Chapter Text
“Meimei, I’m a little worried about you.”
Lan Xichen had been trying to avoid speaking his mind so bluntly for a while now. He knew his little sister wouldn’t appreciate him prying, so he had done everything he could to gently hint to her that she could tell him anything. He’d always had a way of making others feel comfortable in his presence. However, right now it was failing him.
Lan Wangji’s eyebrow twitched minutely, her lips curving down the barest bit. To anyone else, it wouldn’t be enough to tell what she was truly feeling. But to someone like Lan Xichen who’d known her his whole life, it was a clear display of her annoyance and displeasure.
“No need. There is nothing for you to be concerned with,” she said dismissively.
Sighing, Lan Xichen continued. “Please don’t shut me out too. It hurts me to see you do that to everyone else.”
At these words, Lan Wangji visibly froze. When her face softened for a split second, Lan Xichen thought he’d finally gotten through to her. But then, it hardened again all at once. Her eyes were carefully neutral and void of emotion as she spoke.
“If it hurts to see, then close your eyes.”
It was the same kind of comment that had sparked laughter from Lan Xichen in the past. Not many people appreciated his little sister’s sense of humor or thought she was even capable of being funny. But when such a thing was said in this context, with such seriousness behind it, Lan Xichen could only feel his heart drop. Lan Wangji was turning him away as well.
As he watched her leave the room, a coldness seeped inside his chest. He was supposed to be able to help her. Lan Xichen had always understood his sister like no one else did, so if he couldn’t do anything for her, then who could? They had no other family left to speak of, other than their uncle who was less than gentle. Lan Wangji had never been good at making friends either. Lan Xichen was her only one.
He made his way back to his bedroom and laid down. Where exactly had it all gone wrong? It’d be easier if there was just one thing to attribute their problems to. True, things had gotten a lot worse since their parents died. Their mother was someone really special to them both but especially to Lan Wangji. After she passed, Lan Wangji had a lot of trouble accepting it. But if Lan Xichen was being honest, their problems would remain even if she was alive.
For one thing, their mother had been on house arrest. Their uncle was the one with custody, and they only got to see their mother once a month. Meanwhile, their father was barely in the picture at all. No matter how good their mother was with Lan Wangji, there was only so much she could do with the time she had.
Furthermore, Lan Wangji had never been good with other people. And that was something that just wasn’t going to change. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just a thing that was. She wasn’t shy; she just didn’t feel the need to speak most of the time. Her way of being short with others and dry in conversations was off-putting enough that few had ever gotten past it. And those that had didn’t stick around long. Lan Wangji was a hard person to get to know, and it was even harder for her to try and get to know others.
Lan Xichen didn’t want her to change. He thought his sister was perfect the way she was. But he also knew nothing was ever going to get better if no change occurred anywhere. They were adults now, and Xichen couldn’t be there to mediate between Lan Wangji and others anymore. More than a few times, he’d had to deescalate the situation when people were convinced she was picking a fight with them. If she didn’t want his help at all now, was she planning to stay closed off forever?
Lan Xichen hit himself. Lan Wangji didn’t need him. She was a highly intelligent and independent person, perfectly capable of getting along just fine on her own. But she was lonely, and Xichen knew it. If it was up to her, she would stay that way forever. It wasn’t that Lan Xichen didn’t think she was capable. As her brother, it was natural for him to worry about her well-being and want there to be people there for her besides himself. But he also shouldn’t pry or force anything. He’d become locked into a stalemate, it seemed.
The best he could do was invite her out whenever he and his friends went to dinner. If she said no, which she usually did, then he’d text her to say they’d missed her. He wanted her to know it was possible for her to belong somewhere. Like all of his other efforts, this was something Lan Wangji completely brushed off. She appreciated the thought, but she truly believed she had better things to do than “belong”.
Since she’d graduated high school, this behavior had only gotten worse. She was eighteen now and applying to universities. Before, she’d at least been familiar with her peers even if she wasn’t close to them. Now, Lan Wangji would be going somewhere entirely unfamiliar. She’d also be moving where Lan Xichen couldn’t see her as often. He was so, so worried about her.
Sure, she’d live. She’d take care of herself and ace her studies easily. But Xichen didn’t want to see her become more and more of a hollow shell, clinging to a rulebook and rejecting any of life’s pleasures.
All he could do was hope and pray that she’d meet someone at university who could turn things around. Someone who wasn’t fooled by her cold exterior. Someone who would keep coming back and keep her coming back.
Someone like that was definitely out there somewhere, waiting.
~ 🪷 ~
Lan Wangji stood in her barren bedroom, her last bag slung over her shoulder. It was officially time for her to leave for university. The only things left in her room were her bed, her dresser, and a stand for her guqin. Her sheets, her clothes, and her guqin itself had all been packed already, leaving nothing but empty furniture to adorn the space. To be honest, though, it hadn’t taken much to make her room look bare. She’d never been materialistic; she didn’t have many belongings to begin with.
It was a strange feeling to be leaving this place behind. Lan Wangji’s home in Gusu had been such a stable factor in her life up until this point. She liked stability. Whatever her new dwelling was like, she at least had the peace of mind knowing she wouldn’t have to share it with a chaotic roommate. The Lan family was quite well off, so her uncle had bought her a small house a short way from campus. It was supposed to have a lovely view of the water, as there were many lakes in the area.
The university she was to be attending was in a place called Yunmeng. Lan Wangji could’ve chosen to go somewhere closer to home, but for some reason, she hadn’t. When she first heard the name Yunmeng, she’d felt the inexplicable urge to learn more about it. Although it seemed very different from Gusu, she found herself wanting to go there. She may have liked stability, but…maybe this would be good for her.
Lan Xichen had been quite intrigued by her choice. He didn’t know anyone from Yunmeng and had never been there himself. He’d insisted on traveling there with Lan Wangji to see her off. Since she’d allowed it, he now waited outside for her in the car.
Taking a deep breath, she turned around and exited her old room. She’d be able to visit sometime, so it wasn’t as though she was saying goodbye forever. It was just university. Another thing to check off on the checklist of life.
“Ready?” Lan Xichen said with a smile. After Lan Wangji set her bag in the trunk, he opened the passenger door for her. She leveled a glare at him but didn’t say anything as she sat down. Once she was seated, she pointedly stared out the window away from her brother.
He chuckled. “If I’m going to see you off, I may as well drive you. What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t?”
Softening a little, Lan Wangji glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She may not talk to people much, but she wasn’t completely unaware. She knew how lucky she was to have such a good relationship with her sibling. Even if it could be annoying, she supposed it was better that he cared too much than not at all.
“Xiongzhang—“ she started.
Lan Xichen swiftly cut her off. “You don’t have to call me so formally. You told me before that you didn’t mind if I called you meimei instead of Wangji, right? It’s the same for me.”
Lan Wangji swallowed. “…Xichen-ge. I am…sure school will be quite beneficial.”
Lan Xichen knew what she was really trying to say. You don’t need to worry about me while I’m gone.
He sighed. “I know you will do great things.” But please try and form connections.
Once the car was started, silence descended upon them. The majority of the ride was bound to be the same. Lan Xichen could make conversation here and there, but he didn’t feel the need to do so all the time. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji usually preferred only to speak when necessary.
Lan Wangji spent the trip watching her surroundings gradually change as they neared Yunmeng. The temperature got warmer, the plants were more unique, and there sure was a lot of water. They passed by several lotus ponds, most with boats full of people gliding on the surface. In Gusu, any water was bound to be too frigid to go out on. She was going to have a lot to get used to here.
So lost in her head was she that she didn’t even notice when the car finally came to a stop. It seemed like time had simply flown by. Unlike most people, Lan Wangji never even used her phone for entertainment during trips like these, and yet, she was never bored. Her brother had to reach a hand out to gently shake her from her stupor.
“Meimei, we’re here,” Lan Xichen said. “Shufu has requested you call him once you get inside.”
Dazed, Lan Wangji simply nodded. The two of them made their way to the trunk to unpack all the luggage. Since Lan Wangji didn’t have much to bring, the two of them finished bringing it all inside in no time. Now, they could properly admire her new home.
It was a little thing, stuck all on its own by the edge of a lotus pond. There was a pier some ways down, perfect for taking a swim or docking a boat. Although the house itself didn’t look that impressive on the outside, the inside was extremely pleasant. Lan Wangji knew it must have cost a lot to get her somewhere to stay so close to the water. Somewhere so charming and serene. She had a feeling Lan Xichen had helped choose it.
The house consisted of two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a small living space. Truly, it was already more than Lan Wangji required. She only had need for one bedroom, and she wasn’t hoping for guests despite Xichen’s wishes.
Her new room was a cozy space furnished with a bed, a small table, and a flowery-looking lamp. The bed had lavender colored sheets on it already. Lan Wangji thought they looked clean, but she still wasn’t about to sleep in them when she wasn’t sure where they’d been. That was why she’d brought her own.
When she set her guqin on the table and remade the bed with her set of blue and white sheets, the room really started looking like it belonged to her.
Back in the living room, Lan Xichen was seated at the table with two cups of tea set up. He’d wasted no time navigating the kitchen, having brought a box of Lan Wangji’s favorite tea with him as a parting gift. Wordlessly, she sat down across from him and reached for her mug.
“I won’t hold you long. I’m sure shufu wants his turn with you. I just hoped to share one last thing before I say goodbye.”
She nodded, taking a sip. She noticed immediately what kind of tea it was. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the box sitting in her kitchen.
“Thank you, Xichen-ge.”
Lan Xichen smiled warmly. “Of course, meimei.”
The tea in their mugs dwindled quickly. Lan Wangji could tell her brother wanted to say something before they finished entirely. With every sip, it sunk in how soon he would be leaving. But it wasn’t like it was the end of the world. Really, they were only going to be apart until one of them could find time to visit. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
“Xichen-ge,” she said, a question in her eyes. Her brother looked up at her.
“Ah, it’s nothing, meimei. We’ll call on weekends, right?”
She nodded. “Mn.”
He rose from the table. “Good. I should be going now. I hope you come to enjoy it here.”
Lan Wangji walked with Lan Xichen to the door. She wasn’t big on hugs, so they simply waved to one another.
Although she enjoyed his company, there was always a certain relief that came with finding herself alone after socializing for a while. Lan Wangji sunk back into her chair, a sigh escaping her lips. Her posture was perfect, back ramrod straight as always, but she leaned forward slightly in a way reminiscent of her desire to collapse onto the table. That wasn’t the kind of thing she did, though.
This was the start of the rest of her life. She was living away from home for the first time while studying to make a career. Eventually she’d get a job and…and what? Life really didn’t seem like it’d get much more interesting from there.
But at least for now, she was in an intriguing place such as Yunmeng. Lan Wangji had plenty to busy herself with here and a beautiful view as well. She had nothing to complain about. She’d at least chosen a major she actually liked, even against her uncle’s wishes. It was one of the few things she wouldn’t bend on.
While she was thinking of her uncle, she may as well call him like she was supposed to. He was a teacher and had been in the middle of a lecture when she’d set off, which was why he hadn’t made it. He wasn’t a big fan of technology, but he wouldn’t let his niece move away without a word.
“Wangji,” Lan Qiren said when he picked up the phone.
“Shufu.”
“You’ve made it safely I assume? Should I be expecting Xichen back soon?”
“Mn. He has just left. All is well.”
Her brother continued to live in the family home after university. It was technically supposed to be passed down to him anyway. He had little trouble living peacefully with their uncle, never having been as affected by anything he had to say. At least once a week, the three of them had had family dinner together. In silence, of course. Now, it would just be Qiren and Xichen.
“Good. If you have not already, you should become acquainted with your new living space. If you are truly well, we can talk more this weekend.”
Conversations with her uncle were always short. Lan Wangji had always been responsible and independent, so the two of them never had much to say to each other.
“Understood. Goodnight, shufu.” She hung up the phone.
It was starting to get late, and their family had a tradition of going to bed no later than nine pm. Lan Qiren used to enforce this bedtime when Lan Wangji was younger, but now that she was an adult, she could do what she wanted. However, what she wanted happened to be to continue going to bed at nine. Her internal clock ran in a way that consistently woke her up at five and tired her out by nine. She’d had that as her routine since young, and she saw no reason to change it now.
Lan Wangji unzipped her suitcase, quickly putting her clothes away before getting out her pajamas. Before bed, she also liked to brush her long hair out since she didn’t move around in her sleep almost at all. Brushing it was a calming thing, especially with the window open to let in the slightly chilly breeze.
The lamp cast a warm glow around the room. Lan Wangji’s eyelids drooped the longer she brushed. Eventually she had to get up to put her brush away, which woke her up just enough to take one last glance out the window.
The moonlight danced beautifully atop the surface of the lake, a sight which almost took her breath away. The moon was high in the sky, just barely shy of being full. Its silver radiance was a stark contrast from the light in her bedroom. Without further ado, she whisked over to turn the lamp off.
It only took Lan Wangji all of five minutes to fall asleep. But if she’d stayed awake longer, perhaps she would’ve heard a light splash of water coming from somewhere beyond.