Chapter Text
“5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!”
It was 1987. The four of them clinked their glasses, all full of fizzy ginger ale, and kissed their lovers. Robin placed a hand on Nancy’s waist and Nancy placed hers on Robin’s belly. She looked pretty in her sweater and skirt, perfectly polite and simply sweet.
“1987! Bring it on!”
Vickie surveyed them. “Has everyone decided what their resolutions are going to be?”
Robin scoffed. “New Year’s resolutions are for idiots. They’re always the most outlandish goals that everyone gives up on in a week.”
Nancy held her chin up. “Well, this year, I’m going to try to be more relaxed.”
“My point exactly.”
Nancy glared at her.
Vickie raised her glass. “I’m going to try to read more books this year.”
Steve followed suit. “And I’m going to try to eat healthier.”
Robin sipped her ale. “What a bunch of squares.”
They had finished off the snacks long ago, but there was still plenty of soda to go around. They lounged around for a while, shooting the shit. It was nice to just hang out with her friends and forget about the pregnancy for a while.
At thirty-three weeks, Robin felt like she was about to pop. Barry had been kicking just a little bit ago and they had all gathered around to feel it like tourists snapping pictures of lazy seals on a pier. Usually, Robin would have been driven mad by all the attention, but these were her closest friends. These were the people she cared about, the mother of her child and his future aunt and uncle. It had been seven months since Robin had set them up and they seemed like they had gotten used to each other by now. They had not let Robin’s pregnancy get in the way of all they did together and it gave her an excuse to sit around at work while Steve did all the heavy lifting. She had talked to Keith and he was at least considering letting her bring Barry to work when she came back from leave. Family Video wasn’t exactly as dangerous as a steel mill or anything, so she could just carry him in a sling as she sat there. Her due date was in just seven weeks and she was trying not to think about it too much, but it was inevitable. She would lay awake at night, feeling the baby kick inside her, trying to imagine the sort of pain which was most often cited as the most intense that a woman could ever experience. She had always zoned out when they watched those documentaries in health class, rolling her eyes at the heteronormative expectations which had been placed upon her, dreaming of the looks on their faces when she would smugly tell them that she had no intention of ever getting pregnant. Maybe she should have paid more attention.
Close to 1, Vickie stretched and yawned, rising to her feet. Robin was sandwiched between Nancy and Steve on the couch. They all looked up at her, ghostly pale in the dim light. Robin felt her own eyes beginning to droop.
“I think I’m going to hit the hay. I woke up early so I’ve been awake for, like, twenty hours now.”
Steve turned to them. “How about you guys?”
“Robin should probably get some sleep.”
“You’re right. If I go to sleep now, I might not wake up until 9 or 10.”
Steve nodded. “I’ll be up in a bit. I might grab a little something to eat.”
“Alright.” Vickie kissed the top of his head. “Don’t take too long.”
Nancy got up to follow her. “And I’ve got to use the little girls’ room.”
They watched them go, then Robin turned to Steve, wiggling her eyebrows. He rolled his eyes.
“Shut up.”
“I haven’t even said anything!”
“I can already hear it. ‘I bet she always goes to bed early because you never take too long.’ It’s an educated guess.”
“You know me too well.” She yawned and lay her head on his shoulder. “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a moment.”
He did not protest and put his arm around her shoulder. She could smell the shampoo in his puffy hair. She realized just how tired she was and her hands came to rest on her belly as she began to drift off. It came quickly, but she surrendered herself to it. They could just carry her to bed when they turned in. Steve held her close and, after a few minutes, she finally fell asleep.
***
The warm water on her hands and the smell of the citrus soap was soothing. Nancy was beginning to feel tired and she was looking forward to feeling Robin’s head on her chest like a weighted blanket. Steve had offered to let Robin sleep in his room, but Nancy didn’t want her to have to climb the stairs and Robin seemed to like the couch just fine.
Once she had dried her hands, Nancy stepped out into the kitchen and considered looking for some more cheese or crackers, but decided to save them for the morning. She walked into the living room and saw Steve sitting with his arm around Robin, her head on his shoulder and a smile on his face. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her shoulder, but the smile dropped when he saw Nancy standing there, her arms crossed. She had always wondered if those feelings which he had confessed to so long ago might still be lingering in his heart and she thought she had seen a few glimpses from time to time, but now she was certain of it. She just gestured to the kitchen and walked back to the marble counter as he tucked Robin in.
Steve walked in as she ripped over a sleeve of Ritz crackers. He looked a bit pale, but composed himself as he sat across from her.
“What’s up?”
“You tell me.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
She looked up at him and popped a cracker in her mouth. “You looked awfully cozy, all snuggled up.”
“I didn’t want to wake her.” He looked uncomfortable. “What are you insinuating?”
“Come on, Steve. The little kiss on her scalp, her head on your shoulder, the smile on your face. You still love her, don’t you?”
He looked like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Nance, I…”
She silenced him with a glare.
He stared at her for a minute, his jaw slack but not hanging free. It closed slowly and he gulped, his eyes finally dropping down to the smooth marble, his bulky figure deflating. He sighed through his nose and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I knew it.”
“I can’t control the way I feel. God, I wish I could. In her most vulnerable moment, she trusted me with her deepest, darkest secret, even though I had just made a move on her. She could never see me as anything but a friend and I know that, but that’s just not how it works. If she had shut you down when you kissed her, would you have immediately fallen out of love with her? No, I don’t think so. But seeing her with you, knowing that she’s found a woman who loves her and deserves her… I just want her to be happy. And she is happy.” He held a hand to his face. “I don’t want to love her, Nancy. I hate that I do. She has you and I have Vickie but those feelings follow me wherever I go. I wish I could just wake up one day and they’d be gone and I’d have Vickie beside me with her hand on my chest and I’d just watch her sleep for a little while, just take it all in…” He bit his lip. “I love her. I really do. I love them both and I can only have one and I don’t want the other one, but there’s some smoldering ember of the man that I once was, the man who thought he loved you, still glowing somewhere deep inside me and I can feel it burning a hole in my gut because he thinks there’s still a chance and I just want to wrap my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his eyes so I can finally put it all behind me and look you in the eyes and say that I love her like a sister. I mean, Dustin sees us as a big brother and a big sister, so that must mean that this little crush of mine is incestuous, right? How gross is that?” He seemed like he was just trying to amuse himself, something to take the edge off. Nancy just looked at him, her stern sneer having melted away.
“Go.”
Steve looked up at her.
“Go to the incredibly gorgeous woman she set you up with. Maybe she’s naked. There’s only one way to find out.”
After another moment of silent staring, he pushed himself up and marched up the stairs. She watched him go. Once upon a time, she had been the one in that room, though she had not been able to build up the courage to do the deed because she knew just how disgusted he would have been if he’d seen her for what she really was; now, he was groveling at her feet for mercy. She didn’t like the sense of power that it gave her.
She washed the crackers down with a glass of water before turning off the lights and walking back into the living room. She replaced the pillow under Robin’s head and slid under her, setting her head on her chest. She ran her nails over her scalp and kissed the top of her head. The clock struck 1.