Chapter Text
[after]
They don't talk about the day that Suguru dies.
Somehow, it's already been months since then. The earth continues spinning and soon winter turns into spring, followed by the dawn of summer and late sunsets along the horizon. Days continue to pass by in a blur, leaving nothing behind as proof that they ever even happened.
Except that day, of course.
But they don't talk about that day.
***
[before]
He's ten years old when Gojo Satoru comes into his life.
Suguru is filled with nervous excitement about transferring to a new school in the middle of the year. Unlike most children his age, he actually likes going to school and he's come to realize that he's good at it, too. Nothing pleases him more than the genuine smiles on his parents’ faces when he presents another perfect score to them. That's why when his father gets promoted at work and suddenly announces that he'll be transferring to a much better school, Suguru doesn't complain. Even after learning what a “boarding school” is and all that it entails, the excitement in his young heart grows stronger.
They tour the prestigious school shortly before his transfer and it has to be the largest, most fanciest building that Suguru has ever set foot in. He remembers nothing else about that day. His eagerness to take in his surroundings dulls the rest of his senses, and when it's time to return home, he almost doesn't want to leave.
So, of course, he won't complain about switching schools. Sure, he'll miss the few friends that he's made at his current elementary school, but his mother assures him that he'll make plenty of new friends in no time. She tells him that he's a good boy with a big heart, and that just being himself is enough to attract those seeking his friendship.
And it's true. Suguru has also come to realize that for whatever reason, people seem to grow fond of him quite easily. It doesn't matter who they are. From kids his own age to the old grown-ups that live in his neighborhood—even the cranky old man next door with the missing teeth who sits on his porch all day, finds a reason to smile and wave when Suguru passes by. It's been like this for as long as he can remember. Suguru rarely ever has a problem with anyone. He's well-mannered and softly spoken, just like his parents raised him to be, so he's never had to deal with anyone disliking him.
Until Gojo Satoru, that is.
Hardly a month into attending the all-boys boarding school, Suguru has come to accept that he's noticeably different from the other boys in his class. In fact, class is the main difference between his life and theirs. Most of the other students are sons of millionaires and celebrities or some other type of important status that Suguru has never heard of before now. That's not to say that his own family is poor, because they certainly aren't—they're actually doing quite well after his father's recent promotion, a.k.a the only reason that Suguru can attend this school—but their income is definitely below average when compared to those around him. In any case, these differences in social status have created a sort of hierarchy among the students across each and every age group.
And amongst Suguru's classmates, there's only one student who sits at the top.
In some ways, Gojo Satoru sticks out like a sore thumb, perhaps even more than Suguru does. With eyes as blue as the endless sky and hair as white as snowflakes, it's impossible not to notice him. Also, the Gojo clan is apparently a huge deal, something about an ancestor being one of the founders of the school. At least, that's what the rumors say. But there's probably some truth to that, because when it comes to academics, Satoru takes the number one spot once again with perfect scores in every subject. Being both ridiculously wealthy and intelligent, it's no wonder that he always seems to get so much attention.
Suguru doesn't concern himself with such things, though. Things like rumors and school legends—it's all so silly to him. After all, he's here because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can, so that one day when he's all grown-up he'll be just like his father, a politician. Helping people, protecting them, and serving his community for the greater good is all that Suguru wants to do. That's the goal that he sets his mind on, even as the homesickness comes and goes throughout his early days as a new student.
Hard work pays off, though. It always does.
“Whoa! Did you really get a perfect score?”
Suguru lifts his eyes from the exam paper clenched tightly in his hands, surprised by the outburst from the boy sitting in front of him. He doesn't recall this boy's name and has never spoken to him before now. Currently, the kid's leaning over the back of his chair to get a closer look, just on the border of invading Suguru's personal space.
“Oh, um. Yeah, I guess I did,” Suguru confirms after a delay. Since he's still being stared at as if he were some type of monster, he puts on his friendliest smile and tries to make conversation. “What did you think about the test? I'm Suguru, by the way.”
“Wow, you must be really smart. Just like Satoru,” the boy replies, completely ignoring the latter half of what was said to him. “No one ever gets perfect scores except for him.”
Another boy sitting a few desks away chimes in, “Wait, who else got a perfect score?”
“This one did.”
“For real?”
“Yeah, I saw it! Come look.”
In just a matter of seconds, Suguru finds himself and his desk surrounded by boys on all sides as they dissect his exam without asking. He supposes that he doesn't truly mind it all that much, as no one can deny the big “100%” written in red ink at the top of the page. Suguru himself can't deny that he's flattered when a couple of the boys ask if he can help them with homework or study with them before the next exam. It's the first time that he's being acknowledged by his peers ever since transferring in nearly a month ago.
In a way, it feels good.
Eventually, the group of boys surrounding him is disbanded once their teacher reminds them that there's still a new lesson to be taught. Suguru is silently grateful for the interruption, he was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed from all of the sudden attention. But even after the other boys return to their seats, the weird feeling doesn't go away immediately. Like a sixth sense, he knows that a pair of eyes from afar are piercing into the side of his skull.
No, from the edge of his vision, he can already see them. He turns his head to the side and when brown meets blue, neither of them looks away first. It's the first time that he's ever made eye contact with Gojo Satoru. In that moment, a funny feeling arises in Suguru's chest; something featherlight and ticklish, but vaguely familiar. The feeling crawls up his neck until it reaches his face, urging him to do something about it.
So, Suguru smiles at him.
Satoru doesn't smile back.
***
Against his will, Suguru has somehow become involved in a silent rivalry with his classmate.
He definitely blames the rest of his classmates for always comparing the two of them for no reason. Or, maybe all of this was simply inevitable from the very beginning. All Suguru knows is that the next time he gets a perfect score, he doesn't even get a chance to review his work before that same nosy classmate announces his results for all to hear. Many of them are clearly shocked to learn that the first test wasn't just a fluke, and that Suguru actually earned the grade that he was given. He tries not to be offended by their assumptions.
Still, it's been almost half a year since then. The unnecessary comparisons don't stop at test scores, either. Apparently, he and Satoru are also tied when it comes to generic assignments, quizzes, and even down to their participation points. It's strange how in sync their minds are, despite never speaking a single word to each other after all this time.
Well, Suguru decides to change that.
(Turns out, it's not that easy.)
It all begins with the lunch incident.
After filling his lunch tray with rice, fresh fruit, and grilled salmon that reminds him of the kind that his mother makes, Suguru moves into action. He hasn't actually come up with a real plan at this time, because he's never needed a plan when it comes to making friends. He just has to be himself. People have always naturally gravitated towards him, and so he's never had to think about how to become someone's friend or get them to like him. They just do.
For this reason, he's caught off-guard when he approaches the near-empty table to be met with a strong aura of animosity.
“Hey,” Suguru calls out to him, and when brown meets blue again, he grins. “Can I sit here?”
Satoru, who'd been in the middle of shoveling a hefty portion of sweet bread into his mouth, pauses. He does nothing to hide the obvious disgust on his face upon hearing the innocent question. In fact, if he weren't human, he would probably be hissing right about now.
“Why?” is his response, and now he's looking at Suguru as if he's already been insulted by the other boy. He then proceeds to shove the entire piece of bread into his mouth. Chewing and glaring simultaneously.
Maybe he really isn't human.
Appalled by the sudden rude behavior, Suguru arches a brow and questions, “Huh? What do you mean why… so that we can eat lunch together, right?”
It takes even longer for Satoru to respond to him this time, too busy licking the bread's sugary residue from the pads of his pale fingers. It's like he's not even paying attention anymore—or, it's as if Suguru isn't even worth his attention. Once that thought crosses his mind, it's too late to turn back. Suguru can already feel the anger and embarrassment bubbling up in his belly. Every other person and sound within the dining hall fades away until all that he can see and hear is the spoiled brat sitting in front of him.
“I'm not sharing my lunch with you, if that's what you're hoping for.” Satoru reaches for a chocolate éclair next, and at this point Suguru notices that he isn't eating cafeteria food at all. Placed in front of him is an oversized wooden bento with pink and blue flowers painted along the sides of it, an antique of sorts. With the pastry in hand, he points towards the kitchen. “If you need more food, maybe they'll give you the scraps.”
Right. So, it would appear that there really is a first time for everything.
On this day, Suguru gets his first taste of malice.
“Scraps?! I'm not asking for scraps!” he practically squawks, truly offended. Realizing that his increase in volume has gotten the attention of a few students nearby, Suguru forces himself to take a deep breath. He also forces a tight smile on his face, despite the vein that wants to pop up on his forehead. “Also, I don't care about your stupid lunch either. It looks gross.”
Satoru gasps. “It's not gross! Take that back.”
“No, ‘cause it's gross.”
“It's not.”
“It is.”
“Well, you're just jealous!”
“Jealous of what? Bread?” Suguru laughs in his face. “I've had bread before, genius. Try again.”
“It's not just bread, stupid! See?”
Just to prove him wrong, Satoru all but shoves his desserts to the side, hardly caring that one of his macarons falls to the floor while he dramatically reveals another layer of the bento. Lining the inside of this bottom layer are neat rows of sushi, some of which Suguru has never even tried before because he doesn't recognize them. And maybe that says a lot about the difference between them, because Suguru loves fish, but he's never been given a bento with expensive-looking sushi inside of it. Though, to be honest, he wouldn't want that sitting in his lunch bag for hours until it was time to eat.
Satoru doesn't say anything else after revealing the secret sushi compartment. He only sits there with a stupidly smug grin on his face, awaiting Suguru's reaction. Watching him like this, Suguru starts to wonder if there was any point to this conversation to begin with. Maybe there is no point. Realizing this, his anger quickly disappears and is replaced with what feels like secondhand embarrassment.
Because it takes too long for Suguru to react, Satoru awkwardly clears his throat and finally speaks up again.
“So? What'd you think?”
“Uh.” Not exactly sure what he's hoping to hear, Suguru decides on telling him the truth. “It seems like you eat a lot.”
“Yup!” Satoru confirms with pride. “Can't do anything with an empty stomach. That's why I'm better at most things than other people. I eat good food and I eat it well.”
Ignoring most of that, Suguru asks, “And why do you eat the desserts first? It's supposed to be the other way around, or else you'll get full from all the sugar.”
“Wrong! I eat the desserts first because they taste the best. Also, it messes everything up if I don't eat it in the correct order. So, I start with the neutral sweets before eating my favorite one last, but! I save just one bite of it for later. Then I eat the savory stuff ‘cause it's all the same to me, and at the very end, I have the last bite of my favorite sweet that I saved for later.”
He can't be serious, Suguru thinks.
Unfortunately, he's very serious.
“So… your mom just puts all of that stuff in your bento and lets you do whatever?”
“My mom?” Satoru blinks, confused. Then, he laughs and shakes his head as if it's funny. “Why would Mother pack the bento? The servants make the food and then they bring it to school for me, just in time for lunch.”
Hearing that, Suguru frowns. “Like, every day?”
“Yes?” Satoru frowns as well, and he sounds even more confused now. “How else would I eat?”
A moment of silence passes between them. Truthfully, Suguru doesn't know how to respond to something that he can't relate to whatsoever, but it's more than just that. Ever since coming to school here, he's seen time and time again that Gojo Satoru is some type of odd exception to most things. As far as Suguru is aware, the other students—who also come from well-off families and spoiled childhoods—don't have literal servants hand-delivering food to them every single day. It just seems a bit excessive at this point, but maybe it's not that big of a deal. Some people simply live very different lives than the vast majority.
Following the semi-awkward silence, Suguru snaps back into reality and realizes that he's just been standing there this entire time with the food tray in his hands. His food has probably gone slightly cold after the time that he wasted arguing with this spoiled rich kid. Before he can change his mind about this, Suguru places his tray on the table and plops down into the empty seat.
He half-expects Satoru to say something stupid or offensive again, so he's pleasantly surprised when that doesn't end up happening. Instead, Satoru merely looks at him cautiously, as if Suguru were an evil mastermind sent out to destroy him. The imagination that this boy must have is beyond the realm of silliness. There probably isn't a word for it, really.
“I'm not going to take your food, so you can stop looking at me like that,” Suguru teases. “I just wanna eat my food before it gets too cold.”
He lifts the chopsticks from his tray just in time for his belly to remind him that it's empty, and he goes straight for the grilled salmon first. It's just as delicious as the first time that he had it. Suguru has never been too picky when it comes to food. He's always been grateful for the meals set out in front of him, and not just back at home, but at his old school, too. Of course, the quality of the meals at this particular school are much grander, but he likes it all the same. At the end of the day, he's happy as long as his belly is nice and full.
Satoru watches him for a short while before turning his attention back to his own food. Even though they're eating at the same time, it doesn't quite feel like they're eating a meal together, but this is fine. It's progress, even. They've officially had their first real conversation and now they're sitting across from each other, enjoying their separate meals in peaceful solitude. This is more than enough, for now.
Suddenly, a green macaron appears in the upper left corner of Suguru's food tray. He swallows the food in his mouth and glances up just in time to see Satoru swiftly turning his gaze elsewhere. He tries to look innocent, as if anyone else can possibly be the culprit when they're the only two people sitting at the table. His pink-tinged cheeks give him away even more.
“I don't like that flavor as much,” he explains before Suguru can ask, all while continuing to avoid eye contact. “You can have it. Or throw it away. It's whatever.”
He goes right back to stuffing food into his cheeks. It's still odd behavior for sure, but Suguru can tell that he's being genuine, despite the hostility from several minutes ago. Maybe, just maybe, he's beginning to understand the unique language of Gojo Satoru. Just a little. Either way, genuine kindness is to be met with more of the same.
“Oh. Thanks, then.”
As Suguru bites into the macaron (it's sweet, but not too sweet; perhaps that's why Satoru doesn't like it much), he's fully aware of the eyes that watch him the entire time. He shows his appreciation with a hum of approval, deciding that he likes the taste after all. The pleased grin that spreads across Satoru's face is less than subtle.
“Told ya it wasn't gross.”
For once, they can agree on something.
***
Their dynamic in the classroom doesn't change all that much following the lunch incident, but at least Satoru doesn't glare at him from across the room anymore.
He still stares sometimes, though. There seems to be a subtle difference between his staring and glaring, and while Suguru might struggle to explain it in words, he's positive that Satoru is doing the former one now. The main difference is that whenever Satoru gets caught staring, he's quick to look away and pretend that it never happened. This wasn't always the case. Before, whenever Suguru felt a pair of eyes boring into him and discovered the usual culprit, Satoru would treat it like a challenge to see who would look away first. Even now, Suguru still doesn't know what that was all about, but he's come to learn that it's just another weird Satoru thing.
In addition to the staring problem, Suguru has also taken note of two much more important details of the enigma that is Gojo Satoru.
1. Satoru is a bit of a narcissist.
2. Satoru has no friends.
The former is a simple fact that he's sort of always felt to be the case, based on the behaviors that he's observed in and out of the classroom. It was further confirmed by the lunch incident that took place a couple weeks ago, so Suguru isn't all that surprised by this detail.
The second one, however, is far more interesting to him. One would assume that a person like Gojo Satoru would have an abundance of friends lined up to do whatever he says, given how popular he is amongst the student population—even the older boys in the grades above theirs know of the infamous Gojo clan and their bright-eyed prodigy. It wouldn't be surprising at all, given his wealth and status, for others to want to suck up to him in the hopes of getting something in return. As sad as it is, that's typically how things would normally work for someone in his situation.
But the reality is quite different from the expectations.
In reality, Gojo Satoru is always alone.
Thinking back to the past several months, Suguru has only ever seen Satoru interact with others when he's being forced to, such as in group learning activities or team sports during their physical education class. But even during those moments, Satoru is known to take control of the group or do his own thing if he disagrees with anyone. He doesn't think it's worth his time to conform to anyone else's standards. Suguru has also heard from other students that Satoru's stubbornness and cocky attitude has resulted in a few fights, but rarely. Rumor has it that Satoru has been practicing martial arts since he was four years old, so most people know not to get on his bad side. Of course, the best way to do that is by leaving him alone entirely.
Yet, despite learning all of this, for some stupid reason that he can't quite make sense of, Suguru still wants to become friends with Satoru.
And, he thinks he's finally figured out how to do it.
“No way. How did you only get a 98%?”
The nosy boy who sits in front of him stares wide-eyed at the final test score written on the very top of Suguru's paper in red ink. He's loud enough to get the attention of several boys sitting nearby, who can hardly believe their ears. In no time at all, those curious pairs of eyes have all had their fair share of confirming the result to see if it's true. Suguru allows them to do as they please, a meek smile on his face as they hover over his desk, making various comments about the supposed “scandal”.
“Maybe the teacher graded it wrong.”
“Yeah, probably. Suguru never misses a question.”
“No, look, I got that question right. He gave a different answer. See?”
“Whoa, you're right… but wasn't that one easy?”
“I thought so, too. Did you answer it with your eyes closed, Suguru?”
His classmates laugh at their own jokes and Suguru laughs along with them, hardly caring at all about the number written on his test paper. Had he not actually known the correct answer to the exam question, he might've been a little disappointed in himself. Just slightly. But this time, that isn't the case.
“I don't know, maybe I was a little sleepy during the test,” he says, going along with the jokes. The other boys share another laugh even though it's hardly funny, and Suguru ignores their reaction in favor of turning his attention elsewhere. Just as he'd guessed, he's already being watched by a certain pair of eyes by the time that brown meets blue, and he adds, “It's okay, though. I'm not perfect.”
Having been caught staring again, Satoru instantly turns his head to look away, the exact opposite of subtle. Once the other boys move on to discussing their own scores with each other, Suguru stands up from his seat and makes his way across to the other side of the room. He comes to a stop once he's reached another desk, and when the boy sitting behind it glances up to meet his gaze, the funny feeling arises in Suguru's chest again. He almost chickens out.
“Hey,” he greets the other boy instead of running away. “What did you get on the test?”
Satoru blinks once, twice, and then a third time, his snow-white lashes brushing the top of his high cheekbones. He looks at Suguru as if he's just asked the stupidest question in all of humanity, and to be fair, Suguru already knows the answer. Thing is, Satoru also knows that Suguru already knows the answer, so he doesn't understand why he's being asked such a question in the first place. But since he's Satoru, he readily takes the bait, all too eager to brag about his superior test score.
“A perfect score, of course.” Grinning pridefully, Satoru pushes the test paper towards the edge of his desk as proof—as if anyone would bother to argue with him. “It wasn't hard at all. Actually, it was almost too easy and I—”
“That's cool,” Suguru interrupts. “We should study together next time, then.”
Satoru clamps his mouth shut. A brief moment passes before his oversized brain can form even a basic response to that statement.
“Eh?”
“You like hanging out in the library, right?”
“Well… yeah, but—”
“Okay, then let's meet there after class today.”
“Huh?!”
Mission completed, Suguru doesn't wait around for confirmation. He only waves goodbye and heads back over to his own desk while Satoru struggles to wrap his mind around what the hell just happened. Someday he'll get it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday for sure. Suguru has faith in him.
(In the end, Satoru spends the remainder of the class period staring at him.)
***
Suguru has only been to the school library a handful of times.
The first time had been during the lengthy tour that he was given alongside his parents all those months ago. Suguru remembers thinking that if he looked away from his parents for even a second, he'd definitely get lost amongst the endless rows of tall bookshelves. He still feels the same way now as he enters the vast library in search of a single person, rather than a book.
It's been about thirty minutes since his classes ended for the day. As soon as the bell chimed to signal the end of their lessons, Satoru had packed his things at lightning speed and bolted out of the classroom. Suguru hadn't gotten the chance to leave as quickly, because one of his classmates had approached him to ask if he could explain a certain concept that they couldn't grasp, while another classmate invited him to hang out in the common area. Over the past few months, Suguru has become a lot more popular. Whether it's his personality or his intellect that they favor, Suguru still isn't quite sure, but they seem to respect him and value his opinion much more these days.
Because of these interruptions, half an hour goes by before Suguru manages to escape and make his way to the school library. Upon entering through the double doors, his eyes carefully scan the room from top to bottom, searching for a tuft of white hair or a pair of piercing blue eyes. He finds neither, since the library is far too large and several huge bookshelves block his view. Looks like he'll just have to do this the old fashioned way by searching every nook and cranny of the place.
Once another ten minutes have gone by with zero results, Suguru starts to wonder if Satoru is even here at all. He realizes that he kind of just… assumed that the other boy would be, simply because Suguru had said to meet him here. It doesn't change the fact that Satoru never actually agreed to do so. When he practically ran out of the classroom earlier, maybe it was somewhere else that he needed to be. Maybe he wasn't thinking about Suguru's invitation at all.
Maybe he doesn't even care.
Sighing, Suguru starts to turn around to make his way back to the exit, until he spots a familiar backpack sitting on top of a table near the back right corner of the room. He's not sure how he missed it the first few times he walked in this direction, but he blames the architects who designed this place to be more of a fancy maze than a simple library. If Suguru looks closer, he can even see a pair of shoes poking out from beneath the table itself.
Found you.
“Boo.”
Satoru flinches so hard that he knocks his head against the table, a firm thud preceding a barely-contained yelp and a death glare sent in Suguru's direction. It's even more of a challenge for Suguru to contain his own noises, his hand coming up to cover his mouth just before the giggles escape him. He never meant to cause the other boy any harm, it's just that Satoru tends to be very dramatic about most things in life. Looking at him now, sitting under a table with his knees pulled to his chest and a fight or flight expression on his face, he closely resembles a very large cat.
Yeah, he's definitely just a scaredy-cat in a human boy's body.
“I was looking for you, y'know,” Suguru announces. He takes a moment to crawl beneath the table, since it doesn't look like Satoru plans to come out any time soon. “Why are you hiding under here, anyway? If I hadn't seen your bag, I would've left.”
Having finally recovered from being spooked, Satoru rubs the wound on top of his head before refocusing his attention on the gaming device in his hands.
“Don't know what you're talking about. This is where I always sit.”
Seriously? Under the table?
Suguru decides not to question it out loud.
“Whoa, is that a Game Boy Advance?”
Suguru leans over the other boy's shoulder to get a closer look, and sure enough, that's exactly what it is. It's the first time that he's seeing one in person, given that the device was just released less than a month ago. Almost every single boy in his class has been raving about the new gaming system lately. It doesn't shock him at all that Gojo Satoru has already managed to claim one.
Just to be a menace, Suguru adds, “Isn't it against the rules to play video games in the academic buildings? And, didn't they say something about confiscating everything if they catch you?”
A quiet gasp escapes between Satoru's parted lips. He pauses the video game to stare at Suguru instead, and this just might be the closest that they've ever been to each other. For the very first time, Suguru takes notice of the faint constellation of freckles along Satoru's cheeks and across the bridge of his pointy nose. His face is so close that Suguru can probably count the freckles, if he really wants to.
Satoru narrows his eyes, and he asks, “You gonna snitch?”
Realistically speaking, there would be nothing to gain from doing such a thing. Even if Suguru harbored negative feelings towards Satoru, there would still be no point. He's Gojo Satoru, after all. He can probably get away with anything, given the power that his family holds within the school. Their teachers already turn the other cheek when he falls asleep in class because it's “too boring” and he already “knows everything”. So, why would anyone make a big deal about him playing video games?
“Nah,” Suguru assures him regardless. “I don't actually care enough to do that. Anyway, weren't we going to study together?”
Satoru snorts, amused, and he unpauses his game while he replies with, “It's fine, I don't need to study. You can, though, if you want to. I just have to beat this level really quick, and then…”
Suguru waits for Satoru to finish his sentence, but he never does. He's far too busy hyperfocusing on the video game in his hands, with his tongue poking out the side of his mouth and his eyes as wide as saucers. It would appear that even a genius like Gojo Satoru can get easily distracted by such things.
“When do you usually study, then?” Suguru asks out of curiosity.
Somehow, he doesn't feel weird at all about merely sitting beneath a table and chatting idly like this. It's actually kind of fun.
“Usually… the night before the test,” Satoru answers him after a brief delay.
Suguru's jaw drops. “Just the night before? That's it?”
Satoru nods. “Mhmm. I go over a few things in each subject to make sure that I've memorized them. I don't like to study for too long, though. It puts me to sleep.”
Hearing that, Suguru can't even pretend that he isn't impressed. Their curriculum is already challenging enough, ranked as one of the most grueling amongst all the private schools in Tokyo. There's nothing easy about getting high scores in a place like this. Suguru has to work hard every single day to get the marks that he does, and each perfect score that he receives is a result of weeks of hardship and self-discipline.
So, to hear that Satoru can achieve the same scores simply by skimming through his notes and textbooks a few hours before his exams… well, Suguru also can't pretend that it doesn't make him feel slightly inadequate.
“Wow. That's… really cool, I guess,” says Suguru, both his smile and his words as genuine as ever. Still, he can't help adding in a teasing tone, “Being a genius must be really convenient.”
Satoru mutters a curse word at the video game when he (presumably) loses. It looks like he's seconds from throwing the device across the room, but instead of causing a scene, he only yawns and stretches out his limbs.
Again, just like a cat.
“What're you talking about? So are you, though.” He pauses to let out another little yawn. “That's why the two of us are at the top of our class. Because we're geniuses.”
Despite what he's said, nothing about those statements were meant to be taken as a compliment or even flattery. He speaks those words as if they were simple facts of life, ones that Suguru should already know by now.
In other words, Satoru isn't trying to be nice to him.
He's just being honest.
Suguru can't accept it. “What? I'm not a genius. I mean, if I was, I'd probably be able to get away with hardly studying for more than a few hours. Just like you.”
“That doesn't matter, though? Some people study for a hundred hours and still can't get a perfect score. So, you're a genius.” The look of indifference on his face suddenly shifts into something much more mischievous in nature. He grins, then corrects himself, “A stupid genius.”
Suguru is hardly amused.
“So… am I stupid or a genius? Make up your mind.”
“Both,” Satoru decides, much to his dismay. “Why did you pretend to get that question wrong, anyway? If you know the right answer, then put the right answer on the test. It's that easy. I really don't get why you'd pretend to be stupid…”
Oh. So that's what this is about.
There's just no way that Suguru can ever admit he did all of that for an excuse to talk to Satoru. No, this is definitely the type of secret that he'll take to the grave.
Instead, Suguru lies. “I really was sleepy.”
He can tell right away that the other boy doesn't believe him, especially when Satoru gives a playful roll of his eyes and tries to hide the smile that wants to resurface.
“Whatever.”
Unexpectedly, he shoves the Game Boy Advance into Suguru's hands.
“Here. You can play it if you want.”
Suguru glances down at the video game, then up at Satoru, then at the video game again. He's still not entirely fluent in the language of Gojo Satoru, but it feels like he's being offered much more than the simple chance to play a game.
It feels like he's being offered friendship.
That must be the case, and he's absolutely positive that he's correct when he sees just how red Satoru's cheeks have become. This seems to be part of a pattern when it comes to his kindness. First, he'll feign indifference. Then, he'll be a tease. After that, his cover is completely blown away when his cheeks betray how he actually feels inside.
It's cute.
Suguru will gladly accept his friendship.
“Digimon, huh?” Suguru comments afterwards. The characters posing on the title screen are easily recognizable. “So that's what you were playing.”
All of a sudden, Suguru can no longer see the screen. He gets a face full of Satoru instead.
“You know Digimon?!”
He asks the question in his normal tone of voice—that is to say, he asks the question very loudly. Suguru’s body reacts before he can stop himself, his hand coming up to cover Satoru's mouth because it looks like he's about to start yapping at full speed. If they get caught playing video games under a table in the library, it won't matter that he was playing with Gojo Satoru. Suguru is still the one who would definitely receive an actual punishment.
“Shhh! You'll get me in trouble…!”
Satoru begins to say something anyway, the movement of his lips tickling the palm of Suguru's hand. He quickly removes said hand, but not without first giving Satoru another warning.
In a much quieter tone this time, Satoru repeats the question, “You know Digimon?”
“Um… yeah? Everyone knows Digimon,” Suguru whispers back to him. The palm of his hand still tingles a little. He subtly wipes it against his uniform pants. “I've only seen a few episodes of the anime, though.”
“We'll have to watch the whole thing together,” Satoru tells him without missing a beat. His eyes have gone wide again, the blue of his irises shimmering just as bright as the ocean in the moonlight. “I have Digimon Adventure on DVD. We can watch it in the dorm this weekend. Oh, and don't worry about bringing snacks; I have tons of them.”
His sudden excitement and energy hits Suguru like a train. He's never, ever seen this side of Satoru before, and it's almost hard to imagine that this is the same person who told him to eat scraps of cafeteria food, like some beggar. The difference in his moods is certainly uncanny.
Yet, against his better judgment, Suguru still finds every part of him to be just so interesting.
“Okay,” he agrees, his own smile not nearly as blinding as Satoru's, but undoubtedly containing the same amount of warmth. “Let's do it.”
***
[after]
Haneda Airport is oversaturated with tourists and natives alike, endless crowds of people traveling to and from various destinations all over the world.
Suguru had anticipated the crowd, especially during this time of year. He's well prepared for the wait times and not bothered at all by the hustle and bustle of those moving around him. There will be less of this where he's going, anyway. Once he's made it out of the big city, he'll finally be able to relax and make plans for how he'll spend the entirety of his 19th summer (on the days when he's not working, of course). Maybe he'll even reach some grand revelation while he's away, one that will give him all the answers on what to do with the rest of his life once summer has ended.
Although, if he's being truly honest with himself, he wishes that it never would.
“Su-gu-ruuu!”
The man in question nearly jumps out of his own skin, very obviously startled by the sound of his name being shouted from somewhere nearby. What's even more concerning is that he recognizes that voice, because how can he not? Suguru turns his head in the direction of the voice as his name is shouted once again, and—
Oh, no.
“Suguru!”
The sight of fluffy white hair bouncing all over the place is seen before anything else. He's practically running at full speed, somehow not bumping into anyone along the way, and dragging behind him a bulky black suitcase that struggles to keep up with his horrendously long legs. There are two duffel bags hanging from either side of his body and it doesn't make any sense. How can he move so quickly while carrying several items that should be weighing him down?
Well, Gojo Satoru has always been an enigma and even after all these years, that simple fact hasn't changed.
Suguru narrows his eyes, already beginning to feel annoyed from the very moment that Satoru catches up to him. It's a very natural physical response that has developed over the past eight years of knowing the guy, even if he hasn't done anything wrong yet. It can't be helped.
“What the hell…”
“Suguru.” Satoru pauses to catch his breath, currently bent over with his palms against his knees to steady himself. All that maniacal running seems to have backfired on him already. “I finally found you! Also, fuck, I think I might've sprained an ankle from almost tripping, like, three different times.”
Suguru has to let out a tired sigh as a hand comes up to rub at his forehead, already sensing an impending headache that wants to form. He doesn't beat around the bush when he finally finds the energy to speak.
“Satoru, what are you doing here?”
“Hm?” He glances up from his supposedly-injured ankle and grins, his pearly white teeth on full display. It's a good thing that his gigantic blue marbles are hidden behind a pair of round, dark sunglasses, otherwise Suguru would immediately lose this game. “What do you mean? I'm here to catch our flight, duh. I really wasn't planning on swimming to Okinawa, if that's what you thought.”
Satoru giggles at his own joke.
Suguru ignores the sarcasm. He crosses his arms over his chest and tries to appear stern, despite knowing the exact type of person that he's dealing with here. It's still worth a shot, he thinks.
“We've already talked about this, though. You're not coming with me.”
“Huh?” Just as he'd expected, Satoru instantly becomes defensive. “Don't be stupid. Of course I am.”
“No, you're not.”
“I am.”
“You're not.”
“I am, and I already have a ticket! See?”
As if to prove his point, he basically shoves the plane ticket in Suguru's face and only retracts his arm when the latter makes a grab for it. Satoru laughs triumphantly as if he's won the argument, and at this point they're attracting too much attention from those around them. Still, he hardly listens when Suguru tells him to be quiet.
Suguru huffs out another sigh. “Can you please stop messing around? Look, maybe you can still get a refund for this if you go and ask nicely.”
Hearing that, Satoru visibly deflates. For the briefest moment, Suguru almost begins to feel bad for rejecting him so vehemently.
It's for his own good, though.
“I don't get it. How come you don't want me to go with you?” he grumbles, a childish pout forming as he speaks. “We always spend the summer together. That's our thing. What's the point in switching it up now?”
You know why.
But Suguru can't bring himself to say it. They don't talk about that day, after all. It's the giant fucking elephant in the middle of the room that takes up all the space and threatens to suffocate them, but they still don't talk about it. At this rate, he's not sure if they ever will.
“I'm… not just going there to laze around and do nothing all summer,” Suguru answers instead. And hey, at least he's telling most of the truth. “Like I said before, I'll mostly be working and helping my grandma with the farm. I can't just show up and ask her to let you stay, too. Anyway, if you suddenly disappeared for the whole summer, wouldn't you be pissing off your parents even more?”
“Who cares about that?” Satoru dismisses the concern with a wave of his hand, clearly not giving a damn. Suguru shouldn't have expected otherwise. “Also, don't worry about Granny. I already let her know that I'm coming with you and she's fine with it.”
“You… what?” Suguru stares back at his best friend, unable to believe his ears.
“I mean that I called her the other day. She's totally fine with it.”
“Seriously? You called my grandmother? Like, you actually did that on your own accord?”
“That's what I said! Do you need your ears checked or something?” Satoru laughs while shaking his head, definitely not seeing any of this as crossing boundaries. “Anyway, she's really excited to see me again and she says that you need to call her more often. I told her that I'd make sure to remind you.”
This can't be a real thing that's happening. It's almost as if the universe is punishing him for remaining friends with such a person for nearly a decade. Every time that he thinks nothing Satoru says or does can surprise him anymore, he's quickly proven wrong. It might as well be a running gag by now.
Suguru rolls his eyes so hard that they nearly pop out of his skull.
“Right, so, you're definitely not coming to Okinawa with me ever again.”
***
Satoru joins him on the flight to Okinawa.
None of this was ever included as part of his summer plans, but Suguru can never seem to win against the unmovable force known as Gojo Satoru. It doesn't matter what it is. He always gets his way. It's as if he was born to be the main character, and everyone else is merely a side character in the story of his extravagant life. In reality, Suguru had accepted his role in Satoru's story a long time ago. He's only occasionally annoyed by it out of pure habit.
As per usual, Satoru gets the window seat. He orders every single snack that the airline has to offer, even when Suguru reminds him that it's a very short flight and they can get food once they land in Okinawa. But talking him out of eating anything has always been pointless, so Suguru gives up without a fight. Satoru is nice enough to share the snacks with him, too. So, at least he's behaving himself now.
They spend most of the short flight in silence. Suguru wears his earphones and allows the sounds of fast-paced drums and guitar riffs to enter his body. Next to him, Satoru stares out of the window while doodling in a small dark notebook that he keeps with him. He's been doing that a lot lately. A few times Suguru has caught him doodling in that thing even while they're hanging out and having a conversation, and when he gets called out on it, Satoru will glance up with a cheeky smile and insist that he's still listening. His strange habits don't actually bother Suguru that much, though. He knows that Satoru constantly needs to be doing something with his hands, or multitasking in some way to stave off the boredom.
And, bored-Satoru is not a fun Satoru to be around.
Still, Suguru has to wonder when his best friend became interested in art. As far as he knows, Satoru has never cared to improve his artistic abilities, even during their years of attending the elite boarding school together. The only extracurricular that Satoru involved himself in was baking, and even that only lasted for a single semester.
(He had wanted to recreate a specific dessert that his parents once gifted him, upon their return from a trip to Europe. Except, he couldn't remember the name of said dessert but insisted that it was the best thing ever, so he attempted to create it purely from memory just so that Suguru could try it. Once all was said and done, Satoru had definitely baked… something. That evening, Suguru had to brush his teeth twice to get rid of the sugary taste in his mouth.)
In any case, drawing is much more in the realm of what Suguru likes to do as a hobby. Meanwhile, Satoru can hardly even draw a stick.
Eyeing him curiously, Suguru asks, “What're you drawing?”
Satoru whips his head around to stare back at him, his eyes wide behind his sunglasses as if he's just been caught doing something naughty. Rather than answering the simple question, he closes the notebook and sets it to the side along with the tiny pencil he's been using. Judging by the look on his face, Suguru guesses that he was probably drawing something stupid, like penises with cute faces on them. It wouldn't be the first time, anyway.
Suddenly, Satoru lets out a dramatic gasp.
“Damn. I think I forgot to pack my earphones.”
Suguru snorts, then teases, “Sounds like a you problem.”
“Hey, Suguru, let me use y—”
“Nope.”
Satoru clicks his tongue in disapproval. “Ugh, man, c'mon. Just for a little bit? You've been using them the whole time.”
“Because they're my earphones?”
“True, but I need them more than you need them, and…”
Suguru tunes him out by increasing the volume of his music. When Satoru finally notices that no one is listening to him anymore, he retaliates by childishly kicking Suguru's foot with his own. Suguru doesn't hesitate to return the favor. They end up going back and forth like this until Suguru decides to play dirty by poking Satoru in the ribcage, which happens to be an ultimate weak spot for him. As funny as it is at the moment, it probably wasn't worth the embarrassment after Satoru involuntarily squeaks and other passengers turn to stare at them. Wanting to apologize without actually saying the word sorry, Suguru removes the left bud from his ear and holds it out as a peace offering. Satoru gladly accepts the offer without a second thought.
Of course, halfway through the first song, Satoru comments, “This one is too depressing. Can you change it to something else, like Wonder Girls?”
“Give me the earbud.”
“I'm kidding, I'm kidding.”
Five more songs after that, Satoru falls asleep with his head resting on Suguru's shoulder.
***
“Granny!”
“Satoru!”
“Granny!”
“Satoru!”
“Granny!”
At this rate, they're never going to move past their reunion without interference from the outside world.
“Okay, okay. Your actual grandson is standing over here, by the way,” Suguru teases.
Only then does Granny Yoko release Satoru from her arms—or rather, it's the other way around, with Satoru clinging to the older woman as if she raised him. It's kind of a silly image, given the height difference between the two of them. Satoru has to crouch down quite a distance to appear like a little boy in her arms. He finally lets go long enough for her to greet her own family member, which is the real reason that they're here in the first place.
“And Suguru, too!” Granny Yoko wraps her arms around him and squeezes tightly as soon as Suguru steps into her welcoming embrace. He really can't blame Satoru for hogging her affection. She always gives the warmest hugs. Once Suguru has gotten his fill, she waves the two of them into the house. “Come in, come in.”
The best thing about visiting his grandmother's home is that it always smells the same. From the moment that he enters the home, Suguru's mind is filled with countless memories of warm summer days spent here with his best friend. It's the scent of a homemade meal, fresh fruits from the garden, incense, and the salty breeze that blows in from the nearby ocean. It's a very distinct scent that automatically begins to heal the open wounds in his soul.
Tokyo doesn't smell anything like this.
“Mm, it smells really good in here!” Satoru comments, mirroring Suguru's thoughts with his own. He does that sometimes, even when their shared thoughts are far less obvious. He always seems to say exactly what Suguru is thinking. “What are you making?”
“Oh, just a little bit of this, a little bit of that.” Granny Yoko intentionally keeps the answer vague, and she turns her head to wink at them. She likes to make even the smallest things a surprise. It's nice to see that that hasn't changed. “You boys must be hungry, hm? Go and rest a while, I'll let you know once dinner is ready.”
Naturally, Suguru offers to help her instead, but she waves him off before quickly disappearing into the kitchen. With no choice but to listen to her instructions, Suguru continues down the narrow hallway with his luggage in tow.
Following close behind him, Satoru giggles and says, “You look so much like her now.”
Suguru glances back over his shoulder. “How so?”
“Bun.”
Not understanding what he means by that, Suguru can only frown in confusion. That is, until he feels a hand gently patting the messy bun on top of his head.
“Hers is a lot neater, though,” Satoru concludes. He continues patting the bun as he speaks, and then he gives it a little squeeze for good measure.
Suguru swats his hand away, too tired to think of a proper comeback. “Stop.”
He ignores the kissy face that Satoru makes and opens the sliding door to the first bedroom on the right side of the hallway. Yet again he's faced with the familiar and pleasant scent of his childhood, fresh linen and more incense burning on the small floor table at the back of the room. Two individual futons are set up beside each other in the middle, ready for them to lie down and sleep whenever they feel the need. Aside from the usual knickknacks and simple decoration, the rest of the room is spotless. Suguru can almost visualize Granny Yoko excitedly preparing the room for their arrival, ensuring that everything is perfect.
He really loves his grandmother.
The moment ends when Satoru runs across the tatami mats to get to the other side of the room, abandoning his own luggage at the entryway.
“Look, it's us!”
He's crouched down and pointing to an old picture frame that rests on the small table. Unable to make out its contents from so far away, Suguru enters the room and squats down to get a closer look, peering at the photo from over Satoru's shoulder.
“Huh, it really is…”
Given how young they appear in the photo, it must have been taken during the first time that they came to Okinawa together. How old were they back then? Eleven? Twelve? Suguru no longer remembers, but what he does remember is the backstory behind this particular photo.
It was taken right outside of his grandmother's house on the last day of summer vacation. They had just returned from playing at the beach, evident by the sand stuck in their hair and around their feet, as well as the sunburn that overtook Satoru's porcelain skin. They must have eaten popsicles not long before this, because there's a big blue stain on Suguru's shirt. Satoru has an arm thrown across Suguru's shoulders while Suguru tugs him closer by the waist, and both of them are smiling so wide that crinkles form near their eyes.
This was also the day that they made a promise to remain best friends for life, and that if either of them broke this promise, then that person would be punished with a mouthful of sand.
All of a sudden, Satoru gasps, horrified.
“You used to be taller than me.”
Suguru can't help laughing at that. “By what, two centimeters? It wasn't that noticeable. You used to slouch a lot, too.”
“Still! It looks… weird. I don't like it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Satoru lifts the picture frame from the table to get a better look. He'd probably be able to see better if he removed those silly sunglasses of his, but he won't, because it's fashion. “Hm…”
“What now?” Suguru asks, wondering what else could possibly be wrong with the photo (according to Satoru). He stands up again and stretches his arms above his head, no longer that interested.
Eventually, Satoru mutters, “You looked really happy back then.”
Oh.
Even though it's most likely just a simple observation, the carefree atmosphere in the room seems to shift a little. Because, well, what is Suguru supposed to respond with? That, yes, he was much happier with his life back then in comparison to his life now? It would be a waste of time to point out the obvious. Besides, the majority of people on earth cherish their childhood memories far more than the stressful life that they're currently living. And, why wouldn't they?
Ignorance is bliss, after all.
Suguru decides to make a joke of it.
“Yeah? Well, you looked a little less annoying.”
The shock and betrayal on Satoru's face has Suguru cackling. Afterwards, when he has to deal with a set of nails painfully digging into his ankles and nearly tripping him when he tries to escape, he decides that it was worth the laughs.
***
That evening, Granny Yoko serves them cold soba noodles, plenty of gyoza, and a strawberry shortcake that she bakes specifically with Satoru in mind.
They don't leave behind a single crumb, not even of the cake. This is definitely the reason for Satoru falling asleep with his head on the table during their third game of Mahjong. A warm bath and a full belly is all that it takes to combat his high energy, and then he's out like a light. They allow him to sleep for a little while as Suguru helps Granny Yoko with cleaning the kitchen. Afterwards, Suguru tries to rouse him from his dreaming state.
“Oi, Satoru, it's time to wake up.” Suguru nudges his shoulder, knowing that Satoru never awakens from simply having his name called. He sleeps as if the rest of the world pauses once he's no longer conscious, and it's been that way for as long as Suguru has known him. “Sa-to-ru. Hey, don't ignore me. I just saw you blink.”
Satoru lets out a long groan, irritated at having his beauty sleep interrupted but unable to ignore his friend's prodding. He eventually gives in, sitting up and blinking against the dull light above their heads. The adorable frown on his face probably means that he doesn't even remember where he is, but that's okay. Suguru is also accustomed to his sleepy confusion, so he knows that Satoru responds best to simple orders when he gets like this.
“You fell asleep at Granny's table,” Suguru tells him. “Go lie down in the room, okay?”
“Oh.” Satoru pauses to yawn. “Okay.”
It takes another moment for his brain to process those instructions, but he manages. They tell each other goodnight just before Satoru drags his feet down the hallway.
A moment later, Granny Yoko returns with a small round tray in her hands, carrying three mugs of freshly brewed green tea. Her eyes widen in question when she sees that only Suguru remains.
“He was still asleep, so I sent him to bed,” Suguru explains, and then he thanks her for the tea. The first sip sends chills down his spine. He's not sure why, but warm tea always tastes better in Okinawa.
“Ah, well, I'm happy that Satoru has someone so willing to take care of him,” she says, taking the seat across from him.
Suguru almost chokes on the tea. Across the table, his grandmother wears a knowing smile that she fails to hide behind the mug in her hands. And honestly, it's hard to stay composed when your own grandma decides to tease you.
“I don't know if willing is the correct word to use here, but… sure,” he mumbles, though mostly to himself. Suguru clears his throat and adds in his normal tone, “Well, he's mostly just tagging along because he's fighting with his parents again. Guess he figures that he can't run into them if he's not at home.”
Granny Yoko hums while nodding her head in understanding. Somehow, aside from Satoru, she's become the only person that Suguru can talk easily with about life things. Even though she lives so far away and he doesn't get to see her more than once or twice a year, her presence is one that provides ample comfort and clarity. He doesn't feel judged during their conversations and that's what Suguru values most these days.
“Speaking of which,” Granny Yoko begins, only pausing to sip from her cup, “I spoke with your mother earlier this evening. She called to ask how you were doing.”
Well, that's certainly not the direction that he would like this conversation to go in. It's kind of ironic; he can casually talk about Satoru's issues but he can't be bothered to face his own.
Karma really is a bitch.
“Oh, yeah?” The false smile that spreads along Suguru's face is a subconscious act, really. He stares down into his half-empty cup instead of meeting her gaze. “She could've asked me that herself.”
“She could've,” Granny Yoko agrees. She rests her chin on the palm of her hand and watches him for a moment. Whatever she thinks about saying, it seems that she changes her mind. Instead, she sighs and says, “Ah, Suguru, dear… try not to hold a grudge against her, hm? That girl—she's a stubborn one. I know, I raised her.”
Suguru hums to show that he's still listening, but he can't come up with the words to express how he feels. He knows that his grandmother means well. She always does. It's just that some things in life are far too complex to be fixed by a simple exchange of words. Life is not as black-and-white as he used to believe that it was, and people are too complicated to be defined by words like “good” and “bad”.
He knows this, now.
“She just needs a bit more time,” his grandmother continues. “We can all benefit from being more patient with those around us, I think.”
This time, Suguru nods. “I know.”
They don't discuss the subject of his mother any further than that, and thirty minutes of idle chat later, they decide to call it a night.
After brushing his teeth, Suguru returns to the shared bedroom. Since it's been about two years since the last time that they spent an entire summer here, he'd forgotten how eerily silent it gets at night. His grandmother lives in a traditional Okinawan village, far enough away from the tourist areas and resorts to enjoy the peacefulness of island living. It's basically the opposite of nightlife in Tokyo. Right now, all that Suguru can hear are the crickets outside of the bedroom window and Satoru's light snoring.
Exhaustion creeps into his bones the second that he lies down on the comfortable futon. Unlike in his bed back at home, it's going to be so easy to fall asleep. His eyelids are getting heavier with each and every blink.
Suguru turns onto his side, facing the futon beside his own. He shakes his head at what he sees, his lips automatically curling into a fond grin. Satoru has fallen asleep with the sunglasses still on his face, a bad habit of his that he can't seem to break. He'll definitely break the glasses before he breaks the habit. It's inevitable, at this point.
Taking pity on the guy, Suguru reaches for the glasses and carefully removes them from his face. Satoru only reacts by scrunching his nose, but he doesn't awaken. After setting the glasses down in the safe space above their pillows, Suguru reaches for the blanket next, pulling it higher to cover Satoru's exposed shoulder. Just to make sure that he doesn't get cold.
This time, Satoru stirs a little more, murmuring quietly in his sleep, “S’guru…”
It takes every bit of strength in Suguru's body not to burst into laughter. Even when he's dreaming, Satoru can't stop following Suguru around. It's starting to become a real issue.
But in all seriousness, Suguru is relieved that his best friend insisted on coming with him to Okinawa.
No, not just relieved.
He's happy.
Suguru whispers into the dark, “Goodnight, Satoru.”
***
[before]
“Do you get it now?”
A chorus of nods follows Suguru's question. One of his classmates picks up his paper to examine it closely with squinted eyes, as if he can't believe how easily the information flows into his mind now. When he's finished, he turns towards Suguru, staring in awe.
“You really are a genius!”
Although he's flattered, Suguru still prefers to remain humble. He smiles politely and replies, “Thanks, but I'm just really good at studying. Also, you should always try different methods until you find one that works best for you. That's what I did, anyway.”
He's not sure if they believe him, but they nod along to those words just as easily.
Suguru doesn't remember how it all starts, but over the past several weeks, a study group has formed around him. At first, it was just one student asking him for tips and tricks on the best way to score highly on the exams. Then, he was too nice to say no when another student began constantly asking him for help with the science homework. In the blink of an eye, one student turns into two, then three, and now five.
Once things start to get a little overwhelming, Suguru is forced to establish a few boundaries. He agrees to tutor them just twice a week after classes have ended for the day, and he'd prefer not to be approached for help on the weekends—he needs that time to destress and focus on his own weak points. The other boys promise to adhere to his rules, and they even bring him snacks or offer to give him random things that Suguru politely declines. He's definitely not trying to run a business here, he's just helping out a few classmates from the kindness of his heart.
(Although, it also feels really nice to be relied on.)
“It's true. Just trust the process,” one of his tutees says to the group. “The last test that we did was almost too easy, I got a way higher score because of Suguru.”
“Me too!” says another boy.
And okay, fine. Despite how much Suguru values humility, he can admit that their praise really boosts his ego. There's nothing wrong with accepting nice compliments once in a while, right? Plus, it means that his tutoring skills are working quite well, and his efforts are being recognized.
If there's one thing that Suguru loves most, it's succeeding at his goals.
Their session comes to an end soon afterwards. As Suguru places his notebooks and pens into his bag, a couple of the boys stay behind to chat with him about the upcoming summer break.
“Do ya have any plans?” one of them asks. “You should come hang out with me! I'm going with my family to our summer home, it was recently renovated ‘cause a storm ruined our back deck and threw a tree into our pool. It's good now, though.”
“Doesn't sound nearly as fun as what I'm doing,” the other boy brags. Even the expression on his face is pompous. “Come with me instead, my parents and I are going to Switzerland.”
The first boy rolls his eyes. “Who cares? You're only gonna be there for, like, two weeks. What about the rest of summer, huh?”
“So? We'll find something to do. Still better than being bored in a swimming pool.”
“Shut up, you don't even know how to swim.”
It sounds like they could keep arguing for ages. To avoid being stuck in the middle of the drama—and because they haven't even asked for his opinion at all—Suguru rushes to put an end to things.
“Actually! I, uh. I do have plans,” he announces. He has to raise his voice to speak over their bickering, but it feels even more awkward once he has their full attention. It's an automatic response when he smiles apologetically. “I'm spending the summer at my grandma's house in Okinawa… with Satoru. I'm sorry, maybe we can hang out next time?”
Instead of saying anything right away, both boys silently stare at him as if he's said something weird. They glance at each other for a moment, then back to him. Suguru begins to sweat.
“Satoru?” one of them says, and the distaste in his tone when he says the name is more obvious than anything. “You're really going with him? Huh, weird.”
The other boy snorts and elbows him in the side, chastising him. “Don't say it like that. They're friends, y'know.”
“I know, but… why.”
“Why not?” Suguru asks. Not wanting to start any drama, he keeps his tone lighthearted and unserious, even though it kind of annoys him to hear them say such things. “He's not bad once you get to know him. We have a lot of fun together.”
Though Suguru only meant to give his honest opinion on the subject, it feels like the tension in the room becomes even more awkward. He doesn't understand why that is, but apparently, the two boys decide that they don't care all that much.
“That's cool, then,” one of them responds, and it doesn't sound like sarcasm, which eases Suguru's mind. “Hope you guys have fun.”
Suguru wishes the same to them, and when they part ways, he's almost too eager to get out of there.
Over the past couple of months, he and Satoru have become a lot closer. You could even say that they're practically inseparable these days. Ever since that afternoon in the library, not a day has gone by where they don't spend time together in some way. They still argue occasionally and they certainly have their differences in opinions, but it's never that serious and it's always fun.
So much fun.
They've agreed to meet in Satoru's dorm room to hang out for the rest of the evening until curfew. This is where they spend most of their time together outside of the classroom, so it's basically become second nature for Suguru to be here. He still knocks on the door because his parents have drilled basic manners into every bone in his body, but he doesn't need to wait for a response. He enters the room as if it were his own.
“Satoru? Did you still want to play—hey!”
Caught in the act, Satoru stops chewing and stares back at him, eyes wide and cheeks as full as the moon. He's sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, still holding the container in his hands and that's what gives him away. It's the first piece of evidence that Suguru notices upon entering the crime scene.
The weekend prior, they'd gone on a school trip into the city. At the very end of the trip, the students were allowed to go shopping for anything they might want to keep in the dorms, as long as it didn't break any of the rules. Most of the students bought random souvenirs, but Satoru wanted something sweet. Since Suguru hadn't found anything that he was interested in, Satoru offered to share the box of mochi that he obtained from a really fancy shop. Plus, he still owed Suguru for all of the times that his friend had given him sweets without asking for anything in return.
They were supposed to share the dessert during their gaming session tonight, but it looks like Satoru just couldn't wait.
“Wha? You were takin’ too long,” Satoru confirms, his voice muffled from having too much food in his mouth. He swallows the rest of it and holds out the box, trying to appear innocent when he bats his eyes and grins. “Look, there's still some left!”
Too upset from the betrayal itself, Suguru marches right over to the little gremlin and pinches both of his round cheeks. His thirst for revenge is only satisfied once Satoru is whining and wiggling to try to escape his grasp. By the time Suguru releases him, his plump cheeks are cherry red and the sight alone is enough to make Suguru laugh.
“That's what you get for being greedy. Next time, don't make a promise if you aren't gonna keep it.”
Satoru scoffs while rolling his eyes. He uses a hand to gently rub at his sore cheek before replying, “Like I said, there's still some left. You're lucky that I left any at all, since it's technically mine, y'know.”
It's pointless to argue with him, so Suguru doesn't even try. Instead, he grabs a mochi ball and pops it into his mouth, humming with delight at the taste. He's not a huge fan of sweets. but he can appreciate them every now and then. And he won't say it out loud, but he also appreciates that Satoru has very clear likes and dislikes. It makes it easy to pacify him when needed.
“Anyway, you still wanna play something, right?”
Satoru immediately nods his head, already forgetting about the mochi drama. He never broods over anything for too long, always eager to move on to the next thing that grabs his attention.
“Yeah! Let's play Nintendo.”
They settle on Mario Kart 64. It's just as intense as it always is, because Satoru is naturally competitive and Suguru gets enjoyment out of humbling him whenever the opportunity arises. Satoru still wins most of the games, though, which is inevitable. When Suguru is ready to call it quits, Satoru continues playing against the NPCs. This is fine, because Suguru also gets enjoyment out of watching Satoru have fun and be silly. He could probably watch Satoru for hours without ever getting bored.
Hoping to get more comfortable, Suguru uncrosses his legs and stretches them out along the floor. He accidentally kicks an empty water bottle in the process, and when he leans forward to pick it up, he spots an empty can of Coca-Cola nearby that's been crushed into oblivion. Noticing a pattern, Suguru hesitantly turns his head away and takes in the rest of the dorm room.
The term messy would be a compliment. Truly.
You see, Satoru has a bad habit of tossing things away when he no longer has any need for or interest in them. Like, literally tossing them. He tosses trash on the floor, old school papers, his socks, empty snack bags, comics—anything, really. Suguru is used to the mess since they've been hanging out for a while now, but somehow, it seems even messier today.
Despite already knowing what kind of response he'll probably get for his concerns, Suguru decides to speak up, anyway.
“Hey, Satoru?”
“Hm?”
“Do you ever clean your room?”
“Huh?”
Obviously, Satoru heard exactly what he said and fully understood the question. The “huh” is meant to be translated into Satoru language, which means something along the lines of: why the hell are you asking me this right now.
In the past few months, Suguru has become much more fluent in this unique language, so he already knows what his friend is thinking. Still, he doesn't back down.
“Well, you need to clean your room more often. It's a mess.”
Satoru takes a lot longer to reply this time around. His baby blue eyes are still glued to the television screen, unblinking. It's like he's hypnotized by the virtual world of kart racing.
“What's wrong with it?” he eventually asks, and judging by the tone of his voice, he genuinely sees no problem with the state of his living quarters.
Suguru shakes his head in pity. “Don't take this personally, but… everything. Everything is wrong with it. You shouldn't leave things on the floor, what if you trip and hurt yourself? By the way, you can't do this type of stuff when we go to Granny's house. She'll make you sleep outside if you do.”
Satoru actually laughs at that. “Why? Is your granny a witch?”
“What? No, shut up. Anyway, she won’t have time to put up with your mess so you gotta make sure to clean up after yourself, okay?”
When he doesn't get a response right away, Suguru repeats a little louder: “Okay?”
Finally, Satoru gives in and repeats back to him, “Yeah, yeah. Okay.”
Since they'll be spending an entire summer together, it's likely that he'll get too comfortable and revert back to his old ways. Either way, Suguru is satisfied with that answer for now. He watches Satoru play one last round of kart racing and when he finishes in first place, he shuts off the game.
Satoru turns to him and asks, “So, what do you wanna do now?”
Suguru gives the question some thought. He knows that Satoru is hoping for them to play around some more, maybe bring out the Pokémon trading cards that he obtained recently and come up with his own game for them. The problem is that it's so easy to get carried away and spend all their time on things they shouldn't be doing. Time seems to move quickly whenever they're together.
It's a hard decision to make, but someone has to be the mature one in this situation.
“I should probably go study,” Suguru tells him, and he tries to ease the blow with a smile and a promise. “We can play again tomorrow, though. Like, after I finish studying for the midterms.”
His optimism fails. Pure disappointment makes its way onto Satoru's face before Suguru can even finish that sentence.
“But weren't you studying a little while ago?” he asks, the question coming off as more of a whine than anything. “With… with those boys.”
Suguru shakes his head. “Not really, no. I was helping them with their weak areas and giving tips on how to study, but I still haven't gone over my weak areas.”
“You don't have any weak areas. We're the smartest, remember? Both of us.”
“Satoru, that's not…” But he trails off, sighing. This can easily turn into a petty argument and Suguru doesn't have any time for that. “Didn't I tell you before? I have to study a certain way so that I can keep being the smartest with you. Just because you can play games all night and still get perfect scores doesn't mean that the rest of us can.”
That last statement slips out before Suguru can stop himself. It's as if his irritation was buried somewhere deep within, only to slowly rise to the surface the more that he tries to explain his reasoning. He doesn't want to make Satoru feel bad for being the true genius between the two of them.
He was just… venting.
“I'll help you study, then.”
Since that's the last thing that Suguru expects to hear after what he's just said, he looks up in surprise, wondering if it's a joke. But Satoru is already standing from the floor and he makes his way over to the desk against the wall. Once there, he turns back around and waves for Suguru to come to him.
“Hurry up, so we can get it over with.”
Not knowing what he can expect from this, Suguru moves quickly regardless. Maybe it's the curiosity that drives him to do what Satoru says, or maybe he just trusts him. No matter the reason behind it, Suguru sits obediently at the desk and when Satoru asks him to explain his “weak areas”, he does that, too.
They spend about an hour in total going over the material for each weak point. He's very skeptical at first, since Satoru doesn't allow him to take any notes or spend time re-reading about the concepts, claiming that it'll take way too long. Instead, they have a back-and-forth discussion about each topic. Oddly enough, it feels a lot like any normal conversation that they would usually have about video games or TV shows. It doesn't feel at all like they're discussing boring school work.
By the end of it, Suguru feels strangely enlightened. He's familiar with everything they had discussed, so it's not like he's learning any of this for the first time, but it feels like he's finally understanding. Before, he'd struggle to wrap his head around those same concepts and his solution has always been to forcefully drill it into his brain. He'd take countless notes, re-read the notes several times, and then quiz himself on all that he could remember. It's been a long, exhausting process but it's what produces the best results for him.
Now, however, it feels like he's received the same amount of clarity but without the exhaustion.
And all of it happened within a single hour.
Suguru is officially blown away.
“Wow… you're really good at teaching, Satoru.”
Instead of words, there's a loud yawn. Afterwards, Satoru pushes himself away from the desk he'd been leaning against and waddles over to his bed.
“I am?”
“Yeah! It's like I understand things twice as fast when I listen to the way that you explain them."
Suguru twists around in the chair so that he can see the other boy. Meanwhile, Satoru tosses himself onto the bed and grabs a pillow to hug to his chest.
“Have you ever thought about joining my study—”
“I don't want to.”
Suguru frowns at his immediate rejection.
“Why not? I'm sure everyone would be glad to get your help. You could probably help them way better than I can.”
“Why should I help them, though?” Satoru asks while rubbing at his sleepy eyes. “It's not my fault that they were born stupid.”
“Satoru…” He sighs. “You really need to be nicer to people. Anyway, if you can help me, why can't you help them, too?”
“That's because you're you and they're… not you.”
“Huh? That makes no sense at all.”
“It makes perfect sense, you're just not using your brain.”
Following the insult, Satoru sticks out his tongue, as bratty as always, and then he rolls over to face the wall instead. Suguru doesn't care, he's not done talking yet. Besides, he can be just as stubborn, if not more.
So, Suguru abandons the chair and walks over to sit at the edge of the bed, forcing Satoru to listen to him.
“Ha ha, so funny. I'm being serious, though. You'd have more friends if you were actually friendly.”
Next to him, Satoru curls up further into himself and mumbles into the pillow, “I don't need more friends.”
“Maybe. But you could want them.”
“Are you bored of me?”
Suguru pauses, taken aback. When had he ever implied such a thing?
“Eh? What do you mean?”
Again, Satoru speaks into the pillow and refuses to face him. “You want me to have other friends ‘cause you're getting bored of me, right? And you have those other boys now… in your study group.”
Suguru can't believe whatever nonsense he's hearing right now. Even though Satoru isn't currently looking at him, he shakes his head and rushes to deny the claims because they're just so wrong.
“No way! You're my best friend, stupid. Why would I… get bored of you? Like, how does that even work? Never mind, just—I just thought you'd be happier if you had other friends…”
Satoru leaps up suddenly, startling Suguru so badly that he almost falls off the bed. One moment the other boy is curled up into a ball and the next moment, he's sitting right beside Suguru without a single bit of sadness on his face. Instead, he almost looks excited.
“I wouldn't be,” Satoru tells him, and it sounds like he genuinely means it. “You're my best friend, too. My one and only best friend, so…”
It seems like Satoru becomes too shy by the end of that bold statement, evident when he breaks eye contact to instead stare down at his lap. He clasps his hands together, unclasps them, and then he settles on playing with a loose thread along the hem of his shirt. Meanwhile, the tips of his ears turn a pretty shade of pink.
His nervous excitement is contagious. Now Suguru feels just as shy and a little bit embarrassed, but it doesn't make any sense. Weren't they already best friends? Why is Satoru acting like that? It's really not that big of a deal, or is it? What should Suguru say to him now?
Dumbfounded, he ends up saying, “Really?”
A confident nod. “Yeah… I don't call anyone else that. Just you.”
“Oh…”
That funny feeling from before begins creeping into Suguru's chest again. These days it comes and goes and he doesn't really pay any attention to it, but it's difficult to ignore it now when it makes his skin tingle and his palms clammy.
This is weird.
At the same time, it's not weird at all. In fact, Suguru is overcome with immense happiness, because he has a best friend. They are best friends, and it's a lot more than just a title.
It's his happiness.
Unable to contain such happiness, Suguru surges forward with both hands, ruffling the other boy's hair so that it looks as wild as physically possible. Satoru reacts to the sudden attack with a gasp, and though he tries to push Suguru away, he's weakened by his own uncontrollable giggling.
Naturally, it turns into a tickle fight that lasts up until the moment that Satoru shouts too loudly. Both of them freeze, because it's almost time for curfew and Suguru should be back in his own dorm room by now. The punishment for breaking curfew is not a punishment to be reckoned with. Luckily for them, no one comes knocking at the door and they make sure to stay quiet after that.
Some odd minutes later, Suguru stares at the dorm room ceiling while lying on his back. They've just finished speaking a little more about some of the fun activities planned for them in Okinawa, and now a comfortable silence has fallen upon them. Apparently, Satoru has never been to Okinawa before, whereas Suguru tends to go every year to visit his favorite grandparent. He'll have to make sure that they have as much fun as possible, so that Satoru will have a good time and remember the trip fondly.
"Hey, um… I'm sorry if I was being too pushy earlier. I guess you don't have to have a ton of friends to be happy.”
He's met with more silence. When Suguru turns his head, he realizes that it's because Satoru is fast asleep, once again hugging the pillow to his chest. His hair is still wild from when Suguru messed it up, making him look extra fluffy right now.
Just like a cat, Suguru thinks.
***
Bringing Satoru along with him to Okinawa for the summer was the greatest idea ever.
Suguru used to think that they had a ton of fun hanging out at school together, but the amount of fun that they're having now is on another level. First of all, they don't have to listen to boring lectures while trying not to fall asleep or get caught passing notes to each other. Second of all, and most importantly, there's no curfew. As long as they return to the house before it gets dark outside, Granny Yoko doesn't care if they stay up late reading manga, playing video games, or telling each other ghost stories. Besides, playing outside for most of the day tires them out, so they usually fall asleep before midnight regardless of having no bedtime.
Basically, this is probably the best summer that Suguru has ever had in his entire eleven years of life. It doesn't matter that they still have summer homework that they haven't touched yet, either. When it comes to doing schoolwork, the two of them working together are unbeatable. Nothing is ever too difficult for them to handle together.
One of the many things that Suguru likes about Satoru is that he can turn basically anything into a game. They were in the middle of pretending to be zombie warriors when Satoru discovered a colony of ants near the side of the house and started fixating on that instead. Luckily, Suguru is flexible when it comes to the games that they play, since Satoru gets distracted easily when he isn't hyperfocusing on something. It's always one or the other with him.
So, as a result of discovering the ants, Satoru wants to “experiment” on them. At first, Suguru gets worried that he'll have to convince his best friend not to torture other lifeforms, but it turns out that Satoru just wants to put tiny pieces of food next to the ants to see what they prefer. It sounds easy enough, so that's what they end up doing, starting off strong with the sugar cubes that Granny Yoko keeps in the kitchen for her tea.
“Should I break the cube into pieces and then set it down? Or let them have a whole one?” Suguru asks, holding said cubes of sugar in his hand.
Though Satoru never looks away from the ant colony, he answers, “Let's try both.”
Suguru does as he's told and breaks one of the cubes into three separate pieces. He places the bits of sugar near the line of ants who appear to be on their way back to the colony after whatever mission they may have gone on. As expected, once one of the ants shows interest, several more are quick to follow behind.
“Wow!” Satoru gasps, amazed. You'd think that he's never seen an ant before. Something about his reaction is just so cute. “Okay, okay. Let's try the strawberry now. We can save the piece of chocolate for last.”
Again, Suguru does as he's told. He can already tell that it's going to take a long time for the ants to assemble enough power to collect the treasure they've just been provided. In all honesty, Suguru couldn't care less about which form of sugar the ants might prefer. He just wants to do whatever Satoru is doing.
Suguru asks, “What do you plan to do with the ants once they finish taking the sweets?”
And Satoru answers, “Step on them.”
“Satoru.”
“I'm joking!” he claims, laughing maniacally with his head tossed back. Suguru doesn't think it's that funny. “Chill out, I'm not gonna do anything to ‘em. I just think they're fun to watch. Like, they're just so tiny and helpless. They have no idea that we could step on them if we wanted to.”
“Well, I don't want to,” Suguru clarifies, just in case that wasn't clear enough. “I don't think they're that weak or helpless, either. Just look at how strong they are when they work together as a team. It's really impressive how ants function, if you think about it.”
Satoru hums as if he listened to any of that, but it's unclear whether or not he's heard a single word. He's too busy staring at the insects surrounding all the sugar, completely engrossed in their tiny society.
Eventually, he asks, “Would you still be my best friend if I was an ant?”
Suguru immediately frowns. “What kind of question is that?”
“A simple one,” Satoru insists. He finally looks away from the ants and stares at Suguru expectantly. “Well?”
By some miracle, they're interrupted before Suguru can even think of how to respond to that, and he's never been more grateful for Granny Yoko.
“Boys! Dinner is ready! Come inside and wash your hands.”
“Coming!” Suguru calls back to her.
Since it looks like Satoru is about to turn back towards the ants, Suguru grabs him by the wrist and tugs him along, ignoring the childish whining that ensues.
For dinner, they're served katsu curry with a side salad made from the vegetables at the farm. It smells divine. Suguru's mouth waters with every meal, because his grandmother's cooking is just too good. As much as he likes and appreciates the fancy meals at his boarding school, it'll never compare to the endless love that Granny Yoko puts into every meal that she cooks, filling his belly and heart with warmth.
Before inhaling the meal as if they're starving, they give thanks to Granny Yoko as usual. Satoru is always especially shy when doing so, even though there's really no reason to be. When his grandmother leaves the table to grab an extra spoon for the curry and more tea for the table, Suguru elbows Satoru in the side to get his attention.
“Remember what I said? You don't have to be scared of Granny. She's really nice,” he whispers.
“I'm not scared,” Satoru whispers back, offended.
But once the older woman returns, he immediately sits up straight and goes back to silently enjoying his meal. He even finishes the salad without an issue, which is quite unusual, because Satoru typically doesn't like to eat vegetables—especially ones that haven't been cooked. However, in Suguru's opinion, the vegetables from the farm are the most delicious vegetables that he's ever eaten. Even someone like Satoru, who lives off desserts, should be able to appreciate them.
Before their vacation began, Suguru had actually been sort of worried about bringing Satoru along. Satoru has to be the most headstrong person that he's ever met, and sometimes he can come off as being bratty and entitled. Suguru didn't want to make his grandmother feel like she was babysitting a demon, so he made Satoru promise to be on his best behavior.
Yet, instead of simply behaving and displaying good manners, Satoru actually seems genuinely nervous whenever he has to interact with Granny Yoko. Not only that, but Suguru never knew that Satoru had a shy side to his personality.
They don't spend too much time on dinner. Tonight, they've been promised a fireworks kit to play with—under Granny Yoko’s supervision, of course. Suguru is especially excited because it's been so long since the last time that he got to play with fireworks, and tonight he gets to enjoy them with Satoru, his one and only best friend.
It really can't get any better than this.
“It's super cool, right?”
Suguru asks the question while the two of them are watching the colorful sparklers in their hands, both boys crouched down in the sand at the beach. Across from him, Satoru stares at the tiny firework with eyes as wide as the moon, the sparkles reflecting beautifully in his irises. He's admitted that it's the first time he's been allowed to play with fireworks like this, and Suguru is still so shocked to learn that detail. Every kid should experience this joy at least once in their lives. That's what he thinks, anyway.
Satoru takes longer to respond to the question, too mesmerized by what he's seeing.
“Yeah… oh, no! It's getting smaller! What should I do?!”
He begins to panic as the sparkler slowly dies off, the light disappearing before their very eyes. His reaction is far too amusing and Suguru ends up laughing at him, even as Satoru activates his signature pouty face. Clearly, he's distressed about the situation and doesn't think it's humorous at all.
“Don't worry, it's supposed to do that,” Suguru tells him, grinning from ear to ear. The sparkler in his own hand fizzes out as well. “See? It doesn't stay lit forever, but it's fun while it lasts.”
It doesn't seem like Satoru likes that answer, since the pout never leaves his face as he continues to mourn the fireworks. Suguru decides to cheer him up.
“We have more, by the way. If you want another one, you should go ask Granny. She'll light it for you.”
Satoru turns his head towards where the older woman is standing several meters away, chatting idly with some of the other adults from the village. One of the old guys had supplied them with the fireworks, a good friend of Granny Yoko's who raises cows and goats on his own farm. Suguru knows him as the “milk man”, because he sells the best tasting milk in the whole village and often gives some away for free.
Despite Suguru's encouragement, Satoru shakes his head.
“No, you go ask her.”
“Why? She'll say yes either way.”
“Exactly. That's why you should just ask, she knows you best.”
“Oh?” Having caught on, Suguru grins at the other boy and decides to tease him some more. “Someone's being chicken again. Are you really that scared of her?”
“I'm not!” Satoru all but shouts, and he's probably about to argue some more, but they get interrupted by the same person that they're talking about.
“Would you like another sparkler, Satoru?” Granny Yoko asks, approaching them with a warm smile and several of the tiny fireworks in her hands.
Satoru looks to Suguru instead, wanting to be rescued from the social interaction, but Suguru betrays his friend by turning his head the other way and pretending that he can't hear. Forced to deal with the interaction on his own, Satoru eventually gives in by nodding his head and shyly requesting another sparkler.
“Do you want to try lighting it yourself?” she asks next, still smiling at Satoru as if he were one of her own grandchildren. “I'll help you.”
Though he's initially surprised to be asked such a thing, Satoru ends up nodding to that, too. “Can I really?”
“Of course! We just have to be careful, okay?”
“Okay.”
Suguru watches the adorable interaction from the sidelines, and he feels so incredibly lucky to have the best grandmother in the world who readily accepts his best friend as family. Being selfless, kind, and willing to take care of others is the way of their village, though. So, he should've known that his grandmother would happily take Satoru in and adore him all the same.
Later on that same night, they're lying on the futons in the spare bedroom when Satoru opens up to him about his family for the first time.
“Suguru?”
“Hm?”
“Your granny is really nice.”
In the dark, Suguru smiles.
“Told ya so.”
“We should trade. I'll give you my grandma and I'll take your granny instead.”
“What? No way!” Appalled by the suggestion, Suguru rolls over to face his friend. Satoru is lying on his side, his cheek squished into the pillow and his tired eyes drooping. Unable to resist, Suguru reaches over and pokes the other cheek, saying, “I'll keep my own granny, thanks. And anyway, wouldn't yours be sad to know that you tried to trade her?”
Not reacting to the poke at all, Satoru only shrugs. “Who cares? I don't like her, she's mean. She doesn't like me either, so.”
“Well… how do you know that she doesn't?”
“It's just obvious. She gets mad at everything that I do and she always tries to boss me around,” Satoru explains, his tone as casual as ever despite talking about the person he dislikes. “Like, if I mess up on something even a little bit, she'll smack my head and tell me to do it all over again. It's so annoying.”
“Oh…” Unsure how to respond to that, Suguru asks instead, “What about your grandpa? Um, if you have one.”
“I don't like him either,” Satoru says, matter-of-fact. “He's not as annoying as my grandma, but he always says I'm a disrespectful brat and then he ignores me.”
Hearing that, it's even more believable. Suguru really isn't trying to pick sides, but he finds himself asking, “So… were you being a disrespectful brat at the time?”
Satoru flicks him on the forehead, instantly proving that point. Still, Suguru thinks it's only fair that he apologizes for asking that, so he does. Afterwards, he suddenly realizes that it's the first time Satoru has ever spoken to him about his family, which is quite surprising. Everyone at school always says that the Gojo clan is a big deal, but even after all this time, Suguru still knows nothing about them. Now that he thinks about it, he's also never asked.
Maybe it's a good time to ask, then.
“What about your mom and dad?” he asks next. “You never talk about them.”
Satoru's mouth widens as a big yawn escapes him. Since he doesn't answer the question right away, Suguru wonders if he misread the room and possibly overstepped an unspoken boundary. Thankfully, that doesn't seem to be the case, once Satoru shrugs and replies:
“I don't know, they're usually really busy so I don't always see them when I visit home.” He turns onto his back now, staring up at the ceiling instead of meeting Suguru's eyes. “Father travels a lot for work and Mother likes to go with him. Most of the time it's just my grandparents and the servants in the main house, and I have two uncles and an aunt who live in the other parts of the estate. I don't know if they like me either, I don't see them often.”
Never before has Suguru been so unable to relate to something, even as he listens and tries to understand. He's never been to Satoru's house before—which is apparently much more than just a house. It's an entire property, with multiple parts to it. It's hard for Suguru to imagine what it must look like. At least now he can say that the rumors are true; the Gojo clan really is something special.
Curious, Suguru asks, “What do you usually do when you visit home, then?”
For Suguru, visiting his home is always fun. Not as much fun as staying at Granny Yoko’s, but he likes spending time with his mother and telling her all about his life at the boarding school, and he likes presenting his various achievements to his father. His father is often busy and occasionally travels for work, too, but Suguru has never seen it as a bad thing. His father is his hero, after all. He likes knowing that the man he looks up to most is out doing good deeds.
This time, Satoru answers his question by turning it back around, asking, “What do you usually do when you go home?”
“I asked you first.”
“So?”
Suguru glares at the little brat, but it makes no difference since Satoru still stares at the ceiling.
“Well… we usually have dinner together and talk about stuff,” he answers anyway. “My mom takes me somewhere fun, like to a museum or the movie theater so that we can spend time together… and my dad is usually working. When he isn't, he takes me out to lunch and sometimes his friends from work might join us. Oh, one time he took me to a basketball game. That was really fun.”
Various memories of his parents pass through Suguru’s mind and he smiles, missing them suddenly. But although he doesn't get to see them every single day, he's still happy that he gets to attend the boarding school. While going to school there, he's been able to mature, improve his academic skills, and embrace his independence. Most of all, he's been able to make a really great friend who makes every day of his mundane life feel like an exciting adventure.
Suguru wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
“Okay, I've made up my mind,” Suguru announces.
“Hm? On what?” Satoru asks. He rolls back onto his side and waits, intrigued by the sudden determination in his friend's tone.
Suguru doesn't keep him waiting long. “I'll share my granny with you, then. Sound fair?”
Since that's obviously not what he expects to hear, Satoru responds to that declaration in the same way that he always does when something surprises him. That is to say, his eyes go comically wide and his mouth drops open in an ‘o’ shape, and it never fails to make Suguru want to squish his cheeks and protect him from all the bad things in the world.
And just as usual, Satoru tries to play it off by schooling his expression back into something more neutral, as if he hadn't looked like an excited kitten a few seconds ago. Even when he's like this, Suguru still has to fight the urge to squish him.
Nodding confidently as if he earned this right, Satoru says, “Okay. That's fair.”
This time when Suguru reaches out to poke his cheek again, unable to resist after all, Satoru giggles happily before doing the same.
***
[after]
Suguru wakes up the next morning gasping for air.
His body forces him to sit up, his chest heaving as he sucks in the air around him with each desperate inhale. It takes longer than necessary for his brain to finally realize that he's not actually suffocating, but once it does, he still doesn't feel any better. If anything, it just tires him out.
The culprit is the same nightmare that he always has. He's lying in bed in an empty room and all that he can see is the endless ceiling above him. Then, he begins to sink. His body slowly sinks deeper and deeper into the mattress, and for some reason, he's never able to move around in these dreams. He's completely paralyzed. All that he can do is watch himself sink down until he can't breathe anymore.
Then, he wakes up.
Suguru is so tired of waking up.
Sighing, he reaches up to brush his hair out of his face and then he glances around the room. Everything is the same as it had been when he fell asleep: peaceful, and with a warm body sleeping next to his own. Satoru's face is hidden underneath the blanket and all that's visible is his messy white hair sticking out. Instead of sleeping soundly in his own futon, he somehow made his way over to Suguru's, taking up at least a quarter of the space. No surprise there. This often happens whenever they sleep near each other, and Suguru got used to forfeiting his personal space ages ago.
After letting himself recover for a few minutes, Suguru gets up to make his way to the bathroom. He splashes cool water on his face a few times while standing at the sink. His mouth is drier than cotton and he can feel a headache looming in the distance. Too tired to head into the kitchen and afraid he might pass out, Suguru gulps down a few handfuls of water from the bathroom sink. It works in no time. He guesses that he was probably a bit dehydrated, too.
Judging by the soft lighting that passes through the windows, it must be early. Suguru decides to start his day in spite of that. He needs to follow a strict routine while he's here for the summer. He can't allow his mind to wander into unwanted territory. Routines can help with that. Well, sometimes.
Today, his routine begins with taking his medication and making a cup of coffee. Suguru never used to be a coffee drinker. Tea has always been his go-to, and not just any tea. He likes the type of tea that only old people drink, the kind that tastes too strong and claims to have all sorts of healing properties for any ailments you can name. But then he fell victim to caffeine addiction last year when he was working a part-time job every day after school, and the rest is history.
So, Suguru needs his coffee.
Unfortunately, there is none.
Right, because his grandmother doesn't drink the stuff. It wouldn't be good for her heart. That means there's never been a reason for her to keep any in the house.
That's fine. No big deal. Suguru will go elsewhere for coffee.
Honestly, he's not entirely sure that he knows where he's going when he slides on his sandals and leaves his grandmother's house, but most of the local stores rest at the bottom of the hill. So, that's where he goes. Luckily, he only has to follow his nose a short while before he ends up at the bakery that he remembers loving as a kid.
Back then, Suguru would tag along every morning when his grandfather went down to the bakery for a fresh loaf of bread. That was his routine and Suguru was just happy to be included in it. Aside from their daily trips to the bakery, he doesn't remember much else about the old man, who later passed away when Suguru was about seven years old.
Suguru tries not to think about the past for too long, but he wonders how his grandmother has dealt with living alone all this time.
At the bakery, he buys an iced coffee with minimal sugar and forgoes the cream. He knows that it's exactly what he'd needed when he nearly moans after the first sip. Satisfied at last, he's about to leave when he remembers the fresh bread. Of course, he can't leave without the bread. And while he's at it, he thinks that a certain someone would be absolutely delighted to try the apple pastry, too.
The moment that Suguru exits the bakery with the bread and pastries in one and his coffee in the other, his phone begins to ring. He has to maneuver the items around before he can dig the device out of the deep pocket in his shorts. He manages to answer the call right before it would've gone to voicemail.
“Where are you?”
No “hello”, no “how are you”; nothing. He's lucky that Suguru tolerates him so much. Someone has to.
“Good morning to you, too,” Suguru replies into the phone. Despite everything, his mouth automatically curves into a smile. He asks, “How did you sleep?”
“Good. Now, where are you?”
Demanding as ever. Well, at least he can always rely on Satoru to be his authentic self.
“I'm out. Had to get coffee.” Suguru checks his surroundings before crossing the small street. The fresh morning air encourages him to take a deep breath, and he keeps an easy pace as he begins making his way back in the direction he came from. He has to remind himself to take it easy. There's no rushing in Okinawa. “You were still asleep and hogging all of the floor space, so I didn't bother waking you.”
Satoru doesn't say anything right away. Instead, there's the vague sound of ruffling as if he's moving around. Afterwards, he sighs into the speaker.
“Okay. Well, you could've told me anyway… that you were leaving.”
“You wouldn't have listened.”
“I would've,” he stubbornly insists. “I don't sleep that hard, y'know. Okay, yeah, I do—but still! I need to know these things, Suguru. Just in case.”
Suguru shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it all, until he remembers that Satoru can't see him.
“In case what, exactly? Also, why do you always have to know where I am? I don't recall you being the one to give birth to me.”
Satoru scoffs. “Well, duh. You were just a baby with a stupid baby brain, of course you wouldn't recall that.”
“Right, right. Okay. Thanks for the explanation, Mom,” he teases, deciding to go along with the absurdity of the situation. If he takes things too seriously when it comes to Satoru, he'll end up losing his mind. “Anyway, I'm already on my way back to the house. Try not to miss me too much, yeah?”
“I don't know… that might be a little too difficult for me right now.” Playing his ‘role’ with ease, Satoru pretends to shed a tear by sniffling on the other end of the line. “I'll try, though. Just for you.”
Suguru doesn't bother holding in his laughter.
Granny Yoko’s home is much livelier by the time that Suguru returns. The smell of sausage and eggs greets him as soon as he enters the front door, and he follows that aroma into the kitchen. He spots his grandmother making breakfast in front of the stove, while Satoru chats her ear off about something that probably isn't important. He's still in his fancy pajamas (a satin blue shirt and shorts with white polka dots on them) and his messy hair sticks out in all directions. Meanwhile, Granny Yoko is fully dressed and prepared for the day ahead, her long gray hair pulled back into the usual bun. They turn to greet him at the same time when they notice him, and then Satoru is eagerly approaching Suguru with a small wooden bowl in his hands.
“Look! Granny picked these from the garden just now.” He presents the bowl of fresh strawberries with pride as if he were the one to grow them. The red stain on his lips shows that he's already eaten several, which comes as no surprise. Strawberries are his favorite fruit. “They're really sweet, I promise. Here, try one.”
Since Suguru's hands are still full, Satoru takes it upon himself to feed one of the strawberries to him. The burst of sweet flavor in his mouth is a direct contrast to the bitterness of the coffee. He likes it. Satoru watches his reaction the whole time, eager for his approval.
“It's really good,” Suguru agrees.
“Right? Granny says we can use them to make jam later on, so I wanna do that with you. Also, I tried a spoonful of the last batch that she made and it's the sweetest shit I've ever had. No joke.”
“Hey, no cursing in front of Granny,” Suguru gently scolds him. He hands the bag of fresh bread over to Satoru for him to deal with, saying, “Here. You have a pastry in there.”
Suguru doesn't wait for a reaction, instead he moves to gather a few plates from the nearby cabinet when his grandmother announces that their breakfast is ready. But this is how he always is. It feels too embarrassing to say things like, I got this for you and I really hope you like it, or even, I saw this and thought of you. Suguru can't deal with awkward things like that, so he'd rather hand them over casually with a simple: here, it's yours. Do whatever you want.
Satoru is well aware of this. They've known each other long enough, after all. And because he is the way that he is, he usually likes to tease Suguru for his shyness by being as obnoxiously cheesy as possible. Usually. He doesn't do it this time, though.
“Really? Thanks!” is all that he says, grinning from ear to ear. But his gratitude is just as genuine as it always is.
It's almost nine o'clock by the time that they've finished eating. Suguru has to insist multiple times that he and Satoru can handle cleaning the dishes before Granny Yoko finally gives in, and he agrees to meet up with her once he's done cleaning. Once it's just the two of them again, Suguru lets out a sigh.
“You look tired,” Satoru says, observing him. He's taking his sweet time drying the plate with the towel in his hands—the only task that Suguru trusts him with when it comes to handling breakable objects. “Did you sleep well?”
“I'm fine,” is Suguru's automatic response. Because he is fine, despite his sleep being disturbed by his sick mind's usual nonsense. He rinses the colorful glass that he'd just finished washing and hands it over to Satoru. “Be careful with this one, it's Granny's favorite.”
“Yeah, yeah. I got it, boss,” Satoru insists. He teases Suguru with a gentle shoulder bump. “By the way, do you wanna go to the beach soon? I feel like that's usually the first thing that we do whenever we come here. Might as well keep the tradition going, right?”
Suguru shakes his head. “I'll probably be working for most of today, not sure yet. But you can head over to the beach if you want. Have fun.”
“What?!” Satoru squawks, alarmed. “No way am I going to the beach by myself! Where's the fun in that? Also, what do you mean by ‘most’ of today? Can't we hang out together first?”
The barrage of questions and the increasing heat of the sink water work in tandem against him. At least it proves that he isn't completely numb. Suguru allows the water to turn his skin red while he summons the patience to explain the situation again, because it's definitely not the first time.
“Like I said before you insisted on tagging along,” he begins, “I'm not just staying here to play around and keep you entertained, Satoru. Granny's hand surgery is next week and she needs all the help she can get while in recovery. So, some mornings I'll be working at the farm and in the afternoons I'll help out with other things, like running errands for her and doing chores. Y'know, since she won't be able to use one of her hands. Understand?”
Of course Satoru doesn't understand. He's never had to work a single day in his life. He's also never known hardship or what it means to struggle to survive. That's not to say that it's his fault for being unable to understand such things, and Suguru is happy for him, for living such a fortunate life. He should definitely work on his listening skills, though.
Satoru reaches over him and turns off the faucet. Now that the sensation of the burning water no longer tickles his mind, Suguru looks away from the empty sink, just realizing that they've cleaned everything. He turns to Satoru instead, who wears a stubborn pout as he dries off the last piece of cutlery. Suguru fully expects him to complain some more, so it surprises him when the opposite occurs.
“Fine. I'll help you with work, then.”
“Huh?” Suguru stares at his best friend as if he's seen a ghost. “You? You want to… work?”
“Don't look at me like that,” Satoru grumbles. He sets the towel down onto the counter and places his hands on his hips, seemingly activating his sass. “I said I want to help. Can't a guy help his best friend in need? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Plus, two hands are better than one! Or… four hands? Me plus you—that's four.”
Suguru snorts, unable to imagine someone like Satoru working out in the fields, of all places. It's an image he never thought he'd see.
“Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?” he asks, wanting to save himself the trouble of rescuing the guy from heat stroke later. “It's physical labor. Lots of bending, lifting, and moving around in the dirt; things a pretty boy like yourself has never experienced before.”
Rather than backing down, Satoru steps forward. Just as anticipated; he's too competitive and prideful for his own good. A wicked grin spreads over his face as if to say that he's already accepted the challenge, so what are they still standing around for?
“You kidding? I'm way more flexible than you think,” Satoru teases, and then he winks. “So, when do we start?”
Suguru takes a moment to size him up. Then, he mirrors that cocky grin with one of his own.
“Come with me.”
***
This is the funniest day of Suguru's life.
It's hardly been two hours since they've arrived at the farm to help out for the day. Usually, the small farm is mostly maintained by Granny Yoko and her long-time best friend, Ms. Emi, who owns the old restaurant right across from the farm itself. It's where she gets all of her vegetables to use for cooking and serving meals to the local community. It's also one of the only places that stays open late enough to grab a nice dinner, unless you travel into the city. So, as small as it is, it's a very important place for all those living in the village. Without Granny Yoko, it would be quite difficult for Ms. Emi to run the restaurant while also maintaining the farm, since the only other help that she occasionally gets is from her own granddaughter.
Understanding the dire situation inspires Suguru to work hard and efficiently at whatever task they give him, but it's only been two hours and his “sidekick” is already struggling to stay alive.
Suguru can't stop glancing over his shoulder every couple of minutes to make sure that Satoru hasn't passed out. Their main task involves getting rid of the weeds that sprout up in the fields and there are lots of them. Every time that Suguru looks over his shoulder, Satoru is still crouched down and getting rid of any weeds in his vicinity, but he loses stamina rather quickly. What makes it funny is that he starts off strong, too eager to show off just how helpful he can be. It doesn't last long. The sun is currently at the highest point in the sky and it beats down on them without mercy, reminding them all that it definitely is summer.
Satoru wipes at the sweat on his brow, then he tugs the collar of his shirt a few times, trying to fan himself. He's still wearing those silly sunglasses to help block out the sun, but the sweat on his nose causes them to slide down repeatedly. He pushes them further up the bridge of his nose anyway, exhausted but as stubborn as ever.
At the rate that he's going, he's not being all that helpful right now.
After another ten minutes of laughing to himself, Suguru decides that enough is enough. He'll be a good person—and a great friend—and tend to his fellow soldier in need. If he doesn't, then Satoru might actually end up getting hurt. The stubborn fool is much too proud to admit when something is overwhelming him.
Satoru is startled by the straw hat that suddenly appears on his head, and he almost falls over from where he's still crouching in the dirt. He looks up at the same time that Suguru squats down, who reaches out to adjust the hat so that it fits properly. He had been advised to wear the hat from the very beginning, but Satoru declined because it wasn't “cute enough”. He opens his mouth to speak, but Suguru beats him to it.
“Didn't I tell you to put on sunscreen?” he asks, while his nimble fingers tie the hat's strings just below Satoru's chin.
“I did.”
“And have you reapplied it?”
Silence. Of course, he hasn't. Suguru shakes his head in pity, but his smile is one of pure fondness. He pats his friend on the shoulder.
“Drink some water and reapply the sunscreen over there in the shade. When you feel better, you can get back to work.”
For the briefest moment, it almost seems that Satoru will argue with him and insist that he's the strongest, so he doesn't need to take a break despite how he's slowly beginning to look as pink as an octopus. But this time, the smart side of his brain wins against his problematic ego.
“Okay,” he mumbles, not daring to look Suguru in the eyes. He still accepts the hand being offered to him when they stand up, though, and Suguru easily pulls him up from the ground. Just before going their separate ways, he asks, “What about you?”
“I'm fine,” Suguru reassures him, further dismissing the concern with another smile. “I'll take a break soon, I think it's almost time for lunch, anyway.”
He gets back to work without another word.
Being busy feels really fucking good. All of a sudden, the sun is going down to signal the end of a productive day and Suguru's mind doesn't wander away from him, not even once. It's definitely because he's been too busy. They deal with the weeds, and then Ms. Emi serves lunch and freshly squeezed lemonade, and then they get to play with her dog, Lulu, and then Granny Yoko invites them to tag along with her to the farmer's market. One thing leads to the next and now the day is over, just like that.
Suguru can get used to this. Maybe he can find a reason to enjoy his life while he's here on the island with his grandmother and his best friend.
At the end of the day, it's just the two of them again. To show his appreciation, Suguru promises to treat Satoru to a big scoop of ice cream for all of his hard work. They have to use a bicycle to get there, since the little ice cream shop isn’t located in the village, but it works out perfectly for them. Suguru takes the reins while Satoru hops on right behind him, and they make it to the shop in no time.
“I'm not exaggerating when I say this,” Satoru begins, pausing to lick the melting ice cream from the side of his cone, “but this is the best fucking ice cream that I've ever had in my goddamn life.”
His enthusiasm brings a heartfelt laugh out of Suguru, who walks beside him while pushing the bike. This current arrangement is due to the fact that they initially ate the ice cream while at the shop. Suguru finished his own and Satoru wanted another one, so the former volunteered to push the bike while Satoru enjoyed his second dessert.
“That's because you earned it,” Suguru teases, still grinning as they continue to walk. Just then, he notices an old stair path that leads off the side of the road and as they start to pass it, he realizes that it's familiar. “Wait, let's head up those stairs.”
Satoru eyes the pathway and it's clear that he's immediately spooked by it, asking as he clenches his ice cream cone, “Why? What's up there? We didn't come from that path, did we? I don't think we did…”
“Relax. It's just an old shrine at the top. A really small one,” Suguru reassures him. Just to be a jerk, he adds, “But if there are ghosts, you'd scare them off with how loud you are.”
Suguru just barely manages to dodge the foot that shoots out to kick him in the shin. He's giggling as he runs up the stairs, abandoning the bike for now while Satoru chases behind him and calls him a bitch for fleeing the scene of his crime. When they reach the top of the stairs and take in the gorgeous view that awaits them, both of them are too awestruck to continue their banter.
They can't see the entire island from up here, but they can see enough of it, like the old village down below on the opposite side of the shrine. It's also the perfect location for viewing the sunset, which sounds like a really good idea right now. Since there aren't any ghosts around that they've noticed, they take a seat on a nearby bench to soak in nature's beauty.
When Satoru is finished with his ice cream, he breaks the silence when he comments, “You never told me that you knew a lot about farming.”
Suguru hums, his gaze still focused on the horizon. He answers, “Well, it's not like I know a lot, but… do you remember that one summer when your parents dragged you to America with them, and I came here alone?”
Satoru nods. “Yeah. I hated them for kidnapping me like that.”
“What?” Suguru has to take a moment to stop himself from laughing, because he can tell that Satoru was being totally serious with that statement. “Don't say you were kidnapped. They are literally your parents.”
“Okay, but did I ask to go? No! I wanted to come here with you. Man, it still pisses me off years later.”
Annoyed by the unpleasant memory, Satoru folds his arms over his chest and slouches down on the bench. His temper is always much shorter than usual when it comes to his parents.
“Well… sorry that happened to you, then.” Suguru clears his throat and attempts to get the conversation back on track. “Anyway, I was bored so I helped Granny with the farm a lot that summer. I guess I still remember a few things from back then.”
“Oh, okay. Makes sense. Still wish I had been there, but that's cool.”
This time Suguru doesn't bother suppressing his laughter.
“You really love Okinawa, don't you, Satoru?”
“Of course! And it's not just Okinawa, it's…” He trails off suddenly, seemingly getting lost in his own thoughts. When he speaks up again, he sounds incredibly determined. “What if we just… moved here? Like, for good. I'll pay someone to build us a house next to Granny's. I know she'd love that.”
Well, that's a new one. Suguru laughs again and he rests his chin against the palm of his hand, amused by his friend's active imagination.
“With what money?” he challenges. “Your folks probably won't hand over that pretty inheritance if you keep refusing to go to university.”
“I'm not refusing, I'm just not going yet!” Satoru argues back. He turns his head the other way, mumbling, “Not without you… anyway, who cares about that? I'll find ways to get my own money.”
“Mm, yeah. I'm sure you will, with no degree and that big mouth of yours…”
“Fuck off.”
“Can we have a pool?”
“Huh?”
“In the house that you're gonna build for me,” Suguru clarifies, now fully entertaining the ridiculous fantasy. Why? Because it's fun. “I want a pool in the backyard and it has to face the ocean, or else it won't be perfect.”
Satoru only stares back at him for a moment, blinking. He catches on quickly enough, his lips curling into a playful smile.
“You have good taste. Expensive taste,” he says. “Sure, you can have anything you want and more. Sounds like I'll have to work extra hard to afford your happiness, though.”
“Yeah… you definitely will.” Suguru sighs at the thought, and then he takes on a more distressed tone. “You'll work so hard that I'll never get to see you, and then I'll be so lonely that I start having an affair with Mr. Otonashi who works at the supermarket.”
Satoru reacts to that as if it were real, eyes wide and his surprised gasp much louder than the rest of their conversation has been. Suguru sticks out his tongue, teasing, because he knows exactly what Satoru must be thinking right now. He hadn't been subtle at all with the reference to his birthgiver.
“It's just a joke. You're allowed to laugh.”
Instead of laughing, Satoru replies, “Well, if you did end up having an affair… would it make me a fool if I tried to win you back? Because I loved you and only you?”
“What the fuck?” Suguru deadpans. “Damn. You really hate yourself that much? I'm sorry, I didn't realize…”
Afterwards, when Suguru puts his hands together and pretends to pray to the shrine for Satoru's mental health and well-being, Satoru threatens to punch him for ruining their little role-play.
***
[before]
Time slips through his fingers like grains of sand.
Suguru blinks and suddenly it's the end of his 17th summer, each day is getting colder, and he's not sure if he likes school as much as he used to when he was younger. He certainly doesn't hate school and his test scores are as perfect as ever, but sometimes he lacks the enthusiasm for it. He starts to wonder if maybe he just needs a bigger challenge, that perhaps his comfortable life at the boarding school has made him too complacent.
It's hard to determine if this is the real answer to his complex feelings, though, because life at the boarding school is all that he's ever known. He has nothing else to compare it to, and he hardly remembers his old life at the school that he attended until transferring to this one. Whenever the word “home” is mentioned, the image of his childhood bedroom at his parent's house is no longer the first thing that pops into his mind. Instead, he thinks of late nights spent in the comfort of his dorm room, far past curfew, and a pair of mesmerizing eyes the same color as the sky in the middle of summer.
But at the end of the day, Suguru shoves those thoughts to the back of his mind and tries not to let them distract him from his goals. After all, he's been working hard towards graduating high school so that he can apply to the greatest college that Tokyo has to offer: Jujutsu University. It's not an easy path to walk, but it's far from impossible. Suguru has various academic achievements to prove it.
Life goes on and with it comes countless changes, but at least he can always count on one thing remaining the same after all these years.
A small, folded-up piece of paper lands on the edge of Suguru's desk. It's the third one that he's received today in the same manner, but since he ignored the first two that came his way, he probably won't stop getting them until he responds.
Sighing, Suguru glances towards their teacher to make sure that he isn't watching, and then he quietly unfolds the small paper.
suguruuu
stop ignoring me u ass
it's important
Suguru knows that he shouldn't entertain the menace sitting at the desk next to him. He knows this, but he's quick to give in. He's always been weak when it comes to Gojo Satoru, his best friend of almost six years now. Suguru turns his head towards the other boy, who wears the biggest pout on his face while gesturing with his hand for Suguru to write back to him. Though Suguru rolls his eyes, he still picks up his mechanical pencil.
fine
what do you want?
He folds the paper again and waits to make sure that they're not being watched, then discreetly hands it over to his friend. In contrast, Satoru doesn't even try to be sneaky. He unfolds the paper as if opening a letter from the mail, right out in the open, and then he scribbles a reply within seconds.
hungry
kfc after class?
yes or yes (circle one)
that's what was so important???
yes
btw u didn't circle one
what are my other options
ok what about
yes/yes/i love kfc (circle one)
nah i’m feeling zaru soba
yes/yes (circle one)
what the fuck
don't copy me
we're getting kfc!!!!
there I circled it for you
can't wait to get soba <3
NO
After Satoru scribbles circles all over the page in retaliation, Suguru crumples up the piece of paper into a ball. Next to him, an offended gasp is heard. He hides the sound of his laughter into the palm of his hand while Satoru rips a small corner of paper from his notebook and begins writing another note. The bell chimes before he can finish it, signaling the end of their class period and the school day. They stand from their seats at the same time, but before either of them can speak, they're interrupted by an authoritative voice from the front of the room.
“Satoru,” the teacher calls out to him. “A word, please.”
“See ya,” Suguru says to his friend, hardly wasting a second, and he has to suppress a laugh when he sees the look of utter betrayal on Satoru's face. It's most likely that the teacher noticed him not paying any attention during their lesson.
While Satoru gets left behind like a sacrificial lamb for a wolf, Suguru tosses his bag over his shoulder and steps into the hallway. He immediately almost crashes face-first into someone else, and when he steps back just in time to avoid the collision, he recognizes the other student as one of his juniors.
“Oh, Haibara. You scared the crap out of me. Maybe… don't stand right by the door, just in case.”
“Right! Sorry, that was my bad.” Haibara wears a sheepish grin as he apologizes, but he's quick to recover, expressing his excitement half a second later. “I was waiting for you, actually! I ran here as soon as class ended.”
“Oh?” Because they're still very much in the way of other students exiting the room, Suguru takes the other boy by the arm and gently leads them over to the side of the hallway. “Is it about the study group? I don't usually host it on Fridays, because Satoru likes for us to hang out downtown. But if it's really important to you, I can probably help you later tonight?”
Surprisingly, Haibara shakes his head. “No, no, it's not that—and I actually kicked ass on my last exam thanks to you! But no, I was here to ask… for another type of favor.”
It's not what Suguru anticipates on hearing, so he waits patiently for his junior to explain the situation.
“So, do you remember the last exchange event that we had with our sister school? And the girls that I hung out with at the end?”
“No.”
“Really?” Haibara scratches the side of his head, seemingly perplexed. “It was only a month ago.”
“No, like, I remember the event, of course. I just don't know who you're talking about,” Suguru clarifies.
“Oh, okay.” He pauses again. “Really?”
Suguru sighs and nods his head. “Yes, really, I wasn't paying attention to who you were with. What about it, though?”
“I could've sworn you were there, too…” Haibara trails off for a brief moment to recall the memory, but he's quick to give up, thankfully. “Well, they're hosting a small mixer this weekend and asked me to come along! Sweet, right? But uh…”
When he stops talking again, obviously hesitant to ask whatever it is that he wants to ask, Suguru places a supportive hand on the boy's shoulder.
“It's okay. You won't die if you say it.”
“I know, I know!” Haibara laughs at the dramatics, but the little joke seems to do the trick. After letting out a small sigh, he concludes, “They want me to show up as long as I can, uh… bring Gojo Satoru with me. Like, they asked me to invite him, too.”
Oh.
This time, Suguru doesn't know how he hadn't guessed the answer already.
Over the past couple of years, Satoru has gained a bit of popularity, and it no longer has to do with him being an entitled brat from the well-known Gojo clan. Now, it's all thanks to puberty. In the past couple of years, Satoru has gone from being the “antisocial genius prodigy” to being the “very handsome, slightly-less antisocial genius prodigy with the pretty eyes and insanely long legs”, according to everyone else. It's gotten especially bad ever since the exchange events began.
Once students have aged into the high school classes at the boarding school, they're allowed to participate in the annual exchange event. At this event, students from the all-boys school and the all-girls school will come together and host a joint festival at one of the schools. This year, it had been the boys’ turn to host the girls at their school for the two-day event. The event itself consists of the usual school festival attractions: food stands, stage performances, arts and crafts, cafes, and there was even a magic show that Satoru participated in.
Girls seem to really like Satoru.
This is a fact that Suguru was quick to learn last year during the very first exchange event that the two of them attended. Some of the girls from their sister school had followed them around and showered Satoru in compliments, but most of them only watched from afar. That's fair, since Satoru can be kind of… special to deal with if you don't know him very well. Unfortunately, once he became aware of the fact that people find him attractive, it's done nothing to improve his self-centered attitude.
Only Suguru knows what the real Satoru is like, so he's immune to his best friend's silly antics and false bravado. Besides, at the end of the day, Satoru doesn't know a single damn thing about girls.
“So, what does that have to do with me?” Suguru asks once Haibara has finally revealed his motives. “I'm not Satoru, but you can go ask him yourself. He's inside the classroom getting lectured for not paying attention.”
“See, but that's not all!” Haibara rushes to get his attention again, once Suguru takes a step away as if to exit this pointless conversation. He doesn't make it very far, his junior desperately clinging to his arm. The worst part is that he's actually strong enough to hold Suguru in place. “I also need you, too! Because, like, okay—so I asked Nanami to come along, but he bailed on me. We're short one guy so I was thinking you'd like to come, too? And… if you can be the one to ask Gojo. Please?”
It's probably not that big of a deal. It shouldn't be a big deal at all, yet Suguru finds himself getting somewhat annoyed and he doesn't know why. He groans before he can stop himself.
“Why do I have to ask him? It's not like you've never met him before, right?”
“Yeah, I know, but… but he'll probably say no,” Haibara guesses, and Suguru can easily confirm that he'd be correct. “However, if you ask him to come along, then he'll most likely say yes! Y'know, since you'll be there, too, and you guys do everything together.”
To be completely fair, the logic behind his reasoning makes total sense. The fact of the matter is that, yes, Satoru will likely agree to go if Suguru is involved. Yes, he is more willing to do basically anything as long as Suguru is there. And yes, the two of them have been inseparable since they were eleven years old, so he can understand why someone from the outside would view their relationship this way.
However, Suguru himself would gain nothing from going to this event, so he's not sure how he feels about wasting one of his days off from school to attend it. At the same time, though, Suguru has always been way too nice to people.
Before he can give an answer, an arm suddenly comes to rest around Suguru's shoulders and a warm body leans into his own. Suguru could probably recognize this person by scent alone. He doesn't need to turn his head to see the one who touches him, as he already knows.
“Hey,” Satoru greets them, his eyes trained on Haibara even as he leans further into Suguru's personal space.
That was too quick. Suguru wonders how he managed to escape his punishment so soon, but then again, this is Gojo Satoru that he's dealing with here. Even in the rare times that he has to deal with the consequences of his actions, it never lasts for long. There's just no point in scolding him all day when he still has the best scores amongst all the students in their year. Upon realizing this, their teachers always give up on dealing with him one by one. It's a normal cycle that happens every single year whenever they advance to the next grade with a new set of teachers to learn from.
“Hey!” Haibara responds in a heartbeat, so incredibly nervous and excited to be faced with another senior that he admires so much. The fact that they were just talking about Satoru without his knowledge makes it worse.
Just because he can (and probably because he's aware of his influence), Satoru proceeds to stare at Haibara after greeting him, while the younger student practically shakes beneath the intensity of his gaze. After a few seconds of awkward tension, Satoru displays a wicked grin.
“Haibara, your fly is down.”
The poor boy instantly falls for it. His hands rush to shield the front of his uniform pants in an instant, his face going entirely red and he squeaks, embarrassed. It's another second before he actually checks himself and sees that it was just a dumb prank. Suguru almost shakes his head in pity. He swears that Haibara fell for the exact same trick the last time that Satoru interacted with him.
Bored already following that brief moment of entertainment, Satoru turns his attention to Suguru by squeezing his shoulder and whining.
“Suguru, m'hungry. Let's get outta here, yeah?”
Without waiting for a reply, Satoru releases him at last and spins around, already walking in the other direction. He doesn't need to pause and check behind him. He knows that Suguru will always follow him wherever he goes.
Before leaving to do just that, Suguru addresses his junior again. “I'll ask him this evening, okay? I won't promise anything, though.”
Haibara looks like he might actually shed real tears upon hearing the good news.
“Okay! No problem! Thanks so much!”
It's not the first time that they've been to the KFC in Shinjuku and it most certainly won't be the last. Satoru has been addicted to this specific fast food chain lately, ever since having it for the first time several months ago. It makes sense; a rich kid like him wouldn't normally be fed things like KFC. So, when Suguru suggested that they try it out one weekend, Satoru was beyond skeptical; he initially refused altogether, until Suguru promised him that it really wasn't that bad.
Still, Suguru never expected his friend to become addicted to the stuff. And it's KFC, of all places. There are plenty of much better fried chicken options out there, but it's too late to do anything about it. Once Satoru decides that he likes something, he never lets it go.
Basically, KFC has become one of their usual hangout spots in the city. At the boarding school, only high school students are allowed to leave campus unsupervised on the weekends. It's been a nice change of pace, going out every Friday after class with his best friend since childhood. Sometimes they go shopping, play games at the arcade, or catch a viewing of the latest popular action film in theaters. Most of the time, though, they simply go out to eat whatever Satoru is craving that day.
A.k.a, KFC.
“You're not gonna eat that entire bucket, are you?”
Suguru watches his friend closely, a look of obvious disgust on his face upon seeing what Satoru had ordered this time around.
“What?” Satoru stares back at him, clueless, his cheeks already working hard at annihilating a crispy piece of chicken. “I told you that we could share it, but you're the one who decided to get that tiny ass chicken sandwich. Not my problem.”
A loud crunch follows that statement. Suguru shakes his head and looks down at the meal in front of him, deciding not to argue since for once in his life, Satoru is correct.
“That's because I wanted noodles,” Suguru mumbles anyway.
He doesn't know why he keeps allowing Satoru to have his way every time. Maybe because out of the two of them, Satoru is more likely to whine when he doesn't get his way and Suguru can't deal with that all the time. So, he spoils him. It's a vicious cycle that may never come to an end.
For now, Suguru decides to make conversation.
“So, how much trouble did you get in earlier?” he asks. “You escaped much sooner than I thought you would.”
“Hm? What trouble?” Satoru swallows the food in his mouth and then he takes a sip from his soda. He starts to speak again but he's interrupted by a burp that escapes instead. Suguru snorts, wondering how all those girls would feel if they saw their idol like this: gassy and with chicken grease on his cheeks. “Oh, you mean after class? Nah, I wasn't actually in trouble. Teacher just wanted to ask why I still wasn't in any clubs.”
“Oh. Weird.” Suguru picks up one of the napkins from the table and hardly thinks about it at all when he reaches forward to wipe some of the grease from Satoru's cheek. “And what did you say?”
“That I don't feel like being in clubs, so I won't join any.”
Suguru laughs at his bluntness. Really, it's not surprising at all that Satoru would say something like that to a teacher. “Seriously? Man, you could probably get away with murder if you really wanted to. No one ever says shit to you.”
“That's not true!” Satoru insists, even though it is. “The part about no one saying shit to me, not the part about murder. Anyway, he kept going and said that if I tried hard enough, I could even be class president next year—which is kind of true.”
“Nah, that's bullshit. He doesn't know what he's talking about.”
“Hey!”
“What? It's true.” Suguru responds to Satoru's sassy pout with a simple shrug. “You could do most things, but being class president really wouldn't work well for you. You're way too confrontational and opinionated, and most people don't respond well to you being a smartass all the time. You're definitely popular enough to get voted in, I just don't think anyone should want to vote for you.”
Satoru stops chewing altogether, and he replies in a deadpan tone, “Wow, Suguru. Tell us how you really feel about your best friend of six years. It's not like he has human feelings or anything.”
Deciding to switch tactics, Satoru pretends to cry hysterically. His dramatic act gains the attention of a random couple walking by, and the secondhand embarrassment that Suguru feels is enough to make him apologize quickly. He really can't deal with this guy sometimes.
“I'm really not trying to be mean,” he says afterwards, now that Satoru has gone back to demolishing his chicken in peace. “I was just giving my two cents as someone who's been class president before. It really isn't that easy.”
True to his word, Suguru has been class president for the past three years, but this year he's decided to take a break from all of that. As much as he likes being in a leadership type of role (and as much as others like to follow him and his ideas), it's been nice not having the added stress of so much responsibility. He's burnt out, basically. And since next year will be his final year in high school, he'll be burdened by countless hours of studying for university entrance exams. That's why he's dedicating the current year to relaxing more and planning for the future, now that he actually has time to think about it.
“It's whatever. I don't actually care enough to run for president and prove that I'd be better at it than you. Because I already know that I would,” Satoru says, as cocky as ever. Suguru hardly bats an eye, he's too used to this. “Anyway, what were you talking about with Haibara? You two trying to make plans without me?”
Oh, right. Suguru had nearly forgotten all about that. He's surprised that Satoru is still thinking about the interaction, though. Well, at least he won't need an excuse to bring it up.
“He was inviting me to a mixer,” Suguru explains, not bothering to beat around the bush. “Us, I mean. He's inviting both of us because some girls really wanna meet you, or some shit like that.”
“Oh,” is all that Satoru says. He loudly slurps the last bit of soda through the straw and stares off into space, not a single thought behind those bright eyes of his.
“So? What do you think?” Suguru asks, prompting him to give an actual answer.
“I don't know, what am I supposed to think?” Satoru replies, answering the question with another question because he's deciding to be difficult for no apparent reason. “I'm sure plenty of girls want to meet me, it's just the way that it is. I'm used to it now. Hey, do you want the rest of your fries?”
Suguru pushes the small container of fries closer to his friend, ignoring the cutesy cheer that Satoru lets out to reply with: “I know, but are you interested in going or not? It's a yes or no question and Haibara really wanted me to ask you.”
Again, for no apparent reason other than to waste time, Satoru nibbles on a fry and hums to himself as if thinking about what he wants to say. It's obvious that he doesn't want to talk about this and he could just say that, but he won't. While Suguru doesn't like to beat around the bush and prefers being honest with people out of politeness, Satoru is a master of avoidance who loves to play mind games.
It can definitely be infuriating at times.
After a short while of procrastination, Satoru asks, “Well, what about you? He invited both of us, right? Do you want to go?”
“Maybe? I don't know yet,” Suguru answers honestly. “But since he asked nicely and he seems kind of desperate, I probably will end up going.”
“Why, though? Do you owe him something?”
“No?”
“Then why do you have to do what he says?” Satoru shoves another fry into his mouth as a frown begins to settle on his face. “Just because he asked nicely? That makes no sense. You should just tell him to fuck off. He's a good kid, he'll understand.”
“Not if I tell him to fuck off, you idiot.” Suguru has to stop himself from face-palming right then and there. “See, this is why you have a hard time making friends. You can't just tell people to fuck off when you don't want to do something for them. Anyway, I'm not too enthusiastic about mixers but Haibara is my friend, so I don't mind helping him out when he asks.”
Rather than eating the last fry that remains from the now-empty container, Satoru twirls the crispy piece of potato in between his thumb and forefinger, playing with it. His stubborn frown from before takes on a different shape now, and he almost appears as a little kid who's just been scolded for doing something wrong. It's an unusual look for him. Suguru does a mental rewind, thinking back on his words to see if he's said something hurtful.
Before anything else can be said, Satoru speaks at last.
“You're going with him, then?”
“I… yeah, I guess so.” Suguru nods his head several times as if to reassure himself. He's definitely doing the right thing. “It's this weekend, so—”
“I'll go with you.”
Upon making his decision, Satoru tosses the stray fry back onto the food tray and wipes his fingers on a clean napkin. He doesn't wait for Suguru's reaction to his submission. While stretching his long limbs in the chair, he voices another idea.
“Let's head over to the arcade now. I feel like kicking your ass at Street Fighter.”
Satoru sticks his tongue out afterwards, teasing Suguru further; but in all honesty, he wouldn't have it any other way.
“Yeah? We'll see about that.”
***
The mixer takes place on Sunday.
On Saturday, Satoru takes him to go shopping for clothes in Harajuku, claiming that Suguru needs to look his absolute best if he's going to spend his precious time going to this event. That seems reasonable enough, so Suguru willingly tags along to all the different stores that they browse through.
The only real problem is that Satoru insists that he has to wear brand-name-only items, because he's dealing with other wealthy teens who will definitely be wearing fancy brands to the mixer. He doesn't want Suguru to stick out or feel inferior, despite how many times Suguru assures him that that won't be the case. Satoru is stubborn, though, just as always. He makes Suguru try on various pieces of expensive clothing, dressing him up and down like a life-sized doll, and then he also has the nerve to buy the entire outfit with his own allowance—again, no matter how many times Suguru refuses to let him do that.
As usual, Satoru does what he wants.
When they've completed the shopping spree and Suguru is trying not to get nauseous over how much money his best friend just spent on him, Satoru declares that he's hungry and takes them to get burgers and milkshakes. At least it's not KFC again, but either way, Suguru jumps at the chance to pay for their meals. It could never add up to the price of his new clothes, but it helps him feel just the slightest bit better about the whole situation.
Before they know it, Sunday arrives and the two of them meet with Haibara at the school's entrance before heading to Shibuya together. According to Haibara, they're meeting up with the girls at some fancy sushi spot for dinner, then they'll head over as a group to the karaoke bar nearby. The plan is simple enough. Hopefully they'll make it back to the dorms in time for Suguru to catch the new episode of one of his favorite anime when it airs later on.
The girls are already at the restaurant when they arrive. Two blondes and a brunette, all of whom wear fancy blouses and shorts skirts and shining jewelry that Suguru would never be able to guess the prices of. Satoru was right. Suguru feels slightly insecure, anyway, despite what he's wearing. It feels like he's the one imposter amongst them all.
Thankfully, no one seems to notice or care at all. Even after the girls all rush to introduce themselves to the Gojo Satoru, the one who gets most of the spotlight is Haibara. It's mostly because he talks a lot. He's quick to make jokes and he keeps the conversation flowing amongst the whole table, a natural extrovert working their magic so that things won't be horrendously awkward.
Suguru wishes that he could relate. He's definitely never been too awkward or standoffish, but he really is more of an introvert when it comes to things like this. He's kind and polite and he makes sure to say the things that people want to hear, all while being honest and authentic, but that's about it. People view him as a reliable resource, but when they don't need him for anything, it feels like he's kind of just… there.
Now that he thinks about it, it probably wouldn't have mattered if he showed up or not. Their numbers might be uneven, but Suguru is sure that the girls would've had plenty of fun just listening to Haibara's jokes and gazing into Satoru's beautiful eyes that shimmer like gemstones.
An arm suddenly appears around Suguru's shoulders and before he realizes it, he's being squeezed against Satoru's side. He looks up at the intruder and he's immediately met with a big smile, as wide and bright as ever. But then Satoru turns that smile towards the girls and says:
“He's just a bit shy, that's all!”
The girls giggle at his comment in unison and when Suguru looks around the table, he realizes that all eyes are on him. He can feel the moment that his face, neck, and the tips of ears all flush beet red. Did he miss something? Why is everyone looking at him like that? He should've been paying attention. He wonders if he's actually making things awkward by not amping up his personality and entertaining the girls the way that Haibara and Satoru can.
Out of nowhere, his vision is obscured by a menu being placed right in front of his face, blocking his view of the girls sitting across the table.
“What do you feel like having?” Satoru asks, his voice low and his face so close to Suguru's own. Now it looks like the two of them are hiding behind the menu together. He still hasn't removed his arm from around Suguru, either. “You should just order whatever you want. Haibara is paying.”
“What?” Suguru blinks at him, still feeling like he's missed a few chapters during this whole dinner date thing. “Don't be ridiculous. I'm not gonna make him pay for me, and you don't try to pay for me, either.”
“Too bad, I already told him to when I ran into him yesterday,” Satoru casually admits, hardly caring at all about Suguru's pride and dignity. “Since you're only here to do him a favor and you always help him out at school, the least he can do is buy you a meal, right? He's happy to do it. He's a good kid, just like I said.”
While all of that is true, Suguru doesn't know how he should feel about it. Still, it shocks him to learn that Satoru was thinking about him so much and to the point of doing something like that. Is it because he knows that Suguru would never ask for anything in return? Probably. After all, Satoru knows him better than anyone else does.
“So, which girl do you like?” Satoru whispers to him next.
Suguru frowns. “How am I supposed to know? I've hardly spoken to them at all… and anyway, this is all just for Haibara. Like you said.”
He can tell that Satoru ignores all or most of that, and he's proven right when his friend whispers back, “We'll see.”
When Satoru lowers the menu to the table again, he smiles at the girls as if nothing about his actions were suspicious at all.
One of the girls with dyed-blonde hair mirrors his smile when she comments, “You two seem really close!”
From the prideful way that Satoru nods to confirm her observation, you'd think that Suguru was one of his most prized possessions.
“Yup! He's my best friend. We've known each other since we were ten, and we've been besties since we were eleven. I know everything about him so if any of you think that he's cute, don't hesitate to ask me for advice, okay?”
Horrified, Suguru covers his face with his hands.
“Please stop.”
For whatever reason, the entire table reacts like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen. Seconds pass before Suguru realizes that no one is actually laughing at him, and instead they're amused by the unique dynamic between himself and Satoru. If anything, Satoru is making himself look silly on purpose to highlight just how “cool” Suguru is in comparison. Suguru doesn't know if he should be grateful or not, since he really isn't here to try and impress anyone; but he can appreciate the effort his friend goes to in order for Suguru to feel more comfortable.
The rest of their dinner gathering goes by without any other awkward moments, and Suguru stops feeling like a useless background character. Though, it's mainly because Satoru tries to include him in as many of the conversations as possible, and even Haibara gushes to the girls about how smart and cool Suguru is. It's sort of embarrassing, but in a good type of way.
Their transition to the karaoke bar is a seamless one. They order colorful sodas and ice cream floats and although none of it has even a drop of alcohol, it feels like being drunk on life itself. That's how Suguru feels, anyway. He can tell that it's the same for Satoru, who has somehow become even more chaotic and unhinged throughout the evening. He's currently matching every single high note to some anime theme song that none of them have heard of, while Haibara almost dies right there on the corner of the sofa from laughing so hard. Meanwhile, Suguru's throat still aches a little from the song that Satoru forced them to duet together earlier.
While everyone gathers around to order another round of sugary sodas, Suguru excuses himself to the restroom. He also just needs a minute to rest his eardrums from all of the noise and chaotic energy in the room.
Man. He's genuinely having so much fun tonight. It's funny to think about how he didn't even want to come to this thing, and now he's having such a good time with his friends. The girls are all really nice, too. He's managed to have casual conversations with all of them, so it no longer feels like he has to push himself for the sake of their entertainment.
Speaking of which, as Suguru leaves the restroom, he spots one of the girls standing nearby in the hallway. She must have needed to use the restroom, too. He's about to greet her when she spots him, but she pushes away from the wall and starts speaking first.
“Um! Hello.”
“Hello,” Suguru repeats back to her while grinning politely. It's the brunette who seems a little quieter than the other two girls. She'd said her name was Kaori and she's the same age as Haibara. “Are you having fun?”
“Oh, yeah! Tons of fun,” she confirms with a smile of her own. Too shy to make eye contact, she stares at a random space beyond Suguru's head as she speaks. “Satoru is so funny, right? I never imagined that he would know so many of those songs. It's really fun to watch him, though.”
Right.
Satoru.
This is probably what she's been wanting to talk about this whole time. After all, who wouldn't fancy a guy like Gojo Satoru? He may be a narcissist at times, but he's got the looks, he's entertaining, he comes from a wealthy family and he has a great singing voice, apparently. You really can't blame people for fawning over him these days.
But a shy girl like Kaori would probably never approach him directly. Her next option would be to ask others about him instead, and who better to ask than Suguru, his childhood best friend? It's certainly not the first time that he's been approached for this very reason, and it probably won't be the last.
Suguru ignores the mild discomfort that starts to arise in his chest. He forces his smile to widen.
“Yeah. He's always been like that, too. Always the center of attention wherever he goes.” Suguru pauses to take a deep breath, bracing himself. “If you want his number, you should definitely just ask him directly. I promise he's not that intimidating once you get to know him.”
Kaori pauses then, too. She almost looks confused at the suggestion, as if she fully expected Suguru to do all the work for her. After a moment, she recovers from the shock and quickly shakes her head.
“Oh, no, that's—actually, I was hoping to get your number instead? If that's okay. You seem really sweet, but it's hard to have a real conversation when it's so noisy in there.”
Kaori laughs and it comes out a little loud in the narrow space of the hallway, but then she's holding her phone in her hands and forcing herself to make eye contact even as a deep blush spreads across her entire face. Then, like a freight train, it finally hits Suguru, what this is and what it means.
She doesn't like Satoru.
She likes him.
Dumbfounded by this sudden twist of events, Suguru can only stand there and stare back at her like some idiot who no longer understands Japanese. Naturally, she gets the wrong idea.
“But you don't have to! It's really no big deal, hah… I just thought I'd give it a shot, and maybe—”
“Sure,” Suguru replies, cutting her off. He's still so shocked that he hardly knows what he's saying right now, he's just forcing his mouth to move at this point. “I, uh, I don't mind. Here, I'll type it in for you.”
Once his number has been successfully input and he hands the phone back to her, Kaori thanks him profusely, her face still as red as a tomato. Suguru doesn't know what to say or how to feel, this has never happened to him before, so he suggests that they return to the karaoke room. But even when they're surrounded by other people and loud music again, he's unable to relax for the rest of the night.
Why? He honestly has not the slightest clue.
But it feels like he hasn't done the right thing.
***
It's been about a month since the mixer.
Haibara still expresses his gratitude to Suguru for tagging along whenever they see each other, despite the amount of times that Suguru has told him it was no big deal. In truth, he feels kind of bad that nothing came out of it for Haibara, in the end. It turns out that those girls really did just want a chance to hang out with Satoru. But they don't get anything out of it either, since Satoru doesn't bother replying to his messages even after the girls had bravely asked for his number.
Satoru's excuse is that he doesn't have time for “puppy love”. He claims that getting involved with any one person would cramp his style, whatever the hell that means, and so he never goes through with anything. Suguru still thinks it's kind of cruel that he'll readily entertain any girl who likes him, but won't give them the slightest chance of winning over his heart. But according to Satoru, he's being nice by giving them what they actually want: his attention.
It's a pointless argument that they no longer bother bringing up anymore, their feelings on the matter are far too different. What matters is that Satoru is happy doing whatever he wants, and Suguru is happy when he's trying to live a justly life.
Tonight, they're hanging out in Satoru's dorm room as per usual when Suguru receives a text message. He lifts his phone from the bed and opens the text, instantly laughing quietly to himself when he sees the image. Kaori has sent him another cat meme. The fluffy white cat in the image is wearing perfectly round sunglasses, and it reminds him of Satoru. Suguru sends a quick text back to her, saying exactly that.
“Shh! You're disturbing me,” Satoru grumbles.
Currently, he's lying down on his side with his head propped up on Suguru's lap. It's Friday night and instead of going out like they usually do, Satoru decides that they need to have an old movie marathon. It's been long enough since the last time they've done anything like this. Pokémon the Movie 2000 is playing on the television screen and admittedly, Suguru hasn't been paying too much attention to it. They've watched it so many times together that he's memorized every scene.
In response to Satoru's cranky attitude, Suguru tugs a bit of the white hair on his head just to bully him.
“Hey, you're the one who decided to use my leg as a pillow. I'm not even being loud. Just texting.”
“Your texting is loud, genius.” Satoru turns his head so that he can glare up at Suguru instead, giving up on paying any attention to the film. He asks indignantly, “Who are you talking to, anyway?”
Again, just to be a bully, Suguru pinches his friend's pointy nose.
“Kaori.”
Satoru swats his hand away, saying, “Oh, of course. Well, tell her that you're fucking busy.”
“Wow, someone's grouchy.” Unable to resist the urge and also to punish him for swearing rudely, Suguru tugs at his cheek next. It gives him way too much enjoyment, seeing how Satoru tries to squirm away from his wandering hand. “Also, I'm not busy.”
“You are.”
“I'm not.”
“You are.”
“Nope.” Suguru goes for his ears next, while Satoru resorts to trying to bite him. “What am I busy doing, then?”
“You're busy bothering me, that's what.” Having had enough of the bullying, Satoru sits up at last. The space where he'd been resting his head feels cold now that he's gone. Pouting with full force, Satoru adds, “I don't get why you're suddenly so obsessed with her, anyway. We're supposed to be hanging out. You and me. Not you, me, and Kaori.”
A frown settles on Suguru's face as he listens to all of that. He's been playing around all this time, but it seems like Satoru is genuinely upset about the whole thing. It's weird and uncalled for.
“The fuck? Who says I'm obsessed with her? It was literally just a text.” Suguru reaches for the nearby remote to pause the film, once it starts to get too loud and he isn't finished talking. “You're the one who's snapping at me for no reason…”
“There is a reason,” Satoru stubbornly insists. “Like I just said, we're supposed to be hanging out.”
“We are. Besides, we've seen this movie, like, a hundred times already. What does it matter if I pay attention the whole time or not?”
“It matters because—”
The ping of a new text message cuts him off. All eyes shift down to stare at the phone, and then Satoru is looking at Suguru again as if it's his fault.
“Wow,” Satoru scoffs. “Maybe she's the one who's obsessed with you.”
“Dude. You’re being a dick.”
Shaking his head in disappointment, Suguru makes a grab for his phone, but he decides against it at the last second. He can check the messages later. Right now, he wants to get to the bottom of Satoru's unexplained jealousy; only, he knows that if he utters that word even once, Satoru just might flip his shit. Suguru doesn't feel like dealing with a full-blown tantrum.
He doesn't get it, though. Satoru was the one who bragged about Suguru all throughout the mixer, and he even asked for Suguru's opinion on which girl had gotten his attention. It's weird that he's suddenly changed his mind and behaves as if Suguru is being taken away from him.
There's also the fact that Kaori isn't even his girlfriend. All that they've been doing is texting, for the most part. Ever since the mixer, they've gone on two “dates” that didn't really feel like dates, but they didn't have a bad time together and he doesn't mind doing those things with her. She's a nice girl; still quiet and a bit shy, but nice nonetheless. At the moment, Kaori is just a girl that Suguru talks to occasionally, so he wishes that Satoru wouldn't act like they're getting married.
Without sugar-coating his words, Suguru asks, “How come you don't like Kaori?”
He can tell that Satoru hadn't expected him to ask such a direct question out of nowhere. Satoru makes a failed attempt at hiding his shock when he turns his head in the other direction, refusing to look at Suguru now.
“Huh? I don't even know her.”
“That's not what I asked.”
“So?”
They'll just go around in circles at this rate. Luckily, Suguru knows from experience that the best way to deal with a pouty, stubborn Satoru is to trap him and then force him to spill the truth. Without warning, he reaches forward and grabs hold of the back of Satoru's shirt, then he tugs. Hard. Satoru lets out a surprised yelp as he falls backwards towards the mattress, but instead of hitting the bed, he lands against a firm chest while two arms snake around his middle.
By the time that he realizes what's going on, it's too late.
“Let go of me!”
“Nope.”
Suguru wraps his legs around Satoru as well, just as the little weasel nearly escapes his hold. Struggling is pointless and Satoru has to know this, but he still tries for at least half a minute before finally giving in to his imprisonment. Now, he's basically become a ragdoll against Suguru's chest.
Just to be a tease, Suguru comments, “Gave up already, hm? I thought that you knew martial arts.”
“So do you, fucker,” Satoru grumbles. “Also, you took me off-guard. That's so unfair.”
“Life is unfair. Now, talk to me and I'll let you go. I promise.”
“Talk to you about what?”
“Satoru.”
“Okay, okay. Jeez.” Satoru spends a moment mentally preparing himself to speak about his feelings (gross). He exhales all of the air in his lungs before taking a deep breath and asking quietly, “Do you… do you really like her?”
“I don't know yet,” Suguru answers honestly. He's already asked himself the same question before and since he can't give a confident yes, the answer is probably still no. “We're just talking, that's all. I'm still getting to know her and since we don't go to the same school and can't see each other often, we text. I never meant to make you feel like I'm ignoring you, so… I'm sorry.”
“No, it's okay. I was being a dick, like you said.”
Wait a minute. Satoru admits to being in the wrong? This is completely unheard of. Suguru takes a second to quickly examine the boy in his arms, wondering if he's got the right person. Sure enough, it's the same Gojo Satoru that he knows even better than his own parents. Since Suguru is too shocked to give a proper reaction, Satoru speaks up again.
“Well, if you do end up liking her… then you have to tell me, okay? I have to be the first person to know. No one else. If I find out that you didn't tell me as soon as you realize it, I'm gonna be really pissed off. Got it?”
Suguru finally moves past his own shock and answers with a confident, “Got it. I still don't know if it's gonna happen, but I swear you'll be the first to know.”
“But it's still bound to happen someday, right? Even if that person isn't Kaori.” Satoru exhales another long, tired sigh as if he carries all the world's greatest burdens on his shoulders. Like a worried mother watching her baby birds learn to fly, he goes off on a tangent. “One day you'll be out there alone in the wild and… and you'll want to start doing things with other people, like holding their hand and… kissing them. Oh, God, have you kissed Kaori already? Please tell me you haven't.”
“Of course I haven't. What the hell…”
“Good, good.” It seems like Satoru is finally done with his dramatic act, but a moment later he says, “Suguru, I have to ask this for your own good, but… are you aware of how to have safe sex?”
And just like that, the moment is ruined.
Suguru removes all four of his limbs from around his friend's body while the damn brat laughs hysterically, not caring at all when he's shoved away afterwards.
“You suck. Get out.”
“This is my room, though.”
“Oh, right.”
Taking this as his sign to return to the peaceful solitude of his own dorm room, Suguru starts to rise from the bed. His foot barely touches the floor before he's dragged back down to the mattress, Satoru using all the weight in his body to hold Suguru hostage. Now it seems like he's trying to get revenge.
“Satoru, let go.”
“No! I was being serious, y'know, this is very important stuff.”
“Let go or I'll tickle you.”
The lanky arms clinging to Suguru's waist immediately retract themselves as if they've been burned. It works every time.
“Okay, fine, I'll stop. No reason to get so hostile.” To show that he means it, Satoru settles down and folds his legs beneath himself, his hands raised in the air to show that he won't try anything funny. “We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. We can just talk about… kissing. Surely you're not too prude for kissing, right?”
Suguru slowly settles back down onto the bed, too. He knits his brows together and asks, “Why would we talk about kissing?”
“Because you don’t know how to do it.”
Suguru snorts. “What, and you do?”
“Yes,” Satoru insists, but when Suguru gives him a certain look of disbelief, he clarifies, “Not in practice, but in theory! Yes, I do. I’ve read about it countless times so you can trust me.”
“Who the hell reads about kissing…” Suguru mumbles, though mainly to himself. He supposes that it’s a silly thing to wonder about. Satoru has never been normal, after all. “Anyway, does it matter if you know the theory of kissing? It seems like one of those things that you have to experience first before you can call yourself an expert.”
Satoru nods his head, agreeing. “Can’t argue with that. Well, that’s why you need to practice, then.”
“Practice?” Suguru stares back at his friend, not understanding where he’s going with this conversation at all. “Like… practice kissing? How?”
“By kissing someone, duh.”
“Who would I kiss, though?”
Despite what other people might think, Geto Suguru isn’t actually the smartest, especially when it comes to things that are just too obvious in nature. He can solve difficult puzzles in record time and type up the most beautifully worded research paper that you’ll ever read, but when it comes to his best friend hinting that he wants Suguru to practice kissing on him, well…
Let’s just say that Suguru isn’t the brightest.
At times like this, it’s better to simply spell it out for him.
“You can practice on me, if you want.”
Satoru releases that statement into the air between them as if he were talking about any other subject in the world, yet that arrangement of words changes the trajectory of Suguru’s mind from the second that his brain processes them.
Kissing? With Satoru?
Kissing Satoru.
Is that even a possibility? It must be, since that’s what is currently being offered to him. But why should they do something like that? Suguru isn’t stressed about not knowing how to kiss and it’s not like he wants to rush into kissing Kaori or anyone else for that matter. Although, he is the type of person who likes to be prepared for anything. He doesn’t even speak to his teachers without practicing what he wants to say first.
Thinking about it this way, how is practicing a kiss any different from that?
No, no, that’s not the same at all.
“But shouldn’t your first kiss be with the person that you like?” Suguru asks when he’s finally able to find his voice again. He tries to focus but his eyes flicker down to Satoru’s mouth before he can help himself. His best friend’s lips are glossy and pink and—wait, does Satoru wear lipgloss? No, that can’t be it. But then how can his lips look so… perfect? “Um, that’s just what I’ve heard other people say.”
“Well…” Satoru actually takes a second to think about it, his index finger lightly tapping against his chin. Right beneath his perfect pink lips. When he comes up with an answer, his mouth spreads into an easy grin. “I guess that I like you enough. Lucky for you, right?”
He’s being cocky again. They’re discussing whether or not they’re going to do something as crazy as being each other’s very first kiss—and Satoru has the nerve to be cocky about it. Suguru really hates him sometimes. No, actually, he doesn’t. He never could. But what he would love to do is wipe that stupid smirk off his face. At least once in his life, he wants to see Satoru be greatly humbled and brought back down to earth.
No, not just to earth—into the trenches.
“Okay,” Suguru decides at last. “Let’s try it.”
It’s just a kiss, anyway.
Eager to begin their practice (because that’s all that it is—practice), Suguru scoots closer along the mattress until their knees touch. It seems like Satoru hasn’t comprehended that he’s agreeing to the practice until they make physical contact, at which point his pretty eyes go wide and his jaw drops open in surprise. Typical Satoru reaction. Suguru won’t let him play this one off as a joke.
“Close your eyes,” Suguru commands him. “And don’t try to peek, either. I’ll know if you do.”
“Oh.” But Satoru’s brain is still lagging. He flinches, startled when Suguru leans even closer and places a hand on his thigh. His face is already flushing hot pink. “Okay, um, wait— you’re going too fast! Suguru.”
“What?” Suguru pauses, hardly moving a muscle now. “I haven’t done anything yet.”
“I know! Just…” The rest of that sentence dies in Satoru’s throat while his mouth opens and closes repeatedly like some fish trapped on land, gasping pathetically. Then, he must’ve mentally slapped himself back into gear, because he suddenly inhales and steadies himself. “Okay! I’m ready.”
This has to be the most ridiculous build-up to a first kiss in the history of first kisses.
Satoru squeezes his eyes shut and waits. Now Suguru is able to concentrate again. He doesn’t want to miss his target. But the thing about Satoru is that his face is even prettier the closer that you get to him, a fact that Suguru has always known but has never found to be fair. It’s just not fair. How is it even possible to have such long eyelashes, thick as feathers, and the most unique arrangement of freckles that trail across his face like shooting stars? The freckles are hardly visible unless you’re this close to him, and Suguru wonders if anyone else has ever noticed them.
The taste of bitter envy starts to crawl up the span of his throat. Suguru swallows it back down. There’s no time for that. They should already be kissing by now.
They need to kiss.
Suguru kisses him.
It’s a firm press of lips against lips. Time comes to a standstill and so do the thoughts in Suguru’s head. They’re kissing now and it feels like… well, it doesn’t really feel like much of anything. It’s just warm skin against his own. It’s soft, though. Really soft. After several long seconds of the lip-press, Suguru remembers that he isn’t breathing and he would really like to do that now.
He pulls away to take a deep, shaky breath. When Suguru opens his eyes, Satoru is already staring back at him and he can’t tell what his best friend is thinking. It’s weird. He can usually tell what’s going through Satoru’s mind based on his facial expressions alone. All of a sudden, Suguru’s chest is filled with panic.
Did Satoru like the kiss?
Did he hate it?
Does he never want to do something like that with Suguru ever again?
Shit, shit, shit—
“Um… not bad, right?” Satoru asks suddenly. Now he avoids looking at Suguru entirely, and his hands nervously fist the front of his old pajama shirt. Since his voice had come out a tad squeaky, he clears his throat and asks, “Do you… wanna try it again? I mean, just once isn’t really enough to call it practice, so…”
So he didn’t hate it after all?
Oh. Never mind, then.
Suguru puts the post-kiss freak-out on hold for now. Just knowing that Satoru liked it enough to want more causes goosebumps to rise all over Suguru’s skin. It makes him happy to know that they crave the same thing. It also means that he’s not a terrible kisser, so that’s a plus.
Unable to find the right words for what he wants to say, Suguru only responds with a quick nod and a bashful smile. That seems to be good enough for Satoru, who immediately shuts his eyes again and waits to be kissed, like some princess in a children’s fairytale. Well, Suguru won’t keep him waiting.
They allow themselves to be bolder this time around. A simple press of lips against lips isn’t nearly enough to satisfy them, so this time they add a bit of movement to the kiss. It feels a little awkward at first—they’ve never done this before, obviously—but they’re quick to fall into an easy rhythm. Suguru is able to learn a lot about kissing while he’s doing it with his best friend. For instance, there’s usually a leader and a follower. In the beginning, Satoru gets overly excited and kisses him a tad too rough, but he calms down when Suguru places a gentle hand on his jawline and begins to guide the kiss. Satoru has a very compliant mouth after that.
The second time that Suguru breaks the kiss, he doesn’t pull away. He breathes right against Satoru’s perfect mouth, whose pink lips are wet with saliva and more plump from all the kissing that they’ve done so far. Shallow puffs of air hit Suguru’s cheek and he smiles again. It feels like he’s floating.
“Good?” he asks, just to make sure.
Satoru doesn’t bother giving a verbal response—or maybe he can’t, too overwhelmed by everything that he’s experiencing for the very first time. He only hums before pressing their mouths together again. But instead of leaning into the kiss, he tugs Suguru closer to him. He tugs and he tugs until suddenly, he’s falling back into the mattress with a death grip on the front of Suguru’s t-shirt, and Suguru tries bracing for impact when he falls forward on top of the other boy. They just barely manage not to bump foreheads, but it still hurts when his mouth lands not-so-gently against Satoru’s front teeth. Of course, Satoru hardly notices at all. He’s far too busy trying to suck Suguru’s face off.
“Chill,” Suguru tries to tell him in between the mind-numbing kisses. “I’m not… I’m not going anywhere.”
Satoru doesn’t seem too convinced by that. He’s gotten too excited again and now his hands have found their way into Suguru’s long hair, completely undoing the bun that had been there minutes ago. Doesn’t matter, Suguru can fix it later. But what he can’t fix is the problem that’s starting to develop in his sweatpants—he shouldn’t even be on top of Satoru like this, it’s highly inappropriate, but so is kissing the life out of your best friend—and he definitely can’t fix the feeling in his chest, his heart pounding against his ribcage so fast that it just might burst through his skin.
Suguru can’t fix any of these problems because Satoru won’t let him, and if he has to die with the feeling of a hot, eager tongue in his mouth, then so be it. Suguru will gladly pass on to the next life if it means he gets to have this for a few moments longer.
But real life is hardly ever that kind.
The sound of a loud ringtone going off startles Satoru so badly that he bites down on Suguru’s tongue.
“Ow, fuck—you bit me!”
“Sorry, sorry!”
They scramble to separate from each other as if the phone might figure out their dirty little secret and spill it to whoever is calling. It takes a few seconds for them to locate the culprit, after all the “wrestling” that they just did across Satoru’s bed. Suguru eventually finds the device resting near the big fluffy pillow that Satoru likes to hug against his chest to help him fall asleep.
“Who is it?” Satoru asks, already peering over Suguru’s shoulder. Then, panic sets into his voice when he guesses out loud, “Is it Kaori…?”
“No, no. It’s not.” Suguru has to take several deep breaths before he can answer the call, not only to calm his racing heart but also to blow cool air on his stinging tongue, thanks to a certain someone. “Hello? Oh, hi Mom.”
Behind him, Satoru begins cackling so hard that it looks like he’s having a seizure. Nothing about this situation is funny. Suguru doesn’t even turn his head around, he just reaches towards his back and pinches the hell out of Satoru’s thigh. That’ll teach him a lesson.
“The noise? It’s nothing, just Satoru pretending to howl like a dog. He’s weird, you know that already.”
Hurt and betrayed, Satoru rolls his eyes and mumbles, “Bitch.”
Suguru pretends that he doesn’t hear a thing.
***
A week later, Suguru decides to be honest and do the right thing.
He tells Kaori that although he likes her as a person, he can't see the two of them becoming a romantic couple and he doesn't want to lead her on any further than he might have already.
Thankfully, Kaori takes it really well. But then she tells him that she'd figured that out weeks ago, because it's quite obvious that Suguru already has someone that he really likes.
Confused by the accusation and not wanting to make things worse, Suguru doesn't bother telling her that she's mistaken.
***
[after]
Suguru's summer routine has been going great so far.
It looks a little something like this: he wakes up early, takes his medication, walks to and from the bakery to get fresh bread and pastries, wakes Satoru up, eats breakfast with him and Granny Yoko, and then the two of them head over to the farm to help out for the morning while Granny Yoko stays behind to recover from her surgery.
In the afternoons, they do miscellaneous chores around the house and tend to his grandmother's personal garden. When they're left with tons of free time at the end of the day, Suguru will usually let Satoru plan something fun for them to do together. Sometimes that means going down to the beach and watching the sunset, and other times they'll visit a popular tourist attraction and pretend not to know anything about Okinawa.
Occasionally, they don't go anywhere at all. Instead, they'll spend a relaxing afternoon at the house and play board games or mess around with a deck of cards, things that Suguru hasn't done since he was a child. Granny Yoko only has one television in her home and it's a really old one, so using it to play video games or watch movies can be a pain in the ass.
It doesn't matter all that much, anyway. The point of coming to Okinawa is to admire its natural beauty and enjoy the peacefulness of island living. There's no point in sitting in front of a television all day. Suguru hardly ever used to do that back at home, either. He's mostly been living inside of his own head for the past year, not bothering to consume any type of media because he just didn't care, nor did he have the time for it.
Things are a little bit different now. Instead of the tunnel vision that he used to have, he's been trying really hard to appreciate even the smallest details of his everyday life. It's not easy, but Suguru knows that it never will be.
It's the middle of the afternoon on a random Friday when they receive an unexpected visitor.
Today ends up being one of their lazier days, because there's hardly any chores to do around the house and not much to be done at the farm, either, since they've become too efficient at their work. Weeding the fields doesn't take nearly as much time as it used to, and even Satoru gets the task done at lightning speed. Their teamwork is on a totally different level, too; at least, that's what Ms. Emi likes to say. It's a little embarrassing, even if it is true.
Suguru is wiping down the table after their lunchtime, just to give himself something to do while Satoru sits on the floor in the living room and scribbles into that little notebook of his. The buzz of the cicadas and the distant ocean waves serve as background music to their peaceful afternoon, and somehow this feels incredibly domestic. It's the type of moment that Suguru wishes he could download into his brain forever, never to forget a single detail.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, interrupting the peaceful silence.
“Suguruuu. Doorbell,” Satoru's voice calls out from the living room.
“I know, I heard it.”
Suguru leaves behind the perfectly clean table and heads over to the front door. He assumes that it's one of the other villagers coming to deliver something to Granny Yoko, so it surprises him when he opens the door and comes face to face with a young woman instead of someone elderly. A second after that, Suguru realizes that he recognizes her.
Of course, he does. She's Ms. Emi’s granddaughter, after all.
“Utahime?” he guesses.
The young woman in question appears just as surprised, even as she confirms her identity with a quick nod. It's only been a couple of years since the last time that they saw each other, but somehow, she looks a lot different. Not in a bad way, though. Her dark hair is even longer than before and she seems more mature, maybe even a little more confident.
“Oh, hey!” she says, putting on a friendly smile. “Long time no see! I really had no idea that you were here, too. How's it going?”
“That's okay. I've been here for the past couple of weeks to help Granny with a few things.” Suguru takes a moment to give her a once-over, noting the complete lack of a tan despite the thin-strapped sundress and sandals that she's wearing. “I'm guessing you just got to the island?”
She nods her head again. “Hardly an hour ago, actually… and the first thing my grandma asked me to do was deliver this watermelon to Ms. Yoko.” She holds up the large woven basket that she carries. “I assume that she just wanted to surprise me, since she didn't mention that you were here.”
Suguru opens his mouth to reply to that, but he doesn't get a chance when the sudden warmth of an arm around his shoulders makes him pause. He hadn't heard the sound of footsteps approaching from behind so being touched all of a sudden nearly startles him, but he immediately relaxes when he realizes who it is—who it always is.
“I'm here, too!”
Utahime stares back at the familiar larger-than-life smile that greets her. In contrast, the friendly smile she'd had just a second ago instantly melts from her face. Seeing her suddenly become devoid of all emotion is a little creepy, but mostly just concerning.
“Oh. Hello, Satoru,” she replies, not bothering at all to hide the obvious disdain in her voice. “Guess I should've known that you had tagged along. Just like a leech.”
Or, maybe she's not actually as mature as she looks.
Oh, well. The peace was nice while it lasted.
“Aw, thank you!” Satoru coos. In his most annoyingly condescending tone ever, he says, “It's nice to see you again, too. And hey, you're looking really good for your age!”
A murder is about to take place on his grandmother's front doorstep. Suguru can sense it. He has to put an end to things before they can escalate and he ends up as the main witness to a truly heinous crime.
“Anyway!” he interrupts, “You said that you brought a watermelon with you? It must be heavy. Do you wanna come in and have a slice? Granny is still at physical therapy for her hand, but she should be back soon.”
The angry vein along Utahime’s forehead still twitches as if it might burst and unleash all of her wrath, so it's a miracle that she's able to calmly reply to Suguru's invitation.
“No, it's fine. I should really be getting back to the farm, I've got lots of unpacking to do.” She holds the basket out for Suguru to grab the handle, a tight-lipped smile plastered to her face that doesn't make him feel any better. “Right, my grandma wanted me to remind Ms. Yoko about the village barbecue that's happening later tonight. So, I guess that means you two are also invited. Don't feel pressured to join us.”
With that, Utahime spins on her heels and marches away from the house, hardly giving them a formal goodbye. Suguru watches her receding back until she disappears down the hill, and then he gently shuts the front door.
“We're definitely going to that,” Satoru declares, all while grinning wickedly like some evil cartoon villain.
Suguru can only shake his head in disapproval. He heads into the kitchen, basket in hand, and begins to lecture his naughty friend. “You need to stop provoking her and being so rude, otherwise we'll never get invited to things anymore. Also, keep in mind that she's a few years older than us so you should be more respectful, okay?”
Satoru follows him into the kitchen while whining stubbornly, “She's the one who started it! She always starts it, so I make sure that I'm the one who finishes it. Gotta beat her at her own game.”
“Okay, but— aside from today, when has she ever been the one to start anything?” Suguru places the basket onto the counter and peeks at the fruit inside of it. “I won't say that I have the best memory in the world, but I do remember you constantly finding ways to piss her off.”
“Seriously? How can you not remember her taunting me the first time that we ever met?” Satoru asks, greatly offended. Just to prove that he's right, he then puts on his best Utahime impression. “Look at me, I'm Utahime! I've known Suguru since he was five years old and I think that makes me sooo special! Blah, blah, blah.”
Complete silence fills the kitchen following that horrendous impression, mostly because Suguru has no idea what to say to that. Like, he's always known the reason for Utahime's contempt when it comes to any mention of Satoru. It can't be denied that in the past, Satoru definitely spent way more time terrorizing her than trying to make her like him. However, Suguru never knew the reason behind his friend's constant need to torment the poor girl.
Until now, that is.
“Are you… actually upset that she's known me longer than you have? Is that it?” Suguru asks, wanting to be sure. It really can't be that simple, right?
Turns out it can be, because it is.
Satoru clicks his tongue, annoyed, then folds his arms over his chest. He isn't looking at Suguru when he mumbles, “It's not just about that, it's the way that she said it. Like, why did she have to mention it at all? Of course I'd take it as a threat.”
“A threat to what, exactly?”
“Me and you! Us. Duh.”
It can't get any more ridiculous than this. Suguru doesn't know what to comment on first: the fact that Satoru deludes himself into thinking Utahime was threatening their friendship by casually mentioning how long she's known Suguru for, or the fact that several years later, Satoru is still very bothered by it.
Too embarrassed, Suguru ultimately decides not to comment on either.
“Alright, well, I'm pretty sure that she doesn't actually like me that much,” he admits instead. “Not since the time that we chased her around with water balloons…”
Satoru instantly starts cracking up, recalling that same memory. Suguru doesn't know why he ever went along with it, but he supposes that he used to be really bratty at times, too.
Back in the day, long before attending the boarding school and meeting Satoru, Suguru used to visit Okinawa with his parents. He remembers being bored sometimes because there weren't many kids around the village, and the ones who did exist were much older than him. That is, until Ms. Emi introduced him to her granddaughter, Utahime, who was visiting at the time.
Unlike Suguru, Utahime didn't spend every summer at her grandmother's house so they only saw each other a few times when he was little. But Suguru remembers happily following her around and playing whatever games she came up with to keep both of them entertained. It's too bad that they never got the chance to become close. She seems like a nice person when she isn't busy suppressing the urge to strangle Gojo Satoru.
“Anyway, we'll go to the barbecue as long as you promise to be nice. Deal?”
“Deal,” Satoru agrees just half a second later. Once that's out of the way, he says, “Can you cut open the watermelon now? I thought that's what you were gonna do when we came in here, but instead we're just standing around…”
Demanding as always. He's so lucky that despite some of his less favorable qualities, he's still cute.
Grinning fondly, Suguru replies, “Yes, Your Highness.”
***
It's been a really long time since Suguru has attended a village-wide get-together, so it surprises him when he sees just how many people have shown up to Ms. Emi’s place. It's basically the entire village gathered around in one area, so it seems a lot more packed than it actually is.
Granny Yoko pretty much abandons them as soon as they arrive. She claims that she wants to help out with the food distribution since she couldn't cook anything to bring along this time, despite Suguru telling her to simply relax and enjoy the event, she just finished physical therapy a few hours ago and should rest her hand. She never listens to him, though. She's too accustomed to being totally independent and helpful to those around her. As precious as she is, she's been causing Suguru unneeded stress lately.
At least they manage to find Utahime amongst the small crowd, and she greets them with that same welcoming smile despite what had happened earlier in the day. Suguru thinks it's only because Satoru keeps his mouth shut, returning her greeting with a casual wave of his hand. Just before leaving the house, Suguru had warned him again to be polite to her, and that if he had nothing nice to say then he shouldn't speak at all. Looks like Satoru took it seriously; which is a really good thing, because it means that Suguru gets to enjoy his barbecue without breaking up a cat fight.
As usual when it comes to these types of gatherings, the various groups sitting at each table are separated by age. Due to this unspoken rule, Suguru finds himself sitting at a small table with only Utahime and Satoru for company. He immediately prays that they can keep the peace for just a little longer.
“God. I swear it's like no matter how old I get, they still don't let me sit at one of the adult tables,” Utahime complains out loud. She shoves more rice into her mouth while shaking her head in disappointment. “Like, we're obviously not kids anymore. I even had to ask for a beer because they didn't offer me one automatically!”
From the corner of his eye, Suguru spots the moment that Satoru starts to grin, like his mind is preparing to unleash some smartass comment that may get him killed. Before that can happen, Suguru kicks his foot beneath the table as a reminder to behave himself. He ignores the betrayed glare that Satoru sends his way and addresses Utahime instead.
“Well, to be fair, there's still about a twenty-year age difference between us and the next person, so.”
“I guess that's true.” She pauses to take a drink from her beer, downing half the can in just a few gulps and slamming it against the table afterwards. She's obviously still angry, but she wears a big smile when she asks, “So, how's life been treating you? Anything new? You were, like, sixteen the last time that I saw you, right?”
Suguru is unprepared for the sudden rapid-fire questions that come his way, and he's most certainly not going to trauma-dump on this person that he hasn't treated very kindly in the past. A generic answer is all that she hopes for, anyway. It's the usual conversation starter that he gets from distant family back at home who don't even remember his birthday. Suguru takes a moment to swallow the short ribs he's been chewing on before answering her questions.
Satoru beats him to it.
“We're just taking a break from Tokyo and all that. Y'know, the usual.” Satoru peers at her from over the rim of his dark glasses, his mouth spread into an easy-going smile. “And you? Why are you here?”
The way in which he phrases that last question can definitely use some improvement, but Suguru is silently grateful for his best friend coming to his rescue. Meanwhile, Utahime eyes Satoru suspiciously, like she's not sure if she should be offended or not by his interruption.
For now, she decides on the latter.
“Same reason as you, I suppose. It's the last summer break that I'll have before graduating college next spring, so I thought I'd visit Okinawa since I know I'll be crazy busy soon.”
“Oh, yeah? Congratulations,” Suguru tells her. “You've been attending Jujutsu University, right?”
“Yup!” She confirms it with a prideful grin. “I think I remember hearing you say that you wanted to go there, too. Did you ever end up applying?”
Again, Satoru interrupts them. “We're taking a gap year, actually.”
Utahime glances between the two of them, her eyes wide with shock.
“Hm? Both of you?”
“Yup!” Satoru suddenly throws an arm around Suguru and leans into his side, nearly pushing him out of the chair. He ignores Suguru when he's told to get off, blue eyes still locked on Utahime when he adds cheekily, “Together!”
“Wow, really? That's cool, then,” Utahime says. Her reaction seems genuine enough, like she isn't judging them at all for taking a much-needed break from academics. She lets out a long sigh, then. “I kind of wish I had done the same. I'm so burnt out right now, but… I guess gap years really aren't that common. What made you two decide to take one?”
“Ugh,” Satoru groans. Having run out of patience, he leans back into his chair and casually says, “You sure do ask a lot of questions. Nosy much?”
Utahime finally snaps. “Listen here, you little brat—”
“How about some more beer?” Suguru suggests. A bead of sweat falls from his forehead. He turns his head towards the boy currently hiding behind him, attempting to use him as a shield. “Satoru, go fetch us a few more cans of beer, yeah? Hurry up. Go, go.”
While Suguru tries to shoo him away, Satoru frowns and looks like he wants to ask why me, but he eventually nods obediently and escapes from their table. His brief absence should hopefully give Utahime a chance to calm down and temporarily save Suguru from the inevitable headache that he's about to get.
It turns out that alcohol is the real hero of the night.
“Cheers!” Utahime lifts another can of beer high into the air, her cheeks a faint shade of crimson from all that she's had so far. Even her accent is beginning to slip. “Cheers to my graduation and… and to Suguru gettin’ into the school he wants next year!”
Satoru asks, “And me?”
Utahime stares back at him for all of two seconds, and then she ignores his existence and downs the entire can of beer. Suguru laughs from deep within his chest and clinks his can with hers, while Satoru sits back and pouts, upset at being ignored even though he probably deserves it.
The burn of the alcohol feels nice as it slides down Suguru's throat. He really needed this. It's the final ingredient that's been missing from his time in Okinawa so far, since his grandmother doesn't drink and neither does Satoru. Suguru's eyes naturally wander over to his best friend, who holds a can of beer in his hand but hasn't taken a single sip yet.
“What's wrong?” he asks. “Don't want it?”
Satoru wrinkles his nose in disgust. “It smells funny.”
“Well, it's beer. Not strawberry milk.”
In response to that, Satoru mumbles that he wishes it were strawberry milk instead. Typical. Suguru is about to offer to drink it for him so that it doesn't go to waste, but unexpectedly, Satoru brings the can to his lips and tips his head back, forcibly chugging the liquid.
Utahime cheers him on from across the table. “Whoa, you're not as wimpy as I thought you were! Chug, chug, chug!”
Spurred on by her comment, Satoru keeps going until he starts to cough, his lungs desperate for air. He slams the empty can onto the table and lets his tongue hang out of his mouth, as if that will lessen the taste that he dislikes so much. He's clearly struggling and it's kind of funny to watch. Even so, Suguru is thoroughly impressed.
Until Satoru ends up incredibly drunk from that one, single can of beer.
Suguru is no longer impressed, now that he's responsible for dragging Satoru back to the house.
“Can you at least try to move your legs properly?” he asks, voice strained from the amount of strength he's exerting just to make it to the front door. He's got an arm around Satoru's narrow waist while the other one clings to Satoru's arm around his shoulders. “Fuck. You're too heavy for this. What the hell.”
When Suguru attempts to adjust his hold, he ends up losing his grip and they almost go tumbling to the ground.
“I'm trying,” Satoru whines. He hiccups first, and then he starts to giggle, the air hot and ticklish because he's so close to Suguru's ear. “Can't you just, like. Can't you pick me up? And c-carry me? Yeah. Bridal style.”
“What? Hell no. Are you aware of just how tall you are? I'd break my back for sure.”
“Wow. You're mean. Fine, then.” He's interrupted by another hiccup. “Just say you're too weak to carry me. I'd understand.”
Suguru halts all movement. “Excuse me?”
“I said…” Another hiccup. “It's okay if you're just too weak to—whoa, hey!”
Satoru doesn't get a chance to finish that statement once he's lifted into the air suddenly, and then he's no longer able to feel the ground beneath his feet. After swinging his friend's useless body over his shoulder, Suguru makes sure to steady himself before trying to walk again. It's definitely still a challenge and Satoru is still heavy, but it's a whole lot easier like this. He should've thought of this much sooner.
Satoru complains the whole time.
“Put me down! Hey! Suguru. This isn't… it's not bridal style. And—oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.”
“Don't you fucking dare,” Suguru warns him. They're so close to the door now, he just has to reach out and turn the knob. “And stop fighting against me or I'll drop you on your head. Look, we're already here.”
By some miracle, they've made it back alive. Though, getting Satoru into the house is a different challenge altogether. Suguru has to use a foot to kick the door shut and then an entire balancing act goes into sliding off his shoes. He can help Satoru take his own off once they get to the bedroom. It's just that if Suguru sets him down too soon, he's sure that he'll end up having to drag Satoru to the bedroom instead. So, he wants to avoid that entirely.
They make it to the bedroom in one piece. At this point, Suguru feels like he's about to deflate, so he bends over and drops Satoru onto the futon without much grace. A string of drunken curses follows suit, all of which Suguru ignores so that he can help Satoru get settled in for the night.
“Stop kicking, I'm trying to help you.” Suguru finally manages to remove the other shoe from Satoru's foot and tosses it to the side, telling himself that he'll deal with it later. “Can you lift your arms? I'll help you change into another shirt, this one has barbecue stains on it.”
Satoru, who's been squirming around like a worm all this time, finally stops moving. He hiccups for the umpteenth time as a suggestive grin slowly forms on his reddened face.
“Oh? You sure it's not just ‘cause you wanna… get me naked?”
Suguru is so done with him.
“Fine. Do it yourself, then.”
Deciding that he'll be better off taking care of himself instead of others, Suguru starts to rise from the floor. However, he barely takes a single step before a pair of arms cling to his leg in desperation.
“Satoru, let go of me.”
“No! Don't leave me! You can't.” He squeezes his arms tighter. “I-I won't let you.”
Suguru rolls his eyes. “I can, and I will. Now, let go. I'm just heading to the bathroom.”
Since Satoru doesn't listen to him, Suguru reclaims his limb with a quick, forceful yank. He takes another few steps towards the door when he hears it, a pained whimper that tugs at the strings of his heart. Suguru glances over his shoulder, and he's shocked to see the look of genuine fear on his best friend's face.
“S'guru, please, I— I'm sorry. Don't leave me, okay? Don't… don't go.”
“Huh? What's wrong with you?”
Concerned, Suguru turns back around and eliminates the distance between them. He crouches down to place a hand on Satoru's forehead, wondering if he's having some sort of strange reaction to the alcohol. But as soon as he's in reach, Satoru immediately clings to him again. With Satoru pressed against him like this, Suguru can feel his entire body trembling.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't leave me.” He fists his shaking hands into the back of Suguru's shirt. “Please don't leave me…”
“Okay?” Though extremely confused, Suguru does his best to calm him down. “Okay, fine, I won't leave you. Do you feel sick? Is that what's wrong?”
He doesn't get an answer. Suguru's mind starts to jump to various conclusions. Maybe it's something serious and Satoru is having a really bad allergic reaction to the beer and why did Suguru make him drink it? He shouldn't have made him feel pressured to do that when Satoru doesn't even like alcohol so he never drinks it, and now he's sick and in pain and Suguru doesn't know what to do about it.
But he has to fix this. He has to.
“Satoru, can you let go of me? I'll grab you some water and an antihistamine and maybe you'll feel better, okay?”
Suguru starts to pull away, but the death grip that Satoru has on him this time is nearly impossible to break away from. He'd probably hurt himself in the process. But even though he can't escape so easily, if anything, Satoru freaks out even more when he feels Suguru try to pull away.
“No, no, no—don't leave!”
Suguru sighs, not sure what to do anymore. “I already said that I'm not leaving you…”
“You did, though. You did leave me,” Satoru mumbles with his face pressed against Suguru's shirt. “You left me and then I… I found you like that and…”
“When…? Satoru, what are you talking about?”
“That day, remember?”
Oh.
That.
Suguru does remember. He remembers because there's just no way that he'll ever forget it for as long as he lives. But he doesn't understand why Satoru is thinking about that in his drunken state. There should be no reason for him to recall such taboo memories that they've silently agreed to never speak of.
Because they don't talk about that day.
He's not even sure how to.
Still, what matters most is the present, not the past. In the present, Satoru is clinging to him so tightly as if Suguru will disappear into thin air if he doesn't hold on to him with every bit of strength that he has. Suguru still doesn't know why or how those memories have decided to plague Satoru's inebriated mind tonight, but he knows that it's basically his fault.
He's the reason that Satoru is in pain.
“I'm sorry,” Suguru mumbles. What else is he supposed to say? He has no idea. He just knows that it's all his fault. Everything is his fault. He repeats, “I'm sorry.”
Satoru never stops clinging to him, not even for a second, but at least he stops begging for Suguru not to leave him. Then, once he has tired himself out and the alcohol in his system has relaxed every muscle in his body, Satoru falls asleep right there against Suguru's chest.
Suguru hardly sleeps at all.
***
The next morning, Satoru enters the kitchen still wearing the stained shirt from the night before.
“My head,” he whines, “It's gonna explode. Suguru, help…”
Dragging his feet over to a nearby stool, Satoru plops down onto the seat and rests his aching head on the counter, defeated. Suguru sips from his coffee and grins at the sight of Satoru’s suffering.
“Rough night?” he teases. “Hold on, I'll grab the pain meds from the cabinet.”
“‘Kay…”
Suguru places two small pills onto the counter next to Satoru's head, along with a full glass of water. It's obvious that he feels like shit because he didn't allow Suguru to hydrate him last night instead, but Suguru keeps that comment to himself. He watches closely as Satoru swallows the pain medicine and most of the water, a few droplets cascading down his chin and to the base of his slender neck.
“What?” Satoru asks, staring back at him now.
Oops. Looks like he’s been caught.
“Nothing,” Suguru lies. But then he asks, “Are you okay now? Like… do you feel any better?”
“Uh… not really? I only took the pills a second ago,” Satoru replies, not getting it. He sighs and rests his head on the counter again. “Man, how long was I out for? To be honest, I don't remember shit after chugging that beer.”
Wait, he doesn't remember anything?
Not the words he had said, nor the way that he clung desperately to Suguru all night long and only loosened his grip in the wee hours of the morning, which was how Suguru managed to escape before his bladder exploded?
Oh.
Suguru doesn't know if he should feel relieved or disappointed.
Whatever, then. None of that matters now.
“It's still kind of early, so you're fine,” Suguru reassures him. Just to be a tease, he says, “So, you really don't remember much? Not even that weird striptease you did for all those old ladies?”
“Huh?!” Satoru's head immediately shoots up again, his eyes wide with terror. He's so gullible sometimes. “I did what? Tell me you're joking. Suguru. Did I really?”
Unable to keep a straight face, Suguru admits, “Of course I'm joking, stupid.”
As a consequence, Satoru declares that he's being demoted from “best friend” to “lying dickhead”.
And, well, that's fair.
***
[before]
Satoru has been very clingy lately.
Of course, Satoru has always been clingy, ever since they first became friends all those years ago. It's in his nature, his personality, the strands of his DNA; basically, it's just a simple fact of life that Gojo Satoru is a clingy individual.
However, he's been a lot clingier in the past several weeks. Suguru feels like no matter where he goes or what he does, Satoru is always right there beside him, like some type of living shadow. They have just as much fun together as they've always had, so Suguru never minds it. But in addition to the clingy behavior, Satoru seems much more affectionate these days, too. Playful nudges and a friendly arm around his shoulders seems to have become the bare minimum. Other times, Satoru will rest his chin on Suguru's shoulder, grab his hand to tug him along when they go places, or even play in his hair for no reason at all.
It's a bit… excessive, but not unwelcome.
The final class period of the day has been turned into a study hall, because they have upcoming exams that they need to prepare for anyway. For the past half hour, Suguru has been diligently studying from his notes and referring to his textbooks when he needs further clarification; the usual stuff that he likes to do.
Satoru, as always, decides not to study at all. Instead, he's spent this time doodling silly animals in the margins of his notebook and once he gets bored of that, he starts playing in Suguru's hair. For the first couple of minutes, Suguru ignores it, but then the feeling of gentle fingers gliding through the strands becomes all that Suguru can focus on.
He needs to speak up.
“Satoru,” Suguru whispers, not wanting to disturb the other students trying to study. He keeps his eyes on his notes, but they're starting to droop. “I need to focus on this, okay? Find something else to play with.”
He's not surprised that Satoru doesn't obey him.
“I'm bored, though.” He rakes his fingers from the roots to the tips, and then he carefully separates the strands so that he can start to braid them. “They should just cancel this stupid study hall and let us do it on our own time. It's pointless to end a class like this every single day.”
“I don't know, I kind of disagree.” Giving in to temptation already, Suguru lets his pencil drop to his notebook, unable to concentrate at all now. His actions contradict his next words. “It gives us more time to study, so I'm fine with it. We can't all be low-effort geniuses like you.”
Satoru snorts. When he messes up the braid, he takes it apart and starts over again. “Please. You say that as if I'm not gonna help you study later.”
Well, that's true. Suguru can't argue against that, since Satoru always keeps his word.
In addition to the clinginess and overt affection on Satoru's end, there's also been a certain amount of tension between them lately. Like, when it's just the two of them hanging out or studying in Satoru's dorm room, Suguru finds it hard to relax like he used to. Or, when he catches Satoru staring at him and as soon as their eyes meet, Satoru will quickly look away and it makes Suguru's chest feel tight. It's little things like this that he notices, because they've been happening nearly every day and he doesn't know why, but he knows when it starts.
It starts the day that they practice kissing each other on Satoru's bed.
Neither of them have brought it up since then. In fact, it's like they're pretending that it never happened, and maybe that's how it's supposed to be, Suguru thinks. It was just a kiss, anyway. But Satoru sacrificed his very first kiss, giving it away to Suguru so that he would feel more confident when the time came for him to start dating people. Satoru did such a selfless act for him and he hasn't complained about it.
Not once.
Satoru is a really great friend.
Maybe Suguru doesn't actually deserve him.
“You should wear your hair like this sometime,” Satoru mutters, bringing Suguru back from his thoughts. “Don't you ever get tired of the bun?”
Suguru shrugs. He tries not to think too deeply about the long, elegant fingers still touching him so carefully.
“Nah, I like the bun. It's simple, easy… and your braid looks stupid.”
Satoru gasps dramatically, offended. Suguru has to shush him to remind him that they're still in class.
“It's not stupid,” Satoru insists. An adorable pout forms on his face and, God, Suguru feels so lucky that he gets to see this face every single day of his life. “I just need more practice, that's all. You should let me practice on you again later, okay?”
Even just hearing the word “practice” in Satoru's voice makes Suguru's heart beat faster in his chest. He's nodding his head before he can even think about it. It feels like no matter what it is, as long as it's Satoru, then Suguru will say yes to anything.
The bell signaling the end of the school day chimes. Satoru lifts his arms in the air and lets out a “yippee!” that has Suguru cackling in his seat, but their moment of fun is interrupted when the teacher calls Suguru's name.
“Can I speak with you?” he asks.
“Oh,” Suguru reacts, surprised, but then he realizes that he's being rude. He corrects himself quickly. “Yes, of course.”
He and Satoru automatically exchange a look. It's unusual for Suguru to be the one singled out, since he's always been considered the “model student” and he only ever gets in trouble if he messes around with Satoru too much. But this time they hadn't been doing anything, so he's clueless to what could be the issue. Nevertheless, Suguru stands from his chair and makes his way to the front of the room.
Most of the students have already left the classroom, but since a few of them loiter here and there, the teacher keeps his voice low in case of prying ears.
“Principal Yaga would like to meet with you now. It's important, so will you come with me?”
“Oh,” Suguru repeats, stunned. He's never been summoned to the principal's office before. Again, he corrects himself. “I mean, sure…”
For the second time, Suguru automatically searches for a pair of familiar blue eyes, and he finds them in the same spot as before. Because of course, Satoru hasn't moved. He never leaves without Suguru and vice versa, and even when they are separated, they're always aware of where the other person is. But since he's still so clueless right now, Suguru can only shrug.
A second later, he follows his teacher out of the classroom.
Twenty minutes after that, Suguru feels like he can't breathe.
“I know that it's a lot of heavy information to take in at once,” Principal Yaga continues somberly, “but we thought it would be best if you knew about your father sooner, rather than later. We've also been trying to get in contact with your mother so that she could speak with you about it instead, but we've had no luck. In any case, it's all over the news right now as well, so…”
Suguru still doesn't get it. He hears the words being said to him, but he can hardly process their meaning.
His father has been arrested?
Embezzlement charges?
Millions of yen?
No, none of that makes any sense. It can't make sense. They're all mistaken. Suguru's father is a good man. He helps people all the time and he believes in doing the right thing for the community, that's why he became a politician. Suguru's father is a good man. He works so hard that Suguru doesn't see him often, even when he visits home. He works hard because he wants to make a difference in people's lives, and because he's so selfless.
Suguru's father is a good man.
He's also Suguru's hero, the person that Suguru has looked up to for his entire life.
That's why this doesn't make sense.
It can't.
“We'll keep trying to contact your mother on our end,” Principal Yaga goes on, “Please try to reach her yourself, too. Just in case you need to go home for a while or take a break from school—”
“I can't do that.”
Both his teacher and the principal appear shocked to hear him speak, since these are the first words that Suguru has spoken after hearing the terrible news. Thing is, Suguru doesn't know what makes him say that. He just knows that he can't leave.
He can't give up and put everything on hold just because of a false accusation. No, he has to be stronger than that. He has to be resilient and brave, just like his father.
“I can't take a break from school,” Suguru clarifies. He sounds twice as determined the second time. “I'll contact my mom, but… I'm going to stay here, too. I know this is all just a big misunderstanding.”
Suguru doesn't care that neither of them agree with him. He doesn't care for the sympathetic words that his teacher leaves him with, either. Suguru doesn't care because he knows the truth. The truth has always been and always will be, that his father is a good person.
The doors to Principal Yaga's office shut heavily behind him. It feels like he was trapped in there for hours.
“Yo!”
A voice from behind startles Suguru so badly he nearly jumps out of his skin. He turns around to find Satoru standing there with his back against the wall, a carefree grin on his face that comforts Suguru more than he'll probably ever realize.
Of course Satoru is here.
Of course he's been waiting for Suguru this whole time.
Of course he wouldn't just leave him alone.
“Did you get in… trouble…” Satoru trails off when he takes in the look on Suguru’s face. Suguru himself has no idea what he looks like right now, and he's almost afraid to find out. “What's wrong? What happened? Did they say something to you?”
Suguru feels like his head is spinning. He can't find his voice anymore and this is bad, because he has to tell Satoru. If there's anyone who deserves to know, anyone who would listen to his every worry and reassure him that everything would be okay, then it's Satoru. Only Satoru.
But if Suguru tries to use his voice right now, what might come out instead would be a pathetic sob.
He doesn't have to explain that, though. Even without words, Satoru gets it. He always does.
Not wasting another second, Satoru takes him by the hand. When their eyes meet, all that he says is: “Let's go.”
Suguru allows himself to be pulled along through the endless hallways. He's grateful that he doesn't have to do anything but move his legs. Satoru takes care of the rest.
They keep running. They pass by faculty who tell them that they shouldn't be running in the corridors and they pass by students who whisper and stare at their clasped hands, but none of that matters at the moment. They don't stop moving until they reach the dorms, Satoru's dorm, their safe space.
Once inside, Satoru lets go of his hand, but only to spin around and make sure that the rest of him is okay, too. They take a moment to catch their breaths. Suguru still feels like his head is spinning, but at least he's no longer alone.
After they've calmed down, Satoru asks in an uncharacteristically quiet voice, “Is it… is it really bad?”
Right. He still has no idea what the hell is going on, he's just been reacting to Suguru's reaction this whole time. All he knows is that he needed to get them to a safe place, but now he doesn't know what to do or how to help.
Suguru forces his voice to work. “Can you turn on the news? Please.”
Satoru doesn't need to be told twice. He gives a firm nod and then he rushes over to the television. Suguru drags his wobbly legs further into the room while Satoru flips through the channels. As Suguru sits on the edge of the bed, he hears a gasp from his friend.
“Holy shit.”
There, right there on the TV screen is a recorded footage of Suguru's father in handcuffs while being escorted into a police vehicle. Suguru can't hear or comprehend what the news anchor is saying, his mind blocking it all out. All that he can focus on are the letters in bold text that appear near the bottom of the screen.
Geto Satoshi…
Embezzlement…
Fraud…
Trial…
So this really isn't a bad dream, then. Suguru was hoping that he'd wake up soon, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Doesn't matter, because this is all just a misunderstanding and everyone will realize that soon.
Satoru joins him at the edge of the bed. They sit and stare at the screen in silence for what feels like forever. At some point, he feels another hand touching his own and when Suguru glances down at the space between them, he notices two things. The first is that he has been shaking this whole time without realizing it. The second is that Satoru's hands are always colder than his own, but Suguru never minds it. To him, those hands still provide more warmth and comfort than the sun itself.
When their fingers intertwine, Satoru squeezes his hand, but Suguru is the one who says, “It's okay. Nothing has been decided yet and… once the trial happens and they find out that he's innocent, they'll be able to let him go.”
“Right,” Satoru agrees. He keeps his eyes on the screen. “That's good to know.”
Suguru keeps talking. “I'll have to call my mom and see what she knows, and then… it's probably going to be a while until the trial happens, anyway. I'll focus on our exams because those are coming up really soon, right? We should probably start studying, but I think I might've left my bag in the classroom.”
“Suguru?”
“Oh, and you haven't eaten anything yet, right? Sorry, I probably made you miss dinner. There's still lots of time to get to the cafeteria before it closes, I think. I also have those snacks that you like—”
“Suguru!”
Satoru suddenly grabs his face with both hands, squishing Suguru's cheeks in between his palms. Only then does his rambling come to an end.
“Hey, it's okay not to think about all that stuff right now,” Satoru tells him. Then, he puts on his best smile in an effort to provide further comfort and reassurance, but instead it just makes Suguru feel like crying. “We'll deal with it later, okay? All of it. For now… do you want to spend the night here with me? You can if you want to.”
Right now, there's almost nothing that Suguru wants more. He doesn’t notice how utterly drained he is until he's offered the chance to rest, and now he thinks he might pass out long before they make it to bedtime.
Satoru doesn't release his face until he gives an answer.
“Yeah. Okay,” Suguru agrees. Despite the way that he's feeling inside, he forces himself to smile back at his best friend. “I'd like that.”
***
Suguru copes by throwing himself into his studies.
As long as his mind is filled by equations, formulas, historical dates and miscellaneous theories, he won't have time to think about anything else. That's what Suguru likes most about being in school. He needs to have a set routine, he needs structure and organization and everything else that comes along with it. Anything to keep his mind from wandering into uncharted territories.
Besides, it's not like he manages to get any answers to what's been going on. His mother seems just as shocked and horrified, claiming to know nothing of his father's dealings at work, but Suguru doesn't know what to believe anymore. She could be lying to him. What if she really is lying? What if she knows something and just wants to protect him from the truth, because she thinks that he won't be able to handle it? No, Suguru can't think like this. His mother has no reason to lie. His father is a good man.
It's all just one big misunderstanding.
Other people seem to think otherwise, though. For the first several days, Suguru obsesses over what happened and he glues himself to the TV, flipping through every news station that covers the story. He listens to all the bullshit opinions that these no-life strangers have about his father, speaking his name like they know him, despite how they clearly don't know anything. One particular TV host angers Suguru so much that he nearly punches the screen, but thanks to Satoru's interference, he manages to restrain himself.
Following that incident, Suguru makes a new rule for himself: he's not allowed to watch anything else about his father's case. He's only allowed to focus on school and his basic survival. Sometimes, he forgets about the latter. He'll study for hours and hours and forget the pain that his body is in, until Satoru finds him and drags him out to dinner. But even something as simple as eating in the dining hall takes a lot out of Suguru, because people just love to talk.
The news has quickly spread throughout the school. Even though no one ever says anything to his face, Suguru can feel their eyes on him when he walks through the halls. He knows what they're thinking, too, that he's the son of a criminal now. But Suguru doesn't care about rumors and stupid gossip. He can't allow himself to care, because at the end of the day, he knows the truth and that's all that matters.
There's a loud knock on the door. Suguru jolts awake, and when he looks down, he realizes that he'd fallen asleep at the desk in his dorm room. How long had he been unconscious? This isn't good, he needs to focus on his studies, rather than waste time on taking accidental naps.
“Suguru?”
Oh, right. The door. Suguru shakes away the exhaustion from his face and stands up to answer the door, recognizing the muffled voice on the other side of it.
“Sorry, I was—hey, what happened to your face?”
Satoru ignores the question and struts into the dorm room as if he owns the place. He flops down onto the bed and heaves out a loud sigh, obviously not in a good mood. Based on his bruised lip and the small cut over his right brow, Suguru can sort of guess what may have happened.
“Sit up. Let me take a look at the cut,” Suguru says, and he uses his ‘don't argue with me’ voice to show that he means it. On his way to the bed, he grabs the small first-aid kit that he keeps at the top of his closet. “Don't touch it, either. I'll have to disinfect the area just in case.”
Satoru responds with a groaning sound that definitely doesn't translate to anything in any human language. He obediently follows instructions, though, and sits properly at the edge of the bed so that Suguru can treat his wounds. Honestly, he should have gone to the infirmary instead of coming here, but in his mind, he probably prefers getting scolded by Suguru instead of the cranky old nurse with the scary teeth.
“Ow!” Satoru flinches away as soon as the antiseptic touches his skin. To keep him from running away, Suguru uses his other hand to grasp Satoru's chin and hold him in place. “That stings, dammit…”
Ignoring his complaints, Suguru responds, “Honestly, Satoru, don't you think you're a little too old for starting fights at school?”
“Hey! I didn't start shit, first of all,” Satoru rushes to correct him, and then he winces again from the sting. “Second of all, they were practically begging for an ass-kicking.”
Once the blood has been cleared away and the antiseptic applied, Suguru covers the area with a small bandage. He spends a moment checking to see if anything else needs to be treated, but aside from the cut, only the bruised lip remains. Even without an ice pack to help with the swelling, Suguru is sure that it'll heal quickly on its own.
“I gotta say I'm surprised that someone actually managed to land a hit on you,” Suguru comments as an afterthought. He doesn't mean to sound impressed, but he kind of is. “That's a first.”
Satoru looks off to the side and mumbles something incoherent.
“What was that?”
“I said… there were three of them. That's the only reason.”
Sometimes, such as in this very moment, Suguru feels less like a best friend and more like a tired, disappointed mother of a chaotic toddler.
“Right…” He shakes his head, unamused to hear something so idiotic. “And what made you think it was a good idea to fight three guys at once?”
Rather than answering the simple question, Satoru only shrugs while still avoiding eye contact. If he's going to be stubborn and secretive, then so be it. Suguru has neither the time nor the energy for this.
“Fine, don't tell me. Not like it matters—”
“They were talking shit about your dad.”
Oh. That again.
Suguru doesn't know what to say at first. It's the one topic that he's been doing everything in his power to avoid thinking about, so naturally, he'd rather not discuss it all of a sudden. However, it's not easy to run from something that's currently staring him right in the face, in the forms of a cut and a bruise.
He clears his throat and tries to respond rationally.
“Well… people are allowed to believe whatever they want to believe.”
“Why?” Satoru challenges him not even a second later. “They don't even know if it's true and it's none of their damn business, anyway. They're just repeating what they hear on TV or what their stupid parents have to say about it.”
“That's… probably the case,” Suguru agrees with a nod, “but it's still not worth fighting over. Sometimes we just have to let things go.”
Satoru keeps going, doing the exact opposite. “But they also said things about you. That's why I got so pissed off, I didn't want them spreading more lies and making you look bad. Things have already been hard enough for you lately…”
That strange-yet-familiar feeling from before starts to arise in Suguru's chest again and he tries to ignore it, and doesn't want to acknowledge what this might mean. He prefers to use logic instead. It's only logical that someone like Satoru would be upset by the rumors. He pretends to be nonchalant about life, but he's actually the most sensitive person that Suguru knows.
And more importantly, he cares about Suguru and doesn't want to see him get hurt. This is why they are best friends. It's logical—and expected—to care deeply about your best friends.
“That's very considerate of you,” Suguru tells him, and then he wears a teasing grin when he says, “I'm fine, though. Words don't bother me as much as they bother you.”
He expects his friend to reciprocate the teasing, so it's a little disappointing when Satoru stays silent instead, that sad frown permanently etched into his face. Maybe Suguru is being too hard on him. Satoru is upset on his behalf, after all. He cares so much that he was willing to brawl with three people at once just to defend Suguru's reputation.
If that isn't pure loyalty, then what is?
“Thank you for sticking up for me, though.” Suguru expresses his gratitude even further when he places a hand on Satoru's head, petting him. His teasing grin from before shifts into a gentle smile. “It's really sweet of you to care so much.”
Satoru doesn't respond immediately, but he reacts to the praise with an obvious blush that rises to his cheeks. He's just so cute sometimes. Suguru can't stand it. It makes him feel special, though, knowing that no one else gets to see this side of Gojo Satoru. The rest of the world gets to see the cocky, headstrong genius prodigy while Suguru gets to witness this: pink-tinged cheeks and everlasting loyalty.
“It's whatever,” Satoru finally mumbles. He keeps his eyes down, unable to meet Suguru's gaze.
“If anything like this happens again, I'd prefer it if you used words instead of your fists,” Suguru instructs him. It's still important that he gets his point across. “Alright?”
Satoru reacts with an obedient nod. “‘Kay.”
“Good boy.”
Suguru doesn't know what inspires him to say those words, it just comes out naturally before he can think twice about it. Satoru doesn't complain, though. He responds with a quiet grunt and since Suguru hasn't stopped petting his head, he seems to get overwhelmed by all of the positive attention, so he hides his face by leaning forward to rest his forehead against Suguru's shoulder.
It's way too entertaining. Suguru knows exactly how Satoru's mind works. He has learned every nook and cranny of that gorgeous mind over the past several years of their friendship, so he knows. Of course he does. No one else but him knows just how much Gojo Satoru loves being praised.
“Suguru…”
“Hm?” Suguru smooths his hand down the back of Satoru's head and curls his fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck. He waits for an answer that doesn't come. “What is it?”
Satoru exhales a shaky breath, and his head gets a little heavier where it's resting on Suguru's shoulder. Part of Suguru wishes that time would stop, that they could stay right where they are, just like this, and never have to worry about anything else. It would be just the two of them in their own little world. No one else.
For the second time, there's a loud knock on his door. The sudden interruption from the outside world snaps them back into reality, and Suguru snatches his hand away from Satoru's neck as if he's been burned.
What was he even doing, anyway?
Satoru quickly lifts his head from Suguru's shoulder and when they finally look into each other's eyes, Suguru thinks the rest of his body might burst into flames. As a result, Suguru immediately looks away first, suddenly overcome with fear and guilt.
“Um.” He clears his aching throat and tries to focus on keeping himself grounded. “I'll… be right back.”
Suguru stands from the bed with a sense of urgency. He tells himself that he should be glad for the interruption, even though the more selfish part of his heart wants to throw a tantrum. He opens the door without considering who it might be—no one aside from Satoru ever comes to his dorm room—and he's surprised once he's staring back into a pair of big, brown puppy eyes.
“You're really here!” Haibara exclaims, releasing a sigh of relief. He's clutching his chest as if the very sight of Suguru has now eased every single worry in his young heart. “I was so worried when you didn't show up to the study group and you didn't text me back, either! Is everything okay? Did you—oh, Gojo-senpai. You're here, too?”
When Haibara's word-vomit finally comes to an end, Suguru doesn't even know where to begin when it comes to formulating a reply. What his mind decides to focus on is Satoru, and when Suguru looks over his shoulder, he almost wants to hide in the closet out of embarrassment.
Why?
Because Satoru is still sitting there, in Suguru's room, on Suguru's bed, red-faced and his eyes unfocused so it looks… really bad. Anyone with a brain would think that the two of them had just been caught doing something else entirely. Add in the fact that Suguru completely forgot about the study group, and it almost looks like he ditched it on purpose for a very specific reason.
For the first time since the unexpected visit, Suguru realizes that Haibara isn't alone, and another figure with blond hair is standing a short distance behind him.
“I told you that he was probably just busy,” Nanami mutters, completely avoiding eye contact even as Suguru stares at him from over Haibara's shoulder. Nanami starts to tug at the back of Haibara's uniform shirt. “Let's go, we're bothering him.”
Haibara visibly pouts. “Aw… alright, then.”
“No, no, it's okay!” Suguru rushes to assure them, not wanting them to get the wrong idea even though it's not okay and he wants them to leave. “You're not bothering me at all. We can still study together. Sorry that I forgot to meet with you earlier.”
Suguru isn't actually sorry at all. He couldn't care less about the study group these days, it no longer serves him any purpose and it's a waste of his time. He could be using that time to study on his own or, better yet, spend time with Satoru. Besides, only Haibara and Nanami are still showing up to the sessions.
Everyone else has already abandoned him.
“Come in,” Suguru tells them, forcing a smile despite his lack of social energy right now. “We can study here… it's more comfortable, anyway.”
As his juniors enter the room and thank him for his time, Suguru’s eyes naturally wander over to the bed once more, and he finds that he's already being looked at by that comforting shade of blue. However, the second that their eyes meet, Satoru looks away. In fact, he lies down on the bed and turns onto his side, facing the wall instead.
He never ends up joining the study session.
***
A couple months later, Suguru's father pleads guilty to all of the charges against him, and it's announced that he'll be serving a several-years long sentence.
That same day, Suguru experiences his very first panic attack alone in the bathroom of the courthouse.
***
“I hate them! Who the fuck do they think that they are?”
The sound of bones hitting a firm wall seems to echo throughout both the dorm room and the inside of Suguru's mind. The sudden impact forces him to look up from where he's currently crouched over in front of another suitcase, ensuring that the last of his belongings have been accounted for. Even from this distance, he can see the bold red of fresh blood formed over Satoru's pale knuckles. Despite how much it must've hurt to punch the wall with that much force, it doesn't look like Satoru even notices the injury.
He's already in too much pain from what's happening around him.
The higher-ups of their boarding school—those in positions above even Principal Yaga—have agreed to waive the remainder of Suguru's tuition so that he can transfer to another school. It's for the best, anyway. Now that his father has been incarcerated, there's no way that his mother would be able to afford to send him to such a prestigious school on her own. Besides, the only reason that he's been able to study here carefree over the past seven years was due to his father's high-ranking position at work. This whole time, Suguru has been granted so many privileges that he never used to think about, and it’s always been because of his father.
Things are much different now that Suguru doesn't have a powerful father anymore.
Satoru seems to think otherwise about the situation. He's convinced himself that Suguru is basically being kicked out, expelled because of what his father has done. He's convinced that the higher-ups are paranoid about this situation “tainting” their reputation, if they continue to let the son of a criminal attend their prestigious school. Suguru supposes that there might be some truth behind that, but he doesn't know for sure and he really doesn't care.
None of that matters now. No matter how loudly Satoru yells about it, no matter how angry he gets on Suguru's behalf, none of it will change the truth.
The truth is that Suguru's father isn't actually a good man after all.
Maybe he never was.
In the past, witnessing this type of aggressive behavior from Satoru would have resulted in a lengthy scolding, but Suguru is far too tired for that. It feels like he's always so, so tired these days.
Without saying a word, Suguru abandons the current task that he's been doing on autopilot, and goes over to check the state of Satoru's bleeding knuckles. It doesn't surprise him that Satoru hides the injury behind his back when Suguru reaches for the hand.
“I'll drop out,” Satoru announces all of a sudden, sounding determined. It's as if he's just discovered the solution to all his problems and this has to be it. He stares back into Suguru's eyes, unyielding. “I'll apply to your new school and we'll leave here. Together.”
Suguru averts his gaze, already shaking his head at his friend's crazy idea. “You know that your parents would never let you do such a thing.”
“I don't give a shit. I hate this place. I'm coming with you.”
“Satoru…”
A tired sigh escapes him. Suguru shouldn't expect anything less, though. Satoru has always been the more impulsive one and Suguru has been the one to control that impulse for him, but now he'll do anything if it means that he gets to stay by Suguru's side.
They're a duo, after all. They always have been. At this point in their lives, Satoru doesn't know how to function without him and Suguru really doesn't know how he's going to do the same, but it's different for him. Suguru has no choice in the matter. It's time to grow up and take care of things on his own, even if Satoru is unable to understand that right now.
Suguru tries to console him.
“It's… it'll be okay soon.”
“It won't.”
“You can do this.”
“I can't,” Satoru insists through gritted teeth. “Not without you…”
He looks like he's seconds away from falling apart and he just might, if Suguru doesn't try to hold him together like the glue that's been supporting him for all these years. And isn't it silly? Suguru is the one whose entire life has just been uprooted. He's the one who feels like he's drowning in a river of lies built by the hands of his father, the same hands that used to pat Suguru's head when he was little—back when he still believed that his father was a real-life superhero.
Suguru is the one who should be punching walls and threatening to tear everything down if only to pacify the unfathomable pain in his chest. It should be him doing these things. Not Satoru.
But Suguru is too tired to do any of that. He knows that it wouldn't matter, anyway, because nothing matters anymore.
Well, that's not exactly true, is it?
Gojo Satoru matters. Just him.
Only him.
Just like before, Suguru places a hand on Satoru's head, unable to resist the natural urge to comfort him and take care of him and protect him from all the bad things in the world. Because Satoru is still so precious to him, above all else.
“Listen to me. It's just for one year, if that. Then both of us will graduate and get accepted into Jujutsu University. Remember? We said that we would. We'll study hard and make it happen.”
Satoru opens his mouth to argue, but the words get caught in his throat and he looks like he wants to cry and Suguru can't let that happen, no. He can't be the reason behind those wet lashes and reddened eyes, those same eyes that he adores so much.
“Promise me.” Suguru's fingers tighten slightly, the soft strands of that white hair easily bending beneath his will. He repeats, “We'll study hard and make it happen. Right? Can't you do that, Satoru?”
He knows that he's probably being unfair for not allowing Satoru to feel the intense emotions raging within his chest, but they don't have any time left. Suguru has learned the hard way that not everything can last forever. He doesn't want to lose this, too.
He never wants to lose them.
So, they have to make a promise. They'll promise each other that even if they have to be separated for now, nothing else has to change between them.
“I…” Satoru squeezes his eyes shut, and it looks as though he's fighting against every last stubborn bone in his body that wants to yell and kick and curse until he gets what he wants, because that's what he's used to. But even more than his own needs, he cares about Suguru's, too. When he's ready, he forces the words from his trembling lips. “I promise.”
And it's enough, for now.
***
Everything changes after Suguru leaves the boarding school.
The first change that happens is the move. They can no longer afford to live in the big, pretty house that Suguru was raised in prior to attending the boarding school, so they move into an apartment complex quite a distance away. The apartment is located just a single train station away from his new high school, so Suguru considers that one positive thing about the situation. There’s also the fact that his new school is one of the top-ranked public schools in all of Tokyo, and many of its students get accepted into some of the best universities in Japan. So, it's not like Suguru won't be going to a good school anymore.
It's just that he's going to be alone.
The second change is that Suguru gets a part-time job to help pay for things around their new home. Cleaning tables and washing dishes some nights after school at a local family restaurant will help bring in a little extra cash, and best of all, the manager allows Suguru to pick up extra shifts and make his own schedule. He figures that he can dedicate some weekends to working at the restaurant and spend his other weekends studying. He can't afford to slack off for even a moment. He has an important goal in mind and a promise to keep.
That promise involves the other major change in Suguru's life: Gojo Satoru.
They send text messages to each other every single day, but of course it's not the same and it never will be. No form of communication could ever replace the luxury of having Satoru by his side each day. He doesn't realize just how much he cherished life in the dorms until it's been taken from him. He used to be able to simply walk down the hallway to hang out with his best friend whenever he wanted to, and now they struggle so much just to see each other at all.
It's been really hard. These days, Suguru is busy with work and his studies and adjusting to the real world outside of the boarding school, while also struggling with the fact that his hero had been a fraud. He simply doesn't have the free time to “hang around” like he used to. What makes it even worse is that, per the school's rules, Satoru can only leave campus on the weekends, but Suguru works most weekends and he tries to squeeze in a bit of extra study time when he gets home late at night. On top of that, they're basically living on opposite sides of the city now so it's not an easy commute.
Suguru always feels guilty each time that he has to send another “sorry, let's try again next weekend?” text to Satoru after getting his hopes up. What surprises Suguru most of all is that Satoru never complains about the change of plans and he hardly even gets sassy when things don't work out. Instead, he tells Suguru that it's okay and they'll just have to try again next time. They'll keep trying again and again until they're able to work things out.
Maybe their separation has caused Satoru to mature a little. Just a little. It's a bittersweet thought that hangs around the back of Suguru's mind whenever they have time to talk. Change is inevitable, but he wonders what will happen if Satoru keeps changing without Suguru there to witness it.
Are they going to remain compatible?
No, he can't start to question their bond. It's the last piece of his life that remains constant, unchanging. He desperately needs that stability right now. Besides, they have a promise that they must fulfill. They can't afford to suffer from his insecurities.
Tonight, Suguru doesn't have to worry about any of that, because he gets to see Satoru again tomorrow and he's made sure that nothing will get in the way of their plans—as small as those plans are. He'll meet Satoru at the nearby station and they'll get KFC because Satoru loves KFC, then they'll spend the rest of the evening hanging out and catching up in Suguru's room and Satoru will spend the night. They won't be able to do much in the morning since Suguru needs to clock in for work at ten, but at least he'll get to accompany Satoru to the train station and see him off.
It's been several weeks since they last saw each other in person. Suguru is almost itching for tomorrow to arrive.
“I'm home,” Suguru announces as he enters the door to their apartment.
He's quick to remove his shoes and place them neatly to the side. Since he's been out for most of the day, he still needs to tidy his bedroom a bit so that it's not a mess when Satoru arrives. Recently, Suguru hasn't been as organized and disciplined as he used to be about the cleanliness of his surroundings. He never used to leave dirty laundry and schoolwork on the floor or displaced all around his desk, but he's been so busy these days and working tires him out. When he has time to clean, he focuses on his studies instead. He can only hope that it won't form into a bad habit.
When Suguru steps into the dining room, he's surprised to see that the table has already been set. He'll usually complete this task while his mother makes dinner for them, and he's about to tell her that she could have left it for him to do, but then Suguru notices something unusual.
Rather than two, there are currently three spots around the table set up with plates, cutlery, and tall glasses.
In the kitchen, Suguru's mother almost seems frantic with how she's moving back and forth between the stove and the refrigerator, carefully checking each dish that she's preparing and it's a bit longer before she notices Suguru watching her. When their eyes meet, he realizes that she's not frantic at all. She actually looks a bit excited.
She doesn't welcome him home, but she does announce that someone will be joining them for dinner this evening.
“Someone” turns out to be a man that Suguru has never seen before in his life. He's not too tall, not too thin, not too old and not too remarkable either. He's just average, but he talks a lot and he asks Suguru a lot of questions and his polite, easy-going smile almost looks…
Devious.
But maybe Suguru is only projecting, because he doesn't know why there's a strange man sitting at their table in the spot where his father used to sit. He mentally blocks out their meaningless conversation and the way that his mother can't keep her eyes off this man.
Isn't it too soon for this? No, if he's being honest, Suguru never even considered the possibility of his mother involving herself in another relationship. He didn't even know that his mother liked anyone, she's never spoken about it and it hasn't even been that long since his father's arrest and their big move. His parents aren't even divorced. They're definitely still legally married and just who the hell is this guy, anyway?
He leaves not long after they've finished dinner. Suguru helps his mother with the dishes and he can’t get his mind off the shocking revelation that she's seeing someone. She's seeing someone and she invited him to dinner to meet her son and she never told Suguru anything beforehand, and he watched them talk and laugh and drink wine together as if his father never existed.
“So… how long have you been seeing him?”
“Since last year, I think?” His mother answers the question almost as soon as he asks it, as if she's been waiting for him to finally say something, anything about tonight. “Yeah. It's almost been a year and a half now.”
Hearing that answer, Suguru drops the spoon that he's cleaning into the sink, shocked. The loud clang of the silverware fills the silence that follows those words, while Suguru's mind starts to run laps around this new piece of information.
His mother has to be incorrect. What does she mean that she's been seeing that man for a year and a half already? That doesn't make any sense. His father was arrested around ten months ago and even after that, his parents were still together.
Right?
“But…” Suguru turns his head to look at his mother, searching for answers in her neutral expression that gives nothing away. He inhales before continuing. “But you and Dad—”
“Your dad doesn't love me,” she says, cutting him off. Her small, soapy hands drag the sponge across another plate and it doesn't feel like the right setting or time to be discussing her infidelity, but somehow, this is what it's come to. She says just as casually as ever, “I used to think that he did— no, I forced myself to believe that he did, but I know now that he didn't. That's why he took you away from me and left me isolated in that house all those years… he only cared about himself.”
It feels like the outer walls of Suguru's heart begin to form cracks. He can't believe what he's hearing right now, and for the very first time, he wonders if he knows anything about his mother at all.
Who is this woman standing next to him?
This can't be the same person who used to comb his hair and rock him back to sleep whenever he had a nightmare. It can't be the same woman who used to call him all the time to ask about his day after he began living at the boarding school. Or, the same woman who always greeted him with big tears in her eyes whenever he used to visit home, tears that grew smaller and smaller over the years as the two of them adjusted to each other’s absence.
Not once during all these years did Suguru get the impression that his mother was unhappy in her marriage. Not once did she ever complain about feeling lonely and isolated and unloved. But would a mother ever complain about such feelings to her own child, who always talks about how happy he is at the boarding school and how much fun he has every day with his best friend?
Maybe she felt like she couldn't complain. Not even to the man that she had married.
Despite everything that Suguru has learned about his father over the past several months, he still finds himself getting upset to hear her say such things.
“That's not true,” Suguru mutters. His hands have started shaking and he isn't being helpful anymore with the dishes and his heart feels like it's going to crumble in his chest. “He… cared about us. He did care, he just…”
His mother lets out a long, tired sigh. Rather than turning off the faucet, she continues washing the dishes and takes over Suguru’s task, too, now that he's basically paralyzed.
“Suguru, it's okay if you want to believe that. You're still so young and your dad never showed his true colors around you, his pride and joy.” She reaches across his numb body to place a clean dish onto the rack for drying. “You don't understand yet, that's all. You lived in that little bubble of yours at that school for so long.”
“I…” Suguru shakes his head and attempts to calm himself down. It's hard, though; he's being treated like an ignorant child who understands nothing about the world. Through gritted teeth, he replies, “But you're the one who sent me there…”
“I guess I did, didn't I? By being so complacent.” She sighs once more, but Suguru can't tell if she actually regrets the decision or not. “Your dad said that it was the best place for you to be, and so we shouldn't miss the opportunity. He had such high hopes for you, y'know. He said I was being selfish for wanting you to live at home and go to a normal school. It's too bad that I didn't try hard enough to keep you with me.”
It's too much information to handle all at once. Suguru starts to feel like he can't breathe anymore and his hands are still shaking and this isn't how the night was supposed to go. He still needs to clean his room and think about what he'll wear to pick Satoru up from the train station, and he needs to text Satoru again to remind him of which station he'll exit from because sometimes Satoru gets distracted and Suguru doesn't want him to get lost.
There's so many things that he still needs to do tonight and having another panic attack isn't one of them, even though Suguru has just learned that he grew up without ever really knowing his parents.
It hurts too much and he can't handle this.
“I'm so glad that you turned out to be such a good boy, Suguru, and not a liar like your mom and dad.”
His mother turns her head to finally look at him for the first time during this conversation. Her mouth spreads into a smile that seems like it should be familiar and comforting, but Suguru isn't sure anymore.
He's been wrong about everything else, after all.
***
“Suguruuu!”
Preparing for the impact, Suguru plants his feet firmly against the ground of the subway station as Satoru comes sprinting towards him at full speed.
He pounces.
Suguru only wobbles a bit.
Mission successful.
Satoru has every limb wrapped around Suguru's body and his giggles are even louder than the announcements from the station's big speakers. They're definitely getting a bit of attention now—mostly because they're also in the way of foot traffic—so once they've had their reunion, Suguru reminds his friend of the basics.
“Okay, okay. We're still in Japan, y'know. There are rules here,” Suguru teases.
Deciding to be obedient, Satoru untangles his limbs and puts his feet back on the ground, supporting his own weight again. Only his hands remain on both of Suguru's shoulders now, his eyes twinkling under the fluorescent lights above them and his eager smile as bright and beautiful as ever.
Being separated from him has been life’s worst punishment ever.
“How much did you miss me this time?” Satoru asks, and it's what he's been asking each time that they see each other now, a running gag that he's created all on his own.
Suguru always goes along with it. “Guess.”
“Hm…” Satoru hums and pretends to think really hard about his answer. He taps his index finger against his chin for a moment and then he guesses, “Infinity squared?”
“Ohhh, so close! It's the opposite, actually.”
“The opposite?” It takes Satoru another moment to realize what that would mean, and when he does, his usual pouty frown makes an appearance and Suguru can't resist laughing a little. “Wow. Thanks, asshole.”
“You're welcome.” Suguru winks at him, just to tease his friend even further. “C'mon, let's get outta the station. You wanted to try the KFC here, right? It's really close by, and then if we walk twenty minutes east, we'll be at my place.”
“How convenient,” Satoru comments.
They're quick to leave the station and Suguru navigates them to the nearest KFC. The way he sees it, they don't have any time to waste. Every minute—no, every second that they have together is precious, so they have to make it last. If he blinks too fast or gets too distracted, the day will be over before he knows it, then he'll have to wait for the next time that they can hang out. Suguru won’t complain about it out loud, though. He has to set a good example.
They can function on their own, and it's okay to miss each other at the same time.
This is what Suguru tells himself whenever he starts to feel like he's going a bit crazy.
They talk about anything and everything on the way to the KFC. Satoru tells him that everyone still misses him (“everyone” meaning Haibara and Nanami) and Suguru asks if Satoru is behaving himself in all his classes instead of being a smartass or falling asleep. Satoru makes an obvious attempt at avoiding the question by instead saying that they need to hang out more. He's still upset that they only spent a few days together here and there during summer break, when they would've normally spent the entire season together.
Thing is, that just wasn't possible this year. At the start of summer, Suguru was busy moving from his old house into the apartment, and right afterwards, he began working every single day since it was summer break and he had no classes to attend. Obviously, Suguru would have much rather gone to Okinawa with Satoru like they've done for many years now, but it just wasn't realistic. Too many things have happened over the past several months and Suguru is still trying to cope with it all.
At least he gets to take a break from it all today. What makes it even better is that they'll have the apartment to themselves for most of the time, since Suguru's mother is working extra tonight and won't get back until really late. He's glad for this, he's not in the mood to face her after everything that was said the night before. Just thinking about it causes a heavy ache to form in the pit of his stomach.
Maybe he's being unfair to his mother, or maybe not. Suguru can't decide. Compared to his father, who stole millions and took advantage of his position to hurt innocent people, his mother being a cheater doesn't sound nearly as bad. But it's still hard to accept it. Suguru probably would have dealt with having one parent who's a bad person, but both parents betraying his trust is too much.
“How's your mom doing?” Satoru asks all of a sudden.
Suguru is almost weirded out by the mention of her, and he briefly wonders if he'd accidentally started voicing his thoughts out loud. But then he remembers that this is Satoru he's talking to, and he and Satoru have often been able to read each other's minds. It's like a side effect of all the years that they've spent happily glued to each other.
In any case, Suguru really doesn't want to dive into all that went down last night. He's not sure if or when he'll be able to talk about the things his mother revealed to him, or the scary feeling in his chest that made him think he might suffocate and die right there in the kitchen.
Instead, Suguru replies, “She has a boyfriend now.”
“Huh?!” Satoru gasps dramatically with a hand over his mouth and it reminds Suguru of one of those aunties who live for any chance to gossip. “For real?”
“For real. We've only met once, though… I don't know if I approve of him yet, but I guess I shouldn't automatically hate him, either.”
“Oh, yeah, that's fair.” Satoru agrees with a nod, and then he says, “But let me know if you do end up needing to kick his ass. I'll help.”
Of course Satoru would offer something so wild. He's always been one to solve his problems with his fists and who knows if that'll ever change, but at least his humor never will. Suguru is grateful for the distraction and it makes him feel good, knowing that Satoru will always be on his side.
After their quick lunch date at KFC, Suguru takes Satoru to the apartment. If he's being truly honest with himself, he's been nervous about having Satoru over for quite some time now. When they usually hang out, they'll often meet each other somewhere in the middle so that neither of them will have to deal with the long commute. So, it's the first time that Satoru has actually traveled all the way to Suguru's new home and he feels a bit insecure about his current living situation.
It's stupid to worry about such things, given how long they've known each other, but Suguru can't help feeling a little inadequate. Satoru comes from a family who owns an entire property with multiple living quarters and even his dorm room is fancier than Suguru's new bedroom in the apartment. There's nothing that can be done about it now, though.
When they enter the apartment, Satoru doesn't make any comments other than that he really wants to see Suguru's room, and Suguru is relieved for that. As usual, Satoru demands that they play video games as soon as he spots the old gaming system in the corner of the room, and Suguru brings out all of Satoru's favorite snacks that he'd made sure to buy the other day.
The first couple of hours pass by peacefully like this, and it almost feels like nothing has changed at all.
But Suguru's brain is itching to ruin his fun. It reminds him over and over again that he doesn't deserve to be having such a good time right now, because he hasn't studied in two days and on his last quiz, he missed one of the questions. The answer should've been so simple and maybe he would've gotten it right if he had just thought about it a little more.
He's slacking off. He's been allowing too many irrelevant thoughts to enter his mind recently, distracting him from what's important. He has to focus on his goal and the promise that he made with his best friend, otherwise he really will become inadequate and Satoru will leave him behind.
“What's wrong?”
Suguru snaps out of it when Satoru poses the question. For the past half hour, they've been watching some animated dinosaur movie that Satoru brought with him in his backpack and Suguru hasn't been paying attention. But he's been sighing a lot and since Satoru has his head resting against Suguru's shoulder, he can feel that something is bothering him.
“Nothing,” Suguru lies anyway. It's not so important that he has to bother Satoru about it.
Satoru hums but says nothing else at first, and Suguru thinks that that's it. However, a moment later, Satoru sits up straight, lifting his head from Suguru's shoulder and leaving an empty feeling in the space where he once was.
“Were you sick recently?” Satoru asks next, and now he's no longer paying attention to the movie either, his eyes focused entirely on Suguru. He adds, “It looks like you've lost some weight. You feeling okay?”
That's weird. Aside from the persistent itch in his mind, worsening insomnia, and the rare panic that he feels, Suguru believes that he is perfectly healthy. He eats whatever his mother cooks and when she's working late, he picks up something quick and simple from the nearby convenience store on his way back home. So, there's really no reason for the sudden concern.
“I'm fine,” Suguru answers. “Just a little tired.”
“Oh… do you want to—”
A loud ping interrupts them, notifying Suguru of a new text message. He lifts his phone from the bed while Satoru's eyes follow his every movement, and it feels like déjà vu. Something like this has happened before, but Suguru shakes the feeling away to check his inbox.
It's a message from the only friend that he's made at his new school, Shoko, who also happens to be his coworker, too. It's because of her help that Suguru was so easily able to get hired at the restaurant. Right now, she's asking if he wants to pick up her shift next weekend so that she can go to a concert with some girl. Suguru responds with a simple “yes” without thinking twice.
“Who's that?”
“Shoko.”
Suguru tosses the phone to the side and brings up a mental image of a calendar in his mind. Since he'll cover Shoko's shift next Saturday, that only leaves him with Sunday as a full day to study for exams. He can probably make up for lost time if he adds in two or three extra hours of study each night throughout the week. He's been wanting to do that, anyway. As it is, he spends way too much time doing other things, like lying in bed awake because it's become difficult for him to fall asleep most nights. He should just use that time to study, it only makes sense.
Next to him, Satoru asks quietly, “Do you like her?”
“Hm?” Suguru puts his mental calendar away. “Sure. She's cool, I guess.”
Of course he's told Satoru about Shoko, since they give each other mini life updates every day and if Suguru goes nearly a whole day without texting back, then Satoru will start to spam him. But in reality, Suguru has probably only mentioned her a couple of times. His friendship with Shoko is entirely different from what he has with Satoru, obviously. She's straightforward and sometimes sarcastic and she never makes Suguru feel like he has to behave a certain way, so talking to her is easy.
In fact, the first time they'd ever spoken to each other, it was because Shoko had come up to him during lunchtime and asked if the rumors were true, that Suguru's father was in prison for dismembering a group of young prostitutes. Suguru never even had the chance to get upset by such disgusting slander against his father. Once he denied it, Shoko had sighed in disappointment and commented that people were “so boring”, but she thought that Suguru seemed interesting, and suddenly they were talking and hanging out like friends.
“So, you do like her, then.”
Satoru doesn't even try to hide the disappointment in his tone. It's so silly that he still jumps to conclusions any time that Suguru involves himself with other people, but maybe it's just a testament to his everlasting loyalty.
“This might come as a shock to you, but men and women can be friends,” Suguru says, deciding to tease his friend instead. “Besides, I don't have any time for that stuff.”
“What stuff?”
“Dating.”
“Oh.” Satoru tilts his head to the side, curious. “Why not?”
Seriously? He's really asking that now? Though Suguru stares back at him, he gestures towards the huge stack of barely-organized textbooks and notebooks resting on the nearby desk. The answer to that question should be obvious.
“You shouldn't have time for that stuff, either,” Suguru concludes. “We only have a handful of months left before the entrance exams. Have you even started revising for that? You should, if you haven't already. I don't care if you usually study the night before, you're not pulling that shit this time.”
Suguru hardly notices that he's reverted back to his old ways of nagging Satoru until his friend reacts with a long sigh and a dramatic eye-roll.
“Okay, Mom. And for your information, I have been studying and it's going wonderfully, thanks.”
“Good to know.”
They go back to staring at the TV screen, but neither of them are truly watching the movie. It's hard for Suguru to relax now that the entrance exams have been mentioned. Will they be ready for it when the time comes? They have to be ready. They have no other choice.
“I'd like to meet her sometime.”
Right. Satoru is talking again. He should probably try to pay attention instead of letting his mind wander constantly.
“Meet who?”
“Shoko, duh. Who else?” Satoru playfully nudges him with an elbow, grinning when he asks, “Is your brain doing okay these days?”
“Shut up.”
He giggles, unaffected, and says, “I'm serious, though. About wanting to meet her. Next time, maybe the three of us can hang out somewhere or get lunch together on a day that you aren't working. Whad'ya say? It could be fun.”
Satoru and Shoko in the same room together? Suguru can't say that he's imagined it before, but he thinks that it could work. Much like himself, Shoko tends to be more calm while Satoru gives off high energy and occasional chaos, so the three of them together would be nicely balanced.
“I… guess so, yeah.” Suguru smiles at the thought of his two friends possibly becoming friends with each other, too. “I'll have to mention it to her so that we can plan something soon.”
Hearing the good news, Satoru reacts by making various little “happy noises” and clapping his hands together. Though Suguru shakes his head at his friend's weird antics, the look on his face can only be described as being utterly fond.
“You're actually excited about this, huh?” He chooses to be a tease with his next comment. “You sure you won't be too jealous?”
Satoru pauses. “Me? Jealous? Nonsense. If anything, you should be worried that your new ‘friend’ is gonna fall madly in love with me!”
The sheer amount of ridiculousness in that statement can't even be measured. Shoko falling in love with Satoru? Suguru would die from laughing so hard. If there's anything in the world that would forever remain an impossibility, it would be that. He definitely has to tell Shoko about this later, just to see the look on her face.
“Right… I'm sure she won't be able to resist your natural charm,” Suguru replies sarcastically.
This is going to be really entertaining.
***
That night, Satoru sneaks into his bed.
There's almost no point in setting up the futon on the floor for him. It serves as more of an offer, a vague suggestion of sorts. But they've shared a bed at least a handful of times in the past and it's never been a big deal. Even when they're just sleeping near each other on the floor, Satoru always ends up migrating closer and closer to Suguru's side, and Suguru always lets him.
That's why when Suguru feels the mattress dip as another body joins him, he's not even that surprised. Perhaps he's even a little relieved. It's been so long since the last time that they slept together. The warmth and coziness of Satoru's body next to his own is just another thing that Suguru has been robbed of since leaving the boarding school.
He tells himself that he deserves to have this moment. Even if the world has decided that he doesn't deserve anything else in life, he deserves this.
After Satoru settles comfortably beneath the duvet, Suguru carefully rolls over so that they're facing each other. In the moonlight leaking in through the curtains, all that he can see is a tuft of white hair. Suguru doesn't know what possesses him to gently place his hand there. He almost hesitates, but the deep-rooted urge to just touch overwhelms him in the best possible way. At least Satoru doesn't mind it. He lets out a content sigh and nuzzles into the pillow while his hand clenches the fabric of Suguru's pajama shirt, and it's just…
It's just one of those things. It's something that they do and then never talk about it. Just like the kiss.
And that's okay, because Suguru needed this. This is what he's been needing ever since his life turned to shit and his mind began playing tricks on him. He's been needing this the whole time and Satoru knows it, only Satoru knows, because he needs it just as much.
They need each other like the light needs the dark in order to shine.
That night, Suguru sleeps better than he has in months.
***
Shoko glances back and forth between the two of them, her dull eyes not giving away anything that she might be thinking at this moment. When she finally reaches a conclusion, her mouth curves into an amused grin.
“Huh. So, you’re the guy that Suguru never shuts up about?”
Okay, so, maybe inviting her along hadn’t been a good idea.
Shoko eagerly approaches Satoru and shakes his hand like he’s a celebrity, while Suguru watches from the sidelines, horrified. He can already tell that he’s going to be teased into the next century about this.
“Really?” Upon hearing that, Satoru goes from eyeing her suspiciously to fully accepting her with open arms. The smile that appears on his face is absolutely diabolical, like an evil cat who’s just discovered his enemy’s weakness. “What does he say about me?”
Before Shoko can open her big mouth again, Suguru clears his throat and tries desperately to save his dignity.
Not that he has much left, anyway.
“Shouldn’t we start heading over to the restaurant now?” he interrupts, already feeling himself starting to sweat. “If we hurry up, we’ll still make the reservation time. Let’s go, let’s go…”
Just to make sure that they won’t start conspiring against him, Suguru not-so-discreetly separates the two of them by forcing himself into the middle of their trio. It’s much better like this, anyway. He’s the mutual friend in this equation, so it makes sense that he’s the one in the middle. It’s definitely not because of any other reason.
Despite his interference, Shoko still leans forward so that she can make eye contact with Satoru again.
“I’ll tell you later,” she promises.
Suguru is not going to survive the evening.
Japanese BBQ is what they’ve decided on for dinner tonight. Since Suguru has to wake up early in the morning to get to work, they’re only grabbing a meal together and then parting ways. It’s a good place to start when it comes to introducing his friends to each other, anyway. They can enjoy a nice meal and chat casually about anything and everything until it’s time to go home. There’s no pressure to do anything else, basically.
Conversation flows easily, just like Suguru knew that it would. Shoko talks a little about herself and mentions that the three of them share the same goal, because her plan is to get into Jujutsu University and begin studying medicine there. Satoru is all too eager to invite her to study with them, at which point Shoko politely declines. She claims that she has her own methods of doing things and if all else fails, she’ll simply cheat her way into the school. The look that appears on Satoru’s face when he hears that is absolutely priceless.
Naturally, Shoko turns the attention away from herself by digging for more gossip about Suguru’s past, and once again, Satoru eagerly provides. He tells countless stories about their days at the boarding school and all the misadventures that he remembers so fondly. He talks so much that he barely even focuses on finishing his meal, which is unusual, given how big his appetite has always been. But if there’s anything that Satoru likes even more than food, it’s his best friend.
That much is obvious.
“We ended up getting detention for a few days,” Satoru says, finishing up one of his many tales about how he got them in trouble. “Suguru cried about it, by the way.”
“What? I did not,” Suguru argues. Tongs in hand, he removes a piece of meat from the grill and places it onto Satoru's plate. “I was upset, yes, because it was the first time I'd ever gotten in trouble at school—all thanks to you. I didn't cry about it, though.”
Satoru shoves the meat into his mouth and insists, mid-chew, “Nah, he definitely cried.”
“Bullshit. I didn't.”
“He really did.”
“No.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, I'm sure that he did,” Shoko cuts in. She obviously wasn't even there to witness it, but somehow, her word becomes the deciding factor in their childish argument. She nods with confidence and adds, “I believe you completely, Satoru.”
“Yay!” He cheers while giving a little victory dance in his seat.
“Hey, you're supposed to be on my side,” Suguru grumbles, glaring at his other friend who is definitely playing favoritism. “Bully him, not me.”
“See, that's exactly why I'm bullying you,” she says, her grin filled with mischief. “It's much more fun this way. Right, Satoru?”
“Right!”
“Then, once I've got enough dirt on Satoru as well, I'll switch to bullying him just as much. That fair?”
“That's— wait, what?” Satoru blinks at her, in shock at the immediate betrayal following their camaraderie. “Why me? I haven't even done anything!”
“Yet,” she corrects. “Give it some time, I'm sure you'll get around to it.”
Suguru doesn't hold back his laughter, even as Satoru deflates in his chair, his signature pouty face on full display. Feeling just a little bad for the guy, Suguru pats his shoulder and attempts to cheer him up.
“Don't worry. If she bullies you, it means that she actually likes you,” Suguru explains. “That's just how she is. It took me a while to get it, too.”
“I see, I see. So, sort of like a cat?”
“Sort of like a cat, yeah. The kind that likes to push things off the table, just because.”
“I'm still sitting right here, y'know.” Shoko waves a hand to get their attention. “I can literally hear you.”
Now that the tables have turned, Suguru decides that he should get revenge by teasing her even more. He leans over to whisper gibberish into Satoru's ear, pretending to gossip about her while she watches them. Even without explaining his plan, Satoru instantly catches on and begins to laugh at Suguru's fake “gossip.”
Shoko narrows her eyes, not really reacting to them. It's easy to see that she's already scheming against them, though, and after taking a long sip of water, she finally attacks.
“Do you have a girlfriend, Satoru?”
Satoru stops pretending to laugh and stares back at her with wide eyes. Wherever she's going with this, Suguru dislikes it already, but Satoru doesn't waste any time and readily takes the bait.
“Nope! Why?” Smiling, he rests his elbow on the table and leans his chin against the palm of his hand. He asks in a rather cocky tone, “Do you think I'm cute or something?”
Shoko doesn't even hesitate to say, “Eh, you're okay. I'm gay, though. A lesbian. Do you know what lesbian means?”
This time Satoru actually pauses, taken aback by her casual coming out and the sarcasm that follows right afterwards. It seems that not even someone as cheeky as Satoru can keep up with her effortless quips.
“Of course I know what it means,” Satoru grumbles, a hint of a blush caressing his pretty cheeks.
“Good! I'm glad you at least know that.” Now Shoko is the one who smiles. “So, how come you don't have a girlfriend? Do you not want one, or…?”
“I think we can talk about something else now, hm?” Suguru interrupts. He still doesn't know what Shoko is getting at with all the weird, teasing questions, but he'd also rather not find out. It feels like the atmosphere is becoming too serious and he doesn't want Satoru to be offended. “Should we take a look at the dessert menu?”
“I don't need one,” Satoru answers, but his words are directed at Shoko's question and not Suguru's, and the two of them basically ignore Suguru's attempt to change the subject. “That's all.”
Shoko only hums and responds with, “Interesting.”
She doesn't point out that Satoru changed “want” into “need”, nor does she mention the obvious look of embarrassment and slight discomfort on his face. She simply files all of that information away somewhere in her brain, while Suguru sits on the sidelines and quietly wonders why he feels so relieved to hear Satoru say that.
“Let's get the strawberry shortcake,” Shoko suggests all of a sudden. “I've seen pictures of it, it's really huge. Do you want to try sharing it, Satoru?”
Her sudden change in tone gives all of them whiplash. Satoru still looks like he's trying to recover from the awkward tension, but he's quick to nod his head and answer that he loves strawberries, so he definitely wants to try it out.
Shoko laughs and says, “I know! That's why I asked. Suguru told me that you love anything strawberry flavored, so hopefully this one tastes good.”
Ah. That again.
Suguru chooses to ignore the sneaky little comment for now, but only because Satoru is smiling again.
Half an hour later, they're standing outside of the restaurant with full bellies and slightly thinner wallets, but it was worth every last yen. The only thing left to do now is bid each other farewell, but there's no need to rush when saying goodbye. The night is still relatively young, so they can take their sweet time walking to the train station.
“Why the hell is it so cold already?” Shoko complains, wrapping her arms around herself as the cool night breeze passes through her body. “Autumn just started, like, two days ago.”
Suguru shrugs while taking in the fresh air. “Feels good to me. You should try wearing an actual jacket, instead of that fake leather thing you always put on.”
“Buy me a new one and then we'll talk.” Shoko reaches into the pocket of her “leather” jacket and removes a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She has to turn away from the wind's direction to get it lit, but after successfully inhaling and exhaling the smoke from her lungs, she sighs, content. “That's better. Oh, right. Here you go, since I owe you for last time.”
Shoko hands a cigarette over to Suguru and she's even kind enough to light it for him. Suguru thanks her with a smile before placing the cigarette in between his lips.
“Suguru? What are you doing with that?” Satoru asks suddenly. This whole time he's been standing off to the side, happily dazed from their meal and not really paying attention to anything else. He only comes back to them after smelling the tobacco. He asks, “Since when do you smoke?”
“Hm? I don't,” Suguru claims, just before taking another drag. Afterwards, he corrects himself. “Well, not usually. Just every now and then, when Shoko isn't too stingy to share one.”
“Hey, like I said, buy me some and then we'll talk,” Shoko teases again.
Satoru watches the two of them for a moment, obviously displeased by the behavior. Suguru doesn't think it's such a big deal anymore. He used to, but that was before all of the various changes in his life. Then, during their fifteen-minute break at work one day, Shoko commented that he looked “totally stressed out” and offered him a cigarette. Against his better judgment, Suguru accepted the offer. Turns out he really was stressed, because he could feel it slowly leaving his body when he smoked.
He doesn't want to make a habit out of it, though, for obvious reasons. That's why he'll only do it with Shoko whenever she feels like sharing, instead of buying his own. It seems like a logical solution in Suguru's mind. It doesn’t count as an addiction if he only does it some of the time.
“Those things are really bad for you, though,” Satoru says, pointing out the obvious. “Like, they'll literally kill you.”
Shoko reacts with a dramatic gasp. “Are you… serious? How come no one ever told me? That's so wild.”
She goes back to enjoying the stick in between her fingers. Suguru doesn't mean to laugh, he really doesn't, it just comes out automatically. It really is a lot of fun, hanging out with both of his friends at the same time. It almost feels natural, in a way. They'll definitely have to do this again sometime.
His thoughts are interrupted when Satoru walks up to him and without warning, he snatches the cigarette from Suguru's mouth. He then proceeds to toss it onto the ground and step on it with the back of his shoe.
“What the hell?” Suguru stares at the wasted cigarette on the ground, forlorn. “What was that for?”
“I don't want you doing stuff like that,” Satoru tells him—and is he trying to look stern? He's definitely trying to appear stern right now. “It's not good for you. Just because she does it doesn't mean that you should, too.”
“Wow,” Suguru deadpans, “Sorry, I didn't realize that you were my mother.”
“See, and that's the thing— what would she think if she saw you doing that?”
Suguru shrugs, apathetic. “Don't care. She's a liar, anyway, so why does it matter what she thinks?”
“What?” Satoru stares at him, clueless. “What're you talking about? Hey… what's wrong with you?”
Not knowing what to say, Suguru remains silent. The sudden tension between them is ruining the good vibes that they've been enjoying for the duration of the night so far, and he has a feeling that it's his fault. Despite Satoru starting it by not minding his own business, it's still Suguru's fault for escalating things and bringing up topics that he can't— won't talk about.
It's his fault.
Everything is his fault.
Off to the side, Shoko continues smoking in silence, not daring to interrupt or jump in the middle of whatever mess they have going on. That's fair. Later on, Suguru is sure that he'll feel grateful for her lack of intrusion, but right now it's still so awkward to have another person watching from the sidelines.
For this reason and various others, Suguru shuts down.
“Let's head over to the station,” he suggests. He avoids looking directly into Satoru's eyes as he speaks. “It'll be late by the time that you get back to the school, right? So, let's get going.”
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Suguru begins walking without waiting for a response. He only knows that they're following when he eventually hears footsteps joining his own, and he half-expects Satoru to argue with him some more. Thankfully, his friend chooses to stay silent instead.
In fact, they spend the entire journey in silence.
Suguru still doesn't know what to say when they finally reach their destination. He ultimately decides that it's best for him not to say anything at all, other than a farewell. He can't mess things up as long as he stays quiet and keeps his demons from showing.
“I'll see you next time, then?” Suguru tells himself to smile, so that's what he does. “Text me when you make it to the dorms.”
He's about to go in for a hug when Satoru stops him.
“Wait, Suguru… can we talk?”
Oh, no. Talking is the exact opposite of what Suguru wants to do right now, but he can't exactly refuse the simple request from his best friend, either. That would make things even more awkward and suspicious. Just how is he supposed to get out of this, then?
“Uh, sure?” Suguru responds anyway.
Before saying anything, Satoru glances off to the side where Shoko is standing nearby, watching them. She seems to get the hint right away. Shoko says a quick goodbye to Satoru and tells him not to be a stranger, because she likes him and wants to hang out again. Afterwards, she walks over to lean against a wall and starts playing on her phone.
Once it's just the two of them, Suguru's skin starts to itch. He wonders if Satoru is still mad at him. Maybe he's getting fed up with the current situation regarding their friendship. Maybe, just maybe, he's had enough.
No, no, no—
“I just wanted to ask… are we good?”
It's not what Suguru expects to hear from him, so it takes a moment to come up with something to say.
“Yeah? We're good. Of course, we're good.”
“Are you sure?” Satoru asks, and now he's looking everywhere except for Suguru's face and his hands nervously play with the hem of his sweater. He looks and sounds insecure. “It feels like… you used to tell me everything, but now you don't anymore and… I didn't even know that you smoked. Shoko knew, but I didn't. Oh, and sorry that I did all of that in front of her. It was embarrassing, right? Sorry.”
“No, it's— you're fine,” Suguru rushes to console him. “I'm not mad at you for that, I promise. You were right. I shouldn't be smoking, anyway.”
“Yeah… but it's still not cool of me to try and control everything that you do,” Satoru continues. “It's your life, after all. I guess I'm still not used to the way things are right now, but I'll try harder. Okay?”
Satoru extends his fist out in between them as some sort of peace offering, and it makes a serious moment quite silly because they were never really the type of friends who fist-bumped. But Suguru can tell that he really is trying to change. He doesn't want to lose what they have, just as Suguru yearns to keep their friendship strong.
To show that he's just as serious about this, Suguru reaches up with both hands and ruffles Satoru's thick head of white hair, just like he used to do when they were kids. It's his favorite way of showing affection, and Satoru knows this, even as he whines and tries to escape the intense petting. He doesn't try that hard to escape, though.
He never does.
“We'll be okay,” Suguru says afterwards, and this time, he wears a genuine smile that he doesn't have to force. “Get back safe, okay? Don't forget to text me.”
“I won't!” Satoru promises, and then he's gone.
Suguru doesn't turn around until the train leaves the station. Once it does, he releases a long, tired sigh and suddenly his entire body feels incredibly heavy. He still has to make it back to the apartment, though, so he forces his legs to move. As he approaches Shoko, she puts away her phone to look at him instead, and she says:
“You never told me that you had a boyfriend.”
Suguru pauses, confused. A second later, he rolls his eyes at her “joke” and tries not to think about it too much, because he's just too tired to think right now.
“He's not my boyfriend.”
“Does Satoru know that?” she says next, walking a few steps ahead of him as they exit the station. She looks at him from over her shoulder, her tongue poking out to tease, “You should tell him, because it seems like he thinks otherwise.”
The breeze outside is even colder now, but it doesn't compare to the chill that Suguru feels whenever he and Satoru have to part ways at the end of the day. It's completely normal to feel like this, though. Satoru isn't just his best friend; he's Suguru's other half.
And, okay, maybe that's not exactly a normal way to think about your male best friend, but who cares? They've never been normal. What they have together goes far beyond the realms of friendship, romance, and anything else for that matter.
They're basically soulmates.
“He's so damn in love with you that I almost gagged all over my dinner,” Shoko continues. “Like, I've been in love before, too, but it was never… that. You've got a lot to think about, Suguru. I don't envy you one bit.”
Suguru supposes that he could argue with her, he could insist that Satoru isn't in love with him and they really are just friends—and actual, literal soulmates—but there would be no real point to that. Shoko is allowed to believe whatever she wants to believe, just like Suguru is allowed to treat his best friend however he wants to treat him. They've found what works best for their relationship and that's what matters most, not the opinions of people viewing them from the outside.
And as long as Suguru and Satoru are happy with each other, then that's all that matters.
***
Things keep changing, and not for the better.
Entrance exam season is steadily approaching and if they aren't diligent with their studies, then they won't be ready. However, the closer that Suguru gets to the end of the school year, the less that he sleeps. It’s not always on purpose, either. It’s just that his mind won’t ever shut up about all the different “what ifs” of the world.
What if he’s not actually smart enough to get into university?
What if he’s rejected because they find out he’s the son of a criminal?
What if he can’t afford to go to school at all?
What if, what if, what if.
Suguru feels like he’s going mad. What makes it worse is that he feels so alone with his worries, because Satoru is as energetic as ever. They’ve been hanging out less frequently as time goes on, both of them too busy with their final year of high school and all that it entails, but when they do have time to see each other, it’s usually to study for college entrance exams. Satoru has gotten a little better at focusing and staying on topic for longer periods of time, and Suguru is proud of him, but it feels like they haven’t actually talked lately.
Work, work, work.
Study, study, study.
It’s the only thing that they have time for these days.
At one point, Suguru suggests that they come up with a back-up plan in case things don’t actually go their way. He mentions that they should be applying to multiple universities instead of hyperfixating on the one, because there’s no guarantee that they’ll be accepted into their top choice. But Satoru flat-out rejects the idea and tells him that it’s stupid. Why should they apply to other places when they’ve already decided on where they’ll go? Of course they’ll be accepted into Jujutsu University. The two of them are the smartest and they always have been.
So, Suguru doesn’t bring it up again.
Things at home aren’t getting any better either. His mother’s boyfriend comes around more often and sometimes, he even spends the night. Yet, despite how much they’ve been seeing each other, it seems like their relationship isn’t doing too well. Suguru overhears them arguing sometimes. The worst part is that they always choose to have their lover’s spat at night, when Suguru is exhausted from school and work and he just wants to study in silence, for fuck’s sake. A few times, it gets so bad that he simply leaves the apartment for a while. He’ll put on his sandals to walk down the street and buy a soda from the nearby vending machines, not caring that it’s the middle of the night or that his feet get really cold.
He tells himself that it’s fine. Everything is fine. He only has to deal with this for a few more months and then he’ll move out. He and Satoru have already made plans to live together on campus. They’ve been considering different housing options and have decided that they’d like to live in a small apartment together, since they’ve already experienced the dorm life at the boarding school and they’re looking forward to having even more privacy.
It’ll just be Suguru and Satoru in their own little world.
Some days, it’s the only thing that keeps Suguru going. He has to work harder to make it a reality. He can’t afford to slack off for even a second. His physical health starts to take a nosedive but it’s okay. Everything is fine. The sleeping pills that he obtains will help him on the nights when his insomnia becomes too much to deal with. As long as he can get a few hours of sleep, he can wake up with a little extra energy and start the process all over again.
Work, work, work.
Study, study, study.
One night, Suguru comes home after work and it’s quiet, peaceful inside of the apartment. Such a luxury is rare these days. Suguru is glad to see that the loud bastard isn’t taking up space on their couch like he usually is. Only his mother is at home, sitting in the living room and folding a basket of laundry that Suguru had forgotten about the day prior. Guilt immediately fills his stomach. He can be such a useless son sometimes. He should have written himself a reminder to finish the laundry so that his mother wouldn’t be burdened with such a task, but he had stayed up late cramming and then fell asleep at his desk.
He feels so stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Sorry. Let me finish the rest.” Suguru abandons his schoolbag on the floor and walks over to take care of the chore. It doesn’t seem like his mother hears him, since she continues folding one of his uniform shirts. Sighing, Suguru starts to repeat himself, until he notices that something is off. “What happened to your lip?”
The right corner of her bottom lip is red and swollen, and it looks like she’s tried to hide the bruise with a bit of makeup that has mostly rubbed off now.
“Hm? Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about that,” she says, and then immediately changes the subject. “How was work? Did you eat? There’s still leftovers in the fridge from yesterday if you’re hungry.”
Suguru hears none of what she says. He asks calmly, “Did he do this to you?”
When his mother sighs instead of answering the question right away, it’s all the confirmation that he needs. She must take notice of the unfiltered rage that instantly appears on Suguru’s face and behind his dark eyes, because she’s already shaking her head before he can say anything else.
“I said I don’t want you worrying about that,” she stubbornly repeats, “It’s none of your business, anyway. Just stay focused on your studies, alright?”
Those words combined with her tone almost feel like a slap to the face. Suguru stares back at his mother, wide-eyed and confused at why she's pretending that this is no big deal.
“None of my business…?” He shakes his head in anger. “You're my mother.”
She reacts with yet another long, tired sigh and it doesn't feel real, it feels like his life is turning into a really shitty movie and he has no control over any of it anymore. His father isn't a hero and his mother is dating a villain and Suguru wishes it would all just stop. He never asked to deal with any of this.
Life was so much easier when he lived in that precious little bubble at the boarding school.
“Honey, everything is fine. I'm dealing with it myself,” his mother insists. She reaches into the basket for another one of his shirts, her eyes focused on everywhere but him. “Please don't try to control me like your father did.”
As soon as the words leave her mouth, it looks like she regrets it, but it's far too late to keep Suguru from hearing them. She seems to realize it, too, that she's hurting him. She doesn't try to apologize, though. She continues folding laundry as if everything is fine, when really, nothing is.
Things haven't been fine for a really long time now, and maybe there's no point in hoping that it'll ever get better.
Suguru takes a step back. He responds to her with a simple, “Fine,” and heads into his bedroom.
***
Ever since he was a child, Suguru has been told that he's the spitting image of his father, Geto Satoshi. They say that if you hold up a photograph of Satoshi as a child next to Suguru's face, the uncanny resemblance would feel a lot like looking into a time machine.
Maybe that's why his mother doesn't like him anymore. He looks too much like his father. Suguru used to find pride in that, but not anymore. There's nothing prideful about looking like a criminal. Unfortunately, it's impossible to escape from your own reflection. Suguru knows this, he has already tried. He's stubborn, though. Always has been.
If his mother notices that the mirror in the guest bathroom has been covered up, she doesn't say anything.
***
A week before his exam, Suguru finally snaps.
It's happening again. They're arguing in the living room while Suguru is trying so desperately to cram every fact and theory into his rotten brain, but he can't focus because they won't allow him to. The bastard hasn't been around ever since that day with the laundry, and Suguru naively believed that it was finally over. He thought that his mother was finally done with the man she had cheated on his father with, now that that same man is apparently cheating on her. Suguru doesn't know all the details, nor does he want to, it's just what he hears from the constant bickering that's been going on in the apartment.
But tonight, he's here again and he's causing a scene and what right does he have to enter their home, anyway? This is the same man who dared to put his hands on Suguru's mother, like the spineless, weak piece of shit that he is. He dares to come into their home, Suguru's home, and act like he owns the place when he probably has nothing useful to his name.
Well, Suguru has had enough. Bad people deserve to be punished for their wrongdoings, and if no one else will deliver that punishment, then he will.
It feels a lot like being possessed by some force of nature when Suguru stands up from his desk. His body moves automatically. One moment he's in his bedroom and the next, he's marching into the living room with only a single thought in mind. He has to tell this man to get the hell out of their home, but once that bastard comes into view, all that Suguru can see is red.
Words melt away on his tongue and get replaced by the force of a fist flying through the air, that same fist suddenly connecting with a sharp jawline. Something tells him that his hand is injured, but Suguru doesn't feel the pain. He doesn't feel anything, not even his mother's hand attempting to grab his elbow. Suguru feels nothing, hears nothing, and all that he sees is red.
He needs to punish the bad man. He needs to.
Suguru doesn't snap out of it until his mind finally allows him to hear the voice of the woman who raised him, and she pleads desperately, “Suguru, stop! You… you'll kill him!”
His fist finally pauses in the air next to him, and the figure that he's crouched over is almost unrecognizable now. The man's face is bloody and bruised and beaten to a pulp, and his weak fingers loosely grip the wrist of Suguru's other hand that has found its way around the man's neck, holding him down to the floor, choking him. Suguru lets go of his neck and slowly pulls his hand away.
No one speaks. Suguru stares at the bloodied face on the floor and he doesn't understand why that man is still here, didn't Suguru tell him to leave? This wouldn't have happened if he had listened. Honestly, he brought this upon himself. Suguru is simply trying to defend his mother and their home from a threat. That's all. Really, that's all.
It had to be done.
When Suguru turns his head to look at his mother, wanting to make sure that she hasn't been hurt again by the bad man, he's shocked by what he finds. His mother is already staring back at him with a horrified expression on her pale face, and she stares at him as if he were a monster.
Why is she looking at him like that?
Suguru has done nothing wrong. He's only trying to protect his family, and the only parent that he has left. He has to make her understand that. He has to. Suguru reaches out to touch his mother's arm but she jerks back, away from him and—
Oh. Never mind. Suguru recognizes the look in her eyes now.
She's afraid of him.
His own mother.
Afraid.
An entire week goes by and she hasn't spoken to him since then, not a single word, and that's fine. Everything is fine. Suguru doesn't have time for idle chat, anyway. The entrance exam is tomorrow and if he thinks about it too much, he's going to vomit. He can't think about the exam, he can only think about his studies. He's been preparing for this for so long and now it's finally here.
It's here.
He can't afford to fuck this up.
Suguru won’t fuck this up. He hasn't eaten in a day and a half because he can't stomach anything, and he doesn't want to scare his mother with his presence in the kitchen, so he doesn't eat. It's not like he has time for it, anyway. The clock is ticking and he has to make sure that he's ready, he has to memorize everything again in case there's something that his stupid brain has forgotten. His stupid, stupid brain that can be so useless sometimes.
He wishes that he were a genius instead. He wishes that he didn't have to work so hard just for a slither of hope that he'll get what he wants. He wishes that life wasn't so unfair. He wishes he hadn't been born to a set of parents who lie and make him feel like he's a monster.
Satoru texts him just before midnight.
suguruuu
it's almost time!!!!!!
are you ready?
of course you are
im meeting you at the gates right?
just wanted to make sure
lets try to get there at the same time ok?
suguru
are you still studying?? lol
dude give it a rest
we gotta wake up early
if you're late I'll beat your ass.
go to sleep!! goodnight!!!! <3
goodnight
***
There's too much sunlight in the room when Suguru wakes up the next morning.
Then, it immediately hits him.
There's too much sunlight because it's not that early. He was supposed to wake up before the sunrise, not afterwards.
His entire body is stricken with panic. Suguru practically jumps out of bed and he almost falls as soon as his feet touch the floor. His legs feel too heavy and his feet are colder than ice, his head dizzy from the lack of energy since he hasn't eaten in so long. He ignores all of that and checks his phone, but it doesn't turn on.
Right. He was supposed to plug it in and allow it to charge overnight since he keeps forgetting to do it during the day, but then he got distracted by his desire to study just a little more. A little longer. Just a few more minutes. It never stops at a “few” minutes, though, and he stays up a few extra hours instead. Suguru doesn't even remember dragging himself to the bed. He must have wanted to lie down for only a moment, and then he blacked out.
The reason doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that he woke up late and now he's going to miss his entrance exam and he won't get into university and he'll be nothing but a failure and he'll disappoint his mother again and Satoru will leave him behind.
All of his worst nightmares are coming true.
No, no, no.
He can't let the past few months of his life turn out to be a waste of time, not when he's sacrificed so much already.
Suguru tries desperately to pull himself together. There's no time to freshen up in the bathroom, so he pulls on the first sweater and pair of jeans that he finds from the pile of clean laundry he's left on his bed. He's out of the door in less than five minutes, and then he's sprinting away from the apartment complex to the nearby train station.
Running like this in cold weather without any energy in his body hurts. It really, really hurts. His lungs are burning from the effort and his face feels like it's freezing, his skin so cold and red and how could he let this happen? All of this could've been prevented if he wasn't so stupid. He should have plugged in his phone so that it wouldn't have run out of battery, and his alarm would've gone off and he would've woken up on time and been able to prepare himself for the big day.
But Suguru can't do anything right no matter how hard he tries, and when he finally makes it to the station, the universe decides to punish him some more.
The trains are delayed. There's an announcement playing again and again about a short delay due to the weather and Suguru doesn't have any time for this. He literally has no time. By now, he should already be taking a seat in the exam hall and waiting for the test to begin. He's too far behind now. He's not going to make it in time, even if he rushes back onto the street and tries to get a taxi.
As Suguru stands there, his sore body trembling all over as the panic begins to overwhelm his lungs and suffocate him, a question pops into his mind.
What's the point?
Really, what's the point of anything?
Maybe there is no point.
He's trying too hard and making himself suffer in the process and it's all for nothing, because at the end of the day, there's no point to any of this.
Ah. It's tiring.
Everything is so tiring.
Being at the train station is tiring, too. Why is he still here, anyway? The trains aren't coming and it's too late to do anything about it. He should just give up and go back home. At least when he's at home, he can lie down alone in his room and not have to deal with any of this.
So, Suguru walks home. He doesn't even remember the journey there, but suddenly he's standing in the cold, empty apartment again instead of at the train station.
And he's tired. He's still so, so tired.
The exhaustion from hardly sleeping over the past few months seems to catch up to him all at once. He can't think about anything else right now. All his mind can focus on is his need to sleep—to be unconscious, to not have to face his reality, to not… exist.
Existing is too bothersome, and it's not like anyone needs him around, anyway.
Suguru blinks and now he's standing in his bedroom, and it's just as cold and empty as the rest of the apartment.
Just as cold and empty as himself.
He's so, so tired.
Suguru walks over to his desk and reaches for the bottle of sleeping pills.
***
Everything hurts.
His stomach, his throat, his limbs, his head—all of it.
Suguru wakes up feeling like he's been run over by a truck and poisoned at the same time. His mouth is incredibly dry and even opening his eyelids all the way takes quite a bit of effort. This is why it takes him another moment to finally realize that he's not in his bedroom anymore. He's definitely not anywhere else in the apartment, either.
“Huh. You actually woke up.”
Someone is talking to him. Suguru uses what little energy he has to turn his head to the side, following the direction of a familiar voice from somewhere nearby. His blurry vision is still adjusting to the lighting of the room, but he can eventually make out a small face and short, brown hair. Once his brain finally recognizes who it is, the rest of her comes into view as well.
“How does it feel to come back from the dead?” Shoko asks.
Dead?
Oh. Right.
Suguru guesses that he's still alive, then. Looks like he can't even die correctly, but he can't say he's too surprised that he managed to fail that, too.
Speaking is difficult due to all the pain that he's in, and Shoko seems to realize that, so she doesn't rush his response to anything that she says. Now that he can see a bit better, Suguru notices that she looks kind of tired. There are bags under her eyes and she's chewing on her bottom lip, a habit that appears whenever she desperately needs a cigarette. If Suguru weren't so tired and sore, he would offer to buy her a pack.
“Don't try to get up or do anything stupid, you've been out for a few days and you used to have a lot of shit connected to you,” Shoko explains, because she guesses correctly that it's probably what he wants to ask. “You're all good now, obviously. Bet your throat still hurts from being intubated, though.”
Suguru slowly nods his head to confirm that, yes, his throat currently hurts like a bitch. Even without saying those words out loud, Shoko still reacts with quiet laughter.
“Anyway, you should try to stay awake for a bit. Reiko went downstairs to get some coffee, but she should be on her way back, I think.”
Not expecting to hear that name from his friend's mouth, Suguru's eyes widened in surprise. It's hard to continue playing charades like this, though, so despite the pain in his throat, he forces himself to speak.
“You're… on a first-name basis… with my mom?”
He cringes at the sound of his own voice, scratchy and unpleasant to the ear as if he just ate gravel.
Shoko nods, as casual as ever. “Of course. We've been talking a lot for the past couple days. I mean, there was nothing else to do aside from stare at your lifeless body. So, we're friends now.”
Suguru honestly can't come up with the words to respond to that, so he doesn't. He takes a moment to look around the rest of the room instead. The walls are stark white, there's a small television hanging against the far wall and there are two more chairs near his bed. Nothing about the room feels cozy, but he supposes that that's common for a hospital setting.
There's something missing, though.
Something very important.
Suguru's mind starts itching again.
“Are you looking for him?”
Shoko's voice cuts through his thoughts. Suguru refocuses his gaze on her again, a silent question in his eyes. He doesn't have to voice this one out loud, either. What he eagerly wants to know is written all over his face.
“Don't worry, he'll be back soon. He's been here every day, all day. Waiting for you. It was starting to be sickening, so I made him go home to change clothes again and freshen up.” As Shoko speaks, a warm smile develops on her face as if she's recalling a certain memory. Then, she chuckles and says, “He's gonna be so pissed off when he finds out that you woke up while he was gone. He might punch you.”
Despite everything, Suguru smiles, too. “That's fine.”
Suddenly, Shoko stands from the chair and stretches her arms above her head. Suguru wonders how long she's been sitting there at his bedside. It doesn't look like she's had much rest.
“Well, I have a train to catch,” she announces.
“Oh… where are you going?”
“I lost a bet with myself, so there's an exam that I need to take.”
Suguru frowns. “A bet?”
“‘If he doesn't wake up today, fuck the entrance exams. I don't care anymore.’” Though Shoko uses a funny tone while speaking, it's clear that she's quoting her past self. She shakes her head in pity. “And then you chose today of all days to come back to us… well, I guess it's a sign from the gods that I can't get away this time.”
Suguru doesn't immediately catch on to what she's saying, his mind still lagging behind from all the exhaustion. But once he realizes, he can't help feeling very guilty. He recalls that Shoko had scheduled her own entrance exam to occur a few days after his and Satoru's, claiming that she didn't want their “weirdo energy” to rub off on her test scores. So, even though they had invited her to take the exam on the same day with them, she quickly declined and went with her own plan instead.
Looks like today is the day she's meant to go through with it, yet here she is, visiting Suguru in the hospital and standing at his bedside. It almost brings tears to his eyes. He never knew that she cared for him this much.
“Oh, one more thing.” Unexpectedly, Shoko forms a fist and drives it directly into Suguru’s sternum, and though it lacks any real power behind it, it still takes him by surprise to suddenly get punched in the chest. Now, the expression on her face can only be described as being deadly serious. “If you ever try something like that again, I will kill you.”
Shoko doesn't remove her fist nor stop glaring at him until Suguru nods his head, agreeing. And, that's that. She doesn't feel the need to say anything else on the subject. She checks her wristwatch and then hurries towards the door, waving goodbye to him from over her shoulder.
Suguru doesn't get a chance to process things. Soon after Shoko leaves, his mother returns to the room with a cup of coffee in her hand that she immediately drops to the floor, upon seeing that her son has awakened. Then, everything gets really noisy after that. Between his mother’s crocodile tears and multiple medical staff checking in on him in a short span of time, Suguru somehow manages to feel even more exhausted.
It felt so good to finally sleep. Why did he have to wake up and deal with so many aches, pains, loud noises and people pretending to give a shit about him? Part of him wishes he could go back to the land of unconsciousness, but it's too late for that. He woke up and now he has to deal with… whatever decides to come next. Suguru doesn't know and he doesn't care, because there's still no point to anything that happens to him.
After a while, he tells his mother that he's too tired and wants to rest. Somehow, it works. She only sticks around for a little while longer before telling him that she'll return the next morning. Suguru briefly wonders if it's cruel of him to push her away like this, but he can't help feeling like she's using what happened as an excuse to forget about their unresolved issues.
In any case, Suguru doesn't have the energy for it right now. He's tired and cranky and his broken mind is still itching, because the one thing that he does want right now still isn't here and it makes his heart ache painfully in his chest.
It's almost sunset by the time that he gets what he wants at last. Suguru is fighting to stay awake while his heavy eyelids keep threatening to close, and he stares at the orange hue that the sun casts onto the hospital wall through the wide window. He's just about to give in when he hears it, the sound of the door opening yet again and he assumes it's the nurse.
But when Suguru turns his head and brown meets blue, his heart skips a beat. He stops breathing. Time stops as well, because finally, finally, the one person that he's been waiting to see the whole day, the part of himself that's been missing this whole time—he's here, and he's standing in the doorway and…
And now Satoru is rushing towards him with the most intense look on his face that Suguru has probably ever seen for as long as they've known each other, and fuck, is he really going to get punched? Shoko was probably right and Satoru is going to hit him for what he attempted to do and Suguru squeezes his eyes shut, bracing himself for the impact.
A pair of long, gangly arms wrap around him instead. Rather than being punched in the face, Suguru's face is being pressed into Satoru’s shoulder and Satoru is clinging to him with so much force that Suguru can hardly breathe. He doesn't focus on himself, though, because how can he? Not with Satoru clinging to him so desperately while his entire body trembles, each breath a shaky exhale as if he just sprinted from across the city to be with his best friend.
His other half.
His soulmate.
It's only natural that Suguru clings to him, too. His arms still feel heavy and he's still sore in most places, but he clings to Satoru anyway, because he needs this. He knows that he does. Even if his mind tells him that he doesn't deserve it, that he's the one who broke their promise, he ignores the loud thoughts for once. Just this once, he wants to be selfish.
Neither of them speak. They don't feel the need to.
They hold each other for so long that Suguru doesn't even realize it, the moment when his eyelids become too heavy and he falls asleep, still held tightly in Satoru's arms.