Chapter Text
FoxyLady joined the chat.
FoxyLady: Holy shit, it’s real!?
MothMan: And already with the swearing.
QueenBug: Teenagers swear. Get over it, Old Man.
MothMan: My son would never.
KittyPun is typing
MothMan: Right, son?
KittyPun is typing
KittyPun: Sorry, having trouble seeing your guys’ messages.
MothMan: I can see the little ticks that indicate you read my message!
FoxyLady: How do you guys have a group chat?
FreakiTikki: All Miraculous are connected with an inbuilt communicator at all times.
FoxyLady: That sounds like an incredible security risk.
Chester: Only if you’re a moron about it, Ring-Tail. As long as we don’t leave no incriminating info on here, everybody’s safe.
QueenBug: Yeah, it’s like any other chatroom. Don’t be an idiot, and you’ll be fine.
FreakiTikki: …
Chester: …
MothMan: …
FoxyLady: I get the feeling you’re all side-eyeing Chat Noir right now.
KittyPun: Hey!
QueenBug: First bloody thing he does is complain about the commute to Dupont.
KittyPun: That doesn’t mean I go to that school! I could just go there to watch people.
Chester: You do realize how that’s worse, right?
QueenBug: I could buy it.
TrixxOrTreat: Plagg’s holders are always creepers.
Chester: And your holders are always losers.
MothMan: Stop bullying my son, he’s a sensitive soul!
KittyPun: Dad, please, no…
FoxyLady: Wait, who’s Chester supposed to be?
KittyPun: Plagg.
FoxyLady: I don’t get it.
Chester: Tikki gets it, and that’s all that matters.
FreakyTikki: You’re trash, Plagg.
FoxyLady: Okay, but why do you have a group chat with your mortal enemies? I honestly can’t see Buggy gossiping with villains after hours.
MothMan: Look, we have lives outside of akumas and some of us need to co-ordinate our schedules.
FoxyLady: That's... Considerate?
QueenBug: “Considerate” isn’t really the word I’d use.
KittyPun: Yeah, it’s more like an obligation.
MothMan: Just because some of us are professional villains doesn’t mean we can’t be courteous and organized.
QueenBug: Professional villains, says the guy who got thwarted by a literal giant baby last week.
MothMan: There were extenuating circumstances!
KittyPun: Like akuamtizing a toddler?
FoxyLady: So what are we even doing here?
Chester: For the most part, we just try not to have a breakdown in here. Which, by the way, is hard for someone who only eats cheese.
KittyPun: Somebody should consider expanding their palate.
Chester: Says the guy who eats like… Lettuce for lunch?
QueenBug: What’s wrong with lettuce?
Chester: He’s supposed to be a cat, not a bunny rabbit! And let me tell you, it’s the most depressing looking lettuce in existence, I swear to me.
FoxyLady: So wait, this means all Miraculous holders are on this network, right?
Chester: Correct, Ring-Tail.
FoxyLady: And nobody’s tried to hack it?
Chester: I’m going to say this real slow… If you hack the Miraculous system, it’s gonna know.
TrixxOrTreat: Classic newbie move, trying to hack kwami magic. Seen it a thousand times.
MothMan: Well, not everyone knows the ins and outs of ancient magical systems.
FreakyTikki: Isn’t that why we’re supposed to have these group meetings in person?
QueenBug: Group meetings? I don’t recall agreeing to that.
MothMan: Excuse me, Bug, some of us like a little structure to our lives.
QueenBug: Some of us don’t have henchpeople to do our schedules for us!
MothMan: I don’t have henchpeople. I have interns.
KittyPun: Hey, quick Q—how’d you all get your usernames? ‘Cause I feel like I missed something here.
FreakyTikki: Hawkmoth’s actions left me no choice but to remove the ability to edit usernames.
MothMan: What did I do?
FreakyTikki: He wanted to call himself ‘HawkDaddy’.
KittyPun: You’re doing God’s work, Tikki.
QueenBug: You made the right decision.
Chester: You’re all cowards.
KittyPun: Wait, mine is just a pun? That’s all I get?
QueenBug: You think I’m proud of “QueenBug”? Sounds like a knockoff perfume. But it was given to me.
FoxyLady: So, I’m supposed to just accept that “FoxyLady” is my official name now?
TrixxOrTreat: You’re lucky, that’s a good one. Mine sounds like a Halloween slogan.
MothMan: If you’re dissatisfied with your designated identities, take it up with the Miraculous system itself.
FreakyTikki: Pro-tip, I don’t like complaints.
MothMan: I feel like you have it out for me.
QueenBug: I wonder if it’s because you’re a literal villain.
MothMan: “Villain” is such an ugly word. Innovator, visionary—
KittyPun: Guy with a moth hat?
QueenBug: I’m pretty sure he calls it a “mask.”
Chester: ButterBoy over there has one too. You guys are basically a matching set.
TrixxOrTreat: …Nooroo, what is that name?
MothMan: I think it’s clever, and matches my alliteration.
ButterBoy: Excuse me, my mask is a statement.
FreakyTikki: Of what, exactly?
ButterBoy: …Elegance.
FoxyLady: When you find a mirror, we’re going to have a talk about “elegance.”
QueenBug: Nooroo has a mask!? OMG, that sounds so cuuuute! I want a picture.
TrixxOrTreat: Kwami can’t be digitally recorded.
QueenBug: Awwwww.
Chester: No Kwami thirst posts for you.
KittyPun: Eeeeew, Plagg!
Chester: xD xD xD
MothMan: The red one’s right, you are trash.
Chester: You guys have no sense of humour.
KittyPun: We have standards!
QueenBug: Sort of.
MothMan: Don’t be absurd. I run a tight ship.
KittyPun: Your son’s literally on this call, Dad.
MothMan: …In that case, I’ll take that as an opportunity to enforce additional standards.
FreakyTikki has invited Chester, ButterBoy, and TrixxOrTreat to a private chat.
FreakyTikki: Alright, now that it’s just us, can we talk about our holders?
Chester: Finally! I’ve been dying to vent.
TrixxOrTreat: Oooh, this sounds juicy. What’s up?
ButterBoy: Are we discussing grievances or… You know, moments of pride?
Chester: Are you saying Hawkmoth has moments of pride?
FreakyTikki: Please. This chat is for kwami therapy.
Chester: Thank you, Tikki! Chat’s a good kid, but if I have to hear one more complaint about having to do his own laundry, I’m going to scream. Like, seriously, it’s not that hard! And I don’t get what he’s got against cheese. It’s not a habit; it’s a lifestyle.
FreakyTikki: Same here. Ladybug is smart, driven, and sweet… But the drama! It always drama. She overthinks every little thing. I swear, it’s like watching a reality TV show from the inside.
ButterBoy: Hawkmoth is… Well, he’s intense. Honestly, sometimes I think his entire personality could use a refresh, like a system reboot or something. He makes everything so serious when he’s not transformed.
Chester: Why do you always get the dramatic holders?
TrixxOrTreat: I can’t complain about my holder.
FreakyTikki: Really?
TrixxOrTreat: Food? Check. Entertainment? Check. Style? We’re like peanut and butter!
ButterBoy: I don’t think that’s how that metaphor works…
FreakyTikki: Knowing you, I’m pretty sure that entertainment entails torturing the local populace.
TrixxOrTreat: Obviously! We make it our mission to prank at least ten people a day, and we are talking epic, major prankage. We even convinced one girl that she’d get magical powers if she held her breath for ten minutes.
FreakyTikki: You did what?!
Chester: Oh no, not the outdated slang.
TrixxOrTreat: Everything I say is timeless.
ButterBoy: Are we just ignoring the possible manslaughter attempt?
TrixxOrTreat: Chillax; the kid was fine. She landed on something soft when she fainted.
TrixxOrTreat: Though, my holder does get into some serious moods sometimes. Can dish it out, but can’t take it.
ButterBoy: Tell me about it. Hawkmoth is the king of brooding. Sometimes I catch him hurling insults to the sofa like somebody else is there; it’s weird.
FreakyTikki: Oh, that’s nothing. Ladybug has, like, a daily “catastrophe countdown.” She’s practically got a crisis calendar where she plans out her worries. I mean, she’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, but the girl could stress out a rock.
TrixxOrTreat: And people think kwamis are dramatic. We’re fine—our holders, though? Major drama llamas.
FreakyTikki: I usually have to set up scented candles and ‘waft’ her into calming down.
TrixxOrTreat: I just have to get her gossiping about that Dupain-Cheng kid she hates.
Chester: Hey, my kid won’t shut up about her either.
ButterBoy: I just told my holder that the world would be better off if he was dead. Somehow, that made him happy.
TrixxOrTreat: WTF, Nooroo?
Chester: Uh… Red flag?
FreakyTikki: Nooroo! We’ve talked about this!
Chester: Dude, you can’t keep telling your holders to kill themselves.
ButterBoy: Oh, come on, I only did it one other time.
FreakyTikki: The fact that it even happened once is concerning!
TrixxOrTreat: No, no, he had a point. I’ve sat through my kid’s English class; fuck William Shakespear.
MothMan: Who. The hell. Is the Butterfly?!
KittyPun: Is… Is this a trick question?
FreakyTikki: Nooroo?
ButterBoy: Don’t ask. He’s been on about this all morning.
MothMan: I’ll tell you who he is. A FRAUD!
QueenBug: THE Butterfly? The new villainous sensation shaking things up in America? Yeah, I might have heard of him, he sounds pretty cool.
MothMan: No, he doesn’t! He sounds like a rip off!
QueenBug: You don’t own the butterfly aesthetic.
KittyPun: Not for lack of trying…
MothMan: Those bastards down at the courthouse wouldn’t let me trademark ‘Monarch’ either.
Chester: There’s another butterfly bad guy, so what? You’re not gonna catch me throwing a fit every time someone wears a cat costume.
FreakyTikki: Yeah, I don’t know why you’re freaking out. It’s not like anyone’s comparing you or anything
MothMan: What do you call this!?
KittyPun: Oh no.
FreakyTikki: I don’t get it, what does this have to do with Hawkmoth’s lack of a sex life?
Chester: This Butterfly dude sounds pretty… Fly.
KittyPun: Why does everyone keep calling me a furry?!
QueenBug: Damn, they really got your likeness down, Moth.
FoxyLady: They have a point, you don’t really look like a ‘Hawkmoth’. You look like you should have ‘disgruntled Mexican wrestler’ in your backstory.
MothMan: How did they even know about my monologue playlist?
QueenBug: You have a playlist?
ButterBoy: He has several. He organised them.
Queenbug: Oh my god, how pathetic are you?
FreakyTikki: You really don’t want to go there, Bug.
QueenBug: I don’t see how my Adrien chest has anything to do with this.
FreakyTikki: I didn’t even mention it by name.
KittyPun: Your what chest?
MothMan: Why is my ethnicity listed as a downside!? What’s wrong with being French?
Chester: I’m pretty sure anything I say is gonna have Tikki banning me.
FreakyTikki: Probably.
FoxyLady: You have to be careful with the sensitive subject of race, Plagg.
FoxyLady: Really, I think we need to address how overwhelmingly white this whole set-up is.
QueenBug: Hey, I’m half-Chinese, don’t drag me into this.
FoxyLady: Buggy, I love you, but this is *Insert Current Year*; that’s basically white.
QueenBug: Don’t you start with that shit with me, Miss ‘I thought you were japanese’.
FoxyLady: I told you, I was talking to the Japanese girl behind you that just so happened to look really similar to you!
Chester: Pretty sure you’re just digging the hole deeper there.
QueenBug: Keep digging, Whitey.
FoxyLady: Uh, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not exactly fair-skinned.
QueenBug: Volpina isn’t, but we don’t know what you look like under the transformation.
TrixxOrTreat: …I’m not doing magical blackface. Trust me.
MothMan: Does ‘The Butterfly’ have a hit single? I think not!
QueenBug: I still can’t believe the Hawkmoth Rap was allowed to be produced.
KittyPun: Roth Records will publish anything.
MothMan: And what do they mean ‘No Bitches’? I wouldn’t use such crude language, but my personal assistant is a god damn knock out!
KittyPun: Uh… Dad…
MothMan: You’ve seen her, Son. You can’t deny that she’s objectively a fucking smoke show when she’s handling all that paperwork.
KittyPun: Please. Stop.
QueenBug: I think I’m gonna vomit over the images you’ve violated my imagination with without my consent.
FoxyLady: God, it’s a terrible day to have eyes.
[MothMan’s post was deleted]
[MothMan’s post was deleted]
[MothMan’s post was deleted]
ButterBoy: No incriminating information, Master!
KittyPun: Dad! You can’t just post pictures of her!
KittyPun: When did you even take these?
MothMan: That’s none of your business, Boy.
Chester: Awww, let him post pictures of his girlfriend. It's adorable.
MothMan: She's just an assistant, you cheese-addled rat!
MothMan: Back me up, Chat Noir. The Butterfly is just an imitator, an amateur, a worthless scoundrel; the diet coke of evil!
KittyPun: I’d defend you Dad, but that was before he made you the virgin and him the chad.
QueenBug: Moth, it’s really not that deep. You’re not the only butterfly out there, okay? You don’t have a monopoly on insects.
MothMan: It’s the principle, Bug! I had the butterfly look first, and now some wannabe across the Atlantic is stealing my thunder. It’s a violation of intellectual property.
KittyPun: Does he even have akumas?
ButterBoy: No, he has a different power entirely. He “influences the will of others,” apparently. No need for emo butterflies.
MothMan: See? He’s a complete hack! No finesse, no subtlety—just blatant manipulation! At least I am sophisticated in my art.
Chester: Yeah, super subtle. Especially with that “I am Hawkmoth!” introduction you scream every time.
MothMan: I only do that so people know it’s me!
TrixxOrTreat: Sure, it’s definitely not because you like the sound of your own voice.
FoxyLady: Honestly, I think it’s just jealousy. Look at this—The Butterfly gets an entire billboard in Times Square! Meanwhile, Hawkmoth is still scrambling to get a line in the local newspaper these days.
QueenBug: Lol, how’s that for sophistication?
KittyPun: Also… I gotta admit, the butterfly wings he has are pretty cool.
MothMan: Pretty cool?! I could have wings if I wanted to! In fact, Nooroo, could we—?
ButterBoy: Absolutely not, master.
MothMan: What do you mean, “no”?! It’s my right as the miraculous wielder!
ButterBoy: It’s called “dignity,” master.
KittyPun: Yeah, besides, think about it: you’re way more of a… “mysterious shadows” kind of guy.
FreakyTikki: Kitty has a point. No need to trade the emo goth aesthetic just because someone else is flashier.
MothMan: I am not ‘emo’, I’m elegantly dreary.
FoxyLady: All I know is, The Butterfly has ten times the followers you do—and merch deals.
QueenBug: Ouch. That’s a rough one, Moth.
MothMan: I don’t need followers or merch deals! I’m a man on a noble mission! To bring back what is rightfully—
Chester: Here we go.
MothMan: —and nothing in this meme-driven society can tarnish my resolve! I’ll show them. I’ll show them all what a true villain is!
KittyPun: But will you show us… Without monologuing?
MothMan: …
FreakyTikki: …?
MothMan: Okay, I’ll consider it. But only if you all promise to keep a special watch on the Butterfly. We can’t have any copycat rivals undermining our integrity.
TrixxOrTreat: Does this mean you’re worried he might actually be cooler than you?
MothMan: I don’t do cool, Fox. I do menacing.
MothMan: Alright, if we’re going to take my entrances up a notch, I’ll admit… perhaps my delivery could use a bit of, shall we say, polish.
KittyPun: Now we’re talking! Nothing wrong with a few punchy lines! We’ll have everyone remembering your name, not some New York wannabe.
MothMan: Precisely. I thought I’d start by asking you for a few suggestions from the Master.
KittyPun: Haha, okay, no need to twist my arm! I live for this. Let’s see… You could lean into the moth angle a little more. Something like, “Prepare to be lured into the darkness, just like a moth to the flame!” Or, you know, “I’ll flutter your world with terror!”
MothMan: Flutter? I’m Hawkmoth, not some kind of butterfly dance recital.
KittyPun: Touché, touché. Alright, maybe something more dramatic? How about, “Embrace the shadows—Hawkmoth is here to clip your wings!”
MothMan: Hmm, now that’s more promising. “Clip your wings…” Yes, I like it. It’s powerful, decisive, yet still elegant.
KittyPun: Right? And then if you want something shorter and snappier, you can always go with “The night is dark… and full of moths.” Total crowd-pleaser.
MothMan: … I don’t think that one’s quite the tone I’m aiming for.
KittyPun: Ah, worth a shot! How about something like, “The darkness has a master, and his name is… Hawkmoth.”
MothMan: Yes. Finally, a line that does my menace justice. This is what I need—dramatic, enigmatic, just a touch of theatricality. Well done, Adrien.
KittyPun: I live to serve. And if you want to make your big entrance really land, don’t forget a bit of strategic silence. You know, let them wonder what terrifying thing you’ll say next.
MothMan: Hmm… silence. Now that’s a novel concept. Perhaps I don’t need to say anything. Just let my power speak for itself.
KittyPun: I dunno, if you went totally silent, they might think you’ve moth-balled. 😆
MothMan: Adrien.
KittyPun: Right, right, less moth puns. But seriously, Dad, you’ve got this! Just keep it cool, make every word count, and trust me—they’ll be talking about your entrances, not the Butterfly’s.
MothMan: You’re right, son. Hawkmoth is in a league of his own… and soon, the whole world will know it.
KittyPun: That’s the spirit! Now, if you need any more pointers on banter or monologue tips, just holler.
MothMan: Very well, but don’t get cocky. I am still your father.
KittyPun: Wouldn’t dream of it, MothMan.
