Chapter Text
Part I
Hermione shook the water from her brolley just before stepping into the hotel. Of all the weeks for a stupid retreat, she muttered. Did they even look at the forecast?
As she stowed her rain gear, a deep voice snarled, "Look, either go in or out. It's bloody raining, and I hate being wet."
Hermione looked up into the face of Severus Snape. "You're a wizard, you git. Cast a charm," she said and whipped open the door—which nearly hit him—and stepped inside.
Severus quickly followed, muttering some more than probably not nice things about Hermione, and the pair approached the counter together.
"Welcome! My name is Natalie, may I help you?" asked the receptionist.
Hermione answered, "We're here with the Ministry Conference Retreat. You're supposed to have rooms? We'll each need one." She nodded toward Severus as she finished.
"I'm sorry; we only have one room and that only because of a last minute cancellation. Which of you wants it?" She looked rather nervously at each of them.
"What do you mean?" growled Severus. "The Ministry was supposed to have booked an entire floor! What the bloody hell did we have to RSVP for if they weren't going to do a head count? Bunch of dunderheads."
Hermione asked if there were any nearby hotels. "I'm sorry," Natalie replied. "The Muggles are having a large sporting event in from the US. Something about football—not our sort—and quarterbacks."
"What's a quarterback?" Hermione asked.
"Musical group, I think. No idea really," Natalie said, shrugging her shoulders. "Anyway, since this is a combo hotel—"
"Combo hotel?" interrupted Severus.
"Muggle/magic. We can only use subtle magic and can't magic up rooms because of the force of the spell required."
Hermione interrupted, "Look, I'm exhausted, wet, and hungry. Just give us the room; we can share for one night. It is a double?"
Natalie eyed them both. "Yeees, for you two it's a double."
Ignoring the strangely voiced answer, Hermione turned to Severus. "You game?"
"As you say, it's only one night. I've been up since dawn, and am exhausted as well. We can deal with this in the morning."
Before they could change their minds, Natalie thrust electronic keys into their hands. "Fifth floor, take the lift on the left. Do you have bags? Shall I call a porter?"
Severus raised an eyebrow. "You forget we are magical?"
"Oh, excuse me. Good night then."
As the lift doors closed, two figures swam into view from the office behind the registration desk. "I could get fired for this you know, Mr. Potter," said Natalie.
"Nah. The Minister's in on this too," said Ron Weasley, handing the clerk twenty Galleons.
"Yeah," said Harry. "Those two have been dancing around each other for almost two years now. The Minister said this would be the perfect chance for them to hook up."
"Hook up where?" asked Ron.
"It's a Muggle thing; it means shag each other rotten."
Ron pressed his hands to his eyes. "Oh, the visions! Please, Obliviate me."
"C'mon," Harry laughed, "we need to report to Kings and Minerva that Phase One is complete."
The pair dashed off to another lift while Natalie pocketed her money. She had a feeling the next several days would be entertaining to say the least. Everyone in the magical world, squibs like herself included, knew Hermione Granger and Severus Snape. Both were heroes of the Final Battle, both were wickedly smart and well-known for their work at the Ministry. It wasn’t until Harry Potter clued her into their plan, did she realise how perfect they were for each other. As they checked in, she could just see the sexual tension brimming off of them. She couldn't wait until the end of the conference to see the results of their plotting!
SSHG SSHG
Severus and Hermione stood just inside of the door of their room, facing the bed. "It's not a double room," Severus said despondently.
"That's not even a double bed, just a three-quarter one," Hermione moaned. "In fact, this whole room looks like it used to be a large broom cupboard!"
Severus looked to the left and found a door. He went over and opened it. "Well," he said, poking his head inside, "they've managed to put in bath and shower of sorts, a toilet, and the smallest sink I've ever seen."
"Well, thank heaven for that," Hermione said.
Severus turned back into main room, and looked at the bed. "Think we'll fit?"
Determinedly Hermione said, "I will. You've got the floor."
"I will not. Ever since that damn snake bite, I've got a bad back. And besides, there's hardly room enough for us to walk around. Whoever got the bed would trip over whoever is on the floor."
"Well, I'm certainly not sleeping on the floor." She crossed her arms.
Severus glared. "Look, I'm beat, and I don't want to argue. We'll share. After all, we are adults and surely for one night, we can compromise."
Hermione sighed. "Fine." She pulled her bag out of her robe pocket and enlarged it. "I'm going to change and wash up. I'm starved; would you mind ordering something from room service? If they have a soup, I'll have that with some crackers and a drink."
"That's acceptable," replied Severus, pulling out his own bag and enlarging it.
Hermione came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, dressed in a pair of lounge pants and a vest. She noted Severus was also in lounge pants and a t-shirt, but spied the food sitting on a tray on the small table. "Oh, it smells delicious!"
"They had cream of tomato; I ordered some, too."
"Perfect!" Hermione exclaimed.
The pair ate and chatted about the upcoming conference before finally deciding to go to sleep. After a brief argument about sides, theywere soon asleep, each as close to the edge of the bed as possible.
SSHG SSHG
Hermione was warm and relaxed. The bed, however small, was sinfully comfortable. She snuggled a bit into the mattress and realised that her back was moulded against a very firm body. The previous night, they had gone to sleep back to back, so she wondered at what point Severus curled up around her. He even had an arm around her waist, one hand just cupping her breast. Deciding she was too warm and sleepy to care, she nestled down a bit more, and that's when she realised that while Severus may not be awake, his body definitely was.
"Severus, wake up," she said nudging him a bit.
"No," he said sleepily.
"Severus, you need to roll over." He only groaned in response. Finally deciding to press her point, she wiggled her bottom against his considerable prick. Well, she thought, this is more than I wanted to know. Maybe. "Severus, wake up!"
Her wiggling roused his senses, and she giggled when she felt his body stiffen, indicating he realised just why she wanted him to roll over. He quickly flipped over onto his right side, taking all of the covers with him.
"Sorry," he mumbled.
"It's okay. It happens. Just give me back some of the duvet."
"Yes, well," he muttered, shifting the blankets back over her.
"Go back to sleep, Severus; we've got a couple of hours before we need to get up and head to the first session."
The pair went quickly back to sleep, but Hermione was first up the next morning, taking a quick shower and ordering breakfast from room service for them both while Severus washed up. He was a little reticent to speak to her after the embarrassing moment in bed earlier, answering her questions in monotone. Hermione, however, had no compunction and just carried on as though nothing happened. "What is the first session on the agenda this morning, Severus?" she asked around a mouthful of toast.
Severus, taking his cue from Hermione, took a sip of tea and responded, "The usual shite; 'We're here to build team work, team thinking, blah blah', then I think it breaks up into individual sessions depending on your department or choice."
"I don't suppose we could ditch the conference altogether?"
"That's not a bad idea," Severus said mischievously.
Hermione's eyes gleamed with the thrill of adventure. "What say we just go to the opening boring bit and then take off? Every moderator will think that we're at one of the other sessions, and no one will miss us at all."
"What?" Severus said, his voice exaggerating his tone. "Hermione Granger wants to break the rules?" He clutched his chest in mock horror. "I think I'm having a heart attack."
Waspishly, Hermione said, "Hermione Granger is done being a swot. I could never stand these sorts of sessions in Uni, and I can't stand them now."
Popping the last bit of a croissant into his mouth, he said, "Let's go then. I think there's a new exhibit at the British Museum of History, and the new Wizarding Library at Cambridge has several new archival documents on loan from Alexandria."
Hermione excitedly finished off her pot of fruit. "That sounds perfect! Do you think we could?"
Severus nodded. "Everyone sleeps through these things anyway." He dropped the napkin onto his plate and stood. "You game?"
Hermione hopped off the bed. "I'll meet you in the lobby after the intro!" She snatched up her bag, made sure her wand was stowed within, and the couple left the room.
The pair thought they made a clean getaway, but eyes were upon them. Kingsley, once he was done with the introduction, walked into the lobby in time to see the pair slipping out the back. Smiling, he waded through the crowds, looking for Minerva.
"Minerva!" he called.
Minerva looked up from her brochure. "Good morning, Minister. Have you seen our couple this morning?"
"I did. They were sitting next to each other at the intro and looked like they were plotting. Then I saw them slip away just a moment ago."
"Did you tell Potter and Weasley? They were supposed to tail them today."
"Haven't had a chance, my lady. Besides, do you think either of them would be interested in any place Severus and Hermione would go? More likely they are seeing one of those intellectual places."
Minerva laughed. "Too true! We'll just have to keep an eye out for them to return. Did you speak to the manager about keeping the ruse up about the rooms?"
"Oh, yes. He's heard about them, too. He's instructed the entire staff to go along."
"They'll hex us six ways to Sunday when they find out."
"Let's hope they are too busy to think about it."
"Good day, Minister. The game's afoot!" Minerva crowed.
With a hearty laugh, Kingsley guided Minerva out of the hall, and they split up to their variously chosen sessions.
SSHG SSHG
Hermione never realised what fun Severus could be when he was not around those who knew him as the Death Eater bat of the dungeons. They had Apparated to the British Museum, had a brief tussle over who would pay—Severus, but on the proviso that Hermione would pay for lunch—and they spent a wonderful morning wandering among the relics that were on loan from dig in the Orkney Islands. Hermione was fascinated to learn about the hitherto unknown ancient culture that lived in the outer islands of Northern Scotland, and vowed to visit the actual site herself once the conference was over.
Lunch was spent strolling along the Thames after grabbing some take away at a fish and chip shop. Severus was a bit sulky about not getting his mushy peas, but Hermione stated he simply couldn't eat them and walk at the same time. Once they rid themselves of the greasy aftermath of paper and employing a discreet Tergeo, they were set for the afternoon adventure. Hermione instantly changed their plan to visit the Alexandria documents when Severus shyly admitted he had always wanted to go to the zoo.
Hermione muffled her giggles, staying a few paces behind Severus as they toured the zoo. She was amazed at his nearly ill-controlled delight at the animals. However, she completely lost it when Severus, standing too close to an elephant exhibit, was accosted by a trunk. Had the trunk just sniffed the wizard, all would have been well, but when it latched onto his nose, well, what's a girl to do? wheezed Hermione later when Severus sneered at her laughter.
They enjoyed eating popcorn (Severus) and candy floss (Hermione) as they watched tigers play, giraffes lope, monkeys chatter, and fish swim. They also happened to be in the right place at the right time when they were chosen from among the crowd admiring the panthers to go behind the scenes to play with and feed the panther cubs. Hermione knew she'd always treasure the memory of watching Severus smile and caress the one cub that had fallen asleep in his lap as he fed it.
It was around four in the afternoon when they realized they had better head back to the hotel and sneak into their supposed respective lectures. They Apparated back to the exit door from where they had left, and managed to enter undetected. The lectures finished at five, so they only had to suffer through pompous speakers for a short time.
When each had left their lecture rooms, they met at the main desk to see if there was any change in room status.
"I'm sorry, sir, miss; we are still heavily booked," apologised Natalie, who was on duty again.
"Well, can't you even fit a camp bed or something in there?"
"No," she said, "we've used them all already and as you know since this is a comb—"
"Yes, yes," said Severus. "You're a combo hotel so you can't do magic. Honestly; what Muggle is going to walk past that little broom cupboard you've put us in?"
"I'd lose my job!"
"Severus," Hermione intervened. "Last night was not so bad. We can manage another night. Surely you'll have an opening tomorrow?" Hermione turned to look at Natalie.
"I can't guarantee anything, but as soon as we do, I'll move one of you into the room."
"Thank you," said Hermione, pulling Severus to the lift. They were silent until the lift arrived and they stepped in. Pressing the button for their floor, Severus asked what Hermione wanted to do for dinner.
"We probably ought to attend the meal in the dining room. There'll be cocktails prior, and we can mingle with the others, and then meet up before being seated so that we can coordinate a logical story about where we were. You know, find out where Minerva and Harry were and make sure we were apparently where they were not."
Severus laughed. "I can hardly believe I actually understood what you meant by that convoluted babble. You must be quite tired, as you usually make more sense."
"If we didn't need to make sure our bases were covered, I'd go to sleep straight away. I'm knackered."
"Well, we'll stay at least through pudding and then head up."
Hermione nodded as the lift arrived at their floor. The pair quickly prepared for dinner and were back in the dining room in under an hour. They approached the bar, ordered drinks and then mingled, listening to various conversations.
Dinner was announced, and as the crowd made their way to their assigned seats, Severus and Hermione had a quiet and quick conversation, setting up their stories. It was a good thing they did, for no sooner had they laid their napkins in their laps, than Minerva started to grill them.
"I had a wonderful time in my lecture today," Minerva baited. "What about you all?" She glanced around the table, her eyes settling on Hermione and Severus.
Severus spoke, "I attended a rather dry lecture by some pompous fool on the apparent advances in the use of Scottish heather in headache potions. It is obvious they let any uneducated oaf speak at these things. I easily filled my program with notes on all his incorrect hypotheses."
Minerva's face dropped. Severus could see that she had hoped to catch him fumbling for an explanation, but he smirked when he realised Minerva had not reckoned with his ability to lie to Voldemort while under torture. With less enthusiasm, she asked Hermione about her lecture.
"I was at a briefing on the changes of Wizarding etiquette in light of the inclusion of the newly recognized species of magical beings from the Northern Finnish cultures. Would you believe that the females of that species are not allowed to use the loo if a male is in the loo next door? How on earth one would know that there is a member of the opposite sex in a completely separate bathroom is beyond me." Hermione shrugged and took a bite of her salad.
Ron, Harry, Minerva, and Kingsley looked at each other and then at the couple calmly eating their starters.
"Hermione," began Harry, "what about the afternoon lectures?"
"Oh," said Hermione, "there was nothing I wanted to attend, so I worked on some treatise notes I had in my room."
"And you, Severus?" asked Kingsley.
Glibly, Severus responded, "I was asked to go to the apothecary nearby with Mr. Monnikendam, who owns it. He was having trouble with a potion and asked if I would take a look at it. I solved his problem quickly and then found a library nearby to review some of my notes from my earlier lecture to prove that idiot's theory wrong. It will make a wonderful paper for Ars Alchemica."
Harry look discomfited, and Hermione giggled. As she and Severus had discussed, she knew that the foursome would try to winkle out where they'd been all day, having not seen them in any of their lectures. Following Severus' lead, she concocted a rather boring and convoluted story, knowing the boys would instantly tune out once she went into any lengthy detail. Minerva would be put off as well. She was grateful when Severus turned the focus off of the two of them by mentioning Quidditch. The other four at their table were rabid fans, and Severus knew enough so that he could guide a feigned, enthusiastic conversation. Dinner continued with no further inquiries about the lectures they'd attended.
When it was finished, there was to be a floor show with several comedians, but Severus and Hermione begged off, stating they were tired and wanted to simply relax and read this evening in their room.
"No luck in finding a room?" asked Ron, who smothered a snort and then grunted, "Ow!" at Harry. "What did you do that for?"
"Sorry," he mumbled, "foot slipped." Harry knew Severus was looking at him, and so he asked about the room as well to cover his slip.
"We asked when we left the lectures," Severus stated. "Still no luck. I will be filing a complaint with the hotel and the Ministry," he turned his eyes towards Kingsley, "to wonder why there weren't enough rooms, especially if we had to respond with our intention to attend!"
"Stand down, man," said Kingsley, "it's not my fault there weren't enough rooms. The undersecretary was responsible for that, not me."
"And who is the undersecretary, Kings?" asked Hermione.
"Percy."
"I'll hex that little fink," Hermione said. "No offense, Ronald."
"None taken. He can be a bit of a berk."
Severus stood. "I bid you all good evening," he said and bowed his head in Minerva's direction. "Are you coming, Hermione?"
"I'll be along in a moment. I want to just catch up with Harry and Ron about the kids and Ginny and Lavender."
"Very well." Severus left the room as Hermione asked about the boys' families.
An hour later, Hermione returned to the room and found Severus already lounging on 'his side'. The man had apparently showered and changed for bed and was now reading a book, looking quite comfortable.
"All caught up with the lives and loves of the Dynamic Duo?"
"Severus, be nice!" Hermione laughed. "And yes, I'm all caught up. Ron thinks Lavender is pregnant again, but can't figure out why she hasn't told him, and Harry and Ginny are going on a small vacation to Malta without the kids."
"Molly and Arthur taking the spawn?"
"Yep. I'm going to shower and then read for a bit as well. Will you mind?"
"If you shower? Of course not," he teased, "it'll make sleeping next to you more bearable."
"You git!" laughed Hermione.
"Seriously though, would you mind braiding your hair tonight? I choked on it several times last night."
"I'm sorry. Of course I will." With that, she grabbed her pyjamas and toilet kit and made her way to the bathroom. Once Hermione returned from her bath, hair firmly in a braid, the couple read for about a half hour and then settled down to sleep, again on their respective sides of the bed.
"Night, Sev'rus," mumbled Hermione.
"Good night, Hermione."