Chapter Text
Eddie had been going on a string of dates every weekend for months now, thanks to Pepa. He hated going on them, but he just wanted to make his aunt happy. He hid his discontent from everyone, not wanting to admit the real reason he wasn’t enjoying the dates. Instead, he foolishly let everyone think he was actually enjoying himself.
What he didn’t know was how much this was killing Buck. He would never let people think he was happy doing this if he knew it was hurting Buck. However, he had no clue. Buck never said anything. Never hinted that it bothered him. In fact, Buck seemed super supportive. He had actually offered to take Chris for him. Buck was generally pretty good at hiding his emotions though.
In the past few weeks, Buck had started to withdraw. Pulling more and more away from Eddie as much as possible. These dates that Eddie was going on were absolutely killing him. He loved Eddie so much and he was hurting himself even more by staying. He loved Chris with his whole heart, but in the end, he wasn’t his. He couldn’t keep letting himself dream about this family that would never actually be his. If Eddie asked him to come over or asked if he could take Chris, he would make up an excuse. Some believable, some not.
“Oh sorry, I told Maddie we’d hang out that night already.”
“I can’t, I’ve got a ton of laundry to do. Sorry, maybe another night?”
“I’m actually not feeling that well. Probably best not to risk getting Chris sick.”
“Sorry, I’ve got something else to do that day. Tell Chris I said good luck with his project.”
“Sorry, I picked up an extra shift.”
He didn’t actually pick up a shift and he was hoping Eddie wouldn’t ask around to find that out. Unfortunately, that didn’t go as he had hoped. Buck was miserable as it was, but then Eddie had to ask about his extra shift. Of course, he was avoiding Eddie, so Eddie asked Bobby.
“Hey, Bobby, how was the shift yesterday? Buck told me he picked it up,” Eddie says.
“Buck? Buck told you he was working yesterday?” Bobby asks.
“Uh yeah?” Eddie says, confused.
“Huh. Uh, Eddie, Buck didn’t work yesterday,” Bobby said. “Is everything okay with you two?”
“Oh uh, yeah. I don’t know,” Eddie says. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”
Eddie makes his way down the stairs from the loft and heads towards the locker room, utterly confused. Why would Buck lie? He had been making a lot of excuses to not hangout recently…
It was the end of their shift, so he figured that’s where Buck would be. Sure enough, when he opened the door he saw Buck. Buck had already changed and grabbed his bag. Eddie took a step towards him and tried to say something, but Buck just gave him a fake smile and slipped past him out the door.
Buck was rushing out of the station, fighting back tears. He didn’t have it in him to pretend he was okay anymore. He felt guilty for brushing off Eddie, but it hurt too much to be around him.
“Buck!” Eddie yelled as he chased after him.
“Fuck,” Buck muttered to himself.
Eddie had caught up with him and had a hand on his shoulder, bringing him to a halt.
“Buck, what’s going on with you?” Eddie asks.
“Nothing, Eddie. I’m fine,” Buck lies.
“You’re such a liar. I know you didn’t pick up an extra shift yesterday. Why did you lie?” Eddie pushed.
“I dunno, Eddie. I’m just busy. I should go,” Buck says.
“If you didn’t want to spend time with us, you could have just said that,” Eddie scowls.
“Eddie, what are you even talking about?” Buck asks, slightly agitated.
Can’t he see how much Buck cares about them?
“You know what I'm talking about, Evan. You’ve given excuse after excuse these last few weeks and you know they’re all bullshit,” Eddie huffs.
“Whatever, I’ve gotta go,” Buck says as he turns to walk away.
“Yeah, just go ahead and leave. It’s not like you care anyway,” Eddie sneers.
Buck stops in his tracks, “What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me,” Eddie growled.
Buck whips back around. “Me? What about you?” Buck asks.
Eddie huffs.
Buck sees red. “YOU BREAK MY HEART EVERY DAMN DAY. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO IGNORE THE STABBING PAINS IN MY CHEST EVERY TIME YOU LEAVE FOR ONE OF YOUR STUPID DATES? HOW HARD IT IS TO NOT BE ABLE TO LOVE YOU THE WAY I WANT TO? TO ONCE AGAIN FEEL LIKE I’LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH? TO LOVE A KID SO MUCH, ONLY TO BE REMINDED THAT HE’S NOT MINE? DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT I DO NOT CARE. I CARE SO MUCH IT’S DAMN NEAR KILLING ME!” he screams.
Eddie blinks in shock. Buck has never yelled like this before. Buck loves him?
Buck’s voice was deep with pain. “I can’t do this. I’ll get over it, I swear. We’ll be fine, just give me some time.”
Eddie blinks again. He wants to say no, to tell Buck how much he loves him, but the words won’t come out. When Eddie finally shakes himself out of the shock, Buck is almost to his Jeep.
“Buck wait-” Eddie’s words cut off as Buck slams his driver’s door behind him.
Buck peels out of the parking lot at lightning speed, tears spilling down his face.
Eddie stands in the parking lot in shock for a minute before getting in his truck, a few tears leaking from his eyes. He wants to go after Buck, but he has to pick Chris up from school. He also needs to try to process whatever just happened.