Chapter Text
Wealth. Fame. Power. Monkey D. Luffy, the King of the Pirates, attained everything this world had to offer. He found the One Piece. And even more than the treasure of the previous Pirate King Gol D. Roger, he attained the most sought treasure of mankind for all the world to rejoice in– the treasure of Freedom.
More priceless than all the gold of the world. More renown than Heaven itself and its golden gates. More powerful than the Gods and all their fickleness. Straw Hat Luffy won freedom for every poor enslaved soul, whether they’d been an actual slave or enslaved to the rigid unfair order that had structured their society, by dismantling the Celestial Dragons and defeating the one who sat upon the throne of the world. And as he stood atop that crumbled palace atop the world as they knew it, the Straw Hat Crew and Grand Fleet surrounding him in his victory, his grin was one that would be remembered for the rest of their history.
However, that is not where the story of Straw Hat Luffy ends. Even death itself was not the end of his story. For the power this man had attained was not one to be reached without equal consequence.
The brightest souls burned on the shortest fuse, burning all their light in one, bursting supernova before they faded into the dark. Monkey D. Luffy spent the last of his life in a battle against the rival pirate Black Beard when the other attempted to take advantage of the instability left in the wake of the power vacuum. The Straw Hat Crew defeated all who tried to tear apart the freedom they had won, and in turn, fell shortly after the end of their war.
But not a single one regretted their end. Because to these supposedly lawless, no-good pirates, to die together with their Nakama was the best death one could have. Luffy was the same. Smiling at the people he loved most in the world, he was the first to move on to the next grand adventure.
“The next grand adventure”– usually for the ilk of pirates, this would refer to Hell. Another world where the souls of various mortal realms were condemned to as punishment for their sins in life. However, this man was the King of the Pirates, the one who had won the freedom of his world, and to top it off had the touch of the divine within. So instead, Straw Hat Luffy opened his eyes to see the shining gold gates of Heaven, as well as the Seraph who stood before them in greeting. She had been expecting him.
“Welcome, Monkey D. Luffy. It is not every day we have the chance to receive the soul of a divine being, so I thought to induct you personally,” Sera’s voice resounded with the importance those words deserved, even bowing her head slightly as a show of respect before she straightened to smile at the once mortal man.
The reincarnation of Nika merely stared at her, but a certain amount of readjustment was expected when it came to transitioning to the afterlife. She did not hold it against him, clarifying, “The realm of Heaven awaits you.”
“Heaven…? Oh, so that’s real,” it was a rather simple statement, given the man apparently hadn’t believed in the divine beforehand. His head only tilted in confusion when he moved on to ask, “And what’d ya mean divine being? I’m no god, I’m the Pirate King!”
The title was declared with boasting pride. Luffy smiled up at her with his hands planted on his waist, grin taking up most of his small face. Even with how long Sera had been in existence, she found the sight rather… endearing, and found herself smiling just a bit more than the polite cordialness she usually possessed. But such is the nature of Nika, she supposed.
“If you are not aware, that can also be explained in time. For now, I must bring you into your new world as well as explain the ground rules of how things work here.”
She moved to wave a hand at the gates, intending to open them, only to be interrupted by Luffy speaking up, “Huh? Rules?! I have to follow rules even though I’m dead?!”
Sera turned back to examine the man’s apparent outrage, her smile fading. She tried to ignore the slight absurdity of the situation to give a serious explanation, “But of course. How ever would Heaven maintain its order without its many divine ordainments? For the sake of ensuring the peace, happiness, and safety of all our people, they must all follow our rules.”
“ …In that case, can I just go somewhere else then?”
She stared at the man. He stared back.
He was being serious, and she couldn’t comprehend how that could be the case.
Still, Sera maintained her propriety as she slowly explained, “The only other place you could go to is Hell. Would you truly prefer a realm of depravity and pain over the light of Heaven?”
“Do they have rules there too?” Surely, this being a bad joke would be preferable to this divine being honestly asking–
“Yes. Sinners are not permitted past the top Ring of Hell, the Ring of Pride. There is also an order ordained in Hell, though it is headed by Lucifer and his Sins rather than Heaven itself, and their control is not absolute. So while technically there is more room for unlawful behavior, it is not without its own rules– ”
“So I can just break the rules there like I usually do. That’s fine then! Can you send me there instead?” and then as though in afterthought, Luffy’s brows furrowed for a short second before his smile returned in full to add on, “Can you send me there please?”
“You know not what you ask, you fool…”
Sera finally had to put her foot down. Her one voice echoed into many. The eyes of Heaven opened upon her person and her form shifted, wings spreading wide.
Frowning severely, she intoned, “Hell is a pit of suffering! You, who have earned your place in eternal rest, do not deserve to be condemned! It is not safe there. Not only due to its inhabitants, but also due to Heaven’s culling of the populous to maintain our order. You do not deserve to be among those sacrificed in the Exterminations. Therefore, you need only accept the place you are meant to now reside.”
She began to calm herself as she spoke, at first certain that her frankness would allow this fool to see the error of his ways. But when she witnessed the way Monkey D. Luffy’s grin fell into an unimpressed stare… she recognized he was not moved.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Luffy tilted his head ever so slightly as he scoffed, “Now I really don’t wanna go with you. What kinda Heaven is this? It’s like the stupid Nobles all over again!”
Offense rose in a fiery burn as she immediately objected, “Do not compare the sanctity of true divinity with the like of those conceited mortals– ”
“Why shouldn’t I? The only truth I know is what I see, and what I see is that I won’t be free in this place! So I won’t go!” with that last huff, the man had the nerve to turn his back to her, insisting, “But fine. If you won’t send me there, I’ll just find that other place myself.”
Sera scoffed with the derision that idea deserved, “That is not how the afterlife works, Monkey D. Luffy. One cannot simply move to the other realm of their own will– ”
“Oh wait– I think I can see it all the way down there. Nice, that was easy! Even Zoro would’ve been able to find it… or not! Haha!” stupidly grinning at his own private joke, Luffy glanced back at Sera for one short wave before looking down through the clouds that made up the ground as once again.
“Well bye I guess, Angel-lady! You’re an angel, right? Whatever. If any of my crew get sent here, could you just send them down where I am instead? That’d be great! Thanks!”
He thanked her without Sera having even agreed to his absurd request. Then, with a hand firmly planted on his straw hat, took one step out into a now open space –since when had the path cleared?!– and simply… fell.
Entirely by his own will, the King of the Pirates, the one who had won the freedom of his world, the reincarnation the Sun God Nika himself, fell down into Hell.
Sera could hear his rambunctious laughter echo back up into the Heavens in his freefall, trailing off the further he went until it faded back into the ether from wince it came. Evidently, he found falling from Heaven all the way down to Hell to be a thrilling experience.
For one moment, she was stuck in place, staring without comprehension at the sight. The next, she reflected on what had occurred to lead to such a horrid turn of events. She even considered the accusations the man had put forward, wondering if the order of Heaven and the dirty work of its Exterminations was not as it was, would Monkey D. Luffy have accepted their world? There was even a small, quiet part of her that questioned that if a being of such a caliber had not thought them worthy… did Heaven truly shine as brightly as they believed it to?
And then the rumination was ruined in the next moment, when Sera thought of the news she would have to bring back beyond the gates. Handing raising to cover the normal set of eyes on her face, she sighed deeply.
“Oh Lords above have mercy… Garp is never going to shut up after he hears about this!”
It was a happy day in Hell. Or at least, it was for the Radio Demon.
There was some commotion occurring in the heart of Pentagram City, a particularly messy turf war no doubt. The fires that spread from various explosions was so extensive, the smell of burning flesh permeated the air. It was quite the enticing scent. One that drew out the hunger that was always seated deep within his gut, tempting him to indulge in a light pre-supper snack. Thus, Alastor decided to have a short trip out to see if there were any prime cuts lying around that he could partake in.
Of course, he had been a tad too optimistic about the matter. Gasoline and dirty oil driven fires did not make for a fine dining experience, and what choice parts there were he found much too overdone by the time he came upon them. He collected a couple arms and legs regardless, though. His standards were known to be quite high after all. A good portion of Cannibal Town would find the meat to be a proper hardy meal, so might as well not let the corpses go to waste and make some extra money off the sale.
His shadow had just finished swallowing an upper torso when the next thing of interest caught his eye. Or rather, it almost caught his entire body. If he’d not taken a good number of steps back into the alleyway he’d been standing beside, a newly fallen sinner would’ve slammed down right into him.
“Oh! Why, hello there! Have a nice fall? Aha!” it was overdone, but a classic was a classic. Alastor allowed himself a short, distorted chuckle that was echoed by a grainy laugh-track. His eternal grin curled just a tad mean.
His gaze swept over the sinner as the guy pulled himself out of the rather comical crater he’d smashed into the pavement. Alastor didn’t usually bother himself with others unless they’d proven themselves to be interesting, but since the newest poor unfortunate soul had given him a nice laugh, he supposed the man deserved at least an initial glance over.
The sinner was rather casual about the crash landing, simply moving to stand and brush himself off. Seemingly not in pain. His form was mostly that of a tan humanoid demon, a good head shorter than Alastor, with a slim, black-furred tail that swished behind him and a matching set of round ears that peaked out of the sides of his hair just beneath the straw hat atop his head. He seemed unconcerned with modesty, though not to a perverted extent thankfully, donning torn shorts and leaving his red shirt open to reveal his chest and the striking, large red X marring its center. His hands were also somewhat larger than normal, likely better for gripping, and Alastor allowed one of his brows to raise slightly when he glanced down to see the other’s sandals showcased slightly elongated, prehensile feet. Very clearly a monkey-demon, then. A somewhat uncommon form. Perhaps he liked monkeying around in life? Another knee-slapper right there!
Glancing back up at the man’s face, Alastor realized it looked more like a boy’s. He was rather young, though whether that was due to being young at heart or dying young remained to be seen. The only feature to mar his face was a thin red scar that curved underneath one eye. Wide eyes, black and round, stared back into his own gaze with a lack of fear Alastor tributed to simple ignorance as the boy asked, “Hey, Deer-Guy. Is this place Hell?”
A track of applause played as Alastor gestured the mic-head of his cane towards the sinner in a mocking bow. Grin growing even wider, he congratulated, “Got it in one! Bravo! Though, it is quite rude of you to refer to my person as deer-guy, monkey-boy. But I suppose I myself failed to showcase proper manners by not introducing myself first. The name is Alastor, at your service. To whom do I owe the pleasure of welcoming to eternal damnation?”
There were a number of reactions Alastor anticipated the other having. Wariness at his presence. Despair at the sinner learning of his fate. Or perhaps hopeless resignation, considering the boy had been quick assume he’d landed in the pit. One reaction that he had not expected in the slightest, however, was for the monkey-demon to gain his own wide grin. A much happier, more genuine one than Alastor’s at that.
“Great! I hadn’t been sure this was the right place when I jumped down here. Shishishi! Thanks Deer-Guy!” Alastor had to withhold a twitch at the repeated moniker, though it wasn’t difficult to do so considering his preoccupation with the unusual statement that had come before it. Standing proudly the boy declared, “I’m Monkey D. Luffy– The King of the Pirates!”
His name is actually Monkey? That’s hilarious. Though based on the way it was spoken, Alastor assumed it was the boy’s family name and that he originated from a place of that sort of naming order. However, he was not about to give up the perfect opportunity to refer to someone as Monkey.
Another point of consideration, though, was the second portion of his introduction. Alastor has heard mention of the title “King of the Pirates” previously. The people who spoke of it all came from a different world than Earth, where most of Hell’s sinners and Alastor himself fell from. They spun tales of a world covered almost entirely in ocean, the vast majority of the land taking the form of islands, and it was only more recently that they began to tell tales of the Pirate King. A criminal who’d presumably gained quite a bit of infamy before his execution where he had kickstarted a new era of piracy as people set out to sea in search for his hidden treasure. All the sinners who’d spoken of him seemed quite surprised whenever they learned that this Gold Roger was nowhere to be found, suggesting the man had somehow managed to weasel his way into Heaven.
It had been interesting to hear about such things, which was the only real reason Alastor knew of it to begin with. As far as he was aware it was knowledge most of hell’s residents weren’t aware of. They’d only learn of it if they happened upon a mortal of that realm who happened to be in the mood to speak of their past. It was also interesting to hear this Monkey claim the very same title for himself. “Is that so? Well, dear Monkey fellow, in that case may I ask you a certain inquiry? I’m not of the same world that you’ve come from, so while I’ve heard of these so-called Pirate Kings I know no real knowledge of the topic.”
Monkey tilted his head in a visually questioning look, likely having no idea what Alastor meant in saying he wasn’t from his world, but that wasn’t a matter Alastor was concerned with. Instead, he leaned in just a tad closer to grin at the boy and question, “What exactly qualifies a person to be King of the Pirates? It does not sound like the pirates of your world participate in an actual form of unified governance, so it is no true king, but at the same time there is still a tangible respect owed to the position. If you truly obtained such a title, how did you earn it? Did you acquire the most wealth? Did you commit some dastardly, evil deed, one that outweighed all the sins of all other pirates? Did you rule over the vastest territory? Come now, don’t leave me in suspense.”
“Huh? Nah, that kinda thing’s got nothing to do with it,” Monkey insisted, somehow both firmly and joyfully. He laughed that unique laugh of his at the thought. It teased Alastor’s half-hearted curiosity into something closer to full intrigue.
“Shishishi! I became the Pirate King when I found the One Piece, but that’s not the important part. The thing that’s most important, the reason why I dreamed of becoming Pirate King… is that the king of the sea is the freest person in the world!”
At that response, something shifted in Alastor’s being.
Not in some minor tap or adjustment, but in a full body tilt. A mind or world turned upside down. Intrigue, morbid curiosity, amusement; they all faded away into some other sort of feeling. Something somehow both vast and tiny, both full and empty. The very definition of bittersweet both settled and stirred inside his being.
Suddenly the world around him faded away. He could do nothing but focus on this boy, who still smiled at him so brightly. As though they weren’t stuck down in some deep, dark place. Or rather, the place that should have surrounded them simply failed to exist, so long as he was present.
“I’m the freest! I live my life freely, and I became strong enough to keep that freedom. No one’s able to stop me! So that’s how I did it. That’s what being King of the Pirates means.”
–What a nice dream that is, indeed. To be free…–
Alastor forced himself out of the strangeness, almost like blinking out of a spell though he recognized no actual magic was involved. The ambient sounds of the city streets returned, accompanied by the residual scent of brimstone and ugly wreck that’d been left behind after a foreign struggle. The Monkey boy was still grinning at him, apparently having no clue as to the impact his words had had on Alastor.
The Radio Demon preferred to keep it that way. His own grin was still intact, so he was still in control of the conversation. Still in control period.
Purposely leaning back, he distilled his unwanted instinctual reaction into as watered-down of a response as he could, “Oh my, that is quite an interesting line of thought. Much more conceptual of an idea than I had expected. And I do also admit to… underestimating you, if it could be called that. I had not pegged you to be a wise sort of fellow. A pleasant surprise, I assure you! Credit where credit is due and all.”
Instead of either accepting the somewhat backhanded compliment or lashing back at it –he would’ve found either outcome to be favorable– Monkey instead sent him a doubtful look. As though he’d said something incredibly unusual. “What’re ya talkin’ about? I didn’t say anything smart. Being free is just the best treasure there is! Isn’t that obvious?”
Again, for someone that comes off as simple to the point most would see it as stupidity, there is an aspect of that simplicity that manages to bring clarity to mudded waters with impressive ease. Alastor found himself wondering if he was overestimating the man, or perhaps underestimating him even still.
“…I would say you aren’t too far off the mark in your beliefs, but you’d be surprised how many people of this world come to value other things over their freedom. Though often not by their own preference. As you mentioned, one must be strong enough to keep their freedom as well.”
As a dealmaker, he makes an art of tricking people out of their freedom. Finding those hidden weaknesses, digging up whatever enticements an individual could believe to be more valuable than their very soul, whether that be wealth, fame, power. Safety, in the case they’re left to choose between second death and their being.
Alastor was suddenly struck with the desire to boast this aspect of himself. Brag about how he has made his mark as a demon by depriving people of the treasure this boy valued above all else. To force this Monkey to hate him, as he rightfully should. Alastor felt as though it would set right the feeling of wrongness that had come to weigh on himself.
But then the boy’s smile returned to shine bright once more. And Alastor, with the same sort of suddenness, found himself disinclined of the prospect that should have amused him.
“I like you, Al!” You do?
“You’re a nice guy!” And you’re quite the idiot apparently!
“Join my crew!”
“ …Excuse me?”
“Join my crew!” the Monkey repeated, as though Alastor’s befuddlement came from lack of hearing rather than lack of total comprehension, “Even though I’m dead I’m still a pirate, so I still need a crew! Everyone else is still on their way, but that’s okay. I’ll just introduce you to them once we find ‘em! It’ll be fun!”
Alastor stared at the boy. He stared back.
Alastor’s grin pulled tight as he attempted to keep the feeling of utter bewilderment off his face, while the boy just grinned, like there wasn’t a single care in the entire world–
“I believe you are under the delusion of some gross misconceptions,” Alastor kept his tone carefully contained as he wagged a finger at the boy, his grin curling into a sharp sort of meanness. He immediately revised his decision of provoking this Monkey into hating him.
“You do not like me, for you cannot like me if you do not know me. I am not nice, practically any soul in Hell will testify to that fact. And though this should be obvious enough that I shouldn’t have to say it– I have absolutely no interest in joining the crew of some has-been pirate! Truly, you should not have given such an offer so quickly in the first place. We’ve barely had a single conversation! I would have been in my rights to accept under false pretenses for the purpose of bringing ruin to you! Dismantling your crew from the inside out to leave you wallowing in eternal misery!”
As the background distortion of his voice twisted further and further into static, Alastor’s face shifted into something more demonic. Red pupils glowing bright as radio dials, black antlers growing wider and larger, his stature growing just a bit taller to properly loom over the Monkey– The Radio Demon grinned down with menacing, sharp teeth fully bared.
Monkey just beamed at him, completely unbothered. “Woah! That’s creepy! Cool! Anyway– yeah, you could’ve done that. But you didn’t, so it doesn’t matter.”
Alastor missed a beat at the unexpected blasé response.
Shifting back to a less intimidating visage, he raised his brows at the other. “It does matter, because it is something I am capable of and would truly consider doing. For all you speak of loving freedom, you could be precariously close to losing it should I ever be so inclined. I make a business out of entrapping souls, you see, being what they refer to as a dealmaker. I imagine you would no longer have any misconception about liking me once I own your very soul and person.”
At that, Monkey finally frowned at him. But it didn’t bring Alastor much satisfaction since boy was looking at him like he was the stupid one here. “That doesn’t matter either cause I wouldn’t let you own me. That’s never gonna happen.”
“Never going to happen– The point is that you wouldn’t have the choice to begin with– ” Alastor cut himself off preemptively as the sight of the Monkey glancing away in obvious boredom. Despite all logic he was clearly getting nowhere with that argument. The boy wouldn’t even bother to listen to an explanation of how horribly wrong he was.
So instead, Alastor escalated, “On top of that, even in life I was an awful individual. I gained quite a bit of infamy as serial killer. In fact, I’ve grown even worse in death and quite enjoy eating the flesh of my victims. My desire for human meat is without end! It’s why I had ventured out today– I was in the middle of picking up some delicious pickings!”
To emphasize his words and the sing-song twisted joy he said them with, Alastor’s shadow momentarily materialized to spit out the torso it contained. He leaned forward with a mischievous cruel grin while gesturing his cane down at the burnt, bloody piece of carcass.
The Monkey’s face pulled into a familiar expression of disgust –Finally, a normal reaction out of the lad! However, as a few seconds of silence passed by… the young face shifted into one of reconsideration. Eyeing the torso with honest curiosity.
“ …Does it really taste good?”
Another few seconds passed by, once again.
Alastor dissolved into an amorphous shadow. When he rematerialized, he was back in the hotel lobby.
“Let me guess, the meat out there was too medium-rare for ya, huh?” Husker deadpanned with an eyeroll from his place behind the bar top. Alastor left his kept soul be as he began strolling back up to his radio tower.
“Quite right.” He did not run from the conversation. He did not. It was merely a strategic retreat, no shame in that. No sense in attempting to converse with a person so incomprehensible. It was much simpler to wash his hands of the matter right there and subsequently never deal with that Monkey again.
To Alastor’s vast misfortune, however, it was not to be.
Later that same day, he was interrupted from his musings by the Princess of Hell’s squeal echoing up to his residence. Evidently very excited about something. So with a smile of anticipation for the upcoming entertainment, Alastor slinked through the shadows to materialize atop the balcony overseeing the hotel’s lobby.
Only for his smile to freeze in place at the sight of the damned demon Monkey looking around the place, same exact stupid grin on his face as before.
While the others gathered around to get a look at the new meat, the Princess of course gushed, fully unaware of Alastor’s plight, “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh– Are you here to check yourself into our hotel and set out on the path of redemption for Heaven?! Mister…?”
“I’m no mister. I’m Monkey D. Luffy, King of the Pirates!” It’s like he’s physically incapable of introducing himself without mentioning the title. The Monkey, as Alastor could predict by this point, ignored Charlie’s expression falling into confusion to keep rambling, “And nah, I don’t wanna go to Heaven. I decided to come here instead.”
That was the boy’s second mention of him, apparently, willingly choosing Hell over Heaven. Quite the curious thing. Alastor might’ve been intrigued to test and prod such a person if the Monkey hadn’t already cemented himself as such a pest. Though, it was somewhat amusing to watch the way the majority of the hotel’s residents fell into a spectrum of blank confusion.
Charlie, ever the innocent sweetling, of course failed to comprehend the implication. Her head tilted slightly as she examined the boy and questioned, “Wh…What? You don’t want to go to Heaven? But why? And then, why are you here if not for that?”
The Monkey smiled at her, and –to his annoyance– the look inspired Charlie to regain a bit of her footing and return a somewhat uneasy smile back. Much less fun than watching someone else be baffled by the creature.
“Because I wouldn’t be free there! And I’m here because when I asked around about Al, someone said that he stays at this Ham-Bin Hotel. Where’s the ham?!”
…
After a split second of being torn between raging over some soon-to-be murdered stranger giving away Alastor’s location verses the absolute hilarity of the Monkey getting the hotel name so horribly wrong, the scales finally tilted to one side upon Charlie’s look of horrified shock. As though the boy had just said he’d killed her first born.
Alastor tried his best to muffle his cackling laughter in the hand covering his face, but he knew it was for not. Ham-Bin. Ham-Bin. Where’s the ham? Comedians could only pray to the Heavens to write material this idiotic–
“It’s Hazbin. Hazbin Hotel,” the visually unimpressed Vaggie spoke up on behalf of her currently disposed girlfriend, pointing a finger back towards the door to say, “You know, like what’s written on the giant neon sign hanging at the top of the building?”
The Monkey just blinked his wide, innocent eyes at the woman. “The sign? Oh, I didn’t read it cause I don’t like reading. So there’s no ham?”
“NO! For the last time, there’s NO HAM!”
Alastor’s cackling pitched sharper at the sight of Vaggie’s glaring frustration paired with the Monkey’s face falling into clear disappointment. Not being able to help himself, he banged his free fist on top of the balcony banister he leaned over. He hasn’t laughed this hard in weeks.
Karma is quite the bitch though, as they say, and so it was only natural that Alastor’s escalating laugh drew the attention of those bellow. It cut off immediately upon round, black eyes spotting him. The Monkey’s grin returned in full force.
Having recovered her state of mind, Charlie glanced back and forth between Alastor and the boy questioningly as she realized the statement that had prefaced the Ham debacle. “Uh– Wait, what did you need Alastor for?”
The Monkey beamed her, bright as the sun. “He’s gonna join my pirate crew!”
“No– ” Alastor had to withhold the growl that wanted to unfurl in his voice, he ignored the others’ stares to clarify, “I most certainly stated that I will not be joining any crew of any sort. If you are here to convince me otherwise, I strongly suggest you leave~ ”
While drawling that last word, he finally did what he should’ve done on the street and opened up the floor to summon a medium-sized black tendril. It wrapped itself around the surprised Monkey, then, promptly threw him out the still open door.
Or rather, it would’ve had the boy not begun clinging to the thing like an actual monkey. As it wriggled violently in an attempt to rid itself of the unwanted baggage, Monkey laughed with the exact same cadence of excitement as a child on a theme park ride, “Ahahaha! What’s this mystery tentacle thing?! It’s fun!”
“This guy’s Nuts with a capital N. And not the good kind…”
“Well if he’s goin’ around sayin’ he’s a king pirate and lookin’ to recruit that guy into his supposed pirate crew, that’s to be expected…”
“I dunno, he seems like a fun kinda guy!”
“Monkey boy go swing swing, hehehe~ ”
Unperturbed and ignoring the remarks muttered back and forth between Angel Dust, Husker, Cherri Bomb, and Niffty, Alastor switched tactics. The tendril reoriented itself, wrapping around the small body with the intent to squeeze the life out of it.
It twisted hard, choking the laughter, but from his connection with the thing… Alastor recognized an unusual sensation. Instead of the wet sack that threatened to burst with just a bit too much force that usually was the mortal body, there was an elastic sort of resistance. Like squeezing a toy. He could clench as hard as he wanted, and the body would give with too much ease, only for it to expand back perfectly fine as soon as the pressure let up. There was no danger of it bursting apart in an ugly mess of internal organs and blood.
“A-Alastor– !”
“He’s fine dear. Unfortunately,” he immediately dismissed the Princess’s concern, more focused on examining the squeaky toy monkey of a demon with a peculiar look, “Monkey, what are you exactly? Most demons would find themselves with broken spines and limbs after this sort of treatment.”
After notably catching his breath, the Monkey directed his plain gaze back towards Alastor absent of any sort of malice. Like Alastor hadn’t just been choking the boy out with a monstrous tentacle from Hell. In demonstration, he pulled at one of his cheeks to show it stretch out absurdly. It reached a full arm’s length before he let go and it snapped back into place. “I’m a rubber man.”
No further explanation was given. After a short silence, Angel cupped his chin with one hand while leaving the other three to perch on his hips and hummed, “Huh… I can’t tell if that’d be good or bad for sex– ”
Charlie forcefully interrupted in a sad attempt to maintain some sort of dignity to the conversation, because she failed to realize it had already long been lost beforehand, “You’ve– certainly gotten a good handle on your demon powers after such a short time here! Or at least, it doesn’t seem like you’ve been here that long…?”
“Ha! Yeah, I just got here! That’s how I met Al. I almost landed on him!” was stated much too joyfully for Alastor’s liking. The boy almost casually clarified, “That’s just how I was when I was alive too, so ‘course it’d be the same!”
The Princess opened her mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again to question incredulously, “You… mean to say you were made of rubber… when you were alive, as a human being?”
“Yeah! Exactly! It’s cause of the fruit I ate.”
Reflecting on the various gossip he’s heard, Alastor hummed to himself as he remembered mention of those strange Devil Fruits from that sea-covered world. Ones that would give fantastical powers to those that consumed one. Apparently their users tended to become quite strong, so it wasn’t strange for certain pirates to have them despite supposedly being uncommon to find. It only made sense that such an intrinsic trait would carry over to a being’s demon form, which was commonly influenced by a variety of personal traits including personality, interests, skills, and method of death.
Of course, among those present he was likely the only one who knew that with the exception of one other, so everyone else looked at the Monkey like he was a psycho. As was deserved.
The glaring exception in question, however, was one certain also annoying individual who’d stayed quiet throughout this whole farce…
The King of Hell slowly approached Alastor’s tendril to bat at it lightly with his cane. Choosing to oblige rather than pick a fight, Alastor released the boy and retracted the limb, much to his own displeasure. Lucifer stood directly in front of the Monkey, who just stared back in curiosity. It was easy for the two of them to meet the others’ gaze since they were the same height, which would’ve been hilarious if not for the foreboding feeling Alastor was left with.
For a brief moment, Lucifer glanced back towards him with a wretched smirk. Alastor grinned back sharply in warning, but it was obviously ignored as the King looked back to the boy. He knew exactly what the guy was going to pull–
“You wouldn’t be free, huh? I can empathize with that sort of feeling. You don’t deserve to be maimed by the Radio Demon just cause he doesn’t know how to play nice,” Lucifer mused almost fantastically, referring back to the beginning of the conversation before transitioning to a new, unwanted thought, “Even if you’re not trying for redemption, I don’t see why you couldn’t stay at the hotel anyway. We’ve got plenty of space and if you’re new, you haven’t found somewhere to stay yet. What’d ya think? Wanna stay close to Al here?”
Monkey lit up like a star in the sky in the same second Alastor forced his frame not to tense up. To his even further displeasure, the sentiment was echoed–
“I guess I wouldn’t mind havin’ the kid around. Not like we don’t already got crazy people livin’ here…” even while Husker deadpanned without looking his way, Alastor knew the cat had agreed for the sole purpose of pestering him. He would find a way to make him pay for that.
Like the bandwagoner he was, Angel Dust raised multiple hands and jumped at the opportunity to join in on Alastor’s suffering, “I second that! The guy might help liven things up around here… And even if he’s nuts, he’s still a cutie~ ”
Monkey just stared blankly at Angel’s suggestive wink, not reacting in the slightest even while Husker groaned at the come on. Cherri sounded a hum of agreement. Niffty giggled that cute maniacal laugh of hers at the prospect. Even Vaggie, the ex-angel who usually never willing mixed herself into the trouble the others stirred, grew a lopsided half smirk at the thought of bothering Alastor and sent her paramour a nod.
After watching everyone’s reactions, Charlie slowly turned her head up to look at him with an apologetic smile, hands clashed together in placation. Alastor let his own smile go tight in response.
“Now, Alastor– I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or bothered or anything, but… Part of the vision of our hotel is to accept anyone who comes to our door. I don’t think it’d be right to turn him away…”
He could see that he was clearly outvoted in this but refused to give his own consent on principle. Instead of responding, he retreated back into the shadows in what he knew the King would interpret as a show of surrender, and the very thought of that broiled like the fires of Hell that surrounded them.
Now back in his tower, Alastor finally allowed himself a deep sigh of utter annoyance. Today was not a happy day in Hell. In fact, it was likely the third worst day in Hell that he’d had.
However, in the back of his mind, in a brush of a whisper he thought… at the very least, things should be entertaining for a good while, now. While Monkey D. Luffy was certainly an annoyance, he could never be accused of being boring. And that counted for much in Alastor’s book.