you've begun to feel like home

by gesticulationbubble

Summary:

Summer 2010.

Phil is visiting Dan's family home for the first time.

Naturally, Dan is stressed beyond belief. He needs everything to be perfect for Phil's first visit. (It is not.) His home life is chaotic, the prospect of uni is looming just over the horizon, and Dan has found that his feelings for Phil are becoming more and more real...

Chapter 1: all i do is is sit and think about you

 

“Stay with me.” Phil said, softly. Dan kicked the tangled sheets, restless and heart racing. He could feel Phil so near him, yet his voice was distant. He tried to put himself up, but the duvet was heavier than he could carry in his suddenly weakened state. The summer air was thick- he moved through it as if through jelly. His mind was addled. Up was down, left was right. 

“Where are you?” Dan’s breath was quick. He felt like a child tossed into the deep end of a pool, who could just barely see his mother above the water as he thrashed and spluttered. 

Phil was barely audible now, but the worrying calmness in his voice was piercing. The sheets slipped over his head. The silence in the duvet’s vacuum was deafening. 

“Stay with me Dan. Dan. Please, Dan-

-Dan!” His mum called.

It was just after midday, on a strangely clear and warm day in Winnersh. The sunlight streamed in through the curtains, painting Dan’s room a creamy orange. The world was quiet, bar the blaring alarm that he’d unconsciously ignored.

“I’m awake.” Dan groaned, voice gravelly with sleep. 

That stuff was just a dream, thank god. But his heart was still racing. The sheets felt too tight. And now, his head was pounding, his eyes straining from the sudden exposure to sunlight. It was probably the lack of sleep. He’d stayed up til stupid-o’clock on MSN with Phil, buzzing with something between excitement and dread. 

“We’re picking your friend up soon. Get ready!” Yeah…his friend. Excitement. Dread. 

It’s just Phil coming over, that’s all, Dan thought, trying to be rational. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it, before remembering what day it was and desperately smoothing it down again. 

“And your brother needs me to drop him into town beforehand,” She called again.

Dan groaned. Great, now I have to rearrange my whole mental schedule to fit that in. 

“I heard that!”

Fucks sake. Of course she did. Dan scrubbed at his eyes, trying to pick out the last remnants of sleep. Maybe he’d find a scrap of calmness or sanity with it. He dragged himself out of bed.

Apart from some sock-shaped stragglers, Dan’s room was cleanest it’d ever been. He kicked the survivors of the Great Cleaning under his dresser, though he knew Phil wouldn’t care if it was messy. Hell, when Dan had first visited his family home, Phil had left every drawer imaginable open, and his clothes strewn across the vibrant green carpet. And, really? Dan wouldn’t have cared whether there were piles of things so high he had to wade through them, as long as he could get to Phil. 

So perhaps he wouldn't care if it was messy, but Dan’s rational voice was nothing compared to the pessimism ingrained into him. He threw his duvet into place, smoothing it down a few dozen more times than necessary. Old habits die hard. 

Dan brushed off his desk, which was gathering dust in the months after his A levels. He picked up an unopened letter from Manchester Uni and chucked it somewhere he couldn’t see. God knows he had enough to think about. Between his results day in a month’s time, his parents’ increasing frustration at his unemployability, and uni looming on the horizon, the excitement in his life was honestly choking him. 

He swiped again at the empty desk, as if the letter had stained it. Was he obsessive? Maybe. At least the movement stopped his hands from shaking. 

There’s nothing to be scared of. He’s just visiting your house. Dan thought, as he made his way to the bathroom. 

But it was the first time Phil was visiting his house. It had to be perfect. 

It wouldn’t be the traditional “meeting the parents” scenario for obvious reasons, but that wasn’t what worried him. He hadn’t been half as nervous meeting Kath and the Lesters for the first time. Deep down, he knew why: because they were so welcoming. And because there had been a little glint in Kath’s eye. One that told Dan that she knew how important he and Phil were to each other. 

“Lovely to finally meet you, Dan. Phil’s not stopped talking about you!” She’d said, her northern inflections new and comforting all at once.

It was a warm glint, a loving one, not at all invasive or pressuring. He let himself wonder whether she knew with a kind of lightness. The same thought about his own family would be squashed beneath layers and layers of deniability. 

Dan grabbed his toothpaste, squeezing it more vigorously than usual. He left the tap on, trying to drown out the growing dark noise in his head. He scrubbed at his eyes. They were slightly puffy- yesterday’s family dinner had been rough.

“Fuck off,” he said to the redness in the mirror. It was the literal worst possible day for lingering sadness. 

See, this whole thing was really an exercise in trust. Dan had spent months convincing his parents to let Phil stay over while the rest of the family went to Reading for a day or two. Eventually, they agreed: on the condition that they could meet him first. Then, some small thing had blown up at the dinner table last night, and Dan was worried that they’d cancel at the last minute.

He usually cried before reuniting with Phil. It was like eating his least favourite foods before rewarding himself with dessert. He left the sadness back in Wokingham. And there’d always been time to disguise it on his way up north. A cramped toilet on the train was the perfect place to dab desperately at his eyes, Dan had found. 

It’d gotten less intense since last October, though. 

The anxiety of their first meetup had been nearly all-encompassing, Dan remembered. He could see it all too vividly: how his leg bounced on the train, rattling the table and probably annoying the other passengers. The way his heart dropped as the train ground to a halt in Manchester. The moment he saw Phil in front of him and froze like a deer in headlights. 

But that had given way to a heady rush of adrenaline and excitement abnormally quickly. His heart was beating like a hummingbird’s. His hands and arms and goddamn everything was shaking, as if he’d been spun around until up was down and left was right. The only clear path was ahead.

“Phil!” he’d called, almost unconsciously. 

And there he was.

His bushy black hair blowing in the harsh northern breeze. The blue of his eyes almost startling in person. His pale face flushed pink. He burst into that fucking gorgeous smile after a similar frozen moment. All of that caution, the swirling pits of fear in their stomachs: it was thrown to the wind, giving way to pure, unbridled joy. They gravitated towards each other unthinkingly. It was like some force of nature was pulling them together, not telling them until they almost knocked each other over with the intensity of their embrace. 

“Hi,” they’d both said, breathlessly. 

Dan’s arms fit perfectly over Phil’s shoulders. He buried his face in the crook of his neck. The warmth of it was intoxicating. They were probably interrupting the flow of people on the platform, but Dan couldn’t have cared less. It was like the world was spinning around them as something new, like a supernova creating a whole generation of stars, burst so forcefully into the light. 

That feeling hadn’t left them since. He would focus on that. That’d get him through it. 

Dan pawed at the tap, wiped his mouth and wandered back to his room. He grabbed at his laptop, which he’d propped up halfway across the bed before he’d finally fallen asleep. It was half-open, leading him straight to his messages with Phil. He read the last few minutes of last night’s conversation. 

-

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

ive even got ur name in my screen name

 

dan xD

ur such a loser 

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

put mine in urs 

 

pleeease 

 

dan xD

…

 

fine 

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

!!!!!! 

 

Dan Howell has changed his screen name

dan xD / phil sux 

better?

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

I h8 u 

 

Dan xD / phil sux 

if u really h8 me then whats that train tiket uve got over there

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!]

ur the worst

 

hold on ill improve mine then

 

dan xD / phil sux 

o rly? already perfect 

 

(for a loser)

 

Phil Lester has changed his screen name

 

Phil [meeting a fan…]

better? :)

 

dan xD / phil sux 

omg

 

dont bsmirch th name of smiley faces liek that 

 

I thought i trusted u </333

 

…

 

Phil Lester has changed his screen name

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

miss u <3

 

dan xD / phil sux

miss u too

 

ur litrally seeing me tomorrow you spoon 

 

do u think my mum and dad will like u

 

speaking of

 

do u think theyll know that we’re-

 

its 1am wat r u doing 

 

uve got a train at liek 8 in the morning

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

talking to u 

 

sleep can wait

 

dan xD / phil sux

ew u sappy idiot

 

but u actually have a train 

 

promise me u wont miss it

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

pinky promise

 

wat r U doing up then too

 

ur the one who has 2 pick me up 

 

dan xD / phil sux 

sleep is 4 the weak 

 

and my mums driving

 

not allowed on the motorway w a provisional

 

cba anyway lol

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

cba to drive ur lovely bf around :’((???

 

dan xD / phil sux 

whos this “lovely” bf u speak of 

 

and just wait til u see the state of teh roads round here 

 

dont think ud trust me on them 

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

will u at least take me for a ride round town when i get there

 

pretty pleaseeeee

 

 dan xD / phil sux

o i definitely will

 

;)

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

…

 

cancelling my ticket 

 

dan xD / phil sux

nooooo 

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!] 

maybe u can convince me 2 change my mind…

 

by driving me around :))))))))

 

dan xD / phil sux

…fine 

 

if ur on ur best behaviour 

 

passenger princess 

 

Phil [SEEING DAN!!]  

no idea what u mean…………..

 

dan xD / phil sux

i kno what ur like philip lester

 

now SLEEEP

 

Phil [MEETING DAN]

i will if u will

 

dan xD / phil sux 

fineeeee

 

Phil [MEETING DAN]

see u tomorrow xxx

 

Phil [MEETING DAN] has gone offline

dan xD / phil sux 

im scared of what they’ll 

 

i think 

 

i love y

 

Dan Howell has changed his screen name

 

dan xD / phil sux [<3]

see u tomorrow xxx

 

dan xD / phil sux [<3] has gone offline

 

-

 

“Dan? Are you getting ready?”

He flipped the lip of his laptop closed, a hopeful smile forming on his lips.  

“Yup!” Dan pulled the sheets taught across the mattress, before standing up. He grabbed at the clothes he’d laid out on his dresser. It’d taken him days to decide what to wear. He’d spent hours practising the perfect hairstyle, so the humidity of the summer wouldn’t mess up his fringe. His parents found it funny how obsessed he was becoming with his appearance. But it wasn’t half as bad as the weeks it took him to prepare his outfit last October. 

Dan pulled on his jeans and a black Muse t-shirt, and fished 2 bottles of cologne from a drawer. He’d got them from Boots back in September, meaning to wear one to meet Phil. But he’d chickened out at the last second, after his mum caught a whiff of it and had loudly questioned whether he was going off to meet a girl. 

Ping. He had a message. 

“Are you nearly ready?” His mum called again. 

“Yeah!”

“You have 5 minutes!”

Dan rushed across to his laptop again. 

-

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!] 

daaaan

 

are you awakeeee

 

the trains like 20 mins away from reading 

 

im nearly theree :)))

 

-

 

Dan glanced out of the window, hiding his smile. Part of him hoped he’d just be there, that Phil had appeared at the front door like some kind of dream. 20 minutes almost seemed too long. He looked back to the screen. If his hands were shaking slightly, the keyboard was forgiving. 

 

-

 

dan / phil sux [<3]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

on our way in a sec 

 

found out mum needs to drop off my brother as well :/

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!] 

how long does it take u to get to Reading again???

 

dan / phil sux [<3]

…

 

i mightve overslept

 

in my defence

 

it wasnt my fault 

 

some guy kept me up all night on msn…

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]  

:0

 

omggg who??

 

answer wisely…

 

dan / phil sux [<3]

shut uppppp

 

anyway it only takes 20 mins to get there

 

id be perfectly on time if the plans werent changed…

 

gettin in the car rn

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]  

dont lie dan howell….

 

the webcam might not be on but i can sense that u havent even left ur bedroom

 

dan / phil sux [<3] 

ok finee stalker

 

but before i go

 

vanilla or orange

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]

??

 

vanilla or orange what??

 

dan / phil sux [<3] 

just choooseee

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]

Vanilla then? 

 

should i be scared??

 

dan / phil sux [<3]  

mmm okay…interesting ;)

 

and yes

 

u should always b scared of me 

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]

how many steps away from ur car are u rn……

 

dan / phil sux [<3]  

shhhh im leaving now

 

see u soon :))

 

Phil [DAN DAY!!!]

byeee!!!

 

see u soon <3

 

-

 

Dan slammed his laptop shut and grabbed the vanilla-scented cologne off the dresser. He sprayed it at his neck and on his wrists. He did so with less hesitation than the first time he’d done it, all those months ago.

He preened at his hair in the mirror, after straightening it with a practised hand. Just as he went to grab his bag, his eyes wandered to the photo he’d stuck to the top right corner of the mirror. Him and Phil at the Apple Store in Manchester. Back on that very first day. That was when Dan knew. 

He knew that what they had was something special. He knew that he didn’t care about anything else. He didn’t care if his mum looked at him funny in the car or made a comment about his cologne. He didn’t care if one of the lads from school shouted lewd things at him across the street, as they often did when he left the house. He didn’t care if his room wasn’t spotless and his home was a bit more hectic than Phil’s. 

“Dan! We’re leaving!” 

“Coming!” He shouted. He took one last look in the mirror, before rushing out, skipping every other step downstairs. Shoving his trainers on, he raced to the car. 

“Eager all of a sudden, hm?” His mum called, through the car window. 

“Just excited, that’s all.” 

He hopped into the back seat, realising too late that it was just the two of them in there.

“Where’s-”

“Your brother decided he’s getting the bus. He didn’t want you to be late to meeting your friend, after all.”

“Oh. That’s.. nice of him.” Dan felt something between shock and lightness settling in his chest. “Tell him I say thanks.”

He picked up his phone and put on his headphones, music quieter than usual.

 

-

 

(Dan): we’re ACTUALLY on our way now, he texted Phil, 

(Dan): and plans are back to normal!! see u in 20 <3 _12:39pm

 

(Phil): aaaa i cant wait!! I’m like one of those dogs at a park that jumps on everyone it meets in excitement..tho the other passengers are grumpy so theyd probably think im a bit mad if i did that _12:39pm

 

(Dan): you can jump on me if u want.. _12:39pm

 

(Phil): ur the worst in the world _12:40pm

 

(Dan): u love me really x _12:40pm

 

(Phil): I gueeess… see you soon xx  _12:40pm

 

-

 

Despite her earlier annoyance at Dan’s lateness, his mum hid a small smile as she drove. There was much less panic in Dan’s eyes than when they usually went out. He was smiling so widely as he tapped away on his phone to text this boy. 

Dan caught his mum’s eye in the mirror, and moved one of his headphones away from his ear. 

“You know… I’m looking forward to meeting this Phil. He seems like a nice lad from what you’ve told me.” 

“He is mum. He really is.” Dan saw a softness in his mum’s eyes. Something that told him it was going to be okay. Something that told him she understood how important Phil was to him.

 

-

 

(Phil): do u think ur mum would find it weird if i jumped up at her like a labrador or something as well?? purely for hypothetical reasons of course _12:41pm

 

Dan spluttered.

 

(Dan): shes literally just told me how nice you seem..but yes itd probably be weird, soz _12:41pm

 

(Phil): awee your mum likes me already? _12:41pm

 

(Dan): of course she does u idiot. and u wouldnt be a labrador, ud be a golden retriever  _12:41pm

 

(Phil): whos the sap now? <3 _12:41pm

 

(Dan): If u tell anyone theyll never find ur body _12:42pm

 

(Phil): oh there u are again! thats the dan i know.. was afraid someone was impersonating u (badly) _12:42pm

 

(Dan): can i not just be nice if i feel like it?? >:( _12:42pm

 

(Phil): no . i will just assume ur a changeling child or something  _12:42pm

 

(Dan): Shut uppp. I’ll show u nice  _12:42pm

 

(Phil): o im sure u will…  _12:42pm

 

-

 

As he typed, Dan felt a kind of lightness that he hadn’t felt since he woke up. He realised he didn’t have to worry about what Phil would think about his house or his family, or vice versa.

Nothing needed to be perfect because Phil would be . Because everything would fall into place, like how their arms slot perfectly together as if they’re two parts of the same puzzle, or whatever sappy shit Phil would say. Or like how the sun was shining so so brightly on the day they were coming back to each other. 

If Dan believed in fate or soulmates, maybe he’d think that nature was framing the shot, making sure everything would be special just for them.

And maybe, just maybe, he was starting to believe in all that fairytale shit.

 

Or, perhaps, he was just starting to believe in love.

Notes:

Hello! Tysm for reading!!

Well, this has been a few months in the making!! I'm used to writing smaller fics (see: my previous fic which is only as long as just this chapter), so please be patient with me, but I'm so happy that I've decided to bite the bullet and put this out!

I'll be honest, I'm not the happiest with the start of this chapter, but I love so many parts of it and have plans for the next few, so I had to just get it out here. If the beginning gets randomly edited, that's why. Also I'm sorry if it's a bit non-dialogue-heavy so far: there'll be more talking when Phil arrives!

I hope you've enjoyed it so far though! <3

Also the msn bits are partly inspired by 'read between the lines (i will if you will)' by ablissa, so go read it!! (i highly recommend it, its so so good)

Chapter 2: i could find you, darling, in any life

Summary:

From Reading Station, with love.

Phil's train arrives in Reading. They find each other. They're sickeningly cute.

(Stfu we get you're in love.)

Dan

 

The 20 minutes between Wokingham and Reading seemed to stretch out endlessly. Dan usually liked long journeys, where he could just listen to music and shut his brain off for a bit. But, when it came to seeing Phil, even a second leading up to their reunion lasted forever. He drummed his fingers on the seat next to him. It was too cold, too empty. He ached to touch something that he couldn’t quite reach- not yet.

-

(Phil) im here!! on platform 7!!!  _12:58pm

 

(Dan) just pulling into the car park!!! _12:58pm

 

(Phil) a man sat in front of me on the tables like half an hr ago and has been death staring at me every time i breathe

he may b following me

b prepared to run from the serial killer ive attracted _12:58pm

 

(Dan) b prepared to die bc i cant run to save my life.. literally _12:58pm

-

 

“Honey, are you listening?” Dan’s mum said. 

“What, sorry?” He tugged his headphones off. 

“Don’t be too long. I’ll be driving around, I’m not paying 5 quid for a space,” She started, as she pulled into the car park. “What platform’s Phil on?”

“7.” Dan said.

“You have his number, right?”

“Yeah, mum.”

"Phone him if you can’t find the platform,” she told him.

“It's the one my train always leaves from, don’t worry.”

“Okay, be safe!” 

“I will! See you in a sec!” he said. 

 

Dan hopped out of the car, smiling from ear to ear already. Swerving around swathes of commuters, he made his way into the station. He could see what Phil meant about the grumpy passengers- they swarmed everywhere, grumbling about slow walkers and delays. His skittish walking pattern attracted a few tuts from men in pristine black and white suits. They were the kind of businessmen that could frown for England: and that described Reading’s commuter population perfectly. 

 

Dan’s phone pinged. He slid into the unoccupied shadows to read the message, avoiding the speed-walking crowds.

 

(Phil) dannnn idk how much longer i can avoid the death staring man _1pm  

 

(Dan) dw im coming!! be there in 5  _1pm

 

(Phil) aaaa see u soon!!! ill evade him til u come save me  _1pm

 

(Dan) i’ll be ur knight in shining armour dont worry _1pm

 

(Phil) [replied to ‘b prepared to die bc i cant run to save my life.. literally.’] this u?  _1pm

 

(Dan) shut uppp or ill leave u with the serial killer.. also this U??? _1:01pm

 

Dan lurked in a corner for a second, waiting for the picture to send. He could’ve waited literally a few minutes to show Phil in person, but it was worth the few pennies for an immediate reaction over text. Though just thinking about how Phil was just a few minutes away had excitement buzzing through Dan’s veins. 

 

He started walking again, flicking his hand from left to right to channel that energy somewhere.

 

(Phil) absolutely

tho dont besmirch her name like that 

sarah michelle geller as daphne in scooby doo (2002) is strong and powerful and doesnt need a man to save her _1:01pm

 

(Dan) ok nvm it’s not u then x _1:01pm

 

(Phil) omg wait.. _1:02pm

 

(Dan) ??? _1:02pm

 

(Phil) maybe UR in cahoots with the starer!! U r my stalker after all _1:02pm

 

Dan hid a smile. Phil always came up with the most outlandish stories and theories to make him laugh. He’d noticed that Phil did it more in the days leading up to their meetups, too. 

 

(Dan) ur such an idiot _1:02pm 

Dan texted back, shaking his head fondly.

 

(Phil) then why r u coming to save me, hm? :) _1:02pm

 

His eyes flitted away from the screen. God, he could almost hear that sentence in Phil’s voice, the smiley face and all. Something in his chest fluttered. Dan knew he was probably wearing the stupidest smile known to man at that moment, but he didn’t care. It was impossible to, with Phil not just through the screen, but dangerously nearby. It was dangerous: for the range of Dan’s heartbeat, and for his facial muscles. He didn’t know how much smiling they could take without having some kind of aneurysm.

 

(Dan) i wont be able to save u if i get killed 1st 

ive got like 10000 death stares istg 

trying to not to bump into crowds of teens 

n searching for ur stalker-killer guy _1:03pm

 

(Phil) good luck

ull need it _1:03pm

 

(Dan) stalker-killer quest ce sais or however that one song goes _1:03pm

 

(Phil) btw..did you pay to send me that pic _1:04pm

 

(Dan) maaaybe… _1:04pm

 

(Phil) daniel james howell. _1:04pm

 

(Dan) shhh ur not my daaad _1:04pm

 

Dan swerved around a pole, out of the shadows and into an open waiting space. He looked around for a second, and decided that he could afford to keep texting. This area seemed pretty commuter-free. 

 

(Dan) and whos the stalker now 

you full namer 

philip michael lesyer 

Lestr _1:04pm

 

(Phil) karma x _1:05pm

 

(Dan) lester

i hate u forever _1:05pm

-

Phil

It was weird, being on the other side of things. Phil was used to lounging around Manchester Piccadilly like he owned the place, saving a seat for Dan at their favourite little sushi pop-up shop. Reading Station was unfamiliar. There were less teens taking a trip to town- more uptight commuters, and a generally grumpy aura. 

The station gave off the impression that passengers should just be passing through: it was a transitional space, not a hub of community. People around Dan’s age squeezed themselves into shadowy corners, but there were no little local restaurants to sit down at, no chatter among acquaintances. The cold lighting of the chain stores didn’t add to the atmosphere. At least Phil wasn’t bothered by the lack of seating- he’d been sitting down for a good few hours on the train.

Despite the alien coldness of the place, Phil felt strangely happy, knowing that Dan was so close by. His excitement seeped into the air around him. He cupped his phone between his hands, as if he could concentrate all of that buzzing energy into the screen he shared with Dan.

Ping! 

 

(Dan) ur such an idiot _1:02pm 

Phil giggled. The sound pierced through the relatively quiet waiting area. It was hard to feel self-conscious, though, with his heart fluttering at the thought of Dan rolling his eyes and smiling at his message. 

(Phil) then why r u coming to save me, hm? :) _1:02pm

 

Phil loved getting Dan mock-wound-up with stupid accusations and theories. In the weeks they went without seeing each other, it was the closest he could get to their real-life teasing. 

It took Dan a minute or so to answer. With the crowds of people milling around and getting in the way, he couldn’t blame him. It was probably a miracle he was able to text at all while navigating this maze of a station- though he did know it much better than Phil did.

(Dan) i wont be able to save u if i get killed 1st 

ive got like 10000 death stares istg 

trying to not to bump into crowds of teens 

n searching for ur stalker-killer guy _1:03pm

 

Phil had exaggerated a bit about the weird guy on the train- though he did seem to attract odd people everywhere he went. That guy had just sat on a seat opposite him, looked up from his newspaper and made eye contact a little more than the average person. 

Train rides were boring, so he made up stuff and texted Dan to distract himself. Dan knew what he was like at this point. He probably had from the beginning. So the stalker stayed in the confines of their imaginations. Phil wasn’t too near anyone else right now, anyway. Everyone seemed to keep their distance in Reading. 

(Phil) good luck

ull need it _1:03pm

He maintained their little back-and-forth game, though. The pretending would be good practice for spending a day with Dan’s family. Dan's family. He flicked his hands back and forth a bit, trying to dissuade the anxiety he felt around the thought of meeting them. Even with his own pretty laid-back family, they’d only been around adults together once or twice on their visits. It always felt like a bit of a shot in the dark as to how they should act. It felt especially close to the "meeting the parents" scenarios that you see in coming-of-age movies, from what Dan had told him about his parents. Overprotective but nagging mother, distant and socially inconsiderate father. 

(Dan) stalker-killer quest ce sais or however that one song goes _1:03pm

Phil chuckled again . The slight butterfly-ish nervousness in his stomach subsided. He was flooded with warmth again. Dan had a mysterious way of doing that. Just taking all of his worries and tucking them away for the time they were together. Even afterwards- Phil would often scroll back through their messages to distract himself from the knot in his stomach whenever they had to part. That reminded him of a message from earlier…

(Phil) btw..did you pay to send me that pic _1:04pm

(Dan had a habit of paying to send Phil pictures. He didn’t listen when Phil told him not to. Even if they were of Sarah Michelle Geller.) 

 

(Dan) maaaybe… _1:04pm

 

(Phil) daniel james howell. _1:04pm

 

(Dan) shhh ur not my daaad _1:04pm

 

(It was cute, really. It was nice to see the ways Dan thought of him at random times through random pictures.

(Dan) and whos the stalker now 

you full namer 

philip michael lesyer _1:04pm

Phil chuckled. Dan’s frequent spelling mistakes were an easy source of entertainment. He could see it in his mind’s eye- the knowing crinkle of Dan’s eyes, the way he’d be frantically typing to correct his mistake.

A few people nearby started shuffling to their next train. Phil moved over to a now-empty chair. It was stiff, but it was somewhere to sit, at least. Just as he started to settle into it, he noticed a shift in the structured footsteps of commuting crowds. The patterns of left-right-left-right were pierced by a stuttering, skittish one.

 

Phil’s head perked up.

 

It still happened every time, like it was the first all over again. His heart skipping a beat, him rising from his seat on instinct, his hands shaking. Dan wasn’t even too nearby. He was across the pretty sizable waiting area, head bent over his phone but occasionally jerking up so he could avoid crowds of people. 

 

(Dan) Lestr _1:04pm

Phil smirked. Both at the spelling mistake, and at being able to see Dan’s reactions. He’d stopped for a second as he realised the error, eyes shut in a slight, embarrassed smile. Almost unthinkingly, Phil started wandering towards Dan, careful to stay just out of his eyeline. It was rare for him to be the one able to watch from afar, to see Dan in his natural state. Just texting him, not caring about anything else.

 

(Phil) karma x _1:05pm

Though Dan was in darker areas of the room, Phil could see him stop again for a second, holding the flip-phone to his chest. Phil was closer to him now. He could see smaller details, like the way he wiped at the persistent smile on his face, or how his hands were partly covered with the ends of his too-long sweatshirt. 

(Dan) lester

i hate u forever _1:05pm

(Phil) youre literally smiling 

you love me really _1:05pm

He watched Dan’s surprise gleefully. His head flew up, his eyes searching the room like a hawk. Phil texted him a hint. 

(Phil) to the left a bit _1:06pm

Dan’s head darted to the left. He was met with a wall.

(Phil) oops 

to the right a bit _1:06pm

He did the same thing, instead met with crowds and queues. He squinted, trying to see if anyone vaguely Phil-ish was sitting in the chairs that he’d just abandoned. Phil left him searching, just for one more second of him being so sweet, so candid. 

(Phil) turn around, idiot :) _1:06pm

 

Dan turned. His eyes widened. He broke out into a such a fucking wide smile. They were in each others’ arms before Phil could even blink. 

 

It felt so new. A different backdrop. A different routine. A different adrenaline rush. It was a vacuum; Dan pulled all the air and stars and every ounce of the universe’s energy into their embrace. The force of it almost knocked Phil over, to a level it hadn’t reached since last October.

 

God, how he wished he could freeze that moment and live in it forever. 

 

“Hi,” Dan whispered.

 

“Hey,” Phil said, into the side of the other's neck.

 

Dan was standing up straighter than usual. He was stiffer. He'd let Phil into parts of the life he lived in Wokingham- the fear, the bullying, the constant vigilance. So, just for a second, Phil let himself stand there and breathe him in. The scent of vanilla and his natural warmth and just Dan . There, in front of him again. Then he pulled his chin back over Dan’s shoulder. He opened his eyes again. It was friendly now, nothing more. Better safe than sorry.

 

Dan let go, stepped back. His eyes flicked across the room for a few seconds. To make sure none of his classmates are around, Phil thought. 

 

“You okay?” Phil asked. 

 

He could see the lines in Dan’s forehead, the slight worry that seeped into his honey-dark eyes. It was something Phil often noticed for the first few minutes of Dan’s visits- to a lesser degree- before he remembered he was in Manchester, free from the jockish guys from his school. This was on a different level. 

 

But, after checking the coast was clear, Dan met his eyes again, nodding slightly. 

 

“Mhm, just…” He led him away by the shoulder, further into the shadows. 

“I’m pretty sure my mum taught me not to let creepy stalkers take me to a second location,” Phil quipped, in a light whisper. 

“Shut up. Hate you,” Dan giggled. 

 

He pulled them into a crevice behind a large pole, far from the other people at the station. He knew this place pretty well. Phil, if he were a different kind of person, would’ve wondered whether this was a trick he pulled often, with other people. Taking them to dark, secretive places. But he wasn’t that kind of person. And, even if he was, it’d be hard to focus on a smidge of jealousy or doubt at that second. 

 

“I missed you,” Dan whispered. 

 

Phil wrapped his arms around him, hunching over to bury himself in the space between Dan’s neck and shoulder. Somehow, they started spinning, smiles pressed to the collar of each other’s shirts. Their laughter was lost in the noise of crowds walking and bags rustling.

 

Phil was so glad that Dan was a hugger. From the reserved ways he expressed his love online, he’d expected him to be less physically affectionate in person. But Phil had never been so happy to be wrong. 

 

Dan cradled him like glass- precious yet his. Breakable and worthy of protection; but sharp, able to splinter into him at any moment.

 

That was something about him that knocked all the air out of Phil’s chest. His goddamn contradictions. His seeming innocence, yet obvious flirtation; his politeness, yet his overtness; his overwhelming kindness to others, yet his less kind view of himself. Moments like those, when he was being spun around in a tiny corner of a train station, made Phil wonder how Dan could ever see himself in such a dark, small way. 

 

How couldn’t he see this giant force of light and love?

 

“I missed you too.” 

 

The embrace ended with Phil leaning back against the pole. Dan’s arms were still resting on his hips. 

 

“Nice to see you again.” Phil said, faux-casually.

Dan let out his cackle of a laugh. “Yeah, just nice. After the Disney princess sweep-me-into-your-arms bullshit I just pulled?” he drawled, “Yeah, it’s okay to see you, I guess.” But he knew: with such a sickeningly sweet smile sneaking onto his face, he wasn’t fooling anyone. 

“Oh, really? Guess I’ll just hop on a train back to Manchester then,” Phil joked. He ran his fingers down Dan’s chest. “Kiss me before you miss me.”  

“That’s not a fucking quote! Who said that, Plato?”

 

Ping!

(Mum) Dan, have you found Phil yet?

Text me when you have. _1:11pm

(Missed call from Mum) _1:16pm

 

“Oh, shit, my mom called me. She’s doing laps ‘round the car park ‘cause she’s too cheap to get a space.” 

 

(Dan) sorry, yep found him!!

coming back out now x _1:17pm

 

Dan started leaving, dragging Phil with him.

“Nooo, come back!” Phil whined.

“We have to go, child.” 

Phil shoved him lightly, but came out too.

 

Wandering back out of the hidey-hole, they fell into their familiar rhythm of swerving around commuters, chatting, and laughing. 

 

“You know you literally could’ve waited 2 minutes to show me that Sarah Michelle Geller picture?”

“How are you reading my exact thoughts from whenever we talk about Buffy?” Dan teased.

“Shut uppp.” Phil’s northern inflections got stronger on certain phrases- and that was one of them. Dan smiled to himself every time. It was strangely endearing.

 

“Her face is LITERALLY ingrained into my brain from the amount of times you’ve shown me photos of her. And you have the audacity to scold me for sending you -”

 

Phil put a hand over Dan’s mouth.

 

“-Fohos dfff mumrh mifell fellbr,” he finished his sentence. Phil hated himself for still being able to tell what Dan was saying. He rolled his eyes, but quickly pulled his hand away, knowing that Dan would go to lick it if he was held captive for too long. It was a lesson he’d learnt the hard way. 

 

“No licking today, Spaniel.”

“You’re the actual worst,” Dan said, giving him a look. “Sending you to an old people’s home as soon as I can.”

Phil put a hand to his chest, miming a gasp. “You’d have to answer to Kath then!” 

“Good. I like her more than you.” Dan deadpanned. 

 

Humid air blasted them as soon as they stepped outside. Dan had forgotten how bad it was while in the heavily air-conditioned station. 

“Shit, it’s hot,” he said. 

 

With one hand, he texted his mum that they were outside the station. With the other, he fanned himself, pretty ineffectively. British summer was way too stifling. Phil started fanning him with both hands, as if he was the servant of a 16th century monarch.

 

“Ah yes. Bow down to your master.” Dan said, tipping his head back to bask in the sun and the barely noticeable breeze that Phil was causing.

“I hate you.” Phil made his voice smaller, like a tantruming toddler’s. 

“Stop fanning me then. I dare you.” 

 

He swiped lightly at Dan’s shoulder. Dan flicked him back. It was too hot for proper play-fighting, but they did the best they could with their newly heat-exhausted limbs. Their usual thwacks with pillows and unexpected tackles became light flicks and swipes and kicks at the ankles. 

 

I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. Here’s the evidence. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t fade.

 

“Boys! I’m overheating in here, get in!” Dan’s mum pulled up nearby and called to them. “I don’t want a traffic warden on my back!” 

 

They stopped their play-fighting, freezing in their tracks. But Phil caught Dan’s eye and they both burst out laughing again. They walked over to the car. Dan’s shoulders were a bit stiffer again. Phil cracked his knuckles as he walked. It was a nervous habit that drove most people up the wall, but Dan had never complained about it. 

 

At that moment, his fingers were fidgeting to hold something- to reach out for Dan and say I’m here. We have each other. We’ll get through this. They ached to do things they could only do behind closed doors, or in the shadowy corners of a train station.

 

“Phil, you can sit in the front, love. The air-con doesn’t quite reach the back seats,” she said, through the window. 

“Thank you, Mrs Howell.” 

“Oh you don’t ha-” she chuckled, “you can just call me Ann.”

“Cool!” Phil shot a thumbs up at her. (Another nervous habit. It was worse than the knuckle-cracking- teachers had noticed and laughed about it in secondary.)

“Oh, thanks mum. I’ll just sit in the back and boil, then,” Dan drawled. He opened the door for Phil, “Your majesty.” 

Dan

 

Dan flopped into the back. His jeans stuck uncomfortably to the seats. The heat really had invaded the car. Luckily, he’d avoided the humidity for a good amount of time, so his hair hadn’t reached hobbit levels just yet. But it was only a matter of time…

 

“Dan’s told us so much about you Phil,” Dan’s mum started. 

 

She said it like he gave out any information freely- it was more like he was interrogated before he first met up with Phil in Manchester. Dan basically had to create a friend application to present to his mum: ‘age 22, York Uni graduate, from Rawtenstall (in Lancashire) but moving to Manchester soon, likes the same bands I do, not a stalker sent to kill me, etc etc.’ 

 

“Er, all good things, I hope?” Phil joked. He had the air of a parent to a badly-behaved child at a parent’s evening. 

“Of course. He said you went to York University…?”

“Oh- erm, yeah. I did English Language and Linguistics for three years, and then video post-production for a fourth.” 

“Fancy! Any particular reasons for those choices?” 

“Mm, I wanted to be a forensic linguist. These spy kinda guys that can analyse people’s voices to solve crimes. Then I made some short films with my roommates in my free time, and thought I’d give video post-production a go.” 

 

Dan smiled: though he could tell Phil was tense with all the small talk, he loved seeing the glint in his eyes and excited rhythm in his voice whenever he talked about his interests. He hoped his mum could see that, too. 

 

“And now you’re going out into the wide world?” 

“At the end of this summer, yeah. I moved back in with my mum and dad, but I’m off to Manchester soon.”

“It’ll be a lot easier for you and Dan to see each other then, mm? With Dan hopeful to go to Manchester Uni?”

“Aha, yeah.”

 

She caught Dan’s eye in the rear view mirror, then briefly turned to Phil. In a stage-whisper, she said: 

 

“Remind him to put water in the pot when he makes pasta.” 

“Mum! Don’t you dare tell him the pasta story. I will literally disown you.”

“The pasta story?” Phil turned, eyebrows raised. “No, no, carry on, Ann. Tell me all about the pasta story.” 

“You are a treat, aren’t you? I’m surprised Dan didn’t tell you, I would’ve thought so from the way he brings you up in almost every conversation!” 

 

Phil had the decency to look slightly sheepish, though Ann didn’t say it meanly. She carried on. 

 

“The first time he tried to make pasta, a few months ago, he didn’t realise you have to put water in the pot with it. So he left it for a quarter of an hour on the stove and served us burnt pasta for dinner!” 

“You BURNT pasta?? I didn’t even know that was possible,” Phil said, ludicrously. 

“They don’t teach you these things in school, okay??” 

“It was properly brown. Not a speck of yellow, and he didn’t even make sauce to cover it up!” Ann laughed.

“One second you’re making shitty-” “Language, Daniel” (both Ann and Phil said, instinctively) “-Apple crumbles in Food Tech, next thing you know you’re making a pot of pasta without any instructions and expected to know it needs water?? This is why school is useless.” 

“Don’t go telling Adrian that, it’s hard enough getting him to go as it is!” 

 

Dan found himself smiling as the conversation carried on. It was lighter now- though embarrassment was the price he paid. But honestly? It could’ve been worse. He just hoped his mum wouldn’t bring out the baby videos when they got home.

How do you get your hair like that, love? My GHD's never do the trick for mine,” Ann asked, as she admired Phil's hair. Phil mimed the motions of backcombing and hair-messing and spraying vicious amounts of heat protectant.  

As Ann carried on, telling Phil about Dan’s other mishaps- the meringue incident, his detentions, how he was fired from nearly every job he got- they laughed along, more at ease than before. Phil put his hand out of the window, slightly, as the wind messed up his side-swept hair. 

Dan, hot as he was and with his fringe sticking to his forehead, decided there was nothing else to lose at that point. He rolled down his window as well, and stuck his hand out. The wind thrashed at his meticulously styled hair, but he couldn't have cared less. His mum didn’t scold him for leaning out of the window, like she did when he was younger. Truthfully, she was happy that he was able to stomach looking out of the window at all, let alone actively facing the world out of it and saying catch me if you can. 

 

Dan and Phil played a game of catching each other’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. Ann shook her head, eyes creasing at the corners. All the while, the world passed them by in streaks of blue and green and white and grey. The sun blazed on, seeming too hot and bright and wonderful to be in England, let alone Dan's little life in Winnersh.

Phil had brought the light with him.

In that moment, Dan could’ve sworn, nothing else mattered. 

Notes:

AAAA I'm SO HAPPY WITH THIS!!

though remind me not to ever use subscript for times again outside of this fic, terrible idea i hate html boo tomato tomato. i loved writing the texts here though!! and they'll be gone for a decent few chapters now that phil is in winnersh!!

btw yes i named dan's fictional mum after ann from the weakest link. lol.

(and it goes without saying that this version of her is fictional, and so are any other versions of actual people in dnps lives in this fic. they're characterisations, not reflections of real events or who they really are!)

also i loved doing the different perspectives omg <3 wasn't originally in my plan but i'm so glad it happened!! it'll still be mostly dan's perspective btw, but i might throw phil's in there every now and then

also yeah ew theyre so in love here get a room (they will soon, don't worry)

Chapter 3: love for all my life, to have and to hold

Summary:

Dan and Phil (and Ann) get back to Wokingham.

The boys fall into their usual meetup routine: exploring the family home, pillow fights, wrestling. Making up for the time they've missed.

But something is lurking on the horizon of the day. Something that Dan ends up dreading...

 

“Aw, you’ve got baby photos of Dan up everywhere!” Phil immediately noticed, as he walked into the house. 

“He was just the cutest, wasn’t he?”

“I will murder you.” Dan whispered to Phil, “And oi, what do you mean was ?”

Ann give him a mischievous look. “Oh, of course you’re still cute, darling.” She went to pinch his cheeks. Dan swerved away, fighting a smile.

“Have you two been hatching a plan together to embarrass me or something??”

“Yeah, sorry, to break it to you. I really came here to better my friendship with your mum,” Phil joked. Ann chuckled as she went to put her stuff in the kitchen. 

“You’re literally the worst.” 

“I try my best,” Phil winked. 

They fell into silence for a moment, as they slipped off their shoes and put down their bags. Dan tugged Phil’s suitcase from him, (“You don’t have to-”), putting it on the stairs to carry up later. (“Shh, it’s fine.”)

Dan turned back around to find Phil with his head tipped up, looking at the photos strewn across the walls. He leant back against the bannister, watching him. There was the photoshoot with his grandma, Dan all wispy blonde curls and half-smirking smile; baby photos; reluctant photos of him and his brother, them pulling faces at each other behind the scenes. Phil smiled one of his small, no-one-else-is-around kind of smiles. 

It was rare for the house to feel so comfortably quiet. 

It was Phil’s doing, Dan knew. He could make any stretch of silence feel natural. 

The scene in front of him felt like one from a childhood summer holiday. Pots clanged a little in the kitchen. The sun shone in through the windows. If their reunion was a summer day- the echoes of squealing laughter, ice-cream and water fights- this was the evening afterwards, where everything is quiet and still and everlasting.

Being with Phil made every second feel eternal; like there was nowhere to go, nothing to do away from him. Dan’s world shrunk down to tiny moments like these. And it made him understand what ‘forever’ meant better than any dictionary.

Phil’s eyes looked a bit watery. Dan glanced to the kitchen. The door was closed. Wandering over to Phil, he brushed his fingertips against the small of his back, grounding him back to the present. 

“Hey,” Dan whispered. He didn’t want to break the magical quiet that’d fallen. “You alright?”

“You were blonde as a kid,” was all Phil said. He traced Dan’ curls in the photo, smiling softly. 

His eyes flickered over to the real Dan, to his darker brown hair. He reached over and held one of his curls. Dan stood statue-still. He breathed out in small increments. He longed to rest his head on Phil’s shoulder, to close his eyes and feel nothing but his hair between Phil’s thumb and forefinger. Then it was gone; the touch was a touch too fleeting.

Dan felt disorientated. Like the compass of his world had been flipped by that moment. 

“Yeah.” he coughed, trying to get back to his usual self. “Yeah, I was. Just as much of a show-off back then, too.” 

He gestured at a picture of him in a play at the local theatre- all pursed lips and fluttering eyelids. He fluttered his, too. 

“Some things never change," He continued.
Phil smiled. He reached up and booped little Dan’s nose.

“Yeah. They don’t.” Phil breathed out, and swivelled around to face the real Dan.

He quickly darted his eyes around the room. Clear. To make up for the far too fleeting touch, he moved Dan’s face, with his thumb and forefinger manipulating his chin, so that they were facing each other head-on. Well, it was more like head-down for Phil. Dan was a few inches shorter than him, but he was still growing. Part of him wished that he could stay shorter than him forever: a perpetual armrest. He traced his cheek, framed by that gorgeous, dark hair. Phil held his suddenly shy eye contact. 

Dan’s eyes darted around slightly, but he kept his gaze confirmed to Phil’s face. His rose-tinted cheeks; his hair lying flat, swept in several different directions by the wind outside; those bright blue eyes that seemed to hold an infinite amount of love. He could barely keep looking, not with that kind of softness directed at him. But: Soon. That’s what the look said. Soon.  

“Dan!” his mum’s calling pulled them out of the moment. “Why don’t you help Phil get his bags upstairs? Give him a bit of a tour.” 

“I will!” 

“We can set up the mattress later on, okay?” 

“Alright!” 

Phil tilted his head sideways, eyebrows slightly scrunched. Dan fought the urge to burst into a disgustingly lovesick smile: he was so cute when he was confused. “You’re meant to be sleeping on a mattress in my room,” He mouthed. “Don’t have to if they can’t see though.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and Phil swatted his shoulder in response. 

“What?” Dan said, voice tinted with a knowing smile. 

“Shut up.” 

“I’m not saying anything, old man. Should we get your hearing checked?”

He scuttled away before Phil could hit him again, and started carrying the suitcase upstairs so he had a shield.

“Back, demon, back!” 

Phil played along, pushing the suitcase up as if fighting back. 

“The lion attacks!” He lunged forwards.

“Aaa nooo! Whatever should I do?!” Dan faux-fainted, pressing his hand to his forehead.

The game continued. All the while, Dan lugged the suitcase up against Phil’s attacks, and through to the threshold of his room. 

 

-

 

“You’re defenceless now!” Phil cried, as Dan stowed the suitcase in the corner.

“Oh am I? Come get me, then,” He retorted. He jumped up on the bed, just as Phil dashed over to the corner. He was left reaching out his arms to tackle thin air. 

“Aw, too slow.” He mimed a tear rolling down his cheek. Phil soon caught up, though, jumping up alongside him with a renewed ferocity. 

“Oh shit,” Dan cackled. He went to dive away, but not before Phil could properly tackle him. 

“Got you,” Phil smirked down at him. Dan’s eyes widened. 

He’s fucking straddling me what the fuck oh my god. 

“Cat got your tongue, hm?” 

 what do I do, his voice is fucking silky, fuck, oh i need to get him off me right now before i do something stupid. 

“O-kay, then,” Phil continued, in a sing-song, half-sultry kind of tone. Fuck, his voice is like molten gold.

 “ Five…” He drew his hand up into Dan’s eyeline, counting with it. 

“Four…” how can i move him?? do i even want to move him??

“Three…” wait…he moved his hand, fucking score

“Two… On- aargh!” Dan grabbed the pillow that he’d been leaning on, and swatted him with it. Phil fell down next to him with a squeal. 

“Nil - nil, silly Phil.”
“You’re such a poet.” Phil ruffled his hair. Dan whacked him with the pillow again. 

“Shut up.” 

“You shut up,” he said, also going to grab a pillow. 

He tried to smack Phil again while his back was turned. He gave him a look over his shoulder, shaking his head fondly. One thing Phil loved about being with Dan, he thought, was the way he could bring out his immature, childish side again. 

“Ready for Round Two?” Dan brought himself up on his knees, hoping the position would give him some strength. 

“Always,” Phil said. Without wasting a second, he spun back around and went for a blow to Dan’s thigh.

“Oi, above the belt, Lester.” He bopped him lightly on the head. 

“I’ll get above your belt.”

“That made no fucking sense.”

“Your mum makes no sense.” Dan tossed the pillow at Phil’s face.

“She’s literally downstairs, you idiot,” he said, grinning.

There was no way she could’ve heard over the clanging of pots and pans and the music on the radio, and Dan didn’t care about the comment at all. He just really liked the thought of their online banter crossing over to real life and having hilariously different connotations. Of Phil actually being there , in front of him. 

“Oi, we’re fighting.” Phil waved his hand in front of his face. “No smiling allowed.” 

He brushed his finger over Dan’s dimple. In response, Dan contorted his face into a ‘fighting face,’ which vaguely resembled a screaming weasel’s. 

“Alright. 3,2,1 GO.” He rushed through the numbers and went for Phil’s right side. He mirrored him, blocking the attack. “Got some good speed for your age.”

He kept pushing, but Phil was immovable, so he faked out a hit on his right side.

Phil dodged preemptively, (“It comes with experience, Danny.”) and then proceeded to get hit square across the shoulder. He thought quickly though, ducking down to dodge the next attack and diving to the other side of the bed.

Dan stood up, taking the high ground while he had the chance. 

“Looks like your reign is coming to an end...” He raised the pillow above his head, his foot resting on Phil’s knee. “Long live…the King.”

Just as he started to slam the pillow down, Phil kicked at his unbalanced leg. Dan landed messily on top of him. The bed made a bit of a knocking noise against the wall, but he didn’t think too much of it. It was a sturdy, old bed- and the music downstairs was too loud for his mum to hear, anyway.

“How dare you use the Lion King against me? Sacrilege.” Phil laughed, tongue slightly peeking out between his teeth. 

“I’ll show you sacrilege.” Dan sat up and poked at his waist a few times. 

“Now THAT makes no sense, Daniel.” 

“Does too.” He stopped the poking- too ineffective- and started to tickle Phil instead. 

“Nooo! I- I-” 

“What?”

 “I-” 

“You what? Trying to say you’re ticklish? Dan teased.

“Ha-a-ate you.” Phil giggled.

“Guess you’re sleeping on the floor tonight then, hm?” Dan stopped for a second, eyebrows raised. Phil took a few breaths, then launched in and tackled him around the waist.

“Pfft. Okay, I deserved that.” Dan said, as he flopped down onto the other side of the bed. Phil took his wrists and pinned them above his head so he couldn’t escape.

“Now will you play fair?”

“I have no idea what you mean.” His voice had a teasing tint to it. Don’t think about the wrists dont think dont think dont think. Fuck, I’m so gone for him it’s unbelievable.

 Phil loosened his grip slightly, his heart fluttering. He rolled his eyes. 

“You dooo…Say sorry!” He giggled. 

“Never!” Dan wriggled, desperately trying to free himself from Phil’s grasp.

Finally, he had a stroke of genius and thought to use his legs. Since Phil was kneeling just between his knees (which he couldn’t think about for too long without spontaneously combusting), he could just lift up his legs and…bam! Trapped.

“Cheater!” Phil cried.

Dan rolled them both over to their sides. Phil’s eyes were a little wild; eyebrows scrunched like a kid concentrating on something they loved doing. He tickled Dan in revenge, dropping his pinned-together wrists.

“You wanna play it like that?” It was decided: all out war had been declared. Dan threw himself forward. 

“You’re literally the worst at this.” Dan initiated, already taking the lead. Every time they’d ever wrestled, Phil had lost horrendously.
“Says the guy that just got slammed into this bed.”

“Ohhh my god could you word that any more weirdly??” Dan stopped for a second, flustered at Phil’s lack of a filter. 

“Shut up! I’ll word YOU weirdly.” Phil took it to his advantage, gaining the upper hand again. Dan, however, still had an arm around Phil’s waist. He dug in lightly at the bottom of his spine, and Phil weakened. 

“Sure you will, mate.” He flipped him over. The bed creaked loudly, its springs clinking together.

“Hate you.” Phil pouted, as he bent over him, elbows either side of his head.

Looking at Phil- even with that stupid face on him- never failed to weaken Dan’s resolve. He bit back a smile and diverted his eyes. But Phil reached up and moved his face, forcing him to make eye contact.

“Dirty trick, Lester.”

“You give up?” 

“Not without a-” 

“Cheers, mate.” A gruff voice echoed through the house. The front door clicked shut. 

-

Shitshitshit. Dan scurried away from Phil unthinkingly. It’d been keys at the front door earlier. Not fucking mattress springs clinking. 

(“I’m home. Anything good for tea?”)

He glanced over to his door- shit, it’s open. He rushed over and practically kicked it closed. 

(“Yeah, pasta tonight. It’ll be ready in 10. I’ll call Dan and his friend down soon,” Ann replied.)

For just a second, Dan rested his hand against the door, like it had the power to keep everything else outside. Everything except for him, and Phil, and how wonderful everything had been up until then. He breathed deeply. 

Turning around, Dan caught Phil’s eyes and saw the worry in them.

“That’s my dad,” he whispered.

(“Oh yeah. Forgot that was still on.”)

(“Don’t be silly; of course it is. And Phil’s a lovely boy. Go upstairs and say hi to them, won’t you?”)

Dan’s eyes widened again. He pulled them both over to the mirror, desperately flattening his hair and the wrinkles in his clothes. Phil pulled down his shirt, which had ridden up in the scuffle. 

(“Let me put my bags down first, god.”)

He tried to catch Dan’s eyes in the mirror, to let him know it’d all be okay. But now he was scanning the room erratically, looking anywhere but at him. Fuck . The last few minutes had been all hands on each other’s hips and tangled legs and ruffled hair. And now Dan wouldn’t even look at him.

He knew why. Hell, a lot of the things Dan had told him about his dad had made him see red. So it’d been a big thing about this whole visit: he’d been debriefed about the comments he might make and the way they should act around him (or, rather, they way they shouldn’t act.)

“I didn’t think he’d be home today, I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry.” 

Dan scrambled over to the bed, trying to smooth it down. Phil listened for a second: no footsteps on the stairs. He grabbed the desk chair and put the top under the door-handle. Privacy. Brief, but privacy nonetheless.

“No, no, Dan. Shh.” Phil knelt down next to him and rubbed his back. Dan flinched initially, but closed his eyes after the first few seconds, leaning into the touch. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Dan turned towards him again, head half-on the mattress. Phil joined him.

“No, I do.” He said, voice a bit wobbly. “I’m a fucking mess. He hasn’t even done anything yet but I know he will and it’ll ruin the whole day that I’ve been trying to make so perfect for you.”

“It has been perfect, Dan.”

“But I need to make it more perfect before he takes it all away. You know, he almost made me cancel this whole thing last night?” 

“What?” 

“He said some stupid shit about a guy in my year who got outed and I just kind of lost it. It wasn’t a massive deal, that kinda stuff happens a ton, but he took it as a ‘questioning of his authority.’ And he kept asking me why I cared so much about it.” Dan paused, scrunching his eyes up to stop tears from falling. “I just said he was an old friend of mine but I think he saw through it. Thank fuck my mum stepped in and called out his bullshit. He just left and spent the night at a work friends’ flat, I think.” 

Phil shook with anger. It wasn’t the time or place for it, and he knew that he couldn’t do anything about how Dan’s dad treated him, but it made his blood boil. His hands shook with it. But he breathed out, and channelled all those feelings into comforting Dan. 

“I’m so fucking sorry. And I know it’s not my fault before you say I don’t need to apologise, but you don’t need to do anything to make it better because of his behaviour.” The words gushed out, before he could be interrupted. He saw the lines on Dan's forehead lessen slightly. “And…just being with you is perfect enough for me.” He tapped Dan’s knee. One, two, three times. Three for luck, three for love.

He opened his eyes a little. Phil took his chin and tilted it up. He looked like a sunflower; the light cascading in and outlining him in gold. He was staring up at Phil like he was something precious. Something oh so very precious, and fragile. He swiped the pad of his thumb over Dan’s bottom lip. Traced a circle on his forehead. 

The touches said a thousand words. It’ll be okay, I’m here, they’ll be gone soon, we’ll be alone together, we’ll be far away from this in a few months and you can be with me without as much fear, we can share it. 

Slowly, but surely, Dan edged closer to him. He wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist and buried his face into his chest. Breathed in, out. Like he was breathing fresh air after a lifetime of pollution. 

“You’re too good to me, Phil.” Dan whispered.

Because he did believe that. There was still a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him he wasn’t good enough for Phil. That he had skipped all the hard parts that are meant to come from relationships like these and, instead, landed in Eden before Eve had succumbed.

Phil shifted impossibly closer to him. His legs weren’t his legs anymore, nor his arms. It was hard to tell who was who, at that second. He wiggled downwards, buried himself in the crook of Dan’s neck. His chin rested in those gorgeously defined collarbones that he loved to trace on quiet evenings when they were alone. 

“No. You’re warm. And you’re sweet. And you’re so, so lovely.” He said. “You deserve everything I do and more. So, so much fucking more.”

The words were muffled, sinking into the skin that he was pressed up against. They were simple. But the closeness of it, the way Dan felt Phil’s breath on his shoulder, made him shiver with the intimacy and sincerity of it all. 

“But is that enough?” He pressed, though the messiness of his thoughts had begun to subside. The roar of it had turned to a hiss. 

Phil was quiet for a moment. Usually, when Dan was alone, thoughts like that would bounce between the four walls of his room. They would multiply until his reality became as dark as scribbles of black ink. But, now, the thought dissipated into the warmth of the subtle embrace, and was blown away by the summer breeze. 

“You’re mine. You’ll always be enough.” Phil whispered. 

He could feel the smile that burst onto Dan’s face.

“I’m yours?”

“Didn’t you know that already? Idiot.” he ruffled Dan’s hair. Pressed a small kiss into it. 

(“I think I’ll get takeout tonight, Ann. Not in the mood for pasta.”) 

(“Alright. Remember we’re off to Reading this evening! Have you got your bags with you?”)

(“Yeah. Pick me up from Dave’s in a bit.”) 

The front door clicked shut. Dan breathed a sigh of relief. The last, tiny bits of tension in his shoulders released- the parts that hadn’t dissipated in their embrace. 

“I think something’s smiling down on me, at last!” He pushed himself up onto the bed and lay down, spread out like a starfish. 

“Is it my good luck?” Phil said, fluttering his eyelashes. He nestled himself into Dan’s side for a few minutes. Blissful quiet.

“Suuure.” 

-

“You wanna get up?” He said, eventually, when the smell of pasta and freshly made tomato sauce caught his attention. 

“Whup,” Dan groaned as he pulled himself up. “Alright. Race you!” 

He moved the desk chair and dashed out of the room, Phil hot on his heels. Their footfalls on the stairs mimicked rain- the closest there could be to a thunderstorm at that moment. The warm kiss of the sun painted the hallway orange. Their laughter drowned out any lingering sorrow.

“Just in time, boys.” Ann set plates of pasta in front of them. 

“Ohh that smells so good,” Phil said.

“Thank you, love! And sorry John couldn’t stop to say hi, he’s got a busy few hours before I can leave to pick him up.” Phil squeezed Dan’s arm, and they both pretended to believe Ann’s lie. 

“Aw, that’s a shame,” Phil said, with all the sincerity he could muster. “Maybe next time.”

“Ah, might be for the best. How are your parents, then, Phil? What do they get up to?” Ann swiftly moved on. She seemed genuinely interested, though. 

“They’re getting on fine, yeah. My mum’s retiring at the end of this year. She’s been a nurse on and off for a while now. And my dad’s got into fine art. He’s kinda obsessed with painting this one fox in our garden. Except it drives mum up the wall because he keeps feeding it to make sure it comes back.”

“Ohh, that’d drive me mad, too!” 

Dan watched Phil, laughing and chatting along with his mum, and couldn’t help but smile. Hearing those stories made him wonder what stories they’d create on the days they’d inevitably spend together in Manchester. What stories would he tell Phil’s parents when they'd visit them? What space would Phil make for him in his little Manchester flat? 

“I’ll just pop out to check the washing, boys. Back in a sec!” Ann called.

Dan’s eyes wandered to Phil’s plate. He’d already absorbed most of his meal. 

“Holy shit, you really do love pasta!”

“It’s not my fault that your mum’s sauce is literally incredible.”

“That’s what she said...” Dan wiggled his eyebrows.

“Why are YOU implying that I’m getting with your mum now?? I thought you weren’t ready to accept that truth yet.”

“Well, the fifth stage of grief is acceptance,” he put a hand to his heart, mockingly. “I think I'm ready to call you dad, now, dad.” Phil swatted his shoulder.

“Wait, dad-” 

“Actually shut up.” Phil’s stronger northern accent reappeared. 

“You’ve got sauce on your nose! Hold on.” Dan reached over to wipe the glob of tomato sauce off. 

“Who’s the dad, now?” 

“Shut up, son. Don’t question my authority,” Dan deepened his voice and wagged his finger at him. He mimed wiping the sauce on Phil’s trousers. They got back to their food, sharing quips and stories between mouthfuls. 

Afterwards, they drifted to the living room. They sank into the sofa like it was second nature. A strip of sunlight shone through the window, as dusk ran its fingers over the sky. It cast a shadow over the two of them.

In the darkness, Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. His world became just the two of them again. Just Phil’s hand cupping his. Just their legs pressed together on the side-by-side cushions.

“You know, I need to properly show you the sunset ‘round here soon. There’s a spot up a hill where the light goes right between a couple of trees. You’d love it.” 

“Is that what you say to all the boys?” Phil joked. It only had warmth behind it, though- no hint of real doubt. They chuckled. Dan buried himself further into Phil’s neck. His laughter was ticklish on his skin. 

The world faded to quiet. The birds sung outside, the light silhouetted outlines of trees onto the curtains. It was magical, again, how comfortable it was.

“Thank you for earlier.” Dan whispered. 

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“ You didn’t need to be sorry. But that’s what you do.” Dan linked their fingers together. “You keep fixing things that you didn’t break. So, thank you. ”

“...Still don’t need to thank me.” Phil mumbled. He turned his head away, cheeks slightly pink. 

“I do.”

“You don’t.” 

“I dooo,” Dan started poking at his side. 

“Settle it with a game of Uno?”

“Deal.” He jumped up to grab an Uno pack. 

“I noticed you have a gorgeous collection of board games.”

“Woah, big compliment there, Lester. From the connoisseur of board games himself!”

“I was complimenting your mum actually. You don’t have the level of taste to have Dobble.” 

“Thanks, Phil,” Ann called from the kitchen. 

“When I win, I’m forcing you to take that back.” 

“ When you win??” Phil said, as if the very idea was ludicrous.

“You’ll win when pigs fly,” Dan’s mum wandered in. She ruffled his hair as she said it. 

“You wanna play, Ann?” 

“I will in a bit, dear. You two have a few games to yourself.” 

As Phil shuffled the cards, and started rambling about the “proper rules of the game,” Ann leaned into Dan’s hair. “Thanks for being so good about your dad, love,” she whispered, “I know he’s been difficult.” 

“Yeah. Thanks for sticking up for me.” He whispered back. 

“Of course.” She ran her knuckles over his cheek lightly. “I’ll always be here if you need me, okay?” Then she wandered back out, closing the door behind her. 

“7, 8, 9, 10! Okay, ten each. May the best man win.” They shook hands, and hours of card-slamming, celebration and accusations of cheating began. 

Unbeknownst to them, Ann lingered in the hallway for a few seconds after she left. It was so lovely to hear Dan laughing and joking around with a friend, after so long of hearing silence and despair from him. It wasn’t perfect. John was as frustrating as ever; and she was having to do more and more to protect her boys. Change- either surrounding him, or their lives- wasn’t going to come easily. But, with Dan brighter than ever, it all seemed just a bit more possible…

(P.S. Despite all of their big talk, neither Dan nor Phil won Uno overall. Ann 8 - Dan and Phil 5.)

Notes:

wow, this one's dialogue heavy!! and also (somehow) the longest chapter to date! this is over 10k words now, which is the longest thing i've EVER written! so tysm for encouraging me with this <3

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and i'm sorry for the angst!! that's the worst of it done (i think...)

the pillow fights and everything were SO fun to write!! and ann my beloved <3

thank you so much for reading!! :)

Chapter 4: oh my god, you are heaven sent

Summary:

When Dan's mum sets off for Reading, leaving Dan and Phil alone in the house, their minds- and hands - wander. Freedom is one hell of a drug. But having a taste of it has makes them think about the wide, adult life they're on the edge of, and brings out heartfelt confessions.

Aka fluff central. (& very slight spice. nothing more than kissing tho x) Enjoy!

The sun was still bright and warm on their backs as evening fell, as if time itself had stopped. Dan usually hated how the days seemed to last forever in the Summer. He’d stay in bed for hours, the humid air making the bedsheets sticking to him. But, with his laptop to occupy him, it was much better than being outside- there was fuck-all to do in Wokingham. The Tesco car-park where Dan would usually wander seemed to absorb heat. Drunken gangs of his least-favourite people loitered at every turn in the fields, (which wouldn’t have been good for his hay fever, anyway). And his beloved theatre and music tutor had retired a few years ago, so his old favourite hangout- his childhood theatre, full of secrets to explore and misfits like him- was a no-go. 

But that kind of time-stretch was perfect for a day with Phil. Even those long summer days and nights strained to hold the amount of joy and laughter that their reunions caused. 

Phil sat with his back to the window as they packed up the Uno cards. And, Dan could’ve sworn, he looked like an angel; with white-orange light encircling him like a halo. 

 

“Told you I’d win,” He teased. 

“You won one more than me,” Phil’s head jerked up to stare at him, pointedly, “And you switched the rules halfway through.”

“It wasn’t my fault that the ones in the box were wrong!” 

“Ah yes, the rules were wrong.”

“You know that literally anyone with a brain stacks +4s on +2s.” 

“And you know about having a brain now?” Phil shuffled over and tapped Dan’s forehead.

“Shut up,” He flicked a card up from his hand in return. 

“Playing fair, even now!” Phil drawled, “A true gentleman.” 

 

Before their squabbling could turn into another all-out wrestling war, Ann swung in around the doorframe. 

“I’m gonna set off now, boys. Try not to kill each other, it’d be a lot of paperwork.” 

“We’ll try!” 

“I can’t promise anything...” Dan said, reaching his hand over to poke at Phil’s side. Phil smacked at him in return beneath Ann’s eyeline, all while smiling and nodding politely as she went over things they needed to remember. 

“We got a bit distracted, so: the spare mattress is in my room, you can drag it over to yours, Dan. There’s some ready-made stuff in the freezer for tomorrow. You can go over to Tesco’s if you need anything. I’m not expecting any parcels, so don’t open the door to anyone.” 

“We’ll be alright mum, don’t worry. Phil literally lived in dorms for years, he knows how to live alone.” 

“I’m sure he does, I’m talking to you!” Dan rolled his eyes. She wagged a finger at him, then disappeared back around the corner. 

“Shall I supervise you while you make us pasta, Dan?” Phil whispered, giggling. Dan pushed him away.

“You’re sleeping on the sofa tonight.”

 

They waited in the living room doorway as Ann slipped her shoes on and grabbed her bags.

 

“Be good, you troublemakers!” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll only throw, like, ten parties.” Dan joked. Ann gave him a look, but a smile slipped through. “Fine. Two?” She shook her head, fondly, and patted Dan’s head. Dan squirmed in embarrassment.

“Take care, Ann! Have a safe journey!” Phil called.

“Thanks, dear! You two have fun, okay?” 

“We will!” 

 

They waved Ann goodbye from out of the window. Phil leaned out a bit to watch the car go down the road and around the bend. It all looked so beautiful, Dan thought; the twilight tinting the road orange, Phil’s lean silhouette, the cool breeze ruffling up his hair. 

And he- he was the prettiest thing of all. 

Dan’s first instinct was to push that thought down. To crush it with enough force to turn it into a diamond and keep it tucked safely away in the recesses of his heart. But the small knot in his stomach disappeared when he remembered they were alone. He was allowed to be like this. Something under his skin buzzed with the excitement of their sudden freedom.

Dan’s heart swelled. And he let it. 

Once the car was well out of sight, Phil pulled himself back in, turned around, and met Dan’s eyes. Dan froze a bit, caught in his staring. It was so quiet- devastatingly quiet- compared to the constant stream of laughter and chatter that’d filled the afternoon. But Dan couldn’t keep a shy grin from sneaking onto his face. 

“Hi,” he said.

Phil leapt into his arms again, as if they hadn’t been together for the whole afternoon. Like it was new, them reuniting all over again. Dan sunk into him, pressing all of his weight into Phil’s embrace. There was no threat of schoolmates coming across them in a dark station corner; no parents around the corner. Just them. 

Phil stumbled back a bit as Dan leaned further into him. “Woah, easy, bear.” 

Dan buried his face further into his neck- mostly to hide the wide, besotted smile creeping onto his face. “You okay?” Phil whispered into his curls.

“Mm.” He pulled away, then grabbed Phil’s hand and led him with such force that he nearly tripped. 

“On a mission?” He giggled, once he was steady on his feet. 

Dan whipped around, and Phil unconsciously froze. There was something both gentle and desperate in Dan’s eyes. He went to cup his jaw, quickly but carefully, and pressed his lips to Phil’s. His eyes fluttered shut. The kiss was sweet but hungry. They’d been waiting weeks, waiting hours, waiting minutes. Dan pulled away. Phil’s eyes stayed shut for a second, face blissed-out, and Dan smiled too sappily for words. When they finally opened, he started leading him away from the window.

Dan pulled him onto the sofa- onto him- and Phil swore he nearly died- both from toppling over the arm of it, and from the way his heart violently flipped. Dan cackled at their clumsiness. 

“Shut up, you could’ve killed me,” Phil said, swatting his arm.

Phil was desperate to bury his face in the space just above his shoulder blades, to stay there as long as he could. But he forced himself to wait; just to admire the view of Dan laughing, with his head thrown back over the other end of the sofa. His cackle was infectious. Phil was buzzing already- like he was drunk off of Dan’s energy.  Dan pulled his head back up, and Phil could feel himself blush at being so close to him. He was too aware of his legs bracketing Dan’s waist.

“You alright there, mate?” he said. 

“Yeah?”

“You’ve just gone bright red, that’s all.”

“Shut up,” Phil pushed his hands over Dan’s eyes, just to watch the crinkles at the edges of them bloom. 

He leaned closer. Dan could feel his breath, warm on his face. Phil took his hands away, but he didn’t open his eyes. He just smiled a small smile, a blush slowly forming. Phil took the opportunity to drink in the colour of Dan’s face, tanned by the summer sun; the smattering of freckles across his cheeks. He traced them lightly, forming little constellations. He drew a line down to his lips, brushing over them tantalisingly. Dan shivered at the touch. Phil rested his free hand on his hip, squeezing slightly. Dan squirmed. 

“Enjoying yourself?” He asked. He meant for it to come out light, teasing, but the breathiness of his voice said otherwise. 

“Mhm,” Dan said. His voice cracked. 

“Where’s that confidence now, hm?” Phil laughed, lowly.

“Just fucking kiss me already, you twit.” Dan said, but it came out as more of a whine than anything close to irritated. “It’s been too long, please.” Phil loved how desperate he sounded- but he felt the exact same. A second more without kissing Dan felt like an eternity.

Phil closed the gap between them. Dan gasped at the soft press of his lips, but surged forwards almost immediately. Their foreheads bumped together with the force of it, and Phil had to try hard to keep himself from smiling at Dan’s impatience. He failed miserably, breaking the kiss for a second. Dan whimpered at the loss.

“Idiot,” Phil giggled.

“You love me really.”

“Sure,” Phil rolled his eyes in faux-annoyance. In doing so, he dropped his smile, and Dan took the opportunity to grab at his lower back and pull him back in. Phil moved lower, just so he could push back up into his hand. Each touch was like being reborn, them discovering the dips and curves of each other all over again. 

“Eager,” Phil remarked, in spite of himself. But he squeaked as Dan wound his fingers into his hair. His legs clamped against Dan’s sides instinctively.

“Shut up.” His voice was muffled, but the heaviness and breathiness of it was clear. Phil obliged. He cupped Dan’s jaw, giving in to the sensation of his lips pressing against his, over and over and over. His skin was so warm and real against the cool evening air, the summer heat dissipating to make way for the heat of their embrace. Phil’s eyes fluttered open and shut, just so he could get a glimpse of Dan’s sunkissed skin. He loved the way the evening light painted him gold. 

“Fuck, I missed this,” Phil mumbled. He tilted his head further, deepening the kiss.  

It went from tentative to sure, as they remembered the tells and sounds they’d forgotten in their weeks apart. Dan’s hands wandered, more roughly. He liked the rare occasions when Phil swore. He pulled Phil’s hand further into his hair, grabbed at his waist, his thigh. Phil made a low noise against his lips.

“Good noise?” Dan whispered. He pulled back, almost shy for a second. 

“Yeah, good noise. So good.” Phil closed the gap between them again. It was wet, messy; Dan was breathing so heavily beneath him.

“I missed you so much, God.” He panted.

“Just Phil is fine. Save ‘God’ for another day.” Phil winked. He couldn’t resist the quip, even then. Dan pulled back again. His lips were red and slightly swollen from the intensity of it. 

“Shut up. You don’t get to say that while looking like that , you dick.” He punched him lightly. 

“Like what?” Phil raised an eyebrow, faking innocence. He knew how he probably looked- cheeks flushed, hair sticking up madly, lips pink- because Dan looked the same. His meticulously straightened hair was pushed back from Phil’s winding fingers, his shirt rucked up, his pupils blown. Fuck, he was gorgeous.

“You know what.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

Phil’s smirk turned into a stupidly wide smile at Dan’s expression. He buried himself in the crook of Dan’s neck. They caught their breath. 

“Ugh, my leg’s cramping, I think.” 

“I can move if you-” Phil offered.

“No, no. Stay.” Dan flattened a hand on his back to keep him there, resting all of his weight on top of him. It was lovely, that kind of pressure. He stretched his legs over the arm of the sofa. 

They stayed quiet for a few seconds. Birds chirped outside, a cool evening breeze blew. Dan traced circles into Phil’s hair, who hummed in contentment. He buried himself further into Dan’s chest.

 

“Mm. You’re warm.” Phil said. He slipped his hands underneath Dan’s back, hugging him tighter. 

“I swear you’re perpetually freezing. You’d probably walk around clinging to me and leeching off my warmth if you could.”

“Not my fault you’re a human radiator, bear.” Dan buried his face in Phil’s hair to hide his smile at that nickname.

“I can feel you smiling,” Phil said, sing-songily.

“Shh, Philly the Snowman.”

“Mm…” Phil pulled his zip-up jumper back over his shoulders. “Did we leave the window open?” 

“Oh shit, yeah.” Dan laughed. 

“Want me to close it?” 

“Nah, it's fine. Unless you’re cold.”

“I’ll live, don’t worry. It’s Summer.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure,” Phil breathed into the crook of Dan’s neck, who shivered and flinched. “See, I’m warm!” 

“You’re the worst person in the world, get your evening breath off me,” Dan chuckled, pushing Phil’s head away. “You know my neck’s sensitive.”

“Evening breath?? You were literally just kissing me.”

“Was I now?” He fluttered his eyelashes. 

“You were begging me to kiss you, stupid.” Phil pushed himself up, leaning over Dan again.

“Clearly I kissed you til you were stupid.” 

Phil rolled his eyes. He pinched Dan’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted it upwards.

“You’re so cute.” He whispered, breath tickling Dan’s face. He leaned in. Dan closed his eyes, tilted his head sideways. Phil tilted his the other way. He was just a centimetre away from Dan’s lips when he pulled back. 

“Last one upstairs has to cook tomorrow.” He untangled his limbs from Dan’s and dashed to the door. He turned to see Dan’s cute, shocked face, mock-betrayal in his eyes. 

“Cheater, you were on top of me, you have an advantage,” he called, chasing after him. 

“I was on top of you? ” Phil wiggled his eyebrows as they pulled each other back from the stairs. Dan’s hands on his waist distracted him more than the pushing and shoving. 

“YOU wouldn’t even want me to cook tomorrow, I’m literally doing you a favour.”

“I want to taste the famed Howell burnt pasta! And maybe it’ll teach you to cook better.”

“Sure, cause I wanna impress you soooo much,” Dan deadpanned.

Despite his initial disadvantage, Dan was strong. Phil would have to play dirty to win this race. 

“Says Mr ‘Wearing-A-Muse-Shirt-And-Straightening-His-Hair-For-So-Long-He’s-Late-To-Reading.’” Phil quipped. “Lose and impress me more with your self-restraint.” Meanwhile, he pulled one of his hands free from Dan’s grip and brushed his fingertips, feather-light, over his neck.

Dan creased up.

“Actually fuck you,” He giggled.

“Home run!” Phil surged ahead while Dan was weak.

“Fucking sports references, who even are you?” Dan said. He resigned himself to walking up the stairs, tired out from the running and…the previous activities.

“And the gold medal goes to…” Phil waited at the top of the stairs, admiring the crinkle of Dan’s eyes as he followed him. He shooed Phil away. 

“You win, idiot. Enjoy burnt pasta tomorrow,” he drawled. Phil kept standing there, though. He reached a hand down to Dan.

“Draw?” 

Dan would’ve made a joke, or maybe rushed forward to victory, but his sudden wave of exhaustion restrained him. He sighed, and took Phil’s hand. 

“Draw.” 

Next thing he knew, he was collapsing into Phil’s arms on his bed. Dan didn’t remember walking to his room from the landing. For all he knew, Phil could've picked him up princess-style and carried him there. He didn’t know quite how Phil had tugged his own hoodie off and tucked him into it instead. But he wasn’t close to complaining. He curled up into its softness, loving the smell of Phil surrounding him. 

“You alright?” Phil smoothed Dan's hair away from his face. “Tired yourself out?”

“Mm. Good tired, though.” He blindly patted the bed, ushering Phil to lie down next to him.

The day had been so fast: from the mad rush of getting ready and leaving for Reading, to their wrestling and games of Uno, and their desperate, now-or-never kind of kissing. So, Dan thought, it was the most wonderful thing in the world to melt slowly into Phil’s arms. Minutes passed, so lazily that they could’ve been hours, or days. Dan felt his heart slow down from its usual rushing pace. His mind, finally, wasn’t racing with thoughts. It felt divine- the warmth and the emptiness of his mind, and the smile that seemed permanently etched on his face. Heaven should take notes, he thought. 

Would his life be like this every night when he moved to Manchester?

“I hope so.” Phil said. Dan didn’t realise he’d said that out loud, but the shyness in Phil’s voice made him glad he did. He buried himself further into him. 

“It will be. I’ll break into your flat every night if I have to.” Phil snorted at that.

“I’ll give you a key, silly.” 

Dan was silent for a moment.

“You will?”

Phil’s eyes widened. He realised what he’d just said, completely by accident. 

 

He’d asked him to move in.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Phil hid his smile in Dan’s hair. It was so idiosyncratic, so them, to ask to live together before he’d even started renting a flat. He giggled, and Dan felt it down to the tips of his toes.

“Where’re you thinking we’ll live, then?” Dan said, coyly.

“Mm…somewhere high up. So we can see all across the city.”

“Oh my god, yes. And… somewhere near Shakeaway, maybe?” 

“Are you gonna spend all your student loans on milkshakes?” Phil gave Dan a fond look.

“Damn right I am. I’ll own that bitch one day, with my law degree.”

“Can I have a share in it? Pleeease?”

“Yeah. We could be co-owners, how ‘bout that? Dan and Philly's.” Dan's voice grew heavier. He yawned. Phil petted his hair. 

"Like Ben and Jerry's?" Phil laughed.

"Yeah, but better. Gayer."

“How about those floor-to-ceiling windows? You love them, right?” Dan grinned at the fact Phil remembered that. 

“Oh yes, I’d love you- forever.” He paused for a second, the words coming out more heartfelt than he’d thought. "I mean-" He coughed. "Ignore that. Ignore me." 

“You love me?” Phil said it with a teasing intonation, but there was a note of sincerity behind it. 

They’d never said that before, not properly. That word was always paired with a joke, accusations of “You love me” after they’d exchanged stupid insults. The closest they’d got to that admission had been “I hate you,” said in the same circumstance but with more meaning. They knew the implication, but it was hidden. It'd never been this- while planning their future fucking flat, thinking about living together in a few months' time.

“Yeah.” Dan's voice broke a little. Phil had the decency not to laugh. He froze a bit in the silence that followed, but relaxed as Phil pressed a kiss to the top of his head. It was okay, the touch said. They could be stupid and impulsive and in love together.

“I love you too,” Phil whispered. A surge of warmth rushed to Dan’s heart, as if he could feel those four words. Goosebumps lit up across his skin. Phil smoothed his hands over Dan’s arms. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Dan whispered into Phil’s chest. Just to say it with meaning. 

They devolved into giggles again, arms wrapping even more tightly around each other. Dan wriggled out of Phil’s hoodie, and his top along with it. He mourned the loss of Phil's smell around him, but he needed cool air and skin on skin. Phil did the same. They switched positions, with Phil burying himself into Dan’s chest, and Dan resting his head on top of Phil’s. Their faces were lined with red streaks from pressing them against the bedsheets, their hair was still a mess. But neither of them cared a bit.

Quiet emerged again. Their eyes grew heavier. Their grips loosened. Phil trailed his fingers along Dan’s shoulders. He shivered. It was slow, lazy, perfect. Dan’s thoughts wandered, but the speed of his mind mimicked their movements.

If they held each other so close for any longer, he thought, would they just melt into one being? 

Usually, Dan would scold himself for thinking such stupid, sappy shit. But Phil’s body was next to his; his mussed-up hair and perfect, smiling face buried into Dan’s chest; warmth flowing from him like honey. He still couldn’t quite believe that his life could be like this. That this was his reality, where sunlight dappled at the walls as it dipped beneath the hills; where everything was quiet and still but for the distant squeals of kids playing outside; where Phil was here, and real, and his, not just some shadow of almost-happiness trapped behind a screen. 

But, as his eyes fluttered shut, he could just about picture it. 

Notes:

AAAAA FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF!!!

Sorry this is later than usual (a month later, oops!), I had exams and then lost motivation a bit, but ended up writing a ton in a couple of days, and voila! It was sososo lovely to write, and I thought the boys deserved some more happiness after what I put them through last chapter.

Tysm for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!! <33