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It was June, Pride Month, and Hogwarts was properly festive. There were rainbow flags decorating the halls and supportive messages floating in every classroom. Remus thought it was all so tacky, but couldn’t complain about them not being supportive.
Just like Remus’ mom, who sent him that morning a glittery card congratulating him for being bisexual — “ thanks, I guess? ” thought Remus — and a rainbow shirt with colors so bright they could be seen from outer space. In the middle, in bold, neon letters, it read “Love Wins”.
Remus laughed out loud when he opened the package and saw the shirt. Immediately, he turned around to show it to Peter and James, who were in the room with him, engrossed in a conversation about quidditch.
“Look at what my mom sent me.” Remus said, holding up the shirt.
Peter and James looked away from each other and turned to the werewolf. Their eyes widened in a comic way when they saw the garment in his hands. And an uncomfortable silence filled the room.
Peter, visibly sweating and with a cracking voice was the first to talk. “Wow! It’s so beautiful. I love it!”
“It’s fine, Peter. I know it’s hideous.” Remus chuckles. “It’s why I’m showing you.”
“Oh, thank Merlin, mate.” James said, giving a relieved sigh. “Cause I would've been worse than Peter.”
Peter shrugs. “Okay, I deserved that one.” Then, he turns to Remus, who’s still holding the shirt. “At least your mom is trying. That's is nice of her.”
“Yeah, my mom is very supportive. I love her.” Remus replies with a fond smile.
James, ever the prankster, sees in everything the opportunity for something mischievous, so he says “Maybe we should give one of those shirts to Sirius.”
Peter’s eyes lit up. “Oh, his reaction will be hilarious!”
“Can you imagine it? He would try to kill us for assuming he would wear something ugly.” James continued, laughing out loud.
“Oh! We can pretend we are being genuinely supportive, so he will have to wear it to not hurt our feelings.” Peter added.
“Peter, you are a genius!” James exclaimed. “We can get him one with a gay flag equally hideous and say how much we admire him for being himself.”
Remus, who has been confused at the conversation for a while now, interrupts them. “Wait. What?”
“Uh?”
The thing is, Remus never stopped to think about Sirius’ sexuality and, as far as he remembers, the brunette never talked about it. At least not to him. So it comes as a surprise that James and Peter are planning to give him something related to Pride.
“How do you guys know Sirius is gay?” Remus asks, frowning.
James frowns back at him. “Have you seen Sirius?” He says like Lupin is asking the stupidest question in the world.
Remus sighs and opens his mouth, ready to educate James and Peter. “What is that supposed to mean? Just because Sirius may fit in a stereotype, a harmful stereotype at that-”
James interrupts Remus. “I know, I know. But also… have you seen Sirius?”
Remus considers the implication James is making. And yes, Sirius is very flamboyant But that doesn’t mean much as far as he’s concerned. “He could be straight.”
“Yeah, but he’s not.” Peter interjects.
“Or he could be bi.” Remus suggests.
Peter shakes his head. “Also not it.”
“What makes the two of you so sure? Did Sirius say something or-?” Remus begins to ask.
James shrugs, nonchalant. “Nah, but it’s not like he needs to.”
“Yeah, he didn’t say anything.” Peter confirms.
Remus is beyond annoyed at this point. “You are not making any sense. How come you're so sure Sirius is gay, then?”
James, sensing Remus’ frustration, tries to explain. But he’s not very helpful. “Look, mate, have you ever seen Sirius talking about girls?”
Remus searches his memories, trying to recall any instance where Sirius mentioned a crush on either a girl or a boy, but the most he ever said in that sense was calling someone was cute in an objective way. Like it was a fact and not his own opinion.
“No, I don’t think so.” Remus admits.
“Exactly!” James says, proud to prove his point.
“But I haven’t seen him talking about boys either, have you?” Remus counters.
James and Peter look at each other. They recall all the times Sirius talked to them about the werewolf.
***
“He’s so tall and handsome. And he has such cute lips. I bet they are really soft.” Sirius would talk about Remus for hours and hours while biting his lips and blushing. It was borderline inappropriate and each time left James and Peter a bit more traumatized. “And his hands… Merlin, his hands...”
***
James turns back to Remus. “...No.”
Lying really isn't his forte. Fortunately, Lupin is so focused on understanding why they think Sirius is gay that he doesn’t notice it.
“Then you don’t have any proof he’s gay.” He says.
James sighs. “But, Moony, he is.”
Remus groans, throwing his hands up in annoyance. It meant he was done with this conversation. Peter and James shrugged and went back to talking about their plan to surprise Sirius with the ugly shirt, thoroughly amused by the idea.
***
Lily arrives at the library and spots Remus at a table, staring blankly at a book. He has been trying to do a simple herbology homework all afternoon, but his mind keeps jumping back to his conversation with James and Peter.
“What’s the reason for all the scowling?” Lily asks, sliding into the seat across him.
Remus raises his head to look at her. “Nothing. I just had an irritating conversation with Peter and James.”
“Every conversation with James is irritating, but do go on.” Lily smirked.
Remus hesitated. Discussing something so personal about Sirius, behind his back nonetheless, felt wrong. But if there’s someone with who’s safe to do so, that someone is Lily.
“Lily, do you think Sirius is gay?” He finally asked.
Lily raises an eyebrow and looks at the werewolf like he just asked her if the sky is blue. “Have you seen Sirius?”
Remus huffs. “Not this again.” He wasn’t expecting Lily to say the same rude, prejudiced thing as James. “Just because Sirius may fit-”
“-a stereotype, and a harmful stereotype at that, doesn’t mean he is gay. I know.” Lily finishes his thought. “But, like, have you seen Sirius?”
“Do you really think Sirius is gay just because he uses eyeliner and paints his nails?” Remus asks, annoyed.
Lily chuckles. “That and he loves David Bowie, puts his hair above anything, is very dramatic, walks swaying his hips, calls all the girls ‘love’ and obsesses over skincare”.
Remus also thinks that those are some good indicators, but they don't prove anything. So he argues “Yes, I get that Sirius is more feminine than most guys. But James does at least half of the things you said and he’s straight. And Sirius has a very masculine side too. Have you seen him with his quidditch mates?”
“It’s not that Sirius is feminine.” Lily says.
“Then, what is it?” Remus furrows his brows, thinking he finally might get a decent answer.
Lily looks like she’s struggling to put her thoughts into words, but ultimately gives up. It’s not like she can say it’s because Sirius has been shamelessly crushing on Remus since first year so, instead, she says. “Just trust me. Sirius is gay.”
Again, Remus is left with more questions than answers.
***
Remus couldn’t shake the nagging curiosity about Sirius’ sexuality, though he wasn’t entirely sure why it bothered him so much. Perhaps it was because Sirius hadn’t confided in him — one of his best friends — about something so important. It felt like everyone else knew something he didn’t, which stung even more considering Sirius had been the second person he himself had come out to. The first was his mom.
Despite this, Remus decided to respect Sirius' privacy. If the brunette didn’t feel comfortable enough sharing this part of him, there must have been a good reason. That is, assuming that there was something to share in their first place. Maybe their friends were wrong and Sirius was straight. And most straight people didn’t feel the need to declare their sexuality.
Remus felt really good about his decision of forgetting the whole topic for about five minutes until Marlene came over to him, her face lit up with excitement as she showed him the pins she had made for them to wear on their uniforms during Pride Month.
“This one's for me.” Marlene said excitedly, showing him a glittery pin with pink, white and orange stripes. “That one is for you and Lils.” She handed Remus one of the blue, purple and pink pins. “And this one is for Sirius. Cute, right?” Finally, she showed him one with shades of blue and green.
Remus’ smile disappeared, his resolve going down the drain. “Why is that one for Sirius?”
“Because that’s the gay flag. Can’t you recognize the gay flag?” Marlene answered quickly.
“No, I know it’s the gay flag. What I don’t understand is why you’re giving it to Sirius if you don’t know if he’s gay.”
Marlene frowned. “But I know Sirius is gay.”
“How? And, please, don’t say ‘have you seen Sirius?’. I can’t bear to hear it again.” Remus said before she had the opportunity to do so.
Marlene looked puzzled. “How did you know I was going to say that? Remus, you’re acting really weird.”
“Look, has Sirius told you he’s gay?” Remus asked, irritation creeping into his voice.
“No, he didn’t come up to me and explicitly said ‘I am gay’.” Marlene shrugs. “But I never told people I’m a lesbian either and everyone knows it.”
“Marlene, you literally came out by screaming you’re a lesbian in the middle of the Great Hall and then told everyone to fuck off.” Remus rubs his face with his hands in annoyance. “You got two weeks of detention for it.”
“Ah, there was that.” Marlene says sheepishly, scratching her head. “Well, either way, it doesn’t change that Sirius is gay. But why are you asking me that again? I thought it was common knowledge.”
“How is someone’s sexuality common knowledge?” Remus raises his voice.
Marlene’s eyes widen. It’s so rare to see Remus angry that she gets whiplash. “Are you okay?”
Her genuine concern shakes Remus out of his anger. Ashamed of behavior, he goes back to speaking softly. “You know what? Forget about it. And thank you for the pin. It’s lovely.”
***
After his burst of anger, Remus just knows he has to find out about Sirius' orientation. So, he goes to the only person who might give him a satisfactory answer: Sirius himself? No, Mary.
He finds her enjoying the sunset by the lake, sprawled out on the grass with a glass of lemonade — how she even got that will be forever a mystery — by her side. The lake’s surface glimmers under the sunlight, and the surrounding area is dotted with groups of students lounging, chatting, and enjoying the warm day.
Remus approaches her, feeling the crunch of the grass under his shoes, and sits down beside her. “Hi, Mary. Look, this may be a weird question, but do you think Sirius is gay?”
Without even opening her eyes, Mary replies “Honey, Sirius is gay. Have you seen him?”
Remus sighs, thinking the universe is conspiring against him today. “I just don’t get why everyone is so sure he’s gay, but no one can tell me why. Did he say anything to you?”
Mary shakes her head slightly, still not looking up. “No, but he doesn’t need to.”
“I must be going insane. That’s the only explanation.” Remus feels frustration bubbling up again.
Mary finally opens her eyes, turning her head to look at him. “Look, Remus. You know I have a great gaydar. I knew you and Lily were bi before the both of you figured it out yourselves, don’t you remember? So just trust me on this one.”
Remus picks at the grass, pulling at it absentmindedly. “I just feel like everyone is imposing a sexuality on Sirius because he happens to be a bit feminine, and that’s not okay.”
Mary sits up. “Ah, so that’s it.” She puts a reassuring hand on Remus’ arm. “I’m sure that’s not how he feels about it, honey. But if you’re concerned, maybe you should talk to him. He will appreciate the support either way.”
Remus looks down, thinking. “But what if he isn’t ready to talk about it? Or what if he’s not gay, and I just make things awkward?”
Mary chuckles softly. “Remus, Sirius is the most confident person I know. If he isn’t ready to talk about something, he’ll let you know.”
“He may appear that way, but it’s just for show. I know how sensitive he truly is.” Remus frowns, still uncertain. “I just don’t want to make him feel pressured or uncomfortable.”
“That’s what makes you a good friend, Remus.”
Remus nods slowly, the tension easing a bit. “I suppose you’re right. It’s just... everyone seems so sure. Feels like I’m the only one out of the loop.”
Mary leans back on her elbows, looking out at the lake. “Sometimes, people see things we don’t. You just have to trust your friendship with Sirius.”
***
It's with Mary's words in mind that Remus corners Sirius alone that night in their dorm room. As if he’s making a deliberate effort to test Remus’ resolve, Sirius is in the bathroom wearing a fluffy pastel pink robe and carefully applying cream to his face. He looks lovely and smells really good, as always. And, yes, he also looks really gay. How Remus never noticed how gay he looks? The werewolf forces his own thoughts to stop and takes a deep breath. He tells himself it means nothing. Like he said himself, James does all those things and still is straight.
Remus clears his throat. “Sirius, can I talk to you about something?”
Sirius doesn’t look away from his reflection in the mirror. “Yeah, Moons. Of course.”
Remus starts awkwardly, trying to find the right words. “I just want you to know that, despite people making assumptions about you, you can be whoever you are and whoever you want to be. You don’t have to feel pressured to follow a stereotype.”
“Uh… what’s this about again?” Sirius stops his skincare routine to focus on Remus, eyebrows raised.
“I know it’s hard when you think you have to live up to people’s expectations, but you don’t. You should take that into consideration if you’re questioning yourself right now.” Remus tries to clarify, his own thoughts tangling.
“But I’m not questioning anything. Should I be questioning something?” Sirius, even more confused, tilts his head.
“No… uh, maybe? I’m just saying that you can like feminine things and be straight at the same time and that’s no one else’s business.”
Sirius scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I know. We’re not in medieval times anymore.”
“Look, I just wanted to say that I support you in spite of who you are.”
Suddenly, Remus feels ridiculous. It’s as if he’s trying to assure Sirius that he’ll accept him even if he’s straight, like they’re in some reverse universe where being gay is the norm.
Sirius must’ve thinked that too, because he chuckles and looks at Remus with mirth in his big gray eyes. “Okay, Remus. I’m officially lost.”
And then, Sirius puts his hair in a pink headband with a fucking bow and resumes applying cream. Remus is really trying not to judge him like the rest of his friends and Sirius is not helping. Before he betrays his own morals, Remus retreats.
“Uh, great talk. I gotta go now. Bye!” He says and makes a hasty exit through the door.
***
Remus recounts the shameful encounter to James and to Peter the next morning. They were lounging in their dorm room, still in their pajamas, as the early sunlight streamed through the tall windows, casting a warm glow over the scene.
“I was trying to be supportive, but I think I just ended up embarrassing myself.” Remus concludes.
James sighs. “Mate, you could’ve just asked him and avoided all this.”
Remus "James, you don’t just ask someone about something so personal. People need to feel ready to share that kind of information. What if he’s still figuring things out, or not ready to come out? If I ask him out of the blue, it could set him back."
Peter rolled his eyes. “Sirius is not in the closet and he won’t care if you ask him. Now you’re the one making assumptions.”
“Yes, I am in the wrong.” Remus admits, rubbing his temples. “I said it was not my business and here I am. For the last time, his sexuality doesn’t concern anyone, much less me. I just wanted to know because you guys were so annoying about it.”
James shook his head. “Oh, boy…”
At that moment, Sirius enters the room, toweling his hair dry. “What are you guys whispering about?” He asks, eyeing them suspiciously.
Remus, who absolutely forgot Sirius was in the bathroom taking a shower this whole time, absolutely panics. “Uh… Aliens are real and they’ll kill us all!”
Sirius smirks. “Is that right, Moons?”
Remus cringes. Guess lying is impossible for gryffindors.
James seizes the moment, ready for this topic to be over. He just wants to give Sirius the ugly shirt and get a few laughs out of it. “Sirius, answer me something.” He says.
Across the room, Remus signals a ‘no’ to James, frantically waving his arms. James ignores him.
“You’re gay right?” He asks, as casually as you ask someone what their favorite color is or what they had for breakfast. Remus slaps his own forehead.
“Are you kidding?” Sirius looks taken aback.
“You don’t have to answer him, Sirius.” Remus says, glaring at James. “This is something very intimate and James shouldn’t be sticking his nose in someone else’s business.”
“Hypocrite.” James mouths to him.
“Ah, I forgot how proper about all of this you are, Moony.” Sirius says to Remus, chuckling. “But I don’t mind. Everyone already knows I’m gay anyway.”
Remus’ eyes widened. It’s not like he didn’t expect it, but it’s still a surprise hearing it from Sirius’ own mouth. “You are? Are you sure?”
Sirius gives a barking laugh. “Uh… have you seen me?”
Remus feels like he had enough of Pride Month for eternity. “Oh, fuck off! Not you too!” He retreats to his bed and closes the curtains around himself, successfully shutting out his three roommates.
Sirius, puzzled, looks at James and Peter and points at Remus’ bed. “What crawled up his ass?”
James shrugs and jumps from his own bed, grabbing a package from under the pillow. “Who knows? But, hey, Peter and I got a present for you.”
Behind Sirius’ back, Peter starts giggling.
***
By the end of the day, the lesson learned by Remus is that sometimes things are not what they seem and sometimes they are just what they seem. And it’s fine either way.