Chapter Text
Lute’s legs were lifted onto the cold metal chair, her singular arm was wrapped protectively around her two legs. Her foot was impatiently tapping on the chair. Her large wings covered her body protectively. She tapped her foot on the same beat, as the singular clock on the wall. She could easily tell, they tried their best to make the room more inviting since it was filled with warm colors and inspirational text. The clock itself was gold, resembling more of a sun than a clock.
It was supposed to make everything seem inviting, and calming.
But Lute was restless and tired.
Weak.
Tap
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“Miss Lute?” a man’s gentle voice asked, as he opened the door. She didn’t reply, her dull golden eyes kept staring at her foot. Her wounds were bandaged up, and healing quite nicely. As nice as an injury of hers could be. Especially when she was so stubborn, and insisted that she didn't need to spend time in a hospital.
The man’s steps were loud, however not stomping, but something that Lute could easily pick up. He was dressed in the normal attire of a doctor. He had black hair, that swept neatly onto the back. His eyes were a gentle blue, and he was wearing a simple set of glasses. And of course, he had himself a nice pair of white wings.
“ Why, hello there, I’m Dr. Woodcock… it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said offering a hand for her to shake. She didn’t take it, she didn’t even look at him. He cleared his throat awkwardly. and sat down, he sat on the seat in front of her and the table they shared.
“ do you know why you’re here?”He placed some paperwork on the metal table and greeted her with a soft smile. Lute didn’t bother looking at him, her eyes were still focused on the taping of her foot.
“ Sera think I’m a fucking nutjob..” Lute responded coldly, her wings covering herself even tighter. Despite the hurt in her voice, she didn’t look up. She couldn’t look up.
“ no.. she just thinks, that you should recover and mourn.. In a different environment.” the man reasoned with her. Sera had told him to take as much time, as he needed, to help Lute cope. To help lute grieve Adam’s death, and grow from it. There were many things that Sera needed to focus on, so he didn’t press on why she wanted this so much. The doctor more than trusted Sera and understood that she had reasons for asking this.
“ yeah right..” she scoffed, her voice was sore and coarse. The man was jotting down things in his paper… lute’s foot kept tapping, more and more. If anything, it had gotten louder, and far harsher. He cleared his throat, thinking for a moment. He needed to be delicate with this, with her.
“ why am I even here? I don’t need to be here.. Sera.. just doesn’t understand. She didn’t... She didn’t...she couldn’t know Adam like how I did. She didn’t fight alongside... Him. she didn’t fight for him.” she said, some parts of her voice were filled with almost melancholy, while other parts were dripping with certain bitterness.
“ Do you, want to know why, you're here?” he asked somewhat hesitantly. She didn’t reply but gave him a curt nod. The doctor’s face frowned and was laced with a certain weariness and doubt. Despite this, he cleared his throat and began to speak.
“ so... I have gotten these reports... They aren’t anything official or anything of that sort!… but, uh.. just some documents of what other angels observed... And they are worried for you Miss Lute! They only want what’s best for you... That’s why they told Sera..” he explained, trying his best to make Lute understand their side of the story. He could tell that she was a rather stubborn woman, but he wouldn’t let that deter him. It was his duty to help everyone, no matter who they were or what they did.
Right?
“ you seem to be showing signs of… forgetfulness, violence... Denial..” he went on with a concerned look. Lute didn’t say anything and just kept tapping, over and over again. She didn’t understand what the problem was, of course, she wasn’t doing well... She lost her boss... Her only friend... Her comrade.
She lost Adam.
You failed Adam.
“ you… You were seen talking to him… talking to thin air…”
“ and?.. I-I sometimes... Forget.. So what?” she tapped on her foot harder, she tried to sound casual and relaxed. But anyone could tell that she was anything but. Her body language displayed how vulnerable she felt right now... How weak she was. She was alone without him... Vulnerable without Adam. Vulnerable with Adam... What’s wrong with her? It does no good for Adam if she is weak.
“ you constantly keep forgetting... Miss.. I hear that it’s a constant thing. That in numerous instances... You keep forgetting... You keep acting like he’s still alive.”
She didn’t say anything.
“ you’re reacting violently... When reminded about Adam’s unfortunate death, you start to break objects… and private poverty. You start to hit other angels... Winners for crying out loud.” he explained further.
She didn't say anything.
“ they say... It’s like you're not even there anymore. Like something is distracting you.”
She stopped tapping. Though she still didn’t look back at him. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to think about it. she hated thinking about this.
The doctor sighed, he shouldn’t have pressed so hard. It was too soon, the wound was simply too soon. And it was far too early to unpack this, to unpack Adam. Woodcock thought for a few moments, and lightly tapped on the metal table. He only wanted to make her feel safe and to get her to understand why she was here.
“ how do you feel?”
he offered his voice warm after the extended silence. Lute still didn’t look at him, though she couldn’t help but let a scoff escape her soft lips.
“ I feel fine.” she spat, her voice dripping with venom. Her voice sounds almost bitter in response. The doctor frowned at the response.
“This is only going to work, if you answer me honestly. Knowing that you lost an arm, and lost-”
“ SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”
Lute hollered, slamming the table with her fist. She finally looked at him, her eyes that were usually a holy gold. Looked muddy, like a beast eying its unsuspecting prey. She had stood up, and her wings that were once defensively hiding her body were all spread out, like a bird flying down to devour their prey.
“ don’t you dare say it!!”
“ Adam.. You lost Adam,” he said as he looked at her, lute looked like she was about to kill them. Her arm itched to punch him, or maybe worse. It would be so easy to beat him senseless, he looked gentle and weak. He couldn’t do much. It would be so easy to pounce on him, to hurt him so much that he couldn’t speak. But even she knew that it would be awful for her... She knew that they would only lock her up longer. She didn’t have the time for that.
And the doctor was an angel.
And angels don’t make mistakes.
She relaxed back onto the chair. She went back to holding herself... But she kept looking at the doctor. Her eyes were more than intense, but he could tell that Lute wasn’t looking at him. She was looking at something beyond him.
“ lute... Please..” he said.
“ I see him... I hear him... And it scares me.. okay? .. I lash out. Okay? Because every time... I-I... I see him... It’s always followed by... A painful understanding that he’s gone... And every time... It.. it feels like... I’m relieving this pain... His pain, my pain! Again... And again... and again... I understand why she thinks I’m a nut... I might as well be.”
she said her voice was wavering... Was she going crazy? She felt like she was going insane.. she willed herself to not cry. She wanted to do anything but cry. Crying was something that expressed weakness.
Crying was what you do when you don't have control.
And she had control.
“Okay!? that’s what you want right? For me to be all gushy... And shit. Right? You want me to cry, because he’s dead and gone… well... Well... I.” she stopped for a few moments and kept thinking about all the instances that the doctor was talking about. Was she going insane? Was this it? Is she finally crazy?
Wait.. why did he look so.. Nice. so gentle to her. His expression.. Made it seem as though what she was feeling was perfectly normal. But it wasn’t... Right? No one would understand how much it hurts. How much losing Adam hurts, because no one was as important as Adam. Adam was special... Adam was unique. Unlike anyone he-
“Why don’t we get you situated instead?”
Dr. Woodcock’s voice reassured her. It stopped her train of thought... She glared at him. How dare he, just stop her. How dare he just change the subject... The subject was important, correct? Adam was important... Well.. the topic was mostly about her... But still, Adam was there. As he always was. As he always as he should be.
Lute was perfectly, obedient despite the clear disdain she had right now. No matter what she felt, this was still heaven. And this was still what Sera had ordered. Lute has changed, but she still knows when to follow an order. It would be beyond foolish, to resist anymore. Sera had a reason to put her here. Her angered expression had mellowed down, and it was replaced with something that looked tired and sore.
A few patients were walking around, and most of them looked happy enough. Some patients were flying lightly, and others preferred to walk. Most of them were chatting among themselves, while others were enjoying a book or playing a game. This place reeked of coziness and kindness.
Fit for a place in heaven, however, due to this, Lute stuck out like a sore thumb.
Like anything has changed...
“ why do we even have a mental ward? I thought all the nutjobs were in hell.” Lute scoffed. That comment garnered a glance at the few angels that were passing by. She didn’t get it... Heaven was perfect. No winners should need help, none of them should be so weak, as to need help.
Real help.
Medical help.
“ not everyone that needs help is cruel and vindictive. ” the doctor started, as he kept walking. He didn’t seem all that insulted with what she asked, if anything, it’s as if he had this conversation many times.
“ even, good.. Kind people need help... And some, like you, need a little bit more help..” his voice was uplifting and kind.
Lute rolled her eyes, she knew better than to keep opposing him. But she didn’t understand, if it was paradise, then why would people need... treatment? Was there something she was missing? Was there something she didn’t get..? Heaven was perfect.
“ here you go!” Dr. woodcock, smiled, as he opened the door for her. The first thing that Lute’s eyes focused on was the window, it appeared to be locked. Nonetheless it let the sun in, which appeared to be it's only purpose. They seemed to trust the patients enough for a window, but not enough to leave it open..
“We believe, that it’s no good.. Just mopping around in the dark... Especially someone that’s suffered as much as you have.” he sighed softly, as he gently guided Lute to the bed. Lute didn’t seem all that impressed, she had a frown on her face.
“ don’t worry... You’re in safe hands.. “ the man reassured, sitting down with her. She didn’t say a word. He waited for her to speak, but she just kept staring.
Lute was staring at her hand. Though it was clear that she was spacing out. It was her singular hand... She knew that she had taken his death so hard. But did she deserve to be thrown into this mental ward? She didn’t think she was crazy… she was completely normal. Sane even.. She was fine. She didn't need help, she just needed time. Time to train, time to grieve. Time to hatch a plan. Time to get revenge. Everyone would have done what she did. Everyone would be completely broken.. right? Right…
She didn’t know how long he waited for her to speak. He was waiting for her to speak right? That's why he was here.. because he would like for her to speak. To utter something. To be something.
Most certainly.
But the clock just kept ticking, again and again. Eventually, the doctor left, but not before telling her that dinner was at 6. She nodded, but she couldn’t help but scoff at that notion. her dinners were usually much later, and none of them had a predictable time. The time she ate was always dictated by when Adam felt like eating, if he didn’t want to eat till 10, then she wouldn’t eat. She’d refuse to eat. She always waited for him, though she supposed that waiting would be futile.
If she waited for Adam now..she would die of hunger..
Would she even mind that?
Of course you wouldn't..
When she heard the door click, locking it. She relaxed her sore muscles, and let herself collapse on the bed with a loud thump. She looked pathetically weak and saddened. She looks at the bright ceiling and feels a feeling of emptiness wash over her.
She recalled the times that Adam would tell her to relax and chill. To stop being so extreme, and listen to him play his guitar.
If she closed her eyes, she could still hear it.
His beautiful strumming.