Work Text:
Things were fine.
Perfectly fine even!
Amazing.
Great.
Etho sighed as he adjusted his mask, closing his computer with guilt.
It was half an hour until midnight, and half an hour until his online work was due. Late work wasn’t a concept in Chemistry; it would only count the percent he got done, and that was his grade.
What really sucked, was that he only had three modules left. Three!! Out of Twenty-Three! And he still had half an hour, and any other person in his 300 person class could do that no problem. Anyone else could finish three modules in half an hour. Maybe they would complain, maybe they would be cutting it close, but they could do it.
And he… he couldn’t. Etho couldn’t do it.
He had been working on this one module- which he had to finish before he could do the others, annoyingly- for half an hour, and he wasn’t getting anywhere. He would get a problem right, get another problem, make some small mistake, that would reset his progress, and then he was back to square one.
And it was almost midnight, and it was due today, so he only had half an hour, and the tutoring session (which had only been partially helpful) closed at 11pm, and he-
He had to give up. And it really sucked, because he had been working for 10 hours with one coffee break, and anyone else would only need a fraction of the time for the same amount of work, but he couldn’t do it fast enough, and he couldn’t do it.
He drank coffee too late in the day, so he was still a bit wired, which only made his decision worse. If he was exhausted, fighting heavy eyelids and weak limbs, it would be an easy decision. Nope! Can’t do it! Too tired! Good enough! Oh well!
But he wasn’t tired, he was just too slow, and too dumb, and he had to give up early. Couldn’t even fight until the last minute to get maybe one more module done.
“Anyone else could get one more done. Anyone else wouldn’t have waited until Sunday at midnight.”
Did Etho mention he hadn’t had a full meal today? Because that was probably contributing to all of this. He was hungry, and probably more tired than he actually felt because of the caffeine, and gods his shoulder hurt from carrying half of his roomate's Beef’s groceries from the far side of campus yesterday, and when was the last time he took a nice shower, and…
Etho shoved his computer in his backpack, and put his scarf back on, and tried to angle his backpack so it hurt his bad shoulder less. This was fine.
Perfect, even.
-
He was dreading the walk back to his dorm a little, because hours ago, it had been raining enough to soak his hoodie through and he only just dried off from being inside so long. Also, he had no umbrella, (only wimps carried umbrellas around) so yeah.
But while time had been against him for hours, the weather was kind enough to cut the wash up some slack. It was still cold,- a little uncomfortably so in nothing but a hoodie, black cargo pants, and a scarf that kept trying to fall to the side,- but it wasn’t raining, and the street lights helped guide him around puddles through the campus.
He checked his phone, and tried not to wince at the time. 11:42.
Beefers: you still at tutoring?
Beefers: just want to make sure you aren’t dead.
(sent an hour ago)
Eeeetho: yeah omw back. Couldn’t finish.
Etho didn’t wait for a response, and stuck his phone in the same hoodie pocket his hands were trying to warm up in. The wind felt nice on his face. It was cold, it made his arms tingle with goosebumps, but it also made him feel a little powerful. Like he could just stand here and soak up the energy of it all night. Wind was weird like that. He was weird like that. Matching weirdness.
The caffeine didn’t really help his paranoia, being all alone at night and walking through an empty college campus, but he still preferred it to being drowsy and unaware of his surroundings. Maybe that was the anxiety talking.
Through the brick laden square and under the trees of the tourist hot spot, he tried to focus on the calming lofi beats that had been drumming through his head for an unknown amount of hours now. He was pretty sure he hadn’t even heard the music in his head for a good number of those hours, but now that he was breathing some cold air and moving again, his head felt a little clearer.
He crossed through the field near his dorm building because it was five seconds faster than the lit-up cover the awnings provided on the perimeter of the field, and tried to avoid where water and the beat up cut through the real grass made massive mud puddles. Maybe dirty shoes weren’t really worth those saved five seconds.
Scanning his card outside the door, he pulled open the heavy thing with sore arms, and was finally safe from the cold. He bid farewell to the wind that accompanied him through his walk, and tried to dry off his shoes on the carpet before squeaking through the entire lobby at midnight.
When his opened his tiny dorms actual door, the room was dark, which meant-
“Hey, I'm not asleep yet. You can be loud.” His roommate said as he tried to quietly tiptoe in.
Oh ok. That was actually really helpful.
“Hi. Made it back in one piece.” Etho mumbled, slinging his bag on the floor as he shuffled through the darkness. His fairy lights were on, but they weren't really enough to see farther than a few feet before his eyes adjusted. Beef was in his corner of the room, near the window, and Etho could only see him with the glow of the city behind them. Glow of the traffic, more accurately.
“I couldn’t finish.” Etho said. “Almost, but I give up now.”
He looked at his phone before he set it on his desk. 11:55. It was too late. It was too late.
“Ah that sucks.” Beef said without looking up from his phone. Was he even listening? Etho couldn’t tell. His emotions were sort of numb due to the exhaustion combined with the late cup of coffee canceling each other out in a horrible way.
“I still have another thing due in the morning.” Etho said. He pulled off his scarf, adjusted his mask, and finally peeled off his slightly wet heavy coat.
“Mmm.”
“I’ll just do it in the morning.”
“Good idea.”
“I still gotta eat.” Etho sighed.
“Eat something easy.” Beef said.
“I don’t-... I guess I have ramen.” Etho said. He opened his tiny fridge. “Yeah. nothing else to eat without cooking.”
“Man, you need to get something easy.” Beef glanced up from his phone for the first time. Why was he even up anyways? It didn’t seem like he was waiting for Etho to get back, but he wasn’t doing much either, and he was already in pajamas.
“I have pasta, pasta’s easy.” Etho said.
“Pasta is not easy.” Beef rolled his eyes. Probably. It was still dark. “I mean like chicken nuggets or something. Something easy.”
“But I don’t-” Etho closed his own mini fridge, and went to the slightly bigger shared one that he also kept some food in. Nothing that could just be microwaved in the comfort of his shitty dorm room. “I don’t really like that. Stuff like that. I dunno.”
“You don’t like chicken nuggets?” Beef asked. It was the most he had sounded like he was paying attention so far.
“Not really. Just- yeah not really.” Etho said. He checked the freezer, already knowing there wasn’t anything quick there either. Pizza meant the oven had to preheat forever, and he wasn’t going to eat the egg rolls without cooking them properly in the oven or in oil. He tried them in the microwave once. Tasted like ass.
“Yeah. Pasta kind of night.” Etho sighed. “Everything else needs to be cooked, and everywhere is closed.”
“Good luck man. I was going to sleep an hour ago.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Beef hummed. “Thought about having to go home over the summer and.. Yeah. Kinda thought too much. Nothing to do over the summer.”
“You’ll find something. It’ll be okay.” Etho half tried to comfort him.
“Yeah maybe.”
-
Etho went on to get the things ready in a bin to take down the hall to one of the communal kitchens. No one had been using the one by the main lobby when he walked in, so it was probably still free, but he kinda wanted the privacy of a smaller one on one of the sides of the building. His floor only had one separate room kitchen, because it had the main lobby one no other floor had, but it meant that if it was occupied, he’d have to go all the way back the long hallway with his just slightly awkwardly short cart to get to the elevator. He’d probably cry if he had to do that.
He winced as he looked at the dorm, which was comically messy on 2/3s of the room exactly. Their third roommate, Pause, always went home for the weekends, and kept his stuff pretty clean as a result. Him and Beef were good about keeping their messes to their sides of the room, but over the weekend, especially with how swamped in work they both were, they got extra lazy and the mess grew like a monster.
The cart was filled with almost everything he needed on the top, and a few extra things on the middle shelf. The rest of it was filled with Beef’s food stuff, because Beef technically owned the cart and used it as a storage unit. Which was usually fine, but got a little inconvenient when it was always a little heavy to drag, and things were never organized and it was always one bad bump away from everything collapsing and spilling off.
But it was fine.
Etho dragged the cart down the lonely hallway, trying not to space out too much as he focused on the different decorations on the walls as he was forced to walk slower than normal with the cart.
Etho approached the door to the only lounge he could get to with the cart without using the elevator, and prayed no one was in there. The lights were off, so his hopes were up, but he tried to keep those hopes quiet. Lots of people watched movies in the dark, so it wasn’t a guarantee.
“Maybe they’ll let me cook quietly if there’s someone. I have my laptop. I don’t need the TV.”
He slightly deflated when he saw a figure sitting at a table, and knew he was gonna have to speak if he wanted to use the same space. It was better than a group, because it could still be a peaceful night if they each did their own things, and a group was always loud and obnoxious and messy.
But then he saw the stranger's face.
And the stranger, hearing the door opening, looked up at the same time.
They met eyes, and after a second of squinting from both of them (Bdubs moreso, since Etho was silhouetted with the hall lights behind him) Bdubs face lit up, and Etho sucked in a breath.
“Oh! It's you!” Bdubs smiled cheerily.
“Uh- hi!” Etho said, trying not to be awkward or stupid and failing nearly instantly. He was too tired/not-tired for this. He was too hungry for this.
“What ‘cha doing up?” Bdubs titled his head. He noticed the cart before Etho could answer. “Little late for dinner isn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah it's a midnight dinner kind of night.” Etho chuckled nervously. “Got back late. Dumb work.”
“Library?”
“Tutoring. The free stuff in the Hermaltin Hall.” Etho explained. “It’s usually helpful.”
“Nice nice.” Bdubs nodded. “Well don’t let me stop you!” He said, gesturing to the kitchen that Etho forgot to move towards. “What cha makin’?”
“Just pasta. Need something easy.” Etho half-smiled under his mask. He wasn’t really sure if it reached his eyes or Bdubs could see it, but it was hard to care less about it. He started to pull out the things he needed while the conversation continued. Bdubs had turned towards him more, and Etho noticed his clothing was very…comfortable looking. Like it could be pj’s if he wanted it to be.
“A pro like you?” Bdubs teased. “Making pasta instead of a five course gourmet meal?”
Etho didn’t want to correct the “pro” part, because he couldn't tell if it was a joke or not. He wasn’t sure if Bdubs knew that cooking he helped with when they properly met was almost the first time he had used these communal kitchens, or done something that fancy in college. He had marginally improved since then, but like- still. Still.
“Dude, it's so late!” Etho said, trying to hide the smile that had a mean way of creeping onto his face. This was torture. He was feeling a lot better. He was so tired. He was so gay.
Bdubs was staring at him, and it took everything in Etho’s power to relax and keep cooking instead of freezing up. His crush, who he’d only properly met a while ago, was staring at him. He moved to fill up his pot with water, and started to turn up the heat to boil it.
This was fine.
“You don’t seem tired.” Bdubs mentioned.
“Drank some shitty coffee too late in the day.”
“Ahh yeah. That’ll do it.” Bdubs nodded enthusiastically. “I’m only up because I promised my stupid roommate- we’ve been friends for years I'm allowed to call him stupid- that I'd look over his nerdy film script crap like 4 days ago.”
“And he needs you to read it now?”
“He needed it like 3 days ago.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And I was gonna sleep but tomorrow's Monday and I’ll never find free time for it during the week.”
“Well I won’t bug you then-”
“Oh no no! The interruption is welcome!” Bdubs said, shutting his computer to emphasize. Etho was internally panicking. He was too gay for this. For Bdubs’ full attention.
“It was getting boring anyways.” Bdubs continued. “I get that it's a short film, but the characters are making out in like 3 pages! They just met!”
“Oh?” Etho chuckled. The water took longer to boil than he was used to because it was electric instead of an induction oven- andddd when he thought about that too much he sounded like a spoiled rich kid for complaining about such a thing- so he had time to cut up some garlic to throw in with the jarred sauce.
“I think it’s just cause he wants to kiss one of the actors.” Bdubs rolled his eyes. It's a small crew so he's a lead writer and a lead actor. Tryhard.”
“Theater kids are always tryhards.” Etho mumbled the joke, but it was clear in the quietness of the private room..
“HA!” Bdubs cackled. “So true!! I feel like I know so many of them, and I love them, I love my friends, but the- the energy? It's constant. The emotions- like I tell Ren I haven’t seen a certain classic movie and he looks like I just kicked his dog into space. With just a look. I love him, but jeez!”
Etho giggled, and met Bdubs eyes again with a smile. Bdubs was still staring at him. He was not internally panicking at all.
“Who’s the actor he wants to kiss?” Etho asked to keep the conversation going. “Is he even allowed to write that into the script?”
“Some sophomore I think. Tall muscly guy. Not a theater kid at all. I have no idea how he got the part, or even why he joined the club in the first place." Bdubs said. “I think his name is Doc?”
“Doc..?” Etho asked. “I know a ‘Doc’. He's tall. Doc Monster.”
“Oh I don't know his last name, but that would be hilarious if it was the same one. Probably is! I don’t know any other Doc’s! I can’t tell Ren.” Bdubs rambled. Etho could probably listen to his rambles for hours. “He’ll use you to get closer to Doc.”
“I feel like I wouldn't be that good of a wingman either.” Etho joked. He finally put the spaghetti, maybe too much, into the water, and got his phone out to set a timer.
“Awh don’t put yourself down like that!
“Introverts don’t make good wingmen.” Etho chuckled. “Can’t even get a date of my own.”
It felt like he was saying it before he could think about it, and he felt so stupid for bringing something like that up! He was setting himself up for embarrassment. He was tired. He didn’t really feel it, but clearly his filter and intelligence had left him at this hour. And in front of his crush too. Dammit.
“Eh you’ll get there someday.” Bdubs said, glancing away. “All the hot ones do eventually.”
Etho didn’t really register that Bdubs had indirectly called him “hot” until he had already hummed and the conversation had moved on. He hoped his blush was hidden by the darkness they sat in, because he never turned the lights on when he walked in. There were the lights above the kitchen of course, but those were small and pointed down towards the counters. Etho had never been so appreciative of the dorms communal kitchen structural design.
“So, what has you making food at midnight?” Bdubs asked curiously. He looked unfairly pretty in the dark, and the lights behind Etho as he let the noodles cook behind him reflected in bdubs eyes, making them sparkle.
“I mean I know you said tutoring-” Bdubs backtracked before Etho could talk. “But why were you there so late? I didn’t even know the Hermaltin herald was open on Sunday’s.”
“Sunday through Thursday.” Etho said, flicking his gaze to his phone timer again. The pasta was done, so as he was talking, he strained the pasta using the lid of the pot to hold back the noodles, and poured some olive oil in so it wouldn’t just all stick together and make a clump of carbs. “Which is horrible for me, because they don’t open until 7pm, and since they’re not open on Saturdays or Fridays, I always have to scramble at the last minute to get a week’s worth of work done.”
“A week's worth?” Bdubs titled his head. “Why not start earlier in the week then? Like Wednesday.”
“I should.” Etho sighed. “And I know everyone has the same work to do and they’re all making it work, and I’m far from the busiest person, but I have my lab on Thursday and I kinda crash after that, and work on Wednesdays, and Tuesday has every class so I get burnt out, and I’m just never smart enough to start on Monday. Epically when I do everything Sunday night, so I'm just sick of the online modules on Monday. Can’t focus.”
“Jeez man..” Bdubs mumbled, sympathetic. “What class was this?”
“Chemistry.”
Bdubs winced.
“Yeah.” Etho sighed. “That's the typical reaction. It's only the first one too. I don’t know if I can do the next. This ones killing me.”
Etho looked at the pasta, and slowly moved to microwave the sauce he poured into his bowl before mixing them. “That's why I’m making midnight pasta.” He chuckled. “Tutoring ends at 11pm, and the assignment was due at midnight. Wish they could’ve helped me a little longer, but I get that the students need sleep. I just- I really needed that last minute help.”
“Hey uh- it's gonna be alright, okay?” Bdubs tried to console him. It was actually really sweet. “Everyone has a few rough classes, and I doubt you're the only one who’s struggling a bit. And you’re actually putting the effort in to go to tutoring! That commitment is something to be proud of.”
Etho’s throat felt a little tight. He wanted to thank Bdubs for the kind words, but they just felt stuck, and he just nodded, hoping the appreciation was shown through the way he nodded and looked at Bdubs.
“I-” Etho swallowed. He didn’t really feel like he needed to cry five seconds ago, but being tired and caffeinated at the same time had a weird way of flipping his emotions on a dime. “I couldn’t finish it.” He admitted. “I had to give up, and heh- it kinda sucked.”
“That… does suck.” Bdubs said. It sounded genuine, and not annoyed or apathetic so Etho made the stupid decision to keep talking.
“And like, it's based on just how much you get done, so I still got like 86% on it.” Etho explained.
“That's good!”
“It's okay, yeah.” Etho said. “But I should be getting 100% on these online things, and I need to, just so I can boost the rest of my grade and just pass.”
“Etho-” Bdubs said softly, “I'm sure you’ll pass. You’ll be fine, right? The quarter is almost over anyways… like you just gotta push through it and then you can rest and everything’s gonna be ok!”
“I failed the midterm.” Etho whispered.
“Huh?”
“I failed it. Like- like not even my old idea of a failure, which is like a B or lower. Not even like a C or a D.” Etho said. “Like the class average was 60%, and I got 50%, and they don’t curve it, and I failed.”
“The aVERAGE IS 60 PERCENT?” Bdubs gasped, horrified. “And they don’t curve- it sounds like they’re bad at teaching if no one can get full scores?”
“I've heard some kids could.” Etho said.
“They’re probably Chem majors.” Bdubs said. “And isn’t this an entry level class?”
“Yeah, but it's also a weed out class.”
“Yeah no duh.” Bdubs frowned. It didn’t sound like he was mad at Etho, but rather mad at the system. “That sounds so awful.”
“It is.” Etho was smiling, finally getting to rant like he really needed to, but tears were dripping down his face too.
“Oh shoot I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry- shoot shoot I’m sorry-”
“No no-” Etho said, smiling wider and blinking through tears. “No, no thank you. I think I needed to cry a little. Thanks for cheering me up a bit.”
“You call this ‘being cheered up?’” Bdubs chuckled nervously. “You’re crying at midnight in a dorm kitchen.”
Etho shot Bdubs a very cool and classy thumbs up, giving up on blinking back tears as he sniffled. He was still smiling under his mask. God he was embarrassing himself so bad. He couldn’t even care.
“Pretty pathetic huh?” Etho laughed through a warbled voice and more tears. “This is kinda the best I've felt in a bit.”
“God dude.”
“I’m a bit washed up at this whole college thing.” Etho cried, laughing.
“No! Don’t say that! You’re not washed up!” Bdubs argued, standing up quickly. He looked Etho up and down, and landed on his face. It felt like he was looking right through his soul with that soft worried look, and Etho’s heart picked up a little. Crying, crushing, smiling- god he was such a mess of emotions. His tears were slowing down, and he was starting to be able to compose himself a little again.
“You’re just….. So tired.” Bdubs whispered. “You need more than just sleep.”
“I want to sleep for a hundred years.” Etho chuckled. He finally was able to stop crying, and grabbed a paper towel to wipe his eyes. Something told him tissues wouldn’t be enough, and also he didn’t have tissues on the cart.
“Well I don't know if I can do that for you Aurora, but I can help you sleep tonight.” Bdubs offered.
“Really?”
Bdubs nodded so earnestly, and Etho felt his heart beat a little more strongly.
“Plus you still gotta eat that meal you made, so I can give you tips while you eat.”
“Thank you.” Etho whispered.
“Course.” Bdubs said quietly.
Etho gave himself a large portion because he was absolutely starving, surviving on nothing but tangerines for the last 4 hours or so during the tutoring, and realized he still made too much. Sure, he had some storage containers on the cart in case this would happen, but he had another idea.
“Hey Bdubs, want some pasta? I made too much.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, take some. Solve the food waste problem worldwide.” He joked slightly. Etho found a bowl on the cart (One of Beef’s; thanks buddy!) and slid it over to Bdubs, who was walking around the little table he’d been sitting at to talk with a smile.
“Don’t you want to save some of this for tomorrow?” Bdubs asked thoughtfully.
“Nah.” Etho waved his hand in the air. “Just take it all if you want. I don’t feel like fitting it in the fridge.”
“I get that.” Bdubs chuckled. “And thanks man. I was kinda dreading the bag of chips I left for my midnight snack. This is really nice of you.”
“Oh uh-” Etho stuttered, not taking compliments well. “It's no problem- uh- thank you- I mean! You’re welcome!”
Bdubs giggled, and Etho wanted to hear it forever. He pulled down his mask to take a bite of food, and it tasted so much better than any pasta with store bought sauce he’d ever made before. He enjoyed just taking a few bites and eating them slowly, leaning over the counter Bdubs had returned to sitting after he got his own pasta.
“So-” Etho asked, with half a mouth full. “What are your tips for sleeping? A makeover for my whole routine this quarter might take more time than we got.”
“Well,” Bdubs started, proudly. “They called me the Sleep Master in highschool.”
“Cause you slept with-”
“NO NOT CAUSE OF THAT!” Bdubs yelled, shaking his hands frantically. “No no!! Just because I had the perfect sleep schedule the whole four years!”
“The whole time?”
“I never pulled an all-nighter. Not once on a school night.”
“That impressive.”
“I know.” Bdubs had a smug smile. “And it was a running joke that I’d sleep anywhere if it was the right time of day, and that was just a robot with a timer for being awake and asleep at certain times of day, and that I’d sleep through a burning house if it meant I got enough sleep, and a whole bunch of other stuff-” Bdubs waved his hand to emphasize. “And the point is- I’m good at sleeping-”
“But not with people?” Etho asked, smirking a little. He had no idea where that came from, but clearly the exhaustion of being up so long and crying was getting to him.
“W-wha-” Bdubs stuttered. “NO! Wait- well! uGH!” Bdubs turned red, and Etho giggled, only a little deliriously. “Shuddup! I’m trying to help you!”
“Ok ok!” Etho raised his hands in surrender. “I’m here to listen to your sleeping prowess. Just not your sleeping-with-people prowess.”
Bdubs grumbled, blushing so much Etho could notice it, and they both giggled a lot from that.
“So you honestly already seem pretty tired, which is good, but you also gotta feel kinda content to get like- really good sleep. It works on most of my friends with insomnia- not all of them- and is just generally good so you don’t wake up too many times or your mind keeps you awake or anything else.” Bdubs explained, nodding along to his own explanation. Etho found that way too endearing. He was down bad.
“So what do you suggest?” Etho asked. “Also uh- I have an 8:30 class tomorrow morning.”
“Gah! That's horrible! Why would you do that to yourself?” Bdubs asked, staring at Etho with wide eyes.
“It's the chem class.” Etho sighed. “Endless suffering. I can take a nap after it though for an hour before my next class.”
“And you do this regularly?”
Etho shrugged, confirming it.
“Ok ok horrible routine aside-” Bdubs looked at him. Etho could melt. “For now- because we will be coming back to that in the future- you need to go right to sleep when you get back to your dorm. Put the pasta sauce away, brush your teeth, and go right to bed.”
Etho lifted a weak arm to his forehead to salute and nod. “Yes sir.”
“Good.” Bdubs nodded. “And to make sure the stress of all the bullshit this class has given you isn’t gonna wake you up, we’re gonna watch a cute and cozy 20 minutes kids cartoon so you have something to focus on for the rest of the night. I’m picking it.”
“That sounds actually really nice.” Etho smiled.
Bdubs guided him to the couch, and set his laptop on a table top that he dragged closer to where they were sitting. Etho sank into comfort with his pasta bowl in his lap, and Bdubs filled with the laptop until a netflix show and episode was pulled up.
“I don't know if you've ever heard of this show, but it's really cute and most episodes are pretty relaxing too. It’s called Hilda.”
The intro played, and calm colors and cute animation played.
“It looks really cute.” Etho smiled.
“It is. The deerfox, basically the main character's sidekick, kinda reminds me of you actually.” Bdubs said, and Etho swore hearts were in his eyes.
“How so?”
“Well I guess it's kinda just your white hair.” Bdubs admitted sheepishly. “But even though he doesn’t talk, he's very smart and helpful. I dunno, I just think you’re kinda similar.”
“Thats-..” Etho lost his words. “Thanks.” He said instead.
So they could both see the screen, they sat really close to each other on the massive couch, and Etho tried to relax instead of freezing up, this was comfortable. He was comfortable.
Things overall felt a lot more manageable now, and he felt a little silly for crying so much earlier.
He felt content, and exhausted, and a million other emotions that were swirling together into a dizzy soup he was too tired to think about, but a part of him was celebrating too.
Look what bad preparation leads to! It led to the best midnight pasta he ever made, with the best company he could’ve asked for. He was sitting too close to his crush, in the dark of a private kitchen room, and watching an adorable show that Bdubs said reminded him of Etho.
Things could be a whole lot better in life, but they could be a whole lot worse too.