Chapter Text
Flashbacks of blood plagued Oikawa’s mind as he once again, fitfully tossed and turned. Gunshots, screaming, and the squeaking of cleats against hardwood floors rang through his ears. It was rare if he got a full nights sleep nowadays, and if he did manage to get to sleep, blood was all he saw, and the noises were all that he heard. At this point, it just seemed pointless to try. He knew that eventually his body would give out, and by pure exhaustion, he would pass out, so he just laid awake each night, waiting for the sweet release of the dark.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know exactly what he would see if he shut his eyes, he knew he would see…him, but seeing him gave the all clear for certain thoughts to make their way into mantras he wouldn’t be able to forget. At least if he was awake, he had a little bit of control over which images he would see of his best friend.
Iwa-Chan…
God…he missed Hajime so much. There wasn’t a night he didn’t see him, standing in the corner of the still unfamiliar bedroom, just staring at him. He never said anything, and according to the others, that was a good thing(because hallucinations shouldn’t be saying anything, but apparently they shouldn’t be happening at all, so why were there rules against it), but Oikawa wasn’t too sure. If he wasn’t saying anything, did that mean that he was really dead? Was this just his ghost taunting him? Was this what he deserved? A constant reminder of the one he failed to save.
If Hajime was here, he would’ve smacked him for even thinking something like that. Or better yet, he would’ve threatened to punch him over and over again until the message sank in that he wasn’t thinking the way that he should.
He turned on his side and clutched a fistful of his blanket, struggling to muffle the sobs that never seemed to stop pushing through his body.
When had he become so weak?
When had he turned into the worst version of himself?
He shouldn’t be crying. This was his fault. Nothing he was doing now was going to make the person in the corner real. Wasn’t going to make him be able to come over and give Oikawa the comfort he knew that he didn’t deserve.
He should’ve looked longer. He should’ve done more than running away like a coward.
This was all his fault.
“Tooru?” He looked up to see Suga standing in his doorway, well makeshift doorway. It was an aggressively torn at curtain draped over about 10 toilet paper roles taped together. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best that they could manage in a time where leaving their abandoned train station wasn’t exactly ideal.
Suga and Daichi were unfortunate enough to get the spot right next to him, so whenever he would be having a bad night, he would usually have a ‘surprise’ appearance from one of them. It was sweet, that they cared, but he wished that they didn’t. He wished that they weren’t burdened with worrying about him every night.
Although, usually they wouldn’t have to worry as much because surprisingly he had a boyfriend that would sleep next to him, but by stupid rotation, he was out on a raid, and wouldn’t be back until later that week. That left his bed(mattress) cold, half empty, and lonely.
“I’m fine Suga, you can go back to bed, Daichi is probably already missing you.” He managed to force out a half assed chuckle at the end in an attempt to push him back to bed, but based on the second figure that appeared at the doorway right after, he knew that he wasn’t going to get out of it that easily.
Had they planned this?
Was this some sort of ambush?
It honestly, shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. They had stepped into the job of playing parents well. Apparently, according to the others that played with them in the past, Kageyama, they had always been like this, even before they started dating officially. Sadly, Kageyama was the only other member of Karasuno that they had managed to find after the announcement had been made, and surprisingly they had only found Kageyama because Oikawa had somehow managed to signal their location to everyone but the people coming after everyone. Somehow, they had lost the rest of their team in the panicking crowds.
Kageyama had taken it the hardest, having lost Hinata in the crowds, and then feeling like it was his fault that they hadn’t found him, or the rest of their team. That somehow, if they were dead, that everyone would attack him for it. Him and Oikawa found common ground on that. Somehow, they had managed to bond in the months that followed the announcement. He found himself with this urge to protect him, the way that he should’ve been able to protect the others.
“Get out of your head.” He jumped back, startled at Daichi and Suga, who had gotten way closer than they had been minutes prior. The back of his head hit the brick behind him hard, and he winced when he put too much pressure on his knee in the process.
That stupid knee was the reason that he wasn’t allowed to leave the train station. He wasn’t allowed to go on raids, or even leave the building without someone to make sure that he didn’t die because he couldn’t run fast enough. They were already in low numbers with there only being eight of them in this group. Half of their group was out, leaving only Daichi, Suga, Kageyama, and himself behind.
It sucked.
He wanted to help, he wanted to be of some use more than just his newfound skills in the kitchen.
But because of that first day, because of that asshole that stepped on his knee, he most likely wouldn’t be able to do things like that for a long time. If everything was still the way it was months ago, he probably would’ve been out the rest of his senior year on the team. Everything would’ve been gone. But then again, if the announcement hadn’t happened, his knee wouldn’t have been trampled in the chaos and he’d be fine right now…
He’s be fine right now.
…
”Hajime!” He screamed, through the hundreds of people dashing by him. The rest of his team should’ve been on his mind, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t see the familiar blue anywhere, which meant that he was the only member of Aoba Johsai in sight.
He couldn’t help but need his best friend. He had never thought that there would be a scenario where he wouldn’t have his best friend standing right next to him. The two of them against anything that would come their way. He hadn’t prepared himself for the day where he would actually be alone.
He didn’t want to be alone.
Every single person sped by him like a blue. Some wore jerseys, but he could barely make out the colors of the shirts, much less the names on the back of them.
What was even happening?
Who were the people with guns swarming the back of the room, slowly moving in as if they were predators stalking their prey?
And most importantly, where the hell was Iwaizumi?
In his lack of attention, he found himself being knocked to the ground, unintentionally, by people running. He shielded his head with his hands, desperately trying to avoid being kicked but, in the process, failed to protect the rest of his body, which did indeed get trampled. Including, a foot that found its way into stepping straight onto his knee brace.
He screamed out in pain, but no one seemed to hear him.
If he stayed on the ground, things were only going to get worse, and he couldn’t allow himself, or Iwaizumi, to be caught by whoever was invading them at the moment, even if he truly didn’t know who they were or what they were doing here in the first place.
Tears flooded in his eyes as he forced himself up from the ground, still praying that his teammate and best friend would appear, and call him a dumbass, or shittykawa for not finding him sooner.
He sucked in as much air into his lungs as he could manage, preparing himself to call out for his best friend once more, t hen he saw someone else huddled in the corner, protecting his head the same way that Oikawa had just been.
All he could make out was the orange and black jersey, meaning that they were from Karasuno. He debated on staying where he was so he could continue looking for Iwaizumi, but he knew that if Iwaizumi was in his position, he would do anything to help someone that looked like they were in trouble. So that’s what he did, he pushed through the people in his way and started running towards them, ignoring the growing pain in his knee.
As he grew closer, he saw the number on the jersey, and internally gasped when he realized exactly who he was running towards.
“Tobio!” He yelled as he shook the boy’s shoulders. He looked up at Oikawa and from the heartbroken look on his face, he knew that they were in similar situations, so once again ignoring the growing pain, he lifted him onto his back and told him to hang on as he barely dodged the guys with guns coming in their direction. He ran out of the gymnasium, only to be met with more chaos outside. There were more men with guns and they were cornering groups of people. He couldn’t make out any of the faces until he looked up and locked eyes with the one person people would bet on him leaving to die.
Ushijima Wakatoshi was currently being cornered by three men, but luckily, no one seemed to be looking his way, so with Kageyama hanging onto his back for dear life, Oikawa grabbed one of the volleyballs that had been thankfully discarded in the chaos and threw it as hard as he could at one of them. In that moment, he didn’t even grasp the realization that the volleyball he had just thrown would likely be the last one he ever threw. Luckily, Ushijima took that as his cue and got to the other two while they were distracted with Oikawa.
The three of them barely managed to get off the property and into an alleyway before someone else saw them, but they did. Kageyama’s grip around his neck was enough to have him gasping for air, but that wasn’t his priority. His priority was making sure that they hadn’t been followed by any unwanted attention, but before he could take another step, he felt the increasingly blinding pain shoot through his kneecap, and then Oikawa collapsed in pain, his barely functioning knee finally giving out on him. He barely managed to get Kageyama off of his back before he fell, narrowly avoiding another incident with his former underclassmen.
“Fuck!” He whisper yelled, being careful so that no one would hear and find the three of them.
Carefully, Ushijima managed to prop him up against the wall, and Kageyama sat down on the other side of him.
It was weird, seeing Kageyama this distraught. Even when they were back in middle school, and Oikawa wasn’t the nicest to him, or even when he swung at him, there wasn’t even a hint of fear in the younger’s eyes. Now that was the only expression clouding his features.
If himself from a couple hours prior could see what he was about to do, he would’ve probably thrown up, but he reached over and placed his hand, hopefully comfortingly, over the other’s shaking hands that were clasped together so tightly he thought that they might break.
“I know we don’t get along Tobio,” he spoke softly, ”and I know that’s my fault but I promise that I’m going to protect you,” he looked up at Ushijima,”and if we’re going to be runaways together,” a soft laugh escaped his throat,”I know that I have to stop hating you, so consider yourself on my good side.”
…
He hadn’t known it then, but those few words were going to completely change the course of his life.
”Is your knee still bothering you?” Daichi asked worried as he pulled back the blanket to reveal the dark bruising that had only gotten worse. If this was anything like normal, the bruising would fade eventually, but it had to get worse before it got better, and then he would be right back to pushing himself until he got to this exact position once again.
They already knew the answer, so Daichi just sighed and nodded before looking over at the crutches that leaned against the wall. They all knew that he hadn’t been using them like he was supposed to be.
Immediately wanting to change the subject, he found himself asking the one question he knew would do exactly that.
“How’s Tobio?”
They both looked at each other before sighing again and looking back at him.
“He’s about as well off as you’d think, but he’s still not talking. He hasn’t said a word since I’m guessing before you found him that day.” Kageyama also wasn’t allowed to go on raids funny enough, but it was because he had been mute since that day. He couldn’t give location, or sound off if he was hurt.
Suga, Daichi, and everybody else, were rightfully worried. They can’t exactly communicate with someone who refuses to communicate with them.
Truth is, he had said a couple of things since that day, and he has used other forms of communication, but his words were rare, and spoken only to Oikawa, and sometimes Ushijima.
Slowly, he pushed himself up off the bed, and grabbed his crutches, “I’m going to go check on him. Then, I promise I will get some sleep, but only if you guys stop worrying about me long enough to get some yourselves.”
They both nodded before pulling back the torn curtain to let him through. They both watched him struggle to get to Kageyama’s spot before retiring to bed themselves.
Just like he thought. Kageyama was sitting up in his bed, staring at the radio that Ushijima had given him before they had left last week. Now, Kageyama wasn’t supposed to have that radio, but everyone knew about it, and no one had taken it away from him yet, so he assumed that no one really cared that he had it anymore. He often found himself lounging around there, so he had been lucky enough to hear Kageyama communicate with Ushijima using Morse code, on a channel only the three of them knew about.
Kageyama had been hunched over that thing the entire time the group had been gone, and even though Ushijima had only radioed once, he refused to step away, feeling that the moment he stepped away would be the moment that something bad happened.
“Hey.”
At the sound of Oikawa’s voice, Kageyama looked up and acknowledged his presence before looking back down at the radio. In reality, this raid had taken longer than most. Usually they were gone for three, maybe four days tops, but revisiting the idea that they had been gone longer than a week was enough to rattle even the strongest looking person’s nerves a little bit. Which explained why Kageyama was so paranoid these days.
“Wow, the silent treatment? I’m hurt Tobio-Chan, I thought we were closer than that.” For extra dramatic effect, Oikawa proceeded to throw down his crutches and flop down on the mattress next to Kageyama.
Kageyama still refused to take his eyes off of the radio, even for a moment. He was starting to wonder if the kid had gotten up to shower at all in the last week and a half.
Probably not.
“If you want to get some sleep, I can take over radio duty. If anything comes through, I’ll wake you up, promise.”
Not that he thought that was going to work, but he figured that he’d give it a chance, seeing as there weren’t very many tactics that he could use. This was probably going to be one of those times that he was going to have to get creative.
”Alright Tobio-Chan, you leave me no choice,” Oikawa then used his left hand to distract Kageyama, before reaching forward with his right and stealing the radio. Instantly, Kageyama’s glare darkened before lunging at Oikawa.
Using his right hand, he pushed against Kageyama’s forehead, keeping him at arm’s length, whilst holding the radio as far out as he could.
”You can have this back once you stop molding in your clothes.”
…
Twenty minutes later, the one and only Kageyama came back into the room and snatched his radio back. Oikawa couldn’t help but notice that he was still in a towel and his hair was dripping all over his bed. So, out of good conscience, he snatched the radio back and pointed at the small stack of clothes in the corner.
…
Another five minutes had passed and this time, Oikawa had no other reason to take the radio away…
Sike.
“Alright, you can have this back in the morning. You haven’t slept in two days and I can’t really catch you when you pass out this time,” he motioned to his crutches, “And don’t worry, I will keep an eye on it for you while you sleep.”
He looked up from the radio to surprisingly find Kageyama already knocked out on his bed.
At least he didn’t pass out on the stove this time.
(It was a portable grill, and Oikawa caught him before he actually hit it, but that’s a story for another time)
Anyways…
Oikawa smiled before pulling his blanket up over his shoulders, and pushing himself off of his bed back over to his crutches.
“Sleep well Tobio-Chan.”
…
Back on his own bed, he found himself staring at the radio that he had placed next to the mattress on the floor.
They really should’ve been back by now.
He turned over on his side, away from the radio and closed his eyes, desperately trying to avoid the anxiety weighing in his chest that he wasn’t aware of before.
They’re fine
They’re fine
They’re fine
Shit.
He rolled over and grabbed the radio before bringing it close to his face and pressing down on the side button.
”Ushijima? Are you there?”
It wasn’t like he was expecting a response, but right now, he knew that he needed one.
”Oikawa? Why do you have Kageyama’s radio.”
The response made him jump, but his heart swelled just from hearing his voice.
“Tobio’s fine. I made him get some sleep.” He could feel a couple tears just from knowing that Ushijima wasn’t dead, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide his worry from the other boy.
”We’re going to be back soon. We just got caught up with a group of black suits, but everyone is okay.”
Somehow, he knew exactly what Oikawa was going to ask. He always knew what he was going to ask, even if Oikawa himself didn’t.
It hurt. Not knowing what was happening, or how long exactly, down to the second, it was going to be before the four of them came back. And it hurt that he was missing a fourth of him and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t even walk without the assistance of the dumbass crutches sitting in the corner.
“I miss you.” He choked out through tears that he could no longer push back. He brought his hand up to rest against his forehead, pushing back his hair with an unhealthy amount of force.
”Set the radio on the pillow next to you.”
Confused by the sudden direction, he complied and set the radio down and turned on his side so that he was facing the device, tears now sliding freely down to his pillow.
”Close your eyes.”
Once again, he complied, unsure of how any of this was going to help.
”Now take five deep breaths, and each time you breathe out, I want you to imagine that we’re still in the back of that truck on the hill. Back when this had just started,”
…
”Don’t you wish that we were back on that volleyball court. That none of this had ever happened,” Oikawa spoke, regretting speaking when he felt Ushijima’s grip around his body tighten, bringing his head to rest on the other’s chest. Oikawa could hear his heartbeat, he could feel his lungs inflate and deflate, and yet it still didn’t seem like any of this was real. Like it was a nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from, “I can still feel the ball in my hands, can still smell the rubber, can still hear the sound of shoes squeaking against the gymnasium floor. It all still seems…right there in front of me, I just can’t get to it. Do you know what I mean?” He pushed up from Ushijima’s chest to look the other man in the eyes.
He nodded and sat up on his elbows, “I know what you’re talking about, but I can’t answer whether or not I would change anything if I had the chance,” at Oikawa’s raised eyebrow he sighed and sat up more so that his back was pressed up against the back of the truck bed, “I miss Tendou, I feel a sort of responsibility for my team being missing, but if you hadn’t saved my life that day. If I hadn’t chosen to run with you and Kageyama, then I wouldn’t know you like I do now.”
He intertwined their hands together, and Oikawa pushed himself back against the back of the truck bed where Ushijima was sitting, he slowly dropped his head on his shoulder, allowing a few tears to escape.
“Promise me that I’m not going to lose you.”
The silence that followed Oikawa’s statement scared him. Why wasn’t he responding?
“I promise. As long as my heart beats, it will be with you.”
…
Oikawa found himself clutching the fabric of his shirt that rested on his heart.
”Sleep well, my love.”
The radio cut, and this time he knew that Ushijima had put it away, so that Oikawa would go to sleep.
“I love you..” He whispered to the man that he knew couldn’t hear him, but he knew that he knew.
He knew.