Chapter Text
Fireworks in Paris. The cliffs of Ireland. The Taj Mahal. Ava experienced it all, just like she dreamt of as a kid. And yet, going to those places didn’t fill her with any joy or wonder. The world felt bigger and bigger, and further and further away from anything she could hold and take home. She understood the beauty of the earth, she did. But none of it held a candle to this moment, this feeling rushing through her veins, warmth seeping through her skin to her chest, filling every absence in her soul. Here, in her tiny twin bed made for one but fitting two, feels like all the earth she needs. This. Beatrice looking down on her, newly awake and safely ensconced between her sheets, looking at her like the start of day. There was nowhere to hide anymore. Beatrice, who sheltered and protected her long before Ava even knew she existed, who also spent all this time waiting to be told they had a right to be together–that they were right together–soaked her with an affection so fierce that Ava felt utterly defenceless. It was no longer possible to turn away from this truth. And all of a sudden, it was clear to her. In one look, Ava learned that it wasn’t really a question of worthiness or whether or not she deserved someone like Beatrice. They didn’t need permission to be together, just as love didn’t need a right to exist. It just does, whether or not you devote yourself to noticing it. And the more Ava cataloged the glint in Beatrice’s eyes, the constellation of her freckles, and all the places her body is touching hers, the more Ava believed that she was made for loving Beatrice.
“A snowball fight, huh?” Ava playfully bites the tips of Beatrice’s fingers, enjoying the way Beatrice’s eyes soften in a distracted daze. Ava will join her there in a minute, but first–“here to redeem yourself?”
The effect is immediate. Beatrice stiffens, her eyes clarify. “Redeem m–” Beatrice looks at her with incredulous offense. “I don’t recall ever ‘losing’ a snowball fight.”
Her soulmate’s voice wraps around her like a warm coat, and Ava nearly cries with how right it feels. “I missed your voice,” Ava runs her hands down Beatrice’s back, smiling at how she melts further down to nose at Ava’s temple with a hum that sends flutters in her stomach.“And I’m pretty sure you’ve landed yourself underneath my legs every single time.” This is objectively untrue, and they both know it, but Beatrice has always been toned and Ava is still feeling her arms as she tenses.
“Now hold on a minute–”
“Mmmm, I’ve only gotten stronger, thanks to you.”
“---I believe landing myself underneath your legs that singular time was the result of a grave betrayal–”
Ava gapes at her, facetiously. “Please. Re-match. Outside. Right n–”
“--Wait, what do you mean?”
“What?”
“You said you’re stronger now, ‘thanks to me’.” Beatrice cocks her head to the side. Her expression is so maddingly precious that Ava leans up to kiss her. Beatrice follows her lips before shaking her head.“Ava, did you get a sword?”
Ava nods, “a cool little dagger.”
“So that’s what you meant before. Of course. I didn’t connect it in my head because I was half asleep.” Ava’s stomach somersaults when Beatrice’s eyes dart curiously down her neck to her exposed arms.“Where is it? May I see it?”
“Mmmhmm,” Ava says quietly. She cradles Beatrice’s face to bring her closer. “Since you asked so nicely,” she says against her lips before capturing them in a sweet kiss. They stay like that for a few minutes, just making out, enjoying the feel of their lips together. When Ava breaks them apart, she stays close, placing light kisses across her freckles. She runs her hand down the side of Beatrice’s neck, over her shoulder, her arm, grasping the hand at her waist, and not so subtly placing it on her bare thigh. “You may need to use your hands, though,” she says.
Beatrice opens her eyes to look at her. Waiting…waiting…anticipation rolling in her stomach with a quiver as Ava tries not to move. Realization dawns on Beatrice. Ava watches as she exhales, blinking.
A beat. A challenge. An acceptance. She wondered if her compass gave Beatrice a sense of Ava’s vivid imagination at the moment. Beatrice’s eyes narrow playfully. Ava’s toes curl and her face flushes when Beatrice’s eyes dip downwards in an unapologetic perusal of her body, lifting herself above her so she could map her body down to her legs. Ava’s just hoping she’s wearing cute underwear.
“It’s not where I can see it,” Beatrice says, matter-of-factly. Ava slowly shakes her head, not trusting herself to speak. Something in Beatrice’s expression darkens, a new aura of confidence and maturity she’s never seen before. It’s entirely entrancing. Ava can’t look away. Her breath is caught in her throat.
Beatrice’s mouth curves into a tiny smile before saying something so shockingly sexy that it nearly makes Ava whimper on the spot: “Stay still,” she said. “Keep your arms above your head.” Ava feels a rush of heat in her ears. Fuck, is this Beatrice’s corporate persona? Ava didn’t think it was possible, but Beatrice definitely got a whole lot…. hotter.
Ava obeys in uncharacteristic silence, slowly raising her arms, looking up as intrigue and excitement roll in her stomach at this discovery of a new side to her soulmate. Beatrice rewards her with a kiss, a slow and deep tug of lips. Ava opens, moaning softly when Beatrice tastes her. The kiss is dizzying and sensual, like nothing Ava has ever felt before, even between her and Beatrice. She brings down her hands to knot into the collar of Beatrice’s shirt, gripping her tight because she feels like she’s swaying, even though she’s lying down. She groans as Beatrice’s tongue traces the roof of her mouth, sending tingles down her spine, and making her clench and mewl helplessly.
Beatrice lifts her head, cutting their kiss short. Ava follows and when she feels nothing but air, she actually whines. She opens her eyes to complain, and sees pupils blown wide, a tongue quickly darting out to lick kissable lips. “I said keep your arms above your head. Or is it that you need help staying there?” Beatrice’s voice has gone low and full. Oh fuck. Ava willed her brain to find words.
“Okay wow this top energy is going to be the death of me. Are you like this at work because I’m going to need to visit, if so,” Ava blurts. Beatrice simply curls an eyebrow. “Help…I need help.” Ava’s throat jerks as she swallows. “Um. Please.” She wiggles her hips, undeniably drenched.
Beatrice doesn’t give her anything but a brief, authoritative nod before Ava feels both of her wrists held above her head by a strong, warm hand. Grounding and firm. Safe. She feels Beatrice’s gaze like a touch. Ava aches with desire for an unspoken promise. Her soulmark rumbles in her back. Ava gets it. She feels raw and bare, stripped down to hunger, bones, and the pulse in her heart. And then the air shifts.
“You’re so beautiful,” she hears. Reverent. Something like worship. “Are you comfortable?” Sweet as pie. Ava is horny and sentimental. She wants to cry and scream, because only Beatrice could simultaneously scold her into hot submission and sweep her off her damn feet with some sweet, genuine consideration. It blows her damn mind how supremely, deliciously screwed she is for this girl.
Yes, yes. A thousand times yes. Very comfortable. Ava nods so fast her head spins. “So very comfortable please continue,” she says in a burst. Please please please please please, she chants in her head.
When Beatrice makes no move for a beat too long, Ava opens her mouth to say something about it. But Beatrice beats her to it: “I’ve dreamt about this so many times. I’m going to take my time with you,” she mutters as she leans down. A moan rips from her throat and Ava’s not sure if it was from her words or the wet kisses Beatrice presses along her neck just after. A thumb caresses the inside of her wrists, and another hand slips lower, up her thighs, under her shirt to her stomach. Touched, everywhere. Ava’s back bows, hips arching off the bed, silently begging. For what, Ava doesn’t even know. She’s completely lost sight of the agenda, and just wants Beartice to do dirty dirty things to her, things that would leave her completely boneless and breathless and blissed out until next year.
Beatrice’s mouth pulls at a sensitive part of her ear as her hand cups the braless swell of Ava’s breast underneath her shirt before gliding over to the other. Ava gasps as she feels the gentle scrap of teeth and fingers sweeping against her nipple, featherlight. Beatrice smiles against her neck, and Ava can’t even defend herself; doesn’t want to anyways. Ava is barely able to keep her eyes open as Beatrice continues to touch her under her shirt, up and down her sternum, her waist, her stomach, back to her breasts.
“Not here,” Beatrice mutters.
What? Ava’s brain can’t compute, can’t figure out words.
“My dagger, darling.” Beatrice chuckles something dark and hot. Her breath huffs against Ava’s skin, making all the hairs on her neck stand up. All Ava hears is that she belongs to Beatrice. Yes, yours. Yours.
“Mmmhmm,” she mumbles and waits impatiently for Beatrice’s hands to wander south.
Ava thinks she’s about to have her prayers answered as Beatrice drags her hand down her stomach. She whines, “Bea…” when the hand goes too low, just above her knees. Ava wants her. Ava wants her so bad she feels she was sculpted just for Beatrice’s hands.
She feels two taps at her wrist. “Stay. Be good.” Ava’s eyes fly open. Ava gapes in surprise. Beatrice’s face remains focused, relaxed, but expectant. Fuck, Beatrice is serious.
“Say it.”
“I’ll be good,” Ava says breathlessly, clenching around nothing. Soulmarks are real and fate is real and maybe God is real too. And it is definitively between Beatrice’s mouth and her hands. “I’ll be good.” she repeats, grabbing her pillow like a lifeline.“But you need to hurry. Fuck.”
Beatrice leans her forehead on Ava’s, fitting her hips between Ava’s thighs, torturing her with the pressure. Ava subtly adjusts her hips, shakily inhaling. She’s never been this patient. She definitely deserves a reward. She tips her head up, nose sliding against Beatrice’s cheek.
Beatrice complies with her silent request. Ava parts her lips, letting Beatrice slip her tongue inside her mouth. A moan slips from one of them, she can’t tell who.
Ava’s hips begin to rock on their own accord, anything to relieve the pressure. Beatrice doesn’t seem to mind as her hand wanders down her thighs. She bends her knees so Beatrice can reach all of her, continuing her search. Beatrice’s hands move like ripples along her skin as she’s kissed to the brink of sanity. A warm hand feels the top of her foot, gliding up her ankle, her calves, the back of her knees, her thigh, stopping just before reaching the edge of her underwear. Beatrice shifts her weight to do the same to her other leg.
Not there.
Beatrice presses a firm kiss in parting, lifting up to look at her. Ava’s already panting and her clothes are still on. What the fuck.
Beatrice eyes her suspiciously, clearly flummoxed that she hasn’t touched her second soulmark yet. Ava feels herself smile.
“Is it on your back?”
Ava bites her lip and shrugs noncommittally. “I’m honestly surprised you haven’t touched it yet.”
Beatrice breaks into a genuine smile. “I’ll find it.” Ava has no doubt of this, though she’s enjoying the search. “Turn around,” she says, rolling Ava onto her stomach gently. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Beatrice is a secret sex god.
Beatrice’s hand explores her spine, her shoulder blades. Her compass purrs in her back at the touch. Beatrice slides her hand along Ava’s jaw, following the curve under her ear, and threading her fingers through her hair, not so conspicuously feeling the back of her neck.
Beatrice’s tongue swipes up the back of her neck. Ava groans, “fuck…” when Beatrice’s fingers scratch down her spine and palms her butt. Ava pushes up against her, desperate. A soft hand trails down the seam of her, reaching where her underwear is soaked.
“God. Ava.” Beatrice whispers against her ear, sounding nearly as wrecked as Ava.
“I know…I know…” Ava pants, breathless and needy.
Beatrice swirls over her clit through her underwear, and Ava presses against her for more. “Do you need to come?”
“So fucking badly, oh my god” Ava groans into the pillow, her hips undulating, seeking more friction. “Can I? Can I please?” Ava hardly recognizes her voice, but she needs this. It won’t take long. Ava feels like she’s been teased for hours.
“You don’t need to beg. No games, darling.” Beatrice kisses behind her ear. “You’ve been so good for me. I’m going to give you what you want,” Beatrice mutters in her ears. Ava feels the words zip down her stomach to her clit. She almost cries in relief. Beatrice's fingers hook the band of her underwear, pulling them down. Ava takes off her shirt, throwing them off to the side before planting her face back into her pillow.
She doesn’t know how long she stays like this, with her ass in the air, but she looks behind her to see Beatrice with their shirt open, exposing their soulmark and just a glimpse of the curve of her breasts. She’s looking so fucking hot Ava can’t help but gape at her. But Beatrice is distracted looking at the dagger running up her hip.
“I felt it…when I…It’s beautiful. You’re stunning, Ava.”
Ava swallows, trying to control her breathing as Beatrice leans down to take a closer look. She feels a soft kiss at her hip, admiring fingers that follow the blade. Ava’s eyes close.
Beatrice kisses up her back as hands spread her legs.
“Ah–”
“Oh…”
Their soulmarks clench and knot them together impatiently. Beatrice falls on her with a huff against her hair. Ava smiles into the pillow, enjoying the weight. She gasps as Beatrice cups her between her legs, spreading her slick wetness through her folds. Right, no games. Fingers easily swirl over her clit. Ava blubbers something she barely recognizes.
Yes.
Fuck.
Oh my god.
Yes yes yes.
Please.
Ava’s getting dizzy. She’s going to pass out if she doesn’t come Right Now.
“Now. Bea. Please, now.”
Beatrice complies, sliding two fingers inside her, curling towards her front, making her fist her sheets. Beatrice fucks her with her fingers, her mouth on her neck. Ava stops breathing as wave after wave of pleasure ripped through her body. Her chest heaves for air, coming out with a satisfying moan as her orgasm continues.
It felt like forever before Ava came back to herself. “Good?” Beatrice asks. Ava laughs, “What the fuck, Bea. Who the hell are you?”
Beatrice rolls them to the side, positioning Ava to lay on one of her arms, and throwing the covers over them.
“Your soulmate, darling. Speaking of…they aren’t letting go” she explains softly. Beatrice rests her other hand on Ava’s hip.
“Oh no…what will we ever do?” Ava grabs Beatrice’s hand, bringing them up her chest, and then back down, between her legs. Ava can’t think about anything else but staying right here until one of them becomes too hungry to continue..
*****
Rested and more than sated, Beatrice finally gets out of bed. It’s dark outside, but she barely glances out the window. Everything she wants is right there in that bed, with Ava dozing off, hugging Beatrice’s pillow. She ignores all the texts and emails on her phone, opening only one. She finds 10 new texts from Zach:
BRO WTF. CALL ME.
ALSO, WHO IS STUCHOMPSXX???
BADASS AF. LOVED THE JACKET. IT’S GIVING DADDDYYYY
Your mom looked hella funny lmaooo
I JUST QUIT, TOO. FUCK THIS SHIT. LET’S START A BUSINESS???
IDEA: QUEERS ON BOATS.
NVM QUICK GOOGLE SEARCH. I LEARNED A LOT.
OMG your mom just asked me if I could marry you HAHAHA this lady is crazy
I just told her I’m into bears.
YOU BETTER BE WITH AVA. TELL HER I MISS HER.
Beatrice feels Ava behind her before the bed shifts. Ava grabs her phone, taking a selfie of them with Ava kissing Beatrice’s cheek. It all happens so quickly, the photo captures a genuinely dopey look on Beatrice. Ava sends it before she can say anything.
Zach returns the texts immediately: THAT IS SEX HAIR, BRUH. SEX HAIRRRR. BRING HER HOME FOR NEW YEARS AT MY PLACE.
Ava types out a reply: Please send Ava the video. Also she is wondering about these queers on boats??? <3 Okay re: new years. Want to get dinner before? Love Beatrice and also Ava.
“Good text?”
“Excellent text.”
“Come. I have to show you something.”
Ava doesn’t go far, reaching under the bed. She gets back up, sitting across Beatrice with her legs crossed, a shoe box on her lap. Beatrice looks on curiously.
Beatrice waits as Ava opens and closes her mouth. Her hands nervously rub circles on top of the box, before she hands it to Beatrice.
“For me?”
“Open it…” Ava says softly. Her eyes are wide awake, looking adorably hopeful. Beatrice smiles, her hand coming up to caress her cheek. As if anything in this box could scare her.
Beatrice opens it carefully, confused to see a bunch of things she can’t place.
“It’s um…a lot, I know. It probably looks super random,” Ava chuckles nervously.
“I can take them out?”
“Mmhmm!” Ava says, wringing her fingers in her hands.
Beatrice lays each item out on the bed to take a closer look. A university pamphlet. Two salt and pepper shakers with blue, ornate patterning. A colorful, soft handkerchief. Mittens. A stuffed little lion. Three marble coasters with decorative leaves engraved in them.
Beatrice stares at the collection of items, willing it to mean something.
“I thought about going back to school to study herbal medicine. First because it reminded me of you…but now it’s just ‘cause love it.”
Beatrice smiles. “I noticed your window. You seem like a very responsible plant mom.”
“The salt and pepper shakers came from Germany. The handkerchief from Argentina. Mittens from Iceland. The lion’s from Portugal. The coasters from Mexico. I kept picking up things that reminded me of you. How you loved the random salt and pepper shakers my mom collected; at Formal, in your fancy suit; how you always kept me warm, how you always scolded me for all the mugs I stole from the dining hall. I thought of you all the time. Even when I tried not to…”
Ava takes a breath, her face shifting in the light from contemplative to bold. Beatrice looks at her, struck by the way she glows, the way she changes.
“You aren’t the only one…who wondered,” Ava says, eyes watering. “I imagined what it’d feel like studying at my desk, and looking up with tired eyes to see you open the mail in the kitchen. I imagined us waltzing in the middle of the street after ditching the party early. I imagined waiting for you to finish your coffee or tea so we could take a walk in the forest with our matching mittens and talk about whatever you read that morning.” Ava sniffs. “I dreamt of our life together.”
Beatrice reaches out to wipe Ava’s tears. The touch seems to make Ava crumble further. “I’m so sorry, Bea. I’m sorry I left.” Beatrice shakes her head. No. “I was scared of who I was and where I came from. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought…”
“Ava. It’s ok. I know. You don’t have to apologize.” Beatrice is struck by how young they were. How young they still are.
“I do. I do. Because part of me is still scared. But I’m going to try. I want to build this life with you. You were so brave for me, and even if I sometimes don’t believe in myself, I will always believe in us, in you. I wanna be brave for us.”
Beatrice’s heart swelled, her soulmark completely alight for this girl. She kisses her, once…twice…they can’t do much with all the tears and all the smiling, so Beatrice pulls Ava closer to sit in her lap.
The stuffed lion gets squished between them. Beatrice pulls it out. “What did you imagine with the lion?”
At that, Ava’s eyes bulge comically, tears forgotten. She covers her mouth in a laugh. “Don’t freak out. I was sad and feeling dramatic. And I don’t even know if this will be a thing. And it’s totally OK if it isn’t. I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves here.” Ava mumbles through her hands.
“Tell me?”
A beat.
“Babies.”
“WHAT?”
“Not NOW… ”
“Ava. PLURAL?”
“Like…when you know…we are grown. More grown. Like in ten years? You know what? Don’t even think about it.” Ava throws the stuffed animal behind her.
Beatrice runs her hands up Ava’s back.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Yeah?”
“...Yeah.”
Ava leans down to kiss her. “But not now.” Ava firmly pushes Beatrice to lay back down.
****
Ava nearly cried seeing her childhood home again. Her mom kept the Christmas lights up, leading them home like a lighthouse. Her mom brought her into her arms without as much as a hello when she saw them on the doorstep. Immediate ugly sobbing. What surprised her was when her mom brought Beatrice in just as fiercely.
It was soon apparent to Ava that they are thick as thieves. They’ve been teaming up against her all night. And Ava wouldn’t have it any other way.
“BEATRICE. WHEN DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT THIS?” Ava’s pikachu dies for the third time in 5 minutes. Mrs. Silva snickers behind her. She turns to look at Beatrice, who simply shrugs innocently.
After a night full of tears and laughter, Ava and Beatrice get ready for bed. Ava stares at Beatrice through the bathroom mirror, both of them brushing their teeth. She gives Beatrice a playful wink. Beatrice coughs a laugh, bringing her hand to her mouth to keep the toothpaste from dribbling down her chin.
Suddenly, Ava finds herself sliding across the tile floor, the dagger at her hip pulling at her, dragging her socked feet slowly. Beatrice’s soulmarks are always so tactile. So physical.
Beatrice quirks her brow at her floating figure moonwalking across the bathroom, closer to her.
“Izz naw me!” Ava says through a mouth full of toothpaste.
It doesn’t stop pulling her until her hips meet Beatrice’s.
“Here.” Beatrice steps behind her, an arm around her stomach, her back against Beatrice’s chest.
Yes. Just right.
A collective sigh. And all the time in the world.