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"What the hell did you do?"
Dick was trying to enjoy his Lucky Charms. He didn't even think Jason was in Bludhaven today. Wasn't there a drug bust or some shit the Red Hood could be doing?
Perhaps whatever caused the younger man to fly into a rage encouraged him to make the trip to Gotham's sister city. It probably wasn't a social visit.
Dick shrugs and munches exaggeratedly. He avoids his younger brother's eyes and his dramatics. Jason huffs and crosses his arms.
"What did you say to the brat?"
Dick continues to munch obnoxiously. As he goes to shovel another spoonful into his mouth, his brother slaps the spoon away.
That wasn’t very nice. The older man stares mournfully at the spilt cereal and sends a small prayer for its untimely demise.
"Dick! What the fuck did you do? Why is the little shit going around introducing me as his 'rescue?'"
Dick starts hacking up a lung at that reveal. He suspected some change would occur after his talk with Damian, but that? The older man stares bugged eye at Jason.
"He's doing what now?"
Jason grumbles as he moves to sit next to Dick at the kitchen counter. The man slumps into the chair with a sigh.
"He's calling me his 'rescue.' I'd be telling him off for thinking the Red Hood needs saving, but I have a feeling that's not what he's implying. I just don't know what he's trying to say."
A scoff comes from the window Jason had used earlier to break in. In all his 5'2" glory, Damian glares at the two older brothers.
“You are a rescue. Should we go get your brain checked for comprehension difficulties?”
Choosing to ignore the insult (which is not the best approach to Damian's behavior but it is the least exhaustive), Jason addresses the matter he thinks is most vital. "Did you fucking follow me?"
The kid nods slowly, as if Jason is an idiot. "Of course. Isn't that usually what one does when those in their care run away?"
Jason's "I didn't run away!" and Dick's "those in their care?" are blurted out at the same time. The kid scoffs and rolls his eyes.
In respect to the one true god, Alfred, Damian straightens his shoulders and says "I beg to differ. What else would you call suddenly fleeing from your home, Todd?"
Jason sighs heavily as his head thuds on the counter. He could not deal with the brat and his semantics at this time. He mumbles something about escaping as Damian proceeds to scoff again.
Dick, thankfully, interrupts before a fight could break out. "So, what's going on? Not that I don't enjoy seeing my little brothers on a Tuesday morning." The acrobat pauses and turns to Damian.
"Wait. Don't you have school?"
Damian tsks. He goes on a rant about America's schooling system as Jason tunes him out.
He's not sure exactly why Damian followed him, but Dick sure seems happy to rile the kid up.
Jason just wants answers. The kid has been acting weird the past few months.
He's been handed books, Alfred's cookies, and ammo. A twelve year old has been giving him ammunition.
Worse are the comments Damian says anytime Jason does anything remotely nice to another family member or doesn't outright maim a bad guy.
Whether in costume or out of it, the kid has this pained grimace on his face as he utters some sort of weird praise. He almost decked the brat the first time Damian said “what a good vigilante you are.” He’s not sure if the words, the implications, or the lack of inflections in the kid's tone are worse.
What finally made Jason snap and interrogate Damian for answers was Roy commenting on how “well-mannered” Jason was suddenly acting. Whatever the fuck that's happening, that's affecting his actual behavior, needs to be addressed.
Unfortunately, confronting the little shit wasn't much help. He just remarked on how “Dick reiterated what family relations mean” or whatever bullshit that's supposed to mean.
So he's here. Asking questions. And Dick isn't answering.
Jason interrupts the bickering between his brothers.
“Can someone just answer the goddamned question? What the fuck was said that led to all of this?”
Dick sighs and rubs his eyes. His gaze flickers between his two younger brothers before he pushes away his cereal.
“Look. You know that Damian and Tim have been having issues. I mentioned some stuff about family relations that may or may not have been dehumanizing. Either way, I wasn't predicting it would affect you.”
“Richard, I thought your explanation included all of Father's projects. If I am to assist him, it is obvious I would need to account for every member.”
Jason sighs and rubs his face. “Okay. Sure. From the way the brat is calling us projects, I can see what you mean by dehumanizing. What-”
There's a pause before the crime lord grows visibly angry. “Projects. He said projects. Did you refer to us as charity cases ?”
Dick winces. “Not exactly.”
Jason does not calm down.
“Richard connected the care Father has for his adopted children and the care I have for animals.”
Jason freezes. He turns slowly to Damian's direction before turning slowly back to Dick. It clicks for Jason what the youngest was meaning when referring him to others.
“A dog. A rescue dog.”
“I felt your resemblance was most closely matched to a dog rescued from fighting rings, Todd.”
Jason lunges.
It's only Dick's hasty reaction that prevents Damian from being tackled. Despite his almost sudden fall and Jason being barely held back by Dick, the youngest pipes up.
“The resemblance is uncanny.”
A snarl comes from Jason as he wrestles to get free. “Why you fuc-”
“Okay! Okay. Damian, stop antagonizing. Jason, chill out. Let's just take a step back here, alright?”
Neither party seem happy with this arrangement, but they settle down. Dick lets Jason go and takes a deep breath.
“Great! So, Damian, you can't verbally acknowledge these realizations to others outside of the family. Reputation and CPS are two reasons why. I don't feel like having to explain to a caseworker why you refer to your siblings as animals and how this was a better solution. Okay?”
There's a bit of contemplation on the youngest’s face before he nods seriously. “I understand, Richard.”
“Good! Now we'll address the important part.”
Jason huffs as he folds his arms again. “Is it not referring to others as animals?”
The grin he gets in return is mischievous and an answer in itself. “Nope. We have to know what Damian thinks about the rest of our family.” Dick turns to look at Damian as he asks him. “Have you compared every family member?”
The youngest nods. “Of course. Drake is similar to a domestic cat becoming a feral cat. His abysmal ability to take care of himself compounded by his desire to self-isolate, his trust issues, and his general wariness is likened to an abandoned domestic cat.”
It was supposed to be a fun, silly little game to calm Jason down and bond. Dick did not predict the devastating reading and intuition of the younger when it concerned Tim. The oldest thought about stopping the comparisons, but Damian kept going.
“Barbara Gordon is akin to a fox in their natural environment. Cunning, deceptively small and fragile, and absolutely ferocious. She, seemingly, requires no further intervention besides occasional checkups and assistance when apparent. She is obviously in the release stage of rehabilitation.”
This assessment has Dick grinning. Barbara, in her own right, is terrifying.
“Brown is an outdoor cat, though outdoor cats are extremely harmful to the ecosystem. Regardless, she requires no further assistance besides the ability to come back to the Manor for food and attention as she wills it.”
Jason wasn't aware he'd be getting a biology class today, but he's not too disappointed. The characterizations are a decent look into how Damian views the others’ roles in the family. At the very least, it shows his improvements in his relationships.
“Cass is a tundra swan rescued from an owner who used her primarily for guard details. She is elegant, deceptively fragile, and viciously capable of breaking bones. They are typically known for being gentle, but are fiercely protective. Like a tundra swan, she is migratory and only requires a place to return to. Video calls, money, and other long distance displays of affection are appreciated.”
Astute, but Jason wonders if Damian is going to discuss all of the batfamily members. Is Bruce or Alfred included?
“Duke is similar to an outdoor dog. He is protective, stubborn, and capable of providing for himself. He can run around and hunt, but assured regular meals, support in other areas, and a place to return to are vital.”
Jason, unfortunately, hasn't had too many interactions with Duke. Perhaps as the two “dogs” of the family, they could find some middle ground. Perhaps Stephanie, as an “outdoor pet” would join as well.
“Richard is a llama. He-”
Jason starts wheezing with laughter. He falls out of his chair and interrupts Damian before he can continue. The youngest grows visibly upset at the interruption and the reaction, but Dick's sputtering catches his attention.
“A llama?”
Damian nods and crosses his arms defensively.
“They are deceptively dimwitted, harmless creatures. Your charisma charms individuals into unwittingly letting down their guard. When threatened, or the sheep they guard are threatened, llama will run towards the danger. They are fearless in their kicking, spitting, and screaming.”
This does not stop Jason from laughing. Instead, he chuckles so hard tears are running down his face.
Dick is stuck between reassuring Damian of his accuracy or hurting his little brother’s feelings when he denies. Fuck, he sometimes hates being an older brother.
“That's- Yeah. Okay. A llama.”
The scowl on Damian's face deepens. “Was my analysis inadequate?”
“No! It- It was good.” Jason's laughter in the background wasn't helping, but the kid's shoulders loose a little tension. “It was unexpected, but good.”
The kid huffs when Dick wraps him in a hug. “I am so proud of you for figuring out what every person in the family needs, okay? You must've done a lot of research.”
Despite a muttered “it was nothing,” Damian's mouth twitches into a pleased smile.
Jason finally calms down and notices the two of them hugging. He rolls his eyes as he stands up. It takes only a moment before he realizes something.
"How did you find me anyways?"
The kid glances up at Dick for reassurance before straightening his shoulders.
"It's customary to place tracking devices on pets prone to running away."
The two older men sit in stunned silence before all hell broke loose. Dick barely manages to steer Damian out of the way as Jason attempts to leap at youngest.
" You fucking chipped me? "