Baby's and magic

by TkMara

Summary:

After a night of drunken pleasure, Arthur and Merlin give in to their love. It shouldn't mean anything, but fate has other plans.

Chapter 1

Notes:

The characters may be a little different from canon, especially Merlin, but that's because of the pregnancy.

(NOTE: All of Merlin's habits during pregnancy were inspired by the way my mother acted during my brothers' pregnancy)

PROLOGUE

It was just another night like all the others, well, almost. Arthur was depressed about his father's condition and felt increasingly tense with the whole Morgana situation. Seeing his prince as nervous as he was, Merlin invited Arthur and the knights to the "Boar's Head" tavern. The food was disgusting, but the drinks were sensational, Gwaine could attest to that.

It was fun at first and even more fun at the end. Merlin and Arthur drank a little more than they should have and returned together to the prince's chambers. It ended exactly the way you're thinking, with both of them in bed and their clothes on the floor. It wasn't the first time it happened and Merlin hopes it won't be the last either, but it was the first time they didn't stop after one or two drunken kisses.

The prince's hands explored Merlin's entire body, touching every corner he could. Merlin could have stopped him. His prince would have listened if Merlin told him to stop, but he couldn't. Having Arthur touch him was addictive. Merlin loved being in his prince's arms, and maybe everything that happened after that night was Merlin's mistake, but it was the best "mistake" he had ever made, even though he couldn't see it at first.

The next day started off easy. Merlin woke up in the strong arms of his favorite idiot, and as soon as he managed to escape the other man's strong grip, Merlin got dressed and left the room to get Arthur breakfast.

Bonnie, the cook, was generous with Merlin and let him get a little more food than usual. He got twice as much sausage and twice as much blueberry and cheese muffins. Gwaine met him halfway and tried to steal some grapes, but Merlin managed to escape and run to Arthur's room again.

“Good morning lazy daisy, I brought…” Merlin trailed off when he saw Gwen and Arthur talking, it was nothing major, if it weren’t for Guinevere sitting on the bed next to Arthur and speaking softly. They had been courting for some time, Merlin knew that, he shouldn’t feel hurt that Gwen was in Arthur’s room, but she was, and he felt terrible about it. “Well… I’ll just leave this here then…”

Arthur didn’t seem to be aware of Merlin in the room, the hangover was probably getting to the man, Gwen gave Merlin a soft “good morning” but didn’t say anything else, perhaps at Arthur’s own request. With breakfast delivered, Merlin left the room without looking back.

It was wrong to feel jealous, Gwen would be the future queen and had the right to be close to the prince, but it still hurt to see the two of them together, I mean, not that Merlin expected last night to mean anything to Arthur, but... but he did, Merlin really thought that his and Arthur's first time would be worth something to the other man, but of course that was just nonsense.

“Merlin?” Gaius called as Merlin passed him and went straight to his room where he would spend the next few hours studying magic instead of thinking about everything he was feeling, at least until Arthur missed his servant and came looking for him.

The next few days, months maybe, were strange, Merlin would like to try to get back to normal, but he couldn’t, it was strange, he was so irritable, he never felt healthy, he was always nauseous, but it was almost impossible to stop eating, Gaius warned him more than once to take a break from eating, but Merlin was always hungry! On top of all that, Merlin was also always tired, he had lost count of how many times he had fought with Arthur and started crying in frustration in front of everyone, it was so humiliating, Arthur even apologized to him, Arthur never apologizes to anyone!

“Merlin” It’s Lancelot, he looks a little sweaty and there are some light injuries on his face, he had probably just come back from training with Arthur, Gaius said that the prince had been very angry in the last few weeks. “Hi, Gaius asked me to check on you, it seems like you don’t want to leave the room, what’s wrong?”

Lancelot looked worried, very worried, Merlin felt so loved when his friend looked at him like that, Merlin loved his friend very much.

“Merlin!” Lancelot got closer and Merlin couldn’t hold back his tears, it was so good to know that someone still loved him despite Merlin being so strange these past few days! “Hi, what’s wrong, please, why are you crying!?"

“It’s just…” He sobs and Lancelot gets even more scared, it wasn’t common to see Merlin cry, but he seems to be doing it a lot lately. “It’s just that I’m so happy that you’re worried about me, it means so much to me…”

“Oh” This surprises the knight. “Just for that? Merlin, of course I…”

“I know it’s a ridiculous reason to be crying, Lancelot!” Merlin whines louder and scares his friend when he stands up abruptly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m feeling so strange.”

The dark-haired man approached Merlin carefully, it was strange, but the whole room was closed and poorly lit, Lancelot couldn’t see anything, but from Gaius’s reports, everything was a total mess.

“Merlin, look at me, please, we’re all worried about you, talk to me.” Lancelot walks up behind Merlin and touches his shoulder gently, it’s a comforting touch, but for some reason Merlin seems to identify it as a dangerous touch, because when Lancelot least expects it he’s being thrown across the room. His body hits the window, thankfully closed, and falls to the floor.

The room lights up as the window frames fall to the floor. Lancelot recovers from the surprise blow and is surprised by the state of his friend’s room.

“Merlin, what…” The young wizard growls, not figuratively, but literally. Merlin is crouched down with all four limbs flexed in an animalistic manner, his teeth also visible and intimidating. Lancelot raises his hands in a peace sign. “Merlin, man, relax, it’s just me…” The sound of his voice seems to remind Merlin of where he is, because his friend blinks a few times, and it’s as if he’s coming to his senses.

“Oh gods, Lance, are you okay!? I knew I shouldn’t have let you get close, I was acting so weird!” And now he was crying again, it was like watching a dragon turn into a scared puppy in less than a second.

“Merlin, hey, it’s okay, I got too close fast, it wasn’t your fault.”

Lancelot tried to calm his friend down, but it was no use, after a few minutes he gave up, thinking that maybe crying would do the boy some good, but he still didn’t want to leave his friend alone, so he sat on the floor and busied himself observing Merlin’s room. Everything seemed relatively normal, I mean, Merlin had never been an organized man, but there were little things that weren’t expected, one of them was the frankly ridiculous amount of t-shirts and cloaks that were spread over the wizard’s bed, almost all of them in the color Pendragon red, clearly Arthur’s clothes that the prince had been complaining about being missing for a few weeks.

Merlin cried for hours and Lancelot felt like it was a great torture, someone as kind and lovely as the young wizard should not cry as terribly as Merlin was crying, it was almost like hearing a mother lament…

Oh…

OH…

“Gaius!” Lancelot stood up and ran out of the room, he needed to know if it was possible or if he was just tired and thinking too much. “Gaius!?”

The old doctor sighed at the shouting and turned to the knight, he looked exhausted, he was probably tired of all the knights and servants coming to his office to ask about Merlin.

“Hello, Sir Lancelot, what did Merlin do now that made you so agitated? He didn’t breathe fire, right?”

Lancelot decides to ignore the last part for the sake of his sanity, or what’s left of it.

“Gaius, I know what I'm going to say sounds crazy, but... but is there any possibility that Merlin is... you know, is...” He gestures desperately, it was a little inappropriate to say something like that about a pregnant woman, even if that pregnant woman was his friend, who theoretically shouldn't be pregnant.

Gaius doesn't seem the least bit surprised by Lancelot's ridiculous claim, in fact, the old doctor seems to be deeply judging Lancelot.

"Pregnant? Is that it? Do you think Merlin is pregnant?"

Lancelot nods a little shyly, it was a little uncomfortable to talk about, I mean, if Merlin was pregnant, did that mean he was actually a woman? How many times had Lancelot and the other knights changed in front of Merlin? Gods, it was embarrassing!

"Well, then... is she?"

"Hm, I don't know." Gaius shrugs and goes back to what he was doing before Lancelot arrived.

"Huh, how do you not know, is Merlin expecting a baby or not?"

"Honestly, sir Lancelot, I still don't know, I've done some standard tests, but they haven't shown up yet, although I must admit that my son shows many typical pregnancy symptoms."

Lancelot stares at Gaius in confusion.

"Boy?"

Gaius rolls his eyes, in his hand he has a glass of wine with a strange color.

"That's the biggest mystery, sir, you see, Merlin shouldn't be able to get pregnant, he's a man, he doesn't have a uterus, menstruation or anything like that, he shouldn't get pregnant, he doesn't even have the right genitals." The knight blushed a little at Gaius' lack of modesty when talking about Merlin.

"Well, but how could he..." Lancelot didn't need to think much, in fact, he already knew the answer "Magic? Can magic do that?"

Gaius shrugged again, his focus completely fixed on the wine glass.

"I mean, Arthur was born thanks to magic, there have been a few other similar cases, but I've never seen one where a man was the mother of a child. There's no uterus for gestation to occur and there's no vagina or..." Gaius' eyes widen, and the wine glass falls from his hand to the floor. "Oh, no."

"Gaius?" The old doctor's legs weaken and when the knight least expects it, the court physician faints in his arms. "Gaius! Merlin, help!"

Neither the apprentice nor the mentor answer the knight's call, Lancelot stops breathing and decides to lay Gaius on the bed so that the old man can rest safely.

As soon as the doctor's head hits the pillow, his eyes open.

"Gaius, hi, how are you? Do you need anything? What happened?"

The man doesn't answer, all Gaius does is look at Merlin's room and starts crying while muttering things like: "Oh, my sweet boy" or "Who did this to you" and "Oh, not before the wedding, son", with each mumble from the doctor Lancelot felt more terrified, was his friend okay? Was Gaius okay? What was happening?

"Gaius, please, you're scaring me, tell me what happened? What happened to that wine? Why did you faint?"

"Lancelot." The thin, wrinkled hand holds both of the knight's hands. "Merlin will need you now, more than ever..."

"Yes, yes, of course, I will be with him at all times, do not worry, but tell me, what is wrong with him?"

A tear escaped the doctor's eyes.

"Oh, Lancelot, my young man, he... he" Lancelot opened Gaius' hand, even though he was a knight, Lancelot had never felt so afraid for someone's life before, he did not know what would happen if Merlin died, Gwaine and Gwen would be devastated, Arthur would not be able to survive the loss.

"Speak, Gaius, please tell me what happened!"

Gaius spoke through his tears, he looked melancholic and happy at the same time, it was a strange expression.

"Oh, sir, Merlin is pregnant!"

It was Lancelot's turn to faint.

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Pregnant!

“Huh?”

Gaius sighed, they had been having this conversation for hours and Merlin still seemed to be in denial about his new bodily state.

“Son, pay attention, I need you to understand your situation, otherwise complications may occur, and your pregnancy may be compromised…”

“Gaius,” Merlin began slowly as if Gaius was a senile idiot, “I know you are a doctor, so I also know that you are aware of how human reproduction works…”

“Merlin…” The boy did not let his mentor continue.

“I am a man, Gaius, I know that sometimes I need to wear a dress or a skirt, but that does not make me a woman, understand?”

“Merlin, you are the one who does not understand, your body is not like others, you are…” The sorcerer stared at his uncle as he ate a cucumber dipped in honey, Gaius wondered if his apprentice was so oblivious to everything or if it was just denial, making him ignore all the signs. The doctor sighed and decided to try a new approach.

"Son, how many years have you been my apprentice?"

Merlin shrugs and bites into his honeyed cucumber.

"I don't know, about six, maybe seven?"

"Yes, and how many consultations and deliveries have you done?"

"Hmm, I don't know, it was a lot, especially Lady Damaris's, that lady really likes having children" Merlin scoffed, it's not that he didn't like the lady, but it was stressful dealing with the emotions of a pregnant woman, they were almost always angry due to the pains of pregnancy, or very upset because their husband was not around, sometimes they would even cry for hours when Merlin or Gaius said something wrong to them...

Gaius raised an eyebrow when he noticed Merlin's eyes widening.

“So, have you noticed any similarities between you and our patients, Merlin?”

The young man began to laugh nervously and dropped his jar of honey and his half-eaten cucumber.

“Oh, come on, uncle, this must all be a coincidence, so what if I’ve been a little more emotional these past few days…”

“You literally breathed fire after your last argument with the prince, Merlin.”

“I had every right to be angry with that one, that one…” His eyes began to water and his voice stuttered, “He’s an idiot, Gaius! He’s a damn idiot!”

And now the crying was back, wonderful. That’s what Gaius thought as he watched his son burst into tears for no apparent reason.

Honestly, his nephew must be a real idiot for being able to ignore all the evidence, anyone who didn’t know Merlin and saw him from a distance could tell that he was pregnant. Although the boy's belly hadn't grown yet, his skin was shiny and soft, moisturized not only by the pregnancy, but by the ridiculous amount of tears Merlin shed almost daily. In addition to his skin being more beautiful, Merlin's face was also rounder, and soon Gaius predicted a complete change in the boy's bust.

An hour of crying and complaining passed and Merlin was still emotional when talking about Arthur, and Lancelot was still passed out and showed no signs of waking up. Honestly, Gaius doesn't know what he did to deserve all this... ... ... Okay, thinking about it, he knows what he did to deserve this, but there was no reason for his karma to come out in full force!

"Uh, my head." The doctor and the apprentice turned to the knight lying on Gaius' bed. Lancelot had spent half the day passed out, while Gaius was in charge of breaking the news to his nephew.

"Lance?" The man turned when Merlin called his name. "Are you okay?"

“Merlin!” he cried, standing up, a little dazed from having just woken up. “Gods, you’re going to be a father… mother? You’re going to be the parents of a child! Congratulations, my friend!”

Oh, no. Gaius thought, although he was pleased with Sir Lancelot’s immediate acceptance, Gaius knew that this wasn’t the best time to congratulate the pregnant man who was in denial.

“Uh, Merlin?” From the hesitation in the knight’s voice, Gaius could only assume that he was right and that it was a bad idea to start the conversation this way.

“Well, Sir Lancelot, I’m going to go out and clear my head, and you can stay and take care of Merlin.”

“Huh!? No, no, Gaius, I don’t know what to do with a pregnant man!”

“Feed and water every hour.”

“But…”

“I’m not a plant that needs to be watered, and I’m not pregnant!” Merlin whined louder, and Gaius saw this as his chance to get out of there. He needed to see Geoffrey and pray that his friend still had some books on magical pregnancy hidden away.

A few guards and servants stopped Gaius a few times during his walk to the library, all of them scared and wanting to know how Merlin was, why he was crying and why Sir Lancelot refused to let anyone in to see the prince's lovely servant. Of course Gaius had to make something up, to the knights he said that Merlin was crying because of a fight he had with the prince, to the servants he said that Merlin was crying because he had a headache and that was why he needed to stay in his room. These were terrible lies, but the important thing was that they leave Gaius alone so he could get to the library.

There was only one flight of stairs left for Gaius to reach his destination, but since nothing in his life is easy, Gaius was forced to stop when he came across the young Lady Morgana.

"Milady," he greeted politely and from a safe distance.

"Hello Gaius, you were exactly who I was waiting for." She smiled, a smile so different from what Gaius knew, yet so similar to Uther's, Gaius felt a terrible shiver run down his spine.

"How can I help, my lady?"

"Nothing for me, don't worry, my nightmares stopped some time ago." She scoffed with a hint of anger in her voice, Gaius looked away. "Actually, I'm just curious, what happened to Merlin? I heard some interesting gossip, and I was dying to know the truth about the little traitor."

The old doctor took a deep breath and cleared his throat, he couldn't let the witch know about Merlin's current situation, who knows what she might do with that information?

"Merlin is..." Her eyes flashed gold and Gaius knew that this was her way of knowing if he was lying or not, using half-truths would have to work. "He's having trouble with parasites, so to speak."

"Huh?"

“Yes, you know, he drank too much and woke up to some indoor intruders, we found out earlier today, and Lancelot is struggling to calm him down at the moment.” The lady looked incredulous and a little irritated, she probably knows that Gaius is hiding some facts, but for now she will have to accept what he said.

“Parasites, of course.” She smiled falsely. “Well, I hope he gets better, good night, Gaius.”

“Good night, my lady.”

He waited until the young woman was out of sight and then made his way to the knights’ training grounds. It would be too risky to look for magic books when Morgana was around, and he could start looking for them alone. There shouldn’t be anyone on the training grounds, after all it was already past ten at night, so Gaius thought it would be a good place to think about what to do with Merlin and perhaps send a letter to Hunith as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as nothing was going in Gaius’ favor that day, as soon as he left the castle, Arthur got up from the floor where he was sitting and walked towards him with a serious expression and worried eyes.

“Gaius.”

“Sir.”

“How is Merlin? My men said he was injured, but the servants whispered about him having a headache. I assume you are lying about my servant's condition, I demand the truth." Oh dear, why did his apprentice have to be so loved? It seemed like everyone in the kingdom wanted to know about the boy!

"Sir, Merlin is..."

"Don't you dare lie to me, Gaius, please, I..." The prince hesitated, he looked different from usual, his face seemed thinner and his eyes were sunken, he looked a little sick, actually. "I haven't seen him since we fought a few weeks ago, of course I don't understand exactly what I said wrong, but it hurt him and... I'm just worried..."

A few years ago and Gaius wouldn't have believed that this man in front of him was the same boy he had seen grow up, cold and distant, full of arrogance and pride. A few years ago, Gaius wouldn't have believed that Arthur would care about someone's emotions, especially a "simple servant", but well, Merlin had that effect on people, Gaius could only be grateful that his son made a difference in the life of the future king, the kingdom had to be grateful, it was a shame to think that perhaps no one would ever know about Merlin's deeds.

The doctor sighed, he didn't want to lie to Arthur, not about the pregnancy. Even if Merlin refused to tell him, Gaius knew that the only person the young man loved was Arthur, the prince was the only one who could be the father of the baby Merlin was expecting.

"Gaius, please" The request sounded like Arthur was begging, it was heartbreaking, but Gaius couldn't bring himself to tell the truth.

"Arthur, I... I can't tell you."

Arthur's eyebrows furrowed, and his mouth twisted, he was trying to be angry, feeling anger was easier for Arthur than feeling sadness, normally the young man could put on his mask of fury and move on, but today it didn't seem to be the case, as much as Arthur was trying to feel angry at Gaius, maybe even Merlin, Arthur's eyes were watering, and he seemed angrier at himself than at anyone else.

The Pendragon turned his back and walked away without saying anything else.

Feeling more exhausted than when he left, Gaius decided that his best bet would be to return to Merlin and wait until the next day before doing anything. Of course, it wasn't any simpler when Gaius arrived at his office and saw Sir Lancelot's condition.

"Lancelot? What are you doing on the floor? Where is Merlin?!" The knight was lying on the floor and his clothes looked singed and torn, Merlin was certainly to blame for the situation.

"Gaius, I'm sorry, I tried to stop you, but it seems that the pregnancy has increased Merlin's physical strength..."

"Stop him? Stop him from what?" Lancelot stood up, still a little disoriented, Gaius would have to check if the man's head was having a seizure.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but one moment we were talking about his disgusting food cravings, and then he was standing up and talking nonsense."

"What kind of thing?"

“I didn’t quite understand, but it was something about Arthur and danger, I couldn’t quite make it out before he started speaking in a strange language...” The knight staggered, but didn’t fall. “I tried to hold him and make him stay here, but Merlin got angry and his face... his whole body started changing! His eyes and teeth... I-I don’t know! He looked so unlike a human!”

“Has he been gone for a while? I haven’t seen him walking the halls!” He asked, already heading back the way he came, this time accompanied by Lancelot.

“He left now, he’s probably looking for Arthur, but he... well, he didn’t go out the door...”

Gaius stopped in his tracks and turned to the knight, his expression confused as he asked, “If he didn’t go out the door, then where did he go?”

Lancelot sighed and pointed to the window.

“What...”

“I told you he had changed, he had wings, Gaius! Wings!”

Someone shouted in the distance, the sound of guards running was heard, and in less than two minutes, the warning bell began to ring and Arthur's voice echoed through the castle: “Dragon!”

 

Chapter 3

The dragon!

It was a strange feeling, one moment everything was fine, and the next Merlin felt the immense need to be by Arthur's side, it was almost physically painful to be away! That's why when Lancelot tried to stop him, Merlin got angry, not in the "I'm going to hit you" kind of way, but in the "I'm going to kill you if you try to stop me" kind of way. Merlin didn't understand why he was so angry with Lancelot, but he didn't have the time or patience to care about that now, now all that mattered was finding his prince and finding out what had caused him pain and anguish.

Merlin was above the castle, he didn't know exactly how he got there, but his instincts screamed at him to go to Arthur's tower, so that's what he did, completely ignoring the screams of those who saw his new appearance.

The bedroom window was open, but Merlin didn't think he could get through it easily, I mean, maybe he had eaten too much in the last few days and gained too much weight. Inside was Arthur, who already seemed to be asleep, which was a surprise since the pompous idiot never slept until Merlin tucked him in.

Looking at his prince more closely, Merlin could see the red and puffy eyes that indicated crying, Uther was probably getting worse, why else would Arthur be crying?

"Arthur," Merlin tried to call, but his voice sounded strange and instead of whispering, Merlin spoke too loudly.

The future king's eyes widened, and within a minute he was drawing his sword and getting out of bed.

"Dragon!"

The prince's scream echoed through the castle and finally made Merlin regain consciousness of what he was doing. There were guards ringing the bell, and Merlin was almost certain he had heard Gwen scream a few minutes earlier.

Seeing the fear on his prince's face, Merlin tried to calm him down, but it wasn't working. Desperate to fix the situation he had impulsively caused, Merlin swooped down until he landed outside the castle walls and tried to make himself as small as possible, trying to show that he was harmless. Sure, this was a stupid idea, but Merlin didn't want to hurt anyone or make people more paranoid and tense than they already were.

Gwaine was the first to reach Merlin. He had probably been in the tavern when the warning bells rang, since the knight was unarmored and had only a sword in his hands.

"Gwaine!" Merlin couldn't help but greet his friend. He hadn't left his room in weeks. Seeing Gwaine was a relief. "Hello!"

The dragon's voice made the knight stop in his tracks. Merlin had no hope that the man would recognize him. After all, Merlin looked like a giant lizard and not a scrawny servant. However, it seemed that the knight actually recognized his friend under all that leathery skin.

"Merlin?" Gwaine shouted in disbelief. Against his will, Merlin felt his tail wag. "Merlin! Man, what did they do to you? You're huge and... well, you're a little scaly..."

The wizard (dragon?) laughed, as Gwaine seemed to completely lose his tension when he realized who the dragon was.

“I’ve been acting weird the last few days… weeks, actually.” He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Actually, I think there’s something really, really wrong with me…”

“You’re not kidding, are you?” He scoffed to lighten the mood. Normally, he would have made Merlin laugh, but now he just wanted to cry. He felt like a monster for scaring so many people, but especially his prince, who already looked so shaken.

“I’m so sorry!” Hot tears streamed from his eyes. It was kind of weird, like his whole body was so hot that even his tears were boiling. One of them almost hit Gwaine, who could have been badly burned because of Merlin. Of course, this only caused more distress for the young dragon (sorcerer?). The knight tried to calm his friend down, but unfortunately he was a little too drunk to sound coherent and in a bit of a hurry to get Merlin out of there before the knights and the prince showed up.

“Hey, hey, man, why don’t you shrink down and join me for a walk, what do you think? I promise to fill you in on all the gossip you missed.” The heavy footsteps of the armored men were getting closer, and Gwaine was getting anxious to take Merlin away.

“B-but, Gwaine, I deserve to be punished, I was such a fool to use my magic carelessly and... You weren’t supposed to know about my magic!” The crying intensified, the stone floor was starting to deteriorate due to the heat caused by the tears, “I’m an idiot! I only do the wrong things!”

The young man’s restless tail thumped against the floor with each pained sob from Merlin, the weight of the limb was so much that it made the ground shake.

“Merlin, man, you have to stop!”

“You weren’t supposed to know it’s me!” He roared in his cry, the roar was surely heard by everyone in Camelot, and that was not good.

“Okay, sorry, Mr. Dragon, uh… I don’t know, can you please calm down so that my friend, who has no magic at all, and I can get out of here before an army comes to kill him?”

The crying calmed down a bit as Merlin finally looked exhausted.

“Gwaine… Do you hate me? Please, I don’t want you to hate me…” He sniffed, laying his giant head on the ground, he felt tired even with his neck stretched out.

Despite the rush he was feeling, Gwaine took a minute to calm his friend's insecurities. It had been a while since Gwaine had seen Merlin so scared. Now that he thought about it, Gwaine didn't think he had ever seen Merlin scared before.

"Buddy, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?" The dragon sniffed and blinked his giant eyes in agreement without moving his head. "Merlin, there's nothing in the whole world I wouldn't do for you, buddy. You're my friend, and I would kill everyone in this castle and then myself if anything happened to you. Got it?"

"Even though I have magic and look like a dragon?"

Gwaine smiled.

"Yeah, mate, even though you're magical and look like a dragon." He would have liked to give the giant lizard with Merlin's eyes a big hug, but they were out of time now. "Okay, buddy, make yourself smaller and let's go."

The young wizard's eyes closed, and his body began to glow until it dimmed and then returned to how Merlin should have looked, or, well, almost how Merlin should have looked. All the boy's clothes... girl? Anyway, Merlin was naked, and if finding out that his friend, almost his little brother, was a woman wasn't shocking enough, then seeing a small bulge in his belly was even worse.

"He went that way! Follow me!"

Gwaine's shock disappeared in a matter of seconds when Arthur's voice sounded approaching.

"Shit." The knight grabbed his jacket and placed it over his friend's slender, naked body. It wasn't ideal that Arthur of all people would see Gwaine with a naked Merlin in his arms, but they had no choice now.

"Sir Gwaine? What are you doing without armor? Didn't you hear the bell?" Arthur questioned as he and his army, including Gwaine's companions, stopped right behind the drunk knight.

Feeling afraid for the first time, Gwaine hesitated to turn to his prince. Mind you, it wasn't that Arthur was scary, or that Gwaine was a coward. The problem was that Arthur could be very possessive and jealous, especially when it came to his beloved "servant" Merlin. Unfortunately, with no choice but to hand his life over to fate, Gwaine had to turn to face his prince and his fellow knights.

"Princess, hey, what a beautiful night, huh?" The smile on his face was almost painful to maintain, but worse than the smile was the deaf silence that remained when everyone could see Merlin's sleeping figure, curled up against Gwaine's chest and wearing only his jacket, which hid little of his beautiful body.

"Gwaine." The prince's voice sounded cold and sharp. Gwaine had no doubt that he would be a dead man if there weren't so many witnesses present.

"Yes, my lord, what do you need?" He stammered, though he would never admit it, Gwaine would rather die than tell anyone that he was a little afraid of Arthur.

“What are you doing with my servant?”

Everyone was so deadly quiet that all that could be heard was Merlin's soft breathing. Nervous and wanting to get this over with, Gwaine laughed a little awkwardly and tried to lift his bottle of rum to show the prince, unfortunately he couldn't do much since his hand was stuck holding Merlin's pale legs.

"Oh, you know, sir, Merls and I went out for a drink, and it turned out we went out to..." Gwaine swallowed hard before finishing his speech. "Anyway, he's exhausted and so am I, I'll take him to the room and..." The future king's sword blocked his path, any idiot could see the hatred exuding from Arthur like poison.

"Give him to me."

Gwaine didn't need to think before answering a loud "No".

Arthur's blue eyes narrowed, if Gwaine looked closer, he felt like he would see the eyes of a dragon staring at him deadly, as if Gwaine were a thief who dared to touch the greatest of treasures.

"Gwaine, there is a dragon on the loose, give Merlin to me, I will return him to his room, and we will go back to hunting the creature."

Don't get me wrong, Gwaine trusted Arthur with Merlin, of course he did, only a fool didn't see how much the two cared for each other, but Merlin wasn't well, Gwaine had just seen his friend turn into a dragon and start crying for no reason, something was wrong with the boy and, as much as Gwaine trusted Arthur with Merlin, he didn't trust Arthur when it came to magic.

Prince and knight stared at each other, neither of them were ready to back down, fortunately Lancelot intervened. The dark-haired man ran between the other knights and quickly placed himself between Gwaine and Arthur.

“Sir,” Lancelot saluted Arthur and then turned to Gwaine, “Gwaine. Give me Merlin, please.”

Arthur seemed to get even more irritated when he saw Lancelot wanting to take Merlin from him too, but he did nothing to stop him, perhaps trusting Lancelot, who was Merlin’s old friend, more than Gwaine, who had practically suggested having sex with the drunk young man.

“I don’t know, Lance, Merlin’s not well right now, I want to take him to Gaius.” Gwaine looked his battle companion in the eyes, waiting for some sign that Lancelot knew what was happening to Merlin.

“I know, don’t worry, Gaius and I are already taking care of everything.” There was this gleam of knowledge in Lancelot’s eyes that told Gwaine that his friend knew about Merlin’s condition, and that was enough to make him hand Merlin over to the other man. “Thank you for taking care of him, I’ll take it from here.”

It seemed like everything was resolved, but Arthur still glared at the two knights.

“Sir…”

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong with Merlin and why he’s naked.”

Lancelot took a deep breath and shared a look with Gwaine, although there were more important things to deal with, like the “missing” dragon, all the knights were staring at Gwaine and Lancelot, it wasn’t that they were suspicious, the problem was that everyone was worried about Merlin, and going weeks without news of the young man only to see him unconscious in someone’s arms wasn’t ideal.

Leon, God bless him, felt that this was neither the time nor the place for an argument and placed his hand on the prince’s shoulder: “Sir,” he began hesitantly, but seriously. “We have more important things to deal with now, let Lancelot take Merlin to Gaius, we can visit him later when we make sure the dragon is gone.”

Arthur didn’t say anything, just stared at Lancelot and Gwaine for another minute before looking at Merlin’s sleeping face and turning his back on everyone, making a “follow me” sign with his two fingers.

“Phew, thanks for the help, Leon.” The older knight nodded to Gwaine and turned to follow the others, he hesitated for a moment but left without saying anything else.

 

 

Chapter 4

Guilt

Arthur has no idea what he did wrong, I mean, he knows something happened between him and Merlin during the night at the tavern, but he can't be sure what it was... well, he remembers some sexual things, but he was worried that it was just his mind playing tricks, I mean, Merlin doesn't like Arthur that way, he's always trying to get Arthur to court Gwen, so what are the chances that Merlin slept with Arthur? Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, Merlin was angry at Arthur and maybe hated him too, no matter how much Gwen and Leon tried to convince him otherwise.

At first Merlin's anger wasn't that obvious, he just kept his distance from Arthur at first, then Merlin tried to get back to normal, but he was still acting weird, he cried and got angry much more easily, Arthur barely remembers seeing Merlin crying before, and he didn't even know that Merlin was capable of getting angry with him, I mean, sure, his servant and him sometimes didn't agree, but they would sort it out within a few minutes after fighting, which wasn't the case this time. Two weeks ago Arthur was visiting his father and he felt so exhausted that he needed to take a nap, he was going to ask Merlin to get him ready for bed, but for some reason his idiot servant was nowhere to be found! Tired and irritated, Arthur searched the entire castle until he found Merlin lying with his head on Lancelot's lap. The two were laughing and gossiping about something while Merlin braided some flowers to form a flower tiara. It was a peaceful and almost beautiful scene to watch. Lancelot was a good man and knowing that Merlin had him by his side would always make Arthur happy, but not that day, not when Arthur was tired and wanting Merlin, not when Arthur just wanted some positive attention from the only person he loved...

It was his fault, Arthur knows, he shouldn't have been so possessive of Merlin. His servant hadn't done anything wrong, it was Arthur who was in the wrong. Even so, it still hurt when Merlin yelled at him and then started crying like a child, as if Arthur had destroyed his entire life just by asking Merlin to go back to his work. Lancelot tried to defend Merlin, saying that he was feeling tired and that was why the knight asked Merlin to take a moment to rest. Lancelot tried to apologize, but Arthur was not listening, much more concerned with watching Merlin run away from his prince in tears.

After that fight, Arthur did not see Merlin again. His servant simply locked himself in the room and refused to leave. Arthur even resorted to sending Lancelot to find out how Merlin was doing, but he received no further news.

It was late and Arthur should sleep so he wouldn't be tired for tomorrow's meeting, but he hadn't been able to fall asleep for a few days, he didn't like sleeping without Merlin's voice putting him to rest, so he was on the training ground now, beating his bare hands on a wooden pole, he had been there for hours and his hands were already starting to bleed, he would have continued all night, but he saw Gaius approaching and couldn't stop himself from calling him.

"Gaius"

The old doctor turned around with wide eyes, he looked tired, a little pale, even without asking Arthur already knew it was Merlin.

"Sir."

"How is Merlin? My men said he was injured, but the servants whispered about him having a headache. I suppose you've been telling lies about my servant's condition, I demand the truth." It sounded harsher than Arthur intended, but he blamed his exhaustion for it.

“Sir, Merlin is…” The hesitation in the doctor’s voice was proof that Gaius was thinking of a lie, Arthur interrupted him before he could finish.

“Don’t you dare lie to me, Gaius, please, I…” The prince hesitated, he was worried and feeling bad about himself, he just wanted Merlin to come back to his side, nothing was the same without Merlin being with him. “I haven’t seen him since we fought a few weeks ago, of course I didn’t understand what exactly I said wrong, but it hurt him and… I’m just worried…”

“Gaius, please” The request was whispered, almost as if Arthur was begging, maybe he really was. The doctor sighed, Gaius was like a grandfather to Arthur, and he hoped the doctor would choose to be honest to calm the prince’s fears, unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

“Arthur, I… I can’t tell you.”

Arthur’s heart ached, he wanted to get angry at Gaius and order the doctor to let him see Merlin immediately, but how could he do that? I mean, Gaius usually didn’t go against his orders, what were the chances that it was Merlin who begged his mentor to keep Arthur away from him? What were the chances that Merlin had grown tired of Arthur and now just wanted to be left alone?

These thoughts hurt more than any physical attack could have, Arthur needed to leave now, before the silly tears escaped his eyes.

Without another word, Arthur turned his back on the doctor and went to his room.

Good news, crying can be the cure for insomnia! Arthur couldn’t remember the last time he cried as much as he did today, luckily it helped him fall asleep, unfortunately the sleep didn’t last long.

“Dragon!” Arthur shouted to alert his guards outside the room, a minute later and the warning bell was ringing.

The huge creature moved away from the window when the bell rang and began to fly away, Arthur ran to observe and had a perfect view of the dragon. It was not the Great Dragon from a few years ago, as Arthur thought at first, in fact, the dragon had nothing to do with the other one. This new creature was beautiful, it had blue scales that reflected the moon, majestic horns and enormous wings, Arthur should have been more worried about the dragon, but he... he wasn't.

Those huge eyes that watched him from the window... those huge eyes that watched him with so much concern and affection, Arthur knew those eyes, but where did they come from? He had never met another dragon besides the Great Dragon, and he was almost certain that the Great Dragon only had hatred and anger in his eyes, so where did this new creature come from?

"Sir!?" It was Elyan, he should have been at the king's guard post today, that's why he was the first of the knights to arrive.

"Get the men ready, Elyan, the dragon has gone down, let's go after him." His knight nodded and ran off to follow his orders, Arthur should do the same, but he didn't want to move yet, something inside him didn't want to harm the dragon, for a moment he thought that maybe the beast had done something to his mind, maybe dragons could also cast spells, but he dismissed that nonsense and began to change to begin the hunt.

"Sir! Are you alright?"

Arthur waved to Leon as his oldest knight approached worriedly.

"I'm fine, Leon, let's worry about the dragon now." The men of his small army nodded in greeting. "Everyone ready?"

A chorus of voices affirmed with a loud and clear, "Yes, sir!". With everyone ready, Arthur began to lead them in the direction the dragon had flown, purposely marching a little slower than he should, under the pretense of following tracks.

"He went that way! Follow me!"

They were a few meters from the castle walls when Arthur turned to the right and instead of a dragon, he saw Gwaine standing in the middle of some strange puddles of water.

I don't remember it raining in the last few days. That was Arthur's first thought as he shone his light on Gwaine's figure and analyzed his knight with a critical eye.

"Sir Gwaine? What are you doing without armor? Didn't you hear the bell?" Arthur questioned as he signaled for his battalion to stop.

Gwaine hesitated to turn to his prince, Arthur didn't like this, there was something wrong, he could feel it, maybe it had something to do with what Gwaine was carrying? Arthur felt a strong urge to get closer, but he didn't understand why.

"Princess, hey, what a beautiful night, huh?" The smile on the knight's face was fake when he turned to look at Arthur, but worse than the fake smile was the deafening silence that remained when Gwaine was fully illuminated by the torches and everyone could see the sleeping figure of Merlin who was curled up against Gwaine's chest and wearing only his jacket that hid little of his pale body.

"Gwaine" Arthur didn't think he had ever felt so much fury in his life, it was a strange and unnatural sensation, as if Gwaine was holding something that wasn't his to hold, the prince felt himself boiling, Merlin shouldn't be touched by anyone else...

"Yes, my lord, what do you need?" He stammered. Despite the carefree and relaxed appearance the knight was trying to maintain, Arthur knew it was fake, it was strange, but Arthur could almost hear Gwaine's heart beating hard and fast.

“What are you doing with my servant?”

Everyone was so deadly quiet that all you could hear was Merlin’s soft breathing. Gwaine laughed a little awkwardly and tried to lift his bottle of rum, unfortunately he couldn’t do much since his hand was stuck holding Merlin’s pale legs. Arthur wasn’t happy with the position of that hand at all, no one should touch Merlin’s legs!

“Oh, you know, sir, Merls and I went out for a drink, and it turned out we went out to…” Arthur bit his lip to keep from showing his teeth, he wasn’t an animal, he didn’t know what was wrong with him.

Gwaine swallowed hard before finishing his speech: “Anyway, he’s exhausted and so am I, I’m going to take him to the room and…” Arthur couldn’t stop himself, before he realized what he was doing, Arthur drew his sword and blocked Gwaine’s path, he felt like he could kill the man if he took one more step with Merlin away from Arthur.

“Give him to me.” Or I’ll kill you, there was no need to say that last part, it was clear to everyone present there.

Gwaine didn’t hesitate to say: “No”.

Arthur’s eyes narrowed, staring at him deadly, the prince didn’t know what was happening to him, but he had a strong compulsion to growl, fortunately he managed to restrain himself.

“Gwaine, there’s a dragon on the loose, give Merlin to me, I’ll return him to his room, and we’ll go back to hunting the creature.”

Don’t get me wrong, Arthur trusted Gwaine with Merlin, of course he did, only a fool didn’t see how loyal the knight was to his servant, but it wasn’t about trusting or not, Arthur needed Merlin to be in his arms now, it was an almost painful need, the need to protect what was his.

Prince and knight stared at each other, neither of them was ready to back down. Every second that passed with Gwaine holding Merlin was a second that Arthur imagined killing his own friend, they were horrible seconds that would torment Arthur for a long time. Blessed be Lancelot, who intervened before Arthur did something he would never forgive himself for.

“Sir,” Lancelot greeted Arthur and then turned to Gwaine, “Gwaine. Give me Merlin, please.”

Arthur became even more irritated when he saw Lancelot wanting to take Merlin from him too, but he did nothing to stop it, it was strange, but Lancelot seemed safe? As if he… Arthur doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, and he doesn’t even want to know, he just wants Gwaine to stay away from Merlin now!

“I don’t know, Lance, Merlin isn’t well right now, I want to take him to Gaius.” Gwaine stared at Lancelot.

“I know, don’t worry, Gaius and I are already taking care of everything. Thank you for taking care of him, I’ll take over from here.”

It seemed like everything was resolved, but Arthur still glared at the two knights.

“Sir…”

“You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong with Merlin and why he’s naked.” He sounded as cold as when Arthur had spoken to Gwaine, but unlike what he had felt before, Arthur no longer felt like killing anyone, he just wanted answers, to understand what was wrong with Merlin and how he could help his servant feel better.

Lancelot took a deep breath and shared a look with Gwaine, even though there were more important things to deal with, like the “missing” dragon, all the knights were patiently behind their leader and staring at Gwaine and Lancelot seriously. It wasn't that they were suspicious, the knights trusted them both and so did Arthur, but it was Merlin's health that was at stake here, and everyone loved Merlin, perhaps even more than they should. Leon, God bless him, felt that this was not the time or place for an argument and put his hand on the prince's shoulder: "Sir," he began seriously. "We have more important things to deal with now, let Lancelot take Merlin to Gaius, we can visit him later when we make sure the dragon is gone." Arthur couldn't say anything, he didn't want to go, he didn't want Merlin to be taken away from him again, but he couldn't say that, he was the prince, Merlin wouldn't like to see Arthur acting like that. While his instincts screamed for Arthur to stay, he just stared at Lancelot and Gwaine for another minute before looking at Merlin's sleeping face and turning his back on everyone, making a "follow me" sign with his two fingers. Each step away was torture, but the further he got from Merlin, the easier it was to regain his wits and the more horrified he became with himself. What the hell had happened back there?! Why had Gwaine, of all people, become an enemy in Arthur's eyes? That was one of his friends, Arthur had never acted like this before, what was wrong with him?

"Arthur?" Elyan whispered, holding his prince's shoulder.

Surprised, as if he had forgotten about the knights, Arthur started and turned to his soldiers, the battalion had been pulled away to cover ground and only the prince's inner circle was with him now.

"Elyan, is there a problem?"

Everyone looked at each other with varying degrees of concern, they seemed to be having a conversation among themselves before Leon took the lead.

"Sir, we know that you and Merlin argued a few weeks ago and that it drove the two of you apart, but..." he stammered, Arthur didn't think he had ever seen Leon stammer.

"But?" He encourages the knight to continue, but Percival is the one who takes the courage to step forward.

“But don’t you think it’s time to apologize?”

Elyan and Leon nod in agreement with their friend. Arthur wishes he could be angry about this, after all, why would his own knights think he did something wrong? But he couldn’t. They were right. Arthur should try to apologize and figure out how to reconcile with Merlin. But how would he do that if the man didn’t even want to see Arthur?

“You’re right…” The admission seems to surprise the three knights. If Merlin were there, he would have mocked Arthur, perhaps called him some silly nickname, and congratulated him for admitting his mistakes. “At least pretend you’re not surprised! I know when I make mistakes, okay?”

Sir Leon clears his throat: “Well, and how do you intend to apologize? You know that Merlin will be upset if Gwaine and Lancelot tell about your attitude…”

Arthur crossed his arms and his eyes are burning with tears. He feels humiliated and bad about his own actions, which seems to have scared his friends.

“I don’t know what happened back then…” His voice sounds like a fragile and scared whisper. “I-I… I don’t know why I was so angry, Gwaine is my friend, I trust him, but…”

“Maybe…” Elyan hesitates. “Maybe you were jealous?” Leon lightly slaps Sir Elyan on the back of the neck.

“It would make sense, I mean, you and Merlin…” Leon slaps Sir Percival on the back of the neck to shut him up. “Ouch!”

Arthur laughs, a few tears escape his eyes.

“It wasn’t jealousy, I’m not jealous…” No one believed that. “I just… it’s weird, you know? I felt scared, but… but it wasn’t my fear! I-I, I felt sad, I felt tired, and then I saw Gwaine with Merlin and I felt angry, but not because it was Gwaine, but because he looked dangerous.”

The three knights watched their future king stutter trying to explain himself, Arthur seemed bewildered by emotions he wasn’t used to, the prince seemed a little lost, but he was still trying to explain what he felt.

“You say he ‘looked dangerous’, sir, do you suspect Gwaine of being a traitor?” Leon asks, he knows Arthur doesn’t think so, but maybe asking questions will help the prince organize his thoughts.

“No! I don’t think so, but he just didn’t… didn’t smell like…”

“He did?” Elyan and Percival looked at each other confused.

“To me, he smelled like drink and sweat, is that what you’re trying to say?”

Arthur turned to Percival and shook his head, feeling exhausted, he doesn’t know how to explain it!

“It’s not about that, it’s just… he just smelled like a stranger…” The prince falls to his seat against a tree trunk, fuck the dragon hunt, Arthur was exhausted, there was too much going on at once, and he couldn’t bear the weight of so much responsibility anymore, he needed a moment just to be human and not the future king.

The knights looked at each other and approached the prince, they all sat beside him and kept him company, Camelot was important and finding the dragon was too, but the creature disappeared without causing any harm and there were already dozens of men searching the area for danger, Camelot was safe for now, now they needed to take care of their future king.

“Tell me, sir,” Elyan began softly, the same tone Guinevere used with Arthur to reassure the prince. “When Lancelot arrived, did he also smell like a stranger?”

Arthur shakes his head with a sigh before saying, “No, he smelled safe, I didn’t feel like he was a threat, I smelled Merlin on him, I know it’s weird, but it was like Gwaine was an intruder, but not Lancelot… in fact, I smelled the same thing on Gaius.”

Percival mutters something to himself and then turns to the prince.

“Do you think it might have something to do with a spell, sir?”

Everyone tensed.

“What do you mean, Percival?”

“Just think, we drank a lot at the Hog’s Head tavern, I barely remember anything from that night thanks to the drinking, you and Merlin were the first to leave the tavern with Gwaine and I before we came back, and you were alone…” Arthur’s body tensed at the possibility that his knights would think the worst of him when they found out about his night with Merlin. “Maybe you were bewitched and don’t even remember it!”

The tension escaped Arthur, it seemed that no one suspected that Merlin, and he had relations, but now Percival brought up a good theory. It would make sense that magic was involved, perhaps an intrigue spell? He and Merlin had been arguing a lot and drifting further and further apart, could it be the work of a witch wishing for the fall of Camelot, perhaps it serves to make Arthur become more aggressive or make Arthur more emotional? Both were not good options since, as a future king, Arthur could not show his emotions, however he almost killed Gwaine just because he thought he was not safe for Merlin... No, it would not make sense, otherwise Lancelot would also have been a problem...

No, magic had nothing to do with it, Arthur was not like his father, he recognized his mistakes when he needed to instead of throwing all the blame on someone else, the truth was just that Arthur was suffocating Merlin with his presence, he had become more annoying thanks to his new responsibilities and was abusing Merlin's good will, gods he even slept with his servant! What proof does he have that it was consensual? He was stronger than Merlin, he could have abused... he could have...

"Sir?!"

Arthur did not see who called his name, but his stomach began to churn, and suddenly he only remembers vomiting.

Mentally the prince prayed to the gods that his thoughts were just paranoia caused by fatigue and not the truth, as selfish as he was, Arthur wished that Merlin would return to him, but if he really did this harm to his friend, then Arthur doesn't know if he could live with himself.

 

 

Chapter 5

It's not fair

 “What!” Merlin stood up from his chair. They were having breakfast during this conversation. Gaius’s plate was a piece of bread and some fruit, but Merlin’s plate was pepper with honey. A disgusting craving the young man had in the middle of the night. Poor Lancelot and Gwaine took it upon themselves to run to the market to buy some. Of course, they couldn’t find anyone willing to sell pepper in the middle of the night. Luckily, they found an old farmer who understood the urgency of satisfying a pregnant woman’s food cravings.

Gaius sighed. His head was starting to hurt. Why couldn’t Merlin be a good boy and listen to the doctor’s recommendations?

“You heard me, Merlin. From today on, you can’t go near the prince. In fact, it would be good if you didn’t go near anyone, did you hear me?”

“B-but…”

“Merlin!” His apprentice fell silent. He seemed to be less emotional since he had turned into a dragon, but he was still too stubborn for his own good. “I won’t repeat myself, son, I already sent a message to let Hunith know…”

“Did you tell my mother about my pregnancy in a letter, Gaius!?”

“Of course not!”

“So…”

“I just told her that you would be visiting soon, because I had great news for her.” The man clarified, trying to calm his young apprentice, but that wasn’t what happened, in fact, it seemed that it only horrified Merlin even more.

“Why would you say that? Gaius, I can’t leave Camelot! Not with everything that’s going on!” He threw his hands up in the air, trying to emphasize his point. “Gaius, Morgana is in the castle and seeking revenge, Uther is barely surviving, and soon Arthur will be crowned king! I can’t just leave! I can’t leave Arthur alone, not now, Gaius!”

“Merlin!” The old man shouted, and the wizard fell silent. He was tired of Merlin's ignorance. As much as it was understandable that his son was worried about Arthur and Camelot's well-being, the boy still didn't seem to understand the situation he was in. "Son, I don't think you understand the importance of what you did..." Merlin frowned. He wanted to speak, but Gaius didn't have the patience to deal with it at that moment. "Merlin, you're pregnant. Not just pregnant, but magically pregnant." He looked away from Gaius, looking almost ashamed of himself, but that wasn't what Gaius was trying to make his son feel. Making Merlin feel humiliated by his current situation wasn't the point. The old man knelt down to look Merlin in the eyes. His knees hurt, but that didn't matter now. Only his boy mattered. “Son, fate has been unfair to you once again. I know you’re worried and scared, but you no longer have only yourself to protect. You’re going to be a father now and nothing can come before your baby…”

“But Arthur…”

“I know he’s always been your priority, but that’s going to have to change, Merlin. Arthur has an entire kingdom willing to die in your name, but your baby…” Gaius couldn’t hold back his emotions. It broke his heart to be the one to say this to his boy, but Merlin needed to hear it. “Your baby, Merlin, will only have you to protect him. Of course, you’ll always be able to count on me, your mother, Lancelot and Gwaine, but we won’t always be together. Your child will be undeniably magical. You know better than anyone that there may never be a safe place for your baby. You can’t worry about Arthur anymore. Now you have to worry about how to keep your family alive.”

Hearing Merlin cry breaks the old mentor's heart, but hearing Merlin cry while hugging himself and shrinking away is much worse. Gaius doesn't think he's ever felt more desolate before, and he survived the Great Purge, where he saw hundreds of loved ones die.

"Son..."

"Go away." Merlin begs without turning to his mentor. "Please, Gaius, I want to be alone..."

On normal days Gaius would never leave his office, knowing full well how much he was needed there, but today was not a normal day, today his son was suffering and would continue to suffer for many, many years, today Merlin was getting his first taste of what it was like to have a magical baby in a world where everyone hates magic.

"I'll be in the library, Lancelot and Gwaine will be here soon."

Gaius closes the office door behind him without looking back.

---

Arthur wasn't feeling well, there was a strange feeling in his chest, as if something terrible was going to happen, or maybe it had already happened, and, to make matters worse, he still hadn't been able to go see Merlin! It was already past ten o'clock, and he was still being stopped whenever he tried to visit his friend!

First it was his father, Gwen came to his room to wake him up and tell him that Uther was hallucinating and wanted to see his son. Then it was Morgana, she continued to act strangely and when Arthur left the king's room she was waiting for him outside, they didn't even talk, but Arthur's instincts screamed at him not to let the woman be alone with Uther, so he spent the next few hours sitting in silence while Morgana talked to Uther. As soon as she left and Gwen returned, Arthur tried to make his way to Merlin, but Percival and Leon came with news of the knights from last night, and he had to spend another hour listening to the useless report about the dragon hunt that had yielded no results. The next ones to be a nuisance in his life were Lancelot and Gwaine, they didn't really do anything to be honest, but they looked exhausted like Arthur had never seen before, yet they were running around while carrying a shopping list and a large basket full of food ranging from meat to vegetables and honey, lots and lots of honey.

Arthur didn't mean to be distracted by the two knights, but they smelled like Merlin and for some reason Arthur couldn't stop following them, he was really starting to worry about his own health, maybe all the pressure was starting to get to him, and it hadn't even been two months since his birthday when Uther fell ill and Arthur had to take over his responsibilities in place of the king!

There was only one hallway and one staircase left for him to reach the intended place, Arthur usually prides himself on being brave, but with every step he takes to reach Merlin he feels more and more scared, Arthur doesn't feel like he could handle the hatred of being his best friend if he had upset Merlin so much that the servant had to step away.

Finally, he reached Gaius' door.

The prince took a deep breath and knocked lightly: "Gaius? Merlin?" His voice sounded weak, normally this would be an embarrassment to him, but he could only be relieved that his voice had worked. "It's me... Arthur... I want to speak to Merlin, may I come in?"

There was no answer, fear froze the future king's heart, but he didn't give up yet, he knocked on the door again.

"Please, Merlin... I..." The door opened and Arthur was pulled inside, and the door closed with a loud thud. "What..."

Someone was hugging him. Merlin was hugging him!

Suddenly nothing else mattered, there was still that bad feeling growing in his chest, but there was also calm and a peace that Arthur hadn't felt in days, weeks! Being in Merlin's arms and having Merlin in his arms felt right, the world felt right this way, what didn't feel right was the heartbreaking crying that sounded from where Merlin hid his face against his neck.

"Merlin..." One of the prince's hands wrapped around the young servant's waist, while the other gently pulled the man's face away to look him in the eyes. "Hi"

"Hi" Merlin whispered back, his eyes barely open due to so many tears.

"What happened, why are you crying?" Arthur asked trying to wipe away the trail of tears that wouldn't stop falling, but there was no answer, even though Merlin seemed desperate to speak, only sobs and shaky mumbles came out of his mouth. "Merlin, breathe, what happened? Was it something I did? Did someone do something to you!?"

Still without answers, Arthur was getting anxious to hear his friend speak again, but it wasn't happening, Merlin couldn't speak, he could only cry, it was killing Arthur inside.

It took minutes before Arthur accepted that there would be no straight answer until Merlin calmed down, when acceptance came Arthur picked Merlin up in his arms and walked to his servant's room, completely ignoring how much heavier his friend seemed than usual.

"I'll leave you here, okay, I'll call Gaius and..." The prince was pulled onto the bed, straight into the arms of his favorite idiot. It wasn't an unusual position for the two of them, although they were usually both drunk in these situations, Arthur couldn't help but blush as his head was held against Merlin's chest.

It was awkward, Arthur wasn't used to being so close to someone when he was sober, but he couldn't deny that it was comfortable and warm, the more he felt the closeness of Merlin's body, the more relaxed his body became, it felt good, wonderful, in fact, he didn't want to ever leave that position again.

Feeling Merlin's fingers on his head and Merlin's lips against his temple, Arthur slowly forgot all his insecurities and worries and let himself fall asleep deeply.

---

“Separating them is going to be harder than expected,” Gwaine comments as Lancelot, and he watched Merlin purr loudly as he holds Arthur in an embrace in the middle of the bed, or, as Gwaine has come to affectionately call it, in the middle of the nest of clothes that Merlin called a bed.

“I knew it would be hard,” Lancelot sighs. “You… don’t you think Arthur has been acting strange these past few days too?”

“Of course,” he rolls his eyes, “I mean, his father is sick and on the verge of death, Merlin hasn’t spoken to hesince they fought, and the whole kingdom is putting a lot of pressure on our princess, in fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten sick yet.”

“Gwaine, I’m serious…”

“Me too!” The knight turns to hold his companion by the shoulders. “Lance, be honest, what are the chances of a separation resulting in both of their deaths?”

This surprised the other man. Lancelot didn't usually judge people by their behavior, but he knew he had been judging Gwaine until that moment. I mean, the other knight had discovered Merlin's magic and pregnancy in a single night and had been acting relaxed and cheerful the whole time. Lancelot didn't expect Gwaine to have understood the magnitude of the situation Merlin was in, but it seems his friend understood very well and was very worried.

"I would like to say that the chances are minimal, however..." He observes the two sleeping figures. They didn't dare to enter the room, remembering how dangerous Merlin could be if intruders approached his 'nest'. Arthur and Merlin are completely wrapped up in each other to the point that it is impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. They look at peace, something he hasn't seen Arthur look like since Merlin walked away. Separating them would be chaos.

"I know." Gwaine sighs and looks away from the most intimate scene he has ever witnessed. “Do you think Arthur would kill him?”

The question takes Lancelot by surprise: “What?”

“Just thinking. I know Arthur is not like his father, but…” He bites his lip, hesitant to continue, he doesn’t need to continue.

“I don’t believe he would be capable, but Arthur would feel betrayed and, honestly, with everything magic has done to him, I can’t even judge him if he didn’t wish to have Merlin by his side anymore.”

Gwaine frowns in disbelief, his hand goes inside his vest, and he takes out a flask with rum.

“That sucks, you know, Merlin loves that idiot and yet…”

“If you were raised by Uther it would be the same, Gwaine.” Lancelot defends his prince. “Merlin would agree and willingly accept any punishment Arthur gives him.”

The drunken knight rolls his eyes and looks at the sleeping duo once more before closing the door.

“I know it’s not fair to judge either of them, I just… man, until last night I only cared about Merlin, but now I’m going to be the uncle of a magical baby who won’t even be able to meet his other father just because he’ll be born with magic!”

“Shh, keep it down, Arthur is…”

“Arthur is completely out of it, Lance, the princess hasn’t slept in days, Merlin doesn’t seem to have slept in days!” Gwaine sighed, he hadn’t even started getting drunk, and he already felt like he needed to drink more. “Man, I’m not even the baby’s father, and I’m already looking forward to meeting him, it’s unfair that we don’t tell Arthur, it’s unfair that Merlin can’t tell him!”

Lancelot regrets the injustices, but he knows it was safer this way, they shouldn’t have an opinion on Gaius and Merlin’s choices, it wasn’t their business, their job, as friends and knights, was to keep Merlin and the baby he was carrying alive, even if they had to lie and hurt their prince to do it. One day, perhaps, Arthur might even be grateful for them keeping Merlin safe from Camelot.

“Let’s wait for them to wake up, we’ll see what to do when Gaius returns.”

Gwaine sighs, but nods and sits down next to Lancelot, they share the rum between them, although Lancelot finds the taste of the drink disgusting.

 

Chapter 6

Love parasites

When Gaius woke him up and said there were urgent matters to be dealt with, Arthur didn't even blink before getting out of bed and running to follow the old doctor. He didn't even notice when Merlin called out to him, as he was still groggy from sleep and confused while Gaius was talking about a terrible emergency. Arthur only realized something was wrong when the sun from one of the windows hit his face and woke him up completely.

"Gaius!" The old doctor stopped running and turned to his prince.

"Yes, sir?"

"What happened? What's the emergency!?"

Something heavy fell behind his back, but when Arthur tried to turn around, Gaius grabbed the prince by the shoulders, which was a strange reaction since the old doctor didn't dare touch any Pendragon without clinical reasons.

"Gaius..."

"Sir, what I'm going to tell you now is very important, are you paying attention?" He asked seriously, Arthur nodded, still a little confused and tried to turn his face to look behind him while Gaius spoke, but the old man didn't let him and held Arthur tighter. "Sir, I need you to stay focused, it's very important, and it has to do with Merlin." That finally caught the prince's attention.

"What's wrong with Merlin? I was with him just now, how could there be something wrong with him..."

"Sir, breathe!" Another noise sounded behind them and Arthur was eager to turn around and see what was causing those sounds, but Gaius was still holding him tightly, this was making Arthur more nervous, he didn't like being touched... well, unless it was Merlin, but he was his servant, Arthur was used to being touched by him. "What I'm going to say may sound scary and worrying, but I assure you that's not the case" he took a deep breath and released Arthur, Gaius seemed nervous despite his own words.

"Merlin is... he's..."

"Is he dying?!"

“Of course not!”

“Then what, Gaius, spill the beans, stop making me nervous!”

The doctor rubbed his forehead and sighed.

“Merlin has a magical parasite…”

“What!?”

“Yes, that’s why he’s been acting so strange these past few days, look, sir, Merlin will be fine in a few months, but until then you shouldn’t be around him…” Arthur frowned, he didn’t understand anything.

“Gaius, explain yourself properly, why can’t I see Merlin? Because I’m the last to know about this parasite!? There’s nothing that can be done to help…”

The old man raised his hand to stop the prince from saying more, surprisingly Arthur fell silent, he felt more nervous with each passing second.

“Sir, we don’t know where the parasites came from, Merlin won’t tell us…” Arthur tried to leave, planning to force answers out of Merlin, but Gaius stopped him again.

“Gaius, stop holding me back, let’s ask Merlin where he got those parasites from and find a cure!”

“That’s the problem, sir! There’s no cure!” Gaius sighs. “The parasites should come out on their own.”

“So what? Are we just going to leave those pests inside him? Do you even know if this is fatal? Could Merlin… could he die?”

The doctor stammers a response, but Arthur isn’t listening, he wants to see Merlin now!

“Get out of the way, Gaius! I want to see Merlin now!” He yells, Arthur doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but even though Gaius doesn’t look or smell like a threat, the prince is starting to see the doctor as a danger.

“Sir, if you could just stay calm…”

“I am calm!” His fist hits the castle wall and his hand breaks, but so does the stone of the wall, this seems to scare them both. “What…”

Gaius takes a step back, something was happening to the prince, it was much more obvious now that he saw it with his own eyes.

“Sir,” Arthur looks away from his broken hand and looks at his court physician, his anger almost completely gone to make room for his shock. “I know you’re worried about Merlin, but there’s nothing we can do for him right now. The parasites are magical, and they feed on… they feed on love!”

“Love?”

“Yes!” Arthur frowns, he doesn’t understand what Gaius is talking about. Why would parasites feed on love? “The closer Merlin gets to someone he loves, the more dangerous it will be for him!”

“That’s nonsense! If that’s really the case, then shouldn’t Merlin be near you!?”

The physician stutters and stumbles a little when Arthur tries to get closer. The prince feels a little bad for scaring the old man, but he’s still irritated at being taken away from his best friend.

“W-we were worried about that too at first, but when I say love, I mean romantic love.”

Arthur's cheeks heat up as the realization of what Gaius said hits him.

"Merlin, he..."

"He loves you? Yes, sir, he does, that's why I had to get you out of bed so quickly, and if you love him too, then you'll need to stay away from him..." An animalistic growl interrupts their conversation and Arthur turns around expecting to see an animal showing its teeth, but all he sees is Merlin. Beautiful and brilliant, Merlin with his idiotic smile and wearing a white nightgown, the hem of the nightgown is a little short, which leaves his servant's pale legs very apparent.

"Merlin?"

"Merlin!?"

The doctor and prince seem surprised by the sudden appearance, in fact, Gaius almost seems worried, but considering what Arthur has just discovered, it makes sense that Merlin and Arthur's closeness would be a concern for the other man's health.

"Good morning, lazy daisy," he greeted, humming. “I woke up alone in bed, you ran out, and I got worried, did something happen, sir?”

His body approached Merlin before Arthur could realize, it was hard to be away, almost as if being close to Merlin wasn’t enough, as if Arthur needed to be glued to the servant all the time.

“Sir!” Gaius’ voice snapped Arthur and Merlin out of their trance, the prince quickly put distance between them and moved away until his back hit the wall he had broken.

“You’re bleeding” Merlin tried to get closer, but two pairs of strong arms grabbed his shoulders. “Let me go now!”

Lancelot and Gwaine pulled Merlin away, and it was Arthur’s turn to get up to get closer, but Gaius didn’t allow it.

“What are you doing, release him now!” It sounded more like a growl than the prince’s usual voice, but neither Arthur nor Merlin seemed to notice the difference, but Gaius did.

“Arthur, you have to calm down…”

“No! Why are you holding him!?”

Without turning to the knights, Gaius gestured with his hand for them to leave and take Merlin: “Lock him in the room until he calms down!”

Arthur tried to get past Gaius, but as soon as he turned his back to the doctor, Gaius whispered a spell and Arthur fainted.

“Arthur!”

“Gaius, that wasn’t a good idea!” Gwaine complained, he and Lancelot seemed to be having trouble holding Merlin in place, the young man’s dragonlord instincts seemed to be making him stronger every day, Gaius needed to get Merlin away from Arthur before the prince or the entire kingdom discovered his magic.

“Hold him until I can knock him out.”

The knights looked at each other worried, Merlin had already knocked them both down trying to get to Arthur, and he wasn’t even fully recovered from the sleeping potion Gaius had given him, wouldn’t it be dangerous to use a sleeping spell on a pregnant woman who was still under the effect of a strong potion?

“Gaius, are you sure you won’t hurt the baby?” Lancelot asked, his hands were starting to bleed, cut by the scales that had begun to grow on Merlin’s arms.

“Trust me, everything will be fine.”

The court physician approached the enraged young man. Merlin seemed even more irritated, and Gwaine and Lancelot could already hear the sound of the bones of his wings being born. If Gaius took too long, Merlin would soon be in his full dragon form and ready to kill anyone.

“Breuddwyd cwsg.” A light came out of the man’s hand and flew until it hit the angry wizard’s nose. Perhaps because Gaius’ magic was weaker or Merlin’s was stronger, the spell took a while to take effect. First, Merlin managed to throw the knights back and Gaius to the other side of the corridor. Then he still had the strength to run to Arthur and lie down under his prince’s sleeping body, as if he wanted to protect him from all harm. Fortunately, after a minute or two of maximum alertness, Merlin laid his head on Arthur’s chest, wrapped his tail around his legs, and stretched his wings until they covered half of the corridor floor. It was a beautiful sight, like watching an angel rest under the chest of a king, it would easily be every artist's dream to portray this divine scene.

"Wow," Gwaine whispered to himself, neither he nor Lancelot dared to move from their places where they were thrown. "Hey, did anyone else hear Arthur growl before Gaius knocked him out?"

Lancelot and Gaius stared at the knight with incredulous looks, this was not the time for them to talk about this!

"Okay, I'll shut up." He stands up and almost falls again. "Fuck, okay, we have a problem, I think Merlin broke my knee."

Lancelot sighs and stands up to help his companion to his feet, together they walk through the hallway carefully so as not to disturb the fragile sleep of the dragon boy and his future king.

"Gaius, are you okay?" He asks, offering his hand to the old man.

"Ugh, I'll survive." Gaius is limping too, but it doesn't seem to be as extreme as Gwaine's leg. "Do you think he's asleep or just calmer?"

Gwaine nudges the tip of Merlin's wing with his foot, there's no reaction other than Arthur frowning and hugging Merlin's body to his chest: "Well, it looks like they're both asleep."

The court physician doesn't seem convinced by this.

"What's on your mind, Gaius?" Lancelot asks, noticing the look on the older man's face.

"Nothing important for now, we should get Merlin out of here before anyone comes and sees him in this state. Come on, help me."

The mission of getting Merlin out of Arthur's arms is harder than it should be, first because the young man's body has very heavy limbs and second because Arthur's arms are tightly wrapped around Merlin, it is almost impossible to pull the two apart, but with a little more help from Gaius' magic they finally manage to float the sleeping body back to the doctor's office. Gaius stayed behind for when Arthur wakes up and wonders what happened, and only returns to his chambers an hour later when the prince is awakened by the sound of his knights looking for him for training.

"Gaius." Lancelot greeted when the doctor entered the office.

"How is Gwaine?"

"Drunk." Gaius' eyebrow arched and Lancelot shrugged and got up from the table where he was sitting. "He said drinking helps to ease the pain, besides, I already put his leg back in place and tied it with a splint."

"I see." He looks around, trying to find the drunk with the broken leg. "And where would Sir Gwaine be now, sir?"

The dark-haired man sighs and walks to Merlin's bedroom door. Gaius approaches to see what Lancelot was seeing, and almost has a heart attack when he sees Merlin clinging to the knight, both tightly embraced on the floor.

“What… why…” Gaius stutters, he takes a deep breath and tries again. “Why are they on the floor?”

Lancelot shrugs, looking as tired as Gaius.

“Merlin woke up crying when we laid him down on the bed, Gwaine offered to lie down with him, but Merlin freaked out when Gwaine tried to lie down on his ‘nest’.”

“So they decided to lie down on the floor?”

“So they decided to lie down on the floor, yes.”

The two sigh exhausted and close the door to let the pair sleep for a while longer. Gaius sits in his chair and Lancelot chooses to sit on the floor.

“Something is wrong with Arthur.” He murmurs softly, afraid that Merlin might hear him.

“I know.” He sighs. “I believe it is due to the pregnancy…”

“Arthur is pregnant too!?”

“Shhh!” Gaius silences the knight. “Of course not, Sir Lancelot, pull yourself together!”

The man looks away, embarrassed, and tries to calm himself with controlled breaths. “Sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed with… well, with everything that’s going on…”

“I know, son, I know, but what I was trying to say is that Merlin's pregnancy is affecting Arthur.”

“But how? I mean, if he doesn’t know about it, then why would he…”

“I believe it’s the fault of the Pendragon genes and Merlin’s Dragonlord genes.”

“How?” Gaius stands up and walks over to his bookshelves, he runs his fingers down a row of books before choosing the oldest and red one.

“Pendragon is a name this family received after their great feat of hunting dragons, it means ‘Dragon Head’ or ‘Supreme Leader’, the ancient Pendragon's did not come from noble origins, they came from ancient hunters feared in the magical community.” The doctor’s fingers flip through the book until he reaches the page he was looking for. “Hundreds of years ago, a Pendragon fell in love with a witch and swore an oath to never hunt dragons again and to prevent his family from spreading their hunting methods.”

Gaius approaches Lancelot and hands the book into his hands.

“To fulfill his promise, the Pendragon, who would be the first king of Camelot, murdered his entire family. As a way of thanking the man, the witch married him and asked for the blessing of an old dragon.” The paintings in the book showed the figure of a blond man posing majestically next to a woman with black hair and golden eyes, despite sharing similarities with Arthur and Merlin, Lancelot does not believe they are related.

“Did they have children?”

Gaius nods.

“Two, a boy and a girl, the boy is an ancestor of Uther and Arthur, but the girl is not.”

“The witch betrayed the king?!”

“No, the king betrayed the witch, when he discovered that his son was born with some dragon genes, the king believed he was cursed and impregnated another woman to find out if the problem was in him.”

“But it wasn’t, right? It was in the witch.”

Gaius nods and turns one of the pages of the book, this time there is a simplistic painting of the man from before disowning the witch from his kingdom.

“When he found out, he ordered his queen to leave, claiming that it was a curse she placed on his family, from then on the king forbade any Pendragon from having any relationship with magic in any way, fearing that the dragon genes might awaken.”

Lancelot stares at the book in his hands, but he can't understand where Gaius is going with telling him this story.

“I don't understand, what does all this have to do with Arthur and Merlin? I mean, if it's been centuries since this happened and there were no Pendragons having relationships with other witches, then how could the dragon genes be alive?”

“Isn't it obvious, Sir Lancelot? Arthur is the first Pendragon in centuries who have had a relationship not just with a simple sorcerer, but with the incarnation of magic itself! I believe that Arthur's genes became stronger thanks to Merlin, usually, when two dragons have children, the parent must protect the other, so the parent releases pheromones to serve as an alert of its needs.”

“What do you mean?”

“For example, when there is danger nearby the parent will smell of fear, when there are friends nearby the parent will spread its scent through the air so that its parent feels safe to trust…”

Lancelot snapped his fingers as if something suddenly came to mind: “Arthur became aggressive when he saw Merlin being carried by Gwaine, but he calmed down when I arrived.”

“Yes, it could be because you smelled like Merlin more than Gwaine!”

“Wait, that means Arthur can also turn into a dragon!” He stands up suddenly, and the book falls from his lap.

“Of course not, sir, calm down, Arthur doesn’t have magic, not like Merlin or I do, his lineage was just blessed by an old dragon, Uther would also have become like the prince if the queen had magic. Arthur's genes do nothing but give him more strength and endurance, there are some other small attributes of course, but he can't become a dragon, to be honest, I don't think there is anyone other than Merlin who can become a dragon."

“Why do you say that? I mean, isn't it something that dragonlords can do?”

Gaius denies and bends down to pick up his book of family lineages.

“Transformation is something very complex and requires a lot of magic to maintain, the most common are the transformations of rejuvenation or aging, but Merlin completely altered not only his appearance, but his species as well, this is not a normal thing to do.”

They were silent, both lost in thought.

In the next room, Merlin and Gwaine were still asleep and served as a strong reminder that their time was running out and Gaius needed to decide what to do about his apprentice.

“We'll need to send Merlin to Hunith as soon as possible.”

Lancelot looked at the doctor in surprise.

“I don’t understand, I thought you told me about Arthur’s genes because we couldn’t separate him from Merlin!”

“Not separating them would be ideal, yes, but Uther is still alive and Morgana… well, you know, she’s Morgana. Merlin won’t be safe in Camelot as long as Uther is alive, and he wouldn’t forgive himself if Arthur did something like kill his people to protect Merlin. Our best option is to take Merlin away until the pregnancy is over, hopefully the two of them have been separated long enough for Arthur’s genes to go dormant again once Merlin is gone.”

Lancelot wanted to argue, knowing how much this decision would hurt his friends, but he couldn’t, Gaius was right, and they had to worry about the baby’s safety first.

“I…” He hesitated. “I’ll get the horses ready, Gwaine and I can escort Merlin to Ealdor as soon as he wakes up.”

Gaius nodded gratefully to the knight.

“No, horses are too risky, can you get a cart?” Lancelot nods. “Great, I’ll prepare everything he’ll need, but you’ll have to leave before sunrise, we can’t risk Arthur stopping you.”

“Leave it to me, Gaius, I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

 

Chapter 7

Goodbye

“No!”

“Merlin, please.”

“Lance, how can you ask me such a thing?! Arthur, he…”

“You’ll never be safe, we already know that, Merls.” Gwaine sighs, running his hand through his hair in frustration. They’d been having this conversation for two hours, the sun would soon rise, and they needed to leave, but Merlin was hard to convince. “That’s why we agreed that only I’ll go with you, Lancelot will stay and look after the princess for us! Come on, mate, don’t you trust Lancelot?”

Merlin looks away in embarrassment and mutters, “Of course I do, but…”

“Then it’s settled, let’s go up, milady, your carriage is waiting!” Gwaine tries to keep his tone light, but the tension is evident in his voice.

“But…” Gwaine ignores his friend’s plea and bends down to pick Merlin up, carrying him into the wagon. The ideal would be a soft carriage where Merlin would be more comfortable, but everyone agreed that this would only invite unwanted dangers for the pregnant young man. Merlin feels the weight of his body in Gwaine's arms, the strength and security he offers, but also the inevitability of the situation.

"Don't worry, friend." Lancelot approaches as Gwaine sits Merlin in the back of the wagon. "I promise to be the best guardian I can, I will do everything to keep Arthur safe, it is a promise."

An anguished sob escapes the young man's lips. He did not want to leave Camelot, his prince needed him. Why did no one understand this? Why was he crying instead of trying to fight against their decision?

Merlin looks at Gaius, who was further away from the wagon, trying to hide his tears. His mentor knew it was dangerous for Merlin to be in Camelot when he had no control over his own emotions. Gaius was often worried about Merlin's safety, as were Gwaine and Lancelot. The truth was that, even with his hormones affecting his emotional state, there was still a logical part of Merlin that agreed with the decision to be removed from the kingdom. He was volatile and would do more harm than good if he stayed. He had to leave, that was why he would not fight his uncle's decision, because it was the right decision.

"Lance..." Merlin called, his voice shaking. When Lancelot approached, Merlin grabbed his hands tightly. "You need to test each and every food Arthur is going to eat before giving it to him..."

"What?" Lancelot and Gwaine looked incredulous at the request, but Merlin was not finished yet.

“Most of the time the food is clean, but many try to kill him with poison. You also need to remind him to drink water at least seven times a day. He is an idiot and will forget to take care of himself if you don’t force him to. Arthur doesn’t like George, so don’t let him be assigned to be a servant in my place. Sometimes Arthur needs an hour alone after too many stressful meetings, so take him hunting or keep people from entering his room. He might collapse otherwise. After training sessions, check him for serious injuries that he hasn’t noticed. His skin is so used to being hurt that sometimes the nerves in his body no longer work as they used to, and he doesn’t feel the injury until he’s fainting from loss of blood…” The knights listen in silence, and with each word Merlin sees Lancelot frown in concern, but he isn’t finished speaking yet. Merlin takes a deep breath and continues. “You also need to remind him to dress warmly. He has no sensations of heat or cold and always ends up getting sick. If he gets sick, you can't let him get out of bed. Arthur can be unbearable when he's mumbling with a stuffy nose.”

Merlin wipes away the tears as he waits a minute for all the information to reach Lancelot. It was very important that his friend understood all of Arthur's needs if he wanted to keep the prince safe.

“He doesn't like sudden physical contact. If you see a woman touching him, and he lets it happen, then be suspicious of her. Arthur would never let anyone get that close, especially a stranger. She might have given him a love potion, and that's obviously not good. Ask Gaius for help or send me a letter, and we'll tell you what to do. When he comes out of the enchantment, you need to prepare a bath for him. Most of the time he doesn't remember what happened, but there's always the phantom sensation of the touches on his skin, and it makes him nauseous…”

“Merlin…”

“He also needs to stick to a routine. Arthur hates it when the routine changes. Since I've been gone for almost two months, his routine has already been disrupted, but he must be getting used to other servants. He won't say it, but he hates changing servants. So, choose one to serve him. Tell him I asked him to and the other servants will understand…”

“Merlin…” Lancelot calls again, but Merlin still has a lot to say, and he doesn't want to leave without explaining everything!

“He also hates the smell of lavender!” Merlin felt the tears come back. “When it's time to wash the blankets and pillows, remind the river girls that they can't use strong scents. Otherwise, he won't sleep well and will be in a bad mood…”

“Merlin…” Strong arms hold him in a hug, and the sorcerer breaks down in tears against Lancelot's shoulder. Gwaine also joins in the hug when Merlin starts to sob louder. “I understand, okay? I'll take good care of him, don't worry.”

“I don’t want to leave him alone, he’s been alone for so long already…”

“I know, my friend, I know, but he won’t be alone. Gaius, I, and the other knights will take good care of him. Don’t worry, go without fear, take care of yourself, and be well.”

Merlin wiped his tears with the back of his hand as Lancelot and Gwaine walked away, giving him a moment to calm down before Gwaine climbed into the wagon and took the horses’ reins. Merlin turned to look one last time at the castle that had become his home. The tall towers and imposing walls were bathed in the soft light of dawn, and Merlin felt a pang of anguish.

“See you later, Merlin. We’ll miss you, my friend.” Lancelot waved. Gaius didn’t, but Merlin knew how much his mentor hated goodbyes. Merlin waved to them anyway.

As they walked away, Merlin took in the details of the castle, all the ones that held precious memories: the laughter shared with Arthur, the adventures with the knights, the moments of complicity and friendship. He could almost hear Arthur’s voice calling his name, the mix of irritation and affection that was always present in his favorite idiot’s voice.

“I’ll be back,” Merlin whispered to himself, like a promise. "I have to go back..."

He knew he was doing the right thing, but that didn't make the parting any less painful. The horses trotted out of the gates and Merlin sighed, feeling the weight of responsibility and longing. Gwaine patted him comfortingly on the shoulder and gave him an encouraging look before turning his attention back to the road, probably knowing that Merlin needed a moment alone.

As the wagon continued to move, Merlin kept his eyes fixed on the castle until it disappeared over the horizon. Every meter away from Camelot felt like a blow to his heart, but he knew he had to be strong. For Arthur. For his son. For himself.

"Take good care of him," Merlin prayed, more to his magic than to a god who might not be listening. "Take good care of all of them."

And so, with a heavy but determined heart, Merlin set off for Ealdor, taking with him the hope of a better future and the promise of a return.

Chapter 8

Mother´s love

The wagon rocked gently as it approached Ealdor, Merlin's old village. The young wizard looked at the familiar landscape with a mix of nostalgia and sadness. Every tree, every house, brought back memories of his childhood, but now everything seemed different. He was returning home, but his heart was stuck somewhere else, with someone else.

When the wagon stopped, Merlin got out slowly with Gwaine's help, both of them exhausted since they hadn't stopped until they reached the village. Merlin was worse off than his friend, as he felt the weight of the journey and the responsibility he carried. For a moment the young man thought about changing his mind and going back the way he came, but he saw his mother, Hunith, waiting at the entrance to his house, looking older than the last time he saw her, but still so beautiful.

"Mommy..." He called in a trembling voice, they looked at each other and his mother's honey eyes lit up when she saw him, and she ran to hug him.

"Merlin!" Hunith exclaimed, wrapping him in a tight hug that Merlin returned with affection. "I was so worried! Thanks to the gods, you're okay." Merlin sighed in relief at the feeling of warmth and comfort in his mother's arms. For a moment, he allowed himself to forget all his worries and just lose himself in that familiar embrace. "I missed you, mother," Merlin said, his voice choked with emotion. "I missed you too, dear." Hunith replied, pulling away a little to get a better look at her son's face. He looked so different, his skin seemed smoother and more perfect than any porcelain tile Hunith had ever seen. Merlin's curls were bigger and looked like beautiful waves that adorned his ears. His eyes, despite looking tired, were bright as when his son used magic. Merlin looked perfect, almost as if… "You look tired, son. Come on, let's go home. You need to rest." Hunith began to pull her son with her, but stopped halfway when she realized that the man who had brought Merlin was not leaving.

“Excuse me, dear, do you need anything?”

Gwaine laughed and finished releasing the horses from the cart.

“Excuse me, I believe we have not yet been introduced, I am Gwaine, milady.” The knight bowed to kiss Hunith’s hand.

“Ah, Sir Gwaine!” The recognition in the woman’s voice surprised the knight. “Merlin has told me so much about you, dear, it is so nice to meet you. Why don’t you tie up your horses and join us at my house, I will prepare some soup, you must be hungry…”

Merlin and his friend exchanged a look, and Gwaine smiled at Hunith.

“Of course, milady, I will join you, but let me catch some rabbits to contribute to dinner…”

“Oh dear, no need…”

“I insist.” The knight leaves after giving Merlin a light squeeze on the shoulder and leaves mother and son to talk.

“Let’s go home, mother, I… I have a lot to tell you.”

Hunith has her suspicions about what it is, but she doesn’t want to pressure her son, so she just nods silently and holds Merlin’s hand as they walk to the house.

He feels a rush of emotions with every step he takes, his mother’s security and love are comforting, but Arthur’s absence weighs on his heart. He knows he needs to tell Hunith the truth, but he doesn’t know how to start.

As soon as they enter the small cottage it’s like going back in time, Merlin can imagine his baby living there, but he can’t imagine himself living in Ealdor again, he wonders if that makes him a bad father.

They sit at the table and Hunith starts cutting some radishes that she will use in the soup. Merlin watches her every move, feeling grateful to be home, but at the same time, feeling a deep pain for the distance from Camelot and his prince.

"Mother… I need to tell you something," Merlin began, his voice shaking slightly.

Hunith stopped what she was doing, her back was still turned, but Merlin felt like she knew more than she was saying. His mother took a deep breath and put down the radish she was cutting, she turned and sat next to Merlin, holding his hands: "Son, talk to me, you know you can tell me anything."

Merlin took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "I..." His eyes began to brim with unshed tears. "Mommy, I... some things happened between me and Arthur, and... and now I..."

Hunith's calloused hands caressed her son's face, his cheeks were full, Merlin had gained a few pounds since she had last seen him.

"Mommy." He took a deep breath and raised his head, gathering courage he said: "Mommy, I'm pregnant."

Hunith's eyes widened in surprise, but she didn't let go of Merlin's face: "Pregnant? I had my suspicions when I saw you, but... but how...? How is that possible?"

"It's a long story," Merlin said, feeling the tears begin to stream down his face. "I didn't want this to happen, but now that it has, I can't go back. And I had to leave Camelot, leave Arthur... He doesn't know about my magic, and I couldn't risk the baby's safety..."

Hunith pulled Merlin into a tight hug, letting him cry on her shoulder. "Oh, my son, you've been through so much. I'm here for you. We'll get through this together."

"I miss him so much, mother." Merlin sobbed. "Arthur needs me, and I need him. But I can't be there. I could never be with him."

Hunith stroked Merlin's hair, trying to comfort him and trying to comfort herself, it hurt so much to see her boy cry, Hunith loved her son so much that seeing him suffer killed her inside. "I know it's hard, my dear. But you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your baby. Arthur is strong, he'll be fine. And you'll be fine, too. We'll take care of you here."

Merlin closed his eyes, trying to find comfort in his mother's words. He knew she was right, but the pain of separation was still intense. He could only hope that one day, somehow, he would be able to return to Camelot and to Arthur.

---

Hunith held Merlin's hands tightly, trying to convey all the strength and love she felt for him. When he finally confessed his pregnancy, Hunith felt a whirlwind of emotions. She knew her son was going through an extremely difficult situation, and it reminded her of her own past.

As Merlin cried on her shoulder, Hunith allowed herself a moment of nostalgia. She remembered the day she met Balinor. He was a strong, gentle man, with a gaze that seemed to see right through her soul. They fell in love quickly, and every moment together was magical. But Balinor was a Dragonlord, a man with extraordinary powers that the world feared and hated.

Hunith remembered the pain she felt when Balinor had to leave. He was being hunted, and staying in Ealdor meant putting everyone in danger. She never had the chance to tell him that she was pregnant. The farewell was bitter, and Hunith was left alone, carrying the child of a man she knew she might never see again.

She looked at Merlin, seeing so much of Balinor in him. The magic that ran through her son's veins was an inheritance from his father, a blessing and a curse. Hunith knew how much Merlin suffered in a world that hated magic, and it broke her heart. She wanted to protect him from everything, but she knew she couldn't. Hunith pulled away from Merlin when she felt her son starting to fall asleep, wiping away her tears quickly so he wouldn't see, she held her boy's face and kissed his forehead. "Don't fall asleep before you eat something, dear, I'm going to finish your soup, okay?" She stood up and walked back to the side of the table where she was cutting her radishes. Each cut into the vegetable was an attempt to push away the pain she felt. She remembered Balinor, how safe and loved he made her feel, how horrible it was to see him go, how it felt like a knife in her heart. And now, her son was going through a similar situation, carrying a burden too heavy for his young shoulders.

Gods, he's not even 25 yet. It was the melancholic thought of a mother as she looked sideways at her beloved son.

As she stirred the soup, Hunith let a few tears fall silently. She was sad that she hadn't been able to tell Balinor about Merlin, that she hadn't had the opportunity to raise her son with the man she loved. And now, she saw history repeat itself with Merlin and Arthur. The pain of seeing her son suffer the same as her was almost unbearable, but she knew she had to be strong for him. Hunith took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart. She looked at Merlin, who was still sitting at the table, lost in his own thoughts and pain. "We'll get through this together, my son," she muttered to herself, determined to be the rock Merlin needed her to be. Hunith had been his pillar of strength for sixteen years. She could handle being whatever her son and grandson needed her to be for another sixteen years. She walked over to Merlin again, placing a bowl of soup in front of him. "Eat, dear. When Mr. Gwaine returns with the rabbits, you should eat some more. After all, you need to keep yourself well-fed, for yourself and the baby." Hunith smiled, trying to hide the pain in her eyes. She knew the road ahead would be difficult, but she was determined to support her son every step of the way. Merlin sniffed and tried to smile, but he couldn't. Hunith didn't blame him for that.

Merlin sniffed and tried to smile, but he couldn't. Hunith didn't blame him for that.

"Thank you, Mommy."

A sob escaped Hunith, but she ignored it, preferring to watch her boy eat while smiling.

"Don't worry about anything, dear, Mommy will take care of you."

Sir Gwaine arrived late, Merlin was already sleeping on the poor excuse for a mattress that Hunith could offer. She knew her son wasn't expecting anything more luxurious, but she wished with all her heart that she could give him a better bed than a pile of hay piled high and covered with a thin woolen sheet.

"I'm sorry about that, dear, but we have no other place but the bed where Merlin is." She apologized somewhat embarrassed, ever since Arthur visited with Merlin, Hunith had tried to save money to get a better bed, but she fell ill a few months ago and had to spend all her savings, of course Merlin offered to send money, but Hunith could never take something from her son, so she didn't accept it, she was regretting it now.

"Milady, you gave me shelter and food, I am already grateful for that, don't worry about the bed, I sleep anywhere my head can rest." The knight winked charmingly in an attempt to make Hunith laugh, there was no laughter, but she smiled.

"You are a good friend to my son, sir, thank you very much for everything." She thanked him with a kiss on the forehead and then left to lie down on the floor next to the bed where Merlin slept. That wasn't her first time sleeping on the floor, but sleep seemed impossible at that moment. Her thoughts were in turmoil, each one darker than the last. She turned from side to side, trying to find a comfortable position, but anxiety pressed down on her chest like an unbearable weight. She thought about Merlin and the baby, about how difficult it would be for them to live in a world like the one they lived in. What if someone in Ealdor warned the king? What if the villagers, who had already shown distrust in the past, turned against her son and grandson?! The idea of ​​Merlin being rejected and persecuted terrified her.

Bad memories began to flood her mind. She remembered when Merlin was just a child, how the villagers called him a bastard and a freak for not having a father. They whispered behind her back, judging her for being a single mother and for having a child with magic. Hunith always tried to protect Merlin from these cruel words, but she knew he heard them, that they hurt him. She remembered a time when Merlin was only five years old, and a group of children surrounded him, mocking him for being different. "Monster! Freak!" they shouted, and Merlin, with tears in his eyes, ran into Hunith's arms. She held him tight, promising that everything would be okay, but inside, her heart was breaking, she knew it was a lie, that this would be her son's life forever, that there would never be a place where he would be accepted. Those memories haunted her now, as she thought about her grandson's future and what it would be like for him. What if he was treated like this too? What if he had to face the same cruelty that Merlin had faced?

Anxiety began to tighten her chest even more, making it hard to breathe. Hunith began to hyperventilate, tears streaming down her face as she tried unsuccessfully to calm herself.

She remembered Balinor, how safe he had made her feel, and she wished desperately that he was there to face these fears with her. But he was gone, he had been gone for years, and she had been alone for years too, trying to be strong for Merlin and now for his baby. The pain of his absence was almost unbearable, and Hunith felt lost.

The tears came harder, and she began to sob, the sound echoing in the small hut. Hunith was quick to get up and go outside, where she hid behind some sacks of potatoes she had harvested in the last harvest.

"Oh gods, why is the world like this?" She whispered to herself, her voice cracked with pain. "Why do my son and grandson have to suffer like this?"

Hunith huddled against the wall, hugging herself, trying to find some solace. She knew needed to be strong, but at that moment, the pain and fear were overwhelming. She cried for Merlin, for everything he had been through and for everything he might yet go through. She cried for the baby, who had not yet been born, but already carried the weight of being hated for being born. Finally, exhausted, Hunith began to calm down. The tears subsided, but the pain in her heart remained. She knew the road ahead would be difficult, but she was determined to do everything she could to protect her son and grandson, even if it meant going after Arthur herself and forcing him to love Merlin and the baby. With a final breath, she closed her eyes, murmuring a silent prayer to the gods that they would find the peace and happiness they deserved.

Chapter 9

Problems in Camelot

Dear Merlin, Honor and loyalty are all a knight needs. Honor to be just and noble, and loyalty to serve the people and the king without regard for death. I, Lancelot Du Lac, have always striven to be a knight with all of these attributes. I serve my prince and my kingdom with passion and bravery. However, not even I feel brave enough to approach Arthur since you left.

It's only been a few weeks, but it feels like years. Who would have thought Arthur would be so different without you around? Don't get me wrong, Arthur Pendragon is an incredible man and I would kill and die for him, but... he seems so lifeless these days.

Everyone in the kingdom is whispering about your departure. They talk about how strange it is to see the prince walking alone, without his "shadow" right behind him. I'm pretty sure I've heard the knights comment that they sometimes look back, expecting to see you by Arthur's side. It's like a cold shower when they realize you're not there.

The servants are also gossiping. According to Gwen, everyone is worried about your disappearance and that of Gwaine. Some are being creative, saying that you ran away to live a forbidden romance. After all, everyone knows how much Arthur loves his friend. Gossip like this always reaches Morgana's ears, which eventually spreads to Arthur's. It is cruel to tell such lies to the prince. I have noticed how much it affects him, and it is frightening to see how much Arthur's emotional and physical health seems to depend on your presence.

Arthur often faints on the training ground, either from exhaustion or because he has forgotten to eat or drink. Because of these occurrences, the other knights and I have agreed to take turns bringing him an apple or a piece of bread during training. Unfortunately, the prince recently finished eating.

Morgana is another one who worries me. It is sad to see the kind young woman become who she is today, but it is also frightening not to know what she is up to. And she is up to something. Gaius and I just haven't been able to figure out what it is.

I hope this letter finds you well and that you can return soon. Your absence is felt by all of us.

With love and much missed,

 Lancelot 

 

“Lancelot!”

The knight started with a start. He was sitting in a hidden corner of the library, where the candlelight cast dancing shadows on the stone walls. Leon was approaching quickly, and Lancelot couldn’t let him see his letter. Quickly, he folded the paper and hid it inside his boot.

“Sir Leon, how can I help you?” Lancelot tried to keep his voice steady, but his nervousness was evident. The older knight wasted no time in grabbing Lancelot by the arms, his eyes fixed on his.

“The letter you hid,” Leon said, his voice low but urgent. Lancelot swallowed hard; he couldn’t let Leon take a letter. “Was it for Merlin?”

“Of course not, Mr. Leon, where did you get that idea, I mean, no one knows where he went…” Lancelot tried to look away, but Leon opened his arms wider.

“Don’t lie, please, I know you’re loyal to Merlin…” Leon insisted, his eyes shining with a mix of concern and determination.

“I’m loyal to the prince…” Lancelot replied, trying to maintain his composure.

“And being loyal to Merlin is being loyal to the prince.” Leon replied, his voice firm. Lancelot couldn’t deny it, Leon was right. “I’m not going to hand you over to Arthur, but please, before you send the letter, tell Merlin to come back.”

This surprised Lancelot. He knew the rumors about Merlin’s reason for leaving were getting out of hand, but he never understood how anyone could say that Merlin left by his own choice. I mean, have they seen the way Merlin looked at Arthur?!

“Sir Leon…” Lancelot began, but was interrupted.

“Arthur will not survive, Lancelot.” The knight’s direct answer frightened Lancelot.

“What do you mean by that, Sir? I know Arthur has been sad, but we are all trying hard to keep our future king healthy.” Lancelot said, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

“Arthur has been listening to the servants’ theories.” Leon replied, his expression somber.

Lancelot forced himself to swallow the feeling of worry. The truth was that the theory of Merlin and Gwaine being lovers was the mildest of the theories. There were other, more vicious ones that accused the prince of having done horrible things to Merlin. If Arthur had heard these theories and believed them, then…

Leon nodded in agreement with Lancelot’s thoughts.

“Arthur is getting depressed. He truly believes he did something to Merlin that forced his servant to leave. Unfortunately, the theories aren’t the worst part, but Arthur’s mind is.” The older knight’s sigh was laced with sadness. “Just… just ask Merlin to send a letter, please. Seeing my prince return to his former self is not something I can bear.”

What was Leon suggesting? Lancelot thought he was doing a good job protecting the prince from magical threats, but now he realized that Merlin’s absence was affecting Arthur in a much deeper and more dangerous way.

Lancelot watched Sir Leon walk away, the weight of the knight’s words still hanging in the air. He let out a deep sigh and grabbed the letter from his boot; he needed to get Gaius to send this as soon as possible.

Leaving the library, he walked through the stone corridors of the castle, his boots echoing softly in the silence. His thoughts were in turmoil, trying to find a way to ask Merlin to write to Arthur without causing concern, while at the same time encouraging him to remain in Ealdor until the pregnancy was complete.

As he walked absentmindedly, Lancelot turned a corner and bumped into someone. He quickly reached out to stop the person from falling, realizing it was Gwen, carrying a pile of clothes.

“Oh, sorry, Gwen!” Lancelot said, helping her pick up the clothes that had fallen to the floor. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay, Lancelot,” Gwen replied with a gentle smile. “I was distracted, too.”

They both bent down to pick up the clothes, and Lancelot couldn’t help but notice the worried expression on the lady’s face. He picked up a cloth and handed it to her, their fingers brushing briefly.

“Are you okay?” Lancelot asked, trying to hide his own concern.

“Yes, I’m just worried about Arthur,” Gwen admitted, sighing. “He hasn’t been the same since Merlin and Gwaine left.”

“I know,” Lancelot agreed, picking up the pile of clothes to carry to her. “We’re all trying our best to help him, but nothing seems to work.”

“Arthur has always been strong, but he has his insecurities, Merlin was the pillar of strength that Arthur needed.” Gwen said, starting to walk beside Lancelot towards the courtyard where she would wash the clothes. “This whole situation reminds me of how it was before, how things were before the accident.”

“Accident?” Lancelot asked, curious. Leon and Gwen seemed to have similar fears and experiences when it came to Arthur.

“Yes,” Gwen replied, a sad smile forming on her lips. “Leon never told you? I thought he would have come to you by now.”

“Huh, why would you think that, Gwen?”

His beloved friend smiled at him as if she knew all his secrets.

“Oh, dear, everyone knows that Merlin would never leave without telling you.”

Lancelot swallowed hard.

“Even Arthur?”

“Especially Arthur.”

“Well, at least that explains why he’s avoiding me.” He decided to return to the original topic of the conversation. “But what does Leon have to do with this accident?”

Gwen sighed, they passed through the training ground and continued their way outside the castle walls.

“Leon’s father loved the prince very much.” Lancelot listened attentively. “He was responsible for training Arthur since he was seven years old and that took him away from Leon, but brought him closer to Arthur. They were inseparable and Arthur did everything he could to be like him, but…” She bit her lip and looked around, there was no one near the river, probably because it wasn’t laundry day, but those must have been the king’s clothes, so Gwen was taking care of them. “But his majesty was very jealous of their relationship.”

She whispered as they lowered themselves to sit by the river, the clothes being left to the side and away from the water so they wouldn’t get lost in the current.

“Arthur had Leon’s father as his father figure, didn’t he?” She nodded softly, Lancelot already knew where this story was going.

“When Arthur turned 16, just four years before Merlin arrived, Uther ordered Sir Godric to go to battle, Arthur demanded that he and other men go along, but… well, theories claim that the mission given to Sir Godric was a suicide mission, even Sir Leon believes that the king wanted Godric dead.” Gwen sighed regretfully and reached out to pick up a piece of clothing. “Arthur wasn’t the same after that, I mean, he was still a royal brat and a little arrogant, but… I don’t know, it just wasn’t him. One day, on his birthday, Arthur drank too much and started acting strangely, making derogatory and cruel jokes, Morgana and Uther noticed the change and became worried, they sent Leon to check if he was okay…”

The young lady’s silence was enough for Lancelot to be able to imagine what this “accident” implied.

“Gwen?” He called worriedly when he realized that she was no longer speaking, lost in thought.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen the king so scared before…” she whispered, there were a few tears in her eyes. “Arthur almost… he almost…”

Lancelot took a deep breath and held Gwen’s shoulder.

“I get it, it’s okay, okay, let’s not let it get to that level.” Lancelot frowned, imagining the young prince alone and vulnerable. “I didn’t know that. Leon and Arthur never mentioned anything like that.”

“They don’t like to talk about these things, don’t take it personally, only the king, Leon, me, Gaius and Arthur know about this ‘accident’, I don’t even believe Merlin is aware of this phase of Arthur.” Gwen explained. “But ever since Merlin arrived, he changed the prince. Merlin brought light and joy into Arthur’s life again. Now, with Merlin gone, it’s like all that darkness is coming back.”

Lancelot nodded goodbye to Gwen, still absorbing everything she had shared. He knew he needed to discuss his next move with Gaius and decide what to write to Merlin as soon as possible.

With quick steps, he returned to the castle and headed for the old doctor's chambers, but as he turned a corner, he stopped abruptly when he saw Arthur and Morgana talking.

The lady was standing next to Arthur who had a shaken expression, while Morgana had an expression of pure kindness, but Lancelot knew there was something more behind that smile. He partially hid behind a column, watching the exchange.

"Arthur, you know you can trust me," Morgana said softly, placing a comforting hand on the prince's arm, the contact was met with a bit of discomfort from the prince, but he allowed the lady to continue the touch. "I'm so worried about you. We all are."

Arthur sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know, Morgana. And I thank you all for your concern, I'm just... I'm just tired, that's all, everything is happening too fast, and I haven't had time to rest.

“I understand,” she replied, her voice full of compassion. “But you don’t have to carry this burden alone. Let me help. You need to rest, Arthur. Let me take care of things for a while. You can visit Uther and see how he is doing. You know he is worried about you too.”

Arthur hesitated, looking at Morgana with tired eyes. “I… I don’t know, Morgana. There is so much to do, I can’t let my responsibilities slide, I still need to prove to the council that I am ready to rule, I have to supervise the knights and Merlin needs to…” He trails off and sighs, looking even more tired. “I, I need to finish my speeches and plan meetings, there have been rumors that the King of Nemeth plans to send the princess for a courtesy visit and… in fact, I think he plans to arrange a marriage between me and the princess.”

The prince rubs his face as if he has a headache, Lancelot could even swear that the man has large circles forming under his eyes; Arthur looks terribly pale.

“Please, Arthur,” Morgana insisted, squeezing his arm lightly. “You need to take care of yourself. If something happens to you, what will become of us? Let me help. I promise I will take care of everything.”

Lancelot watched anxiously as Arthur finally gave in, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. “It’s okay, Morgana. I’m going to get some rest. Thank you.”

She smiled in relief, but Lancelot noticed a glint of triumph in her eyes. “Trust me. Everything will be fine.”

As Arthur and Morgana walked away, Lancelot emerged from his hiding place, his heart heavy at the scene he had just witnessed. He knew he had to act quickly. With determined steps, he continued on his way to Gaius’ chambers.

“Gaius!”

The doctor didn’t even turn from what he was doing before he began speaking.

“I know, Morgana is up to something, she’s been trying to convince Arthur to let her take charge for days, I’m afraid he’ll give in to exhaustion soon and…”

Lancelot squeezes the old man’s shoulder and turns him to him.

“Gaius, I think she’s already succeeded, I’m afraid this won’t end well.” The doctor curses softly and goes back to preparing the medicine or potion he was preparing. “Gaius, didn’t you hear me? Arthur is going to let Morgana take charge, we need to tell Merlin that she…”

Gaius interrupts the knight with a stern expression.

“We won’t do such a thing, do you hear me?”

“But…”

“Merlin is pregnant, sir, and if we keep worrying the boy with paranoia, then his pregnancy could be at serious risk!”

Lancelot stutters nervously, he doesn't want to lie to his friend or hide anything from him, protecting Arthur was what Lancelot promised Merlin, how could his friend trust him if Lancelot let Morgana act when she obviously didn't have anything good planned!"

“But Gaius, Morgana she…”

“She tried to kill the prince?”

“Huh, no, but…”

“Did she commit treason that anyone else saw?”

“No!”

“Do you have any proof that she's planning something criminal?”

Lancelot denies again seeing where Gaius was going with this. “Then there's nothing we can do, and neither can Merlin. Pregnancy messes with a person's magic, Lancelot, it doesn't matter if Merlin is the most powerful or not, he won't be able to face Morgana while pregnant, we have to keep him and the baby safe.”

“But what about Arthur, if something happens to him then…” Gaius raised a small vial with black liquid. “What's this?”

The doctor smiled.

“This is a stamina potion mixed with caffeine. The solution to our problems, put a bottle of this in Arthur’s drink and that’s it, the prince will have the energy to rule for another seven days.”

“But… this isn’t dangerous…”

“It will only become an addiction, now go, take this to him.”

Lancelot left Gaius’s chambers with his mind in turmoil. Gaius’s decision to drug Arthur with a stamina potion seemed like a temporary and dangerous solution. He knew Arthur needed rest, not more pressure. And the idea of ​​hiding his worries from Merlin only served to make him even more distressed.

As he walked through the corridors, Lancelot tried to organize his thoughts. He needed to find a way to help Arthur without putting Merlin at risk, and to protect Merlin without putting Arthur at risk. Maybe a distraction would help, something that would distract Arthur enough for Lancelot to give him the potion.

When he arrived at the training ground, Lancelot saw Arthur and the knights practicing. The prince was sweaty and visibly on the verge of fainting, but he continued to train with a fierce determination that everyone else was already exhausted from trying to fight. Lancelot took a deep breath for courage and approached.

"Arthur!" he called, trying to sound cheerful. "Boys!"

The knights waved back and Arthur stopped to turn to Lancelot, his tired and irritated expression softening a little as he took a deep breath, probably smelling the faint scent that came from Lancelot having passed near Merlin's old 'nest'.

"Lancelot, what's wrong?" Arthur asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"I was thinking," Lancelot began, trying to keep the light tone that Gwaine always used when inviting his friends for drinks. "We've all been working hard, and I think we deserve a break. How about we go to the tavern tonight? A good drink and some fun could do wonders for all of us."

The knights murmured their approval, clearly enjoying the idea of ​​leaving and giving their prince a break from the hard work. Arthur hesitated, looking at his men and then at Lancelot.

“Well, perhaps you should go…” Elyan stepped forward.

“I believe I speak for all of us that we will not go without you, Arthur.” The other knights supported Elyan and even shouted something about not resting until the prince rested.

“Well… I don’t know,” Arthur said, his voice thick with weariness. “There is much I need to do…”

“Arthur,” Lancelot interrupted softly, hesitating before finally placing a hand on the prince’s shoulder. “You need a rest. We all do. A night out won’t hurt anything. If anything, it might help us recharge.”

Arthur looked at Lancelot and then at his men for a moment, and then sighed, a small smile forming on his lips. “Alright. Let’s go to the tavern tonight.”

A cheer echoed, Lancelot participated excitedly, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

Chapter 10

Tavern

Night had fallen over Camelot, and the tavern was filled with laughter and lively conversation. Arthur and his knights were gathered at a large table, mugs of ale and mead spread out before them. The atmosphere was cheerful, but there was an underlying tension between some of the knights closest to the prince. Leon sat on Arthur’s right, watching the prince with concern. He knew Arthur needed rest, not more stimulation. Elyan and Percival sat across the table, exchanging nervous glances. Both were tense, aware that allowing Arthur to drink might trigger more terrible ideas of what he may or may not have done to Merlin. Lancelot sat next to Leon, because no one was allowed to sit on the prince’s left side, that was Merlin’s side. He felt guilty, having already slipped the stamina potion into Arthur’s drink on Gaius’s advice, but now he wondered if he had done the right thing. He watched Arthur laugh mirthlessly and chat with the other knights about trivial things, but he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt.

"Arthur, are you okay?" Leon asked, trying to hide the concern he felt when he saw Arthur turning to the left in search of Merlin for the fourth or fifth time in just an hour.

Arthur smiled at him and waved his hand, dismissing his concerns without paying attention. "I'm fine, Leon, don't worry so much, in fact, I feel great..."

Elyan and Percival exchanged another look, clearly uncomfortable with the strange way Arthur was acting. Elyan finally leaned forward, trying to speak quietly enough so that only the closest knights could hear.

"Sir, perhaps we should take it easy on the drinking tonight," Elyan suggested, his voice cautious. "You've been training hard and need to rest, Merlin wouldn't approve of the amount of alcohol you've had today."

Arthur frowned at the mention of Merlin, but before he could respond, Lancelot intervened. "Elyan is right, Arthur. We all need rest, perhaps we should retire to the castle."

Arthur looked at Lancelot, his eyes showing his displeasure and anger, but as soon as he took a deep breath Merlin's scent must have entered his nose, and it seemed to bring him a flash of lucidity. He nodded slowly, placing the mug back on the table and returning to his previous depressed state.

"You're right, Merlin wouldn't like to see me drinking so much, he's a hypocrite that way." The knights relaxed a little, relieved that Arthur was listening to reason.

The conversation continued, lighter and more relaxed, but Lancelot couldn't shake the feeling that something was still wrong. He knew he had to find a way to help Arthur in the long run, without resorting to temporary and potentially dangerous solutions.

As the night wore on, Lancelot made a silent promise to himself. He would write to Merlin behind Gaius' back, asking his friend to write to Arthur or send one of his handkerchiefs to Camelot; it might do him good to have something that smelled like Merlin to calm the prince down.

The night was cool when Arthur, Percival, Leon, Lancelot and Elyan left the tavern. The moon was shining brightly in the sky, illuminating the streets of Camelot with a soft light. Arthur looked different again, his melancholy gone, and now he seemed full of energy, almost as if he were in a state of euphoria. He spoke animatedly, gesturing with his hands as he walked.

"You know," Arthur began, a wide smile on his face, "I have so much to worry about and today was the first time in months that I had a moment to breathe normally. Planning meetings, training the knights, dealing with the advisors who want to see me married and have children... Gods, it's all so exhausting, and it never seems to end!"

Percival exchanged a worried look with his friends, but Arthur continued, seemingly oblivious to the surrounding tension.

"My father is dying." Arthur said, his voice still full of joy, but with a hint of guilt. "I should feel sad about this, but... I don't feel anything, I don't have time to feel anything, I think he deserves what's happening, and I feel guilty about it..."

"Arthur, you have every right to feel this way, no... it's okay to feel this way about the king." Leon tried to calm the prince's guilt, but it was no use, of course not, he was not Merlin, Leon did not know how to be as kind and understanding as the young servant, he was just a knight, he was a weapon that should not have emotions, but he tried because he cared about his future king and wanted to be a good friend to the man who was almost a brother to him.

Arthur laughed, a sound that seemed a little out of place, he changed the subject in a blink of an eye. "And Gwaine! He left, ran away without warning and took everything with him, I was never as close to him as Merlin was, but I thought we were friends enough for him to at least say goodbye."

 Lancelot felt a tightness in his chest at hearing this. He knew the truth about Gwaine and Merlin, but he couldn't say anything. "Gwaine was always a free spirit," he said, trying to keep his tone light.

"Free…, yes, I guess I can't judge him, right, I would also love to leave whenever I wanted," Arthur scoffed, still smiling. "Merlin and I were talking about it, you know, freedom, about waking up one day and leaving, going away from Camelot and away from my father, I think he found someone else to be free with..."

It would be a lie to say that none of the knights knew about Arthur and Merlin's unique relationship, but it was even more surprising to hear Arthur speak openly about having planned to run away to live with Merlin. The guilt grew in Lancelot who felt bad for not being able to soothe his prince's wounded heart, fortunately Percival seemed to have something to say. He placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder and waited for the prince to stop walking before speaking.

"Sir, I know what the gossip says, but... I really don't believe that Gwaine and Merlin ran away together to live a forbidden love or anything like that..."

Arthur scoffed cruelly, still half drunk, but stopped when he looked into Percival's eyes. The two seemed to have an entire conversation without saying anything. Suddenly, Arthur let out a soft "Oh" and his smile softened a little. Lancelot and Leon didn't understand what had happened and tried to seek answers from Elyan, but the knight just made a sign indicating that they would talk later.

"Sorry for suggesting…" Percival stopped Arthur from continuing and just smiled.

"No hard feelings, sir, I know it's been hard for you without Merlin by your side."

The prince sighed and rubbed his face. Despite looking dejected, Arthur began to laugh and tears appeared in his eyes.

"He left…" He sobbed between laughs. "He left, and I don't even know what I did to make him hate me…"

Lancelot felt a lump in his throat. Arthur shouldn't suffer so much for something he wasn't to blame for. Merlin wasn't running away because he hated Arthur, but because he was afraid of being hated. Gods, why did the love between these two have to be so complicated?! Lancelot couldn't tell the prince that, but he could try to calm him down in another way.

"Merlin loves you, sir." The prince scoffed and started walking again, the knights looked from Lancelot to Arthur and gestured for Lancelot to continue speaking. "Eh... He really does, you know he only left because of the parasite..."

A dagger almost hits Lancelot's foot, he doesn't need to look up to know who was responsible.

"Sir..."

"Quiet!" He growled, Leon and Elyan pulled Percival and Lancelot back and away from the prince. "If I hear another ridiculous lie like that again, I swear I'll kill you and Gaius." The knights swallowed hard, Arthur was a good man, on normal days he wouldn't make that kind of threat, but Arthur wasn't well, Lancelot knew that it was the dragon genes' fault that made his emotions volatile and made him possessive, what worried Lancelot was whether the other knights understood that the prince wasn't acting like that of his own free will, that Arthur was a man worthy of being followed and not a monster like his father.

“I’m tired, Lancelot, I really am, my world is falling apart thanks to my father’s lies, soon the whole kingdom will be thrown under my back, and I’m only 25 years old, I have so much to do that I don’t even know where to start, the only person who could support me in all of this isn’t by my side, and I’m getting sick…” He takes a deep breath as if he’s stopping himself from saying more about it. “I know you think I’m stupid…”

They try to deny it, but Arthur silences them with a wave of his hand.

“It’s okay, I can be naive sometimes, I’m aware of my weakness, but I’m not stupid like you might think. Studying is all I’ve done since I was four, Lancelot, I didn’t have time to play, I could only train and study, day and night, every day for twelve years.” Lancelot’s heart ached as he imagined a little Arthur alone in his room and surrounded by books while listening to other children playing outside. “I may be ignorant about some things, but I have read all of Gaius’s books, even the ones my father banned for simply mentioning magic. I know the types of magical parasites that exist, I know the theory behind how they work, there is no parasite that feeds on emotions, much less love. All that nonsense you and Gaius like to tell simply cannot be true, because love is usually stronger than any magic, it is no wonder that a kiss or act of love is usually the loophole for almost any spell.”

Lancelot looked away when his prince turned away, there were tears on Arthur’s face that Lancelot could not bear to see.

“I have been hit by spells and curses more times than I can count, I have been saved by some miracle or by Merlin being meddlesome and almost killing himself to save me. I know what it is like to be under magical influence and I can feel when Merlin is too, and I assure you that he did not have any parasite. So if you don't want to tell me where Merlin went, fine, do it your way, but stop treating me like a fool and lying to my face." The rest of the way to the castle was spent in silence for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. They knew they needed to find a way to help Arthur, but they also knew the situation was complicated. Lancelot made a silent promise to himself that he would find a solution to help his future king without putting Merlin at risk, no matter how difficult it was.

Chapter 11

Notes:

This chapter didn't turn out as well as I would have liked, but I'm behind on some college work and I don't want to miss out on updating the story, so it'll have to do.

(Note: This fic is just a draft, when it's ready, I plan on rewriting it better and longer as well)

Dam fate!

 

“Merlin!?”

“Son!?”

“Emrys!!”

They were all screaming in despair, but it wasn’t Merlin’s fault, the druids were to blame, you see, Merlin was just sitting in the lake near Ealdor waiting for Gaius to send the letter, normally the right thing to do is to use an enchanted fireplace or bonfire, but it was too risky for Merlin to use magic in the village, so the lake would have to serve as a connection for Gaius’s letter delivery. He was just sitting with his feet touching the water when he heard Gwaine approaching quickly, worried Merlin stood up and quickly prepared for the worst, after all what reason would Gwaine have for running to Ealdor?

“Merlin!?” His friend called out breathlessly before stopping running. “Oh, gods, mate, you won’t believe who’s here.”

Merlin’s heart yearned for it to be Arthur, but he knew it was impossible, because he would have felt his prince’s proximity before he even set foot in Ealdor.

“Who’s here? Lance? Gaius?”

Gwaine wiped his sweaty forehead and straightened his back before smiling.

“Druids, dozens of them, mate, they’ve come saying they’ve come for Emrys and that they only want to help…”

“And why are you smiling?! That’s not a good thing! So much magical presence can attract trouble!” Gwaine placed both hands on his friend’s shoulder.

“Mate, they’ve come to help, they promised to cast spells to camouflage the village and offered resources to keep the people quiet, they also have healers among them, Merlin, don’t you see how important this is to your current situation?”

Merlin didn’t understand how Gwaine could be so happy with the situation, could he not understand the risk? Druids could be good, but not all of them were, some of them hated the Pendragons and others resented Merlin for not being the “savior God” they dreamed of, what would happen if they decided that his baby was worthy of their hatred or that Merlin know that he was weak deserved to suffer?! Or…

“Merlin” Gwaine held his face between his hands, forcing Merlin to look at him. “Breathe, mate, I was wary of them too, but they made me change my mind, please give them a chance, you’re going to need them if what they told me is true.”

“Gwaine, I don’t know…” He hesitated, glancing at the village and back at the lake. “They might be up to something…”

 “Please, mate, for my sake, trust my judgment, they’re good people, I’m sure.”

That was how Merlin was convinced to participate in the scariest conversation of his entire life.

“No.”

“Emrys, if you could just listen to me…”

“No!”

Hunith grabbed her son’s arm, Merlin was scared, the druids had brought prophetic words with them and worse, they had brought Mordred, the young druid that Merlin thought he would never see again after saving himself against Kilgarrah’s request, it was all wrong! His children should not carry the weight of any destiny, and Mordred should not be here!

“Emrys…”

“My name is Merlin!” He shouted, his eyes shining like molten gold as his magic crackled against his skin like energy ready to explode, he felt so frustrated. “Please, I’m tired of you calling me Emrys with that tone of adoration, I’m not a god or the son of one, I’m just a human who is pregnant and getting more and more stressed with all these prophecies, destiny and now with the information that I’m going to be the mother of four children! Not just one, but four! Do you know how many times I've seen a successful birth of twins? None, either the mother dies, or one of the babies dies, Iseldir, I can't die yet, and I also can't bear the loss of three babies at the same time!"

He couldn't breathe, he was scared and worried, what was happening was so unfair, why did fate have to do this? Why did fate always have to chase Merlin and the people he loves!?

"I..." He gasped, the world seemed to be spinning now, Merlin didn't think this was good news. "I'm not feeling well..."

The world spun and then everything went dark, Merlin didn't even remember closing his eyes or falling, but he could still hear everyone's screams.

"Merlin!?" Gwaine was the first to run to his side, Merlin knew, because he heard the knight run to him.

"Son!?" His mother called out as well, sounding more desperate and worried than Merlin had ever heard her before, not even when he had been little and had nearly dropped a tree on the grumpy old farmer's head.

"Emrys!!" A chorus of voices called out for him as well, all with varying levels of concern and surprise.

They were all in despair due to the sudden fainting, but it wasn't Merlin's fault, the druids were to blame, how dare they come to their village and say things like 'When darkness and light clash, four children of Emrys will be born. With courage and determination to rule, intelligence and creativity to win, dedication and patience to care, and ambition and cunning to achieve peace. Together the four will create a refuge, where young wizards and witches can live, in this way the prophecy will come true and for years peace will reign.' Honestly, how dare they come to Merlin just to put on their babies all the pressure that comes with knowing such a great prophecy!

"Merlin?" Gwaine called softly.

"No." He mumbled, he wasn't ready to wake up yet, he felt very tired at the moment, he felt like he could sleep for a hundred years!

"Mate, your mother wants to talk to you." Merlin sighed and then turned to look at Gwaine. They were in a ragged tent, probably belonging to one of the druids and Merlin was lying on a mattress of leaves, it was softer than hay, not that Merlin was complaining.

“Okay, tell her she can come.”

His friend left and Merlin took the time to take a closer look at everything inside the tent. It was a fairly large tent for the simple standards of the druids, it had a smooth stone in the corner, probably a table, there were some dresses hanging on one of the branches that held the tent up, they were beautiful dresses too. Looking at the ground next to where he was lying, Merlin came across the letter he must have received at the lake, it had Lancelot's signature, so Merlin knew it wasn't good news.

“Son?”

He turned when his mother's voice called out to him. “Hi mom, sorry for fainting, I’m better now…” He was interrupted by a hug, his mother was shaking against him and Merlin felt the worst for making her cry.

“Oh, my boy, my sweet boy, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry? But it’s not your fault, mom…”

Hunith pulled away a little to be able to look into her son’s eyes. “I’m sorry that fate seems to be against you, I’m sorry that you have to carry this burden alone. I wish I could do more to help you.”

Merlin sighed, now he was the one crying, it hurt to hear so much pain in his mother’s voice, that was why he never told her the dangers he got himself into when he was in Camelot.

“I just wish things were easier… I wish Arthur was here, that I could celebrate with him the news that we would have so many children, I wish I could hug him and cry on his shoulder all my fears about the future. At the same time, I'm relieved that he's not here, because all I can think about is keeping him happy and safe, I... I'm so selfish, as a father and as a partner..." He sobs, hiding his face in his mother's shoulder. "How can I be thinking this, he would be so happy to be here, he would hate to know that I'm hiding our children from him, he would be so upset..." His mother said nothing, there was nothing to say, all she could do was hug her son and hold all the pain he had inside.

"It's okay, Merlin, things will get better. You don't need to worry, dear, even without Arthur, you won't go through any of this alone, mommy is with you, Sir Gwaine too, we all are."

As much as his mother's words were a comfort, he didn't believe them, he would always be alone when it came to destiny, and he feared what that meant for his children's future.

 

Chapter 12

Notes:

So to be clear, I'm an asexual and aromantic girl, I don't really know how people feel about body dysphoria or sexuality in general, that's why this chapter was not written by me but by my friend Lili, they are not writers, but they did their best to write this chapter where Merlin tries to understand and explain how he feels about his body changes and his gender fluidity, I hope you guys like the work they did for this chapter.

This is me.

The sun was setting, dyeing the sky with shades of orange and pink. The lake in Ealdor reflected the colors, creating a calm and cool atmosphere to take a bath, it was perfect to relax and think clearly, something he needed to do to decide what to do after reading Lancelot's letter. Merlin loved that lake, his mother took him to bathe there every week and sometimes even let him play with magic as long as he was discreet. Today was almost a repeat of the past, usually it would be Gwaine who accompanied him in the bath, but as Merlin's belly grew other attributes of his body also appeared and well... Gwaine began to feel shy about accompanying Merlin now that his friend had breasts.

"Mommy." He called softly, Hunith was rubbing her son's back and he could hear the whisper.

"Yes, dear?"

"Will my body be like this forever?" Merlin turned to her, his eyes full of tears.

"I don't know, dear."

“Will I have to be a woman forever?”

Hunith shook her head and caressed her boy’s face with all tenderness and understanding. She knew that Merlin was scared of all the changes and needed help.

“You will always be my son, Merlin, even if your body is female, if it is your will I will still see you only as a man.”

He sighed, it was not a problem to have the physical appearance of a woman, Merlin did not mind it, in fact, he even liked it a little, but it was not always… sometimes it felt right, but other times it felt wrong. With his male body, Merlin could look like a woman and still be a man, but with a female body he could only look like a woman, especially with the size of his breasts. It was complicated, and he could not explain what exactly he was feeling, he could not express himself and it was so frustrating!

“My body… my body is changing, and I do not know how to feel about it. I just don't want to stop being who I am..."

Merlin felt tears streaming down his face. He knew his mother was there for him, that she wanted to help, but she didn't have the answers to his questions, not even the druids had answers because it was a unique case, Merlin had always been unique.

Unable to do anything but comfort her son, Hunith pulled her boy into a tight hug, her belly and breasts made it difficult to hug, but she let Merlin cry on her shoulder for as long as he wanted.

"I know it seems like everything is hard right now, dear, but things will get better, I promise you. You are a creature full of love and kindness, and you will still be when the babies are born, I have no doubt about that, the only difference is that you will be stronger and more determined, and I will still be by your side whenever you need me."

He felt a weight lift off his shoulders. There was still the feeling of fear for the change, but there was also the relief of knowing that he wouldn't be alone even if everything about him changed.

The two remained embraced as the sun set on the horizon, the lake, a silent witness to the love and strength of mother and son, reflected the promise of better days.

There are six months left until the babies are born.

Merlin was sitting on a chair in his mother's hut, he was having trouble putting on his old tunic, unfortunately he was too fat to wear his old clothes and his mother went to get some from the druids, unfortunately Merlin is stubborn and tried to put on the tight clothes anyway.

The hut door opened, and he could hear his mother approaching to take off the tight clothes.

"Phew, thanks mom." He thanked her embarrassed, Hunith just sighed exasperated and kissed her son's forehead before placing Merlin's new clothes on the table.

"Okay, dear, raise your arms, the druids offered very useful clothes, I guarantee you will feel much more relieved with them."

"I highly doubt it, is that a cloth?"

"Just trust me, Merlin, now raise your arms." He obeys his mother and raises his arms, trying to ignore as much as possible how sore and heavy his breasts are.

The mother takes a strip of yellow, almost golden fabric and wraps it around Merlin's neck before passing it under both breasts, tying it in the back. Surprisingly, her breasts are lifted and Merlin feels a sense of relief as the weight is reduced.

"Wow."

"That's not even the best part." The mother jokes and takes another strip, this one white, and carefully ties it around his waist. He feels an almost immediate relief from the pressure on his back.

"That's great, thank you."

"Thank young Mordred, he..."

"No."

The mother crosses her arms and stomps her foot.

"Merlin."

"I won't thank the boy, there's no point in insisting."

Hunith sighs and crouches down to look her son in the eyes.

"Honey, what's all this hatred for the boy, didn't you help save him when he was little? He tells that story to anyone who will listen!"

Merlin snorts in disdain. "I saved him so he would stay away from me, but especially away from Arthur, and if he's near me, it won't be long before he tries to get close to Arthur!"

His cruel speeches about Mordred and his intentions probably didn't make sense to Hunith, but Merlin couldn't explain to his mother that he hated someone because a dragon said they could kill Arthur, she would think her son had lost his mind, but the dragon also warned about Morgana and look how things turned out!

Hunith sighed, probably giving up trying to convince Merlin.

"Very well, do as you wish." She picked up another piece of clothing from the table. "Stand up, I'll help you put on your tunic."

"It looks more like a dress than a tunic, mother."

“I tried to convince them to give me pants, but the druids insist that pants might be uncomfortable for you, so they gave me this tunic, they said it’s made of linen and won’t make you sweaty or uncomfortable.”

Merlin huffs in irritation, but does as his mother asks and rests one hand on the table and the other on his stomach to stand up.

The tunic is comfortable, not that Merlin would admit it, it’s soft and long enough to cover his feet, although it’s a little transparent, giving him a kind of ghostly appearance. He liked how the fabric didn’t restrict his movements.

“Oh,” Hunith sighed, her eyes filling with tears.

“Mother?” he called worriedly.

“I’m sorry, dear, it’s just… oh, you look so beautiful.”

Normally he would laugh at the compliments his mother gave him, I mean, she always thought he was handsome, he was her son, after all, for her Merlin was perfect. He can't laugh this time, but his mother has never cried when she compliments him, she's never looked so emotional.

With a gentle wave of his hand and a brief whispered spell, Merlin created a mirror on the wall of the hut and can finally see himself after almost a month.

Normally, a month shouldn't change someone's appearance so much, but Merlin barely recognizes himself when he looks in the mirror, he... she, she looks like a fairy, she's never felt more beautiful than she does today.

Her skin was pale, her eyes golden but not bright, her hair was still short, but some curls had grown and curled around her ears.

The dress was a masterpiece of nature, made of soft linen mixed with fibers from sacred plants. The colors of the fabric varied between shades of green, reflecting the forests and fields. Small leaves and flowers were subtly drawn on the fabric.

Something shiny caught her attention and Merlin approached the mirror, her sash was visible thanks to the translucent fabric, and on the golden fabric of the sash Merlin could see ancient runes like those of the ancient religion, made to offer protection against diseases.

“I…” She stammered breathlessly. “I’m so…”

The door of the cabin opened and Gwaine entered carrying a bucket with several chestnuts, Merlin had had this wish last night and unfortunately found no chestnuts nearby, Gwaine had left early in the morning with the mission of finding as many chestnuts as possible.

“Wow!” Merlin blushed, already waiting for Gwaine's reaction to her new look. "Mate, you look like a fairy or a princess... I mean, ehhh... you're a very manly man... anyway, you look amazing!"

She rolled her eyes affectionately, Merlin was grateful that her friend and her mother were being so careful about her new appearance, but today it didn't seem wrong, she felt good as a woman today.

"Thanks, Gwaine, I'm finding myself very pretty too, but... I don't know, it seems like something is missing."

Merlin stared at her reflection in the mirror and soon discovered what was missing, her ears looked bare without any accessories on them. She walked to the window and reached out, a breeze blew and brought Merlin two small hawk feathers, the feathers would be lovely as earrings.

"Mom, can you help me pierce my ears?" Hunith nodded silently, it wasn't common for villagers to wear earrings, but Hunith knew how to make the holes, as she pierced one of her ears after Balinor left, he had left one of his earrings with her, but it had been necessary to sell it after Merlin was born, after all she needed money.

With a needle, she pierced both of Merlin's earlobes and attached the feathers to each ear with a bit of sewing thread.

Gwaine whistled loudly and put his hand to his chest. "Mate, that's cowardly of you, being so handsome should be a crime, you'll break hearts if you go out like that."

She smiled at her friend, but didn't look away from her own reflection, she liked her appearance, wasn't that strange? Why did looking feminine feel right now, when yesterday it felt wrong?

Well, she wasn't going to spend too much time thinking about it, she would come to terms with her own gender at some point, or maybe she would just be whatever she wanted when she wanted.

 

Chapter 13: MERLIN ART

Chapter 14: GENDER FLUID MERLIN