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I will take good care of you
Crowley has only ever wanted one thing in his incredibly long life, and that is to make Aziraphale happy. He’d spent millennia watching the angel’s back, giving him anything he wanted, and protecting him at any and all costs.
Aziraphale was a notoriously fussy and indulgent being, and Crowley wouldn’t change it for the world because it gave the demon so many more ways to please his love.
Bringing him pastries, take away from the angel’s favorite restaurants, chocolates, books he’s found, new mugs, and hot cocoa is only the tip of the iceberg. Aziraphale let Crowley drive him places, take him to nice restaurants, bring him out to the opera, theater, and philharmonic, and hold him late into the night.
Crowley would give Aziraphale anything he wanted without hesitation and it made him happy to do so. He wasn’t good at admitting his feelings out loud, so he always appreciated having another way of showing his love how much he cared.
Anything that made Aziraphale’s eyes light up and that gentle smile grace his face was a win in Crowley’s book.
I will take good care of you
During the apocalypse-that-wasn’t, Crowley feared for Aziraphale’s safety more than anything else. The only reason Crowley cared to save the world in the first place was because he knew Aziraphale would be sad if it ended. He knew all the little human indulgences the angel enjoyed, and knew how distraught he would be if they were gone.
When he thought Aziraphale had died, he felt like he’d lost everything worth living for, so when he realized the angel was alive, he committed himself to taking even better care of Aziraphale.
When everything regarding the apocalypse was finally over, Crowley took Aziraphale back to his flat in Mayfair for the first time. Aziraphale was stressing himself to Heaven and back trying to figure out Anges Nutter’s prophecy, so Crowley miracled a kitchen into existence, and started making him something. He knew Aziraphale preferred food and drink to be prepared the human way, so Crowley put a kettle on for tea, and made Aziraphale some pasta. Crowley figured pasta was safest because he’d never really cooked before, and it seemed simple enough.
Crowley watched in rapt attention as Aziraphale ate the pasta he’d made for him. He’d always loved watching Aziraphale eat. He never cared much for food himself, but something about the little moans of delight Aziraphale made and the little smile he always had between bites made Crowley feel more content than anything else.
That feeling was amplified tenfold when he had the knowledge that he’d made the food that had Aziraphale making those sounds, so Crowley started cooking for him at least once a week. He was always improving his cooking skills to give himself a new way of caring for his angel.
He’d given Aziraphale his bed that night, and couldn’t help but feel a little upset that Aziraphale wouldn’t be spending the night again when they realized Adam had replaced the bookshop.
But, not too upset because not having the bookshop was hurting his angel, and he hated anything that hurt the angel.
Everything you feel is good
If you would only let you
Not that Aziraphale would ever tell Crowley he was hurt. Aziraphale was a master of hiding his emotions, and even after they were free, he never seemed to open up. He’d been repressing his feelings for millenia, so he could be the good little soldier Heaven wanted him to be, and it was incredibly difficult to change.
Crowley understood that. Of course he did, as he’d dealt with the same exact thing from Hell. But it was clearly becoming too much for his love following all the things they’d been through, and he just wished Aziraphale would just let himself feel what he needed to.
He’d ask Aziraphale if he felt alright, and the angel would shrug him off. He seemed to shut down in the face of feelings he didn’t think he was allowed to have, and it was making Crowley worry about him more and more.
It’s not as though Crowley could really help in any way, so he just held Aziraphale close and hoped it would be enough. That his love would be enough.
On rough nights, when Aziraphale was borderline unresponsive, Crowley would sit with him for hours, sometimes talking about nothing, expecting no response, and sometimes reading from Aziraphale’s favorite books. He’d hold the angel close to chest and try to love him through whatever emotions he was currently so busy burying he could barely pay attention to the real world.
I will wash your hair at night
And dry it off with care
Some of those nights, he would draw Aziraphale a warm bath and wash him as gently as he could. Aziraphale always said he could do it on his own, and Crowley had no doubt that he could, but he liked taking care of him.
So Crowley would gently stroke a washcloth down Aziraphale’s skin, hoping to rub away the stress along with any bits of dirt and sweat. He would wash Aziraphale’s soft white hair with lavender scented soap, running his hands through the angel’s hair. Crowley found his own calm in the way Aziraphale pushed into Crowley’s touch, the way Aziraphale’s eyes closed in absolute peace while Crowley stroked his head.
The baths always seemed to help Aziraphale get out of his head a little bit, so Crowley was more than happy to continue to bathe his love with the most amount of care that he could provide.
He always put a towel in the dryer, so Aziraphale would have a warm towel to dry off with. A towel Crowley often ended up using to dry off Aziraphale’s hair, leaving gentle kisses on his temples, hairline, and the nape of his neck.
The need for silent nights of comfort lessened as time from the apocalypse passed, but the baths always remained. A form of intimacy both had become used to reveling in.
I will see your body bare
And still I will live here
Intimacy was another way Crowley tried to take care of Aziraphale. He always wanted to be the best for Aziraphale. Wanted to give him everything he needed and more.
But, this was one area that Crowley had found himself lacking at first because Aziraphale never seemed to really get satisfaction from their more intimate moments. But he quickly realized that Aziraphale didn’t care to. He preferred to not even make an effort at all. He found his most pleasure in bringing Crowley pleasure.
This was very difficult for Crowley to wrap his head around at first, but he thinks he understood eventually. It was kind of like the joy Crowley found in watching Aziraphale eat. He didn’t need to eat to find pleasure in food, so long as Aziraphale was, and sex seemed to be similar for Aziraphale.
Crowley had noticed that there was slightly more to it, though. The angel never took any of his clothes off when they were getting more sensual, and it was both irritating and worrying Crowley. He wanted to feel Aziraphale’s skin on his, any and all of it, but Aziraphale was always so hesitant, and the demon would never push his love into something he was uncomfortable with.
Aziraphale seemed to use his clothes as a kind of shield against letting himself be truly known. At first, he only let Crowley see him naked when he was out of it enough to need a bath, but with time, patience, and a lot of reassurance, Aziraphale slowly started stripping layers.
It was like a visual representation of the way they were slowly letting each other in. It was safe now, but old habits die hard, and Aziraphale and Crowley struggled to suddenly start baring their souls after six thousand years of hiding every thought they had.
When Crowley finally had Aziraphale in his arms completely bare, he cried with his face buried in Aziraphale’s neck, as he finally got to feel Aziraphale’s uncovered heartbeat against his own.
So stay with me
No matter the problem, situation, or tragic event, Crowley was with Aziraphale through it all. He hoped the angel knew that there was no getting rid of him. So long as Aziraphale stayed on Earth, Crowley would be two steps behind him watching his back.
He was there through the end of the world, and he would be there when the world threatened to end again. Crowley would be by Aziraphale’s side until the world actually ended, and the demon had no choice but to join oblivion.
Hold my hand
Crowley kept himself within arm’s reach of his angel. Never too far from his side, so Aziraphale could hold his hand whenever he needed or wanted to.
Right by Aziraphale’s side, where he planned on staying for eternity.
Crowley had initiated holding hands with Aziraphale on plenty occasions, but what was important to him was that Aziraphale knew he was there if he needed him. It was also important to Crowley that the angel stayed close enough that if something happened, Crowley could protect his angel. He’d never fully forgiven himself for being across town when the bookshop burned down, for hanging up on Aziraphale moments before it happened, for not being able to save him.
He reached out and grabbed Aziraphale’s hand now, a reminder that he was still there and safe.
There's no need
To be brave
Crowley wanted nothing more than to take all of the fear Aziraphale had and transform it into functional joy.
They’d been scared for too long, that now it felt like the only other option was bravery, but he truly wished they could just be happy. Would it be alright if they just existed in their own little world, untouched by the fear that they’d be taken from each other? Free from the idea that they had to stare down everyone with a brave face, so they don’t tear them apart? Couldn’t they just live?
The more dates Crowley took Aziraphale on, the more he hoped that eventually the angel would stop overthinking it. That Aziraphale could just put his trust in his demon, and trust that Crowley wasn’t going to let anything happen.
Aziraphale needn’t be brave, but he didn’t have to be scared either. Crowley would be both. He’d take on both responsibilities in prayer that the angel could have a moment of peace, but neither of them truly could.
And all the quiet nights you bear
Seal them up with care
Though those painful and stressful nights were becoming less frequent, they were becoming more intense. Aziraphale needed to let those feelings out, and for the first time he could. When things got to be too much, there was no more silent repression, the overwhelming sobs had taken over.
Crowley cradled his love close and rocked him as Aziraphale shook with silent sobs, dampening his blazer. He pet Aziraphale’s hair and wiped his face, as millenia of repressed sadness, pain, and suffering bubbled to the surface. They’d been buried so deep that it created its own new type of pain to feel it all over again.
Aziraphale often fell asleep like that, against Crowley, and the demon would tuck him in and join him in the land of dreams.
Aziraphale always pretended nothing happened the next morning.
No one needs to know they're there
For I will hold them for you
It didn’t bother Crowley that Aziraphale didn’t talk about it. He didn’t expect him to. Crowley didn’t want his angel to have to experience it again anyway. If he could, he would take all of the pain shown to him in those tender moments, and make sure Aziraphale never had to feel it again.
In a way, that’s kind of what happened. Aziraphale let go of all the suffering he’d endured silently and Crowley held it in his hands, fully in his power to help be rid of it or make the angel go through it again.
Crowley didn’t need to know exactly what Aziraphale cried about to know that finally feeling it was making it better, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Cause' all I ever wanted is here
Crowley knew some people, mainly humans, would struggle in a relationship based so much on trusting the other to tell you the important things while you get no information about anything else. But, Crowley wasn’t some people, and he knew Aziraphale too well to be bothered by it.
Just being with Aziraphale was enough for him. He never thought he’d ever have Aziraphale as more than a friend, so to have him in his arms. To have his touch. His kisses. His trust. It mattered more than any frustration he could feel over being left out of the loop.
He’d worried at first that maybe Aziraphale didn’t trust him enough to tell him, but he’d been assured over and over again that it wasn’t him. That the angel just needed time and support. Time and support was easy, that was all Crowley had been able to provide for millenia.
All I ever wanted
Although now, support included kisses, hugs, hand holding, and baths, essentially everything Crowley had wanted from life to begin with.
All I want is
Always you
It was all he wanted from Aziraphale. Closeness, trust, love. The same bond they’d always had, but with a more romantic tone. The same way they’d always been, but without the fear of repercussions.
It's always you
He’d always wanted Aziraphale however he could have him, and learning Aziraphale shared the sentiment made him happier than he’d ever been. Being able to comfort him, to be there for him, hold him, and wipe his tears, it’s more than Crowley could ask for.
And we're not out of the tunnel
I bet you though there's an end
Things were rough, but they’ve been rougher. Aziraphale still struggled to say what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He struggled to express anything genuine other than vaguely positive corporate attitude.
Crowley had his rough days too, mostly characterized by self-esteem so low, he figured Aziraphale would leave him at any minute. Thoughts that were quickly banished by Aziraphale during late nights when he was on the receiving end of affection, which he often was.
Things were getting better, though. The further they got from their past “employers” the closer they got to each other. To recovering from the trauma given them by Heaven and Hell, and being well and truly free.
Crowley could basically see the end of this dark tunnel they had been in. He could see the little circle of light getting bigger.
As he got closer to it, he realized the circle looked a little like a cottage in the South Downs he and Aziraphale could share.
Stay with me
Hold my hand
It looked more and more like staying together forever in a little cottage near the water. Rolling hills of green where he could have a garden. Little towns he could walk through with Aziraphale at his side, hands basically magnets for each other. Little restaurants they could find.
They were getting closer to it, Crowley could feel it.
There's no need
To be brave
Aziraphale was the bravest person Crowley knew, but he was starting to let those defenses slide. The longer they were unbothered by their respective sides, the more Aziraphale smiled without restraint.
Crowley could tell the need to be brave in the face of simply going out into public was diminishing. The brave face that would often overtake Aziraphale’s usually soft features when he heard an American accent was becoming obsolete.
Crowley still feared for their safety, so he kept his brave face, but that didn’t matter. He was too thrilled to see his angel let loose to even notice that he was still on edge. The angel needed the break from worrying after so many thousands of years, Crowley could take over for now.
And while you sleep
I'll be scared
He would watch Aziraphale sleep, making sure that no harm befell him. He felt as though this kept them both safer. He wanted Aziraphale to feel as though he could relax, but Crowley knew better than to let his own guard down. The moment he did that everything would fall apart.
The moment Crowley truly trusted everything was going to be okay and stay okay, God would play with his heart, the way she always did, and rip everything he loved out from under him.
He still slept sometimes, though, on really good nights when he truly felt as though everything was going to be fine.
Those nights were becoming more and more frequent.
So by the time you wake
I'll be brave
Crowley was starting to think being brave wasn’t acting in the place of fear, but being strong enough to leave it behind. The more he watched Aziraphale sleep, the more he realized he’d been a coward. He’d lay awake thinking about how awe-inspiring his love was. Not only gentle, kind, and beautiful, but so much stronger than anyone else.
Aziraphale was so brave, he had been working on getting over the constant fear he had for himself and Crowley. He’d been learning to be comfortable in their peaceful existence. He’d improved his ability to open up to Crowley and express his emotions. Aziraphale was getting better at not assuming the worst, but Crowley kept doing it. Didn’t he?
Aziraphale had been working on himself since they got together, but Crowley was just as scared and closed off as he’d always been.
If Aziraphale could be brave, maybe Crowley could be too.
I'll be brave
Crowley could stop worrying as much, right? Eventually he could, with lots of time and effort. He could do it?
They could do it together. They could improve the way they felt about their lives together. Crowley would always take care of Aziraphale, but maybe he could start letting Aziraphale take care of him too. He could let Aziraphale in more than he already had, tell Aziraphale the anxieties he struggled with, and let Aziraphale wash them away, let his love hold his broken pieces together for once.
He could do it. For Aziraphale, he could do it.
I'll be brave
Little cottage in the South Downs here they come.