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Not much was consistent in Zooble's digital life. Sometimes they'd go along with the adventures, and other times they sat out. Sometimes they'd try to be there for the other players, and other times they just didn't have the energy. Not even their appearance stayed the same for long; swapping out parts in different combinations was the closest thing to 'fun' they tended to get.
The only thing that they really did consistently was sleep. Sleep was their escape, with even the worst dreams being better than their current reality and all its implications. For Zooble, the best part of every day was flopping onto their bed, popping off their left leg, and drifting into blissful unconsciousness. They never struggled to fall asleep as some of the others did, a fact they regularly came to appreciate. Sleep was Zooble's exit door.
Gangle was similarly inconsistent. She went from incredibly happy and bubbly to nearly inconsolably sad in an instant. Some days her comedy mask broke, some days it didn't. Some days she tried to keep it together, and others she just let it fall. Maybe that was why Zooble first started warming up to her. Being crooked and confused and confusing together, they both realized, was a lot better than doing so alone.
The two of them had been a 'thing' for a while now, though time was screwy in the Circus so they couldn't tell how long exactly. Long enough for them to have kissed, or what passed for kissing when neither party had lips and one didn't even have a mouth. They kept their relationship a secret, partly to avoid Jax's teasing and partly out of the worry that Caine would censor them in some way. As far as everyone including him knew, they were just really good friends, and so of course they were permitted to have a sleepover.
What's more fun than a sleepover between pals? Zooble remembered Caine saying, and laughed a little to themself.
They were cleaning their room now, and hadn't realized what a mess it was until they were expecting company. They cleared the floor of a truly concerning number of body parts, making sure to shut their Zooble Box™ when it was full. There were a few other things that needed to be put away: the trophy they got for winning the go-cart race a few adventures ago, their sketchbook and its corresponding comically large pencil, a hat they owned for some reason.
The very moment they put the last thing away, a weird clunk sound came from the door. They opened it to see Gangle, smiling adorably and rubbing her forehead with one ribbon-hand. The other was holding a rolled-up baby blue blanket.
"Did you headbutt the door?" Zooble half-laughed.
"Well I can't knock with ribbons!" Gangle replied cheerfully. "Besides, I did it carefully."
She'd managed to keep her comedy mask on all day today, not that Zooble minded when she didn't. It would have been pretty silly if she broke her mask trying to knock on a door, but true to her word it wasn't even cracked.
"Weirdo," Zooble said affectionately and let her in, locking the door behind her.
"Guilty as charged," Gangle added all sing-song. "But'cha know ya like it."
God, they loved when she was all teasing like that. If Zooble had blood they'd be blushing like crazy. It was rare for Gangle to be so confident, and in some other contexts she would probably cry at being called a weirdo, but when it was just the two of them it was different. She was different.
Time flew. The two of them sat on the newly-clean floor; for some reason Gangle was fond of sitting on floors. They talked about recent events of the Circus, which led to theorizing about the nature of NPCs and whether any of them were sentient or even sapient. Zooble still didn't understand much of the digital world's inner workings, and didn't really care to. Switching to lighter topics, Gangle said she'd overheard Ragatha talking to Caine about her idea for a fashion show adventure, which she seemed excited about. It wasn't unheard of for Caine to use the players' ideas from time to time.
"I don't know how I'd even wear much clothes," Zooble remarked.
"If Caine can make a whole digital world, he can surely make clothes that fit you!" Gangle replied optimistically. "Really cool clothes, I bet. You seem like you have a nice fashion sense."
"Yeah, probably, given how totally awesome I am in every other respect." Sarcastic cockiness like this distracted Zooble from the fact that, of course, they didn't remember how they used to dress.
Gangle just laughed. It was a nice sound that Zooble wished they could hear more often.
At that point they were cuddled up, or rather tangled up, together, with Gangle's security blanket draped over both of them. It was all she'd brought over from her room, which made sense. Not like she had clothes to change or teeth to brush or anything like that. Eventually, she leaned her mask against their shoulder and sighed, pretty much out of words. Today was a 'good day' but even so it was late.
"You wanna go to bed now?" Zooble asked softly.
"Yeah, let's do that," Gangle muttered, her eyes clearly sleepy and her smile small but still genuine.
Getting into bed with Gangle, Zooble felt a surge of excitement that surprised them. They were always eager to go to bed, but the idea of doing so with Gangle made them absolutely giddy. It wasn't like they were going to do anything but cuddle more and go to sleep. It was soft, domestic, and downright quotidian. The exact opposite of everything the Digital Circus usually was. Until recently, it was the opposite of everything Zooble thought themself to be. But the more time they spent with Gangle, the more the hollow plastic spot where their heart was supposed to be warmed up. Maybe that was a good thing.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Zooble looked lovingly at Gangle, who was just getting under the covers and now holding her own blanket like a stuffed animal. They realized that they were also tired, and pulled their left leg off with a plastic pop .
"Huh?" Gangle said before Zooble could drop the leg, cocking her head like she always did when she was confused. "Why'd you do that? Do you… disassemble yourself to sleep?"
"What, no, I just…" Zooble looked at the plastic leg in their hand, then at Gangle, and back and forth again. Eventually they muttered, "Why do I do that?"
Even with her comedy mask intact, Gangle was now a picture of concern. She moved to sit beside Zooble.
"Why do I do that?" They repeated themself. "I always do that…"
"Do what?" Gangle's voice was small.
"I sleep without my left leg," Zooble said. "I take it off and I leave it on the floor. Always."
"Why?"
"I don't %$!#ing know!" They yelled, gesturing with the limb in question. "I never once questioned it! Why in the %$!# do I do that?!"
They saw Gangle flinch a bit and felt bad for shouting even as the confusion was overwhelming them.
"Are you mad that I asked?" she asked sheepishly.
Zooble ached at that. They never wanted to scare her.
"No, no, I'm so sorry I raised my voice," they said as softly as they could, their voice now shaking. "I just don't get how I've taken a limb off as my bedtime routine for the past God-knows-how-long and never even thought about it."
"It's okay." Gangle put a ribbon hand on their shoulder and offered a small smile.
"It's not okay, though." Zooble shrugged off the ribbon, not wanting to be touched while feeling the pins and needles of utter perplexment. "I just… why ?"
"Do you remember deciding to do it at some point?" Gangle offered.
"No… I don't remember ever not doing it," Zooble admitted. "It's like muscle memory or whatever."
"Must be, if you've always done it without thinking," Gangle added.
It was true, but not helpful. They sat in silence for a bit, and Zooble racked their mind for any possible explanation. People couldn't just take parts off- a fact they had to remind themself of after living in this avatar for so long. That wasn't a thing people did. Right? But then why did it feel so normal? For just a moment they thought they remembered that it was normal, at least for them. In a tiny flash, they thought they felt cold metal. Then the memory was gone like a dream, and they couldn't imagine what it was.
"I think if I could remember more, it would make sense," Zooble said, staring off into space. "Don't ask how, I have no %$!#ing idea, but I feel like it's true."
"I bet so." Gangle paused for a moment. "I have gaps in my memory too. There are a lot of things I wish I knew about myself."
Zooble understood that. It sucked not knowing their own name or what they looked like. They almost wished they didn't get any flashes of memory; being a blank slate to fill sounded nicer than the piecemeal self-image they were always trying to patch together.
"This is dumb," Zooble said after a bit. The softness was gone from their voice now. They popped their leg back into place, determined to remove one source of confusion at least. "Let's go to sleep."
Gangle looked like she wanted to say something, but she said nothing. Soon enough they were snuggled under the covers together, the ribbons of Gangle's body beginning to wrap around Zooble like when they hugged. When she was draped around them like a soft, heat-seeking snake, she smiled and closed her eyes contentedly. Zooble was only very briefly overwhelmed with how adorable she was, because their mind was still buzzing with half-formed questions and broken memories that would hold the answers if they were whole.
Even more than that, they felt itchy . Not literally, but a mental itch. Somehow, the combined sensations of being in bed and having a left leg felt inexplicably wrong. It was like a foreign object that wasn't supposed to be there, ignoring the fact that their whole body was a collection of foreign objects. They tried to annoy it, focus on Gangle or any other thought, but they couldn't.
"You're still awake, aren't you," Gangle said softly, startling Zooble a little.
"I thought you were asleep," they replied. "But yeah, I can't sleep."
"It's your leg, isn't it?" She unwrapped herself from them and looked at them knowing herself to be right.
"Yeah," Zooble admitted. "It just… feels wrong somehow."
"Then take it off!" she said all too cheerfully. "I don't see what that would hurt, and it would make you more comfortable, wouldn't it?"
Zooble didn't need to be told twice. Not even bothering to sit up, they yanked off the offending limb and tossed it to the floor. Then they buried their face in the pillow and groaned.
"What's wrong?" Gangle asked.
"I'm sorry," Zooble muttered. "I ruined our night together with my stupid leg that I don't even get why I do that and-"
The slippery satin ribbon of Gangle's hand curled around Zooble's. "It's okay. We have so much to worry about already, why beat yourself up about this?"
Zooble considered that. Maybe just forgetting about the question of why their plastic brain insisted they can only sleep one-legged was for the best. But they still did it, and they still freaked out about it in front of Gangle.
"I ruined our night together-"
"No, you didn't."
"But it's weird ! It's so %$!#ing weird," they sighed.
"Well, luckily I like weird." And then she kissed them, or what they both called kissing anyway. She bumped her mask up against their face with a soft hollow tap . "And the good thing about this place is there's no shortage of it. I do weird things all the time, and I don't understand why I do some things, but it's okay. I don't mind being weird at all, especially if it's with you."
Zooble didn't know what to say to that, so they didn't say anything. They pulled Gangle closer and let her curl around them. Nothing made sense in the Digital Circus, but not making sense was nice when they did so together. Now all tangle-cuddled up, cozy and warm with Gangle, Zooble could forget about the confusion for a while.
"Yeah, I like weird," Gangle repeated herself in a half-dreaming whisper.
At that, Zooble fell asleep. It was the best sleep they'd had in a
very
long time.