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"Jess, it's a known fact that no Aquarius has ever thrown themselves a good birthday party, and, well... face it. You, my friend, are an Aquarius."
"What does my zodiac sign have to do with my ability to throw myself a birthday party, Schmidt?"
"It's just the facts, Jess."
—
"Sooo..." Jess huffs and slams down a stack of papers on the dining room table, making Cece's eyes go wide. "Turns out I can't throw myself a good birthday party."
Cece just winces and asks, "What happened? Come, talk to Mama."
"It's just... I have tons of papers to grade, the party store I went to didn't have streamers in the colors I wanted, I still haven't returned my dad's phone call and it's been like, a week, and - Okay, you remember that new guy I've been seeing, right?"
"Which one?" Cece asks, and Jess is all, "Seriously?!"
"I'm sorry! There's just... so many."
"Hey!" Jess places both hands on her hips and rolls her eyes. "I could say the same thing about five-years-ago-you, so."
Cece wrinkles her nose and wiggles her left hand, ring and all, in front of her best friend's face as if to say, 'Ha-ha, you would've thought', and Jess just grabs onto her fingers and gives them a squeeze.
"Well, his name was Fred, and he was kind of awful - no, like, I'm pretty sure I loved his parents more than him. I might've married him just to have them as in-laws."
"Really? I hate Schmidt's parents. They still think I'm Mexican."
Jess laughs. "You could pass for Mexican."
Cece rolls her eyes, and Jess just ignores that and takes a seat next to her, pushing what looks like hundreds of ungraded papers aside. "Anyway, Fred was supposed to help me with the party planning, - because let's face it, Schmidt's right, I could've never done it on my own -, but he kind of made me dump him."
"Wait, what?"
"He just - He sucked, Cece. I'm serious. One time we had a four-hour long conversation on Ghandi quotes. I contemplated jumping out of the window and yelling, 'FIRE!', but I didn't want to upset his parents; they were sitting right there."
Cece bites the inside of her cheek. "Of course. So what are you gonna do? Just... cancel it?"
Jess shrugs.
"I mean, we could always watch Clueless and eat a shitton of cake," suggests Cece, and Jess smiles at the reminder of their forever-ago tradition.
"That's your birthday thing, Ceec. Mine is, - Well, I don't have a birthday thing."
Right on cue, Nick turns the corner into the kitchen and presses his lips together. "If you two are gossiping, gossip about that silly little turtleneck Schmidt's been wearing around the house. He's trying to pass it off as a man's turtleneck, but come on, we all know the truth."
Cece rubs her lips together. "I got that turtleneck for him this past Hanukkah. Definitely a man's turtleneck."
"Whoever sold it to you lied. Wait, Jess, what's wrong? You look defeated."
Jess is surprised at the accuracy, and then she says, "You know what? I am defeated. I dumped Fred and Party City didn't have turquoise streamers, and I'm a freakin' Aquarius."
Nick pours himself orange juice in a mug and then takes a seat across from Cece and Jess. "If you need help planning your party, Jess, I can help ya'."
Jess bursts out laughing, then follows that up with a, "No. No. No, no, no, no, nooooo. No siree."
Nick ignores all the 'no''s and folds his hands on the tabletop like he means business. "I'm a good party planner, Jess. Remember?"
She does, but they don't talk about it, because that's when they were - Okay, you can say dating, Jess, you weren't just 'a thing'.
Two years ago, Nick planned this elaborate movie theater birthday party complete with a custom slideshow of everyone Jess loves talking about the reasons they love Jess, a 'Jess' cake compliments of Nick assigning Coach and Winston to Baking-Duty, and lots of cries and kisses, because really, Miller? He outdid himself.
When she thinks about it, she thinks things about Nick she's not supposed to be thinking about Nick, so the second he says, "I'm a good party planner, Jess. Remember?", she shakes her head frantically and says, "It's okay, Nick. Cece, Clueless and cake it is."
—
On the morning of Jess' birthday, Cece and Schmidt and Winston barge into her room with confetti poppers and a stack of chocolate chip pancakes. Nick wanted to be there, but it'd ruin his plans if he were, so Schmidt told him they'd handle Jess for the morning.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
"AHH, WHAT THE HE - Oh." Jess sits up in a panic, clutching her chest and half-smiling (and half-freaking out). "Hi guys." She sniffs the air for a second, and then motions for Cece to set the tray she's holding down in her lap. "Chocolate chip?"
"What else would they be?" Cece jokes, and once she sets down the pancakes in Jess' lap, she leans over and smooches her on the top of the head. "You have to make a wish."
"But there's no -"
"- Candles?" interrupts Schmidt, and he dramatically pulls a box of yellow candles from the pocket of his pants, as if they've always just kind of casually been tucked away there. He grabs a lighter from Winston and smacks one little candle down in the center of the top pancake. "I'd put thirty-four more, but we don't have that kind of time and I doubt you want to acknowledge your old age so early in the day anyway, do you?"
Jess smacks Schmidt's arm away. "Thirty-five is not old."
"That's right," says Cece, and then she turns to her fiancé and says, "Shut up and light the damn candle, Schmidt."
Schmidt lights the one little candle for Jess, and then she asks the three of them if they're going to sing to her. Winston takes a deep breath in and then starts with a loud, "HAAAPPY BI -" until he realizes he's the only one. "Oh, so we're not doin' this?"
Cece and Schmidt just shake their heads 'no', and Jess laughs. "I'm blowing it out in 3, 2, 1..."
Schmidt bends down and pulls the candle from the pancake before the wax gets everywhere, and then he nosily leans into Jess and whispers, "Did you wish for a better sex life? Because I did. For you."
"Ugh, get out of my room, Schmidt. But thank you for the pancakes."
—
The day goes by quicker than they thought it would, and Jess spent the majority of it on the couch in the living room watching Friends repeats. At five o'clock, after The One with the Monkey isn't as funny as it was the first four times, she turns to Cece and asks, "Clueless?"
Cece says, "NOW!" and then Schmidt and Winston race out of the kitchen and into the living room, each grabbing Jess by an arm and lifting her off the couch. Cece makes her way behind the three of them and hastily throws a blindfold over Jess' eyes, tying it in between Jess' screams and squirms.
"This is a kidnapping, Jessica Day! You're coming with us!"
"What the hell? Are you blindfolding me? Cece, you knew about this?"
Cece bites down on her lip and just nods, until she forgets Jess can't see anything. "Oh. Um. Yeah. I definitely did. No Clueless tonight, babe, sorry."
—
By the time they get to their destination, it's 5:20. Cece sends a quick text to Nick, simply saying: 'Out front. Where are you?', and Nick replies within a few seconds, writing back: 'Bring her in. Leave blindfold on.'.
Jess is holding onto Schmidt with one arm, and Winston with the other. "Can you at least give me coordinates?"
"How would that help?" asks Schmidt as he tugs her forward. "Keep up. If I fall on this lawn I'll - I'll completely ruin my khakis and that just wouldn't be good for either of us."
"Lawn? Wait, are we - are we at someone's house?"
Winston says, "Kind of."
Schmidt glares at him and tells him to shut up. "Don't ruin the surprise, you Surprise Ruiner, you!"
"Okay, yes, we are, we're at a house, Jess!"
"You're cracking, Winnie. Keep it together, man, or I'll drown you in the punch bowl when we get in there," Schmidt says, leading Jess inside.
"Ooh! There's a punch bowl? Wait, okay, I feel steps, maybe a floor, or a -"
"Party is in here, folks!" Jess hears a voice that's a little too familiar, and she's so tempted to rip off this blindfold and prove to herself that she's right about whose house they're all in, but Schmidt has both of her hands in his so tightly she's pretty sure they're broken, and -
"Oh, crap, the birthday girl," she hears, and yeah, that's definitely Paul Genzlinger - her sweet, sweet, musically-inclined, ugly-crying-face'd ex-boyfriend. Was this his idea?
She nudges Schmidt as he leads her into what is probably the party. "Genzlinger? Are we at Paul's place?"
"Well," Schmidt says, "we couldn't kidnap you and bring you to the loft, now could we?"
"SURP -" Everyone starts, and then they stop, because Jess pulls her blindfold off in the middle of everybody's screams and asks, "Oh my God, are those turquoise streamers?!"
—
Jess is in the corner with a Martini in each hand and Cece at her side, and it takes her not even a minute to ask, "Wait, Paul did this? But why? Does he like - Does he want to get back together or something?"
Cece does this laugh that's like, - She can't believe Jess is even asking about Paul. She takes a sip of her own Martini and says, "Paul? Honey, no, we just needed his house because he throws banging parties."
"So whose idea was - Oh." Jess thinks back to this morning, how one person in particular was absent from the pre-party festivities. No Nick sighting at any candle-blowing, Friends-watching, kidnapping. (She's still bitter about that one, thank-you-very-much).
"Look, he cares about you Jess, and he wanted to do something special for you, so just - I know you said you didn't want a party, but go easy on him."
—
“Sooo…”
Nick sets his beer down on a speaker blaring pop music is playing from - seriously, is that Bieber? - and he turns to Jess, his lips pressed together and his hands in his pockets. “So…”
“I know it was you, Nick.”
“What was?”
Jess looks around the room at the, well, - everything: turquoise streamers, four piñatas in the shape of letters that all spell ‘J-E-S-S’, a giant birthday card with a blown-up picture of Jess on the front and a Sharpie on the table next to it for everyone to sign nice things about her, two punch bowls filled with Jess' favorite - Sangria.
"You really outdid yourself, Miller."
He blushes. "I know you told me not to get involved, but I couldn't let you spend your birthday watching Clueless. That movie is so boring."
"Clueless is the greatest movie of the nineties. I made Cece call me 'Cher' from grades nine to twelve."
"Well that's just ridiculous, your name is much better than the name 'Cher', Jess."
Maybe it’s the two Martinis she had, or the fact that whenever Nick works hard and comes through, there’s always a feeling in Jess’ stomach that she might love him a little bit, but she throws both arms around his neck and pulls him in toward her.
He looks... startled? But he hugs her back, and a few seconds later, his hands are on the small of her back.
She buries her head in his shoulder and ignores the fact that he smells of the same cologne he used to wear back when they dated.
“Don’t mention it, Jess,” he says, and then they’re interrupted by a too-drunk Paul Genzlinger about a keg in the living room and how they have to be there to see it.
—
Paul Genzlinger's living room is filled with a bunch of drunken idiots - mostly her friends, but, - and by 8:13, Jess sets her Sangria down with a sigh and makes her way to the porch for some air.
"Jess?" Of course. Why wouldn't Nick be out here trying to catch his breath at the same time she is?
He's playing with a beer cap in one hand, the other hand shoved in his pocket. He must've snuck out of there right after Winston helped Schmidt do his fourth handstand on the keg. There's only so many times a person can watch that whole mess happen.
"It's kind of crazy in there," says Jess, and she lets herself breathe, posts herself up against the wall of the house, just like what Nick is doing.
"I'm sorry if it wasn't what you wanted," he apologizes, and Jess just shakes her head. "I mean, the music sucked because Winston forgot to bring the mix I made, -"
"Y-You made a mix?"
"- and the drinks were mediocre, and Cece sucks at hanging up streamers."
"You made a mix?" Jess repeats.
"What? Oh. Yeah. I guess. Songs you like, songs I like, songs we both like."
Jess bites down on her lip and doesn't say anything.
"Is it bad I kind of want to get out of here?"
Nick looks offended at first, but then he laughs and says, "Me too. Parties are so lame."
—
It's 9:15 and Schmidt, in a very drunken, too-many-keg-stands state, looks at Cece and Winston and then even Paul and goes, "Where the hell is Jess?"
"Is it cake time?!" Winston asks, clapping his hands together.
"Wait, where's Nick, he has the cake," Cece says, and Schmidt, through gritted teeth, sets down his Sangria and says, "Nicholas!"
—
"I'll be right out, I'm just changing!" Jess buttons the last few buttons on her heart-patterned pajama shirt.
Nick laughs from the living room, and she can hear him fumbling with the DVD player. "This thing is ancient!" he yells.
"No it's not, you are!" Jess slips on her glasses and throws her hair up into a bun, and then walks up behind Nick, reaching a hand out to turn the TV on. "That might've been your problem," she teases.
Nick puts the DVD in and then opens up the cardboard box her cake is in. It's kind of smudged now, the 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS' reading 'H-PPY BIRTHD-Y J--S', but that's okay, it'll still taste good. He grabs the two of them forks from the kitchen and says, "Dig in".
"Ew, really, Miller? We do own plates, you know."
"Plates suck the fun right out of it. Come on, Jess, just eat it like a normal person."
"A normal person would use a plate."
Clueless starts and Nick asks, "They had closets that fancy in 1995?"
"I know, right?" Jess laughs. She stands up from the couch and grabs herself a plate from the cupboard, because she just - She has to, okay? Nick rolls his eyes at that fact and sticks his fork straight into the cake. "What if someone else wanted some?"
"They're too busy being drunk in Paul's living room. They won't know it's missing."
Jess ditches the plate and sticks her fork right into the cake too, and Nick says, "Attagirl".
"This is exactly what you said you didn't want me to have to do on my birthday, you know that, right?"
He shrugs. "Yeah, but I don't know, you like doing this, so..."
"Only when I have company. Usually Cece's company. But this works."
Right on cue, Jess' phone rings, and she whispers to Nick, "It's Cece. Pause the movie."
"Why? You've seen it a million times, you know what happens!"
"Still!" She presses the phone up against her ear and says, "Hey, Ce - Oh. Hi Schmidt. Stop yelling at me! I didn't 'steal my own cake', I took it home."
"You're home?" Schmidt asks on the other end. "You left your own birthday party, Jess? But we were just about to play Pin the Ribbon on Jess - on you! Don't you want to be pinned, Jess? Don't you want us to pin you hard?"
Jess wrinkles her nose. "Ew. Not really."
"Is Nick with you?"
"Yeah, he's here," she says.
"Oh!"
"What, Schmidt? What are you 'Oh!''ing?"
"Nothing. My wish from this morning for you came true, though, therefore further proving not only my outstanding intelligence but my impending psychic abilities. I knew I had a Sixth Sense."
"Schmidt, what are you talking about, what wi - Oh."
"Happy birthday, Jess! I'm gonna go take a shot off of P. Genz's bare naked chest. Bye!"
—
They're ten minutes into their second viewing of Clueless when Jess falls asleep on Nick. He wants to shake her awake because his arm hurts, and also because her arm might be resting in a plate of cake right now.
"D-Did you like the movie?" Jess asks with a yawn as she stretches up, Nick giving her a shake on the shoulder to wake her up.
"Um, actually, it wasn't too bad. Paul Rudd kind of made it for me."
"Paul Rudd is the movie," she says, laughing. "Ah! Is this cake?"
She's pointing to the elbow of her heart-patterned pajama shirt and screaming. "It might be," Nick says with a snicker. "Come on, Jess, let's get you to bed."
"Are you coming with me?"
"Wait, am I what? Jess, what are you - Are you still drunk?"
"If there was alcohol in that cake, maybe," she says, laughing. They ate so. much. cake.
"Come on Jess," he says, hoisting her up from the couch in all of his (and her) tiredness.
"Hey Nick? Where did you find turquoise streamers?"
—
First they were eating cake in their pajamas and watching Clueless, and now Jess is trying to remember every little bit of what is happening so she can repeat it in excruciating detail to Cece in the morning. (It's okay, Cece lives for this stuff.)
Jess is squirming beneath him, and Nick first pulls down her pajama bottoms, then her underwear, throwing them both to the floor. All of this is familiar, it is, but it's been almost two years since Little Jess has been anywhere near Nick's mouth, and he almost pulls back for a second to take it all in.
"You sure about this, Jess?" he asks, and look, he's not sad about any of this; about Clueless and too much cake and birthday sex.
When she says, "Uh huh", he sticks a finger inside of her, and then two, and then Jess's head is spinning because she hasn't felt like this in a long time. She's weak when it comes to Nick Miller, she remembers this.
—
It's got to be four in the morning when Jess exits Nick's bedroom in nothing but one of his flannels, all of the buttons incorrectly buttoned, her cheeks blushed pink.
"Hey there."
Cece's in the hallway, probably just using the bathroom, much more dressed than Jess is. Jess thinks once you're engaged, your late-night rendezvous come to a halt.
"H-Hey," Jess says nervously, running her fingers through her hair. "I have so much to tell you," she whispers, tugging Cece in by the wrist.
"Oh God, was Schmidt right, did his wish come true?"
"Um. Nick and I have been in there all night doing it, so, you know."
"Oh my God," Cece says, as wide-eyed as someone can possibly be at four, five in the morning. "Wait, did you two use the cake as some sort of... sexual thing, because the couch was covered in it."
Jess scrunches her nose and says, "No, oh my God, no, we just - Nick doesn't believe in plates."
"Oh. Good. Schmidt and I kind of wanted some for breakfast in the morning."
—
"Hey." She brings back two waters to the bedroom, and she's super surprised to find Nick awake after... all of that.
"I didn't just sleep with ya' because it's your birthday, you know," he says, and Jess sits down next to him, setting the two glasses of water down on the table beside his bed.
"I know," she says, nodding as she brings a hand to his knee. "You did pretend to like Clueless because it's my birthday, though."
"Okay, fine, that might be true, but the sex - that was just - I wish we never stopped."
"Really?"
"I mean, our sex isn't just sex, Jess, it's - Don't you think it's passionate?"
"I mean you didn't yell, 'Yahtzee!' this time," she laughs, "so..."
Nick takes a breath and then leans over Jess. She thinks he's grabbing for the water, but he stops midway and cups both sides of her face, then pulls her in, kissing her in a way she hasn't been kissed in a long time.
"Happy birthday, Jess."
"My birthday is over, Nick," she says, pulling away from him and getting a good look at the clock in his room. 5:06 AM.
"I know. I just wanted an excuse to kiss ya' again."