Chapter Text
February 14th, 2024
Re: Buck & Natalia’s Wedding E-Vite
Eddie <[email protected]>
to buckleybuck
Thank you for your email. Here are my two cents:
Cent one: I will NOT be attending.
Cent two: I suggest you hire a better graphic designer than Chimney. This wedding invitation looks like it had been pulled straight out of the first free template on Google and then edited on PicsArt.
With warmest wishes to the happy couple,
Eddie Diaz.
present, El Paso.
Eddie doesn’t typically make impulsive decisions. He’s the kind of guy who thinks things through, compares the positives to the negatives, sleeps on his issue, and sits down with Christopher to talk him through it before setting it in stone.
He isn’t known to be selfish either. He puts his son above almost anything (though he’s working on not doing that). He saves others’ lives for a living, for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t buy a new pair of shoes until the soles give out under his feet. But this — this has got to be the most selfish, reckless, hotheaded decision he’s ever made.
Within a week, Eddie does the following:
— submits his documents for a transfer,
— puts his house up for sale,
— finds a temporary apartment in El Paso,
— enrolls Christopher in a Texan school,
— secures a job at a dispatch center,
— and makes the cross-country trip in a van full of everything he’s gathered in his six years in California and a very grumpy teenage son in the passenger seat.
And the thing? The only person he tells about it is Bobby. And that’s simply out of obligation to his probably diminishing firefighter-paramedic career.
So, naturally, when the news hit the fan — it isn’t pretty. It’s twenty-six enraged voicemails not pretty. It’s have you lost your damn mind, Eddie? and is this a midlife crisis at thirty-three? and how dare you let me find out through a Facebook life update? It’s… Probably deserved.
But it’s also absolute, utter, despicable silence from the one person, his reason for turning his world upside down, not pretty. Because that motherfucker Evan Buckley has not left him a single voicemail, sent him a single text message, or reacted to said Facebook post with the angry face thingy like the rest of the family he left behind in Los Angeles.
Evan Buckley has scraped any remaining proof that he once held Eddie close to his heart off of his life. And it isn’t until Eddie has spent seven nights refreshing his chat box with Buck that he realizes—
Perhaps what fuelled this drastic, senseless move was that he wanted a reaction out of Buck. Perhaps he wanted Buck to catch the first flight from LA to El Paso and talk some sense into him. Tell him that it’s not too late.
It isn’t too late, even if Natalia has a shiny engagement ring on her finger.
Except it is. It is too late. And now Eddie is neck-deep into the fucking pile of shit that he has made his life. Too deep in to turn back now.
December 25th, 2023
It’s not a big deal, says Eddie in his head, staring at his mirror reflection. It really isn’t — you just walk up to him and perform the speech you have memorized every syllable of.
(The speech being something he jotted down in his Notes app over Christmas Day breakfast. It may not hold up to the standards of whatever romantic comedy is Buck’s favorite — When Harry Met Sally — but Eddie wrote it from his heart. And though he may not be the most poetic of people, he deems it enough to woo the man — or at least entertain him long enough for Eddie to set the record straight.)
When Buck told him that things hadn’t been going so well with Natalia, with a hopeless look in his eyes that basically screamed, I’m breaking up with her, Eddie took it personally. He thought, this is where. This is where I finally present myself as an option. This is where I tell him all I’ve kept buried deep behind my metaphorical dam for years until the concrete cracked and spilled it out. This is where I tell him that I’m in love with him — and that I’m ready. Ready to take things where they’ve been heading since we teamed up to remove a live grenade from that one guy’s leg.
That was yesterday. The Christmas Eve lunch at the station, two servings into Bobby’s turkey stuffing. Buck dragged him aside and asked, what should I do? and Eddie looked at him, tilted his head, and said, you know what to do. Buck stared at him for several moments until he promised to see Natalia the moment shift’s over.
And yeah — maybe the whole love confession is kind of a shitty thing to do when the guy’s broken up with his girlfriend the night before, but Eddie’s been waiting for months. Since Buck, a little deliriously, chose the grave of an almost stranger to tell him that, no, Eddie doesn’t see him, but this Natalia whom he met once for coffee does. Since Eddie had the earth-shattering realization that perhaps the notion Pepa had wanted for him was something that stood right before his eyes all along in the shape of one six-foot-two dangly-legged cute-birthmark-having Evan Buckley.
But hey — he’s here now. He’s been here, lurking for an opportunity. And he isn’t about wasting time anymore. Even if Buck broke up with Natalia yesterday, the Diaz Christmas Day dinner that he’s spontaneously invited himself over to seems like a damn good opportunity to fess up.
Eddie wears his best Henley — the one Buck once off-handedly said looked best on him anyway —, combs his hair back until not a single one falls over his forehead, and plasters a smile on his face to hide his wrecked nerves. His plan is as follows — he’ll sit tight through dinner, then encourage Christopher to play some games with his friends (he’s long accepted that there’s no keeping him from talking to strangers online), and sit Buck down for a couple of beers (liquid courage) to tell him.
He expects Buck to have a smile plastered on as well — for Christopher’s benefit, really. After all, the guy just broke up with his relatively long-term girlfriend. He should be upset, at the very least.
Except, when Buck walks into the Diaz house that night, he looks delighted. This isn’t the kind of forced smile Eddie’s used to — this is pure, genuine joy. This isn’t pretense. And Eddie— Eddie’s confused.
They sit down for dinner and Eddie watches Buck interact with Christopher, completely normally, with no edge to his tone, no unusual grimace, nothing. They fall into their regular dynamic, simple as that. Eddie can’t help but stare at him.
Buck catches on quickly.
“What?” he asks, wriggling his eyebrow at him as he sets down the bowl of mashed potatoes.
“Uh, nothing,” says Eddie. “Just— You good?”
Buck furrows said brow.
“Yeah, I’m good. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because—” Eddie is extremely aware of Christopher’s presence. “—of that thing we discussed yesterday?”
If possible, Buck lights up even more.
“Yes, the thing!” He glances at Chris beside him. “I’ll tell you later.”
Eddie’s restless for the rest of dinner. They exchange gifts in an orderly fashion, with Buck once again winning Christopher over with the newest, most expensive video games, while Eddie offers a more practical gift.
It’s business as usual, when his teenage son retreats to his room, while Buck and Eddie indulge in Christmas-spirited booze. Eddie’s antsy, to say the least. But before he can proceed with his meticulously planned speech, he has to ask.
“How did it go with Natalia last night?”
“Oh,” breathes out Buck, sipping his beer. “Someone’s eager.”
“Just tell me,” Eddie pleads, feeling like he’s shipwrecked. The ease Buck’s portraying is unsettling. Why would he be so thrilled over breaking up with his girlfriend? Breakups are meant to be messy and awkward.
“Well,” he starts, chewing on his lip. “Natalia walked in — with takeout and a bottle of wine — and we just… Sat down on the couch, and she started telling me about this new exciting client she has and I— You have to understand, Eddie.”
His gaze on him is relentless. Like he’s trying to prove something.
“Understand what?” prods Eddie.
Buck rubs his chin in thought, his eyes glazing over as he recalls something.
“Do you remember back when I first met her? How I was instantly enamored by her… Because she got me, you know? She was different. Different than anyone who’s come before — maybe even Abby. And last night, she looked at me and I looked at her, and I was gonna say it — I was gonna tell her that this isn’t working but—”
Buck cuts himself short. An itch spurs Eddie to ask.
“But what?”
“Aren’t relationships supposed to be work?” guesses Buck. “And if they aren’t working, you need to work a little harder. It’s worth it in the long run. So, I decided to try again. Try harder. I’m thirty-one, Eddie. I want a family, I want one now. I don’t— I have to make this one work.”
Because it didn’t work with Taylor. Because Buck hasn’t made it work with anyone.
He inhales deeply, meeting Eddie’s eyes.
“So, I proposed to her and she said yes,” he says, casually, like he’s talking about what he’s having for breakfast. “I didn’t have a ring or anything but— She said yes anyway. We’re getting married.”
Eddie’s certain his brain short-circuits. He gapes at his best friend, trying to figure out if he’s lost his mind and imagined it. Buck, proposing to Natalia? The same Natalia he claimed yesterday, was a lost cause, their relationship — doomed?
It doesn’t make any sense. Except, it does. It’s Buck.
“Eddie?” prompts Buck, when he doesn’t react verbally.
He blinks, shaking his head. “You’re— You’re getting married?”
Buck’s entire face lights up.
“Yes. Well, we don’t have anything figured out yet but we’re doing it. She wants a family with me, Eddie. I have to take the opportunity. After Taylor—” His breath hitches. “This is the one, man. This is my chance to get what I’ve wanted all along.”
A family. He wants a family. He has a family, right here in this house, in the shape of a widower and his son. Is that not a family enough? Is he not enough?
“Do you—?” asks Eddie, strangled. “Do you love her?”
Buck hesitates.
“I love her,” he offers. “Overwhelmingly so, I guess. I just get this rush when I’m around her. I don’t laugh with anyone else like I laugh with her. It’s not just exciting, too, but also easy to be around Nat. Comfortable. I need that from a partner.”
Eddie chokes on some spit.
“Are you sure that’s enough to spend the rest of your life with her?”
Buck scrunches his forehead. “Are you doubting me, Eddie?”
“No, just—” he pauses, then considers it. “Actually, yes.”
It’s reckless. It’s stupid. It’s achingly Buck-like, because this man doesn’t think. Not really.
“Yes?”
“Did you even think about it, before? A marriage with her?” asks Eddie, exasperated. “Or was this one of your infamous impulsive decisions that change your entire life?”
“I mean, not so much, we haven’t been together that long but—”
“Jesus Christ, Buck,” he hisses. “You did the same with Taylor. Committing without thinking about it properly first. You kissed Lucy and instead of telling Taylor, you asked her to move in with her!”
Buck pales. Eddie’s never seen him so colorless before. Except for that time he stood before him, bloodied and bruised, telling him he’d lost Christopher. That, perhaps, his son had been smothered by waves.
“It’s not like that this time,” Buck insists, deflating. “You wouldn’t get it.”
“I wouldn’t get it?” he echoes, bewildered. “Buck, I’ve been married! I know how much work it is. And if it’s barely working now—”
“I didn’t say that!”
“—then what about the rest of your life? It’s sacred business, this stuff. You can’t just up and quit it like you can a regular relationship.”
Buck breathes heavily, relentlessly. Like a dog in heat.
“Should’ve expected this,” he murmurs.
Eddie blinks. “What?”
“You don’t—” he vexes, his nostrils blaring. “You always have a problem with every person I get involved with. You hated Taylor and you hate Natalia. Why?”
“I don’t hate Natalia. That’s not the case at all,” presses Eddie.
“But you don’t like her,” Buck states as a fact. “Whenever I invite her to gatherings at Bobby and Athena’s, you just scowl for the whole night. And don’t get me started on that disastrous dinner we had at—”
“Okay!” he exclaims. “I’m jealous. I’m jealous, okay?”
He’s not supposed to admit it like this. This isn’t how the speech goes. It’s supposed to be grounding, supposed to hit the right marks. It isn’t supposed to reveal the cards so carelessly. But with this new development? Eddie’s lost.
“Jealous of what?” wonders Buck, unknowing. “I make time for you. Always have.”
Eddie lets out a ragged sigh. “It’s not about missing time with you. It’s—”
He can’t quite finish it. Not with so much at stake.
“What, Eddie?” Buck prompts anyway.
He must know. Buck’s not as oblivious as he pretends to be. He must know that, all along, throughout their friendship, a secret’s been kept. A secret that wouldn’t see the light of day unless something prodded it. Such as, a marriage proposal.
“I’m jealous of Natalia because I’m not—” He inhales, he prepares. “— her.”
But perhaps Buck is that oblivious. For he asks—
“Come again?”
Eddie scoots closer to him, crossing the infinitesmal distance between them. Gazes at him.
“I wish I were her because—” He nearly chokes. “Because I want to be with you, like she is with you. Romantically, I suppose.”
The silence is treacherous. Dangerous. A thread snaps — or perhaps, ignites?
Buck gapes, absolutely unrattled.
“You’re—” he tries, swallowing. “Huh?”
Eddie is trembling. He scoots even closer.
“I want to be with you,” he whispers into the quiet, a promise. A plead.
All Buck can muster is an unrelenting stare. He stares and stares, taking in Eddie’s vulnerability, his admission, his beseech for more. His gaze trails down until he’s facing the cusp of his lips, and he lingers there for a moment, before he blinks erratically. Droops into something hollow.
“I, uh,” he manages, breathless. “Need to go. Stuff to do, yeah. Uh, I’ll see you around, Eddie.”
Eddie flickers like a lamp about to go out. Buck rushes up from the couch, grabbing his essentials. He watches, perplexed, as his best friend runs. Flees like Eddie’s a bug to swat away, like he’s an annoyance to deal with.
“Buck—”
“Good night!” is what Buck cuts him off with, before he rushes his way out. Departs him, with a confession on the tip of his tongue, never to be acknowledged. Never to be listened to, whilst all along he’d assumed Buck sticks to his every syllable.
Buck leaves, and deep inside, Eddie’s light goes out like an aged bulb.