Chapter Text
Fascination
Tension had been high the last days in the Royal Palace.
Weapons had been drawn.
Then rushed departures.
Unexpecteded goodbyes.
And now an almost unnatural calmness. It had not been so quiet in years.
Indis was standing in the empty grand hall of the palace. Most of the curtains were drawn. The light of Telperion streamed through the only window that had been left uncovered. Indis had lit one candelabra on the wall. The yellow and silver light mingled on the polished wooden floors.
Indis started to stretch. She had come here to release the stress coursing through her body with dancing. And fighting.
When her muscles were warm and pliant, Indis picked up her tambourine. She started with soft taps which slowly built up to repetitive beat. Following the rhythm Indis moved through the room.
Every other repetition she added a shout. Her feet were stomping while she moved.
Indis continued in this way until she felt the rhythm deep in herself. Her hröa and fëa were steeped in it. She put the tambourine aside and started with the fighting routine. Move after move she repeated. Her breath was heavy and her shouting hoarse.
Um-tap da-d-dum-tap. Um-tap da-d-d-dum-tap. Mm mm mm Ha.
Um-tap da-d-dum-tap. Um-tap da-d-d-dum-tap. Mm mm mm Ha.
~.~
"Ha!"
Nerdanel was walking fast in the garden. Long, strong steps. The shout coming from behind the glass window shook her out of thoughts.
"Ha!"
Intrigued Nerdanel walked up to one of the ballroom double doors where she could see warm light shining out the door's window. The shouts came every few seconds.
Gazing inside she saw a figure moving in strong fluid motions through the room. Feet kicked out, the arms swung far and then came back close to the body. A long blonde braid turned with the Elf. The light was painting warm highlights on the brown skin of the dancer.
Indis, Nerdanel thought. She had seen the Acting King dance and fight before at festivals. She had admired the skill and strength shown then but what she saw right now entranced her.
There was so much energy in the movements of Indis, the kind of energy not seen much anymore among the Elves as it had been deemed uncivilized and belonging to the ancient times before they had found enlightenment in Aman. Only at commemorations of the Great Journey this kind of dance fight still took place. Compared to what she saw here the performances at those must have been made more palatable to the current taste.
Nerdanel felt herself getting hot just watching Indis move. She was witnessing a very private moment of an Elf which she only knew in a perfunctory way. Her heartbeat had sped up and a part of her wondered if Indis knew she was there.
Somewhere at the back of her mind she felt shame to keep watching, but it was drowned out by the sheer thrill of it. All her life she had been drawn in by passion and Indis showed it in its rawest form.
Her decision to remain in Tirion had in a small part been fuelled by her desire to know Indis more. Something she knew her husband would have seen as utter betrayal. Seeing Indis now her desire only grew.
Different feelings and ideas were rushing through her as she could not take her eyes off Indis.
The Fair Indis was called and Nerdanel could see it even more now. Who would not want to be in her presence?, she thought. Her own cheeks and ear tips were warm and pink but Nerdanel did not notice.
I will make a statue of her was another thought that came up. She could not decide which stance she wanted to capture though.
I want to dance with her. I want to touch her. She felt these wishes deep in her gut. And tried to push them to the side. This is not allowed, something echoed in her mind.
The control she has over her body. Nerdanel was not one for quick and agile movements. It did not suit her body and character. But she is still so strong.
Pat. Pat. -. P-Pat. -. Pat. Pat. -. P-Pat. -. The rhythm Indis bare feet slapped onto the floor, beat in Nerdanel's head. The last pat was always accompanied by the shouted Ha.
Time flew by while Nerdanel watched.
The Indis began to wind down. Her movements slowed and the shouts ceased. Nerdanel stood frozen at her watcher's place and tried not to move. She did not want Indis to know that she had been watching.
Indis' chest was heaving while she calmed her breath down. Sweat was rolling down her face and she wiped it off with her hands. She bent to grab a discarded shawl.
When she got back up, Indis head turned to the window where Nerdanel stood. She looked directly into Nerdanel's eyes. There was a quick, satisfied smirk on Indis' face. And then she walked away.
Nerdanel's heart dropped into her stomach. A blush spread from her face down to her chest in a way she had not experienced since courting Fëanor. She knew I was there.
Nerdanel did not get easily embarrassed. She never really had when she was young. But now she was more than grown-up after having raised seven sons and running her own small sculpture shop. She did not even remember when she had last felt embarrassed.
Now she did though but in the most satisfying way possible. It amplified the thrill she had felt watching Indis.
~.~
Indis felt satisfied as she walked back to her rooms. Not only did she get all the tension out, but she had been watched by an Elf which had intrigued her a lot lately.
Nerdanel, she mused. I've seen how you have been handling the tumult of the last weeks. Calm and collected, a stark contrast to the behavior of our husbands and sons. She remembered the shocked look on Nerdanel's face. All this she can handle with wisdom and grace, but I made her blush. Yes, Indis was very satisfied with her red-haired voyeur.
Falling
After Fëanor had been exiled for threatening his brother, he and his seven sons left for Formenos. Finwë loving his son dearly followed Fëanor. Fingolfin had been shaken by the whole ordeal and decided to leave Tirion with his family for the foreseeable future. Findis was dwelling amongst the Vanyar and Írimë had gone with Fingolfin. Finarfin had never had any interest in ruling, living with his family mostly in Alqualondë already. So it came that Indis had been made Acting King for the twelve years of the Exile.
Not everyone in Tirion was happy with this outcome. It was held against Indis that she was a Vanya and not a Noldo. However, with all the descendants of Finwë gone there were not really any other candidates left. Some also showed support for Indis for various reasons. She had been an active and involved Queen so far. Her age was seen in her favor as she had seen the shores of Cuiviénen. Indis was not any Vanya but the niece of King Ingwë. Most Noldor only knew her as Indis the Fair, but the elder ones remembered the stories about her on the Great Journey, an effective fighter and fair leader. And as in any case there were the ones which hoped to gain power from a shift in leadership.
Indis was quite aware of the whispering going on in court regarding her new position. She did not doubt herself in being a good and fair King. But Indis had been left with few close friends and advisors after the departure of most of the royal family.
The recent commotions and the forced break of usual proceedings meant that days in court were long and exhausting. Everyone wanted reassurance for whatever dealings they had with the court. Building projects, delivering goods, annual festivities, keeping their positions as scholars and stewards and more. Indis felt the unease in all the citizens of Tirion.
In the evenings, she returned to her chambers to take her meals in private.
Though she would not have opposed to the company of Nerdanel she also did not have the energy to seek her out at the moment. But the memory of a few weeks ago was still vivid in her mind. It was something which made her smile and gave her a warm feeling when she needed it.
Today had been an intense day of working with the Smithing Guild on contracts. Indis was walking back to her rooms when one of her ladies-in-waiting caught up with her. Lindisse was the daughter of one of her nieces and responsible for attending private visitors.
"Aunt Indis", she said walking next to her. "The Lady Nerdanel has asked to dine with you tonight. She said, she has a gift to present to you." Lindisse was looking at Indis intently. She must have seen the tiredness in Indis' face because she added: "But I'm sure she would not be offended if you did not have time tonight."
Indis considered for a moment. "No, it's alright, dear. Tomorrow court will only be in the afternoon and I could do with a distraction. Please let her know she is welcome to join me."
///
"Lindisse said you have a gift for me?", Indis asked while sipping on her sage liqueur.
Dinner had been a pleasant affair. Nerdanel and her were seated outside at a large round table enjoying the summery air. The conversation had been flowing. Mostly talk about their families and how they were doing. Now they had been sitting for some time just enjoying the evening wind rustling through the plants in the garden.
Nerdanel turned her gaze to Indis. Her face had lit up at the question. "Yes, I left it in your waiting room. I'll go and get it."
When Nerdanel returned, she put down an object hidden by some plain cloth. "I have seen something which has captured my mind." Nerdanel looked straight at Indis as she said so. Indis could see a slight flush on her cheeks. "I had to re-create it in stone." With care Nerdanel unwrapped a statue about an ell high.
Indis recognized the pose right away. The figure was doing a backwards high kick. One of the moves she had been doing when Nerdanel had watched her. The top half of the figure had been left featureless enough to be an unrecognizable Elf. The legs however had been worked out beautifully detailed. They were clad in light trousers that showed the movement of the figure in a life-like way.
Indis looked up at Nerdanel. Their eyes caught and for a breathless moment they just looked at each other. Indis noticed specks of gold in Nerdanel's light brown eyes. She took a breath and quite on instinct Indis grabbed Nerdanel's hand and held it in hers.
"Your hands do amazing work.", Indis said. She pressed Nerdanel's hand. Her gaze still locked on her. "Thank you for this precious gift." Indis' voice had turned quiet with sincerity. "You may watch me practice anytime you like."
~.~
Nerdanel's heart was beating heavy in her chest. She loved the way Indis was holding her hand and the way she looked at Nerdanel. Her light blue eyes focused on her with so much intent.
"I will", Nerdanel said with a gravelly voice. The words not flowing as usual. She wanted to say something more but all her sentiments got mixed up in her head. She wanted to tell Indis how beautiful and striking it had felt to watch her. How she had already sketched out other poses. How she wanted to spend more time with her. Get to know her better.
All the while Indis fingers had started to subconsciously trace a scar on Nerdanel's hand distracting Nerdanel even more.
Some part of her was highly surprised how Indis was making her feel. Flutters in her stomach. Craving as much attention as she could get. Not wanting to do anything to break this moment. Was it alright to feel like this for more than one in a life?, another part of her wondered.
In the end, Indis broke the moment by pressing a light kiss to Nerdanel's hand and letting it go.
"I would be pleased to dine with you again. Talk with you about many more things.", Indis said. "Your company has been very delightful. But the bells announcing the middle of silver light have just finished, and I will need some rest."
Nerdanel nodded. She had forgotten about everything for a moment. "Of course. I will come by again." Her voice had apparently still not returned to normal but Nerdanel did not mind.
Indis had taken the statue in one arm. The other she laid around Nerdanel's waist and started to lead her to the hallway. Once there, she put another light kiss on Nerdanel's cheek and was gone.
Lost in the rush of her feelings Nerdanel returned to her room.
///
Nerdanel visited Indis often in the evenings. Their conversations were deep and enriching. Closer and closer they became. Nerdanel's wisdom helped Indis in many decisions. And Nerdanel found swaths of inspiration in Indis' dancing and fighting.
Touch became a second language to them. Not more than any another close friendship might have even though both knew there were other things going on below the surface. They walked arm in arm around the garden. Sat leaning against each other on benches and sofas. When it had become late at night Indis would lead Nerdanel to the door like she had done that first time. They bid each other good night with a soft kiss on the lips and a touch of their foreheads. Indis always leaning down slightly they would stay like that for a few breaths before Nerdanel left.
Nerdanel made peace with her feelings for Indis. Knowing she would never again be wife to Fëanor and not feeling guilty of this outcome.
Indis would have loved to declare herself. Not needing to question the appropriateness of her desire as the Elves of Cuiviénen had seen it as natural that desire changes. Only children were expected to be conceived by the same couple as long as both parents were alive. Due to the circumstances however where she was Acting King it would not have been sensible to do so.
And so, everything hung in the air with no clear words spoken.
Frenzy
A few years had passed, when it seemed that the Exile of Fëanor would be revoked as he and Fingolfin had been called to Taniquetil by Manwë.
The people in Tirion had grown to trust Indis, finding her a fair and wise Acting King. Still the prospect of Finwë returning held the city in excitement. Indis herself was in favor of a change. Once Finwë returned and had settled, she and Nerdanel could finally talk and disappear somewhere in the countryside together.
And so, all the city set out to attend the high feast of the Valar on the slopes of Taniquetil hoping to return with their rightful King.
Then disaster happened. Darkness everywhere. And silence.
Even the fires lit for the celebration did not seem to penetrate the darkness. Nerdanel could still feel the warmth of the one next to her but could not see it.
Indis was her first thought at that moment. She knew her sons had stayed in Formenos, and so there was nothing she could do for them. But Indis she had left for the day at the main fire to spend time with her family. The darkness had spread from the Two Trees encompassing all the Elves attending the feast.
I need to find her. Turning in the direction she thought she had come from earlier in the day she started to walk. The thought kept her going even when she bumped into others. People had started to cry out loud for the ones they were searching for. After the initial quiet the sounds of terror were harrowing. But Nerdanel did not pay it any mind. She just knew that she wanted to be at Indis' side whatever was going to happen. And so she walked.
///
The dark did not cease for a long time. The crying had turned down again as Elves near each other had found the ones they were looking for, and the others had stopped searching.
Nerdanel sat on the grass. She felt exhausted like after a long bout in her work shop where food and rest went forgotten. Silent tears were running down her cheeks wetting the tops of her knees where she had put her head. It's no use trying to find her. I don't know where I am anymore.
For a long time she sat there trying to decide what to do next. Her thoughts did not want to focus. She imagined how Indis' golden hair would be shining in this dark and should be easy to find. So light and flowing. Always a joy to brush.
///
Nerdanel woke to a hand stroking through her hair. Her head was on the lap of someone. She recognized the smell and then the voice of Indis singing.
Relief streamed through her and the tears started to fall again. She still felt exhausted, not even able to turn her head.
A tender kiss was pressed to her temple and then her voice whispered in her ear: "Nerdanel. I'm here. The light of the stars is returning, dearest."
Finally, Nerdanel managed to turn around enough to see Indis' face, but her eyes did not see anything yet. "I can't see you.", she said weakly.
"I can barely see you, my love. It seems that all the Elves born under the light of the trees can't see yet. Lucky for you, I learned to see by the stars alone." Indis' voice sounded light but Nerdanel heard the tension in it.
She lifted her hand to touch Indis' face. Her fingers traced tenderly over Indis' brow and down her cheek. "I could not find you.", Nerdanel said hoarsely. "I tried and tried. I only wanted you." A sob broke through her voice. "I kept thinking her hair should be shining. Indis' hair. If nothing else that light can not have gone." She paused for a moment. "I-It seemed so wrong. In my mind you shine brighter than the trees. You are so dear to me, I love you with all my heart. Indis, I just need you to know that. I know you know, but I need to say it you. At least once." The words just tumbled out of Nerdanel. Fast and sincere.
"Dearest Nerdanel, I love you as well.", Indis said with her clear voice. "And I apologize for not saying it sooner." Nerdanel could hear the anger Indis had for herself in that voice.
She could hear Indis take a deep breath. And then hair was around her face and Indis' lips on hers. Much more intent than ever before.
///
When Nerdanel's vision had returned, Indis brought her some water and food. She sat down leaning against a boulder with Nerdanel between her legs and laying back on her. Indis' arms were around her beloved. It filled her to the brim with contentedness to just feel Nerdanel with her whole body.
They rested together for a while just holding on to each other.
Once they were both feeling calmer and refreshed, Indis took Nerdanel by the hand. In her other hand, she had grabbed a rolled up blanket. She led Nerdanel into the forest until they found a small hidden clearing.
Silently, she stood in front of Nerdanel and just looked at her.
"You know, when I watched you that night after they all had left I could not admit it to myself how you made me feel. I ignored the tension in my gut and the wetness between my legs because I thought that it was not allowed. I had already parted from Fëanor but just assumed that this kind of passion would just vanish from my life. But then when I saw you moving I felt it so deeply. And when you looked at me with that smirk on your knowing face just before you left desire shot right through me and I liked it a lot." Nerdanel's words brought back a memory Indis had treasured as well.
After taking a deep breath Nerdanel continued: "And then we got to know each other, and it became clearer to me each day that I wanted you in my life so much. I worked through the way I was taught to think about love and marriage. But I knew that you were under so much scrutiny I did not want to make your position as Acting King harder on you. And I knew the same thing held you back as well because you showed me your love by doing everything which was still within the limits that society sets.
"So when the darkness fell I knew that the time for circumspection was over. I would not wait any longer. I'm glad you see it the same way." An unburdened smile spread across Nerdanel's face when she finished.
Indis had stood attentively while Nerdanel opened her heart. When the meaning sunk in, all the love and passion just broke out of her. In an instant, she had grabbed Nerdanel and pressed their mouths together. She walked forward pushing Nerdanel back until they hit a tree. Her whole body melded against Nerdanel while she kissed her. All her pent-up passion went into kissing Nerdanel.
Soon Nerdanel's arms were holding Indis very tight. Their tongues were colliding as they just wanted to feel as close as possible. There was nothing dignified about this kiss. It was frantic and wild. And the best thing ever.
Both were breathing heavy. Their bodies moved against each other in rolling motions. Movement which did not create nearly enough friction but came natural. Both were lost in the sensations of their bodies. Time had no meaning at all.
Indis hands started moving over Nerdanel's body from her head to her shoulders, along her sides and on her back. From there they went down grabbing onto Nerdanel's buttocks. Nerdanel's hands had not been idle either, first doing broad strokes along her back and then moving to Indis' bottom as well.
For a moment they paused their kissing to look at each other. Both were smiling in way only the most content can with excitement and joy shining on their faces. Indis felt so happy to see Nerdanel like this: fulfilled and unguarded. She had been waiting for this for a long time now.
Indis' smile turned into a joyous laugh. "Dearest Nerdanel", she said, "I love seeing you like this. The spark in your eyes and the delight on your face. But also the flush of arousal. I could eat you whole."
Nerdanel wrinkled her nose in response resulting in a playfully annoyed look. "You can certainly try. There are parts of me which would be delighted to be eaten." Then she raised an eyebrow at Indis with haughty demeanor. Just a second or two later, however, she broke into a deep laugh. "Oh, I can't take myself seriously talking like this.", she said.
Indis had to laugh as well because the reaction fit Nerdanel so perfectly. "I like your proposal though. I've never tried to eat pussy before, but I want to try yours." Nerdanel looked shocked for a moment when Indis talked so plainly. Her blush intensified much to Indis' satisfaction.
Her eyes returned to Indis after a brief moment of looking away. "I'm sure I can teach you as well.", she said with determination. And now Indis was shocked for a moment. They had not yet talked about their relationships with their former husbands. Not about the close and intimate parts at least.
"I'm a fast learner.", Indis replied. And a thought about comparing herself to Fëanor flitted through her mind, but she put it aside for now.
"Let's get you comfortable then.", Indis added after a moment.
They settled on the spread blanket with Indis on top of Nerdanel. Despite her bluster, Indis did feel nervous, too. Her heart was beating fast in anticipation.
But they started slow with kissing and undressing each other. Nerdanel told Indis about where she liked to be touched and gradually Indis moved down Nerdanel's warm and soft body. She could feel all the muscles hidden beneath fat. Nerdanel's thighs parted for her, and she settled between them.
Nerdanel's instructions were indeed excellent and Indis used her fingers and her tongue on Nerdanel's clitoris, vulva and vagina how she was told. She found it fascinating to see the reactions of these sensitive parts to her touch. There was something so very intimate to being there between Nerdanel's thighs. The sounds and the smell and the taste. Indis felt awe and so much love while doing her best to give Nerdanel pleasure.
When Nerdanel stopped with her instructions Indis knew the crescendo was coming. She kept up what she was doing. Nerdanel's vagina contracted around her fingers while her pelvis pressed up against Indis' mouth. Strong thighs enveloped her.
And then Nerdanel relaxed. Looking up Nerdanel's body she saw fast breaths lifting and lowering Nerdanel's belly. Nerdanel's arms were splayed out to the side. Her breast were jiggling slightly.
Slowly, Indis moved from her position to take Nerdanel into her arms. Nerdanel's face was relaxed, and her eyes looked up at her with tenderness.
"You look beautiful, Indis.", she said. "I know everyone says so. But they say it like they are looking at a painting or a statue. But to me, you look beautiful because I get to see you so intimately. Your face is flesh and blood and moves so wonderfully. I love how soft your cheeks are. Your skin is the color of dark jasper and your eyes the color of celestite and your lips the color of garnet. But it's only the color you share with these stones. You are so much more alive. I can feel you breathing against me, and it makes me so very happy that you love me so. Your..."
Indis cut off Nerdanel's words with a kiss to show her appreciation for what Nerdanel expressed. Her own words had left her for the moment, and so she showed her love in tender carresses.