Work Text:
It had started off as a normal night in the hotel. Sir Pentious was in the lobby, reading a book on modern war fare techniques. The place was empty, the other people in the hotel in their respective rooms.
Then there was a knock on the door.
Sir Pentious looked up from his book. He didn't think they were expecting anyone. Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty had gone out on a 'girls night,' (whatever that meant) so perhaps they had decided to come home early?
He slithered to the entrance and opened up the door. At first, he didn't see anyone, and assumed it was one of those pranks that modern teenagers like to play.
However, as he went to close the door, he noticed it. On the ground, in a small basket, was a baby. It had grey skin, hooves for feet, pointy ears, stubby horns, fuzzy, black hair and scratchy, black wings, like some fucked-up, demonic cherub.
"Huh?"
Sir Pentious looked around for any signs of who left it there, but couldn't find any. He then turned his attention back to the baby, tilting his head to the side. This was weird.
"Hey, whatcha doin' over here?" Angel asked, approaching him.
In his puzzlement, Sir Pentious hadn't heard him enter the lobby.
"What's that?" The spider demon asked.
"A baby," Sir Pentious stated.
"Well duh," Angel answered, leaning down to pick the infant up, "but what's it doing here?"
Sir Pentious furrowed his eyebrows. "Maybe it wantssss to redeem itssself?" He suggested, pronouncing his s sound as a hiss.
"I don't think babies can be sinners," Angel pointed out.
The pair were stumped.
"Maybe it's dinner!" Alastor suggested, appearing out of nowhere and causing the others to jump.
"No!" Angel exclaimed, cradling the baby with three of his arms and protecting it with his body, using his fourth arm to create distance between himself and Alastor.
"Jesus Christ Al, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Alastor shrugs. "Plenty of things," he answered.
"Of course," Angel muttered.
"What the fuck?"
The three turned their heads as Husk walked into the room.
"Why do you have a baby?!"
"That'sss what we're trying to figure out," Sir Pentious informed him.
Husk pinched the bridge of his nose. "Great. Just great."
"So what should we do with him- her?" Angel held up the baby, as if he could figure out by just looking at it.
"It's seems whoever left it here left a note," Alastor said, kneeling down to pick up a slip of paper.
"Dear Char...wie?" The radio demon read, squinting at the letter that was now in his hand. He cocked his head to the side.
"It means Charlie," Angel explained, somewhat shortly.
"...Charlie is spelt with an L," Alastor said.
"Yeah, no fucking shit, but whoever wrote this letter wants to make it look like the baby wrote it, which again, is stupid."
"Angel!" Husk chided, glancing at the baby.
"What? It's a baby, it's not like it'll remember if I curse or not!"
Alastor cleared his throat, bringing their attention back to him and the note.
"Dear Charlie," he began again, putting emphasis on the way the last syllable was pronounced.
"My name is Velcro, and my mommy and daddy can't take care of me anymore, so I hope you can." Alastor looked up from the page. It was clear he was changing the words from the original, babyfied versions as his voice caught on a few of them.
"Velcro? What sssort of name isss that?" Sir Pentious asked.
"I think it's cause of their wings," Angel said, stretching one of the baby's black wings with one of his numerous arms. They had a strange plastic-like texture, reminiscent of the spikey side of velcro.
"What I've gathered from this is that no one will miss it," Alastor pointed out, a fork materialising in his hand.
"You're not eating the baby!" Husk declared.
Alastor's eyebrows furrowed. "You guys are no fun."
"So what now?" Angel asked.
Husk blew out a breath of air. "I suppose we keep an eye on them until Charlie gets back?"
The others made their general assent known.
"But why leave it here, of all placesss?" Sir Pentious wondered aloud.
"I mean, why wouldn't you," Husk said.
The others turned to look at him, and the cat demon crossed his arms.
"We're in hell. Almost everyone here would just love to do all sorts of things to a defenceless baby. So between them and the bleeding heart princess hellbent on redemption, I know who I'd pick."
The others couldn't argue with that.
"So!" Angel said, holding Velcro up, much to their delight. "Why don't we have some fun?"
He nuzzled his nose against the baby's, before holding them high above his head like an airplane and carrying them around the room. "Nyoom!"
For the next half hour, they took turns entertaining Velcro, though they made sure not to leave Alastor alone with them, because they were pretty sure he'd try eat them if given the chance.
Then, the first problem arose.
"Do you smell that?" Angel asked.
The others sniffed the air, before making faces.
"It's coming from Velcro..." Husker pointed out, clearly unhappy by what this implied.
"We should probably deal with that," Sir Pentious said.
The other three turned to him, and Husk handed the baby to him.
"What-"
Angel patted him on the back. "Thanks for volunteering, we really appreciate it."
"Wait, I didn't mean me!" The snake demon exclaimed.
"You've got this," Husk said, completely ignoring his protests.
"But-"
"I hope you have a miserable time!" Alastor said cheerfully, shoving him into the other room and closing the door on him.
“Does he even know what he’s doing?” Angel asked.
The other two demons shrugged.
“I don’t even have anything to change them with!” Sir Pentious yelled from through the door.
Alastor snapped his fingers.
A not so grateful “thanksss…” came from the other room.
“I’m sure he’ll manage,” Husk said, walking over to the bar and grabbing himself a drink.
About half an hour later the snake demon returned, the baby in his hands smiling like nothing had happened, a look on his face as if he’d just been in the midst of a war-torn battle field.
“You good there buddy?” Angel, who was lounging on the couch by this point, asked.
Sir Pentious blinked slowly, his gaze set nowhere in particular, Velcro held at an arms length. “Well, we now know that Velcro isss a boy,” he said instead.
“O-kay,” Husk said, drawing out the first syllable as he took the baby from Sir Pentious.
As Velcro wriggled around a bit to readjust himself, Sir Pentious slithered away without another word. Nobody stopped him.
“Gah!” Velcro babbled, making grabby hands in Alastor’s direction.
“Oh no, absolutely not,” Husker said, turning away from the radio demon.
Velcro made a discontented noise, his lip wobbling dangerously.
The cat demon frowned. “Hey now, no need to be upset-”
He was cut off by the baby’s wails.
Husker’s ears flattened against his head, and he tried bobbing Velcro up and down in an attempt to calm him down.
It was in vain, however, as he just continued screeching and reaching for Alastor.
Alastor sighed. “Give him to me for a minute.”
Husk and Angel shared anxious looks as he stretched his arms out.
The radio demon rolled his eyes. “I promise I’m not going to eat him, I amn’t a complete heathen.”
Husk hesitantly approached his boss, much to Velcro’s delight, and handed him over.
Immediately, the baby cheered, giggling happily.
“There, no more of that incessant whining-”
Velcro flapped his wings, hitting Alastor in the face with them and cutting him off.
Husk didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, finding the situation simultaneously amusing while also being seriously worried about the baby’s safety.
Before anyone could do anything though, Velcro managed to wriggle out of Alastor’s grip, flapping his wings determinedly and floating up and down in the air.
He then latched onto one of Alastor’s ears, clinging onto the deer’s head.
The demon was scowling as Velcro tugged on his hair.
Angel hurriedly grabbed the baby, who immediately tried to squirm out of his grasp. “That’s enough Al time for today!”
Velcro looked forlornly at Al, but luckily didn’t start screaming again.
Alastor glared at him, but Angel held tightly onto Velcro. The radio demon then teleported off.
Angel and Husk stared at each other, unsure of what to do now.
Angel started absently playing with Velcro’s hair, earning happy noises from the baby. “Aren’t you just a doll,” Angel cooed, walking over to the couch and sinking into it.
Husk found himself smiling at the scene.
“I wanted kids, y’know.”
“Huh?” Husk snapped back to reality, his brain taking a second to catch up on what Angel had said.
Angel let out a small laugh. “Yeah, stupid right? They’re just such cuties,” Angel explained, pinching the baby’s cheeks. “I died before I could even think much about it though. Also being gay in the forties didn’t help much.”
The spider demon’s eyes were focused on Velcro, a faraway look in them and a sad smile on his face.
Husker sighed. “I had kids.”
Angel Dust’s head snapped up. “What?”
Husk nodded, it now being his turn to avoid eye contact. “Yup. Had three of them.”
“Three?!”
“I lived a long life, I don’t understand why you’re so shocked by this-”
“We’ve known each other for how long and you’re only telling me this now???”
“It never came up in conversation!”
Angel brought a hand to his mouth. He couldn’t believe the things this man could bring up so casually.
Velcro grabbed one of Angel’s fingers, gripping tightly to it. Angel turned his attention back to him, making funny faces at him for a bit.
Velcro let out a little yawn, and Angel found himself rocking him to sleep. He started softly singing a lullaby his own mother would sing to him when he was really little, in fact he was surprised he still remembered any of the words it was that long ago.
It didn’t take long for the baby to fall asleep.
“You have a nice voice,” Husk mentioned.
Angel smiled shyly. “Yeah, well you pick up a few things,” he answered vaguely, though his cheeks had gotten slightly pinker.
He then stretched his upper arms. “Here, you take Velcro for a bit, I gotta take a leak,” he declared, handing the baby to Husk, before walking away down the hall.
Husk looked down at Velcro, and wondered how his own kids were doing. He hoped they were in heaven, living their best afterlives.
~~~
He’d barely been five minutes gone, but when he returned Husk was frantic.
“Angel! I can’t find Velcro!!”
“What?!”
“I-I put him down for two seconds, and when I turned back around he was gone!”
Angel pulled a hand through his hair. “Did you look everywhere in here?”
Husk nodded.
“Well, he’s a baby, he couldn’t have gotten far!”
It was then that Sir Pentious decided to reappear. “What’sss wrong?”
“We’ve lost Velcro!” Angel explained.
“That’sss not good!”
The three were about to go into a frenzy searching for the baby, when Husk turned around, and there was none other than Velcro, stuck to his back by his velcro wings.
“Um, Husk…?” Angel said.
“What?” He asked, frantically turning around.
Sir Pentious snickered, and Angel was fighting a smile when he said, “found him.”
“This isn’t a time for joking!” Husk insisted, getting more annoyed.
“No- seriously,” Angel said, but there was a laugh in his voice, “just turn around.”
Husk obeyed, although he remained very confused.
Angel then walked over to him and removed Velcro from his feathers, who was already awake and cheerful again.
“Here.”
Husk turned around, his eyes going wide. “Oh thank god…!”
“I can’t believe ya didn’t notice him!”
“I’m tired.”
Before they could get too comfortable with the relief, though, Velcro began wailing again.
“Oh, what now?” Husk groaned.
Sir Pentious slithered a safe distance away.
“You know, it’s not too late to dispose of it~” Alastor suggested, reappearing out of nowhere.
“No.” Husk said flatly.
“Maybe he’sss hungry…?” Sir Pentious suggested.
“Who, Alastor or the baby?” Husk muttered under his breath.
“On it,” said Angel, and he began unbuttoning his shirt with his upper arms.
Sir Pentious jumped at the suddenness, and Alastor quickly looked away.
“WOAH- Angel, no!” Husk said, grabbing one of his wrists.
“What? This baby needs feedin’ and I’m willing to provide!”
“You’re a man!”
“Woah Husk, just because of what I identify as you’re saying I can’t do something? Shame on you, man. Open up your mind a bit.”
Husk groaned, “Well can you?!?”
Angel shrugged. “There’s only one way to find out-”
“No,” Husk said, not letting go of his arm, “with the way you live, I can assure you, if you could do that, you’d be aware of it.”
Angel rolled his eyes, yanking his wrist back, but he re-buttoned his shirt. “So what are we gonna do?”
“Well it’s not like we can just pop down to the store and buy baby formula,” Husk pointed out.
Just then, a couple of sparks flew from Velcro’s neck.
“What was that?!” Angel asked, holding Velcro far away from him.
The baby was still sobbing, though didn’t seem affected by the sparks.
“I didn’t hallucinate that, right?”
Husk shook his head. “No, we all saw that.”
“Maybe he hasss electricity powersss?” Sir Pentious suggested.
“That is the last thing we need,” Husk said.
The baby sparked again, this time his head jerking to the side violently as he did so. Again, he didn’t seem to have any reaction to it.
Alastor squinted his eyes at the baby. “May I…?”
Angel handed him over, glad to no longer be the one holding the electric baby.
Alastor studied the baby for a second, holding him up to look at him at another angle, before nodding his head, seemingly coming to a conclusion.
He then tore its head from its body.
Angel screamed. Sir Pentious fainted. Husk yelled “what the fuck?!?”
“Yup. Robot,” Alastor said shortly, looking between the severed head and corpse. Instead of guts and blood, inside the baby were cool steel wires.
“I-I- WHY WOULD YOH DO THAT?!” Angel screeched, clutching two of his hands over his chest.
“I needed to prove my theory. Which was correct.”
“What if you were wrong?!” Husk demanded.
Alastor didn’t seem too disturbed by the possibility.
“I think I’m gonna have a heart attack,” Angel said dramatically.
“Well, would you look at that,” Alastor said, ignoring Angel’s dramatics as he pulled out a label, “Voxtech. Surprise, surprise.”
Alastor then walked over to the front door and opened it. He threw Velcro’s remains out the door before closing it again, and he dusted his hands clean of his memory.
“So; who’s hungry?”
~~~
“Goddammit!” Vox yelled, standing up and throwing his popcorn to the floor. He then stomped on it for good measure. “Fuck you, Alastor!”
“Well that was a waste,” Valentino said, lazily stretching over the couch.
“It should’ve worked!” Vox insisted.
“It was your robot,” Velvette pointed out.
Vox’s head snapped around. “Say that to my fucking face, bitch!”
Velvette looked up from her phone. “It. Was. Your. Robot.”
Vox practically growled. “I swear, I am going to KILL HIM!”
“Uh huh,” Val agreed, not particularly paying attention.
“If you’re that get up about it you can fly it’s body around and bang it against the windows to annoy them,” Velvette suggested, going back to scrolling.
Vox pouted, but he sat back down and picked up the controller.
Velcro’s decapitated body took flight, found its way to Alastor’s window, and began flying into it, repeatedly. He was caught within minutes.
Fucking Alastor .