shorts?”
“I love it when you use big words, Professor.” She giggled as he pressed a kiss into the side of her forehead, and he laughed alongside her. “We could always go look for some furniture at the thrift store on 31st to flip.”
“We do that all the time.” She mumbled, and he stretched his neck from side to side as he swallowed the vitamins Padmè had organized for him after going to a dietician to help balance a healthy diet without looking at a nutrition label. “I feel like we should do something that we don’t do very often.”
“Like what?” Anakin turned to narrow his eyes on her, and she bit her lip as she suppressed her smile.
“Do you think you can get off work by five on our anniversary?”
“The first of June?” He considered it, and nodded. “I don’t think the shop will care very much.” She loved that Anakin took a job reconstructing cars, a hobby that he had cultivated all throughout his time in Nevada, and especially loved coming to drop off lunch for him.
She felt like their roles had reversed, remembering mornings of sack lunches on her island before she went to grade essays, and now delivering a sack lunch to him. Secretly, a perk of doing that was also seeing a sweaty Anakin in his big work overalls and tank top, with oil all over his hands, but she would never admit that to his face.
She thought about putting her law license to good use, all the money she had invested seeming to just sit as she figured out legal matters without a bat of an eye, but not opening a practice.
But when she walked into the shop, the light streaming in through the windows each morning, she knew that though her previous work had not gone to waste. She was better suited here, just for now, in the quietness of something that was just hers to enjoy peacefully.
There was no pleasing others in the act of refurbishing a bookcase that was going to the landfill or in installing bricks from a building that had been knocked down to make a children's area with handcrafted paper lanterns that Sabè taught her to make. It was just Padmè, working happily and feeling accomplished, though her arms ached and she stank like sweat that this shop was hers.
Their six-month anniversary arrived fast, and she had a streak of pride when she realized she finally had gotten healthy enough to fit back in the pair of jean shorts she was hoping to wear tonight after she had caught Anakin eyeing them longingly in her drawers. She pulled on a tank top after checking the weather and tied her hair up, letting her natural curls fall in whatever way they really wanted as she checked the time she had to get to the shop so that they wouldn’t be late.
She leaned on the desk of the automotive waiting room, holding her keys casually as she looked to see where exactly Sam, the guy who usually sat right at this computer she was staring at, was. The room had a few people there, and she peeked to see if the door to the actual shop floor was open, walking through it casually.
The smell of the fuel and oil and the heat of the room made her smile as she peeked to see if the guy underneath an old chevy was hers, examining his work boots to see if there was a cat scratch from Hera the one night she took Anakin’s brand new shoes as a scratching post.
The scratch was, sure enough, right on the heel, and she smiled as she kicked his ankle lightly twice.
“Stop bothering me, Sam; I’m not rebuilding another engine for you again.” She suppressed her smile as she kicked his ankle again, hearing the frustrated sound Anakin let out. “Sam-” He rolled out from under the car, and Padmè placed her hands on her hips while his eyes widened, taking in her bottoms of choice. “Jean shorts.”
“Two and a half inch inseam.” She blushed a bit as he just stared at her, and she turned around so he could see the entire thing, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment that she could do that. “I hope I’m not too old to be wearing a pair of provocative shorts myself.”
“Definitely not.” Anakin’s jaw, if it could be on the floor, was probably still sitting there as she turned around to walk through the door out of the shop, and she laughed to herself as she heard the thump of heavy work overalls being most likely thrown off and his card being punched in.
Anakin’s easy touches weren’t lost on her as she drove to their destination, listening to a variety of music that probably would’ve confused the general public, their hair whipping in the wind as they drove with all the windows down a good hour out of the city.
She checked her phone as they pulled into a field, and Anakin kissed her shoulder as they waited by the gate, asking very few questions even though she knew he probably had a thousand.
The rancher walked out with a big smile on her face, and Padmè felt like she was going to burst with excitement.
“Ms. Padmè Naberrie?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Padmè and Anakin made their way through the gate, and she shook hands with the woman she had a short talk with on the phone the day she made their booking.
“I hear you’re doing dirt bike courses and horse riding today.” Padmè squeezed Anakin’s hand, refusing to look beside her in case she melted into a puddle, seeing all the excitement on his face. “Come this way, and we’ll get some safety gear.”
Anakin whispered all kinds of horrible things in her ear about why he loved her, and she pushed his face away as she clipped on the helmet and protective gear.
Anakin really was good at this, knowing all kinds of tricks that Padmè wouldn’t have dared to try, but just liked to watch. She laughed as he showed off for her, revving the little engine as she cheered for him on the sidelines after she thought that the machine went way too fast for her personal liking.
He kissed her the moment they were off the track and heading to the horse riding portion, something she enjoyed doing when she was a little girl in her spare time before diving into being a ballerina headfirst.
“When you said you wanted to do something different, I didn’t know you could read minds, Professor.” Padmè laughed under her breath as he kissed her again, and smiled to herself, pleased that she had such an effect on him.
The sunset was so beautiful as they rode around the ten-acre ranch, and they snapped a photo that she planned to get printed out later of them in front of the sunset together. She laughed as he attempted to feed her the little picnic basket she had in the back of their trunk, until he accidentally spilled potato salad from the deli all over her white tank top, which made them both laugh like they were teenagers.
She traced patterns into his chest, their X-files episode long finished, and their day winding down, smiling to herself.
“Ani?”
“Mm?” His voice was half asleep, and she listened to the steady thump of his heart.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Padmè.”
Padmè enjoyed seeing how the paint stains on her overalls made up a little picture of what she was doing at the shop, choosing warm colors that made her feel happy, and planning out where she wanted various plants to hang and cushions to lay so people could feel at ease to just sit and read and not even purchase a book if they wanted.
Obi-Wan helped her source more bookcases, and she began installing them on the store floor, watching as the little patchwork building transformed over the month of June from a huge open space to something that would always remind her of the work she put in.
The brick wall in the back reminded her of Anakin and her laughing as he got concrete all over his legs, and the table she had sitting where the free computer room was going to be reminded her of how Anakin taught her a different technique than the one she learned on the internet.
Everything reminded her of the time she invested in herself here; all the nooks and crannies and little imperfections felt like the progress of her taking the time to heal and process and self-reflect as she painted a wall, or lined up the herringbone floors, or created a stained glass window.
She stared at her bookstore by the end of June, thinking that it was almost ready to be filled with books now, all the cases installed in fun patterns and places so that it felt like you were walking into a different reality that was just warm and cozy and welcoming.
Anakin pulled her in and kissed her forehead, and she laughed at how his hands had left some sawdust in her hair.
“Excellent work, Professor.”
“Why, thank you.” She looked up at his blue eyes and thought she could get lost in them forever, if he let her.
Padmè took a little more time preparing to see Palpatine as July, and their upcoming court date crept closer and closer on her, reading over the case file in case she was ever needed on the stand, and thinking about how it would feel to finally be right about what Palpatine was doing all this time.
All these years, when she had been shunned for being suspicious, she had been right, and the law was being upheld.
That brought her a sense of pride no one would understand.
Anakin accompanied her on her morning walks now, and they searched through various thrift stores and little shops for books that she could stock her shelves with, often getting distracted by each other somewhere in the back where the prying eyes couldn’t quite reach, Padmè whispering to Anakin that he was being highly inappropriate just to receive a barely hidden laugh.
“I know, Professor, that’s why I’m doing it.”
She flattened down her hair after emerging from the back a good half hour later, placing all the books on the register as the cashier just stared at them, hoping she wasn’t completely red with shame. She looked behind her to see Anakin, his hair completely wild and his lips swollen, casually placing another stack down, and she covered her face in embarrassment.
“We can never go back there again, Anakin Skywalker.” She pulled her cart of books behind her as his laughter echoed throughout the streets, her face hot and the adrenaline racing as she left in a complete frenzy after paying for all the books. “It’s not funny !”
“It’s not my fault you like my hair.” She walked a little faster, and Anakin continued to laugh at her as her face flamed.
She created a shelf that was listed as her top recommendations and placed Jane Eyre in the middle, thinking of the annotated copy she had sitting in her own personal library. She wondered if one day a man would buy this for another woman who was insistent that they could never be together, and she smiled to herself as she looked over to see Anakin casually singing along to the Carpenters.
The books were stacked onto the shelves, and she finished with all her light fixtures before one day, she walked into the shop, and it looked like a real store. Anakin had helped her with finding cushions, and she dragged her fingers along the spines of the books, taking in all the hard work she had invested into this little storefront for almost two months.
She picked up Anakin from the shop immediately, and they sat on the shop floor with a glass of wine, reminiscent of a day they had spent together many times before, talking about anything and everything as Padmè just let herself relish in the life she had built.
Padmè [10:23 pm]
Naberrie’s Novels bookstore opens on August 1st, right after the trial.
Sola [10:30 pm]
This is by far your best era.
Asher, the kids, and I will all be there to buy a copy of Jane Eyre.
I’m so proud of your growth.
Padmè reached into her cabinet for a bowl of cereal for her nighttime snack, and Anakin walked in with R2 draped over his shoulders lazily. They had started bringing over the cats to get acquainted with one another, 3PO snoozing away with Hera curled into his little tabby stomach.
“Are you nervous?” She tried to find something to read, but Anakin had continued the habit of blacking out labels right when she purchased a new item to snack on. The little cartoon tiger smiled at her, and she shrugged.
“Not very. I’ve been to court before.”
“But it’s not like all the other times.” She hated how right Anakin was, and loved it at the same time. He read her like a transparent piece of paper, like a book that he knew all the pages of, where all the italicized pieces of dialogue lay, and where the creases of the binding made it comfortable to fit in his hand.
He knew when Padmè pursed her lips she was embarrassed, or when she ran to him at the door that she missed him more than usual. He knew that when she just stared into the distance, she was anxious, and how when he kissed a certain part of her neck, she molded into him easily, pliant and happy.
He knew that she liked vanilla body wash in the winter and a fruity scent in the summer, and all of her candles were a unique soy blend that she specifically purchased at a small business downtown. He knew that her pantsuits were dry cleaned, and she liked French tips when she didn’t know what to get for her nails, and she preferred to wear her hair down instead of in a claw clip while driving because of a video she saw once that said it could cause injuries in a car crash.
He knew she sorted her books alphabetically by both author, genre, and title; the books often misplaced when she got distracted looking for her red annotation pens that she bought only online because they were hard to find after being discontinued.
Anakin was the type of partner who, after only being with her for about seven months, read Padmè like she was his favorite novel, flipping her pages in a frenzied way and then calmly the next day when he just wanted to memorize the words she was saying in bed next to him as she talked about what she wanted next in her store, or what type of latte she was planning to try at that very good Mediterranean coffee place down the street.
She sighed and set her bowl on the table as Anakin opened the fridge, pulling out the oat milk she was currently obsessed with as she pondered on whether she was nervous. Her counselor had informed her that Padmè struggled with doubting herself, and she kept that in mind as her initial reaction was to say that she was absolutely fine and had no fear whatsoever.
“I don’t know how I feel yet.” She admitted, watching Anakin pour the cereal into the bowl for her as R2 whapped his tail into Anakin’s glasses playfully. She walked closer and pet him behind his ears just the way he liked it; R2 beginning to purr loudly. “I don’t know how to feel about seeing the man who tried to ruin my life just because he could. I want to think I’m going to be good.”
“Hm.” Anakin agreed, pouring the oat milk over the cereal for her and taking an obligatory bite. He liked to claim he was taste-testing her meals for her, and it always made her smile, knowing that Anakin secretly just wanted to spend more time with her. “I’m proud of you for thinking about it.”
“There’s nothing to be proud about, Ani.” She grabbed the bowl, and made her way over the bar stool as she waved her spoon a bit in the air. “It’s just thinking.”
“I remember a time when you repressed your feelings quite a bit, Professor.” He leaned down, kissing into her hair as R2 jumped onto the island. “But I get the benefit of seeing you in a pantsuit again tomorrow.”
She laughed, the sound muffled due to her mouth being full, and Anakin slid in easily on the stool next to her as she shook her head, swallowing her first bite.
“You like when I wear pantsuits?”
“ Oh ,” He ducked his head while she preened at him, feeling like she was the most beautiful woman in the world under his gaze. “Very much, Professor Naberrie.”
“I can’t say I’m not looking forward to seeing you in a suit.” Anakin had taken the day off for the court hearing, vowing to hold her hand the whole time. Padmè rolled her eyes and said she was completely capable of going to court without holding his hand, as she had in the days before he completely derailed her life, and Anakin just laughed at her.
“I can’t go walking into court with Dr. Padmè Naberrie and not look the part.” Anakin’s voice was teasing, and she shook her head, scooping out more cereal so she could finally finish her snack in peace. “We’re going to win the case.”
“And the lawsuit?” The suit was hefty, one that probably would set their children up for life if they won. She won, she reminded herself, wondering when she had started referring to her things as Anakin’s. Most likely when they started working as a team, and had parts of their closets dedicated to each other.
“I have great faith in you, senator.” She snorted a bit, and he kissed her forehead as R2 pushed around the half-empty cereal box. “No!” Anakin scooped him up before a mug went to its death, and she smiled a bit as she thought about how domestic they were.
“Ani?” He turned to her, and she thought about saying what was on her mind, then decided it could wait until after the lawsuit, after the bookstore, after the stresses were permanently gone, and she could settle on it fully. “Thank you for being my partner and supporting me.” The words were ones she learned sitting in a plush counselor’s office while trying to find a way to express how she really felt about Anakin without just saying that she loved him.
He leaned in, his blue eyes sparkling as he smiled at her before kissing her lightly, the feeling sending her stomach in happy little flips.
“I’ll always happily be your partner, Professor.”
Notes:
happy (late) halloween !! cannot believe this story is wrapping up. i already have a sequel that will be written though, don't fear. all the love on this has truly made me so grateful to share my work with people who enjoy it. i just want to hug all of you!
Chapter 9
Summary:
Justice is served, and dreams come true.
Notes:
hello??? how is this already almost done. i think i cried like, five times writing this. hopefully y'all do too (but of joy and not sadness like me for almost being done with my first fic ever!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Padmè let her hair sit in the rollers as she bit the inside of her lip, the bathroom still warm from her shower. Her hands shook, and she felt the distinct urge to purge everything she had forced herself to eat for her morning meal, the bowl empty from the oatmeal that she decided would be light enough that it wouldn’t upset her stomach.
She gripped the edge of her sink, her legs feeling like they might just collapse underneath her. The last time she felt like this, she had been in the same stark white suit that was hanging up on the closet door, the Naberrie pin glinting in the light of the room.
She inhaled, and decided to attempt to employ the tactics that she had been run through many times before, inhaling, exhaling, and reminding herself where she was, backtracking to find the source of the trigger.
The source wore Gucci suits and had stark white hair, his smile maniac when his true nature bled through his exterior, shaking hands with a grip to remind others just how much power he truly held.
She inhaled, and exhaled, attempting to remind herself where she really was when one of the double doors that she had shut in an effort not to wake Anakin opened, his footsteps sluggish. She knew that he was probably still half asleep, and she concentrated on her exercises so she didn’t undo all the progress she thought she had made.
“I haven’t purged in a long time.” She heard her own voice, and looked up to see Anakin sliding on his glasses, attempting to figure out why exactly his girlfriend was hunched over her bathroom counter. “I’m really tempted to purge, Ani.”
“Ok.” He seemed to leap into action, taking her clawed hand off the counter to hold it in his. “I’m here.”
“I know.”
“I just want to remind you.” She felt like she should’ve reacted in a completely different way to the deep gravel tone of his sleepy voice, and instead she just felt like she wanted to see the oatmeal with sliced bananas flushed down the sewage pipe once and for all, just to feel some kind of semblance of control.
The control she longed for right now, to get rid of the horrible nauseous feeling in her stomach. The rational part of her brain knew that purging wouldn’t help in the long run, but she really wanted it right now.
He squeezed her hand, and she exhaled loudly, feeling like she was finally coming back into reality as he just stood there, his calloused thumb brushing back and forth on her hand like it was the only thing that kept her grounded.
She eventually felt like the moment had mostly passed, and looked to see Anakin searching her face. Everything about him felt like something she didn’t deserve. A man who took the time to just sit with her, talking about things he wouldn’t have a clue about because he didn’t go to law school, discussing every little avenue that could possibly go wrong or awry.
A man who rubbed her shoulders for over an hour as they watched the TV show she took comfort in as a child, and kissed her softly each time she was a little too quiet, and told her that he would hold her hand the entire trial if it brought her even a little bit of peace.
A man who held her hand when she went through something he would never understand, watching her face like there were cues to follow, although he was new to this, new to having someone with something to look after.
She felt like his hand kept her in focus, like he kept her from spiraling.
“You’re the one stopping yourself, Padmè.” She hadn’t realized she had been whispering under her breath, and looked to see Anakin’s blue eyes smiling at her, the sleep barely out of his eyes. “You’re making the effort to heal.”
She wanted to cry, and thought better of it because of the concealer she had setting underneath her eyes, instead settling for a light kiss that she would have to make even better for him once this trial was all over.
Anakin stayed beside her throughout the entire process of her getting ready, Padmè taking her hair rollers out while he buttoned up his dress shirt, her buttoning her pant suit bottoms that were finally beginning to fit again while he styled his hair, and her straightening his tie for him after he finished getting dressed just to receive a handful of kisses that made her nerves completely disappear.
The air was cool in the morning as they stepped out of Padmè’s car to walk into the courtroom together, Anakin slipping his hand easily in hers as she tried her best to focus on anything else than what was about to happen.
She focused on the fact that Anakin’s suit hugged his legs just right, or that he was trying to yank on the tie to loosen it up just a little bit.
“Dr. Naberrie!” Padmè wasn’t expecting as they got closer and closer to the courtroom to see a frenzy of journalists, and she felt like she had suddenly walked into a situation she was direly unprepared for that she would’ve been excited for just four years ago.
She dropped Anakin’s hand on instinct, then felt his palm grab hers immediately after. She looked down at their hands, and then over at where Anakin’s face showed an impeccable poker face that she had only had the experience of seeing when they were attempting to keep their feelings under wraps.
Padmè turned to the excited young woman, her notebook and pen at the ready as a camera came closer to her, and she felt her face slip into a familiar senatorial smile that she only recognized on the playbacks of election night, four years ago.
“Good morning.” Padmè nodded towards the crowd that gathered near, and the reporters all filtered her direction as her nerves picked up.
“Dr. Naberrie!” She turned to the girl from earlier, and her smile was warm and friendly. “Do you have any words now that your suspicions that you voiced in your article just four years ago have been confirmed?”
“I’m proud to say that justice has been upheld.” The shouts resumed, and she squeezed Anakin’s hand a little tighter.
“Dr. Naberrie!” The shouts grew louder until she nodded towards a man just to get the questions over with. “What do you have to say about the alleged illicit relationship with your assistant?” She pressed her lips together as the reporters went silent as she swallowed hard.
“What do you have to say about that, Mr. Skywalker?” She turned to him, and the reporter’s attentions turned on a dime, all eyes turning onto Anakin.
“I would take a card from the novel Jane Eyre.” He smiled at her. “I would rather be happy than be dignified.” She laughed, and nodded towards him.
“His comment captures my sentiment perfectly.” The crowd started to shout again, and she waved as she started to walk, the click of her white heels reminding her of walking into the election room.
This time, she felt like her future was right beside her, holding her hand in a crisp black suit and glasses that she fell in love with the first day she saw them.
She nearly teared up as she saw the group of humanities professors, all dressed in sharp suits or dresses.
“Are you kidding?” Dormè looked over at where Anakin greeted Cody and Rex happily. “We wouldn’t miss vindicating our Professor Naberrie for the world.” Padmè found herself hugging both of her friends tightly, wondering how she could’ve settled for less than this before.
Obi-Wan was brought onto the stand, and she gripped Anakin’s hand tightly as he testified for the large amount of fraud that Palpatine took place in, her eyes not wandering to the bright white hair that was paired with a brand new Gucci suit, according to Sabè.
Satine had even made it, her bright blonde hair twisted into a regal hairstyle paired with a dark blue dress that brought out her eyes, and Padmè felt like she had never really known what a true support system felt like until she supported herself. The feeling of having all her colleagues, her friends there, watching and just comforting her, was something unlike anything she had ever experienced outside of thin-lipped smiles that politicians shared between each other just to undermine them later.
Anakin rubbed his thumb over her hand, and her heart thumped as she listened through the arguments, making sense of the charges and the pieced-together story the prosecution was making until the judge finally called for a recess.
She drank some water before Anakin handed her a package of the seaweed she liked so much, and it was just another instance on how perfect Anakin was for her.
“Who could’ve imagined that you actually ended up with her.” Padmè’s ears perked up before she made her appearance post using the restroom, hearing Rex’s voice carry down the hall. “I remember thinking you were crazy.”
“I’m a man who knows what he likes.”
“Bossy women?” His laughter made her smile, and she listened for his response.
“That, and someone who believes the best in me.” She felt like she couldn’t live without this, without someone who, without fail, fought for her in every capacity and every situation. Someone who gathered paystubs because of one bad comment, or rushed into situations just to spend more time with her.
The memory of Anakin confessing that the only reason he threw a Halloween party was to talk to Padmè clung to her immediate thoughts as she kissed him in the hallway, the wolf whistles from Dormè not even phasing her as she laughed into the kiss.
There was a streak of pride after the first day in court wrapped up, feeling like she finally felt comfortable with the prospect of sitting in a courtroom with the man who attempted to take everything from her just moments away, while she sat with her grounding force clutching her hand like it was the only thing he wanted to do on earth.
She changed out of her suit so she could slip into her overalls, the sun beating down on her from the moment they walked out, cameras flashing as she barely blinked from behind her sunglasses. She knew that probably there was a news story out there about her, listing all the various scandalous claims that had been released about her to the public, but she didn’t care as she assembled furniture with Anakin at her side, the feeling of twisting a screwdriver making her heart feel at ease.
She didn’t care as she felt the press of the wooden bookshelves into her back, laughter echoing through the empty bookstore as Anakin talked to her in that soft steady voice that she loved so, so much, her hair slipping out of the very messy bun that she had thrown her hair into.
She didn’t care as she sat on the floor, eating the deli sandwich from next door, the mustard falling onto her thigh. Anakin dragged his pointer finger through it, and stuck his finger into his mouth as she blushed, training her eyes on anything except those blue eyes that narrowed in on her every single move.
The new reports had something to say about Anakin’s very scandalous age compared to Padmè Naberrie, who was eight years his senior, and she clung onto his hair after he whispered that he always liked someone who was older and wiser than he was. She whispered back not to grow up too fast, and his wrecked laugh made her wonder how she ever said no to him before.
The next few days in court seemed to fly by, the jury looking bored as it was more and more apparent that in this case, Palpatine was extremely guilty and worthy of a federal prison stay. Anakin rubbed his calloused thumb back and forth, and she inwardly wanted to keep Anakin just to herself for the rest of her life, in a little lake house somewhere where they could be all alone with no one but each other.
Really, it frightened her how much she wanted him to be codependent, and need only her for the rest of her life. She loved the way that he looked at her like he needed her to breathe, the way his fingertips pressed into her skin with both fervent need and a sense of awe, his eyes never leaving her face and his words never spoken negatively.
She loved the way she came out to a breakfast made for her, something that coincided with the meal plans she was trying to put in place, maybe a warm oatmeal or a bowl of overnight oats. She loved the way he left little annotations in the book she was reading, the way he followed her around like a lost little puppy, wondering where she was going to step next or what she wanted him to do.
She loved the way she had so much power over him and yet, he understood that there was a clear difference in the tone of her queries of what she wanted him to do, whether it was to defy her wants or to agree with them. She loved the way he still called her Professor.
She loved Anakin Skywalker more than she could possibly express, with a heaviness that used to frighten her and now just excited her.
It excited her that she wanted to practically crawl inside his skin to be closer to him, wanted to become just a part of him for the rest of her life, to watch his hands rewire an engine, or watch from a third-person view of him running his fingers through his hair like he did every night after work.
“Should we hyphenate?” Padmè came up for air after their languid moment of just enjoying each other’s lips and stared at Anakin with his wild hair and his offset glasses. The picture of him just sitting there staring at her made her want to laugh and continue their activities all at once, and she found her eyes staring right back at his lips. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Why?”
“Because you haven’t answered my question.” Padmè rubbed her hand over her face to attempt to ground herself as Anakin sat up a little bit more, and struggled to remember what he had even asked. “Should we hyphenate?”
“Hyphenate what?”
“Our last names.” She just looked at him, wondering if this conversation was actually happening or if she was just distracted and in a trance from the feeling of him on her. “Anakin Skywalker-Naberrie.”
“You want to take my last name?” Anakin shrugged, and she just laughed under her breath. “Isn’t it tradition that I take yours?”
“Seems fit for Professor Naberrie to stay Professor Naberrie.”
“What if I wanted to be Dr. Skywalker?” His eyes darkened, and she laughed at the expression on his face. “You’re making it very hard for me to concentrate when you look like that , Ani.”
“You just said you wanted to take my last name, Padmè.” His hands pulled her closer and she laughed as his words were pressed against her neck. “You’re killing me.”
“You just asked me if we wanted to hyphenate.”
“I didn’t expect you to answer with that .” She kissed his forehead, and the sound he let out made her laugh into her living room.
“Shouldn’t our last names match?” The feeling of her hands in his hair was something that never got old, and she thought about it for a moment. “For our kids?”
“I don’t care. They’ll look like us.” She tucked her nose into his hair at the thought of a child who had his eyes and her hair, Anakin’s passion and her temperament. “They’ll know that they’re ours.”
The plural pronoun made her shiver, and she barely let herself wonder if it was going to be hard for them to conceive due to the necessity of him being hers for the rest of her life. Until death do they part.
“So you’ll marry me?” Her voice was husky, and she felt his hands grip onto her as she ran through the possibility of white chiffon and lace, a plate with their names engraved on it, Cliegg walking his stepson down the aisle, and her father pulling back the veil after thirty years of waiting.
The possibility of her taking his name, or him taking hers, of ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes and baby gates, and baby bottles, and painting rooms, and a house that was theirs. Of degrees in a shared office, and a place for Anakin to work on his cars, a playset for their children and cousins for Sola’s children.
Of her being a wife, and him being a husband. Her being a mother, and him being a father.
“I’ve wanted to marry you since I first met you at that diner, Professor.”
Padmè [5:34 am]
You’re coming down for the bookstore opening in August, right?
Sola [6:44 am]
Of course.
Padmè [6:48 am]
Bring mom and dad with you too.
I think Anakin is going to propose.
Sola [6:50 am]
I’m going to actually start bawling.
I’ll let them know to bring their cameras.
The guilty verdict and thirty years in a federal prison felt like all of the tension in Padmè’s shoulders over the past week had been lifted instantly, and she heard Dormè actually cheer aloud as the gavel echoed throughout the corners of her brain.
The click of the Louis Vuitton shoes walking out of the courtroom brought a smile to her face unlike anything she had ever felt before, Anakin squeezing her hand as the judge dismissed the rest of the room.
The arms surrounding her the moment they walked out, Dormè and Sabè, Rex and Cody, Obi-Wan and Satine, and most importantly Anakin, made the tears that slipped out the most sensible reaction that she could think of as they all cheered and hollered and celebrated in what should be a quiet place.
The cameras flashed, and she barely hid the smile on her face as Rex announced they have a trivia night in celebration of the empire being abolished for good, Anakin’s hand tightly held in hers.
This trivia night Padmè freely kissed Anakin to the loud hollers of her friends, the night carrying on with more joy than she had ever expected to be feeling, the little cafe decorated with various decorations and handwritten exclamations of freedom and celebrations of the abolishment of unjust rule.
Rex stepped onto the platform like she had seen many times before, a small smile evident on his face as the room erupted into cheers. Over the time since Palpatine had been on trial and in preparation for the upcoming school year, many members of the faculty that had been fired for no other reason than standing up for the greater good had been hired back on, familiar faces in a crowd of people that felt so familiar to Padmè.
It brought her back to a chilly night that was her first-night wearing casual clothing to a work event, her hair still in a neat ponytail and her emotions unsteady as she prepared herself for walking into a situation she had never been in before, seeing these people outside of friendly work conversations that was really just Padmè self-reflecting information so she didn’t have to share about her life.
Her life, which consisted of late nights at a cold kitchen island, and extra syllabus work. She remembered Sabè remarking in what was supposed to be a friendly jest that she was glad to know Padmè wasn’t a robot. Her words however, held more truth than Sabè had ever expected, with robotic tendencies taking over Padmè’s life. Doing the same thing over and over and over again, to get the same outcome, to feel the same familiar thrum of peace knowing this is what she was supposed to do.
She was supposed to get things done, and have nothing unexpected in her life.
Nothing unexpected, like an assistant who walked into lectures late, with tight-fitting sweaters and glasses that made her cough during lectures. Nothing unexpected, like sly jokes slipped into what was supposed to be completely professional conversations, or a casual comment on her nail polish of choice changing.
Nothing quite like Anakin, who waltzed into her life that she thought she had altogether, neatly wrapped in a bow to embark on her next phase of life, just to yank on that neat closure and unravel her into something she had never recognized before but had secretly yearned for in the safety of her bathtub.
She had always wanted someone who dragged her out of her shell, who challenged her thoughts but also deferred to her. Knew the little nuisances that made Padmè distinctly Padmè, like Sola knew that Padmè didn’t really mean it when she said she was going to sleep after discovering a new book.
She always wanted someone who, when she looked at the sparkle in their eye, made her entire body erupt into fireworks, made her want to know more and talk more.
The memory of seeing that dimple for the first time haunted her in the most positive way as she looked at him tonight, his hair styled in a similar manner to the night he first showed up, but this time in a shirt that was definitely stained with motor oil and much larger biceps from woodworking and carrying in furniture for a pet project that she had one day decided to embark on.
The irony of her asking Anakin in a bar almost a year ago to stop looking at her like he was doing now, his eyes seeming to peel back the layers of Padmè that no one had been able to penetrate before, because she was uncomfortable, landed on her.
She loved the way he looked at her, like he could just absorb her because he was so enthralled with her, with her every word, with her every movement, with her every decision.
It didn’t frighten her anymore that she wanted Anakin more than she had wanted anything else in her entire life.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special edition of trivia night.” The room erupted into cheers, and Padmè thumped her palms on the wooden table along with everyone else, the joy in this activity overshadowing any trepidation or fears. “We celebrate a win for all justice lovers in this room, as we proudly announce that Sheev Palpatine was sentenced to thirty years in a federal prison, today.” The room erupted in more cheers, and Padmè joined in, breaking into a laugh as Dormè hollered at the top of her lungs.
She heard the room unite in a thank you, the senator and her cabinet! She blushed as the cheers continued, and Rex chuckled into the microphone as she looked around at the people who helped her make this reality even possible, at Obi-Wan, and Vance, sitting with his wife, and her humanities team that she had taken for granted every day that she worked there, just for them to back her up when she needed them most.
She felt her eyes water as she looked at Anakin, the smile on his face akin to one she had seen many times before, when he had succeeded in making her laugh, or he heard the trademark words of the situation being inappropriate leave her lips. He ducked his head, his dimple appearing, and she lay her head on his shoulder as the rowdiness in the room grew louder, feeling like she would always be complete as long as she had him by her side.
The trivia questions consisted of office mishaps, and inside jokes for each department, the environment warm and friendly as each section of the faculty had their own jokes and stories to tell, the laughter abundant and the smiles spreading like wildfire.
The humanities department came last, their table all the way on the right side of the room, and Rex had a wicked smile on his face as the faculty members just laughed at the screen announcing who’s turn it was in trivia.
“The moment we’ve all been waiting for.” The room’s steady laughter made Padmè feel like she could be sweating. “I have a feeling these are going to be the easiest questions of the night.” Dormè was already shouting at the top of her lungs, and she shook her head at her friends.
“Give us the questions, Rex!”
“Let’s start easy, shall we?” He cleared his throat, and made eye contact with Padmè. “Professor Naberrie, I’d like to just state that these questions were not written by me.”
“ Get on with it , Rex!” Sabè’s voice was hoarse, and the room laughed as Padmè’s heartbeat.
“Obi-Wan’s favorite sweater first semester was?” The bell in the center of the table rang, and Rex pointed at Anakin.
“Beige cashmere one with the pocket.”
“Correct!” Obi-Wan laughed, and Anakin pumped his fist in the air. “Padmè’s lunch of choice before her assistant started packing lunches for her was?” She let her jaw drop as the bell was slammed by both Dormè and Sabè at once.
“Cranberry and walnut salad with Diet Coke!”
“Impressive memories, ladies.” She pushed at her friends as she thought about the distinction Rex made, the table laughing. “Not hard to remember since she had it every day for three years , but we thank Anakin for making her branch out in food choices.” Padmè felt like her face was going to explode as the room’s laughter was gentle, and he shifted the cards again in his hands. “Who started the running joke about the senator being a robot?”
Padmè gasped as the bell was slammed on again, and she heard Anakin struggle to stop his laughter.
“Cody!” Rex threw a thumbs-up, and Cody waved his hands in her direction as he attempted to make excuses. First, it was that she only wore pantsuits, then it was because she ate in distinct patterns, then it was that she uploaded twenty-seven unique canvas assignments in one day, which frankly, Padmè agreed, seemed a little robotic.
“Now we get a little,” Rex cleared his throat. “ Personal .” The room let out a series of oooos , and Padmè laughed under her breath as Obi-Wan shook his head. “Everyone except our couple of the hour can answer these.” She turned to Anakin, who ducked his head as a smile spread across his face. “What was Mr. Skywalker’s favorite excuse for why he was in Padme’s office for extended periods of time?”
Padmè’s face grew extremely hot as the bell was slammed on by Dormè, who was already laughing so hard a tear rolled down her face. She held up a finger as the room lightly laughed at her reaction, and she inhaled deeply as she looked at Padmè in the eye.
“He didn’t understand the Professor’s homework.” She covered her face with her hands as Rex yelled out bingo! , into the microphone, wanting to sink into the earth and never return. “Give us a hard one, Rex!”
“Ok, ok.” Rex cleared his throat, and she chose to look at the inside of her hands so that no one knew the vast amount of embarrassment that she had. “What was Professor Naberrie’s trademark saying when she needed to give us an excuse on why she couldn’t be with her assistant?” She slumped into the table feeling like she had lost all of her dignity as the bell rang four separate times.
The voice she heard after the clearing of their throat made her sit up, looking at the man who was standing at the podium in shock.
“It was deeply inappropriate.” Asher smiled at her, and she turned to look at where Anakin just grinned at her.
“Correct!” Her eyes took in the family that shuffled in the little cafe doors, her mom and her dad smiling, and Sola cheering along with the rest of her colleagues and friends. “Next question is a two-parter,” He cleared his throat as it dawned on her what was going to happen. “What was the book and character that Anakin likened Professor Naberrie to?”
The bell ringing felt like an out-of-body experience, and she barely blinked as she turned to see Obi-Wan smiling.
“Jane Eyre.” The bell rang once again, and Sola cupped her hands around her mouth.
“Mr. Rochester!” The familiar tone of the sound effect for a correct answer echoed, her limbs feeling like jelly as the air escaped her throat, and the moment felt like it was standing still and going faster all at once.
“Last question here, goes to the graduate assistant.” Rex put down his mic, and she watched as Anakin rose, and then sank down into a position a part of her had been waiting for her entire life.
A position that, just seven short months ago, she had never imagined she would get the pleasure of seeing due to her own stubbornness.
She convinced herself she had a great life, filled with her books and her determination to climb the ladder of whatever she had decided to do next, whether it be a spot on the senate, or two doctorate degrees, or a tenured spot on the Republic University staff.
It seemed so funny to her that what she really needed, was something that she had never expected. Someone who had waltzed in an hour late to their first meeting, someone who had captured her heart in the blink of an eye, someone who scared her that her feelings were no longer able to be shut off at her command.
Someone who knew her responses before she did, knew the true meaning of her words, and ultimately, knew her. Knew all her book references, and if he didn’t, picked up the book immediately to learn it. He left annotated messages behind, and folded their towels all weird.
He left his socks on the floor when he walked into the apartment, and he was scarily good at Guitar Hero. He frequently reminded her that he liked being bossed around, and he loved tangling his fingers in her hair.
He worked a power saw just for her, assembled furniture for a pet project, and walked with her all throughout the city just to see what made Padmè Naberrie her.
He asked her if they should hyphenate their names, and asked about a realtor the other day while making her breakfast, the newest box freshly blacked out with Sharpie without her even batting an eye.
He was on one knee, with her Bubbe’s ring in a velvet box that she had never seen before, those glasses that drove her insane, glinting in the light of the room as his mouth moved in the words she had been waiting for since she was a little girl. To whom? She didn’t know back then.
But now, as his dimple appeared in the side of his face, his sandy blonde hair contrasting against his blue eyes that sparkled, she knew who that person was supposed to be.
“Yes.” She felt the tears slip out as her words sounded so faint. “Of course, I’ll marry you.”
She spent most of that night just staring at the emerald-cut diamond on her left hand as the trivia night had really been a secret engagement party that had been arranged by all her friends and family without her knowledge.
Would they be Naberrie Skywalker? Or Skywalker Naberrie?
She didn’t really care as she found herself kissing Anakin more than once, even though she knew that her parents were in the same room to the cheers and the shouts of her friends. A prior her would’ve been worried about what the people thought, her marrying a man who she had been with for less than a year, who was eight years younger than her, who used to be her assistant.
And yet, a present Padmè gripped onto his arms as they danced to the music that was being piped in through the speakers, hardly believing that she had the good fortune to be Anakin Skywalker’s wife.
She felt like this was just a hazy dream, her dancing with a man who meant it when he said he wanted to know her, and she pinched herself a couple of times just to remind herself that this wasn’t a dream and it was really her reality.
Her parents hugging her made the tears fall down her face abundantly, and she watched as Sola shook Anakin back and forth with her excitement that she was going to actually have a brother.
She laughed as her nieces and nephews jumped on them, their happy little faces making the room light up as they shouted that Anakin was now Uncle Ani.
She felt like her heart may explode if she heard that again.
Ahsoka and Obi-Wan had just diametrically opposite forms of happy reactions that it threw Padmè for a loop, Ahsoka saying that Padmè was robbing her of a good roommate and Obi-Wan congratulating them both in that soft authoritative tone that she recognized was just an older brother finally seeing the fruits of his labor.
A part of her realized that Obi-Wan had seen Anakin grow from a small boy in Nevada to the man he was today, and she gripped his shoulder before heading to the next pair that was coming to congratulate them.
“You raised him so well, Obi-Wan.” The man’s eyes went soft, and she pressed her lips together in an effort not to cry. “ Thank you .”
They lay in her bed that night, as he held her hand in his, admiring the way that the diamond sparkled in the light of the lamp.
“It’s so beautiful on you.” She smiled at the ring, and felt complete as he lay next to her, just staring at the ring on her finger. “We’re planning a wedding.”
“Yeah.” Her voice was hoarse, and she looked over at him. “I love you, Ani.”
“I love you too, Padmè.”
July passed easily, with finishing touches to the store, including filling all the shelves with books of every assortment. Anakin suggested that the professors at Republic University send over their syllabuses so she could stock some of the books and have a discount for active students, and she kissed him for a while to thank him for his brilliant ideas.
The sign that she had custom-made was installed at the end of July, and she took pride in turning on the switch, watching the letters leap to life. Anakin pulled her in, and kissed her as she felt her eyes water at her accomplishment.
Anakin tried to convince her that he didn’t need to finish his master’s degree, and Padmè shook her head, telling him that it was only one more year. She helped him sign into the canvas assignments for his new classes, the familiar email address of skyguy3PO bringing her back to her original emails with Anakin nearly a year ago.
August 2nd, 11:21 pm
Dr. Padmè Naberrie < [email protected] >
to : [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Searching for Houses
Good Morning Mr. Windu,
My sister, Sola, and her husband, Asher had used your services to purchase their home around a decade ago, and passed along your contact information with high recommendation. We’d love to meet with you to discuss the possibility of purchasing a home around November since our wedding is scheduled for New Year's Day of next year. Our contact information is listed in our file that we sent in a little earlier, and we’re excited to start the process of house hunting.
Thank you,
Padmè Naberrie and Anakin Skywalker
The ribbon-cutting ceremony for the bookstore was a smashing success, filled with flashing cameras from the local newspaper, and all of her friends and family. The place just felt like her own as she walked in, seeing the people mill about excitedly as the children ran straight to their section with the wooden tree that Anakin had built by hand, carving out the wood to make a lifelike trunk with handcraft silk leaves.
She watched the people wandering the aisles together as she stood behind the counter, Anakin at her side with his hand at the small of her back as the laughter of children and excited chatter of friends felt like a badge of honor.
Sola was the first one at the checkout counter with Asher, holding the golden embossed version of Jane Eyre that she had started making herself to sell in the store.
“From Naberrie herself, I want to purchase this novel.” Padmè chuckled as she scanned the book, Sola smiling to herself. “I’m really proud of you.”
“For what ?”
“For this.” She motioned to the store, and then to the ring on her finger. “You’re not the same Padmè you were before, and I love it.”
“I’m not the same Padmè, huh?” She looked up to her sister’s glinting eyes, and pressed her lips together. “Don’t make me ruin the makeup Satine did on me. It’s really cute makeup.”
“I hate you.” Sola put her hand up, and Asher laughed as he rubbed his wife’s shoulder. “It’s the pregnancy hormones.” Padmè stopped, and stared at her sister in confusion as Asher’s brows rose into his hair.
“Pregnancy hormones?” Sola’s laugh sounded wet, and Padmè’s heart felt warm at her sister’s news.
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud! Now I really hate you!” She ran out from behind the counter and hugged her sister, who sniffled into her shoulder as she shut her eyes. “I’m going to be huge and fat for your wedding.”
“No, you won’t.”
“I’ll be six months pregnant.” She backtracked and realized that meant all the drinks Sola had been “abstaining” from were for a reason, not just so she could give something up for a fast. “So I’ll have the ugly cankles, and the fat neck, and really huge boobs.”
“The last one will look really good in your maid of honor dress.” Sola laughed, and Padmè smiled at her. “Congratulations!”
“It’s all Asher’s fault.” Sola shook her head. “I was supposed to be done after Janet, but he went and thought I was so sexy in my mumu.” Padmè pushed at her sister as she laughed, and shook her head a little bit. She turned to see Anakin hugging Asher, congratulating him on the addition to the family that was going to arrive in the new year.
“Ani and I are going to be buying a house.” She smiled a little bit, and looked around her store. “We’re not sure what yet, but we sent an email to your realtor.”
“I kind of hoped you’d move to be closer, but we can’t drag you away from all of this.” She laughed and Sola grasped her hands. “I love this Padmè.”
“I do too.” The lull of voices made her look back at her husband-to-be, and she felt like nothing would ever compare to the future she had been making.
Wedding planning was a little exhausting, including her mother’s many phone calls pertaining to guest lists that kept expanding by the minute, it seemed. All of her father’s political contacts, and Padmè’s political contacts, and all the family that needed to be flown in seemed to pile in by the day, Padmè adding more and more tables to a ballroom that needed to be large enough to seat over five hundred.
Anakin looked overwhelmed as he glanced at the table seating chart that she was making, and stopped to just stare at it as she shifted some of the names around.
“Who is Jarius Binks?”
“He was a friend in Connecticut.” She watched the color drain out of his face, and she dragged the chair back to silently ask him to sit. “Ani, breathe.”
“I didn’t know this many people existed.”
“I know.” She rubbed his shoulders, and he just stared blankly at the huge diagram. “Naberrie weddings are a little overwhelming.”
“All of these people are actually coming?”
“This is everyone who has RSVP’D yes so far.” She kissed his cheek, and turned his face towards her. “All you need to think about is that we’re going to be married, and we’re going to lake Como for two weeks for our honeymoon. It won’t matter in the actual moment.”
“We’re gonna be married.” His voice sounded like it was still trying to panic, and she pushed his curls out of his eyes after pulling off his glasses, his lashes fluttering.
“And no one will bother us, and nothing will be deeply inappropriate anymore.” Anakin laughed underneath his breath, and she kissed his cheek. “Plus, you get to see me in a white dress.”
“I like you better in pantsuits.”
“I don’t know, this white dress is pretty spectacular.” She looked into his eyes, and smiled. “And I’ll get to be yours for the rest of your life.”
“You get to be mine.”
“And you’ll be mine .” She felt him pulling her in, and smiled at him. “Does that make the wedding worth it?”
“I don’t know.” She laughed as he kissed into her neck, her heart leaping. “I kind of like the idea of just running off with you for good.”
“You’ll get to do that in a couple of months, Ani! ” She screamed as he stood, and she wrapped her legs around his waist to make sure he didn’t drop her.
She would never get used to her life feeling so colorful with Anakin.
Her weeks were filled with wedding planning, and dress alterations, floral appointments, and seating charts. She spent her days at the store, and cherished her nights with Anakin, who was in the middle of having to defend his master’s knowledge, running her fingers through his ever-growing curls.
She mourned the long summer nights of them in her empty shop, spending every spare moment together as she had to get used to making dinner without him at her side taste testing the sauce for their pasta dish due to a late shift at the shop.
She knew logically, thanks to the huge amount of settlement money she had received from the lawsuit and the money she had saved for years, that he didn’t have to work a day for the rest of their life, but he insisted it was good for him to work with his hands every once in a while.
She browsed the listings that Mace had sent them, and stopped over a house that overlooked a lake just thirty minutes out of the city, four bedrooms and three bathrooms, an acre of land and private access to the lake.
She immediately sent off the email that she’d like to tour it, and picked a day when she knew Anakin was free.
The house was even prettier in person, the huge windows reminding her of her apartment, but with a huge yard that looked perfectly manicured, and a large driveway that wound up in front of its huge double doors. She squeezed Anakin’s hand as they walked around inside, admiring its huge kitchen and high ceilings, spacious bedrooms that Mace said were perfect for kids, and giant backyard.
She stood on the porch as Mace said he’d leave them to think about it after giving them the final price, and she pressed her lips together as she waited for her fiancè to speak first.
“It’s beautiful.” Anakin’s voice had a hint of awe as the sunset filled the sky with pinks and oranges. She imagined chasing after little feet, a swingset off to the left where her kids could play. “I think we should put in an offer.”
She let out a long breath, and he looked over at her with a curious expression on her face as she pressed her forehead into his chest. His warm chuckles made her feel like a teenager, and she interlaced their hands.
“I’m so glad you like this one, because I was scared I’d have to pull out my Professor voice.”
“I misspoke then,” She laughed at the tone of his voice as she looked into where his eyes sparkled with mischief. “I hate this house with everything in my being. Convince me with aggressive negotiations, Professor.” She pushed at his chest with no force as they laughed together.
September found them in a bidding war, Padmè’s nerves on the fritz after she had begun packing up her apartment so they could be ready to move in while Mace communicated over two weeks what the next offer had been to see if they wanted to bid higher or abandon the house completely.
She tapped at the desk as the afternoon crowd waltzed into her bookstore, children running straight to the back, a smile ghosting her face just to disappear.
“Did you get the house?” She looked over the stack that she was going to reshelve to see Dormè, her badge still hooked onto her jacket from the University. She made a stop over to the bookstore twice a week just to bring Padmè some coffee and catch up since they didn’t see each other at work anymore, and Padmè nearly forgot it was a Wednesday. “Give me some of those so you don’t break your back.”
She grabbed the top half of the stack, and they walked together to where she needed to slip more titles on the half-empty shelf from their mid-fall sale.
“The other buyers still haven’t backed down.” Padmè slipped a textbook into the empty spot mindlessly, and Dormè mimicked her movements. “I don’t know when it’ll stop.”
“I have faith that they’ll want an almost senator and her beautiful young husband as their next owners.” She shook her head at Dormè’s description, and watched the next textbook find its place beside the others. “I bought my bridesmaid dress the other day.”
“You found one?” Padmè had let all of her bridesmaids choose their own dresses as long as it suited the color scheme, remembering how much she hated the weddings where she was forced to purchase a dress she hated and never wore again.
“It’s pretty.” She finished with her stack, and leaned against the shelf as Dormè set her last book on the shelf, her phone buzzing in her back pocket. “I think I’m going to bring a plus one.”
“You can do that.” Padmè laughed to herself as she slipped the device out, and shook her head a bit at the pondering tone of her friend. “I liked the blonde from last month’s double date night. He seemed so nice.”
“John?” Dormè made a face, and she chuckled in response. “Clingy and weird.”
“I like my clingy and weird fiancè if that helps you.” Dormè laughed, and she held the phone to her ear. “That’s Ani right now, actually.” She accepted the call, and smiled a bit. “Hi.”
“We got the house.”
“ What ?” She stood up straight, and Dormè seemed to already understand the meaning.
“We close in three weeks, and we got the house.”
“We got the house!” Her voice grew louder, and she hugged Dormè as Anakin’s laughter crackled through the phone. “Are you at home?”
“Heading there.”
“Order Thai food and break out that bottle I’ve been saving, I’ll be home after the next shift comes in.” She hung up the phone, and Dormè’s grin spread across her entire face.
“Lucky Anakin.” She pushed her away as they laughed together, and Padmè found any excuse she could muster to get out of the bookstore exactly fifteen minutes later.
Packing up their apartments led to lots of unique finds, including an old piece of lambswool from when she used to do ballet, and an entire collection of vintage comics that Anakin forgot was stuffed in the very back of his closet at his apartment that he basically was never over at.
Ahsoka sat with them as they ate pizza on the floor, R2 pushing around a jingle ball lazily as Hera watched from on top of the bookshelf in the corner.
“You’re stealing my roommate.” Anakin half laughed, and Ahsoka looked completely sullen as she took another bite, frowning. “I haven’t lived alone in like, forever .”
“You’ve been practically living alone for the past,” He thought. “Seven months, snips.”
“But you still came home sometimes, even if it was just to be loud in the living room and bedroom.” Padmè smiled secretly, and Anakin just shook his head. “It’s weird to think you’ll be married . That’s something a real adult does.”
“What, you think I’m not an adult?”
“I genuinely think deodorant was a new concept to you in your sophomore year of college.” Anakin called her a liar, and Padmè pressed her lips together so she wasn’t caught laughing at her husband-to-be. “You’ll still come over to play Guitar Hero, right?”
“If you get another copy, yeah.” Ahsoka made a face of disgust, and Anakin laughed at her openly. “Did you really think I was going to leave the PlayStation here?”
“You’re going to be with the love of your life or something lame like that, so yeah , I expected you were going to leave me the PlayStation as penance.”
“I’ve had that PlayStation from before I moved here, Ahsoka.”
“And you’re going to be with your dirty, sexy, soon-to-be wife, so you’ll have a source of entertainment and I won’t.” Padmè blushed, and Anakin looked like he didn’t know how to respond to that. “You’ll have enough occupying your time, Mr. I can’t stop thinking about what she looks like when she bends over for books .”
“ Ahsoka !”
“What, she didn’t already know that you had a crisis every time she reached for something when you two weren’t together?” Ahsoka grinned like she was enjoying the embarrassment written all over Anakin’s face as Padmè half choked on her food. “Oops, I guess that was supposed to be a secret. Playstation is mine , master.”
Padmè whispered in his ear later that she’d get him a brand new PlayStation for their house, and Anakin refused to leave the bathroom even after they were finished packing up the rest of his things so Ahsoka didn’t make fun of the way his ears were still red.
Packing up his apartment was easier than even attempting to pack up hers, and Padmè decided her time might be better spent on the chuppah instead. Except for when she didn’t even know where to begin and the saw that Anakin usually held for her nearly cut off her pointer finger. She sat in the darkness of the woodworking shop on campus for a moment, cradling her hand just to feel its presence for a full twenty minutes before deciding she needed to just give the task to Anakin for good.
She packed up a sack dinner, and headed to the shop as she twisted the ring on her left hand absentmindedly. Anakin’s boots hung out from underneath one of the cars that she knew had been having some trouble lately, and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth out of habit as she listened to him hum to a song they had been listening to the other day while trying to figure out where to store his clothes in the meantime before they move into the house.
Her closet was overrun with graphic t-shirts, hoodies, and pants that she had never seen before they started this whole process, and she demanded a fashion show of him if she was expected to share her closet with such a diva. He showed off the shorts he still had from seventh grade, and she cheered extra loud when he showed off where they had torn in the back, popping his hip out just to make her laugh.
She kicked at his boot gently just to get a disgruntled sigh in return.
“ What, Sam?” She pressed her lips together as she suppressed a smile. “I’m not showing you another picture of Padmè’s ring.”
“I didn’t know Sam liked my ring that much.” She watched Anakin appear quickly, the wheels squeaking as the sparkle in his blue eyes made her smile warmly at him. “I have a question.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t know what I’m asking.” Anakin laughed, and pulled his cloth out of his pocket.
“I’d do anything for you, so yes.” She kicked at him again, and his laugh made her stomach do a flip at the sweet quality of his words.
“I nearly cut off my finger with the saw today.” His brows furrowed, and she dropped into a squatting position, his eyes following her movements. “For the chuppah.”
“Why were you trying to make our chuppah?”
“Because you’re working at the shop.” She motioned to the car, and Anakin pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes. “And I know how to woodwork.” She swallowed. “Or I thought I did before I nearly cut off my finger with the saw.”
“I really,” He grabbed her hand, and rolled her eyes as she heard that teasing tone of voice that he put on when she did something he found adorable, “ really like your fingers. So I’ll do the chuppah.”
“Stop patronizing me.”
“Patronizing someone is when you’re being condescending.” Anakin kissed her hand, and she wished that didn’t give her butterflies. “I just really love your hands.”
“Fine.” She got up with a grunt, and felt Anakin’s eyes on her as she stretched her back. “I’m going back home to go read. Maybe I’ll pack up some stuff.”
“Now I want to go home.” Anakin sat up, and she just looked at him. “Please?”
“I’m not your boss.” She laughed a bit, and felt him pull on her jeans to make her come closer.
“The Professor needs to give me permission.” She blushed, and shook her head.
“You’re being ridiculous, Ani.”
“That’s a no then?”
“I’ll see you at home later.” She laughed under her breath, and looked behind her before she left. “I love you.”
The look on his face would most likely dance in her memory for the rest of the night.
“I love you more.”
“Debatable.” She shook her head, and made herself leave so that she wouldn’t be there all night like she was the other night when she missed Anakin so much that she just sat beside the car as he tinkered with it, the smell of motor oil still not out of her hair.
Anakin actually did come back early, and she savored the feeling of his hands in her hair as they watched an absolutely awful movie together, laughing at the dialogue while just enjoying each other’s presence.
The chuppah did finally take shape, and she watched as Anakin sanded diligently, her favorite flowers expertly carved in the sides. She had half a brain to ask Anakin where he learned to woodwork like this, and had to remind herself that her husband-to-be probably was an expert at everything he would ever touch.
October included the finishing touches of packing up their apartments, books being stuffed into boxes, and mementos being cradled as Padmè told him the many stories behind each book that she had sitting on her shelves in her office.
A part of her knew that she would miss this apartment, where she had sat and ate and grown for the last three years, until she took a final walkthrough after all the furniture had been moved to the new house. The empty tile floors and huge windows reminded her of the days when she hadn’t had someone who asked her how she was doing at the end of the day, someone who didn’t love to tangle his hands in her hair.
This apartment reminded her of a lot of good things, and, somehow at once, lots of sad things at once.
She made eye contact with Anakin in the huge bathroom mirror as she stared at her bathtub.
“You ok?”
She stared at where she had done so much reading, so much thinking, where she had dunked her head under the water in an effort to get those thoughts about the one who had put the ring she was twisting on her finger out of her head.
“I fell in love for the first time right here.” She looked around as her voice echoed against the empty room, and she heard the faint meows of Hera, who was sitting in her clear kitty carrier by the door. “Just thinking.”
She felt him wrap his hands around her, and she leaned backward into his touch as she suppressed the distinct urge to cry for something as silly as an apartment.
“I’ll miss this place.” He murmured, and she held onto him as she pressed her lips together. “I won’t miss your shower, though.” She laughed, hearing it come out distinctly wet from her tears. “I smacked my head one too many times on the door frame being too small.” He kissed her cheek, and she let the tear roll down her cheek as she thought about the change she was about to go through.
She decided it would be worth it, and took one last look at her bathtub with a fond smile on her face before heading to her new home, Anakin held tightly in her right hand, and Hera’s carrier in the other.
Sola [4:32 pm]
Rina officially has her flower girl dress, and I told her that she would be required to wear both underwear and shorts so that Uncle Anakin didn’t decide to not marry into Auntie Padmè’s family.
You’re welcome, and you can see it when you two come up here for Rosh Hashanah.
Padmè [4:44 pm]
Anakin says that wouldn’t be enough to scare him off, but he thanks you anyway.
We’ll be there with the bagels by noon on Friday.
There was a twelve-foot skeleton in the yard again as they pulled up, and Anakin laughed the moment he saw it. He too, thought that explained Padmè’s sister perfectly. The chocolate and candy that was brought this year was still a big hit from the moment they walked in, screaming little voices and thundering feet preceding huge smiles as they entered Sola and Asher’s house. She came out, her pregnancy looking like it had progressed three months since the last time they saw her, and Padmè held her tightly in a hug.
Sola leaned in as they watched the kids tackle Anakin with a hug, laughing under her breath.
“I knew that you bringing sugar last year was the work of a certain yummy graduate assistant now turned fiancè .” She pushed at her sister, whose laughter got uncontrollably loud when she saw Aaron promptly jump on Anakin like he was some kind of horse to ride. Padmè’s heart did a somersault, and she pressed her lips together to suppress the urge of needing to have her blue-eyed, blonde-haired assistant’s babies immediately .
Anakin loved their customary snack of apples with honey, and he tried Padmè’s father’s newest combo of three and half bagels with some smoked salmon for when they broke fast. She had a shiver run down her spine when he whispered in her ear that she still was really sexy when she spoke Hebrew, her face red as he kissed her cheek.
They spent their first Halloween in the new house passing out candy on their new porch, the interior pretty empty except for the little furniture that Padmè had in her apartment. It seemed like it was enough in a two-bedroom apartment, but in a four-bedroom house, everything looked bare.
There were so many kids in her neighborhood that she wanted to cry every time one came to hold out their buckets, Anakin holding her hand as she suppressed the urge to hug each and every one of them. This would be their future, taking little people who look like them around their neighborhood before sorting through what could be eaten that night and what should be saved.
She barely lasted through the first five minutes of Halloween town before she was a crying, emotional mess on Anakin’s shoulder.
“They were so adorable , and,” She hiccuped, and his hand was soft on her back as she thought about it more. “That’s gonna be us , and-”
“I know.” She felt him press a kiss on her forehead, his laughter warm against her as she felt quite frankly ridiculous for crying over something that she saw every single year. “I’m excited too, angel.”
Padmè, by the time it reached November, was beginning to panic when it came to bridesmaids and all the obligations that came with it, her mother arranging a day for them all to go out together easily, along with a week-long stay to get her situated.
“You’re going to be fine, baby!” Her mother hugged her, and looked around the empty house. “You and Anakin still haven’t decorated?”
“The library is nearly done, but our wedding isn’t until New Year's.”
“So?” She looked around at the bare walls, and wrinkled her nose. “It can’t stay like this. We’re going shopping.”
They shopped around so many different stores, Padmè’s head swam with all the numbers, the bills, the color schemes. She pressed her forehead into Anakin’s chest after her mother went to sleep, the visions of couches and kitchen items and signs with phrases that felt like live laugh love dancing behind her eyelids as she let out a long groan, Anakin laughing.
“I can’t look at another fabric swatch.” His hands came easily to her hair, twisted the curls around his strong hands. She loved that he always did that. She just loved that he knew everything that would calm her, rubbing small circles into her spine as she became dead weight. “I can’t look at another bed, another color, I just.” She pressed her cheek against his chest, and looked up at him. “I want this house to be ours .”
“It is ours.” He smiled at her, and she sighed.
“Feels like consumerism.”
“It is.” He scratched her scalp lightly, and she closed her eyes as she sighed. “You can always cancel the orders, right?”
“Mhm.” She felt like she was half asleep already, and heard the TV behind her switch on. “Whatcha watching?”
“X-Files.”
“M’kay. I’ll watch Mulder tomorrow.” She wrapped her arms around him, and let herself drift off to the repetitive motions of his hand, inhaling his scent as she took that opportunity just to sleep. “G’night.”
“I love you.” His voice was steady, and if she said it back, it was probably half slurred.
The next few days made her remember why she did so many hours of ballet, because her mother needed so much input for so many needless things. She hid in her closet, panic messaging Sola when the room was suddenly illuminated by a patch of light.
“You’re hiding in the closet.” Dormè frowned, and Padmè stood immediately. “Your mother sent me in here saying that you needed something and never came back.”
“She’s driving me crazy.” Padmè hissed, and Dormè laughed under her breath. “I think the amount of money she’s spent this week is more than I’ve spent in three years .”
“Your mom is awesome.” Dormè brushed off Padmè, and she watched her point towards the door. “Now, if you expect me to get in a dress and actually look nice at your wedding, you need to get out there and go shopping. Sabè is waiting for us at the store.”
Padmè drank a lot of champagne, even though she hated champagne, to get through the afternoon, her mother asking her opinion of a thousand different color options that were half a shade different than the others.
Sabè just laughed when Padmè drank her fifth glass in less than thirty seconds, her legs a little wobbly and her nerves sufficiently dullened as she could finally enjoy this process. She couldn’t remember for the life of her what dresses the bridesmaids actually chose, just that whatever pasta they had for dinner was fantastic, and that her mom was the one who pulled up her covers over Padmè like she used to do when she was a child.
Anakin held her hair for her after she rediscovered why she hated champagne hangovers so much, and he sufficiently kept her supplied with snacks as her mother hailed him as the master healer. Padmè just nodded, and let him hold back her hair as the next round of yesterday’s mistakes came back to haunt her.
Their guest list had grown to the point of beyond overwhelming, Anakin murmuring what were most likely his vows under his breath as they worked on painting their living room together, the paint on her overalls from when they did the bookstore bringing back fond memories of laughter and light touches, winks and soft kisses.
“What if the glass doesn’t break?” Anakin stopped painting, and she turned to look at him to see genuine worry in his eyes. “I don’t know if my Hebrew sounds good.”
“Ani, my family knows you’re not Jewish.” She laughed a bit, and continued painting the last empty strip on her side of the wall. “When I heard you reciting some of the prayers the other day to practice it, your Yiddish sounded spectacular. Most people can’t make some of those sounds even with years of practice.”
“And the ketubah-”
“Is just a couple hours before the wedding.” She stopped, and turned to see him visibly running through the schedule in his head. “Ani.” He didn’t look at her, and she snapped her fingers to get his attention. “As long as I’m up there, and we get married, it doesn’t matter.”
“But-”
“If your Yiddish sounds awful,” She set her roller back in the bucket, and took his out of his hand as she came close to him. “And the chuppah breaks down, and we have to jump on the glass five times for it to break, I won’t care.”
“I want it to be perfect for you.”
“Ani, I didn’t even think I would get married .” She held his hands, and he lay his chin on the top of her head as she pressed her cheek against his chest. “Nothing is perfect. But,” She listened to his heartbeat, and inhaled. “Just being married to you will be the closest thing to it. I love you.”
“I love you too.” She listened to his heart for a moment, and then pulled back to run her fingers through his hair. She loved that he had agreed to let it grow, her fingers sliding through his curls easily.
“Besides,” His eyes sparkled, and she smiled. “All I know is that my fiancè is really sexy when he speaks Hebrew.” He ducked his head, and she laughed a bit as her hand came to rest on his cheek, her future standing right in front of her.
They spent Thanksgiving with her family, her sister making a turkey from a new recipe that she wanted to try, which went horribly wrong, forcing Anakin and Padmè to make a completely new ham before Sola’s kids started acting like they were withering away. Anakin snuck the kids' goldfish when he thought Padmè wasn’t looking, and she kissed his cheek as she whispered he was just encouraging bad behavior. The wink she received in return made her blush.
They worked easily in the kitchen side by side, and Padmè’s thoughts wandered to hoping that next year, just maybe, she may have a swollen stomach to think about as she cooked, just like Sola had as she ate an apple chunk, the mascara from her earlier turkey fail breakdown casually dried underneath her eyes.
She watched Anakin lift Aaron in the air and spin him in the backyard, and smiled as she thought about him being a father. She had to press her lips together and try not to cry at that thought, turning in the other direction.
“I know that look.” Sola laughed under her breath as Padmè tried not to look again, shaking her head. “That’s the please get me pregnant look.”
“No it’s not.”
“You’re a horrible liar, Padmè.” Sola rubbed her stomach, and laughed. “I gave Asher that look five months ago and look where I’m at.” She looked over at her sister’s growing pregnancy, and laughed as she felt like she wanted to cry. “Pregnant, huge boobs that hurt, cankles, and unable to make a turkey while my sister still looks fantastic.”
“ Sola !” She wrapped her arms around her sister, and just enjoyed beside her for a moment.
“Why can’t you be pregnant and have huge boobs that hurt?” She heard her sister begin to cry, and she suppressed the urge to laugh. “And have hormones that make you cry about stupid things every five minutes ?”
“Talk to me when I am pregnant, Sola.” She kissed her sister’s forehead, and laughed a bit. “I’ll probably be a crying mess myself with boobs that hurt a lot.” She couldn’t contain her giggles when she heard Sola snort as she cried, and the flip flop that was thrown her direction was a near miss to her head.
The countdown to the wedding started stressing Padmè out, as the final china came in, and wedding festivities started to take place. She attended final fittings, had to look over decorations, help her mother with the catering, and met with Satine to decide what she wanted her wedding hair and makeup to look like.
She didn’t see a difference between option one and option two, and Satine pressed her face into her shoulder after Padmè shrugged and told her to pick.
Padmè’s bridal shower was filled with lots of florals, white, chiffon, and so many gifts she thought her hand might break when she needed to write thank you cards for all of them. She spotted the cranberry and walnut salad, and froze for a moment as she just stared at it.
She wished Anakin was there, to hold her hand or to ground her in this moment, but she felt a steady hand on her back.
“Anakin told me to tell you that you should eat whatever you want.” Ahsoka had a glimmer in her eye, and Padmè exhaled. “Also, you two are majorly gross and in love, so this is a real love language that I agreed to relay this message to you.” She laughed, tucking some of her curls behind her ear as she looked at the different plates of pasta and casseroles available to her. “I honestly have to say that I can’t believe he pulled it off.”
“Pulled what off?”
“You.” Ahsoka laughed underneath her breath, and Padmè blushed a bit. “I know he’d kill me for telling you this, but he was borderline obsessed with you for weeks. He literally practiced what his opening line to a conversation was to you every time he was going to class.” Padmè laughed, and Ahsoka just stared at her. “You think that’s a joke, but that was my reality for months.”
“Really?”
“He was convinced .” She sighed, and piled some sliders onto her plate as Padmè took some casserole. “You were the one he was going to marry. I frankly thought he was going a little insane.” She laughed, and Ahsoka turned. “Guess he was right.”
“I suppose so.” Ahsoka’s smile was just one of many in this room who came together to celebrate something that, if left up to Padmè, wouldn’t have happened. “I’m glad he was right.”
“Professor,” Ahsoka smiled at her. “Me too.”
She held up a china plate, the cameras flashing like they had done for the last twenty-five gifts. Padmè barely noticed the difference between the packages until Satine pushed a golden-wrapped gift to her.
“This one is from Obi-Wan and I.” She nodded, and took the gift into her lap.
Padmè unwrapped it gently, careful to make sure that she wasn’t tearing any of the paper so that she could remember who gave her what. Inside was something wrapped in a sort of kraft paper, and she unraveled it as the room stayed quiet.
“Oh my.” She uncovered a plate, and saw that it was one of a set of four, with something engraved on it.
“Your mom said that you could smash two plates at the wedding.” She lifted one out, and looked at the little cursive in the middle. “And you can display the others in a china cabinet or the library.”
“The Professor and her assistant.” Padmè heard the group laugh, and tears came to her eyes. “This is.” She pressed her lips together, and smiled as she tried to keep back the tears that came to her eyes so easily. “Thank you.”
“ Mazel tov , Padmè.” Satine’s voice was gentle, and the group cheered as Padmè wondered what she ever did to deserve people in her life who were so wonderful.
Ten days before their wedding, Anakin and Padmè signed their marriage license, and both of their hands shook as they signed. She sighed as they slipped back into Anakin’s car, the sky already dark except for the twinkling lights for the holiday season.
She watched Anakin shift into drive, and it reminded her strangely enough of the first time she was in his car, when the drinks had gotten to her head and she could feel nothing except the distinct feeling that this twenty-four-year-old beside her was something that she would never be able to read.
He had made easy jokes to her, and she had made easy jokes to him in a way that she could never do before.
“You’re not scared that you’re too young to be married?” She turned to look at him as she clasped hands with him, his smile soft as they drove on the freeway in the opposite direction of where her old apartment had been, the place where he drove even though it was completely out of the way for him that night so many months ago.
“I’m twenty-five, not nineteen.”
“In contrast,” She laughed a bit as she mimicked the tone of her voice, squeezing his hand. “I was eligible to become a senator three years ago. You’re young.”
“Ok.” He turned to her, his eyes sparkling. “I’m young. But not dumb enough to think that marrying you isn’t the most obvious course of action.” She wondered in the back of her head if Hera had stopped yowling yet, with 3PO and R2 there to occupy her time now in the house.
“I see.” She squeezed his hand again, and smiled to herself. “I have someone who will greet me.”
“Hm?”
“At the door.” She turned, thinking of their conversation as that dimple appeared in the left side of his face. “It’s not just my cat anymore, it’s also yours.”
“That makes me feel much better.” Their laughter filled the car, and she missed the feeling of his palm against her as he turned up the volume on the stereo. Instead of oldies music, she heard the opening lines of Carpenters, and smiled at him.
“You’re such a romantic, Anakin Skywalker.”
“I know.” He grabbed her hand, and pulled it to his lips. “That’s why you’re marrying me, Professor.”
They exchanged copies of new copies of Jane Eyre again, each with separate annotations that they had made during their separate holiday read-through, the menorah bright on the mantle with a tree in the corner.
Padmè thought her greatest gift sat in pajamas in front of her, his glasses low on his nose with her niece in his lap, reading a picture book about gingerbread warriors in a soft voice.
Anakin had a suitcase with the things he would need for the wedding by the door as they spent their last day as single, unmarried adults playing games and talking. Padmè twisted her engagement ring around her finger absentmindedly as she turned on the living room TV so that they could watch the New Years special they had put on a year ago, in Anakin’s apartment on his couch.
Her coffee with one scoop of sugar, no milk, sat on the coffee table that she had brought from her apartment, and she felt lost in her thoughts as Anakin was in the other room, ordering the exact meal they had eaten together a year ago.
A year ago, the night when she had thrown everything to the wind and kissed her graduate assistant, let him walk down the path of what it meant to know her.
A year had flown by so fast. She glanced at the glass ornament that Asher had made for Anakin last year, a little airplane made with the sand from Santa Fe. She looked at the newest ornament, a red pen with both Anakin and her initials on it, made from the sand found in Nevada.
“I ordered pizza.” He held up her favorite red, and she smiled at him as he balanced the two glasses in his other hand. They sat on the couch together, and she watched him pour her glass just like he did three hundred sixty-five days ago, his smile comfortable and his demeanor soft as he told her about the engine he was repairing at the shop for a fifties convertible.
They ate their pizza while Padmè ran Anakin through the new novels she was bringing into the bookstore after their honeymoon, and she stretched into his embrace as they watched the musical performances on their television screen, R2 and Hera chasing each other up and down the stairs wildly. Padmè focused on the way Anakin’s hands played with her hair, the way he absentmindedly kissed her forehead about every ten minutes.
He liked the closeness of them being together, and now she couldn’t quite get enough of it either, being wrapped up in his arms and listening to his heartbeat.
“Ani?”
“Mm?” His voice was soft, and she snuggled back into him as the announcers on the television were announcing it was ten minutes to midnight, their wine glasses empty on their coffee table.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” She felt his nails against her scalp, and closed her eyes.
“You’re smart, you’re gorgeous.” She ran through a similar list like she had done a year before. “You love to read, you’re ridiculously talented at everything you’ve ever touched.” She squeezed his forearm in her fingers, and looked up to make eye contact with him, his blue eyes holding nothing but tender feelings for her. “You’re still sure you want a thirty-three year old woman with a control problem?”
“I think you need to be reminded that I can’t live without you, Professor.” She listened to his heart as he brushed the hair out of her face, the cheering in the background as the new year drew closer, becoming background noise. “I’ve wanted to marry you since the moment I saw you.”
“Really?” Her voice broke into an involuntary smile, and his laughter was warm.
“Why do you think I dropped my books?” She laughed, the dimple in his cheek a reminder of all the history between them as he ducked his head a little bit.
“You’re so sweet.” He laughed, and she watched him in awe. “I love that you duck your head when you’re shy, Ani.” She kissed his knuckles, and his eyes were soft. “I don’t know how I thought I could resist you.”
“Good thing you didn’t.” He murmured, and she heard the TV begin the thirty second countdown. “Almost our one-year anniversary. Thoughts?” She got lost in his eyes, staring at him as she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth, his warmth taking over all of her senses.
“I ask you to pass through life at my side,”
10!
9!
“To be my second self.” His eyes bore into hers as she recited the quote she had underlined easily when annotating his copy of Jane Eyre.
5!
4!
“And best earthly companion.”
2!
“I do, Professor.”
“Happy New Year!”
Padmè untangled her hands from his and pushed up on her elbows as Auld Lang Syne played softly in the background, feeling like, although she had done it so many times before, she was exploring his lips for the very first time that night.
Notes:
crying, screaming, throwing up. next chapter is our last and i really think i'm gonna need to write a sequel because i cannot leave this au alone. come chit chat w me and hang out on twt though: shoobscantsleep. i just love talking w ppl who read my work!
Chapter 10
Summary:
Reader, I married him.
Notes:
because i'm not evil and will post the end chapter the same day as i posted chap 9. i think i'm shedding actual tears of sorrow. how crazy is this!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A | P
Mr. And Mrs. Joshua Naberrie
Request The Pleasure Of Your Company
At The Marriage Of Their Daughter
Padmè Amidala Naberrie
&
Anakin Skywalker
saturday, january first
Naboo Chalet, Virginia
Padmè inhaled, reaching over to snuggle against Anakin just to feel an empty spot on the bed. It was odd and out of place for Padmè to be waking without Anakin beside her. Their bed felt cold.
Padmè watched the sunrise for the first time by herself in over a month, cradling her coffee in hand as she suppressed the distinct need to tell Anakin that it wasn’t the same when he didn’t make it. She was going to see him in a couple of hours, and that should be enough to tide her over.
The whole day turned insane very quickly, people knocking on her door the moment it turned six. Satine held up her makeup kit, and she set up base in the kitchen for the rest of her bridal party to get ready, setting her shade collection on the counter after turning on some music.
“Anakin told me that you need to eat.” Padmè exhaled as Ahsoka walked through the door, her hair already in curlers. “It’s wedding day, and we don’t need the bride fainting at the altar.”
“Ok.” She opened the fridge, and saw the little bowl of overnight oats with a note propped up, feeling her eyes already tearing up.
“You guys are so sweet, I want to hurt myself.” Dormè’s voice surprised her, and Padmè turned to see her put a hand on her hip. “I cannot believe you tried to get rid of him.”
“I didn’t know what was good for me.”
“Obviously.” Dormè sat in the chair after giving Satine a quick hug, and laughed. “Who could say no to that kind of husband?”
Their morning was actually quite relaxing, Sola making the entire room laugh as she told stories about Padmè to her dismay, the atmosphere serene and peaceful. Padmè twisted her ring back and forth on her ring finger as Satine did her makeup, the music in the background ranging from whatever Sabè wanted to hear to Ahsoka’s form of therapeutic music, which was hard metal.
She suppressed her urge to laugh after hearing Sola whine something melodramatic about not wanting her baby to start head banging from inside the womb, and Satine just grinned.
She watched in the mirror as her sister buttoned up her wedding dress, pressing her lips together so that she didn’t cry.
“You did this for me at my wedding.” She remembered it vividly, buttoning each button gently as Sola was getting ready to marry Asher a decade ago, the sisters spending their time together in silence as they realized it was the last time they would be under the same roof with the same last name. “Now I get to finally do it at yours.”
“Gonna make me cry all this off.” Padmè pressed the pad of her finger to her eye as Sola sniffled heavily, and laughed as she shook her head. “Stop making me cry, traitor.”
“You stop crying first.”
“ Sola !” She laughed, and heard her sister inhale deeply to stop herself from crying. “I knew I shouldn’t have done this at my wedding, now we’re both crying.”
“Like little babies.” They laughed together, and Sola finished the last button, Padmè turning to see her in her gold bridesmaid dress that made her look like she glowed. “I just.” Sola pressed her mouth together, and Padmè knew she was going to start crying just by the look on her older sister’s face. “You deserve someone who,” She sniffled, and Padmè held onto her hands. “Appreciates you for all the weird crap that you do.” She laughed at Sola’s description, and her sister shook her head. “Like the way you eat pizza cheese and toppings first, bread dead last.”
“That's a good way to eat pizza.”
“ No , it’s weird and you’re a monster for that.” She laughed, and Sola squeezed her hand. “But you met him. You met the one who appreciates you and,” Padmè watched Sola tilt her head to the ceiling so that the tears would presumably not run down her face. “You finally let someone love you. And I just-”
“I can’t do this with you.” She hugged her sister as the corners of her mouth pulled down, the tears demanding to break free as the lump in her throat strained. “ No more .”
“I love you, Padmè.”
“I love you too, Sola.”
The sisters clung to each other for a while, and Padmè thought that if she had to go through things like this the whole day, Satine better of made sure that her makeup was completely waterproof.
They started taking bridal portraits next, and Padmè felt her nerves explode as she neared closer and closer to taking their first look photos on the insistence of her mouth, smiling her perfect senatorial smile in each shot as she held her bouquet in her hands.
“Ok, now we’re getting ready to do the first look, so we’re just going to come right over here.” Padmè followed the photographer, enjoying Naboo’s views as she walked to where she was directed to go. They had chosen for its beautiful lake and manufactured beach, and Padmè had teased Anakin that he should go lay in the sand just to get a snarky response back that he would only do it if she did it in his favorite bikini. She had playfully pushed his arm, and they decided it would be perfect for them to be married on one of the chalet’s decks that overlooked the frozen water.
She wasn’t sure how she wasn’t cold yet, but owed it mostly to her old-fashioned high-necked, long-sleeved wedding dress as the wind barely moved her hair from its place, her veil blowing behind her.
“Padmè,” She turned, and the photographer pointed to the door that they were going to be behind for the actual shots. “You’re going to be right here so that the groom can’t see you.”
“Ok.” She situated herself, her heart beating wildly as it sunk in on her that this would actually be happening. She would actually be marrying Anakin.
The time felt like it was in a loop as she stood there, the people milling about the various cameras snapping as she shifted her feet, pressing her lips together. Satine and Sola fluffed her dress a couple of times for her, and fixed her makeup, but all Padmè could think about were those blue eyes that she loved.
She wanted to feel his hands in hers, take in every bit of him for the rest of her life, and never leave his side.
“Ready?” She felt her body go rigid, and Padmè’s mother drew out a tissue immediately as she dabbed her tears. “You guys look great. Opening the door in 3 ,” Padmè gripped her flowers tightly. “ 2, 1! ”
The door opened from the opposite side, and she felt her breath catch as she saw Anakin standing there, his eyes closed in his wedding suit, her favorite flower pinned neatly on the right side of his jacket.
She stepped forward and brought her hand to his cheek like she always did, feeling the weight of his chin in her palm as he leaned into the touch, the smile taking over her face as she felt a singular tear roll down her cheek.
“Ani, open your eyes.” She made eye contact with him, and watched as his whole body froze, his brows drawing together as she smiled at him.
She could hear the entire wedding party making various noises of compassion as Anakin immediately broke into tears, Padmè dropping her bouquet on the ground so she could wrap her arms around him and listen to his heartbeat like she always did.
The flashes of the camera didn’t seem to make a difference as she held him there, hearing the noise of him crying as she pressed her lips together with all her might to make sure she wasn’t crying too.
“You’re so beautiful.” He managed to get out, and she laughed as she wiped away his tears with the pads of her thumb, his hands gently holding her waist. “I can’t believe I get to marry you.”
“ Oh , Ani.” She fanned at her face, and the crew laughed as she motioned for a tissue quickly. “ I can’t ruin my makeup , Ani!” He laughed although it was shaky, and she pressed the tissue into her eye as he continued to just stare at her like he always did.
Like she was the only woman in the world, and would always be the only woman in the world to him.
It was like, from that moment on, nothing else mattered. She barely paid attention during their ketubah ceremony, after Anakin veiled her face, his recited words seeping with practiced ease as the tears rolled down his face, her hands tightly gripped in his.
She heard Asher and Sola break down simultaneously as Anakin promised to do everything in his power to make sure that she never wanted for anything, and she pressed her lips together as she wished she could kiss him again.
Their hands shook, just like they did when they signed their marriage license as they signed the Jewish contract, the smile on her face wide as Anakin held her non-dominant hand in his. She looked over and caught his gaze, as his lips moved wordlessly.
I love you.
She moved her lips in response, I love you too.
Padmè stood, her veil still on her face as she watched Cliegg roll up to the doors of where they were about to be married, Anakin standing with Owen and Beru. She watched the older man stand, his balance perfect as he walked over to take Anakin’s arm in his, and Beru snaked her arm through his other elbow as she held a photo of Anakin’s mother on her wedding day.
Padmè was wearing the pin that Shmi had worn the day she made her vows to Cliegg, and she watched Sola break down for the fourth time in that hour as Cliegg proudly walked his stepson down the aisle towards the chuppah as promised a year ago. If anyone saw the tears rolling down Padmè’s face, they didn’t mention it.
Padmè watched her parents come towards her, and pressed her lips together as she felt another wave of emotions come towards her as her mother pressed her tissue to her eyes.
“You’re so perfect, baby.” Her father’s smooth voice made her tear up as he offered his arm for her to take. “I remember the day we brought you home from the hospital.” She watched him think on it for a moment, and heard the heaving breaths of a father who was trying his very best not to cry. “You were this tiny little thing. But you were so pretty, even then.”
“ Dad .”
“All we’ve wanted is someone who knows how amazing you are, baby.” He patted her hand roughly, and sniffled. “He’s it.”
“You’re going to kill me, Joshua!” Padmè’s laughter was shaky as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks, her mother fanning her face. “Thirty-three years and you’re making me cry like a Buffon at my baby’s wedding!”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
The walk up the aisle felt like Padmè was in a dream trance, watching as Anakin broke down again at the sight of her, the room filled with so many people and yet feeling completely empty like it was just them.
Just Anakin and Padmè, underneath the chuppah, holding hands and waiting to be officially married. The rabbi commenced the wedding service, and Padmè found herself lost in his eyes as they stood there, the man going through customs that she had heard a thousand times at other weddings and now at her own.
She circled Anakin seven times, feeling the absence of his hands while she finished the custom, the sound of the cameras disappearing as they took hands once again, Anakin ducking his head as she smiled at him.
They slipped their wedding bands on, the smiles deep on their faces. She snuck a look up and saw Obi-Wan’s eyes watering, her smile secret as she squeezed Anakin’s hand after sliding the gold band on his left hand easily.
The family members came to perform Sheva B’rachot, the seven blessings, and she felt like she wanted to cry at Sola’s watery pronunciation of Hebrew right after Asher’s perfect rendition, sniffling every five seconds and holding her hand up so that she could take a break to the laughter of the crowd.
She squeezed Anakin’s hand as Cliegg stood from his wheelchair, giving them the final two blessings while holding the photo of Shmi, his face red as he stumbled through the Hebrew version that was supposed to be from Anakin’s mother.
They watched as three glass pieces were slipped into the bag, the plate from Obi-Wan, the plate from her mother, and the customary glass, Padmè’s heart flipping.
“I proudly pronounce to you for the first time,” Anakin squeezed her hand as they walked to the edge of the step, getting ready. “Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie-Skywalker. Anakin,” The rabbi smiled as Anakin was already lifting the veil, the audience laughing. “You may kiss your bride.”
She felt like she was doing this for the first time again, the way his lips easily fit between her as the crowd shouted and cheered, his hands coming to her face as she laughed into his mouth. Her husband’s mouth. Her husband .
“Mazel Tov!”
There was the crunch of glass beneath their feet, and Anakin swept Padmè off her feet to kiss her again, her bringing her arms around his neck as he reminded her just how good at this he really was.
Their mixed laughter to the cheers of the audience as they ran out of their venue to spend their moments of required seclusion together never ceased as she found herself in her husband’s arms, exploring what it felt like to kiss someone who shared a last name with her.
“I love you.” She whispered between kisses, and he held onto her tighter as she smiled. “ Oh , I love you.”
“I love you too, Professor.” His voice was content, and she dragged her fingers through his hair, as they continued to savor their first moments as husband and wife.
“You should really stop calling me Professor, Ani.” She laughed against his lips as he seemed to consider it for a moment, his movements never stopping.
“It’s my favorite thing to do.” She leaned back, his cheeks pink and his hair mussed up. “Can I call you Professor Naberrie-Skywalker?” She just looked at him for a moment as that sunk in, and kissed him until they were both breathless.
Their reception was filled with so much dancing, sob-filled speeches, and a first dance to We’ve Only Just Begun by the Carpenters.
She held onto his neck as he brushed a stray hair out of her face with a tender hand, and she smiled uncontrollably as the cameras flashed and the music swelled.
“Aren’t you a little young to like the Carpenters?” She echoed her statement from over a year before, and Anakin laughed as he kissed her cheek.
“Good taste doesn’t have an age limit, Mrs. Skywalker.” She held onto him a little tighter at the sound of his last name that was now technically hers, and felt like she never wanted this moment to end.
She danced with her father to his favorite song to play for her when she was younger, Just the Way You Are , and she held him as he cried in the first twenty-five seconds of the song, saying his baby was no longer his baby.
Padmè turned to see what was going to happen when she realized they hadn’t discussed what to do during the mother-son dance, and watched as Obi-Wan walked onto the dance floor, the photo of Shmi in his hand. Anakin crumpled into his embrace, and they stood there like that for a good chunk of the song that played, Obi-Wan shedding plenty of tears with him as he patted his back until Ahsoka walked onto the floor and danced with Anakin for the last two stanzas of the song, her eyes watering.
The speeches proceeded to bring everyone to tears, Asher’s voice cracking in the middle of his speech, and Sola flat out refusing to have anyone except Asher read hers, her mascara streaked down her face again as she apologized to the crowd preemptively.
“I’m pregnant and I’ve waited way too long to watch Padmè get what she deserves, so I’m emotional, and my husband has to read this for me.” Padmè sniffled, brushing the tears off her face as she immediately sat back down.
Obi-Wan cleared his throat, and Padmè gripped Anakin’s hand underneath the head table as he already looked like he was about to lose any composure he had left.
“I’ve known Anakin far longer than I’ve had the pleasure to know Padmè.” The crowd chuckled, and she watched the man inhale shakily. “I’ve gotten to watch you grow, Anakin, into manhood. You often blamed me for things I had no control over, like the time your suit for eighth-grade graduation didn’t fit,” They laughed together, and Obi-Wan smiled. “ And you’ve honored requests I’ve given you when you didn’t need to, like when I asked you to come to Republic University and complete your master's degree, a feat you frankly had no want nor need to explore.”
Obi-Wan shifted and pressed his own lips together, his beard masking some of the emotion on his face as he let the microphone sit comfortably at his chest for a moment, Anakin holding Padmè’s hand like it was his lifeline.
“ You’ve got this !” Dormè’s voice at the end of the table, along with a pounding from Rex and Cody, made Padmè break into a smile as it reminded her of their trivia nights together, cheering each other on. The crowd broke into various shouts of encouragement, and she watched Obi-Wan smile as he nodded his head.
“I had no clue that when I first met Padmè Naberrie, Anakin would fall so deeply in love with her.” The group laughed, and Padmè blushed. “I just knew that Anakin works best with an incentive, and Padmè seemed to be a perfect way to get him in the same state as I. The benefit of somehow working it out so you could be her graduate assistant,” he cleared his throat. “Sits before you today, and you now are a married man.” Padmè pressed her lips together, and Obi-Wan smiled softly at them. “I love Anakin. He’s like a brother to me. I couldn’t have asked for a better union if I had written your love story myself.” Obi-wan lifted his champagne flute, and Padmè inhaled deeply at his sincere words. “To Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie-Skywalker. The Professor,” Anakin laughed as they made eye contact. “And her assistant.”
The crowd erupted into cheers, and they drank, the clinking of silverware of glasses prompting the newlyweds to kiss to the amusement of their guests.
Dormè’s speech was filled with various informational bits about Padmè’s antics before Anakin, and how she’s watched him turn her entire life upside down, to everyone’s enjoyment, earning Padmè a heavy blush that she couldn’t get rid of even when her husband kissed her deeply.
It all seemed to pass so quickly, and Padmè took the microphone before they started the cake-cutting process and stood as Anakin looked confused.
“For those who know Anakin and I,” She cleared her throat as she took her hand. “Jane Eyre explains our dynamic aptly. I am Rochester,” She laughed into the microphone at his smile, “And he best suits Jane.” She searched his blue eyes for a moment, and she squeezed his hand. “Thank you for choosing me, Jane.” He laughed a bit under his breath as the crowd chuckled, and she turned to the crowd. “Readers, I married him.”
She heard the shouts of Sabè and Dormè simultaneously, and she laughed as she handed off the mic, hearing the clinking of glasses again. Padmè happily bent down, and pressed her lips against his, the cheers around them drowned out by the sound of her heartbeat in her ears at the feel of her husband holding her close.
They were held up on the chairs as the crowd danced the Hora, Padmè laughing with pure ecstasy, Anakin’s hand in hers as everyone cheered, and waved handkerchiefs around with joy.
The mezinke song played, and Padmè watched as her parents and Cliegg came to the dance floor, including Obi-Wan, to celebrate that their last children had finally wed. Anakin and Padmè held each other close, and she lay her head against his shoulder as the song played out, hearing his heartbeat against her ear.
They sat in the back of one of the restored cars Anakin had fixed on his own, after rice had been thrown for their grand exit, and the crowd roared in the background as they waved towards goodbye.
She lay her head down on her husband's shoulder, the wind whipped through her hair as she gripped his hand tightly in hers.
“Ani?” He turned to her, and smiled as she pressed her lips against his knuckles. “I’m really glad you didn’t stay my assistant.”
“Me too, Professor.”
Notes:
mwah mwah mwah to all the sweeties who comment. do please, come back and read more of my work. this has been oh so much fun, and will definitely be getting a sequel. big thanks to my lovely j for encouraging me so big, and all those who left kudos/comments/just read it in general. much love and a big hug!
Pages Navigation
Kateskywalker on Chapter 1 Fri 20 Oct 2023 03:46AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 1 Fri 20 Oct 2023 08:38AM UTC
Comment Actions
dumbginger on Chapter 1 Mon 23 Oct 2023 06:33AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 1 Mon 23 Oct 2023 03:51PM UTC
Comment Actions
Wearerobin90 on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Oct 2023 04:58AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Oct 2023 05:36AM UTC
Comment Actions
MagnustheValiant on Chapter 1 Sat 10 Feb 2024 03:29AM UTC
Last Edited Sat 10 Feb 2024 03:29AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 1 Sat 24 Feb 2024 02:10PM UTC
Comment Actions
Wearerobin90 on Chapter 2 Tue 24 Oct 2023 05:18AM UTC
Comment Actions
skyberrie1012 on Chapter 2 Thu 07 Dec 2023 05:51PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 2 Fri 08 Dec 2023 08:37AM UTC
Comment Actions
LadyW (Guest) on Chapter 2 Sun 21 Jan 2024 06:57PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 2 Sat 24 Feb 2024 02:11PM UTC
Comment Actions
claardvark (Guest) on Chapter 2 Sat 26 Oct 2024 04:36AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 2 Sat 03 May 2025 03:00AM UTC
Comment Actions
MightyRed on Chapter 2 Tue 13 May 2025 05:25PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 2 Thu 15 May 2025 07:57PM UTC
Comment Actions
skyberrie1012 on Chapter 4 Thu 07 Dec 2023 06:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 4 Fri 08 Dec 2023 08:38AM UTC
Comment Actions
sunstorms on Chapter 4 Sun 06 Jul 2025 11:15PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 4 Mon 14 Jul 2025 03:16PM UTC
Comment Actions
berry (Guest) on Chapter 3 Sat 21 Oct 2023 08:42AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 3 Sat 21 Oct 2023 04:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
marmot_bee_person on Chapter 3 Thu 22 May 2025 04:29AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 3 Thu 22 May 2025 05:57AM UTC
Comment Actions
Weedussy on Chapter 5 Tue 26 Dec 2023 05:57PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 5 Wed 27 Dec 2023 07:16AM UTC
Comment Actions
dumbginger on Chapter 6 Fri 27 Oct 2023 03:38PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 6 Fri 27 Oct 2023 09:22PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anidala_forever on Chapter 6 Sat 28 Oct 2023 08:07AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 6 Sat 28 Oct 2023 05:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
Kateskywalker (Guest) on Chapter 7 Mon 30 Oct 2023 09:52AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 7 Mon 30 Oct 2023 05:48PM UTC
Comment Actions
berry (Guest) on Chapter 7 Tue 31 Oct 2023 07:22PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 7 Wed 01 Nov 2023 06:29AM UTC
Comment Actions
Weedussy on Chapter 7 Tue 26 Dec 2023 07:03PM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 7 Wed 27 Dec 2023 07:16AM UTC
Comment Actions
fedoratheexplorer on Chapter 7 Sun 31 Dec 2023 12:34AM UTC
Comment Actions
shoobscantsleep on Chapter 7 Sun 31 Dec 2023 05:49AM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation