Chapter Text
Frustrated after Ava blocked my number. I bite my cheek as I have lunch with Miguel as I continue to try to mend my friendship with him after everything.
I want Ava back. I made a mistake. It just happened with Reya. She just…praised my work one night, and it just went from there. It was a mistake. I hated myself after it happened, and I let that hate go on to how I was with Ava over the phone. I had the love of a special woman I felt safe with, and I lost her. I did the cowardly thing and tried to get my things from our new home in Manchester without facing accountability.
I let her down. But I have to make it right. I have to save what I broke. I know I can save it. It’s been months, and I’ve missed Ava for all of them.
Maybe I took her for granted; maybe I wasn’t as keen on the things she wanted sometimes, and maybe I made her feel bad for wanting them. There are a lot of things like that I see now that I did. She wanted baths together; I said no. She wanted sex and… to try things and be excitable, and I just wasn’t available to it. She was a firecracker, and she loved me. I had her. She was going to be my wife. I just got homesick, and when I came home, it all felt right again, ultimately leading to Reya.
I’m not giving up. Ava blocked me, but I’m not giving this up without a fight. She’s engaged to Beatrice. And when I found out, it made my heart drop. It’s not Ava. I have to stop it and get her back, and I will.
“Bro, give it up. You cheated. You treated her like shit when she needed you in a new country, so just leave her and Beatrice be. As your begrudging friend again, I’m telling you, Don’t.” Miguel stares at me as he speaks with a mouthful of fries in his mouth at this beachside restaurant as we sit outside.
I see the anger in his eyes behind his sunglasses. He’s pissed at me too about Ava still. Like my sisters and my parents are.
“Let’s go through it all again so you understand it’s never going to happen. 1. You made Ava feel so cut off and worried that she had to call me directly at 4 or something in the morning after you took out your guilt on her like a drunken arsehole over the phone.” He points with one finger about to go through it all again. “2. You cheated. Enough said.” He points to a 3-finger. “3. You made her feel bad just for worrying about you.”
“You know this isn’t in the correct order, right?” I scoff as I sit back in my seat to glare at the beach, hating the lecture.
“Doesn’t matter; shut up and listen. 4. You left her in the first place, something you shouldn’t have done. It was completely selfish. You made a commitment to Ava; you said it was okay to move to England, and you abandoned her.” Miguel stops for a moment. “Hold on, I’m thirsty. Telling you, you’re an idiot. Is thirsty work.”
I snort bitterly as Miguel swigs down some coke. Miguel has always been blunt, and I should’ve expected this when I told him I texted Ava.
“Ahh. Right.” Miguel finishes drinking and places his glass back down. “5. You tried to get your shit from your and Ava’s home and run like a coward before telling her the truth. Did I miss anything? Oh!” Miguel picks up a fry in remembrance. “After Ava told you she wanted to be with Beatrice anyway, you called Beatrice a dyke, and she rightly punched your idiot face.”
“Wow, wait a take it easy on me.” I puff out a disheartened breath.
“Well, you need to hear it again. On no earth would she trust you again or even want to see you again after what you did—never mind take you back. She’s happy, and if you actually gave a shit about what she needed or respected her, which you didn’t and don’t by even sending that text, you’d back off and let her get on with her life. You did wrong; you lost a great woman. Deal with it.”
“Fuck off, I made a series of stupid choices, and it cost me, but I can save this. She’s known Beatrice for nowhere near the amount of time me and her were together. I can get her back. I know it. She’s not bi; she’s just…”
“I swear to fucking god if you say Ava’s confused, I’ll give you another black eye.” Miguel interrupts, and I shut up. He was the one who punched me and gave me the black eye Ava fussed over when she saw me again. He was angry about what I had done to her. Punches were thrown either way. Hopefully that’s behind us now.
“I’ll give you another too, if you try.” I wink, and he eye rolls.
“You elbowed me; it was a lucky blow.”
“Blow like you wanna blow, Stefan.” I joke. Stefan’s one of our friends.
Miguel twitches and glares at me. “What did you say?”
“Come on,” I laugh. “I know you’re gay at this point. I don’t agree with your lifestyle choice, like, at all, but I see you eyeing him up.”
Miguel doesn’t take it lightly. Fuck.
“So you actually are homophobic? What you called Beatrice…how you hated her and Ava being friends was because you didn’t like the fact Beatrice is gay?”
I shrug. Not looking at him again but at the beach. “That’s an ugly word. I just don’t agree with it. I don’t think it’s a real thing.”
Miguel laughs bitterly. “I’m sorry? Are you for real?”
“Just how I feel. I bet Beatrice deep down wants a little…”
“J.C.!” Miguel shouts. He gets up roughly angry.
“Yeesh, calm down.” I look around the restaurant, embarrassed at his sudden shout.
Miguel sniggers. “You know what? I was a fool for giving you another chance – an absolute fool. Fuck you. We’re done.”
I get up as Miguel goes to go. I don’t wanna lose him again. “Wait! I’m sorry! I…”
“No, you’re not!” He points at me enraged. “We’re done. Go after Reya finally or something for all I fucking care, but stay the fuck away from Ava. She was my friend too, you bastard. She still is, and I should've never let you back in. What was I thinking? As soon as you told me everything with Beatrice too, I should’ve seen, but I guess that’s on me. I give people second chances where they don’t deserve it.” He shoves me. “I mean it. Don’t text her again. She’s in Portugal to see her grandparents; she doesn’t wanna see you. She’s getting married. Accept it. Goodbye.” He walks off, and I know I’ve lost him for good. I know I can get Ava back though, and I’m going to. Just need to see her. Talk to her. Get through to her.
I don’t wanna lose Miguel, though. He’s my closest friend or was till all of this. I lost my sisters; they won’t talk to me. I need someone like him. I get up and rush after him.
“Miguel!” He doesn’t stop. As I jog to him, I grab his arm. “Hey! We can’t just end things like that. I won’t. You’re…” Miguel punches me yet again, and I’m on my backside because of him yet again. I’ve lost so much, but I know I can get Ava back. If I do everything, else will find a way of healing too. I just need her back.
“Fuck JC! Enough!” Miguel spins around. I get up. “Just mphhh!” What the fuck am I doing?? Uhhhh. I don’t know. Why am I doing it? I don’t know. I’m pushed back and don’t know what the fuck just happened. Why the hell did I kiss him?
Miguel pants for breath. “What. The. Fuck. Was that?” He tenses up, and I… I don’t know.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
“Well!?” He demands.
“I…uh, don’t know. Sorry.” I laugh nervously.
Miguel looks at me warily. He walks away, and I let him. I touch my lips, not understanding why I did that.