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Darling loved her brothers. Truly. That didn’t mean she didn’t struggle with the urge to bash their heads in.
“You did what?” she hissed.
Dexter shuffled his feet awkwardly and tightened his grip on the handle of the suitcase in his hand, but Daring stood tall and proud, flashing a blinding smile.
“We told them that if they have a problem with you, they have a problem with us,” he said. “We’re a package deal. Also, during the confrontation, Dexter blurted out that he’s bi, so that bridge has been blown to smithereens.”
“Are you two insane?” Darling asked.
“We probably should have thought it through…” Dexter bit his lip. “We didn’t even rent a place to stay.”
“We’re Charmings,” Daring said. “We don’t do rentals.”
Darling, standing in her very much rented apartment, simply stared at him.
“We were recently evicted from our childhood home,” Dexter reminded his brother. “We don’t have jobs. Or cash.”
“Okay?” Daring raised an eyebrow.
“You are not freeloading,” Darling said. “I’m giving you time to find work, but you’re not staying here without earning your keep, which means chores. Oh, and once you’re financially stable you’re getting your own place, because if I have to live with you for an extended period of time someone will end up strangled.”
“But consider this counterpoint to assigning me chores,” Daring said. “I called Mom a sexist homophobe in your honor.”
Darling facepalmed.
“Then she told me that she now understands why I never committed to any one girl,” he frowned. “As if keeping my options open means I'm gay. I’m just having fun, you know? I’m good with the damsels.”
He waggled his eyebrows.
“Really,” Dexter said. “Hadn’t noticed.”
He shot Daring’s mirrorphone a look, and Darling followed his gaze to see that Daring was mid-text to Witchy Brew, a girl in the grade above them. She was pretty sure that half a week ago she’d overheard him on the phone with a smitten Holly O’Hair, but whatever. Those girls knew what they were getting into.
“And not just the damsels,” Daring continued. “I’m good with the guys too.”
“Really?” Darling asked. “Huh. You never said.”
“You found me and Sparrow in a broom closet once,” he said. “How are you surprised?”
“You were arguing,” she said. “Nothing that incriminating.”
“Ah,” Dexter nodded sagely. “Foreplay.”
Daring turned red but smirked, while Darling slammed her hands over her ears.
“Ew, ew, ew,” she said. “Dex, why?”
“We’re a sex positive space here,” her twin smiled at her crookedly.
“Maybe,” she said. “But I don’t want to know the details when it’s my own flesh and blood. Or do you want me and Apple to start discussing our sex life in front of you?”
“Can we really avoid it?” Daring asked. “We’ll all be under the same roof for the near future.”
“Shut up,” the younger two said at the same time.
“Noted,” Daring said. “Can we come in now? It’s cold out.”
Darling stared him down for another second before relenting and stepping aside.
“We have guests,” she called out over her shoulder as her brothers entered.
“Oh?” Apple’s voice drifted over from the kitchen. “Was that sibling squabbling that I overheard?”
“Indeed it was, sister-in-law to be!” Daring struck a pose even though Apple couldn’t see him from her vantage point. “You will hear much of it in the days to come!”
“Days?” Apple said, exiting the kitchen to stand in front of her girlfriend’s brothers with her hands on her hips. “What do you mean, days? Babe, what do they mean by days?”
“They were kicked out,” Darling said. “They need a temporary place to crash. Emphasis on temporary.”
Apple took a deep breath.
“Okay,” she said, then began talking to herself, “okay. If Darling moves into my room, then one of you can take her bed, and the other can sleep on the couch. Someone has to do shopping and there’ll be twice as many dishes to wash-”
“Dexter’s taking the couch,” Daring said immediately, drowning out Apple’s muttering. “I have eldest child privileges.”
“You know what?” Dexter said. “I’m too tired to argue. As long as I can sleep somewhere semi-comfortable, I’m happy.”
“If you’re taking your sister’s room,” Apple said to Daring, “then you’ve gotta make as little of a mess as possible. Also, as couch resident, Dexter is spared from bathroom cleaning duty.”
“I will fulfill this heroic task successfully, fair lady,” Daring said gallantly. “Not to worry, the toilet shall be sparkling in no time at all.”
“I was honestly expecting you to complain more,” Darling said.
“Heroes cannot be scared to get their hands dirty for the good of others,” he said. “I am nothing if not a Prince Charming, no matter what Dad says.”
“Dad?”
“Yeah,” Dexter answered in Daring’s stead. “He insinuated that Daring was offending destiny itself by being a queer ally.”
“Imagine what he’d do if he knew that all of his children were part of the community,” Daring said.
“Wait, what?” Apple asked. “Did I miss something?”
“Dex came out as bi, like, two seconds ago,” Darling said. “And, as it turns out, Daring is not solely attracted to women.”
“Wow,” Apple said. “Good for you. No visiting partners behind closed bedroom doors though.”
“That’s discriminatory,” Daring protested.
“How?” Dexter asked.
“Because that was clearly directed at me,” he said. “What partners do you have to get busy with?”
Dexter scowled.
“Maybe I’m not so jaded as to not believe in love,” he grumbled.
“When did I say that?” Daring asked. “If something comes along, I’ll gladly take it. But I see no wrong in my current course of actions.”
“Come on, guys,” Darling said. “Don’t start. Daring, we get it, you’re popular. Dexter, we know you’ve been miserably single your whole life. We can stop hashing it out.”
“Rub it in, why don’t you?” Dexter said.
“Okay,” Daring said. “Dexterous Charming, you are a sad, sad man who has never once been in a romantic or sexual relationship.”
“That’s it,” Dexter grabbed Daring by the letterman jacket. “You’re going down.”
He attempted to pull Daring down to the floor, only for Daring to grab him behind the knees and yank upwards, causing Dexter to fall onto his back, his grip on Daring’s jacket dragging its wearer with him. Daring attempted to pin Dexter, who bit him just hard enough to get his brother to loosen his hold, more from surprise than pain. Pushing Daring over onto his side, Dexter sat up, and was beginning to stand when Daring tackled him from the back, and they both ended up on the floor again.
As they wrestled, Apple covered her face.
“You can always kick them out, you can always kick them out-” she winced when they bumped into a table leg and rocked the vase perched on top. “You can always kick them out-”
Darling knew down to her bone marrow that the next few months were going to be hellishly chaotic, and if she had any sense, she would rid herself of the two nuisances rolling around on her floor.
But her brothers had stood up for her, and by extension, themselves. But they felt safe coming to her for help. But they needed a place to feel secure. But, but, but.
But at the end of the day, she wouldn’t want it any other way.