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Stephen stood in the doorway to their bedroom, staring at where Tony slept peacefully on his half of the bed.
At this precise moment Stephen wasn’t sure what ached more, his shattered hands or his broken heart.
The name that Johnathon Pangborn had told him echoed in his mind: Kamar Taj. It was quite possibly the miracle that Stephen had been searching desperately for. The miracle that would give him his hands back, the miracle that would get him back into the hospital operating room, the miracle that would help him be Doctor Stephen Strange as he’d fought his whole life to be.
He hadn’t told Tony yet.
Wasn’t sure how to tell Tony.
Wasn’t sure if to tell Tony.
It would break Tony’s heart if he just disappeared on him. Stephen knew that. And yet he couldn’t bear to hear Tony tell him he was chasing after something that wasn’t there. Couldn’t bear the possibility that Tony might tell him that he needed to accept his new reality.
So far Tony had been the only one who hadn’t said anything like that. Stephen was sure he was thinking it, but so far he had only cautioned that Stephen be careful—whether that was with his heart or with his hands or with his hope, Stephen wasn’t sure.
Stephen looked away from Tony in their bed and stared down at his hands. They shook, that faint movement that Stephen could never stop. Revulsion filled him, hatred for what he’d become, for what had happened to him.
It had been one moment of inattention. It was enough; his life was destroyed.
Tony let out a snuffling breath and Stephen looked back up to see that Tony was reaching for Stephen’s side of the bed, a faint furrow in his brow as he found the bed empty.
He stirred a little and Stephen crossed the room quickly, settling on the edge of the bed and reaching over to run a careful caress over Tony’s cheek.
Tony settled instantly.
It was a simple action, one of the few that it felt like Stephen’s hands could handle. Sometimes it was those simple things that made Stephen feel like he wasn’t falling off that cliff again. He couldn’t operate, but his hands could still soothe Tony back into sleep.
But they could do more. Stephen knew they could do more.
He just needed to go to Kamar Taj. Needed to find Johnathon Pangborn’s miracle.
Stephen sighed before slipping into the bed. Tony immediately shifted closer in his sleep to plaster himself against Stephen’s side.
Tears welled in his eyes that Stephen determinedly blinked away.
He needed to do this. Needed to leave.
He just hoped, that when it was all over, when Stephen came back… He hoped that Tony would forgive him for breaking Tony’s heart.