Chapter 1: Just Frisk
Chapter Text
(Takes place around Chapter 2 of Growing Pains.)
Inspiration Song: Upside Down by A*Teens
My grades are down from A's to D's
I'm way behind in history
I lost myself in fantasies o f you and me together
I don't know why I-I but dreaming's all I do
I won't get by, I-I on mere imagination
Upside down
Bouncing Off the ceiling
Inside out
Stranger to this feeling
Got no clue what I should do
But I'll go crazy if I can't get next to you
My teacher says to concentrate
So what- his name was Peter the Great
The kings and queens will have to wait
Cause I don't have forever
I wish that I-I-I could walk right up to you
Each time I try I-I the same old hesitation
Upside down
Bouncing Off the ceiling
Inside out
Stranger to this feeling
Got no clue what I should do
But I'll go crazy if I can't get next to you
Somehow someday
You will love me too
One day will be the day when all my dreams come true
Dear diary…
Hi! My name is Frisk (just Frisk!) I am 12 years old and I’m in the 6th grade, my birthday is December 30th, after I graduate from college I want to be the future ambassador of Monsters, and my favorite colors are blue and yellow! And sometimes magenta!
I wasn’t sure about having one of these, I always worried that I would forget to write or maybe I’d lose it, but my school counselor suggested it and made me promise that I would always write in it.
I don’t remember much about my past life before I dropped into Mt. Ebott, the doctors say it’s likely due from memory loss from hitting my head during the fall, but sometimes I have… tiny memories of things that happened… like, sitting in the seat of an old car and looking out the window and seeing places I don’t remember being, or walking down a hallway, but I don’t really remember my real parents, it makes me sad sometimes, but I just tell myself:
“Frisk, you live a good and happy life! Don’t worry, maybe someday you’ll find your real parents, but right now you have Toriel and Asgore and they’re the best parents anyone could have!”
I always try to stay positive and think about the better things that are going on my life, I know terrible things and wars happen, but I know that deep down…that things ALWAYS get better in the end, no matter what, I’ve seen and lived through it so many times by now.
But sometimes thinking about my real parents keep me up at night, I wonder what they’re doing or if they miss me, I hope they’re ok.
Right now my living situation is kind of interesting, Toriel and Asgore are divorced but they both have parentship over me, so, every three or four weeks I live with Toriel and then I switch to Asgore’s home! It’s really neat, I have two bedrooms!
I also live with Flowey, my very good friend, who I hope he never finds this diary!! AHH!!! That would be so embarrassing! He can be really mean so I can’t imagine what he would say if he found this, so I’ll try and make sure to find a good place to put this. . . maybe I’ll put it under my mattress? Or at the top of my closet? He can’t get around as easily like I can, so, maybe at the top of the closet???
Flowey has an even rougher story than I do, he was born as a monster, and made best friends with another human who became his sibling, who he loved dearly, but then later the sibling died, and together they attempted a big plan of theirs.. but it all went tragically wrong they were both attacked by humans... in the end it lead to Azzie's death...it's really painful to think about and it still makes me cry.
But, thanks to Alphys and her amazing big brain, he was put into the body of a flower and he got another chance at life!
Except.. it didn’t go that well because he was reborn without a soul, which caused him to be unable to feel the big stuff like empathy, love, and hope. It makes me really, really sad to think about it, but it doesn’t stop me from caring about him and being his friend.
He’s told me so many wild and insane stories about his life before he met me, he’s done some really horrible things, some things I won’t write here because I promised and swore to him that I wouldn’t tell anyone else, I triple crossed my heart on it.
Before we became friends- he hurt me really badly too, in more ways than one.
But the thing is, he’s CHANGED and he also promised me he’d never, ever do the things he did before.
I know a lot of people wouldn’t forgive or trust him if they knew, but I believe in giving people second chances and showing love no matter what, that’s a part of the reason why I think he’s changed.
I remember before we became friends, back when he was meaner and kept trying to hurt me… he always spoke in a certain way that always made me feel like he was talking about himself…and said things that he thought were scary, but weren’t actually all that scary to me..?
It was later that I realized that he thought I was his sibling, Chara, he really cared and loved them, but had a rough relationship with them, maybe that’s why he was speaking to me like that?
I don’t like writing about this stuff, but I thought it was best to get out of my system now instead of later.
Oh, I have an idea, let’s focus on some of the nicer things he’s done!
Nicer Things That Flowey Has Done-
- When I was 10, he bravely rescued me from falling out my favorite magnolia tree! It was AMAZING!I gave him a well deserved kiss on the cheek for it too!
- He really likes to help Toriel cook!
- He gave me a hug yesterday! It only lasted 2 seconds but it WAS REALLY NICE!!
- He always listens to me when I tell him about my really bad nightmares
- He’s a good food and art critic, he may be brutally honest but he always makes sure to mention the things he likes too, not just the bad part, he also gives suggestions…(although sometimes he doesn’t do it in a very polite way)
He still’s rough around the edges though, he argues with Toriel a lot and he’s scared to talk to Asgore, I would say more, but I’m afraid of them finding my diary.
But, a part of me hopes that they do find it… I really want them to know about him and who he is, they all deserve it.
Another secret…I have a lot of crushes on a lot of my friends, but they’re all too old or out of my league.
I even have a crush on you-know-who… but he would neveeeerrrr like me back, it makes me really sad, so I don’t think about it too much, I’m happy to just be friends.
But I think I have the most chance with Monster Kid, they’re really cute and nice and we had that romantic walk in the rain, I’m not sure how they feel about me, maybe some day I’ll ask them out.
I dunno, I think I just love love and making people feel loved.
I guess I should talk about school, I promised my counselor I would write it about it too.
I used to really like it, but not so much anymore, some of the other human kids are kind of mean even though I’m nice to them! It doesn’t make any sense, does it? Flowey says it’s because I’m not afraid to be weird and it’s too much for the others to handle, I don't care though, I'd rather get teased for being myself than pretending to be someone I'm not. Like, I'm pretty sure a lot of them would like me better if I lied and said I was a girl or even a boy, but I'm neither and it seems to really annoy a lot of the other kids, even the teachers too.
There’s a boy named Davie that I like the least, he’s got a cute face but he’s really nasty, a lot more nasty than Flowey can be.
The other day I was working on something and he came over and yanked my shirt sleeve down to where you could see my shoulder and everything! It was embarrassing!! He didn’t say anything about it, he just laughed and walked away, I was so confused and kind of upset that the teacher didn’t see it happen.
He also pokes my back and touches my hair whenever we’re in line, he doesn’t hurt me or anything like that, but he also doesn’t stop when I tell him to! Maybe he keeps doing it because he knows I won’t tell on him. Confrontation? Who's that? Don’t know her.
It makes me wonder what his life at home is like and why he does the dumb and gross things he does.
But I’m happy that Flowey goes to school with me, we don’t have every class together, but he watches out for me when he’s there… but it gets him into a ton of fights too, he’s gotten into trouble a few times.
And most of my teachers are really nice to me, so that’s a plus!
For a few years I used to be really quiet, I hardly ever talked, but over time I realized that I have so much to say because there’s so much that I think about, a therapist once told me I was really close to being mute, they think it might have had something to do with my fall in mt. Ebott and the things that happened.
There was a lot of insane and traumatic things that happened during the adventure I had there, a lot of the monsters I now call friends tried to attack or kill me when I first met them, but I knew deep down that I could solve things by being nice, having fun and showing Mercy instead, it was hard, but to me, it was worth it, literally anything was better than fighting or hurting any of them.
I hate seeing anyone in pain, I hate it more than being in pain.
It worked… most of the time, there were times when I was forced to fight back even when I didn’t want to, I don’t like remembering it, I don’t like thinking about the times that I died either… but I like to think it’s made me tougher.
I’m so happy and relieved that I forgave all of them and that we were able to become friends.
This is one of the reasons why I feel like I can connect and relate to Flowey, he knows what it’s like to die too, and he knows what it’s like to have the Big Power of Determination, and the excitement of going back in time to try out different things, and the pain in the butt part of dying and having to do everything ALL OVER AGAIN! He also knows about the nightmares it can cause, he knows how I feel about these things when no one else can.
I think Sans probably has the Big Power too, but I’m not completely sure, I only know that he has the ability to teleport anywhere he wants to, and that’s very cool, he’s the best, I’ve adopted him and Papyrus as my uncles.
I still haven’t got see what kind of magic moves he has, but I have a feeling he can probably do some really neat things.
I know he’s also secretly really smart, like Alphys smart, but I’ll save that topic for another time.
Also, there's Papyrus, he IS AMAZING! We've always gotten along so well and I've learned so much from him, Flowey has even called us 'twins' a few times because Paps and I are such big softies, I'll admit I had a bit of a crush on him when I met him, we had a really fun date, but I'm glad things didn't work out, he deserves someone who can handle his high level of energy, maybe...someone like Mettaton? ;D He's never said it out loud but I think Paps has a big ol' crush on him.
I’m not sure what else to say so I guess I’ll finish here.
I love you, diary! See ya later!! Kisskisskisskisskissmwamwamwa~
Hi again Diary
Do you remember what I said about mean kids at school?
Today was the worst school day I have ever had, a girl named Missy cornered me in the bathrooms and said she wanted my lunch money and so.. I said no…and because of that..she got angry and kind of basically..cornered me and punched me in my arm a few times.
I didn’t know what to do, it was the first time in a long time that I’d been attacked like that, and it was a lot different from a monster encounter and there was no time for me to figure out how to avoid her or get away.
The only thing I could do was give in to make her stop, so I gave her the money.
I had rarely talked to Missy before, she always seemed grouchy and kind of rude but this was the very first time she had done anything like this to me, she really hurt my feelings, but also I’m worried that maybe she doesn’t eat very much? Or maybe for some reason she isn’t able to get any money to eat? I would help if I could, but I really don’t like to ask others for money…
I don’t know, when she took the money she didn’t really thank me, but I guess that might have been inappropriate? The look on her face made me think she had too much on her mind, she still looked angry. I think I made a mistake about not telling any of the teachers, I just wasn’t in the mood at the time, I was too upset.
I did get to eat though, a nice friend of mine (Stephanie) shared some of her lunch with me, so that was a plus. But after that, my luck disappeared again.
During PE, a girl named Seina, who I rarely talk to, came over to me and told me… that I was “boring and weird” and then at that moment, a younger boy named Alex who had overheard yelled “yeah, Frisk is a weird F-R-E-A-K-!” and bounced a basketball at my leg. Then…some of the other kids who had heard…actually laughed. . .
I didn’t really know what to say… but at that point I started crying, so I quickly walked away and went off to hide in the bathroom, I’m not sure if they got in trouble because the PE teacher came in and talked me down and sent me to the counselor.
She told me to write this in my diary to get it off my chest.
I really, REALLY don’t like that one of THE worst days at school is now forever immortalized in the first few pages of this book, but it is what it is.
But guess what? It didn’t stop there! As I was leaving to get on the bus, Davie passed me by and put his arm around me as we walked, it was REALLY weird, he only did it for a moment and did this…strange thing where he touched the back of my neck and then messed up my hair!! He then ran off to his group of guy friends.
It was really creepy, and I was so confused, it was the rotten cherry to top it off for me, and once I got on the bus I couldn’t help but cry all the way home.
Flowey was in the yard, so he was the first one to see me, which I assumed at that point I looked like a complete mess, he seemed distraught at how upset I was and demanded to know what happened.
So, I told him the best I could, I didn’t tell him every detail because some of it was really… embarrassing and hard to talk about, but what I did say still made him really angry, and when I showed him where I got punched in the arm at, I realized that I had started forming bruises, and once he saw, he got even angrier, his eyes went all big and black, he was BIG MAD.
He then surprised me with an idea, explaining that he would ‘get them back’ for what they did to me, and for a sec.. I was really worried that he meant that he was going to do something awful, but he explained and promised me that he wouldn’t do anything terrible and make sure to talk sense into them…
I was still a little unsure, I know him, and I saw how angry he was, but I agreed to let him help me.
I’m pretty sure Flowey has bigger plans than ‘talking sense’, I think he plans on full-on revenge, maybe like…hacking grades, or pull off some major scary pranks, or…something mean, I'm only guessing at this point, I’ve never really took revenge on anyone before.
But....I will it admit that it feels really nice to know he thinks so highly of me as his friend, I guess this makes him my hero now? :D This makes him even more handsome than he already is!
He really is a sweetheart on the inside like I always knew, I’m glad he can show it when he can.
Here’s hoping things turn out for the best!
Kisses!mwamwamwmawam!
Dear. Diary.
No, things did not turn out for the best.
I have so much to tell you, I’m not sure where I should start…
Today I saw Flowey enacting his plan of revenge, which was basically just him ATTACKING the ones who had ruined my day yesterday, I still don’t know how he managed to get them all into one place like sheep, but it was ridiculously awful, he had them all TRAPPED with his SPIKED VINES and was throwing BASKETBALLS AT THEM!
It was horrible!
So, I ran off to get the principals, Toriel (a.k.a mom) (she runs the elementary school) and Mr. Elsorr, it was the only thing I could think of to make him stop because I wasn’t sure he would have if I had faced him alone.
I felt so betrayed, Flowey had PROMISED me that he wouldn’t hurt anyone, but he did, and now I have to go school without him because he was expelled and he can never go back, Toriel is going to be homeschooling him from now on.
But then… I did something I deeply regretted.
I turned around and broke another one of our promises.
I was listening to Toriel give him a Talk, and she started talking about him seeing a therapist and he got upset and Flowey just…wouldn’t listen, it was then he called her…and I quote…an “old ugly hag”!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!
It caught me off guard, and I got so angry that I called him by his real name in front Toriel. . . !
Not one of my best moments, but there was no turning back after that, she heard me.
I felt really guilty (and I still do) because he looked so betrayed and hurt, but… he also betrayed and hurt me, and I always knew deep down that it was better if Toriel and Asgore knew the truth about Flowey…about Asriel, that he’s their son.
So I told her. I told her the truth. And she thanked me.
I left after that, I was kind of nervous to be honest, because I knew Flowey wasn’t going to handle it well, and they needed their privacy to talk.
I haven’t talked to Flowey yet, but from what Toriel has told me, is that she’s very, very, unbelievably happy and thrilled to have Asriel back for real now, and explained to me that she always found him highly familiar but was always uncertain.
I’m bursting with joy for her and Asgore, because I know that they won’t be as sad anymore, I know it’ll still hurt that they lost Chara, but at least they have Flowey with them now, they have their son back…just in a different form.
It hasn’t been very long, it’s been a few hours since it happened, but I can tell things have already changed, the house feels different.
But I’m pretty sure things won’t change THAT fast between Flowey and everyone else, he didn’t even want his true identity to be revealed in the first place.
By the way, Toriel also told me that he is Extremely Grounded. I really hope that doesn’t complicate their mother and son relationship…
…
Okay, diary, here’s some news, I just tried to talk to Flowey about it, but he isn’t talking to me, he’s giving me the cold shoulder.
Oh man, I really messed up in a hundred ways today, didn’t I?
I wonder if I could have stopped him if I had gone alone to stop him from bullying those kids, did I really need Toriel and Mr. Elsorr to help me?
If that’s the case, then maybe we could have kept it a secret and he wouldn’t have gotten in such big trouble, we could have gone home without any trouble and he wouldn’t be so mad at me.
I hate that he’s so upset with me. I could go back…I haven’t Saved yet…
No, no, I’m probably overreacting, a bunch of this was a really bad, but so much BETTER stuff came out of it!
We can do so much better! We can do this!
Besides, Flowey literally can’t ignore me forever, I’m there when he goes to sleep and I’m (sometimes) there when he wakes up, we share the same bedroom!!
Here’s hoping for better things to come!
Platonic kisses for now, I’m not feeling very affectionate right now. mwa, mwa.
Dear diary…
I don’t know where to even begin with this one.
So much stuff has happened and I know now that I was wrong. I was so, so, so, so wrong.
I shouldn’t have told the truth about Flowey’s identity, he wasn’t ready and that was his own business to work on, and as much as I’ve tried to understand him… I’ll never truly know what kind of hurt and pain he’s been through, he’s so much more complicated than I am, and I was wrong to think I knew how to help and by now I’ve already apologized to him several times, but I still feel really guilty about that.
I’m writing all of this because I had a giant fight with Flowey earlier today, I tried talking to him and ended up calling him a ‘jerkwad’, which was a bad idea because it made him really angry, and so I got angry back, and then…the next thing I know, I’m grabbing a mirror trying to prove a stupid point to him…
And he gets even angrier and I saw his red spikes appear, but I’ve faced him in a fight before, so I stay Determined…
But, diary, that was the wrong move, I wasn’t thinking straight at all…
The next thing I know I’m flashing the mirror at him and he moves to smack it out of my hand, but…it all went wrong, and he ended up accidentally hurting my wrist instead.
And I don’t what happened, I don’t remember much, but I do remember freezing up.
I didn’t know what to do, I was so shocked.
It was so bad, diary, I saw blood and everything.
Flowey was just as shocked as I was, maybe scared even???? He apologized, and said it was an accident- I already knew it was, I saw the way he moved his vine, and I knew he would never hurt me like this on purpose… not anymore, that’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s part of a promise I know he would never break.
I can’t remember everything, but he yelled at me to get Toriel and you bet your tush I did!
She was just as messed up about it as Flowey was, I think even more, I lied about what happened and ended up explaining that I accidentally cut it on a sharp metal part of my bed (it’s old) by trying to reach something on the floor.
Thankfully she believed me and Flowey was free from any kind of brutal punishments, I had a sinking worry that if I had told Toriel that he had been responsible for my cut, she wouldn’t have taken it very well and neither would any other of our monster friends, especially after what happened at school.
But… I’m worried she didn’t fully believe me, she had overheard some of Flowey and I’s argument and kept asking about it, but there’s no way I will never, ever, ever tell the truth.
I ended up going to the emergency room and getting stitches and I have to keep extra care to keep it dry and clean and… stuff…the doctor told me that it was mostly likely going to leave a scar. SIGH.
I really wish the cut wasn’t directly on my wrist, it’s a bad spot, and I know the other kids will say even worse things if they see it, I don’t want to deal with it so I think I’m going to start wearing bracelets over it for the next 8ish years until I graduate I guess? Is that too much? At least I’ll be looking cute and fashionable.
There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ll just have do with the best I have, and shopping for new bracelets could be fun.
Anyway- something even bigger happened, when we got back home, I made sure to apologize again to Flowey for telling the truth about his identity, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and somehow all of this seemed like my fault..
I also made sure to tell him that I was also still upset about him bullying my bullies, I explained my thoughts better about it, and then… something happened..
He got this…complicated look on his face and got really quiet…
And then he told me I was right.
It wasn’t that he said it that took me off guard, it was how he said it…
It’s so rare to hear him sound that sincere, he had a change of heart and really meant it.
He even apologized for what he had done to the bullies, and I just felt so relieved, and at that point I was so tired of being so stressed out, I just wanted to be done…
But he surprised me again, he wanted to talk about it some more.
So I explained my feelings, and also kind of told him my thoughts about going back and changing what I had done (about revealing his identity), I was curious to know what he thought, it had been a really long time since we had talked about using the Big Power.
I think it caught him off guard.
But he told me no, and smiled in a way that really melted my heart.
As glad as I am that he refused, I know I still would have tried it for him, because… I lied.
I told him that I had already Saved, but I hadn’t, because I’m giving him the chance, I would have gone back and reversed what I had done, because I know now that I would do anything for him to make him happy, he’s my best friend, I really care about him, he’s been through so much bad stuff and he deserves more. He deserves better.
But I’m also very proud and very happy that he said no, because it means he wants his parents back, and there’s nothing I want more than for the three of them to have each other as a happy family again, even IF Asgore and Toriel are sadly divorced...I don't know how to repair a divorce and I'm not gonna try!
After that we talked over things a little more and played a video game.
Right now he’s with Toriel, I think they’re talking about his decision about getting therapy, I’m pretty sure he’s changed his mind.
It took a moment, but things are getting better, for real this time.
And I’m so happy I still have my pandsome best friend with me.
Pandsome is a mash up of ‘pretty’ and ‘handsome’, I made it up, but I don’t think Flowey is a big fan of it.
Hearts and kisses! MWAMWAMWAMWAM!!
Chapter 2: Very Sensitive Things
Chapter Text
(Takes place between chapters 3 and 6 of Growing Pains.)
Inspiration Song: Kodokushi by Mihka! X Kyoto Black
Take it from me I don't want to be lonely
I'm looking for someone to hold
Someone to care, someone who's there
I'm trying to find someone who's me and knows how I'll be
Cause take it from me, I don't wanna be lonely
Take it from me I don't know how I feel
Dear diary!
Oh MY GOSH! I just knew I would forget to write in here! I’ve been too busy with school and stuff, and drawing, I’ve really gotten into drawing more!
Let’s see, I’m 13 years old and I’ll be turning 14 next month, we’re going to go Mr.Bonana’s Bonanza for the party…I really hope I spelled that right, Flowey, Papyrus, and me love it there, I’m really excited!
But I’ve gathered you at this desk today to tell you about the day I had yesterday, I was out of it for half of it, but boy did some stuff end up happening.
But yesterday morning, around 4 am??? I woke up feeling sick, my throat was really scratchy, so I texted Toriel and she looked me over, and confirmed that I was NOT going to school, but the problem was that she had a huge serious meeting that she couldn’t miss.
But it didn’t really seem like a problem to me at the time (and all the other adults were busy with work, I didn’t want to bother them) so I was convinced I would be fine alone with Flowey at home while she went out.
Thinking back to this now, I realize that was probably not the brightest of ideas that I've ever had, but at the time I didn’t feel as bad and she had given me medicine… so it seemed okay.
I was happy Flowey was there, he kept me good company and he made sure that I ate my food… uh, even though it didn’t sit well with my tummy later but I won't discuss that.
We talked on and off, and the more time passed, the worse I felt, it got really hard to sleep, and at a some point, I finally told Flowey about some stuff I’ve been going through with Toriel.
So, she told me she’s been trying to find my real parents again, it really bugs her that they haven’t looked for me or reported anything, it also bugs her that I was in the mountain at all.
Because sometimes she asks me why I climbed the mountain, but I just don’t remember anything.
But believe me, I want to remember so badly.
But at the same time, I love my life here and I love my monster family, it can get a little crazy sometimes, but I’m so happy, I feel like living with them is where I belong.
This is what I told Flowey, and it’s the truth.
I also told him that I don’t think I’m depressed, but sometimes I don’t know, there are some things that just make me feel so sad, I feel it a lot when I’m all alone, I also feel it at night right before I go to sleep, I guess that’s why I love being around people?
Anyway, I was feeling really bad yesterday and it got me to thinking about death, and Flowey.
He’s told me so much about his past, but at the same time, I feel like there’s so much I don’t know about him. In a weird way, I think he’s a little older than me (he certainly acts like a smartass sometimes), he did so much stuff and learned a lot while he was alone in the underground.
I’m pretty sure he gets sad when he’s alone for too long, that’s one of the things that I feel connects us together, it’s why I KNEW I had to get him out of the mountain, I had to help him, and because of that, it’s brought us closer together too.
So, I ended up asking Flowey a Very Sensitive question that I’ve been afraid to ask for a long time, but, I realized that he’s my best friend, and we’ve gotten to the point where I feel I can tell him almost anything and trust him with my most personal secrets.
So, I asked him what age he was when he died.
He told me he thinks he was either 10 or 11 years old, but it’s been so long he wasn’t sure.
I then told him a theory I’ve had for a long time, I told him that I think I died when I fell down into the underground, for a second maybe, but that something brought me back to life.
For a long time, I thought maybe the Big Power was responsible for bringing me back, but these days I’m not so sure. . . I’ve been wondering if it was Chara.
They were there with me every step of the way when I woke up that day, at first I didn’t know they were there, but over time I just knew, they helped me learn how to navigate the underground and pointed out certain things and objects when I was confused, I don’t think I would have survived without them.
After my last big Battle with Flowey, something changed and I knew that they had faded to…somewhere else, but I hope wherever they are, that they’re happy.
After I talked with Flowey, I fell asleep, but I feel really guilty that I chose the topic of death before that because apparently, that’s when I dropped into a really, really, bad fever.
I don’t remember much for a while after that, I just remember feeling so horrible and the sounds of Flowey panicking and him holding my hand by using his vines. He had never held my hand before, I don’t know how I knew it was him either, but I did.
Even completely out of it and feeling sicker than I ever had in my life, I felt my heart leap, the last thing I wanted to do was let go of him, I wanted him to stay with me and I didn’t want to leave him behind.
Anyway, I don’t remember too much after that, but apparently Asgore, Papyrus, and Sans came to the rescue and rushed me off to the hospital because that’s where I woke up at.
I woke up feeling pretty nice and warm actually, the docs had flooded me full of medicine, I didn’t even care if there was a horrifying IV stuck to me.
At the time, I couldn’t quite understand why Toriel and Asgore were crying and looked so relieved, but I know better now, and I feel so guilty that I asked to stay home alone with Flowey, I can’t believe I forgot what they went through with Chara…
Don’t worry, I made sure to apologize.
There are times I wonder if I’m Chara’s replacement for them, Flowey did confuse me for them when we first met, but now he says that I’m nothing like them at all.
Anyway, everyone was really sweet, they gave me so many gifts, and I really like having so many balloons floating around- they really give the room a party vibe, I think Flowey hates the bouquets though. He’s cute when he’s cranky.
But that day has made me realize how much he cares about me, even without a soul, he’s proved the impossible and that’s fantastic.
The best part is that I told him I love him (in a platonic way) and he BLUSHED! It was really CUTE! Thinking about it really makes me happy and excited.
I’ll talk to you later Diary, hopefully I won’t forget you again!
Smoochees! xOXOXOXx
Oh hello Diary, I didn’t see you there, I’m going to write a poem.
If I told you that I think you have the most beautiful eyes, what would you say?
Would you let me hold you?
Would you let me kiss you and remind you how I feel about you?
Would you tell me a lie.
Pretty baby, pretty baby, let’s dance and forget our cares in the pale moonlight?
I was thinking about it all day, what do you think? Maybe one day I’ll come up with a poem that isn’t about love or romance, that’s what Flowey tells me anyway…. but then again, love and romance is what I’m good at, right?
I don’t know, Toriel and Asgore keep telling me that I’m too young to worry about romance or dating, they’re probably right, it doesn’t stop me from thinking about stuff and getting crushes though, especially in school.
Maybe one day I’ll find someone and we’ll make it work. SIGH.
Deary Diary…
For as long as I could remember, I’ve been ‘nonbinary’, you could say I was born in the body of a girl, but the terms ‘girl’ and ‘female’ never really fit, I’ve never felt like a girl, and I’ve never felt like a boy either, my experience as a person has always been just… me. I'm just Frisk.
But recently uh, I’ve been……… growing up?????? It’s weird and kind of uncomfortable to talk about, even here.
Toriel, Asgore, Undyne, Alphys and my counselor have been really helpful, so I’ve been thankful for them.
The problem though, is my roommate and very good friend Flowey.
Diary, it’s starting to get awkward in a bad way, I just bought my first set of training bras and I have no idea how I’m going to hide my pads from him when I get my first period, it really sucks in 20 different ways, someone hELP. Is he going to be grossed out? Is he going to make fun of me? Is he even going to want to be around me??? STOP THINKING ABOUT IT FRISK!!! It's too much for me.
There are also some other issues that I won’t get into it, but it’s getting increasingly awkward because even though I’m flirty… I keep things pretty modest and platonic between Flowey and I, because I know he really would freak out if he knew what the type of crazy things my weird human body has been doing.
Hopefully, maybe, possibly he wouldn’t freak out, at the very least he would be really disgusted and the last thing I want to hear is him calling my body gross, now THAT would make me cry! I already have issues with this stuff.
So, I talked it out with the parents, and we agreed that Flowey will be moving into the guest bedroom(s) in both Toriel and Asgore's homes and we will both achieve Total Privacy!
A part of me doesn’t like it, sure we’ll have our spaces to ourselves, but I think I will really miss talking to him late in the night and keeping him company when it’s lightning and thundering at night, storms really scare him.
I don’t want him to think I’m throwing him out, it makes me feel guilty, but it’s the only choice I have before I go insane trying to keep my privacy private from him.
I’ll get back to you after we talk it out with him.
…
WE TALKED IT OUT AND FLOWEY IS MOVING INTO THE GUEST ROOM AND HE’S NOT UPSET! I get to keep my sanity! hOOray!
He was really skeptical about it, but after explaining everything (and leaving out the embarrassing parts) he agreed to it.
I’m going to help him decorate and get him some roomwarming gifts, I think he’s going to end up liking having all that space to himself, he already knows that he wants to paint the walls orange, it’s going to look so cool.
I have a good feeling that everything will work out.
I’ll talk to you later Diary! Kisses! MWA!
OH HELLO DIARY!
It’s been a few weeks, but boy do I have some big news to make up for it!
You know my good friend, Flowey? The one I told you about, the one I mentioned was soulless???
Turns out he has a soul after all! It’s been there all along and none of us even knew! He thinks that maybe it came back right before the barrier was broken (by him).
BUT, there’s a huge problem, his soul… it’s beautiful, but it’s not formed right, and it hurts him when he has positive emotions, he’s been keeping it secret, for years. I’m crying right now just thinking about it.
It’s upsetting that he was in pain like that and never told anyone, and it hurts even more that no one even noticed that he was in pain, it makes me feel so guilty and angry that I never knew, why have I been so stupid? He’s been alone like that and I never saw. What else have I missed? Who ELSE in my life is in pain and I've never noticed???
I want to get closer to him so he won’t have to keep secrets like that so I can help him, but he thinks so little of himself that he doesn’t always believe in getting help.
It’s great though that he has a soul, it’s such a big deal, and I believe someday that he’ll be able to fix it so it won’t hurt anymore, I know it’s possible. I trust in this.
In other Big Crazy News, THE LADIES ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!
Undyne proposed to Alphys, they’re engaged and OH MY GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH!
The ring is so gorgeous and I’ve never seen Alphys so happy, she deserves this and so does Undyne.
I love Love so much, it’s so amazing and cute and precious, I hope they last forever as a couple, they are monsters after all, so they literally can be married and in love forever, or at least for a hundred years or more.
I really hope I can find love as special as theirs someday.
Anyway, it’s time for homework, see you laterrr!
PS- Don’t forget, I’ve got that thing I gotta do that school thing at 5pm tomorrow.
Chapter 3: Mermaids, Werewolves, and Sad Bats
Notes:
I'll be honest, a large chunk of this fanfic is so goofy due to the fact that I've written Frisk to be goofy, and I was kind of apprehensive about releasing this because I'm not certain about it's quality.
HOWEVER! I've thought about it, and I am no longer worried because I remembered what I have planned further down the line of the story. Also, Frisk's writing style is going to steadily change the older they get.
Also, I'm unsure at the moment if I'm going to include chapter summaries, it's kind of difficult to think of them, and it also seems illogical and irrelevant for a diary fic.
Chapter Text
(Takes Place between Chapter 7 and the very beginning of Chapter 9ish)
Inspiration Song: That’s Not My Name by The Ting Tings
Four letter word just to get me along
It's a difficulty and I'm bitin' on my tongue
And I, I keep stallin' and keepin' it together
People around gotta find somethin' to say now
Holdin' back everyday the same
Don't wanna be a loner
Listen to me, oh no
I never say anything at all
But with nothin' to consider they forget my name
They call me hell
They call me Stacey
They call me Her
They call me Jane
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
They call me quiet
But I'm a riot
Mary-Jo-Lisa
Always the same
I'll miss the catch if they throw me the ball
I'm the last chick standing up against the wall
Keep fa-fallin', these heels that keep me borin'
Getting clamped up and sittin' on the fence now
So alone all the time and I lock myself away
Listen to me, oh no
And though I'm dressed up out and all
With everything considered they forget my name
Hello diary, my darling!
SO, BIG NEWS, last night…after talking to Flowey about a traumatic nightmare- no, I will NOT go into details, it’s too embarrassing- I KISSED him!
....................
….…ON THE FOREHEAD, just on the forehead, syke, made you look! ;p
But it was dumb of me! I’m still so mad at myself over it, I completely forgot that emotions hurt his soul! But the really interesting part was his reaction, I caught him off guard, but it made me think… that maybe he’s starting to….. like affection??? (He’s always hated it before) Which is great! But also bad for him because again- emotions hurts him! Why is this so hard?!!
So I’ve become Determined to help him, I did a lot of brainstorming, but unfortunately and embarrassingly I only came up with a drawing (yes, only a drawing, I would help if I knew how, but I’m not a scientist like Alphys and I already spoke to her about it and she can’t help either :C )
Anyway, I talked with him about it, and it was really eye opening, he says he doesn’t want special treatment and doesn’t want things to change between us and I think I understand, and I will respect his wishes, even though it still really upsets me that he’s hurting. There’s not a lot anyone can do to help anyway. It’s just the way things have to be.
I also think he’s changing more, he’s becoming… softer? I’m not sure what to call it, but I really like it. He also still really makes me laugh so hard, even when he’s annoyed with me.
Papyrus and Sans make me laugh a lot too, they like to one-up each other to see who can make me laugh the hardest, but with Flowey he doesn’t even have to try, or even say anything, sometimes he’ll make a face and suddenly I can’t stop giggling. I wonder why I’m like this.
Never mind! I already know, but we won’t be discussing that here or anywhere. Diary or not, I will not risk my biggest secret.
ALSO! MORE BIG NEWS! MONSTER KID IS MOVING BACK TO TOWN! YEE-HAW!
Apparently, their dad got a good job and will live just five minutes away, it’s going to be great, I’m going to invite them to everything and we can do our homework together!
I also saw a picture of them and boy did they get taller! And cuter! I am definitely going to ask them out, there will be no stopping me! I just hope they say yes.
Is it too early to write Frisk+MK 4ever? LOL, maybe, I’m just excited! The last time I asked someone out it was at school and it didn’t go very well, I have such bad luck with flirting with other humans, maybe I should just date monsters only instead, I feel like they understand me better sometimes.
BTW, I know I should write more about school life and the trouble with my bullies, the counselor is still getting on to me about it, but it’s so annoying, I don’t want to think about it, and writing about it makes me think about it and it stresses me out, so…I think I’m just going to write poems about it instead? I won’t share them here though, I have other secret spots in my room to hide them at. I guess it’s better than bottling things up. I guess.
But I will say one thing, Davie is still creepy. Is there an age limit on getting and/or receiving restraining orders? I’m gonna look it up.
Hmmmmm, due to me being under 16 I would need some help from an older person? Seems like a lot of work, I think maybe I’m just gonna do what I should have done years ago and just tell the principle, and Toriel, definitely Toriel.
LOL, don’t worry, Davie hasn’t done anything gross or horrible, but I’m at my limit, diary!! I’ve had enough!!!
Anyways, bye! Love you!
Hi Diary!
I’ve got a mixed bag of news to share, some of it good, some of it funny.
Flowey, MK, and I all FINALLY spent quality time together! It was a lot of fun, Flowey- I mean, CHEATY THE CHEATER got on my nerves for a bit, I don’t know what his deal was, but he was being really weird and was mean to Monster Kid, I don’t think he ever actually apologized, but MK took it like a champ and was really nice and cool about it.
After we got wild with the water hose! It was so much fun, I haven’t played like that in a while, so having Monster Kid hang out with us was a great idea. We got a little bit grounded, but I think it was worth it!
OH!! BUT the BEST and MOST IMPORTANT PART??? I finally FINALLY asked Monster Kid out at school and oh my goodness, it was so great, they said YES!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I sound like I proposed marriage, but nope, LOL
Me and Monster Kid are DATING! I am so happy! My first romantic partner! Wow! They even blushed and everything, we’re going to go on a movie date this Saturday, I’m so excited, I just wish Flowey would be happy for me, he’s been so cranky since I announced the news, I promised I would still make time for him but he wouldn’t even look at me and asked dad to take him away to his room.
Also, I also found out that Alphys and Undyne’s wedding is going to be held at a beach! Oh, it’s so perfect for them and I’m going to be Alphy’s bride friend, some would call it a ‘bride’s maid’ but I’m no maid. . . although, I would definitely wear a maid’s outfit. Not as a weird thing, but as a ‘yes, may I take your coat, mam’m?’ thing, I wanna role play as a maid. Again, not as a weird thing, I just want to go into a fancy restaurant and play a prank and be a maid and see how long it takes for them to escort me out.
PS…Do you think mermaids exist? Monsters exist, I think mermaids should exist too, it’s only fair and I will def be looking for them at the wedding, I wouldn’t be surprised if they exist and have been hiding from us humans, with the way we pollute the earth and ocean, mermaids deserve some peace.
DEAR DIARY!
Just got back home from home from my SECOND DATE with MK! (Sorry, I completely forgot to talk about the first one, it was great too!) But anyways, we went out and had a baseball date, I pitched and they caught the ball with their tail (the mitt went on their tail, it’s so cute)
Afterwards we had a picnic and when we were done- they gave me a kiss on the cheek! And I gave one back (on the cheek too, don’t go crazy!) It was so sweet, and they’re so cute and handsome and my heart feels so full.
Flowey’s still cranky but he’s getting better, I’ve made him treats to cheer him up and I’m definitely not telling him about the kiss, that boy really does hate romance, he might as well be allergic with the way he reacts, that’s where we are really opposites the most at, I don’t really understand it but I respect it, aro and ace people rock, they’re also really lucky, can you imagine how much they don’t have to worry about? I wish I could be that unbothered and calm when I see attractive people AND I ECOUNTER A LOT OF ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE. Flowey is so lucky that he doesn’t have to deal with this stuff.
Anyways, I also talked to MK about Davie and they gave me the courage to finally talk to the principal about him (yes I hadn’t done it yet until now, don’t look at me like that! You know I hate confrontation!)
I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I hope he’ll leave me alone soon, just because I have a cute little face and boobs now doesn’t give him the right to stare and say weird things, I’m not sure if he thinks it’ll make me like him or not, either way, he’s got to stop, I can’t take it anymore!
I would talk to Flowey about it, but I’m so afraid that he’ll freak out and want revenge again, and I’m not sure he would really understand why it bothers me anyway, I know he’s my best friend, but sometimes things are just better left unsaid. I guess.
Anyway, I would brag more about MK, but Toriel is calling on me, we’re going to the park and have a big barbecue bash! Bye!!
Dear diary.
Hi.
Monster Kid broke up with me today.
I feel so horrible and bad, I can’t stop crying, I kept as cool as I could, I told them I understood, and I do, but I also don’t, I thought things were going so well, but I guess I was wrong.
Gosh, I’m looking at the dates, we only dated for a month, ONLY a month, I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Maybe it’s just pathetic? But…I guess it’s better that we dated than never have dated at all? At least we know ourselves better now???? I guess. I don’t feel very good or better.
I talked to Alphys and Undyne about it, Alphys suggested a few anime movies to help me feel better and Undyne suggested taking a good long sweaty run and punching pillows…with MK’s face on it, but you know I’m not going to do that.
Toriel and Asgore gave me the biggest hugs and were so nice, Asgore made me tea and Toriel baked me my own pie, it really helped, but my heart still hurts, I think it’s going to hurt for a while.
Sans and Papyrus made me laugh were super sweet, they made me forget about the heartbreak for a bit.
I kept a straight face when I told Flowey about it, I didn’t want him to see me cry about something like this, I didn’t know if he would make fun of me or get angry, either way I didn’t want to find out, so I told him that I was okay, I’m not, it’s times like these when I’m glad that we have separate bedrooms so I can cry in private and hide away in the darkness like a sad bat.
I don’t really feel like writing anymore, so I’m going to hide in bed and watch one of these movies, with chocolate ice cream. SIGH. At least Flowey isn’t cranky anymore, and I’m glad, I couldn’t take his attitude for much longer.
NOOOO! Diary! The worst thing has happened to me! Again! First MK breaks up with me, and only a week later- I got my first period! It’s so GROSS, I hate having a girl body sometimes, the WORST part is that it’s going to happen one week out of every month for MOST OF MY LIFE! Like some kind of werewolf!
Actually, the werewolf thing is kind of cool.
No, NO! I won’t give in, it is NOT cool, it’s gross and I AM IN PHYSICAL PAIN! I am also very embarrassed because Flowey SAW THE NEW PADS AND ASKED ‘WHAT ARE THOSE?’
HE LITERALLY LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND ASKED THE WORDS ‘WHAT ARE THOSE’ !!!!
I WANTED TO DIE RIGHT THERE.
Obviously I couldn’t deal with it or die on the spot, so I ran off, but of course I cracked my door open and listened to them talk and Toriel explained for me, and then I heard Flowey scream, in horror I think, I’m not sure because I closed my door after that BUT I’m pretty sure I heard him rant on about humans and blood for three minutes straight, I guess he was as embarrassed as I was, it’s really kind of funny now that I think about it, some human stuff really freaks him out, but I understand, being human can be a very weird and gross experience.
I guess this a thing we can…sort of relate to now? Just like him, I also now have to deal with my body acting crazy and hurting me because that’s the way I was built, I don’t think I’ll talk to him about any of this stuff, but at least having a period put me one step closer to understanding Flowey better.
Anyway. I have news that I’m not sure how I feel about yet, Monster Kid admitted to me that they were feeling really guilty, it turns out that they partially broke up with me because they have a huge crush on a pretty girl named Robin, she’s got nice brown skin, her hair is dyed red and it’s so pretty, she goes to school with us and she’s really cool, she plays baseball and is amazing on a skateboard, I can see why they like her, I think I have a crush on her too, but MK obviously has dibs, and they REALLY like her, it’s pretty sweet, I definitely support it.
A big part of me is really sad about it and wishes that MK had liked me that much instead and that we never broke up, but I’m not going to hold it against them, I get it, you can’t control who you love and have a crush on. I know I can’t. Cupid is elusive that way, that sneaky baby… cherub? What is Cupid?
Just looked it up, Cupid is a Roman god of love of every kind, just as I thought, he’s my kind of guy after all, kind of a trickster though, I want to know what his plans are for me.
Or does he even have plans at all? Are his actions random? If they are then that would also make sense.
Anyways, I’m gonna lie down and wait for my pain medicine to kick in, love you. Bye for now.
Chapter 4: Heartbeat Like A Drum
Chapter Text
(Takes place between Chapter 9 and right before Chapter 14)
Inspiration Song: When Will I See You Again by Shakka
Shooting stars never fly for me
My heart's on Mars, kinda hard to see
But you know, you know I'll see you again
You know, you know I'll see you again
Feel it in the sunrise even in the nighttime
It's hard to adjust now ‘cause you ain't around
Do they treat you real nice? How'd you like the new town?
Hard to adjust now, ‘cause you ain't around, yeah
When will I see you, see you, see you again?
I just wanna hold your hand
When will I see you, see you, see you again?
I just wanna hold your hand
Feel it in the sunrise
Even in the nighttime
If I was around more
Where would you be now?
Stressin' out my own mind
Crying I've got no time
It's hard to adjust, now
'Cause you ain't around
I'll see you again, I'll see you again
Hello again, diary.
Today was Alphy’s and Undyne’s wedding, it was perfect- for them, and I’m very happy for them, you know I love romance, and I really liked watching them kiss and make out- it was so beautiful and passionate!
I had some fun during the reception and I really liked the cake and food, it was very tasty, but I couldn’t focus on partying, especially after what happened with Flowey, I actually don’t know what was going on with him, but he just suddenly shut down and started crying out of the blue, it was really bad, I can’t remember the last time he got this upset, it made me really worried, I’m still really worried, I don’t know how to help him and he still won’t tell me anything.
Anyway, it’s pretty late and I need to go to bed and I’m sleepy, it just felt important to write this down, it’s heavy on my brain noggin, I’ll keep you updated on things.
Dear diary.
Okay, it’s been a week, I’ve been keeping an eye on Asriel, he’s… kind of gone back to normal, but he seems a little distant, he still laughs and smiles and criticizes everyone like normal, but he doesn’t look me in the eyes like he use to, he said I didn’t do anything wrong, but I can’t help but feel like it is somehow, I’m also not sure if he’s getting enough sleep, I’ve tried hugging him several times- which he accepts, but he noticably gets awkward about… but I don’t know, this is obviously a way bigger problem than I’m capable of solving, so I’m going to give him some space to breathe and work out whatever is bothering him.
There’s also the big issue with his soul, I have a crazy theory of it somehow breaking because of a bad nightmare I had, I’m afraid of it breaking, it’s just so small and fragile looking, just thinking about it stresses me out, but Flowey has dismissed me and believes it’s strong enough. So I’ll believe him, still, I’m going to continue to keep my eye on him.
Dear diary.
I am in love.
Asriel is leaving to stay with Asgore for…I don’t know how long, but he’s leaving, he’s leaving me and it really hurt my heart, and I didn’t know why it hurt so bad until I finally figured it out, and I’m going to finally admit it to you, secret peepers be damned, you’re the only one I can tell, I’m in… love… with him. Asriel Flowey Dreemurr. My best friend.
I’ve had such a huge giant secret crush on him for such a long time, but I’ve also had big crushes on other people too, but it seemed that this one has been different, REALLY different, my heart beats fast and feels big and heavy every time I think about him, he's the prince of my dreams.
But I can’t ever confess to him, after how grossed out he was about me dating MK, I’m too scared to know his reaction, I know he’ll only reject me and I… really can’t deal with that, not again, it will hurt too much, worse than breaking up with MK, I know it will. My heart will shatter, I don't know how I'll be able to handle living with him after that.
Plus, there’s Asgore and Toriel. His birth parents…
There’s no way I can tell them or anyone else about my feelings, imagining the scenario just makes me feel way too awkward and uncomfortable, I don’t even have the nerve to write about it here, it’s too embarrassing.
Thankfully I’m a pro at keeping positive and looking at the brighter aspects of problems, let’s see, if I don’t tell him, we can continue to be best friends and hang out, which is great because I value his friendship so highly, it’s crazy how much I value it, you have no idea, I could write a whole essay how much I value it, and being best friends is so much easier than dating, at least I assume it is, there's no pressure to go on dates or smooching, we can just be best friends forever and ever and never once have to think about marriage, which is makes things even easier because monsters and humans can't even legally get married on the surface anyway (but they CAN get married underground though, Asgore and Toriel are cool like that.)
Ugh, can you tell that I’m grabbing at straws here? I mean, I may be a pro at positivity but, boy, is this a hard one for me, it doesn’t make it easier that he won’t be around, he hasn’t been gone all that long yet and I already miss him and his cute little handsome face so much, what do I do?
Please excuse my language, but Cupid is one mean bastard.
SIGH. At least I can still call and text him, right? I hope he isn’t too busy and I hope I don’t bother him from his training with Asgore, at least that’s what he SAYS is happening, I was suspicious that he just wanted to have time to himself…away from me, but he swears that he’s going to train his magic and I’m going to believe him, I really hope it works, I still really hate that he’s in pain from his soul.
Also, he’s started calling me ‘Frisky’, I think it’s a new nickname, we had a funny talk about it and he was so silly about it, I’m not sure how about the nickname yet, but whatever, I might let it grow on me because… it’s from him, we’ll see.
I’m going to have two pieces of the chocolate cake that Toriel made, I really need it right now, I really hope she doesn’t catch me crying.
Dear Diary, gonna go hang out with Mettaton and Muffet, did I forget to tell you that they became close best friends? Because they did, they make such a good team that I’m actually jealous, I want the type of chemistry that they have with Asriel.
Oh no, crap, I just made myself cry again, I miss him so much.
UPDATE! I feel so much better, we practiced dance choreography together, it’s exactly what I needed!
Hi diary.
I caught myself doing the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ practice on a flower today and then had to stop and apologized to it when I realized the irony, and also because I had picked a poor little flower and started ripping off it’s petals, what if some cruel person did that to Flowey?! I would square up so fast, and cry, I would be crying and fighting and puking, it would be horrible, I can’t deal with the idea of anyone hurting him.
Anyway. It’s been almost a month since he’s been gone, I don’t know what’s happening with his training but ughhhhdfgfdghhhhh, I miss him so much!! I talk to him on the phone every now and then, but I don’t want to distract him…it’s best to let him start the convo’s instead, right?
I’ve been listening to sad love songs to keep myself stable, but it’s been getting hard, I think I might start have to start writing… HEARTFELT ROMANTIC POETRY.
But not right now, I gotta go, Monster Kid is calling me.
What do I have to do?
What do I have to do for you to see me, darling?
I’m right here
Heart is banging loud like a drum
Like a drum over a speakerphone
I’m right here
Listen to it
Listen to the thrumming of my heartbeat
It’s all for you, darling.
Listen
Listen to the beat of my radio heart
Hello diary.
So, um, so, something veerrry interesting has happened, but I met a (HUMAN) boy at school! He’s one year older than me, his name is Forester, he’s tall, he has AMAZING beautiful golden blond hair (I could go on forever about his hair!) lovely sparkling green eyes and HE’S SO CUTE AND SWEET!
‘But Frisk, what about Asriel? Aren’t you in love with him???’ I hear you asking, and I SAY- yes, yes I still am, I will always love him and be in love with him.. . but clearly, things are never going to work between us, and I don’t think that should stop me for getting crushes on other people, I’m not tied to anyone! Not yet at least!
Now, as much as my heart burns and yearns for Asriel, I need to go back to talking about Forester, because, we’ve been talking lately, like, a lot lately, and I am feeling pretty good about it, and I think he has a crush on me too, I write this because earlier we were playing and joking around and then…out of nowhere, he HELD my LITTLE HAND WITH HIS SLIGHTLY BIGGER HAND! IT WAS WARM AND SOFT! AND MY HEART MELTED!
I talked to Monster Kid and Robin about it, and they agree that he might have a crush back!
The four of us are going to go hang out and go see a movie on Saturday, I think I might confess to him about my crush, but ONLY if the mood is right, we’ll see.
I will admit though, I do feel a bit conflicted, what do I do if I do date him and I still have feelings for Flowey? I already said I’d always love him… I’ve heard of polyamory, maybe I can still have feelings for both boys and it’ll be okay? I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I do know I still miss him badly, he’s still with Asgore, I haven’t visited him, I really don’t want to risk stopping his training, at least he’s in my dreams and we still talk and text over the phone, he really loves to complain about homework.
I wish I could give him the biggest warmest hug, I tell him all the time that I’m cheering him on and that I’m supporting him, but I’m getting hints that he’s getting depressed, I’m sure he’ll be okay, he has Asgore and Asgore will definitely help him out. I hope.
RING! RING! RING! Hello, Diary? This is Frisk calling! I HAVE HUGE NEWS!
Forester and I are officially dating! I’m so excited and happy, I admitted that I had a crush on him and he hugged me and told me he felt the same way! He told me that he thought I was really pretty and funny, and now we’re DATING!!!??? My VERY FIRST human romantic relationship! AHH! I can’t believe it, I had really given up on all hope on dating other humans, but Cupid has fooled me again!
We’re going on a date -alone- this Saturday, to the movies, again, but hey, I can’t help it if the theatre is a top tier date spot.
As for Azzie, yes, I still… I still have serious feelings for him, but I’ve decided to tuck them away for now, underneath my bed, along with my dumb poems, notes, drawings, songs about him, and in the toilet- yes I’m putting the worst ones in the toilet because I would burn them but I don’t want to risk burning the house down, I really hope I don’t clog the toilet.
But, Diary, I’m so tired of crying about it, and Forester deserves all my attention and can’t do that while also writing sad love notes for a handsome bad boy who’s never going to see any of it.
I really hate to say it, but I’m so relieved to have Forester now, he’s just what I needed to distract myself from Asriel, I’m not saying that’s all he is, he’s definitely much more than that to me, but it still makes me feel guilty.
But enough of that, I’m going back to being excited about my human boyfriend like I should be, I deserve to be happy, and so does he, and so does Flowey, and so does everyone else, I just want everyone to be happy, I don’t want any of us to cry anymore, unless it’s for happy reasons.
Bye for now, love you.
Dear diary, I'm back! I've been so busy!
But I should begin by telling you that I had my VERY FIRST LIP-ON-LIP KISS with Forester a few weeks ago! It was so magical, his lips were a little chapped, but it’s okay, I actually really liked the way it felt against my lips, ever since then we’ve been smooching, it’s pretty niceeeee! ;D
I thought I’d tell you, I’d also tell you that I think I’m getting sick, my throat hurts.
Anyway, I’ve got the start of a poem in my head, it goes-
Darling, darling, my green eyed darling
Look my way
Kiss me darling
Open your arms and kiss me
Show me what it means
Show me what it means
Show me what it means to
I can’t think of how to finish this, I’m too fatigued.
Update!! Went to Dr.Emy, she said I have mono!! The kissing disease! Poor Forester didn’t even know he was sick! I would write more, but I really want to go take a nap.
ANOTHER UPDATE! I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM ASRIEL! HE SAID ‘I LOVE YOU, TOO’!!!!
I know I shouldn’t freak out, we were saying goodbye and I said ‘I love you’ and then he said it back, I know he was just saying it out of reflex and didn’t mean anything by it, everyone does that, but I swear I felt my heart jump when he said it and now I CAN’T STOP thinking about it. Someone help me!!!
Sigh. I wonder if Forester would be sad or disappointed if he knew how much Asriel meant to me, it makes me feel guilty, but I can’t stop how I feel, I’m not sure if I want to stop feeling this way, loving Asriel feels too good, but it also really really hurts.
Oh great, now I’m crying, this diary already more than enough tears in it, what am I going to do? I’m both lovesick and regular sicksick.
I don’t know. I guess I’ll go back to bed like Toriel wants. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.
Another another update, it’s like ten PM and I just woke up to Mettaton texting me, he sent me a link to a show he just did, it’s…almost too relatable, does…he know about my secret feelings to Flowey??? I know he has a way of finding secrets but I’d be surprised if he knew my secret, still, I’m kind of nervous now.
For real this time, goodnight. Love you, Diary.
Dear Diary.
Toriel and I have gotten Flowey a pet for his upcoming lifeday gift! It’s a betta fish! (we’re going to let him name it) and it’s so pretty and colorful, and has the cutest little grumpy face, it reminds me so much of Flowey, I really hope he likes it, he’s never had any interest in getting a pet before, so I hope this isn’t a dud, but I guess if it is I’ll take the fish into my care instead, it’ll be fine.
I’m hoping that it’ll inspire him to come back home soon.
I would write more, but the Queen of the House is calling for me, so bye for now!
Chapter Text
(Takes place between chapter 16 and chapter 17)
Inspiration Song: Weak by AJR
"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed
But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come
One sip, bad for me, one hit, bad for me, one kiss, bad for me
But I give in so easily and no thank you is how it should've gone
I should stay strong
But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that
I'm weak
No thank you
They call me after dark, I don't want no part
My habits, they hold me like a grudge
I promise I won't budge
We, we fall for that, wake up, we fall again
We, we fall for that, can't wait to fall again
One sip, bad for me, one hit, bad for me, one kiss, bad for me
But I give in so easily
And no thank you is how it should've gone
I should stay strong
But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
DEAR DIARY!
HE’S BACK! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ASRIEL IS BACK!
He hates my new babysitting service (did I forget to tell you about that?) BUT HE’S BACK!
Best part, is that he managed to partially fix his soul, he says ‘it’s not perfect but he would still brag about it’, which, I guess is better than nothing, I’m still upset because he’s still in pain, but he was so much happier and proud of himself, I really loved seeing him like that, I love seeing him in general.
Also, he loved his surprise betta fish, we’ve decided to name him Orange Juice, but his true name is Andromeda, they’re a perfect pair, grumpy Asriel and his grumpy little pet fish.
I also had the courage to tell him about Forester, he had a really weird reaction, maybe it’s because I made the mistake of talking all romantic about Forester, and for a moment I thought Flowey was being protective, but then he did this thing that he used to do when we were kids and tried to make Forester out to be a bad guy, but I was quick to put a stop to that, it made me so mad… and then…
He said I was right, and apologized, it turns out that he cares but I was grossing him out. I would laugh if it didn’t make me so sad.
Anyway, he has new impressive powers now, he can super grow plants, it’s so amazing, he also grew a little taller too, he’s now two feet and two inches, which… isn’t much, but he deserves it, he deserves all these good things that have been happening to him, especially after hurting for so long.
We had dinner with most of the vegetables that he grew, they actually tasted really good! But I feel a little bad for him now because I know Toriel and Asgore are going to want his help all the time in their gardens and I think he knows it too.
I have a lot of feelings about all of this, but I think…I want to introduce my boys to each other? Some might say that it’s a bad idea, but I guess I really have no choice anyway, especially since Forester and I are getting closer, he’s been coming over and now there will be no avoiding Asriel, so, I might as well try to think of a way for them to properly meet.
Also, I think something really bad happened to Azzie when he was at dad’s house, apparently a bad guy was destroying Asgore’s mailbox and Azzie tried to stop him, Asgore thinks that the guy hurt Azzie, but Asriel swears up and down that nothing happened.
I guess I have no choice but to believe him, I have a bad feeling that he’s lying though.
Which, I guess it’s fair, I’ve kept secrets from him too because I didn’t want him to worry, so I understand, I just hope he isn’t suffering in silence.
Goodbye for now, love ya.
Oh my gosh, diary, I have to tell you something huge!
I had a horrible nightmare last night, I don’t even want to write about it, but it was so bad that I took Flowey from his room to my room because…well, he had been in the nightmare, and it made me feel better to see him, alive, and not dead.
I accidentally woke him and we talked about it and then… he held out a vine and let me hold it! And then he held my hand back, and I held it close-!
Then, we stayed just like that, and just…breathed together, it sounds boring on paper, but it felt magical.
It meant so much to me, I’m crying again just thinking about it again, it’s the most beautiful sentiment that he’s ever done for me, I never expected him to do anything like it, but it’s exactly what I needed after him being gone for so long.
Also, we talked, and we agreed that when it starts to get warm again that us and the entire gang are going to go on a camping trip! I can’t wait, I know it’s going to be so much fun, maybe we can even bring Forester!
Also, also, he’s going to be turning 15 soon, I’m so excited to party with him, I really hope he enjoys the cake we have planned out for him. It’s going to be a three-tier dark chocolate cake and edible confetti is going to blow out from the top, it was mainly Papyrus’s idea and I highly approve, what a genius.
Also, also, also, I’ve got a big school project coming soon, don’t let me forget.
Dear diary.
I had a weird realization earlier, but, Asriel reminds me of Forester.
WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS STRANGE, I know, their personalities couldn’t be more different, but there’s just something about them just makes the wheels in my brain tick when I compare them, I don’t know.
OH NO, DIARY, I just made the mistake of talking to Flowey about it and he was so shocked that he hardly knew what to say, so I told him ‘nevermind’ but then he wouldn’t let go and called me crazy, which I guess it’s fair, it does kind of seem like a weird thing to say.
Okay, wait, I’ve figured it out but it’s going to sound so messed up, but I think Forester is basically what Asriel would look like if he was a human!
Pretty blonde hair = Pretty golden petals
green eyes = green stem
pale skin = pale skin
tall boy = tall boy energy
Oof, it’s no wonder I’m attracted to Forester’s good looks.
As weird as I feel about this new realization, I’m NOT going to let it affect or complicate anything, Forester is still his own person and I still love him as he is, I think this just means I have a type and that I’m DEFINITELY not telling either boy about my findings.
Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, I need to get ready for a big fancy party, Papyrus is going to give an important speech and it is my duty as his protégé to be there! Forester is going as my plus one (date!) I can’t wait to see him all dressed up! I’m so excited!
I’M BACK AND I HAVE SOME BIG NEWS!
ALPHYS BUILT A ROBOT BODY FOR ASRIEL AND HE HAS A BODY NOW AND HE IS SO CUTE AND SO HOT! I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED FOR HIM! There’s so much he can do now!
But I made the mistake of forgetting to tell him because I was oggling so hard, like a moron, and things took a turn for the worse because he caught me STARING and then later we got into this big dumb fight and UGH!!! It drives me insane how insecure and hard he is on himself, I also wish he wasn’t so good at paying attention and micro-analyzing everything, I can’t get away with anything around him.
But I did tell him, but it made me feel bad because I couldn’t be completely honest with him, just the half-truths, at least I’ve become decent at coming up with stuff on the fly.
I also told him that I thought the robot looked silly, which I did for a second, but I’m not sure if I feel that way anymore.
Anyways, we worked it out, he apologized and I called him a big cactusass and it made Forester laugh and THEN HE SAID that WE remind him of his ‘GRUMPY GRANDMA’ and her ‘CRAZY BOYFRIEND’????!!
Oh my gosh, I’m really not if sure I liked that, if Flowey and I remind Forester of people who are DATING then what does that mean for me? Are my feelings that obvious? Or does it mean Flowey and I are just that close?
But then Forester looked at Flowey and was all like ‘did you call them Frisky?’ and poor Flowey looked so embarrassed, so I backed my buddy up and got things settled.
Still, Flowey has been acting strange, but I think he’s just disgusted by the romance and is having a hard time trying to stay polite, but I swear, one day I’m going to solve him, he’s my favorite frustrating puzzle.
At least Forester likes Flowey, he says he thinks he’s really funny, and he’s right, Flowey is hilarious without even trying.
It’s been a while diary!
I’ve been so busy with my babysitting service, school, homework, going on dates with Forester, Ambassador studying, and talking with all my friends that I’ve been forgetting to write in you! I’m sorry I left you alone for so long!
I thought I should write something this evening, I’ve been having a lot of complicated feelings, Asriel recently got a guitar and oh mamma mia, I never thought he could get any cooler, but somehow HE IS, he’s been practicing a lot- I know because his bedroom is right next to mine, he’s getting pretty good, sometimes I stop listening to my music and listen to him instead. He won’t let anyone watch though, he’s shy like that.
I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had a lot of time to talk to him, I’m not sure when I’ll stop being busy, but I think it’s probably for the best? Maybe with all this time spent apart I’ll slowly fall out of love with him and I can finally date Forester without feeling guilty.
But with his music being so pretty, it only makes me think about him more, so I’ve been writing more love notes and poetry and then getting rid of the evidence, I heard that it can be a good way to vent your feelings, it helps a little but it only makes me sad later on because I keep remembering that it’s never going to work out, it really hurts, sometimes I wish I was soulless so I don’t have to feel this way.
But I don’t really mean that. I learned a long time ago from Flowey how important it is to have a soul.
Perhaps what I really meant is that I wish I was aromantic, yeah, that’s what I meant. Being aromantic would make things so much easier because I am SUFFERING.
Anyways, here’s some good news, I’m not really getting as bullied as I used to, and I’ve been told that Davie won’t be in any of my classes next year, which I’m actually really excited about, a day without seeing Davie at school is always a good day.
Dear diary.
Forester is moving away and he’s going to be transferred to a different school.
I am devastated, I can’t stop crying, I won’t get to see him as much as I do now, no dates, no nothing.
I know I’m making it sound like we’ve broken up, but we haven’t, it’s going to be a long distance relationship now.
He’s upset about it too, there’s nothing he can do about it, he wrote me a love letter that says how much he’s going to miss me, I’m writing one too.
I can hear Flowey playing music from his room, it’s so pretty but I wish he would stop, but I don’t think I have the nerve to tell him, so I’m just going to put my earbuds in and drown him out with my own music and hide in my bed, I can’t handle any of this right now.
Bye for now.
Dear diary.
It’s official, Forester has moved away, I’m already missing our dates, at least I have everything else distracting me, it’s still really hurts though.
I forgot to mention, but ever since the basketball incident a couple of years ago, Asriel has been going to therapy, I think it’s helped him a ton, I think it’s part of what got him into playing the guitar, I go to therapy too- but just with the school counselor, she’s helped a bunch and I’m grateful for her help, but she has no idea about my feelings about Asriel, I save all of that intensity for you, Diary, I hope that makes you feel special.
Both Toriel and Asgore have talked to me about getting a therapist like his a few times, but I think I’m okay? Besides, I also confide in the older monsters, Undyne always has great advice, and Alphys is always perfect when I want to talk about emotional things, and Asgore and Toriel are BEASTS at making me feel better when I’m sad.
Anyway, I gotta go, I gotta get ready, Robin and Monster Kid are inviting me out to hang out with them, I think they’re just trying to distract me from feeling bad, which… is actually a pretty good idea.
Dear Diary.
HE’S PLAYING LULLABIES AND SINGING, I’M GOING TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP, IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL.
Dear DIARY.
I got puked on five times by the same two babies today, I want to bleach my skin off. Undyne laughed at me and told me I should start charging more. At least Papyrus is coming over to help me tomorrow, that should be a lot of fun, and when these babies get older, they get to say they were babsat by the Great and Fabulous Ambassadors Papyrus and Frisk!
But I also got good news, I’ve also finally got a handle on Percy, he used to throw rocks and was super hyper, now he’s sweet and shows me frogs he’s found.
DEARY DIARY.
I AM SO SICK OF CHANGING DIAPERS. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. SOMEBODY FREE ME. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT. I WANT TO QUIT.
Okay, I’m done, I just had to get that out of my system.
Dear Diary…
Asriel has finally found My Chemical Romance, and has been playing and singing the song ‘I’m Not Okay’ for three hours straight. Toriel has checked on him twice and he SAYS he’s okay, but that seems kind of conflicting considering the lyrics.
Oh wait a second, now he’s starting a new song. . . it’s ‘Dead’ by…you guessed it, MCR, I know it, and I don’t think Toriel is going to like it, I’ll keep you posted.
Update! Toriel definitely does not like the song! They’re now having an argument. I’m listening to all this from my room btw.
Honestly, if he goes goth or emo, I wouldn’t mind, I think it would suit him and I would support it, I’d buy him spike bracelets to match with his angry red thorns! I’m not sure if black eyeliner would be healthy for his plant skin though, I think he’d make it work either way.
I’ve considered going goth or emo, but I don’t know, both Robin and MK says it wouldn’t suit me.
Okay, I think the argument is done, I think she’s left his room-
OH NO, HE’S PLAYING THE SONG ‘MAMA’ NOW! ASRIEL NOOOO! !!!
They are now back to arguing and I’m definitely staying out of it.
Update! I think he just narrowly escaped from being grounded, and has promised to not play MCR or anything else like it when she’s home.
I’ll admit, I wish I could get him to play like that for me, I want to see him go ham on that guitar of his, I can tell that he has a lot of emotions stirred up.
I also wish I could sing my emotions like that in front of him, I really miss hanging out with him, or talking actually, we haven’t really sat and just ‘talked’ in months, it makes me really sad.
Anyways, see ya later. Love you.
Dear Diary…
So, a lot has happened today, I don’t know who heard my prayer, but Asriel and I finally got to spend time together today! Well, now that I think about it, I guess it was Toriel who realized that we had gotten too distant because she gathered Flowey and me up and took us out to a diner and then an errand trip, it was surprisingly fun in a mundane kind of way.
It made me realize just how much I missed him, he changed a little while I wasn’t looking, he’s gotten a little more mature and I both respect it and find it very charming.
But he finally admitted to me that something happened to him when he was trying to stop that awful man (Mr. Otto) from destroying Asgore’s mailbox, apparently, Mr.Otto HIT HIM in the FACE with his SHOE!!! I’m getting upset and angry just thinking about it again! Grrr! I wish I could have been there to stop it!
But the annoying part is that he made me promise not to tell anyone, can you believe that? Fortunately, I made him promise to tell the authorities if that jerk ever hurt him again.
We even pinky promised on it, and I made him use his vine instead of the robot hands (yes, it was an excuse to touch him, don’t look at me like that) and he did this really cute thing where he kept twirling his vine around my pinky- I think he was lost in his thoughts???
After that it was like we were never apart in the first place, it was really nice.
Anyway, some important news, there’s a big party tonight and Forester is going to be there! I’m currently gathering up the courage to ask Toriel if she’ll take me, cross your paper fingers!
Update. She says she doesn’t want me to go to the party >:C
Unfortunately for her, I’m too full of Determination to listen to her, I AM going to that party! This is my only chance to see Forester! Besides it’s not too far, I can just ride on my bike and I’ll be there in no time!
Now here’s the difficult part, the best window to use to sneak out is through Flowey’s window, and I’d like him to help me out if Toriel gets suspicious, I’m not sure what he’s going to say but I’m going to do this regardless, still, I would really help a lot if he did this favor. I owe him so much if he does!
Here goes nothing!
Update.
My plan worked, Flowey graciously helped me out and I managed to get to the party and I saw Forester.
And then Forester broke up with me, it turns out that he was having a worse time handling the distance than I was.
So, I did the only thing I could do and I left and cried all the way back home, and Flowey was so sweet and understanding, he even got mad at Forester for breaking up with me- or at least he was mad at him for making me cry, Asriel keeps surprising me over and over again, I almost confessed my real feelings for him, but I just wasn’t ready and too scared, but we talked things out and I’m feeling a little better.
Well, I don’t think I’ll be okay for a little while, my heart is broken, I really loved Forester… but, at least I’ll always have Asriel.
Anyway, I’m going to go blast sad songs into my ears now, goodnight Diary.
A VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!
I just went into Asriel’s room to grab my boots that I forgot, he was asleep so I was trying to be quiet and then, out of nowhere, he said ‘I love you’ and he said it in the sweetest voice!
I swear my heart nearly jumped out of me! And then I took a peek and realized he was only talking in his sleep (he always has) but THEN he woke up and SAW me, it was almost actually embarrassing.
I apologized and explained myself and he told me I was weird, and he’s right, I’m the biggest weirdo who is going to be riding this high for weeks.
Anyway, I can’t talk for long, I gotta go to school, see you later!
Dear Diary.
I am excited- NO I AM ELATED to announce that I am closing down my babysitter services! Hooray, no more stinky diapers or baby puke! But I’m pretty sure no one is happier than Asriel is right now, he’s never liked kids or babies.
I’ve got some free time back and we’ve been hanging out more, it’s been really nice, we are so back!
Oh! Can’t write anymore now, Flowey’s knocking on my door, bye!
Notes:
I will admit, I hadn't truly cared about sharing this story until I started writing the MCR part, something about a teen Flowey loudly playing and singing angsty songs gets to me.
Chapter 6: Cupid Is A-
Chapter Text
(Takes place between Chapter 18 and Chapter 28)
Inspiration Song: Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations
Why do you build me up Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down and mess me around
And then worst of all, you never call, baby
When you say you will, but I love you still
I need you, more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up Buttercup, don't break my heart
To you I'm a toy, but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so
Dear Diary!
Asriel asked me out on a date!
A BEST FRIEND DATE, syke! Bet you thought I meant a romantic date, nah, Azzie doesn’t do romance, but at least I can pretend that it’s a real date, right? riGHT!
We’re going to the fair and then take a walk by the river, I know it’s just going to be magical.
Poor MK wanted to come along with us, but to be honest, I really just want it to be just Flowey and me (so I can continue pretending!) but I guess it’ll be cool if we end up seeing MK anyway.
Oh wait a second, I’ll get back to you, Asriel is texting me, he’s got something he wants to show me.
UPDATE!
He wanted me to hear him play on the guitar! He hummed instead of sang, but it was so good and I was impressed, I clapped and everything, I’m so proud of him.
He didn’t tell me the name of the song, so I think he might have made it himself? I wish he wasn’t so closed off, I’d love to start a band with him… or maybe not, I’ve dealt with the drama of band life a long time ago and nothing can prepare you for that lifestyle.
Dear Diary.
I don’t really know where to begin, I’m so confused and lost, but also…really happy and really sad.
So, we…went to the fair and it was better than I thought it was going to be, I had so much fun, so much happened, I even got Asriel to DANCE with me in PUBLIC! It was practically magic.
And then, we left the fair, and I realized that not only were we holding hands, but he had not let go of my hand for a few minutes, and I then I started finally thinking…about all his little moments and how he’s been so sweet.
It’s funny how a single question can change everything.
Because, I dared myself to ask him ‘we’re on a date, aren’t we?’ I didn’t know what he would say, but I could swear I could see something and I wanted badly to be right.
And I was right, but more than I could have ever imagined.
It turns out, that he’s been in love with me too and has been ever since the wedding…at least I think that’s the case, he never confirmed or denied, but it’s the only thing that adds up to me.
But then he started crying! And I realized he was scared, he was so scared, and I think he’d been scared for a really long time.
And I realized, that being in love has been HURTING him! And that he believes that us dating would never work, it was devastating to hear him say all those things, and it’s still devastating now to even think about.
But I was so Determined to fix things, I wanted so badly to tell him that it was okay and get him to talk to me, but the more I tried, the more he kept distancing himself, literally, he kept backing away.
He was scared and didn’t want to hurt anymore and I just couldn’t see it.
And then I tried too hard and the next thing I knew he was falling over a short cliff and into the river, it was so scary, it’s been so long since I had been that afraid.
I went after him and managed to pull him out, but at that point he had lost his robot body and apparently, I lost my shoe- but that was nothing in comparison to what he lost.
Then suddenly, he said he wanted me to put him down and I got so scared, I legitimately thought he would run away from me forever, and I couldn’t, I can’t imagine living my life without him, I think it’s a real fear for me.
Thankfully I managed to convince him to hide in my bookbag where he would be safe, but I can’t imagine how embarrassed and horrible he felt, but hopefully it was cozy??
Our bad luck only continued when I found out that somebody had STOLEN my bike! And not only that, I had also forgotten my cell phone at home and Asriel’s cell phone had been in his robot body when it was washed away, we had no way of getting a ride home, I was so angry and ready to psyche myself up to walk home until Asriel spoke up and reminded me that we can ask someone for a ride.
He even gave me one of our prize toys to cuddle with to make me feel better, I don’t think he even realizes how sweet he is sometimes.
We managed to get a ride home thanks to Sans.
But Asriel was right, us dating would……….. never work, especially when it hurts him to love, and I don’t want to hurt him.
I realize that I never got a chance to tell him my feelings, but I’m not sure I see the point after everything that happened.
I also feel guilty because…I’m..happy and still really shocked that he’s been in love with me this entire time, I think that guitar song that he played for me meant more than I thought it did, and oh my goodness…
He was jealous of Forester, wasn’t he? That explains so much now that I think about it, maybe he was jealous of Monster Kid too, it would make sense.
I’ve been hurting him all this time and had no idea.
It’s no wonder he didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted to stop hurting and make his feelings go away, I can fully understand that, I've felt that.
It doesn’t matter, he’s gone to stay with Asgore for a while, I don’t know for how long, but I think at this point he deserves his space to himself, away from me, where I can’t hurt him anymore.
Anyways, I have to go, I’m helping the gang find Asriel’s robot. When I get home I’m crying more.
Bye.
Dear diary.
Why does dessert always taste better after a long crying session?
Dear Diary.
Pretending that nothing happened is hard, I can’t tell anyone, they all think Asriel and I had a fight, I don’t know what to do, and I still don’t know when he’s going to want to see me again, but I just had to write that I miss him so much and I hope he’s okay.
What makes it worse is that Monster Kid has been hard to talk to recently, I don’t know why, hopefully they aren’t having problems with Robin.
I just remembered the kiss on the forehead that I gave him a few months before the wedding, did he love me then too? I don’t know, I don’t know anything at all, I only know is that I regret and don’t regret it at the same time.
I’ll say it again, Cupid is a bastard.
Dear Diary.
It’s felt like forever since I wrote in you, but it felt important to say that Asriel came back yesterday! We took one look at each other and it was like nothing even happened, he complimented my new hat and called me an idiot and suddenly things were back to normal.
I’m so happy to have him back, we haven’t had a lot of time yet to really spend much time together, I’ve been busy with school and stuff, but I’ve made sure not treat him any different than before, we’re still best friends, right?
I know I should talk to him about what happened, but I don’t really want to, I don’t want to risk hurting him again, and I think the both of us just want to forget it and be normal again.
Anyways, I’ve been running behind on homework and I gotta get to it, bye for now.
Dear Diary!
I’m going to conduct a risky test!
After talking to Asriel, I realized that falling out of love with someone can be hard, and I don’t want him to be in pain over me anymore, so I’m going to make him hate me instead! Any thing I can do to make him fall out of love.
I know I’m risking our friendship if I do this, but I think it’ll be worth it!
Here goes something.
Update! I attempted to annoy him at brunch, but it was surprisingly hard, he just thought I was being weird and even smiled and laughed, I’m going to have try a different route.
Update! I insulted and called him names during a video game duel, I think I just confused him instead, so I brought out the big guns and called him a……. ‘penis flytrap’
He screamed at me SO LOUD, I had to get out of there, I’m not sure if I insulted him or not, but wow I nearly forgot how loud he can get, Azzie has some serious pipes on him, I also made the mistake of apologizing, I couldn’t help it, it was really funny and I’m not used to giving insults, but I’m not sure if he hates me or what.
What else can I do? OH! I GOT IT! His favorite cookies! Wish me and my tummy good luck, Diary, I’m about to go chow down, I know that’ll really get on his nerves!
Update! I have eaten all of Asriel’s favorite cookies, I am so full, but this is going to be so worth it, now to go rub it in his face!
Update! I don’t think it worked, especially how pathetic I looked lying on the couch, I really tried though, but he only taunted me with my own favorite cookies, peanut butter, I kept as strong as I could but he just kept smiling and chuckling.
I’ve done nothing but confuse and make him laugh today, it’s clear he still likes me, and I want to be happy about it, but now I don’t know what else to do, he’s still going to be in pain and I’m still going to feel guilty.
Update! It’s nighttime now and I’m still Determined to give this test a chance, I’m going to text insults at him!
Update! I can’t do it and I give up, I just don’t have what it takes to be mean, especially to him, I’ll keep thinking about it, we have our camping trip tomorrow, maybe I can figure something better out then.
Dear Diary.
You don’t know this, but this will be the second time I’ve had to write on this exact page, it’s a very long story, but let me begin with the most important part.
ASRIEL AND I ARE DATING!!!!!!AHH!!!!
All it took was me confessing to him like I should have in the first place, because once he realized that I had feelings for him back, he was overjoyed, it turns out that he wholeheartedly BELIEVED that I would never be ‘crazy’ enough to fall in love with him, and I still think he’s crazy for even thinking that.
I was so nervous the whole day before I confessed, but telling the honest truth suddenly seemed so clear to me, besides, I realized it wasn’t fair for him to be the only one putting himself out there, so I put myself out there too, I was so scared of hurting him (I’m still scared) but I felt it was worth the risk.
I’m still so happy and relieved that I did it.
Okay, now for the next part, awhile after our camping trip, Flowey and I had an uncomfortable argument (new couple jitters, don’t worry!) so I went out to get some air and I greeted a new little catgirl monster named Garbine, she moved into our neighborhood a week ago, we hit things off pretty fast, we played around and I found out she didn’t know how to fight or use her magic, so I decided to teach her the basics- the next thing I know, she’s accidentally killing me! Literally! She was so powerful and strong that she killed me! It really hurt a lot, but it’s okay, I know she didn’t mean it.
I of course Reloaded and was sent back to my last Save point, which of course…was right after Flowey and I decided to date, by the beautiful pond and starry skies, it made come back from dying again a lot easier for me.
Unfortunately, this time we both made the mistake of sleeping right there in front of the pond.
I mean, it was a nice idea on paper, it was peaceful and the view was beautiful, but the mistake is that we slept out there without a TENT, and poor Asriel got covered in aphids! He got really sick and even fainted, it was terrifying, and for a second I thought he had died and I was so ready to reload again, but thankfully he woke up…kind of, he was barely coherent, and we rushed him home to properly wash the aphids away.
I still feel so guilty that I didn’t see the aphids earlier, I also feel guilty for falling asleep at the pond- because poor Asriel didn’t want to wake me and because of that he feels like it’s his fault too. :’C
I stayed with him while he slept in the backyard and we had a good talk when he woke up.
But then he told me, that right before I reloaded, that Toriel FOUND OUT about us, I can’t imagine how scary and embarrassing that was for him.
Oh wait, I almost forgot, you don’t know about that, well, after we agreed that we were going to date, we also agreed that we were going to keep our romantic relationship a big secret, we don’t want anyone to bother us or stop us from loving each other, it’s completely private! Which also means I’m going to find an even MORE secret spot for you, Diary, you hold too much sensitive information.
Before the reset, I had originally written down that I was so excited and I had a lot of new relationship jitters and so did Asriel, but after everything that just happened…well I’m still really excited and nervous, but it’s not as bad as before.
I can tell it’s getting easier for him too, he’s comfortable enough to even flirt back! AND I’M THE ONE HE’S FLIRTING WITH! It’s the best! I’m so happy! I don’t even care that he’s not ready to kiss yet, we could hold hands, hug, and flirt for the rest of our lives and that would be more than enough for me, as long as he’s around in my life, I’m set, I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather spend my life with.
Anyways, I guess I should get ready for bed, goodnight! Love you!
Update.
The scariest thing just happened, I woke up to the sound of Asriel screaming in his bedroom, and found Toriel trying to comfort him, but he was asleep and having a nightmare that he just couldn’t seem to wake up from.
I tried helping her, but the next thing we knew he started screaming and crying louder and started attacking! There were vines and spikes everywhere! It was scary and insane, we had to hold onto him tighter so he wouldn’t do any real serious damage.
Thankfully he woke up and we managed to calm him down, I held him for a while and then we had warm milk together.
I’m back in my room now, I can’t get the sound of his screams out of my head, it was so frightening, what had his nightmare been about? He says he didn’t remember what it was about, but I wonder if he was lying.
I can’t sleep. I want to text him and ask him if he’s okay but I don’t want to risk waking him up.
Update.
Good morning! So, it turns out that maybe I should have texted him last night after all, because around 2AM he called me on the phone while he was having a pretty bad panic attack and I helped him the best I could.
He hugged me so hard, I can practically still his vines around me.
After he calmed down, we talked a lot about a bunch of very important things, the whole thing put so much in perspective for me, and I realized that he loves me more than I thought, I’m certain he loves me as much as I love him.
Diary, he even brought up the topic of soul mates, he believes we’re soul mates and I believe it too.
At least we want to believe, we’re still not sure if that’s a real concept, but I guess it doesn’t matter at this point.
Oh, before I forget, I should also tell you that we have plans to meet Garbine together and train her, Flowey was kind of resistant to the idea at first, but I think it’s the best plan, as far as I know, no one else has the same Power to time travel like I can, so if I die, it’ll be okay, I can just come back, it’s simple!
But first, Azzie and I need to take the time to train ourselves, my dodging has gotten really rusty and he’s never fought as a team before (and neither have I!) I have a very good feeling that it’s going to be a ton of fun, and hard, very hard.
Anyways, I would write more but I gotta get ready, I’m gonna go hang out with Mettaton and there’s a very cool Faux Leather Motorcycle Power Shoulder Jacket that I need to buy that I didn’t last time and I KNOW without a doubt that I’ll look amazing in it, I even told Asriel about it and he agrees that I should get it! So that double confirms it, I’m getting a super sexy Jacket and NOBODY is going to stop me!
Update!
I’m back and I’ve got my Jacket and it’s perfect! (And so was that Thai boba tea! MMMM! It’s still good a second time around! Note to future Frisk, remember to get it again if you ever go back!) And you know what? I’ve decided that I’m gonna wear my jacket on Azzie’s and my official first date, I’m not sure when that’s going to be, I may not get to look as fancy as I want due to the Secret, but I still intend to look good.
I also forgot to tell you, but I’m going on a little ambassador trip with Papyrus later this week, it was a ton of fun before, it should be a ton of fun in this timeline too, I’ll be leaving you at home as per usual, I don’t need you getting lost or found by Papyrus. I trust him to not read my Diary, and he doesn’t seem like the type to read someone’s private information, but I don’t want to chance it!
Anyway, Flowey and I will officially begin getting ready to train together to train Garbine, she’s a sweetheart, I really hope they get along, Floweys never really liked being around younger kids, he prefers scaring them off than anything else, so I really hope he isn’t mean to her, if he truly loves me, he’ll know to be nice.
Hi Diary.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping, especially tonight, I’m feeling guilty again, like, really really guilty, I’ve been thinking about the Reset, what if it’s my fault that Asriel had that horrible nightmare/panic attack combo? What if it’s the reason for bringing back all those bad memories from his past?
I know I had no choice, things would have only been worse if I chose to stay dead (and I really don’t want to be permanently dead, not yet anyway :C )
I had no idea what would happen, but I SHOULD have been tougher and faster when I was dodging Garbine, how did I get so bad at it? I remember being so great at dodging attacks when I was a kid. I’m hoping I can figure out what I did wrong when I train with Flowey.
Speaking of training with him, I hope he’ll be okay with it, I know he feels really guilty about hurting me when we were kids, either way, I’ll be ready with my hugs!!
Hey diary!
Just got out of a long shower that I had to take after Asriel and I had our long sweaty TRAINING SESSION! It was so much fun! I’m not sure how I forgot, but Asriel is freaking powerful! He literally dangled me in the air- upside down! Toriel caught us and was strangely really upset about it, but now that I'm thinking about it again, I remember, it's not strange, she’s a mom who’s lost kids before.
But, after we told her the truth that we were training, she automatically calmed down…and then I saw Sans in this awesome suit, he was holding a stack of cards, I’m not sure but I think they were about to play a game of poker? I haven’t seen her or Sans yet again. I think those two have their own secrets that they’re hiding from Flowey and me, and because I believe in the power of irony, I won’t dare pry or ask or search for secrets… no matter how curious I am.
And of course, Flowey also accidentally hurt me with a couple of stray pellets- but I was fast and didn’t give him a chance to get anxious! Other than that, he was really sweet and actually pretty gentle.
We also came to a few realizations and now I’m feeling so much better about training Garbine, and I think Asriel is too.
Anyways, I gotta go, we’re going to watch a few movies that center around teamwork, one is a comedy, another is a comedy romance, and another is a comedy horror, we will be taking notes!
Dear Diary!
Just got back home from the ambassador trip! Had a blast (again!) Flowey gave me a very nice hug, and I don’t know if it was my imagination, but I could have sworn he was going to kiss me, he leaned in like he was, but nah, it’s not the first time this has happened, but it’s okay, I really don’t want him to force it until he’s 100% ready, until then, I’m giving him sweet lil cheek kisses, despite the soul pain, he really seems to like it, and I like it too!
I talked to Papyrus about how he felt about dating…(like, as a concept, I wasn’t trying to ask him out or anything, been there, done that, wrote the book and made T-shirts) I also asked him if he had any crushes, he says he really likes Mettaton, ooooh! But the both of them are so equally busy, so he's isn't sure dating would work, but then he said it was okay and for me to not worry about him, he’s not really interested in dating right now... I can’t personally relate, not anyyymorre! (LOL) But I think I can understand.
I actually talked to Papyrus about a lot of things this time that I didn’t in the erased timeline, he couldn’t give me any dating advice, but he did have a megaton of important friendship advice, it was really helpful, I learned some very valuable stuff, I plan to talk to Azzie about it.
Anyway, I gotta go, Asgore has come over and tonight we're having a rare two-parent dinner, my favorite!
Dear diary!
Flowey and I are about to leave for Garbine’s house for the big training, wish us luck!
Big update!
Everything went great! Gargine nearly killed us, but we survived and Asriel got along better with Garbine than I thought he would! For a guy who complains about how he hates humans and how babies and kids are ‘so annoying and gross’, he seems very prone to making exceptions! ;p It makes me hopeful.
I talked to Garbine’s parents, they seemed like very busy monsters, but I’m glad that I convinced them to let Garbine train with Asgore, I just know they’re going to have fun together.
I should also the very awesome pasta party that we had too, it was Garbine’s big celebratory gift for doing so well, and you know what? I may be 15 years old, but I think I might start going to her house just to hang out, she’s a pretty cool kid.
Today has been so great, I feel so accomplished, I’m not sure it could get any better.
BIGGER UPDATE!! THINGS GOT WAY BETTER!
WE FINALLY KISSED!!!
ASRIEL PLAYED HIS GUITAR AND SANG A SONG THAT HE WROTE FOR ME, AND THEN WE KISSED! For real! On the lips! It was amazing, magical, and electric! It was better than I thought it was going to be!
I’ll write more soon, I just needed to write that down before I Saved, I’m kind of in a hurry, Alphys is bringing Asriel a huge surprise! He’s going to love it!
And I’m back!
I was right! He really loved his gift! It was a brand new potbot and best of all... it’s hug-shaped! And Alphys was lucky because she got to hug it first! It was such a sweet sight, she’s done so much for him and I’m still glad that they get along, I do NOT miss the days when he used to hate her guts.
Now about that kiss, it was amazing, it was like poetry how it happened, I was feeling emotional from the song, and things were feeling right so I went to give him a cheek kiss, but then- he moved his head and it finally happened! I’ll never admit it out loud, but it was much nicer than my first kiss with Forester, Asriel’s lips are thin but insanely soft, and his movements were so tender, he also had pasta breath! Which surprisingly isn’t as bad as one would think.
We were so happy that we had a giggle fit together and he was so goofy and affectionate, it’s so rare to get to see him like that and the best part was that I was responsible for it!
And
And I’m even more responsible for his soul’s pain, aren’t I? Love literally hurts him.
But I’m also the one he chose, right? He chose to date me even when he knew it was going to hurt him, he’s the one who chose to kiss me on the lips, he’s doing all these things because he’s in love, even if it hurts.
And now I’m crying in my diary, again.
It’s so conflicting, he’s so strong and stubborn, and there’s nothing I can do to stop his pain, and there’s nothing I can do to stop myself from loving him, and if I did stop, it would hurt him more than anything.
Toriel just came to check on me, she heard me crying, of course I couldn’t tell her the whole truth, but I did tell her that I was upset about Flowey’s pain, she gave one of her warmest mommy hugs and it made me feel better, she also told me that she often felt upset about his pain too, and so did Asgore, but it’s just one of those things that we can’t control, we can only continue showing him love, because the most important thing is his happiness, and that we can’t let guilt get to us.
She’s right, but I still can’t help it. Knowing that he’s hurting like this hurts me too. Sometimes I wish I could just pull my soul out and detach myself from my feelings, maybe I could keep it in a fancy little golden cage? Throw a blanket over it so I don’t have to look at it and just be free from it for a few hours.
Don’t worry, I’m not actually going to do that, after seeing how much Asriel values his soul and his emotions, I’m not going to do anything to mine.
But, sometimes the worst emotions are so overwhelming and hard, so much so I feel like exploding, or imploding, or dying, does everyone feel like this or is it just me? Or heck, is this a teenager thing??? I hope it’s a teenager thing because that would mean it’s temporary.
I would tell Asriel about the guilt and all the other bad feelings, but he’s already got 99 problems, and a Frisk ain’t gonna be one of them!
I don’t want to do it, but perhaps it’s time that I go to a proper therapist.
PS…when I started this page, I wanted to say something about Cupid not being such a bastard after all, but I have changed my mind, the little stinker knew what he was doing when he shot us with those arrows, I can’t decide if I want to shake his hand and thank him or take his job.
You know what? I’m gonna take his job, I’m officially Cupid now because I know I can do it ten times better! KISS MY CUTE BUTT AND PREPARE TO FALL DEEP DOWN INTO LOVE!!!!!
Anyway, I love you diary, I’ll talk to you later.
Chapter 7: Thank Anteros
Notes:
So, heads up, our Frisk is growing up (fifteen years old) and is very comfortable when writing in their diary, so there's going to be a noticeable increase of spicy language from them from here on out.
Chapter Text
Chapter 7 Thank Anteros
(Takes place between Chapters 29, 30, and 31 of Growing Pains.)
Inspiration Song: Umbrella by Rihanna
You have my heart and we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby, 'cause in the dark you can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there with you I'll always share
Because
These fancy things will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part, when the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because
When the sun shines, we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever, said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end
Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me, there's no distance in between our love
So gon' and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
It's raining, raining
Ooh, baby, it's raining, raining
Baby, come into me
Come into me
It's raining, raining
Ooh, baby, it's raining, raining
You can always come into me
Come into me
It's pouring rain
It's pouring rain
Come into me
Come into me
It's pouring rain
It's pouring rain, come into me
Dear diary…
Monster Kid is still acting strange and difficult to talk to, they won’t look me in the eye and keep our conversations…uncomfortably short, it’s like they’re embarrassed or ashamed of something.
I asked Robin about it, but she doesn’t know either, she even asked for me and couldn’t get anything out of them which is crazy because they talk about nearly everything.
Speaking of Robin, apparently, she ALMOST got in a HUGE fight with Davie after she heard him talking about me. . .
The fact that she wouldn’t tell me what he had been talking about makes me grateful that he got smart and stays out of my way now.
But it also makes me a little nauseous that I’m still even on his mind at all, I’m far from clueless, I know what goes on in the minds of so many teens my age, it’s on my mind too but I’m not gross about it like he is!!
…I wonder though, what goes on in Azzie’s mind? He’s clearly not aromantic like I thought, but is he asexual too? It’s completely fine if he is, but I’m curious and worried, his brain doesn’t fit with his body, he’s missing pieces to his puzzle and I know he hates being a flower, but is the subject of being that intimate something that bothers him too?
It’s something I wish I could talk to him about, but I don’t want to risk embarrassing him, it could be a more sensitive subject for him than I could ever imagine…
But, thankfully he’s not embarrassed or scared about sharing romantic feelings anymore! In fact, I’ve come to realize that he might be a very romantic person, especially after he wrote that song for me, we’ll see, I’ll keep you updated on that one ;p
Either way, it’s still way too early in our romantic relationship and he’s still really new to romance in general to give him any labels yet, but as his best friend, I can’t help but wonder…and worry.
Poor Azzie would hate and be so embarrassed by all the conversations and jokes I have with Robin and a lot of my school friends, he’d probably get all flustered and call us shameless and maybe even gross??? I dunno. I also think he’s missing out on so much by not going to school with me, especially now that he has his potbot body and doesn’t have to rely on anyone taking him around anymore, I can easily see him being the class Bad Boy/Smartass.
He’d probably also get in a few physical fights with Davie….
I know I’m a peace-loving pacifist, but UGH! The idea of Azzie avenging me and fighting Davie and getting at least one good punch in…well, it gives me some major guilty pleasure feelings.
Heck, now that I really think about it, if he had never been expelled, he’d probably still be getting into fights for me, and after seeing how well he did when we trained Garbine, I think he’d probably be a fantastic bodyguard when he grows up.
An ambassador’s bodyguard, if you catch my drift, wink wink, LOL.
I know he really hated public school while he was there, but I’m really hoping I can encourage him to come back before 12th grade so I can take him to prom with me, it’s been my dream for us to be crowned for prom royalty since I was a kid, I know it sounds silly and stupid, but in my head… it’s so romantic... mostly because in that dream, it ended with me proposing marriage to him! I, of course, at the age of 15, am now fully aware that marriage is a very big deal, and I have no idea if I'll still be a Romantic Thing with Asriel by 12th grade, but I have to admit, kid me was on to something there.
It also doesn't hurt to dream, especially when feelings run this deep, you know what I mean? <3
Anyway, I need to go to bed now, I cuddled with a Temi recently, but unfortunately…. I’m super allergic and I had to take some allergy medicine and it’s starting to make me so very sleepy.
WAIT! I just had a really bad thought! What if I develop a flower allergy to Asriel? That would be devastating, but it would never ever stop me from loving him and showing him my love, I’d suffer the worst allergy breakouts in the world to be with him.
Hm, I bet that’s how he views his soul pain, which also makes me really sad, but I would fully understand....
Oh man, I think I'm gonna cry myself to sleep.
Dear diary!
After having a particularly rough day of school (I don’t even want to talk about it, that’s what my therapist is for LOL) I had the BEST surprise at the end of it! Azzie, my very BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND, came to pick me up and take me home!
In fact, he actually literally did pick me up and he gave me a piggyback ride! It was pretty uncomfortable but it was too much fun that I didn’t even mind.
We talked about a lot of good stuff and important stuff too, I tried to convince him to go back to school again with me, but he wouldn’t bite (don’t worry, I refuse to give up on him!)
I also talked about MK being weirdly avoidant and it seems that MK is avoiding Flowey even more than me, we really gotta figure this out, I really hope they’re okay and still like us, I don’t want to lose Monster Kid. :’C
We even had a good talk about consensual touching, because I have so many big feelings for him that I’ve accumulated over the years and I just want to hug, touch, and snuggle him all the time and thankfully he’s okay with it! He’s just really new to it, especially after warding off affection of most kinds for so long, but it still makes me happy to know he enjoys my lovins'.
ALSO! I think I experienced jealousy! It’s…not a feeling that I feel much, but oh man, Amy (WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND) from school FLIRTED with Asriel! At least that’s what it seemed like, I have never seen her act like that with other monsters before and UGH, I swear I was more open-minded than this.
But Azzie laughed it off and reminded me that he loved me and it made me really happy.
Anyways, after all that happened, IT RAINED! And neither of us had an umbrella! Azzie did such a great job getting through it, I also helped to shield the rain from blinding him, it was really exciting and despite getting super soaked, I would ride him again, 10 outta 10!
LOLOL, Flowey would definitely blush and yell at me to shut up if I said that last bit out loud.
I am now home, currently writing this post-shower, drinking the Very Delicious Hot Chocolate that Azzie made for me that he promised while we were getting rained on, he even made a little note for me, I’m going to tape it to this page for posterity!
Hm, you know what? I think Toriel should be home right about now, I’m gonna call her and ask her about the possibility of Asriel coming back to school because this is a completely different school than the one he got expelled from, I’ll get back to you and tell you what she said.
Update.
I talked to Toriel, she told me that at the time of his getting expelled, that his Level Of Violence was looked at, and it was a big reason why he got expelled and it’s been on his permanent record since then…and because it was on his record, she hasn’t been able to get him back into any kind of public or private school.
However, we both agreed that he’s changed dramatically since he was expelled, he’s so much less aggressive, we also know he regrets what he did because he sincerely apologized and he’s also been keeping his LV hidden from both himself and everyone else for years, he’s ashamed of the numbers that he wracked up.
She also told me that ever since he got expelled his grades have been better…and she’s right, he gets pretty great grades, it’s mostly A’s and B’s.
I really hate giving up, but I have no other choices.
Besides, he’s happy now, and that’s all that matters.
Anyways, I love you diary, see you later.
HOLD ON, I’M NOT DONE YET! UPDATE!
First of all, I just came back from dinner and we have two confirmed big plans!
This Wednesday, Monster Kid is coming over where Asriel and I will finally interrogate confront, and talk about why they’ve been avoiding us.
And then Saturday, Azzie is going to drink a stinky magic tea that Asgore has been hanging on to, it’s supposed to heal him emotionally and mentally and I’m very excited for him, he really needs it.
Now, let’s get onto the…very embarrassing but also really great thing that happened before dinner.
So it was like this, the boy toy and I were doing our homework together, as teenage lovers do, until I finished mine and Asriel wanted me to stay, so obviously I did, everything was going great until I looked through his texts with Asgore.
And I started seeing all this crazy talk between them about Asriel’s romantic partner ‘Magnola’, and there were all these questions for advice and how he’s so happy with them.
Annnndd yeah, I thought he was cheating on me! (He clearly wasn’t, but things just weren’t adding up and I’m bad at math!) I was so upset, confused, and angry, and so many other emotions! I felt like I was going crazy!! It makes me really embarrassed thinking back on it.
But after laughing at me and then getting me to calm down because I got upset that he laughed, Azzie explained that he made Magnola up so he could talk to Asgore about me and get help without actually telling the truth.
I felt so silly, because he’s made it so obviously clear that he only has eyes for me, I don’t know how I forgot, he even said so during our walk. I better not forget again! Come on dummy, get it together!
And because I was so relieved and happy, I decided to finally initiate our THIRD KISS and it was ~Perfection! He was so gentle and smooth with it too… it makes me feel so giddy and soft and emotional thinking back on it, aaaaa I may just SWOON!!
Oh, but that’s when Asgore called us for dinner!! We were so annoyed, neither of us wanted to stop smooching- but then Azzie YELLED at him- while we were still lip locked and it caught me off guard and I laughed so hard, I don’t know if it’s because I love him so much, but he really makes me laugh without even trying.
And then… I realized that he had been crying from his soul pain and apologized for ripping his headphones off when I was wrongly upset at him, so he tried to distract me by actively trying to make me laugh, and…it of course worked.
He also somehow got me to admit my love of butts… but don’t worry, it’s not something I feel shame over, in fact, I’d say it’s so very, very, very natural to love butts.
Also, good news, Asgore is getting better with his creative cooking! He’s been taking suggestions from Sans and Asriel and they’ve really helped him a lot.
Hmm, I don’t talk about Dadgore as much as I should in my diary, I should fix that pronto!
Let’s see, he is as kind and sweet as Toriel is, but he’s so much more lenient and easygoing, so much so that Asriel has figured out early on that if he needs anything extra expensive, he just asks Asgore instead of Toriel…which, I know is wrong, but I get it, Asgore loves to make us happy and is like our own personal genie without a wish limit, like, if we want it, he snaps his fingers and we got it, it makes me feel guilty and I try not to take advantage of it, but it’s really nice when I’m having an extra bad crampy period and BAM, instant chocolate Sunday and new color pencils!
And because of all of that, Toriel says that he spoils us, and I guess she might be right? But then again, new gifts make me feel very fresh, especially if it’s a cool rainbow bath bomb that Asgore got me.
And you know what? I have always wanted to be as generous as he is, I want to make enough money so I can be frugal but also rich enough that I can ‘spoil’ my loved ones all I want!
Asgore is also very easy to talk to, I don’t have the same rapport with him that he has with Azzie, but Asgore and I agree on a bunch of things, I’ll start with the obvious-
- We love making other people happy.
- We agree that breakfast food is the best type of food.
- We both cannot watch scary movies or anything with too much violence.
- We both are pretty bad cooks (well, he’s been a bad cook, but not anymore he’s much older and has more time to get better than me)
- He has admitted to me that he sometimes feels like a ‘dimwitted fool’, I don’t agree with that at all, I think he’s pretty intelligent, but I understand what he means, I’ve felt pretty dimwitted plenty of times.
- We both love art! Well, he likes art in the form of turning his shrubs into beautiful creations and growing equally beautiful flower gardens, I keep telling him that he should enter into a few competitions, but he says that the vote might get skewed because he’s King, annnd yeah, while he might be right about that, I still think he deserves a first place gold medal award.
Asriel is so lucky to have him as a dad, I’m really happy for him that he feels comfortable enough to talk about his problems.
I’m kind of envious, I don’t have anyone to talk to about him, well, I do, I have lots of good trustworthy friends, and I have you, Diary, but I also promised him that I wouldn’t tell anyone about us.
I know it doesn’t seem fair, but Azzie deals with a heck ton more anxiety and pain than I do, honestly, I would prefer he has a social outlet because I feel like he would literally explode if he stopped venting. It would be nasty and horrible.
Also, I hate lying more than he does, it would only just make me more uncomfortable if I had to keep lying while making sure that someone else keeps the secret too.
Oh gotta go, Azzie and Asgore are calling me to join them for a movie night!
See you later!
Dear Diary!
I just came home from school and I’m excited to tell you that I have successfully invited Monster Kid to come over on Wednesday! I was really worried that they wouldn’t take the bait, but I made sure that Robin was there to keep them from getting discouraged and backing out.
I am also excited to tell you that I made a new friend today, she’s new and her name is Alice, she’s very pretty and nice, unfortunately, she shares a couple of classes with DAVIE! Which, is something we quickly bonded over, we agreed that the boy is a menace, Alice already told me enough that I have decided to make sure to keep a protective eye over her.
I think, if I didn’t have any feelings for Asriel, I probably would have flirted with her by now and probably would have thought to ask her out (after becoming closer friends)
But enough of that, I just wanted to be quick and share the news with you, I have a busy day ahead of me, I’m going to do my homework with Azzie and then we’re going out to eat with Asgore, Undyne, Alphys, Sans, and Papyrus and then we’re going to go see a movie, we’re basically going to have Friday type of fun on a Monday.
Talk to you later, kiss kiss!
DEAR DIARY!!!
MY BOYFRIEND IS A TALENTED SMOOCHER! Thank Anteros! I know that’s a heck of a way to start a diary page, or perhaps a very normal one considering the usual stuff I talk about.
But yes, I finally realized that Asriel has a talent for giving amazing tender kisses, I don’t know why I’m so amazed and surprised, it seems right for him, he’s passionate and creative and his body is mainly his face, of course he would be excellent at smooching, it just makes sense!
Don't worry, I made sure to let him know, I was too excited to keep it a secret (and why would I?), I also may have admitted to him that he was a better kisser than Forester, and I'm happy to report that he was very proud of it, a very important ego has been boosted today and I have proudly and properly done my job! Give me a Gold Flowey Star for Excellent Dating Partner Behavior!
Ahem, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I need to talk to you about what happened during Monster Kid’s visit!
It took a little bit of coaxing, but we managed to get them to confess why they’ve been avoiding us.
It turns out, that during the night by the river when Azzie confessed his feelings to me, Monster Kid had been stuck in a nearby tree and HAD HEARD US, THEY HEARD EVERYTHING!
I don’t know who I felt more bad for, poor Asriel who was so embarrassed because MK had heard him be that vulnerable- something he only seems to reserve and show only me and his parents (and his therapist) in private moments. And Monster Kid was so ashamed that they had heard something that they shouldn’t have, it really messed them up, it was more drama than they could handle.
To make a long story short, Asriel surprised me by letting Monster Kid in our big secret and made sure to make them promise to keep it a secret, and thankfully, they did, they were very sincere about it.
We talked about a whole bunch of things, and it feels like such a huge relief to have someone to talk to about our relationship, I would have never expected that Monster Kid of all people would be the one I would be talking about it with, but here we are!
Ah, crap, I want to write more, but my lover boy is knocking on my door and I can’t resist him, especially not after today, see you later!
Dear diary.
It’s 3:45 AM and I just woke up from one of my recurring nightmares
I’ve been having them since I was around twelve (so, around three or fourish years now? I dunno, I’m sleepy and bad at math) I would have told you years ago, but it’s rare that I have them, and I also already have so many other strange and crazy dreams as it is, the weird and strangeness tends to blur together.
But my recurring nightmares always take place in the Underground and it always begins with me hiding, from what, I don’t know, I just know that no one can see my face or something very bad will happen, and for some reason, I always feel so terribly sad and lonely, but then I begin running, I run and run until I see the river that runs through the Underground, and then I jump in, I think I’m free, but it only feels like I’m falling down to my doom.
And it’s always the feeling of falling that sends me into a panic and wakes me up, and when I wake up, I’m usually crying and I have a major headache.
I’ve talked to my therapist about it, and she seems worried that it’s from past trauma that I can’t remember, which is really depressing, but it checks out, I already can’t remember my life before falling into the Underground, maybe it has something to do with my ability to Reset? Maybe I hit my noggin really hard in one of those Resets and it made me forget even more.
I don’t know, but I gave her permission to talk to Toriel and Asgore about it, and we’ve all agreed that I’m going to see a specialist.
It really hurt to see the sadness in their eyes, I know it comes from their love for me, but I know they wish I was as normal and happy as I regularly seem.
And I am! Happy, that is, I’m definitely NOT normal, but I’m happy, and I think I’m as happy as I am because I was once incredibly very miserable for a very long time…at least..that’s the deep feeling in my heart tells me.
I think. I’m still not completely sure, I just know that I’m still having these strange spooky river-related nightmares.
I know what you’re probably wondering, and no, I haven’t told Azzie and after being told that I’m likely having these nightmares because of trauma, I am definitely not telling him, because if he hears that it was caused by trauma, he’ll assume that he was responsible, and I hate the guilt in his eyes and I refuse to give him another reason to hate himself. I REFUSE!!
Instead, I’ve told Alphys, mainly because she’s a doctor, and as a treat, she did an Aetherium crystal test on me, it really mellowed me out, and she got the results and explained that my pretty red soul definitely has many untold secrets and is very powerful.
Well, I already knew all that, but talking to her about the nightmares helped me feel better, she says she gets lots of nightmares too, a lot of them guilt based, also the test was a lot of fun, after that we went out and had frozen yogurt with all the fixin's and then went back to her place to watch anime together, it was an excellent bonding experience.
Anyways, I’m going to have warm milk with a dash of vanilla and make an attempt to go back to sleep, wish me luck.
If it doesn’t work, I’m bunking with Azzie again, it’s a nice habit we’ve been picking up when one of us has trouble sleeping.
Don’t get any weird spicy ideas, we haven’t really ‘shared a bed’ since his last nightmare fiasco, but we’ve noticed that sharing the same close space makes us both feel better, it’s a Soul Mate thing, I just know it!!
Goodnight diary.
Dear Diary!
It’s Saturday and Asriel has drunken his stinky healing tea (and boy, it is extremely stinky! Asgore walked passed me in the hallway as he was taking it to Azzie, UGH! It was so bad, it even made me a little dizzy!)
My pretty boyfriend is currently in a very deep sleep, and I’m going to hang out with Asgore while we wait for him to wake up, we’re pretty excited to see what he’s going to be like when he wakes up, but from what Toriel told us, things might be a ‘bit hazy’ for him, yeah I’m not exactly sure what that means either.
I’ll keep you updated.
Update!
It has been four hours, Asriel is still asleep, and Asgore and I have been binging a really good TV show, it’s another retelling of the Anne of Green Gables books, and it’s been making the big guy cry a lot…and of course, me too.
Update!
It has now been six hours, and Asriel is STILL asleep, Asgore and I took a break from our show to have dinner, but he was too concerned about Asriel that he called for pizza instead…and we ate it while watching more of our show, it was kind of a nice time and I would have enjoyed it better if I hadn’t been concerned about Asriel too, he has a lot of demons that he’s up against.
Update!
It’s been nine hours, and our Sleeping Beauty is STILL asleep, momriel called to check on things, and she was surprised, apparently when she drank the tea, she only slept for seven hours.
Both parents have urged me to go to bed, but I have made it clear that I’m just as worried as they are and will continue to stay awake until he wakes up!
I really hope they didn’t get any romantic vibes out of my declaration, because when I said it, I accidentally said it with my whole entire heart, but at this point, I think they believe that I’m Just Like This in the same way that Mettaton is The Way He Is.
Now, I am going back to the living room, and no, we’re not going to watch more of our favorite TV show, we’re going to watch an animated movie instead, it should help keep us plenty distracted.
Update!
After TWELVE hours, Asriel finally woke up! He was more than just a little ‘hazy’, he acted a lot like the people I’ve seen in videos after they’ve had anesthesia, the boy was downright loopy.
He didn’t seem upset or sad, in fact, he was actually in a really good mood and talked about wishing that he lived in the future so he could travel through space in a flying car, it’s only more proof that he’s a Dreemurr.
He was also kind of flirty, which I would have enjoyed more if DADgore hadn’t been there, so as awesome as a flirty Flowey is, it made me kind of nervous, it made me wish I was loopy too so I could get on his level of not caring and vibe with him.
Hang on, I need to make a quick note for my future self.
When Asriel and I are adults and living on our own, I should try WEED BROWNIES WITH HIM! Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this earlier, I hope weed affects him because it sounds like it would be so much fun.
Do you think alcohol will affect him any too? I have a weird feeling that it might make him really sick, but eh, I’m not going to worry about it right now, it’ll be a long time until we’re both 21.
Anyways, back to the important stuff, we walked him to the kitchen, and apparently, he is now having soup, I would have stayed with him and talked to him more, but he got all cute and told me to go to bed and I couldn’t resist him, plus, I am getting kind of sleepy.
Goodnight Diary, love you. Mwa mwa.
Good morning Diary.
I don’t plan to write much, I just wanted to say that Az and I are going go on a date with MK, yay! we slept together and it was nice and cozy, Asdad called him to talk to him and I wanna see what’s going on.
HOLY CRAP!
I was so drowsy when I wrote that! I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! Let me explain better! Asriel and I are going to have our first official date! We're calling it our 'Secret Date', and Monster Kid is coming along as a third wheel to throw off any suspicions anyone might have.
AND WE DIDN’T ‘SLEEP TOGETHER’, lol, we just slept NEXT TO EACH OTHER CLOSELY IN HIS BED AND SNUGGLED A LOT. LIKE SNUGGLY BED BUGS. <333
I’m laughing so hard at myself, it’s no wonder why Asriel freaks out when I open my giant mouth and just say the first wild thing that pops into my mind!
Anyway, I should tell you something very important, apparently when I tried to go to bed last night, Azzie told his secret about Mr.Otto hurting him to Asgore, I was so proud of him, I know he just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened, I can relate, but it’s awesome that he felt ready to confess.
The next important part about this is that when Asgore told the police about what Mr.Otto did, he found out that he was already in prison for something else! Which I was kind of relieved about, now Azzie and all the other monsters have one less harmful person to worry about.
And also, when Asgore told the police, Undyne heard and told everyone else and they got worried about Azzie and the whole gang rushed in to visit and check up on him! It was really sweet. Like, literally, it kind of turned a syrupy breakfast party full of justice.
Poor Azzie got smothered with hugs, but I could tell he was enjoying it, and he did, he told me so, he also told me that he was glad that he drank the tea.
And I am too, I love watching him grow, not as a plant, but as a person.
Anyways, I love you, Diary! Kissessss!
Chapter Text
(Takes place after Chapter 31 and right after Chapter 33)
Inspiration Song: Hooked On A Feeling by Björn Skifs and Blue Swede
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga
I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me
Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me
When you hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know everything's alright
I'm hooked on a feeling I'm high on believing that you're in love with me
Lips as sweet as candy, it's taste is on my mind
Girl, you got me thirsty for another cup of wine
Got a bug from you girl but I don't need no cure
I just stay a victim if I can for sure
All the good love when we're all alone
Keep it up girl, yeah, you turn me on
I'MMMM hooked on a feeling!
Hi, diary!
I’ve feeling a lot of emotions lately, so many good ones, some bad ones too, lately it’s been mostly intense feelings, so, what I’m going to do is write it down...
‘strong, dark, and handsome
he’s stolen my heart and left no ransom note
feel like I’m on a boat in the endless sea, in search of his love
can’t help but shiver when he gives me that mad grin
don’t worry baby I never want to be cold
and he plays with my heartstrings like a violin
stealing away my body when he plays it so beautifully
oh man, I’ve got it so bad baby, for my bad guy’
Aaaaa! I know, I KNOW, it’s a lot, I told you it was intense! But, it feels nice translating it into words like this, a part of me wishes I could tell Azzie about all these feelings to see what he might think or if he feels the same way, but I don’t have the nerve, at least not right now, besides, if I’m really honest with myself, I think he might combust if I did show him.
I’m pretty sure all these more serious feelings sparked when I found out how good of a smoocher he was, it’s okay though, I ‘talked’ to my therapist and did some studying on the internet, it turns out that this is normal and I’m normal and the human body is just…crazy, especially when you’re a teenager.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the intense feelings, sometimes I welcome them, I loooove passion! But it’s really starting to make concentrating at school difficult, it was already difficult in the first place, because I have to focus on what the teachers are saying, because not only do I have all these great friends that I think about, I also have a secret boyfriend that I’m deeply in love with and can’t talk about romantically about in public- which is sometimes hard because it’s like I’m a flower and he’s a bumblebee that won’t stop circling me.
-and this is such a bad analogy and I need to stop because I just know I’ll end up writing something along the lines of ‘getting pollinated’, heheheheh.
And now I can’t stop laughing because I’m so immature! Yeah, if Azzie ever read my diary, he’d gag.
As hard as it’s been lately, I need to be Determined on staying focused at school and continue to keep my grades up, it’s going to be hard, but thankfully summer will be here soon.
My biggest challenge this week will be both keeping myself focused WHILE ALSO containing my excitement about Azzie and I’s BIG DATE this Saturday!!!
I don’t know about him, but I’m going to give him some gifts, I wanted to dress up in something nice and give him red roses and chocolates, basically I want to make him swoon like the handsome prince he is…
But I know how it would look to the others, so, I’m going to have to dress like we’re still just best friends, it’s so lame and boring, but it’s what I gotta do to keep the others from being suspicious.
But I’ve made sure to make up for more interesting gifts!
Some of it is art and doodles that I’ve been wanting to show him, also I’m writing a fun short story for him, it’s a romantic horror and I really hope he likes it!
I based the two main characters on him and I! Don’t worry, no one dies, there’s just a lot of scary imagery and jump scares, like for example, I added lots of bees, he hates bees, and maggots! Yes! Maggots that are found inside COTTON CANDY! Nasty, right?!
I’ll explain my thought process!: Because most cotton candy is usually seen as a sweet innocent treat for children (who also are usually seen as innocent) and everyone hates maggots because they’re associated with death and flies and gross slimy feelings- it also makes you think someone has died, but not really, but it’s in your head now and it’s awful isn’t it…?
It was my very first time writing horror and I’m kind of nervous about it, but after everything I experienced and after watching all those scary movies with him, and listening to him talk on and on about his favorite Creepypastas, I think I learned enough to create something scary enough that he might enjoy, at least I really hope so.
I’m also going to bake a whole bunch of oatmeal cookies for him, I still feel so guilty about eating all of his just because I had a dumb idea, and Toriel’s cookies and desserts always makes him really happy and I want to make him as happy as he makes me, which is a lot.
Anyways, now that I’ve gotten all of this out of my head, I need to get started on my homework!
See you later!
Dear diary…
I’ve been doing some rereading of past pages and I’m feeling…a little funny about it, all I mainly talk about here is Asriel and my relationship with him, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it really makes me look like an obsessive love struck puppy, which, isn’t…completely wrong, I definitely feel like one these days.
BUT! I can explain myself! I’m not as entirely obsessive as I seem, I have plenty of other things I think about, like what breakfast is going to be and what lunch is going to be at school, what my monster friends and family are doing and if they’re okay, the monster and human drama I keep hearing in the news, school, school friends, my single school enemy, homework, big school projects, what dinner is going to be, who’s going to take me home from school, my protégé homework that I get from both Papyrus and Mettaton, homework that my therapist gives me, creating art, creating poems, playing video games, self-care, and all the dreams and nightmares I have when I sleep.
See? I have a whole busy life outside of you, diary, but because I can’t talk about my secret relationship with Asriel, you and Monster Kid are the only ones I can really talk to about it, which I guess is why so much of my romo relationship talk ends up here where it can safely hide and I can continue on and not go nuts because I made the choose to write down my hidden feelings, because I talk about everything else with everyone else.
With that out of the way, I need to tell you that Asriel compared me to a capybara today and it was really adorable.
He explained that much like a capybara, I’m cute and fluffy, and have a particular ‘calming vibe’ where I can hang out with almost anybody and fit right in, and that I’m rarely bothered much of anything but will be aggressive if provoked.
Aside from the cute and fluffy part, I wasn’t completely sure about his opinion until I really looked them up and saw a video full of clips of capybaras just chilling with all sorts of different animals, even dangerous ones! I even saw a picture of a small one riding on an alligator's back! And it made me think about when I first met the monsters, I was calm when everyone just wanted to attack and only fought back when I was forced to, and once they accepted me, it was so easy to fit into the monster culture, I’m not a monster, but sometimes I feel like an honorary monster.
I was like, he’s right, I am like a capybara, I even kind of look like one.
-_- !
But it wasn’t just what he said, it was also how he said it, he said it so affectionately, which tells me that because of his newly found connection, I think capybaras are now one of his favorite animals because they remind him of me.
It’s just so sweet and I’m really feeling like an obsessive love-struck puppy, or wait…what are baby capybaras called??? I’m gonna look it up real quick.
PUPS! Great! :D (I'll also accept 'capybaby'!)
Anyways, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about the date on Saturday, I’m still really pumped up about it, I’m just trying to think of other things to keep me preoccupied so I don’t go stir crazy.
Also, mentioning monster culture made me think of the doctor tests and physical exams Toriel and Asgore had me do when I agreed to live with them, they wanted to check to see if I had any allergies or if I had any health issues, they were also trying to see if my human family was out there and trying to look for me, so they also had a DNA test done.
They found out that I’m pretty allergic to animal dander (which includes Temi dander!) which has cursed me into a life with no cute fluffy pets.
But with the DNA test, they found out that I’m Filipino! And a little bit Swedish, which makes sense, the name ‘Frisk’ has Swedish and Danish origins.
I remember not thinking much about it when I first found out, it didn’t mean much to me at the time and it never helped me find my human family, which is also probably why I haven’t brought it up until now, my forgotten past makes me so sad.
It’s just, I’ve been learning about different human cultures in different countries lately, and it’s made me realize that I might as well be a monster with the way I’ve chosen them as my family and clung on to them.
But, after learning about all these other human cultures, it made me remember that I have Filipino and Danish grandparents who had their own grandparents, all eating their Filipino and Danish foods and celebrating birthdays and weddings, and it hurts…because with the way my life is going, there’s probably a good chance that I’ll never know about any of those special customs.
I’ll always just be less of a human and more of an honorary monster that Asgore and Toriel adopted.
Is it any surprise that it didn’t work out with Forester?
Do you think Asriel would feel safer in our relationship if I was a monster like him? I talked to him a little about this, and he looked so sad for me, but he also smiled because he said that he understood, and I smiled too because it made me feel closer to him, because I understood too.
Asriel knows exactly what it’s like to be a monster but ‘not really’, just like how I feel like a human but ‘not really’, we both have missing pieces.
Now that I’m thinking about it more, I think Chara was in a similar situation, weren’t they? They hated humanity and didn’t want to be like them and was happy to become an honorary monster, but I wondered if they missed it, I mean, they must have missed some of it if they were so eager to go back above to see the golden flowers.
Ah, shoot, I made myself sad, like, really sad.
I’m going to look up pictures of baby capybaras to cheer myself back up, and then I’m going to help Asgore with the chicken pot pie, cooking with him always distracts me from everything else.
I’m so happy he’s alive.
Talk to you later, Diary! Love you!
It’s happening! It’s happening! The date is happening today!
We’re leaving in two hours, and I AM SO (emotionally) READY! You don’t know how badly I want to dress up in something nice, I want to knock Azzie’s socks off by just looking at me! I WANT TO MAKE HIM BARK LIKE A DOG AND HOWL LIKE A WOLF!
Unfortunately…we have to keep up the facade of just being besties, so, I have to wear casual outing clothes… and…we ARE just going to the arcade, so…keeping it casual is more sensible anyway, whatever.
I’m going to be sneaky and wear shiny lipgloss and my old heart barrette that Azzie gave me for my 11th birthday, he doesn’t overlook much, he’ll know what I’m trying to say without even saying a word and I’m sure that he’ll love it.
Out of everything that could happen during our date, I really want to go roller skating with him, I know it sounds random, but in my imagination it feels like it’ll be so much fun and romantic! There’s so many endless great activities he’s missed out on before he got his potbot and something like roller skating is definitely one of them.
…I’m now realizing that with his potbot, he’s always technically roller skating… but on the other hand, I’ve never roller skated in my life! So it should make things very interesting and exciting.
I also have another and much more exciting idea that I want to try, I’m not sure how I’ll make it work, but it basically involves smooching Azzie in the public bathroom.
Wow, it seems like a really weird idea now that I’ve written it down on paper, but trust me, I saw it be done on a rom-com a few years ago and it’s been stuck in my head ever since, and I really want try it out.
Here’s hoping that Azzie isn’t turned off by it, ugh, I can’t imagine how embarrassing it’ll be if I fumble the ball on this idea.
Or worse, someone catches us! I’m not sure how I would handle that situation, especially when Az’s anxiety about being found out is so bad.
OR WORSE, we’re caught kissing and afterward he admits that he was turned off!
No, no! Nope, I can’t think like that! I just gotta go with the flow and think positively! Like, what if he also likes the idea of risk and excitement of kissing in a public bathroom as much I do?
Anyways, I’ve got a few things to do before I get dressed, I’ll get back to you after the date!
UPDATE!!!
Our first date went WONDERFUL! It wasn’t perfect, but it was so great! I loved it! :D
I don’t even know where to start, so much happened… I guess I’ll begin with the cons of the date, get them out of the way.
-Cons-
- Azzie kept his cool for most of the date, but it was clear he was really anxious about this whole first date thing, which is understandable, but at one point, something mysterious happened and his anxiety activitated his paranoia.
- I made a mistake, misread his signals while he was anxious and flirted when I shouldn’t have and he gotreally upset and frustrated and said a few mean things, it was too much and I was so scared that the date was ruined… but then we both took a breather and he appologized and we talked it out! (I’ll talk more about it the pro section)
- I FELL ON MY BUTT, TWICE, WHILE WE WERE SKATING.
- DAVIE WAS THERE! AND THEN HE CAME BY AND ATTEMPTED TO ASK ME OUT! ALL WHILE I WAS THERE WITH AZZIE! I think he even used his little brother to get our attention! All of it made me so angry! He said some gross stuff that has made me worried that he thinks I’m ‘easy’, or maybe he’s just hoping that I will be for him. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! BLEHHH!
-Pros-
- With Azzie’s help, we got Davie to go away! Az was really mad, justifiably so, but he didn’t attack him or yell, no, Azzie kept his anger in check and used his words, he verbally flicked Davie’s gross butt away. It was a clear sign that he’s been maturing! …Davie… not so much. I’m so glad I can easilly avoid him at school.
- MADE.OUT.WITH.AZZIE.IN.THE.PUBLIC.BATHROOM!!! It worked better than I thought it would! We shared cheesy nachos and got our hands messy, so, naturally we went to the bathroom, and as we were washing our hands, I noticed him worry about his face in the mirror, and so I went in for it and flirted ‘you look fine, Azzie, trust me, babe’
And then, I went in for it for real, got in close and smooched him, in the public bathroom! AND HE HELD ME CLOSE! YEE-HAW! HE WAS INTO IT!
Annnnd…I may have gotten excited in a puppy-with-zoomies sort of way and started smooching his face all over.
Thankfully, he was into that too, but remembered sooner than I did that a public bathroom is…well, a public bathroom where anyone can just walk in.
I was so in the romance zone that I attempted to reason that we were young and in love and should kiss anywhere we wanted, I had him convinced for a second…but then a mom with a bunch of her kids ran in and I changed my argument, it was so funny. - Monster Kid was so cool about being a third wheel, I’m pretty sure they had fun too, they love the arcade games as much as Azzie does, I’m still really happy that they’ve become best friends.
- Azzie and I roller-skated together! He really didn’t seem too interested and I practically had to beg, thankfully he changed his mind.
Oh, but before we skated, apparently SOMEONE knew we were going to be there and prepaid for us (that was the mysterious thing I wrote about earlier) it was really strange, because no one that we know is responsible, but it got under Az’s skin, and while we skating, a pretty song called ‘Daisy’ played… the lyrics were too relatable, and it freaked Asriel out and made him paranoid.
We still plan to carefully ask around and see if anyone was trying to play a trick on us, I’ve currently got my bets on Mettaton.
(I’m listening to Daisy again, and I love it, I think I’m going to make it one of Our Songs.) - He’s become a lot more considerate, it was hot outside so he put my hair up into a ponytail for me (I didn't even ask, he just wanted to do it for me), and then I accidentally made him blush! Have I mentioned how pretty he is when he blushes? He doesn’t turn pink, instead he turns orange!
- We went to the park and I finally got him to go up into my favorite tree!(It’s his favorite tree now too) He wrapped his vines around my torso and I carried him up, and I am very normal about how much I love being wrapped by his vines and how it feels like a too good hug. Yep. I am. So Normal About It. And I have Normal Feelings. About His Vines.
- Azzie loved all the gifts that I gave him and I looovved the gifts he gave me! I still can’t believe he used all of his allowance money to buy me a fancy art kit! And get this, he got me a giant cookie for us to eat together. WE BOTH GOT EACH OTHER COOKIES! I’m giggling just thinking about it again.
- We talked about emotional things and the nightmares we shared, we did so much crying on this date, but most of it was good crying.
- We double-confirmed that we’re soulmates. We also double-confirmed that we love kissing in public. I hope this doesn't become a problem in the future! :D
- I am certain I want to stay with this monster boy forever, watch him become a monster man, and marry him. Even if the law says we can't, I'm going to find a way. The power of Determination compels me to fight for love!
Oh, and best of all! We got proof that LV can go down! At least, for Asriel it can! On our walk to the park, he said that he had a really, really interesting talk with Sans and revealed that over the years, his LV has significantly gone down…and now it’s at…
14!!!!!
Which is still pretty high for anyone, but it’s so much better than 20, and mind-blowingly better than 9999!
Thinking back on it, it makes sense, whenever he accidentally hit me with a pellet during our encounter practices, it didn’t hurt as bad as it did when we were kids and did so much less damage.
I’m so happy for him, and I know it makes him feel so much better about himself, especially for his conscience.
I can’t wait to go on a hundred more dates with him!
Anways, I gotta go, I want to make beautiful art using Azzie's gift, hearts and kisses diary! MWA!
Notes:
I know a lot of this has been silly mushy nonsense, especially in this chapter, but I hope that at least one person out there has been enjoying the Romantic Friskcapades.
Anyways, we have officially finished the first part of Growing Pains, and after this, we'll follow along with Frisk as we enter the second part of Growing Pains, which will get into more mature and sensitive topics, especially after a certain part.
Now, mwa mwa, hugs and kisses! See you later!
OmegaFlowsriel on Chapter 1 Thu 11 Apr 2024 09:47AM UTC
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Your_BiggestFan on Chapter 1 Mon 05 Aug 2024 06:06AM UTC
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Your_BiggestFan on Chapter 3 Mon 05 Aug 2024 06:32AM UTC
Last Edited Mon 05 Aug 2024 06:32AM UTC
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Your_BiggestFan on Chapter 4 Mon 05 Aug 2024 06:46AM UTC
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