Chapter 1: Stage One: Self-doubt
Summary:
Stage One: Self-Doubt
The subject begins to doubt their place amongst their mate/mates, usually without prompting. If left unchecked, their doubt can quickly snowball into self loathing This stage usually lasts the longest, and typically doesn't end, even during the next stages. Stage one is the baseline of all cases regarding mate madness.
Notes:
This is a weird story I've had in my head for a while now, but I figured I'd write it down and see where it goes. There's gonna be a separate part to this where it's from Leo's mates' perspectives, but I'm not sure if I'm going to post them as Leo progresses along with them, or if I'll post it after this story is done. Either way, i hope you enjoy!
Chapter Text
Stage One: Self-Doubt
The subject begins to doubt their place amongst their mate/mates, usually without prompting. If left unchecked, their doubt can quickly snowball into self loathing This stage usually lasts the longest, and typically doesn't end, even during the next stages. Stage one is the baseline of all cases regarding mate madness.
You're so loud! Omega's aren't meant to be so outspoken, you're mates must be so embarrassed to be seen with you right now!
Leo sighed, shaking his head softly side to side in a futile attempt to rid himself of the criticisms flooding his head. He should have been used to them by now, he was no stranger to his own doubts about his legitimacy as an omega after all, but this was different than before. Before, the only opinion he cared about was his own, and he certainly didn't worry about what was and wasn't "omega-like", whatever that meant. But now...
Now he was mated. To four people, no less. And their opinions certainly mattered to him.
"You alright there?" a strong voice rumbled from beside Leo, shaking him out of his thoughts. Leo glanced up to see Micah, his concerned gaze planted firmly on Leo's face.
Leo cracked his neck, loosening the negative thought from his brain. "Yeah," he replied. "I'm good. Just lost my train of thought." He pointed his nose towards the woods, only a few meters away from the grassy field they were sitting in. "I saw a cardinal. Got distracted."
He wasn't necessarily lying. He had seen a cardinal, its bright red feathers hard to miss amongst the dark foliage, but he had only been paying attention to it to keep himself from talking. He didn't want to be loud. He was meant to be quiet, small. He was an omega, after all.
There were five people in Leo's pack, including him. They operated like a typical pack, all with their own roles to play. Micah and Charlie were the alphas of the group, the protectors, the tough, steady supports that tasked themselves with taking care of the pack. Rain was the wildcard of the group, switching between alpha and omega instincts depending on the situation, as well as what he personally wanted and needed at any given time. As for Leo and Ren, they were the omegas, the softer, more empathetic pack members, following their alpha counterparts and doing their best to keep the pack functioning as it should.
At least...that's how it was typically meant to be.
And for the most part, it was. Charlie and Micah were both strong, steady leaders, and while Charlie was typically the more aggressive of the two alphas, both had no problem fighting to protect their mates if needed. They were both assertive and overall the most dominant of the group, often taking it upon themselves to do the heavy lifting within the pack. On the flip side, Ren was far more soft spoken, gentle, and compassionate than anyone else in the group, at least when it came to anyone outside the pack. He was more of a follower than a leader, happy to let his mates take charge while he sat on the sidelines, following whatever they decided to do without complaint (usually).
As for Rain...well, he couldn't really do much to breach his role, considering betas were extremely naturally flexible instinct-wise.
They all had their roles, and they all played them well. Everyone, that is, except for Leo.
And sure, he knew that "traditional relationship roles" were outdated, and quite frankly, bullshit. It was a lot more common for relationships to be outside of the old norm in their current year, and he was more than happy with that. He had more room to be himself, without having to worry about conforming to stupid roles based on his secondary gender. If he had been single, or with other people, he probably wouldn't have thought much of it.
...But he did have mates. Mates who's personalities all naturally fit with their traditional roles. Leo was the only outlier, the only one who strayed from how omegas were commonly seen. He was loud, crude, obnoxious, stubborn, and far more outspoken than omegas typically were, both with his mates, and in public. He hadn't been all that concerned about his personality when he had first started dating them or even when they had first become mated, but as of recent, he had become more...insecure, about his place in the pack. He was the puzzle piece that didn't fit, no matter how desperately he tried to connect himself with the others, no matter how hard he tried to be what they wanted.
Especially when there was another omega in the pack.
"Mm," Micah hummed, seeming to take that response. "Understandable. They're pretty birds, aren't they?"
Leo murmured in agreement, not looking at Micah. Instead, his eyes traveled to where Ren was sitting, the other omega's head pressed firmly against the side of Charlie's jaw. Charlie had clearly been raving about something, getting himself fired up as usual, and Ren had done what he always did to calm angry alphas down, scrunching himself up in Charlie's lap, making himself small in the face of his alpha while he talked gently up at him. It made the alpha feel like he was in charge, like he was in control, like he had something to keep him grounded. Clearly it had worked, since Charlie was no longer upset, instead wrapping his arms around Ren's crumpled up form in a protective sort of hold. Rain was with them, sprawling himself out on the small potion of Charlie's lap that was still free, looking up at his mates and yapping happily about whatever it was that was on his mind. Ren's hand was tangled in the beta's black hair, ruffling it slowly as they basked in each other's presence.
A pang of jealousy shot through Leo. It had always been so easy for Ren to submit to his alphas when the situation called for it. Leo couldn't do that, not the way Ren did. It made him feel weak.
He hated feeling weak.
The pang of jealousy quickly turned into guilt, and Leo averted his eyes. He didn't view Ren as competition, he really didn't. In fact, he adored Ren, just as much as he adored his other mates. Leo loved how sweet his mate was, how gentle, how kind, how loving. Ren had always understood him the best of his packmates, probably due to their shared second gender, but there was something deeper to it, a connection that Leo could never, ever wish to replace. Ren was the sun, the ray of light that brightened up Leo's life, as well as his mates’ lives. He wished he could bask in Ren's light forever, protecting his precious rays from anything that could dim them.
No, Ren wasn't competition, not in the slightest. But he was everything that Leo wasn't.
Ren was what certain parts of society wanted omegas to be. A "proper" omega, so to speak. He was the type of omega that Micah, Charlie, and Rain wanted. He was soft and empathetic, submissive and needy, quiet and calming. He was by far the most domestic of the pack, and while they hadn't discussed pups in much detail before, Leo knew that Ren wanted them, his nurturing nature yearning for smaller, more vulnerable creatures to care for, to raise and love in a way he couldn't with just his mates. That wasn't the case for Leo. He didn't mind the idea of one day having pups with his mates, he'd be ok with that as long as he didn't have to carry them, but it wasn't as much of a need for him as it was for Ren.
Leo wished he could cater to his mates the way Ren did. He wished he was better suited towards being the perfect omega. He wished-
A surprised squeak left Leo's mouth when a pair of hands wrapped themselves around his waist, half-dragging and half-carrying his body into Micah's waiting lap. The alpha was looking down at him with a soft glimmer in his eye, his gaze warm as Leo looked up to meet it. "I know that look," he murmured, his voice soft. "Your brain's all over the place right now, isn't it?"
"It always is," Leo joked, immediately putting himself on guard. Micah had always been able to read him quite well, ever since they had first met, and the last thing Leo needed right now was a concerned alpha trying to probe information out of him.
"Mmm," Micah hummed, pressing a small kiss to the top of Leo's head. His hands wound around Leo's stomach, slipping under the fabric of the omega's shirt until they were pressed against Leo's bare tummy, caressing it softly with his thumbs. "Anything worth sharing?"
Leo let out a shaky breath, his negative thoughts temporarily forgotten in the face of such an intimate gesture. Normally, Micah only slid his hands under Leo's shirt when...well, when he wanted to start something with his omega, so him doing so out in public? Where anyone could see? It was a little jarring. Not that it was unwelcome though, Leo was happy to have any of Micah's attention, no matter how it made his stomach heat up at the physical contact. If Micah was trying to distract him right now, it was certainly working. "Not...Not really. Just have a lot of thoughts running through my head, is all."
Micah didn't look entirely convinced, but he let it slide, burying his head in the crook of Leo's neck and inhaling deeply. His lips traced the skin covering Leo's neck, kissing alongside the omega's muscles and jaw every so often as he continued to hold the slight bump of Leo's stomach, his hands warm and gentle. "I love you," Micah whispered, his nose bumping up against Leo's cheek affectionately. "I'm glad we could go out like this. It's nice, more peaceful than we normally get around the house."
Despite his previous hesitations, Leo couldn't help but let a small purr escape his lips, his mouth curling up into a small grin at his mate's words. He turned his head, pressing his nose to the top of Micah's forehead and holding it there for a couple seconds, Micah's warmth soaking into his skin. Micah always knew what to say and when to say it, even if he didn't necessarily know they were the words Leo needed to hear. It was one of the things Leo loved so much about him, one of many, many attributes. "I love you too. And it is nice, being out of that stuffy apartment. The fresh air is easier on my nose than the dust in our complex."
Micah snorted, grinning from ear to ear as he looked down at where his hands were currently resting. "I keep telling the landlord he needs to get someone to clean out the vents, but he never listens." He grumbled, raising his head a little. His eyes traveled from Leo's torso to the other three in front of them, watching curiously as their mates conversed with each other. They were still in the same positions as before, with Rain laying across Ren and Charlie's laps, his hand batting at the long, hanging strands of Charlie's blond hair every so often. The conversation seemed to be a little heated, although not unfriendly in any way. Probably a debate or something. "What do you think they're talking about over there?"
Leo turned his head to the side, but the wind brushing past his ear was working against him, its currents carrying his mates' voices in the opposite direction of where he and Micah were sitting. Still, he could hear snippets of their words, their conversation audible enough for Leo to guess they were talking about some movie franchise, or something of the sort. "Some movie, can't tell which one though. Looks like they're arguing about it, whatever 'it' is."
"Let's find out!"
Without waiting for Leo to respond, Micah picked him up, his body jerking in what felt like a falling movement before firm hands steadied him. Leo instinctively wrapped his arms around Micah's neck, letting out a surprised noise as he tried to keep himself from tilting over again. It seemed like his alpha was waiting for him to get comfortable, because after Leo steadied, Micah began slowly walking, his heavy footsteps flattening the grass beneath him as he got closer and closer to their other mates.
"Hey, put me down! I can walk, you know!"
Micah chuckled from above Leo, his grip only tightening. "Nope, I like carrying you around. Let me hold you, it's not that far. See, we're almost there!"
Sure enough, the alpha only took a couple more steps before stopping, lowering himself and Leo down simultaneously in front of Rain, Charlie, and Ren, their mates now looking at them happily, still chattering but making enough room to include the two next to them. Micah set Leo down on his lap again, and they settled in, Rain stretching out his legs as far as they would go over Leo's limbs.
A hand placed itself on Leo's knee, the one closest to his mates. Ren was smiling at him from under Charlie's chin, one hand still entwined in Rain's hair, the other now rubbing up and down Leo's leg softly. It was nice.
All the self-deprecating thoughts left Leo's head as he inserted himself into his mates' conversation, letting himself lose all thought besides what was needed to converse with them. He was fine. Everything was fine. They loved him, and he was enough.
...Right?
Leo shook the lingering thought away, and turned back towards his mates.
It had only gotten worse from there.
The increase in self-doubt started off slow, as it had been in the months before, but it was still noticeable. Little things here and there would set Leo's mind off, a change in tone, a look he couldn't decipher, a sentence phrased weirdly. Nothing too concrete to prove anything about his mates' stance on him, not even close. If anything it was the opposite, but it was enough to rile Leo's mind up. He tried chalking it up to his autism, he had always had trouble unpacking certain social clues, but he had a hard time believing that when the rate at which his thoughts increased so dramatically, compared to before.
But despite it all, he did his best to ignore it, keeping himself as distracted as possible while his mates suspected nothing, completely in the dark. It was fine, he could get over this, he would get over this, it was nothing to dwell on.
Then Micah's behavior began to shift, and months worth of potential buildup came crashing down on Leo all at once.
In retrospect, that's probably what kicked everything off, or at least made it worse than it would have otherwise been. Not that Leo was blaming Micah, it wasn't his fault, he didn't want to hurt anyone, it was really just a problem with Leo. There was something wrong with him.
It had started when Leo noticed how Micah looked at him. There had been a pup around, Leo had been aware of that, but he hadn't been paying them much mind, keeping to himself and continuing to mess around on his phone, waiting for Ren to come back to their booth with their food. Micah had his head turned, watching the pup intently, a small smile gracing his face, but Leo didn't pay that much mind either. Micah was fond of pups in general, so it wasn't abnormal for Micah to pay attention to them when they were running around in public.
And then, right when Leo had looked up enough to see Micah more clearly through his peripheral vision, Micah shot him a look.
It was just a glance, nothing big, but there was still something there that tickled at the back of Leo's mind. The alpha's eyes had looked normal, but there was a sense of...longing? Want? Affection? Leo couldn't tell, but there was something more in Micah's warm gaze, something that wasn't normally there.
Then Micah looked away again, and Leo pushed the uneasy feeling out of his mind, shaking it away. It was just a glance. Nothing else to it.
But then it happened again. A pup had been present, and Micah gave Leo a glance, the same one as before. It had lasted a little longer than the first one, but it had ended soon enough, and Leo had shaken the thought away again, thinking nothing of it.
It wasn't until roughly the fifth or sixth time the glances occurred (not that Leo was keeping track) that Leo began to understand what was going on.
His suspicions were confirmed two days later, when he and Micah had been shopping. It had been a normal routine run, he, Charlie, and Micah just out to grab some groceries for the week, the three of them looking at their own respective lists. They had decided it would be easier to split the total list into three parts and split up, each one of them taking a third of the list to scrounge around for.
They arrived at the store, took three separate carts, and set out. Leo had been in charge of mostly snack foods and toiletries, so he had spent his time in those designated aisles, searching around for everything on his list. He hadn't anticipated running into either of his mates, at least, not until he ended up at the checkup lines.
So when Leo walked past the pup aisle, he didn’t anticipate needing to backtrack, the fuzzy image of his comically tall mate standing around and looking at all the pup clothes an unexpected sight to his surprised eyes.
“Uhhhhh, Micah?” Leo announced his presence, walking backwards until his mate was in view, his cart in tow. “What are you doing over there? You looking for something?”
Leo guessed Micah hadn't seen or smelled his presence, because the alpha jumped, turning around as if startled by Leo's sudden approach. He looked almost guilty, which was weird, because as abnormal as his behavior was, he hadn't actually done anything wrong. "Oh, hey babe. When did you get here? I didn't see you."
...Interesting tone of voice he had there. Still, Leo could be mishearing things, or misinterpreting them. He always had been bad with identifying tones, after all. "Just now. I was on my way to get more of Ren's shampoo and conditioner. Why are you in the pup aisle? I thought you were out to get more meal based foods."
"I am." Micah replied, his hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "But I went to the small little book aisle they have here first. There was some title that just dropped that Ren was looking for, so I decided to see if they had it. I couldn't find it unfortunately, but it's fine. I'll just get it for him online."
His eyes darted away, gazing back up at all the little toys and clothes shelved in front of him, clearly intended for infant pups. "The food aisle is on the other side of the store from there, so I decided to cut through these other sections to get there faster, but I uh....I got distracted. I've just kind of been looking at everything I walk past, and that's how I got here."
"Mm." Leo hummed, his only real reply. He wasn't sure if he believed that, Micah had never been one to be easily distracted, but doubting his mate wasn't something he liked to make a habit of, so he ignored his nagging questions. "Fair. Not much here to look at though. I doubt anything we need is in this aisle."
Leo walked closer, making sure his cart was in eye shot before abandoning it as he walked closer to his mate. Almost absent-mindedly, he looked to the shelves, snagging a small pink and white striped infant onesie that was hanging on a hook beside him and holding it up to Micah, as if comparing the two. "I'm not sure you'll fit into this. Maybe if you try hard enough you'll be able to squeeze in, but I doubt it."
That got a laugh out of Micah, and Leo felt his muscles slowly relax, tension seeping down and off his shoulders. It was comical, trying to imagine the huge alpha attempting to squeeze into a tiny pup onesie, especially when Micah's foot alone was probably bigger than the piece of clothing was. But besides comedy, there was really no reason for them to still be there, in the pup section, so it was about time they moved on and gave other shoppers some room-
"I don't know, maybe I should try, it can't be that hard, can it?" Micah joked back, and suddenly the look was back, this time directed straight at Leo while he was looking right back at Micah, and fuck, it was a little hard for Leo to deny what Micah wanted when his gaze was so warm, so wanting, his pupils darting from Leo to the piece of clothing he was holding, and then back to Leo, the alpha's smile only growing more tender with each passing second.
Leo would have to be a fool to miss the signals Micah was putting down.
The nagging thoughts about pups became a full blown worry for Leo then, even as they left the aisle together, walking as far as they could before heading off to their separate destinations. Leo's thoughts continued to claw at him as he picked up his remaining items, as he made his way to the checkout line, as he pushed his cart to their car, unloading all of his stuff before hopping in, the last to finish his shopping. Neither of his present mates had picked up on his racing thoughts, a good thing really. Leo would hate to bother them, but even in their presence (especially in their presence), Leo's brain refused to shut up. Micah wanted a pup, clearly there could be no doubt, but there was so much more to think about. Did the others want a pup too? Had they talked about this yet? How soon did they want one? Was this just pup fever, or was Micah truly serious about having one? Where would the nursery be? Probably the guest room, right? Were they even ready to have pups at all? They were still pretty young, only in their mid twenties...
But the most pressing question, the question that sent waves of barely concealed fear down Leo's back was this: Was he the one Micah was expecting to carry it?
Lord, he hoped not. He couldn't. The idea alone made Leo want to vomit. He could already feel the horrific bump of something kicking at his insides, something growing deep within him, something unwelcome and invading forcing him to carry it around, altering his body in the worst ways...
No. No, he wasn't going to get pregnant. He didn't need to get pregnant. He had told Micah before that he was planning on getting a hysterectomy. It had been toward the beginning of their relationship, but he had still mentioned it.
Plus, Ren was in the pack, and he was more than capable of carrying a pup, Leo knew he was, because Ren had told him so before. In fact, Ren had mentioned it several times, both to Leo and to the others, how much he would love to carry a pup of his own once they were all ready and financially stable enough to do so. There was no need for Leo to do it, and even if Ren had changed his mind, even if Leo was the only possible option, he was under no obligation to do so. He wouldn't. If he had to get pregnant, if he had to grow something inside of him...
There was no point dwelling on it anymore. It wasn't going to happen, so he should just stop thinking about it, right?
But...shouldn't he want to do this? He was an omega after all, wasn't he built to do that? Wasn't this his job? What was wrong with him?
No. No, it was fine. He wasn't going to do it, he wouldn't. He wasn't obligated to. Omega's didn't need to get pregnant to be valid. He was fine the way he was.
But...what if his mates didn't agree?
Leo's mates were his whole world. He would hate to disappoint any of them, especially Micah. How was he supposed to deny Micah a pup after all the alpha had done to make sure he was safe and comfortable?
No, stop thinking . It's fine, it's fine, everything would be fine, he wasn't going to carry a pup, he was fine, his mates weren't going to leave him, stop thinking stop thinking-
Leo's brain continued to race for the rest of the car ride, unable to be soothed.
"Leo, sweetheart? Can I talk to you?"
Leo jumped, tensing up with shock before relaxing again. It wasn't Micah who was calling for him, it was Ren. Micah wasn't even in the house. There was nothing to worry about. He wasn't going to ask...
Leo unconsciously shuttered, the question in his mind to scary to acknowledge. The past couple of weeks had been very anxiety inducing for him, especially when it came to a certain red-headed alpha. The discovery of Micah's deepest desire was not giving Leo any piece of mind, especially when he had made an unfortunate discovery, one he wished he hadn't noticed.
Micah wasn't looking at Ren the same way.
Leo had come to this realization after a solid month of watching Micah's behavior, his observational skills dramatically heightened since the day at the store. He had managed to calm himself after that store visit, reminding himself over and over that Ren was also a part of their pack. The only thought that had managed to calm him down was the fact that Ren was with them, perfectly capable and willing to carry a pup. That was the only thing keeping Leo from spiraling out of control, from ripping his uterus out with his bare claws at any moment's notice. He didn't have to carry a pup, he wouldn't be letting his mates down if he didn't, because Ren was there.
But Micah wasn't looking at Ren the same way.
It was only him. Leo was the only one Micah looked at with such longing, with such tender affection. Leo was the only one Micah seemed to make a regular effort in bringing up pups around. Leo was the only one Micah would sneak up behind, slipping his hands under Leo's shirt and holding his stomach lovingly. Before, Leo had thought it was just a sign of affection, or a delicate touch to get him going, but with everything that had been going on, and with the increased frequency at which Micah was pulling this old trick, Leo couldn't deny that this had gone from a simple gesture of love to something much greater, a symbol of what could be there, under Micah's expecting hands-
Leo had hoped, prayed even, that he would catch their alpha staring at Ren the same way, with the same needy love, or see him slip his hands under Ren's shirt, or hear Micah bring up pups around the other omega, even if it was just once. But he never did, he only ever did anything like that with Leo, and the worst part is, besides the glances, he only ever dropped hints when it was the two of them, alone together.
The message was clear: Micah wanted pups, and he wanted Leo to have them.
Why? Why him? Why just him? Why not Ren? They were all in a pack together, why not want the same of Ren? Why only Leo? What was so special about him? Ren was working, but so was Leo, so jobs weren't really a factor, it couldn't be. Maybe it was because Ren was still in school, it took a long time to earn a doctorate degree after all, but it wasn't as if Leo wasn't also trying to forward his career, he was just taking different steps than Ren was, that's all. And besides, Ren was doing his doctorate program online, so it wasn't like he had to leave the house...
Well, he supposed it would be unfair to ask Ren to have a pup while he was still in school, but couldn't the same thing be said for Leo? He was so, so close to becoming a licensed therapist, he just needed to complete his supervised experience hours, and yeah, that may take a while, but he had already gotten a bachelors and a masters degree, so what was a year or two more before he became licensed? He wouldn't give that up to carry a pup and be a stay-at-home dad, he couldn't afford to, he was too close for that. It just wasn't something he was willing to sacrifice, not to mention his crippling fear of pregnancy in general. He could be a parent just fine if he wasn't expected to carry the pup, or stay at home with it at all times, but otherwise...
He needed a break from all of this. On top of all his other inadequacies, he now had to worry about disappointing his mates, or at the very least, disappointing Micah. He didn't want to do that, he couldn't afford to do that, but he also couldn't carry a pup, he just couldn't. He didn't know what to do. How could he do his job, how could he keep everyone happy, without actually getting pregnant?
He didn't know. Shouldn't he know? He was an omega, wasn't he supposed to know-
"Leo?"
"Oh shit, sorry." Leo shook his head, looking up from his computer screen. He'd been reading something, trying to keep his mind off of pregnancy and all his anxiety. It clearly wasn't working well. "Got distracted. What's up? Is everything ok?"
Ignoring everything else that was freaking him out in the moment, there was one other thing bugging Leo. He wasn't an expert at tone, as he'd been reminded many times, but something about the way Ren said "Can I talk to you" didn't exactly scream low-stakes conversation to him. Had he done something wrong? Forgotten to take the laundry out? Or the trash? Did he leave his clothes around again without realizing? Lord he really was the worst, he couldn't even do simple chores right-
Ren walked toward him, wiping the hands he had just washed on the side of his jeans before sitting across from Leo at their dining room table, his face kind, but...worried? "That's what I would like to know," he asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down neatly. Even when doing something as simple as sitting he was elegant, a far cry from Leo's clumsy mannerisms. "Is everything ok?"
"...Uh, yes...?" Leo responded, his face scrunching up a little with confusion. What was Ren talking about? Was something wrong? Had he done something? "...Did I do something wrong?"
"No, no, not at all!" Ren reassured, waving his hands as if to dismiss the thought, but after a moment his face grew serious again, his eyes staring intently at Leo's face. It unnerved Leo a little, although he wasn't about to say that out loud. "But...you've been on edge lately. For a while, actually. The last couple of weeks...I don't know, you've just seemed more anxious than normal. Especially around Micah. It's like you've been walking on eggshells around him. I tried seeing if he noticed anything, but he waved me off, so I figured I'd check in with you."
Oh. Yikes. Was his apprehension that noticeable? He had been trying his hardest to act as normal as possible despite his anxiety, was it really that easy to see past the mask he had put up?
A small, shaky smile appeared on Leo's face, as convincing as he could make it, but a sudden pang of fear had shot through him, throwing his non-chalet appearance off. He didn't want to lie to his mate, but what if his honest answer upset Ren? What if Ren was hoping Leo would carry Micah's pups too? What if this shattered Ren's dreams of a perfect little family? "I'm...I'm fine. Just been on edge recently. It'll go away after a while, it always does. Don't worry about me."
A moment passed, neither of them saying anything. Leo had hoped that that would be the end of it, but to his dismay, Ren only reached across the table, his hand reaching out to grab onto Leo's already slightly outstretched arm. His face was still kind, but there was more concern in the creases of his eyes than there had been a minute ago. He wasn't going to drop this, was he?
"Leo." He sighed, his fingers interlocking tightly within Leo's own. His grip was strong, firm. Leo didn't think he was going to let go, not until he answered his questions. "I know something's up. You can't lie to me, I know you too well for that. You've been more...stiff, than you normally are. At least, from what I can see. You always have this look on your face, and every time I see you interact with Micah, it's like you're trying to pick your words carefully before you speak. Did something happen between you two?"
Shit. Curse Ren and his observational skills. Leo had been more anxious, that much was true, but he hadn't realized his change in behavior had been noticeable, especially when all he was really trying to do was avoid reminders about pups. It wasn't working well, but he was trying. "No, no, nothing happened between us. Everything's the same as its always been. I've just been a little jumpy lately. It has nothing to do with any of you. It's..."
Leo paused, trying to find the word. "More...personal, I guess. Personal issues. Not your problem, or Micah's. Really, you don't need to worry about me."
He tried to smile, but his attempt fell flat. He could tell it wasn't a very convincing smile.
Ren frowned at that answer, suddenly leaning forward, more so than he had before. "Baby," he murmured, his voice soft and comforting. It would have seemed almost patronizing, if anyone but Ren had been speaking. "Your anxiety wouldn't happen to be related to how Micah's been acting around the subject of pups recently, would it?"
Ice froze in Leo' veins, his entire body stiffening up. He felt like he couldn't breathe. How had Ren figured it out? Shit, was he disappointed in him? Was he upset? Was Leo already ruining the relationship he had with his pack, even without realizing it? Besides Micah, Ren was the next most enthusiastic about the prospect of having pups, was Leo hurting him by showing outward fear about the whole thing? Was Ren hoping Leo would carry a pup too, only to have his dream dashed by Leo's apparent fear? Lord, he was a terrible mate, a bad omega, truly the lowest of the low in terms of packmates, he didn't deserve to be here-
"Hey, baby, calm yourself, it's ok, it's ok." The hand in Leo's hand went lax, and suddenly Ren was there, beside him, nuzzling his cheek with his nose in a comforting motion. When had he moved? Leo wasn't sure. "I'm sorry, I knew that your anxiety had something to do with that, but I didn't mean to scare you, not this badly. I think this is a conversation we should have in a more soothing spot. Here, let's move to the nest, ok? Shhh, it's ok, it's ok..."
"I'm fine, really, I am." Leo's voice was surprisingly steady, a far cry from how he was feeling on the inside. Surely Ren wouldn't judge him, right? Ren was generally a kind, understanding person, he wouldn't be mad at Leo, right? But what if... "We can move to the nest if you want, but it's not necessary. I'm ok. I'll be fine. I can..."
He can what? Calm himself? Control himself? Clearly not. Not with the way he was acting now. Not with the dark thoughts swirling around in his head.
...Why had he become so pathetic? Why had his thoughts spiraled so far? Everything had been fine just a couple months ago, why had he suddenly gotten so much worse than before?
He didn't know. Maybe it had always been this bad. Did it matter, in the end?
Ren looked like he didn't believe Leo, doubt shining brightly in his brown eyes. "Ok, well, I'd feel better if we could move to the nest. Is that ok with you?"
Leo sighed. That was bullshit and he knew it, but he would look like an asshole if he said no, so he nodded his head slowly, moving to pick up his computer and get off his chair. "If it'll make you feel better, then yeah, ok."
His words sounded harsh, even to him, but he didn't know what else he was meant to say. Ren was no doubt going to question him, and he was already growing frustrated with the answers he was trying to formulate in his head. Why did Ren have to clock him so quickly? It would have been much easier if he could have kept it all to himself, but nooooooo-
A flash of guilt hit Leo as he got up, Ren grabbing his hand softly as they made their way to the bedroom. He couldn't get frustrated when his omega was only trying to help, it wasn't fair to Ren. He only wanted what was best for Leo. Maybe...Maybe talking about it would help? maybe Ren would be understanding, maybe he would...he didn't know, calm him down maybe? Reassure him things weren't too bad?
Leo suppressed a small keening noise. The nest wasn't sounding so bad after all.
They got to the nest, the blankets neat and tidy from where Rain and Charlie had made it earlier. Ren stood beside Leo, seemingly waiting, and with some hesitation, Leo clambered in, trying his hardest not to sink as far as he could into the blankets, curling them around him in a desperate act of reassurance. No, he waited, watching as Ren climbed in beside him, his taller mate, slipping gracefully under the covers before grabbing them around him, bunching them every which way in a pattern he knew Leo liked. It was nice, to know his mate cared enough to memorize his nesting patterns. Maybe he wasn't so worthless after all, if Ren was putting in the effort to keep him at ease.
Ren suddenly stopped, seemingly satisfied with the way the nest was shaping up. Leo took that as his cue to shuffle closer, pressing his side awkwardly to Ren's, until they were sitting shoulder to shoulder.
A disapproving look crossed Ren's face. "Mm mm." He hummed, his hands going under the blankets again, finding Leo's body and forcefully pulling him closer, until the smaller omega was directly on top of his lap. "You're not gonna keep your distance. I want you close to me. It'll make me feel better."
Again, complete bullshit, but Leo accepted the touch, snuggling closer to Ren's warm chest. The physical touch made him feel safe. It made him feel grounded. That, grouped with Ren's scent (jasmine had always been Leo's favorite smell), and the warmth and comfort of their nest, made for a much more relaxing environment than the dining room table had been. Leo could already feel his thoughts mellowing out as the seconds crawled by, the self-loathing dying down little by little. Maybe...Maybe he had been overreacting. Just a little bit.
"So..." Ren started, the vibration of his voice rumbling through his chest and into Leo's soul. "What's happening up there?" He tapped Leo's head with his nose, pressing his lips to the top of Leo's shaggy brown hair. "Are you ok with talking?"
"Mm." Leo let out a small purr, more for self-soothing reasons than anything. His hands curled into Ren's sweater, kneading the threads that made up the article of clothing. He was too tired and too comfortable to fight back anymore. "You were right. It... it does have to do with Micah. And pups." He paused, his eyebrows furrowing. "How did you know?"
A small breath sounded out above Leo. "You aren't the only one who noticed Micah's shift in behavior." Ren murmured, his hold tightening around Leo. "I'm not sure if Rain and Charlie have noticed, but it was obvious to me, especially when you've been reacting to it. He's been acting differently around pups recently hasn't he?"
Ren paused for a second, shifting Leo in his lap a little. "I guess more fatherly is the only way I can describe it, or more parental. And he's been bringing them up more in conversation too. He's never talked about Natalia and Stella's pup more than he has in the last month or two, as well as other people's pups. I didn't think much wrong with it, but then you started leaving the room when Micah brought them up, and well..."
Silence.
"...I guess I have been doing that, huh?" Leo answered, his voice muffled by a blanket Ren had pulled near his head. He had thought he was being slick, but if Ren had noticed, then he clearly hadn't been as secretive as he meant to be. "I thought I was being discreet. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't apologize, you did nothing wrong." Ren's hands squeezed Leo's, an all encompassing warmth flooding through his skin at the touch. "I don't think he's noticed. Neither have Charlie and Rain. Maybe it's because I'm an omega that I figured it out, but either way, I don't think they know."
Ren paused again, seemingly debating his next words. "When...when did you figure out he wanted pups? Or, well, when you realized he wanted them now?"
The memory of the store visit popped into Leo's head, clear as day. "A store visit. I found him in the pup aisle, just looking at stuff. He tried to excuse it as him just passing through, but I had already noticed him staring at me whenever there was a pup around. I had my suspicions before because of that but..." Leo quieted, shifting from side to side anxiously. "I guess that just confirmed it for me. That I was right."
A small snort escaped Ren's mouth. "Yeah, same thing happened to me. Except I didn't approach him. I just smiled and wandered off before he could see me."
Another pause, this one longer. Ren seemed to be really analyzing his next words, although he didn't really need to. Leo knew what he was going to ask. He wished Ren would just get it over with.
"Baby," Ren started, a small dose of nervousness creeping into his voice, "Do you not want pups anymore?"
Leo let out a breath. They had never had a sit-down conversation about pups before, but Leo had offhandedly mentioned he was ok with raising pups when it was relevant to the conversation. That must have been enough for everyone, at least at the time, but Leo was realizing that maybe he should have found an opportunity to sit them all down and tell them he didn't want to get pregnant. He had alluded to it, several times in fact, but it must not have been enough in volume or in clarity for his mates to understand his fear.
"It's not the pup part that scares me," Leo responded after a moment, his voice much quieter than normal. "Not raising them, at least. I'm fine with raising pups. I'd be happy to be a dad. It's pregnancy that scares me so much. When...When I first noticed Micah's glances, I was fine with it, because I thought all he wanted was a family."
Leo stopped, clearing the tears from his throat. When had they gotten there? "But then I noticed more about the way he was staring at me, that he wouldn't look at you or Charlie or Rain like that, and he's been holding my stomach a lot lately, and-"
A sob rose in Leo's throat. He could feel Ren's arms wrapping themselves tighter around him, and he buried his face in Ren's chest, resisting the urge to wail in pure fear. He hadn't let himself cry over this, it would have been pathetic of him, but something about speaking his fears aloud, to one of his mates no less, one who really wanted pups alongside Micah, was just getting to him. It was like he was no older than a pup himself, too incapable to keep his emotions at bay. "He wants more, Ren. More than just the idea of me as a parent. It's not that Micah wants to have pups that's freaking me out, it's that I think he's expecting me to carry them."
He sobbed again, and again, and the wail he had been trying too hard to suppress welled up inside of him until he couldn't push it down anymore. He couldn't hide his thoughts or his fear anymore.
"I should have told him," he bawled, his tears staining Ren's sweater. "I should have told all of you that I didn't want to get pregnant. I've hinted it before, I know I have, I think I even told Micah that I was planning on getting a hysterectomy when I could because I didn't intend to carry pups, but I don't think I've outright said how scared I was of pregnancy, and now it's biting me in the ass. It's just... every time we've talked about pups, it's always been talked about like you would be carrying them! You've always said you can't wait to carry pups, that you'd be more than fine being a stay at home dad for a while, until the kid could go to daycare, and I had hoped that your interest and my lack of it meant that I wouldn't ever have to carry pups." He sniffed, gripping the sweater between his fingers impossibly tighter. "I know this is my fault, I should have told all of you before we got mated, I just..."
"Woah, woah, slow down sweetheart." Ren cooed, shifting himself again, this time turning on his side so that both he and Leo were laying down. He curled Leo up closer, moving one of his hands from under the blankets to Leo's back, rubbing it softly. "It's ok, you're ok. Has he never actually asked you? Have none of them?"
Leo sniffed, wiping his tear-streaked face with one of his sleeves, fat load of good that was going to do. "...No. But it doesn't matter, I should have told them myself. I thought that the hysterectomy comment I made was enough, but that was well over three or so years ago. I can't blame him for not remembering, or thinking that I changed my mind. I didn't follow it up with anything, so...he probably just forgot."
Ren sighed again. "He probably did. I thought...I would have thought they would have already asked you about that, especially with the way Micah's acting now. They asked me when we first got together, I thought they would have done the same for you. He really didn't check?"
"...No." Leo shook his head, trying to slow his breathing down. "But I should have been the one to bring that up. It's kind of expected that omegas are ok with pregnancy, I don't blame any of them for not asking. This is my fault."
Ren's legs shuffled a little, his hand bringing Leo's head under his chin. "No, don't even say that." He kissed the top of Leo's head, leaning up a little to pull the blankets higher up over their bodies. "We don't expect you to carry pups just because you're an omega, none of us do. Nobody should. The blame lies on all of us. We should have known to ask you. I should have known to ask you. If I was in your place, I would have been freaked out too."
"But I shouldn't be freaking out!" Leo exclaimed. His claws extended slightly, and forced himself to retract them, unwilling to hurt Ren unintentionally. "This should be something I want! It's in my biology, isn't it? And I love Micah, I really do, I just...why does it scare me so much?!"
"Because it is scary." Ren whispered. He grabbed onto Leo's hand reassuringly, interlocking their fingers in a decent attempt to keep Leo from extending his claws again. "It can be beautiful, and wonderful, and amazing, if bringing new life into the world is something you want to do. But...it changes your body. You are carrying a growing thing within you, after all. It limits you, and it changes you, and the thought of something using your body to live for months on end is horrific if that's not what you want in life, or if you aren't passionate about creating a new life. It is a really serious decision to think about, and it's more than ok to decide that it's not what you want for yourself. It doesn't matter what your biology is, just because you can, doesn't mean you have to want to. There are tons of omegas that are satisfied without having pups, let alone carrying them. It's perfectly ok for you to avoid pregnancy."
Ren's words made sense, of course they did, but Leo wasn't sure he believed him. It was easy for Ren to say that, he wanted to carry pups. He didn't get Leo's fear, he didn't understand what it was like to become paralyzed with terror at the mere thought of having to carry something inside of him. Ren might have some fears, sure, but not enough to dissuade him, not as many as Leo had. He didn't understand what it was like to feel like such a disappointment for not giving his mates what he wanted, especially when Ren would have accepted Micah's supposed proposition in a heartbeat. Ren was perfect for their mates, he was the omega they surely wanted. He was soft, sweet, and best of all, submissive. He never had to worry about disappointing their mates, not when he was exactly what they desired.
Leo felt another pang of guilt. He hated doubting his mate, he really did, but how could Ren possibly understand the way he was feeling?
"I can't do it." Leo whispered. He knew he was repeating himself at this point, but he was too delirious to care. His head hurt, he was covered in tears, and he just couldn't shake the all-consuming fear now controlling his mind. "I can't get pregnant Ren, I can't. I can't have something growing inside of me, I can't have something live within me, I refuse. It's my body, something else taking over it...I won't do it, I just can't. The thought alone makes me want to rip my stomach out until I'm sure there's nothing there, and if I were to actually get pregnant, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it, but I don't want to disappoint him, I don't want to disappoint you, I want to be a good mate, I want to give Micah what he wants, I just can't-"
"Shh, Shh, it's ok baby, it's ok." Ren shushed, rocking Leo's body back and forth in a small, yet soothing motion. Normally, Leo would have hated being treated like a pup, he was a grown man after all, but right now, when he was this out of it with fear and sadness, Ren's coddling was surprisingly calming. "You are a good mate. You're not gonna get pregnant, and you certainly aren't going to disappoint any of us. Lord, Micah adores you, you're his omega, he wouldn't feel any different if he knew you didn't want to have pups. We love you no matter what you want to do in regards to pups, and we would never, ever be upset with you for deciding to not carry them. Especially when I'm willing to do so. I promise, no matter what, we will love you forever. It's gonna be ok, nothing bad's gonna happen to you, you're fine, everything's gonna be fine..."
Leo didn't believe him. Maybe he wasn't a disappointment to Ren, but Micah? He would hate him after this, he would never want to talk to him again. They would leave him, Micah at the head, and surely Ren would follow, unwilling to lose the others just to stay with Leo, of all people. Micah may love him now, but later? When Leo proved to be utterly useless to him? All affection would be lost, he'd probably regret ever talking to or mating with Leo in the first place, he'd probably convince the rest of them to leave him behind, if Leo couldn't provide pups for his mate, then what use did he truly have? This was probably what Micah expected from him all along, so why would the alpha ever want to stay with someone who shattered his dreams?
"Leo, baby, look at me." Ren tilted Leo's chin up, the smaller omega's tear-filled eyes moving up to meet Ren's own. "I'm being serious. You believe me, right? Please tell me you do, because I promise you I'm being honest. Micah's not gonna hate you, nor is anyone else, ok?"
"...Ok. I believe you."
Leo hated lying to his mates, especially someone as trusting and sweet as Ren, but what choice did he have? he couldn't bother Ren any more than he already had, not when his worries were about their other mates, not when there was nothing Ren could do to change the unavoidable truth. He was just...too pathetic to help, an embarrassment of a mate. Surely no other packs had to deal with this issue, right? it had to be just him who was this awful, right?
A breath above Leo tickled the hair on his scalp. "Good. That's good. I don't want you stressing about your place in the pack this much, ok? We love you, and we love you for you . You will never disappoint us by not wanting something." Ren paused, rubbing Leo's shoulder reassuringly. "but...if you want me to talk to Micah about this, I can. I can ask him to knock it off, or tell him about your concerns, if you would like me to-"
"No, please don't!" It came out as a whine, an embarrassingly high pitched statement that Leo would have ordinarily cringed at, but right now, he was too desperate to care. "I don't want him to think I'm upset with him. And it would be cowardly for me to have you tell him of my fears on my behalf. if anyone's gonna share those concerns, it should be me."
Leo sniffed, bringing up one of his sleeves to wipe at his eyes. He needed to stop crying, he was being pathetic and he knew it. "But...how do I even bring it up? I don't want to make him feel guilty, but telling him now will definitely tip him off that he's been freaking me out, intentionally or not. The last thing I want is to make him feel bad, especially when he didn't do anything wrong."
A pause.
"...Maybe you won't need to. They asked me about pups, right?" Ren gave Leo a reassuring smile, one that could have convinced Leo everything would be alright, if he had been less distraught. "So he'll probably do the same for you. If Micah is really serious about having pups anytime soon, I'm sure he'll ask you how you feel about pregnancy and parenthood before officially proposing the idea of having pups. He'll probably ask all of us. After all, it is a pack decision, so maybe he's just waiting for the right moment?"
"...I guess."
Leo doubted it. Surely he would have asked by now, right? There was no way he was going to check before asking Leo to carry pups, it already seemed like he thought Leo would be ok with it. Micah wasn't exactly being slick with what he wanted, even if he hadn't said it out loud. It was only a matter of time until he asked for real, and Leo really didn't want to disappoint him when he did.
A cold nose pushed its way into Leo's cheek, Leo squeaking in surprise as it did. Ren was nuzzling his face, a small smile gracing his features as he rubbed his jaw along Leo's, his stubble tickling Leo's skin. "I'm sure he will. I know it's worrying you, but Micah's a good mate. He would never ask you to carry pups without talking with you about pregnancy first, I promise. Just...give him some time. Who knows, maybe this whole thing will blow over, and you won't have to worry about it anymore!"
Despite his hesitations, a small, watery purr started up in Leo's chest. He appreciated Ren's efforts to cheer him up, he really did, even if he didn't fully believe most of what his omega was saying. Still, it was nice to cuddle up with his mate in their nest, just the two omegas, completely surrounded by warmth, and no stressors besides Leo's own brain in sight. He wished he had half the comforting power Ren did, all he was ever able to do for his mates when they were upset was cuddle up to them and give them awkward reassurances.
"...Thanks." Leo croaked out, burying his face in Ren's sweater once again. "Thanks for comforting me. You're right, it'll be fine, everything's gonna be ok. I guess...I was overreacting a little, huh?"
Ren snorted. "Not you weren't. I get it, really, I do. It's a scary thing to have to face. I understand why this is causing you so much worry. You've always wanted us to be happy, and the idea that you might disappoint us is frightening. But I promise, nothing like this could ever make us upset with you. You're our precious mate, and if something will cause you so much distress, then we don't want it. Understand?"
"Mm."
"Good. Now, we've got about an hour until Rain gets home, and I don't feel like getting up until he does. You wanna stay in the nest for a bit and take a nap? The rest might help you calm down, and it'll be nice to lay with you, just the two of us. We don't get much omega time, do we?"
A small breath of amusement left Leo's nose. "No, we really don't. Can we...Can we nap together? This is nice."
"Of course." Ren's smile grew wider, his hands temporarily leaving Leo's body to rearrange the blankets around them, covering both of their bodies until they were warm and comfortable, snuggled up against each other. Ren nosed Leo's cheek one last time before settling in, their faces still mere inches apart as they laid side by side. "I could use a midday nap too. Dream well, my love."
Leo echoed Ren's wishes, snuggling closer and closer, until he was completely smushed against Ren's warm body. He still didn't believe much of what Ren had told him, the dark thoughts swarming his head in aggravating hives, but he did his best to ignore them, closing his eyes and forcing himself to fall into a dream-like state, just slightly shy of actual unconsciousness. He needed a break from all the fear, all the anxiety, all the crying. He needed Ren's words to be true, no matter how unlikely. He needed rest.
...And who knows. Maybe Micah would ask him about pregnancy before proposing he carried pups. Maybe there was no need to worry. Maybe...things would be alright.
...
As always, he was wrong.
Leo had been washing the dishes when Micah sat on the couch behind him, silently watching Leo's every move. A large pit opened in the bottom of Leo's stomach at the instinctual realization that Ren had been wrong, and the time had come.
It was just the two of them in the room, the other three members of their little pack getting ready for bed in their shared bedroom. Moonlight streamed into the dimly lit apartment through the open window above the sink. Leo inhaled a deep breath, taking in the cool, crisp night air. It calmed his nerves slightly, but not as much as he was hoping it would. Off to his right, Leo could hear the faint sound of their voices through the wall, teasing and throwing light hearted insults at each other, a nightly ritual that Leo was usually a part of. The only reason he wasn't in there currently was because it was his turn to do the dishes left over from their dinner, a fact he was sure Micah had been planning to use to his advantage for a while now. Still, despite his apprehension, he appreciated that at the very least Micah was asking him without the others present. It would be hard enough disappointing one of his mates, he couldn't imagine how awful he would feel if he let every single one of them down in one go.
The two of them remained in the eerie silence for a long while, only broken by the steady stream of water flowing from the kitchen sinks' faucet as Leo worked. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing as much as humanly possible. He didn't want Micah to know how much he had dreaded this moment, how afraid he was of the disappointment that was sure to follow. He managed to keep himself from shuddering, re-opening his eyes and fixing his expression into his regular resting face, hoping Micah hadn't figured out anything was wrong yet.
Leo briefly wondered if Micah was going to say anything at all, when the alpha opened his mouth to speak.
"How was your day?"
His voice was soft, softer than normal. He was drawing this out, Leo realized. He wanted to work his way up to what was on his mind instead of just coming out with it, probably because he thought it wouldn't be as shocking to Leo when he finally asked.
Leo swallowed the bile rising in his throat. He wished Micah would just spit it out. Spit it out and be done with it.
"It was all right, nothing special. How was yours?" Leo's tone remained casual, as if this was just a regular conversation. Micah couldn't have known how Leo was fighting to keep his words steady, dread circulating throughout his body as he spoke.
Please, get it over with, just ask and be done.
"About the same as usual." Micah paused. "Actually... I wanted to ask you something."
Leo swallowed down a mewl of distress, trying to keep himself from shaking. This shouldn't have been as nerve-wracking as it was, all he had to say was no, but fuck, he would be letting his mate down. He hated that, he hated that he couldn't just be ok with it. He was an omega, this is what he was made for, so why? Why did the thought of carrying a pup make him want to rip his skin off? He didn't understand, why did he have to be such a terrible omega? He couldn't even do his biology right!
"Mmmm?" Leo hummed, not trusting his voice enough to say real words. He continued scrubbing the plates in front of him, trying to let the rhythmic motions of the sponge on glass calm him. It wasn't working, but at least it kept up the unbothered, unsuspecting image he was hoping to project to his mate.
Micah took in a shuddering breath, eagerness radiating off of him in small bursts. "How do you feel about having pups?"
Leo stopped momentarily, breathing in deep before continuing his cleaning. "You mean, like raising them?" He was deflecting and he knew it, but he didn't know what else to do. He was just delaying the inevitable, he guessed. "I mean... It might be nice. I don't know the first thing about parenting, but I could learn. There's enough of us that it wouldn't be too taxing on any of us, I think..."
He wasn't necessarily lying. He would be fine, happy even, to raise a pup with his mates. But he knew that wasn't what Micah was asking, not entirely, anyway.
A small squeak sounded through the room as Micah stood up from the couch, his footsteps echoing off the walls as he slowly walked towards Leo. The omega kept his back turned, suddenly frozen with a mix of anticipation and dread. He tried to continue washing the few dishes left in the sink, but quickly gave up on pretending to care when Micah stopped right behind him, bending over enough to wrap his arms around Leo's torso. A small noise left Leo's throat when he felt a large hand make its way under his shirt, caressing his stomach lovingly. It was a gesture that normally got Leo going, but now, it only made him feel nauseous. It wasn't hard to imagine what was running through Micah's head. He was probably imagining what Leo's stomach would feel like, round and heavy with his pup, feeling it kick weakly against the stretched skin. Wondering what it would be like to snuggle up to his pregnant mate, him and their other mates doting and loving on Leo every second they could, not letting him do any heavy lifting around the house, or at work. It sounded like heaven to Micah, but in Leo's mind, it was absolute hell. The idea of something, especially something living growing inside of him, using his body to survive whilst changing it in a horrific way, was the most terrifying thing he could possibly think of, whether he was made for it or not.
"Sorry," Micah chuffed, dipped his head so it was pressed against Leo's neck. Leo tried to resist swallowing for the umpteenth time, knowing Micah would feel it. "I should've been more clear with what I was asking. What I really want to know is..." he rubbed Leo's stomach for emphasis, his arms holding on tightly to the omega's torso, "do you want to carry my pups?"
He paused again, waiting for the question to sink in before continuing. "We... I've been thinking about it a lot, and I would love nothing more than to have a pup with you. I know we're relatively young, but we'd take good care of you, all of us. We want to start a family with you, and..."
Leo tuned the rest out. All he could focus on was that one little word.
We.
Leo was suddenly very aware of the lack of noise coming from their bedroom. Normally, his mates would be just as boisterous as before whilst waiting on him to finish up his chore, but tonight, the room had fallen suspiciously quiet.
Leo bit back a bitter, dry bark of laughter. They knew all along. Well, at least Rain and Charlie knew all along. They knew what Micah was going to ask ahead of time, and were eagerly awaiting his answer as much as the alpha behind him was. Which also meant that they wanted this as much as Micah did. Leo was the only one who didn't. So much for not disappointing all of his mates at once.
The realization sent a wave of pure panic through Leo's body. He could have maybe faced turning Micah down, as painful as it would have been, but all of them at once? He couldn't do this, he couldn't. He wanted to run, to hide somewhere where no one could find him, to go anywhere that wasn't there. All of a sudden he found himself craving his childhood bedroom, the one place he'd ever had that was just his own, and no one else's. he wanted his old nest back in his room, he wanted to be hidden under the blankets, snuggled where nothing could get to him, he wanted his comfort items, he wanted-
"-eo? Sweetheart?" Micah's concerned voice rang through the haze of Leo's thoughts. Leo was dimly aware that at some point, Micah's hands had left his body, instead firmly grabbing his shoulders in what was supposed to be a grounding motion.
He was shaking, he realized. His breathing had turned ragged with fear, and he was willing to bet any amount of money that his scent had sharpened with distress. No use hiding how he felt any longer. He slowly lowered the plate he'd been holding, careful not to drop it despite his unsteady hands, gripping the edge of the counter for support once his hands were free. He fought to gain control of his breathing, blinking away the tears that had started to gather there. He didn't look Micah in the eye, keeping his back turned to the now very concerned alpha behind him. He already fucked up by showing his distress, but he wouldn't allow anymore weakness to slip through. He refused to be that vulnerable, not now. Steeling his nerves, he steadied his voice as much as he could before responding.
"I can't." He forced out, surprised at how little tremor there was in his tone. "I'm sorry, I just can't."
It took effort, but Leo managed to straighten his back, his hands releasing their grip on the edge of the counter and moving to shut off the water still steaming from the tap. He dried his hands on the towel hanging nearby, sighing at the ever present feeling of eyes watching him, waiting for him to say more.
No words came. Leo still didn't turn around.
A hand released Leo's shoulder and gently tried to grab his arm. Leo flinched. The hand hesitantly withdrew.
"...I'm sorry," Micah whispered after a moment, seemingly afraid of setting Leo off again. "Are you... are you ok? Did I say something wrong?"
Micah's voice sounded level, but Leo had known him long enough to be able to detect the confusion and sadness lacing his mate's words.
The guilt that Leo had known would come washed over him, choking him until he felt like he couldn't breath, fresh tears springing to his eyes. It wasn't Micah's fault. It had never been Micah's fault. All he wanted was to start a family with the people he loved most, of course he hadn't thought anything bad could come of asking. They had never talked about pregnancy before, he couldn't have known how terrified Leo was of it. And now here he was, crushing his mate's dreams simply because something he couldn't explain was wrong with him. Micah didn't deserve this, none of them did. They just wanted a family, a family Leo couldn't bring himself to provide. He really was a terrible mate, wasn't he?
"I'm fine," Leo choked out, trying to clear the tears from his throat. "Really, I'm fine. I just can't be the one to carry your pups. I'm sorry."
Sucking in a deep breath, he finished cleaning his hands off and re-hung his towel, settling his face back into the most natural expression he could manage. He paused for a moment, then turned towards the bedroom door, keeping Micah out of his line of sight as much as possible. "I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go get ready for bed."
He didn't wait for Micah to answer before making his way to the bedroom, swallowing his tears down before he reached the door. The closer he got, the easier it was for him to hear the sound of scurrying feet getting farther away from the door.
Leo closed his eyes, renewed guilt bubbling inside his chest, before grabbing the handle.
He pushed open the already ajar door, immediately greeted by the sight of his remaining mates sitting casually on the bed. A normal, almost mundane sight, if Leo ignored the unusual silence suffocating the room, and the three sets of eyes planted firmly on him, their gazes more hawk-like than normal. They were strewn about the bed in various poses, Rain and Ren sitting on the bed facing each other, while Charlie laid straight out on the bed, his eyes flicking up to Leo's face before going back down to his open phone. Rain, bless him, had the most I'm-guilty-but-I-don't-want-people-to-know-I'm-guilty look on his face, his head whipping around at the sound of the door creaking open while his eyes darting nervously from Leo's frame to something behind Leo. Charlie was doing a much better job at hiding his emotions, his eyes looking at Leo briefly before going back to his phone, looking almost bored at whatever was on the screen. As for Ren... he just looked mad, an expression he tried to suppress as Leo walked in the door.
"Took you long enough." Rain said, a small, nervous smile plastered on his face, like he didn't know what had just transpired in their kitchen seconds ago. "You ready for bed?
Leo shook his head, making his way to the bathroom door. He couldn't get away from his mates soon enough. "Not yet. I'm gonna go brush my teeth, maybe step in the shower for a couple minutes. I feel sweaty."
He met Ren's gaze, surprised to find that the other omega was gazing at him with a far gentler expression than he had had moments ago. "You do that," he whispered, shooting Leo a reassuring smile. "Take as much time as you want. I need to have a word with these three anyway."
His eyes hardened, and Leo was suddenly even more glad to be leaving the room his mates were in. Ren was a gentle omega, very forgiving, and rarely angered. But when he was...
Leo hoped his mates were prepared for their omega's wrath.
"Thanks," Leo said, and without waiting another moment, he closed the door to the bathroom, locking it behind him for good measure.
Before he realized where he was going, Leo stumbled over to the shower and numbly twisted the knob. Ice cold water shot out from the showerhead, splashing the tub below before swirling down towards the drain. Leo retracted his hand, backing away from the shower until the back of his knees hit the rim of the toilet. For the first time since their conversation, Leo allowed himself to collapse, his body landing on the toilet seat before folding in on itself, his head in his hands.
Tears sprung to his eyes, blurring his vision before dripping from between his lids, staining his skin and the floor beneath him with the salty liquid. He hated himself. He hated himself so much. He was a terrible omega, he didn't deserve to have his mates, or any mate, he didn't deserve to have Ren defend him, he didn't deserve to call himself a good mate, a good omega, a good person. Why couldn't he just be ok with pregnancy? Why couldn't he be happy that his alpha wanted him to carry his pups? A good omega would have been over the moon at Micah's proposition, especially when there was another omega in their bonded pack. Micah could've asked Ren, but he didn't. Micah asked him . Micah had given him one of the highest honors to many omegas, and he had declined it. He didn't deserve to be happy, not after he had made his other mates so miserable.
Leo brought the skin of his hand to his mouth and bit down, not hard enough to make himself bleed, but hard enough to hurt. He needed to hurt. He would have done more, done worse to himself, but he knew that his mates would be able to smell the blood if he did, even through the shower. He supposed he would just have to wait for the feeling to die down, or for his mates to fall asleep.
Through the haze of steam and the sound of water pelting the tub, Leo could hear murmured whispers from the bedroom. Against his better judgment, he lowered himself off the toilet, crawling his way to the door before resting his body against the cool wood, careful not to make a noise. He pressed his ear to the door.
"-n't understand, what did I do wrong? Did I say something to offend him? I've never seen him react like that to anything , what set him off?" Micah tearfully whispered, confusion and desperation for answers evident in his voice.
Guilt crushed down onto Leo's chest once again, and he had to muffle a sob. he'd had never heard the alpha so distressed before, it was almost as if Micah wanted to wail out, but couldn't in fear of Leo hearing.
"It's not your fault," someone soothed, too quiet for Leo to make out the voice's origin. "None of us knew he would react like that, least of all you. It was just a question, you couldn't have known he'd be upset."
Leo almost jumped at the loud snort that followed those words, a drastic difference from the hushed tones preceding it. Deafening silence followed the noise before a small, antagonistic voice spoke out. "Yes you could've. Don't bullshit yourself. I could've told you he'd react like that. Why do you think I was trying to get past you two?"
More silence. Then another, equally angry voice. "How?" Again, a pause. Then the voice returned. "Do you wanna enlighten us on how you knew instead of just standing there, glaring at us?"
"Charlie." Micah's soft, yet commanding voice rang out. "That's enough." A pause. "Ren?"
Ren didn't hesitate. "Because I did what you clearly didn't do, which is talk to him about pregnancy prior to asking him to get pregnant. You know, like you're supposed to do with your mate before you demand they carry your pups."
Leo was glad he wasn't in the room, he'd never heard Ren this pissed before. He suppressed the small bit of joy he got from being defended. He hated hearing his mates fight, especially over him, and especially over something that was entirely his fault.
Rain piped up, his voice confused. "He didn't demand it though? He just asked. I don't understand what the problem is."
"Oh my fucking-" Ren cut himself off, waiting before speaking again. "He did not 'just ask'. He started off by asking, sure, and then he immediately went into a spiel about how all of us had already discussed and decided that this is what we wanted, which we did not do by the way, maybe you three did, but I didn't, and Leo certainly wasn't a part of that conversation, and then he started talking about this future pup as if Leo had already said yes and that this was a sure thing that was going to happen, all without listening for his answer first. I mean, seriously? You are not this dense, I know you aren't. ‘We want to start a family with you,' 'I can't wait to have a pup with you,' 'you're gonna be a fantastic father.' That is not 'just asking,' that is 'we've already decided that this is what's going to happen.'"
More silence. No one spoke.
Leo's head was reeling. He had heard Micah say that they wanted to start a family, but he had completely missed everything else Ren had just brought up. Bile rose in his throat. Just how much of their conversation had he tuned out?
"Oh," Micah breathed, shocked. "Oh Ren, you're right. I did do that, didn't I? Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to force it on him, I really didn't. I just... I just assumed that he was ok with it. I mean, he said he was ok with having pups, didn't he? And we've discussed raising pups before today as well. I assumed that meant he was ok with carrying them too."
"Exactly." Ren spat out, still as pissed as before. "You assumed . Raising pups and carrying them are two different things. You didn't specifically ask him how he felt about pregnancy, and I'd be willing to bet all our money you've never heard him say anything even remotely hinting that he wanted to carry pups either. You just hoped he was fine with it and ran with it."
"Ok." Charlie's voice was back, much more subdued than before. "You're right. We screwed up. It was a complete dick move to assume he was fine with it without actually confirming it. But I still don't get what made him so... so scared! He knows we would never hurt him...right?" Charlie trailed off. "I guess I just don't understand why he couldn't say no without freaking out. I know I sound like an ass, I don't mean to, I just want to understand."
Leo heard a sigh, and then Ren came back. The anger had left his voice, replaced by complete and utter exhaustion. "This is why you should have talked to him beforehand, without all the pressure. If you had, you would have known that he is absolutely terrified of pregnancy."
A long, long pause. Then a small whisper, almost too quiet to hear. "He is?"
Leo backed away from the door. He didn't need to hear the rest of their conversation. He didn't want to think about it any longer. They could talk about how terrible of an omega he was without his prying ear.
Tuning the rest of their quiet murmurs out, Leo quickly removed his clothes, crawled his way to the tub, climbed in, and curled up at the bottom. He let the hot water pelt him until his skin turned pink, hoping that after enough time had passed, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the shower water and his tears.
His mates were still awake when he exited the bathroom. They had turned off the lights, but even in the gloom, he could see the concern shining in each and every persons' eyes. Leo was shocked to see that instead of them saving a spot for him next to Micah, his sleeping area was in between Ren and Rain. Normally, Micah would fight tooth and nail to be snuggled up with Leo in bed, and even when he wasn't, every alpha was touching an omega in some way when they slept, usually with Rain in the middle. But now, Micah wasn't touching him or Ren, and Leo could tell just by gazing at his alpha that it was killing him. His eyes had dulled significantly, want and guilt reflected in his pupils as he stared sullenly at Leo. His scent had weakened, barely present in comparison to his mates. Even Rain's scent was stronger than Micah's, an extremely rare phenomenon amongst their pack.
It took everything in Leo's being not to cave into sleeping with Micah. His instincts screamed at him to curl up next to Micah, to press himself as far into the alpha’s skin as he possibly could, but he refrained, pushing his urges aside. He loved his alpha dearly, but he needed space more than Micah needed him.
After a little hesitation, Leo jumped onto the foot of the bed, crawled in between Rain and Ren's bodies, and slipped under the blankets that made up their nest. He noted with appreciation that there were more blankets in his nesting spot than there normally were. Ren's doing, no doubt. The two alphas and beta didn't have the same appreciation for the art and language of nest making.
Leo flipped himself onto his side so that he was facing Rain, his back flanked by Ren. Rain didn't hesitate to pull Leo's upper half onto his chest, wrapping his arms around Leo's torso and tucking Leo's head under his own. Leo nuzzled the fabric of Rain's sweatshirt, taking in a deep, long breath, Rain's fresh, linen scent hitting his nose. This was nice. It was moments like these where Rain was what Leo needed, even more so than his other mates. Naturally, as a beta, Rain wasn't as overwhelmingly protective as Charlie and Micah, and he also wasn't as emotionally needy as Ren and Leo himself often were. Of course, he had his moments on both sides of the spectrum, but on a normal basis, he was the most neutral of the pack, the most reliable, calming presence when Leo needed something less overwhelming than the clinginess and overprotectiveness of his other mates.
Not to say that Rain wasn't clingy; he definitely was, but during moments like these, his clinginess was more reserved in comparison to the others.
Ren smushed himself into Leo's back, his body creating a protective wall between Leo and Charlie. His arms snaked their way around Leo's body, careful not to touch his stomach, while Ren brought his head to Leo's neck, burying his nose into the skin there. Leo scooted backwards until Ren's chest was laying flush to his back, soaking in the warmth his mate radiated.
Neither alpha present attempted to touch Leo. He wasn't sure if it was because they wanted to give him space or if they were just scared of setting him off again, but either way, he was grateful for the distance, although he couldn't ignore the guilt that was still burning in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.
Leo closed his eyes, curling further into Rain's chest. Sleep couldn't come soon enough.
...
It was the middle of the night when Leo woke up, panic and fear swamping his chest, his body shaking violently. He was sweating profusely, and at some point during his slumber, tears had started to fall from his closed eyes, rolling down his pale cheeks as he shook.
Leo shook his head. Everything was hazy, his brain cloudy as he tried to collect his thoughts. A nightmare. He had had a nightmare. It was faded, the details unclear now that Leo was in the waking world, but he remembered the gist of it. He wasn't sure where it had taken place, it could have been his apartment, it could have been his childhood home, it could have been the middle of the highway for all he could remember, but he did remember that his mates had been there, they had been there, but then they left. They left him on his own, without saying goodbye, without telling him why or where they were going he knew why, without even writing a note , leaving him scared and alone and-
Leo shuddered. He needed to get away from his mates. Thankfully, they were still asleep, but they wouldn't be for long if Leo didn't leave the room. The fear lacing his scent would wake them up. He didn't want that, he couldn't let his mates see the state he was in.
Carefully, Leo sat up, gently removing Rain and Ren's arms from around his torso. Ren let out a groan and for one tense second, Leo thought he had woken up. But Ren remained asleep, unconsciously curling his now free arms closer to himself. Rain remained dead to the world, not even twitching at Leo's absence.
As quietly as he could, Leo sat up, slid his legs out from under the blankets, and crawled past his mates slumbering bodies, making his way to the edge of the bed before stepping off. Somehow, he made it off the bed and to the door without so much as a creak, allowing him to exit the room without disturbing the other four men in the room.
Leo opened the door, slid through the small crack he made, and then shut it. He turned his body towards the rest of the apartment, letting his feet carry him wherever they wanted instead of his head. They seemed to know where they were going, even if Leo didn't.
His footsteps were muted as he plodded his way towards the guest bathroom, the one that wasn't attached to his bedroom. He stopped at the door, hesitating slightly before opening it. It made a small creaking noise, but the bathroom was too far away for his mates to be in any danger of hearing it. Leo stepped in, closed the door, locked it, and turned on the lights.
Bright fluorescent light flicked on, blinding Leo for a moment before his eyes adjusted. The bathroom was nothing special: it had a tub, a showerhead, a toilet, and a sink with a cabinet below, all standard for an apartment bathroom. It was a lot smaller than the one connecting to the bedroom, and a little less nice, but it was still an adequate bathroom by normal standards. Despite the places to sit, Leo remained standing by the door for a couple of minutes, his body swaying back and forth with exhaustion and anxiety. He put one hand out to catch the counter, keeping himself from landing face-first on the hard floor as he tried to fight the overwhelming emotions swirling in his head.
the dream replayed in his brain, the fuzzy details becoming more clear the more he thought about it. He saw his mates leaving him over and over and over again, his mind replaying the scene every time it came close to ending. He remembered how barren the apartment looked, now that all of the stuff belonging to his mates had been packed up and taken away, moved to wherever the other four were headed. Their scent had disappeared, leaving only Leo's in the apartment that felt too big without the others to occupy it alongside him. He remembered the fear, the terror of not knowing where his mates were going, and the terror when he realized that they wouldn't be coming back for him. He was all alone, abandoned by the people he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Leo's breathing picked up, his scent thickening with distress until even he could smell it. Of course, he knew it was a dream, it wasn't real. His mates were still in the other room, sleeping peacefully. Truthfully, it wasn't the dream itself that had scared him.
What scared him was that it could happen. It probably would happen, now that he'd proven to be useless to them.
He knew, with his whole heart, that one day, he would come home, and they, along with all of their stuff, would be gone. They wouldn't say goodbye, they wouldn't tell him where they were going, they would just leave, leaving Leo all on his own. Now that they knew he was a useless, broken omega, now that he had crushed their dreams, they would realize they chose the wrong omega to implement into their pack, and they would leave. Maybe they would find a new omega, one who would be more than happy to carry their pups. Maybe they would realize that they didn't actually need a fifth mate, that the four of them were more than enough to fulfill everyone's needs. Their pack had existed long before Leo joined them, and it would exist long after they left him. Either way, they wouldn't have room for Leo, whatever it was they chose to do. He hoped that when they did leave, they found the happiness he couldn't give them. He hoped they would have the family they were dreaming of. He hoped they were never burdened by the thought of the omega they left behind.
Meanwhile, he would remain here. Alone, like he deserved to be. Mated but mateless. Because he would never be able to bring himself to remove their mating marks, no matter how much it would sting to be abandoned by them.
But it was fine, really, it was. He'd survive. And if he didn't, who would care?
Well, maybe Michelangelo would, but he was a cat. He'd go back to living with Leo's mom, and after a while, he'd forget Leo even existed.
Leo's knees popped as he knelt down, his skin meeting the cold tile floor. He opened up the cabinet under the sink, looking around at the various tools and items stashed under the pipes, hidden away until they were needed. His hands began reorganizing the items, his eyes searching for a certain object, before his hand found the crinkly texture of a plastic bag. Weird. He couldn't remember what was in that bag, or even that it had been there in the first place. Maybe one of his mates had stashed it there?
He grabbed the bag, bringing it out into the light, where he could inspect it better. The bag was a modest brown color, the same color of any old plastic bag one would put their groceries in at a store. Leo opened up the bag, expecting to see nothing more than toothpaste, toothbrushes, maybe a couple condom boxes who's buyer was too embarrassed to have out on display. Unfortunately, it was none of those items. Leo's heart dropped.
Pregnancy tests. The bag had a box of pregnancy tests in them, as well as a receipt.
Leo grabbed the piece of paper and looked at the purchase date.
He felt like he was going to throw up again. Whoever had purchased these had done so that day. They must have hidden them away where they figured Leo wouldn't find them, not until after they had asked him, at least. Had they really been so confident that he would say yes? Were they planning on making this supposed pup that night?
The guilt suffocating Leo only thickened at the realization. They had been so excited. They just wanted a pup. He really was the worst.
Before he could continue staring at the box, Leo shoved it back into the bag, threw the bag under the cabinet, and resumed his search, this time more desperate than before. He didn't want to think about the box any longer, he didn't want to see the box any longer, the sooner he could shut the door, the better. His vigorous search proved successful when he found another box, this one being a more welcome sight than the last, one that had been stashed at the very, very bottom of everything else in the cabinet.
He thought he had kicked the habit, he really had. He never had any intention to go back on his promise, one he made to himself and his mates. It had been harder and harder to keep that promise in more recent times, each day making Leo feel more useless than the last, but he had been too determined to hold strong. Not anymore. It was too much now.
Maybe Leo had always known it would come to this again. After all, when he had bought the box, he had already made the resolution to stay clean. He hadn't even known why he had bought them at the time. His brain had justified the purchase, reassuring him that it was just in case the razor he was currently using broke, but if that had been the case, he wouldn't have stashed it where his mates rarely ever looked, under every piece of junk they already had under the sink.
Leo brought out the still-new looking razorblade box, and opened it.
...
Everything hurt. Not just the shredded skin underneath his chest, but his hands, his eyes, his legs, everything.
It could have been a lot of things, to be fair. He had been lying down in a cramped tub for the past hour, letting scalding hot water raining down from the showerhead assault his already sensitive and bleeding skin. He had also been crying, which certainly wasn't helping his eyes.
Leo looked like a hot mess. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy, small tears still dripping out of them. His whole body looked more pink than normal due to the hot water, minus the space under his chest, which looked to be a darker pink than the rest of his body, probably because of all the cuts. They had stopped bleeding at that point, having been run under the water for at least 30 minutes after the last cut was made, but they still looked irritated, and they hurt even more than the instance in which they were made. His normally fluffy brown hair was lying flat against his skull, a combination of the water that had hit it and the natural flatness that occurred after he had slept on it for a bit. He had gone from lying straight down to curled up into himself, his teeth gritting at the pain. Who knew that hot water and fresh injuries didn't mix well?
Well, Leo did, but it had been a long time since he had used that knowledge.
It must have been close to 1:30 in the morning at that point, and thankfully his mates had remained asleep, even with the absence of Leo's body and the sound of the shower running, albeit from far away. Leo slowly peeled his body from itself, swallowing a hiss of pain at the sting, before sitting up and turning off the shower. Now that the cuts weren't bleeding anymore, he was at no risk of being exposed by his mates, not from his scent, at least.
He had learned in the past that unless a wound was bleeding or infected, no one would be able to detect an injury based on smell alone. So unless his mates actually saw his skin, he was in the clear. The real problem came with intimacy. His mates were almost insatiable when it came to each other's bodies, and to be fair, Leo wasn't much better either. He would never be able to hide his body until the cuts healed.
He guessed he would just buy a shit ton of scentless, waterproof, skin tone makeup. Shouldn't be too hard.
Despite the pain, Leo felt a little better. The urge to hurt had lessened with the pain, leaving his head a lot clearer than it had been prior. The guilt was still there, as well as the fear, but they too had become manageable now that Leo felt he had given himself what he'd deserved. The stinging pain on his flesh was his punishment for hurting his mates, and now he had experienced the same level of discomfort he had inflicted, just in a different form.
Leo stood up, his joints aching as he cautiously stepped out of the tub. His feet met the much colder floor as he bent down to redress himself, hissing slightly as the fabric of his shirt rubbed against his fresh wounds. The shorts he was wearing didn't cause him any pain, and after hiding the razorblade back in the cabinet and confirming that there wasn't a single trace of blood left anywhere in the room, he opened the door again, creeping out into the wider apartment and making his way towards the bedroom door, steam bellowing out from the bathroom behind him.
He could hear Micah before he could see him. The guttural growls and rumbles reached Leo's ears through the door, alarming him greatly. What was going on in there? had Micah woken up and figured out he was gone? Panicked, Leo opened the door, not attempting to be quiet any longer.
All of his mates were still asleep, including Micah. His back was turned away from the door, so Leo was unable to see his face, but the noises the alpha was making, plus the thick, distressed scent coming from him was enough to tell Leo what was going on. His mate was having a nightmare, which was a little concerning since Micah never got nightmares.
Leo crossed the room as quickly and as silently as he could. He didn't want to wake his other mates, although he was surprised none of them had woken already. Maybe the noises had just started? He wasn't sure. Either way, he made it to Micah's side, kneeling down to take a look at his alpha's face.
Micah's face had contorted into a look of pure despair, his eyes scrunched up and his teeth bared. Leo assumed he was angry at first, dreaming about some sort of threat, but then he saw the subtle twinkle of a tear running down Micah's face, and he realized what was actually happening. Micah wasn't angry, he was scared. Scared of what, Leo didn't know, but for Micah, of all people, to be scared? It must have been bad. Something must have happened to him in the dream, if not him, then one of his mates.
Leo reached out a tentative hand. He was still a little wary of his mate, but right now, his alpha needed him. And after all Micah had done for him? He deserved to have comfort when he needed it.
Leo touched Micah's arm lightly, jumping back when his mate flinched violently, the alpha's teeth flashing unconsciously. He settled after a moment, but his noises never stopped, his scent only thickening. It made Leo dizzy.
"...Micah?" Leo whispered, creeping closer to his mate once again. He didn't want to wake Micah, but maybe hearing his mate's voice would help, even while he was sleeping. "Micah, are you ok?"
Micah's face relaxed a little as Leo spoke, a small, desperate whine leaving his lips.
Leo was stunned. His mate, the tough, fearsome alpha who never showed signs of fear around his mates, let alone his omegas, just whined. Leo hadn't ever heard him make that noise before. "It's ok, I'm here. Your mate is here. Nothing's going to hurt you."
As he spoke, Leo forced his own scent to sweeten, hoping that his warm, welcoming scent would calm his mate down like it normally did, although usually Micah needed to be calmed from his aggressive protectiveness, not from fear.
A trembling, gentle hand found its way to Micah's arm once again, this time eliciting no reaction from Micah at all. Leo slowly moved his hand up until it was resting against Micah's cheek, surprised at how quickly the alpha nuzzled into his touch. The growls had ceased, replaced by small chuffs of contentment. The alpha was still trying to soothe himself through rumbles, but he seemed a little more relaxed than he had before.
Leo kept going. "You're safe, we're all safe, everyone's ok." He paused for a moment, stroking Micah's cheek with his thumb. "You're such a good alpha, keeping us so secure. You do such a good job of protecting us. My alpha, my perfect, loving mate. You don't have to worry. I'm here. Safe. Won't leave."
He brought his face closer to Micah's, hesitating a moment before bumping their noses together. He forced a watery purr from his throat, hoping the noise would reassure his mate that everything was ok.
It took a moment, but his purrs seemed to work. Micah quieted, the only noise coming from him being small little rumbles of contentment. His scent had thinned out a little, not too weak, but not as suffocating as before. He made no more panicked movements, instead resting peacefully under the covers, his eyes still glued shut.
Leo remained where he was for another few minutes, too scared to leave Micah on his own. What if the nightmare came back? What if Micah lashed out in his sleep and accidentally hurt someone? Sure, he was surrounded by his mates, but they were all still asleep, unaware of the distress Micah had been in moments before. Micah was a big alpha. If he struck out, even in sleep, there was a good chance he would hurt somebody, no matter how accidental. Leo didn't want that to happen.
Tears sprung to Leo's eyes for the umpteenth time that night. This was his fault, as always. Micah was never this troubled. He must have been so upset earlier that it transferred to his dreams. He had caused so much trouble for his pack, and now they couldn't even escape the sadness he'd inflicted earlier while they slept. God, why hadn't he just forced himself to say yes?!
His skin was crawling. The temporary release cutting had given him vanished, the discovery of his mate's nightmare bringing him right back to where he had been an hour before, although this time with an added pain. He itched to hide, to get as far away from his pack as he could in the small apartment. Their presence was suffocating, an inescapable reminder of his failures and shortcomings. He needed to get away from them, he needed to leave right that second before he broke down from the guilt once again, but how could he leave when Micah needed him to stay calm?
Leo scoured the room with his eyes desperately, trying to find something, anything, that could keep Micah satiated in his absence before he broke down again. His blurry eyes struck gold when they landed on one of his sweatshirts, its crumpled form resting where he had haphazardly thrown it earlier in the day, With a quick, light kiss to Micah's forehead. Leo backed away from the bed, swiftly scooping up the black fabric of his sweatshirt before returning to Micah's side. He rested the sweatshirt underneath Micah's face, close enough for the alpha to get a good whiff of his scent, but not so close that he'd be able to tell it wasn't actually Leo he was resting next to. Micah had always been scarily preceptive about Leo's absence, even when in the throes of sleep.
A couple minutes passed before Leo felt comfortable enough to back away from the bed, content with how soundly Micah was sleeping. Hopefully he wouldn't wake up till morning, the sweatshirt's presence enough to fool him with his eyes closed. Leo walked backwards towards the bedroom door, his hands shaking violently as he kept his eyes firmly planted on Micah's sleeping form. His shins hit the edge of the door, and he cursed silently under his breath at the small smacking noise he had made. He exited the room, pulling the door shut before backing away.
Leo could feel his breathing pick up as he shuffled his way to the guest bedroom across the hall. His heart was pounding against his chest, on the verge of exploding with anxiety. The nightmare and all the fear it had brought him came crashing back onto him, the temporary relief cutting had given him washing away rapidly. He needed to get as far away from his mates as possible, he needed to be alone, he needed solitude. He was once again struck with want for his childhood room, for his comfort items, for the feeling of safety his old nest had given him-
His feet carried him into the guest bedroom, ignoring the neat, clean, empty bed in front of him in favor of the closet adjacent to it. The bed was nice, perfect even, but Leo's mates were sure to find him if he slept there, and he didn't want that. He needed to hide away. The closet was perfect for such a purpose. Not only was it a small, comforting space, but Leo had stashed all of his old blankets and stuffed animals there when the five of them first moved into the apartment. He would be safe in there, curled up with all of his comfort items. He could recreate his old nest right there on the closet floor, and no one would ever find him.
A small, yip-like noise left Leo's mouth. He had lost his ability to make a true yipping noise years ago, when he had grown from a pup to an omega, but his body still tried to produce the sound, its result resembling a distorted mewling sound instead of what it was intended to be. Leo quickly closed the bedroom door, entered the closet, and closed that door as well, leaving himself in the pitch black darkness. He grabbed the cord hanging from the ceiling and yanked, a dim, yellow light shining from above him at the motion. There was a big bin lying on the ground in front of him, one that held all of his childhood items safely inside it. They still smelled like home.
A rather loud, relieved purr erupted from Leo's throat as he began pulling blankets and stuffed creatures out of the bin, until there was nothing left inside of it. He grabbed as many blankets as he could, using a couple as a makeshift mattress before using the rest to create a nest resembling his old one. He stepped out of the closet briefly to grab a pillow from the bed, but quickly shut the closet door upon returning to his new nest, terrified at the idea of being caught by any of his mates. He finished up the nest as quickly as he could, sitting back to admire the work he had completed.
Safe, his mind purred. Safe. Home. No danger. Good nest. Sleep now.
Leo clicked off the light and curled up under his blankets. Instinctively, he grabbed for a worried looking stuffed rabbit he had, one that Rain had given him to help him with his anxiety. Leo barely thought about who had given him the rabbit, his only thought being the comfort it had always given him when he needed it. His hands kneaded the fur of the rabbit, much like a cat, his soft purring lulling him into a state of sleepiness.
He held the plush closed to his chest, buried his head in the pillow, and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning was hazy, a memory Leo could only really recall if he tried hard enough.
Sometime that morning, Ren had found him, sleeping at the bottom of the closet. He couldn't really remember what Ren had said, but he did remember that his mate had stayed with him for a little while, curled up in the nest with him, waving something away from the door every once and awhile. It was nice. Leo had felt safe.
Eventually Ren had prodded him to get up, and Leo reluctantly did so, clinging on to the other omega all the while. They had eaten, and Leo faintly recalled that his other mates had kept their distance for a bit, something he didn't understand. After he ate, Ren took him back to their nest, the one he shared with all of them, and laid him down in the middle before curling up against him once more. He had asked Leo if he wanted to watch anything, and Leo had replied with some show he had enjoyed as a kid. While Ren was pulling the show up on the tv in their room, Leo had looked over to the door and noticed how his other three mates had crowded around the opening, looking in with rounded, anxious eyes.
Leo had been confused. Why weren't they joining him? What were they anxious about? Didn't they want to snuggle in their big, comfy nest? Leo kept staring, but none of them moved. That is, none of them moved until he made a high-pitched trilling noise, inviting them into the nest. As soon as he made the noise, his remaining mates rushed into the room, hopping onto the bed next to the omegas. Micah had laid himself next to Leo, a deep nervousness showing on his face, but it soon vanished when Leo flopped onto his chest, his head resting where he could hear Micah's heart beating rapidly. The rest of his mates cuddled up tighter around Leo's form, until all of his mates were touching him in some way. Micah had begun crooning down at Leo, a nice, reassuring sound to the omega's addled brain. The show began running, and the five of them sat there, watching what was playing for an hour or two, Leo couldn't be sure.
It was funny, because he was surrounded by his mates, the people he wanted to love for the rest of his life, and yet they didn't feel like his mates at that moment, not really. They had been a comforting and trusted presence, but it felt...different, for some reason.
After a couple episodes had passed, Ren suggested Leo take a nice, long, warm shower. Leo agreed. Micah had asked Leo if he wanted them to join him, and for the first time that morning, panic had flashed through his body. He was suddenly aware of the cuts littering his chest, and although he had forgotten why he had put them there, he remembered that his mates weren't supposed to know about them, no matter what. He had reassured them he'd be fine, slowly turning around and entering the bathroom, shutting and locking the door for good measure.
It hadn't been until the shower water began washing over his frame that reality started coming back to him, memories of the past night returning to his consciousness.
When Leo stepped out of the bathroom, his brown hair still dripping water, he was a lot more subdued than he had been earlier. He tried to keep up his regular relaxed appearance, but he couldn't deny how awkward everything was after he emerged from the bathroom. His mates were staring at him again, looking him over like might snap at any moment.
"You doing alright?" Ren asked from the bed, his face kind but concerned. He was searching Leo's face carefully, like he was looking for something specific.
Leo shook the water from his hair, reaching for the hair dryer on the side table. "I'm fine, just a little tired."
Charlie piped up, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "How'd you sleep last night? You look exhausted."
Leo plugged the hairdryer into the nearest outlet, kneeling down so it reached his head. " I slept fine."
He didn't elaborate. His mates stopped asking questions.
The next couple of days were tense, to say the least. Conversation between Leo and his mates, especially Micah, had become awkward and unnatural. None of them dared to bring up the conversation they'd had a couple nights before, but none of them could forget it either, it's memory imprinted on all of them like a brand.
They tried to ignore the elephant in the room, and eventually, after two or three days of awkwardness, the elephant seemed to leave on its own. Seeing his mates interact with each other organically helped loosen the anxiety and fear that had been gripping Leo's mind, allowing him to slip back into his regular personality alongside his mates. The alpha's of the pack started to cuddle up to him again, and once they saw he wasn't moving away from them, they became much more comfortable plopping down around him whenever they felt like it. The fear of losing his mates slowly dissipated from Leo's shoulders, and for a couple of weeks, it seemed like any discussion regarding pups would be saved for the far, far future.
But then they discovered Ren was pregnant, and the supposedly far off future suddenly became the present.
Leo was the last one to know. He had walked into the apartment one day, the sight of all four of his mates sitting in their living room greeting him. Ren looked like he was about to pass out with nerves, and his other mates weren't much better off. Leo had been confused, but when he caught a glimpse of the pink stick of plastic Ren was pulling out from behind his back, he knew instantly what had happened. The stick looked exactly like the pregnancy tests on the front of the box he had found two months ago, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the result must have been.
It hadn't been on purpose, Ren had assured all of them of that. He didn't even realize he was pregnant until Charlie had detected a change in Ren's natural scent, and asked him to take the test. Ren had wanted to tell the rest of them at the same time, but he had waited a day too long, because Micah was able to smell the change, and Rain had just so happened to walk into the room right as Micah was questioning Ren about it...
So Leo had been the last to find out. It hurt a little, to know that everyone else had found out before him, but he couldn't really blame them, not when they hadn't done it on purpose. If anything, he was the one to blame for not being able to smell the change like the others. Rain was a beta and therefore had a weaker sense of smell, so he had an excuse, but Leo? He was an omega, his sense of smell was just as good as the alphas. He should've been able to tell. He was never the most observant, but this was his mate they were talking about. He should've been able to tell.
He could see how nervous all of his mates were as they watched for his reaction. He couldn't blame them for that either, not after how he'd freaked out back when Micah asked him to carry pups. He understood why they were tense. He could feel their worry grow when Ren whispered that he wanted to keep it, despite how sudden all of this was.
Despite the tension in the air, Leo could feel an overwhelming surge of joy begin to overtake his senses, A wide grin breaking out on his face. They were gonna have a pup! They were going to have a family after all, he was going to be a dad! Of course, he was terrified, he had no idea if he would be a good father or not, but hey, he had nine (well, probably closer to eight) months to start learning!
Instant relief washed over each man's face at Leo's bright smile, the atmosphere growing much lighter than before. Leo smothered the urge to tackle Ren in a large hug, instead rushing over to his side and gently wrapping his arms around the other omega, nestling his nose in the crook of his neck. Ren laughed before returning the hug, a smile of his own creeping across his face at Leo's joyous actions. It didn't take long for the others to join in on the hug, and soon the five of them had become a large pile of bodies, their conjoined purrs and chuffs of happiness bouncing off the walls of the apartment. Leo snuggled closer to Ren's body, confidently believing that nothing could possibly kill his mood that day.
Of course, he was wrong. As usual.
He hadn't really noticed at first, and he was sure Micah hadn't realized he was doing it either. Leo had been too focused on celebrating with his mates, their conversation lively as they discussed what they should do next, what supplies they should buy first, potential names for the pup, how long they should wait before announcing the pregnancy to everyone, how many doctor's appointments they needed to schedule, and of course, frantically checking in on Ren, how he was feeling, and what he needed from them. He had been so engrossed in planning everything out with his mates that he hadn't realized anything was off, at least, not until the topic of the pup's second biological father came up.
The leading theory, and the overall most likely scenario, was that Charlie had been the one to get Ren pregnant. Leo had been ruled out from the get-go, and although Rain was capable of such of feat, he wasn't nearly as likely to be the biological father in comparison to the alphas. That just left Charlie and Micah, and according to a slightly embarrassed Ren, he and Charlie had been more...active together than he and Micah had. That possibility would also explain why Charlie had been able to tell before anyone else, since alpha's were usually more likely to smell their own pup's conception earlier than a non-blood related pup's.
It didn't matter to any of them, it really didn't. They would all be dads to this pup no matter who it was related to biologically, no one would be more of a parent than anyone else. Well, except for maybe Ren, but he was literally carrying the pup in his body, so it was understandable how his connection to the child would be a little different from everyone else's. They only wanted to know out of curiosity, and so they would know if there were any diseases, risks, or disorders the pup might be more predisposed to based on genetics. Other than that, the "real" parent didn't matter at all.
At least, it shouldn't have mattered.
It wasn't until after Charlie had been pronounced as the father that Leo felt eyes on him. He knew it was Micah staring at him, but before he could meet the alpha's gaze, the eyes averted themselves, focusing back on Ren, and Leo thought nothing more of it.
Until it happened again. And again. And again.
Each time, the duration of Micah's stare's seemed to last longer and longer. Leo tried to ignore it, convincing himself that he was overthinking things, but it just kept happening. It wasn't until Leo turned to look at the gazing alpha that he understood why Micah was staring at him so much in comparison to his other mates.
Micah suspiciously shifted his eyes back to Ren the second Leo turned his head to look the alpha in the face, but he hadn't done so quick enough to hide the longing that crept into his expression, the melancholy still present in his gaze for a second or two after he had turned away, before it was replaced by a calm happiness. Leo would have liked to convince himself that he was imagining the want laced in his mate's gaze, but it was a little hard to believe he was making such a thing up when the staring was so prevalent.
He kept half his attention on Micah for the rest of the night, still actively engaging in conversation with the others, but much more aware of what the taller alpha was up to than before. It was this attention to detail that allowed Leo to catch a couple more glimpses of Micah's expression's ranging from sadness, to fondness, to the same longing expression as before. At one point during his staring, Rain had nudged the alpha before whispering something in his ear, prompting Micah to look away in shame. With all the context clues in place, it wasn't that hard to understand what he was thinking about.
Frustration began to build up in Leo, and he fought to keep it down, lest anyone else in the pack pick up on it. He didn't understand, he truly didn't. Micah had wanted a family, right? Well, Ren was pregnant, and soon enough, the pup would be here, a new member of their pack, just like Micah had asked for. The only difference was that he wasn't the one to knock someone up, and Leo wasn't the one carrying the pup. Besides that, everything else would remain the same. He would be a parent, all of them would be, and they would be raising the pup together, as a pack.
So what was he longing for? Was he upset that the pup wasn't "technically" his? That didn't make sense though, he could always have his own biological child later on, if they decided they wanted another pup. Was he upset that Leo wasn't the one that was pregnant? Because if so, why did it matter so much? What was so different about Leo that he specifically was the one Micah wanted to get pregnant? Sure, he and Micah had somewhat of a special bond, but everyone in the pack had a different and unique bond with each member! That's just how people worked, and at the end of the day, everyone loved everyone with their whole hearts. He didn't understand what was so intriguing about him and his ability to carry pups. Why couldn't Micah just drop it? Why had he remained so fixated on the idea of Leo having his pup, even after he had expressed his discomfort with the idea?
The frustration had no sooner reared its ugly head when it retreated, shame and disgust rushing to replace it. It wasn't Micah's fault. He couldn't control what he wanted, especially when he was so close, yet so far from his initial goal. Leo was sure Micah would love this pup as much as he would have if it had been biologically his, it was just... different, somehow. He didn't get it, but there was clearly something desirable about him having pups to Micah, and he shouldn't be upset at the alpha for just simply wishing. It's not like he was actively bringing the whole matter up again, so Leo didn't have a real reason to be upset with him. With himself however...
Leo looked around at his mates, who were smiling and laughing with a joy Leo had never seen from them before. Just another reminder of how he had failed as an omega. He had refused to make his mates happy out of his own selfishness, and now the opportunity to please them had fallen on someone else. Even then, he still had let his mates down, as evident by Micah's saddened stares. Not that Leo could blame Ren, oh no, he could never. Ren was a perfect omega, doing what made his mates happy while enjoying himself alongside them. He was content to give them a family, excited even, while Leo would have been on the verge of ripping his organs out if he had been in the same position. Ren was just... better. Better at being a mate, at being an omega, at being a pack member.
He was everything Leo should have been. He was everything Leo couldn't be.
And even after all Ren had done to make them happy, Leo's shortcomings as an omega were still letting his mates down, as evident by Micah's saddened stares. That wasn't fair to Ren, not when he'd given them what they had wanted. It wasn't his fault that his embarrassment of a mate had soured what was supposed to be a joyous moment in their lives. Leo hoped that Ren couldn't see the way Micah was looking at him, he didn't want his mate to feel like he wasn't enough for the alpha.
The rest of the night was a swirl of emotions for Leo. His excitement for the pup hadn't been dampened one bit, but he couldn't shake the shame, hate, and disappointment he felt in himself for not doing what Ren had done. If he couldn't provide for his mates the way they wanted him to, then how was he supposed to provide for a pup? How was he meant to be a good father when he couldn't even be a good omega? The fear of abandonment came crawling back, infecting his brain until it was all he could think about. It took everything in Leo's power to keep his happy, unbothered mask from slipping in front of his mates.
His skin was itching. Leo gripped his arms, digging his nails into the flesh that resided there. None of his mates noticed.
It was late when the pack decided to go to bed, still buzzing with excitement for their new life. Ren would be sleeping in the middle this time, probably where he would remain sleeping for the next year or so, if Leo had to guess. Leo went to curl up at the edge of the bed, assuming Ren would want the safety and comfort of both alphas lying next to him while he was carrying new life, but to his surprise, upon laying down, a large hand gripped his upper arm gently, pulling him backwards until he was in the middle of the bed.
Leo looked towards Ren, chirping with confusion as the other omega's hand retreated from his arm.
Ren looked back, his wavy, black hair splayed out on the pillow underneath him. He smiled gently, his eyes warm. "Stay next to me. I want you close by."
Leo blinked with surprise. "Really? Why?" It took him a moment to realize his self-hatred was shining through, so he backtracked. "I mean, don't you want the alphas with you? Wouldn't that feel... I don't know, safer?"
Ren's smile only grew bigger as he snorted with amusement. "You make me feel just as safe as those two doofuses do." He leaned closer to Leo, a teasing glint entering his eyes. "Besides," he whispered, the alpha's no longer able to hear him. "I'm a pregnant omega with two very overprotective alphas as mates. I'll be lucky if they don't drive me insane by the end of this!"
Leo snorted, and Ren chuckled alongside him. It was true, Ren would be lucky if he got a moment of peace between the two alphas, not to mention Rain, who could be just as bad as Charlie and Micah when he wanted to be. While he would undoubtedly be more defensive of his mate, Leo also recognized that he'd still probably be the most relaxed of the four of them.
Their laughter eventually died down, Ren opening his mouth to speak again. "But seriously," he said, "I'm excited, but I'm also a little scared. I need someone who will understand me and what I'm feeling by my side. It'll help me be able to relax easier. God knows I'm gonna need as much peace as I can get between the others, my body changing, and all the things we have to do to get ready for this little guy."
Ren tapped his still-flat stomach for emphasis. He reached for Leo again, rubbing their noses together. "Right now, I need you ."
Leo looked at Ren with uncertainty. "But how can I understand you better than the others? I've never been pregnant before."
Ren hummed in disagreement. "You're right, you haven't been, but you don't need to. You're an omega. You've always been able to understand my feelings better simply because we share the same second gender. Of course, you won't feel exactly how I feel, but you'll have a deeper understanding of what I need in comparison to anyone else in our pack." Ren kissed the tip of Leo's nose reassuringly. "It's always been like that, hasn't it? It's the same now, except my needs will be a little different."
As odd as it sounded, Leo knew Ren was right. Omega's in general tended to have a better understanding of one another, especially if they were mated. It was just how they were, even if it didn't always make sense.
"Yeah, you have a point." Leo conceded, snuggling up closer to Ren. A wicked smile spread across his face. "Let's just hope none of the others murder me for taking up their space. I may be their mate, but I don't think even that will stop them from getting to you when they feel they need to."
Ren let out a huff of defiance. "They can try," he mock hissed, gripping Leo tighter. "But I won't let them. Do you really think they'll defy me, a pregnant omega, when I want something?"
Leo giggled, his sides shaking uncontrollably. "Oh the power you hold!" he laughed, forcing himself to calm a little. It was too late to get this worked up, and besides, they would all need to get as much sleep as they could, while they still could. He could see the rest of their mates getting ready to lie down, so he decided to end the conversation sooner rather than later. "Just promise me you'll abuse the shit out of that power. After everything you're gonna be going through, it's the least you deserve."
Ren grinned once more, his eyes beginning to droop. "Oh, don't doubt it. They're gonna hate me by the time the pup comes."
Leo didn't believe they would, not for a second, but he still purred in agreement. His mates would gladly do anything their pregnant omega asked, but the idea of Ren working them all to the bone was still a funny image in Leo's mind. He settled down to sleep, his conversation with Ren temporarily distracting him from his previous plight. Even as Micah settled down behind him, his arms wrapping themselves right under his chest, he refused to let his thoughts sour his good mood, not after he had managed to prove himself useful in some other way. He shut his eyes, basking in the presence of his mates and hoping that his negative perception of himself would get better as time went on.
...
Leo woke up, his breathing uneven, sweat dotting his hairline. The nightmare had come back. They had left him, and this time, there was a tiny, fifth person to leave with them.
He had been stupid, to believe his self-hatred would go away. It would never go away. Not when he was the way that he was. Not when he was such a disgusting, selfish mate.
Leo crept out of bed, walked towards the bathroom in the hall, and reached under the cabinet.
Chapter 2: Stage Two: Distraction (Part One)
Summary:
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Notes:
Chapter two! Per the request of my tumblr followers who are reading this, i decided to split stage two into two separate chapters, otherwise it would have ended up being like, 80k words long lol. I hope you enjoy!
Also TW, I didn't put this in the tags because it's extremely minor, but their is a slight insinuation of miscarriage in one line. Nothing graphic or super upsetting, Ren just worried about it potentially happening. There is no actual miscarriage.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
There was a lot that needed to be done to prepare for the pup. Eight months might seem like a long time, but with all that had to be done? Those months were going to fly by quicker than any of them could possibly guess.
It wasn't even going to be a full eight months. Ren was six weeks pregnant, meaning they really only had seven months and two weeks, and that was assuming the pup came at exactly nine months and not a couple days or even a week early-
Needless to say, Leo was stressed.
There was so much to do, and he didn't even know where to begin. None of them did. No sooner had he begun researching what was needed for a nursery when he caught Rain looking up and buying what was probably an excessive amount of beginner parenting books, a look of complete concentration on his face as he added each one to his online cart. Not even an hour later, Leo was watching over Charlie's shoulder as the blond searched for anger management classes, his leg bouncing up and down at a speed nearly impossible to track with the human eye.
"How am I supposed to take care of a pup if I can't even keep myself out of fights?" Charlie had said, and Leo had understood. No matter how old they had gotten, Charlie had never fully kicked his fighting instinct, something that got him into more trouble than it did good. But now he had a pup on the way, and it wouldn't do any good to have one of it's dads constantly coming home with a bloody nose and broken ribs. "That's not the kind of issue I want my pup to see, not even if I end up ok. I have to learn how to manage myself."
Micah seemed to be the only relatively calm one out of their pack, but even then, he was more on edge than normal. He had fully tried to start outlawing Ren from doing any heavy lifting already, moving to take anything heavier than a water cup out of Ren's hands before he could get very far, but a less-than-impressed look and a small hiss of annoyance from the omega in question had shut that down impressively quickly. It was almost comical, how the normally in-control alpha immediately folded in the face of his pregnant mate. It made sense to Leo, but it was still funny.
Still, Leo could tell Ren's stubbornness was making the taller alpha tense. In his mind, he was supposed to protect his mates, especially when they were vulnerable, so what was he meant to do when the most vulnerable amongst them wouldn't let him do his job?
Such an event was happening now, right in front of Leo's eyes. Ren was trying to carry one of the dining table chairs to the living room area, presumably to sit in, and Micah was watching with nervous eyes, his entire body tensed up, as if he were watching Ren walk across a tightrope thirty feet in the air rather than simply carrying a chair across a room. He almost stood up at one point to help, but a small side-eye from Ren had him swiftly seating himself back down again.
"At least let me sit there." He said softly, his voice taunt with nerves. "You can take the couch. It's more comfortable."
Ren looked amused, his eyes twinkling as he shot Leo a small look, but he agreed, thankfully not picking an unnecessary fight with their concerned alpha. Instead, he simply set the chair down, straightened out, and waited until Micah got up before moving to seat himself on the couch.
It was almost impressive, how composed Ren managed to keep himself. Leo would never have been able to restrain his annoyance to the degree that Ren was able to, if anything, he would end up being pretty snappy.
"Pack meeting! Pack meeting! Is everybody here?" Rain emerged from the guest room, walking toward the small little circle the rest of their pack had made up.
Everyone was in fact there, Leo and Charlie sitting together on one sofa, Ren sitting on the other with a space next to him for Rain, and Micah on the chair Ren had dragged over. Rain made his way past Ren's knees, plopping himself down next to the omega less-than-gracefully before shuffling closer, pressing their shoulders together. There was a huge grin present on his face, one that immediately put the room at ease. "Good! I have a shift in two hours, so let's make this as quick as we can. Now that we're all here and settled, we need to actually discuss things coherently. I think...we're all kinda going off the rails with this-"
"I'll say." Charlie murmured from his seat. "I think it would be a little weird if we weren't all over the place."
"-and I think coordination would be helpful." Rain shot Charlie a look, continuing his thought after the alpha finished interrupting. "Soooo, let's figure out what to do next! There's a lot to get prepped, but we need to decide on things together, or nothing will ever get done. Any ideas for our first move?"
Charlie shot up immediately, clasping his hands together tightly. "Well, I'm gonna make my start by working on myself, but other than that, we should probably start by making sure we have all the right stuff, right? Like clothes, a crib, shit like that. We're gonna have to buy a lot of stuff, so we might as well get started, right?"
"So, getting supplies and maybe setting up the nursery? Gotcha." Rain typed something out on his phone, probably what Charlie had just said, before looking back at the group. "What else?"
"Baby-proofing the apartment." Micah chimed in, looking at Ren's stomach with concern. "And making sure we know what Ren should avoid while he's pregnant. Not that I don't trust him, but..." he looked around, his eyes scouring the room as he spoke, "I'm sure there's things pregnant people are meant to avoid in order to keep the pup safe. Like...cat litter, right? I read something somewhere once that said it's dangerous for pregnant people to clean the cat litter, so Ren shouldn't do that anymore, not until the pup is born at least."
Leo remained silent, but nodded. He had heard that once too, and although he wasn't sure it was true, Ren's health was too important to risk in any way.
"Sounds good, anything else?" Rain asked, typing away at his phone again. After a couple moments of silence, he spoke again. "I think we should come up with a list of names. Maybe if we start now, we can avoid a bunch of infighting later!"
Charlie frowned. "But we don't even know the gender. Shouldn't we wait until then?"
Rain slowly shook his head, scratching at his neck. "We could just come up with lists for both genders! Or a gender neutral one, if that'll be easier."
"Hey what about notifying family and friends?" Micah piped up again, his eyes sharp with interest. "I'm sure everyone would be super happy to find out we're expecting. Especially our family, how many times have Ren's parents asked when we're having pups?"
Ren shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "No, not yet. Soon, but not yet. I want to wait a bit, just to make sure..." He paused, his eyes growing sad for a second. "I want to make sure nothing's gonna happen. This is still an uncertain time for pregnancies, you know?"
Charlie hummed in agreement, reaching across their small table separating the couches to grab Ren's hand reassuringly. "I agree. I think we should wait. Besides, we should avoid stressful situations as much as possible right now. It can wait a couple of weeks, maybe even a month or two."
"Ok, well..." Rain tapped his fingers against the armrest, seemingly contemplating his choices. "We could start looking for pup stuff. Can't be too hard, right?"
"I think we should start with clothes." Micah said. he was leaning forward now, fully invested in the conversation. "Although, how many pairs do we need? And what colors should we get?"
What about a crib?" Charlie questioned. "Shouldn't we get that first? What types of cribs do newborns need?"
Rain snorted. "I don't think it matters. A crib is a crib, right?"
"Well what if it's not? Hey, what is our budget anyway?"
"We don't have one. It's gonna be a lot no matter what, but we have enough money to support ourselves, I'm sure of that. We should just focus on getting the best stuff for our pup."
What about toys-"
"Can newborns even play with toys? Maybe we should wait on those-"
"Hey, can we revisit that name idea-"
Leo wasn't paying attention. He was too in his own head, thinking things through without any outside interruption. What should they do first? Pup stuff was important, but surely that wasn't the first thing they needed to do, right? Naming wasn't either, that could come way later, all things considered. Family and friends finding out was already set for a future date, Rain had already bought parenting books, Leo had been doing his own research about pretty much anything he could think of in regards to parenting and what to do (and he would continue to do so for a long time, probably even after the nine months were up and the pup was there). Ren was surely going to continue to work for a bit, he would be able to move around just fine for a while after all, and it would be a while before they needed to get him maternity clothes, so what...
"What do you think Leo?"
Ren's voice cut through the loudness of their mates' arguing voices. It was the first thing he had said in a little while, most of the arguing being done by Rain, Charlie, and Micah, his voice soft in comparison to their loud, boisterous ones. his gentle gaze was set on Leo, patiently waiting for the other omega to speak his mind. "It's your pup too. You have anything in mind?"
"Oh yeah, you haven't said anything yet, have you?" Rain chirped, swinging his legs back and forth. "What do you think?"
"Uhhh..." Shit. Did he have anything in mind? He had so many thoughts racing through his brain, none of them helpful, and he wasn't entirely sure which one was the most important to start with. "I think..."
He remained silent for a moment, humming unconsciously as he thought. His mates' curious stares weren't doing much to help him, only increasing his already elevated anxiety. What was he supposed to say? Nothing felt right, but he couldn't think of anything else. it would be stupid to repeat someone else's argument. Fuck, why couldn't he just be helpful, like his other mates? They seemed to have a better understanding of what to do, even if they couldn't agree with each other on everything. He needed to figure this out, he needed to be a good parent. He needed to make sure the pup was well taken care of and provided for. He couldn't screw this up, he had to make sure everything went right. Ren's health as well as the pup's depended on it.
...Health. Right.
"Doctor appointments." The words were out of his mouth before he had even realized he was saying them, but a sense of calm enveloped him at the sound of his own spoken thought. Yeah, that was right, wasn't it? It had to be! "I think we should start with doctor appointments."
All of Leo's mates stared silently at him, unmoving. Ren had a small smile on his face, but the rest of them looked nervous at the proposition, as if Leo had said something wrong. As if he thought there was something wrong...oh shit, they probably thought he thought there was something wrong with the pup, didn't they?
"Not that there's anything wrong with Ren or the pup!" Leo backtracked, raising one hand in a sort of reassuring manner. Fuck, he had already concerned them, why had he spoken at all? "I just mean that pregnant people usually have to schedule regular appointments throughout the duration of their pregnancy, just to make sure nothing's wrong with them or the pup's health. I'm not sure how often they're supposed to go, or if it's dependent on specific weeks of the pregnancy, but I do know that they're supposed to go regularly, and also that doctor appointments can be hard to schedule when you need them if it's not far enough in advance. So maybe..." he paused. Was he wording this right? He wasn't sure. "Maybe we should start by finding that out, and scheduling regular appointments, if we can. At the very least, I think we should schedule one in the next week or two, just to make sure all is well."
Charlie looked like he was about to say something, but Ren beat him to it, nodding his head in agreement. "I think you're right." he said, shifting on the couch, his hand finding Rain's. "The most important thing is our health. That's definitely a good starting point. But it shouldn't take all that long for me to schedule the appointments, even if it's just the first one, so is there anything else you want to prioritize afterwards?"
Hmm. That one was tough, but it didn't feel as pressing as before, maybe because he had gotten Ren's approval. His chest had lightened up significantly at that. "Well...I agree with Micah about the hidden dangers thing. I know you can take care of yourself and the pup, but we should probably research what you need to avoid during your pregnancy, just in case. After that..."
Leo paused again. Nothing else felt as pressing as the health related stuff, so he really had no preference. He just wanted what was best for his mate. "It's up to you. Whatever will help you be less stressed is what we should do next. I'll follow your lead on this one, you're the boss."
The others were still looking at Leo, but they were nodding along, as if what he had said made sense. Charlie was already pulling out his phone, furiously typing on the screen, seemingly searching for something. "Ok, that's a start. A good one. I'm already looking the scheduling stuff up, so how about this? I'll figure out how often Ren needs to go, during what week and trimester, stuff like that. Ren, you should make the first appointment as soon as possible, just to be on the safe side. Would the rest of you figure out what Ren should be avoiding? I'm not sure how many things are gonna end up being dangerous, but I'm sure it's a lot. After that, we can reconvene about our next move."
"Sound's good." Ren agreed, already picking his phone up. "I'll make the appointment now. Besides, I need some time to think about our next steps after this, so this little break will give me some thinking room."
So it was settled. Leo moved to stand up, heading for where his laptop was sitting on the dining room table, but before he could fully get there, Micah piped up again, his voice more tense than it had been a moment ago.
"Hey, what about your job?"
Oh boy.
Everyone turned to look at Micah, including Ren, who had a look of confusion on his face. "What do you mean?"
Micah looked a little embarrassed, but he took a deep breath, pressing on. "I mean, Charlie said you should avoid stressful situations earlier, and you are a teacher, so..."
"Oh, yeah." Ren looked a little uncomfortable, but he still did his best to plaster a reassuring smile across his face, turning to confront Micah's worries. 'Don't worry about it. I like my job, and for the most part, my kids are pretty well behaved. I don't do much heavy lifting, and I can always ask a coworker to help me out if I really need to carry something heavy. We can reassess my job when it gets harder for me to move around, but for now, I would like to continue working. More money couldn't hurt right?"
Micah looked like he wanted to argue, his eyebrow creased as he parted his mouth again, but Ren's expression was practically screaming 'I don't want to talk about this right now,' and Leo didn't want to stress his omega out any more than he had to be.
Without warning, Leo coughed as loudly and dramatically as he could. Micah's gaze shot to Leo instantly, and Leo used that opportunity to shoot the alpha a look, one he hoped would get across that he needed to drop the job thing, at least for now.
It seemed to work. Micah shut his mouth, and nothing more was said about Ren's job.
It wasn't until about an hour later, when Leo was sitting at his computer, reading his twentieth article about what Ren should avoid for the next eight months, that Ren approached him, a small, thankful smile on his face. They were the only two still in the living area at that point, Micah off to the store for some routine grocery shopping, Rain heading to his shift, and Charlie in the bedroom, probably cleaning it up a little.
"Thanks for that. For earlier, I mean." Ren whispered, keeping one eye on their bedroom door. He seemed a little tense at the idea of Charlie overhearing them, but overall, he was more relaxed then he had been when Leo last saw him.
Leo smiled, looking up from his computer. "No problem. He's been a bit...overbearing, hasn't he? I saw him try to take a book out of your hands earlier because it was 'too heavy.'"
A small sigh left Ren's mouth, but he kept smiling, crossing his arms over his chest. "...Yeah. He seems to be forgetting that I'm carrying a pup, not the pup itself." he shook his head, and then his smile got a little more genuine, his eyes soft with love. "I know he's just trying to protect us, but I'm not helpless! At least, not yet. I've still got a couple of months before things get more difficult. And my job...I don't want to quit yet. I really want to finish this school year out, and I've already come to terms with the fact that I probably won't be going back next year, so I wish he wouldn't push me to stop working already. Besides, as I said, it's always good to have extra money on hand, isn't it?"
"Mm. I get you." And he did. Their jobs were wildly different, but if Leo had been in Ren's shoes and Micah had been pushing for him to quit working when he wasn't ready to stop yet, he would probably be even more annoyed than Ren was allowing himself to be. "I'm sure he'll calm down eventually. He's just...stressed. We all are. He wants to do what's best for you, and he's not really sure how to go about it right now. Give him some time, I'm sure he'll find a healthy balance between protecting and backing off."
Ren sighed again. "I hope so. I wasn't lying when I said the alphas would drive me crazy, was I?"
The two chuckled lightly, careful not to disturb the alpha in the other room, before Ren quieted a little, the smile still on his face. "I scheduled the first appointment, it's gonna be in a couple of days. You were right, it was probably good I got that appointment scheduled. Thanks for looking out for me."
"...Why wouldn't I?" Leo frowned, confusion spreading across his face. "The others would have come to that consensus eventually, they just needed to argue it out first. I'm sure your safety is the biggest concern on their mind."
A small hum escaped Ren's mouth. "I don't disagree, but you seemed to be the only one who was actually thinking logically at that moment. I think they were all so excited for everything that's to come, that they didn't bother to think as logically as they should have. But you did, so, thank you."
"Oh." Leo didn't have the heart to tell Ren that he had been just as big of a mess, floundering for a correct answer to all that was going on. He wasn't more logical than his mates, not really, he had just said the right thing at the right time. That's all it had been. but the praise was nice, so even if it wasn't really true, he'd take it. "Well, thank you for thanking me. I love you."
Ren's smile grew impossibly wider. "I love you too."
He bent down, surprising Leo with a firm kiss to the mouth. Leo was caught off guard, but he soon melted into the kiss, taking one of his hands off his computer keys to hold Ren's fuzzy cheek. It was nice. The domesticity was nice. He could have stayed like that forever.
Eventually Ren pulled away, and Leo was left chasing the lingering taste of his omega's lips as Ren moved backwards.
"I'm thinking of going on a walk." Ren started, straightening out his back as he stood back up fully. "I wanna enjoy it while I can, you know? You want to come with?"
Truthfully, Leo did. He really wanted to enjoy the strengthening April warmth that was blowing in, especially before it grew to become unbearably hot in a few months. But.. .wouldn't he end up bothering Ren ?
"...I think I'll sit this one out." Leo murmured, shooting Ren a small, apologetic smile. "I promised Micah I'd help him bring in the groceries once he was back. And besides," he lowered his voice more, turning to look towards their bedroom door, a mischievous smirk growing on his face, "I think a certain alpha has been dying to have some alone time with you. It's been a lot for him, especially knowing he's probably the reason why you're pregnant. He needs some time with you, and just you."
"Oh, has he?" Ren let out a little laugh, his eyes filled with warmth as he turned to look where Leo's gaze had landed. "Then I guess I should see if he wants to tag along, huh?"
"Mm." Leo hummed, already turning back to his computer. He shot Ren one last reassuring look, watching as the omega made his way to the bedroom doorway, about to peer in. "It must be interesting for you guys. Having a pup with the person you've been best friends with since you were a pup must be weird."
Ren nodded, peering into the bedroom. "It is, a little bit anyway." he responded, his head swiveling side to side. "Where-oh, hey, Charlie! I'm going on a walk, you wanna come?"
Leo was only half paying attention, a happy grin settling on his face as his alpha readily agreed, and then as the two of them headed out towards the door, already chattering happily. Charlie's voice was just as rough as it normally was, but his eyes were softer than silk as he gazed at his mate, a hand snaking its way to Ren's lower back as they waved Leo goodbye and exited the apartment.
Leo wished Charlie looked at him like that.
He shook his head. No, he couldn't get distracted. He had a ton to do, and it felt like there was such little time to do it. Not only did he have to continue researching whatever came to mind, but he needed to make a list of what they needed to get, what brands were the best for newborns in terms of...well, everything, and now that he's thinking about it, shouldn't he ask his boss if he can pick up some more shifts? His current schedule was already enough to support them if combined with his other mates' jobs (even if Ren were to stay at home for a while), but like Ren had said earlier, it's always good to have extra money on hand. He wanted his pup to live as comfortably as possible, so he would do what he could to provide that, even if it was just a pharmaceutical job (for now, he hoped).
Leo picked up his notebook and sighed. Might as well take notes. He would need as many as he could write down.
...
Leo had only gotten another thirty or so minutes of article reading and Reddit browsing done before Micah returned, forcing him to abandon his computer for a bit to help put all the stuff away. That was fine, his head was already hurting, and his computer needed to charge anyway.
"Hey, where did the others go?" Micah had asked, sniffing the air around him as soon as he entered the apartment. He brought their groceries to the dining table, opening them up and grabbing a couple items to put away, but he was sending concerned glances to the door every once in a while, as if he expected his alpha and omega to walk through at any second. "Did Ren manage to score an appointment for today?"
Leo snorted, walking over to the bags on the table, grabbing a couple items himself. On his way to put them in their place, he bumped Micah's shoulder, turning his mate's gaze from the door to him. "Hey, relax a little bit." He murmured, moving past Micah's towering frame to the fridge and opening the freezer door. "He's fine, they both are. They aren't at the doctors, although Ren has made an appointment for later this week. Right now, they're just on a walk together. They needed some time, just the two of them."
"Oh." Micah whispered, seemingly embarrassed. He moved back, grabbed some more stuff, and the two of them fell into a steady rhythm, swiftly putting things away as efficiently as they could.
As they worked, Leo's brain decided to kick up into overdrive. Should he mention Micah's suffocating behavior? He didn't want to make the alpha feel bad, and lord knows Ren wouldn't want to either, but without intervention, it might become a little stressful for their pregnant mate. That wasn't what anyone wanted, Ren included. Still, was it even his place? Would Ren be ok with Leo fighting his battles? Ren was docile, but he wasn't helpless. He could advocate for himself when he needed to.
Leo turned around, watching Micah look towards the door for the millionth time in about five minutes, and let out a breath. No, he had to say something. Not just for Ren's sake, but for Micah's as well. This wouldn't be, and wasn't, healthy behavior, for either of them. Besides, Ren might be so stressed out with everything else that he wouldn't bother to talk to Micah, no matter how annoying it got.
Ren had advocated for Leo back when Micah had asked him to carry pups, when Leo had been too freaked out to do it himself. Now it was Leo's turn to take care of his mate.
As soon as all the food was unpacked, Leo snuck up behind Micah's turned back, wrapping his arms around the alpha's waist and resting his head on his mate's shoulder. "Hey."
Micah's head swiveled, his eyes trying to meet Leo's the best they could from that angle. A gentle smile appeared on the alpha's face. "Hey there."
"Come take a bath with me." Leo nudged Micah's shoulder with his chin before releasing Micah's body altogether, making his way to the bedroom. He turned around to look Micah in the eye, walking backwards until his back hit the doorframe, forcing him to shuffle awkwardly to the side. "I feel gross, but I want some time with you while we have it. Plus, you look kinda shiny yourself."
A snort left Micah's mouth, the smile remaining on his face as he rolled his eyes and started forward, following Leo's lead. "You know what? I could use a bath. I've been sweating more than normal lately. It must be getting warmer or something." He reached out for Leo's hand, pulling the omega to him and kissing his neck as soon as Leo's body landed onto his. "Besides, I could use some time with you. It's been a while since it's just been the two of us together, hasn't it?"
"Mm," Leo tried to keep the squeak out of his hum, but it was a little hard when Micah's breath was tickling his neck, right where his mating mark was, no less. "Come on, let's start the water."
The alpha didn't respond, simply rubbing his chin alongside Leo's neck as the two of them stumbled through the bedroom and into the bathroom, Leo's hand fumbling for the shower handle while Micah moved from his neck to his mouth. The original plan had been for Leo to bring up the alpha's behavior while they were bathing, but with the way things were going, it would be a miracle if he could get a word in before they got into more...intense activities. Not that he minded, they had time, and Leo had missed Micah recently, in more ways than one.
It was a good thing he had found some pretty good waterproof makeup for his torso.
An hour and several rounds later, Leo got his chance to speak, when the two had finally run out of energy and were simply pressed against each other, Micah laying on his back in the warm water with Leo on his chest, the omega's head buried in the alpha's neck. Both of them had their eyes closed, arms wrapped around each other, complete and utter bliss falling over them as they rested.
Better late than never, as Rain liked to say.
"...Micah?"
"Mm?"
"While we're here, I had something I wanted to bring up." Leo shifted, sloshing water around their bodies for a moment before stilling again, getting as comfortable as possible. "About Ren."
Micah stiffened a little underneath Leo, and the omega tensed up in response. Had he already said something wrong? Was this a mistake? maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all, maybe it wasn't his place...but it was too late, so he had to press on. For Ren, as well as Micah.
But before he could, Micah broke in. "...I'm suffocating him, aren't I?"
A small shock ran through Leo at the question, but he forced himself to relax. He could do this. He had to. If Micah was self-aware enough to know it was a problem, then maybe something could be done without pissing the alpha off. "...A little bit. I wanted to talk to you about that, if it's alright."
There was a lapse in conversation, the two completely silent for a minute, before Micah spoke again. "...I don't want to overwhelm him, really, I don't I just...I don't know what to do. He's pregnant , he's carrying our pup, and I need to make sure they're both safe, I need to keep them from anything that can hurt them! I'm supposed to take care of him, I'm supposed to do whatever I can to keep him comfortable, and part of that is keeping him away from anything that can hurt him, or strain him, or stress him out. That's my job, that's what I'm supposed to do as his mate, that's what I want to do. But he won't let me!"
Micah's voice had risen slightly as he went on, a strange sort of desperation creeping into his tone as the words poured out of his mouth. Leo could practically feel the frustration radiating off of the alpha with every sentence, Micah's hold getting unintentionally tighter around Leo's marked body. It seemed like Ren wasn't the only one frustrated by this situation.
Before Leo could get another word in, Micah let out a large huff, his body relaxing with defeat under Leo's own. His grip loosened, and Leo could feel Micah's nose nuzzle itself into the crook of his neck, Micah's eyelashes tickling his skin as he fought to push down the intensity of his feelings. "...I'm sorry, I'm not trying to blame him, I just..."
Micah paused, struggling to find the words. "...I just don't get it. He's carrying new life inside of him, shouldn't he want me to help him out? He always likes it when I do little things for him, so why is it any different now? Shouldn't he want it more? I'm just...confused, I guess. What am I doing wrong?"
A small sigh left Leo's mouth. He needed to tread carefully here. Don't make Micah feel like he's a bad mate, but don't under-play Ren's own feelings. There was a delicate balance he had to strike, and he was never the best with feelings, so he needed to pick his words carefully. "You're not necessarily doing anything bad, far from it. You're just trying to protect him and the pup. But...he's not helpless, you know. It's still really early on in the pregnancy, none of the debilitating side effects have begun to kick in yet. He's got a bit to go for that. So for now, he's still perfectly capable of doing everything he could do before, you know?."
A pause. Leo pulled back a little, just enough to see Micah's face, only to be met with a face of contemplation. Micah seemed to be mulling over Leo's words, but he still looked confused.
Leo sighed again. "Ok, imagine this. Let's pretend like you're an omega, ok?"
Micah still looked confused, but he nodded, shifting enough for him to get comfortable. "...Ok."
"And let's say you're perfectly healthy," Leo continued on, moving one of his hands to grip Micah's. "You're working a job you really like, you can get around and do things just fine, and you have nothing to limit you and your abilities."
"Right."
"And then suddenly, one day, you find out you're pregnant. And as soon as you tell your mate, they suddenly become much, much more protective of you. You can still move around just fine, you can pick things up just fine, all things considered, nothing with your body has really changed yet, but despite that, you suddenly aren't allowed to do anything for yourself, because your mate won't let you do anything. Wouldn't that frustrate you? Not being able to do anything for yourself even though you're perfectly capable of it?"
A thoughtful look replaced the confusion on Micah's face, his blue eyes flicking to look into Leo's own. "I suppose I would be, but... is he not already feeling symptoms?"
Now it was Leo's turn to look confused. "...No? He's only six weeks pregnant, at this point the pup is only the size of a pea. He might start getting morning sickness within the next couple weeks, but the pup isn't big enough to actually inhibit his mobility or strength."
"...Oh."
Leo paused, stretching his bruised neck. Fuck, he was gonna have to cover those up before his shift tomorrow, wasn't he?"...Did you think they had started?"
"Kinda." Micah shrugged, looking at Leo bashfully. His free hand kneaded the skin on Leo's back thoughtfully, almost absentmindedly. "I mean, when my mom was pregnant with my brother, she started feeling sick around five weeks. Throughout the duration of her pregnancy, she and my dad always told me it was important to treat pregnant omegas delicately, no matter how far along they were. My dad had practically been at her beck and call since they found out, so it made sense to me to do everything for Ren, since that's what my dad did for my mom. I just thought every omega became fragile as soon as they got pregnant, and as his mate, it's my job to make sure he doesn't strain himself."
"That...makes a lot more sense." Leo murmured, placing his head back on Micah's shoulder. So his mate had just been following by example. That was understandable, at least in Leo's eyes. "Still, as fragile as Ren can be sometimes, he's tough in his own ways. And right now, he's perfectly fine with working, and with doing stuff on his own. He doesn't need as much help as you think he does, at least right now. He's happy to let you pamper him, he always has been, but don't strip him of his ability to do anything at all on his own, ok?"
"...Ok." Micah whispered, pressing his face back into the crook of Leo's neck. "But what should I do? If I can't help him out the way I know how, then how should I help him?"
That was a good question, one Leo didn't have the answer to. If he was being honest, he wished he knew. He wanted to keep Ren safe just as much as Micah did. "...I don't have the answer to that. But you know who does?"
"Ren?"
"Mm. I think you should talk to him about it. I can tell you from my personal perspective that he doesn't want to be completely limited, but I'm not actually him, so I don't know the extent of his feelings, or what he needs from you. So, talk to him. Ask him what you can do, and how you can give him some breathing room while doing it."
Leo took his free hand and brought it to Micah's side, rubbing the skin there gently between his fingers. "I know you worry for him. I do too. But we need to do what's best for him. I'm sure you two can work out a way to balance his need for independence with your need to protect him. All it takes is a conversation."
The water was getting colder now, and Leo reached out behind him, grabbing for the bath knob and turning the water on again. Warm water spewed out of the tap, pouring over his back and ridding his body of the goosebumps that had begun lining themselves there. The water around him was quickly warming back up, and if the sound of the content hum coming from Micah's mouth was any indicator, Micah was enjoying the newfound warmth just as much as Leo was. It was nice. Relaxing. Leo felt like he had actually done something right, something he hadn't felt for months now.
"You're right," Micah finally said, his voice much steadier than it had been a moment ago. He seemed to be more at peace now, the frustration sapped out and away from his body. "I should talk to him. I should apologize. I should've asked him what he needed as soon as we found out. That was my bad. I can't promise I won't be overprotective, but I'll try to do better, for his sake."
A small smile appeared on Leo's face. He had done something good! He had fixed something! Maybe things would be better now, now that he was proving his worth. "Good, that's good."
"Mhm." Micah hummed, leaning his head back against the slope of the tub. "But before I do that, can we stay in here for a little bit longer? It's nice, having you this close to me. Who knows when we'll have a chance to relax like this again?"
A snort escaped Leo's nose. "Of course we can. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, my love." Micah murmured, his voice full of adoration. He brought his head down slightly, just enough to kiss the top of Leo's head, before leaning back again. "I hope the others don't get too upset that we're in here. Lord knows Charlie loves his late-day showers."
Leo laughed at that, but didn't comment. He was too busy basking in Micah's presence to really formulate a response. It was nice, being with his alpha again. They had remained close, but there had still been a sense of awkwardness between them ever since Micah's proposition, keeping them apart longer than Leo would have liked. He supposed that was his fault.
Still, they were here now, together, and Leo was determined to make the most if it. He would relax as long as he could on Micah's chest, unmoving, until the alpha decided it was time to get up. He needed this.
Leo shifted closer to Micah's warm chest, nuzzling his neck affectionately. For the first time in a while, he allowed his mind to slip away from his worries, simply basking in his mate's presence as warm hands and warm water enveloped his back. They would stay there for another hour, maybe two, and Leo would make the most of it. he was determined to.
...
They had actually only gotten another thirty minutes of bath time before getting out, Micah eager to greet Charlie and Ren as soon as he heard their front door open through the bathroom walls. Leo was ok with that, he had been happy to be with Micah at all, and besides, he couldn't deny the small amount of relief that flooded him when he saw his omega back home, completely unharmed. Maybe Micah's protective nature was rubbing off on him.
Now that he was out of the tub, no alpha to keep him warm anymore, Leo figured he might as well get back to researching. He didn't have anything else to do, and since they hadn't come to a sensible conclusion about what should be done next, this was really all he could do, at least for today. So, while Micah and Ren moved over to the bedroom and Charlie began on dinner, Leo sat down at the dining room table, opened up his laptop, grabbed his notebook, and began writing.
And kept writing. And kept writing, and kept writing-
"Leo, starlight?"
"Mm." Leo's head snapped to the side, turning his bleary eyes away from his computer screen to face the bedroom door. It was dark now, the sun gone and all the lights nearly off, dinner long over. All of his mates were in the bedroom, getting ready to sleep, probably already in bed, based on the lack of noise coming from their bedroom. Only one remained outside of bed, save for Leo himself.
Charlie was standing in the doorway, his long, blond hair tousled around, as if someone had been messing with it minutes before. He was squinting at Leo, his eyes looking as cloudy as Leo's felt, his feet shuffling silently across the hardwood floor as he made his way from the doorway to the table Leo was sitting at. "What are you still doing out here? It's way too late for you to be up, don't you have work tomorrow?"
Leo blinked at his mate, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes. Sure, he was tired, but it was only like, what? ten o'clock at the latest? "What do you mean? It's not that late. It's only..." He turned towards his computer again, squinting against the bright light, looking for the little clock in the corner.
The number two looked back at him, followed by two zeros after the colon in front of it.
"Oh shit," he groaned. He leaned back in his seat, dragging his tired hands under the frames of his glasses and down his pale, exhausted looking face. "I didn't realize how late it was. The others aren't still awake waiting for me, are they?"
Guilt had begun to swamp Leo's chest, but it dissipated just as quickly when Charlie shook his head, finally reaching the space next to Leo's chair. "Nah, they're all conked out. I was too, until a minute ago. We were waiting for you to come to bed, but we all fell asleep waiting." He crouched down beside Leo, his eyes half closed as he tried to decipher what was going on on Leo's screen. "You didn't answer my question. Why are you still up?"
Annndddddd the guilt was back. Had they really been waiting for him? How long had they stayed up, wondering why he hadn't joined them in bed? Did he upset them? Oh lord, did they think he hated them now?! "Just...researching stuff. Same thing I've been doing all day. I got carried away, is all."
Charlie grunted, reaching out a hand for Leo's notebook. His eyes were still scanning the screen, probably reading the comments upon comments Leo had been studying earlier. It was nothing super pressing, just a thread on an online forum about the best cribs for newborns, but Leo had been reminded of Charlie's question from earlier, so he had looked it up before he could forget anything. He'd probably see the same thing once he got to Leo's notebook, he had already managed to write down some of the better brands he had seen come up for future reference. They probably wouldn't have to worry about that for a while, but hey, it was good to have on hand, just in case!
The notebook was dragged off the table, Charlie's eyes going from the computer screen to the notebook. He didn't say anything for a minute, which freaked Leo out to no end, but then the alpha started flipping through the pages, seemingly skimming what Leo had written down throughout the day. "Holy shit dude, this is...a lot. How much did you research? How many hours have you been at your computer?"
Well...they had had their little meeting around, what, twelve? So if he started researching around one, stopped at two-ish, came back at four-fifteen, and now it was two in the morning..."A little bit over eleven hours, I think?"
A small whistle of disbelief left Charlie's lips. "Man, is that all you did all day? You need a break. You need to go to bed . Your computer's not gonna run away, you know."
Leo let out a tired sigh. "I know, I just lost track of time. But there's so much we need to know before the pup comes, and with all that we're gonna have to do, I feel like I have to get it done now. When else am I gonna have time?"
Charlie was looking at him like he was crazy, an incredulous gleam in his eye. "...babe, he's only six weeks pregnant. We've got like, eight months."
"We have seven months and two weeks."
A sigh. "Ok, if you wanna be technical, then yeah, we have seven months and two weeks. But that's still a lot of time. And there's five of us. We can get so much done in a shorter amount of time. You don't have to stress like this, we have time."
Leo started tapping his fingers against the wood of the table, his leg bouncing up and down rhythmically. He really wanted to get back to researching, but with Charlie distracting him, he had no chance of focusing enough to continue on his notes. "But it's not enough. We have so, so much to do. We gotta move all of the stuff out of the guest bedroom and set up the nursery, we have to figure out how to tell everyone about this, we have to figure out names, we have to schedule a ton of doctor's appointments, we have to make sure Ren has everything he needs to be comfortable, we need to figure out what Ren wants for a birthing plan, if he even wants one, we have to find pediatricians, we have to read all those parenting books Rain bought, we should probably take classes too now that I think about it, and don't even get me started on all of the stuff we have to buy, because I made a whole list: Clothes, blankets, a crib, toys, stuffed animals, chewy things for when it's teething, diapers, a changing table, baby wipes, baby monitors, a white noise machine if that pup's gonna be anything like I was as a kid, shoes, formula, oh fuck what formula is safest for newborns? Is it genetic based? Hold on-"
Leo went to reach for his computer, his hands trembling a little as he moved his fingers over the keyboard, but he was barely able to begin typing when the computer was snatched away from him, a hand firmly shutting it off and tucking it away where Leo couldn't reach it.
"Hey! Give that back dude, I'm gonna forget if I don't look it up right now!"
"No." Charlie shook his head, a strand of hair falling off of his head from where it had been misplaced during sleep. "You need to go to sleep. You have work tomorrow. As I said, we have all the time in the world to figure this stuff out, it won't help you to be exhausted in the morning. You can do more research after your shift."
Leo crossed his arms, his leg bouncing at unseeable speeds. "You're underestimating how short seven months and two weeks is."
Charlie's knees cracked as he stood up, carrying Leo's computer to a nearby shelf before placing it on one of the wooden boards, the notebook quick to follow it. "And you're underestimating how long seven months and two weeks is. Either way, you need to sleep. Are you planning on not sleeping for the next eight months, or what?"
A part of Leo's brain itched to correct Charlie and say that it was not eight months, but he was too tired to pick such a stupid fight. "I don't know, maybe. I could become the first person to stay awake for eight months in a row. Pretty cool record to set, in my opinion."
Charlie rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at his lips as he turned back towards Leo, his hands outstretched. Before Leo could ask what he was doing, his mate's arms were already under his legs and against his back, lifting him up effortlessly as Charlie swooped him off the chair and into his chest. "Hey, put me down! I don't need to be carried!"
A huff of disapproval sounded out above Leo's head. "Clearly you do, since you weren't willing to come to bed on your own." He crossed the threshold of the bedroom doorway, walking a little further, until they were in front of the bathroom door. "Now, I'm gonna put you down, and you're gonna go in there, brush your teeth, change, and then get in the nest. Is that clear?"
Charlie's voice was little more than a whisper now, but Leo knew an order when he heard one. Silently (and reluctantly), he nodded, and he felt himself get lowered to the ground, his feet awkwardly trying to find solid floor. As soon as they did, he entered the bathroom, and did exactly as Charlie had said, brushing his teeth quickly before hopping into his sleep clothes and walking to the nest, the alpha walking steadily behind him. As much as Leo wanted to go back to his laptop, he knew Charlie would never in a million years let him, no matter how much he begged.
"Goodnight starlight." Charlie whispered. Leo turned around, and Charlie landed a kiss on Leo's lips, staying there for a moment before pulling away. "Get some rest. I know you're stressed out, but it's gonna be ok. We have each other through all of this, and we'll all make sure everything is ready in time for the pup's arrival, ok?"
"...Ok," Leo murmured, pressing one last quick peck to Charlie's cheek. "I'll try to chill out. I love you."
"Love you too." And with that, Charlie pulled away, walking over to the opposite side of the nest, shimmying his way past Rain's sleeping body, until he was next to Ren's limp form.
Leo sighed, climbing into the blankets that made up his part of the nest and settling down. How was he supposed to go to sleep when he had so much running through his mind? He needed to continue taking notes if he were to settle down, but he couldn't, not when Charlie was listening out for him. Unless...
Leo curled up behind Micah's back, staring over the edge of the bed. He was straining his ears, listening past all of his mates' breathing for one pattern in particular, focusing solely on that one set of breaths for minutes on end. It took a couple of minutes, but the breaths eventually evened out, slowing into a steady, deep pattern. A sleep pattern.
Now was his chance. Charlie was asleep now, so if he was silent enough, he could get up and go to his computer. he just had to be really, really quiet-
"Get your ass back in the nest."
Dang. Maybe Charlie hadn't been as asleep as Leo thought.
Sighing with defeat, Leo shuffled back into the nest, this time intending to stay. The warmth of Micah's body against his back was comforting, and within minutes, Leo found himself drifting off into sleep. He didn't even have time to keep worrying about all he had to do, or whether he was even doing enough at all. Working so hard all day must have worn him out, despite it being one of his days off. Still, he welcomed the unconsciousness, letting himself fall into sleep as easily as he possibly could. Charlie was right, he could worry about the rest tomorrow. For now, he needed to rest.
He just hoped they would be able to get everything done before the pup arrived.
The next few months were wild, to say the least.
For starters, Leo had begun picking up more shifts at work. Many more shifts at work. As much as he wanted to be at home as often as possible, especially when Ren was off from work, the looming expenses they would be facing with the arrival of a pup seemed rather daunting, and he wanted to make sure they had as much money as they could possibly have. He couldn't provide Ren the safety and comfort the others could, nor could he take Ren's pregnancy pain away from him, so besides helping to buy everything they would need, this was the only way he could think to contribute.
Still, he didn't mind. He was doing what was best for his future kid (holy crap, he was gonna be a dad, he was gonna have a pup-), and for his pack. With Ren's eventual break from work drawing closer and closer each day, Leo needed to make sure he could make up for the lost source of income. He was doing what the others probably hadn't considered, and in its own way, that made him feel like he was contributing. Like he was doing good. Maybe he was useful...?
Besides the change in his work schedule, nothing changed much at first. At least, not during the next week.
But of course, that was always bound to change.
Leo hadn't been far off with his estimate of when Ren's morning sickness would start to kick in. It only took another week for the pack to get woken up by the sounds of Ren retching in their bathroom, and as expected, both alphas lost their shit. It got so bad that Rain and Leo had to forbid them from stepping foot into the bathroom until they could control themselves, taking on the task of helping Ren out while he was still feeling ill as their distressed alphas watched from the doorway with rounded, anxious eyes. It took a couple mornings for them to calm down, but by then they had observed their other mates and how they cared for Ren, and they were determined to make use of what they had learned.
Once they had all begun getting used to taking care of Ren when he was feeling sick, a newfound determination settled over their pack. It was getting real now. Not that they hadn't believed it wasn't before, of course not, but the active change in their lives was only making the knowledge sink in faster, forcing the five of them to face their new lives head on. The pressure was on, and for the most part, everyone was eager to meet it.
As the weeks flew by, a lot was done. Leo had been right in assuming that time would pass quickly, but Charlie had also been correct: within the first two months, they had practically bought almost everything they would need for the pup, probably more than they actually needed, if Leo was being honest. Micah and Rain had spent countless hours looking over every single piece of clothing for newborn pups the stores near them had to offer, all while Ren trailed behind them, chuckling to himself in amusement. From what Ren recounted to Leo (always with a gleam of laughter in his eye, Leo noted), the beta and alpha had carefully examined each piece of clothing, debating what they should get as if it was the most important decision of their lives. Should they get the blue onesie or the yellow one? Green or red? What about the ones with animals on the front? Was there a difference between the ones with longer pant legs and the ones with shorter pant legs? What about arm sleeves? What texture would their pup want? What was best?
Their arguments almost never mattered in the end, both of them typically throwing pretty much every clothing piece into the cart "just in case." The mass amounts of pup clothes piling up in the guest bedroom could attest to that.
"I keep telling them it's too many clothes," Ren had said, a laugh in his voice as he recounted their most recent store visit to Leo, "but they never listen. I knew we would need a lot considering how messy pups can be, but this much? At this point, we won't have to buy any more clothes for the next two years!"
Leo had laughed along, but he understood their need to provide the best for their pup all too well. He had done the same just the day before, when he and Charlie had been looking for a crib together while the others looked for clothes. Their anxieties weren't nearly as apparent since they only needed to buy one crib, but they had spent a solid hour or two pacing the aisle back and forth, looking over each and every detail of each and every crib, debating and re-debating the quality of each brand, each item, each feature. Neither of them had been sure of what they were doing, they only had what Leo had been able to write down in his notebook to go off of, but eventually they had settled on one that seemed to have the highest reviews, and they quickly got in line to pay, satisfied with their choice and feeling especially accomplished.
The next step was toys. Now that they were frequenting the store, there was no stopping them from going full ham on anything pup related. They were too anxious for that. Stuffed animals, rattles, those little scooter things with toys on them, the ring toy things that the pup surely wouldn't be able to play with until it was at least several months old, whatever they could find, they were buying. Of course, all the toys had to be alpha-approved, they didn't want the pup playing with something dangerous, after all, but for the most part, a toy was a toy, and they were happy to get the pup whatever it would need.
As exciting as it was, Leo didn't help out with the toy selection much. He didn't think he was the best judge of what pups would enjoy playing with, even amongst his equally inexperienced mates. The only thing he really contributed to their little toy pile was a couple stuffed animals and a blue blanket with an equally blue bear head on the top and four little round balls on the middle ends and the bottom, making up arms and legs. That and a couple chew toys, which he had thoroughly inspected at Rain's command.
However...there was one thing he and he alone was in control of. One thing he had complete authority over, much to the alphas' slight hesitance.
Pup blankets.
Leo had always loved pup blankets. They were soft, silky, and overall, very comforting to touch. He had a couple he couldn't sleep well without, even at his grown, mated age, ones he'd had since he was a pup himself. Apparently, that had been enough for Ren to give Leo complete control over pup blanket selection, although Rain tagged along, just to make sure everything was ok.
It took Leo a solid hour to come up with a selection he was happy with. He spent most of that hour pacing back and forth, rubbing his fingers lightly over the fluff of the blankets, then the silk edges, then the fluff again, then the silk edges. He was determined to take his examination very seriously, he needed to make sure that he was getting the best of the best for his pup, even when it couldn't tell him if he was getting the right ones yet.
Rain had just watched with amusement, throwing in suggestions every once and a while when it seemed like Leo was stuck on a choice.
Once they had gotten the stressful shopping out of the way, it got much easier for them to simply buy what they needed and be done with it. Micah had gotten a sound machine online, Charlie had found some pretty high quality baby monitors during a grocery run, Ren had gotten a changing table from an online sale he had found, and Rain had really just been getting too carried away with finding more stuffed animals he thought were fun, although maybe not intended for babies. Leo could confirm that one, he had walked in on Rain buying a big old red and black bat stuffy from some goth website, kicking his feet back and forth with glee.
"Look," he had justified, hitting 'buy' as he turned to meet Leo's confused gaze, "our pup is free to have whatever interests it wants, but for now, while it's freshly born, why not make its environment a little more...special?"
Leo had rolled his eyes and snorted at that, but Rain wasn't doing anything wrong, so he let it be, sitting down next to his mate as he searched for more wacky stuffed animals to buy.
...
Needless to say, as the months passed by, Leo had gotten used to the extra shifts he was working, on top of all the new pressures that came with getting ready for a newborn pup. The work and stress was weighing on him, and he couldn't deny how his anxiety was growing worse and worse with every day, but at the end of the day, he was doing what was needed for his growing family, so he shouldered the burden and carried on the best he was able to, getting what little rest he could when he could.
...Besides, he wasn't really doing all that much, in comparison to his mates. All of them were still working, as Leo was, and on top of that, they were all doing so much more than Leo was in terms of actually getting ready for the pup. Rain and Micah were constantly on the lookout for new items they might need to buy for the pup, as well as making sure Ren was as distracted as he could be when the pregnancy got to be more uncomfortable, and Charlie was always beside Ren when he wasn't at work, constantly checking in on him and snuggling with him. When compared to their efforts, it felt like Leo wasn't really doing all that much to help out.
That was, until Ren stepped in.
It had started one insignificant day into Ren's fifth month of pregnancy, right as Leo got home from a shift at work. It hadn't been too draining, it was one of those days where his hours were a little shorter than most other work days, but despite that, he felt exhausted. Normally he was able to get his mind to quiet a little while he was working, but for some reason as of recent, he hadn't been as successful at shutting himself up. Maybe it was the growing stress of Ren's pregnancy progressing, or maybe his brain had simply adapted to his new work schedule. Either way, Leo hadn't had the best day, and now he had to add his own thoughts to the list of shit he had to deal with.
"Oh thank the heavens, you're back!"
"Hm?" Leo's head shot up, his body still half out the door into the apartment hallway. He quickly stepped inside the apartment, shutting the door gently behind him as Charlie walked to meet him, a look of agitated worry plastered on his face. "What's going on? Is Ren alright?" A sudden fear struck Leo, driving away his tiredness and freezing his nerves as he stood. Ren had had a doctor's appointment earlier that day, while Leo was at work. Charlie had taken off a day to come with him since no one else would be home to go with Ren, which meant that Leo was the first to see the two since this morning, And if Charlie was concerned..."It's not the appointment, is it? You didn't get bad news, right? There's nothing wrong with him or the pup, right?!"
The ice in Leo's veins melted when Charlie shook his head, pushing the blond hair out of his face with his hands as it moved side to side. "No, no, nothing like that. Everyone's healthy. But he's been asking for you ever since we got home, and I don't know why." He paused, wincing slightly as his mouth opened again. "Sorry, I don't mean that in a negative way, I just mean he's asking for you, and only you. He doesn't want me, or anyone else. I even offered to see if I could get Rain to come back early, since he said he had a light client load today, but Ren refused. He wants you, but he won't explain why, or what he needs from you that I can't help with."
"Crap." What was he supposed to do that Charlie couldn't? Charlie was an alpha, his instincts demanded he take care or Ren to the best of his ability. What could Leo's lousy ass do that was special? "Where is he now? Did he tell you anything at all?"
Leo threw his wallet and keys onto the table nearby, walking toward the bedroom door while Charlie trailed behind him. "He's taking a nap right now, but to answer your other question, no, not really. He just kept saying that he needed you, and he got grumbly whenever I would try to help him. Then eventually he kicked me out of the nest, and I've been waiting out here ever since." Charlie was fidgeting with his fingers, looking from Leo to the bedroom door with an unpleasant grimace on his face. For all his confusion, he seemed genuinely concerned, with no way to help his distressed omega. "I think it's something to do with his pregnancy hormones, he's been getting more easily upset recently, but I've never had something like this happen before. Do you have any idea what could be going on?"
"No clue," Leo murmured, stopping in the middle of their living room and turning around to meet Charlie's gaze. If Ren was asleep, he wasn't going to make things worse by waking him up. "Maybe he just needs another omega around? Sometimes omegas get more comfort from being around other omegas than alphas." He lowered his voice, hoping it wasn't loud enough to wake the sleeping omega in the next room. "Did anything happen during the appointment? did you two get into a fight, or something?"
Charlie hesitated before shaking his head once again, his arms crossing anxiously over his chest. "I don't think so? Not that I could tell, at least. Maybe he just hid that he was upset until we got back in the car, but he's never been subtle about being upset, and even when he is, you would think after twenty years of knowing him I'd be able to tell-"
"Leo!"
A sudden growl sounded out, making both Leo and Charlie stiffen up with surprise. Leo managed to turn around just in time to see Ren appear in the doorway, his hair unkept from sleep and his eyes narrowed angrily. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, his body leaning against the doorway in a seemingly expectant manner. "Where were you?!"
"Uhhh..." Leo swallowed, staying as still as he possibly could. Maybe Ren would be less annoyed if he stayed completely still. "Work?"
That answer didn't seem to satisfy Ren, his arms pressing themselves closer to his chest, until it seemed like he would cut himself in half with them. "No, I mean why didn't you come to the nest? Charlie was supposed to send you in when you got back!"
"You were asleep," Leo whispered, walking closer to Ren slowly, as if he would snap if Leo approached any faster. He could practically feel Ren's misery just by standing near him, his skin prickling at the thick waves of upset rolling off of his mate. "I didn't want to wake you up. Neither did Charlie. You haven't been sleeping well recently, so we thought we'd let you sleep."
Another growl of displeasure. "I wish you didn't. I need you right now, not sleep."
Ren was shifting from leg to leg, his fingers tapping impatiently on his sleeves, and Leo thought maybe it was time for him to head into the nest.
"Ok," Leo murmured, shuffling his way to the bedroom, "I'm coming. I'm here now. Do you want Charlie to come with me?"
He could practically feel Charlie perking up at the question from behind him, but Ren shook his head, moving to shut the door behind them with little more than a second glance. "No, I just want you. You're the only one who can deal with this the way I need."
Leo was still confused, but he didn't question it, making his way to the middle of the nest, where he and Ren would no doubt curl up for however long Ren wanted to be there. As clueless as he could be, he was aware enough to understand that questioning his omega right now wasn't the greatest idea. "You ok with me going to the middle?"
A grunt of approval sounded out, and Leo wasted no time in crawling into the nest and curling up in the middle, making sure to leave Ren room with all his favorite nesting blankets.
It wasn't much more than two seconds later when Ren flopped down beside him with a huff, scaring Leo half to death until he realized that Ren had fallen on his left side and not his stomach. Ren wasted no time in turned to face Leo, tucking his legs and body under the blankets Leo had left for him and scooching as close to Leo as possible, his arms flashing out quicker than the shorter omega could catch with his eyes and wrapping around his torso tighter than Ren normally would dare to hug any of his mates. Leo almost had to suck in a breath of shock as Ren buried his head in Leo's chest, the vibrations of Ren's little growls and chitters rumbling through Leo's body in fuzzy waves of sound.
"Missed you," Ren growled, his fingers curling into the back of Leo's shirt. Leo could feel Ren's feel shuffling back and forth under the covers, his thighs thumping down on the mattress every once in a while, as if he couldn't stay still. "I wish you were home more often, everything's been getting so uncomfortable and nobody else can help me, not like you can, I need you to help me-"
Ren cut himself off, his words devolving into little more than more uncomfortable growls and whines. His nose buried itself sharply into Leo's chest, poking his skin in a manner that was rather uncomfortable, not that Leo cared at the moment. He had been right earlier. This must be one of those moments where Ren just needed another omega to hold him, to be with him, to alleviate his pain just by being present. Leo could do that, he wasn't necessarily sure how to help Ren with whatever he was feeling, but he was determined to try. "It's ok baby, it's ok. I'm here now. How can I help you? What hurts? What can I do to make you feel better?"
A moment passed with no cohesive answer, just more grumbles of annoyance. Then Ren managed to pull his head out of Leo's chest enough for him to answer comprehensively, although his still looked upset. "I'm just...uncomfortable," he growled, his arms tightening around Leo's waist with each passing word. "Hormones, I guess. Everything's bothering me, and I can't handle it right now, I just can't. I need...I need to ease up, and Charlie's instincts aren't helping. I just need you to stay here, and not move much."
Leo nodded his head, shifting until he was fully on his back, his head on a pillow while Ren moved his head back onto Leo's chest. That made sense. Being pregnant was bound to be uncomfortable and overstimulating at times, if Leo was being honest, he was a little surprised Ren hadn't had a moment like this yet. "Ok, that's ok, I can do that. Do you want me to stay quiet?"
Ren groaned a little before shaking his head, letting out a little, content chirp when Leo's arms dropped onto his back, rubbing small circles on his covered skin. "No, you can talk, I don't mind your voice. It might help distract me." He shifted a little more, curling up into a tighter ball, until he was pressed entirely against Leo's skin (as much as his tall frame could fit, anyway). "Can...Can you keep rubbing my back? It feels nice. It's the one thing that isn't upsetting right now."
Nodding, Leo obliged, his hands working deeper and deeper into Ren's tense muscles, digging firmly at his shoulder blades. His skin felt like it was burning now, itching just beneath the surface, but he forced himself to ignore it, focusing all his attention on making his fingers move. "Of course, let me know if it starts to hurt, ok?"
Leo waited for Ren's nod of agreement before continuing on. "What's bothering you right now? Like, specifically? Is there anything I can get to help you out?"
"Mm mm," Ren's hum was barely audible, muffled by the clothes his face was pressed against, but Leo could still hear him well enough to decipher what he was saying. "It's just all too much today. My throat still burns from all the vomiting I've been doing, my chest aches, my skin's all sensitive, and the worst part is I can actually feel it now. The pup's big enough that I can feel it's weight, and I'm not used to it. It hasn't been big enough for long enough, so I haven't gotten used to the feeling yet."
He huffed, rubbing his face even further into Leo's skin. "Normally I can deal with it just fine, especially since the school year's over, but then the doctor started poking and prodding me all over the place, and it made me want to tear off my skin. I've never felt that way before. It was torture, and then we got back into the car, and Charlie's scent was too strong, and his touch was too firm, and his alpha instincts were killing me, and...ugh, I just can't do it right now!"
Ren cut himself off with a half-wail, groaning into Leo's skin miserably. His claws were slightly extended, catching on the fabric of Leo's shirt, and Leo had to keep himself from wincing at the sharp pressure of needle-like pin pricks tickling his skin. He couldn't imagine how uncomfortable and overstimulated Ren must feel, especially now that the pup had grown big enough to be aware of. It was only bound to get worse in the next few months.
...Maybe he had made the right choice in declining Micah's offer.
"Ok, that's ok. We can stay here, I've got you. I'll keep you as comfortable as possible." One of Leo's hands pulled off of Ren's back and slipped under the covers, hesitating momentarily before gently resting itself on the slightly stretched skin of Ren's stomach. "Is this ok?"
Ren chirped lightly, shuffling closer, impossibly so. "Yes. Feels good."
"Good." Leo allowed his hand to move ever so slightly, rubbing it as lightly as he could manage over the skin that was causing Ren so much distress. There was a pretty noticeable bump there, round and hard, the slight outline of what was their pup pressed up against the edge of Ren's body.
Their pup. Their child.
Fuck, he was so excited.
"They're getting pretty big, aren't they?" Leo murmured, rubbing up and down Ren's stomach, feeling the stretched skin under the pads of his fingers. "I can't believe they can grow so fast in just five months."
"Mm hmm," Ren's hum sounded less uncomfortable than before, taking his his head out of Leo's chest enough to gaze up at him. he leaned forward as much as he could, and Leo met him in the middle, pressing their lips together for a moment before parting, Leo's lips going back to the top of Ren's head. "I mean, time's about half up. They've gotta grow at some point, don't they?"
Leo hummed, nuzzling the top of Ren's head. His mate's wavy black hair tickled his nose, but Leo didn't mind, too caught up in comforting his overstimulated omega to be bothered. "I guess so, it's still weird though. They were so tiny just a couple weeks ago."
A small chuckle left Ren's throat, a smile appearing on his tense face. The overwhelming waves of distress Leo had felt rolling off of his mate had become much less powerful, still present enough to notice, but less intense, less effective. Good, that was good. That meant Leo was helping, even if just a little bit. He was being useful for once. "True. Time flies, huh?"
"Mm." Leo nodded against Ren's head, rubbing his mate's back with one hand, and his stomach with the other. It was hard to believe that his pup was sitting there, right against his hand, and it was even harder to believe that in just four months, it would be here, in the world, no longer a concept or a dream confined to the realms of their minds (or Ren's body). And somehow, they had already bought most of what they needed within the five months that had already passed.
Maybe Charlie was right. Maybe seven months and two weeks was just a little bit longer than he had expected it to be.
"This feels really nice." Ren's voice cut through Leo's thoughts, and Leo noted with a hint of pride that he didn't sound all that upset anymore, his tone much more relaxed than it had been minutes before. "The massaging feels really nice. Your presence feels really nice. I feel better just by staying next to you. I'm glad you didn't work overtime today."
A flash of guilt buried the pride that had burned in Leo's chest. He had been more absent recently, solely so he could work and make more money for them of course, but he had thought no one would care. After all, he was the least important of them during this time, especially when Micah, Charlie, and Rain were all so eager to do everything they could in terms of actually getting ready for their pup. With all their support, he didn't think Ren would notice his absence. Had he been suffering like this before, and just not told anyone? Had he needed Leo during one of Leo's longer shifts, and just not said anything in fear of upsetting his mates? What was he meant to do when Leo wasn't there to help him decompress?
"Me too," Leo finally choked the words out, looking away from Ren's snuggled up form. No, it was fine. Ren hadn't said anything about needing him before, and it was stupid to assume he had. What did Leo really have that his other mates didn't?
Nothing. In the grand scheme of their pack, he was nothing, completely useless to everyone, including Ren.
Suddenly, without warning, Leo's hand jerked back, smacking against the tent of fabric the blankets above him had created. I hadn't been much, he wouldn't even necessarily call it a kick, but...something had just shifted against his palm, underneath the seemingly still skin of Ren's stomach. "...Something just moved."
Ren snorted, pulling his head out of Leo's chest enough to look back up at him. "You say that like you don't know exactly what just moved."
Leo blinked, slowly lowering his hand back onto Ren's stomach, as if it would burn him if he pressed down too quickly. "...It can move already? I thought...I thought that didn't start until way later!"
Another snort, this time accompanied by a small, amused shake of Ren's head. "All that research, and you're still surprised?" His chest rose and fell swiftly in time with his chuckles, one of his hands going from Leo's back to under the blankets, holding the hand currently resting on his stomach. "Yes, pups can move this far along. It's pretty normal, actually. Still scared the crap out of Charlie earlier though, and you now, I guess. Idiots."
The insult was thrown out affectionately, but Leo still felt heat rise up in his cheeks as he pressed impossibly closer to Ren's warm body, the omega's facial hair tickling his neck as he moved. "Ok, ok, my bad. But still...it kicked! It just moved! I just felt our pup move!"
Ren laughed again, softer this time, looking up at Leo's awed face with affectionate eyes. "You did. She's just excited, she's been waiting all day for her daddy to come home."
"Well, I'm here now, so-" Leo paused, his mouth still half open. Wait, what did Ren just say? Did he...
A third snort sounded out, followed by Ren's hand tightening around Leo's, intertwining his fingers with Leo's now still ones. "Congratulations," he whispered, his eyes still planted firmly on Leo's shocked face. "We're gonna have a daughter."
Leo was still frozen in shock, his eyes barely managing to move over enough to meet Ren's. Was he being serious? Were they really gonna have a daughter? Did everybody else know? "Really?! You're...you're not joking, are you? She's really a girl?"
"She is," Ren confirmed, shooting the bedroom door a look as he spoke, "but keep your voice down. Charlie doesn't know yet. Neither does Rain, or Micah. I wanted to tell all of you at once, but Micah doesn't come home for another two hours, and I just had to tell someone now." he purred, laying his head back down on Leo's still-tense chest. "Consider this my apology for waiting too long to tell you I was pregnant."
"...Apology accepted." Leo managed to whisper out, making sure his voice was as low as possible. Holy shit, were they really gonna have a baby girl? Did Ren really just tell him that before anyone else, Charlie included? "When did you find out? How did Charlie not find out? What-"
"Shhh." Ren murmured, nuzzling back up to Leo's chest, a smile growing wider on his face every passing second. "Quiet. I found out today, at the appointment. We had already done an ultrasound, but I specifically asked the technician not to tell me the gender. Charlie had to use the bathroom a couple minutes later, and I asked the technician what the gender was. I wanted to surprise you guys, and I couldn't do that if he was in the room." He paused, looking back up at Leo's still-surprised face. "...You are excited, aren't you? You're not disappointed it she isn't a boy, are you?"
A fresh wave of shock washed over Leo. What? How could he? That was his child, his pup, his daughter ! How could he possibly be upset? "No, not even a little. Gosh, Ren, you have no idea how happy I am right now! We're gonna have a daughter! Together! Holy shit!" Leo's feet shuffled back and forth under the blankets, his thumb tapping rhythmically against the bump of Ren's stomach. "We're gonna have a daughter!"
If Leo was being honest, he wasn't sure why he was so giddy. He would have been just as excited if it had been a boy, so why did the gender reveal bring him so much happiness? Maybe it was just because he now knew more about his pup, or maybe it was because it was just one more big milestone towards the pup's arrival, but either way, he couldn't possibly hope to suppress the giddy excitement that was threatening to rip his entire being into a million pieces, tearing at the seams of his flesh, looking for an escape. He wanted to dig his claws into something to ground himself, but that wasn't really an option at the moment, so he simply resisted the urge to shift around and wrapped his arms tighter around Ren, a loud, uncontrollable purr starting up in his chest, vibrating against Ren's ear.
"Someone's loud," Ren whispered, his own purr rising to join Leo's in a blissful harmony only two happy omegas could create. "Looks like we both got something out of this, huh?"
"I was already getting something out of this," Leo murmured, forcing his purrs to subside enough for him to choke out the words. He was here, he was here with his mate and his daughter, and nothing in the world could possibly ruin that for him. If the world ended right then and there, at least he would die a happy man, curled up with two of the people he loved most. "...Are you feeling any better now? You seem happier."
Ren nodded, his smile still present, but more gentle. He had closed his eyes, laying his head gently on Leo's chest, soaking in the vibrations Leo was letting rumble throughout his body. "Way better. Your presence has made me feel way more relaxed. Although," he grabbed at a blanket, pulling it over his shoulder and towards his nose, until he was barely visible, save for his head. "The nest is helping too. Can we stay in here a bit longer? There's still some uncomfortable tingling I want to shake off. That, and I want to keep listening to your purrs. I swear they have magical healing powers, or something."
A small laugh escaped Leo's mouth at the muffled comment, but he held on tight to his mate all the same, burying his nose in the top of Ren's head once again. "Of course we can, but you know that's just a myth, right? I don't think purrs have ever cured anyone of anything."
"...Mm, maybe not, but they make me feel better, and right now, that's all I care about."
"...Fair enough."
Nothing more was said, at least, not for a while. Ren settled himself against Leo's skin, and Leo kept his hold tight as he held his vulnerable mate, his eyes darting around every once and a while, making sure no one was coming near the nest. As much as he loved his other mates, Ren had made it clear that he didn't want anyone besides Leo in the nest right now, and as confusing as that was, who was Leo to deny his omega, especially now, when he had dealt with so much? No, whatever Ren said would go, no matter how much the others didn't like it. He would make sure of it. Even as Rain's footsteps pattered through the house, or as Micah's scent wafted through the air, replacing stale traces of himself with fresh ones, Leo kept his eyes on the door, wrapping his arms impossibly tighter around his now-slumbering omega, ready to hiss if anyone even thought about walking through that door. They would see Ren when Ren was ready, and not a second before.
It was only when Ren had woken up, his bleary eyes blinking away well-needed sleep, that Leo allowed anyone in or out of the room, although it was really only because Ren's stomach was growling something fierce. The scent of whatever Charlie and Micah were cooking had long since filled the bedroom, no doubt being the culprit behind Ren's consciousness, and it wasn't long before both omegas were up again, stretching out their stiff limbs before reemerging into the wider apartment.
Charlie looked tense as ever, immediately rushing over to Ren's side as soon as he heard the bedroom door creak open, but that was to be expected. He had been so worried earlier, after all, it would be unfair for Leo to judge the alpha for wanting to make sure his pregnant omega was ok after isolating himself like that. Besides, he had no reason to be as protective over Ren anymore now that he was feeling better, so Leo was content to watch as Charlie rubbed his cheek against Ren's desperately, Micah and Rain quick to follow behind him.
A picture perfect family.
Leo was fine with letting his mates take over the role he had just had a moment ago. His time was up, Ren didn't need him anymore, it was time for the rest of their mates to have their turn. Besides, they could take care of Ren much better than Leo ever could, Ren just needed a moment of peace, is all. He was happy to be needed for a bit, but now it was time for him to step away and let the others have their mate.
So, while the four of them were distracted, Leo grabbed a couple plates, filled them with food, and dispersed them on the table, ready for his mates when they were finally done huddling up together. It was the least he could do, and it was a much more efficient use of time anyways. At least they'd have food ready for them when they broke apart.
He could hear words being whispered behind him, but he chose to tune out, unwilling to eavesdrop. Whatever conversation was happening was happening without him, so he'd ignore it. it wasn't meant for him anyway.
...He was supposed to be happy. He was happy, at least he was earlier. What happened?
It didn't matter. None of it mattered. He could figure it out later.
A couple minutes later, they were all sitting at the table together, forks in hand, digging into their food. A couple of 'thank you's' were said to Leo for getting the food, but besides that, he fell out of their conversation, his eyes bleary as he tried to fight off his exhaustion. It was fine though, he was sure he didn't have much of value to add to the conversation, if anything he would probably end up making it awkward somehow. Ren seemed happier now, and none of his mates seemed particularly interested in his presence, so he would stay silent, smiling and nodding along like he wasn't spacing out, only talking if they needed something from him.
They never did.
Leo only really tuned back in when Ren cleared his throat, capturing his mates' attention as he prepared to speak. Leo already knew what was going to be announced, but most of his mates didn't know he knew, so he'd do his best to react for the second time that day, his ears perking up with rapt attention. Besides, he wanted to see how his mates would react. Would they be happy? Surely they would, right? That was their daughter, they couldn't possibly end up unhappy, right?
He didn't need to ponder much longer, because no sooner had the words "it's a girl!" left Ren's mouth when all hell broke loose, the rest of his mates either shouting over each other with questions and declarations of excitement, or in Charlie's case, jumping out of his seat in the blink of an eye and (gently) tackling his pregnant omega into a crushing hug. Rain was actively falling out of his chair, Micah was shouting questions with a joy Leo had never heard from the alpha before, Charlie was mumbling words into Ren's shirt, nobody was comprehensible, everything was chaotic, but Leo still tried to match the energy as if he had never known, letting a smile spread across his face as he moved to get up and join Charlie in hugging their mate.
The rest was kind of a blur. Maybe it was his exhaustion, maybe it was because he had already known, but Leo's mind was still spacing occasionally, unable to keep up with all that was happening. He remembered Ren answering the same questions he had asked before, he remembered hearing excited conversation about what she would be like, what she would grow up to be, and he remembered watching Charlie try to wipe away the rare tears that had managed to fill his eyes, too proud to let anyone see him cry, even when the tears were joyful. Through it all, they huddled around Ren's hopefully-less-sensitive body, and Leo let himself join them, happy to be a part of the moment, even if he wasn't fully there.
They stayed out there for another hour or two, discussing the pup and her future with excited, wonder-filled eyes. Leo thought he might have joined the conversation, he must have, but he didn't remember much of what was actually said, his mind too cloudy to comprehend the whirlwind of emotions his mates were throwing at him. Still, he did his best to keep up, keeping a happy expression plastered on his face as he forced himself to process everything that was being said.
"-ou good?"
"Hm?" Leo snapped to attention, glancing over at Rain's concerned face. No one else was paying him any mind, but somehow Rain had caught him in a moment of weakness, his eyes and ears somewhat shut to the world around him. "Sorry, what's up?"
There was a look in Rain's eye as he studied Leo's face, one Leo didn't think he liked. "I asked if you were good. You got kind of quiet, and you look kinda spaced out. Everything ok?"
Oh. Shit. He hadn't realized he had gotten quieter, or that he was visibly out of it. What was wrong with him, letting himself fade out during a moment like this?
Leo frowned unconsciously. What...what was wrong with him? He had been so happy earlier, so why was he so...out of it? Was that what he was? What was happening? Why wasn't he there anymore?
He didn't feel real. The whole thing didn't feel real.
...He was probably just tired. Yeah, he just needed to go to bed.
"...Yeah, I'm ok." A fake smile appeared on Leo's face as he reached over the table for Rain's hand, his voice as soft and reassuring as he could make it. "I'm just thinking. It's a lot, you know?"
He hadn't managed to convince himself he sounded genuine enough, but to his immense relief, Rain seemed to accept that answer, his own bright smile appearing as he intertwined his hand with Leo's. "Yeah, I get it. It is a lot, isn't it?" He paused, glancing back at Ren, Micah, and Charlie, who had practically formed into one being at this point, his smile only growing wider. "But...it's also really exciting! I can't wait to meet her, I can't wait to be a dad!"
"...Yeah, neither can I," Leo agreed, and to be fair, he truly meant it. Just because he was out of it doesn't mean he forgot how excited he had been earlier, how he had temporarily forgotten how tired he was at the amazing news. Maybe this was him crashing out from all the excitement? He didn't know. "Four months, remember? Four months, and then she'll be here. Just gotta get through that time, right?"
"Right!" Rain confirmed, squeezing Leo's hand absentmindedly. he glanced over at their other mates again, then turned fully towards Leo, a shine in his eyes. "Hey, don't tell the rest of them this, but I found and bought a couple of shirts for her that I think are funny. I don't think they'll be very impressed though. Wanna see?"
As foggy as Leo felt, he did kind of want to see. Maybe this would help draw him out of his mind? "Yeah, what'd you get?"
Rain's smile grew brighter. "I'm glad you asked!" He whipped out his phone, immediately clicking on his photo album before scooching closer to Leo, so only they could see the screen. "Here's the first one, I thought it was kinda funny, because you know, I'm a tattoo artist..."
Fifteen minutes of nodding along and laughing later, Rain had run out of shirts to show Leo, and Leo had run out of energy to use on focusing on the phone screen. He barely flinched when Micah called for him and Rain, lightly nudging them toward the bedroom door while Ren and Charlie looked on from the doorway with tired, yet ecstatic eyes. He and Rain kept their hands connected as thy got up, only separating after they had entered the bedroom, moving to complete their nightly chores before crawling into bed.
Leo floated through it all. He didn't remember brushing his teeth, or changing his clothes, he didn't even remember saying goodnight and I love you to his mates before crawling onto the edge of the nest, curled up behind Micah's back. It had been a while since he had been in the second layer of the cuddle pile, but he didn't mind much. It made sense that the alphas would be in the middle, their mate was pregnant, after all. It was fine, Leo wasn't upset with them, and if he missed the safety he felt when Micah's arms were wrapped around him while they slept, well, he didn't need to acknowledge it. It was fine, he didn't need to be babied, and besides, Ren was the top priority in his mind. Ren needed their comfort far more than Leo ever could.
He needed to sleep. He needed to close his eyes and get some rest. He had work in the morning, and based on his schedule, it was gonna be a long shift.
...
He was still awake.
Why? Why couldn't he rest? Isn't that what he needed? Wasn't that why he was so spacy earlier? What was wrong with him?
...Something was wrong with him.
...He was cold. He needed a shower.
A small sigh sounded out, and then he was up. Leo quietly exited the bed, padded over to the bathroom, reached under the cabinet, turned the shower water on as hot as it would go, and curled up in the bathtub.
The next step was informing family and friends. Ren had wanted to wait until after they found out the gender, and wait they had, but Ren's family was starting to wonder why he hadn't come to visit in a month or two, and everyone else's family was wondering why the pack had become so busy, too busy to chat as often as before. People were starting to comment on their differing behavior, and it wouldn't be long before someone ended up seeing Ren and finding out what was really happening. Micah's mom had probably already figured it out, based on the package filled with baby toys Leo had found in their mailbox one day during Ren's fourth month.
He still hadn't told anyone about that.
The plan they came up with was simple: Ren's family would be the first to know, followed by the rest of the families at once. After all, Ren was the one carrying the pup, so his family got first priority in knowing.
Ren's parents had been elated when the five of them showed up for a surprise visit, Ren's dad immediately rushing to the kitchen to make enough food for the seven of them, which turned into the nine of them when Ren's mom decided to invite Ren's brother Dave and his mate over as well. It would be one big ol' family gathering, the first one their daughter would ever attend.
"You should see the texts between me and your brother," Mrs. Hirota had joked, affectionately hugging her son by his side. His stomach was hidden by one of Micah's giant sweatshirts, thankfully big enough to keep the surprise a surprise, but Leo felt a pang of anxiety all the same, sure she would find out from the loose hug alone. "'Ma, have you heard from Ren?' 'Ma, is Ren mad at me? I haven't seen him in ages!' 'Ma, has Ren visited you at all?' Honestly, you would have thought the two of you were five again!"
Ren had laughed along, apologizing for the lack of contact, but Leo could see the slight flash of guilt that passed over Ren's face, too quick for his mother to pick up on. Leo knew how much Ren's family meant to him, but Leo wished he wouldn't be so hard on himself. They would understand once the secret was out.
An hour later, Dave and Briar had made their appearance, Dave wasting no time in swooping his 'baby' brother (as he liked to call Ren) up in a hug, patting him firmly on the back. "Dude! Where've you been? You haven't visited in ages!"
"Sorry, sorry, I've been kind of busy. It's been a hectic summer, you know? I'll tell you all about it at dinner, ok?" Ren returned the hug, albeit with much more grace than Dave could have managed, copying his twin's pats with less force than his twin had displayed. "But before that, I'm gonna go help papa in the kitchen. It's been a while since I've gotten to cook with him!'
"Ah ah." Dave shook his head, releasing Ren's body, but keeping a firm grip on his arm. He backed up until his feet hit the couch behind him, dragging Ren onto the spot beside him, motioning for Briar to join him. "You aren't getting away from me so early. I missed seeing you! I missed seeing all of you...except for that one."
"Nice seeing you too David." Leo responded, fighting the smile that was threatening to creep over his face as he met Dave's gaze. He had missed seeing one of his best friends, even if it had only been a couple months. Without Dave around, had no one to clown on, not unless Rain was doing something purposefully stupid. "Nice arm by the way, how'd that happen?"
"Oh this? I got this awesome wound from defending my house from an armed assailant-"
"He cut himself trying to show me a cool knife trick while he was cooking." Briar snorted, giving the gash on Dave's forearm an amused glance as she turned to face Leo. "I told him he was gonna hurt himself, but he didn't listen. An hour later and he was in the hospital pouting because he had to get stitches."
Charlie snorted from behind the couch, lightly slapping Dave on the back of his head. "Hah, dumbass."
"Oh come on, like you've never done anything dumb before," Dave flopped back onto the couch, huffing with faux-annoyance, a mischievous gleam in his eye as he looked up at the blond. "You want me to tell the story of how you and Ren got together?"
"Don't even start-"
"So back when they were, what, sixteen? Charlie got into this HUGE fight-"
"Dinner's ready!" Mr. Hirota chirped, stepping into the living room with a steaming pot of vegetables in his covered hands. "Come eat!"
"Oh, look at that, time to eat!" Ren swiftly got up, sheepishly grabbing Charlie's hand and tugging him along at a speed Leo rarely saw him move at. "Guess this is a conversation we're gonna save for later, huh? Hey, let's go help my parents out, I don't want to make them do all the work for grown adults. Come on!"
Charlie huffed, but didn't say anything, simply smacking Dave's head one last time before being dragged away. Micah followed close behind them, and Rain brought up their rear, teasing Charlie about a story they had heard a million times, no matter how often it was told.
Leo smiled, guess he should follow suit, huh?
Before he could make it past the couch Dave was sitting on however, Dave's hand flashed out, lightly grabbing onto Leo's passing arm. "Hey, stay here a minute, I have a question for you."
Leo was confused and looked over to Briar for answers, but she was getting up already, moving to follow the rest of the gang to the dining room. "While you do that, I'm gonna help your parents out. I don't want them kicking me out because I stayed out here."
"Oh please," Dave snorted, reaching to kiss Briar's hand before she walked away. "My parents love you. Ma says you keep me in check, no way is she gonna get rid of a blessing like that."
Briar didn't fully respond, she just turned around and laughed, and the she was gone.
As soon as she was out of sight, Dave turned to face Leo, his eyes suddenly dark with curiosity. "Alright, which one of you did it and how long has it been?"
Leo blinked. "...Did what?"
Dave rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't play stupid, you know what I'm talking about." He connected his hands in front of him and brought them out in front of him, mimicking a bump that wasn't actually there. "Who did it? Was it you?"
"...Dave, I know it's difficult, but I need you to use the few brain cells you still have to think real hard about what you just asked me."
It was Dave's turn to blink, but he bounced back quickly, burying the embarrassment that had briefly shown on his face. "Ok, not you. Charlie?"
"Yes."
"Not surprised. Kind of shocked it didn't happen earlier, actually. How long?"
"Five months. He wanted to wait until we knew the gender before telling anyone else. Y'all are the first to know out of anyone outside our pack."
"...And?"
Leo slapped Dave's arm lightly, moving to follow everybody else into the kitchen. " And , you'll find out in a couple minutes. If you had waited just a little bit, you would have found out with the rest of them. You cannot tell your brother that you interrogated me, or that I answered. This was his surprise to announce."
"My lips are sealed!" Dave chirped, his thumb and forefinger moving to 'zip' his mouth shut as he stood to join the rest of them. "I won't say anything. But just for future reference, if he doesn't want people knowing, he shouldn't be hugging people. The hoodie can't hide the feeling, you know?"
"Noted," Leo sighed, approaching the dining room. He could hear everyone else talking amongst themselves, hopefully not waiting on him or Dave to join. "Now shut up. You know jack-all, right?"
"Right!" Dave confirmed, and with that, the two of them entered the dining hall, the sight of their mates and a whole table full of food, Mr. Hirota standing proudly at the head of the table, waiting for the final two people there to join them. They sat down, Leo landing in-between Micah and Rain, and without any further delay, the food was served, each person grabbing what they wanted and digging in with vigor.
Leo grabbed a fork and began serving himself, watching as his family began eating, chattering obliviously amongst themselves. It was nice to get together with his in-laws. He wondered how long Ren would take to gather their attention and announce his pregnancy.
"Dude, you're packing away a ton of food right now. Slow down a little man, there's no rush!"
Not even ten minutes. Nice subtly, Dave.
Leo had to bite back the urge to cover his face with sheer embarrassment, but Ren didn't seem to mind the comment, swallowing the bite of food in his mouth as he turned to face his brother, a bright smile on his face. "Sorry, ever since your niece came along, I've been getting really hungry. I should probably go a little slower though, huh?"
Complete silence. Then Mr. Hirota shot up in his seat, his hands over his mouth, complete shock washing over his face, and the whole room erupted into chaos.
Leo watched as Mr. and Mrs. Hirota rushed to swarm their child, both enveloping him in a massive but gentle group hug. Mr. Hirota was sobbing seemingly uncontrollably, his dark eyes sparkling with a combination of tears and absolute elation as he embraced his child, speaking rapid words in Japanese that Leo couldn’t possibly hope to understand, while Mrs. Hirota grinned ear to ear on Ren's other side, a steam of questions leaving her mouth faster than Ren could answer. Briar had turned to Dave, seemingly looking for answers (Leo thought she might be asking if he had known, but he couldn't read her lips well enough to be sure), but Dave had already gotten out of his chair, an uncontrollable smile on his face as he tried to squeeze himself between his parents enough to drag his brother into an excited hug.
Ren didn't seem to mind the tight hug his family had dragged him into. In fact, he was smiling as wide as he possibly could, trying to hug all his family members at once while answering as many questions as he could catch. Leo had never seen him as happy as he was in that moment, at least, not in a long while.
Leo smiled. Everyone was happy. Ren was ecstatic, his family was beyond excited, and despite the fact that none of his other mates were really receiving any attention, they all seemed to be happy, the three of them (well, four, if Leo counted himself) staring joyfully at the little family huddle happening beside them, nothing but love in their eyes.
Rain's hand squeezed Leo's. Leo looked up at his mate's face, the beta's eyes hidden from view, and squeezed back.
It didn't take too long for the hug to break up, the Hirota family seemingly remembering that there were four other to-be parents amongst their ranks. Briar used the opportunity to give Ren her own soft hug, congratulating him with a bright, toothy smile, before turning back to the rest of them, repeating her congratulations and well wishes to Ren's mates as she and Dave took up their seats again. Then the questions started rolling in, mostly from Ren's parents, and the rest of Ren's mates were suddenly very busy with answering all of them.
Well, most of them, anyway. The others had begun answering each question before Leo had even gotten a chance to process what was being asked, so it was really just the others giving answers while Leo smiled and nodded, listening to each word as if he wasn't already aware of what was going to be said. This was an exciting moment for his mates, and he wasn't going to butt in and ruin everything for them.
Leo looked around. Ren was still beaming, as was Charlie, who was holding Ren's hand tightly under the table. Micah was staring at Ren with all the love that could fit into his gaze, and Rain was chattering away happily, explaining to Mr. Hirota that no, they hadn't come up with a name yet, but he was hoping to get started on that as soon as possible, and actually, he had wanted to start doing that from the beginning-
A picture perfect family.
...One that didn't need him.
Leo shook his head. No, no, not right now. Not when he was supposed to be happy. This was a happy moment.
But...he was right, wasn't he? He was there, but he didn't feel like a part of the meeting, not really. He felt like an outsider, watching in from a body that shouldn't have been there.
They looked so happy. Were they ever that happy when they were with him?
...No, he'd save this for later. He was already tired, he didn't need this right now. He'd think about this later.
The dinner was a long one, as Leo expected it to be. Ren's family wanted to know everything they could possibly find out about their granddaughter and niece, and they swamped Ren and his mates with more questions than they could answer, even with the five of them. Leo got a chance to answer a few questions, but for the most part, his mates took care of the rest, leaving Leo to drown within his own brain while they enthusiastically talked amongst themselves. Dave was already talking to the pup, introducing himself and swearing he was not going to be a terrible influence (a promise bound to be broken, Leo was sure). There was much debate about how she'd turn out, how her dads were sure to raise her right, how proud they already were of all that she would achieve. It was clear that none of them could wait to meet her, a fact the pup was lucky to have, even if she didn't know.
It was fully dark out by the time they left. The Hirotas had been reluctant to let Ren go, but pretty much everyone had work the next day, and Ren was getting noticeably tired, so really, it was about time they went home. Still, their goodbye's were lengthy, and by the time they had actually managed to get in the car and drive back to their apartment, it was close to midnight, the moon shining high in the sky through their kitchen window as they entered their bedroom for the night.
There was bedroom chatter, of course there was, but Leo wasn't paying much attention. He had started spacing out as soon as they got home, exhausted from all the social interaction, and he didn't really have the energy to keep up with any further conversation.
...He had been spacing out a lot recently, hadn't he?
Whatever. He was just tired. It had been a long day, albeit a happy one. He'd be more refreshed in the morning, when he had gotten a decent amount of rest.
"-u ok baby?"
Leo startled at Micah's voice, turning his body over on his edge of the bed, now facing Micah's concerned expression. "What's up?"
A small breath rushed from Micah's nose. "I was asking if you were ok. You've been kinda quiet since we got back. Everything ok?"
Shit. Maybe he should have put a little bit more effort into staying fully aware once they stepped foot in the apartment. "Yeah, I'm good. Just...tired. Big day, you know?"
"Mm." Micah hummed, shifting himself into a more comfortable position. His blue eyes seemed less worried than they had a minute ago, seemingly satisfied with Leo's answer. "All the social interaction tired you out, huh?"
Leo nodded wordlessly, laying himself flatter on the bed. It was true, at least in a sense. He had always easily tired from long social gatherings, even with family, so it was no surprise he was so quiet on the way back. As for his mind, well, Micah didn't need to know much about that, not now, and hopefully not ever. "I enjoyed myself, don't get me wrong, it was just...a lot. Lots of excitement, lots of talking, lots of noise. It was fun, but tiring."
"No worries, I understand." Micah murmured reassuringly, moving an arm to rub Leo's shoulder in a comforting motion. "Can't say I'm not tired myself. Get some good rest, alright? You've been looking kind of low on energy lately. It's a little concerning, to be honest."
The familiar pit of guilt in Leo's stomach returned, an old friend of his at this point. Was he doomed to always be a burden on the people around him, even when he was just trying to help? "Don't worry about it. It's just the extra work. I'll cut down on shifts when the pup gets here, I promise."
Micah didn't say anything for a moment, but he seemed to accept that answer too, because he shifted again, seemingly moving back around to cuddle up with Ren's already slumbering form. "Alright, I believe you, but don't be afraid to take some time for yourself. You've been doing a lot recently, even besides work. Take care of yourself, alright?"
"...Alright." Leo's voice was barely a whisper, but if Micah noticed the hesitation, he didn't show it. Good, that was good. The less Leo's mates worried about him, the better. "I love you."
"Love you too sweetheart. Sleep well, yeah?"
"...Yeah."
With that, Micah shifted fully back towards Ren. his back poking into Leo's shoulder. Leo waited a moment to see if anything more would be said, turning to face the empty space to his right when only silence met his waiting ears. His body felt wrong without Micah's arms wrapped around his chest, but he had gotten used to it at this point, after months of sleeping on the edge of the bed. Besides, he was content with the emptiness when he knew Ren needed their mates more, especially as his pregnancy got further along. He was the one in the toughest position, not Leo, and the smaller omega would gladly sacrifice his wants for Ren's needs. He didn't need constant coddling to be comfortable on his own anyway, he was strong, he could fare just fine on his own.
A long breath escaped Leo's nose as he settled, snuggling his comfort blankets closer to his face. He'd feel better in the morning, he had to. He wasn't sure how much longer he could cope with himself and his thoughts, on top of the constant exhaustion he was feeling, but the sleep would help, so he'd get as much of it as he could while he could.
Closing his eyes, Leo let himself drift into another bout of uncertain slumber, too tired to fight his mind anymore.
...
The nightmare was back.
He should have expected it, really, he should have. He was used to seeing his mates leave, he was used to seeing them take his daughter with them, he was used to being left alone.
But...lord, if it didn't still hurt as bad as it did the first night he had watched them drive off, the four (now five) of them growing smaller and smaller in the distance while Leo stayed behind, unable to chase after them.
He was too tired to get up. He was too tired for the walking, for the razor, for the tub. He could barely force himself to move his limbs as is.
He remained where he was, curled up in a tight ball, and silently cried into his blankets.
Notes:
Still not sure if I'm building the world up enough or if things are being explained right, so let me know what you think! I feel all over the place when it comes to this story. Comments and kudos are appreciated!
Chapter 3: Stage Two: Distraction (Part Two)
Summary:
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
(Part two)
Notes:
Next chapter is here! I've had to split this into another third chapter, so uhh...yeah. Sorry, but I hope you still enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Wake up. Eat. Work. Come home. Do whatever his mates needed him to do. Eat. Sleep.
Thus was Leo's day to day schedule as he got ready for the pup's arrival, week after week, month after month.
Of course, it wasn't entirely accurate. There were days where he actually went out and did something else, usually dates with his mates, and on occasion he would have an hour or two to himself, but most of the time, his days followed the same, repeating cycle.
Eat, work, sleep, repeat.
He didn't mind, really, he didn't. If he hadn't been expecting a pup he might have sought out more free time, but now he was, so he couldn't be selfish with his hours anymore. He needed to do what was best for their pack as a whole, and if that meant working longer hours and spending the rest of his time catering to whatever his mates needed? Well, he would do so gladly. He wanted nothing more than his family to be happy, and besides, this was what he was meant to do, wasn't it?
Still, the stress was taking a toll on him, he knew it was. He could distract himself all he wanted, but he couldn't hide the eyebags forming under his tired eyes, or how quickly he tended to conk out in the nest as soon as bedtime hit. His mates had already pointed both changes out several times, each one of them showing varying degrees of concern, but Leo managed to brush them off without worrying them more, simply using his job as an excuse. It would be fine, he would cut back on his hours once the pup came, he just had to get through the next couple months. That was usually enough to get them off his back, although he had caught Ren and Rain giving him a couple of worried glances every now and then.
But it was fine. He was doing this for them, after all. What kind of mate would he be if he didn't take care of his pack?
Besides work, there was a lot to do in preparation for the pup. They had slowed down a bit for a few months, but with Ren's due date growing closer by the second, they didn't have much time to spare anymore. They had to get things done, preferably sooner rather than later.
They started by informing the rest of their families. The Hirota family had promised to keep Ren's pregnancy a secret until everybody else had been told, but Leo and his mates all knew it was only a matter of time until word got out. Taking their time into consideration, they quickly took time to inform each of their families, making sure each mate was present for every moment.
They were all excited, as Leo expected them to be. Micah's parents could barely contain their overflowing joy, Charlie's dad and sister had given them all hearty congratulations while scolding Charlie for not telling them sooner, and Leo's mom had broken down sobbing with joy, tearfully voicing her excitement while reminding Leo how proud his dad would have been, if he had been there to see him.
Leo wasn't so sure about that one, but he didn't want to think about it.
As for Rain's parents, they didn't know. They would never know, not as long as the five of them had breath in their bodies.
Rain said he didn't care, that he had long since come to terms with what he hoped would be their permanent absence, but Leo would have to have been blind to miss the way Rain's eyes twinkled with bittersweet tears at every family gathering, how he gravitated towards Charlie and Leo the most during those moments, the only two people who could even begin to understand his pain. He never spoke his grief out loud, refusing to acknowledge the massive hole in his heart, but Leo could tell, and he was sure his mates could too. They had tried probing at him a couple times, gently reminding him that he could speak to them about his feelings if needed, but Rain had just plastered a fake smile over his face and said he was fine, and promptly shut the conversation down.
None of them had tried to bring it up since then. It had grieved them, it had grieved Leo, but they respected Rain's space, keeping a careful eye on him during more triggering events. They weren't going to force him to talk, that would end horribly, but they would be there when he needed a shoulder to cry on, ready to comfort him when he felt it was time.
It was for that reason that Charlie brought up the subject of naming again, more a distraction for Rain than anything else. The beta had created a massive list of potential names for them to go through, both from him and from brief conversations he had with his mates previously. It was an unnecessarily long list of names, but creating it had made Rain happy, so no one said anything, instead calling another family meeting to go over the list in its entirety, with everybody present.
Rain had shown them the pages upon pages of names he had found, excitedly going through his thought process for them, which ones he liked, which ones he had gotten from the rest of them, anything he could remember about the list, he mentioned. It was cute, seeing how happy he was to name their pup, how seriously he was taking what was normally a much simpler process. It made sense though, at least to Leo. He had been obsessed with making sure everything he got for the pup was top notch, and Rain had obsessed over the best names for their child. Two sides of the same coin.
"I'm not leaving this table until all of us have unanimously decided on a name," Rain had said, his voice unnaturally serious as he laid his list across the table. "I want her to have a name we all like, not just one we settled for. All five of us have to like the name for it to be considered, ok?"
They all agreed, Micah clasping Rain's hand in his, and with that, they began going through the names, letting Rain explain his thought process behind them before approving or disapproving them. It took a couple hours, small debates starting up here and there, but they finally managed to reach a conclusion right as the sun had completely disappeared from the sky, a name that Rain himself had always favored above the rest; Rachel.
Her name was going to be Rachel.
Leo was satisfied with that decision, they all were, but none so more than Ren. Leo had caught him talking to his stomach on more than one occasion, calling the pup inside her name as many times as he could fit into a sentence with a massive grin on his face. It was a heartwarming scene, one Leo wished he could see more often. Ren was too embarrassed to be so animated when his mates were around, except for when they started talking to Rachel first.
...Maybe things were beginning to look up. Leo was still tired, but he was happy. About as happy as his mind would let him be, anyway. But still, maybe it was an improvement?
He didn't know, but he hoped it was. He was tired of dragging his mates down, tired of feeling unimportant. He wanted to be at his best when his daughter came, and he couldn't achieve that if he was so down all the time. He had to be getting better, he had to be.
He didn't have much of a choice.
The naming and reveal to their families had been exciting, but after they had finished riding the high of such massive milestones, life went back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be when a pup was on the way, at least. Charlie was working three twenty-four hour shifts a week in exchange for the other four days off, Micah and Rain were working their regular schedules while taking as much time to care for Ren as possible, and Leo was still picking up more shifts, working as much as he possibly could before the pup came. It wasn't fun, but it was a distraction, and the knowledge that he was making money for his pup made him feel a bit better about being gone more often, despite his worries.
There was only one problem; Ren was needing him more and more.
Leo shouldn't have been surprised. Pregnancies had a tendency to get more uncomfortable as they progressed, especially with the pup's growth and constant kicking. Still, the frequency of Ren needing 'omega time' was getting higher, often jumping Leo as soon as he got home from a shift. It had gone from every so often to once a week, and then by the 7th month, at least two to three times a week. It was getting to be a lot, Ren's pain and Leo's shifts weighing heavy on the shorter omega's mind.
Still, he did his best. it was his duty, after all. He'd make the money he could, and then he'd cuddle up with Ren, letting the sharp shards of Ren's uncomfortableness stab into him until the pregnant omega was feeling better, better enough to survive a couple more days, at least. It was worth it in Leo's eyes, he was helping his mate, and besides, what was a little tiredness compared to the wide range of physical and emotional sensations Ren must be feeling? He had passed this job off to Ren, the least he could do was help Ren out when he needed it most.
And if their other mates (namely Charlie) were becoming more tense during Ren's more needy moments, eyeing the two omegas with worry as they went to camp in their nest? Well, that was ok. Leo didn't expect them to get it. He would explain what was happening if asked, and he was sure Ren would too, but for now, his main priority was Ren. His other mates could take care of themselves.
And that was that. Their schedule was set, an exhausting yet consistent schedule that Leo could rely on. It was nice to have predictability, especially when Rachel's birth would shake things up for them, so Leo clung to the familiarity as long as he could, finding comfort in his mates' arms when he had the time. It wasn't often he got much time with his other, non-pregnant mates, but when he did he savored their touch and their presence. Everything was fine, everything would remain fine. So far, nothing had gone wrong.
At least it hadn't, until Ren decided to stay the night with his family sometime during his eighth month of pregnancy.
His parents had been asking for a while, really since they had found out about his pregnancy. They had wanted to get the original Hirota family together for one last little gathering before Rachel was born, and despite Charlie, Micah, Rain, and Leo's hesitations, Ren had steeled his resolve and put his foot down, determined to go. He missed his family, and he said it would be nice to see them all again, to have one last night with the people who raised him before he had his own life to raise.
It had taken a lot of convincing, but eventually, they had caved. Leo had been anxious to let Ren out of his sight at first, he still was, but he trusted Mr. and Mrs. Hirota, and despite Dave's reckless personality, he was fiercely protective over his brother, especially now that he had a niece on the way. Ren would only be gone for a night, he was with people they trusted, and he would be thirty minutes away at most. Ren wasn't a pup, he could take care of himself, and Leo had no right to restrict Ren's movement just because of his overwhelming anxiety.
So Leo had shoved aside his fears and agreed with Ren, helping his mate to convince the rest of them that he would be fine. Rain and Micah had given in soon after that, nodding hesitantly alongside Leo, and despite Charlie's clear and prominent protests, it was decided that Ren would go, the four of them going with him to drop him off.
Ren spent the whole ride to his parents' house comforting the blond alpha, who's grip on the steering wheel was looking more and more concerning with each passing second. His form remained tense for the whole drive, Leo and Rain's lively (albeit forced) conversation doing nothing to ease his nerves, or theirs, for that matter. Leo could already tell it was going to be a long night, it would be a miracle if any of them got a decent amount of sleep.
Thankfully, they all managed to hide their apprehension once they got to the house, forcing themselves to keep friendly and lively conversation with Ren's parents and Dave while they helped Ren carry his overnight stuff in. Ren's childhood room had remained untouched since he moved out, so they dropped his stuff off there, Leo looking around curiously at what was still left of Ren's adolescent years. It wasn't his first time in that room, far from it, but still, it was cool seeing parts of Ren's life all around, parts Leo hadn't been around for.
"...Are you sure you want to do this?" Charlie's nervous voice rang out, a small waver sounding out on the last word. "We can always stay with you, even just one of us. Or, I don't know, we could just have dinner and then take you home-"
Leo turned around, listening sympathetically to his nervous mate's prattling, the alpha's hands shaking slightly as he spoke. There was very little in the world that scared Charlie, but his mate and daughter's safety were too precious to be careless with. Leo would give anything to make him feel better, but how could he when he was just as nervous? He'd be nothing but a hypocrite.
Ren's expression was patient, but he shook his head firmly, giving Charlie a small kiss on the forehead. "I'll be ok, I promise. I want to see my family. Besides, you'll get a night free of my restless shifting for once. Take advantage of the opportunity!"
"I don't want a restful night, I want you!" Charlie's eyes were shining with a desperation Leo rarely ever saw from him, his hands gripping Ren's tightly, almost too tightly for Leo's liking. "How am I supposed to sleep without you there?"
"You'll be ok, I promise." Ren kissed Charlie again, this time on the mouth. His hands slowly removed themselves from Charlie's, and he took a step back, looking at his nervous mate with all the love he could muster. "It's time for you to go, I think. But the others are with you, they'll keep you calm. I promise it's going to be just fine. I love you, don't forget that, ok?"
Leo watched Charlie hesitate before the alpha forced himself to step back, blinking sadly in Ren's direction. "...Ok. I love you too. Stay safe, alright?"
Ren nodded, going to hug Rain, who was murmuring his goodbyes into Ren's neck. "I love you too. I love all of you. I'll be fine, I promise."
Rain separated from Ren, nodding tearfully, and then it was Micah's turn to say goodbye, his final words barely more calm than Charlie's. He was clearly just as stressed as the other alpha, he was just doing a better job at containing himself. "Call if you need anything, we'll be there, ok?"
Ren nodded, kissing him on the cheek, and then it was just him and Leo in the room, Micah ushering the others out before they could lose their nerves.
"You're nervous about this too, aren't you?"
Leo jumped slightly at Ren's voice before nodding slowly, shuffling closer to Ren, until the omega's arms were around him. "Maybe. But I know you'll be fine. I just gotta get over myself. You'll...You'll be fine, right?"
Leo felt a mouth press against his forehead, Ren's hug getting tighter. "I'll be ok, I promise. Thank you for letting me do this, and thank you for convincing the rest of them to let me go for the night. It means a lot. I'm gonna be safe, and I'm gonna have fun. There's nothing to worry about, ok?"
"...Ok." Leo nodded, forcing the tears that had sprung to his eyes back. Ren was right. He'd be fine, everything would be fine. He'd be safe. He needed to let his mate do this. "Stay safe, alright? I love you."
"I love you too sweetheart." Ren gave Leo one last squeeze, and then let him go, watching him back away with sad eyes. "Sleep well, ok? I'll be back before you know it."
Leo nodded, too choked up to speak, and then exited the room, forcing his feet to move down the hallway and then down the stairs. His mates were waiting for him at the bottom, Micah sending him a sad, small smile as he watched Leo's descent, and with that, the four said their goodbyes to the other Hirotas before they started out the door, Micah leading Charlie to the car by his shoulders.
Before Leo stepped out, he turned to Dave. "You'll keep him safe, right?"
Dave nodded, sending a cheery, reassuring smile Leo's way. "Of course. I'd never let anything happen to him. He's safe with us!"
"...Thank you."
And then he was out the door, forcing one foot to move in front of the other, until he was back in the car. The car started up, and then they were on their way home.
A large, warm hand enveloped Leo's. Leo squeezed it, and Micah squeezed back.
...
They had barely stepped foot into their apartment, strangely empty with Ren's absence, before Charlie began pacing the floor, his hands shaking violently.
"I can't do this." he whispered, his hands running down his despair-filled eyes. "This is freaking me out too much. I can't leave him there, I have to go back. You guys don't have to come with me, but I have to go back."
"You can't go back." Micah's gentle yet firm voice came from behind Leo, the both of them standing in the living room, watching Charlie's pacing. Leo understood his worries, he really did, but what could they do? Ren needed to do this, they couldn't ruin that for him. "He decided he wanted to go, it would be unfair to snatch him away now."
"But we aren't with him!" Charlie's voice got loud, not yelling, but not calm either. He was working himself up, with no sign of stopping any time soon. "How do we know he's safe there? Not a single one of us stayed behind; he's defenseless!"
Leo shook his head, stepping forward a little. It hurt him to see his mate so upset. He needed to calm him down. That was his job as an omega, right? "Charlie, he's not defenseless. His parents and his brother are there, they'll keep him safe. Besides, he's not helpless. He can take care of himself, you know?"
Charlie shook his head, his despaired eyes looking back at Leo. There was a glare there, a glare that hadn't been there a moment before. "Yes he is! He's pregnant! If he gets attacked, or hurt, or sick...we aren't there to help! I need to go back, I need to be there, I can't leave him , I can't-"
The alpha was furiously walking side to side at that point, nearly wearing a mark into the floor. His hands were clawing at his clothing, his scent sharpening with fear and anger, and if Leo looked close enough, his shoulders seemed to be trembling with fear. Fuck, Charlie was getting worse, what was Leo supposed to do now? This approach wasn't working, but he had to do something, right? "Charlie, I know Ren being gone is freaking you out, but I promise you, he's gonna be ok. He's with his parents, and Dave's gonna be there, they'd never let anything happen to their son and granddaughter. He's gonna be safe, and besides, he can take care of himself-"
"You don't get it!" Charlie yelled, cutting off whatever else Leo was about to say. "You couldn't possibly get it! You don't understand! You're not an alpha, you can't get it! You don't understand what it's like to need to protect him like I do! Do you have any idea how fucking terrifying it is to have him somewhere where I can't keep an eye on him? Do you have any idea how my brain and my body scream at me to keep him wrapped up, safe in our nest, away from anything that could hurt him? Do you understand how much responsibility I feel? Not only is he my mate, but I'm the reason he's pregnant! I have to keep them both safe, I'm the one who made him this fragile! I try so hard to let him be independent, I know he can take care of himself, but he's so vulnerable right now, and so much could go wrong, and now he's not here, and I can't keep him safe! I can't leave him alone, if anything happens to him, I'll never forgive myself!"
Leo blinked. If he was being honest, he probably didn't understand, not to the extent Charlie was referring to, but still, he hated seeing his mate this upset. But what could he possibly say? "Charlie-"
"No! Don't 'Charlie' me!" Charlie snarled, his canines glistening thanks to the kitchen light. He was pacing around the room now, not even looking at his mates as he ranted, his hands tousling his hair as he moved back and forth. "Don't try to calm me down, not when you've taken my job, not when you can sit there, not worried about a single thing, not when you don't know what it's like to feel so useless at the one thing you're supposed to do-"
Leo flinched back, the alpha's words slapping him in the face, but the painful sting quickly turned into a burning anger Leo hadn't felt in ages. Did.. Did Charlie seriously not think Leo understood what it was like to feel useless? To not do the job he was meant to carry out? Did he not remember a single thing about that night, so long ago now, when Micah had asked him to carry pups?
Did he genuinely believe, after all Leo had been doing, that he didn't worry about Ren? Not even a little bit?
Leo could feel his own snarl beginning to appear, his eyes growing hard with rage. "Do you seriously believe-"
"What job?"
Micah's growl cut through the air, commanding the attention of everybody in the room, Charlie included. The angry alpha had managed to turn from Leo to Micah, his eyes still blazing with a fire Leo hated to see turned on him, or his mates. "What?"
"What. Job." Micah growled again, his footsteps heavy as he walked in front of Leo, shielding him from Charlie's view. Like he was protecting his omega from a threat. "What job did Leo 'steal' from you?"
For a moment, there was nothing but silence, Charlie blinking in surprise. Then the fire came back, blazing hotter than ever before, and Charlie snapped to face Micah fully, looking up at him with a thinly veiled pain. "Don't pretend like you don't know! Have you not noticed? Any time Ren gets upset, or uncomfortable, or angry, he runs straight to Leo, even when he's not even there!"
Suddenly, Charlie turned away, pacing the floors without so much as a glance to his mates. "It's always 'I want Leo,' 'when is Leo coming home,' 'Charlie, send Leo into the nest when he gets back,' 'Charlie, I need a minute,' and then he runs straight to Leo when he gets home. Why?!" His voice was laced with pain, a deep seeded confusion he had refused to let out until now. "What am I doing wrong? Every fucking time he needs comfort, he goes to Leo, and only Leo! Not me, not you, not even Rain! My whole instinct system is designed to comfort my mate, to make him feel safe, to protect him, but that's never what Ren wants! He only wants Leo, and no matter how hard I try, he just pushes me away and asks for Leo again. But why? Is it because I'm not soft enough on him? I can be soft! I've always been soft with him! Am I not providing enough? Because I'm trying, lord knows I'm trying, but it's never enough! He never wants me! He never wants any of us!"
"And the worst part is, you're not even here!" Charlie spun around quicker than Leo's eyes could track, facing the omega fully with...were those tears in his eyes? But Charlie never cried- "You're always working! Ever since he got pregnant, you've been gone the most out of any of us! I'm the one who's always here, I'm the one who's with Ren the most, I'm the one who's at Ren's immediate assistance most often, and yet he still. Wants. You. More than anything else, he wants you. The one thing that I can do to provide, and he doesn't even let me do it! So what is it, huh?! What is it that you have that I don't, that none of us have?!"
Charlie's question hung in the silent air, his chest heaving with the effort of his rant. No one spoke, not even Micah. They just stared at their mate, dumbfounded.
The anger Leo had felt within his soul had all but dissipated now, replaced with an equally raging guilt. He'd have to be stupid to have missed the annoyance Charlie felt whenever Ren kicked him out of the nest in favor of Leo, but he didn't realize it ran this deep. Had Ren never explained why he needed Leo so badly? Had Leo just been stealing his mate away without a good reason, leaving Charlie to flounder in his own misery? Did Micah and Rain feel the same way about him? He didn't mean to, he was sorry, he just wanted to help Ren, he just wanted to do what he could-
He was trying, he really was. He was doing his best. Was he ever going to do things right? Was nothing ever going to be enough?
"Well?" Charlie was still standing there, ever-rageful eyes focused on Leo, his arms crossed over his chest as he tapped his foot impatiently. "No answer? No idea why you're so special?"
Leo knew. He knew why Ren needed him. But would Charlie listen? Would he accept Leo's answer when he was in this state of mind, this furious at everyone?
Leo thought not.
The angry alpha watched Leo's mouth open and close again, sneering impatiently as Leo floundered for an answer that would satisfy his mate. "No answer? Typical. You can't even bother to explain why you're better than us, you just are, aren't you-"
"That. Is. Enough."
Before Leo could cut in, Micah's growl sounded out, deep and unnerving. He took a threatening step forward, using one of his arms to gently push Leo's stiff form fully behind him, completely blocked from Charlie's view. His voice had sounded relatively calm, but his shoulders were set back and his teeth were bared, almost as if he expected Charlie to lunge at him at any second. His posture was rigid as a board, and although Micah's hands were hidden from view, Leo could see a small glimmer shine off the wall, light reflecting from where Micah's claws must have unsheathed.
Fear washed over Leo's body. No, no, he didn't want his mates to fight. Not over him. Not over his fuck ups. He could defend himself, he didn't need Micah to step in-
Hands were grabbing at his shoulder, pulling him away from the two alphas and towards another warm body, this one less angry feeling than the others.
"We're gonna go to the nest now, ok?" Rain whispered, his voice softer than Leo was used to. The hand on his shoulder tugged lightly again, this time in the direction of their bedroom door. "I think we should leave. Now, preferably."
Leo shook his head, forcing his body to stop shaking. When had that happened? He hadn't noticed, not until he needed to move. "No, they're arguing about me, I can't just leave-"
"Yes you can." Rain tugged again, this time more incessantly, a strange sense of urgency in his eyes. "Charlie's a long way from calming down, and Micah's not gonna let this go without stepping in, you know he's not. Neither of them are going to listen to you right now. The best thing we can do is separate ourselves."
"...But..."
"Leo, please. "
The urgency had crept into his voice now, and Leo noted with surprise that he could actually smell Rain's distress. That wasn't normal, not unless Rain was really, really upset, and now that he's thinking about it, he doesn't really want to get caught up in this either-
"Ok, let's go."
"Good." Rain breathed out, barely a whisper, and before either alpha could stop them, Rain was pulling Leo towards the bedroom, keeping him next to his right shoulder, the side away from their arguing mates. Leo barely even got the chance to look back and see Micah's saddened eyes following him before he was in the bedroom, Rain pulling the door shut a little more aggressively than he probably meant to.
Leo could feel the tears welling up inside his eyes as soon as the door was shut, his shaking growing worse by the second. He tried to fight the tears away, blinking rapidly as he turned towards the nest, but the guilt was suffocating, and the anxiety over Ren being gone was getting worse, and fuck, he could still hear his mates arguing-
"-ven begin to understand how you could possibly accuse him-"
"-n, defend him like you always do, like he's a damsel in dis-"
He was trying. He was really, really trying. He just wanted to be a good mate, he knew he wasn't a good mate, but he was trying, he was trying-
Gentle hands were tugging on his trembling shoulders again, leading him to the nest. He wasn't even aware he was walking, not until he was placed on the bed by the same warm hands, blankets immediately becoming entangled around his shivering, goosebump-ridden body.
"Hey, hey, it's ok. Let's get you wrapped up in the nest, ok? I'm coming in, you're not gonna be alone, I'm right here, ok?"
Rain's voice broke through the fog of despair clouding Leo's mind, temporarily beating Charlie's words away from the forefront of Leo's brain. He couldn't move much, courtesy of the blankets Rain had swaddled him with, but he could feel a body enter the bed just behind him, shifting the blankets and comforter not currently surrounding Leo into the comfiest, coziest nest a beta could possibly manage to create, making little holes and divots for Leo to hide under, to make him feel more safe.
Right now, Leo needed to feel safe.
Suddenly, Leo's body was being turned around, rotating like a pig on a stick, until he was facing Rain, both their bodies hidden under mountains of blankets, each one carrying the scent of a different pack member. Rain had part of the comforter still in his hand, and he pulled it over Leo's mouth (but not his nose, Leo hated covering his nose-), putting as much of Leo in a small space as the omega would find comfort with. As soon as he had done that, his arms wrapped around Leo's torso, pulling the thickly wrapped omega onto his warm chest, pressing Leo's face into his shoulder. The distressed scent had gone, replaced by a clean, comforting smell, equally as strong as the one before it.
"Baby." Rain whispered, his thumbs rubbing little circles on Leo's clothed back. Leo could feel his eyes boring holes into the top of his head, but he didn't dare look, not when the tears in his eyes had managed to overcome him, choking his voice and his sight in a manner he didn't want to subject his mate to. he was strong, he could deal with the pain, the disappointment that he was, he couldn't let anyone pity him. it was his fault anyway. "Baby, are you ok? Can you look at me?"
"I'm..." Leo sniffed, swallowing down the tears flooding his throat. What was he supposed to say? That Charlie was right? That Micah shouldn't be defending him? That he was nothing but a worthless, pathetic excuse of a mate, of an omega? He couldn't do that, Rain didn't need to hear him bitch and whine about his own shortcomings, not when he was already doing more to alleviate Leo's suffering than he probably deserved. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I get it, I understand why he's upset, he has a right to be-"
"No, no, he doesn't." Rain cut in, bringing one of his hands from Leo's back to his chin, tilting it upwards, until Leo was forced to look him in the eye. Shit, how was he supposed to hide his glossy eyes now? "I mean, he can have his feelings, but he doesn't have any right to take anything out on you, especially when you've done nothing wrong, ok? You didn't do anything wrong."
Despite Rain's words, Leo couldn't stop himself from shaking his head, blinking rapidly against his stinging eyes. "I made it worse. I made everything worse. I was just trying to help, I just wanted to do what was best for Ren, but-"
A sob cut Leo off, stifling his already shaky words, and he buried his head further into Rain's chest, breaking away from the firm hold Rain had on his chin. Lord, he was pathetic, he couldn't even keep himself from breaking down at the slightest criticisms. How was he supposed to be a good father if he couldn't even keep his own emotions in check? He was already a terrible mate, and soon he would be a terrible parent, only serving to break apart the pack-
"Oh baby no, no, absolutely not." Leo could feel Rain shake his head above him, Rain's chin brushing up against the hairs on top of his head. "You didn't make anything worse. You were doing the best you could. If you're what Ren needed, then why wouldn't you take care of him? Charlie...he just needs to accept that he isn't always what Ren needs. We're a pack, of course Ren is gonna rely on the rest of us sometimes. He needs to come to terms with that."
"But...but Charlie's right!" Leo wailed, his voice muffled by Rain's shirt. Rain was wrong, their alphas wouldn't be fighting in the room next to them if he was right, Charlie wouldn't have been so frustrated- "I'm always the one Ren goes to! I've never seen him ask for you or Micah when he's uncomfortable, not during his pregnancy, at least. I'm not special, I'm not better than the rest of you, not even close, but Charlie wasn't wrong when he said Ren only runs to me! I'm not just taking Ren from him, I'm taking him from all of you-"
"Stop." an uncharacteristically commanding whisper escaped Rain's mouth, low and firm, just shy of becoming a growl. It was a shocking tone to hear coming from Leo's normally relaxed mate. "Stop that train of thought right now and listen to me."
Leo's jaw slammed shut, almost entirely against his will. He wanted to argue, to prove he was as awful as Charlie was insinuating he was, but he couldn't force his mouth to open again, no matter how much he willed it to. Maybe it was the shock of hearing an alpha's tone come from his beta? That wasn't something that happened often, Rain rarely ever took true charge, but either way, Leo could do nothing but sit and wait, listening carefully for Rain's next words as a warm hand found its way on top of his head, ruffling the silky brown strands embedded there.
Rain took Leo's silence as a sign to continue. "I know you feel like you're to blame right now. I know how your brain works, and I've seen you do this before, time and time again. So I'm not going to give you the chance to argue your guilt, because if I'm not firm with you now, you'll never stop beating yourself up."
Rain sighed, and Leo felt the hand on his back resume its rubbing, fingers scratching softly at his clothed flesh. "You. Did. Nothing. Wrong. You did what Ren needed from you. You were taking care of your mate, who is in no state to be denied the comfort you bring him. And look, I'm not gonna pretend like I know how he feels, I don't know exactly why he doesn't want the rest of us when he's in one of his uncomfortable moments, but I do know that you're the only omega he's mated with, and you probably understand him in a way we don't. So if he needs his omega, then we should be more than happy to let him have you. It's not your fault he doesn't want us when that happens, you didn't do anything to make him need only you, and besides, he does rely on us, just...during different moments. Trust me, you may not see it yourself, but we each get plenty of time to take care of Ren in our own ways. You haven't taken him away from anyone, you're just doing your part."
Rain finished his rant, his lips coming down to meet the top of Leo's head as he waited for a response, but Leo didn't react. He heard and understood Rain's words, he really did, but his brain wouldn't accept them. Rain was wrong, he couldn't be right, because...wouldn't he have noticed Ren running to the others? Wouldn't he have seen his other mates taking care of Ren the way he did, wouldn't he have been pushed away the same way Charlie was when Ren needed space away from anyone besides Leo? Shouldn't he have noticed?
...Charlie was right about another thing. Leo was working all the time. How...How much had he missed?
He supposed it made sense. He wasn't always there, so obviously his mates would be there to care for Ren more often than him. It probably looked different to how he cared for Ren, but they were still caring for him all the same, in their own, unique ways.
How much of their lives was Leo missing?
A particularly loud yell from the room next to them had Leo stiffening with shock, instinctively pushing his head further into Rain's bony chest as he tried to shelter himself from the noise. He was somewhat aware of Rain's hold tightening around him, his head shoved as far under the beta's chin as it could go, but he was too unnerved to care, shaking uncontrollably underneath the warm covers as he tried to drown out the noise. His mates were fighting, they were screaming at each other, and it was his fault. He had done this, he had started this, it was his fault, his fault his fault bad omega his fault-
Suddenly, the noise was lessened. Not gone, but lessened, significantly so. There was a hand covering Leo's upturned ear (when had it gotten there?), the skin of Rain's palm muting as much of the noise as physically possible. "Don't listen to them. Block them out, focus on me. You did nothing wrong. This isn't your fault, you didn't cause this, they just need to get it all out. You don't need to hear them, you don't need to worry about them, everything's gonna be ok, just keep your focus on me, ok?."
Despite his trembling, Leo found enough energy to shake his head, using what little courage he could muster to pull his head out of Rain's shoulder, looking into Rain's dark, concerned eyes. "I can-can't, I can't d-do it, I'm scared, they're so loud, I can't-"
"You can." Rain's gaze was intense, determination shining in his irises. The pressure on Leo's ear increased, Rain pressing down more firmly on the soft cartilage, as if that would block more of the noise out. He pressed his head comfortingly against Leo's, and before the omega could react, Rain was using his free hand to pull the blankets surrounding them over their heads, leaving them in a dark cave of fabric, save for a little air hole at the top. "You can, you just need to pull yourself away from the noise. Focus on me. Talk to me. Keep yourself distracted, ok?"
Leo sniffed, curling up closer to Rain's torso. The tears he had tried so hard to stifle were rolling down his cold cheeks now, too intense to fight back anymore. "Talk about what ? What could I possibly talk about that would fix this?"
"It doesn't need to fix anything, it just needs to keep you distracted." Rain responded, the same level of firmness from before returning to his voice. His barely visible eyes were boring holes into Leo's skull now, shining with an intensity Leo wasn't used to seeing. "What about... horror movies? Or music? Something you love? Rant to me, it'll keep both of us distracted."
"...O-ok." Ok. Ok. He could do that. Maybe not music, his thoughts on his music were too complex for the brain power he was working with now, but movies...he could work with that. Maybe. "What...What movie?'
"Any movie. Any one you want to talk about. Just keep yourself talking."
A small sigh of contemplation left Leo's mouth. Ok, what could he talk about? He had a lot of movies he liked, but which one could last him long enough to keep him occupied for a while? "Uhh...I guess...I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is a certain travesty of a franchise, but I don't know if you've seen it before-"
"Doesn't matter." Rain cut in, his voice suspiciously steady. "I'll listen. Just talk, please."
"...Ok." Leo steeled himself, forcing his shaking down as much as possible. You can do this. Think. Think about everything wrong with that franchise. Focus on that. Put it into words. Just talk. "Ok, well, there's this pretty classic franchise that sucks movie-wise, I'm surprised I haven't told you about it before. You've probably heard of it, it's a pretty popular horror franchise, it's called-"
Leo forced the words out of his throat, each sentence flowing out a little bit easier than the last. It took some effort, but he kept his damp eyes on the fuzzy shape of Rain's face, trying what he thought must have been the beta's eyes as he spoke. The illusion of Rain's gaze on him made it easier for him to focus on his words, not to mention the hand still pressed firmly against his ear. This was fine. This was just a normal conversation. Nothing was going on around them, he and Rain were just relaxing in the nest, talking like normal, this was a completely average interaction, nothing else was going on-
As Leo was speaking, he could feel a hand snaking down his body, finding one of his own and intertwining his fingers with Leo's. The hand felt shaky, it's hold just a little too tight, its skin abnormally sweaty. Maybe...Maybe Rain wasn't handling this fight all that well either. Was he just pretending to be strong for Leo's sake?
Guilt swamped Leo's mind, but it was quickly wiped away by a sudden burst of determination. He had even more reason to talk now. Rain was their mate, of course this was affecting him too, but Leo could focus on his guilt later. If his voice could keep him from hearing their mates, then it should keep Rain from hearing them too. So he needed to keep talking. He wasn't going to stop, not until the fight was clearly over, or until Rain fell asleep.
So he talked. Words flew out of his mouth as he nuzzled up closer to Rain, burying his head in the fabric of Rain's shirt once again. He jumped from movie to movie, franchise to franchise, any topic he could think to bring up, he talked about. He couldn't hear anything anymore, nothing besides his own voice and Rain's occasional hums of agreement. Whatever Micah and Charlie were doing now, it was far away from the two mates bundled up in their nest.
Leo kept talking. And talking. And talking-
Loud footsteps sounded from outside the room, but Leo didn't register the noise until the bedroom door creaked open, a small breath of air sounding out. He allowed his voice to die down to a whisper as the footsteps started up again, Micah's protective and comforting scent drifting closer and closer to the nest with each passing second before a rather large divot appeared in the bed beside him. The fight was over, how it ended, Leo couldn't be sure. The talking had done its job.
Nobody said anything for a moment. Micah shifted beside Leo, his legs appearing beside Leo's own, two large arms wrapping around Leo and Rain's hidden torsos from above the blankets. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but it was nice, in a way. Safe. Relieving. Micah was ok.
...Where was-?
"...It's ok my loves, everything's over now. I'm so sorry, are you alright under there?"
Micah's voice was no more than a soft whisper, concern dripping from every word he spoke. The arms around their bodies tugged lightly when there was no response, a slight desperation tinging the edges of Micah's scent. "Guys?"
Leo could feel Rain relaxing a little beside him, his hold on Leo's hand loosening just enough to let the circulation in said hand flow again. "Mm. We're ok. Are you sure it's over?"
"I'm sure." Leo couldn't see Micah's face, but he could feel the slight movement of the alpha's body as he nodded, a hand coming to tug at the comforter covering their heads. "Can I see you two? Please?"
"...Yeah."
As soon as the words had left Rain's mouth, the comforter above their heads was lifted, exposing their sensitive eyes to their lamp’s light. Leo could see Rain blink a bit before presumably looking up at Micah, but before Leo could turn around himself, strong hands were pulling him sideways, rolling him around until his eyes met Micah's troubled blue ones. The alpha was laying somewhat on his side, propped up by the pillow underneath his shoulder, his gaze flicking from Leo, to Rain, and back to Leo. He looked exhausted, but above all, he looked worried . Worried for the mates he had found burrowed under the blankets in an attempt to escape his and Charlie's yelling.
Leo hadn't meant to worry his mate. He had just been trying to calm down. Was he always destined to hurt his mates?
"...Hey sweetheart." Micah whispered, his gaze now focused on Leo. He brought his face down, his nose just barely touching Leo's. "You doing ok?"
Leo stayed still for a moment, then shook his head, breaking eye contact in favor of staring at Micah's shirt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to set him off. I was just trying to help. I didn't mean to take Ren from him, this was my fault, you shouldn't have defended me-"
"Oh baby, no!" Micah's hand came up to stroke Leo's cheek, pressing their foreheads together in what was supposed to be a comforting motion. He looked even more upset than he had a moment ago, his face scrunching up in a pained expression as...tears? Were those tears gathering in the bottom of his eyes? "It wasn't your fault, not at all! You've been doing exactly what you should have been doing, Charlie was just...he was being really unfair. He's stressed, and he took it out on you. Don't take what he said to heart, please don't dwell on it too much. You're being the best mate you could possibly be, he needs to get over himself."
Despite Micah's words, Leo couldn't stop himself from shaking his head. Why didn't they get it? It was his fault, why couldn't they understand? "Still, you shouldn't have defended me. I should have been able to argue on my own behalf. You don't deserve to fight my battles for me, I should have been able to do that myself."
At that, it was Micah's turn to shake his head. "Baby, I wasn't going to let him talk to you like that. You don't deserve it, regardless of your ability to argue back. Besides, you look exhausted, the last thing you needed was to get into a fight."
As guilty as Leo felt, he supposed that was fair. He was exhausted, even more so now that he had spent so much time curled up in the nest, shaking and talking away his fear. Still, he couldn't rest yet, even though the fight was over. They were still missing somebody. "Is...Is Charlie ok? Where is he?"
Micah sighed. "He left. He needed to cool down, so he went up to the roof to look at the stars. I'm not sure how long he'll be up there, but knowing him, it's probably gonna be a while. If I'm being honest..."
Micah let out another breath, his arms tightening around Rain and Leo's bodies in a protective sort of hold as he thought about his next words. "...I'm not sure I want him staying in the nest tonight. Not only is he borderline unreachable right now, but he clearly scared the two of you, and besides, with the way he spoke to you? He needs to fix himself before he joins us again. I don't want to risk anything else happening, not tonight."
Lanky arms snaked over Leo's shoulder, wrapping around his chest and holding his back against a warm chest. "Was he still mad when he left?"
Micah nodded. "He's calmed down a little, but not as much as he needs to. He's out of his mind with worry for Ren, and I get it, but I can't risk him snapping again, regardless of his target. He needs to apologize before I let him anywhere near this nest."
"...Is he really mad at Leo? Like, does he genuinely believe what he said?"
Another sigh, this one sadder in nature. "No, I don't think he does. I think he's putting too much responsibility on himself, and he doesn't know how to handle having others there to help him out, especially when it comes to Ren." Micah shook his head again, his grieved eyes growing a little harder. "But that still doesn't mean he can take it out on us, on Leo, especially when he's doing his absolute best to be a good mate. It's not fair on any of us, and I'd be willing to bet Ren would be giving him an earful if he was here to witness all of that."
"Mm." Rain hummed into the top of Leo's head, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on the skin of Leo's collarbone. "I agree. We're all worried about Ren too, but you don't see us losing our minds like that. I hope he can calm himself down on his own, because I had no idea what to do."
Oh, yeah. Despite his brave face, Rain hadn't been impenetrable, had he?
"Are you ok, Rain?" One of Leo's hands crept upwards, until it was gripping at one of Rain's. "You spent so much time comforting me, but what about you? Are you ok?"
"I...Uh, I mean, I guess." There was slight hesitation from the beta behind him, Leo could practically feel his mate search for more words, but he remained silent, waiting on his mate's response. "I just...don't like hearing you guys fight. It sucks, hearing the people you love most go at each other. Seeing Charlie so mad, and seeing you so shell-shocked, it just...I didn't like it, you know?"
"...I'm sorry." Leo whispered, his hold on Rain's hands tightening. "I should have paid you more mind. I could smell your distress, but I didn't know what to do."
There was movement above Leo's head, Rain's chin moving side to side on top of Leo's hair. "No, don't even. Stop apologizing. You talking did more than enough to calm me down. If I'm being honest, I half asked it for your sake, and half asked it for mine. Listening to you kept me engaged enough to be distracted from all the yelling. So we're even, ok?"
Leo let out a breath. "...Ok."
"My sweet boys," Micah murmured, his head going up to reach over Leo's head. There was a small sound of smooching from above, and then Micah's lips moved to Leo's forehead, making a home between Leo's hair and his eyes. "I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen tonight. It's already been a stressful day, hasn't it?"
"...Mhm." Leo and Rain hummed in harmony, Rain snuggling up closer to Leo's back. Neither of them said any more, simply basking in each other's presence. Leo couldn't help but worry for his absent mates, especially the one who was presumably on the roof of the apartment complex, but he tried not to dwell on it too much. There was still a surge of guilt circulating through his veins, a surge he was sure he wouldn't be able to rid himself of anytime soon, but besides that, there was a small, lurking undertone of anger, a rage that only made his guilt worse. He was trying, why couldn't Charlie see that? What could he have possibly done any better? What else was he meant to do?
No. No, it wasn't Charlie's fault. He must have done something wrong, surely. He just...he needed to figure out what. He dragged his mates into this, he couldn't bother them any more. He needed to be better. He had to be.
"...Here." Micah's soft voice rang out in the silent room, his body rising as he sat up, shifting as far to his right as he could manage. "Let me in the middle. I want to hold both of you, and this position isn't all that comfortable."
Leo nodded, and a moment later, strong arms encircled his entire body, carefully picking him up and placing him on the other side of the big alpha, leaving Micah in the middle of the nest with Rain and Leo flanking his sides. As soon as Micah settled, both Leo and Rain snuggled closer, their bodies sharing the limited space of Micah's chest while also granting them more proximity to each other. Rain's hands found Leo's as Micah's chin found the slight space between their heads, leaving them all intertwined together, the covers being pulled over them as they relaxed in each other's touch. It felt weird, their two other mates' absence blatant as they huddled together, but Leo tried not to dwell on it. It's not like he could do much about it at this point.
A cold nose poked against the skin of Leo's neck, surprising him into temporarily stiffening in Micah's hold. It wasn't until a second later, when Micah's scent began covering his own glands, that he realized who the nose belonged to.
"Shh, it's ok. It's just me. You're safe. You're both safe." Micah's whispered voice reached Leo's ears, low and soothing. The stubble on the alpha's chin scratched up against Leo's collarbone, a slight itch forming underneath the surface of his flesh. "You two can relax now. Get some rest, it's late. I'll be here to keep you comfortable. We can sort things out more in the morning, ok?"
As worried as Leo was, he nodded, Rain humming out his agreement beside him. "Ok. He'll...He'll be fine, right?"
"He'll be fine." Micah agreed, his nose leaving Leo's neck as he spoke. "We'll see him tomorrow, that much is certain. We can deal with all this then. Hopefully he'll be ready to apologize then."
Leo watched as Micah's nose found a new home in the crook of Rain's neck, giving the beta a turn to be comforted by Micah's scent. He didn't like the idea of leaving Charlie unattended, but he accepted the absence as best as he could, ignoring the nagging itch at the back of his brain, the one repeating his alpha's venomous words over and over and over...
Rain shuffled closer, and Leo closed his eyes, focusing all his energy on soaking in his mates' warmth. Micah was right, he couldn't do anything of substance in that moment, as much as his brain screamed at him to. All he could do was let the darkness consume him, snuggling closer to Micah's neck as he tried to let himself fall further and further into a much-needed rest. He could figure out how to apologize to Charlie in the morning, when he had a clearer mind. For now, the best he could do is shut himself down for a couple of hours.
Lulled by the sound of Rain's purrs and Micah's soft murmurs of reassurance, Leo felt himself slip steadily into unconsciousness, darkness swamping his eyes faster than he expected it to. He hoped he wouldn't dream. He was tired of being plagued by the same nightmare, night after night after night. He just wanted to rest.
A few moments later, he was asleep, Micah's arms cradling him protectively against his chest.
...
It was pitch black when Leo woke up, his breath hot and dry in his mouth. The clock on their bedside table read 1:49 AM in bold, red lettering, the brightness stinging against Leo's sleep-sensitive eyes. Beside and under Leo, Rain and Micah were dead asleep, the beta letting out small, breathy huffs every so often. Not exactly a snore, but the slight noise was there.
Leo squinted into the darkness, smacking his lips as quietly as he could. With all the chaos that had happened a couple hours before, he had completely forgotten to brush his teeth. Actually, they all had. Yuck.
Coming out of sleep into complete darkness was disorienting, but Leo managed to roll off of Micah's chest as gently as possible, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing with only minor amounts of stumbling. It wasn't far to their bathroom, so Leo forced his tired body to hobble forward, determined to reach the bathroom without disturbing his sleeping mates. Despite the previous chaos, it seemed his mates had managed to settle down just fine, the anger and sadness completely washed from his mates' faces. At least, Leo thought so. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and it was really dark, so he couldn't fully tell.
It wasn't until Leo was halfway through brushing his teeth, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth as he scrubbed, that his mind fully caught up to him. He had been too out of it to notice when he woke up, but now that he was more awake...
...Where was Charlie?
He wasn't in the nest, that was for sure. Leo hadn't seen him, and even if the dark had blocked the alpha from his view, he definitely would have been able to catch his scent. But there was no Charlie-shaped indent in the nest, and the only traces of his rich, leathery scent were stale whiffs that had rubbed off on their blankets the night before. Not nearly strong enough to indicate his presence. Was...Was he still on the roof? But it had been almost three hours since they had all gone to sleep, at least Leo thought so, so why would he still be up there?
A small pit of uneasiness opened up in Leo's gut. Screw what Micah had said, at the very least, he was going to confirm that Charlie was nearby. He was already worried about Ren's absence, he didn't need to worry about a second mate disappearing.
Leo finished up what he was doing, spitting out his toothpaste and cleaning off his toothbrush before turning the bathroom light off and stepping outside, tiptoeing past his sleeping mates. Charlie's scent was stronger near the bedroom door, much more so than it had been in the bathroom, or even in the nest. Had Charlie come back? Was he in the apartment, sleeping on one of the couches? Why hadn't he come into the nest? Did Micah's presence scare him off?
Leo hesitated at the door for a movement, steeling his nerves enough to grip the doorknob and open the door. It made a slight creak, Leo wincing at the sharp noise, but he quickly regained his senses as Charlie's scent washed over him, distress and pain tinging the thick, swamping aroma he was giving off. He was in the apartment all right, and by the smell of it, he wasn't doing so well on his own.
A slight sense of panic drove Leo's feet forward, until he was walking past the doorway and into the wider apartment. Was Charlie ok? Had he gotten hurt? Was he still mad at Leo, or worse, mad at Micah? Leo knew he shouldn't have gotten involved, he should have defended himself before the taller alpha stepped in-
Leo's feet took him to the living room, stopping just before he got to the couches. Sure enough, Charlie was there, curled up on their widest couch. His eyes were closed, his face scrunched up, and his arms were wrapped tightly around two articles of clothing...Was that one of Ren's sweatshirts? Was that one of Leo's sweatshirts?
Before Leo could even begin to question why or where Charlie had gotten those, the alpha's cloudy blue eyes opened slowly, his face scrunching up further as he looked up at Leo's still form slowly. "...Leo...?"
A wave of panic swept over Leo's tired form. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't lie, but if Charlie was still mad at him, then surely being present was not a good thing, right? "...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, I'll leave, go back to sleep-"
"No!" Charlie whisper-shouted, a strange sense of desperation lacing his voice as it just barely echoed off the apartment walls. The alpha must have seen how Leo flinched at the loud noise, because his posture softened, guilt swamping his tired eyes. "It's ok. I wasn't really asleep anyway. Please, stay. Please don't leave me."
The panic that had flooded Leo's system was replaced by shock, deep and electrifying, keeping him rooted to the floor. Charlie...wanted him to stay? He wanted Leo to be present? But that didn't make any sense, not with how much rage the alpha had harbored before-"Are you sure? I can leave, it's really no problem-"
Charlie shook his head almost violently, his tangled blond hair swinging from side to side. "No, please stay. I want you to stay. I...Come sit next to me."
The alpha waited, expectantly looking at Leo's still-surprised form. What was he meant to do? Was he going to make things worse by sitting down? Was Charlie being honest? Would Micah be ok with him talking to Charlie right now, so soon after the fight? What if he said something wrong again, like he always does? What if...
Charlie must have seen the hesitation in Leo's face, because sighed painfully, swinging his legs over the side of the couch and patting the freely made space with his hand. He looked sad, much sadder than Leo had seen him in a long, long time. "I'm not...I'm ok now. I'm calmer. I'm not gonna blow up again, I promise. I'm..."
His voice cracked, and the tears that Leo had thought were in his eyes earlier suddenly returned, shining brightly against the ridge of Charlie's eyelid. The alpha blinked rapidly, the tears disappearing with each blink, but the grief still remained in his face, pained and sharp. The distress hadn't left his scent, if anything, it had grown in capacity, swamping the room until every breath of air conveyed the alpha's turbulent emotions to his hesitant omega.
Leo wanted to hesitate, still unsure of Charlie's intentions, but his feet moved unconsciously below him, moving him towards the couch. Charlie was his mate, and he was distressed. Leo needed to fix it. he needed to comfort his mate, he needed to protect his alpha from the one thing he couldn't fight off with his fists. Despite his words, he knew Charlie wouldn't hurt him, and besides, the alpha had asked him to come closer, so why would he back away? The love of his life needed him now, and he wouldn't allow their previous rift to drive them apart, not when their world was changing so drastically.
Leo got to the couch and sat down beside his mate. He didn't move as Charlie shuffled closer, keeping his hands to himself as he pressed his shoulder to Leo's, his eyes downcast as his skin met Leo's. It was a little unnerving, especially with how silent he was being.
Eventually, Leo shattered the peaceful quiet, his leg beginning to bounce with every nerve-wracking second of awkwardness. "How long have you been out here?
The omega's voice was barely a whisper, but Charlie still winced a little, seemingly wrapped in his own head. "I've uh...I've been here since Micah went back into the nest. I left for a couple minutes, and when I came back, you guys were all snuggled up in the nest. I've been on the couch ever since, except to grab these sweatshirts. I did that when you were all asleep."
Leo blinked, surprised. But hadn't he gone to the roof? That's what Micah had said, at least. "I thought you went to the roof to stargaze, isn't that what always helps calm you down?"
"Ha, yeah. It is." A small, downcast smile appeared on Charlie's face, but it quickly disappeared, his head turning towards the door for a moment before facing the floor again. "That's where I tried to go, but some asshole locked the door to the roof, and I wasn't going to lie down outside the apartment, so I came back here. I tried to be as quiet as possible when entering, that's probably why you didn't hear me."
Ah. Leo supposed that made sense. He felt kind of bad for the alpha beside him, who had been isolated since the fight had ended. It couldn't have been enjoyable to be missing all your mates instead of just one.
They sat in silence for another moment. Then Charlie spoke.
"I'm-I'm sorry." his sudden words came out as a hoarse murmur, his eyes cast down to the floor, his hands clasped tightly together in his lap. He wasn't looking at Leo, his face looking straight down, but he shifted a little closer, smushing more of himself to Leo's side. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm just...tired. And scared. And frustrated. This is the first time we've all been separated from Ren overnight since he got pregnant, and it's freaking me out, especially since he's so far along. If anything happened to him and Rachel..."
His voice trailed off, his eyes seemingly growing cloudy at the thought, but Leo didn't have time to comfort the alpha before he shook his head, continuing on like the pause had never happened. "It's not an excuse, I know. I didn't intend to take it out on you, I truly didn't, but I did, and I can't take it back. I can't fix my mistakes. I didn't mean any of it, I don't blame you for anything, I was just...frustrated. There have been so many things on my mind recently, and so many factors about all of this are stressing me out, and with Ren gone I guess I just...snapped. I couldn't handle any more, and I did what I always do: I got mad. I took it out on you when you didn't deserve it, not because I'm actually mad at you, lord knows I'm not, but...I needed something to be mad at, and you tried to comfort me at the wrong time, and I just snapped -"
"...I'm sorry." Leo whispered, almost too quiet to hear. He hadn't even realized he had said it. He guessed he had just apologized so much over the past few hours that it became second nature to him. "I didn't know, I didn't mean to upset you."
"What? Oh, no, baby, no! I just... I didn't mean.. ugh!" Charlie groaned, bringing his hands to his face and dragging them downwards, a huff of frustration leaving his nose. He looked grieved again, like he didn't know what to do with himself, and for the first time since he had started talking, the alpha turned towards Leo, his mournful eyes meeting Leo's own. "I didn't mean to make it sound like you did anything wrong, because you didn't. It's my fault, me and my stupid temper that I can't control. I'm too unpredictable when I'm stressed, you couldn't have known I was gonna react so terribly to your well-intentions. I...fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not apologizing right. This isn't making things any better, is it?"
The alpha's fingers spread apart, joints curling in frustration, as if Charlie could snatch the answer out of thin air if he tried hard enough. But he didn't need to, Leo understood what he was saying, and while he still couldn't bring himself to believe he had done no wrong, he didn't want to start another argument with his already distressed mate. "It's ok, I get it. I know what you're saying, and I accept your apology. But I still feel like I should have been sensitive to your worries. I should have talked it out with you, not brushed them off. So, I'm sorry too."
To Leo's surprise, Charlie shook his head again, a hand reaching out to grip his own. "No, Leo, you weren't brushing me off. You were just trying to be logical. You thought you were helping, and I'm sure if I wasn't so explosive, it would have. It's my temper that's the problem. I get blinded by my anxiety and fears, and I can't handle it. I've been trying to fix it, you know, with the anger management classes and all, but...I still have a long way to go, don't I?"
He chuckled a little as he spoke, but it was dry, no humor in it to be found. His blue eyes were swamped with sadness, but there was something else there, something Leo couldn't detect on his own.
There was another beat of silence, this one longer than the last. Leo was debating what to say, if he should say anything, but before he could gather his thoughts into a cohesive sentence, Charlie opened his mouth again.
"Don't leave me."
Confusion washed over Leo. What? Leave to where, the nest? Couldn't Charlie just come with him in that case? Sure, Micah had been mad, but he would understand, Leo was sure. "I wasn't really planning on it. Do you want me to sleep out here with you, because I'm more than ok with doing that-"
"No, not like that." Charlie murmured, shaking his head again, his blond locks sadly swinging from side to side. He wasn't looking at Leo anymore, his eyes clouding over with a guarded, unreadable look. "Just...don't leave me. In general. I know I'm not the best mate, I know I have anger problems, I know I'm an asshole, but... I'm trying to get better, I swear I am, and I love you guys, so..."
Charlie trailed off at that, turning his head bashfully, but Leo could already see the tears that had re-gathered in his eyes. Did...Did Charlie think they were going to leave him? After only this? Sure, the fight had been a nasty one, but Leo didn't think it wasn't something they couldn't recover from..."Babe, what are we talking about?"
"Nothing. Nothing important." Charlie shrugged, keeping his gaze off of Leo. "Just, don't leave. That's all."
"Charlie-"
"Never mind, forget I said anything. It's fine. Ignore me."
Neither of them said anything for a long time. Leo wanted to question his mate further, he needed more context to understand what was going on, but Charlie was sitting with his head down, mouth shut tightly while his eyes studied the hardwood floor below him. It was clear he wasn't going to share his anxieties, and Leo wasn't really keen on creating another argument after the nightmare that had happened earlier, so if Leo wanted to know what was up with his mate, he would need to come up with a different idea. Something less...direct. Something more helpful. But what?
Charlie had been trying to look at the stars on the roof. That's where he always went when he was upset. The constellations soothed him. But the roof was locked, so how...
...He had an idea. He wasn't sure it was a good idea, revealing his spot, his special spot that was meant for him and him only, but...
Without warning, Leo stood up, making his way to the nursery. He could hear a whispered question come from Charlie's lips as he entered, but he tuned it out, focusing on making it to the closet, where Rachel's stuff was temporarily held. They had made a bunch of room to stash all the pup stuff that was currently unused, but if Leo recalled correctly, they had left the bins of each pack member's comfort items in there, stored in the way back, where it would be harder for Rachel to crawl into, once she was old enough. It wasn't much of a problem for Leo though, who was able to rearrange the items with enough ease to quickly hit the bins he was searching for.
"Leo? Where did you go?" Charlie's voice appeared from the nursery doorway, footsteps quickly pattering on the floor, until they reached the closet. "What are you doing?"
"You don't have work tomorrow, do you?" Leo asked, turning briefly to face Charlie's confused form, before resuming his search. Charlie's bin was smaller, but he could see it, right next to Ren's much larger bin. He would need to move the pup wipe boxes in front of him to get to them, but that wouldn't take more than a second. He'd just push them aside-
"Uh, no, tomorrow's my day off. Why?" Charlie's voice was laced with confusion, but to Leo's relief, he seemed less upset than he had been a minute ago. That was good, if he could get Charlie to focus on something other than his worries, then that was perfect.
"Good, neither do I." Leo managed to get to the bins with minimal hassle, opening the lid to Charlie's without hesitation and digging around. There was a blanket in there, one that Ren had gifted the alpha when they had first gotten together as teenagers. Charlie didn't bring it out very often, not unless he was feeling very reminiscent, but Ren had once let it slip that Charlie would sneak the blanket out when he knew he wouldn't be caught, sitting with it cuddled in his arms until he felt fine again. Leo figured this was an occasion that was blanket-worthy, at least, he hoped so. "Do me a favor, would you? Go grab my keys and my wallet. We're gonna go on a little trip, if that's alright with you."
There was complete silence for a moment as Leo grabbed the blanket and brought it out, but soon the sound of footsteps receding reached his ears, Charlie's scent growing further and further away. Good. Charlie could get the keys, and Leo could get the supplies. the trip would be quicker with Charlie cooperating. Now he just needed to dig out some of his own blankets, grab two pillows, and he would be ready to head out.
A moment later, Leo was standing in the living room, a pile of blankets and pillows stacked in his arms. He hoped it would be enough.
Charlie appeared in the bedroom doorway, keys and wallet in hand as he made his way towards Leo. "Ok, I got your stuff, now will you please tell me what's going on? Where are we going? And what's all this for?"
A small grin grew on Leo's face, not that Charlie would be able to see it. "I can't tell you. That would spoil the surprise. Just do me a favor and open the door for me, will you?"
A huff of annoyance left Charlie's throat, but he complied, walking over to the door and opening it wide enough for Leo to fit through. "Whatever. You need any help with those things?"
"Mm, I'll trade you two pillows for the keys and wallet."
"...Deal."
The two pillows disappeared off of Leo's wobbly pile, and without another word, the two set out, Charlie closing the door behind Leo. They didn't say anything as they entered the elevator, nor when they reached the lobby, Charlie opening the second door they needed to get through for Leo and his occupied hands. The silence prevailed as the two made their way to Leo's parked car, only being broken by the sound of doors unlocking. Charlie popped the trunk, Leo dumped his blankets and the two pillows he had taken back from Charlie in the back, and with that, the two closed the trunk and entered the front of the car, Leo hopping in the driver's seat while Charlie slid into the passengers.
"They're gonna be pissed when they find you gone." Charlie murmured, the click of his seat belt buckling briefly interrupting his words. "Especially Micah. I can't imagine he'll want you around me until Ren's back, and lord knows how freaked he's gonna be when he wakes up without you there."
Leo started up his car as Charlie spoke, his headlights brightening the world in front of him. He checked his rearview mirror before slowly pulling out of the parking lot, turning onto the small road out of their apartment area before making a left turn onto the main road. "He can deal. I'm a grown man, and you're just as much of my mate as he and Rain are. You already apologized, so I don't see what reason there is to isolate myself from you. Besides, I'll text him and Rain when we get to where we're going, that way they know we're both fine. Assuming we're still there when they wake up, of course. We probably won't be, not unless you want to stay long."
Another small huff left Charlie's throat, his leg shifting as he stared out the window into the inky blank night. "I wouldn't be able to tell you, I don't even know where we're going."
"You'll like it, I promise." Leo said, keeping his eyes on the gloomy road in front of them. He hoped his promise would hold, it probably would, but still, there was a nagging anxiety at the back of his head, swarming him in the thick silence of the car. Would this be enough? What if he was wrong? What if Charlie hated the ravine? What if, what if, what if- "Here, turn some music on. Whatever you want. Maybe it'll help you relax."
There was a soft grunt, followed by soft music, much softer than Leo had expected. Charlie had always liked heavier music, the loudness resonated with him in a way that quieter forms of music couldn't, but with all that had gone down, it was understandable if he didn't want anything that could raise his adrenaline again. Either way, Leo was fine with whatever. He wasn't the one that mattered right then, only Charlie. He had already caused his mate enough distress as is.
The drive was a longer one, all of it devoid of conversation. The only sound was the music trickling out of Leo's speakers, but it didn't matter. There wasn't much to say anyway, not right then, at least. Besides, the quiet gave Leo more brain power to remember where he was supposed to go, something that came especially handy when he turned into a side road completely bordered by large, thick trees that blocked out even the moonlight. It wouldn't be long until they reached their destination, and if all went well, Charlie would leave much happier than he arrived.
Leo just hoped revealing his special spot would be worth it.
"Where the hell are we?" Charlie asked, his head turning from his window to look at Leo. He looked even more bewildered than he had earlier, the shadowy trees gleaming in his pupil's reflection. "There's nothing but woods, are you gonna try and bury me out here? Are you gonna wrap my body in those blankets?"
"Eh, I would, but I forgot the shovel." Leo didn't miss a beat, his response as lighthearted as he could make it. The idea of Leo overpowering Charlie of all people was a comical one at best, and a death wish at worst. They both knew that. "Be patient, we've only got a couple minutes until we're there."
"...Mm."
The silence returned, only broken by the music, and Leo focused all his attention on traversing the unpaved path ahead, careful to drive as safely as possible. He knew the turn was coming up, he remembered that, but it had been such a long time since he had been here. Would he be able to spot the area he needed to go to when it was in front of him? He should, right? Oh boy, was he about to get both of them lost right now, in the middle of the woods, at 2:40 AM? Where...
...There! There it was, right next to the gnarled tree, just like it always was. He had forgotten about the tree.
As carefully as possible, Leo turned off the path and onto a patch of beaten, overly long grass, pulling forward until the edge of the forest was visible, a clearing opening up just a couple meters in front of him. He slowed the car down to a roll, and a second later, a full stop. He then put the car in park, shut it off, and unbuckled his seatbelt, moving to open his side door. "We're here. Come on, help me get the blankets and pillows out of the back."
Charlie didn't say anything for a minute, his body leaning forward as he surveyed the landscape outside, but as soon as he realized it was just more trees and an ominous clearing in front of them, he reluctantly hoped out, his movements slow with uncertainty. Leo couldn't blame him, they were in the middle of dark unfamiliar woods, after all. He would feel the same, if he was in Charlie's shoes.
A soft rumbling filled Leo's ears as he made his way to the back of the car, and he smiled. He was home.
They opened the trunk, and without prompting, Charlie grabbed a majority of the blankets, the soft, multi-color fabric piling up in his arms. That left only one blanket and the pillows for Leo, who scooped them up in one arm and closed the trunk with the other. He locked the vehicle, and with that, they were free to set out, on their way to the real destination. Not that it was far off, they only needed to walk a couple of steps to get there. "Thanks for getting most of it. We're right here, so we're not gonna have to walk much further."
A small pause, and then Charlie nodded, moving aside enough to allow Leo to take the lead. "Ok, but why are we in the woods? What was the point of coming out all this way just to see some trees?"
Leo had to suppress rolling his eyes, walking slowly towards the clearing's opening. "It's not just woods. I took you out here to see the stars. Trust me, it'll be better than the apartment roof could ever be."
Charlie frowned. "But...you can't see them. It's all covered by branches and leaves. Although..." he paused, sniffing the air. "I smell water. And there's a rushing noise. Is there a river nearby?"
"You'll see," Leo replied, reaching the point where the trees ended and the clearing began. He turned around to face Charlie fully, letting a gentle smile spread across his face. "As I said, it's not just woods. Come here, look at this!"
The alpha still looked skeptical, throwing one last look over his shoulder at the car behind him, but he started moving again, reluctantly shuffling forward until he was side-by-side with Leo. As soon as they were next to each other, Leo started up again, his free hand going to grab gently at Charlie's frigid arm as they padded farther into the clearing. This was it. This was his special spot. Only a few more steps before they would be able to see the full beauty of this place.
"...Holy shit."
Leo smiled and took one last step forward, looking down at where Charlie was currently gazing.
In front of them was a cliff ledge, that much was suddenly obvious. The ground a couple yards in front of them sloped downwards and then completely cut off, nothing but open air hanging in front of it. It had been harder to see from farther away, but now that they were closer, it was pretty clear that there was an end to the land they were on. But that wasn't what Charlie was staring at. No, he was looking down.
Below the cliff ledge, far, far below where they were standing, there was a giant ravine. Large, jagged boulders lined the cliff in front of them, their gray stature only visible thanks to the now-bright moonlight shining down from the night sky. Bushes and the occasional tree added splashes of color to the visually bleak view, the reds, browns, and yellows of autumn lighting up the landscape in the best possible way, but the real beauty came from the raging river below, it's bubbling water rushing and rolling over foam-soaked rocks, the sound rushing in Leo's ears like the beat of a beautiful, long-missed drum. Waves crashed against rocky shores, river foam gathered in calmer divots where water met rock, and in stiller areas, the surface of the river rippled leisurely, drops from the wilder currents disturbing the still waters ever so often.
Leo's smile grew wider. He hadn't realized how much he missed this place. He really was home, wasn't he?
"This..." Charlie's voice was barely a whisper, nearly inaudible over the roaring of the river below. "This is...amazing. It's beautiful. How did you know this was here?"
"A friend brought me here once," Leo murmured, mesmerized by the rushing waters below. The rapids had always had a hypnotizing effect on him, often compelling him to look at the splashing waves for hours on end. He wondered what it would be like to swim in the rough waters, or to lay on the rocks just above the water's surface. He wondered what it would be like to step closer to the ledge, to let the sweet night air embrace him until the water decided it wanted a turn... "I call it my special spot. I come here whenever I need comfort. Or just whenever I feel like simply existing in nature, without the distractions of the outside world. It's relaxing. It feels...right. to be here. I haven't been here since Ren got pregnant, I've not had enough time to, but I figured now would be a good time to come. For both of us."
Charlie didn't say anything for a moment, his wide blue eyes still scanning the terrain below, but then his mouth opened up again, his eyes shifting just enough to gaze at Leo. "I can see why you like it so much here. This is an ethereal spot. I didn't realize we had a ravine so close to us. How many people have you shown this place to?"
Leo paused. Answering that felt wrong, somehow. But it couldn't be, right? There was no reason to lie, and Charlie was his mate. There was nothing to be worried about. "Just you. I was never planning on showing anyone this place, I wanted to keep it my own, but seeing you so upset made me realize that maybe you needed the peace more than I needed it a secret."
"..Oh." Charlie murmured. His eyes suddenly grew sad, a warm hand reaching to grab at Leo's as his gaze shifted back to the waters below. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to invade your space."
Leo snorted, rolling his eyes and squeezing Charlie's hand affectionately. "Hey, don't apologize. I love you, and I wanted to make you happy. I chose to share, didn't I?"
"...I guess." Charlie murmured, but he didn't look fully convinced. His eyes were still scanning the landscape ahead of them, as if searching for something specific. Something that could give him peace.
Leo could help with that.
"Hey," Leo whispered, nudging Charlie softly with his shoulder. "I know the river's pretty, but that wasn't what I really wanted to show you. Look up."
Charlie did, and Leo reveled in the way his eyes immediately lit up with wonder. The sky was inky black, no clouds to cover the endless expanse, but the stars above shone brighter than they ever could have near their apartment, their light sharp and nearly blinding in comparison to the darkness surrounding them. Leo didn't know any of their shapes by heart, but he knew that the constellations Charlie loved so much were more than visible in the ravine's night sky, no light pollution to cloud their shine, no smog to block their light. And in the middle of it all, the moon hung soundly, her light streaming down into the clearing, lighting up the night sky enough to see the ravine as clearly as possible.
It was the most beautiful night sky Leo had ever seen.
There was silence again, complete and utter silence save for the river. Leo wanted to look at the sky more, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Charlie's amazed face, his eyes shining with a joy Leo could only dream to cause his mate during his lifetime. To Charlie, the stars were everything. Space and all it held were the most beautiful things to the rowdy alpha, the only thing besides Ren that could possibly calm Charlie down when he was riled up. Leo could never hold a candle to the wonders of the night sky, but he could share the beauty his spot held when he needed to. it was the best he could hope to do, but for once, he seemed to be doing the right thing. The night sky he had shared with his mate seemed to be doing its job.
"...Thank you."
Leo stiffened up at the sudden noise, but quickly relaxed when he realized it was just his mate. "For what?"
Charlie was still gazing up at the sky, but he bent down, placing the blankets he held in one hand down on the cold November ground. "For bringing me here. It's been so long since I've been able to see the stars so clearly, the apartment roof was the best I could do, but this...this is incredible! Everything's so clear! I can trace the constellations from star to star, nothing's blocking my way! I can see them!"
Charlie sounded like his wildest dreams had just come true, the excitement in his voice palpable. Leo was beyond glad, he hadn't been sure dragging his mate out into the cool night was a good idea, but clearly, he was proven wrong. He had done something right for once. He had made his mate happy in a way he alone wouldn't have been able to.
He wasn't jealous at all.
Leo didn't have much more time to wallow in his own misery before Charlie shifted beside him, breaking their hands apart as he bent down to the ground.
Leo glanced over, confused. "What are you doing?"
"Setting us up," Charlie replied, grabbing at one of the blankets in the pile he had dropped before spreading it out, letting it fall to the grassy ground in one, elegant motion. "We're here to stargaze, right? So, let's stargaze! Just gotta get the blankets all set up..."
Charlie grabbed another blanket, flatting it on top of the first one, creating a somewhat cushioned set-up on the ground in front of them. It was far enough away from the cliff edge for them to feel safe, but close enough that the stars were fully visible, shining down at them without anything to obscure them. As soon as he was done, he put the two pillows down at the top, right next to each other, before grabbing back onto Leo's hands, pulling him softly towards the makeshift mattress. "Ok, I'm finished. Come on!"
Leo didn't protest, simply letting Charlie drag him towards the flat blankets, eventually falling to his knees as the two of them tried to get situated together. Leo didn't have much time to move around before Charlie was pulling him sideways, his head landing awkwardly on the alpha's chest with a small 'oof'. The pillow he was supposed to be using laid up against his back, its purpose useless now that Charlie had taken over its role. "Sorry, can you see with me laying on your chest like this?"
"Of course I can." The remaining blankets were suddenly pulled over their bodies, their warm texture swaddling Leo's now slightly-frozen body closer to Charlie's heated one. He had forgotten how cold it was out, but now that he was aware of the ice in his veins, he couldn't help but snuggle closer to Charlie, desperate for any amount of heat he could leech off of the alpha. "You feel cold. stay on me. It's nicer to have you curled up against me. I miss snuggling with you."
That surprised Leo. Why would Charlie miss that? He had Ren, so why would he want Leo?
...Ren was gone. He forgot about that. He was just the substitute, Charlie didn't really mean it. He'd forget all about Leo when Ren came back the next day.
There was a long period of silence, only interrupted by the occasional shuffling. They simply laid there, gazing up at the sky, their eyes darting from star to star, imprinting the scene deep within their minds. Charlie's scent had become pleasant and comforting, a far cry from the distress that had tainted it only an hour prior. He seemed much more relaxed, in his element, Leo tagging along. Laying there with his mate while he soaked in the stars. The lights of his life.
Leo closed his eyes. The stars were beautiful. He understood why Charlie loved them so much.
Charlie had always called him his starlight. He only wished he could actually be as beautiful as the real stars Charlie adored.
"...Hey, can I show you something?"
Leo stiffened briefly, surprised at the sudden noise. A solid ten minutes must have gone by with no noise besides the crickets, so Leo had become a little too accustomed to the silence. "Yeah. What's up?"
Charlie's head rested on top of Leo's, his arms wrapping tighter around Leo's goosebump-ridden frame. "Look up. See that star?"
Re-opening his eyes, Leo gazed up, just like Charlie asked him to. Like before, his eyes were met by countless gleaming stars, but nothing had actually changed, not that Leo could see, at least.
A small sigh sounded out above Leo's head, and then suddenly fingers were wrapped around his wrist, dragging it out from under the blankets and pointing his hand up at the sky. A different hand, one that didn't belong to Leo, tenderly grasped Leo's pointer finger and pointed it up, the fingers around his wrist moving his hand until his extended finger was right under one specific star, a rather bright one, at that. "This one, right here. See?"
"Mm." Leo nodded, staring hard at the star. He couldn't figure out what was so cool about it, other than its brightness, but Charlie seemed excited, so it must mean something, right? "What is it?"
"That's the north star." Charlie murmured, holding Leo's arm steady as he dragged it across the night sky. Leo could practically hear the smile in his mate's voice. "And over here, this is the big dipper. Look, these are the four stars that make up the bowl part, and if you go a little bit further, there's the handle. Really cool, huh?"
It was really cool, if Leo was being honest, but he was more impressed at how Charlie was able to find where the different constellations and stars were. He could sort of make out the shape of a ladle if he concentrated hard enough on where Charlie was dragging his finger, but he would never have been able to find it on his own, not with his current knowledge. The stars just looked like...well, stars. The shapes and patterns they made up weren't very clear to him. "It is. How are you able to find the constellations so easily? I would never have been able to see that on my own."
A soft chuckle erupted from Charlie's mouth, his chest bouncing up and down under Leo's head. "Practice. I've spent so long studying the stars that it's just become second nature to me. Especially with the big dipper. It's the first constellation I look for whenever I stargaze."
He paused, a small breath coming from his nose, and then he spoke again, this time much softer than before. "Do you know which constellation I look for after that?"
There was a moment of silence, and then Leo shook his head, turning it to try and look at Charlie directly. I don't know much about constellations, so I wouldn't be able to guess. Which one?"
There was another moment of silence, and then Charlie started moving Leo's finger again, bringing it just under a different star. "I start with this star, Regulus. I can find the others easily using that one, and that's how I find you."
"...What?" Leo was confused. Him? What was Charlie talking about...oh. "Oh wait, the lion, right?"
"Mhm." Charlie moved Leo's finger around, trancing the odd shape of the lion's body, followed by an even odder shaped head. His chin rested lightly on Leo's head. "I always thought it was cool that there was a constellation with your name. Seeing 'you' in the sky makes me calmer. It reminds me that you're always with me, even when we fight."
Leo could feel his chest swelling at Charlie's sweet words, a small purr rumbling up out of his chest as he studied where Charlie's hand was guiding him. Charlie looked for him when stargazing? Him? Of all the constellations, he cared enough to look for Leo? Did...Did Charlie really love him that much? He would have thought that Charlie would look for something that reminded him of Ren first, or of Rain, or Micah, but him? Was he really that important to his mate? Even though he was the most useless of his mates? "I'm...I'm glad. I'm glad it helps you, to think of me. I love you."
A kiss landed on Leo's hair. "I love you too, starlight. More than you could ever know."
"Mm." Leo snuggled closer to Charlie, rubbing his cheek on the shirt covering Charlie's chest. He loved his mate more than he could express, he was grateful he got a moment to simply be with his mate. After all the stress of the past couple months, he had forgotten what it was like to relax like this.
Quiet spread around them. Charlie lowered Leo's hand down, holding it softly within his own while his other arm wrapped around Leo's body. It seemed like he was getting lost in the stars again, and Leo was glad. Charlie deserved some peace, after all he had been through. It had been a rough night, but they might as well make the best of it while they could.
...But there was still something bugging Leo. Something that had been getting under his skin since the words had left Charlie's mouth. He had tried to forget it, but the accusation felt like almost too much to bear, and and the itch in his brain was screaming at him to mention it, to get it out of his head, to fight back-
"...You know I worry for him too, right?"
Leo's voice was barely a whisper, a breath that could have easily been picked up by the wind, if the moment was right. He almost wished it had been. But it hadn't, because Charlie's arms tightened up around him, the alpha's chin resting on top of his head as a small sigh escaped his nose. "I know. It was wrong of me to imply you didn't. I just..."
There was a tense pause, Leo's heart beating steadily in his chest. He hadn't meant to ask his mate out loud, he didn't want to make anything worse, but he needed Charlie to know how much he cared for Ren. Besides, it seemed alright to bring up, now that they were both calmer. Nothing felt hostile, nobody was being aggressive, they could just...talk. Talk without having to worry about pissing off the other. it felt right, natural.
"I just don't understand how you do it." Charlie continued, wistfulness lacing his voice. "Throughout this whole thing, you've been the calmest out of everyone else in our relationship. After that night, when I found you writing notes super late, I kept expecting you to be just as anxious and worried as me or Micah. I know your anxiety isn't great in general, but you've been surprisingly normal. You never freak out when Ren needs your help, you're always the most level headed when we're discussing the future, and since that night, you've never said anything about being apprehensive for the pup's arrival. Even today, when we were dropping Ren off at his parent's, you were able to part from him just fine while the rest of us were messes. I don't understand how you're able to stay so calm about all this, I don't get how you're able to act like you always do without losing it."
His words trailed off, his hand tightening around Leo's. He seemed genuinely confused, like there was a disconnect between Leo's behavior and everyone else's and he couldn't understand why. Leo hadn't meant to seem so unbothered, but looking back on it, he could definitely see where his mate's wondering came in.
"...It's hard to explain," Leo started, closing his eyes again as he nestled closer to Charlie's warmth. How was he meant to explain himself? Words were hard, especially when it came to emotions. "But I can try. I guess... I'm able to be more logical, because it helps me to feel less anxious. Like when we were talking about what our first steps should be to get ready for the pup. Truthfully, I was freaking out. I didn't know what to do. But I couldn't be of any help if I was losing it, so I forced myself to use my brain, to think of things the way I would if I was talking to any other pregnant person, and it helped me figure things out without causing me to get emotional. That's what I do whenever I'm worried about something, with the pup, at least. It doesn't always work, but knowing you guys are there helps. I know I can't do anything productive if I let my emotions get too high, so I do what I can to regulate them."
There was a small pause, and then Charlie let out a hum, his thumb tapping lightly against Leo's arm. "That...makes a lot of sense. I can understand that. But why haven't you mentioned anything to any of us? I know the others must be tired of hearing me bitch about my own worries, and it's not like they don't share theirs, so what's up?"
Ooh. That one was a little trickier. "I guess... I figured it wouldn't help, if I shared my worries. You, Rain, and Micah are all anxious about the same things I am, you know? Protecting Ren and Rachel, making sure everything's ready for her arrival, being a good parent, all that stuff. I didn't see much point. I figured if we were all falling apart, that would make everyone's anxiety worse. Besides, I didn't want to potentially burden Ren with my anxiety, he's dealing with enough as is. I just figured I'd do what I could to minimize my anxiety while doing my best to keep things as stable as I'm able to."
Leo hesitated, and then continued, his voice softening affectionately. "To be honest, you guys already help, in your own ways. When I worry about Ren's safety, or how he's doing when I'm not there to keep an eye on him, I remember he has three loving and protective alphas and beta to keep him safe while I'm away. When I start worrying about how I'll be as a parent, if I'll do things wrong or be good enough to raise a pup, Rain starts dramatically reading out passages from those parenting books he bought, and it reminds me that all of us are first time parents, and that we'll figure it all out together. And when I worry if Ren's doing ok physically and mentally, I can always go up to him and do my part to make him feel better. I don't know how I'd fare if I didn't have you guys around, doing whatever you're doing, but I do, and it makes my anxiety much more bearable."
He wasn't necessarily lying, not fully, at least. There were moments where his anxiety was quelled by his mates' actions, usually in relation to Ren's wellbeing. As for his self-hatred, well, Charlie didn't need to know about that. He could exaggerate a little bit if it would make his mate feel better.
"Mm." Charlie hummed again, seemingly deep in thought. Leo opened his eyes again, flipping to look at Charlie's face, a look of deep confliction plastered across the alpha's expression. He looked like he wanted to say something, but wasn't for some reason.
Leo frowned. "You look upset. Is something wrong?"
Charlie bit his lip, then shook his head, closing his eyes. "Would you be upset if I asked you about something related to our argument earlier?"
"Uh...yeah, go ahead. Is everything ok?" Leo's brow furrowed, wrinkles surely appearing on his forehead, keeping his concerned gaze firmly on Charlie. "I'll try to answer the best I can."
A second passed, and then the alpha sighed in defeat. "Ok. Ok. I...I shouldn't have blown up at you about it because it isn't your fault, but...it's been bugging me for a while, more for protective reasons than actual anger towards you. Why...Why does Ren find the most comfort in you when he's upset, to the point he won't even tolerate the rest of us?"
Ah. Of course. Leo should have figured that would be asked. He was taking Ren away from his mates pretty often, it was only natural Charlie would want to know why. But would he listen?
It must have taken Leo too long to respond, because Charlie backtracked, squeezing Leo's and harder. "I...I know I was pretty rude about it earlier, but it's true, isn't it? There is something you can do for him that we can't, and it's been killing me, not knowing what that thing is. I know it's just my protectiveness making me jealous, but I can't help but feel like I'm not doing enough to protect him and comfort him, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Or not doing at all. I guess I just want to know what Ren needs better, to understand him better."
Leo let out a breath through his nose. Here goes nothing. "...Will you believe me if I tell you?"
A small nod from above. "Yeah. I won't get upset, I really just want to know. Maybe it'll help in the future."
"Ok, good. I wanted to tell you earlier, but I wasn't sure you'd believe me when you were so upset." Leo said, letting out a deep breath. He took another one in, and braced himself for the conversation he was about to have. He hoped it wouldn't end in more fighting. "Truthfully there's nothing you can do to replicate what makes me so special to Ren, because it's not even something I do consciously. I can only help him the way I do because I'm an omega."
There was silence, only the cricket's song echoing through the trees to be heard.
Charlie cleared his throat. "Elaborate?"
"...Yeah." Leo turned his head back down, looking at the cliff edge. He was suddenly compelled to move closer, until he was tumbling down the rocky craig bordering the raging river nearby. "I uh...lord, this is gonna sound dumb. Because I'm an omega, I can sort of...take his pain away, in a weird way. I can make it better just by being near."
Charlie took in a breath but held his words for a moment. "I'm not getting it."
A small sigh escaped Leo's mouth. "I can't even begin to explain why, but basically, an omega's bond with another omega is different from their bond with an alpha, or a beta. It's a phenomenon that can't be replicated by a bond between two alpha's, or two beta's, or an alpha and a beta. It's strictly omega bonds. You know how a lot of people like to say omega's are more sensitive and in-tune with emotions than any other second gender?"
Charlie hesitated, but then nodded, and Leo continued. "Well, personality-wise, that's not true for every omega. However...when it comes to other omegas, we are, conscious or unconscious. Maybe it's because we're socialized that way, but it's still there, for most omega's anyway. It's hard to explain, but typically, the closer omega's are to each other, the more in-tune we are to the other's emotions and even physical feelings. Friends can feel each other's emotions about as well as anyone else, but close friends can feel it more, if that makes any sense. I've been told they can usually begin to feel what their friend is feeling, if they try hard enough. Omegas with other omegas in the family, blood related or friends that are practically family, tend to understand each other very well, to the point where they can feel what their upset omega feels without trying. It's a more subtle feeling, one that could be ignored normally, but it's definitely there. As for mated omegas..."
Leo paused, sucking in a breath. He hoped Ren was ok with him explaining this to Charlie. "It's the strongest it can possibly be with mated omegas. Like I said, the stronger the bond, the more they feel. Omegas that are mated to each other can feel a rough outline of what their mate is feeling just by being near them, and they have the strongest ability to take some of that pain away. That's why Ren comes to me. I'm the only omega in the pack besides him, so I'm the only one who can lessen his discomfort without overwhelming him, at least when it's really bad. He enjoys when you guys pamper him most of the time, he loves how protective and caring you all are towards him, but he's got a lot of hormones running through him right now, and they can be very overstimulating, so I'm the only one whose presence can alleviate the pain while not overwhelming him. It's nothing against you guys, it's just how we are, I guess."
A long, uncomfortable silence followed Leo's spiel. He couldn't tell how Charlie was feeling, he wasn't even sure if his mate believed him, but he needed something to be said, anything that could break the awkwardness of this conversation. "...You don't believe me, do you?"
"...No, I do." Charlie's words were slow and deliberate as he shifted his legs underneath Leo, taking another moment to collect his thoughts. "It's just a lot to take in. But how can you take his pain away? Does it just disappear after you touch him, or get near him?"
"I mean, sort of?" Leo didn't sound as certain as he should've been, but how was he supposed to explain something Charlie had never experienced? "It's not that it disappears, it transfers. Remember how I said I can feel what he's feeling? Well, if I'm around him long enough, or try hard enough, I can soak up some of his discomfort, like a sponge. It'll dissipate on its own after that, like pain usually does. I can't take his pain away fully, nobody can do that, but I can take a bit of it. I'm sure Ren can tell you what it's like, if you ask him."
Charlie still seemed to be contemplating, but Leo could feel him nodding against his skull, the alpha's chin digging into his hair. "I probably will, at some point. It's...interesting, how that works. What does it feel like? Is that why omegas like to gather together when they're grieving? How does that even work?"
Leo shook his head, a smile appearing on his face. "Honestly, I don't even know. It's probably a biology thing, but honestly, I'm not sure. It's just how it is. And yes, that's why. Sharing grief is a really common thing with omegas, especially as a method of comfort. It's like a comradery thing, to share those emotions in such a vulnerable way. As to what it feels like, it deepens. When it's an emotion, I just feel a lesser degree of what Ren's feeling, but when it's pain, it's a little different. Absorbing discomfort feels like needles stabbing me wherever he's uncomfortable, but actual pain is more of a throbbing feeling. The stronger the feeling, the more I feel it, and the more I can absorb. It gets worse the more I take on, but it's much more bearable than whatever Ren's feeling."
Another nod from above, this time more confident. "So, when you guys are having one of your moments alone in the nest, you're just...what, cuddling? cuddling and absorbing his feelings?"
"Mhm." Leo closed his eyes again, letting his tense body relax against Charlie's. This was going better than he thought it would. "Yeah, that's it. Nothing special on my end, I just sit there, soaking in whatever I can. Usually he falls asleep once he's relaxed enough."
"Does it not bother you? Being in pain, I mean. I would take Ren's pain in a heartbeat, but it must be unpleasant to constantly be taking someone else's pain."
"Eh, I mean, it's a little unpleasant, yeah." Leo responded, squeezing Charlie's hand, "but I'm glad to do it. It's what I can do to help him while he's carrying our pup. You and Micah are able to protect Ren and make him feel safe in a way I will never be able to, Rain can balance us all out and make Ren laugh in a way I can't, and I can do this for him, which you guys can't. It's not like I'm the only one comforting Ren, I'm just doing it in a more unconventional way. Trust me, you're doing so much more for him than you think, and he appreciates all of it."
Another moment of silence. Then Charlie sucked in a breath. "You're a really good mate, you know that?"
Leo had to fight to keep himself from stiffening up. Him? A good mate? Not a shot. He couldn't possibly be a good mate, not if he was causing people to fight, not if he was upsetting his mates the way he had, not if he was doing the bare minimum he could to provide for his mate. He wasn't a good mate, not even close, not as good as his mates were. He wanted so desperately to believe Charlie's words, but he couldn't bring himself to. Charlie was lying, he had to be, there was no way around it. "...Thank you."
"Mm." Charlie murmured, gazing back up at the stars. It was still dark out, but there couldn't be much time left before daylight would start to creep in, an hour or two, at most. "I'm so lucky to have you. Hey, while we're still here, can I show you some other constellations?"
The smile on Leo's face grew wider, a more genuine one this time. A distraction. Maybe this would keep his thoughts from spiraling again. "Of course. Which one's next?"
Charlie's chin disappeared off of Leo's head, laying his head back to see the stars clearer. "The Pisces sign. That's Ren's sign, it's the one I always look for after yours. And the Virgo for Rain, and then Libra for Micah, and the Aries, for me. After that, I just look for whatever else I want."
"Where are they?"
"In the sky." Charlie snorted, unwinding his hand from Leo's and pointing up at the sky. "So if you look over here, where I'm pointing, you can see the first star in the Pisces constellation-"
Charlie continued on, pointing out all the stars in each sign, their names, their history, and their significance. Leo was having a hard time following, the stars still just looked like stars, but he tried his hardest to absorb the information he was being given, gazing where Charlie's finger was pointing and following the shape his mate was tracing. There was something hypnotic about the motions Charlie's finger was making, the way his voice was softly, relaying information. Paired with the noises of the crickets and the river, Leo could feel his eyelids growing heavier, his body feeling more sluggish than before.
He hadn't slept all that well the night before. He guessed the sleep deprivation was finally getting to him.
As the minutes flew by, Leo's eyelids grew heavier and heavier. He was trying to stay awake, he really was, but the darkness was falling over him, and his body was so heavy...
Before Leo had realized it, he had drifted into a doze, and then full slumber, the warmth of the blankets and his mate's body sheltering him from the biting cold. His last thoughts were of Charlie's constellations, and of Ren's smiling face, safe and sound, cuddled up in their nest with their other mates.
He smiled, and then he was out.
...
There were a couple of moments where Leo was half-conscious. A movement here, a car starting there, but he didn't fully wake up until the next day, well into the afternoon, bundled up in their nest. Charlie was still there, but there was a second person there, their arms wrapped around Leo's waking body.
Ren was back, and he was smiling down at Leo, affection shimmering in his eyes. "Hey love. How'd you sleep?"
Leo nearly shot up, guilt immediately swamping his tired body. "When'd you get back?"
"Mmm, two hours ago," Ren hummed, hugging Leo's body to his chest. Charlie was asleep behind him, his hands resting on Ren's taunt stomach, his eyes fluttering slightly as Ren moved. "Micah and Rain picked me up. I heard you and Charlie were out really late, and were still asleep when it was time for me to come home. They didn't want to wake you."
Leo shook his head, blinking his bleary eyes rapidly. "They should've, I should've been there to pick you up. I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologize. It only took me thirty minutes to come back, and now I'm here, with you again. You still look exhausted. Stay with us, you have the day off, after all. We don't have to get up."
There was slight hesitation on Leo's end, only laying back down when Ren's hand dragged him back down, but as soon as he did, he curled up beside Ren, nuzzling his omega's chest. "You sure? I don't want to keep you here if you have something you want to do."
It was Ren's turn to shake his head, using one of his hands to rub Leo's cheek softly. "Nah, honestly, I just wanna sleep. It was heard to rest when you guys weren't there. It made me nervous to be separated from you guys. I'm glad I'm back." He grabbed Leo's hand, rubbing softly, almost worriedly. "Stay, please? I want you to stay."
Leo smiled a tired, weary, smile. "Of course. I'm staying right here."
"Thank you. I love you, you know that?"
"Mm, I love you too. Get some rest. You need it."
Ren gave a small huff of laughter, but didn't say anything more. Neither of them did. They simply curled up together, snuggling under the blankets as they drifted off once again.
Notes:
Comments and kudos are appreciated!
Chapter 4: Stage Two: Distraction (Part Three)
Summary:
Stage 2: Distraction (Part Three)
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Notes:
Hey, I'm back with a new chapter! Sorry for the small hiatus, my computer was busted for a solid month so I didn't get to write much of anything.
I'm experimenting with smaller chapter sizes since I've realized that the longer format is a little obnoxious to read through, so forgive me for having a smaller chapter than normal. Hopefully smaller chapters mean more frequent posts, but we'll see how it goes.
Last note: In the next few days, I'm gonna retcon the 'omega stealing pain' thing a little, there will still be elements of it but not to the extent that it was explained last chapter. I'm gonna edit that scene soon so hopefully it won't be too confusing, but I just think I added a darling I should have killed.
Anyways, thanks for all the amazing comments and support, I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Text
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Leo had never been as stressed as he was during the last month of Ren's pregnancy.
Besides his work shifts and comforting Ren more often, he had to deal with the overwhelming uneasiness that came with having a mate so close to giving birth. There was suddenly much more conversation about hospitals, birth plans, and overall, the anxiety of the pup’s impending arrival. It was becoming too real, too scary, too close. Leo wasn't ready, he still didn't know if could possibly be a good parent, he was a terrible mate, he didn't think he could handle the responsibility of keeping his mates together when the time finally came, and above all else, he was terrified, completely and utterly destroyed at the thought that something, anything, could go wrong during Ren's labor. He had heard too many stories of childbirth gone wrong, he had heard too many accounts of pups passing only minutes after being born, and he didn't think he could handle the grief of losing his mate or daughter if the worst case scenario became real, he just couldn't.
He was trying to keep his fears to himself, but there was almost so much he could hide. Micah must have picked up on Leo's anxiety at some point, because he was suddenly being paid much more attention, being nuzzled whenever Ren wasn't around to focus on, picked up, carried, and pampered whenever Micah got the chance.
"It's gonna be ok," Micah would tell him, whispering words of constant reassurance in his ear. "Everything's gonna be ok. We're gonna have our daughter here with us soon, and it's gonna be amazing!"
Leo knew that, he really did. He just couldn't quell the anxiety plaquing his mind, not even with the meds he was taking consistently each night.
But it was fine, really, it was fine. He knew he was being silly, everything would work out, he was sure of it. He had to be, because his mates weren't much better off than he was, and who else was supposed to be the beacon of consistency, the calm, steady presence that added just the slightest bit of normalcy to their lives? Micah was practically glued to Ren's side, keeping him off his feet as much as possible, Charlie was working as little as he possibly could without getting fired just to stay by Ren's side, and Rain was getting visibly nervous more and more as the days passed by, his normal humor growing shakier each time he saw how uncomfortable Ren was getting.
And Ren? Ren was done. He needed Leo's presence nearly every day now, burying himself as far into Leo's skin as he possibly could. Leo tried to ease the pain as he could with his presence alone, but the physical distress Ren was under was still immense, even with Leo's body pressed against him. Ren couldn't wait for the pup to be out of him, and for Ren's sake, neither could Leo. He hated seeing his sweet mate so uncomfortable, but he couldn't do much besides wait and distract himself until Rachel was ready to be born.
So Leo hid his fears, swallowed down his tiredness, and continued working as often as possible, taking on more and more responsibility than he had before, both at home and at his job, all to distract himself. Worrying wasn't productive, but he couldn't worry if he had a task to do, right? That tactic was getting less and less effective as Ren's due date got closer, but it still had some positive effect on Leo's mind.
That is, until Rain called him in the middle of one of his shifts, the phone ringing over, and over, and over. It wasn't until five minutes into the ringing that Leo's manager let him leave the pharmacy counter, allowing him to sneak into the back to stop the incessant ringing.
"Hello?"
"Leo, thank God." Rain's voice was frantic, his breaths coming out in small puffs. "You need to come to the hospital right now, Ren's in labor!"
Oh. Oh no. Oh no, it was happening, was it really happening? Now? Right then? Holy shit, Ren was in the hospital, in labor , what was he supposed to do, what could he do, he needed to leave, his mates needed him, but he was on the clock-
No, that didn't matter. His manager could deal. She knew he was going to be on paternity leave for a while anyway, this wouldn't be much of a surprise to her. He just needed to clock out and tell her what was going on, and he'd be free to leave, hopefully getting to the hospital before his pup was born. She shouldn't be, right? Labor usually lasted a while, right? He should have plenty of time to get there, plenty of time to comfort and care for Ren before the doctors needed to take over, before the pup really started coming.
"...Leo, are you there? Can you hear me? You didn't pass out, did you?"
"No, no I'm here." Leo's voice was barely a whisper, shock still taking his breath away. "Give me a second, will you?"
Without another thought, Leo quickly popped his head out of the break room, actively struggling to remove his uniform as he did so. "Eliza!"
Leo’s manager whipped around, her blond curls bouncing with the force of her turn. Her eyes were bright, widening slightly when she saw the panicked look on Leo's face. Thankfully there were no customers at the counter behind her, Leo would have been a little embarrassed to interrupt the job he was technically supposed to be doing. "Is it time?! Is she coming?!"
Leo nodded, finally getting his uniform shirt over and off of his head. "Yeah, she is! Ren's in the hospital right now, the others are there too I think, I gotta go meet them, I don't know how close she is to coming but I don't want to waste a second-"
Before Leo could utter another word, Eliza was rushing towards him, pulling him out of the break room and toward the door to the rest of the store. "You don't have to say any more, I understand. Go be with your mates, go see your kid, don't even worry about clocking out, I'll take care of that. Gosh, this must be so exciting for you, your pup is coming! The rest of us can cover, just go!"
Leo didn't need any more encouragement, bunching his uniform up and rushing out of the pharmacy without hesitation. He had meant to thank Eliza, but Rain was still on the phone, and his need for answers was greater than his need to thank his manager. He could always thank her later, right now, his priority was his mate. "Rain. Are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here. You on your way?"
Leo nodded as he rushed outside and reached his car, forgetting his mate couldn't see him. "Getting into my car now. Is Ren ok?! How long has he been in the hospital?! Are Micah and Charlie both with him?! What...holy shit, how long has he-"
"Slow down, slow down, everything's ok!" Rain's staticky voice cut through Leo's worried questions, quieting briefly as the sound of Leo's car starting roared around the omega. "He's ok. He's not technically in labor yet, but his water broke, so it's probably gonna start up soon. Micah and Charlie are with him, they called me as they were driving him to the hospital. I was just getting off my shift, so I told them to focus on getting Ren to the hospital while I tried to reach you. They've probably only just gotten there, if I had to guess. Don't worry, we have time before Rachel starts coming. Not a lot, but definitely enough to get there, ok?"
Leo nodded again, his breathing becoming too quick to respond. The fear and anxiety he had been trying to mask was flooding his system all at once now, an unbeatable wave that was threatening to drown him at any moment. This was happening. Fuck, this was happening, he was gonna be a dad, Rachel was coming, he didn't have any time to prepare himself anymore, he was fucked, he didn't know what to do-
"Leo, baby, you need to breathe. It's ok, he's ok, everything's ok. I know it's scary, lord knows I know, but right now, we need to calm down and focus on getting to the hospital, ok?"
Rain's voice sounded about as tense as Leo felt, but in a strange way, that made Leo feel just a bit better. He wasn't the only one freaking out, because Rain was too. They were all in this together, he wasn't alone. He could do this, he could quell the terror welling up inside him, he just needed to focus on one thing at a time. "Ok, ok, you're right. It's fine, he's fine. I'm on my way now, but it's gonna take me fifteen or so minutes. How about you? Are you still at the tattoo parlor?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone, and then Rain was back, his engine running faintly in the background. "Yeah, I am. I wasn't sure how long it would take to ring you, so I decided to stay put until you answered. I'm gonna start heading over in a second, but I'm further away than you are so it's gonna take a bit for me to get there. How are you holding up?”
Leo sucked in a deep breath, willing his trembling hands to steady on the wheel. “I’m alright. Still freaking out a little. This is…I can’t even begin to describe what this feels like. I’m sure it’s the same for you though, how are you holding up?"
As he spoke, Leo forced himself to start driving, pulling his car out of the parking lot and turning out onto a wider road. It was only a fifteen minute drive, but the hospital might as well have been ten hours away.
There was a beat of silence, nothing but static crackling through the phone. “I’m… I don’t know, honestly. I just…this is scary, you know? I’ve never been in this situation before and I don’t know what to do, what to expect, how to help…I just…I just…”
More silence. “Can I just…can I talk at you? Until you get there, I mean? I know you don’t like being distracted while you’re driving but I can’t really focus right now and this is giving me way too much anxiety to deal with and I just need to do something to distract me before I crash my car into a tree-”
“Yeah, you can speak at me.” Leo flicked on his turn signal, drifting into the rightmost lane as Rain’s worried rambles filled the small car. His nerves were still on fire, each inch of his body vibrating with pure apprehension as the car rumbled around him, but the wave of familiarity Rain’s voice brought was soothing, regardless of how taunt it sounded. “I’d really appreciate that, actually. I can’t promise I’ll respond often, but I think your voice will be enough to get me to the hospital in one piece.”
“Ok, ok, good.” Relief flooded from Rain’s voice to Leo’s speaker, followed by the sound of an engine revving up. “You don’t have to answer, in fact, it might be better that you don’t. If I’m silent for too long then I’ll start worrying again, and then I won’t be able to drive safely, so if you could just like, I don’t know, give me a hum every now and then, that would be enough.”
Leo nodded to himself, his eyes shifting from lane to lane. “I can do that, no problem. Start talking.”
Ok, gotcha.” Rain paused again, his car making small grumbling noises in the background. “Uhh…can I start with my day? Or something like that? I’m sorry my mind’s blanking, I don’t know why I can’t keep myself under control-”
“Yes, start there. I would love to hear about your day.”
“Ok, ok cool.” Rain swore under his breath, but his voice came back a second later, still rife with nerves. “Well, uh, normally our shop is pretty slow in the mornings, but today I actually had a client right as I clocked in, so I’ve been pretty busy. He wanted to get this giant kraken tatted on his back, but we’re gonna have to do it in several separate sessions, so-”
Words flew from the car’s speaker into Leo’s ears, but he was only half paying attention. His mind was still far away, visions of Ren in the hospital battering his tired brain relentlessly, each image more painful than the last. Was he in any pain yet? Were the hospital staff treating him right? Were Charlie and Micah keeping watch over him, making sure that all his needs were met? What if something was going wrong? What if Ren needed emergency surgery or something? What if Rachel refused to come out? What if Ren started bleeding out? Leo had heard stories like that before, of omegas going into labor perfectly fine, only to come out dead. What if that happened to Ren? What if his epidural failed? What if-
Leo’s stomach churned violently, temporarily bringing his attention back to the road in front of him. He was only five minutes away from the hospital now. FIve minutes too far, but five minutes, nonetheless.
He needed to get himself under control. Ren needed him, and he'd be damned if he walked into that hospital room looking like he was going to pass out.
Despite his resolve, the rest of Leo’s drive wasn’t much different. Five minutes spanned what felt like ten hours, Rain’s wobbly voice the soundtrack to Leo’s clambering anxieties. If it weren’t for Rain’s occasional prods for a hum, Leo might not have even managed to pay attention to the road in front of him.
It wasn’t until Leo pulled into a parking spot in the hospital’s parking lot that any semblance of peace began to fall over him.
“-And I’m just watching this guy freak out over the needle barely touch his ear while his girlfriend stands by laughing, she was trying to calm him down but every time we tried to start over he flinched again, so eventually I just had to-”
“Rain, babe, I’m here now. I’m at the hospital.”
Silence flooded the car. “Oh…ok, ok, uh, I guess you should go inside then, right? It’s ok, I’m only ten or so minutes away from the hospital anyways, I’ll meet you there.”
Leo had opened his car door but suddenly paused, one foot on the asphalt outside. He longed to rush inside the hospital, to find where Ren was staying as quickly as possible, but there was something in Rain’s voice…”Babe, do you want me to wait for you? I can stay and listen to you talk until you get here.”
“...What? No! Absolutely not!” Rain’s voice immediately rang out, incredulousness dripping from every word. “Leo, I’ll be fine, I promise. Just staying on the phone with me at all helped out a ton, I’ll be ok on my own for a few minutes. Go see Ren, make sure he knows I’m coming. Do not wait for me, ok?”
Leo shook his head doubtfully, but he was already on his feet, slamming his car door before rushing towards the building entrance. “Are you sure? I can wait for you, I want to make sure you get here safely-”
“Leo, if I find you in the parking lot when I get here, I’m gonna ram my car into yours. Don’t keep Ren waiting on my behalf, he needs you a hundred times more than I do. I will be fine, I promise. The best thing you can do for me right now is take care of Ren.”
A small sigh rushed out through Leo’s nose, but he nodded to himself, watching the hospital doors approach rapidly. “Ok, ok, point taken. Listen, I’m going in now, I’ll see you soon. I love you, please be careful.”
“Love you too, and I will. Make sure Ren’s doing alright for me, ok? Bye!”
Before Leo could respond, the phone beeped, and Rain was gone.
“He better not crash,” Leo muttered, his hands shaking as he reached for the door handles now right in front of him. How had he gotten to the doors so quickly? Did it matter? His focus was supposed to be entirely on Ren, right? Where even was the maternity ward?
Leo stumbled across the hospital, barely registering his surroundings as the receptionist at the front desk pointed him in the direction of Ren's hospital room, or as he rushed towards the room number she had given, his eyes scanning over every room's numbered plate.
It wasn't until he heard his mates' voices drifting down the hall that he willed himself to relax, heart beating out of his chest as he sped walked towards the sound.
" -sure you're ok? No contractions? No pain? Are you hungry? Thirsty? We can get the nurses in here if you'd like-"
"Relax, it's ok. No pain, and the doctors told me I couldn't eat anything until Rachel comes, remember? All I need now is Rain and Leo, do you know how much longer it'll take for them to get here?"
"...Last time I spoke to Rain, he said he was gonna try to reach Leo. That was well over twenty minutes ago though, they should be almost here by now, right? You don't think he's ignoring his phone while working, do you?"
Just as Charlie's concerned voice reached the hallway, Leo burst through the hospital door, his chest heaving slightly from rushing through the halls. "Not a chance. You think I would ignore your calls just for my work this close to Ren's due date?! What kind of mate do you take me for?"
All three of Leo's mates' heads snapped towards the door, their eyes wide with a combination of relief, anxiety, and thinly veiled terror as they watched Leo crack the hospital door behind him. It was a fairly spacious room for a hospital room, but both alphas were smushing themselves to the sides of the hospital bed, Ren's tense and bloated body laying under a terribly disorganized pile of his favorite nesting blankets as his mates crowded around him. Both his hands were occupied by either Charlie or Micah's own, but he broke free from their grasp as Leo approached, his overwhelmed eyes brightening as his mate got closer. "Leo! You're here!"
"Of course I'm here," Leo purred, hustling to Ren's side as quickly as his feet would carry him. He wasted no time in making himself busy, immediately fixing up the piss-poor attempt of a nest Ren was currently in the middle of by grabbing onto blankets and rearranging them, swaddling Ren in his favorite textured blankets while creating a makeshift den around him with the rest. "and it's good that I am, because this is the least suitable labor nest I've ever seen. Which nurse did this? We need to get you a new one if they can't be bothered to make you as comfortable as possible, who treats an omega in labor like this?"
Leo's hands worked diligently his mind ignoring the soft chuckles coming from his omega. It might have been funny to Ren, but this was serious business as far as Leo was concerned. His mate was in labor, any nest shy of perfect wasn't good enough for him to give birth in. Leo needed to make it perfect, needed his mate to be comfortable, needed to make sure the nest was suited to Ren's utmost needs, would he need more room to shift around? Was he gonna be too hot? No, hospital gowns are thin, surely he needed more blankets around him, right? How many divots did Ren want around him? Were the textures right? Bad omega, bad textures, bad nest-
"Babe, Leo, love of my life," Ren's shaky hand grabbed onto Leo's wrist, stilling his hand as it pulled another blanket over Ren's already swaddled legs. He tugged Leo closer to his side, a soft smile pulling at his lips as Leo let out a grunt of disapproval, his hands still kneading at the fabric trapping Ren's legs. "Leo, you can let go of the nest. it's ok, I'm fine, it's ok."
Ren's eyes were shining with amusement, but Leo failed to see what could possibly be amusing about such terrible treatment. Wasn't he stressed, having such an atrocious nest? "No, no I can't. You're not giving birth in a disorganized nest, I won't let you. Let me be your mate and take care of you."
With that, Leo went right back to reinventing Ren's nest, shuffling the blankets around again and again, until the nest was to his standard. Once it was as perfect as Leo could possibly make it, he threw his hands down with a huff, flopping down in the chair next to Ren's head before tugging the omega's body as close to his chest as physically possible.
"What do you need from me?" Leo murmured, bumping his head affectionately against Ren's as he spoke. His grip on Ren's shoulder's tightened as he desperately soaked in the warmth Ren radiated, stress-filled purrs and chirps spilling from his lips as he held his omega. "What can I do for you? Do you need me to adjust the bed? Get you water? Find more blankets? Do you want me to call your mom, or your dad, or your brother? Do you need me to go out and get anything? I can sneak you in some food if you need it, the no food rule is a stupid rule anyway-"
"Leo."
It was barely a whisper, but Ren's stern tone immediately silenced Leo's worried rambles, commanding his full attention. "Yes?"
"I'm ok." Ren's hands found Leo's, giving them the most reassuring squeeze Leo imagined he could muster. The omega's eyes were pooling over with anxiety, but he still managed to shoot Leo a shaky smile, shaking his head softly from side to side. "The only thing I need right now is for Rachel to be out, and for Rain to get here. Everything else has already been taken care of, I promise. You can relax."
"How am I supposed to relax when you're in labor?!" Leo's voice cracked with nerves and he cleared his throat, pressing his nose to Ren's forehead tenderly. The pregnancy pheromones Ren was releasing weren't doing much to calm Leo's nerves, especially with how strong the scent had become, but he ignored it, nuzzling up to his mate as much as Ren would allow. "If I don't make sure you're as comfortable as possible , then what kind of mate would I be?"
"You're already an amazing mate, you don't need to do anything more." a cold nose poked against Leo's cheek, Ren returning Leo's frantic affections. "I promise you, if I need anything, I'll tell you. Right now, all I need is for you three to stay by me, and for a certain beta to appear through that door. Do you know where he is?"
"...He should be here any minute. We left at the same time, so I imagine he's at least in the parking lot by now."
"Thank you." Ren sighed, kissing the side of Leo's face affectionately. "That's all I needed."
Leo shook his head, squeezing Ren's hand as his other mates began to shift closer to him. Ren could say that all he wanted, but was he really being honest? Was Leo really doing enough to take care of his mate while he was at his most vulnerable? Besides rearranging the nest, Leo hadn't done much. He hadn't been there when Ren's water broke, he hadn't helped bring what was needed for the hospital stay, he hadn't been there for the drive to the hospital, he hadn't been there when Ren got immitted, he hadn't been there for any procedures that needed to be done-
"I'm scared."
Leo's gaze shot up, his concerned eyes meeting Ren's teary ones. His omega looked like he was on the verge of passing out, his skin much more pale than it had been a couple seconds prior. Ren's eyes darted downwards, avoiding Leo's gaze, but it was hard to miss the obvious terror reflected in his mate's deep chestnut eyes, especially when his fear-scent was beginning to stab the insides of Leo's nose.
"Is that bad? That I'm scared?" Ren's voice wobbled, one of his hands going to rub at his swollen stomach nervously. Leo couldn't see any movement beneath his mate's skin, but he could only imagine what Rachel must have been doing in there, getting herself ready to enter the world. "Everything's fine now, but...I'm gonna have to push a whole pup out. A whole being is gonna have to make her way out of me. Oh gosh, I'm gonna have to push a whole pup out of my body-"
Ren let out a sudden whine, high pitched with terror, and Charlie rushed to snatch his hand up, pressing his nose into the soft palm of his mate’s hand.
"It's gonna hurt," Ren whispered, tears springing to his eyes. He looked from Leo to Charlie to Micah, a desperate sort of horror settling over him at the realization. "Even with the epidural, it's gonna hurt. And it could last for days. I've heard so many stories of stubborn pups refusing to come out, what if she doesn't want to leave? What if they have to cut my stomach open to get her out? And the epidural, what if it fails? I don't know if I'll be able to manage the pain if that happens, oh lord, I think I'm gonna pass out just thinking about it-"
"It's not gonna fail." Leo suddenly felt Micah press himself against his side, the alpha leaning over to tuck Ren's head under his chin. The gentle smell of firewood drifted through the air as the alpha moved, overpowering the sting of Ren's heightened distress. "The epidural will work, and Rachel won't get stuck. You're not gonna need a C-section. I know it's scary, trust me, I know, but the nurses here know exactly what to do to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. She's gonna come out in no time, and then you'll be able to hold her, and kiss her, and snuggle her to your chest. Remember how much you were looking forward to that? To finally see her smiling face for the first time?"
Ren remained quiet, but Leo could see him nodding slightly, the anxiety slowly leaking from his eyes.
"You just gotta hold on to that thought, ok? Everything is going to go just as planned, I promise." Micah kissed the top of Ren's head, stroking the long, black stands of his omega's hair affectionately. "And we'll be here with you the whole time. None of us are gonna leave you, we're all gonna stay right here, making sure everything's ok."
"That's right," Charlie murmured, kissing the palm of Ren's hand lovingly. "We aren't going anywhere. You'd have to get the whole military in here to drag me out before I'd leave. None of us are gonna abandon you, I can promise you that right now."
"I third that notion," Leo agreed, smushing his lips onto Ren's cheek before pulling away. "I'm not going anywhere, and I can assure you that Rain'll tell you them same thing when he gets here."
Ren smiled as Leo pulled away, but softly shook his head, doubt still reflected in his eyes. "I know you won't leave me, and I know I shouldn't be worrying, but still... I can't help but fear for the worst. I wish I could be as brave as you three are. You're all thinking about this so much more rationally than I am. How is this not scaring you as much as it's scaring me?"
A loud snort escaped Charlie's nose, scaring Leo half to death as he looked up. "It is. This is absolutely terrifying to all of us. None of us know what we're doing, none of us know how to help, and none of us know what to expect. We are totally, utterly afraid, but do you really think that's what matters to us?"
Before Ren could respond, Charlie stood up and knelt beside Ren's head, pressing his forehead tenderly against his pained omega's own. His lips captured Ren's in a gentle yet deep kiss, and Ren reciprocated, throwing his arms around Charlie's neck as they got lost in each other's embrace. A hand made home on Ren's cheek, and another hand made a home in the depths of Charlie's long hair.
Leo looked away, a small blush spreading across his cheeks. Ren and Charlie were his mates, but he felt like he was interrupting something special, something only meant for the two of them.
A hand found its way into Leo's. Micah's homey scent wrapped itself around Leo's head as he shuffled closer, like smoke floating through stagnant air. Leo leaned his head on Micah's shoulder, and Micah placed his upon Leo's. Together they watched, waiting for their mates to part.
Another minute passed before Charlie pulled away, his eyes locking onto Ren's as soon as they had opened. His hand fell away from Ren's cheek, but it didn't remain empty for long, snaking its way up to the arms still interlocked around his neck and bringing them back down onto the bed, holding them softly.
"My sweet, courageous omega." Charlie murmured, pressing a quick kiss to Ren's cheek. He brought Ren's head under his chin, petting his mate's back softly as quiet purrs of contentment arose from Ren's mouth. "You're so brave, carrying our pup for us. You've been so brave for us, carrying such a precious thing so that we can have a family. Being the catalyst for our family. Just a little longer, ok? A little longer, and you'll be able to rest. It'll all be over, and there'll be a sixth member of our pack among us. This is what we've been waiting for and wanting for so long, and it's finally happening! It's gonna be amazing, I promise, and we'll be right by your side the whole time. Our whole pack, together. We're here, and we love you."
Tears were shining in Ren's eyes again, but they weren't tears of fear anymore. The serene purrs rumbling through the air were proof of that fact, Ren smiling happily up at his alpha as he kissed his shoulder blade. "I love you too. I'm glad I can give you a family. Give us all a family. It's what I've wanted most in life, to have a pup with my mates. I can't wait until Rachel's here with us, our family will finally be complete."
Charlie smiled, and Ren leaned further into his chest, smiling contently. A picture perfect couple to anybody who could walk by.
Tears welled up in Leo's eyes, but he forced them down. The exchange between mates was supposed to be a wholesome affair, a beautiful moment during a stressful day, but it left Leo with nothing but a pit of shame in his stomach, swallowing more and more of his insides up with every breath he took. Charlie was just trying to calm his omega down, and it was true that Ren was so courageous in the face of something so terrifying, but...
...Had part of that comment been aimed at him? Was Charlie blaming him for Ren's current state, reminding Leo of how much of a coward he had been to refuse carrying a pup? Were Charlie's words just a sweet disguise for his alpha's disdain, a harsh reminder of Leo's failure as an omega, as a mate, as a father? Was Ren's fear, Ren's pain, his fault?
Leo shook his head, plastering an adoring smile on his face, but the pit only widened, forcing tears and bile to the forefront of his eyes and throat. It was his fault, partially, at least. He hadn't gotten Ren pregnant, and he hadn't influenced Ren's decision to keep it, but ultimately he was the reason the responsibility of pregnancy had fallen onto Ren in the first place. Ren had gotten pregnant after Micah had asked Leo to carry a pup, so if Leo had just said yes, if he had just allowed himself to accept his alpha's request without arguing, if he had just been a better, more dedicated mate, then maybe Ren wouldn't be so scared. Maybe none of the pain, discomfort, and anxiety his omega was feeling would have existed. It would have transferred to Leo, and really, wouldn't that have been better? To spare Ren of such horrible emotions?
It should have been Leo. It should have been him carrying the pup, it should have been him laying in that hospital bed, it should have been him experiencing such fear, it should have been him taking on such pain-
"I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I MADE IT!"
Every head in the room whipped around, watching with slight shock as Rain ran from the doorway to Ren's bedside, panting all the way. His hair was disheveled, his face red with the exertion of running, hands fumbling to hold Ren's steadily before kissing the back of the apologetically.
"I'm so, so sorry for being so late," Rain huffed out, his breath still coming out in short bursts. He planted another kiss on Ren's hand, then another, then another. "One of the roads to the hospital got blocked, so I had to backtrack to a longer route, and it took me way longer to get here than it should have. I'm so sorry for taking so long, I should have called but I was really just focusing on getting to the hospital, I started running here as soon as I got to the parking lot, I'm so, so sorry, are you ok, is there any pain, can I get you anything, what can I do to help-"
"Hey, slow down Rain, slow down!" Ren laughed, bringing their conjoined hands up to his mouth to return Rain's affections. "Are you four on the same wavelength, or something? This is the tenth time I've had this conversation today!"
"Well, it's not everyday your mate is in labor." Micah chimed in, rubbing circles on Rain's quivering back with his free hand. There was a warm smile on his face as he gazed from mate to mate, his eyes eventually landing back on Ren's now relaxed form. "Besides, have you met us? You really think we weren't going to pamper you while you're here? What kind of mates would we be if we didn't?"
"...I guess you have a point. Still, I'm fine, I promise! Everything's ok, I have everything I need!"
"Ok, we believe you. We'll stop badgering you... for now." Leo shoved down the bile that had risen in his throat, focusing all his attention onto Ren. Regardless of how much fault he carried for Ren's pain, it was too late to change anything, and Ren needed him now . He couldn't get stuck on the past when the present situation required his attention. He could be as self-deprecating as he wanted later, for now, he had a job to do. "But you have to promise you'll let us know when you need something as soon as you need it, no matter what it is. Ok?"
Ren nodded. "I will, I promise. Thank you, I appreciate it."
"We're still kicking the nurse who made your nest out though, that's a promise."
Ren snorted. "Leo, you can't do that."
"Why not?" Leo blinked, anger and confusion bubbling under his skin. Didn't Ren understand how terribly he was being treated? He couldn't expect any of his mates to be ok with that, could he? "Ren, I understand that you don't like being rude for no reason, but the staff here can't treat you like this-"
"As bad as they are at making nests, I love our alphas more than anything, and I think they should be allowed to stay and greet Rachel when she comes into the world." Ren interrupted, his chest shaking with laughter as Leo looked back at him, bewildered. "You aren't really gonna deny our mates the chance to meet their daughter, are you?"
Leo blinked again, his mind totally blank, then slowly turned his head to look back at where Micah and Charlie were sitting. Neither of them were meeting his gaze, but Charlie let out a saddened huff, his eyes downcast as he looked at the new nest sullenly.
"I thought we did a pretty good job..."
Leo brought his hands up, rubbed his nose, and sighed. Normally he would feel bad for his poor mates, but Ren was in labor. Why didn't they wait for him, or at least help Ren make it? Or asked a nurse to do it for them? Did Ren even tell them how to make the nest, or had they just winged it? "When we get home and a free moment opens up, I'm teaching you two-and Rain-how to make a proper nest for Ren. That way, you'll actually know what you're doing, got it?"
Charlie nodded sullenly, and Micah gave Leo's hand a squeeze, doing a mock salute with his free hand. "Yes sir."
"...Don't ever call me that again."
A sharp bark of laughter erupted from Rain, his hand slapping down onto Micah's bicep as he doubled over from his giggles. "Ren, you're too nice to these two, you know that? Why didn't you tell them it wasn't comfortable?"
"I was trying to be nice!" Ren exclaimed, his own fit of laughter shaking his shoulders as he covered his smile with his hand. "They tried so hard, I didn't want to tell them that all their effort was for nothing!"
"I wish you had," Micah murmured, his own small smile spreading across his face. Leo felt bad for the poor alpha, but at least Micah didn't seem too upset at the insult to his work, however crappy it was. "We did try, but we aren't omegas. If we made it poorly, we'd have no way of knowing other than your word."
"I know, I know. I promise I'll tell you if something like that happens again, I just...didn't want to hurt your feelings."
Suddenly, Ren let out a wince, disconnecting his hands from his mates and holding his stomach tenderly. "Speaking of promises, I promised to be honest about what I need, and I think it might be getting close to the time I ask for that epidural. The contractions are getting painful."
"You don't already have it?!" Rain asked, incredulous. "Hang on, I'll go flag a nurse down!"
With that, Rain rushed out of the room, his hands waving wildly as he hunted for the nearest doctor.
"Ok, ok, this is it, this is the beginning of the end." Charlie's tense voice spoke up, his hand finding Ren's and holding it tightly. He nuzzled Ren's head with his nose, and Ren leaned into him, closing his eyes as another shiver of pain passed over him.
Micah and Leo shuffled closer and grabbed onto Ren's free hand, Micah frowning as he did so. "Wait, what do you mean they’re 'getting painful?' I thought they hadn't started yet!"
Ren reopened his eyes, shooting Micah a sheepish glance as Charlie's grip got tighter. "I uh...may have lied about that. But they didn't feel much different from period cramps before, so I just didn't mention it. It's only now getting pretty painful, I didn't want to get the epidural until I absolutely had to."
"Ren!"
"I know, " Ren groaned, another sharp spasm seemingly hitting his body. "I should have told you. But it wasn't that bad. It still isn't, not really. Not as bad as it will get. I'm fine, Rain's getting me that epidural, I'll have my pain meds soon enough."
"Still-"
"Can we not do this right now? Please? You can chew me out when we go home, but this isn't something I want to argue about right now."
Micah and Charlie looked at each other, doubt reflecting in their eyes. "Ok, we won't talk about it. Let's just keep an eye out for Rain."
Leo shook his head, gripping Ren's arm tightly as he looked back and out the doorway. Thankfully, he could see Rain talking to a nurse, so it wouldn't take long for Ren to receive his meds. "I see him, he's got a nurse with him. It shouldn't take long."
He was right. A couple moments later, Rain entered the room with a couple nurses in tow, and as soon as the four of Ren's mates backed up, the nurses finally gave Ren the epidural he had been waiting on.
Still, despite Ren now becoming medicated, Leo couldn't help but feel his anxiety grow. Rachel was so, so close to being born, he truly didn't have any more time to prepare for what was to come. He didn't know how to be a father, not really, anyway, and as much as they had been preparing for Rachel's arrival the past eightish months, how could he be sure they really had everything they would need? Everything on Leo's checklist had been bought or done, but what if he was missing something? What if there was some fatal error they had made, one that would jeopardize Rachel's safety? What if they forgot how to hold her correctly? What if they forgot how to swaddle her correctly? What if they forgot to feed her the right way, and she choked on her bottle? What if she got her head stuck between the bars of her crib, somehow? What if she got really sick right after she was born? What if-
...What if she didn't like Leo? What if she knew he was going to be a bad father, and refused to let him hold her?
For the millionth time that day, Leo shook his head. He couldn't do this, he couldn't spiral when Ren was actively in labor. They still had a while to go before Rachel really started coming, but Ren would need them in the meantime, and Leo couldn't effectively do anything if he was stuck in his own head, unaware of the world around him. He wasn't going to be a bad mate, not now. Not this time. He needed to focus, he needed to focus, he needed to focus-
Squeezing Micah's hand, Leo hunkered down in his seat, snuggled up to Ren, and watched.
Chapter 5: Stage Two: Distraction (Part Four)
Summary:
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Notes:
So I have once again decided to split what was meant to be one chapter into two, meaning there is going to be yet another chapter in the distraction section of this work. Sorry about that. Either way, I hope you enjoy, and I promise next chapter will be the last chapter in the distraction section!
And thank you for all the support on this work, it really means a lot!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stage 2: Distraction
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Leo never realized how boring a hospital stay could be.
Of course, he had been in the hospital before, usually as the patient, but those stays had been different. It’s hard to be bored when in immense amounts of pain after all, doctors rushing from test to test in order to figure out what was wrong, what the source of the pain could possibly be, how to best treat whatever ailment had befallen him. He had never had a super serious reason for staying, not one that would land him in the ER for more than a single night, but still, Leo could hardly call a hospital stay boring , by any means.
But as Leo was finding out, being a patient was very different from staying with the patient.
"You sure you're still feeling alright?"
“Yes Charlie, I’m fine. The epidural is still in and still working, I can’t feel a thing. Same as thirty minutes ago.”
“...You don’t have to be snarky about it, I was just trying to make sure my mate is ok.”
“And you don't need to ask me the same questions every five seconds. I promise I’m fine, I’lll tell you if anything changes, ok?”
Leo looked up from his place beside Ren, snorting tiredly at his mates’ antics. Eight hours into Ren’s labor, and Charlie still wasn’t letting up, not even for an hour. “Wow Ren, I’ve never heard you talk back to anyone as much as you are right now. Where did my sweet mate go?”
Despite his grumpiness, Ren let out his own amused snort, rolling his eyes at Leo’s comment. “He started fading out about four hours ago, when he was asked the same question for the twentieth time in the span of forty or so minutes. I have a breaking point too, you know.”
“That’s what happens when you mate with a parrot,” Rain lifted his head from where it had been buried in the blankets near Ren’s legs, his eyes blinking blearily at Charlie, then Ren. “It’s kinda your fault for not realizing it was gonna be like this, especially with someone as unstable as Charlie-”
“Kill yourself.”
“-And even more especially when his knee-jerk reaction is to prove my point.” Rain shrugged, smirking in the face of his shorter alpha’s glare. “Telling your dear mate to kill himself right before the birth of his child doesn’t scream mentally stable behavior to me!”
“...Nevermind, don’t waste your effort. I’ll kill you myself.”
“Can you at least wait until Rachel’s born?” A faux pout appeared on Rain’s face, his eyes shining gleefully as he stuck his bottom lip out. “I didn’t wait nine months for her to be born just to die right before she gets here!”
Leo’s head snapped to the side as Micah groaned from beside him, the tired alpha raising his head off of Leo’s shoulder. “You two are utterly insufferable. Nobody’s dying on our daughter’s birthday, and nobody’s mentally unstable. Can the argument, please.”
Both Rain and Charlie looked like they wanted to argue, but Leo shook his head with amusement, interjecting before either man could get a word in edgewise. He loved his mates, he really did, but this was not the time to be arguing about such trivial annoyances. “I don’t know about the mentally stable part, but I agree with the no dying rule. I think we should all agree to keep ourselves alive, at least until Rachel’s born, ok?”
Charlie was still glaring and Rain still had an antagonizing smirk on his face, but both men nodded reluctantly, Charlie’s hand instinctively tightening around Ren’s. “Fine. But Rain’s gonna pay for that comment. Would be a shame if one of his lip piercings suddenly ‘fell out’ in the middle of the night-”
“Hey! I paid good money for those!”
Ren let out a small laugh, eventually cutting himself off with a small wince of pain. “I think Rachel agrees with your method of revenge. She just kicked me in the ribs.”
Small ‘awes’ filled the room as Ren rubbed his stomach affectionately, Micah leaning forward to add his gentle hand on top of Ren’s. “Rowdy little pup. She’s definitely Charlie’s daughter, isn’t she?”
“Hell yeah she is,” the alpha across from Micah grinned wildly, pressing a small kiss to the top of Ren’s forehead, then to Micah’s, and finally to the ever-lowering bump of Ren’s stomach, his voice quieting to a murmur. “But I’d prefer if you didn’t hurt your papa while communicating. How about we start giving him some grace, yeah?”
A loud growl interrupted Charlie’s soft chastising, commanding the attention of everyone in the room.
Leo looked down at his stomach, then over to Ren, surprised. “Was that…you? Or, well, your stomach?”
Ren looked equally puzzled but shook his head, looking down at Rachel’s outline affectionately. “No, I don’t think so. I mean, I am hungry, but I didn’t feel my stomach growl. Wasn’t her either.”
Everyone else in the room looked at each other quizzically, until a guilty hand slowly rose up, an equally guilty look plastered across Rain's face. “Sorry, that was me. My stomach’s been growling for a bit, but I didn’t think it would get that loud. Ignore me.”
“Baby, are you really that hungry?” Ren leaned forward with a small wince, grabbing onto Rain’s hand as Charlie tried to guide him back onto his pillow. “Why didn’t you tell us? I’m sure someone could have gone out and gotten you some food!”
Rain’s face had remained sheepish as he grabbed Ren’s hand, but quickly morphed into an expression of outrage as the omega spoke. “You joking? Ren, you’re eight hours into labor and about to pop! I’m not gonna just get up to leave you when Rachel’s this close to coming, and I’m certainly not gonna make one of the others get up and leave on my behalf! A couple hours of hunger isn’t gonna kill me, I’ll be fine!”
Despite the pleading tone behind Rain’s words, Ren shook his head firmly, unrelenting. “No, you won’t be fine. You deserve to eat. All of you do. None of you have eaten anything since getting here, right?”
“Yeah, but neither have you!”
“Because I can’t, Rain.” Ren shook Rain’s hand firmly, shrugging Charlie’s ever-concerned hand off of his shoulder as he spoke. “But that doesn’t mean you guys shouldn’t. I’m not gonna starve my mates for however long it takes for Rachel to get here, especially since I want to spend the first few hours after Rachel’s born together, without any absences. Besides, I don’t want you guys to spend your first moments with your daughter with half your mind on food. It’s better for you to eat now and stay later, ok?”
Nobody said anything. Rain still looked like he wanted to argue, and so did Charlie, but neither said anything.
Ren looked from mate to mate, meeting Leo’s gaze desperately. When he received no answer, he sighed. “Look, I know you’re all hungry. You can’t lie to me, I can see it in your eyes. Please, go get food, ok?”
Leo unconsciously looked away, guilt flashing in his stomach. If he was being honest, he was really hungry, but he had endured the slight ache in favor of staying with his mate. Besides, as Rain had said, Ren couldn’t eat. If the most stressed among them had to fast, why shouldn’t he? He wasn’t going to be selfish during one of the most stressful moments of Ren’s life, he couldn’t. He could survive a couple more hours without food, it was no big deal.
At least, Leo thought so. Ren didn’t seem too convinced, because the taller omega sighed again, his head snapping towards Charlie faster than Leo's eyes could track. "Charlie, go get food."
"What?" A strange mix of complete outrage and utter disbelief washed over the blond alpha's expression, an unintentional snarl appearing on his face as he looked down on Ren. "No! Absolutely not! I'm not leaving you right now, how could you even suggest that?!"
"I'm not suggesting you do it, I'm telling you to do it," Ren said, his voice surprisingly authoritative. Leo almost never saw Ren boss any of his mates around like that, not unless it was absolutely necessary. "It's not just for you, it's for your other mates too. Go get food for everyone."
"No! Why can't someone else do it? I can't leave, you need me!"
"I'll be fine," Ren snorted, flopping back down in his hospital bed. " “There’s a couple of fast food places nearby, you can just go to one of those. Besides, it'll give both you and me a break. I won't have to listen to you worrying every five minutes, and you can focus on something besides me for the first time all day. Win-win, right?"
Charlie scoffed, his eyes wide with indignation. "You kidding? 'Win-win?' How am I supposed to focus on doing anything besides caring for you?! I can't go, you can't make me!"
There was a small pause, Ren's eyes narrowing as he silently sized his mate up. Then, slowly, very slowly, a finger raised itself, inching closer to the call button next to Ren's bed. "...Really? You wanna test that theory? Because we can do that. But remember, I'm the patient. The nurses have every authority to kick you out, all at my word. Still wanna argue?"
Charlie's mouth snapped shut, eyes widening to a near impossible degree. "You...You won't. You wouldn't actually."
"Oh I would," Ren growled, his finger unwavering. "And I won't let you back in until I see food in your hands. Go. Get. The. Food."
Charlie didn't say anything, just continued to glare down at his mate in some sort of intimidation contest.
While the two men were distracted, Leo slowly leaned towards Micah, careful not to catch Ren's wrathful attention. "I'm scared."
"Me too," Micah whispered back, leaning closer to Leo's head as he squeezed his hand. "Ren's never this threatening. You think we'll be spared if we just pretend not to be here?"
"...We'll see."
Unfortunately, as soon as the words exited Leo's mouth, Ren turned towards him, his eyes blazing with annoyance. "Leo, go with Charlie. Make sure he actually leaves the hospital."
Leo opened his mouth, ready to protest, but quickly shut it after giving it a millisecond's thought. He really, really didn't want to leave Ren on his own, not when he was so close to having Rachel, but he also valued his life, in that moment, at least. "Yeah, uh, ok. We're gonna go now, ok?"
"Like hell we are!" Charlie's protest bordered on a shout, complete desperation overtaking his body as he tried to grab onto Ren's hand. "Why are you so calm about this?! Why aren't you protesting?! We can't leave him like this! We don't need food anyway, we can survive, come on, help me convince him it's fine, it is fine-"
"Ok, ok, that's enough!"
Before Charlie's voice could get any louder, Rain abruptly stood up from his chair, shooting Ren a desperate look as he put a calming hand on the back of Charlie's back, nudging him back down in his seat. "Look, there's no need to fight about this, ok? We don't really need food all that bad anyway, we can survive. I know you're worried about us, but right now, you're our first priority. We don't want to make this any more stressful than it already is on you, so please, let's not get into an argument about food of all things, ok?"
Rain's voice was pleading, but although Leo could see Ren's eyes soften as he looked at their beta, Ren shook his head, his voice as firm as ever. "No, you need to eat. I'm not gonna make you starve. If you really want to make me feel better, food needs to be bought. Seriously, it's not gonna kill me to let you guys go for a couple minutes."
"Then let me get it," Rain begged, his hands intertwining with Ren's. "It's my fault we even brought this up in the first place, so please, let Charlie stay while I get the food. I don't even need Leo to come with me, I can get it on my own and then come back as soon as possible. Wouldn't that be better for everybody? You'll have most of your mates with you, and I can fix the problem I created. There'll be no more arguing, right?"
A slow build-up of hope seemed to be appearing in Charlie's eyes as Rain spoke, but it looked like Ren was on a roll, unable to be stopped. "Rain, babe, I love that you're trying to help, but no. Charlie's pissed me off and now he's gonna have to deal with the consequences. He's gonna get the food, and Leo's gonna go with him. You and Micah can stay here and take care of me while they're gone, ok?"
Leo could see Charlie open his mouth again, eyes rife with spreading outrage, so he quickly stood up, knees popping as he leaned over to kiss Ren on his forehead. "Yup, you got it, no problem. We're gonna get the food now, the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll be back, right?"
He glanced up at Charlie as he spoke, but the alpha didn't seem to be listening, the snarl on his face only growing deeper as Leo stood back up. "I'm not going anywhere-"
"We're going now, ok?" Leo's voice lowered to a growl, his feet leading him around the bed, until he was directly next to where Charlie was sitting. Without thinking about the potential consequences, Leo slipped his hands until Charlie's armpits, ignoring his alpha's growls of outrage as he hauled his mate out of his chair and onto his feet. Leo understood Charlie's hesitations all too well, anything could go wrong while they were away, but how was he supposed to defy his mate during the most stressful moment of his life? "Now do me a favor, and walk out that door. I'll meet you at my car, got it?"
Charlie tried to protest, but by some miracle, Leo managed to drag him towards the door, throwing the lighter alpha outside and promptly shutting the hospital door.
Rain, Micah, and Ren were all staring at Leo in amazement, a massive grin beginning to spread across Ren's previously tense face.
Leo closed his eyes and sighed, pressing his back against the door before looking back to his mates. "There's a Wendy's right next to the hospital, we're gonna go there. Orders?"
Rain and Micah spat out their orders, watching Leo intently as he noted them down in his phone.
"Alright, good." Leo turned towards Ren, eying his stomach nervously before meeting Ren's gaze. "You're getting food too. Not cheap fast food either, real, good food for after Rachel's popped out. We can always get something else if you change your mind, but what do you think you'll be craving once you can eat again?"
Ren smiled, a bright, genuine smile. "I can choose anything?"
"Anything in the world."
"Hmmm...then I want...." Ren leaned back, closing his eyes. He looked almost blissful, minus the swollen bump showing under his nesting blankets. "...Lobster risotto. Lobster risotto with some bubble gum ice cream, if you can find it. Oh, and maybe a salad on the side. That would be nice, I think."
Despite the stress crawling under Leo's skin, he couldn't help but smile kindly at his omega. "Then lobster risotto with a salad and bubble gum ice cream is what we'll get. We'll be back as soon as possible, ok?"
Ren nodded, blowing Leo a kiss. He suddenly looked very tired, as if all the strength he had mustered to fend off Charlie had drained away in an instant. "Ok. Thank you so much for doing this. I love you so much, you know that?"
"...I know. I love you too." Leo blew a kiss right back at Ren, swallowing down the disbelief crawling up his throat. Now that he had a moment to think, doubt was spreading across his body like a tidal wave. Did Ren really love him? Had he done something wrong, to have Ren send him away like this? Maybe he just thought Charlie needed supervision, but..."Just one last thing, and then I'll be on my way."
"...Mm?"
"You two." Leo took in a nervous breath, focusing his attention on Rain and Micah. If he couldn't be there for Ren, he would do what he could to make sure Ren was taken care of in his absence. "Keep Ren as comfortable as possible while we get the food. We shouldn't be gone for too long, but if Rachel starts coming while we're gone, I want you to text both me and Charlie immediately. We'll rush right over, food be damned. Got it?"
To Leo's relief, both his mates nodded, Rain mimicking Micah's mock salute from hours earlier. "Gotcha. We'll keep you guys updated, we swear!"
"Good." Leo nodded happily, turning to open the hospital door. "I love you all, be back soon!"
As Leo shut the door behind him, his mates echoing his goodbye, a taller, angrier presence closed in on his backside, radiating fear thick enough to clog Leo's nose.
"What the fuck was that?!" Charlie didn't bother to keep his voice down, stomping noisily behind Leo as the omega turned away from the door and began walking silently down the hospital halls. "You actually had the audacity to push me out of Ren's hospital room? While he's in labor?! What is wrong with you? You of all people should understand that he needs us more than ever right now, we can't just leave!"
Leo didn't dignify Charlie with a response. He just set his sights on the hospital exit, letting his mate ramble furiously behind him until the cleanliness of the outside air hit his aching nose. He hadn't realized just how much the chemical smell was bothering him until he stepped outside for the first time in hours.
"-nd what if he goes into labor and we're not there, huh? Have you ever considered that? What if we completely miss Rachel's birth getting stupid food? Will it be worth it then? To have followed Ren's orders? Will it-"
"We're gonna make three stops." Leo interrupted as he plodded towards his car, Charlie still in tow. "We're gonna get some fast food for ourselves, then we need to go to the store and get Ren's ice cream, and after that, we need to pick up his lobster risotto and salad from a restaurant. I'm sure there's one nearby, you can order it to go while I drive."
There was a moment of uncomfortable, stunned silence, then Charlie's anger was back, burning brighter than ever before. "What?! Three stops?! Are you joking?! That's gonna take us at least an hour, we can't be gone that long! Why can't we just-"
"I don't care how long it takes!"
There was suddenly complete silence, Charlie's complaints dying the second Leo's words burst into the air. Irritation thrummed against Leo's skull as he slowly turned around to face his mate, fully expecting to see a complaint on Charlie's lips, but to his surprise, the alpha seemed almost stunned, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and apprehension. "...What?"
"What do you mean, 'what'?" Leo spread his hands in front of him, complete disbelief flowing through his veins. Was Charlie purposely missing the point of their intended destinations, or was he just so riled up that nothing was registering? Either way, if he really wanted to help Ren as effectively as possible, why couldn't he just shut up and go along with what needed to be done? Didn't he realize that this wasn't about him? "Do you not understand what the words coming out of my mouth mean? I. Don't Care. How. Long. It. Takes."
There was another lapse of silence, shock settling over Charlie's face. Then his signature snarl reappeared, nasty as ever. "You can't be serious-"
"No, you can't be serious!" Leo threw up his hands, his neck twitching involuntarily as he glared at his mate. His breathing was picking up, but he didn't care, not when his mate was acting so childish. "You just threw a several minute long tantrum in Ren's hospital room and in the hallway of the hospital, for anyone to hear! Not only that, but you argued with your pregnant mate, who's about to pop mind you, to the point that he nearly kicked you out of the hospital room! Are you not embarrassed? Do you not realize how appalling that is?"
The shock was back on Charlie's face, Leo could see it through the haze of red that was suddenly covering his vision, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was on a roll, he wouldn't be able to stop himself if he tried. "You think I want to leave him? You think I'm perfectly happy with having to go get food while he's close to having our daughter? You think that I haven't thought of every possible thing that could go wrong while we're gone? Because I can assure you I have, and it's killing me to be out of that room right now! But I'm not going to argue with my mate, who is in labor, because it's not about me! As much as it pains me to leave him, he is in a much rougher spot than I am, and getting into an argument with him while he's actively having contractions cannot be helping him in any capacity. Why do you think I didn't argue when Ren told me to go with you? Why do you think Rain offered to go in your place, despite the fact that he's equally as terrified of leaving Ren as the rest of us are? Why do you think I had to drag you out of the hospital room because you couldn't keep yourself from arguing? It's because it's not about us, it's about Ren, and arguing with him isn't gonna make anything better! Instead of immediately getting up to get food, you spent way too long arguing with him over whether or not it was worth it! Do you know how much faster we would have been if we had just gone immediately?"
Charlie opened his mouth, but Leo ignored him, waving his hands around in sheer exasperation. "And no Charlie, I don't care how long it takes us to get to all our stops. Because I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for Ren. You know what he wants? He wants lobster risotto with a salad and ice cream, and I will be damned if he doesn't get his food, because he deserves it. He deserves more, more than I can possibly give him in my lifetime, let alone this single moment, but you know what? If I can do this one thing for him, no matter how small, I'm gonna do it. Because he asked me to. So we are going to get our food, and you're going to order Ren's food while we drive, and then we're going to go to the store to get his ice cream, and then we're going to go pick up Ren's food, and only after all that's done will we come back to the hospital, because I owe this to Ren for carrying our pup for us, for going through all this pain, so I don't care if we're gone for an hour, he is getting his damn risotto. "
Leo's voice rose to a near yell at his final words and he forced himself to take a deep breath in, a desperate effort to keep himself under control. His hands trembled as he dragged them over his now-damp face, going under the frames of his glasses as he vigorously rubbed the tears out of his eyes.
Charlie was still standing there, mouth agape, his gaze still fixed firmly on Leo's shaking body.
Lowering his hands, Leo turned back toward his car, a sudden wave of embarrassment and shame washing over him. "Come on. The sooner we start going, the sooner we'll be done."
Without sparing a glance backwards, Leo entered the driver's seat of his car, slamming the door shut. A moment later Charlie tentatively opened his own side door, and with that, Leo started the car.
...
It wasn't until they arrived at the Wendy's drive through that anyone broke the silence, and it was only because Leo needed to put in his order. Charlie was beside him still, typing away at his phone as he ordered Ren's food, but he had managed to keep his mouth shut the entire car ride, not even bothering to comment on Leo's outburst in the hospital's parking lot.
His outburst. Right.
Leo had avoided thinking about it too much, distracting himself with the road in front of him, but the overwhelming mortification settling over his still-hazy mind was getting harder to ignore. Sure, Charlie's outburst had been wildly inappropriate, but was his much better? He had started his own little fight in the hospital's parking lot after all, for anyone close by to hear. He hadn't meant to, he didn't want to spend what was supposed to be such a happy day arguing with one of the men he loved most in the world, but all his stress was piling up until it felt like he would burst, and Charlie's temper tantrum had just been too irritating to stand-
...But it wasn't an excuse. He couldn't allow it to be. Charlie was stressed too, terrified out of his mind even, but instead of helping his mate, Leo yelled at him. He had let his own emotions get in the way of his rational thinking, and he had scolded his mate when he needed comfort the most.
But...hadn't Charlie done the same? Why was he allowed to yell and scream and argue when upset, but not Leo? Why did Leo have to bottle everything up when his mate was so...so uncaring?
...No. No. He couldn't justify himself. Charlie had always been more temperamental, that wasn't a new fact to anyone. Besides, he was an alpha, predisposed to getting violent when his mate was concerned. Leo wasn't. He was an omega. He was supposed to keep himself calm, supposed to take care of and relax his mates when they were too worked up. He wasn't supposed to yell, he wasn't supposed to pick a fight, and he certainly wasn't meant to openly defy his mate, pushing him around and making decisions for him. He was supposed to listen and follow, like Ren did. Ren wouldn't have scolded Charlie like that, if their places had been swapped. He would have followed his alpha's lead, letting him decide what was to be done before going along with whatever decision was reached. The only reason he fought back this time was because he wanted to take care of his mates, like a good omega would.
Ren was a far better mate than Leo could ever be. He would have handled everything so much better, if he had been the one getting food.
...But that was stupid, wasn't it? Leo knew it was stupid. Being an omega didn't mean shit, not where his behavior was concerned. He didn't believe in biological personalities, so why was he putting such a ridiculous expectation on himself? His personality was fine, his mates wouldn't have gotten with him if it wasn't, right? He was allowed to get angry sometimes, wasn't he? He was taking care of his mates in his own way, wasn't he?
...But Ren suited them so much better, and everyone else was so perfect in their roles, and he didn't want his mates to leave him-
...No, that was stupid, he was taking care of Ren by defending him, keeping everything under control, and getting food. He was doing what he could, he wasn't a failure, he wasn't-
...
...
Why couldn't he figure out what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just stick to one set of expectations? Why was his role in his pack so difficult to figure out? Did the others have doubts about who they were meant to be? They couldn't, right? They were all so perfect, so natural, they couldn't possibly be struggling the way Leo was, right?
...He didn't know. He didn't know what to think. He was tired of thinking. He just wanted to be a good mate without hating his own guts every second of the day. Was that too much to ask for? Some peace? Some clarity?
Leo stifled and annoyed hiss, reaching his hand out his now-open window to grab his food. He could be angry at himself and the world later. For now, he needed to focus on driving. He had a job to do, after all.
The ride to the grocery store was just as icy, a chilling frost that followed the pair as they walked through the sliding doors and split off to find Ren's treasured ice cream. The stagnant air that hung between them as they eventually managed to check out was nearly suffocating, every beep of the scanner feeling like a gunshot to Leo's aching head. Leo couldn't even appreciate the decent stash of snacks and treats they had managed to gather for Ren, a hollow hole opening in his stomach when he should have been glowing with pride.
Once they were done, the pair headed back to the car, footsteps thundering off the frigid asphalt under their feet.
The Italian restaurant Charlie had ordered Ren's food from wasn't all that far away, just a fifteen minute ride from the store, a twenty minute ride from the hospital. The journey there almost felt like a blimp, Leo pulling into a parking spot before he could really even register leaving the store's own parking lot.
Biting his thumbnail, Leo checked the clock in his car and sighed. They had been gone roughly thirty minutes, a considerably shorter amount of time compared to how long they thought it might take. Maybe they wouldn't be missing much after all.
"...I'll get the food. You stay here."
Jumping with shock, Leo turned to face his mate, trying to catch his eye between thick stands of blond hair. "...You sure? I can nab it, or come with you."
Charlie turned away, already unbuckling his seatbelt. "Nah, I got it. Won't take more than one person anyway."
With that, Charlie stepped out of the car, closing the door behind him as he headed out.
Leo watched solemnly as his mate's form grew smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing into the wooden doors at the front of the building. He had messed up, he knew he messed up, but was Charlie really going to pretend like Leo wasn't even there, ready to help, despite his anger?
He should have kept his mouth shut. He should have listened to Charlie's complainants and kept his thoughts to himself. He should've focused on reassuring his alpha instead of berating him, he should have done what he could to ease Charlie's worries, maybe he shouldn't have left Ren in the first place. Charlie was right after all, what if Ren went into labor while they were gone? An hour didn't feel like a long time, wasn't really much in the grand scheme of things, but with labor? So much could happen in an hour, Rachel could be born within ten minutes, if they missed that just for their own selfish needs, his selfish needs, he'd never forgive himself, he'd never live down the absolute regret he'd feel for not just listening to his alpha-
Leo's blurry eyes flicked to the clock again, taking a moment to adjust. Charlie had already been gone for five minutes, and there was no sign of him exiting the building anytime soon.
Breathing heavily, Leo pulled out his phone. No new texts, from Charlie or from his still-waiting mates. Nobody was communicating with him, not even a simple "we're fine."
Leo let out a low whistle, mimicking some small pattern he recognized from lord knows where. He wasn't sure why he was surprised at the lack of communication, he had screwed up in what he imagined to be at least four or five different ways in the span of an hour. He had readily agreed to abandoning his mate and soon-to-be-born daughter, he had shoved his own mate out of the hospital room, he had ignored Charlie's concerns only to scream at him in the hospital parking lot, he had failed to apologize in the thirty minutes that they had been in each other's presence, he had failed to help bring in the food Charlie was now taking forever to get, he had failed to defuse the tension between Charlie and Ren, he had failed to keep his emotions under control-
Snapping noises erupted from Leo's fingers, low trills and whistles accompanying them. What if the reason nobody had texted him was because Rachel had started coming, and they were too wrapped up in comforting Ren to notice? Rain and Micah had promised to text him and Charlie when Rachel was coming, but a pup's arrival was bound to be chaotic, how could he be sure they didn't just forget in all the anxiety and excitement? What if Ren needed them both more than one of them needed the time to text?
...Did Charlie leave him? Did they text Charlie and not him? Did Charlie call a friend to pick him up, or some type of uber? Was Leo waiting for a mate who was no longer there, praying for the presence of a man who would never come? How long would it take for him to realize he had been abandoned? An hour? Two? What if Charlie was already on his way back to the hospital, meeting up with the mates they had so carelessly abandoned? What if they locked Leo out of the hospital room, keeping him from ever meeting his daughter? What if they locked him out of the apartment, threw out all his stuff, kicked him out of the pack, hid his daughter away from him, what if this was the end, what if everything he loved was crumbling apart because of his carelessness, what if he was a bad mate, bad mate bad omega bad father bad mate bad bad bad-
The door next to Leo swung open and a sharp yelp escaped his lips, his head shooting up from where it had fallen onto the rim of the steering wheel. It was hard to see through the liquid now covering the frames of his glasses, but there was a somewhat visible blob in front of him, a circle of beige-ish yellow held up on top of a larger blob of mostly black and blue.
"...Come here."
Gentle hands reached for Leo, brushing against his skin, pulling off his seatbelt, but Leo pushed back with one hand, vigorously rubbing at his eyes with the others. "No, no, it's fine, I'm fine, don't pull me out, I can drive I promise, I'm fine, please let me stay, don't kick me out-"
"No, Leo, it's ok. I'm not gonna do anything, I just want you to come here, ok?" The hands persisted, finally undoing Leo's seatbelt before grabbing onto his hands, pulling him out through the open door. "Here, I opened the back door, can you hop in there?"
Leo swallowed pathetically and nodded, stumbling his way to the backseat. He hated how pitiful he must look, but at least Charlie was letting him stay in the car. Maybe he'd still be allowed in the hospital, if he begged hard enough.
There was a slamming noise as Leo's shaky legs pushed him into the backseat, then Charlie was behind him, wrapping his arms around Leo's stomach and pulling Leo onto his lap before the omega had a chance to process what was happening. "Don't fight, just stay here. Lean on me."
Another door slammed, this time right next to them, and Leo unconsciously curled closer to Charlie, letting out a high-pitched whistle.
"I know, I know it's loud." A warm hand landed on Leo's upturned ear, pushing his head closer to the soft sweatshirt covering Charlie's chest. "I won't do that again, I promise. Here, warm. Warm blankets. Gonna wrap you up, ok?"
Leo nodded, shivering slightly as the fuzzy fabric of blankets swaddled his trembling form. He had forgotten that he'd left the blankets he brought to the ravine in the backseat of his car, too lazy to actually bring them inside the apartment again. He never anticipated needing them whilst in his car, but clearly, his laziness was paying off. They still smelled of home, of his mates, of his childhood room, easing his nerves the second their scent wrapped itself around him, wafting around his head like a comforting cloud.
A stronger scent rose beneath Leo's body, almost overpowering the gentle mix of welcoming aromas still clinging to the previously abandoned fabric. Fresh leather fused with a slight tinge of salt was invading Leo's nose, making him lightheaded, forcing his taunt nerves to relax against Charlie's body, if only a little. The comforting pheromones were almost like a drug, numbing every bit of panic inside of Leo's body until he could almost forget how terrible of a mate he was.
The arm around Leo's midsection pulled him closer, digging into his stomach as Charlie's chin rested itself on the omega's head. "You're safe now. Nothing's gonna hurt you, not now. It's ok."
Leo dug his head further into Charlie's chest, hands still trembling as they fidgeted with his fingers. He wanted to speak, wanted to tell Charlie that they should be rushing to the hospital instead of sitting there, curled up in the backseat of his car, but his tongue wouldn't work. All he could manage was a strangled chirping noise, his body shivering violently under the blankets Charlie had pulled around him. Lord, he couldn't even muster up the energy to speak, how was he supposed to help Ren now? How was he supposed to drive back to the hospital when he was behaving like this, letting his self-deprecation get in the way of his duty to his mates and pup? He really wasn't cut out for his pack, everyone else was managing themselves just fine, his alphas and beta were much better suited for the stress they were all under, he was so pathetic for crumbling under the pressure he had nine months to prepare for, how could he be a decent father if he couldn't even handle labor , how could he how could he how could he, bad mate bad father bad omega bad mate-
Another distressed chirp erupted from Leo's lips, followed by a whistle.
"You're ok." Charlie's voice drifted through the air, still rough, but gentle in its own unique way. A comforting authority that only Charlie possessed. "Good omega. Safe omega. Not gonna let anything hurt you. Safe here. Relax. Safe. Sweet mate, precious omega. Everything's ok. You're ok. Other mates are safe. No worrying, no fear."
Leo shook his head again, getting out a pathetic whine of discomfort, but Charlie's voice was insistent, cutting through the thoughts clouding Leo's mind.
"Good, special omega." The alpha was growling, pressing his mouth and nose snugly into Leo's hair. "Perfect mate. Beautiful mate. Safe. Everyone's safe. You're safe. Relax. Your alpha is here. My mate. My perfect omega. Stay still, relax. Let your alpha take care of you."
The alpha carried on, repeating his affirmations in Leo's ear in between protective growls and comforting chuffs. His arms held Leo steady as a weak spasm wracked the omega's body, a poor attempt to escape on Leo's part, forcing Leo to resign himself to his current position.
Another whine escaped Leo's lips. He was desperate to get free, to hop back into the driver's seat and take off towards the hospital, but what could he do? Charlie clearly wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon, and as much as Leo hated to admit it, the logical part of his brain was reminding him that driving in such a state of panic was probably not a great idea. He needed to calm down if he was going to salvage the little usefulness he had left, and unfortunately, that meant waiting for the storm to pass.
...At least Charlie was there. At least he was holding Leo, cuddling him, reassuring him. Leo knew Charlie didn't mean it, didn't really think he was a good mate, but he couldn't deny that his alpha's warmth and overpoweringly protective scent were doing a wonderful job at invading his senses, already overriding the part of his brain that was determined to torment him. His anxiety was still there, powerful and persistent, but Leo could feel each thought slowing down a little, their insults growing cloudier, less intelligible. The newfound peace was giving Leo time to process his emotions and the world around him, drawing him out of his head and back into the real world.
Leo snuggled impossibly close to Charlie's chest, still chirping and whining. The alpha dug his face farther into Leo's neck, his body vibrating with his chuffs and growls, and he wrapped his arms tighter around Leo's torso, practically smothering the omega in his skin.
Time seemed to slow down, at least in Leo's mind, but realistically, he and Charlie only spent about ten minutes curled up in the backseat of his car, snuggled against each other. Neither spoke, the air buzzing solely with their combined noises of desperation and reassurance, but words weren't needed. It was simply enough for Leo to bask in his mate's presence, letting his brain shut down, until nothing but Charlie's comfort remained. They could have stayed like that forever, if the distant honk of a car hadn't broken them both out of their trance.
A yelp escaped Leo's lips at the noise, and Charlie let out a puff of reassurance, kissing Leo's cheek tenderly. "It's ok, that wasn't aimed at us."
"...I know," Leo replied, sinking sullenly into Charlie's chest. "It's just...loud. And jarring. I don't like it."
"...Yeah. I get that." Charlie shifted slightly, thumbs rubbing smoothly over Leo's skin. "Are you alright?"
Leo paused, unsure of whether to continue. He was feeling better, but... "You...You were right. We shouldn't have left. Ren needed us more than we needed food. We should go back now. We've been gone too long, especially with this...situation, and we still have a twenty minute drive ahead of us. I'll never forgive myself if we miss something, if they need us and we're not there. I should've sided with you. I should have pushed back against Ren. I was a coward. I should have listened to you. I'm so sorry, I should have listened. I was an asshole, I shouldn't have blown up at you, I shouldn't have cried on you, I should have understood where you were coming from, I should have-"
A nose nuzzled itself against Leo's cheek and the omega let out another sharp whistle, cutting off the rest of his unintelligible spiral.
"No, you were right." Lips softly connected with Leo's upturned cheek, the hand on Leo's ear soon moving to replace them. "I was being selfish. So selfish. I shouldn't have picked a fight with Ren, and I definitely shouldn't have tried to argue in the hospital halls. That was incredibly stupid of me, and I'm so, so sorry. The stress has been getting to my head, and I just...I only thought of what I wanted, which was to stay by Ren's side. I didn't think about what he needed or deserved, I just thought about myself. I let my protectiveness get in the way of actually caring for my mates."
An uncomfortable chirp escaped Leo's mouth. "But you were right, what if something happened while we were gone? I wasn't taking this seriously enough, you only argued because you cared for Ren's safety-"
"You were taking it incredibly seriously." Charlie shook his head, his chin digging deeper into Leo's scalp. "You wouldn't have advocated for Ren if you weren't. You were angry on his behalf, rightfully so, because you were actually listening to him. I wasn't, and my actions made everyone more upset. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for being a bad mate, for not considering anyone else's feelings but my own. I deserved to be yelled at, and I deserved to be kicked out of the hospital room."
A trill of shock ran down Leo's spine and he snapped his fingers, shaking his head side to side. "No, you're not a bad mate. You were just trying to protect Ren in the way you knew how. And I shouldn't have yelled at you, I was acting just as irrational. I was being a complete jerk, I should never have spoken to you like that."
A growl sounded out. "No, I'm glad you spoke to me like that. I'm glad you told me how terribly I was behaving. It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on me, it made me see the situation more clearly. I wasn't listening to calm reasoning or logic, but anger? I can understand that. You actually forced me to take a look at what I had done through a lens that wasn't my own, and I hated what I saw. I was acting like a fool, and I deserved to be put in my place."
"...But-"
"No buts." Charlie growled again, kissing the top of Leo's head tenderly. "Look, Leo, do you know how jarring it was to hear you raise your voice at me?"
Leo hesitated, then shook his head.
One of Charlie's hands moved, firmly grabbing onto Leo's. "It was terrifying. Not because I'm scared of you, I know you would never try to hurt me, but because you rarely ever yell at us. You argue, sure, but raising your voice like that? I can count on my fingers how many times you've done that in front of me, whether it was aimed at me or anyone else. You're bold, and you never fail to speak your mind, but you're almost never that aggressive, not unless you're really fired up."
Leo opened his mouth to argue, to remind Charlie that his hatred of yelling didn't justify his little tantrum, but the alpha continued, squeezing Leo's hand comfortingly.
"Hearing you of all people snap like that shocked me to my core. I hadn't expected that, not when you were acting so calm only minutes before. I had no idea you were so angry, but listening to you rant made me realize that I had pushed you over a breaking point. I had probably pushed our mates over a breaking point too, but they were smart enough to not make a scene in public. I wasn't. I was selfish, and I acted like a child, and it took the angry words of a mate who wasn't afraid to put me in my place to make me realize how awful I was being. As freaky as it was, your honest rage was refreshing."
As Charlie spoke, Leo felt soft lips place themselves on his forehead, his mate's rough voice lowering to a near whisper. "That's one of the things I love about you, you know that? You're kind, and you try to help us out without a fight, but you aren't afraid to put any of us in our place when you need to. You've made me a better person, even though I'm still a jerk. I appreciate that more than you could possibly know."
"...Really?"
"Yes, really." A hand squeezed Leo's, warm and soothing. "You're a bigger help than you know."
"...Thank you."
Charlie's words sounded sincere, his lips plopping down on Leo's head once again, but Leo couldn't bring himself to believe his mate, shock trilling down his spine. Him? Make Charlie better? Him? No, that couldn't be right. Maybe Micah's never-wavering patience could have fixed some of Charlie's issues, or Rain's carefree attitude, or Ren's eternal love, kindness, and support, but him? He didn't have anything that his mates didn't already have, how could he possibly make Charlie a better man? Especially by snapping at him? That's not how a person was supposed to treat their mates, let alone an omega, how could his temper do anything good for anyone?
Leo didn't understand. He couldn't understand. Was Charlie lying, or was he seeing something in Leo that Leo couldn't see himself?
...No, no, he had to be lying. There was no way he wasn't. Leo wasn't special, he couldn't help anyone. He was nothing, a dim flame compared to the bonfires of his mates' souls.
Leo shifted, his eyes flicking to the clock in his car.
…They had been gone for close to an hour.
"Shit." Leo shot up, eyes widening as blankets fell over his shoulder. "Charlie, we've been gone too long. Like, seriously. It's been an hour!"
"What?!" Leo felt his mate shift in his seat, peering at the clock on the car's dashboard. "Crap! We told them we'd be back by now, didn't we?"
Before Charlie could react in any other capacity, Leo swung his legs off of his mate's lap and shifted over to the other seat next to them, shaking the rest of his blankets off of his body. "We did. We can't keep them waiting any longer, we need to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. Can you open the door?"
Charlie nodded, swinging the side door open and stretching his stiff legs out. He reached his hands back inside the car, helping Leo step out of the vehicle before making his way to the driver's side door.
Leo frowned. "Hey, where are you headed? I thought I was driving."
A click sounded out, the driver's door opening. "Not anymore, starlight. I'm glad you're calmer, but you still have tears in your eyes. I don't think it's a good idea for you to start driving fresh out of a panic attack, ok?"
"It... it wasn't that bad, was it?" Leo opened up the passenger side door, hopping into his seat and buckling his seat belt. He wanted to argue about the driving, it was his car after all, but starting another fight after all that had happened didn't seem like a great idea, and besides, the panic Charlie had managed to shake off of him was returning rapidly, building up in his throat until he felt like he was gonna cry again. "I wasn't really having a panic attack, was I?"
Before Leo knew it, the car was backing up, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road. "Sweetheart, it was. You were sobbing and your breathing was all over the place, not to mention all the stimming. You're only that frantic with it when you're trying to comfort yourself."
"...Oh."
"I don't blame you," Charlie said, flicking on the car's turn signal and drifting left, eyes focused on the rearview mirror. "You hate arguing with us, and Ren is in labor. This is an incredibly stressful time, and you've never been great with so much pressure. I'm sorry I didn't pick up on your anxiety sooner."
The car turned left, and Leo nodded, placing a hand on Charlie's free one. "No, you were angry and scared too. I should have been more sympathetic, and I wasn't. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for fighting with you, and I'm sorry for crying on you immediately afterwards. That wasn't fair to you, I should have been more considerate of your feelings."
"Leo, we already went over this. I'm not mad at you." Charlie flipped his hand to squeeze Leo's, warm and damp. "Look, if it'll make you feel better, I'll accept your apology. But you need to accept mine too. And don't apologize for crying, nothing about that is wrong, Ok?"
"...Ok."
Silence enveloped the car, but it wasn't uncomfortable, not like before. There was no frost in the air, no bitter words left unsaid between the two mates inhabiting its front. No, the ice had been melted away, the warmth of Charlie's hand thawing out the remaining anxiety still lingering in Leo's bones. Everything was all right. Nobody was hurt, nobody was mad. Charlie wasn't upset anymore, if he was telling the truth, at least. Everything was fine. They'd be fine.
...But still, Leo couldn't help but wonder. What if Charlie was lying? What if he really was still mad, what if he was just covering up his rage because Leo had started panicking? What if he only bothered to comfort Leo because he didn't want to come across as a bad mate, or make Leo's situation worse? He had already done this once before, after all, when Charlie had screamed at him the night Ren had been gone. He had sobbed on Rain's chest, deriving comfort from one of his mates when the argument had been his fault. And sure, fine, Charlie hadn't been the one to comfort him, it had been Rain. But he still burdened one of his mates with the task of caring for him while he was unstable, forcing Rain to deal with an issue that wasn't his own. Now he was doing it again, this time with Charlie, and during the most stressful moment of their lives, no less. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he keep his emotions in check? He was supposed to be strong, be self-reliant, and yet he was adamantly badgering his unsuspecting mates with baggage they didn't ask for. Was he not as strong as he thought he was supposed to be? Had he opened himself up more than he intended too? Was he...oh lord, was he manipulating them into catering to his needs? He didn't mean to, he didn't want to be the manipulative mate who used the pack for his own gain, he didn't want-
...He was a bad mate. A mate who only thought about himself. A selfish mate. He didn't deserve Charlie's comfort, Rain's comfort, anyone's comfort. His emotions should have been his problem, no one else's.
He was a bad mate.
A sudden buzz in Leo's pocket broke him out of his thoughts, and he whipped out his phone, a jolt of renewed panic flashing through his veins.
Message from: Raindrop
Raindrop: Hey, not to alarm you, but we think Rachel's close to coming
Raindrop: Like, in the next hour kind of close
...
Raindrop: How far are you guys from the hospital?
Oh no.
"...Hey, Charlie?" Leo's voice was barely a whisper, all the air knocked out of him.
"Mm?"
"We might want to drive a little faster."
A pause. "...Holy crap, she's coming isn't she?"
"Not yet, but...soon, they think."
Charlie's hand tightened in Leo's, meeting the omega's ever constricting grip, and without another word, the car sped up, racing down the road at borderline dangerous speeds.
Leo closed his eyes, prayed they wouldn't get pulled over, and looked at the car's clock. Ten minutes until they arrived back at the hospital.
There was no way they'd be able to get there before his heart exploded.
Notes:
Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know if the pacing feels alright, not sure how I feel about it tbh.
Chapter 6: Stage Two: Distraction (Part Five)
Summary:
Stage 2: Distraction (Part Five)
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
Notes:
Sorry for the wait on this one! I went through a bit of a writing slump, but I'm back now, and hopefully will be uploading more often!
I'm also gonna work on a oneshot in between this chapter and the next, so it might take me a little longer to get that done, but I'm gonna try and get it out relatively soon!
(Tw for labor, it's kind of a big part of this chapter)
Edit: Because I'm stupid and forgot to research newborn behavior, Rachel acts in a way newborns shouldn't be able to normally. Instead of owning up to my mistake I'm just gonna say omegaverse pups develop differently than normal babies lol. Nothing to see here.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stage 2: Distraction (Part 5)
The subject begins to overwork themselves in a desperate act of distraction. Specific actions vary person to person, but most subject's work falls into a specific theme: pleasing their mate/mates. Subjects often don't realize the motive behind their actions.
If Leo could confidently say anything about his life, it would probably be that he was no stranger to panic. From panic attacks, to a diagnosed anxiety disorder, to an overactive mind, Leo had seen and done it all, somehow surviving each harrowing moment without his heart exploding into a million pieces. He would go so far as to say he was proud of himself for all that he'd dealt with, if he was feeling generous enough.
There was not a single moment of Leo's life that could have possibly prepared him for the sheer and utter terror he was experiencing now, the wind blowing through sweaty strands of hair as he and Charlie raced through the halls of the hospital. Leo's heart was beating out of his chest, but he forced his feet to move underneath him, not stopping until the two of them burst through the door of Ren's hospital room, panting uncontrollably.
Before them was Ren, laying on his back as small puffs of air escaped his parted lips. Micah and Rain stood on either side of his head, holding his tense arms as two nurses bent near the foot of the hospital bed, checking Ren's condition.
Their heads had snapped towards the door as Leo and Charlie stumbled in, tripping over themselves, but Leo couldn't bring himself to care. Rain had been right, Ren was actively pushing even as he looked towards the door, and with the way the nurses were positioned? Leo wasn't a doctor, but he was sure that it was another sign that his daughter was jarringly close to arriving. "Ren!"
"Leo." Ren croaked out, disconnecting a hand from Rain's own. He watched as Leo threw the drinks he was carrying to the side, eyes flicking behind the standing omega as he grabbed on to his extended hand. "And Charlie. You got my food!"
"Of course we got your food!" Leo collapsed in the seat next to Rain, his beta placing a comforting hand on his trembling shoulders before he gripped Ren's hand tighter. "Gosh, Ren, I'm so sorry we took so long. How can we help? What can we do? What...how..."
Ren grimaced, immediately letting out a low groan as a spasm rocked his body. "Not this again. You can't...can't do anything, this part is up to me and the nurses. Just...stay. Please stay. Don't leave me."
A door slammed, and suddenly Charlie was across from Leo, pushing past Micah to nuzzle up to his mate. "We aren't going anywhere, not again. We're gonna stay right here, and you're gonna squeeze us as tightly as you need to, and we're gonna do everything we can do to help, and once it's all over you're gonna hold your pup and eat the food you deserve more than anything in this world—"
Charlie cut himself off when another sharp contraction shook Ren's swollen body, letting out his own whine of pain before digging his face farther into Ren's cheek.
"It's ok, it's ok." Micah's panicked voice cut through the other sounds in the room, his blue eyes flicking from Charlie to Leo. His hand was trembling as it held Ren's. "He's gonna be ok. They said it wouldn't take long for Rachel to come out, so, uh, there's that. We're gonna meet her soon, we just...we just need to stay calm, yeah? Everybody take a deep breath in..."
The ginger alpha took a massive, shaky breath, hands kneading the skin of Ren's. Leo followed suit, feeling his lanky mate beside him inflate in time with his own body.
"Ok, good. Good..." Micah paused, eyes darting to every person in the room in second-long intervals. "Uh, ok, uh...Leo, where's the food?"
Leo barely looked up, rocking back and forth as he rested his forehead against Ren's knuckles. "Minifridge. Charlie put it there a second ago."
"Ok, ok, good, so Ren has his food..."
Another loud groan commanded everyone's attention, Charlie and Rain immediately snuggling closer to Ren's side. "Hurts..."
A chorus of reassurances fell from each man's lips, combining together into a chorus of terrified complements and encouragements. Ren was pushing harder now, he mumbled "I'm scared I'm scared, I'm scared" over and over again through painfully gritted teeth, body trembling with the effort of his movements.
Leo felt like he was going to pass out.
Rain shifted beside him, one of his hands grabbing onto Leo's free one. "You're swaying."
"...Am I?"
"Yeah." Rain briefly pulled away from Ren, placing a firm kiss on Leo's temple. His voice was just as shaky as everyone else's, but there was a faux-cheer there, coating his anxiety like honey. "Don't pass out on me, cause if you pass out I'm gonna pass out, and that's not helpful for anybody. So uh... you're not gonna pass out, right?"
Despite his terror, Leo managed a stiff nod, shooting Rain a small but determined look. "I'll do my best."
Leo looked back towards his other mates, head spinning as he tried to process what was going on. Micah and Charlie were whispering in Ren's ear, praising him for doing so well, both mates shaking like leaves in a winter storm. Rain was humming something beside him, a comforting melody Leo recognized from somewhere, gentle, slow, and calming. His ears were ringing, the nurses were saying something that he couldn't even begin to process, his body wincing every time a spasm wracked Ren's body, his eyes growing staticky as they focused solely on Ren's face. There were too many sights, too many noises, Leo's own voice becoming one with them. He hadn't even realized he'd begun to speak, not until Ren shot him a pained smile as he let out another push.
Something else was said, then something else, But Leo wasn't paying attention. His sole focus was Ren, Ren's voice, Ren's face, Ren's touch. Well, that and forcing the vomit that was crawling up his throat down into his stomach again, but besides that, his mate had all his attention. Nothing was real, nothing except Ren. Seconds were turning into minutes, minutes into seconds, time wasn't tangible anymore, all there was was pain and terror and Ren and hospital and Ren and the contractions and Ren-
"Head's crowning."
A wave of static invaded Leo's head, his body swaying in his seat. The nurse's words rang in his ears as his head slowly turned to the left, looking over, looking over, looking down, something in the nurse's hand-
Suddenly Leo was pulling his head off of Rain' shoulder, blinking rapidly in the face of the bright light of the hospital. He wasn't talking anymore, but he forced his voice to pick up again, rasping out incoherent complements.
Rain's hand squeezed Leo's tightly. Leo squeezed back.
A couple more minutes passed, how many, Leo wasn't sure. Ren was still pushing, everyone else was still talking, there was a beeping noise somewhere, the ringing in his ears was back again, his whole head was filled with static, the world was ending, everything was collapsing—
Then Leo heard a tiny, pitiful cry, and the fuzz in his head was back, overwhelming him, flooding against his skull—
Leo blinked rapidly again, his head back on Rain's shoulder. He tried to look around, but his neck couldn't hold his head, and one of the nurses was no longer by Ren, walking towards some station in the room with a fleshy blob in her arms.
There was another cry, but this one was familiar. Ren.
He didn't know how, but Leo was by his omega's side in an instant, leaning over and nuzzling Ren's face as firmly as his numb body would allow. His other mates were beside him, kissing Ren's face, scenting his neck, purring and rumbling and chuffing and chirping, all happy, reassuring noises, drowning out their omega's soft cries of...shock? Pain? Fear? Leo didn't know, it was probably all three, all he knew is that Ren needed him, he was exhausted and aching from his labor and he needed them, right now Ren was his priority, Rachel was out and probably getting cleaned off by the nurses, leaving Ren all on his own, he needed his mates, Leo needed Ren-
...Rachel was getting cleaned off. Rachel was outside of Ren's body. Rachel was out.
Rachel was there .
A massive purr rose up in Leo's throat, so strong it shook his whole body. His daughter, his daughter was out, his daughter was there, Ren had done it—"I love you. I love you so much, my sweet omega. I've got you, it's ok, everything's ok. You were so, so brave, I love you so much."
Despite his exhaustion, Ren nodded, tearful eyes gazing lovingly into Leo's own. Leo wasn't sure he had ever been as happy as he was at that moment.
"You did it," someone else was whispering, Leo couldn't tell who. "You did it, she's here, oh baby, you did it!"
"...I did it." Ren whispered back, voice clogged with tears. He squeezed Leo's hand, energy completely sapped. "She's here. I can hear her, she's crying. She's really here!"
One of the nurses came back over to Ren, kneeling down to where she had been before. The four mates eyed her anxiously, snuggling up impossibly close to Ren's still quivering body as the nurse got to work cleaning up, gently scrubbing away whatever liquid was clinging to Ren's thighs.
Another sharp cry erupted from somewhere behind Leo, startling him into tensing. He was slowly coming back to his senses, his dizziness dissipating little by little, but the noise was still a shock to his system, especially when...
"Rachel!" Ren suddenly sat up, using what little energy he seemed to have to frantically glance over Rain and Leo's shoulders. He completely ignored the incessant hands trying to push him back down, his brown eyes flooding with alarm as he searched around. "Where's my pup? Is she ok? Can I see her? I want to hold her, where is she? Rachel?! "
"Shhh, shhh, relax moonbeam, relax." Charlie's hands gently guided Ren's body back down, placing Ren's trembling shoulders back onto the pillow below. His voice was softer than Leo had ever heard it, adoration dripping from every word spoken. "She's ok, she's safe. The nurse is cleaning her off, it won't be more than a minute. They're gonna wrap her up, and then they'll bring her over to you. She's ok, she's ok, this is normal, she's ok."
"...She sounds so scared." Ren whispered, teary eyes meeting Charlie's. "She needs me. She doesn't know the nurse, she needs me! "
There was a lingering numbness in Leo's arm, but he forced himself to move, affectionately stroking the fuzzy skin of Ren's quivering cheek. "And she'll have you, I promise. She's probably just shocked, but the swaddling will help. It'll keep her comfortable. I promise, the nurses are doing everything they can to adjust her to the world."
Ren's eyes met Leo's, doubt still shining in his tears, but he nodded, leaning further into Leo's touch. "I hope they are. She's still crying. I don't like it, I don't like her crying. Do you think she'll be happy to see me?"
A small snort escaped Micah's mouth, his lips pressing firmly against Ren's other cheek. "Of course she'll be happy to see you. You're her papa. She spent nine months inside of you, I can't imagine she's very happy at the sudden separation. She's gonna be so happy to be with you again, and you'll get to hold her for as long as you want, and we'll bring the two of you everything you could possibly need."
Ren paused, glanced over to where Rachel was, and shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, but all I need right now is Rachel."
"It's a good thing she's all cleaned up and bundled then. You ready to meet your pup?"
Leo felt like he couldn't breath as he turned to face the nurse who had spoken, his hand still attached to Ren's face. She was facing them now, a giant smile plastered across her face as she approached the hospital bed. There was a tiny, swaddled up figure laying directly in the crook of her arm, a little purple blanket swallowing up any discernible limbs. Still, the figure was putting up a good fight against the restraints, small dents and bumps appearing periodically in the sides and bottom of the blanket as the figure protested her entrapment.
Rachel. His daughter.
Still in a daze, Leo scooted back to allow the nurse some room, Rain doing the same beside him. The nurse shimmied her way between the two of them, her bright smile never faltering as she placed Rachel into Ren's trembling, outstretched arms. "Here she is. Congratulations!"
The gap between Rain and Leo closed as the nurse backed away, but Leo didn't notice. His attention had shifted solely to the bundled form now resting in Ren's arms, still fighting against the confines of her blanket as she cried. Her face was hidden from view, tucked safely in the gap between Ren's arm and chest, but Leo could tell that if he mustered up just enough energy to lean forward, he'd be able to see the tiny little face he had waited so long for, no longer confined to his wildest imaginations.
Leo took a deep, shuddering breath, and leaned forward.
Past the purple edges of the still-shifting blanket, a head appeared. A little wool hat swallowed up most of it, equally as purple as the blanket below, but Leo could still see the fuzzy ends of what he imagined was a healthy headful of black hair, the strands sticking out just enough to be visible. Two giant, crinkled eyes glared from beneath the hat's brim, dark as the night sky during her birth. There were no tears to be seen, but the face had wrinkled up in clear displeasure, a snubby nose flaring with anger as Ren rocked the pup's body back and forth. High pitched cries erupted from the pup's open mouth, her limbs still visibly beating against the blanket wrapped around her torso as she tried to free herself from the unfamiliar environment.
Something swelled within Leo's chest, filling every vein in his body until he felt like he would burst from the pressure. His daughter. His daughter was right there, he knew what she looked like now! His daughter was there, mere inches away from him, no longer a dream, no longer an idea confined to his imagination and Ren's body, he daughter was born, she was breathing, she was crying and seeing and feeling and hearing and smelling and moving and-
"Shh, shh, it's ok sweetheart, your papa's here." The soft whisper of Ren's voice drifted through the air, panic draining from his movements as he tenderly rocked his pup. "I've always been here, ever since the moment you were created. Do you remember me?"
Rachel let out another skeptical wail, but Ren leaned back, placing her on his chest so that her head resting right beneath his neck. Whatever had been disturbing the pup must have suddenly become insignificant then, her cries dying down to small, occasional complaints, then to nothing at all.
Ren pressed a tiny kiss to the side of the pup's head, eyes shimmering with more affection and joy than Leo would have guessed could fit into one person's expression as he looked down on the pup he had spent so long sheltering. "There we go. See? It's not so scary out here. I'm still with you, and your other dads are here to protect you too. You're still safe, it's just a little different now! You're finally with your family, isn't that exciting?"
There was a small moment of silence, nobody saying anything while they watched Ren and Rachel's first moments together. Then Rachel turned her head, looked up at Ren with those big bug eyes Leo was quickly growing to adore, and made a gurgly sighing noise.
A small tear slipped down Ren's smiling face, followed by another, then another. "Oh, I love you too, my sweet girl. I love you so, so much. I'm gonna give you the best life I can possibly offer, just you wait."
Charlie reached out a hand, gently wiping away the tears rolling down Ren's cheeks. There was a look of bewildered amazement on his face, eyes wide with a wonder that very rarely graced the alpha's presence. "She's...beautiful. Lord, she's beautiful. And she looks just like you. Look at her hair!"
Ren nodded, his teary gaze meeting Charlie's. "She does kinda look like me, doesn't she? But look, she has your nose!"
As if on cue, everyone leaned forward, eyes scanning every inch of Rachel's face as she lay peacefully on Ren's chest. Ren was right, Rachel's nose was the same as Charlie's, the tip slightly turned upwards in the same manner as their fiery mate's. If the pup's clear temperament wasn't an indicator of who's DNA she shared, then her nose certainly was.
"I guess she takes after her papa in more ways than we thought," Micah chuckled, leaning over Charlie's shoulder to soak in the sight of his pup. His eyes seemed to narrow for a moment while he gazed at Rachel's face, but he quickly recovered, lips curling back into a mischievous grin. "Although, are we sure she doesn't share any DNA with Rain? He's the only one here that has eyes that dark a shade, even Ren's are lighter than hers!"
Everyone laughed at that, Leo feeling the tension slip from his shoulders with every lighthearted jab that followed. Despite the newfound situation, despite the newly acquired parenthood, his mates proved to be a consistent comfort, their loving conversations doing wonders for Leo's frayed nerves. A massive change had occurred almost moments before, a change Leo wasn't sure he would ever feel ready for, but at least he had his mates, predictable in the best, most familiar ways imaginable.
Soon there would be a fifth person's habits ingrained into his mind. Soon, Rachel's mannerisms would seem just as familiar, becoming as dear to him as every little habit and tic his mates possessed. He just needed a little time to learn them.
The thought sent a shiver of warm, energizing electricity down Leo's spine. He couldn't wait to get to know his daughter.
Beside Leo, an arm extended slowly, fingers tentatively reaching towards Rachel's swaddled up form. The fingers hesitated in midair, suspended in a seemingly endless moment of time, eventually dipping to just barely brush against Rachel's turned back, as if the blanket surrounding her would burn to the touch.
Leo turned to gaze at Rain, his heart cracking at the sight of his mate's suddenly glassy, unfocused eyes. The beta wasn't crying, not yet at least, but there were tears clustered near his eyelids, body shaking like a leaf as the pads of his fingers grazed his daughter's back. His oversized t-shirt seemed to swallow his torso whole, hiding his shaking shoulders under a shadowy cloak of sturdy fabric.
A hand slowly came forward, grabbing onto Rain’s right as it was about to retreat. It dragged Rain’s hand closer to the shivering pup, placing his fingers onto her back, then his palm.
Rain’s teary eyes glanced up, meeting the soft, loving gaze of Micah.
“She’s so warm, isn’t she?” Micah murmured, stroking the smooth skin of Rain’s hand. “And soft too. She’s perfect.”
There was a moment of tense silence, fearful hesitation written all over Rain’s face. “She’s so fragile. I don’t understand, how can something be squeezed out the way she was, and yet turn out so…so delicate?”
“She’s more resilient than you think she is,” Leo chimed in, his voice little more than a whisper. He bumped his shoulder into Rain’s, keeping his eyes on Rachel’s scrunched face as he did so. “All pups are. Birth wouldn’t function the way it does if they weren’t. It’s important to be gentle with them, but they aren’t gonna break at the slightest touch. Look, she’s trying to look at you, all on her own. She doesn’t need Ren’s help, she’s doing it all by herself.”
Leo wasn’t lying. Rachel was turning her head, following the sound of her parents’ voices. Her giant eyes had landed on Rain, squinting slightly at the shape that was her father’s face.
“But…” Rain blinked a couple of tears out, hand slowly rubbing up and down her back. “She looks like she’ll snap if I press down too hard. How will I know if I’m hurting her?”
Charlie shook his head, reaching out his own hand and gently flicking his mate before the beta had a chance to pull away. “You won’t. I’m quite confident you won’t. But if you do, she’ll probably tell you. She’s been pretty loud already, imagine how bad she’ll be once she gets more used to things.”
Rain still looked afraid, but he nodded his head slowly, his hand relaxing the slightest bit on Rachel’s back. “...I guess. She has been pretty loud. But still, what if she—”
A small babble interrupted whatever Rain's next words were and Leo's head snapped to the side, all worry melting away as he watched Rachel discover her own voice. She seemed to find amusement in vocalizing, because she let out another babble, then another, ending her stream of consciousness with a loud, joyous laugh when Ren pressed another kiss to her forehead, his own chuckles harmonizing with hers.
Charlie had been right, it seemed.
"Huh. I guess we are chatty, are we?" Rain laughed, blinking a couple more tears out of his eyes. To Leo’s surprise, Rain managed to lean over the bed, dark hair just barely missing Rachel's face as he replaced Ren's lips with his own. He stayed there for a moment before lightly bumping his nose against Rachel's, a massive grin appearing when another bark of laughter escaped the infant. "Maybe you did inherit some of my genes. Hey, once you learn how to talk, why don't I take you on as my apprentice? We'll become your other fathers' worst nightmare, you and I, just you wait. I'll make a talker of you yet, and I'll teach you allllll the best ways to get under their skin-"
"Enough." Rachel was suddenly shifted away from Rain, Ren gently covering the pup's upturned ear as he glared down at his beta. "It's been less than ten minutes since she came out, and you're already trying to turn her on us? I thought you said you were gonna be a responsible dad!"
"I am!" Rain's head shot up, faux outrage plastered across his face. "But that doesn't mean I can't have fun! Besides, she'll enjoy it too, won't you bumblebee?"
Rain tried to lean closer to Rachel again, but Ren pushed the beta away, both men chuckling as they went back and forth with each other.
As ridiculous as it was, Leo couldn't help but laugh, Micah and Charlie's own giggles joining the mix as they watched the scene in front of them. It was good to see Rain lighten up so quickly, especially with how his own childhood must have been shaping his experience. Leo couldn’t blame the beta for being afraid of hurting his pup when he never had a good example of caring parents. Still, he seemed to be happier than he had been a few seconds prior, messing around with his mate and pup with minimal hesitance in his posture.
But besides that, it was just nice for Leo to see his mates messing around after such a stressful day. Sure, they were all fathers now, and sure, Rachel was already in the middle of a playful quarrel, but where was the harm in that? After all that had happened that day, all the anxiety, all the waiting, a little immaturity couldn't hurt, not in the slightest.
For the first time in over a year, Leo's heart felt light.
There were only a couple more moments of peace before the nurses returned to Ren's side, mournfully breaking up the scene to deliver the placenta and stitch Ren up. The interruption was disappointing, but Leo understood, nestling himself back up to Ren's side while they watched the nurses position themselves near Ren's legs, medical instruments of all sorts sitting neatly beside them. A small trill of panic ran through Leo when a pair of wiry arms appeared beside him, scooping up the vulnerable pup Leo had yet to properly meet, but an ever-strengthening aroma of fine leather made quick work of Leo's nerves, allowing him to focus his attention on the person that needed him the most. Rachel was being taken care of, snuggled safe in the crook of her papa's arms, but Ren was still in need of care. Ren needed the warmth and comfort only his mates could provide as the nurses stitched his wounds, and Leo would be damned if he denied his mate that comfort.
Time seemed to pass slowly, every fluctuation in the nurse's movements taking hours, at least according to Leo's internal clock. Ren would flinch every so often, driving Leo to meld his skin deeper into his mate's, but for the most part, everything seemed to go relatively smoothly, at least compared to Ren's labor. The placenta was delivered without issue, and soon enough, the final stitches had been placed, allowing Ren to close his legs with minimal discomfort.
Instructional care was given to Ren, each word a reminder of what was optimal for Ren's healing process, but only half of Leo's mind was focusing on their voices. Curiosity had overcome him once Ren's stitches had been finished, begging him to find the daughter his other mate had carried away from them.
Leo turned his head, his heart warming at the scene that greeted him.
Charlie still stood beside Ren's bedside, but he was no longer leaning over Ren's exhausted body. Instead, he was sitting upright, head bowed as far as his neck permitted as he gazed down at his little pup, eyes aglow with an incomprehensible delight. One arm held Rachel safely against his body, the other slightly raised so that Charlie's hand could meet Rachel's face, his thumb brushing softly over her porcelain cheek. Somewhere along the minutes he'd been holding her Charlie had freed Rachel's arms, and Rachel looked like she couldn't be happier, one of her hands using a strand of Charlie's long, blond hair to test out its newfound ability to pull. Not that the alpha seemed to mind, he was too busy grinning at his daughter's antics to do much other than bounce her to the rhythm of her tugs.
Beside Charlie, Micah was leaning down in his seat, hand squeezing Ren's while he looked under the curtain of hair hiding Rachel. "Looks like she's already learning. Did you ever do that as a kid?"
Micah's tone was affectionate, adoration dripping from every word, but Charlie still found a reason to playfully smack his mate in the chest, eyes never leaving the pup in his arms. "No, I don't think I ever did. Maybe my sister, but not me. What about you? Did you ever do this?"
"...No clue," Micah shook his head with amusement, sticking out a finger for the infant to grab a hold on. She didn't seem too fond of the finger, opting to keep her grip on Charlie's hair, much to Leo's joy. "My parents never brought it up. Although, I apparently had a thing for cords and outlets. Hey, Rain, did you do anything funny as a baby?"
Rain shrugged his shoulders, giving Micah a big thumbs down from across the bed. "Not sure, I don't know much about my infanthood. Sorry!"
"Eh, it was worth asking. How about you Leo?"
Leo paused for a moment, then shook his head. "No clue either. I used to scream a lot as a pup, more so than average pups do, but I think I was pretty normal otherwise."
Charlie snorted. “Yeah, that tracks.”
“...Excuse me?”
"Dave used to try and crawl off things, but I don't think I had any unusual habits as a pup." Ren chimed in, turning his head to look at his mates and pup. It seemed like the nurses had dispersed, leaving Ren free to engage with his pack once more. "And speaking of pups, why not give one of your other mates a turn with Rachel? You've been holding her for thirty minutes!"
"What!?" The alpha's head shot up, his hair slipping from Rachel's fingers faster than the pup could keep up with. She let out an enraged yell, hands waving around frantically, but Charlie seemed to pay her no mind. "It's been that long? It only felt like five minutes!"
“Maybe for you”—Rain leaned forward, clasping his hands over the mattress—”but for the rest of us, it’s been hours! Let us see our kid already!”
A flash of grief seemed to cross Charlie’s face for a brief moment, but his grip on his pup hesitantly shifted, eyes glimmering with thinly veiled anxiety as Rachel attempted to grab onto his hair again. “...Sorry. DIdn’t realize I was hogging her. Who should I pass her to?”
Rain and Micah both shifted eagerly, but Leo didn't pay them much mind. He was too busy staring at Charlie, who’s eyes had shifted to meet Leo’s own. The anxiety was still present in his gaze, but there was something more there, a desperation for something Leo couldn’t place. Was Charlie really that afraid of handing Rachel over? Surely he knew his mates wouldn’t let anything happen to Rachel, right? Surely he knew Leo wouldn’t let anything happen to Rachel, right?
Leo’s arms slowly unfolded, unconsciously shifting from his lap to his knees. Charlie had nothing to worry about. He had nothing to worry about, because Leo would keep Rachel safe, nestled comfortably in the crook of his arms. His daughter, his pup. Already he could imagine what it would be like to hold her, to rock her body back and forth as she babbled and laughed, happy to be held by the father who would do anything to keep her out of harm’s way. He had waited so long to meet her, so long to hold her, so long to feel needed…
A sudden movement from beside Charlie caught Leo’s attention, snapping him out of his thoughts. Micah had shifted again, hands inching closer to Charlie’s body with every passing second. Every fiber of his being seemed to be on fire, eyes glowing with a longing rivaling even Leo’s own need to meet his daughter. His fingers were twitching, his eyes focused solely on the face of his pup, a soft, adoring smile spanning cheek to cheek—
A small, bittersweet smile crossed Leo’s face as he watched his mate, the alpha who had wanted pups more than the rest of them could have possibly conceptualized. He had been such a good alpha to them all, keeping them safe and provided for as long as he had been mated with them. He’d even dropped the topic of pup’s when Leo broke down that one night long ago, pushing aside his broken heart to accommodate his mates’ needs the best he could. He was a true mate, beautiful in a way Leo could never hope to hold a candle to, not as long as he remained as miserable as he was. If anyone deserved to be a father, it would be the alpha in front of him, already bursting with the excitement of having his pup so near.
Leo’s eyes shifted, meeting Charlie’s ever-consistent gaze. The alpha’s head had tilted, a question written all over his face as Rachel squirmed in his slightly outstretched arms. Nobody said anything.
Taking a deep breath, Leo smiled and nodded his head towards Micah, longing beating against his chest with every movement.
Leo watched his alphas pass their daughter between each other, Micah’s smile only growing wider when Rachel snuggled into his arms for the first time. She looked incomprehensibly small compared to her father, but Rachel didn’t seem to mind, her hands immediately waving themselves around with joy as she settled into Micah’s tender hold. The alpha seemed to naturally accommodate to having something so precious in his grasp, arms shifting to provide the best support for the infant’s body.
There was a moment of silence, nobody speaking. Then Rachel made a babbling noise, hand outstretched toward a strand of Micah’s hair, and the alpha let out a deep, hearty laugh, tears welling up in his eyes.
“My daughter,” he said, bowing his head to nuzzle Rachel’s face, “my daughter, I have a daughter! Oh look at you my sweet baby girl, you’re here! Do you know who I am? Can you recognize my scent?”
Rachel let out another happy screech and Micah laughed with her, kissing her forehead fervently.
“That’s right sweetheart, I’m your dad, and I’m never gonna let you go. Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to meet you?”
If the pup could understand any of the words coming out of Micah’s mouth, she didn’t hint at it. Instead, she simply grabbed onto the piece of hair she had been aiming for, smiling wide when it swung back and forth in time with her arm’s movements.
Leo smiled, turned his gaze towards Ren, and dug his nails into his sweatshirt.
A couple minutes passed by, everyone in the hospital room watching Micah and Rachel talk back and forth with affectionate eyes. At some point—maybe ten minutes after Micah acquired Rachel, maybe twenty, Leo couldn’t be sure—Ren had bashfully requested his food from the fridge, his hunger catching up to him now that he had a moment of peace. Leo hadn’t minded, his mate hadn’t eaten in hours after all, and besides, it’s not like he had much else to do. Watching Micah interact with Rachel was heartwarming, but it was hard not to be jealous of his mate, who had been holding Rachel for what felt like hours. Leo had never been the most patient man on the planet, that was no secret to anyone, so being able to do something for his mate was a welcome distraction, no matter how mundane.
While Ren’s food was heating up, Leo could hear Charlie and Rain scrambling to set up the lap table the nurses had left Ren, one of the two setting up the utensils Charlie had nabbed after grabbing Ren’s food. They cleared out once Leo had the hot food in hand, Rain helping Leo place the main dishes down as Charlie scoured the fridge for the ice cream he had haphazardly thrown in there, a triumphant look crossing his face when his hand scooped the pint from its shelf. Soon, all of Ren’s food was laid out before him, as perfectly prepared as the hospital’s little kitchenette would allow for.
Everyone settled down again, Ren digging into his food, the rest of them watching Micah.
Despite having the opportunity to get up and move around, Leo couldn’t shake the weird itchy feeling that had crawled under his skin, digging at his flesh until his claws begged to tear the feeling from his body. The dizziness was returning, his mind high in the clouds as he tried to focus on anyone, anything, something beside the weird fuzz that had taken over his mind. Was the hunger he had felt earlier getting to him? He hadn’t had the chance to eat after all, was that why he felt so floaty? So weak?
Leo ran a trembling hand down the front of his face, sighing through his fingers. Why couldn’t he just power through the night without feeling so shaky?
"Hey, you feeling alright?"
"Hm?" Leo stiffened, turning towards the source of the question. He had thought the question was aimed at Ren, but to his surprise, Rain was staring at him, eyebrows furrowed as Leo met his gaze. "Sorry, what? You talking to me?"
"Yeah silly, you. You doing ok?"
Leo remained quiet for a moment, blinking. Of all the people in the room, he was the one getting asked that question? Sure, he wasn’t feeling great, but… "I mean...I feel alright. Better than Ren feels, I'm sure. Why? Do I look weird?"
“Not weird, but you do look a bit shaky.” Rain’s hand found one of Leo’s own, grasping it tightly. To Leo’s embarrassment, his hand continued to tremble in Rain’s hold, shaking the both of them around on Leo’s knee. “You still feeling dizzy?”
“I little, but I think—”
Leo cut himself off, eyebrows furrowing. Wait, he hadn’t said anything about feeling dizzy to anyone at the hospital, so how…”How did you know I was feeling dizzy?”
Rain held his tongue for a moment, a weird twitch appearing by the corner of his mouth. His eyes twinkled with an unknown sparkle, one Leo wasn’t sure had been there a moment before. "I...well, never mind. You were just swaying a lot earlier, when Ren was pushing. Figured that meant you were kinda dizzy. Was I wrong?”
Despite his shakiness, Leo shook his head firmly, squeezing Rain’s hand. “No, you were right. But it’s different this time. I think I’m just hungry right now, not anxious. We haven’t eaten in like, what, ten or so hours? Maybe longer? I think it’s just catching up to me now that everything’s calmed down enough for me to process, that’s all.”
Rain nodded in understanding, nudging Leo sympathetically with his shoulder. “I get you. Here, you should go eat. If your body is this weak without food, then you should probably go feed it before it gets worse.”
Leo blinked. “But What about Ren and Rachel? They—”
“They’re fine. Micah’s holding Rachel, and Ren’s scarfing down his own food,” Rain interrupted, his signature smile appearing on his face as he gazed at Leo. “You’re more than welcome to take care of yourself now, you aren’t on-call anymore. You have needs too, you know?”
As much as Leo hated to admit it, he did know. It wouldn’t be safe for him to hold a newborn with how much trembling he was doing, and Ren was no longer in any sort of distress, chomping down on his food without a care in the world. As long as everyone was content and taken care of, there was nothing Leo could do that would be of any use. “...Alright, I’ll go eat. Do you want me to bring your food over too? You were pretty hungry earlier, weren’t you?”
To Leo’s surprise, Rain shook his head, leaning back in his chair. “Nah, I’m good. If I’m being honest, with some of the stuff I’ve seen today, it’s gonna take a bit for my stomach to stabilize enough for me to eat something. The whole labor process really took the hunger out of me.”
“Imagine that.”
Both Leo and Rain abruptly turned their heads, Leo standing up while snorting in amusement. Ren was now staring at Rain with mock-annoyance in his eyes, fork full of lobster risotto still sticking out of his mouth. He was looking at Rain through the corners of his eyes, but there was a smile on his face, alleviating all tension that otherwise would have suffocated them.
Imagine indeed.
“I didn’t mean it like that!” Rain said, waving his arms in front of him in a panic. Leo could almost see the sweat dotting his forehead. “I just meant that…well, you know…with the placenta and stuff, and the goop that they had to wash off of Rachel…and the needle in that kind of area…should I stop talking? I think maybe I should stop talking—”
“You’re fine,” Ren laughed, taking another bite of his food. He reached out his free hand, giving Rain an awkward, yet somewhat gentle pat on the cheek. “I get it. If it weren’t for all the energy I used up, I wouldn’t be able to stomach eating either. I can’t blame you for that.”
Another laugh escaped Leo’s mouth as he turned away from his mates, moving towards the minifridge. He still felt dizzy, but his mates’ banter was rejuvenating in its own special way. “Next time, we should have you do this instead of Ren. We’ll see how quickly you want your food then.”
“Oh, absolutely not!” Rain frantically shook his head, face wrinkling up while Ren giggled uncontrollably beside him. “Biological impossibilities aside, I think I would rather eat rat poison than give birth. Ren, you’re a stronger man than I am, I don’t know how you did all that without wanting to vomit your guts out.”
Ren shook his head, smiling softly before taking another bite of food. “I did want to, I just held it back. Also…what’s your plan with the rat poison? Wouldn’t that also make you want to vomit? Or, you know, just kill you?”
“...Well, it’s better than squeezing something that big out of a hole so small. And who knows, maybe I’d be so delirious I won’t actually feel sick!”
Leo rolled his eyes and snorted absentmindedly, kneeling down until he was at the fridge’s level. “I don’t think that’s how that works, but ok. Hey Charlie, you want your food too?”
“Sure,” Charlie replied, shooting Leo a small glance, “I guess now is better than later.”
A small creaking noise rang out behind Leoas he opened the mini fridge door, heavy feet tapping against the floor. “Hey, would you mind handing me my food too? I’ve had Rachel for at least twenty minutes, and I think it’s time I gave Rain a turn to hold her, if he wants.”
Suppressing a small pang of jealousy, Leo nodded and grabbed the fast food bag out of the fridge, clutching the drinks on top and dispersing them to his mates. It was fine, he’d get to hold Rachel eventually, and besides, he had thought that he was too out of it to hold Rachel safely without at least some food on his stomach. This was just a chance for him to regain all the energy he needed to meet his kid, and more than that, it was a perfect distraction while he wasn’t holding Rachel. If he couldn’t care for his pack, he might as well care for himself.
Leo watched Micah get up and hand Rachel to Rain out of the corner of his eye, too busy giving Charlie his food to fully turn around. He felt a small shiver of fear at the faint sound of Rain’s breath hitching in his chest, but all must have been well, because Rain immediately began cooing down at the pup, already laughing with her as she made incomprehensible gurgling noises.
Micah soon returned to his seat and Leo handed his food over, the alpha thanking him with a grateful smile on his face. Leo nodded in acknowledgement before heading back to his seat, and with nothing left to do, finally allowed himself to dig into the meal he had been craving for hours.
Despite the chaos of the day, Leo found a lot of relaxation in such a quiet moment. His mates had taken to bantering with each other again, Leo joining in through mouthfuls of food when he felt he wouldn’t choke. Rachel occasionally joined the conversation, yelling her thoughts from Rain’s arms while attempting to grab at the shiny pieces of metal sticking out of her dad’s lips.
It was their first meal together with Rachel present, Leo realized, an important step toward the rest of their lives. This would become the norm soon enough, a sixth, ever-growing person joining in on the nightly tradition their pack valued so much.
A smile crossed Leo’s face as he stood up to wash his hands, swallowing down his last remaining bite of food. Rachel was still somewhat of a blank slate, future completely unknown to the pack, but it was still a huge achievement, to have her there for their meal. How would she behave during dinner in the future, when she was old enough to talk? Would she be like Ren, quiet and calm as she listened to her family talk around her? Would she take after Charlie, loudly announcing her opinion on every subject like it was life or death? Maybe she'd be like Micah, calmly speaking with a smile on her face, or maybe she’d take after Rain and Leo, joking around at every chance she could get. Leo couldn’t know, couldn’t be sure how Rachel would turn out, but it didn’t matter. He had the rest of his life to watch her grow, to get to know the person she would eventually become.
Finishing up, Leo dried off his hands and sat back down in his seat. He meant to bring his attention back to the mates in front of him; however, the distinct thumping of small feet against his shoulder had him turning his head, looking toward the one mate who wasn’t occupied with food.
Rain was staring at him with a fond smile, Rachel squirming in his upturned arms. She was looking forward, dark eyes pointed somewhere that could have been near Leo’s face.
She was looking at him.
“Hey,” Rain whispered, his soft smile stretching from ear to ear. “You wanna hold her now? You still haven’t gotten a chance, have you?”
A sudden rush of frost slowly crept across Leo’s veins, freezing his entire body to his seat. Was it time? Was he really going to get to meet his daughter for the first time, right then? Would he finally get to hold Rachel in his arms, gazing into the eyes he had longed to see for seven and a half months? Was Rain willing to part with Rachel just to give Leo a turn? Was he really worthy of getting a chance to bond with someone so dear to them, someone who deserved a world Leo could never provide?
The nauseating static he had thought himself free of returned with full force, pricking at the fat of his brain, painfully familiar lightheadedness setting in once again. What if she didn’t want Leo to hold her? What if her instincts had already told her he couldn’t be the father she deserved, pushing her away from him before he even got a chance to prove himself? What if she did let him hold her, but he hurt her in some way? Newborns were so fragile, what if he dropped her, what if he didn’t support her head enough, what if he bumped her up against something, what if his glasses scared her and made her cry–
“...Leo?” Rain was looking at Leo, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “You ok? Still dizzy?”
It took a moment for Leo to find the energy to move his jaw, swallowing down the anxiety that had suddenly flooded his throat. “...No, I’m good now, the food helped, but…I mean, are you sure? Are you ok with handing her off?”
Rain’s smile grew gentler, his hands bouncing Rachel as he leaned closer to Leo. “Leo, you’re her dad. Of course I’m sure! You deserve to have a turn with her after waiting so long. Besides, my stomach’s starting to rumble again, I think it’s time I let someone else have a turn while I eat. You ok with taking over?”
Anxiety pounded against Leo’s skull, goosebumps raising on every inch of his skin, but he forced himself to nod, voice barely a whisper. “...Yeah, I’ll take her.”
Leo could barely comprehend what was going on around him as he extended his trembling arms towards Rain, eyes focused on nothing but the form of his daughter. Rain extended his own arms, slowly lowering Rachel into Leo’s waiting hands. Soft material rubbed up against Leo’s skin, the infant’s weight slowly but surely resting on his open palms. She squirmed a little, protesting her sudden movement, but she quickly quieted once Leo moved her closer, letting out a content sigh when her head met his chest.
Rain’s arms drew back, fingers brushing against the back of Rachel’s blanket. Then it was just her and Leo, daughter and father, snuggling close for the first time in their lives.
No one else. Just them.
There was a tense silence in the room, invading Leo’s ears and making his head buzz more than it already had been. All eyes seemed to be on him as he shifted Rachel in his arms, his gaze landing near her, yet never directly on her face. He could see her moving, her limbs indiscernible blobs in his peripheral vision, but he couldn’t muster up the courage to look, to see how she was faring in his arms. Every breath Rachel took reverberated against Leo’s skin, every movement striking panic into the very depths of his soul, time was speeding up and slowing down again, he couldn’t get his eyes to move why couldn’t he get his eyes to move, it was too much for him to handle, all of it was too much. He’d spent so much time waiting and yet he couldn’t face his pup, couldn’t bond with the daughter he had wanted to meet for so long, he was nothing but a coward, his fears were swallowing him whole, the air in his lungs was refusing to leave, he couldn’t breath-
A small cooing noise broke through the terrifying fog of Leo’s mind, a small fist beating the stagnant air out of his chest. Leo’s eyes instinctively shifted, finally landing on the pup he had waited so long to greet.
Rachel was already looking up at Leo, her massive, charcoal eyes shining bright with a strangely analytical stare. She wasn’t making much noise anymore, not like she had with her other fathers. Instead, she was simply studying Leo’s face with wide, wonder-filled eyes, mouth agape while she chewed on one of her fingers in a contemplative manner. Her legs were still against Leo’s forearm and her free hand rested on her wrapped up stomach, fingers still clenched in the fist that had hit the soft material of Leo’s clothes. Every so often her nose twitched, eyes squinting as she tried to make sense of whatever she was smelling.
Dread mingled with the fear buried deep in Leo’s stomach, strong and foreboding. Couldn’t she recognize his scent? Why wasn’t she talking back to him like she had done before? Had he been gone so often that he was completely foreign to her, the only member of the pack she didn’t actually know?
Before Leo could ruminate in his newfound misery, Rachel kicked at his arm, eyes still wide and calculating. Her nose twitched again, then again. Her eyes squinted up at Leo, suspicious. Then without warning, an earsplitting, joyous screech escaped Rachel’s mouth, her lips pulling back into the most excited grin Leo had ever seen.
Tiny hands reached up towards Leo’s face, swinging towards the features they could never hope to reach, but Leo didn’t care. He was too busy nuzzling his nose against Rachel’s cheek, nearly choking on the relief that was swamping his throat. “Hi, baby. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
The infant didn’t seem to mind the hoarse sounding murmur that escaped Leo’s mouth, opting to let out another giggle of mirth when Leo’s nose brushed up against her own. To Leo’s surprise, she actively snuggled closer, turning her head until her nose and cheek were squished against his. She let out a series of breathy, excited laughs when Leo’s lips met her cheek, hands flapping happily at her sides, tugging uncontrollably on her lavender blanket.
An overwhelming rush of emotions swamped over Leo, a barrage of tears leaking from his eyes as he watched his pup’s excited movements. He had spent so long worrying about being a father, worrying about being loved and needed by his pup, and here she was, elated to be in his normally underwhelming presence. She was there, she had finally been born, and she was just as excited to meet her father as he was to meet her. What had he done to deserve such love? What had done to become worthy of raising such a wonderful pup with his equally wonderful mates, all of whom were sitting around him, watching him hold their daughter without any complaints? How was he supposed to keep the floodgates of love and relief in his mind closed when he had been blessed beyond his wildest imaginations, starting a family with the people he loved most? He couldn’t control himself any longer, he couldn’t pretend to be the unbothered, stable omega he had been parading himself around as during Ren’s pregnancy, he needed to cuddle up to his pup, he needed to nuzzle her, he needed to shower her in all the love he had been containing for nearly eight months, praying for the fast arrival of the day he’d be able to call himself a father.
WIthout thinking, Leo raised Rachel’s body closer to his head, holding her as close as he could possibly dare to without hurting her.
“My baby, my baby, my baby—” Leo whispered, a loud, uncontrollable purr starting up in his chest. He pressed his face closer to Rachel’s, kissing her head, kissing her cheek, nuzzling her face, rocking her back and forth in his arms, holding her so tight, so secure—”I love you, I love you so much. You’re here, you’re finally here, I love you, I love you, my baby, my daughter, my baby—”
Heavy footsteps sounded out from across Leo, swiftly making their way to the omega’s side. Knees popped somewhere nearby, a heavy hand resting gently on the omega’s hunched shoulder. “Shh, it’s ok love. She’s ok. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
Leo closed his eyes and nodded tearfully, hands kneading the soft material swaddling his daughter’s body. “She’s the most perfect pup this world’s ever seen. I can’t believe I managed to wait so long to see her.”
An arm wrapped itself around Leo’s shoulders, tugging the omega closer to the warm body now sitting right beside him. A warm pair of lips pressed themselves against the crown of Leo’s skull, swaying back and forth in time with the direction that their bodies had started moving, Rachel giggling with every small motion. “Neither can I. I can’t believe we’re parents now. Dads . It feels like a dream, doesn’t it?”
The comforting crackle of Micah’s smokey scent was starting to cover up Rachel’s own, but Leo couldn’t complain, not when his mate was holding him so tenderly, all the love the world could contain pulsing between their bodies like waves of electricity zapping through the air. The world suddenly felt much smaller, as if all that could possibly matter was contained solely in that hospital room. The whole pack was together, all of them crowded around the little bundle of joy nestled in Leo’s arms, and it became suddenly clear how close everyone was to each other, how adoring their gazes were when looking upon Leo and Rachel’s first moments together.
Just like he had done for them.
The arm around Leo’s shoulder tightened, a separate hand coming to hold one of Rachel’s own. Leo could feel his head being tugged into the crook of Micah’s neck, and he let it fall limp, hesitantly pulling away from Rachel’s writhing body. He made sure she was still secure in his grasp, smiling down at her from blurry eyes that refused to clear, her gasps of happiness music to his ears.
There was a whisper, so soft Leo barely caught it. The words were clear though, adoring and earnest in their message.
“You’re gonna be such a wonderful father.”
It was hard for Leo to find the words to respond, throat flooded with thick, salty tears of overwhelming joy. The first noise he could manage was a hoarse, liquidy laugh, his head flopping over onto Micah’s broad shoulder. “You too. You already are one, if I had to judge.”
Leo could feel Micah’s cheek pull back into a wide grin on top of his head, but the alpha didn’t say anything. He simply stuck out his finger, humming down at the pup in Leo’s arm. She seemed to take an interest in the finger this time now that there was no hair to distract her, grabbing onto it with a fierce grip Charlie was sure to be proud of.
Micah pressed another kiss to the top of Leo’s head, the two of them melding into each other while the others looked on. Charlie and Ren had cuddled up to each other while Leo had been distracted by their daughter, risotto completely forgotten in their haste to snuggle up and observe their family. Beside them, Rain was still chowing down on his food with a sappy smile on his face, seemingly delighted to watch his family interact while he fed his long-starving body. All three pairs of eyes were glued to Micah, Leo, and Rachel, silence prevailing for the first time since Rachel had been born.
“Hey,” Rain mumbled, pointing a greasy finger at the pup in Leo’s hold. His whisper was just as soft as his eyes, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed down the last of his food. “Look. I think she’s falling asleep!”
Rain was right. Rachel let out a tiny yawn as soon as Leo’s gaze landed back on her, her arms stretching wide before curling back up to her stomach. A second later and her eyes were blinking shut, lids staying closer and closer together every time they parted. The rest of Rachel’s body remained abnormally still, a far cry from the kicking, wriggling, screaming infant that had been passed around mere hours ago. Meeting all her papas must have tired her out, if Leo had to guess, leaving the poor pup to succumb to her own exhaustion after only two hours of knowing the world.
“It’s ok, you can sleep now,” Leo whispered, slowly rocking Rachel’s tired body back and forth. Was he really going to be the first person Rachel fell asleep on? Did she trust him that much, to let her first nap in the world be directly in his arms? What had he done to deserve such an honor? “I know, I know, it’s been a very long day for you, you were awake a whole two hours! Get some sleep, we’ll still be here when you wake up. We promise to be quiet, ok? Just close your eyes, get some sleep, rest here. Your daddy’s got you, I promise. I won’t let you go.”
Rachel yawned again, her hold loosening on Micah’s finger, and then her eyes closed, eyelashes fluttering with every breath.
Leo smiled, shifting against Micah’s arm. “There we go. We’ve got you little one, you’re safe. Sweet dreams, we’ll try to be quiet until you wake up—”
“Where’s my brother?!”
Everybody in the room—Rachel included—jumped with surprise at the booming sound coming from the hospital room’s doorway. All eyes turned to see the hulking form of Dave Hirota, huffing and puffing with his hand against the doorway. Behind him, the barely visible form of Briar appeared, her head peeking out from behind her mate’s hunched shoulders. She too was panting, although her face lacked the intense glare reflected on her mate’s. Instead, she looked rather concerned, dark eyes flicking from Dave’s back, to inside the hospital room, to Leo’s arms, and then back to Dave’s back.
There was a moment of stunned silence. Then a terrified wail rose from against Leo’s chest, Rachel wiggling uncontrollably in his clutch.
“Oh no, no, baby no it’s ok—” Leo immediately picked Rachel up and slung her head next to his shoulder, bouncing the now very awake pup up and down in a desperate attempt to comfort her. “It’s ok, that was just your dickhead uncle—Dave what the fuck is wrong with you, you scared the shit out of her—it’s ok, it’s ok, don’t cry, please don’t cry, you don’t need to cry—”
Micah’s own coos of reassurance joined Leo’s, both him and the omega glaring back at the man who was now rushing to Ren’s bedside without sending them so much as a spare glance. “Dude, really? You couldn’t be any quieter in a room with a newborn?”
Dave waved his hand in their direction, shooting them a quick, sheepish smile before returning his attention to his brother, kneeling by his bedside. “Sorry, sorry, I forgot newborns have sensitive ears. I didn’t mean to scare her. But I need to make sure my brother is ok before I lose my mind. Why didn’t you tell us that you were going into labor?!”
The scene in front of Leo looked absurd, Dave fussing over his twin brother while lowered to his knees, but Ren had the decency to keep his laughter to himself, instead smiling gently down at Dave’s worried face. “Because I already had four worried mates doting on me every second I was here, and I knew you and papa would only make it worse. Besides, it was already crowded enough as is in here, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else in the delivery room. I told you I probably wouldn’t let you know Rachel was coming until she was already born, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, and I told you that we could be on standby to get you whatever you needed! None of us expected to be in here with you, but we could have been in the waiting room, or getting you food, or flagging down nurses while your mates stayed here, or anything else you could have needed! Gosh, do you know how freaked pa was when I told him what Charlie texted me? Do you know how freaked I was? If Briar hadn’t driven our car, I probably would have crashed! I mean come on, you’re my baby brother, you should have told us—”
Charlie’s voice interrupted Dave's, trademark snark ever-present in whatever he was saying, but Leo was no longer paying attention. He had turned away when a gentle hand rested itself on his shoulder, too small to belong to his abnormally tall mate. “Briar?”
“I’m so sorry about him,” Briar said, moving around until she was directly in front of Leo. She kneeled in front of him, but quickly got up again when Rain offered her his chair, thanking the beta as she lowered herself into the seat. She leaned forward a little, ringed hand coming up to rub comforting stripes down the fussy infant’s back, but it quickly withdrew before reaching the pup, lowering back to her side. “I told him he needed to calm down, but you know him, he rarely listens when his family’s involved in something. Is she ok? She wasn’t too frightened, was she?”
Leo shook his head, feeling his annoyance slowly dissipating. He should have expected such a reaction, he knew all too well how protective Dave was of his brother. “She’s ok, just startled. She was mostly asleep when you guys arrived, so we were trying our best to be quiet.”
A small sigh escaped Briar’s mouth, her head shaking side to side. “I’m sorry we disrupted her sleep. Unfortunately, quiet isn’t exactly in Dave’s vocabulary, is it?”
“No, no it is not.” Rain snorted from beside Briar, moving to place a tender hand on Rachel’s back. “But that’s ok, it’s not like we’re much different either. Have you met me? Or Charlie? Or Leo? We aren’t exactly known for our softspokeness.”
Leo blinked, offended. “Hey—”
A deep hum of agreement floated past Leo’s ear and cut through his complaints, Micah butting the omega’s head affectionately. “He’s not exactly wrong, my love. You three can get pretty loud if you aren’t paying attention to yourselves. Rachel’s gonna have to get used to having noise in the house, because I can’t imagine you three learning what volume control is anytime soon.”
Micah’s tone was teasing, jibing around in a way Leo was very familiar with, but the omega couldn’t stifle the pang of shame his mate’s comment had caused. He knew he was loud, he had always known, but was he really so noisy that he would end up disturbing his pup? He didn’t want that, not when he knew his volume was abnormal for an omega, not when he had already bothered his mates enough with his voice for years on end. “...Well, it’s not like she’ll be any better. If the past few hours were any indicator, she’s gonna be just as much of a talker as me and Rain, and just as much of a troublemaker as Charlie.”
“True, true,” the alpha laughed, tickling Rachel’s side affectionately. She was no longer crying, instead looking over at her father with skeptical eyes. “I guess me and Ren are in for it, huh?”
“Hmm?” Ren looked over from his bed, Dave quick to follow his gaze. “What about me?”
Rain shrugged, smiling. “Oh, nothing. Just talking about Rachel, that’s all.”
There was a look in Ren’s eyes, but it quickly faded, replaced by excitement. “Well, bring her over here. I want Dave and Briar to meet her properly.”
It took all of Leo’s effort to stand up and carry his baby over to Ren, but he managed to do so, heart breaking into a million pieces when Rachel slipped out of his hands and into Ren’s arms. Rachel protested the change in hold, reaching out her tiny arms in a futile effort to find Leo again, but she was soon swallowed in Ren’s loving clutch, head pointed towards her aunt and uncle.
“Rachel, say hi to your uncle Dave and Aunt Briar!”
Ren grabbed onto one of Rachel’s curled up hands, waving it around in the direction Briar and Dave were sitting. Rachel wasn’t too amused by her father's antics, grunting and tugging at the hand in Ren’s grasp, but she calmed down a little when her aunt and uncle ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at her forced action, flashing them a gummy, toothless smile.
“Oh look at you,” Briar cooed softly, bracelets jangling together as her hand reached to grasp Rachel’s. She laughed when Rachel’s trapped hand broke free, moving to swat at the dangling beads and bands with a wonder shining in her eyes. “You’re so precious, aren’t you? How’s the world been treating you so far? You enjoying spending time with your dads?”
There was no response from the infant, her eyes still fixed pointedly on Briar’s clicking bracelets. She let out a little giggle when her hand grabbed onto a bead, only for it to spin right out of her grasp.
“Someone’s easily amused,” Dave chuckled, one of his fingers and a thumb grabbed onto Rachel’s occupied wrist, gently shaking it back and forth affectionately, “although with some of your fathers you have, I can’t say I’m surprised. Ren, you really cooked this little thing up for nine months? With Charlie, of all people? How’d she turn out so…sweet?”
The bed-ridden omega rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics, ignoring Charlie’s growl of annoyance from beside him. “Yes, I really made her, and yes, with Charlie. Weren’t you just calling her our ‘future bundle of terror’ a couple days ago? What happened to that?”
“Nothing!” Dave waved Rachel’s arm around, giving a triumphant smile when Rachel happily screeched. “I just thought that she’d be screaming more, that’s all! Oh, remember when she kicked me after I tried to hug you? That’s what I thought she’d be like now! But look at you, you’re not so mean, are you? You gonna be nice to your uncle and aunt?”
There was a look on Charlie’s face, one Leo knew all too well. Dave may have thought he’d have the last laugh, but Charlie was sure to get him back, striking in the least expected way imaginable. “Oh yeah? Hey, you want to hold her? I’m sure she’ll be fine with it, since she’s being so nice and all.”
“Really? Can I?”
Dave turned to look at Ren, immediately standing up when his brother gave him a nod of approval. As soon as he was stable he slotted his arms under Rachel’s body, heaving the little pup into a cradle hold, secured snuggly against his chest. It made Leo a little nervous to see his normally careless and reckless friend hold such a fragile, precious being in the arms that had, and would, cause much havoc in the alpha’s lifetime, but deep down he knew Dave would never do anything to hurt the pup. He’d just have to sit back and watch, ready to see what Charlie had in store for his brother-in-law.
It turned out that he wouldn’t have to wait long, because as soon as Rachel had settled, she looked up at Dave, burbled something incomprehensible, and started tugging roughly on his hair.
“Ow, ow!” Dave immediately moved his head backwards, shooting Charlie and Leo a glare as he tried to free his long, black hair from Rachel’s ever tightening grasp. “What happened to being nice? I’m not your enemy, I’m your uncle! Hey, quit it!”
Dave looked up to the people in the room for help, but no one had the heart to take pity on him. Not even Briar stood up to help her mate, instead laughing along with everyone else, giving Charlie a rather enthusiastic hi five as she did so.
“Something something ‘she’s not mean like Charlie!’ something something,” Charlie mocked, leaning over Ren’s bed to stroke Rachel’s head affectionately. She didn’t react much to his touch, only opening her mouth to chew on a chunk of Dave’s hair before the alpha snatched it away.
“Hey, hey, don’t do that! You don’t know where that hair’s been!”
“Sorry, we should have warned you about her hair pulling habits,” Leo jeered, watching his daughter’s harmless antics with amusement. He made no move to help his friend, but he did grab onto one of Rachel’s hands, keeping her from feeding herself a nasty meal of hair. “She’s been doing that a lot since she came out. You might want to tie your hair up next time you come to visit us, I don’t foresee this being a habit she breaks anytime soon.”
A disbelieving snort escaped Dave’s nose, but he resigned himself to his current position, settling simply for keeping the strands in Rachel’s hand out of her mouth. “Right, I’m sure you’re so sorry. You’ve never preyed on my downfall before. Must you ruin my first moments with my much anticipated niece?”
“You mean your first moments with my daughter? And I didn’t ruin anything, you did it yourself. You made fun of her papa, she’s simply defending his honor. I don’t see the problem.”
"Good lord, that sounds so weird”— Dave ran his free hand down his face, giving Leo a genuine, proud grin—“hearing you say ‘my daughter’. I mean, no offense, but there was a long time where I never would have imagined you’d become a dad. You never struck me as the kind of dude to want kids.”
Leo shook his head, sticking his finger out for Rachel to take. There was a long period of time where he would have agreed with Dave, but things had changed, if only a little. “I mean, they were never something I had too much interest in having, not until I was mated. Even then, I didn’t place too much importance on having them. It wasn’t until Ren got pregnant that I got really excited about it. I don’t know, maybe it was just that it became more real then, but…I’m a dad now. I’m a dad, and I couldn’t be happier.”
There was a moment of silence, nothing but the background chatter of the others filling Leo’s ears. Dave nudged Leo’s shoulder, and Leo looked up, surprised to find a rather caring glow shining in Dave’s dark eyes.
“I’m proud of you. Proud and happy. I’m not going to lie, it’s been really cool to see how happy you and my brother make each other, especially when I knew you both before you two met. You’ve done something amazing for him, and I’ve seen him do some amazing stuff for you. Now you guys have a life together, a child, and it’s just…wild. Two of the most important people in my life just brought a pup into the world. It’s so weird …but I couldn’t be happier, seeing how life has worked out for you guys. I’m proud of you.”
The usual, painfully familiar flash of disbelief ran through Leo’s brain, followed quickly by shock, but he found it easier to squash, somehow. He and Dave had been best friends since their first ever month of college, but at the same time, Ren was one of the most important people in Dave’s life. Would he really pretend like Leo was good for his brother if he truly wasn’t, especially now that he had a niece to consider? Plus, the alpha wasn’t exactly known for caring what others thought, especially when his family or loved ones were involved. Would he really lie about Leo’s accomplishments simply to keep the omega happy?
Leo thought not, despite what a small part of his brain was trying to tell him. Maybe it was because Dave was a voice from outside of the pack, or maybe it was because the day had been a joyous one, but Leo managed to accept Dave’s approval far easier than he had his mates, chest glowing with pride. “...Thanks dude. It means a lot. Oh, and despite how much I clown on you, I’m happy you get the chance to be an uncle. You’re gonna do a great job, and I’m sure Rachel’s gonna grow to love you.”
“Gee, thanks man!” Dave flashed Leo a toothy smile before looking back down at his niece, tugging his hair away from her open mouth again. “She already seems to love my hair, so it shouldn’t take too long for her to become fond of the rest of me. Have any of you noticed that she looks just like Ren?”
“She does,” Leo confirmed, nodding his head. It was suddenly occurring to him how lucky he was to have such a wonderful family around him, whether by blood or by mating. How had he managed to get such a lucky hand in life, he and all the baggage he brought along with him?
Suddenly, Dave’s head shot up. “...Oh no. He’s coming.”
Leo blinked, confused. “Who’s comi—”
“Ren! Ren! Where is my son? Ren!! ”
Everybody's head snapped towards the door, Ren’s eyes widening with anxiety. “Mama and papa are here!”
Not a second later, Ren’s parents rushed into the room, Mr. Hirota throwing himself to Ren’s bedside in a flurry of tears and panic. Mrs. Hirota followed right behind him, much more composed than her mate, but still speed walking to her son’s side, pushing roughly past anyone in her path.
The Hirota parent’s entry created a new wave of mayhem in the hospital room, splitting everyone into several different groups of conversation. Leo and Dave parted ways, Rachel finding her way into Briar’s arms at some point in the mix up. Leo found himself entering conversation with Rain, Micah, and Mrs. Hirota, who for all her rather convincing nonchalance, seemed to be just as excited for her granddaughter's birth as her mate.
As for Mr Hirota…he remained by Ren’s side, asking more questions than his exhausted son could keep up with. Not that Ren seemed to mind, he was content to converse as much as his father would let him, allowing Charlie to take questions over whenever he lacked an answer.
Despite everyone’s chaotic arrival, the hospital room’s previously calm atmosphere returned after a couple minutes, each person speaking in much quieter voices as Rachel got to know her extended family. Night turned into dawn as Ren’s family took turns passing Rachel around, the infant’s previous exhaustion nowhere to be seen now that she had new people to entertain her. Her fathers stood by to make sure she was doing ok of course, but for the most part they let Rachel call the shots on what she wanted, taking over whenever she got too fussy.
Ren was beaming through it all, looking on his family with a love and joy Leo wished he could see in his mate’s eyes forever. He looked exhausted, close to twenty-four hours without any sleep whatsoever, but he found energy amongst the people who loved him most, celebrating the accomplishment he had dreamed of reaching since he had been a young pup himself.
Something in the back of Leo’s brain itched as he settled himself beside Ren, but for the first time in a long time, he was able to ignore it. The joy of having his daughter and family around him was too powerful for his doubts to overcome, swallowing whatever misery he normally had whole in its wake. His daughter’s birth had become an unexpected respite, shielding Leo from all the problems his brain forced him to face on a daily basis. She had become a light in the darkness, a fresh start, a chance to prove himself worthy of a family, of being a mate, of being a father. Rachel was a gift, a gift Leo would devote the rest of his life to treasuring and protecting, giving all he had and more to guiding Rachel’s life.
Leo snuggled closer to Ren, gazing upon the happy family in front of him. He kissed Ren’s cheek, and Ren returned the gesture, laughing happily at some joke Rain was telling beside them. All of them kept their sights on Rachel, watching her babble and laugh with obvious delight amongst her newfound family. After months of waiting, Leo’s pack was finally together, fully formed.
He couldn’t have been happier.
Notes:
I hope you guys enjoyed, comments and kudos are appreciated!
Chapter 7: Stage Three: Recklessness (Part One)
Summary:
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to recognize danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Notes:
Sorry it took me so long to come out with another chapter! Finals + job hunting took up a lot of my time.
This chapter is more of an introduction for what's to come, but I hope y'all enjoy it! As a reminder, pups are more behaviorally developed compared to human babies, so sorry if it seems unrealistic.
Also I'm gonna break a couple of my first, longer chapters into separate, shorter chapters, so to those who are subbed to me or this story, sorry for the get spam your inbox might get.
Chapter Text
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to recognize danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Life was hectic with a newborn pup.
Leo couldn’t say he was surprised, he really couldn’t. Pups were nothing if not work, a fact he and his mates had been well aware of before Ren had even gotten pregnant. And why wouldn’t they be? Not only were they living, breathing creatures with personalities of their own, but they were helpless lives, needing constant support and care from their parents to keep thriving. Pups were like most species' offspring: in constant need of attention.
Still, the amount of energy Rachel required from Leo was staggering, even with the newfound free time paternity leave had gifted him. No sooner had they arrived home for the first time with Rachel than she staked her unpredictable schedule upon her fathers’ lives, making her demands known the second they could occur to her. She didn’t seem to take much time in adjusting to her new surroundings: in fact, it was the pack that would need to adjust to her, left to flounder in their confusion and new parent anxiety as they desperately tried to keep up with the ever-shifting needs their pup would present to them. Leo wasn’t sure how well he would have fared if he hadn’t had four other mates to help him out.
Micah was having the easiest time out of all of them, by far it seemed. He knew exactly what Rachel needed as soon as she needed it, often appearing by her side once a distressed cry had escaped her lips. Even in the beginning days, when nobody knew what they were doing, he had managed to keep a calm head, establishing order and routine into a world that had quickly turned into absolute chaos. As jealous as Leo was, he wasn’t sure what he would have done without his level-headed mate.
And then there was Charlie and Rain, who had found themselves closer to Leo’s level than Micah’s. Rachel’s constant demands had done a wonderful job at freaking them out for the first week or so, all her cries sounding the exact same to their untrained ears. There had been a lot of trial and error on their part: changing Rachel when she didn’t need changing, holding a bottle in front of her face when all she really wanted was to be held, trying to entertain her when she wanted to sleep, and a plethora of other awkward, confusion-filled moments. It had gotten easier for them after the first week had passed, but Leo was certain that was mostly Micah’s doing. if their taller alpha hadn’t been around to command them, they probably would have taken way longer to figure themselves out. So much for being put-together parents.
As for Ren…he was exhausted, spending most of his time resting up in the nest. He was still very active in Rachel’s life, spending hours snuggling with her every day, but his mates had insisted on taking over the more strenuous tasks, heeding the doctor’s care instructions for Ren to the best of their ability. It would take a couple weeks for Ren to be up and kicking like normal again, but that was fine. He deserved the break, after all he had done for his family the past nine months.
Despite all the newfound chaos the pack had adopted, Leo found he was adjusting quite well. Surprisingly well, in fact. He had never been great with change, usually taking ages to accommodate to new situations, but thanks to Micah’s intervention, he was faring decently. They all had their established shifts to take, designated jobs, and moments to rest. Leo was able to do his part in taking care of his pup and recovering mate, but he wasn’t forcing himself to overwork anymore. He couldn’t overwork himself anymore. They had divided the work equally, with each pack member dedicating themselves entirely to their role. As long as Leo was in the house, he was forced to do a set amount of work, no more, no less.
Surprisingly, he found he didn’t mind. It was…reasonable. Logical. Only one or two people could care for Rachel at a time, and Ren got restless if too many people were fussing over him at once. That usually left at least one person free to take care of cleaning the apartment at any given moment, and if all was done as efficiently as possible, there was more than enough time for someone to take a quick break before getting up again. And that didn’t even account for the moments where Ren took care of Rachel himself, leaving the other four directionless. If there had only been two of them Leo was sure everything would be more stressful, but with five parents around? Things were much more manageable, for more so than Leo originally expected.
There was still a nagging itch in the back of Leo’s brain, poking at him whenever he sat down to rest, but it was easier to ignore than before. Maybe it had been the uncertainty and anxiety around Ren’s pregnancy, or maybe the schedule Micah had created has eased something over in Leo's mind. Either way, paternity leave had forced him to pace himself, and if he was being honest…he couldn’t really complain. After all, he had spent nine months furiously working. Besides, with how fragile newborns were, Rachel needed her fathers at their most vigilant. And if Leo’s psych program had taught him anything, it was how important rest was for a proper attention span.
So he took care of his daughter, and he rested when he could. He knew his daughter was well cared for by his mates, so he’d do his part in making sure he was ready to care for her too.
After all, what else could he do?
Before anyone had realized it, the first three weeks of Rachel’s life had flown by. She was growing rapidly, but she was still pretty small, fitting perfectly into the crook of Leo’s arms. And unsurprisingly, she was growing more demanding, crying for her fathers’ attention whenever the slightest want came to her mind.
Still, Leo was doing pretty well in adapting to everything, despite how sporadic his daughter’s needs were. Sure, Rachel wasn’t on a set schedule, but there was a sort of familiarity to be gained despite the lack of routine, little habits and constants that made the whole process much easier for Leo to manage. If he sorted all the information he had gleaned out in his head, he found a decent rhythm to follow.
Feedings were the easiest part, as Leo expected them to be. That was the first thing he learned. That wasn’t his responsibility so much as it was Ren’s. Most of Rachel’s meals consisted of her latching on to Ren, snuggling up close to his chest until she decided she’d had her fill. Burping's usually followed, Ren refusing to let his daughter go until he was sure she was digesting her food properly. It was something he had willingly assumed full responsibility for, a process only he seemed to have a knack for understanding.
The vomit that had lined Micah and Rain’s backs were a testament to that.
It didn’t bother the rest of them much. As much as the recovering omega hated to admit it, Ren was in desperate need of rest, body still weak from his labor. With Ren basically bedridden, at least for the first couple weeks back, there wasn’t a whole lot his pack felt comfortable letting him do on his own. Giving him a small, less strenuous task was a good compromise, allowing Ren to rest easy while still allowing him to be involved in all the chaos that came with having a newborn.
Entertaining Rachel was also pretty easy, a reality Leo had been a little less certain about. Turns out pups tend to sleep most of the day, with Rachel being no exception. Her slumber consisted mostly of naps, never a long, uninterrupted stretch of sleep like Leo was used to, but that was ok. He and his mates were always right there to take care of her once she woke up, taking turns passing her around while they fawned and cooed over her. That seemed to be interesting enough to her, although she was occasionally gifted the opportunity to swat at a stray bracelet or loose strand of hair. Who knew that pups were so easy to distract?
Well…sometimes, at least. Other times…
“Waaaaaaaahh!”
Speak of the devil.
Leo groaned, blinking the sleep from his bleary eyes. In the weird haze following his awakening, he could feel his mates shuffling around him, similar moans of exhaustion escaping their lips as they sat up in their nest.
Another sharp cry erupted from the bassinet next to them and Leo turned over, eyes slowly making out the shape of his daughter’s resting spot. “...Fuck’s sake, and we were having such a peaceful night for once.”
“Tell me about it,” someone grumbled, an arm reaching over Leo’s shoulder. A clicking noise sounded out from somewhere beside Leo’s ear, the person behind him cursing as sharp light swiftly penetrated the sensitive irises of everyone’s eyes. “I really thought we’d get our first night of uninterrupted sleep. Was gonna keep score and everything.”
Someone else snorted, the mattress moving below them. “No such luck. She’s only three weeks old, you really think she was gonna learn to sleep through the night that quick?”
“...Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?”
“Waaaahhhhhh!”
“Should’ve pulled out if you didn’t want to deal with this.” Leo stretched out his stiff limbs with another groan, wincing at the crack that popped under his elbow. His eyes were still adjusting to the sudden rays of light, but he could just barely see the waving blob appearing out of the bassinet, beating against the side angrily. “Should we wake Ren? Is she hungry?”
A grunt of disapproval tickled Leo’s eardrum, long, blond hair suddenly falling over his face. A weight had settled itself over his skull, the pointy jut of a chin hard to mistake. “Nah, that’s not her hungry cry. She might need changing though. Or she just wants to be held. Who knows. Consistency is not in this little woman’s vocabulary, is it?”
Another snort. “Amen to that.”
Taking one last precautionary blink against the shining light, Leo forced himself to sit up, butting Charlie’s head off of his own with a little more than a murmur of warning. Lord, what time was it? Three? Four? They had gone to bed around ten, but they’d been sleeping for a while, so how late–”I’ll get ‘er. You guys go back to sleep, I’ll figure out what she needs.”
Grabbing his glasses from the nearby nightstand, Leo stood up and padded his way closer to the foot of the nest, where the bassinet was parked. Sure enough, Rachel was flailing around inside, watery eyes looking pitifully up at Leo while she wailed for…something. Her hands outstretched themselves towards Leo as soon as he entered her view, but her cries never ceased. If anything, she seemed more upset, her volume increasing to an almost impossible decibel.
“Ok, ok,” Leo murmured, sleepily plucking Rachel up from the bottom of her bed. She had grown a little since her birth, gaining enough weight to look less like an alien and more like a human, but she was still surprisingly light in Leo’s tired arms. It never failed to surprise him, no matter how often he picked his daughter up. “I’ve got you now. Your dad is here. What do you need? Enlighten us, before you wake the whole complex up.”
Leo’s voice was teasing, but Rachel didn’t seem too amused. Instead, she gave another sharp cry, grabbing onto Leo’s shirt with unfiltered frustration. It was clear that she wasn't going to answer.
Sighing, Leo turned back to the nest, meeting Charlie’s gaze. The blond alpha’s normally intense glare was lowered to nothing but a squint, still blinking against the sudden light. His hair was tousled every which way, resembling more of a bird’s nest than a healthy head of hair. A little to Charlie’s left, Micah was rolling his shoulders, his loud yawn just barely masking the sound of something cracking. His right hand was messing with the black locks on Ren’s slumped head. Leo was surprised to find that there was a pair of tired brown eyes staring through the curtain of hair covering Ren’s face.
Rain remained asleep between Ren and Charlie, eyes shut and mouth agape as he blissfully snored the night away.
“You sure you’re good to take this shift?” Micah asked softly, kissing the top of Ren’s head lightly. Ren didn’t do much in the way of responding, simply keeping his groggy eyes on Leo’s and sighing deeply. “I can take over if you want.”
Leo shook his head, shifting Rachel so her head was over his shoulder. He appreciated the offer, but he had been sleeping way too much recently, and besides, he was a dad! It was his job to take care of his daughter when he could, wasn’t it? “Nah, I got it. I can handle this just fine. She’s always settled the easiest when I hold her for a bit anyway. Plus, I get to spend time with her. You guys go back to sleep, I’ll hop back in the nest once she’s calmed down a bit.”
He wasn’t lying, and his mates knew it: Rachel always settled best when Leo was the one holding her. It was something Leo himself couldn’t begin to understand, but it seemed to be a constant truth, from the day she was born. Something about him relaxed the little pup, what that something was, the pack could only theorize.
He couldn’t complain though. He got to spend more time with his daughter, and he could help calm her when the others were having trouble. It made him feel like he had a unique use in the mess of their lives.
A groan sounded out, Charlie flopping right back onto his back moments after Leo had finished speaking. The alpha beside him still looked doubtful, but Charlie was clearly free of whatever anxieties plagued his mate, immediately sprawling out wherever his limbs could fit. “Thanks starlight, I owe you one. Next shift is on me.”
Leo opened his mouth to reply, but Micah beat him to it. “Nah, I can take the next shift. You should catch up on sleep while you can, before you have to go back to working twenty-four hours in a row. Only a week of paternity leave left, right?”
“Yeah yeah, Or…” Charlie suddenly sat up again, hair falling over his now-alert eyes. “We could compromise and make Sleepy Mc Sleepyhead over here do it!”
With that, Charlie shoved his index finger right into Rain’s upturned stomach, pressing down hard enough for the tip to disappear into his mate’s skin. To his dismay, Rain remained asleep, his foot twitching unconsciously under the covers.
Micah rolled his eyes and chuckled, slowly moving Charlie’s hand out of his mate’s taunt stomach. “Agreed. Assuming he’ll wake up, that is. How he’s able to sleep through all of this remains a mystery to me, but I doubt he’ll wake up with a simple poke when his time comes. ”
“Have fun with that. He’ll be your problem.” Leo crept towards the bedroom door, smile flashing in the dim light the small bedside lamp had thrown access to the room. As much as he wanted to stay and banter with his mates, he needed to figure out what was up with his daughter before she blew out a lung screaming. Plus, Ren needed his sleep. He had been awfully tired lately, and tonight looked to be no different.
Charlie yawned and waved, his free hand already inching closer to the lamp. “Good luck, let us know if you need help.”
“I will,” Leo hummed, nodding back. Then he was out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
As soon as Leo walked into the wider apartment, Rachel roughly bumped her head against his chin, screeching angrily in his ear. She nestled her head into the crook of his shoulder after a moment, but her isesent cries continued, barely quieting as Leo’s footsteps bounced her around in the dark.
“I hear you, I hear you,” Leo groaned, squinting at the shadowy objects and walls blocking his path. He managed to get to Rachel’s nursery just fine despite the blindness, opening her door and stepping into the normally vacant room. It was much more cluttered than the rest of the apartment, toys and baby products threatening to trip Leo with every step he took into the gloom. “I’m gonna help you out, I promise. You’re gonna get changed, and you’re gonna get to ride around on my shoulder for a bit, and everything’s gonna be fine! You just gotta calm down, ok?”
Rachel grumbled loudly before wailing out again, growing angrier when Leo pulled her away from his shoulder and laid her down on the changing table lining the nursery wall. She certainly didn’t make his task any easier, flailing her limbs every which way every second she was on her back, but he managed to change her without much issue, snorting goodnaturedly when a stray foot managed to kick him in the arm. “You’re not gonna make my job any easier, are you?”
Leo threaded the last button on Rachel’s onesie, slipping his hands under her armpits and slinging her over his shoulder once he finished. She was still crying, pinching at his shirt as hard as her little fingers would allow, but that was ok. Now that she’d been put in some fresh clothes, all she needed was to be carried around a little before settling down again. The same song and dance as most nights. Nothing too crazy.
“You done yet? You want me to carry you around some?”
Leo was already shuffling out of the room as he spoke, but Rachel let out a small babble of confirmation, just in case her dad was planning on changing his mind.
“Ok, here we go. Hang on tight, alright?”
Sneaking his way past the narrow wall near his daughter’s room, Leo padded into the living room. There wasn’t too much space in the apartment, not nearly enough to get a good walk in, but there was a small loop he could walk around the furniture, just big enough to keep himself moving as long as it took for him to calm his daughter down. If Rain had been the one carrying Rachel, he’d have pranced around the loop, singing theatrically and bouncing Rachel gently in his arms.
But Rain wasn’t there. He was presumably still asleep, snoozing away in the comfort of their nest. Rachel would have to do with Leo’s slower, more methodical pace, not that she ever minded. Any sort of movement was enough to keep her entertained, regardless of who was holding her.
Sighing with thinly-veiled exhaustion, Leo began his loop. He was surprised they hadn’t worn a visible pathway into the ground with how much Rachel loved to be carried around. It wasn’t terrible though. It gave him some late night exercise and a chance to spend time with his daughter, if nothing else.
This was the hardest part, in his opinion. The sleepless nights, the guessing games, the tired attempts to subdue his temperamental daughter. Nobody ever knew what she would need until she needed it, and it was never at the same time of night. Her outbursts were unpredictable to every one of her dads. Was she gonna be hungry? Would she demand Ren’s attention, or maybe a bottle from the fridge if he was too tired? Would she need changing? Would she need some cuddle time with her dads? Would she need some sort of stimulation, like she needed now? Who knew? Certainly not her dads, not until she woke them up screaming and crying.
And boy, could she scream and cry.
It didn’t help that Leo was the lightest sleeper among them. The slightest movement could have woken him up on a normal night, so a screaming infant? He’d be up in a millisecond, quickly awakening enough to respond faster than his mates could manage. Maybe that was why Rachel calmed so quickly with him.
Leo stepped around their coffee table for the fifth time that night, bouncing Rachel gently over his shoulder. Yeah, this had quickly become the most tiresome part. He could handle everything else: the entertaining, the bathing, the holding, even the changing. But the late night tantrums? Those were a bit of a slog, no matter how optimistic he tried to be about them.
A small gurgle sounded from beside Leo’s ear and he smiled, pressing a guilty kiss to the side of Rachel’s fuzzy head. He was exhausted, but still, how could he be upset that he got to spend so much time with his infant pup? Bonding with her was one of the most important jobs he had as a father, a job he would die before neglecting. Besides, she wasn’t going to stay small forever, already growing pretty big in the three weeks she had been around for. Leo needed to soak up every moment he could, before Rachel became a sulky teenager who wanted nothing to do with him.
…Lord, he was preparing for the worst already, wasn’t he?
Silence reigned over the apartment, the only sound being Leo’s bare feet plopping down on the hardwood floor. His mates were surely well on their way to falling asleep again, now that Rachel had settled a little. The loop had quickly done its job at calming her late night frenzies. She was still awake, wiggling around curiously on Leo’s shoulder as she tried to look around, but her temper had died down, at least for now.
Even so, Leo knew his job wasn’t done. No, Rachel was still very awake, too awake for him to put down. She needed some extra down time before sleep claimed her once again. Normally Leo would have kept walking the loop until Rachel dozed off, but with how late it was, and with the exhaustion dragging at his limbs…
“...Ok baby,” Leo whispered suddenly, shuffling around the coffee table one last time. “We’re gonna sit down now, alright?”
Leo didn’t wait for an answer, but he still let out a tired chuckle when Rachel babbled out something incomprehensible, her hands curling into the fabric of his shirt. He reached the couch and let himself collapse onto the cushions below, careful to steady Rachel as he fell. At least he could rest a little now. He hadn’t been up long, but his feet were aching from the repetitive trail they’d been forced to follow.
After a bit of coaxing, Leo was able to get Rachel to release her death grip on his shirt, bringing her into a more comfortable position against his chest. She protested the movement a bit, but relaxed upon being placed on Leo’s torso, head resting right where she could hear his heartbeat. Her dad wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, not without her, anyway.
Leo smiled, holding Rachel tenderly with one hand while pushing up his glasses with the other. “There we go. You feeling better now? You get all the tears out?”
Rachel looked up at Leo's face, eyes and mouth wide. Then a small cooing noise escaped her, and she reached for Leo’s face, both hands weakly searching for something to grab. One of her hands managed to grasp the bridge of Leo’s glasses, her other hand running over random parts of his face in no discernible order, poking and prodding at any feature that seemed to interest her. She took particular interest in the shiny silver hoop sticking out of Leo’s nose, grabbing on to it and tugging with all the might her muscles could muster.
“Ok, ok–” Leo moved back a little, shaking his head and snorting out of his soon-to-be sore nose. ”Let’s not tug on that, ok? I know it’s big and shiny and pretty, but it’s not sanitary! Come on, let go…it’s time to let go now…”
Despite Leo’s incessant efforts to uncurl Rachel’s fingers from his nose ring, her hold remained strong as ever. In fact, her father’s struggles only seemed to excite Rachel more, a happy gurgle accompanying a sudden round of intense tugging.
“Ow, ow! Hey let go, please let go–”
“...Leo?”
Leo’s head shot up, turning toward where the unexpected voice came from. Rachel’s head followed suit, her hand still gripping Leo’s jewelry tightly. If her eyesight had been a little better, she would have been able to see what Leo saw: The sleepy form of Micah, arm resting against the doorframe of their bedroom as he watched over his mate and daughter.
“...Hey. What are you still doing up?” Leo managed to free his nose from Rachel’s hold, guilt and embarrassment flooding through his body. What a sight to walk in on, huh? “Sorry, was I being too loud?”
Micah chuckled, putting his arm down before starting towards the couch. Even fresh out of sleep he looked beautiful as ever, long orange hair falling gracefully over his shoulders with every step he took. “Not even a little. I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve gotten so used to Rachel’s snoring that it’s a little unnerving to not hear it.”
The cushion beside Leo dipped with the newfound weight Micah added, but Leo didn’t have much time to focus on the shift. He was too busy moving around himself, turning so he was facing Micah head on, legs crossed in front of him. “Understandable. I get pretty freaked over that too. Remember the first couple shifts I didn’t take?”
Micah chuckled, his sleepy eyes crinkling happily. “Course I do. I was the one who had to coax you back to sleep most of the time. It was pretty funny watching you stare at the door though. I had to stop Rain from trying to scare you with his freakishly long fingers.”
“The one time he’s awake for Rachel’s midnight adventures, and he’s trying to torment me.” Leo groaned, rolling his eyes good naturedly. It would have been funny, he had to admit. He knew exactly what night Micah was talking about, and with how high strung he had been? He’d have jumped out of his skin for sure. “Pretty on brand for him though. Is he still asleep?”
“Like a log.” Micah leaned forward, placing a gentle hand on Rachel’s upturned back. His eyes were full of affection, another deep laugh escaping his lips as Rachel cooed up at him. “Everybody else managed to fall asleep again, thankfully. Ren was out like a light, poor baby.”
Leo nodded in understanding, pity flashing through his mind. It had been three weeks since Rachel’s birth, but Ren was still having a hard time adjusting to everything. Recovery had made him very tired, and his mates’ constant worrying and fretting probably wasn’t helping. Even when Ren tried to do more around the house, his mates wouldn’t let him, Charlie quoting the doctor’s instructions word-for-word, until Ren had resigned himself to the nest again. Leo felt a little bad about the lack of activity his mate was involved in, but the doctor had said that overexertion was bad for healing, so surely taking over for Ren was the right thing to do, right? ”I’m glad he’s resting, at least. I feel bad though. I can tell he’s getting a little bit restless after spending so long doing so little.”
“Me too, but what choice do we have?” Micah shook his head, running a finger through Rachel’s fuzzy hair. “He’s supposed to relax. He’ll have to take over more when we go back to work, but for now, he should chill as much as he can. Only a week left for us, right?”
“Right,” Leo groaned, stretching his neck. Lord, he really didn’t want to go back to work. He couldn’t imagine having to part with his daughter, leaving her out of his sight for hours a day. How would she fare without him? How would she fare without her other dads? Leo trusted Ren with his whole soul, but it would be an adjustment for both him and Rachel, not having the full pack together.
Besides…it had been nice, to not overwork himself. As much attention as Rachel required, Leo had been getting far more rest then he had been managing during Ren’s pregnancy. And… he’d been feeling better. Way better. He was doing as much as he could to care for Rachel and Ren, but it was somehow less nerve wracking than Ren’s pregnancy had been. It wasn’t less work, he had a new life to care for after all, but he felt like he was actually doing something. Like he was worth being a part of his packs’ lives again. He had a purpose now.
Maybe things were getting better. Maybe the stress of Ren’s pregnancy had been the problem. Yeah, that made sense, didn’t it? Now that there was more certainty in Leo’s life, things were going back to normal. He didn't have to worry about being a bad father anymore, because he knew what to do. There was no more speculation, only action. He was a father now. There was no room for anything else in his mind.
Rachel cooed curiously from below Leo’s chin, breaking him out of his thoughts. She was looking up at him now, her little neck straining to the best of its ability as she tried to stare at her father’s face, eyes wide and unblinking. She didn’t move much; she just stared, squinting ever so slightly.
Leo brought his face a little closer to Rachel’s, chuckling when she let out another noise. “What’s so interesting, huh? What are you looking at? Something funny about my face?”
Rachel smiled and let out another babble, but her staring never stopped.
“What is she doing?” Micah leaned forward, tilting his head to look at Rachel’s face better. His eyes were scrunched up, confusion shining from between his lids. “She’s been doing that more and more recently. Just…staring. She’s like a cat. Why does she do that?”
“She’s fascinated by my face,” Leo answered, opening his eyes wide against Rachel’s intense stare. If she was gonna be creepy, he might as well follow in her footsteps. “Pup’s know nothing about anything. She’s still getting used to all the different parts of the world around her. And they’re very entertained by new, eye-catching things.”
Micah raised an eyebrow. “So…your face is eye-catching to her?”
A chuckle escaped Leo’s lips as he shook his head, eyes still wide and unblinking. “No, my accessories are eye-catching to her. Faces are cool and all, but they get old after a bit. Add some big glasses and shiny metal to the mix however, and suddenly she’s hooked again. Look, she’s going for my eyebrow piercing this time!”
Suddenly, Leo jerked back, purring happily when his daughter’s hand barely missed the shiny ball of metal it had been aiming for. Rachel screeched in displeasure and tried again, but her dad still wouldn’t relent, holding her far enough away for his sensitive piercing to escape the danger zone.
“Oooohha! Ah!”
“No, you can’t tug on that! I paid a good seventy dollars to get that done!” Leo laughed, nuzzling Rachel’s nose with his own while Rachel continued to gurgle with frustration. That quickly proved to be a mistake, as a tiny hand managed to punch against the soft tissue of his nose, only to quickly get caught up in his nose ring.
“Hey not that either! We already talked about this! Let me go, let me go!”
Leo turned towards Micah, desperate for his mate’s help. To his dismay, the alpha was also laughing, his mouth covered with the back of a trembling hand. His eyes shone with the warmest kind of affection Leo could possibly imagine, deep blue irises swirling with a love that could steal the breath out of even Charlie’s stubborn lungs.
A love Leo couldn’t imagine being worthy of.
The omega sucked in a breath, his laughs dying down to small giggles. “What are you looking at? You’re supposed to be helping me!”
Micah closed his eyes, shaking his head teasingly. “Sorry, sorry! It’s just funny, watching you get brutalized by your own daughter. She’s persistent, isn’t she?”
“That she is.” Leo tucked Rachel under his chin, kissing the top of her head affectionately. Rachel shrieked once she realized her efforts had been thwarted, but she didn’t seem too upset, opting to snuggle closer to Leo’s chest. “And you’re useless! Were you just gonna let her tug my nose ring out? Is my pain amusing to you?”
A snort escaped Micah’s nose. “Oh please, stop being dramatic. You know full well she wasn’t gonna pull anything out. You and Rain and your stupid theatrics.”
“So much for being the pack’s protector,” Leo grumbled, rolling his eyes. Still, he had to bite back the smile starting to creep across his face. It had been a long time since he’d been able to laugh so freely, so…genuinely. He was thankful for the change. Maybe he really was getting better? “Letting me suffer like this. If I had known I’d be kicked to the curb, I’d have prepared myself better.”
“Right, because I’d ever do that. You’re the last person I’d kick to the curb.”
A moment of silence passed, Rachel murmuring to herself, in her own world. Leo jumped when an arm slung itself over his shoulder and tugged him nearer, but he quickly resigned himself once his shoulder hit Micah’s. The alpha was still looking at him with unwarranted affection, stirring up an overwhelming well of emotion in the depths of Leo’s soul. Lord, what he wouldn’t do to keep that gaze on him forever.
“I love you so much, you know that?”
Leo raised his eyebrows, resting his head on Micah’s shoulder. Did he? “I love you too. You flatter me, did you know that ?”
“It’s not flattery if it’s the truth.” Micah sighed, leaning the both of them back onto the couch’s cushions. The arm around Leo’s shoulders grew tighter, fingers rubbing circles on Leo’s bare skin. “I love you more than I could express. Getting to do this with you—getting to do this with all of you—it’s a blessing. You’re such a good dad, I can’t imagine being able to do this without you.”
The alpha’s words should have been flattering, and in a way they were, but all they did was leave a familiar and unwelcome lump in the middle of Leo’s throat. Was it really a blessing? Was it really so great, having him as a dad? The only reason Rachel even existed was because Charlie and Ren had gotten careless. If they hadn’t conceived her when they did, would they have gotten the chance to be parents? It wasn’t like Leo was going to be the catalyst, that much was clear. Would the rest of his pack have been forced to remain without pups, terrified of setting their unpredictable mate off? Should he really be thanked for doing his part to raise a kid he almost prevented from existing?
Leo swallowed, forcing a smile. No. He was getting better. He couldn’t let the past bother him anymore. He wouldn’t make himself believe Micah’s words, but maybe he could force himself to forget the painful memories haunting his life. “…Thank you. I can’t imagine doing this without you either. You’ve been really good with her. I mean, not that I thought you wouldn’t be, but…it’s fun to see. And you’ve kept the rest of us relatively calm throughout all the change. I don't know what any of us would have done without you.”
A small chuckle reverberated over Leo’s skull. “Well, someone had to do something. You were all running around like headless chickens.”
”Ok but still, I meant it. None of us could have pulled everyone else together. We didn’t think to. Take the compliment, you deserve it.”
Micah sighed, smiling against Leo’s forehead. “Fine, fine. Thank you. I guess we’re both good dads.”
Leo snorted. “I guess we are. And speaking of dads…”
Rachel was squirming in Leo’s hold again, her sights now set on the alpha sitting mere inches away from her. She was grunting unhappily, arms stretching as far as her tiny body could possibly allow. Micah’s shirt was nowhere near her grasp, but she was still trying to reach, fingers opening and closing with clear displeasure.
“Oh? Is she tired of you? That’s a first.” Micah pulled away from Leo enough to hold out his hands, lightly grasping on to Rachel’s arms. “Are you done with your dad? Do you want your daddy? Come here baby girl, I’ve got you.”
Micah’s hands slowly tugged Rachel from Leo’s arms, the omega supporting his pup until she was safely in her other father’s arms. “Here, hold her to your chest. See if she’ll do the thing.”
The alpha complied, leaning back enough to let his daughter rest comfortably against his chest. She had a good view from where she was lying, looking directly into her father’s eyes without having to strain her wobbly neck. Rachel was immediately hooked, gurgling happily while reaching out to grab the short stubble lining Micah’s chin.
“No, no no,” Micah snorted, moving backward. He looked to Leo for support, free hand trying it’s best to press Rachel’s hands back down to his chest. “Come on now, you can’t tug on that! You don’t want to hurt your daddy, do you? Come on, put those down…”
Rachel’s arms were quickly pushed away from Micah’s chin, but to Leo's delight, she wasn’t deterred. Instead, she simply aimed for his nose, laughing happily when her father flinched with unbridled surprise.
“Ok, I get it, you like my face! Put your hands down!”
“You brought this on yourself,” Leo snorted, leaning forward to observe his daughter’s attack. “Karma came for you, that’s all. Just wait until she gets to your eyelids!”
They were both laughing hysterically, words barely comprehensible as they tried (and failed) to calm Rachel’s frantic grabbing. She wasn’t giving up, smiling and babbling with each counter her fathers had in store for her. In fact, she found more entertainment with another assailant on her back, using her feet to uncontrollably lash out at whoever was nearest. With four thrashing limbs and two people to oppose, she was having the time of her life. There was no chance she’d be falling back asleep anytime soon.
As exhausted as he was, Leo couldn’t help the uncontrollable smile that had plastered itself onto his face. Lord, he had missed this. He had missed being able to laugh so freely, especially with his mate. He had missed the little moments that came with free time, even if that free time was at three in the morning. He had missed feeling like a real part of the pack.
For a moment Rachel’s happy gaze met Leo’s, and he cooed, tickling the bottom of Rachel’s foot until she kicked gleefully. He wasn’t sure how or why so much had changed for him in the past couple weeks, but his improvement was undeniable. Maybe it really had just been the stress of becoming a first time dad. Maybe having a pup proved that Leo was still needed, especially with how attached Rachel seemed to be to him. Whatever the cause, Leo felt like his old self again, safe from whatever doubt had plagued him.
For now.
Leo shuffled closer to Micah, pressing himself against his mate’s exposed skin. The alpha was still laughing, but he managed to pull his attention away from Rachel long enough to kiss Leo firmly on the head, turning so Leo was closer to his chest. Rachel was shuffling next to Leo’s head, the newfound position giving her ample opportunity to make another lunge for one of Leo’s piercings.
Another muffled bout of laughter escaped the two mates, Leo drawing near enough to kiss Rachel on the head. A heavy arm wrapped around his body, pressing him impossibly closer. The apartment rang with the sound of joy, filling the night air with a new, refreshing sort of life.
Things were changing for the better, it seemed. Leo couldn’t complain. He’d do everything in his power to keep his pack as content as they had become, free from the troubles that had piled up only months before. That was his new purpose, gifted to him by the tiny pup they had welcomed into the world. Whatever it took to keep the peaceful life they had made for themselves.
Whatever it took.
Chapter 8: Stage Three: Recklessness (Part Two)
Summary:
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to recognize danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Notes:
More setup! Yay! I promise the real reckless behavior is coming up, there's just a lot of moving parts lol.
Also to those of you who have expressed how sad it makes you to see Ren upset...I'm not sorry.
Enjoy!
Chapter Text
Going back to work was an unwelcome adjustment for the pack.
A month of maternity leave had left the pack used to running on Rachel’s schedule. There was nothing else to really do, after all. When she slept, they rested. When she needed attention, they gave her attention. When she needed something, they did what they could to keep her full, or clean, or content. All of her needs were sporadic, nothing was predictable, there was no set timer. They simply got up when she needed them, moving around any sort of chore or visit solely to fit their pup’s needs. So getting back on a set schedule? That was hard, especially when Rachel protested her fathers leaving every morning.
The worst part, however, was being away from Ren and Rachel for an extended period of time almost every day. None of them had been away from their pup for more than a couple hours at a time, and that was always for simple errands, like grocery runs. Besides, the other four would always be at the apartment during that time, picking up the slack the absent mate left behind.
Now they would all be gone, with only Ren to care for the pup by himself. Ren had assured the pack that he would be ok on his own, and normally Leo would have believed his mate with no trouble, but…
Maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe he was looking too far into meaningless signs, especially since the others hadn’t noticed anything. Pregnancy was hard after all, and recovering from childbirth wasn’t a walk in the park either. Still, it was hard to ignore how exhausted Ren had become, spending more time in the nest than what had been normal even during his third trimester. He seemed to enjoy spending time with his mates and daughter, and he had said that his injuries were healing up nicely, but the unusual air that hung over his head was too suspicious to write off. Leo didn’t want to cause unneeded panic, but if something was wrong, would Ren really be able to handle being on his own?
…He’d keep an eye on it. Leo was a parent and a mate, but he was also a psychologist. If his education had taught him anything, it was that little signs were never to be ignored, regardless of how inconsequential they might seem. He could still be wrong, he could just be letting his anxiety ridden brain run wild with possibilities, but it was better to have eyes on Ren just in case.
Just in case.
Besides Ren’s interesting behavior, life was going back to normal for the pack. As normal as it could be with a whole new life to care for, at least. Micah had begun working his regular hours again, Rain had picked up a later but consistent schedule to give Ren some extra help in the morning, and Leo had made good on his promise to Micah, working a predictable schedule while keeping his hours to a reasonable level. Charlie’s manager had even been kind enough to ease him back into his shifts, scheduling him for twelve hour shifts for the first two weeks before moving him back to his regular, twenty-four hour cycle. It was hard for all of them, but it was manageable. Everyone had their part to play, and they were slowly getting used to what their life would be like as working adults with a kid.
Of course, their workload didn’t end with their jobs. Rachel was more than happy to put them to work once they got home, and Ren wasn’t exactly complaining about taking a break from parenting either. As the pack slowly filtered back into the apartment each day, they’d picked up a routine for their at-home responsibilities. They tried to split the responsibility of chores and childcare fifty-fifty so everyone got a chance to see Rachel, with at least one person looking after the pup while the others took care of cleaning and cooking. Ren would join in when he had the energy, but his mates often encouraged him to rest after seeing how exhausted he was, allowing him a couple hours of peace.
Despite their careful planning, Leo found himself caring for the pup more often than not. No matter how much Rachel appeared to love her dads, it was always Leo she ended up seeking out when she was upset, which was more frequent than Leo had expected. The others had tried to figure out how to comfort her on their own, but after enough screaming, they had relented the pup to Leo with a sheepish smile on their face.
“Of course she wants the aspiring therapist the most,” Rain had joked once, passing a wiggling, screaming Rachel from his arms to Leo’s. “I bet you’re using some funky psychology secret to get her to relax. What’s the secret? Some trigger phrase? A special hold? Are you slipping her some whiskey when we aren’t looking, like in the old days?”
Leo had laughed pretty hard at that one, but the truth was he didn’t know what he was doing right. He wasn’t the comfiest person to rest against, nor was he the warmest. He wasn’t as soothing as Ren, or as stern as Charlie. He didn’t have the knack for entertainment that Rain had, and he certainly couldn’t provide as much safety as Micah. There was nothing special about his methods of care as far as he could tell, so really, what was he doing that appealed to his infant daughter so much?
No matter the reason, it didn’t seem like the code would be cracked anytime soon. He had somehow become Rachel’s person, favoring his mediocrity over the rest of the pack’s best efforts. On the bright side, his weird, unexplainable charm gave him more time with his daughter, which was always a plus in his eyes.
But besides Leo’s odd new role, he was finding himself becoming quite content. Being a new parent was hard, and he hated leaving his daughter and mate on their own for so long each day, but he had become happier than he’d been in a long time. He had something to look forward to each day, something beside disappointing his mates. He was needed again. It looked like life was finally looking up for him, the peace he had been missing for a year settling back into his soul.
Nothing could possibly ruin his pack’s future, not on his watch. Life was finally worth living again.
...
The first signs that something was wrong had come slowly, a small whisper in the overall loud life the pack had made for themselves. The second sign that something was wrong did not follow in the first’s footsteps.
It was later in the night, late enough for the whole pack to be back home in time for dinner. Leo and Rain had taken up residency in the living room earlier in the evening, Rachel quickly joining them after an exhausted Ren had been relieved of his parenting duties. It was no surprise when he and Charlie dismissed themselves to the nest for a well-needed nap, but the pair were still sad to see them go.
A little further in the apartment, Micah had taken up dinner duty for the night, diligently stirring a concoction of beans, beef, and some other equally important ingredients together in a pot over the stove. The savory smell of chili had long since begun wafting through the air, the two mates occupied with Rachel cooing with amusement as they watched Rachel’s nose twitch curiously, her eyes squinting with confusion.
“Oh? Is that a new smell you’ve discovered?” Rain chuckled, tickling Rachel on the foot until she giggled happily. He and Leo were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, Rachel squirming furiously in Leo’s arms while her other father poked her lightly. “Smells good huh? Lots of new foods and spices to investigate. And meat too! You know what meat is? Is the scent of slaughtered animals activating your bloodlust yet?”
Leo snorted, rolling his eyes at his mate’s antics. The beta had a knack for riling up their little pup, her almost non existent mobility doing nothing to deter him. “You do this every time we have meat out, and nothing ever happens. Just give it up. Your dreams of raising a natural predator died out as soon as civilization was invented, it’s not gonna happen.”
“Oh come on!” Rain whined, throwing his head back dramatically. He grabbed onto one of Rachel’s hands, waving it around in faux outrage. “There’s still gotta be some predator in her, right? We’ve been too brainwashed by society to do much, but she’s fresh! She’s untainted! We can train her, we just gotta start soon!”
“Dude, she’s only a month old, you gotta at least wait until her fangs come in. The only bloodlust she has right now is for warm, fresh milk!”
“Stop encouraging him.” Micah’s voice wafted through the apartment air, blue eyes glaring from across the kitchen. “We’re not gonna teach our daughter how to hunt for anything except groceries. She’s a human, not an animal. There will be no slaughter in our lives.”
“…Didn’t your dad take you out fishing every time you guys went out on a family vacation?”
“That’s different,” Micah huffed, shooting Rain a warning glance. Despite the stern expression, Leo could tell Micah was getting just as much of a kick out of the conversation as he was. “It was valuable bonding time. And besides, it wasn’t some primal outing with teeth and claws used. We used clean hooks, and we cooked what we caught.”
“So…you hunted for food.” Leo said, leaning forward and raising his eyebrows. “It’s ok to admit it, there’s no shame in catching food. It’s pretty cool actually, better than working in a slaughterhouse, in my opinion. I have cousins who live in the woods, and they hunt for food all the time—“
“Ok, ok, I get it. We still hunt for food.” Micah grimaced, quickly turning back to his pot. “But you know what I mean. We don’t tear our food to shreds like a cat would. You know full well that’s the kind of hunting you had in mind.”
Rain and Leo had chuckled at that, sending each other amused glances from around Rachel’s head, but neither of them made any rebuttal. Instead, they continued to pass Rachel back and forth, talking to her and joking around when something funny came to mind. It was a lovely evening, one of the many good days Leo had been having recently. Leo wished it could go on forever, swaddled in the content feeling his domestic life had brought.
Until dinner was ready, that is.
Ren and Charlie were still in the nest when Micah loudly announced that dinner was ready, shooting a glance at the bedroom before turning to Rain, Leo, and Rachel. The two present mates quickly stood up, Rachel bouncing slightly over Rain’s shoulder as the three of them approached the kitchen. It was hard for Rain to do much with Rachel held firmly in his arms, so he took on the responsibility of heating up Rachel’s dinner bottle while the other two made everybody’s plates. It was a little odd for Ren and Charlie to be absent for plate-making, but Leo didn’t think too much of it, simply spooning enough food onto the plates so everybody got a good amount.
They had just about finished placing the food on the table when Charlie emerged, wheeling Rachel’s bassinet out in front of him.
“Ren’s really tired, so he’s gonna skip this dinner.” Charlie said, parking the bassinet next to the dinner table. He moved back enough to allow Rain easy access to the bed, flicking a long strand of hair from his tense face. “He said he’s sorry, he just doesn’t think he has the energy for it tonight. I guess he didn’t sleep all that well last night.”
“Oh?” Leo looked towards Charlie, confused. That wasn’t like Ren at all. Family dinners had always been really important to him, especially with Charlie working a couple nights a week. No matter how exhausted he’d been, he hadn’t skipped dinner with his pack, not even when he had first come back from the hospital. “Was Rachel super fussy today? He didn’t mention it earlier.”
Charlie shook his head, sending another worried glance back at the nest. “If she was, he didn’t mention it to me either. I mean, she didn’t seem all that wild when I was in the apartment, but I did go on some longer errands later in the day, so maybe something happened then. Either way, he does seem out of it. Let him rest, I’ll make sure he has leftovers waiting in the fridge.”
Everyone murmured their agreement, but it was hard to miss the concern plastered on every pack member’s face. They knew just as well as Leo did how strange Ren’s behavior was.
Leo made a mental note to check on their omega later.
Dinner without Ren was odd. He was never one to speak much, often opting to listen in on his mates while adding a sentence of input here and there, but overall, he was fairly quiet when he ate. Still, his absence was noticeable to everyone present. Conversation felt less lively without Ren there to absorb it. Jokes fell flat, talking felt forced, and without realizing it, the pack had fallen into a quiet sort of mood, every word spoken done so in an anxious whisper. Even Rachel had grown more hushed, although her babbles still rang out even now and then.
But the most depressing part of the meal was by far the growing anxiety hanging over the pack, settling into their bones with every second that passed without their tranquil mate. What was going on with Ren?
It wasn’t until the end of dinner, when everyone was lounging around in what was a normally conversation-filled part of their day, that Leo decided to do something about his omega’s strange absence.
“Where are you going?” Rain asked as Leo stood up, dark eyes trained on the retreating man’s form. What little conversation the pack had been engaged in stopped at Rain’s question, all eyes trained on Leo as he pushed in his chair.
“To check on Ren,” Leo replied, turning his head to shoot his mates one last glance. Maybe they could ignore the sinking pit Ren’s absence had opened in their stomachs, but Leo couldn’t. “I’m gonna make sure he’s doing all right. Maybe see if he needs anything. You guys can stay here if you’d like, but I feel weird about leaving him on his own when we’re all together.”
Charlie nodded, shoulders sagging underneath his oversized shirt. “Good. Someone should be with him when he’s this out of it. He might be asleep by now, but…
“Don’t worry, I won’t wake him.” Leo made his way to the bedroom doorway, hand resting gently on the doorknob. “If he needs anything I’ll let you guys know, but for now, spend some time with Rachel, ok? I think she’s getting tired of me messing with her.”
That was a lie and they all knew it, but nobody protested. They simply sat there, their eyes pricking the back of Leo’s back as he disappeared into the bedroom, the door swinging shut behind him.
The room in front of Leo was pitch black, not even the glow of the moon penetrating through the blinds covering their windows. He could faintly make out the shape of the nest to his side, a rather large, unmoving lump laying in the middle of it. There was no noise to be heard besides his own breathing as well as Ren’s, harmonizing in the isolating quiet of their room.
Leo took a deep breath and held it, straining his eyes. Ren was breathing at a steady cadence, sides rising and falling at a trackable pace. If Leo could just focus enough…
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In…
Out.
Leo sighed, releasing the stale air in his lungs. Just as he thought. Ren could pretend to be asleep all he wanted, but his breathing would always betray him. He was still awake, waiting for Leo to make a move.
Without making any noise, Leo crept closer to Ren’s still form, a hand slowly running over the blanketed surface of their mattress. He stopped just as his fingers reached the crest of Ren’s thigh, but Ren still laid unmoving, refusing to acknowledge Leo’s touch. “...Ren? Sweetheart?”
There was no verbal reaction, but a small sigh came from under the blankets, loud enough for Leo to hear. There was still no movement from within the nest.
“Baby, I know you’re awake,” Leo sighed, dragging his hand off of Ren’s leg. He walked around the nest until he was right behind Ren’s back, and without any warning, flopped onto the mattress, throwing his legs up dramatically as he rolled to his side. He quickly stretched out his arms to pull Ren into his chest, and he noted how faint Ren’s scent had become, barely detectable above the mingled traces of the pack woven into their blankets. Just another concerning sign to fuel the unease pooling in Leo’s stomach.
Ren didn’t respond, not so much as twitching at the sudden embrace.
A moment passed, uncomfortable silence choking the two omegas. It looked like Ren wasn’t planning on budging anytime soon, but that was ok. Leo wasn’t planning on leaving, nor was he planning on letting Ren wallow in his misery without making him talk. Ren had officially set off multiple alarm bells in Leo’s head, and he’d be damned if he didn’t figure out what was going on.
Without any warning, Leo grabbed onto Ren’s shoulders and turned him on his side. This did manage to get a surprised squeak out of Ren, although his lack of protest at the movement was deeply concerning to Leo. He wasn’t even looking at Leo, his glowing eyes vacantly focusing on the wall. His gaze never wavered even as Leo pulled his head onto his chest, complete exhaustion clouding his irises.
Leo shifted Ren in his arms until he felt he had a good grip on the omega’s shoulders, adjusting the blankets around them. This was bad. He hadn’t seen Ren this depressed in ages. He’d been getting so much better, what reversed his progress? Had something happened during the day that Charlie didn’t know about? Ren had always struggled with seasonal depression, so maybe it was that? Did Leo have enough to work with? It couldn’t be that… right? Not Ren, of all people…right?
No, he couldn’t rule it out. If he knew anything, it was that he couldn’t dismiss anything until he was absolutely sure it was impossible. Even if it killed him to consider.
“Ren? Please talk to me. I know you’re more than just a little tired.”
There wasn’t any response for a moment. Ren didn’t move, his eyes staying trained on the wall. It was like he hadn’t heard a word Leo had said, mind drifting back into whatever melancholy world it had been stuck in previously. Before Leo could beg again though, a sigh sounded out.
“...Mm am. Just tired. Long day.”
A small breath of air escaped Leo’s nose, his arms tightening around Ren’s broad frame. Such a typical Ren deflection, but it was better than nothing. “Well, we missed you at dinner. It didn’t feel the same without you there. Even Rachel was more quiet. She missed her papa.”
Ren snorted, a sad, humorless sound. “I doubt that.”
…Ok, maybe his approach wasn’t working. At least Ren was talking though, so that was a good sign. “You’ve been really tired lately, haven’t you sweetheart?”
Silence again, quickly broken by Ren’s whispery voice. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. I just needed a minute, is all. It’s…I’m ok, I promise. Being a new dad is hard, y’know?”
It wasn’t like Ren was wrong, but his voice sounded embarrassingly weak-willed, even to Leo’s oblivious ears. Leo didn’t have to be a genius to know there was more to his mate's behavior. “Yeah, it is. You doing alright when it’s just you and Rachel here? I know it’s probably hard being the only parent in the house. If you want, I can see if there’s any way we can schedule our free days so you have more help—“
“No, no, it’s fine.” Ren’s voice sounded a little stronger than it had before, but there was a strange defeat to his voice, flattening any reassurance he had been trying to convey. “I’m fine on my own. It can be difficult sometimes, but nothing I can’t handle. Besides, you guys already tried to align your schedules so I’m not alone all the time. It’s only a few days a week that I’m by myself, I can deal with it.”
“But…if it’s not healthy to be so exhausted all the time. It couldn’t hurt to—“
“Leo,” Ren groaned, turning his head so his face was nuzzling Leo’s neck. His breath felt warm, reassuring puffs of air tickling Leo’s sensitive skin. “It’s fine. I promise. I don’t want to burden you guys. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s…It’s all fine. Just tired.”
Ren’s voice trailed off, sadness creeping into his final words. He fell completely lax in Leo’s hold. If he sensed the turmoil swirling in Leo’s head, he didn’t acknowledge it. He simply let Leo cuddle up closer, letting his mate scent the barely active scent glands on his neck.
“Baby…” Leo ran his tongue over his fangs, taking in deep, deliberate breaths. What was he supposed to say? He was training to be a therapist, sure, but trying to analyze someone he loved was way different than working with a client. He needed a calm, clear mind to help Ren effectively, and that was not what he had at the moment. How was he supposed to go about this? How was he supposed to help? What to do, what to do…”I’m not trying to sound harsh, but I’m not stupid. This isn’t a normal level of exhaustion. Especially when it’s making you miss dinner, your favorite part of the day. Is tiredness really all you’re feeling?”
“I mean, not really but…” Ren hesitated, eyes lazily fluttering open. He was still staring at the wall, his eyes as dull as ever. “This is normal isn’t it? For me I mean. I’ve always had seasonal depression. You of all people should know. It’s January. It’s winter. It’s cold and dark and gloomy outside. I’m not feeling my best. It’s like every winter. This isn’t so different from most years, I don’t think. It’s just one rough day, but I’ll be fine. I’m used to it.”
What Ren said was true. He had always struggled with depression, especially during the winter months. Leo had seen it first-hand. But it had never seemed this bad, not as long as Leo had known Ren, at least. He had his moments of prolonged sadness, but he was usually able to drag himself out of it, mustering enough energy to get through his responsibilities before flopping down in their nest again. According to Charlie, it had been much worse when they were teenagers. Ren had often been left bed-bound, unable to move unless physically forced to. Leo had never seen Ren that depressed in all his time of knowing the omega, and even the depression he did see became more scarce as time went on.
Maybe Leo had always underestimated Ren’s depression. Maybe he had been a bad mate, ignoring signs that he should have seen. It wouldn’t have surprised him. But this wasn’t the same as his normal seasonal depression. No, this was something different. He just needed more information to make a diagnosis.
Leo brought his hand down to Ren’s own, grabbing on tightly. The omega below weakly squeezed Leo’s hand in acknowledgement, but his hold was loose, as if he didn’t have the energy to move his fingers. Just another thing to be concerned about. “You’re right. It could be seasonal. But still, you aren’t normally this out of it. And this winter, we have a kid. That responsibility can’t be helping much, can it?”
Ren’s face scrunched up, a small glare in his eyes. “Yeah, but I don’t have work anymore either. It’s not like I’m doing anything more stressful than before, it’s just a different type of job, is all. I love being with Rachel, and I’m happy to be a stay-at-home dad. It’s not any different at all, and I don’t see why it would be.”
“I’m not trying to insinuate that,” Leo soothed, nuzzling the side of Ren’s head. “I just think you might be burning yourself out a little and–”
Ren sat up, eyes suddenly blazing. “Are you trying to say I shouldn’t stay home with Rachel?”
There was a moment of pure silence, Leo staring at Ren, stunned. What? He would never! Where had that come from? What…How could Ren even think that? “What? Baby, no! Not even a little bit! You’re such an incredible dad, why would I ever think that, let alone suggest it?!”
The shock on Leo’s face must have triggered something in Ren’s brain, because the fire in his eyes left as soon as it came, leaving nothing but pain and despair in its wake. He stared at Leo for a moment, bewildered and panting, before falling onto his omega’s chest again, completely limp.
Leo blinked, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Ren’s still form. Ren was a lot of things, but he wasn’t unpredictable. That was more Charlie’s prerogative. What was going on? “Ren?”
“..I’m sorry,” Ren sniffed, voice muffled by Leo’s chest. He wasn’t shaking, but the newfound wetness on Leo’s collarbone was unmistakable. Whatever Leo had said, it had made the whole situation worse. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You’re just trying to help, I know you are, and I wish I could help you help me. I just…”
Ren paused, nosing the crook of Leo’s neck. “I mean, it’s just not new for me, you know? I’ve always had this issue. And I’ve been getting better, I really have. It’s just a bad day, is all. I don’t want you to worry about me when I’m perfectly fine. I can take care of Rachel on my own during the day. I’ve always…I’ve always been able to get through these seasons. I’ve survived worse. I can get through this fine. I just need a little rest.”
The confusion in Leo’s chest subsided, a massive wave of grief rushing to replace it. His poor, sweet mate. It must be hard for him, having his mental health drop so quickly when he’d been doing so well for so long. Still, there was no way that this was just a standalone bad day, not with everything Leo had noticed before, and Ren had to know that. He could pretend to be fine all he wanted, but he wasn’t fooling Leo. “I know, I know you can take care of Rachel. I never doubted that for a second. But I still think you might be a little more down than normal, even on most days. I know you don’t think it’s a big deal, but it couldn’t hurt to do something about it, right?”
Ren looked up, brown eyes wet and half-lidded. “Like what? I don’t feel like there’s much I can do for this besides wait it out.”
“Well…” Leo took a deep breath, running his fingers slowly through Ren’s messy hair. “I know you used to go to therapy, right? If you don’t want to talk to me about it, then maybe we can get you in for some sessions, just until you feel better. And if you’re up for it, we can maybe see if we can get you back on your old meds. It shouldn’t be too hard since you used to take them, although with how long it’s been I can’t guarantee anything–”
“No!”
Leo stopped, surprise swamping him for the second time. Ren was looking at him again, but something was different. His eyes were wide now, but they definitely weren’t focused on anything, instead looking somewhere over Leo's shoulder. His grip on Leo’s hand had tightened, his own trembling against Leo’s skin. But the worst change was his scent. It had been subdued before, barely detectable, but now it had flared up dramatically, tinged with…was that fear? Was Ren…Was Ren afraid? “It’s ok, I promise, I know it’s scary, but–”
“Mm mm. No, no, I’m not doing that.” Ren shook his head, turning so that Leo couldn’t see his face anymore. He took a deep breath, then another, then another, but he was still trembling, his scent remaining as strong as before. “I can’t. I don’t want to. It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t need it. I can get through this without it. I don’t need therapy, and I don’t need medicine. It’s fine, I’ll be fine. I can handle it myself.”
Ren went silent, still shaking in Leo's hold. He didn’t respond when Leo tightened his grip around his body, nor did he react when Leo nuzzled up to him again, purring comfortingly against Ren’s ear. He simply laid limp, curling up into himself.
Leo’s brain scrambled to piece together what was happening, eyebrows furrowing as he gazed at his vulnerable mate. What was going on? Had he said something wrong? Why was Ren so opposed to getting help? He’d never reacted so poorly to the idea before, not that Leo could remember, so what could have possibly caused Ren to lash out? What was he missing? “Ok, ok, you don’t have to do anything. I won’t make you. I just want to help. I don’t want to upset you.”
Silence. Then a sniff, followed by a watery cough. “I know. I just don’t want…I’m not depressed enough for that. Too much money and effort for something so little. I’ll be fine. I’ll…I’ll be fine.”
There it was again. I’ll be fine. The same reassurance he’d been echoing all night. Leo didn’t buy it for a second. “Ren, your health is never too little for us to care about.”
“...”
“...Look,” Leo whispered, kissing the top of Ren’s head. He let his scent grow sweeter, overwhelming the room until Ren’s fading fear scent was almost completely blocked out. “I won’t push you to do anything you don’t want to do, including talking about it. That won’t help you. And it’s been a rough night as is. So let’s try this. You tell me what you need, and I’ll do it. We can just stay here cuddling if you want. I can get you some food, or a drink. I can get the others. I can read to you. I can play some soothing music. Whatever you need, I’ll do. How does that sound?”
There was another beat of silence. Leo was afraid Ren wouldn’t speak at all, when his voice finally piped up, barely audible from where his mouth was buried. “...Can you read to me?”
“Of course my love,” Leo promised, rubbing over his back. Lord, he really didn’t want to drop the subject, but what else could he do? Ren clearly wasn’t going to talk, and whatever effort he’d made seemed to only make everything worse. Some therapist he was shaping up to be. “What book?”
“...One of the non-fiction ones. Doesn’t matter which one. I just want something distracting.”
“Of course,” Leo said, wiggling closer to the edge of the bed. He carefully laid Ren down in the nest before getting up and walking towards their bookshelf, scanning the shelf that belonged to Ren’s books. There were some fiction books, but Leo ignored those. Instead, he set his gaze on the large number of textbooks sitting there, some on various languages, some on anthropology. There was also a big book of maps and some photo albums clumped next to the textbooks, although Leo figured they wouldn’t be helpful in this situation.
He eventually decided anthropology might be the way to go, if only so that he didn’t mispronounce some word in a language he didn’t speak.
Picking out one of the textbooks, Leo backed away and climbed back into the nest. He could feel his heart break as Ren sluggishly climbed his way back onto his chest, miserably snuggling into his side. “Do you want me to start from the beginning, or just pick a spot in the middle?”
“...Beginning please.”
“Ok,” Leo whispered, turning to the first page of the textbook. It must have been an introductory book, based on the opening paragraph. “‘Anthropology: What is it? Many have heard the name, but quite a few of those people wouldn’t be able to tell you what it’s the study of. In truth, anthropology is a wide and varied field of study, with many concentrated topics playing a role in the overall content it covers. In simple terms, anthropology is–’”
Leo continued on, voice as gentle and soothing as he could muster. He held Ren closer to his body, smiling softly when Ren made the slightest move against him. Of course, his mind wasn’t really on the book, no matter how interesting it might be. No, his attention was really on Ren. Ren, who was still trembling, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Ren, who still had that despair in his eyes. Ren, who’s scent had gone back to being nearly unnoticeable, only hitting Leo’s nose if he focused hard enough. Ren, who despite his insistence, was not fine.
But Leo couldn’t do anything about it at that moment. Ren had refused to open up, and Leo knew better than anyone that forcing someone to talk was not a good idea. He couldn’t help Ren if he didn’t want help, so all he could do was wait. Wait and support his mate, no matter how evasive he tried to be.
He just hoped he was doing enough.
Leo knew something was wrong with Ren. His doubts were no longer anxious whispers crawling around the back of skull, but a fully realized reality, a truth Leo could no longer deny. The omega’s constant exhaustion, his deafening silence within conversations, his complete disinterest in anything besides caring for his daughter, everything about Ren’s behavior set off alarm bells in Leo’s head. There was no denying it anymore, no matter how fine Ren claimed he was.
Ren had postpartum depression.
It was the only logical explanation for Ren’s sudden switch in demeanor. He’d been so excited to be a dad while he was pregnant, full of joy and smiles for the entire nine months he’d been carrying her. He had been brimming with life and conversation, a far, far cry from the shell of himself he’d become the past month or so. And sure, the last month of his pregnancy had been rough, full of uncomfortable physical sensations and worries over Rachel’s arrival, but all of that had been normal for an omega so close to giving birth. More importantly, no matter how bad he’d felt, Ren had never dipped into any sort of depressive territory, not even once. A couple hours of cuddling for stress reduction and he was back on his feet, just as happy and excited as he’d been before.
There was no sign of that Ren now. He’d become nothing more than a husk, barely getting through the days without crumbling into an unkempt pile in the middle of their nest.
The revelation had been disturbing to Leo, far more so then he would have realized. It wasn’t fair. Ren had been so excited to be a dad! It had been one of his biggest dreams since before he’d even been mated! He was the last person who should have gotten postpartum depression, but sure enough, he had it, and Leo couldn’t for the life of him understand why the universe had decided his mate was to be given such a terrible fate. Sure he had a history with depression, but that wasn't a good reason to ruin Ren’s life just when he was the happiest he’d ever been!
It was too late now though. As much as Leo wanted to blame something for his mate’s current condition, he knew deep down it was just how life went sometimes. It was cruel, and rarely ever fair. He had more important things to worry about anyway, now that he was confident in his diagnosis.
For starters, he’d need to tell his mates. He knew they knew something was up with their mate, they’d be stupid not to, but they didn’t know what. They weren’t trained to spot mental illnesses the way Leo was. For all they knew, Ren really could just be tired.
But he wasn’t. And they deserved to know. They all deserved to know, Ren included. They couldn’t help him if they didn’t know what the problem was in the first place.
Which brought him to his second issue. How was he supposed to bring this up to Ren? No matter how many times they asked he insisted he was fine, refusing any sort of help. Would he accept Leo’s diagnosis? Would he pretend to be ok again, hiding within himself until there was nothing left of the mate they loved?
Leo didn’t know. With how fragile Ren had become, he couldn’t be sure. And it was scaring him.
Still, he had to tell Ren, he had to. There was no other option. But with how on edge Ren was when it came to therapy and medication, what could Leo do to help him recover? He could support him in every way he needed, but depression wasn’t anything to scoff at. Without professional help, it would be miles harder to come back from. Leo couldn’t provide that, not when he had too many emotional ties to Ren.
And then there was the matter of Ren’s aversion to treatment in the first place. Leo had spoken to all of his mates, Charlie in particular, and none of them had a clue as to why Ren would be so upset by the idea of medical treatment. Charlie had confirmed that Ren used to go to therapy regularly and was on some type of medication, but he’d gotten off once he felt he’d gotten better. Other than that, no one had any more clues to go off of.
Leo could understand Ren’s fear though. Treatment could be scary, regardless of how far it went. He couldn’t imagine his private, shy mate being too happy with opening up to a total stranger, even under normal circumstances. And it wasn’t easy starting medicine either, if it got to that. Leo certainly hadn’t been happy when he’d been put on anxiety medicine as a kid, although he had gotten used to it over the years. But what other choice did Ren have, if not looking for professional help?
But all of that came second to the most pressing issue on Leo’s mind, a question he dreaded having to confront, let alone voice out loud.
Was fatherhood contributing to Ren’s depression?
Leo could be delusional all he wanted, but he couldn’t run from reality. There was a good, albeit unfortunate chance that the stress of being a parent was aiding Ren’s condition, no matter how much he claimed he loved being a dad. If Leo’s classes were anything to go off of, postpartum depression often came with doubts about parenthood. Was Ren plagued by anxiety, underestimating his ability to be a good parent? Was he afraid he couldn’t keep Rachel safe? That was a likely scenario, considering Ren’s normal personality. Was he suffering from intrusive thoughts about hurting his daughter? Less likely, but nowhere near out of the question. Had the stress of being a stay-at-home dad driven Ren insane, ultimately sending him into his depressive spiral? Also unlikely, especially since he’d been depressed long before his pack’s maternity leave was up, but Leo still couldn’t be sure.
He couldn’t be sure of anything anymore.
He hoped he was wrong. He hoped Ren’s depression wasn’t getting in the way of him enjoying being a father. He hoped that it really was just the sadness and exhaustion that came with depression haunting his mate, and nothing to do with Rachel. But he wouldn’t ignore the possibility.
How was he meant to find out though? Ren clearly wasn’t going to tell him, not on purpose, anyway. Maybe he’d confide in one of the others? It didn’t seem likely, but it could be possible, especially if Leo had come off too strong. Maybe he could get an answer from them.
But for now, all he could really do was keep an eye on Ren, searching for any hidden clues or signs he’d missed before. Ren could try to keep his depression to himself all he wanted, but he couldn’t hide his tells. There had to be something, Leo just had to look hard enough.
…And as it turned out, he wouldn’t have to look that far.
...
It had been a long day at work, and Leo had become anxious to get home to his pack. Only two weeks had passed since he’d confronted Ren, but somehow his mate had gotten worse, deflating into himself like an empty balloon. He hadn’t missed any more dinners, but what little energy he’d had before was slowly leaking out of him, leaving him in a constant state of lethargy. He couldn’t even get himself out of bed in the morning, not unless one of his mates pulled him out themselves. It was strange how bad things could get so quickly.
It was a good thing Charlie was off that day. Leaving Ren on his own had made Leo increasingly anxious, as it had the rest of the pack. Whatever obliviousness might have dwelled in them was long gone by now, leaving them all confused and worried for their vulnerable mate.
Still, Leo hadn’t expected things to be too out of the ordinary when he got home. He figured Ren would probably be asleep by then, curled up in the middle of their nest while Charlie tended to Rachel. The alpha would be concerned, as he had been the past couple of weeks, so Leo was fully prepared to have Rachel passed off to him while the alpha went to comfort their mate. He didn’t mind, he loved spending time with his daughter, and besides, someone had to be with Ren at all times. If not for his sake, then for the sake of his worried pack.
It was probably better that Charlie went in anyway. If anyone was gonna be able to pull Ren from the mud he was stuck in, it would be his fiery, insistent alpha. Leo would stay behind, diligently watching over his pup until his other mates came home.
Of course, that plan went out the window as soon as Leo opened the door to the apartment, nose twitching with surprise.
The living room was completely empty, nobody inhabiting it except for Leo. Despite that, the thick, unpleasantly sharp scent of jasmine wafted through the air, its potency hitting Leo in the nose like a ton of bricks. To his right, he could hear muffled voices through the closed bedroom door. Or, rather, a muffled voice, accompanied by the distinct, high pitched cries that could only belong to one of the pack members present.
“Shh, shh, don’t cry, please don’t cry, it’s ok, you’re safe, it’s ok, your papa has you, please stop crying, everything’s fine, you’re ok, it’s ok, it’s ok–”
The cries continued, piercing through the panicked words Leo’s mate had spoken. The scent of jasmine grew impossibly sharper after a few seconds, more franic pleas threading themselves between Rachel’s drawn out screams.
Leo stifled a mewl and twitched his neck, slowly shutting the door behind him. It seemed like Rachel was in one of her moods again, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. In fact, they usually happened multiple times a day. That wasn’t what concerned Leo though. What concerned him was the overpowering distress wafting from his omega, thick enough to snuff out any fresh air still lingering in the apartment. That was highly unusual, especially with how scarce his mate had made himself the past month or so. Was Charlie not there to help him out? Leo couldn’t smell him, although it was hard to smell much of anything besides Ren’s piercing scent. Was Ren on his own in there, unable to calm Rachel on his own?
Leo wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to wait to find out.
Setting his eyes on the bedroom door, Leo slowly crept forward. He didn’t want to scare his mate, but with how loud Rachel was being, noise was probably the last thing Ren needed.
“Baby please, I don’t know what you need! I don’t know why you're crying! You’re ok! You’re with your papas, we aren’t gonna let anything hurt you. I promise you’re safe, there’s nothing bad here, just please calm down, I love you so much, just please calm down—“
“Sweetheart, I think we should just put her down and let her cry it out. It’s been two hours, she’s not calming down, we’ve done all we can. You need a break.”
Leo froze, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. So Charlie was there. But if both of his mates were present, then why was Rachel so upset? Why was Ren so upset? Sure, it wasn’t fun hearing a pup cry for so long, but surely if he needed a break Charlie could take over, right?
Before he could think too hard about it, Ren’s voice rang out again, anxiety dripping from every word. “But I don’t want to! There’s gotta be something wrong, right?! Why else would she be freaking out?! Maybe I’m just doing something wrong, maybe I’m not holding her right, but I can’t just put her down and leave her there to cry! I’m her dad, it’s my job to take care of her!”
“I know, I know. But you’ve done everything you can, and she’s still upset. Sometimes pups cry just to cry. It’s ok to put her down for a while. She’s safe, she’s clean, and she’s full. She’ll wear herself out. Take a break.”
“But—“
“No buts.” Charlie’s voice was gentle but authoritative, far softer than Leo heard him most of the time. “You need to prioritize yourself right now. If you don’t want to put her down then I’ll take her, but you need a breather. You’re way too worked up right now, and that’s not an effective state of mind to be in when you’re dealing with pups.”
Ren didn’t respond to Charlie. A couple moments of stillness passed, and then Leo heard a sniff, quickly followed by footsteps, and then the sound of Rachel’s crying growing ever so slightly closer. The footsteps receded, something creaking loud enough to pierce through Rachel’s screams sounding out shortly after.
“There. She’s safe now, in her bassinet. You can keep an eye on her while we take a minute, ok?”
Someone sniffed, and then Ren’s voice was back, watery and tired. “...Ok.”
For a couple moments, no new noises came from the bedroom. Leo shook his head and took a couple more steps forward, until he was next to the bedroom door. He felt like he was intruding on something, but with how upset Ren and Rachel were, surely he had to go in and help, right? He couldn’t understand why Rachel was so troubled, but maybe it would help to have one of her other dads there, holding her close while giving the others a break. They would be fine with that, right?
Suddenly Ren spoke again, his voice muffled by… something. What was audible was smothered in tears, clogging Ren’s vocal cords until his voice was barely recognizable.
“...I don’t understand. I don’t understand what she wants. I fed her, I changed her, I made sure she was all wrapped up and warm, I rocked her, I spoke to her, but she’s still crying! She won’t stop, no matter what I do! I’m trying so hard, but it’s never enough for her! I can’t calm her down, I can’t make her happy, I can’t be a good dad, I can’t do anything! Why can’t I make her happy? I don’t get it, I don’t get it at all!”
Leo froze, ear pressed against the door. This was exactly what he was afraid of. This is what he was most worried about since making his diagnosis. Ren did feel like a bad dad. He was taking responsibility for his daughter’s temperament, even when he’d done everything he possibly could to comfort her. It wasn’t his fault, yet he was still blaming himself as if he’d done something to make her upset. Did he always feel like this when Rachel cried? Was he normally this overwhelmed while the pack was gone? How much of this were they not seeing?
Charlie’s voice cut through Leo’s thoughts. “Oh moonbeam, you’re a wonderful dad. She’s just rowdy, that’s all. She wouldn’t calm down for me either, remember? She was just as mad when I was holding her, nothing I did could calm her. Seriously, you’ve done everything you can to make sure she’s comfortable and happy. There’s nothing more you can do. Sometimes you just gotta let pups be. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad dad. She loves you, she’s just in a mood right now, ok?”
“No, I am a bad dad!” Ren sniffed, voice growing in volume and hysteria. “I am! It’s always like this, every single day! She starts out fine, but then she starts crying, and she cries and cries and i can never get it to stop! I drive myself crazy trying to figure out what she needs, but nothing I do ever works! Day after day, she doesn’t let me comfort her! She hates me, I know she does, she doesn’t want to be around me, she hates me–”
Ren broke off with a loud sob that reverberated through Leo’s chest, driving the air from his lungs. Lord, did Ren really think that? That Rachel hated him? That couldn’t be less true, Rachel loved him! She was just as agitated with him as she was with the rest of them, couldn’t he see that?
“She doesn’t hate you!” Charlie spoke up again, shock dripping from his voice. “How could you even say that?! She adores you, you’re her papa–”
“No, she adores Leo !” Ren wailed, words barely comprehensible. “She always calms down for him! She never throws a fit when he’s holding her! It’s like he’s magic or something! He’s been her favorite from the second she was born! And Rain’s better with her too! He always knows how to make her laugh instead of cry. It’s so easy for him to turn her sadness into joy. And you and Micah, you make her feel safe in a way she doesn’t feel with me! Everybody in the pack is good with her except for me. She doesn’t love me, she doesn’t feel safe with me, she stopped needing me as soon as she was out of my body!”
“That’s not even remotely true! She cries with us too!” Leo could feel the indignation in Charlie’s voice, ringed with a raw sense of desperation he never let anyone see. “And she needs you just as much as she did while you were carrying her! Lord, Ren, you can’t really believe she hates you, can you? She loves and needs you just as much as she does the rest of us, maybe even more! You’re her papa, what would she do without you?”
“I don’t know! But it feels like she doesn’t need me! She hasn’t connected with me the same way she has you all! Do you know how hard that is to feel? Like the daughter you spent so long waiting for doesn’t want you anymore?” Ren was nearly yelling now, but the sobs kept coming, interrupting his words at every moment. “You can’t understand! I grew her! I carried her around for nine months! She was a part of me, a part I needed to love and protect and nourish with all I had in me! And now she’s here in the world, and I’ve never felt farther from her! She doesn’t need me the same way she did before, she doesn’t need me at all, really! Everybody else makes her feel safe and loved. What do I have anymore? Nothing! I have nothing!”
Ren finished his spiel with the most broken, pained wail Leo had ever heard come from the omega, cries of despair spilling from his lips with every breath he took. Charlie was saying something again, trying to comfort him, trying to calm him, but Leo couldn't make his words out anymore, not through Ren’s sobs and Rachel’s screams. Not through the ringing in his ears.
He knew he should go in there. He knew he should open the door and make his appearance, scooping up Rachel to give his mates the break they so clearly needed. He knew he should go in there and snuggle up to his mate, kissing his tears away and reassuring him that he was the best dad in the world, second to none. He knew he should go in there and do something, anything he could to help his anguished mate and insatiable daughter.
Instead, Leo backed away from the door, limbs numbly moving on their own accord. It was like his body had a mind of its own, now completely disconnected from his brain. He hand opened the apartment door on its own and he continued to back up, until he was well out of the apartment. He closed the door softly, too quiet for his mates to hear. His feet shuffled sideways, turning his lead body around.
Then he started walking. One foot landed in front of the other, a consistent beat against the complex’s hallway, then its steps, then the pavement outside. They didn’t stop, not even for a second, not even long enough to glance back toward the mates he’d just left behind. They didn’t stop until he got back to his car, right where he’d parked it minutes before.
Leo numbly opened the side door, unconsciously sliding into the seats bolted to the middle. His shaky hands steadied him as he laid himself down, his legs crinkling in on himself when there was no more space for him to stretch out.
He blinked. He blinked again. And then suddenly the tears were on him and he was crying, why was he crying, he didn’t deserve to cry, not now, not when his mates needed him–
But the tears kept coming, their assault unrelenting. And why wouldn’t they? He’d heard Ren. It was his fault his mate felt so disconnected from his pup. He’d stolen Rachel away, he’d become her favorite without even trying, he’d assumed all responsibility for her to the point he was all she wanted, it was his fault she didn’t like Ren the most, it was his fault his fault his fault his fault his fault his fault it was his fault and he’d never be able to make it up to his mate, not as long as Rachel cried for him the most, not as long as he forced himself into the pack, not as long as he kept stealing Ren’s role from right under his nose–
He’d just wanted to be a good dad. He just wanted to prove to the pack that he could be useful, that he could have a purpose among them. He hadn’t meant to steal Rachel from Ren, he’d just been so happy to be a dad, he wished he could fix it, he didn’t know how he could fix it, what could he do to fix it? Why was he always hurting someone in the pack, no matter what he did? Why couldn’t he just do what he was supposed to, whatever that was, why couldn’t he just be better, better at being a mate, better at being a father, better at being a person? Why couldn’t he be good enough?
He didn’t know. He couldn’t know. He could wrack his brain for an answer all he wanted, but he’d never truly know. Not as long as he was as pathetic as he was. Not when he was the person he was. All he could do was curl up into himself, letting despair and shame wash over him as he clutched the blankets still left in his car closer to his body. He couldn’t help anyone, not even himself, so why not keep himself locked away, trembling in the back of his car?
Leo wrapped himself up even tighter, dug his claws into the skin covering his torso, and wailed.
Chapter 9: Stage Three: Recklessness (Part Three)
Summary:
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to assess danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Notes:
The real exciting stuff happens next chapter, I just had to get all this out before I get to the main event. I hope you guys enjoy!
Chapter Text
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to assess danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
“Dave, could you do me a favor?”
Two days had passed since Leo had eavesdropped in on Ren and Charlie's conversation. Two long, brutal days. It was hard to pretend to be fine when Leo knew full well what his mates thought of him. He wasn’t even sure he was managing to pretend. Almost every waking second was spent avoiding his mates, especially Ren and Charlie, to a degree he was sure was noticeable to the others. He spoke when spoken too, and he still took a good chuck of Rachel’s care on, but anything more was non-existent. It was abundantly clear that he was only making things worse regardless of his approach, so he left his mates to their own devices, only jumping in when he was sure he was needed. Anything else would only serve to make Ren feel worse. He didn’t want that.
He just wanted to be a good mate.
But still, he couldn’t do nothing. As terrible at helping he was, he still longed to comfort Ren, to do what was right by him and the pack. He couldn’t stay out of their way forever, he knew that. So he had to try something else. The last saving grace he could think of on his own.
Which led him to where he was now; sitting in his car, still in his work uniform, ringing up one of the most important people in Ren’s life, as well as his. He just hoped whatever came next would be more helpful for Ren than he had been the past two months.
“Sure, what’s up?” A staticky voice crackled through Leo’s speakers. Dave hadn’t even gotten a chance to speak before Leo had demanded a favor, but he didn’t seem to mind. He sounded just as cheerful as normal, his signature smile shining through the boundaries of their call. “Is Charlie causing issues? I’d be happy to go over there and spin his jaw if he is!”
A snort escaped Leo’s mouth. He couldn’t help but let Dave’s lighthearted mood affect him, despite the guilt eating him alive. “What is it with you and Charlie? Always at each other’s throats, I swear.”
“You know full well it’s just friendly banter. It’s what he deserves for all he’s put me through. Anyways, what’s up?”
Leo took a deep breath. “You know how Ren’s been acting a little…odd, lately?”
There was silence on the other end of the phone, the chipper mood evaporating in an instant. If there was one thing that could kill Dave’s good humor, it was his family’s wellbeing. “…Little is an understatement. Every time I visit, he seems more and more out of it. It’s a state I haven’t seen him in since…well, in at least several years. Why? Is he getting worse? Please tell me he’s not getting worse.”
As much as Leo didn’t want to ruin his best friend’s day, he knew he had to be honest. If he was to make things better, Dave needed to be in the loop. “Yeah. A lot worse. Can I be honest with you?”
“Please do.”
“I think he has postpartum depression, and it’s only getting worse the longer we let it sit.”
Silence again, then a long, drawn out sigh. “That tracks. I should have known this would happen, considering his track record. He just…I don’t know, he was so happy to be a new dad. I had hoped he wouldn’t slip back into his old issues. But that doesn’t really matter right now. Is Ren ok? Has something happened? When you said he was worse, how bad are we talking? Do you need me to come over and keep him company? Briar’s meeting some of her friends for dinner, so I can come over right now without much issue–”
“Hold on, slow down,” Leo interrupted, anxiously sliding his hands around the smooth leather of his steering wheel. There was no doubt in his mind that Dave would rush over the second he asked, but that wasn’t what he needed. Not yet, anyway. He needed to explain himself first. “That’s part of the favor I wanted to ask you. I need you to take Ren out if you can, just for the evening, so I can talk to our pack about what to do next. I’ve been trying to find an opportunity, but Ren’s always around.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then Dave’s voice was back, laced with confusion. “Shouldn’t the next move be therapy? I can’t imagine you guys can do much, no offense, of course.”
Leo smiled to himself. Dave was no expert, but it seemed like he was on the same page about therapy. Surely that meant it would be easy to convince his own mates, right? “Well, see, that’s the thing. I tried to bring it up to Ren a couple weeks back, and he flipped out on me. He wouldn’t even consider it, it freaked him out too much. So I wanted to talk to my mates about potentially trying to convince him to go altogether, or individually, if that’ll work better. I wanted to do it when Ren wasn’t around, so we didn’t trigger something.”
“...Ah,” Dave said after a minute, his voice strangely grim. “Yeah, I see why you’d want to do that. I’ll pick him up for dinner, if that’s alright. Actually, no, scratch that, I’ll take him for the night. We’ll make a little sleepover out of it. You talk to your mates, I’ll do what I can to keep him occupied.”
“For the night?” Leo blinked, an uneasy pit growing in his stomach. The last night Ren had stayed away from his mates hadn’t gone so well, even if he and Charlie had made up. Was that really such a good idea, especially when Ren needed his mates now more than ever? “You sure? I don’t know if taking him away from his pack for the night is such a good idea–”
“Relax!” Dave’s cheer was back, infectious as ever. “It’ll be fine. It’ll give him a break from the responsibility of being a parent, a break I’m sure he needs. Besides, me and Ren need to have a little discussion of our own anyway. You go figure everything out with your mates, I’ll be more than happy to pick Ren up in an hour or so.”
A sigh of relief escaped Leo. He still didn’t like the idea of his mate being away for a night, but maybe it would be better for the omega, once he was away from all the stress. “...Ok. I’ll let him know. Just don’t tell him this was my idea please, he’ll know something’s up.”
“No worries! I’ll do you one better actually. I’ll call him and tell him I’m picking him up for an impromptu hangout! He knows not to argue with me at this point, so everything should go smoothly.”
“Thank you,” Leo said, stretching his limbs out. “I really appreciate you helping me out. I’ll let you go now, but really quickly, I have one last question, if you don’t mind.”
“Shoot! What’s up?”
“Do you know why Ren would be so afraid of getting professional help?”
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a minute. “...No, not a clue. I’m gonna get ready to head out now, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye!”
The call abruptly cut off, and Leo was left in silence, contemplating what Dave had said. If he didn’t know what was up with Ren, then who did? Would Ren’s fear forever be a mystery, a question that Leo never got a concrete answer to?
Oh, well. At least Dave was on his way to steal Ren off, giving Leo the opportunity he needed. He’d just have to do the best with what he had, for now, at least.
Starting the car, Leo set his sight on the horizon, and drove off.
When Leo opened the door to the apartment, Ren was already packed up, chattering anxiously away with Charlie while he waited for Dave to arrive. According to Rain, who had seen the quizzical look on Leo’s face, the alpha hadn’t taken the news too well, at least at first. A few quick words from Dave had him on board though, and now they were waiting, checking to see if Dave had left any new messages every couple of minutes.
While Micah made dinner, Leo and Charlie made sure Ren was ok to head out, each mate thoroughly questioning Ren on how he felt. The omega claimed he was fine, but Leo could tell that he was exhausted, his eyebags somehow darker than they'd been that morning.
“I just haven’t been sleeping well,” Ren had said, shooting Leo a small smile. “Really, that’s all it is. It’s just me being worried about Rachel during the night, you know?”
Leo did know, but that didn’t change the fact that Ren was lying. He’d never felt the omega get up in the middle of the night, not unless he was feeding the pup. Besides that, Ren had always been out like a light, sleeping like the dead.
It didn't take long for Dave to get to the apartment after Leo had arrived. The omega barely had time to even say goodbye to his mate, and then he was gone, his twin’s car growing farther and farther in the distance as the pack waved them off from their kitchen window. Ren had insisted he didn’t need to be walked down, and in the end, the pack had complied with his wish. Leo just hoped it had been the right choice.
The rest of the night was relatively normal for the pack, minus Ren’s obvious absence. Dinner felt weird, as it had been the night Ren had been too tired to join them, but there was more conversation between the mates, each doing their best to ignore the hole Ren left behind. At least they didn’t have to worry much, not when his brother was keeping a close eye on him. It was hard, but they would survive.
Of course, Ren’s absence weighed heavy on Leo’s mind, but the most preoccupying thought was of the conversation he would inevitably have to have with his mates. How would they take the news? Surely they already had their suspicions, right? Would they be willing to help him convince Ren to go to therapy, or would they completely reject the idea? They cared so much for Ren’s safety, it was hard to believe they’d ever deny how bad he’d gotten, but anything was possible. He couldn’t know until he spoke to them, but when was the right time?
The right time ended up being well after dinner, the most adequate time of the night, in Leo's opinion. He had just finished up doing the dishes while his mates lounged in the living room, each one about as relaxed as they could be in the face of Ren’s vacancy. Charlie and Micah had taken up residency on the couch, the pair talking in low voices while they cuddled up to each other. Rachel was perched between them, most of her body resting comfortably on Charlie's chest. Across from them, Rain had sat himself in one of the free chairs, an open book spread across his lap. It was an overall peaceful scene, one Leo hated to interrupt, but…it had to be done. For Ren. His last ditch effort, banking entirely on the responses he got from his mates. It was no or never.
Leo stared at the atmosphere his mates had created, and opened his mouth.
“Guys, I think we need to have a conversation.”
Charlie and Micah both paused and turned to look at Leo quizzically, but it was Rain who responded, shutting the book in his lap as he turned his gaze to Leo. “Without Ren? I know he’s not gonna be back for a while, but can’t it wait until he’s present?”
Leo took a deep breath. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys without him. This is something the four of us need to discuss before we involve him.”
Any chatter still lingering in the pack’s minds died before it could reach their lips. Everyone’s gaze focused solely on Leo, an awkward, expectant silence hanging heavy in the air. Leo could have choked on it, if he wasn’t so focused on forcing strong, steady breaths out of his lungs. He felt just as tense as everyone else looked, but he refused to let anxiety overtake him. Not now. Not when he was the only person who understood Ren’s condition enough to properly express the severity of the situation. He finally had a chance to do right by his pack, and he wasn’t going to waste it by letting his fears overtake him.
Micah finally broke the silence, tilting his head invitingly toward the empty seat across from him. “We're all ears. Here, come closer. If we’re gonna talk, we should probably be all together.”
Charlie murmured his agreement and Rain nodded wordlessly, their eyes still on Leo. He could feel their gazes poking and prodding at his skin as he traversed the small stretch of wood leading to the couch, but he did his best to ignore them, letting himself fall onto the open seat before the pressure could get to him. It was fine. He’d say what he needed to say, and they’d figure out a solution. They would listen to him. They had to listen to him. He couldn’t get psyched out. He could do this.
From across the small chasm between chairs, Rain stuck his hand out. Leo grabbed onto it wordlessly.
The two alphas across from Leo snuggled up closer to each other, Charlie shuffling just enough to keep Rachel securely tucked under his chin. His face was emotionless, only the briefest flicker of muscle moving beside his jaw betraying his thoughts. “I’m assuming you want to talk about Ren.”
It was a statement, not a question, but Leo nodded all the same. He met Charlie’s gaze, forcing it to remain steady. “Yup. And I think we all know why. This is a conversation that’s long overdue, in my opinion.”
“Has the family psychologist figured out what’s up with him?” Rain asked, swinging his and Leo’s arm back and forth gently. His signature grin had made an appearance on his face, but it seemed dimmer, somehow. More strained. “Do you have a diagnosis for us? Anything name we can slap on to Ren’s condition so we’ll finally know what’s up with him?”
Three pairs of eyes all shot to Rain, disapproval shining in each and everyone of them.
Rain’s smile drooped, his dark eyes dimming against his mates’ stares. “Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood.”
Leo squeezed Rain’s hand and shot him a weak smile. “It’s ok, we get it. And your joke was right. I think I know why Ren’s been so down recently. Which is exactly why I wanted to talk to guys.”
“Isn’t it seasonal depression?” Micah chimed in, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion. He was trying to look Leo in the eye, dodging around the now-airborne fist Rachel was waving around for seemingly no reason. “I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s been really bad, worse than I’ve ever seen before, but to my understanding, this isn’t new, right? Charlie, you knew Ren when he was at his worst. Isn’t this something you’ve seen before?”
Micah shifted his hopeful gaze to Charlie, but the other alpha just shook his head, worry lines etched across his crinkled up face. “No. This is different. The exhaustion and the lethargy aren’t new, I’ve seen that before. That’s not too different from when we were younger. But there’s more to it. He…”
Charlie cut himself off, his eyes flicking nervously from mate to mate. Rachel shifted restlessly against his chest and he took a moment to readjust her, kissing her on her temple. It wasn’t until Rain gave a nod of encouragement that he found his voice again.
“He…he’s not doing so great with fatherhood. He feels like a bad dad, like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He blames himself for everything that doesn’t go to plan. Rachel’s tricky temperament has left him feeling like she doesn’t love him. I think…I mean, I don’t know how accurate this is, but based on some of the stuff he’s told me, I get the feeling that he believes he’s outlived his usefulness. Like, now that Rachel isn’t physically attached to him anymore, she doesn’t actually need him. Which is ridiculous, Lord knows it’s ridiculous, and I’ve told him that. But he genuinely believes he’s not as good of a father since giving birth, and that Rachel hates him for it.”
There was a long, drawn out silence, all eyes still on Charlie. He was staring firmly at Rachel, refusing to meet any of their gazes. At some point in his ramblings, his cheeks had slowly begun to gain color, until there appeared to be two red splotches on either side of his face.
“I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. I promised him I wouldn’t say anything. But I think this has gone too far to keep quiet anymore. I don’t know how to help him. This isn’t something I’m used to. It’s just all so stupid to me, but it’s not stupid to him, and I know that. I just can’t figure out how to make him understand that his fears aren’t real. It’s so frustrating!”
“…Mental disorders like depression aren’t logical.” Leo suddenly spoke, startling himself with how confident his voice sounded. He tried to ignore the sudden stares aimed at him, chewing on each word he spoke with careful consideration. “They thrive off of irrationality. They make you overthink things. They take the worst case scenario and run with it. The overwhelming emotions it brings its victims are far more persuasive than logic, most of the time. It’s like how I still need to do those stupid little rituals to ward off my anxiety sometimes. I know what I’m thinking about is unlikely to happen, but the feelings that come with the thought are too overwhelming to allow room for rationality. It’s the same for Ren, although it manifests itself in different ways.”
Charlie sighed, glazed eyes shooting a melancholy glance down at the pup wriggling on his chest. He leaned closer to Micah. “I know. Ren’s always been a logical guy, but he’s also always had issues with his mental health. I know it’s not as simple as acknowledging reality. But I have no idea how to help him besides pointing out the truth. Reassurance doesn’t work for him, he never accepts what I have to say. But what else can I do? I’m not trained for the psychological parts of health. That's always been more your prerogative. So what can I—or better yet, we—do?”
Wait, wait, wait.” Rain shook his head, waving his free hand in front of him. A newfound sharpness was etched onto his face, a far, far cry from how the beta normally presented himself. “Leo hasn’t even told us what he thinks Ren has. How are we supposed to help him if we don’t know that first?”
“It’s postpartum depression,” Charlie growled. Leo startled half to death when the alpha’s head snapped in his direction, intense blue eyes locking directly onto his own. The guarded desperation in his irises was almost too much to bear. “That’s what you were going to say he has, right? It can’t be just seasonal depression, not with everything he’s done and said. Not to mention how much better he was handling the winter seasons these past few years. I’m no psychologist, but what the fuck else could it possibly be?”
Leo didn’t miss a beat in replying. He couldn’t. It was now or never, the moment of truth he’d been building up to. “Yes. That’s exactly what I think he has. The stuff you told us about him a second ago only confirms it. This is far beyond regular winter blues, although the lack of sun and the cold most certainly aren’t helping.”
“Fuck,” Micah mumbled, leaning back. He ran his free hand down his face. “That makes sense. It would explain why he’s been dealing with it worse than his normal depression. And it would explain all his doubts about being a father. I don’t know how I didn’t catch it myself. When did he tell you about all this?”
“A couple nights ago,” Charlie admitted. He handed Micah the ever-squirming pup on his chest, using the new-found freedom to clasp his hands across his knees. “It was just us in the house. I don’t think he wanted to tell me, he insisted he was fine every time I would question him about it, but…I guess he hit a breaking point. Rachel had been crying nonstop for a couple hours and wouldn’t calm down no matter how hard Ren tried to comfort her. He thought she was crying because she hated him. The rest came tumbling out right after.”
Murmurs of sympathy arose from Rain and Micah’s mouths, Leo adding his own quiet thoughts to the mix. They didn’t need to know there had been a third set of ears listening in to Ren and Charlie’s conversation. They didn’t need to know that Charlie had left out an important factor in Ren’s plight. They didn’t need to know how much blame Leo held for their precious mate’s condition. They’d never forgive him, if they found out. He had already disappointed two of his mates, there was no need to let his remaining ones down.
“I don’t get it,” Rain said, breaking Leo from his thoughts. His hand had grown sweaty in Leo’s grip, but his hold was only growing tighter, nearly cutting off the circulation in Leo’s fingers. “Why? Why is this happening?
Leo shot the beta a reassuring look, squeezing his hand gently. “Being a new dad is pretty stressful, which is part of it. When you combine that with raging hormones and a history of mental health issues, it’s an unfortunately predictable outcome–”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” Rain shook his head, looking back at Leo with despair-rimmed eyes. “I mean, why Ren , of all people? Why did he have to get it? He was the most excited out of all of us to become a dad! Of all the people in the world, why was Ren the one the universe decided to torture?!”
There was a beat of silence, devastation hanging heavy in the air.
“…Because life isn’t fair,” Micah finally murmured, using a free hand to pull Charlie closer. The other alpha didn’t protest, simply allowing his mate to drag his head back onto his shoulder. “It sucks, but it’s true. We can’t go back in time and change anything, and we can’t wish his depression away either. Fate has already taken its toll on Ren. All we can do now is focus our energy on how to help him, instead of wallowing in the unfairness of it all.”
More silence followed Micah’s words. Rain didn’t look the least bit satisfied by Micah’s response, but he kept his complaints to himself, nodding sullenly as he leaned back in his seat. “I guess that’s fair. But what can we do? We've already done our best to support him, but it doesn’t seem like he’s getting any better. No matter how we try to cheer him up or relieve his burden, he only gets worse. What can we try that will actually work?”
“I couldn’t tell you, but there is a person here who might know what to do.” Charlie glanced over to Leo, a small glimmer shimmering in his eyes. Leo hated how hopeful he looked. “Leo, you’re trained to deal with this kind of stuff. What should we do?”
Leo took a deep breath and held it. He had already had this debate in his head many times before, making cases and arguments for every little coping mechanism his therapist-trained brain could come up with. Some of them seemed useful for Ren’s case, others less so. But no matter how many times he brainstormed their options, he was always left circling back to the most obvious, inevitable strategy he could think of for a case as severe as Ren’s: professional and medicinal help. There was really no option quite as effective, especially when Ren was barely functioning on a day-to-day basis.
“…Leo?”
“…Sorry.” Leo snapped back to the present with a start, meeting his impatient alpha’s gaze steadily. “It’s complicated. There are a couple decent coping strategies I can teach you guys that might help him, but the best route he could take is to get professional help. And not from me, from someone who has less ties to him emotionally. That’s the best way he can be helped, although I doubt he’ll accept that.”
Rain frowned, cocking an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t he accept it? He used to go to therapy right? And wasn’t he on meds too?”
Charlie nodded, but his brows were furrowed, his teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “He did for a while, when we were teens. But he eventually stopped, and he hasn’t done either since. He might be able to go about it easily since he’s done it before, but knowing Ren, he’ll be reluctant to try anything even remotely new.”
“That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Leo sighed. He forced himself to sit up straighter in his chair, commanding an authority that he most certainly didn’t have. It was time to strike the heart of the matter. “I spoke to him about getting help, the night he missed dinner. He’s thoroughly against the idea of even trying. It freaked him out to a level I never imagined it would. He wouldn’t even let me make an argument for it. I have no idea what’s up with him, but for some reason, he’s refusing to entertain the idea.”
“…Ok, that’s unusual,” Charlie said, bringing his nail to his mouth. He was no longer looking at Leo, his eyes now intent on burning a hole through their hardwood floor. “Nervous I could see, but afraid? That's not like Ren at all. Is that why you were asking if he had any bad history with his therapist and old meds?”
“Mhm,” Leo hummed, eyes still planted on Charlie. “I figured if anyone knew the reason for his reluctance, it would be you. But either way, there’s no other long term solution. I’m afraid if he doesn’t go, he’ll get significantly worse. I need you guys to help me convince him that this is the best path forward. He won’t listen to just me, but maybe if we all talk to him about it, he’ll be more open to the idea.”
Charlie nodded, shoulders set back with a newfound determination, but Rain and Micah shared a dubious look, doubt shining in their eyes. “Is that really a good idea?”
A burst of shock exploded in Leo’s gut, freezing him to his seat. Had he heard Micah right? Did he really ask if getting Ren therapy was a good idea? Surely not, right? What he had proposed wasn’t all that unreasonable, especially considering how ill their mate had become. Maybe they had another plan in mind? There was no way Leo would have to explain how dire this was, right? They had to understand how bad Ren has gotten…right?
Luckily, Charlie broke in before Leo could even unhinge his frozen jaw, a snarl of annoyance commanding everyone’s attention. “Well, what other idea is there? You heard Leo. It’s abundantly clear that he needs some sort of professional help, and Leo already said that it would be a bad idea for him to be that help. I know he doesn’t want to go, but what other choice does he have?”
“Cool it,” Micah growled, butting his head against Charlie’s. He ignored the grumble that escaped his alpha’s lips, instead focusing his worried eyes onto Leo again. “I’m not trying to say that therapy is off the table. It’s definitely an option. My concern is getting Ren to actually accept that he might need to go. He was adamantly against you even bringing it up, right? So how do you think we should go about trying to convince him? It’s clear that he won’t listen to just a suggestion, even when it’s coming from a qualified source. If you can’t convince him, how will we?”
Leo blinked, trying to fight down the thousands of annoyed comebacks buzzing in his head. He could understand Micah’s train of thought, but it sounded like the alpha couldn’t even be bothered to try. Would it really be that difficult to just talk to Ren? “We can convince him with our numbers. He values our opinion, you know that. Maybe if we all express our concern to him, he’ll take it seriously. That night, he kept trying to convince me that he was fine. That nothing was wrong with him, and that I was simply overreacting. It’s easy to deny something’s wrong with you when only one person points it out to you, but four people? He’d have to acknowledge that he needs help, wouldn’t he?”
Micah crossed his arms. “So…You want us to, what, gang up on him?”
“No! Not gang up! Just like, I don’t know, try and convince him he needs help. He can’t refuse all four of us, can he?
“....That sounds exactly like we’d be ganging up on him.”
“That’s not the only issue with the plan,” Rain interrupted, fingers drumming an impatient melody on his chair’s armrest. He shot Leo an apologetic look, but he couldn’t disguise the clear doubt written all over his face. “I’m not an expert on therapy, but isn’t it a not-so-great idea to force an unwilling participant into speaking about their problems? I mean, we might be able to make him go to therapy, but we can’t force him to engage in it. There’s no guarantee he’ll be honest about his issues during his sessions, or even speak in the first place. You always say the same, don’t you? I can’t count the number of times you’ve told me that people need to want help to get help. I hate to say it, but I don’t think Ren’s falling into the ‘I want help’ camp right now.”
Almost as soon as Rain had finished speaking, Charlie’s furious voice rang out, disbelief dripping from every word he spoke. “So what if he doesn’t want help? Are we supposed to just sit around and let him get worse? He needs to see a professional, whether he wants to or–”
Leo didn’t hear the rest. He couldn’t hear anything past the blood thundering through his ears, cascading around his head until he was sure the sound would drive him insane. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t wrap his brain around the insanity he’d just heard leave the mouths of his mates. Were they seriously arguing against putting Ren in therapy? Their seriously ill mate, who would only spiral to an unfunctional state if left alone for much longer? Sure, it wasn’t the most ideal set of circumstances, as Rain had so graciously pointed out, but what other solution was there? There was nothing else they could do, nothing they hadn’t already done, professional help was the only option left. Why couldn’t they understand that? There was nothing left, not unless they had another idea so out of left field that it just might work. It might not be the perfect set of circumstances, but at least they’d be trying something.
… Was he doing the right thing, by asking Ren to go to therapy? It was a stupid thing to think, so outlandish that Leo would have laughed if someone else said it, but…were his mates right? Was he actually going to make things worse by making Ren get help, like he always did? Was his last saving grace of an idea just as big of a bust as the rest?
“—Not what you’re arguing? Your solution is essentially to ride it out! I get that you have concerns, but you don’t get to act like you have any better ideas!” Charlie’s snarl broke through the nearly impenetrable static in Leo’s brain, his mate several nodes louder than he’d been before. Leo didn’t even need to look at him to know the alpha’s intense blue eyes were firmly planted on him. “Leo, please tell them there’s no other choice. They aren’t listening to me!”
Two more pairs of eyes seemed to poke at Leo’s skin, but he didn’t dare to meet any of them. He couldn’t. He needed to think rationally, and if he met the gaze of his mates, he wouldn’t be able to squash the thousands of thoughts begging to spring from his mouth in a waterfall of annoyance. “I…I don’t know what else to say. Charlie's right; there’s no other option at this point. Maybe if he had a way less severe case of postpartum we’d be able to find a different method–if we were lucky, of course–but that isn’t the case right now. He’s at a point that we as a pack can do very little about on our own.
“And look, I get your hesitations, I really do.” Leo raised his hand, silencing whatever complaint was about to come out of Rain’s now open mouth. “Trust me, you have good points. You’re both right to be worried. Which is why you should understand that there’s nothing else to be done. I mean, you guys know me, right? You know I think through everything that could go wrong when proposing something as serious as this. So if this choice, with all its flaws and what ifs, is what I’m most confident will work? What does that say to you about our other options? Putting an unwilling participant through therapy is not the best idea, and no one here knows that better than me. But it is the only thing we have left. There’s no backup plan we can turn to, there’s no saving grace that’s gonna appear out of nowhere and make everything better, and there’s no amount of hoping and praying that can fix this. This is it. This is what we’ve got. And we can either go along with it and wish for the best, or we can do nothing, which I guarantee will be infinitely more harmful than putting Ren through therapy.”
Despite the tumultuous state Leo’s emotions had fallen into, he managed to keep his voice calm until the very last syllable. He could still feel his bones buzzing in the depths of his body, but he’d somehow gotten his thoughts out coherently, which was all that really mattered anyway. There was nothing left for him to say. He’d laid his point out as clearly as possible. If his mates weren’t willing to accept that…Lord, he didn’t know what he’d do if they weren’t willing to accept it.
Taking a deep breath, Leo found the courage to look up, his eyes meeting Charlie’s striking gaze. A small ember of pride lit up in his heart when he saw the proud look on his mate’s face. If he could please his most argumentative mate, then surely he was on the right track, right?
Unfortunately, his other mates didn’t seem to share the same sentiment. Rain looked like he was deep in thought, eyebrows pinched together as he gazed solemnly at the ground, and Micah was shaking his head, clutching Rachel decisively to his chest. “But it can’t be the only option, Leo. You said so yourself earlier. You mentioned those coping mechanisms you could teach us. Why bring those up if they won’t be useful?”
Before Leo could reply, Charlie looked over to his mate in disbelief, anger giving way to complete and utter shock. “Are you serious? After all that and you still—”
Leo raised his hand again, and to his surprise, Charlie fell silent. “I mentioned those because they might be able to help, not fix it. And I need you to understand that when I say help, I mean slightly help him cope. It won’t be some drastic change.”
“But still—”
“Micah, he’s got a point,” Rain murmured, still studying the ground. “It’s not ideal, but if it’s really the only option, then we should go with it. It’s a risk, but it’s one we should be willing to take if we want Ren to get better. He can still teach us those strategies, it can’t hurt to use them, but if he knows the risks and still thinks therapy is the best way to go, well…I believe him.”
“Thank you!” Charlie fell back in his seat, throwing an exasperated hand over his face. He turned to look at Micah. “Are you convinced now? We all think this is Ren’s best shot at recovery. What’s all the hesitation for?!”
“I…” Micah opened his mouth, then shut it. He shook his head again. “I just don’t want to do something that’ll hurt him in the long run, you know? I would be all for this if he was willing to go, but he’s not. And I feel like you guys are severely underestimating how detrimental that might be both to him, and to our relationship. Making him go could break his trust in us. It could convince him to keep his issues to himself. Not to mention any side effects medication could have on him if we make him do that as well. You're not understanding how bad this could get if it goes south.”
“And you’re not considering how bad it’ll get if we do nothing at all!” Leo snapped, throwing up his hand in frustration. He ignored the surprise on each mates‘ face, instead fixing a sharp glare onto his opposing alpha. “I mean, seriously, what do you think will happen if we don’t at least try to convince him to go to therapy? Do you think he’ll just wake up one day, depression completely gone, and we'll all start holding hands and singing kumbaya ? That’s not how it works. If you have some other wondrous option for us to consider then I’m all ears, but you haven’t proposed any sort of actual solution the entire time we’ve been discussing this.”
The surprise on Micah’s face quickly faded to anger, his lips pulling back into a snarl. He didn’t seem to notice the hands pulling Rachel away from him, tucking her into the chest of the alpha next to him. “I don’t need an alternative solution to point out the flaws in this one. If you would just give me time to think of one, I’m sure I can figure something out. Ren’s my omega, and if I sense something’s gonna hurt him, then I’m not gonna just go along with it, even if you think it’s the best plan we have!”
Anger bubbled up into a full blown rage under Leo’s skin. His omega? The omega that was also Leo’s? The omega that was also Rain's and Charlie’s? Was Micah purposely being a dick, or did he genuinely believe he had some sort of authority over the rest of them due to his connection to Ren? A connection that all four of them shared with the omega, if he wasn’t already aware?!
A burst of hysterical laughter erupted from across the room. Charlie had thrown his head back, his hands doing a poor job at covering up his daughter’s sensitive ears. Already Leo could see Rachel’s surprise, small whines of distress leaving her mouth as her father’s chest bounced her up and down.
Rain jumped up, quickly scooping his daughter off of Charlie’s chest. “Dude, what is wrong with you? You’re scaring Rachel!”
The alpha didn’t seem to mind Rain’s tone; he was still laughing, his shaky hands making some sort of attempt to help move Rachel into Rain’s steadier arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s not funny I know, It’s just… Are you hearing this guy? His omega, huh? And what are we then, oh great, wise alpha? Are we simply side pieces to the relationship you have with your omega?”
Micah sputtered, splotches of red joining the anger on his face. “What? No, that’s not what I meant, you know that’s not what I meant–”
“No, no!” Charlie waved his hand, a sickeningly sweet smile creeping across his face. Leo could feel his skin crawling just looking at it. “I get it. You're the alpha of the pack, right? You’re the head of the household, the only one whose opinion matters. After all, we clearly don’t care for Ren as much as you do. Our relationship with him means nothing in the face of yours, so why even bother to try and help him when his big, strong, self-absorbed alpha is there to make whatever decision he alone deems best? You know, maybe he should get those three mating marks removed, I’m sure it’s bothering you to see that we each have an equal relationship with Ren–”
“That’s enough!” Micah growled sharply, his fangs poking out from between his lips. Despite the claws marking rows of white on his jeans, he seemed to have lost all the aggression in him, his shoulders scrunching closer together in shame. Leo had never seen his alpha intentionally make himself appear smaller, but he was sure it looked something like this. “Of course your opinions matter, they’ve always mattered! I didn't mean to say I’m better than you or anything, you’re misinterpreting my words!”
“…What did you mean then?” Rain said, holding Rachel to his chest. He didn’t look angry, not like Charlie did. He looked hurt, which was almost worse in Leo’s book. “It’s kind of hard to misinterpret something like that. It was like our opinions didn’t matter to you.”
Micah paused, eyes softening when they landed on the beta. “They do matter! But it’s not a good plan, and none of you are listening to me! I don’t want to lose Ren, and this is a surefire way to make sure he never relies on us again–”
“Stop talking.” Leo ran his hands over his face, glaring at his mate over his fingertips. The conversation wasn’t productive anymore. It had devolved way too far, way too fast. He was done trying to be reasonable, it was clear Micah wasn’t going to back down. So much for helping Ren. “Just…stop talking. I have nothing more to say to you. If you don’t want to help Ren, that's your call. I can’t make you. But the rest of us are gonna do what we have to to protect our mate, whether you’re on board or not. You’re not the only one who’s allowed to make judgement calls here.”
“I’m not saying that, but you don’t understand where I coming from–”
Leo didn’t wait for his mate to finish. He stood up slowly, avoiding eye contact with his pack as he made his way out of their small living room. He made it only a few steps toward the bedroom when he felt a large hand on his shoulder, the fingers digging desperately into his skin.
“Wait, please, you can’t leave–”
“Yes I can,” Leo said, his voice calm despite the tears clouding his eyes. How had those gotten there? “There’s clearly nothing left to be said here. Neither of us is gonna budge. Why waste time arguing? If you come up with something better, then we can have another conversation. But for now, nothing new is gonna come from going back and forth.”
Leo tried to walk forward, but the hand persisted. From behind him, a sigh rang out. “I just want to protect him.”
“And you think I don’t?” The anger Leo had so carefully tried to store away flooded his veins and he turned around, glaring daggers at the alpha in front of him. He saw Micah tense at the sudden motion, his hand still frozen in midair, but he didn’t have the energy to care. It had been lost the second Micah had slipped up. “Look, I get it, ok? I get that you're the big, strong alpha, and I’m just the oblivious omega who couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to worry for their mate. But believe it or not, I want nothing more than to protect Ren, and it kills me to know that there’s very little I can do. But unlike you, I actually have a plan to help him, and no, it isn’t flawless or perfect, but it’s something. Something that could actually work, if you would just get over your stupid perfectionism complex for one second! There is nothing we can do that’ll be guaranteed to fix him, that’s just not how mental health works, so stop acting like we have to wait for some foolproof plan to fall out of the sky before we can do something! Especially when everyone besides you seems to be on board! I don’t understand, why are you so hesitant to do the one thing we can come up with to help Ren?”
Complete silence followed Leo’s question. Micah just stared, completely dumbfounded by the slew of aggression his omega had thrown at him. If he had any intention of answering, it certainly wasn’t going to be anytime soon.
Leo sighed, forcing himself to ignore the campfire scent that was fading with every passing second. Already his temper was dissipating, leaving him with an all-consuming guilt. Why was he always fated to start arguments when all he wanted was peace? “Never mind. I don’t want to know. I never wanted to argue. I just want to help Ren. Do what you think is best. I’m still gonna try and convince him that therapy is the move, but I can’t make you do the same. It’s your call.”
With that, Leo turned around and walked toward the bedroom, willing the liquid in his eyes to dissipate before he got even more agitated. The faint sound of footsteps started up from somewhere behind him, but he didn’t care enough to check who was following him. He just wanted a minute, a moment of quiet to process his most recent fuckup in full.
Reaching the nest, Leo flopped onto the mattress, crawling under the copious amount of blankets he and Ren had decorated the space with. What little of Ren’s scent left in their nest had grown stale, barely reaching Leo’s nose amongst the much stronger scents lining the bedding. Still, it was an unfortunate reminder of his absent omega. He wondered what Ren was doing right then, safe and cared for in Dave’s home. Was he eating dinner, bantering back and forth with Dave? Was he doing some sort of activity, forcing Dave to pay attention before he screwed something up? Was he tucked into his bed, wishing he was back home with his mates, or was he happy to be gone, no longer worried about the mundane chores that had grown to be so exhausting for him? Did he miss his pack? Did he miss his daughter?
Whatever the case, he was surely doing better than he had been around Leo. He didn’t have to worry about his screw up of a mate fretting over him like he was a pup, or ruining whatever quality time he was getting with his brother and sister-in-law. He was probably living his best life, far away from the mate who had ultimately been the catalyst for his depression in the first place. Because that’s what he was, right? He was the reason Ren felt so disconnected from their pup, as Charlie had so graciously left out of their conversation earlier.
Meanwhile, Leo was getting absolutely nowhere with the little resources he had, giving his all to a plan that had been doomed from the start. He had failed his mate, as he always did.
The bed beside Leo dipped, creaking loudly under newly added weight. Leo didn’t have time to turn over before hands were pulling at his upturned shoulder, rolling him onto his blanketed back. Still, the smell of leather was unmistakable, even with his nose as covered as it was.
“Leo?”
“...Mm here,” Leo mumbled, turning his head slightly. If he rolled his eyes all the way to the right, he could just barely make out Charlie’s face peering down at him, the alpha’s long hair tickling the side of his face. “Sorry about all that. I didn’t mean to get so snappy.”
Charlie shook his head, sliding his hands under Leo’s back. “Don’t worry about it. I was pissed too. He was being a dick. Anyways, you feeling ok? Your skin’s a little warm.”
“I’m fine. It’s probably just the left over anger in my system. I got pretty worked up, didn’t I?”
Leo didn’t wait for a reply before swinging his body up in one huge motion, allowing Charlie to pull a pillow behind his back as he surveyed the rest of the room. Micah was nowhere to be found, but Rain had joined them, making his way to the free side of their nest with Rachel in tow. The pup was cooing to herself, fist firmly planted in her mouth while she looked around the nest in wide-eyed wonder.
Rain smiled when he saw Leo’s eyes on him, lowering himself down onto the free side of their mattress. “Hey. Somebody’s missing you. She wants to cheer you up.”
A snort escaped Leo’s mouth, but he didn’t complain. He let Rain gently place Rachel onto his chest, watching with amusement as Rachel tried (and failed) to wiggle her way closer to his head. Normally he’d be more upset about people interrupting him while he was decompressing, but he had to admit that watching his pup get frustrated at her lack of movement was a pretty effective way of bringing his mood back to normal. “Did she now? Come here little dude, let’s get you in a more comfortable spot.”
Rain and Charlie got themselves situated in the nest while Leo readjusted Rachel, and soon enough they were all laying close together, the three adults snuggling as close as physically possible. Rain especially seemed comfortable, his head claiming the space on Leo’s chest that Rachel hadn’t bothered to take. It was nice. An easy fix for the emotional turmoil they’d all gone through that day.
Micah was still absent, not making a sound in the wider apartment beyond.
Charlie was the first to break the silence, his hand finding a place on Rachel’s upturned back. She too had settled in, resting contently underneath Leo's chin. “...So much for a nice conversation, huh?”
“You said it,” Rain huffed, kissing the side of Rachel’s head. “What was up with him? I get that he had doubts, I did too, but like…that was kind of overboard. And what was his point with the ‘my omega’ stuff? He knows we’re a pack, right?”
Leo sighed, placing a hand on top of Rain’s head. It felt weird to have someone talk directly on his chest, but it was also comforting, in a strange way. “I don’t know. He was just being protective I think, but it came out terribly. And I don’t think he’s used to being outvoted by his pack on stuff like this. He’s normally pretty reasonable. I just don’t understand why the idea ticked him off so badly. It’s like he’d rather do nothing at all then actually try to fix the problem!”
Charlie shook his head. “Well, I don’t care if he doesn’t like the plan, because I think it’s our best shot. I’ll find a way to bring it up when Ren gets back. I can’t guarantee he’ll be any more willing to discuss it than he was with you, but I’ll certainly try to convince him to see things our way.”
Rain nodded solemnly on Leo's chest, shooting his omega an encouraging smile. “I’m on board too. I’m still worried about forcing him to go unwillingly, if it gets to that, but…I think you’re right. I think this is all we can do, for now at least. And if there’s a chance that it’ll really help Ren out, then I’ve gotta give it a shot, don’t I?”
A small ember of hope ignited in Leo’s chest, burning away the doubt he’d been plagued for the entirety of their conversation. Not having Micah’s support hurt more than he could vocalize, especially since he hated fighting with the good-tempered alpha, but if his other mates were agreeing with him, surely the plan wasn’t too bad, right? Maybe it really did have a shot of working after all, if the three of them stuck together. “...Yeah. Trust me, I don’t like the risks either. But I can’t stand to see Ren deteriorate any more than he already has. I really appreciate you guys backing me up on this, even if I was kind of a jerk about it.”
“Nonsense,” Charlie snorted, planting a firm kiss on the top of Leo's head. “You were reasonable, at least to me. I was pissed off at Micah long before you showed any anger. If he wants to do nothing then I can't stop him, but I’m not gonna let him tell us we can’t help our mate. Let him figure himself out, he’ll come to the right conclusion eventually.”
Leo wasn’t so sure about that one, but he didn’t have it in him to doubt his mate. Micah was normally pretty logical, so surely he’d come to see their point of view, right? Once he realized that there was nothing else to be done, he’d be forced to consider sending Ren to therapy. It was just a matter of time.
It was getting late, but none of the three men in the nest made any moves to get ready for bed. Rachel had fallen asleep on Leo’s chest, and so their conversation died down, leaving them in a blanket of comfortable silence. It was weird, not having Micah there to cuddle with them, but Leo wasn’t so sure it was a bad thing, not right then, at least. He was still wrestling with guilt over the fight, as well as anger over his mate’s apparent lack of care. He didn’t want to be upset anymore, but how could he not be, when Ren’s health was on the line? He wouldn’t let anyone ruin his chance at helping his omega, not even one of his own mates. He just couldn’t compromise on Ren’s safety. It wasn’t a possibility.
As Leo gazed up at the bedroom ceiling, contemplating the day’s events, he could feel his eyelids growing heavier, staying closed for longer each time he blinked. He was faintly aware of Rain pulling away, gently lifting the sleeping Rachel onto his own chest while he shifted positions, but Leo didn’t pay it much mind. He was too tired too. He was safe, and so was his pack. As much as he ached to have Ren nearby, he knew the omega was better off with his brother, decompressing after holding so much responsibility within the pack. He and Micah would make up in the morning, once their tempers had both cooled. He just needed to figure out how to apologize properly.
Leo let his worries slip from his shoulders, his head finding the crook of Rain’s neck. He felt Charlie wrap his arms around his stomach, and then he was out, dreaming of a better morning, of a better day, of a better future. Ren would get better, he was certain of it. He just needed to play his cards right.
For once, he slept peacefully, surrounded by the comforting presence of his mates.
Chapter 10: Stage Three: Recklessness (Part Four)
Summary:
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to assess danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Notes:
Hi this chapter didn't want to behave and so it took me ten million years to write. Sorry about that! I hope it makes sense and isn't all over the place. Stuff is finally ramping up!
This is also a longer chapter just because it made sense to keep all these scenes together, so sorry if it's hard to read in one sitting!
Chapter Text
Stage Three: Recklessness
The subject’s cognitive ability to assess danger begins to deteriorate. They become increasingly unaware of and/or apathetic to their own wellbeing, both physically and mentally. They are more likely to engage in dangerous behavior, brush off injuries or danger, and/or fail to understand the gravity of a given circumstance. Supervision is highly recommended from this stage forward.
Waking up to a killer headache was not how Leo wanted to start his day.
It was later in the morning when he regained consciousness, the nest completely devoid of life besides his own. The sun was shining brightly through the bedroom window, the curtains doing very little to weaken its power. It would be a pleasant way to wake up, if Leo’s head didn’t feel like it was going to explode.
Groaning, Leo rolled over in the nest, shutting his eyes tight against the pounding in his skull. The lingering scents his mates left behind were fresh enough to leave the omega melting where he lay, but they were quickly fading, Leo’s own scent making swift work of covering up anything weaker than it was. His mates had been gone for a while, and it didn’t seem like they were coming back anytime soon. Had the workday started already?
It didn’t matter too much, not to Leo. It was one of his days off, after all. He could stay in the nest all day, if he so pleased.
A sharp cry rang out through the apartment, shattering the serene bliss Leo had fallen into. Dang. And just when his headache had started to fade too. Rachel really couldn’t have let him have five more minutes of peace?
Mustering up all the energy in his aching body, Leo managed to sit up without much issue, swinging his legs over the side of the nest. He didn’t need to move much to see that Rachel was no longer in her bassinet. Which reminded him: Who was home again? Someone had to be, if Rachel was gone. It couldn’t be Ren, he was still at Dave’s, and would be for most of the day. Charlie always had to leave real early in the morning for his shifts, so it couldn’t have been him either. Maybe Micah? But the alpha’s scent was pretty stale, as was pretty much everyone else’s. That just left…
As if on cue, Rain appeared in the doorway, an angry Rachel slung over his shoulder. Leo couldn’t see her face from the angle she was held at, but he could see her limbs thrashing and flailing wildly, hands aggressively batting at the neck-length strands of hair that fell directly next to her. Rain didn’t seem to mind though; he was bouncing her up and down happily, lighting up the room with a radiant smile.
“Hey, you’re awake! Sorry, was she too loud? I have a bottle warming up for her, but you know how it is, she won’t be satisfied until she’s got it in her grasp. You don’t have to get up if you’re still tired.”
Another groan escaped Leo’s lips, and then he was up, walking toward Rain’s blurry figure on unsteady legs. “Nah, I’m good. I woke up on my own. I guess she’s getting a little squirrely without Ren here, huh?”
“You know it,” Rain chuckled, pulling back just enough to let Leo pass through the doorway. He leaned down for a kiss, and Leo gladly took the opportunity, only breaking it when Rachel’s leg tried to make contact with his eye. “She tried to latch onto me earlier and got mad when I wouldn’t let her. I don’t think she realizes me and Ren feed her in different ways.”
Leo chuckled, giving the angry infant’s hair an affectionate ruffle. “Well, when you’re as small as she is, a bottle and a boob are about the same. They both give food, and as far as she’s concerned, that’s all that matters.”
The apartment was as empty as the bedroom had been, save for Rain and Rachel’s presence. Dust danced in the blinding shafts of light pouring from the kitchen window, swirling in indiscernible patterns that only served to make Leo’s head hurt more. If he squinted, he could just make out the shape of the bottle sitting inside a jug of warm water, nearly impossible to see without his glasses. He wasn’t sure how long it had been in there, but it couldn’t hurt to check, right?
Slowly, Leo made his way forward, scrunching his face up to avoid being blinded by the sun’s insistent rays. His headache wasn’t his only issue anymore; his bones were aching with every movement, sending small waves of pain through his body with every step taken. The chilly apartment air wasn’t helping much either, freezing his goosebump-ridden skin to his joints. It felt like he hadn’t moved in years. Had he slept wrong, or was he getting sick?
Still, he managed to get the bottle out without any issue, shaking the excess moisture off of his hand. He turned toward Rain, who had managed to haul himself and the screaming Rachel over to the couch. “Bottle feels warm enough. You wanna feed her, or do you want a break?”
Rain leaned back, holding his hand out as Leo padded his way toward him. “Nah, I’ll feed her. She’s real sweet to me when I’m giving her food, I wouldn’t miss it for the world! And anyways, you're looking a little unsteady on your feet. You doing alright?”
Leo passed over the bottle and turned away, making his way back into the kitchen. Yikes. Was his discomfort really that noticeable? “Yeah, I’m good. Just got a headache, is all. I’ll be fine after I take some Ibuprofen, or something. It’s probably the stress of yesterday catching up to me, if I had to guess.”
“Makes sense.” Rain replied. Rachel had stopped screaming, faint sucking sounds coming from somewhere behind Leo. She was finally having her breakfast, it seemed. “Oh, yeah, speaking of yesterday, Micah left something on the counter for you. He told me to give it to you when you woke up.”
Ah, yes. Micah. Leo had been avoiding thinking about the ginger alpha since he’d woken up, but it was hard to forget how poorly things had gone between them the night before, especially when his scent lingered everywhere, faint trails of campfire drifting through the air. Even now, Leo could smell his mate, the scent alone enough to send shivers down his spine. It was so odd; why had Micah blown up at the simple idea of therapy? He was a reasonable guy most of the time, and he rarely ever questioned Leo’s judgement. Why had yesterday been so different? Had Leo truly been all that unreasonable? Had he been pushing his mate too hard? Was Leo the one who was wrong?
Would things ever be ok between them again?
It was so perplexing. Leo wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be angry, sad, or confused. All options seemed reasonable, if he was being honest, but that didn’t really matter, not anymore. What mattered was how they would approach the topic, moving forward.
Leo reached the medicine cabinet, pulling out the closest pain meds he could find. Lord, his head was pounding too much for this. “Oh? What is it?”
“A note, I think.”
Sure enough, it was a note, sitting patiently on the kitchen table. It looked hastily written, the paper used nothing more than a napkin from their drawer, but the handwriting was as clear as ever, painfully familiar to Leo’s bleary eyes.
Leo,
I’m sorry about last night. The way I behaved was out of line, and I acknowledge that with all of my heart. Although I had my concerns, I didn’t express them in the right way, and I certainly didn’t mean to question your love and care for Ren. That was extremely gross of me to do, and while I truly didn’t mean for my words to come out the way they did, it was my fault for not articulating myself correctly. I know a napkin apology isn’t the most ideal one, but I didn’t want to keep this whole thing hanging while I’m gone, and I also didn’t want to wake you up. I promise I’ll give you a more appropriate apology once I get home.
On that note, I want to talk to you when I get home, just the two of us. I'm not trying to argue again, I just want an opportunity to explain myself in a better, less aggressive way. I did some thinking last night, and I think your plan is our best bet. I just want a chance to clarify some of my thoughts, to be more open and honest than I was yesterday.
I love you to the moon and back,
-Micah
Leo put the napkin down, taking in a relieved breath. There was the Micah he was so used to, that he loved and adored with all his heart. He should’ve known the alpha would apologize eventually. He never knew him not to. His words still stung, but maybe the conversation Micah wanted to have would clear it all up. Maybe he really didn’t mean what he had so heavily implied. Maybe Leo would have his own chance to apologize for his forcefulness, however justified he thought it was.
Maybe things would be alright between them after all.
The omega took another deep breath, letting the faint traces of his mate invade his nose. The smokey fragrance lingering on the napkin was almost too much to bear. He missed his mate. It had been miserable, waking up without the alpha there to hold him. Waking up without any of his mates to hold him. He should have been used to it by now, but it never ceased to bother him, how little of his mates’ presence he got in his nest. He just wanted his mates to be home already, all of them, so that he could curl up between them in his nest, soaking up all of their warmth. Maybe they’d let him sleep in the middle again, talking him to sleep like they used to when he first joined the pack. Maybe he could convince himself that they loved him again, that he wasn’t the waste of space he had deemed himself to be. If they could just come home already…
Leo sighed, suppressing the needy purr that was threatening to erupt from his mouth. No, he couldn’t think like that. All that want was making his headache worse. Besides, there was no way he’d be allowed to sleep in the middle, not while Ren was still as bad as he was. He and Rain would remain at the ends of the bed for what would probably be a while, letting their alphas do what they could to protect their vulnerable omega. Leo would never take that comfort away from Ren, no matter how neglected he felt.
“What did he say?”
The tendons in Leo’s legs protested as he turned around to face his mate, but he ignored them, meeting Rain’s curious gaze. “It was an apology. And he said he wanted to talk to me later. Nothing too big.”
“Oh, good.” Rain breathed out a sigh of relief, shooting an affectionate look at his still-feeding daughter. “He apologized to me and Charlie earlier, but I wasn’t sure if he’d leave things awkward between him and you. I’m glad he didn’t. I don’t like seeing you guys fight.”
“I don’t like being the one to fight.” Leo took a couple steps forward, wincing when the pain in his head grew sharper. Seriously, would it kill the medicine to take effect faster? “Speaking of things I don’t like, my head is destroying me. I don’t want to be a deadbeat, but would you be ok if I went back to the nest and laid down for a bit? I think the meds are gonna need some time to kick in.”
Rain rolled his eyes, waving an unconcerned hand in Leo’s direction. “Yeah, no problem dude! I can handle this one on my own for a bit, especially now that she’s being fed. We’ll be fine, go rest, you look too out of it to do much anyway.”
“…Ok. You sure?”
“Positive,” Rain said, smiling gently. He grabbed onto one of Rachel’s arms, waving it in Leo’s direction. “You aren’t a deadbeat for taking some time to rest, especially not when someone else is here to watch over her. We’ll be here when you feel better, ok?”
Guilt gnawed at the pit of Leo’s stomach, but he nodded gratefully, curling his finger at Rachel until he disappeared into the bedroom. His aching eyes were immediately assaulted by the piercing sunbeams still streaming through the window, reversing whatever soothing effect the medicine might have had on his headache. Great. Just another thing he’d have to deal with in what was already shaping up to be a difficult day.
Leo quickly shut his curtains and hopped back into the nest, careful to avoid bumping his head against the firm mattress below. The room had dimmed significantly, but he still had to bury his head under the copious layers of fabric his blankets created, only his nose poking out from a small hole in the tunnel he’d dug himself. Cold. He was so cold. He had noticed how cool the apartment was before he got back into the nest, but now he could feel the ice melting in his veins, trickling into his bloodstream in frigid rivulets. His brain was still melting, but the rest of his body was beginning to shiver violently under the blankets, with no relief in sight. How had he been able to ignore the cold so easily before? He felt like he was dying!
Mustering all the willpower he could summon, Leo brought one of his hands out of the warm cocoon he had created and pressed it to his forehead. His worst fear was confirmed: Despite how cold the rest of his body was, his head was burning up. He was definitely coming down with something.
A groan escaped Leo’s lips, and he dropped his arm, burying himself deeper in the mess of a nest he’d created. Why did he have to get sick now? Between Ren and Rachel, there was no time to be ill! He had to take care of them, the whole pack had to take care of them, none of them had time to deal with a sick mate, who would most likely end up as bed-bound as Ren often was. And what about Rachel? The adults in the pack could survive getting sick, but what if Leo passed on whatever he had to Rachel too? She was too young to have a fully developed immune system, so surely whatever illness Leo had caught would end up hitting her much harder, right? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he passed on something so miserable to his two month old daughter, he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her so terribly, fuck, what if he killed her?! What if she got so sick she died?! Nonono, he couldn’t get sick right now, he couldn’t, his pack needed him to be at his best, he couldn’t drag them down, he couldn’t hurt them–
The faint aroma of leather mixed with jasmine wafted into Leo’s nose, easing his nerves almost instantly. The blanket he’d pressed his face into still carried the mingled scents of his mates, however stale they were. Lord, what he wouldn't do to have them there with him at that moment. If there was anything that would bring him comfort, it would be them, them and their touch, their scent, their voices, just… them. He needed them, more than he needed warmth to seep into his bones, more than he needed his head to stop pounding, more than he needed the air he breathed . Having a perfectly good nest with no mates to share it with was terrible, but even worse than that was knowing that he’d have to wait hours before all of his mates were back to snuggle with him, to hold his sick body close to them as he soaked up their warmth. And sure, Rain was there, still in the apartment if Leo really needed him, but could he really call his mate away when they had a pup to care for? Someone had to give her attention, and it was too risky for Leo to do it. He just needed to be patient, but it was so hard to wait, not when he was left without the men who brightened his life, not when he was left waiting, waiting to be surrounded by their heat, their attention, their love–
…
Heat.
Heat.
Heat.
Hea- Ohhhhh no.
Oh no. No no no no no. Nonononononononononononononononononononononono–
Leo shot up, ignoring the chilly air swamping his already freezing body. No. No, he couldn’t be, could he? Surely not, right? It had to be the flu or something, it had to be, anything but that , anything but the possibility that was rapidly growing in likelihood with every passing second Leo took to actually think about his condition. Shit, when was the last time he had it? How long had it been since he’d had to deal with this? Surely it hadn’t been a year yet, right? He remembered his last one like it was yesterday, there’s no way he was due already–
But he was. He had to be. Because now that he thought about it, now that he was actually doing the math, it had been before Ren had gotten pregnant, hadn’t it? And considering how carefree he had been when it happened…it must have been before Micah had asked him to carry pups, right? It must have been before he had even noticed Micah wanted him to carry pups, so that meant…that meant…
It had been well over a year since Leo had last gone into heat.
Fuck. Fuck. this couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be reality, not with everything going on, not while Ren was still post-partum, not when his mates were gone, unable to take care of him–
A hand came off of the mattress, slapping Leo directly in the face. No. No, he needed to calm down. He couldn’t freak out. He needed to think rationally. This was a problem, lord knows how much of a problem it was, but isn’t that exactly why he needed to keep himself from freaking out? Problems required solutions, and no good solution could come from an irrational, panic-ridden mind. He needed to keep himself under control if he wanted to figure out his next move. He had to. There was no other choice.
Without giving it any more thought, he wrapped a couple blankets around his shoulders, jumped out of the bed, and rushed toward the bedroom door. “Rain?”
“Yo?” Rain was still sitting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Rachel had fallen asleep on his chest, eyes glued shut and mouth agape as she snored loudly. “You ok? Is your headache getting worse?”
Leo shook his head, hands gripping the doorframe for dear life. “Not worse, but it’s still there. I’m gonna take a quick bath to see if the steam will help. Is that cool with you?”
“Yeah, go ahead! That’s cool with me.”
“Thanks!” Leo zipped away from the door, nearly sprinting into the bathroom with his bundle of blankets still riding on his shoulders. He had the door locked and the water running in three seconds flat, his clothes and blankets falling into a pile around his legs just as quickly. Panic drove his legs forward, then back, then forward, then back, around and around the room he went, he couldn’t stop, he needed to move, he was freezing and scared and why couldn’t the water rise faster? He couldn’t think like this, he couldn’t catch his breath, he needed his mates, he needed his mind to clear, he needed the bath to be full, was it anxiety making it hard to breath, or was it just the steam?
It didn’t matter. He just needed to warm up, he needed to calm down, he needed to think of a plan, he needed to chill out, he needed to come back down to earth.
It wasn’t until Leo had gotten into the bath that his anxiety subsided enough to think, soothed by the waves of scalding water lapping over his goosebump-ridden body. He was fine. Everything was fine. Nobody knew he was in pre-heat yet, and they wouldn’t for a while. Rain was in the living room with Rachel, but he wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t be able to smell the change in Leo’s scent. If Leo just acted natural, Rain wouldn’t know anything was different. He had time to figure all this out, he just needed to focus.
Sighing, Leo sank deeper into the warm water surrounding him. Last time he’d checked the clock, it had been around twelve in the afternoon. That gave him at least six hours before Ren arrived home. Micah would be home around seven, and Charlie had a twenty-four hour shift, but that wasn’t important. Ren could smell the difference as well as any of the alphas, which meant that Leo only had those precious six hours to figure out what to do before the game was up. He’d have to make a plan quickly if he wanted to stay ahead of his mates. If the circumstances were normal, then Leo would just stay home and let his mates take care of him, but…
But if he did that, he’d be putting Ren in danger. The body of a postpartum omega couldn’t handle a heat until they were at least six months out. Ren was only two months postpartum; his body wouldn’t be able to handle being thrown into a heat, which was sure to happen if he was around Leo for too long. And even if Leo didn’t put him into heat, he’d definitely put the alphas into their ruts, which would all but guarantee Ren be thrown into an early cycle. There was just no way Ren would be safe around him, not when he was still four months shy of the required wait time for a heat. His life would be at risk.
And what about his other mates? They’d be fine health-wise, but they had just gone back to work. Wouldn’t making them take their pack leave so soon after starting up again cause issues with their jobs? Rain’s might be more flexible, but Micah’s was iffy, and Charlie’s was always relying on a strict schedule. He’d be disrupting their system, taking them away from important work for a whole week. What if he got them fired for taking too much time off? Sure, pack leaves were mandatory to give out, but still, with it so close to their maternity leave, surely their bosses wouldn’t be too happy, right?
Then there was Rachel. She was only two months old. She needed her parents. Leo couldn’t avoid going into heat, it was inevitable, but that didn’t mean he should take her other parents away too! Even if Ren stayed out of it and dedicated all of his time to Rachel, it would still be an issue. Ren wasn’t in the mental space to handle a pup all on his own, without any support. He needed breaks, he needed rest, and he needed help, none of which the pack would be able to give him if they were taking care of a heat-stricken Leo. It wasn’t possible for the three other mates to care for Ren, Rachel, and Leo’s needs all at once. Especially with how demanding Leo’s heat made him. How could he possibly make sure everyone was taken care of properly when the timing of his heat was so poor?
Leo rolled over onto his stomach, groaning as he stretched out his stiff back. Ren couldn’t be in the apartment while Leo was in heat, that was for sure. No matter how far away he stayed, he’d probably end up violently ill. And if he couldn’t stay in the apartment, Rachel couldn’t either. So where would they go? Dave would probably offer to house the two without much complaint, and so would his and Ren’s parents, but was that really fair? Putting so much responsibility on people who were outside the immediate pack? They all had their own lives with important stuff to do, did they have time to look after an infant and a depressed omega?
That was another thing: Ren was mentally struggling, without even needing to throw Leo’s heat into the mix. How would he take being out of the apartment? Without his mates? Without his nest? Without everything that made his home his home? How could Leo possibly kick him out for a whole week when he was in such bad shape? How could he be so cruel?
There was no way to make everybody happy. There was no way to keep Ren and Rachel in the apartment and taken care of without the omega risking his health, while also meeting Leo’s needs too. There was no way to ensure that his mates wouldn’t lose their jobs. There was no way to leave those outside the pack unburdened. There was no plan that would make everyone happy, especially where Ren and Rachel were concerned, the two people who needed the most out of their family. With so many variables at play, there was just no way…
…
…?
…What if…
No. No. It was a stupid idea, a fleeting thought Leo needed to forget. It was insane, utterly insane, nobody with half a brain stem would ever attempt something so irrational—
…
…But was it really irrational? It would solve all of the dilemmas staying in the apartment would inevitably cause. And it would allow his mates to live life as they normally did, without having to worry about Leo’s needs as well as their own. Sure, there would be potential consequences on Leo’s end, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Wasn’t it at least worth considering?
Logic said no. Logic told Leo to forget the plan, to prioritize his health over the small inconveniences he’d be causing. Sure, making his mates care for him wouldn’t be ideal, but it was better than putting his life at risk, right? They were all adults, they had all handled Leo’s heat before, it would just be a little different this time, that’s all. It wasn’t worth the pain he’d go through, it wasn’t worth the concern his mates would have, he should just forget the idea completely and let his mates take care of him like he always did. Sometimes life was unfair, and he had to accept that.
But as Leo lay there, soaking up the warm water lapping over his body, he could feel the idea stubbornly clinging to the walls of his mind, refusing to loosen its hold no matter how much he twisted and turned. It was just so convenient, the perfect solution to Leo’s rapidly growing problem. How could he not at least consider it?
Before Leo could even process what he was doing, he launched himself out of the bath, water sloshing onto the floor around him. He was out of the bathroom in an instant, returning only seconds later with his laptop clenched tightly between his fingers. He just needed to see. He just needed to look. If he could put his mind at ease, if he could prove to himself that it wasn’t an option, then he could go back to living his life peacefully, riding out his heat with his mates beside him.
Leo closed the door behind him, making sure it was firmly locked before he sat down cross-legged on the blankets he’d left on the floor. He couldn’t risk Rain walking in on him. He’d lose his mind if he knew what Leo was up to, if he knew what Leo was considering. Leo didn’t want that. He needed complete privacy if he was to do what he was about to do. The less his mate knew, the better.
It only took a second for Leo to open his computer, his fingers flying across the keyboard as he entered his password. He ignored his old tabs and opened up a new one, wasting no time in searching for the answers he was looking for. Or rather, the location he was looking for. Would there even be one around? They lived in a pretty populated area, but he had never heard of one being nearby. Not that he’d ever been looking until now. And even if there was, would they have room? Heats could be unpredictable, but surely these places required some sort of notice, right?
He didn’t know. He’d never been to one, after all. But he was about to find out.
Leo hit enter.
Immediately, a long list of links appeared on Leo’s screen, all advertising grandiose venues Leo had never heard of before. Most were nowhere near the area Leo lived in, but there were a surprising couple within a reasonable distance. Huh. Maybe he would get lucky after all.
With no frame of reference to go off of, Leo clicked the first link and hoped for the best.
The location’s website was about as polished as Leo expected it to be. A predictably modern homepage replacing the links, indistinguishable from most company websites. There was the obligatory photo of the advertised building, followed by a couple more of the nicely decorated rooms inside. Below the photos was an overly-friendly welcome message, printed in big, bold letters across the screen.
Welcome to the burrowpoint hotel! Our mission is to create a comfortable, private environment for our customers to enjoy during their natural mating cycles. Feel the relief of getting to experience the most vulnerable moments of the year away from the intrusion of others. At Burrowpoint hotel, your seclusion and well-being are our top priority! Book your stay with the link below!
Sure enough, there was a link pasted below, the words book now! stamped directly to its left.
Leo scrolled down, taking a quick, disinterested look at the hotel’s amenities. Most of the perks were pretty standard: free wifi, a little kitchenette, a tv, toiletries, all items Leo was used to seeing in a hotel room. But there were a couple of unique resources as well, such as free nesting blankets, a bundle of air fresheners, blackout curtains, and even the guarantee of fresh food delivered to the room three times a day, all left at the individual's door to pick up at their convenience. There was no doubt about it anymore: He had found a heat hotel, as they were so crudely nicknamed.
But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to stay there. The consequences were far too great for him to risk, especially when he had an infant daughter he’d be leaving behind. As useless as he was, she still needed him. If he left…if he left…
He might die. He probably would die. Heat sickness was nothing to scoff at, if Charlie’s many stories were anything to go off of, and he was sure to experience it if he spent too much of his heat without his mates. His body wouldn’t be able to handle the stress. It was better to just bite the bullet and let his mates take care of him. They had handled his heat before, and they could do it again. Maybe there would be some issues to work out, but after all he had done for the pack, didn’t Leo deserve to be a little selfish? Hadn’t he earned some well-needed pampering from his mates after spending so much time caring for everyone else? Couldn’t they afford to focus on Leo, just this once?
…
…It couldn’t hurt to look, could it?
Before he could stop himself, Leo had already scrolled back up to the welcome message, his heartbeat thrumming against the pads of his fingers. They probably wouldn’t have any room for him, not with his heat so close to hitting, but maybe if they had an opening, maybe if he left within the next couple hours…
He hit the book now! button, and waited.
The hotel’s main page was immediately replaced by a list of rooms of various shapes and sizes, all of them open for rental. Below each room was a notice for its earliest check in. Some were only accessible in the later hours of the day, but others were already free, ready to be used by their guest whenever they arrived. All it took was one click and they’d be booked, set aside for a few precious hours before they were occupied for a long, arduous week.
A strange dizziness settled over Leo. He was barely aware of his fingers leading him to a room, the first one listed as currently available. It was a smaller room, not too expensive, much nicer than Leo would have expected from a hotel of this nature. It would be perfect for his purposes, about as comfortable as an isolated room could be during his cycle. All it needed were some of his nesting blankets, and he’d be as set as he could be…minus the whole heat sickness thing. Maybe some snacks and water bottles, but other than that, it looked to have everything he could want, if he needed to book the room. Which he didn’t. He had a room, had a nest, here in his apartment with his mates. He didn’t need to frolic off somewhere completely unfamiliar just to appease his pack in insignificant ways.
…
…It was open. It would be a shame to waste such an opportunity, especially when it would fix most of Leo’s issues. He could push through a little illness for the sake of his mates. He’d managed to handle a lot for his pack, what was one more little sacrifice? He’d probably be fine. He was strong. It would suck, but he’d be able to keep himself from getting too bad if it really came down to it. The worst he could do was die. It wasn’t a big deal. He wasn’t worth the trouble.
There was no more hesitation left in Leo’s mind. He booked the room.
Too late to back out now.
…
The bath had long since been drained by the time Leo exited the bathroom, steam billowing out from behind him. His body was just beginning to recover from the water’s heat, but his clothes still rubbed uncomfortably against skin, stifling whatever fresh air had managed to slip through the cracks in their holes. Squeezed under his armpit was his computer, steam-strained, but otherwise unscathed. The blanket he’d discarded now rode high on his shoulders.
As far as appearances went, he looked normal.
An hour and a half had passed since Leo had started his bath. It was a hard fact to forget when the fuzzy red numbers on the bedside clock worked diligently at reminding him of how much time he had wasted. He could see the numbers now, burned into his retinas as he edged closer to the nest. 1:30 PM.
Leo closed his eyes and sighed, falling bonelessly onto the nest. The headache hadn’t left; in fact, it had only gotten worse since stepping into the cool apartment air. Could temperature do that to a person’s head? Probably. Leo didn’t know. He didn’t feel well enough to look it up. He hadn’t felt well since closing his computer, not even when he stepped back into the still-warm water he had abandoned minutes before. Lord, had he really done that? Had he really booked a hotel room, despite all rationality screaming not to? Was he really that dumb? Was he really that much of a pushover, screwing himself over just to save his mates from the slightest inconveniences? What was wrong with him? Was he really that pathetic, that self-destructive, that moronic–
…Stop. He couldn’t think about it anymore. What was done was done. He couldn’t change the past. He needed to focus on the future, on his plan for the next few hours. He only had so much time before Ren got home, after all. Four and a half hours, to be exact. He needed to focus.
Here were the facts: Leo had roughly four hours before Ren came home. That meant he had four hours to find a way out of the apartment without Rain stopping him or worse, finding out what he was up to. Not only that, but he had to find a way to pack up the few necessities he would need and bring them to his car without his mate seeing. He had a suitcase he could use, so that part wasn’t an issue, but it was big and clunky. Rain would surely hear it if he tried to drag it out of the house, even if he was in a different room. And that didn’t even account for how easy it would be for him to notice Leo packing up. One look at the open suitcase and the jig would be up. Something needed to be done, and it needed to be done soon.
The most pressing problem was this: How could Leo distract Rain long enough to keep him from discovering his plan? Rain was easily excitable, but he wasn’t a pup. If Leo tried something and it came off even the slightest bit unnatural, Rain would grow suspicious. And even if it came off as genuine, what would keep the beta distracted long enough for Leo to pack? Who would watch Rachel? She was certainly distracting, but not consistent enough to rely on. So what was he supposed to do? He needed something, but what could he possibly use? Think Leo, think…
“Hey Leo, you out of the bath?”
Shit.
“Yeah, I’m out.” Leo quickly pushed his computer aside, leaving it lying innocently behind him. He could hear Rain shuffling around in the living room, his light footsteps growing closer. “What’s up?”
Rain appeared in the doorway, his bright smile already present on his face. Rachel was blinking blearily next to his chin, swaying to and fro in her father’s hold. “Nothing much, just wanted to see if you were ok. How’s the head?”
“...Not too bad. Still hurts, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Sympathy crept into Rain’s eyes, although his smile never faded. He tiptoed closer to the nest. “I’m sorry, bug. Headaches are the worst. Is it stress, do you think? Anything I can do for it?”
It took all of Leo’s willpower to keep his eyes from rolling. Instead, he scooched over, patting the bed beside him. If only Rain knew. “Nah, I think it’s just random. It happens sometimes. And unless you’re Charlie, I can’t imagine there’s much you can do. I already took meds, so I just have to wait it out.”
A snort left Rain’s nose as he sat down, bumping Rachel’s body softly against Leo’s. “Well I would offer to call him, but I imagine he’s dealing with much worse than headaches right now. You think you’ll be alright until he gets back home?”
“Probably,” Leo chuckled, holding out his hands in a silent demand. He waited for Rain to return the gesture before carefully lifting his sleepy daughter from his mate’s grasp. She snuggled closer to his neck almost instantly, murmuring something incoherent under her breath. Poor thing. She always got sleepy after having a bottle. “Hey, you want a break from watching over her? You’ve been taking care of her all day without help while I’ve been over here taking baths.”
“That’s actually something I wanted to ask you.” Rain rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, tickling the sole of Rachel’s foot without much reaction. She wasn’t in the mood, it seemed. “I know you’ve got a headache right now, but would you mind watching her for a little? Just while I shower! I haven’t washed myself since yesterday morning, and I’m starting to feel the grease.”
Leo froze, temporarily forgetting the subtly he was supposed to be emulating. This was it. This was the opportunity he had been drumming up in his head, sealing his fate for a second, more final time. Was this fate’s way of blessing his decision? “Yeah dude, of course! You don’t even need to ask. I’ve got her for as long as you need and then some. No headache is gonna keep me away from my daughter!”
Rain beamed, jumping off the edge of the nest. “Thanks! I promise I won’t take forever, but if you need something while I’m gone just give me a shout!”
“Will do!” Leo forced himself to breath, smiling reassuringly at his mate as he made his way to the bathroom. He didn’t let up until he heard the lock on the bathroom door click into place. His mate was gone. Distracted. His chance was here, staring him right in the face, with nobody to stop him. He was alone.
…Well, not completely alone.
Rachel let out a tired babble from beside Leo’s head, breaking him out of his thoughts. Right. He still had his daughter with him. Not ideal for what he intended to do, but it was fine. He’d just carry her around while he packed. She wouldn’t get in the way so long as he didn’t jostle her too much. It would be fine. Probably.
Before he could think too hard about what he was doing, Leo leapt up from the bed and made his way to the closet. He paid no mind to the hand grabbing at the back of his hair, instead unhooking the grey baby sling Ren had purchased off of the back of the closet’s door. It was a simple device: Two straps connected to a thick cradle of fabric with neat little leg holes decorating the bottom. Perfect for carrying Rachel around, especially while there were chores to be done. Ren had thought well when he decided to buy it.
It was difficult to get the sling on with Rachel in his arms, but Leo managed, shifting her around as needed until the sling sat comfortably against his chest. A moment later, and Rachel had settled into the sling, hugging Leo’s torso nervously as she got used to the new hold she was in.
That was one thing settled. Now for the suitcase.
The suitcase lay abandoned in the back of the closet, gathering dust under the pack’s clothes. It took little time for Leo to drag in into the open, the soft carpet muffling any noise the dragging wheels would have made. Still, Leo couldn’t help but glance nervously at the bathroom door, only dropping the suitcase when he was sure Rain hadn’t heard anything.
A small babble interrupted the sound of shower water hitting fiberglass. Rachel was staring up at Leo, smiling and gasping erratically as she flapped her hands against Leo’s shirt.
Despite the situation, Leo couldn’t help but smile. His sweet baby girl. She had no idea what was going on, but she was still happy to be there. She would never know of the strife her dad was going to face in the name of keeping her safe. To her, this was all just another exciting adventure. “Hey tiny. You gonna help me pack?”
Rachel didn’t respond. She simply cooed happily, swinging her legs back and forth against the restraints of the sling.
“That’s a good enough answer for me,” Leo said, kissing her tenderly on the head. “Come on, let’s get this done before your dad gets out of the shower, ok?”
He made quick work of packing, throwing the few essentials he would need into the open suitcase without bothering to fold them. There wasn’t much to bring; just a couple pairs of clothes and some nesting blankets to soothe him. They all landed in a disorganized pile, not nearly large enough to keep the suitcase from closing when the time came. The most stressful part was making sure Rain was still in the shower, but other than that, most of Leo’s packing was fairly easy, save for when Rachel decided she wanted to try and stuff a piece of fabric in her mouth. Soon enough Leo was zipping up the case, watching his meager belongings disappear behind tiny metal teeth.
It was time for the riskiest bit.
Leo scooped up the suitcase handle in one fluid motion, shooting one last anxious look at the bathroom door. He could hear Rain shuffling around in the shower, but was he really going to stay there long enough for Leo to make it back from his errand? What would happen if he came out while Leo and Rachel were still outside, completely out of sight? Would he freak out and call the others? Or try to call Leo? Surely he wouldn’t be ok with his mate's short absence, would he? Even if he was, there would be questions, questions Leo didn’t have convincing answers to. Besides, he hated lying. Would he really be able to lie to his mate if it came down to it? Probably not, if his perception of himself was rooted in reality. His plan would be completely ruined, with no hope of a new one in sight. Could this really be the best chance he was gonna get?
The omega’s feet remained glued to the floor for another second or two before he managed to pry them free, swiftly making his way to the door. No, he couldn’t think like that. This was as good as he was gonna get. It was stupid to waste time wishing for a better one when he knew full well it would never arrive. He had his shot, and he could either take it, or waste it by worrying about anything that could go wrong.
He knew which option he was going with.
Exiting the apartment was by far the most stressful part of Leo’s little plan. The apartment was determined to make every noise it possibly could as Leo traversed the living room. Floorboards creaked beneath his feet, the wheels on the suitcases squeaked with every step, even the apartment door slammed a little harder than Leo meant it to once he removed his hand from its handle. It was a miracle Rain didn’t hear any of the noise despite the shower water pelting his ears, and yet Leo remained unseen, making his way to the stairwell without much difficulty. Not that the stairs were much better; the sound of plastic wheels on concrete echoed in Leo’s ears long after he had left the last step behind.
At least Rachel was having fun. She had taken to cooing happily with each step taken, finding great amusement in her father’s bouncy descent.
Soon enough, Leo had reached his car. He wasted no time in popping the truck and throwing his suitcase in, but he slowed down just enough to make sure he didn’t hurt Rachel’s ears when he lowered the trunk back down. His stuff was safe now, hidden away from the prying eyes of any passersby. He was still in the danger zone, but the absence of his suitcase would make his endeavor easier to explain, assuming Rain found out. He didn’t have to worry about his full plan being exposed anymore. All he had to do was come up with a good cover story. Maybe he could pretend he left something in the car? It would look weird if he returned emptyhanded, but if he acted like he was wrong…
…He’d cross that bridge if it came to it.
The climb back up to the apartment was much easier without the weight of the suitcase dragging Leo down. It took no time at all for him to traverse the perilous steps, Rachel clinging to his shirt all the while. Within a minute, he’d managed to get back into the apartment, barely registering the door creaking shut as he surveyed the area. He could still hear the shower water running, small traces of steam swirling through the stagnant air.
Rain was still in the shower.
Leo staggered toward the couch and collapsed onto his back, breathing out a deep, relieved sigh. The strange dizziness from before was back, as well as his pounding headache. Still, he'd done it. He’d gotten his suitcase into his car without any issues. He hadn’t alerted Rain to his plan. He had done it, and he could feel the exhilaration from his endeavor rushing through his bloodstream with every pump of his heart.
But as victorious as he was, he couldn’t ignore the guilt slowly pooling in his stomach, slowly overtaking any feelings of accomplishment he’d managed to scrounge. He hated sneaking out behind his mate’s back. He hated keeping things from his pack, no matter how justified he felt it was. And above all else, he hated how pathetic he was, how jarring the experience had been for him, how terrible his idea was in the first place. He hated himself, and he hated his body for deciding that now was the time to send him into heat. Why couldn’t he be blessed with a normal cycle for once?!
A hand slapped at Leo’s chest and he looked down. From below, Rachel was trying to wiggle closer, her penetrating eyes staring straight through Leo’s skull.
Another flash of guilt hit Leo. Lord, that was another thing. He was leaving his baby behind. She wouldn’t see him for a whole week. Even longer, if something went wrong. Which it inevitably would, considering the risks. She couldn’t possibly understand why he was leaving, and there was no way to explain it to her. How would she fare with his absence? Would she know something was wrong? Would she even notice he was gone? Would she forgive him for leaving? How could he possibly make up for the grief he was about to cause? If something happened to him, how would…If something happened to him…
…He wouldn't die. He couldn’t die. He’d probably get sick, but he wouldn’t die. He refused to. Not when he knew what it was like to lose a dad. The world would come to an end before he let Rachel suffer that pain. That alone would keep him going, helping him push through the haze of sickness he was sure to fall into. He was strong. He wasn’t weak enough to let himself be taken out by a stupid cold. It was only heat sickness, after all. How bad could it possibly get?
He’d be fine. He always was. Besides, he still had time to back out, if he deemed it necessary. It was only 1:56 PM. He had time.
He had time.
“Yo, Leo? Where’d you go?”
Leo turned his head, surprised. It looked like he’d gotten back just in time. “In the living room. You done showering?”
A moment of silence followed Leo’s words before Rain’s head popped around the corner of the bedroom’s doorway, his flattened hair still dripping water. “Yup! Sorry for taking so long. The water was supppperrrrrr nice. How’re you two doing? Getting some good bonding in, I hope?”
“Of course we are!” Leo snorted, struggling to his feet. He’d forgotten how weird it was to try and stand with extra weight on his chest. “We’ve been having a great time here, haven’t we tiny?”
Leo bounced the pup sling in emphasis, earning a rather loud laugh from the infant resting against his chest. He couldn’t help but laugh himself, the stress of the past couple hours melting away at the sound of his baby’s joy. Maybe everything would turn out fine. He wouldn’t let himself lose this, not as long as he had breath in his body. He had at least one thing to live for. He wouldn’t let his daughter lose a parent so young. He swore it. Not when it meant missing out on moments like this.
Arms wrapped themselves around Leo’s torso, a chin softly nudging at his scalp. “She’s easily entertained, isn’t she?”
Rain had left enough room between himself and Leo to allow Rachel some space, but Leo could still feel the familiar drip of water on his shoulder, cold as ice on his sensitive skin. The contact was nice. Leo had missed Rain’s touch. He’d missed any touch. He could almost forget what he was about to do, so long as his mate kept holding him so tenderly. “She is. I could hold her in front of the window for hours and she’d never get bored. How was the shower?”
“....Mm.” Rain hummed, swaying Leo back and forth. Leo could almost hear him closing his eyes, a look of bliss certainly crossing his face. “Warm. Refreshing. Would have been better with you in it, though.”
Leo nuzzled closer, flicking Rain’s arm in the process. “I’m sure. But I had more important things to do. Someone here can’t be left on their own without supervision.”
As if on cue, Rachel grunted from between her dads, swinging her legs around as far as her sling would allow her to. She managed to catch Rain in the chest, drawing an elongated oof from his lips.
“Hey! Haven’t we taught you that kicking your dads is rude?”
To Leo’s displeasure, Rain pulled away. He didn’t seem to be bothered by his daughter’s violence; instead, he was laughing, grabbing onto Rachel’s still-swinging foot as it tried to land another blow.
“Come on, you can do better than that! If you’re gonna kick me, you might as well put some more strength into it!”
“No, you’re not gonna beat up your dad.” Leo backed away, taking Rachel with him. She continued to kick into the air, but it was futile: Rain was already out of range, falling back onto the couch as he laughed. “You were behaving so nicely for me earlier, what happened? Where did my sleepy baby go?”
Rain chuckled, patting the seat beside him. “I think Charlie’s been teaching her some moves. Why else would she go for me specifically?”
A small murmur of agreement left Leo’s mouth as he sat down beside his mate, his hands occupied by the infant’s swinging legs. A comfortable sort of silence was settling in the gaps of conversation. It was the perfect balm for Leo’s headache, alongside Rain’s warm touch. Already Leo could feel Rain’s arm crawling around his shoulders, pulling his body closer, inch by inch.
For once, he felt at peace.
“Hey,” Rain whispered after a moment, his voice soft with affection. His hand had taken to rubbing soft circles on Leo’s arm, the thumbnail dragging a solid line in Leo’s skin. “Besides the kicking, Rachel’s behaving abnormally well. You wanna watch a movie with me while we still have some peace?”
Despite the quiet, Leo felt an inkling of hesitation creeping over his brain. Was right now really the best time to relax? He had a couple hours before he officially had to head out, but could he afford to let his guard down before then? What if Ren came home early? What if Rain somehow picked up on his weird scent? What if his preheat ended early, and he wasn’t able to drive to the hotel? How could he possibly worm his way out of any unseen scenario with so little spare time?
…Fate had been on his side so far. There was no reason to think it would change any time soon.
“Sure. What do you wanna watch?”
As Rain scrolled through their streaming services, desperately searching for a movie they could watch with Rachel present, Leo leaned further into his seat, fighting off the thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm his brain. There were so many things that could go wrong before he left. There were so many unpredictable variables, so many ways he could be found out before he managed to leave. But he couldn’t think about that now. He refused to think about it. The next week was going to be nothing short of a living hell for him. He deserved to have a little time with his mate and daughter before he left. He deserved to have a moment of peace, just one fresh memory he could hold on to while he was struggling to stay sane. Life could let him have a nice moment before screwing him over. And if he got caught? Well, you couldn’t win them all.
Leo snuggled closer to Rain, making sure Rachel had enough room to move at her leisure. Yeah, a movie wasn’t too bad of a way to spend his time. It would only take a couple hours. He was fine. He had time. Everything would work out.
Everything would work out.
…
It was five o’ clock by the time Leo decided to leave.
He and Rain were still lounging on the couch, Rachel sleeping comfortably on the beta’s chest. Leo couldn’t remember how she had gotten there; all he knew was that one movie had somehow turned into two, and now he was here, watching the end credits to a movie he had barely paid any attention to. They had switched positions a couple times, he was sure, but for the most part they had rotted there, only getting up when Rachel needed to be fed or changed. They had fallen into their own little world, soaking up each other' s presence while they poked fun at the movies on screen.
And then he checked the small digital clock under their tv, shooting it an almost flippant glance, and the world they had curated around themselves crumbled around him. He had exactly one hour before Ren was supposed to come home. Less than that, if he was being realistic. He had stayed too long.
Still, he couldn’t panic. He had to remain calm, even when his brain was screaming that he had to act now, that he had to leave while he still had a chance. Rain was preceptive: He’d pick up on Leo’s anxiety the second he let something slip. A plan needed to be made, and fast.
It was a shame Leo sucked at acting natural.
“I’m gonna go use the bathroom real quick,” Leo yawned, stretching his limbs out in front of him. He turned his gaze towards his mate. “You gonna be ok here for a minute?”
“Mm.” Rain’s eyes were closed, a small, blissful smile stamped on his face. He had a steady hand on Rachel’s back, keeping her firmly in place on his chest. Not that she was going anywhere, anyway. “Go piss. I’m cool here.”
Leo rolled his eyes, but took the opportunity to get up off the couch. “Will do.”
The last sunrays of the day were streaming in through the kitchen window, turning every surface they touched into a shimmering gold. Leo’s eyes smarted in their light, but he quickly made his way to the outskirts of his bedroom, the shadows protecting him from any more blinding beams. He had a couple minutes to himself now. That should be more than enough time for him to figure out a plan. All he had to do was think of a way to leave without triggering any red flags in Rain’s mind. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?
But as Leo sat on the toilet bowl, stalling for as much time as he could naturally have, he was realizing that it wasn’t going to be as easy as he hoped. There was no way he’d be able to sneak out without Rain finding out, that was for certain. But what excuse could he give that would be convincing enough? He couldn’t say he was going to the store; his prolonged absence would quickly worry his mate. He couldn’t say he was going to a friend’s place either. It would be easy to disprove if his mates got a hold of his supposed host. Besides, he didn’t want to outright lie. He hated lying to his mates. Their whole relationship was built on trust. If he couldn’t be trusted, then what reason would they have for keeping him around?
He’d just have to settle for something vague. It was all he could do without breaking his mates’ trust.
Sighing, Leo finished up in the bathroom. His shoes were laying by the door, and he took the opportunity to put them on. He didn’t have any more time to spare. All he could do was cover his tracks and wing the rest. He had done what he could on such short notice; it was up to fate to do the rest.
There was a bottle of air freshener sitting on the dresser, as well as his car keys and wallet. Leo quickly pocketed the keys and wallet and grabbed the spray bottle. He sprayed a generous amount of air freshener on the nest, putting special focus on the blankets he’d touched that day. The more of his scent he could cover, the better. He didn’t need to send his mates on a wild goose chase because he forgot to cover his pre-heat scent.
Rain and Rachel were still on the couch when Leo emerged from the bedroom. Rain had opened his eyes at the sound of Leo’s footsteps, but Rachel remained as asleep as ever, undisturbed by her fathers’ movements. “You good?”
“Mm.” Leo swallowed, taking a few casual steps forward. Now was the moment. He was out of time. If he was going to leave, he needed to do it now. “Hey, sorry to spring this on you now, but something just came up. I gotta leave for a bit. Will you be ok watching Rachel by yourself until Ren gets back?”
Concern immediately lit up Rain’s face at Leo’s words. He sat up a little, careful to not jostle Rachel too much. “Yeah, I can take care of her no problem, but what’s up? Is everything all right?”
Leo took a deep breath, forcing himself to smile reassuringly. “Yeah, nothing too serious, just something I have to take care of for a bit. I’ll catch you up when I get back, ok?”
“...Yeah. Please do.” Rain didn’t seem the least bit satisfied at Leo’s answer, but he nodded hesitantly, worry still clearly etched across his face. “Nothing I gotta worry about, right? You’ll be ok? Or, I don’t know, whoever else you might be with?”
“Yeah! I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything.” Leo made his way to the door, turning to give his mate one last look. All the air had been squeezed out of his lungs, with very little rushing to replace it. Lord, was Rain really letting him get away with this? Wasn’t he even a little bit suspicious? “I’ll see you soon, alright?”
Rain raised his hand, blowing Leo a kiss over Rachel’s little head. “Good. Love you babe!”
Leo knew he should turn back now. He knew he should stay inside the apartment and tell Rain that he was joking, that he didn’t actually need to leave. He knew he should give his mate one last kiss before he left, reassure him a little more that everything would be fine. He knew he should have picked his sleeping baby up and held her one last time, before he left her for what would be a very confusing, scary week for her. He knew he should have done something, anything, to keep himself from going where he was about to go. But he didn’t. Instead, he shot one last “I love you!” Rain’s way, and then he was gone, shutting the door softly behind him.
He could barely feel his feet moving as they tramped down the complex’s stairs for the second time that day, nor as they carried him across the asphalt of the parking lot. His nerves were far too overwhelming for him to focus on anything else. It was a miracle he managed to get to his car without stumbling over himself in the process. He was only able to relax once he collapsed in the front seat of his car, hands shaking as they gripped the steering wheel for dear life. What was he doing? Was he really going through with this? After all the downsides he had come up with? Knowing full well he could die, leaving his mates and daughter one pack member down? Didn’t he value his life at all? Didn’t he value his pack at all? What was wrong with him? He couldn’t do this, he didn’t want to die, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this–
…
…
…It was always going to end up like this. He had to acknowledge that. He didn’t matter as much as the pack did. He had to make a couple sacrifices to keep the pack satisfied, he knew that. This was the best course of action. He needed to stop being selfish and leave before he made life worse for everyone. His pack didn’t need him, especially not when he was in heat. He’d be fine. He had to be. He was stronger than some sickness. He could handle this. It was just another challenge life had decided to throw at him. He didn’t need the pack to fight his battles for him. They would be happier without him there to drag them down. Leo was nothing but a nuisance, a piece of filth they kept around for no reason other than pity. Him leaving was the best case scenario. He would be fine. Everything would be fine.
This was what was best for everyone.
Leo took a deep breath, and started the car.
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