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He was running late. Of course, he was running late. He had been behind his whole life and going to brunch with his family was no exception. At least it wasn’t an hour this time.
The restaurant was one that he would’ve never been allowed in. It was clean and high class and very much something his mother would love. It was also discreet, a hard thing to resist when your ex-husband is one of Japan’s biggest movie stars. Which is why they always met here.
He waved at the hostess as he powered through the door as respectfully as he could. He ignored most of the stares he got because he was used to them. At least he wore something long sleeved to cover most of his tattoos, though there was no covering the ones on his hands or the ones on his neck. He couldn’t really cover the myriad of facial piercings either.
“Look who showed up,” Natsuo jabbed lightly as he sat down. They had already ordered his drink and he was assuming they already ordered his food.
“Sorry that I’m late. I over slept.” The legitimate truth this time.
“How has everything been going?” Rei asked over the lip of her cup. She may meet up with them once a month but her children were all prone to secrecy unless they were asked directly.
“Touya got a boyfriend,” Fuyumi spat out before anything about her could be brought up.
“I was going to tell her.”
“Were you?” Shoto asked.
“Yes, I was,” he turned to their mother, “His name is Shigaraki Tomura, he’s a streamer, mostly old school video games, he lives alone, we met at work.” He knew that would be a good beginning since his siblings would have just as many questions as their mother would. Just because they knew he existed doesn’t mean they knew much about him.
“He came in for a tattoo?” he nodded at Shoto’s question, “What did he get?”
“Little game controller on the side of his wrist.”
“He doesn’t seem like the tattoo type,” Shoto added.
“He promised his fans he’d get a tattoo if they reached a million subs.”
“Did you ask him out?” Natsuo asked.
“Yes. It was not at all smooth, in case you were curious on that. We went out to dinner and to an arcade where he kicked my ass at every single game even though he couldn’t move his wrist completely.”
“Does Toga harass him more or less the she did Takami?” Fuyumi asked.
“More, because she likes him and she hated Keigo.” In her defense, he also hated his ex.
“Well, he sucked,” Natsuo muttered.
“I’m glad you’re happy, Touya,” Rei interrupted her children, “You deserve it.”
“Thanks mom.” She squeezed his wrist; he hadn’t noticed that she had touched him. “Shoto got a boyfriend too.”
“How dare you.” The conversation shifted away from the eldest and to the youngest.
Touya just hadn’t wanted to say anything ridiculous. Like that he was most certainly falling in love. That would be embarrassing.
☽ ● ☾
“Whatcha working on?” Himiko asked, leaning on his shoulders to the point where he couldn’t move his arms.
“Piece for Shoto. His birthday is coming up and this is what he wants.”
“Looks complicated.” It was. But that was how Shoto was. He wanted some intricate sleeves and his brother was willing to do it. It seemed only fair since Touya disappeared for years and left him to suffer with their bitch of a father. “Don’t you have a date in like twenty minutes?”
“Oh, fuck me,” he sprang up and shoved his tools into his bag. He had completely forgotten that he was supposed to meet Tomura for date night. He had to make it to Tomura’s apartment in ten minutes so that they could actually get ready to leave.
“I’m pretty sure that’s Shigaraki’s job,” she called out after him, he flipped her off in response.
He was going to be late and he would never hear the end of it. In his defense, he was on the right bus, but it was running late. He should text Tomura and explain that he would be late, but he figured he would wait. Why was he doing something that could be considered self-destructive? Because that’s how he’s always been.
For some reason, one that was a mystery to Touya himself, he has always tried to push relationships as far as they could go until they broke around him. His therapist suggested that maybe he was just addicted to being sad and that he thought the hurt was something he deserved. He was pretty sure she was right but he wasn’t going to admit that to her.
He ran off the bus and down to Tomura’s apartment building. He could wait on the elevator but he was late so he took the stairs two at a time. He didn’t realize how much he needed to exorcise more than he did trying to make it up to the fifth floor as quickly as possible. His knock was more likened to him just smacking the door but it worked.
“I am so sorry,” he was less out of breath by the time the apartment door was open. It was then that he noticed something. “Why is your hair wet?”
“Oh, you’re earlier than I thought you’d be.”
“Earlier? I’m late.” He came into the apartment and fell onto the couch.
“I tell you the wrong time on purpose.” He sat on Touya’s lap and handed the other the towel, if Touya was early he might as well make himself useful too. “You’ve never been on time. I started doing it after our third date.”
“You don’t get mad?”
Tomura shrugged, “Not anymore. The first time it happened I thought you were standing me up. But now I don’t think much of it since it’s pretty easy to get around.”
“You’re not going to try and fix it?”
“Like I said, it’s easy to get around. Plus, nothing we ever plan has a strict time to it. If it did, I would have you spend the night before so that I could make sure we left on time.”
Touya was a little too shocked to do more than rub the towel through his boyfriend’s hair. It was soft since he had showered today. Every relationship he had been in previously would’ve tried to do something to fix any of his little quirks. Keigo had been the worst about it.
Every time he was late it was a fight and Keigo got to pick the next date, which meant he picked pretty much all of them. No kissing if he smelled even faintly of smoke. He was somehow convinced to stop dyeing his hair so that the natural white was visible to mock him in mirrors. Somehow, he was always punished for bad days. Days that he could barely pull himself to the shop or out of bed.
But that wasn’t the case with Tomura. This weirdo that had fallen into his life `just wanted to be with him’. He decided he might as well tell him about his conversation from the other day, really push his luck.
“I told my mom about us.”
“Like, just recently?” Touya nodded, “Oh, I told Kurogiri about you a while ago.” Kurogiri and his husband were the closest thing that Tomura had to family so that meant a lot. It was also really shocking.
“You told him about us?” They had been dating for a few months now but still.
“Was I not supposed to? Because that would be weird.” Touya leaned back into the couch and a crease appeared between his eyebrows. “Did you not want me to tell him?”
“No that’s fine.” It was just the while ago that felt strange. How long ago? Had he been so sure that they would work that he was willing to tell his only family about them? Why hadn’t he been forced to meet Kurogiri yet?
He barely noticed the slender fingers fidgeting with his, trying desperately not to scratch at their own neck. This conversation was weird and Touya wouldn’t be surprised if it was somehow what ended them. It would make sense in an ironic kind of way. He was finally okay with telling his mother about a relationship and then he was too fucked to keep that from ending it.
“Why did you seem so concerned about telling me that you told your mother about us?” He couldn’t tell Tomura all of that. He couldn’t tell him that he was just waiting for Tomura to realize what a colossal failure he was and leave him. That he was sure Tomura would be better off without him.
“I’ve never told her about any of my other relationships. She only found out about Keigo because he and Natsuo got in this big fight right before one of our brunches and brought it up while we were there.” And then I said almost nothing about it and stormed out like an asshole is what he didn’t add. “And I mean, Fuyumi brought it up this time but I had every intention of telling Mom about you.”
“That’s sweet. In a you kind of way.”
“So, extremely fucked up.” It should’ve been a joke. It should’ve been said like a joke. But it wasn’t.
“I don’t know if you would be as interesting if you weren’t at least a little fucked up.”
“Could say the same about you.” He twirled light hair between his fingers. He could say something obnoxious, like three words that terrified him. But that made him feel like he was made of static, a feeling he wasn’t particularly fond of.
Instead of saying anything, he tugged ever so gently on the lock of hair in his fingers. Tomura rolled his eyes and leaned down, closing the gap between them. It was brief, but he decided he was willing to trade a lot of things for a million of these small moments between them. Ones that aren’t going to lead any further but ones that made the static fade past dull buzz and into nonexistence.
He of course covered up this sappiness by saying, “You need chapstick,” when they were done. Tomura rolled his eyes and stood up, going to finish getting ready. They did have a date tonight after all.
☽ ● ☾
He woke up in a cold bed, something that was becoming more and more foreign to him. He wished that there was someone there with him. A few months ago, it would’ve been just anyone that he could convince to sleep with him. Now it was just one man who was boney and maybe not the most conventional of cuddle partners but one that he was craving nonetheless.
He had never felt so cold and alone than he did that morning. A small part of the bed was missing and he wasn’t sure when it would be back to being whole. It felt like he was just floating in a sea without anyone to ground him to reality.
Which felt utterly ridiculous since they had seen each other literally yesterday. And he had definitely been more alone than he had that morning. He was just dramatic in the mornings. This is why the shop didn’t open until noon. Imagine saying any of that near a client. He’d have to retire at 27.
He could tell that today wasn’t going to be easy. Not only because of his mental sappy morning soliloquy, but also because of the ungodly loud voice in his head. His therapist had said once that the voice was a manifestation of all the abuse his father had put him through as a child. He hated that she was right because that is exactly who it sounded like.
How long do you really expect any of this to last?
It’s not like you put any real effort into any relationship you have.
You’ve pushed them away before and you’re sure to do it again.
Will it hurt more to lose your siblings again or Tomura for good?
He so desperately wished the voice was real so that he could tell it to keep Tomura’s name out of its stupid fucking mouth. But the voice was in his head. And he certainly couldn’t be expected to keep that name out of his thoughts.
He didn’t even notice his hands were shaking until he tried to light a cigarette. It took four attempts to catch and then it still wasn’t the comfort he needed right now. The crutch he required was on the other end of the city in his fancier apartment. An apartment that never seemed to irritate Touya.
Keigo’s apartment had been too ostentatious for his liking. Everything had been bright and cramped and there had defiantly been a couple posters for father’s movies up on the wall. He hadn’t asked Keigo to take them down, he knew the bird brain wouldn’t since he was an aspiring actor who looked up to the man. But Tomura would’ve noticed the way he avoided looking at them. The way he avoided any movie with Enji in it, even if it seemed like something he would like.
Tomura noticed things that Touya never once had to bring up. He noticed that when places were too clean, he would sit so incredibly still, in a way that seemed like he wasn’t breathing properly. He noticed the hard flinch before a fiery eruption when people yelled at him. He noticed that Touya ate in weird intervals because he would snack on anything he could get his hands on throughout the day. He could tell how anxious Touya was that day based on how he held his drawing pen and how often he would smoke. He noticed that Touya liked to play with his hair when Touya was the nervous one and how he shivered when Tomura traced the lines of his tattoos.
Touya hated how perfect he thought Tomura was. He hated how easily Tomura could read him and how he catered their conversations to Touya’s moods. He hated how much he felt like he wasn’t pulling his weight in this relationship.
But he had to be. Tomura was too smart to stay with someone that he didn’t like or that he didn’t get something out of. Even if all Touya had to offer was actual affection on occasion.
His phone buzzing pulled him out of his own head. It was Himiko asking if he was coming on today since the shop opened in an hour. He couldn’t bring himself to be surprised or upset that he was running late, again. Throwing on whatever he could get his hands on, which of course the voice in his head ridiculed since he looked a little homeless, he left his apartment.
The weather didn’t seem to get the memo that it wasn’t a good day. The sun was a little too bright for him and he couldn’t find his sunglasses despite knowing that he had put them in his bag. So instead, he had to deal with the sun bearing down on him, reminding him far too much of stage lights, only igniting the voice in his head.
Today was going to fucking suck.
☽ ● ☾
He sat on his work couch and waited for his other appointment. He had two that day and they were both consultations since he saved Wednesdays for walk-ins. He was staring off into space, trying to focus on anything. He probably should be working on a mock up for the tattoo he had just been talking about but his head was still too fuzzy. He had made sure to take extensive notes though. And he was sure Himiko would remember the conversation for him and help him fill in any gaps.
“Hey Patches,” he finally got his eyes to focus on Tomura, who wasn’t really supposed to be here. He raised the bag in his hand to answer the silent question. “I brought you lunch.”
“That’s oddly sweet of you,” he pulled Tomura down by the arm to kiss his cheek. Tomura made a face but turned to kiss him properly. He recognized the food since it came from Kurogiri’s bar. He must have gone over there for lunch and brought him food.
“Got any plans for the day?” Tomura asked once he settled on the other end of the couch.
“I got another consultation in like an hour. But no appointments.” He was quiet for half a second and then surprisingly added, “Thank fuck too because I can’t get my hands to stop fucking shaking.”
“Then why don’t you ditch after that?” Tomura asked like it was the most obvious solution. And in hindsight, it was. You can’t really be good at tattooing if your hands are shaking, no way he could make a straight line even with a ruler.
“I can’t just leave.”
“Sure you can. You own the shop; you make the rules.”
“Plus, if we get anyone in, I can handle it,” Himiko chirped from behind the counter. He was also sure that Twice could handle walk-ins since he was pretty sure there had been a customer in here not too long ago. There was no real reason Touya had to be in the shop.
“Alright. Care if I come over?”
“I got a stream later but you can hang out I guess.” Touya had familiarized himself with the different ways Tomura tried to sound nonchalant. If it was actually nonchalant then whatever he was saying was the truth. But if there was the slightest strain to his words or if he hesitated then he was lying, at least for the most part. He was telling the truth.
“Thank you.” He was hoping that the relief wasn’t too obvious on his face. He didn’t particularly want to be alone today. He wasn’t really going to be able to handle whatever the nagging voice in his head would’ve had to say had Tomura said no.
☽ ● ☾
He could decompress a little in Tomura’s apartment. His boyfriend snuggling into his chest was helpful. Apparently, Touya was always warm and his perpetually cold significant other loved to take advantage of that. They had mostly just hung around after Touya ditched earlier, promising himself that he would get some work done tonight while Tomura streamed.
Touya actually won a few rounds of street fighter, which was weird. “Did you throw those fights?” he had asked while they were making dinner. Well, while he was making dinner. Tomura could do a lot of things, but cook wasn’t one of them.
“Why would I do that?” It was a response to his question, but the shake in it gave him away. He had thrown them, though he had made Touya work for them. If Touya was going to guess at some sort of cheesy answer it would be because he actually enjoyed how excited Touya looked when he won pretty much anything. But that was cheesy and gross and exactly why Tomura had done it. Not that either of them was going to admit that out loud.
So instead, Touya leaned over the small bar that Tomura was sitting at and kissed him, “Thank you. I’m still not buying a ticket to that convention.”
“Well, you don’t need to.”
“You bought one for me?”
“I got you a pass, yes. You don’t have to go, but I would really like it if you did.” Tomura had been trying to convince him to come to a gaming convention with him for weeks. It was in the city so it’s not like they had to rent a hotel or anything.
“I’ll think about it, okay?” Conventions and crowds made it far more likely that he would get recognized. He didn’t want that and the ensuing panic that would ruin the convention for Tomura. But Tomura was understanding and would probably let him wear a facemask to help cover up who he was at least a little bit. And he would probably be okay if Touya disappeared for a little bit.
And he kind of wanted to go. He wanted to see what that part of Tomura’s world was like. He liked to watch his streams when he was drawing sometimes, it was nice to feel like his boyfriend was there with him even if he wasn’t. He decided he would agree to go with later.
“You know,” he added, clearly not privy to Touya’s internal workings this time, “as a guest, I get to walk around backstage and go out on the floor before the convention floor opens. The only people in there are the vendors.”
This would be getting more and more tempting even if he hadn’t already made a decision. If Tomura could do so much to accommodate him, he could return the favor every once and awhile. Maybe it wouldn’t be awful.
☽ ● ☾
With dinner eaten and dishes done, Tomura started setting up for his stream. Touya brought his tablet and pen into the room and set himself up on the bed. He knew he could’ve stayed in the living room but every time he was alone for more than a few minutes the voice in his head started taunting him again.
The stream started out normally, Touya was pretty well hidden from the camera until he adjusted so that he was more comfortable against the pillows he had shoved against the headboard.
“Who is that behind me?” Tomura paused his game and turned his head, finally noticing that Touya was piled up on his bed, clearly in frame. “What are you doing in here?”
“Working.” He tilted his tablet up slightly as if that proved his point and made this whole situation make sense. “It’s more comfortable than the couch.”
“Come say hello or they aren’t going to shut up.” Touya set his tablet down on the bed and came up behind Tomura. He crossed his arms and leaned on the back of the chair. “Introduce yourself, idiot.”
“Hi, I’m crusty’s boyfriend.” Tomura rolled his eyes, “Name’s Dabi. I’m a tattoo artist.”
“Guys, that is a lot of questions in chat. I am not going to make him stand here and answer all of them since I’m trying to finish the game today. We can do a question stream some other time. But yes, he’s the one that did my tattoo.”
“How else would we have met? Mophead doesn’t leave him apartment.” Tomura slapped his arm but without any real force behind it. It was pretty true. Touya was pushing himself up when he saw the comments in the ever-scrolling sidebar.
Ain’t that Touya Todoroki?
Isn’t that Enji Todoroki’s son?
Isn’t that the child actor who had a public breakdown?
Of course, people knew who he was. Of course, people knew about his public breakdown. It had been that breakdown that had ruined his career and tarnished his father’s. Not that he minded ruining his career, he wished he had done more to his father’s, but he didn’t like dealing with the fallout of it.
He should excuse himself. He should make some excuse as to why he probably paled and then immediately left the frame. He just needed air.
He made it to the balcony off the living room before the feelings caught up to him. He felt sick. He felt like the only way to get rid of his feeling was to throw himself off the side of this railing and run as far as he could. But a fall from this high would kill him, which would be a bummer. He need to outlive that bastard was the only thing keeping him going somedays.
He pulled out his cigarettes and lighter again. He almost gave up on them completely when he finally got it to light on his sixth try. He hated how much his hands were shaking. He sat against the wall of the building and tried to figure out if he could hear Tomura, maybe that would help.
“Listen here ya little shits,” Touya could just barely make out Tomura’s voice, though he would be deaf if he couldn’t hear the anger in it, “If you ever want me to bring him back on camera you need to never mention the name Todoroki again. In any capacity. Especially that motherfucker. Do it again and I block you I swear. Actually, do it again, and I will find you.”
That wasn’t really as empty of a threat as one would assume. Tomura had found someone who was harassing people in his chat before. It had been directed at him mostly and then had spread to a few of his more loyal viewers. Tomura had never revealed how he found the person but he couldn’t have been joking when the kid found a very threatening letter in his mailbox.
“Glad we’ve made ourselves clear. Now, we’re going to get back to what we were doing and I am going to hope that he’s fine.”
He sat out there for the rest of this cigarette and most of the next one. He was better now. He should tell Tomura that. But that would require him to do something that would let his stream know what was really going on with him. So instead, he made his way back into the apartment and into the kitchen. He had remembered that Tomura’s drink had been low.
“Yo, Mophead.”
“What?” he sounded not at all surprised that Touya was in a different room that he had been a second ago.
“Want another drink?”
“Of fucking course I do.” Touya smirked to himself, he already had Tomura’s drink in hand and was back in his room by the time the answer arrived. “Oh, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He leaned down and kissed the side of Tomura’s head. He knew that it would mildly embarrass him, which it did. He was able to duck the empty can that was thrown at him. He was pretty sure his cackle was picked up by the mic.
“I fucking hate you,” he said mostly to the screen since he only had a few seconds before his run was fucked up again. He was pretty sure that Tomura got the message that he was okay, for now at least.
They worked in tandem for almost an hour and a half before it got to be too much for Touya. He had been staring at this piece for more than fifteen minutes without changing anything and he still wasn’t happy with it. He had just been listening to Tomura to keep the nagging voice out of his head.
He listened to how easily he switched between playing the game and reading chat, his talking was usually him telling some story or answering some question. It was nice. His voice wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t even particularly nice to listen to. But he was fun. The way he put on mocking voices for people, the way he subconsciously gave different characters different voices, the way he went on passionate rants about seemingly insignificant topics.
Touya had put his drawing gear away and had lied down while Tomura was going on a rant about how Nintendo will always be the most superior gaming company. Which made sense given that his only tattoo was a GameCube controller. He had mostly fallen asleep when the rant was finally over.
“He’s asleep?” There was a pause while Tomura turned his chair around to look at the bed. “He probably had a rough day at work. Sometimes his clients are the fucking worst. I’ll have him tell you about them sometime.”
What a blatant lie on his part. Tomura had stayed around for his second consultation; he knew that the lady was very pleasant and he had said the other one wasn’t that bad either. Was he just trying to save Touya’s tiny bit of a reputation with his viewers? That was sweet of him.
He drifted off thinking about the future, which was normally terrifying. Tomura told his audience that he would be back. He was allowed to stay. And he so desperately wanted to. Tomura was the first person he had ever been with that felt perfect, at least for him. He wasn’t perfect in any normal capacity with his temper and over use of sarcasm, but he was perfect for Touya.
Tomura woke him up when he got into bed, though it was only because any kind of motion woke him up. He hadn’t completely noticed that he had fallen asleep. “You end your stream?”
“Well, I didn’t just leave it on for them to watch us sleep.” Touya didn’t respond and just pulled himself closer to Tomura. “You know you could’ve slept on the couch until I was done.” He left out the implied that’s where you could’ve been the whole time.
“I like listening to you.”
“Chat thought it was cute. I told them to shut the fuck up.” He had said that to them multiple times tonight. He chuckled softly against Tomura’s chest. Tomura ran his fingers through artificially dark hair. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was tonight?”
Of course Tomura noticed that it had been bad even before his audience mentioned his real name. Touya should lie. He should tell Tomura that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and that nothing is wrong. That’s what he’s always told everyone else if they ever noticed. But he doesn’t want it to be like that with Tomura. He doesn’t want to break this, especially not on purpose.
“I didn’t want you to cancel your stream because of me. That’s how you make a living.” Later he would blame it on being half asleep and sleep deprived but he added, “Just being with you makes it more bearable.”
“Go to sleep before you say something you regret.”
There was a lot that he could say that would be considered “regretful” but all of the things he wanted to say to Tomura were things he could never regret.
☽ ● ☾
He slept well for a few hours, which was nice since he hadn’t done that in a few days. Normally, sleeping will meant that the next day was better than the one before. Not this one. And he had so desperately wanted today to be good. But again, he woke up with an internal voice telling him things he didn’t need to hear at some absurd time in the morning. He was pretty sure it was some time around four when he untangled himself from Tomura and snuck outside.
He had become intimately familiar with Tomura’s balcony; it was the only place he would smoke even though he had been told he could smoke inside on occasion. Tomura was at least nice enough to put out a chair for him, though he hadn’t used it last night. He swears he’s been trying to cut down on the habit, though no one could tell since he’s gone through almost a whole pack in three days.
The stars weren’t nearly as bright as they had been a few nights ago when he had spent most of the night staring out his window. But maybe that was because he had been in a pretty decent mood that night, even if he couldn’t sleep. He had just told his mother about his relationship and she had taken it really well.
He at least knew that she wasn’t going to be upset that it was a man, she had been fine with his last relationship, though she seemed less fine when his brother pointed out how terribly Keigo had been treating him. At least that wasn’t how it was now. Now he had a boyfriend who defended him, even if it could possibly make his audience angry at him. Even if it meant that now that audience knew who he was and would probably want more of him.
They knew Tomura was in a relationship, he had mentioned one time that a stream was running behind because they were still out on a date. It hadn’t been Touya’s fault that time that they were late. Tomura had accidentally gotten himself caught up in an arcade battle against some old guy who thought a ‘youngin’ could never beat him. Tomura wiped the floor with him. His audience had been very proud.
It was strange to think about. Going back to all these strangers knowing who he was without knowing him at all. Only knowing whatever persona he put on in front of a camera. It didn’t feel quite as daunting this time though. Almost like he had more control this time. Maybe it was just that he had more actual support this time.
It was on his third cigarette when he heard the door behind him slide open and shut, before there was shuffling and arms sat on his shoulders.
“Morning,” Tomura’s voice was even scratchier than normal. He leaned back slightly so Tomura could sit his chin on top of his head. “You’re up early.”
“Woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.”
“So you decided to smoke out my neighbors?”
“Did someone complain?” Tomura had gotten a complaint from the crazy lady next door about Touya’s smoking, he had told her to mind her own fucking business. The almost homeless looking guy on the other side just said it made him crave one again, but he didn’t mind it too much.
“No,” he reached up and plucked the cigarette from between his fingers, taking the last drag and snuffing it out leaning over his shoulder completely before returning his arms to where they had been, “I just woke up to the smell.”
“Right.” Tomura didn’t smoke that often, but it was the hottest thing Touya ever saw and almost always derailed his brain. It didn’t today, he barely looked over.
“What’s wrong?” He was pretty sure Tomura wasn’t expecting him to move his gaze away from the skyline.
“Thought too much and too hard.”
“About what?” Touya gripped Tomura’s wrists like the thin bones in them were the only thing keeping him on this balcony.
“Us. And the future I guess.” Touya was so scared that the other was going to pull away from him. He was so sure that Tomura was going to freak out about this deep of a topic this early in the morning, though he wasn’t completely sure as to what time it was. The sun wasn’t quite up yet.
“I hope you’re not planning on getting rid of me, at least not easily.”
“I’m not,” he laughed slightly and then took a moment to collect his ever-buzzing thoughts, “I’m just so scared that I’m gonna fuck this up. I don’t want to, but I don’t exactly have the best track record with these kinds of things. And I know you’re far from perfect, but you’re perfect to me. And I thought that would scare me, because it should, right? Nothing in my life has ever been good but you are.”
“I get the feeling you’re not done,” Tomura said after a much too long silence.
“I’m just trying to figure out how to say something else.”
“Can I make a suggestion?” Touya wasn’t at all surprised that his lap was suddenly occupied by a person, he was getting incredibly used to it. Tomura’s hair was an absolute mess but the dark circles that he usually had were not as noticeable in this light. “How about something like this? I love you.”
Every word that had once been in Touya’s head suddenly flapped out and escaped him. Did he hear that right? I love you. He absolutely had. Tomura had said what he had been trying to put into words for weeks now. The feeling Touya had been blindsided by at one point now had since been tied up in a neat little bow.
“Usually, people don’t respond with complete silence when someone says they love you for the first time.” Touya rolled his eyes, being brought out of his own head for a moment. He leaned down and kissed dry, chapped lips. God Tomura needed to learn how to use chapstick.
He pulled back just enough to speak, though he was pretty sure he still felt lips against his own. He didn’t bother opening his eyes, he didn’t need to see it to know it was real. “I love you too.”